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188. How Mentorship And Vulnerability Help Young Men Find Themselves | with Tom Mandile
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Mentorship takes center stage as Eric Bigger and Coach Tom Mandile explore how vulnerability, masculinity, and emotional growth shape young men into stronger, more centered versions of themselves. Whether you're guiding someone, raising someone, or rebuilding yourself, this conversation shows how real mentorship and real vulnerability can change a man from the inside out.
About Tom Mandile:
Tom Mandile is a dedicated educator, mentor, and coach with more than 20 years of experience shaping young people on and off the field. After losing both parents at a young age, he forged a path built on resilience, purpose, and intention, turning his personal challenges into a lifelong commitment to guiding others. As a championship-winning head football and basketball coach, he has helped thousands of students develop discipline, confidence, communication, and character, while also modeling what it means to lead with heart and integrity. A father, teacher, and motivator, Tom brings a grounded, real-world perspective to his one-on-one and team coaching, emphasizing emotional intelligence, accountability, and the transformative power of goal setting and incremental change.
Website: https://tommandile.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Spiritual Fitness Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to the Spiritual Fitness Podcast. I'm your host, Eric Bigger. And each week, we will explore powerful practices, inspiring stories, and expert insights to guide you on your path to holistic health.
00:00:18
Speaker
By blending spirituality and physical wellness, we support you in strengthening your body and soul. Whether you're a seasoned spiritual seeker or just beginning your journey, the Spiritual Fitness Podcast is here to help you unlock your inner potential and live your most vibrant, purposeful life.
00:00:35
Speaker
It's miracle season.
00:00:40
Speaker
Spiritual Fitness, Spiritual Fitness Podcast. I'm your host, Eric Bigger, and i'm back again with another episode. And
Meet Tom Mandil: A Journey of Mentorship
00:00:47
Speaker
today i have the privilege to have Tom Mandil. He's a coach. He's a father. He's a mentor. He's an educator.
00:00:56
Speaker
He's such an incredible man. You know, I met him through a mutual friend about a year ago. and We had a walk at Ryan and Kane and he opened up to me and I was like, This guy is doing the work. So he works with a lot of kids, you know, in high school. He's a coach. He's a mentor. I mean, he's won several championships, football, basketball.
00:01:16
Speaker
He's done it all. But Tom, I just want to say thank you for being part of the podcast. Welcome. How are you today? Good morning, Erica. I'm doing great. Thank you for having me on today. Super grateful for this opportunity. So to people that's going to watch and listen to this, just give us a little synopsis or background on who Tom is from your perspective.
00:01:37
Speaker
Yeah. So Tom is somebody who likes to speak from experience. He doesn't like to speak from theory, where I feel um my message has resonated from my own personal experiences, the trials and tribulations, some of the adversity that I had to face when I was younger and how I overcame that and kind of turned that into my successes. So I kind of say um one thing that kind of sticks out to me is ah fatherless to fearless. Growing up, I didn't have a father.
00:01:58
Speaker
Fortunately, he passed away at young age. So I had to kind of build that own resiliency myself and kind of overcome a lot of adversity from that. So that's part of my driving force into why I really strive to be a father figure in so many lives today.
00:02:10
Speaker
Yeah. And at what age were you when your dad transitioned? So he passed when I was about four years old. So at four years old, you have memories of like being with your dad. well I don't really have too many memories. I mean, I hear stories from family, but you know, a few pictures, but nothing that really stands out to me, unfortunately. And so in that process of you being four, growing up, you know, fabulous, not having that masculine, were there masculine energy or mentors around you that kind of took space, like maybe uncles or cousins that fulfilled his role, at at least tried to? You know, I had phenomenal family support, but a lot that was form of females, aunts, grandparents. So it was never really like ah um a strong male figure. I always kind looked my friends, and part of that was little envy. My friends grew up with a father figure, you know, somebody grew out in the backyard, played catch with, all those things that are father-assimilation that you think entails. I felt like I was missing out on that. So I was uncomfortable at times, but it helped me kind of mold me into going into that
Emotional Challenges for Men
00:03:03
Speaker
Yeah. And that's why I wanted to get you on a podcast, because I think right now in the world, we're lacking masculine support.
00:03:09
Speaker
Right. We're lacking integrity within the masculine community within as men. Right. Like just you and I. Right. I need more men on the podcast, but I also need to be a part of more men world like you so I can learn as well. And I feel most men, at least in my experience lately, don't feel safe to express their emotions. Don't feel safe to be vulnerable. Don't feel safe to speak and tell their story. Don't feel safe to be a man. You know, it's like we have this beast side of us, this power that we even tame or we hide because maybe the world is telling us we're too much or we're not enough. And I really want your perspective
00:03:47
Speaker
In the world you're in, far as like the school and high school and coaching kids, what do you think is missing? And why do you think the masculine is so important based on what you give? Absolutely. Those are our great points, Eric. So the first one I'll touch on is the vulnerability and the emotional side of it.
00:04:03
Speaker
I think that really has to do with societal norm. I think a lot of men today feel like they can't be vulnerable. They can't show their emotions. They can't cry. Because when I'm trying or or showing vulnerability is a weakness. I think that when when men and young men, especially students, athletes, can kind of get in touch with that side, they can really find their true identity.
00:04:18
Speaker
And that's kind of one of my driving purposes. being a coach or a teacher and a mentor is allowing these young men and women to really truly find their identity, not try to be somebody that not be the best version of themselves.
Long-term Growth with '4 for 40'
00:04:29
Speaker
So one thing I use often is a four for 40 method. I try to, whether I meet you for four minutes, whether I have you for 40 minutes in a class, goal is for those four, for those four minutes or those four years of high school, or as long as I know you, I want to see you grow for the next 40 years of your life. That's one of my real big missions. So to me, this isn't just a small sample size. I'm looking big picture.
00:04:48
Speaker
I want to be there for the weddings and the birthdays and the birth of your children. So how did you come up to that ideology of four? Was it four for 40? How did that come into your life? So changed my life for because you you're in high school for four years. I've been coached for so long, over 20 years now, I see a lot of my athletes for four years and my students.
00:05:06
Speaker
And I don't want that relationship to just stop the second they walk off that state agent June of their senior year. I want to reach out to them. I want to know about their successes and their failures. Because from failure, you're going to grow. I think anytime you fail, it's an opportunity for you look at as an opportunity to grow and kind of rise above that. You know, that's kind of like the acronym you were speaking about before about fear. You face everything, rise. I call him a lot of Tomisms, but I like the one fear. It's F-E-A-R.
00:05:30
Speaker
Face everything and rise. Yeah, it's beautiful because, you know, you go to high school for four years and then, but I want to be there post high school, as you're saying, when you're wedding, married, kids, whatever.
00:05:43
Speaker
But I think, you know, depending on the environment we're in, right? Like I grew up in a very hostile, intense environment, and growing up in Baltimore, right? So you're not even thinking 40 years. You're not even thinking 10 years. You're not even thinking a year. You might think the next day, the next month, or maybe three months or six months or maybe a year.
Identity Beyond Sports
00:06:00
Speaker
And i love that ideology or that intention because you're subconsciously programming a young man to think ahead, to think long term, to think big picture. And I've noticed you've coached and worked with a lot of athletes. I'm so curious in this moment because I think a lot of athletes, especially boys, it's all athletes needs this.
00:06:20
Speaker
There's something that I suffer from when I start playing ball. I say PTSD for athletes, right? Post-traumatic, like the identity, you have identity crisis, right? You're not the basketball player. You're not the wrestler. You're not the baseball player. You're not the football player. Like I had a buddy of mine to this day and I feel like he's my age, but I feel like you can help him.
00:06:38
Speaker
Really dear friend. He was like the best in basketball in the city. Like everybody knew him, like AAU, Nationals, like the guy. 15th, 16th, the guy. Had a scholarship, went to school. In college, he didn't really like pan out like he could have, but people turned their back on him.
00:06:53
Speaker
In post- college, he just, I don't know. It's like he went to the sunken place where he's like, it's over with. And he didn't find, he's been trying to find himself since. What is the advice you can give athletes or just anyone career that's going through our identity crisis? Because you spoke on identity. What is the tangible steps they can think about to get into a more authentic version of themselves to detach from that athlete identity? So the first thing I like to preach is that, you know, failed moments doesn't make a failed man. whereas Maybe you didn't accomplish the goals that you wanted to. i always tell all my athletes and my students, that anybody I come across, strip it all the way down to the core. Who are you to do core? If I'm not a coach or a teacher or a mentor, if you're not an athlete, a basketball player or a student, who are you? You're first and you're last name. Like, who do you want people to remember you by? One of the big things I try to tell people is that if you meet somebody for one time for the rest of your life, what's that lasting message going to be with that person?
00:07:48
Speaker
How are you going to impact that person? So that's why I say really, who are you to your core? And that's ultimately going to define who you are as a person. The biggest thing I was seeing, like you said, that struggle from when athletics are over, whether that's taken away from you because you either aged out or you graded out, you graduated, or unfortunately, injuries or something else happens, how do you overcome that? And I think that's about having that right mindset. So the mindset starts, I'm being on that 1% better mindset where, okay, let me start to set up a structure.
00:08:13
Speaker
What am I looking for? us Try to set some attainable goals for yourself. I think a lot of people have dreams, which are awesome. But I always tell my kids and my athletes, my students, that um dreams without goals, they're just going to fuel disappointment. I've just set these attainable goals.
00:08:26
Speaker
to accomplish those dreams. It's not going to happen overnight. it So even post-playing careers, you have to set those goals up. So, okay, so what's the next step? And it's not always easy. Some of these athletes know, that's all they knew was basketball. So i think they have to try to find relate to something positive in their own lives and see how they didn can gravitate towards that. Yeah, and it's sad because i know a lot of great basketball players in the city of Baltimore over the years. They played overseas, Tom. They played pro.
00:08:52
Speaker
They played professionally. But once that over, I've known some of them that go back into the streets because that's all they know. And when you're growing up as an athlete and you're not really doing the work in school, you've got someone doing your homework or you're so good. Y'all want to state titles. Y'all want a national championship, all this stuff. You don't do the things you should do that's tedious, like work, read, the homework, because you don't have to. getting scholarships to go to universities. You may even get in some money. Then you make it. Then you realize. I had one friend tell me, he said, E, to be honest, I never thought living my dreams would bring me so much pain.
00:09:24
Speaker
He said, bro, I've been over here 10 years overseas and I played the highest level, but I'm in pain. I'm not happy. And then, you know, from that transition, he went back to what he know. That's the streets.
00:09:35
Speaker
And me being a friend of his and being known him, I don't know what to say other than just giving him my presence and my time, just listening to him. But it's tough because I see a lot of athletes, at least in that area, they transition and go back to what they know because that was their blueprint growing up.
Fatherhood and Mentorship
00:09:51
Speaker
And also think they go back to what you said in the beginning. They are fatherless. They didn't have a father.
00:09:57
Speaker
They didn't grow up with that. So for you, you know, losing your dad at four and then you becoming a father, how has that shaped your life to be who you are today? And how has that empowered you to show up for these other men and young women that you're helping coach and teach?
00:10:13
Speaker
No, absolutely. With regards to me being a father, the one thing I tell my boys is that I want you to be at a better version of me. That's my ultimate goal. So they say, no, if I have one job as a father, yes, you want to have your boys be respectful and be class acts and be a representation of you. But ultimately, I want them to be a better version of me. So how can I do that? I have to show up. I have to be active. I have to guide them and kind of show them through my actions how I want them to be an upstanding member of society. And I have two boys. One's 20 years old and one's only eight years old. So I could tell this from the 20-year-old that the biggest compliment I get as a parent is that when I see somebody who i haven't seen a while, they say, your son is the most respectful young man, hardest worker. And those are those intangible things that you never know. But it's like you try and steal because there is no blueprint for parenting. right There's no handbook for this stuff.
00:10:57
Speaker
So for the parents out there, you know, it's not easy, especially single parents. You know, my mother growing up, she had to raise two sons by herself. Looking back on it now, I see how difficult it was on her. My brother and I, we didn't make it any easier for i can tell you that.
00:11:08
Speaker
But being a father myself, I learned some of those lessons. And I try to instill that my boys today, just about being the hard work and the consistency and what it takes to be successful. Yeah. And it's so important to know that to be a parent, it takes two, but sometimes you don't have the other. And I want your perspective on this. So there's a guy i'm named Jason Wilson, right? He does a lot of men's work, black guy, older, he's from Detroit. He's all about men's work and being a man. And he talks really highly, you know, he's God driven. And he said something other day that I could resonate with because I had a mother one growing up. I had a lot of resentment against my mom. But yet I didn't know what she went through as a mom. So he said usually boys, because this is for, you know, mothers who have boys and is trying to raise them on their own. Not all the time, but boys who resent their mom is because their dad wasn't around.
00:11:58
Speaker
But they don't know that. So i was like, that was me. Like my dad was around, but he wasn't present, right? He wasn't a household. I didn't see him every day, but he would come pick me up, take me to practice, take me to games, buy me sneakers, buy me video games, like all the things. My mother would say, he's a provider, not a guide or whatever.
00:12:16
Speaker
But I did have resentment against her, right? Because I didn't get the love that I thought I should have or all this stuff. But now that I'm older and I've tapped in deeper into my femininity and who I am as a man and my spiritual self, I'm like, Damn, mom, you really, damn, you the real MVP. I didn't know you went through all that.
00:12:34
Speaker
I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I apologize. And I think there's a lot of women out here raising young boys and they can't do it alone. And they do need men, either their brothers, uncles, brothers.
00:12:47
Speaker
grandfathers or fathers to help raise these young men because they're going out into the world. Because I have nephews and I tell my sister, they're low entitled, sis, because they're not with their dads or they're not, you know. So from your paradigm of your world, what do you think is the solution to make that better for young men. i think you're spot on with that, no matter what demographic, no matter where you come from. The first thing I try to preach to all my boys and the girls too, so from the boys side, as silly as it may sound, I'm like, you treat every girl like a princess. You will never gonna disrespect a female. that's one non-negotiable. In any of my programs, I'm going to give second and third chances, but to me, I'm like, the way you treat a female is the same way you're gonna treat your mother. Don't ever let a guy disrespect you're a boy, a young man, right? Do all those little things. And that's one of the things I hold really true to my heart. You know, are those young men that I'm trying to raise and groom into men, are they opening their doors for men? Are they being respectful? Are they saying, yes, please, and thank you? I think that's where it starts with these young men and the way they treat their mother. So like you said, you resented your mother, but I think having those positive influences in their lives, that's where it starts. From the men's side, from the female side, understand that that's how they should be treated.
00:13:52
Speaker
Like the man is supposed to treat you with respect. I use princess like it's, you know, it's silly, but it's kind of a catchy for when have high school kids like princess. But like, yeah, I'm like, that's a non-negotiable. I don't care of your best friend, your sister, your mother, your aunt, your grandparent, whoever provides for you, it doesn't matter.
00:14:05
Speaker
That is a non-negotiable. That's how every female should be treated. So I think when they try to adopt that mindset of how women should be treated, it kind of reflects in their day in and day out interactions with their parents. So that's first and foremost.
00:14:17
Speaker
what I really tried doing for the parents. Again, I saw how my mother struggled. And um obviously regret is one of those worst things you could ever live with. So obviously I have some regret with that regard, but all I could do is move forward from it, right? We can't live in the past. So our past kind of shapes our future. So I just know what I can still in the young men and women that I have the opportunity to to reach every single day and kind of let them know like how they should treat them, how do they should treat their mother and try to help them, you know, the best they can.
00:14:41
Speaker
Go make it harder for them. Try to make it easier. Yeah, because I think, you know, to all the ah young kids out there that might listen to this or young boys or parents that have your kids listen, you don't really know what your parents are enduring, what they're dealing with emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially. You don't know their upbringing. You don't know their sorrows, their struggles. You don't know what they had to endure. So as I got older and the deeper dive into like the DNA of me, of my family and my mom, my dad, I was like, oh, no, one of my dad didn't enforce stuff on me. And I wanted him to push me because...
00:15:11
Speaker
His dad verbally abused him growing up and put his hands on him. But I didn't know that as a kid. My mom didn't have her dad around. You know what mean? So then I said, OK, OK, so I'm chosen to help heal this part of the lineage to make it better, to hold grace and have compassion and not assume and accuse of what I thought they should have done because I don't even have evidence on what was really going on. And that's why it's so good that we have discussions like that, but there's more than what we see every day. And you're dealing with stuff every day. Not that you don't bring it to work. You don't show it. You get in, you do what you need to do, you be a man about it, and you get it done. And that's why i said again, like your presence and your essence in which you bring, face everything and rise, right? The four for 40, right, is needed in the world because that gives you show. structure, that gives you context, that gives you perspective. And I'm calling all men out there, let's step up and be better men, not only for ourselves and the women, but for the world. There's a research says that if you want to raise successful boys, love and empower their mom.
00:16:19
Speaker
If you're in a relationship, if you're in, you know, a marriage, right? Because if they see their mom getting love from their dad or the man in their life, that's going to empower something in them to be where they need to be potentially. But yeah, Tom, I just love everything you're doing and everything you're sharing. You did say you had like a program or something you're doing or coming out soon. The 4 for 40 initiative, pretty much that's just, you know, ties into the mentorship program.
00:16:43
Speaker
You know, whether I speak to you for four minutes, you know, somebody could impact you, whether they speak to you for four minutes, 40 minutes, right? Whether they're going be in your life for 40 years, but that's as quickly as it could take to make a lasting impact.
00:16:53
Speaker
To have that long-term success and impact on somebody. One thing, you know, as I was thinking about some of the things you were talking about, about the way you treat somebody and the way, know, how we want these men to rise up. You know, i kind of think of the other acronym, TNT, right? Tays no talent, right?
00:17:06
Speaker
It doesn't matter how good you are, right? You could be a great athlete. You're talking about the basketball players. You're talking about, oh, let's see, that's awesome, right? But with I'm sure all those guys, they have the phenomenal talent, but there's certain, like, non-negotiable talent. You could be respectful to anybody.
00:17:18
Speaker
That's something that's universal. You could be overseas. You could be next to you. You could be next to someone. Respect is something. I think that's what our men nowadays, that's what we need. We need them to be respectful and be vulnerable.
Character vs. Talent
00:17:29
Speaker
Man, when is the brute coming out, man? I want to sit with that for minute because I had a buddy tell me years ago when he made it to the NFL. I think he played on like the practice squad for like two weeks. Then they cut him or whatever. But he was telling me, he said, your talent will take you where your character can't keep you.
00:17:43
Speaker
And your character will take you where your talent can't keep you. But he said, if you got both, it makes you unstoppable. And I think, you know, I can't say most. I think some people are boys, women as well, and just men. When you see social media, we're seeing what it look like. It looks good, but we don't know what's really under the hood that we're looking at. Right. And we think it's all about looks. We think it's all about talent. We think it's all about followers. We think it's all about clicks. We think it's all about like, that stuff really doesn't matter if the character's not there, right? Like you said, it takes no talent to be genuine, to be authentic, to be vulnerable, and to be open and honest about where you are because that's the true talent is honesty and integrity to say, look,
00:18:29
Speaker
I can be who I am without resistance. Like, because I did it being on TV for years. Like, I got to look this way. i got to act this way. I got to speak this way. But I'm not being the way that I am because of my perception of how I think I should be. that that That's why though the one time, not to cut you off, but the what say the first time I met you, that's why I kind of connected with you. I could just tell from your spirituality and that you were given off.
00:18:50
Speaker
It was infectious. And I was like, yeah, this is somebody that I could definitely connect with. i I said, these are the people that I want to surround myself with, those people that i give off those positive vibes and that energy. Whereas, you know what, that's just, you want to be around those people. You want to be in their inner circle. Like like I said, I was doing all the things that you've done in the past, listen, and things you're doing, your platform and your podcast and you like the spirituality. And I was like, even if you're not in touch with God, you know, even if you just write something down, like, It doesn't have to be a tangible person, right? It can be just anything. It's like a higher would being, whoever you believe in. Even if you don't want to be vulnerable to somebody and ah in person, you can just write that down. Write your thoughts down. Write your emotion down. Just be able to get in touch with what what's really inside of you.
00:19:27
Speaker
And I think it has to start for some people. Yeah, that atonement, that attunement. Thank you for sharing that. and it's important because, you know, I felt you too. I'm like, man, he like a real brother. I didn't even know you at the time, but I felt like in that moment, I could have told you my deepest fear and you wouldn't judge me.
00:19:42
Speaker
I could have told you my weakest point and you would accept me. And that's why I wanted this to take place today, right? Because it's not about, like I said, what we have, what we do is who we are, who you are at the root level is a genuine soul. You care deeply about people. You lost your dad at a young age. You went through a lot of challenge, but you never changed to stop growing and giving to help the world you serve to be a better place. And I think for me, I'm always the person I always like to find the thing that people don't see as the thing to make everything. But when I was on TV, I always look at the camera guys and talk to them like without the camera guy, I wouldn't even be on this camera what without the makeup artist or the haircut. So when I saw you in L.A., I'm like, yeah, he got it.
00:20:27
Speaker
And I was like, how can I amplify him in a positive way so he can really understand? Because it takes more than just us, bro. Like sometimes it's hard. Like I'm motivated, but I can't be motivated all the time. So I need a little bit of support. I need a little bit of energy. And I think what you do to the kids that you teach and coach, they get that.
00:20:44
Speaker
And I want to share this quote you did in an interview in 2017 at Cliffside Park Football. use You said, I feel like winning is contagious. That's why I'm pushing multi-sport athletes.
00:20:55
Speaker
I want our kids to compete in the classroom and I want that to carry over onto the track or the baseball diamond. If they are playing football, I want them also wrestling or playing basketball. If they don't have this skill set for baseball, I want them to run track.
00:21:12
Speaker
Can you respond on that? Can you elaborate? what Where does that come from? them I love that. Absolutely. So i I feel like anything you do in life, you got to compete, right? So far from where I am in my world, in the classroom, predominantly. So if my athletes, they want to go wild out play sport, how to start in the classroom? If you accept failure immediately in the classroom, as a coach, hunt tip not that that's what I expect, but you're not demanding the most of yourself. You have to demand the most of you yourself. You have to be your biggest fan, but also your harshest critic. And if you, that as a young man, a young woman, as an individual, you know, greatness will follow because you got to be your harshest critic. You have to be able to kind of break yourself down, but also give yourself enough credit and be proud of yourself. So I think when I allow my young men and women that coach to do that and see that starts in the classroom and those little successes that they have there and it can carry you over to the fields and the court, going to be a better person because of it ultimately. And that's ultimately what I tell them. Like, yeah, you're an athlete, you're a student.
00:22:02
Speaker
But my main goal as a teacher and educator mentor is to make you a better person overall. That's my ultimate vision. Yeah, because it gives you more bandwidth as a human being once you get out of the sport. And here's the thing I want to share this because I was judged as a kid when I was in college and high school. You need to focus on one thing, focus on one thing, focus on one thing.
00:22:20
Speaker
And they used to bother me, bro. So when I was in college, I played basketball. I was a co-host of the radio show. I was a student leader. I had my own men's group. I did all these things and I was busy, but it was times like when people would come in, like, you need to focus on one thing, you need to focus. But I'm like, but all these things are my focus. They give me fulfillment. They bring me joy. I can be the podcast. I can write a book. I can be on TV. I can pray in front of a million people. I can meditate. I can be excited. in a gra I can be whatever I'm called to be. I don't have to, like you said, bring myself to this one-dimensional thing or thinking. And then when I get out of that space, that's all I know because I haven't done the work in a classroom. I haven't tried to wrestle or do cross country, right, or play multi-sports because I didn't have a coach like Tom to empower that in me, to give me the faith and confidence that I can do more than what I'm doing. And I think as men, you know, just you having these acronyms, these synonyms, these Tom-isms, it's changing people's lives because when they get older, 40 years, 20 years, 10 years from now, they're going to always remember, face everything and rise because I'm still remembering it, right? And not even speaks to you because, you know, that's exactly what you just said is that I'm trying to embody in the young male woman. We'll see every day is that Be comfortable in your own skin. You're comfortable in your own skin. You're willing take risks in those challenges and go out on the limb. And sometimes you might fail.
00:23:41
Speaker
But again, at the end of the day I'm confident just knowing you from the short period I've known you, that you're going rise above that. That you're going look at that opportunity for growth. People look at failure as like defeat and it's over, but they can't. They have to look at that as an opportunity to kind of rise above it. So it's all those Tomisms, the acronyms, but it's all about action. and That's why I'm big on action. Like let your actions, you know, prove your worth. I'm just curious because you're in a space.
00:24:02
Speaker
So I have awareness out from others like parents and people that now that we're in a social media world with kids, a lot of them attached to their phones, right? Everyone's on their phone.
00:24:14
Speaker
They're always on their phone, TikTok, Instagram, whatever. Fine. They're also, you know, AI has taken advancement in life. And i was listening to someone say, like, some of these kids, they're not as connecting in person as they once was, like, years ago because of the phones. Do you feel like in the year field of, like, the young boys and girls that the phone is, like, a barrier to them connecting, to having, like, more genuine relationships?
00:24:41
Speaker
ah relationships So, you know, it's it's interesting you mentioned the phones because a lot of people look at the phone as kind of a crush for a lot of kids because they kind of use that AI to kind of have their own thoughts for them. What I try to have my students do is use that a resource, use that a tool. Yeah. So I'll have my kids and my students and my athletes settle arms throughout the day.
00:24:59
Speaker
And so now I know they're going to have their phone on them. So I'm like, I want you to set three alarms throughout the day. And that first alarm, I want you to think about something you're grateful for today. Then I want them to think about something they're respectful. Like how can they show respect today?
00:25:10
Speaker
What can they do? And then third one is goal selling. I want them to set a goal for today. So three separate alarms throughout the day. So they're going to be on it. I want it to be productive. Do I think it's counterproductive at times? Absolutely.
Smartphone Impact on Connections
00:25:20
Speaker
But how do you break that norm? You know, it's just like anything. comes from self-discipline. It's intrinsic, right? You have to want to say to yourself, listen, I'm going to put this phone down. So to me, it's just a pattern of consistency and say, hey, listen,
00:25:31
Speaker
Maybe between these hours, I'm not going use my phone today. But if they're going to have them, which everybody does, adults and kids alike, we might as well use it to our benefit, just like AI, right? Let's use it as a tool and a resource. It's not used to create our own thoughts. Or i was reading an article the other how couples the other day or people nowadays are using AI as their partner. What do people want society? People want to hear the truth until they actually hear it, and they don't really want. So now with AI, they can program it.
00:25:55
Speaker
exactly what they want to hear. So it's interesting and when when i when I read it, it's kind of very telling how times have changed with us, taking away the whole person-to-person interaction. Right. And that's what I were really trying to get to, if there's a space in your world where kids are not as connected because of the phones, or they are more connected. I don't know.
00:26:12
Speaker
I just feel like there is a separation, even and with adults. There's definitely a disconnect with students before especially myself as an educator, the second that you give with students a couple of free minutes, the first thing they want to do is pull their phones out, right? I just try just through repetition. I'm big on just consistency, hopefully those habits.
00:26:29
Speaker
And that's a great tool, a great way to use the phone for benefit. Hey, right now, three alarms, had three alarms, one for gratitude. One can be your goal to remind you or the other one can be how you feel about yourself. So I love that.
00:26:43
Speaker
Okay, last question. When you think of spiritual fitness, what comes up for you? To me, the first thing that comes to me is my mindset. Who am I going to be in touch with? Like I said, am I looking out to a higher being? Is it a God or is it just me getting my thoughts down on on a piece of paper? To me, that that's spiritual to me, right?
00:26:58
Speaker
It doesn't have to be ah me believing any particular type of God. It could just be me just writing down whether it's a page, two pages, whatever it is. So really trying to get in touch with myself and my feelings and my emotions. That's how I resonate with the spiritual fitness. Yeah, I love that. It sounds you more like heart and integrity when it comes to the spirit of you. That's it.
00:27:17
Speaker
I love that. Before we get off, how can we find you? How can we get into your world? So like said, the mentorship page launched. So it's TomMandile, M-A-N-D-I-L-E.com. And then i'll but again, it's that initiative, of the 4 for 40 going, which is, you know, it's spelled out exactly how it sounds, 4 for 40. And that's something we're really trying to push because Again, everybody could buy into that concept. Whether you meet somebody for four minutes or 40 minutes, you could have a lasting impact for the next 40 years of their life. That's really what we're trying to try and instill in the young, or I'm trying to instill in the young man and woman. You know, again, you might only meet that person for only four minutes.
00:27:51
Speaker
You what's their lasting impression going to be? All right, well, this was great, but I need you to give us some words as we sign off to any young man or woman or just anybody out there in the world that might be having a hard time going through a lot of tough times,
Resilience in Tough Times
00:28:04
Speaker
pain. Maybe they just got unemployed or, you know, they lost a job or they lost a relationship. They're heartbroken. You know, from the Tom-isms, from Tom's higher mind, a spiritual fix-up, what would you tell someone that's having a tough time in life? The first thing that comes to mind is tough times don't last, tough people do.
00:28:20
Speaker
They have to resonate with some positive in their life. Just find one thing positive. Just find one thing that you love about yourself and let's grow from there. And let's try to build on that one or that one thing, no matter what it is. That's kind of what I really try to reiterate to the young man or woman I come across. Because a lot them come from know, tough times. It's hard for them in the moment to think of something positive, but if they can kind of self-reflect a little bit, they'll just pick up that one positive thing, and then we can just go from there and build on it. I think we're putting ourselves in a better position for success from it.
00:28:49
Speaker
Oh, man, dear. Well, thank you, Tom. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your help. Get into this energy. going to put everything in the show notes. Follow him. And if you're in New Jersey, you know, connect with him. Reach out. I mean, he's a great coach, a mentor. He's a father. I mean, he's been battle tested. He's done it. He's doing it. And I just, you know, more people to know about what you do and who you are. Subscribe to the podcast, Spiritual Fitness Podcast. We out.
00:29:14
Speaker
Peace.
Conclusion and Podcast Mission
00:29:18
Speaker
Thank you for joining us on the Spiritual Fitness Podcast. We hope today's episode has inspired you and provided valuable insights for your holistic health journey. By blended spirituality and physical wellness, you can strengthen your body, mind, and soul.
00:29:33
Speaker
If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Until next time, stay strong, stay inspired, and remember, it's miracle season.