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50 - X-Men and the Micronauts
2 Playsin 7 hours
Oh boy, folks - good episode, bad subject matter! The X-Men visit the Microverse, the Micronauts visit the Macroverse, and Kitty gets punched square in the face! Join us as we tackle what might be the worst run of X-comics so far, and as we spit on the graves of the Micronauts!
***CONTENT WARNING*** for discussion of sexual abuse, manipulation, and grooming from 1:25:00-1:30:00
Topics Discussed:
These are not good comics. Soft canon. Bill Mantlo’s Christmas miracle! Pilk, blood, and lava. Strange Maine. What the hell is happening in the Microverse, and do we care? The Micronauts are here! We’ve got Starjammers at home. Spellbinder. They’re actually toys. Smoking Wolverine. Have you ever been stabbed by a thumbtack? Rocket-powered centaur. Kitty commands a war. Some really gross stuff. We’re pretty upset by the whole thing. Get girlfriends.
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Transcript
Introduction and Welcome
00:00:01
Speaker
I'm Trish Tobey with W.A.R.C. reporting to you live from Westchester, New York, where there appears to be some sort of mutant menace on the loose.
Dislike for X-Men and Micronauts Series
00:00:34
Speaker
Hey, I'm Pat Reber. And I'm Matt Aukamp. And say it with us, Daniel. welcome welcome Welcome to Mutant Menace.
00:00:45
Speaker
Shit. That one came early. That one came much earlier than I expected. Well, you got to be ready for these things. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there. and Pete's not going to wait for anybody. Neither is Daniel.
00:00:59
Speaker
All right. See you, Pete. Welcome folks to Mutant Menace. Like Pete just said, Matt. Yeah. Today. We're covering the X-Men, but.
00:01:11
Speaker
Oh, wow. Okay.
Trigger Warnings for Sensitive Themes
00:01:14
Speaker
Not in their main X-Men title. We are. How could that be? To ah another yet another mini series from Marvel in the mid 80s, another mid 80s Marvel mini series.
00:01:28
Speaker
Mid-80s Marvel Mini. Marvelous. The X-Men and the Micronauts. the The X-Men and the Micronauts in the mid-80s Marvel Mini. The Marvel mid-80s Micronauts miniseries, the X-Men and the Micronauts. How did you feel about it?
00:01:46
Speaker
It's not good. No, it's very, very bad. All right.
Writers and Their Impact
00:01:51
Speaker
I think we have to, so unfortunately, we have to start off with like trigger warnings. um If you guys are sensitive to talk of sexual assault,
00:02:03
Speaker
Or um psychological sexual abuse and grooming. I think those are probably the two things that might, that the two triggers we probably have to warn warn people about.
00:02:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. There's going to be a ah moment in issue four here at the beginning of issue four that is extremely unpleasant ah and potentially triggering content. So,
Micronauts: Origin and Popularity
00:02:28
Speaker
yeah just understand. We'll mention again as it comes up so you don't have to try to figure it out right now. But yeah, throwing that out there. Jesus Christ, man. This this series is.
00:02:40
Speaker
it's written by Bill Mantlo and Chris Claremont. Together. I'll tell you, my hope for it was that Chris Claremont would rub off on Bill Mantlo maybe in some good ways here. But I i think Bill Mantlo's worst tendencies brought out some of Chris Claremont's worst tendencies. Yeah, some of Chris Claremont's worst tendencies, which unfortunately are kind of similar.
00:03:08
Speaker
It's how did this thing even fucking happen, man? It's a disaster. And it's you will. It gets I think the arc that will follow here will just.
00:03:21
Speaker
we'll get We'll watch it progressively turn more and more into a disaster as we go. right i This is Bill Mantlo's baby. Apparently, ah ah he was struck by the Micronauts toys that his child asked for Christmas in 1977. Oh, no. And just his own headcanon about started writing his own headcanon about it And he was like, these rule. it Okay, and if you've looked at the Micronauts toys, they're so different than what the Micronauts in the comic book are like.
00:03:54
Speaker
Yeah. The Micronauts toys are some of the dumbest toys I've ever seen. They're mostly just like men- With a bunch of like with a bunch of different like fragmented men where every different piece of them is a different color.
00:04:11
Speaker
And so that's how you know they're robots. ah Right. and And I don't think it was uncommon in like the 70s and 80s to have a toy line.
00:04:22
Speaker
whose like existence, just ah the way their characters were made, implied some sort of backstory, and then you could build a cartoon off of that, or you could build a comic book off of
Micronauts in Marvel History
00:04:33
Speaker
that.
00:04:33
Speaker
Right, but i I think the Micronauts kind of don't. like when you read the Micronauts comics, you're like, okay, there's a rich, whether it's interesting or not, there a rich lore here. But when you look at the toys, you're like, these are the most basic ass, basic shits that I've ever seen.
00:04:57
Speaker
Yeah. I like yeah my, ah met like there is no amount of imagination. i think that could have made the Micronauts interesting. And, uh,
00:05:09
Speaker
You know, well it didn't. Little baby Mantlo disagreed, Matt. He asked for them for Christmas. Bill Mantlo, upon seeing them, started writing his own headcanon about them. Yeah. He asked Jack Shithead to buy the licensing rights from the Megocorporation that made them.
00:05:27
Speaker
Yeah, he went to him. And of course, this was during the Shithead reign of corporate synergy. so It fit right in. He went out. He went to the Mago Corporation and bought the rights to these toys. the Holy cow. Okay. ah The comic started. it debuted in 1979 and ran all the way until 1986, despite the toys production stopping in 1980. They are largely considered just like a footnote in Marvel Comics history, despite
00:06:04
Speaker
in its time, selling pretty well. It was like X-Men, right below them was Micronauts.
Rights and Attempts to Revive Micronauts
00:06:10
Speaker
It was outselling Captain America at the time. Whoa. And as we'll talk about when we get to, like, explaining some of the characters in context, that some of these characters crossed the boundary and became Marvel characters.
00:06:24
Speaker
Like, entered the Marvel Comics universe for good. Which is interesting. ah Yes. Very strange. So, there's a few...
00:06:38
Speaker
There's a way I kind of want to approach this. i It's what I'm calling soft canon. I think it's not my original term. It's one that I read as I was doing this research. But okay the series ends in 1986, right? It runs from 1980 to 84. And then they reboot the series at some point in 85 and have a...
00:06:58
Speaker
a second series run all the way to 86 immediately after that 1986 series ends the license for those toys lapsed. So Marvel no longer owned the rights to with the Micronauts. They can not have any further appearances of the characters that are based on the toys.
00:07:18
Speaker
And so they started appearing in other comic lines. They ah first got bought up by image In, think it was the aughts, Marvel tried to repurchase them for a reboot in 97 and they were denied. And then like 2002, Image picked up the rights, produced a Micronauts comic.
00:07:39
Speaker
Devil's Due, a few years later, picked up pick them up, ran a Micronauts comic. IDW in like 2015 picked them. I think it was just a couple of years ago, Marvel finally got the rights back so that they could print the... omnibus But they had to use, they could only use the the characters based on the toys. Like the shit that Bill Mantlo invented, like Bug, they could not use.
00:08:06
Speaker
Yes. Wow. yeah Yeah, it was entirely based on the toys and each iteration had to kind of restart the history. And all of them were, I'm guessing, complete failures. Am I like am i right? Yeah, nothing sold as well as the original.
00:08:24
Speaker
um Okay. In the Marvel Comics line, in that seven-year run, there were plenty of encounters with other Marvel characters. They took place in the Microverse, which is where these little freaks live, as well as the Macroverse, which is what they call the world that we exist in.
00:08:42
Speaker
But all the actual drama of the Micronauts was largely contained within the micropher Microverse. Because for decades, they couldn't even refer to the Micronauts. And because nothing that they did really impacted our universe, our dimension, or however you want to consider it. Yeah. ah It's really, it's canon, but not in a way that we could legally tell you about
00:09:16
Speaker
Okay.
Controversial Miniseries Content
00:09:17
Speaker
Just a little tack on history. In addition to the several comics lines, there was a cartoon show in 1998. There was a fully produced but unreleased 52 episode cartoon show completed in 2020, but never released. Really? 52 episodes completed and none of it released?
00:09:37
Speaker
Correct. Has it leaked? don't know. Wild. Wild. Okay. Mutant menace pod at gmail.com. Let us know if you've seen it. I'm not going to watch it. Yeah. And then Hasbro and Paramount were threatening to produce a Micronauts film from 2009 all the way until 2020. Sounds like something happened in 2020 where these studios just started reconsidering their, uh, their pending projects.
00:10:03
Speaker
maybe Yeah. Maybe like a guy got, a guy got like, uh, really, really anxious or something. I can't think of anything else that would have happened around them. ah But I think that's all the history worth mentioning. Well, I'll say this. um Yeah. When, so by the time that they started, you know, like you said, Marvel got the rights back. I believe what Hasbro owned the Micronauts now, right?
00:10:32
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Hasbro allowed Marvel to reprint the,
00:10:38
Speaker
All the entire Micronauts series except for. Oh, right. This miniseries. Yes. And we will. I'm sure we under. I'm sure me and Pat, having just read it, understand why. And we can explain it to you when we get into it. Yeah.
00:10:57
Speaker
Yeah. But for that reason, I'm going to say as we move on from this, the terrible things that happen in this comic. Yeah. We're confronting, right? We're not avoiding them. But as far as our X-Men storytelling goes, I don't think this ever really happened.
00:11:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah i hope not because it's it's not like... um the things that occur in this are things that the characters still bring up to this day. Like, hey, remember when you did this horrible thing to me? but they Exactly. And I mean, at the end of the series, you'll so you'll listeners, you'll find out, they basically just hand wave it all away. And they're like, well, bad things happen sometimes. Anyway. and this isn't just, i know we ah issued a ah content warning. This isn't just about the content warning stuff. They...
00:11:49
Speaker
do a lot of just bad people things in this, uh, yeah. In this mini series here, this was a mistake. Uh, and, and this is, that's how you felt about it. Well, so the two things I feel about reading it, number one, problematic number two, so many words, Pat.
00:12:08
Speaker
Oh yeah. We have our two wordiest authors teaming up and Bill Mantlo, old Bill Mantlo. Did not ah shrug off the rumors of absolutely hating people with disabilities.
00:12:27
Speaker
Yeah. And women. And women. Oh, my God. It's a rough one. Whew!
Listener Emails and Interactions
00:12:41
Speaker
Oh, but before we dig any deeper, Matt. Saved by the piano player. let's ah Let's get into pat's email corner. I am thrilled to say that we are once again blessed with an overflowing inbox. Okay, well, let's try to keep it less than a half hour this time. We'll see what happens. Let's start with our favorite new emailer, Sweet Douglas.
00:13:08
Speaker
Hey, Sweet Douglas. Sweet Douglas is finally caught up per the subject line his email. He says, hey, Pat, tell Matt that I'm finally able to read along with you guys as I finished reading the entire Age of Krakoa arc. Cramming five or so years of comics into less than a year of time has been enriching.
00:13:30
Speaker
lots of great stories and philosophical discussions, but also some real stinkers in there and terrible artwork now and then. And if you, listener at home, want to keep up, read along with us, you can ah join our Patreon, actually for free, and see our reading list.
00:13:45
Speaker
Oh, that's exactly what Sweet Douglas mentions here. He says he joined the Patreon so he can read these classics along with us, though unfortunately no ads in my digital copies. That continues to be a Mutant Menace exclusive, thanks to... y Thanks to my formerly vast fortune spent on collecting original prints of every X-Men comic.
00:14:08
Speaker
ah Comics seem to hit differently when you're not a child being constantly bombarded with ads for scam products and candy. He says, remember Brock's rocks? Never had them in my corner of the world. And I imagine they were mediocre at best, but I sure as hell wanted them as a kid. I think they would be the only thing in this email that I would eat.
00:14:29
Speaker
Sincerely, Sweet Douglas. I think do remember Brock's Rocks, and you are correct. They were mediocre at best. I don't remember eating Brock's Rocks. It was just like, it was basically sweet tart, but in like a pebble shape.
00:14:45
Speaker
Oh, I remember. i recall correctly. I remember seeing Brock's brachs Rocks. um And I remember this ah cool dino mascot,
00:14:57
Speaker
mascot but Mostly i ate Brock's jelly beans. I ate broccoli and grew up to be a healthy young boy. No, come on.
00:15:11
Speaker
Up next, Matt, we've got it. Oh, wait. Actually, before we move on, Sweet Douglas is my little corner of the world, a place where he couldn't get Brock's rocks. And I do not remember where he's writing from. So I wonder if it's hell.
00:15:26
Speaker
No, not Sweet Douglas. I don't know. it seems like many of our listeners are writing from hell. At least one that we know of. ah Okay, let's keep moving. Weapon Jason has some thoughts about episode 48. He says, hey, Pat, tell Matt some quick notes to help you get through the mailbag. While Sal Buscema is not my favorite artist, I will point out that for some of this new Mutants run, it is Tom Mandrake doing the finishing So the subpar elements are on him, I think. All right. Yeah. Okay.
00:15:59
Speaker
He says, yes, yes. My hatred of anchors returns because Mantrake's pen work has never appealed to me. All right. oh Yeah, sure. We'll, we'll, we'll give you this one because, uh, because b yeah, it the the art, this view, Sam art is not very good.
00:16:16
Speaker
and Not up to his usual. And it's done. we've We've moved on to a new New Mutants artist. So that's right. He also says the sudden quality jump when Sienkiewicz comes in in number 18, which we will get to shortly. Not today, but shortly is notable and amazing as a result.
00:16:35
Speaker
I can't wait. ah He asks, are we going to cover the Firestar miniseries? Yes. ah Of course. A few other thoughts on characters. Empath is the worst, the absolute worst. Doug Ramsey, though, was just great, in my opinion. opinion The original Sweet Douglas.
00:16:55
Speaker
So, ah but he does go on to say, I've always suspected that a bit of his character was informed from Matthew Broderick's character in War Games, which was released the year before.
00:17:09
Speaker
So, okay. Finally, he says, love the corner box gag on the cover of New Mutants number 17 with the rest of the team scrunched in there. Weapon Jason. Thanks, Weapon Jason.
00:17:22
Speaker
Ape 6. Ape back. Ape 6 is back. Answering my question from episode 47. He says, have played a total of 540 hours of Stardew Valley, all of those with my wife. So we were like, 540, is that...
00:17:38
Speaker
So he's clarifying. We play back to back on our PCs. It's a very narrow room. She has played a total of 1900 hours. Farming Sim is one of her primary gaming genres.
00:17:50
Speaker
So she might. That might be more than me. Yeah. Yeah. they use they've Between them, they have the credentials. That's for sure. Not not much more than me, I'll say.
00:18:01
Speaker
But I think it is more than me. Ape six reassures me saying as for our marriage, it's strong. In fact, we're a couple of weeks away from hitting six years. Whoa. Anniversary because we got hitched on leap day. So congrats. But also, that's your own fault. You chose that. like Congrats. But yeah, you're you're kind of cheating.
00:18:20
Speaker
So this would be you're still just celebrating one anniversary, I guess.
00:18:28
Speaker
Over six years? I guess you they just celebrate the same anniversary every year. It must be two, right? If they're coming up on six and it's 2026, that means 2020 is when they got married. 2024 would have been their first actual anniversary date. right So yeah, one.
00:18:44
Speaker
Congrats on continuing to have one year of ah
Engaging Listener Challenges
00:18:50
Speaker
marriage. Marital bliss. Couples who came together stay together. We have nearly 1,000 hours together in Borderlands 2.
00:18:58
Speaker
ah I've been part of a couple who game together and got dumped. So I don't necessarily think just because this rhymes that it means its it makes it true. It also doesn't actually rhyme. So it's inconclusive, we'll say.
00:19:18
Speaker
Up next, Matt, another, ah yeah our other favorite new emailer, Tim Pilk. Tim Pilk! It's here! Pilk is back. He says, hey, Pat, tell Matt I concede defeat on the feeling blood debate. I still think they're talking about a racing pulse, but I don't have enough knowledge of physiology to argue arterial versus venous to attempt to argue the point. Do you not, don't let your breath out yet, Matt, because another emailer has gone into more detail here. So,
00:19:47
Speaker
Well, I mean, I'll wear them down just like wore Tim Pilk down. Discussion is not over. Tim goes on. He says, apologies for the lack of video of the Pilk, but I refuse to try it again for the sake of footage. Understandable.
00:20:02
Speaker
You're still Tim Pilk, though. Hey, Pat. here's the Here's the thing um'm that I'm springing on you. Listeners, I've i've made it. I decided this.
00:20:14
Speaker
If you guys can get us up. to 100 donation 100 in patreon subscribers hot damn even for one full month even just for one full month me and pat will drink pilk live on on camera right here you are at uh about one quarter of that right now uh-huh yep So just to give you an idea of where it stands. So you guys have a lot of work to do, but we will drink pilk.
00:20:44
Speaker
but And and if if on that third month it goes back down to 25 or whatever, that's fine. But it has to stay there for at least a renewal period. And we will drink pink pilk on ah on camera.
00:20:59
Speaker
We will. Okay, ah Tim Pilk goes on. The Kitty-Ileana-Saffik relationship is definitely not something i picked up on. yeah I'll admit I don't do in-depth readings, preferring to stick to a casual surface-level interpretation. But that idea sounds more like fans forcing a love triangle with siblings.
00:21:17
Speaker
It's interesting because Chris Claremont has said it, but I i almost wonder if he's being...
00:21:25
Speaker
If he's agreeing to it retroactively. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was there. Yeah, that that would have been cool if I did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did that. I did that. And everyone knows I did that. i ah Excuse me. ah Moving on.
00:21:40
Speaker
Will you be covering the X-Men manga when you get that far? It's technically not canon since yeah it is basically a greatest hits of the animated series. But I would be interested to hear your thoughts on another country's take on the crew.
00:21:53
Speaker
Tim Pilk. My... instinct is no but we have so long until we have until we get there yeah i yeah we don't cover we'll discuss it more then but my in my thought is no my thought is no we don't cover that stuff okay uh there's your very clear answer thank you tim hilt
00:22:17
Speaker
ah We're going to bounce back to Sweet Douglas.
Debates on Scientific Topics
00:22:20
Speaker
Sweet Douglas, after catching up, was motivated to send us a second email. Says, tell Matt that if a tree falls in the woods and no one's around to hear it, does it feel its blood flowing through its veins?
00:22:32
Speaker
I guess it depends on how you define feeling it. Do you mean that because we don't have nerve endings in our blood vessels for feeling blood rushing by, we can't feel it? Yes!
00:22:43
Speaker
That's a perfect way to put it! yeah so lot worse I read this as contentious. You're reading it as. No, that's a perfect way to put it. We can't.
00:22:56
Speaker
Literally, we can't feel the blood. understands what you're saying. And then he says, if so, if you do feel that way, then ignore the rest. Okay. I don't. So Matt, earmuffs.
00:23:08
Speaker
As others are saying, we can feel our pulse even without having to touch the area with our hands. People like me sometimes can feel our pulse. Yeah, me too. We can feel it because nearby nerves are being affected by the expansion and contraction of vessels. Yes. Also, there aren't any actual muscles in the walls of the vessels to cause the motion. It's the heart pushing it all through like ripples and waters. It's not just in the arteries, which was our pulse argument. You can observe a pulse in your veins, especially major ones like the jugular.
00:23:41
Speaker
It's just notably weaker than the arteries. So your jugular is a vein and I can feel my pulse in my jugular even without, I'm putting my finger to it now to feel it, but even without putting my finger to it,
00:23:54
Speaker
He put his finger there, so, you know, like, like it's the sort of thing where, like, he jump-started his ability to feel it, so I don't trust it. Okay. I i think this is pretty, uh... This is pretty sound. Thank Sweet Douglas. I think it's smart. I think the people that are writing in about all this are, so like, they're making some good points, they're being very smart. It's just a shame that they're all wrong.
00:24:18
Speaker
But that doesn't mean that it's not smart analysis. I think Sweet Douglas just, uh...
00:24:25
Speaker
prove as well here let's go here my credentials are being a hypochondriac autistic and biology being my favorite subject in school that's great that's awesome ah sweet douglas wraps up he says also i not only condone but encourage people using sweet douglas as an exclamation love sweet douglas sweet douglas thank you sweet sweet douglas up next oh man We're going to the Ink Master talking about episode 47. Ink Master says, Hey, Pat, tell Matt that you two arguing over the minutia of how time works in limbo is the most quintessentially comic book nerd moment of the entire podcast so far. Oops.
00:25:10
Speaker
Absolutely right. Whoops. we Look, if we said sorry, would that matter to you guys?
00:25:24
Speaker
There's no apologies for that. That's an important point that I made. I think we talked. I think I'm pretty sure you cut. Well, you you edited it so that it fit any much smaller space. But um' yeah, I didn't. I wasn't some chunks out of it. I was not able to cut it like halfway through or anything. it was like I cut out chunks of it and I had to speed it up.
00:25:48
Speaker
I got really mad about it. No, you're not understanding. ah Oh, all right. We got a yeah another email, Matt, to deal with. In fact, a few. But ah this next one is coming from a brand new emailer, Vio. Hey, Vio.
00:26:11
Speaker
Vio or Vio. I'm not sure. it And i if you... were Could please let us know. We'll get it right in the future. But ah for now, we actually have two emails from VO saying ah titled email for mutant menace folks.
00:26:27
Speaker
forgotten Vio says, dear mutant menace people, longtime listener and Patreon supporter. First time emailer. All right. Well, then i can't I can't get too mad at you, Vio, for not following our formatting rules. This is apparently not knowing our names. i ah First, I wanted to say as a trans listener, it is very much appreciated how kind you two are in a world that feels like a God loves man kills for our demographic. Only after getting shot, Reverend Stryker runs a successful GoFundMe or becomes a government official in real
00:27:02
Speaker
He was only engaging in mutant debate after all.
00:27:07
Speaker
ah Your voices are very much valued. That's that's so fucking funny. um you good And sad. Look, I'm sorry.
00:27:18
Speaker
About, but I'm sorry, but it'll it'll pass. the The world always lands in a more tolerant place. It very rarely goes backwards for very long.
00:27:30
Speaker
ah Yeah, yeah. That's just the arc of history. Is the the freeze that has me going these days. We will win. Yes. Yeah. um But in the meantime, we are on your side. we have your We have your back as best as we, as best as two strangers on the internet can.
00:27:49
Speaker
That's right. Vio goes on with some compliments for us. They are very kind. I'm not going to read them on air, but... They are excited to hear us tackle secret wars and help interpret that because sometimes this era of Marvel books just gets strange. My God. i i don't know how good we're going to do at – I think a largely our coverage of Secret Wars is going to be us being like, Jesus Christ, gee come i'm come on, what the fuck? Like, ah as as confused as you are reading Secret Wars is how much is the way we'll be expressing our feelings for Secret Wars. Yeah, we're going to confirm that actually it's smart to be confused by this. Yeah, smart, yeah.
00:28:42
Speaker
vio ah VO also sent us a second email listening to the newest episode, guiding us to where we can find KZAR Comics online. They say, ah use an ad blocker.
00:28:55
Speaker
yeah
00:28:58
Speaker
I will let you know that it's, i folks, you are welcome to send us links for illegal sources for comic books that is absolutely fine so we can report them to the fbi up next ink master also wrote us a second email this is going to be a pattern here matt but Inc says, hey, Pat, tell Matt that while I agree that having an active magma chamber close to the peak of a volcano is unrealistic, that was not one of the objections he voiced in the episode. The objections he gave were that the mountain had caves, that there were active lava flows further down after Sunspot blew a hole in the floor, and that they went into a mountain, not a volcano.
00:29:36
Speaker
Since that's what was said on Mike, those were what I addressed. As for my credentials on this particular subject, I took a dual credit course my senior year in high school called Space and Natural Disasters, and we did a unit on volcanoes. And yes, that class was just as cool as it sounds. That's awesome. Well, yeah, I don't know. yeah ah Okay. You know what? We have to call a moratorium on...
00:30:04
Speaker
this particular subject and none of the others. No, this subject subject and the blood subject. And hang on, hang on. No, don't say the next part. Ink says I will not be enjoying my pilk as I specifically said in my email that while I enjoy Pepsi and milk individually, the idea of combining the two disgusts me.
00:30:22
Speaker
All this talk of Pilk
Humorous Listener Exchanges
00:30:24
Speaker
does remind me, though, that there is a local pizza place near me with a Pepsi ad on their soda fridge suggesting that people mix Pepsi with buffalo sauce. Yuck! And i struggle to imagine what that could possibly taste like. Part of me kind of wants to try it out of morbid curiosity, but that can't possibly be good, right? Yeah.
00:30:43
Speaker
and Trying things out of morbid curiosity actually is good. Yeah, yeah. we met We ran a comedy show for years on trying things out of morbid curiosity. If me and Pat get our Patreon up to $150 per month, we'll try Pepsi with buffalo sauce in it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:31:06
Speaker
Even if it's just for one month. Our Zencaster bill just came in. i'm really trying to push this Patreon. It renews on a yearly basis. i Let's keep moving. We have another. This is not a new email or Matt. This is someone that emailed us way, way back. And I was actually a little concerned about. So I'm glad we heard back from Sam. Sam.
00:31:30
Speaker
Listener Sam calling themselves potentially X-Men Sam. X-Man Sam. X-Man Sam. Sam says, greetings, Pat and Matt. This is X-Man Sam. The very same emailer who wrote in to discuss my mutant power of flatulence odor immunity.
00:31:47
Speaker
I am disappointed that you both shut down my ability with disgust and disbelief. How very anti-mutant and menacing of you. Remind everybody what you said about X-Man Sam's.
00:31:59
Speaker
ah That this wasn't a mutant power. It was a lack of a sense and that maybe Sam should see a doctor. So... Sam says I am writing in because I have a confession. i would sadly not make the X-Men team because i am Canadian and there is only enough room for one Canuck on the team. Besides, my epic ability and nationality would only qualify me for the likes of Alpha Flight anyway.
00:32:26
Speaker
yeah There's probably somebody in Gamma Flight who cannot smell farts. Yeah, that's fair. I am looking forward to more coverage of my Canadian brethren and the hockey puck man puck as they cross paths with the X-Men in future episodes. God, I love puck.
00:32:45
Speaker
P.S. We can all feel our blood up here in Canada. You have to know what to look or feel for to detect it. It basically feels like being an inside out jacuzzi. It worries me that you cannot feel this, Matt.
00:32:56
Speaker
Love the podcast, guys. I'm not Canadian. Sorry.
00:33:02
Speaker
Oh, boy. All right. Let's keep moving. We have the ever-present email. Michael, we're almost done, i swear to God. Email Michael wrote in. He says, hey, Pat, tell Matt that Marshawn Terrell Lynch would be a great Beast and is an inspired casting choice. Okay.
00:33:17
Speaker
I'm not so sure about Jack Black as Beast. However, I do think he would make a fantastic gambit, even today because of his unparalleled charisma and screen presence. We can't just keep moving Jack Black around the cast.
00:33:30
Speaker
I like him as Gambit, though. Pitch me Jack Black as anybody. I love it. let's Fuck, it's going to be every... well Okay, what about... So we'll have X-Men. Jack Black's the clumps. love x Yeah, we'll have X-Men, we'll have XXL Men, and then we'll have Jack Black's men, and every character will be Jack Black.
00:33:52
Speaker
Oh, boy. I... I also want to wish Matt a speedy recovery after his throat fell off and was reattached with nails. Apparently even someone with dust in their veins would have trouble recovering from a surgery like that. Not that I would know. ha. ha Not a ninja. Email Michael again. Email. like All right. Serious stuff.
00:34:14
Speaker
um Yeah, no, I'm, I'm actually, I'm feeling a lot better. My nails fell out and my throat's just attached. now yeah it healed naturally yeah final email matt this is from you may remember magic the dog okay this is a simple one she says good evening pat please show matt my contribution to the pilk discussion and then we get some beautiful all right fan art yeah it's uh
00:34:47
Speaker
Patsy and Malk. Patsy and Malk. It's i me looking pretty beefy, honestly. yeah Big buff arms on on Patsy.
00:34:59
Speaker
As a can of Pepsi, my head is popping out the top and Matt is a gallon of milk. How do you feel about how um Patsy is a name, actually?
00:35:12
Speaker
that's I'm fine with that. okay As a can of Pepsi, I would be Patsy. but So you you're fine with people calling you Patsy? How do you feel about that? People write in and say, hey, Patsy, tell Matt you are happy with that.
00:35:25
Speaker
Yeah, that's fine. i have okay My one rule is don't call me Patty Cake. that is That's the one that since childhood has really bothered me. How do you feel about the name Baltk? I hate it. I hate pretty much everything Magic the Dog sends in.
00:35:41
Speaker
She does incredible renderings of her faces here. that no When she she did um that Nightcrawler that was Timothee Chalamet, that was really good. But pretty much everything else scare you the Magic the Dog is written in, I've absolutely hated.
00:35:58
Speaker
and look, it's not that it's bad. It's that it's horrifying. Yes, correct.
00:36:07
Speaker
And that's Pat's email corner. Oh, Jesus man. That wasn't so bad. Yeah, it was pretty. That was like 45 minutes. It was not 45 minutes.
00:36:24
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, with that done, Matt, there's only one thing left for us to do.
00:36:31
Speaker
recap the issues no no no no we'll get to that next before we do that i just have to know matt have you done anything x-men related this week i'll tell you this pat i i slept a lot Ooh.
Personal Anecdotes and Weekly Updates
00:36:53
Speaker
I don't know. It's some combination of... um Much like Professor Xavier. Yeah, Professor Xavier in this specific miniseries. I had a slight medication change, and it made me very sleepy. And I've recovered from the sleepiness, but oh boy was that a sleepy week.
00:37:18
Speaker
ah How about you, Pat? Did you do anything X-Men related this week? I did, Matt. You know, I just got back from a little vacation. We took a little trip up the New England coast in the midst of a blizzard, which ah was not intentional, but we did ah end up in Portland, Maine. And you know what's fun about Portland, Maine, Matt?
00:37:44
Speaker
Um... What's fun about Portland, Maine, Pat? They've got some very cool toy and comic book shops. I went to a place there called Strange, Maine, which is like a used record store as well as used comic books, toys, clothes. They have very reasonably priced, like kind of vintage clothing.
00:38:09
Speaker
And while there, I picked up in Avengers book. I was looking through the used comic book collection. I saw ah reprinted Avengers trade paperback that was written by Steve Englehart.
00:38:21
Speaker
And I said, oh, sick. Steve Englehart, we've read briefly somebody that I enjoy the comics of. He's a real goofy old Marvel bullpen guy. yeah Turns out the story that I picked up.
00:38:35
Speaker
Is the story where Patsy Walker asks Hank McCoy to make good on the promise that they had back in the Beast ah miniseries. In Amazing Adventures. In Amazing Adventures all the way during the Dark Era. Oh, wow. If recall, Beast in Beast form with nobody knowing that it's Hank McCoy collapses on the doorstep of Patsy Walker.
00:39:04
Speaker
Who was a romance comic star from the early days of Marvel. oh Right. As she was nursing him back to health, she discovered that he was Hank McCoy in order to keep his secret and prevent him from being persecuted. Yeah. He agreed to help her and we never really learned what it was that he agreed to do.
00:39:25
Speaker
Sure. ah We know as podcasters that as omniscient podcasters. Yeah, they give us this special. when you When you buy a podcast, Mike, they tell you this.
00:39:37
Speaker
the agreement on Patsy Walker's side was that Hank McCoy would help turn her into a superhero. So i ended up picking up that story where Patsy Walker interrupts the Avengers in a very important mission to yell at Hank McCoy for dodging her. She finally found him because he became an Avenger and now demanded that, uh, that he hold up his side of the bar. She's right. and She's right. She should have.
00:40:03
Speaker
And that's
Plot Analysis: X-Men and Micronauts Team-Up
00:40:04
Speaker
it, Matt. That's the X-Men related thing i did. Okay. me Can we finally, please, finally. Yes. Start getting through these X-Men and Micronauts comics.
00:40:17
Speaker
Yes, Pat. I would love to. And you know what? Excellent. Have you been talking enough? Or would you like to be the one to start off and read me...
00:40:30
Speaker
all about X-Men and the Micronauts number one? Yes, Matt, I'm never talking enough. So let me read to you the X-Men and the Micronauts number one first encounter.
00:40:43
Speaker
Okay, I love it. Chris Claremont and Bill Mantlo writers, Butch Gwichi, penciler, Bob Wyacek, inker. That's how you pronounce that? That's my best crack. Michael Higgins, letterer, Bob Sharon, colorist, Bob Budiansky, editor. The Bobs are here.
00:41:04
Speaker
We've got three of them. we got three Bobs and a Butch. thirty Three Bobs and Butch. And then finally, Jim, idiot editor in chief. Release date, October 4th, 1983. Cover date, January 1984.
00:41:20
Speaker
Big Brother is watching. How Orwellian.
00:41:25
Speaker
Look, I have almost no idea what's happening at the beginning of this comic. Seems like a group of space warriors called the Micronauts are flying through space on their bio ship when some farming planet unexpectedly attacks them and their fleet.
00:41:44
Speaker
all right. Yeah. Who are the Micronauts? So we have a loose collection here of. Let's start with they they give a list here. So let's start with Acro Year. Actually, no, let's start with Huntar.
00:42:01
Speaker
Huntar is just like a gloopy monster man, right? Yeah. So from my understanding, oh boy, there's a bad guy here who is turning people into...
00:42:15
Speaker
He calls them dog soldiers. I don't think they're actual dogs, but he is somebody who got like half transformed into a dog soldier and he's like half guy. He is not one of the Micronauts toys. Then there is a Croier.
00:42:34
Speaker
So it looks like Acro Year. Acro Year. it's And that sounds like a Romanized, like a romantic... like o combination, but it's not. Apparently it's derived from the, like a Japanese word that means evil destroyer.
00:42:52
Speaker
Like that's it. That's like cool Roya. Something like that. So you're supposed to pronounce it. And apparently they pronounced it at least one of the cartoons. A croyer.
00:43:04
Speaker
A croyer. Okay. He was a toy. I think he was in the first group of toys. So he's like an original Micronauts toy. Official Micronauts. croyer.
00:43:16
Speaker
And he is, i don't know. i don't know what he he's like a The former king of a warrior race, it says. And also it says he's, um I don't know. This other guy keeps calling him teacher.
00:43:33
Speaker
i don't I don't fucking know. Sure. Okay. Who else we got? i Let's talk about Bug. Bug is also a toy.
00:43:46
Speaker
But only kind of. He's like, there is no toy that looks like Bug or is called Bug. or ah There is a toy that's kind of Bug-based but has nothing to do with Bug.
00:43:58
Speaker
In the first couple issues, apparently, apparently, and this is from wikis and shit, he's called Galactic Warrior, which is one of the first toys. Okay. But he's not Galactic Warrior. He's Bug.
00:44:12
Speaker
He's Bug. And because they completely changed the design, eventually when they lose the rights to the Micronauts, they decide, they're like, oh, you know, we can keep Bug.
00:44:30
Speaker
And then they make a Bug miniseries and then Bug joins the Guardians of the Galaxy. Amazing. He is with he's just to describe him a little bit. He is green. He's got bug eyes. He wears a funny helmet. He's got a couple of the antenna. his His helmet and his armor is all that. Mostly he's like a guy. Yeah, he's he's like a humanoid insect. as And listen, Matt, you know, i love a little green freak.
00:44:59
Speaker
Yes.
00:45:02
Speaker
I love bug. There's. Oh, but at the end of that sentence. Okay. All right. He's like a master thief or something. I don't know. um What?
00:45:12
Speaker
Who else we have? ah Fire flight. Not a toy. She is miniature in the microverse. She's like a Tinkerbell size compared to the rest of the Micronauts. Yeah. She's like a little fairy. She's not a toy. She wasn't a toy.
00:45:29
Speaker
Okay. Mary Annette. Not a toy. Commander Ran. Not a toy. Really? Yeah, they just made this shit up. They continually refer to him as Micronaut Commander Ran.
00:45:42
Speaker
Yeah, no, he he's not in the toy he's not one of the toys. Crazy. Bioship. The Bioship. Okay, so Bioship is... There was a toy called Biotron. And from what I could tell from, again, reading wikis and shit, Bioship...
00:46:02
Speaker
is like Biotron and then got combined with a but like some other guys. So it's like Bioship is like Biotron combined with Betatron combined with someone else. Right, right. Like it's just like a bunch. Betatron.
00:46:21
Speaker
It's just like a combination of a bunch of different types of guys. um But Biotron looks exactly like Bioship, so.
00:46:32
Speaker
And that is, so is a toy. Is a toy. Is a toy. It's boring. It's all boring. I forget all the details because it's boring. So we have a Kroyer, Bioship, and Bug kind of, but not really are the original. The only toys. And we'll eventually meet another guy who's a toy, and that's the that's the big villain. The big bad guy. The big bad guy is ah is a toy. Of the Micronauts, not of this story.
00:47:00
Speaker
Correct. Not the big bad of the story. The big bad of the Micronauts is a toy. So now that you know what what we're dealing with. Yeah. ah This farming planet attacks them and their fleet. Their fleet is too evenly matched with the Darnalians.
00:47:19
Speaker
So they release something called dog soldiers, which are. Looks like Darnell. Hey, this is a planet. Its name is Darnell.
00:47:30
Speaker
i They released dog soldiers, which are like evil super warriors. And everyone is like, oh my God, I've never seen so much death. I guess there's some unknown threat in the microverse coming from beyond the space wall that separates the microverse from Earth.
00:47:48
Speaker
So I don't know. Sure. They've teamed up with their mortal enemy, Baron Karza, a big man in black armor. He is a toy. He looks shocking. He's a big mean man, black armor with four big red nipples on it. Yeah. He looks a whole lot like the bad guy from Buzz Lightyear.
00:48:12
Speaker
Oh, my God. Yes, he does. Emperor Zurg, except for with yeah four big red nipples. And as the Micronauts join the battle themselves, Baron Karza stays on the bioship to find the secret enemy guy. And when they do...
00:48:28
Speaker
He suddenly shows up on the battlefield. He's a guy in a suit of armor that we've seen before almost 70 issues ago. Yeah, Pat, did you recognize the suit of armor?
00:48:39
Speaker
did not. ah In a flashback to a coffeehouse in Cairo, only now it's gold instead of silver. do you guys remember a suit of armor in a flashback to a coffeehouse in Cairo?
00:48:55
Speaker
oh Think about it. Can I say? yeah yeah And to to me, this very much read as ah asking your mom if we can stop for star jammers and your mom saying, no, we have star jammers at home. it is just. ah It's not.
00:49:14
Speaker
It's not just. The concept of the Starjammers, it's the sort of plot that the Starjammers would find themselves in. Exactly. It's very clear that this is hand in hand with Dave Cockrum saying, i will not do a Starjammers comic.
00:49:30
Speaker
The Micronauts are like, why are you doing this to this strange entity? And he's like, because I like killing stuff and blows the planet Darnell up with a snap of his fingers. Yeah.
00:49:45
Speaker
Baron Karza and the bioship scan for any signs of life, but the only ones left are the Micronauts because this new enemy chose them to survive. He reads their thoughts, unsurprising if you recognize the armor, he hates joy in their hatred and fear until he gets bored and he turns to the bioship. In panic, the bioship vows to return and takes off at warp speed through the space walls. Oh, no. Our second team up where something crosses some sort of ah space wall thing between realities.
00:50:20
Speaker
This was the first half of the comic. It was so boring. But there's it's so steeped in lore. And I'll tell you, we're not following the Micronauts. We are not going to dig into or try to even theorize what that any of that means. Yeah. I don't know what any of that was. That sucked.
00:50:37
Speaker
But finally. Okay. We cut to Professor x Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. Kurt Ruppert. Kurt Ruppert. Very cool bathing suit. He's got a very nice bathing suit and he's juggling seven bowling pins with his hands and his feet.
00:50:55
Speaker
And his tail. And his tail. Well, fucking sick. We can assume it's his tail, but we don't see his tail touch bowling pin. The X-Men are goofing off in the pool while the New Mutants are training in the danger room, and Kitty and Ileana are stuck in their room doing homework.
00:51:10
Speaker
They call Danny Moonstar Spellbinder. Huh. They're also calling Kitty Ariel Spellbinder.
00:51:21
Speaker
this is good only This is the only time they ever call Danny Moonstar Spellbinder. Literally this issue. no No other issue in the Marvel universe.
00:51:34
Speaker
In the Marvel canon has she been called Spellbinder. And then pretty soon, within like the next year or so, a character named Spellbinder is debuted.
00:51:45
Speaker
Oh, boy. ah would This is also with the the name Ariel and the costume that Kitty is wearing have only shown up in God Loves Man Kills.
00:52:00
Speaker
Was that what it was? i i couldn't remember if that it was that or the Teen Titans crossover, but it was. Might have been there too. Something non-canon. non-canon Yeah, this is and now it's happening in a miniseries outside of the main canon. It's clearly the thing that Chris wanted to do but couldn't ah or vice versa. The thing that Chris didn't want to do or like had to for a very short period of time Bill Mantlo is like three years behind in reading X-Men when he writes this. He only actually read the the graphic novel. hu
00:52:37
Speaker
Kitty gets in trouble for thinking too loud about how she doesn't want to do homework. Yeah. This is... I hate to keep interrupting us this early, but... We need to.
00:52:50
Speaker
There's no...
00:52:53
Speaker
That's not how that any of this works. It's not like Professor x Xavier is clearly monitoring thoughts. He's like, oh, she's thinking too loud. But he spent his whole life training himself to not hear the thoughts of people that are thinking too loud. He is. He's doing this on purpose. Listening in on them. He sends her an email to save like, hey, you shouldn't be thinking so loud. it is just Here's work for you. He's in a wheelchair. Yeah.
00:53:22
Speaker
Yeah, he's back in a wheelchair. Why is this happening? I guess this is taking place before he walking. Magma's here. But Magma is here. Maybe it's in the brief window. yeah like half an issue. In New Mutants.
00:53:36
Speaker
ah While Sunspot is doing his evaluation in the danger room, Professor X seems to explode, um flinging the mutants out of the observation booth into the danger room. As they try and recover, Baron Karza appears. No, he's threatening to kill x Xavier and only the new mutants stand in his way.
00:53:58
Speaker
Oh, also, he's like nine inches tall. I did not realize this about the Micronauts, when they come into the real world, they're still micro. They are actually oversized.
00:54:13
Speaker
And somebody, I forget who, but somebody looks at them and is like, i bal is that the toy Baron Karza? know In this reality, they also exist as toys. Yeah. Cannonball is like, oh, my...
00:54:32
Speaker
My sister plays with this guy. And then the Baron Karza is like, I am not a toy. I'm a terrifying space man. I'm this is Emperor. I mean, Baron Karza. Exactly. It is so Buzz Lightyear coded. Yes. Yeah, absolutely.
00:54:52
Speaker
sir Okay. Okay. Sam smashes him into the wall. Karza, however, proves more resilient than expected and fires a blast from his nipples, knocking Cannonball to the ground.
00:55:06
Speaker
His hand projects from his wrist, choking Sunspot, and he fires a blast from his forehead, knocking Wolfsbane to the ground. This is another guy who has every power. is Yes, he's got lasers. He's got ah hands, just hands that shoot out of his wrists.
00:55:23
Speaker
Yes. And we'll see even more in a second. Another very interesting power. Danny, who is called Spellbinder for some reason, projects Karza's greatest fear in front of him. And it's himself as the man he used to be.
00:55:38
Speaker
He realizes what's up, though, and does the same thing back at her, projecting the demon bear that killed her parents. Again, yeah he's also psychic. At that moment, though, Storm bursts through the window of the observation room, frying him with her lightning bolts. He goes, is this man protected by an army? That's good.
00:56:02
Speaker
He took out five, his five cards. And he's like, fucking Christ.
00:56:09
Speaker
Nightcrawler rushes in to grab the unconscious x Xavier while Colossus fastball specials Wolverine into the fray. His claws cut through Karsa's armor, which he previously thought impenetrable, and he flies into a rage.
00:56:22
Speaker
He fires his hand thing again at Wolverine, teleports across the room to blast Nightcrawler. Xavier wakes up as Kitty phases through the wall to see what's up. As Kitty phases through Karza, though, something weird happens.
00:56:38
Speaker
His mind transports into her body. m Nightcrawler is suddenly in his uniform as the X-Men go to check on her, and Karza tries to figure out how he can turn the situation to his advantage. Yeah, people just pop in and out of their uniforms at will. Yeah, there's not a lot of... But before any of this can be sorted out, the bioship appears.
00:57:03
Speaker
That's du it's just it shows up. It's here. It's here now. It's here now. It was just a say they they left together, but they arrived a few seconds apart. Much more diplomatic than his erstwhile ally. He pleads for the X-Men to stop fighting.
00:57:19
Speaker
I guess Karza then changes into Kitty's aerial outfit. How did he know? con Convenient. He like went upstairs and he was like, I guess I'll wear this. Oh, it was the right one. Storm notices Kitty is acting strange.
00:57:33
Speaker
Karza notes that Kitty is still unconscious in his body, so he's using his powers to animate it and allow the X-Men to think he's still himself. Are you guys getting this? so They switched bodies, but Kitty's unconscious in his body, so he's using his unlimited amount of powers to make his body move and talk as if...
00:57:57
Speaker
While his consciousness is inside Kitty's body. He's puppeting it with ah super ventriloquism and telekinesis.
00:58:08
Speaker
They explain, Karza and Bioship, that the entity which is destroying the microverse was deriving its power from beyond the space wall and the trail led directly to Xavier.
00:58:20
Speaker
o The X-Men agree to go to the microverse and help and Bioship shrinks them to toy size. As they say goodbye, though, Lockheed attacks Kitty, sparking more suspicion in the X-Men.
00:58:35
Speaker
x Xavier stays behind and they disappear into the microverse. To be continued. Hey, why does Nightcrawler... Okay, so Nightcrawler goes into the... Like, they pop... The X-Men arrive in the danger room.
00:58:50
Speaker
Nightcrawler sees Professor Xavier, a fully grown man, and five children... Unconscious on the ground. Uh-huh.
00:59:01
Speaker
And he's like, oh, let me save Professor Xavier.
00:59:08
Speaker
None of the children. all Let me leave the children here and I'll save this grown man. well He doesn't know them very well, I guess. i'd I guess. Yeah, they they don't. They haven't been kind to him at this point. So very heroic. curts Oh, boy.
00:59:27
Speaker
Also, very funny to see Colossus fastball special Wolverine at a toy on the ground. It works. I do love I love how overconfident ah Baron Karza is when he first comes in And then soundly gets defeated by the X-Men. Yeah. really yeah it It would be a good moment if i it wasn't a Micronauts thing. If it wasn't so, yeah, if it wasn't written so poorly.
00:59:55
Speaker
Pat. Oh, boy. Yes. i'm i'm I'm ready, if you're ready, for me to just tell you about my X-Men and the Micronauts number two.
01:00:06
Speaker
i gi yeah I guess. We got to get through this. Into the Abyss. Written. By Bill Moonlow and Chris Claremont. Penciler Butch Geis.
01:00:19
Speaker
Geis is how you say it? What did you say? Gucci or something? Guich? I think it might be either Geis or Goose. Like juice. I guess it is spelled juice with a G. I think it might be Geis. Bob Wycheck and Kelly Jones are the inkers. Michael Higgins is the letterer.
01:00:39
Speaker
Juliana Farroeder is the colorist. Bob Budiansky is the editor. And Jimbo Schutte is the editor-in-chief. Release date, November 1st, 1983. Cover date, February The Micronauts.
01:00:53
Speaker
Find themselves on a craggy alien world, which apparently, like all nightmares... Okay, parse this for me, Pat. Yeah. Like all nightmares, it can hold no terror, save for those who are trapped within it.
01:01:11
Speaker
It can hold no terror. Right. Save free for those those. So, except for... So it can't be scary. and like It can only be scary to the people who are inside it.
01:01:30
Speaker
Yeah. yeah it's Here's the thing. If you're having trouble visualizing this picture, the brood world.
01:01:42
Speaker
but And you're there. It's it's just that. But boring or also. ah But like boring. Like less less drawn. um Not that Butch Geis is a bad penciler. Just that like there's just not a lot of detail in. There's not a lot of imagination in this.
01:02:01
Speaker
So. Yeah. They find themselves in a craggy alien world wondering if this is some sort of purgatory as the narrator explains they're trapped in a nightmare realm. The only way out they arbitrarily determine is to go deeper into the abyss. Yeah, there's some sort of big dark portal under them.
01:02:19
Speaker
And they're like, well, if we're here, the only way out must to be to jump into that big portal. When they do so, they're immediately surrounded by hundreds of little muscular green, quote, weirdlings that overtake and separate them.
01:02:34
Speaker
fuck yeah I love a green little freak. Oh, boy. So Bug falls first, stumbling as the weirdlings chase him, and the slimy ground forms a cocoon around him. When he emerges, he is fully transformed into a six-legged and insect, unable to do anything but skitter around. Next.
01:02:54
Speaker
is Fireflight, whose song powers protect her until the weirdlings remove the atmosphere around her, silencing her song and rendering her helpless. Acro Year is... I'm not going to read this whole paragraph. he's He's fighting weirdlings, and then he has a big thing about his wife.
01:03:12
Speaker
The end. Pat, very lovingly... dives off the cliff in shame, is the... He lovingly describes what's written here, but God, I'm so bored.
01:03:26
Speaker
Huntar, the living weapon, prepares to fight the weirdlings that surround him. But as felt I still can't say croire, it comes out acro you every time. i But his fellow freaks, the weirdlings accept him instead. That drives him to the point of madness. Marionette wanders into an empty stadium only to be forced to do a seductive dance.
01:03:50
Speaker
It's got to be seductive, doesn't it? At center stage, as the arena fills with onlookers, she discovers she's truly a puppet.
01:04:01
Speaker
Commander Arcturus Ran has shown the rest of his teams in shallow graves, and that's pretty much all it takes to break him.
01:04:10
Speaker
Suddenly, all at their lowest point and begging for relief, the Micronauts find themselves writhing on the floor in front of the entity who offers them benevolent relief from this nightmare.
01:04:23
Speaker
They agree to serve him with their full hearts and minds in exchange for his healing. God damn it. It's like... Here's what I imagine. It's either Bill Mantlo being...
01:04:36
Speaker
completely unimaginative or it's chris claremont being like sorry i didn't read the micronauts but and being like okay what's bug's biggest fear i don't know he becomes a real bug what's the ugliest guy's biggest fear oh that he's really ugly what's the singing girl oh she can't sing ah the marionette uh she becomes a actually a puppet she becomes a marionette and um ah The commander, he fails at commanding.
01:05:04
Speaker
Done. Print it. I'm done. No, I will not be doing rewrites on this. It's the most base level fucking understanding of these characters. But then again, i have not followed the Micronauts. Maybe they literally are that basic.
01:05:23
Speaker
And they just cave. They're just like, oh man, things really suck. I might as well just give in to this cult leader that's inviting me, that's telling me he'll heal me. Oh, I've always been afraid of being a bug. I'll just be a slave.
01:05:40
Speaker
Oh God. The entity starts conditioning them all only to be interrupted briefly when we see x Xavier back in the macroverse. Disturbed from a nap, he's been real sleepy.
01:05:53
Speaker
ah He loves sleeping, this guy. By the new mutants running around half nude.
01:06:01
Speaker
So, maybe this is the point where we mention that every woman in this comic is... If they're in a swimming situation, in a bikini. If they're not in a swimming situation, casually hanging out in their underwear.
01:06:17
Speaker
Yes. Every single woman in this comic. Yes. and Like, again, Marionette has to dance seductively. Right. ah Yeah. You see Danny Moonstar, she's in her underwear. Like, it's just nonstop.
01:06:31
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. i I don't think there is a character, a female character in this story who we don't see in a state of undress.
01:06:42
Speaker
Maybe Marionette, but even Marionette has to do a sexy dance. Yeah, and she's also in like a Playboy Bunny outfit the entire comic.
01:06:55
Speaker
Xavier falls back asleep and the entity continues his work in the microverse, revealing the Micronauts fully under his control and wearing the original X uniforms.
01:07:08
Speaker
This was a cool... frame. Like a reveal. I'll give them this frame where x Xavier sits surrounded by a bunch of freaks dressed as the X-Men.
01:07:19
Speaker
It'd have been better if there weren't so many words! Yeah, true. most Most of it is blocked by narration. It's so many words, and...
01:07:30
Speaker
You can just assume that for the rest of this comic, like anything that we're saying is there are 600 words on each page. Yeah, yeah. Anything we say is a briefer version of how they explained it. By by won itcus orders of magnitude, by like multiples of 20.
01:07:51
Speaker
and So elsewhere in the microverse, the X-Men and Baron Karza breach the space wall. And they start forming a plan. They call Karza out on his being pure evil, but with some help from him secretly controlling Kitty's body, agree that they need to work with him for now.
01:08:11
Speaker
The X-Men will try to find and fight the entity, while Karza returns home to raise an army to fight with them. Karza, as Kitty, tries to stay behind with the excuse that she's scared.
01:08:27
Speaker
raising everyone's suspicions storm is like you fought the brood and the hellfire club talking about and you're not scared you're coming with us shut up kitty stays with her team as they head off to battle I also want to mention this entire time, Wolverine is just blasting Sigs. He is chain-smoking through the entire panning.
01:08:51
Speaker
he's And it's it's not subtle. Like, there's smoke filling up the frame as he ye as he drags from it. yeah Back on his homeworld, the body of Karza is teleported back, but with Kitty's consciousness trapped inside.
01:09:08
Speaker
She can't do... This is so fucking funny. She can't move her talk, which degrade. Degrade. His ah twisted minister of science immediately takes note of and tries to kill him. This fucking guy.
01:09:25
Speaker
if is like, oh hey, Karza. Karza? Oh, finally! Like, it's fucking four seconds. Finally, my dream has come true. I said Karza to him and he didn't answer. Therefore, he must be a nerd and my dreams have come true and I will finally be able to overthrow him and take over the universe. And Karza's like, he leaps right into it.
01:09:52
Speaker
cars is like ah you revealed yourself he's like oh i'm sorry i didn't mean to because cars is astro form appears to chide him for his traitorous ambitions though scares him into not trying to kill his inert body like hey when you hire evil you're gonna get what you pay for You're not getting the best, you're getting the evilest.
01:10:15
Speaker
He says one sentence. He's like, you're not answering? You must be a... You must be a husk of armor in which I can just kill and overthrow. Anyway, all the while, the X-Men arrive at what they sense is the location of the entity.
01:10:31
Speaker
A miniature version of the X-Mansion that the X-Men are miniature in scale to. so There's still miniature X-Men.
01:10:43
Speaker
they yeah They start creeping around the mansion and they are like... It's honey, I shrunk the X-Men. The scale changes back and forth, but yeah, their blades of grass are towering over them. Their heads don't rise above the electrical outlets on the wall.
01:10:58
Speaker
Right, right. But like you're saying, it it changes because like... a blade of grass is much smaller than where the electrical outlet is. yeah Sometimes they're like a, yeah like a Warhammer miniature and sometimes they are like an action figure, six inch action figure. Yeah. Yeah. yeah They venture in cautiously noting that everything is identical to the mansion, even to Wolverine senses, except for a looming feeling of evil everywhere.
01:11:32
Speaker
Just as they ponder this, though, they come face-to-face with Professor x Xavier, introducing the Micronauts in X-Men uniforms as their replacements. What's worse, now the X-Men are tiny and the Micronauts are big! Oh no! Oh no! fight ensues, but the tiny X-Men are no match for the giant Micronauts and are all rendered unconscious.
01:11:54
Speaker
Now, I have a problem with this. Yeah? Yeah. Because they specifically mentioned that the mutants powers like the X-Men's powers are generally ineffective here. Yeah.
01:12:08
Speaker
Which doesn't make sense. Like if you're Storm and you can shoot a lightning bolt. That's not size dependent. that's Even if it is, it's still going to hurt. You're going to get ah you're gonna need a shock out of it. Or they say, they specifically say like Wolverine's claws are made of adamantium, the strongest metal ever known. But even at this size, they're not able to do any damage. That's not true. That's not true. you ever gotten stabbed with a thumbtack? It could cut through your muscles. That shit hurts. Yeah.
01:12:40
Speaker
Professor x Xavier takes all the mini mutants in his hand as his vision slowly transforms from Xavier's to that of the entity promising to break and control them in the same way he did the Micronauts.
01:12:55
Speaker
As this happens, unbeknownst to the entity, Baron Kars' scream echoes throughout his home world. His body is free once again.
01:13:09
Speaker
He keeps, okay, so twice now the entity is referred to his enemies as toys. Yeah. That is the plot of this. Like, I want to be clear. That's the plot of this comic is, okay, the Micronauts are toys.
01:13:28
Speaker
What if the villain just plays with toys for the whole comic? Yes. And the fact that they even acknowledge these characters as toys that exist in that universe, as like the living version of those toys, it's it's not subtle. ah No, it's like also just not a good idea. It's like, what if, okay, what if you had a character, what if you had a villain that treats the toys and the X-Men both like toys and he smashes them together like a person might do with toys?
01:14:02
Speaker
Like that's the that's the plot. And we have, we've maybe not complained, but commented before that like, oh, this feels like someone just playing with action figures.
01:14:13
Speaker
That's never have we seen it to this degree of someone just smashing two characters together and saying, these are toys. Literally smashing two of your toys together and having them do a brain swap.
01:14:29
Speaker
That's like, yeah. Yeah. Ridiculous. All right, Pat. Yeah, let's tell me. ru Tell me about Micronauts. X-Men and the Micronauts number three.
01:14:39
Speaker
I will tell you about the X-Men and Micronauts number three. Mine eyes have seen the gory. I guess you like this ah issue a whole lot, huh?
01:14:52
Speaker
No, no, no. i That's not me making a joke. That's the that's the actual title. It's OK, Pat. It's okay, Pat. You're allowed to like things. Audience, I guess Pat just really likes this issue. And he's right. It is kind gory.
01:15:06
Speaker
Mine eyes have seen the gory. Chris Claremont and Bill Mantlo writers. Butch, Greachy, Penciler. Bob Wyachek, Inker, Joe Rosenletterer, Juliana Farreter, Colorist. Bob Budanski, Editor and Jim Dumb. Shut the fuck up, you stupid fuck. Editor-in-Chief.
01:15:26
Speaker
Release date November 29th, 1983. Cover date March 1984.
01:15:35
Speaker
Professor Xavier tosses and turns in his sleep as he receives images of what's happening in the microverse. The Micronauts and the X-Men are both under the entity's thrall and they're going on a killing spree throughout Baron Kars' empire.
01:15:49
Speaker
When they capture an outpost called the Kennel, some of their innate heroism comes through as they resist killing their captives. He punishes them by killing and resurrecting Arcturus Ron and refusing to let the bloodthirsty Kitty Pryde slay the captives.
01:16:05
Speaker
He does it himself instead, telling everyone that conquest isn't his goal. Death is. But he leaves the archivist alive because the archivist transmits images back to Baron Karza and the entity wants Karza to watch as he blows up the whole outpost.
01:16:23
Speaker
Holy shit, dude. Kitty Pryde killing people?
01:16:29
Speaker
Is fucked up. So this is nuts. She just like she grabs people. She phases them into walls. And then she backs up like smiling as they scream.
01:16:44
Speaker
As like what we we talked about before. Like as they fuse as their flesh fuses into. Like a wall or whatever. Also I want to be.
01:16:54
Speaker
We should note here. That she's very capably phasing through walls, grabbing people. And remember how long it took Kitty Pryde to learn how to phase other people or objects she was touching? And she's doing it handily here with yeah absolutely no effort.
01:17:14
Speaker
On Earth, the new mutants become concerned about x Xavier's thrashing and seeming inability to wake up. But they decide to let him sleep a little longer and see what happens. Oh, but then his ah he's you we his there's tears coming from his eyes.
01:17:32
Speaker
Watching the destruction, Baron Karza asks his chief scientist D-Grade to scan for survivors. D-Grade balks, suggesting that they can just make more dog soldiers by sending conquered people into the body banks. But Karza responds by demanding they be closed. hu you will He will no longer slaughter his subjects. Why is he doing this? We find out when he walks off alone that it's because he's Kitty Pryde.
01:18:04
Speaker
Oh, yeah. She's trapped in his body pretending to be him and accidentally turning him into a rocket powered centaur as she tests his powers. Oh, yeah. It's another one of his powers. He can turn into a rocket powered centaur. And she's like, what? Why?
01:18:21
Speaker
Kitty is commanding full on war. She is standing. yeah She's sitting in the commander's chair, giving orders and doing it in a way that is minimizing casualties where she can.
01:18:34
Speaker
Yeah. So improv skills. ah Really? Her consciousness is waging war. There are thousands of people dying here because of this.
01:18:45
Speaker
But at the same time, like she's doing it pretty effectively. She's. We see Kitty is capable of making the decisions a general needs to make that can result in the deaths of thousands of people.
01:18:58
Speaker
ah But also that she can do it very capably. what are What a revelation. Oh, boy. Conversely, Baron Karza wakes up in the body of Kitty Pride. She's in a bikini in some lavish room awaiting a special reward.
01:19:15
Speaker
look she's read a more changing teenagers clothing as they sleep. I mean the entity is about to walk in and he's wearing like a big like a robe to suggest like how creepy and sexual he is treating the situation. But he's also wearing full body armor.
01:19:33
Speaker
So like, why the robe? The robe doesn't make any sense here. Over the armor. ah The entity comes in and creeps on her really hard until we cut to the cells below where the X-Men and Micronauts are waking up.
01:19:48
Speaker
Wolverine thinks about how this guy seems familiar and has complete control over them whenever he wants it. He won't let himself or his friends go through this, so he raises his claws to slaughter an unconscious storm, but Colossus grabs his hand.
01:20:04
Speaker
Colossus reasons that the entity's real goal is to destroy all hope. So acting hopeless means he wins. What if this is where, what if Storm died here? What if this was the death of Aurora Monroe? Like, oh yeah, she died. Her character died forever in the Micronauts miniseries, Murdered by Wolverine.
01:20:24
Speaker
Go read it. ah Plus, he showed with Arcturus Ran earlier that the entity can just bring people right back to life. This inspires everyone to finally decide to try and escape. Ooh, how inspiring.
01:20:40
Speaker
Back on Earth, Dany Moonstar is caring for the feverish, unconscious x Xavier when he uses her body momentarily to help him jump into his astral form.
01:20:51
Speaker
He couldn't escape his own body, but by touching hers, he could take over her mind and escape. Something like that. Something like, yeah, there's a, there's a, whatever. It doesn't, who who cares? Who cares? Honestly, his astral form goes looking for the source of the entity's power. When the entity notices his escape and goes chasing after him as they confront each other on the astral plane, Karza in Kitty's body escapes from under his creepily looming body and stabs him with a knife.
01:21:23
Speaker
The shock allows Xavier to capture the astral entity and unmask him, revealing himself. Ew, dude, reveals himself take that he reveal so to the entity. you Why did he do this? Ew, Pat. No, the entity under the helmet is also what Charles Xavier. Oh, OK. If you hadn't figured that out by every time he naps, the entity gains power.
01:21:52
Speaker
Or that he's wearing the exact armor that Professor X was wearing yeah ah when he fought the Shadow King in Cairo. This was your subtle
The Dark Side of Xavier
01:22:03
Speaker
hint.
01:22:03
Speaker
Yeah. The entity is the dark, shadowy part of x Xavier, which grew in the microverse somehow whenever Xavier slept and then made x Xavier sleep more and more so he could grow stronger and stronger.
01:22:19
Speaker
Right? So is this is Xavier. Just the all the mean thoughts that he pushed aside manifested themselves. You mean like when Bill Mantlo wrote...
01:22:33
Speaker
A fill-in issue for the X-Men way back in like issue 97 or something. Yes. Very similar to that. This is not that same evil ex Xavier. This is a different evil Xavier. How do we know that?
01:22:47
Speaker
Because that one was drug-fueled. This one. all right. We'll talk about it at the end. But i I'm not. I don't believe they're separate. I don't think this. I believe they are. But.
01:22:59
Speaker
yeah I don't believe they are. But. Right. But i I believe they are. So I don't believe they are. so right. And I believe they they. But I don't believe. I forget which side I'm arguing. So I guess the entity wins. There's really no explaining why. It's just like, oh, and ha ha. Now, ah like, as soon as he reveals himself, it's like, and you lose. like oh Yeah. It's the shock, I guess. Yeah.
01:23:31
Speaker
In the microverse, Karza in Kitty's body is like, now that I beat the entity, I don't need the Micronauts or the X-Men and I have to kill them. The X-Men and the Micronauts are escaping and having little dramatic talks as they do. And we pull back to see them in the crosshairs of a big gun. yeah Kitty Karza's big gun.
01:23:53
Speaker
On Earth, Danny Moonstar sends the rest of the New Mutants to bed, looking all shady-like as we see that Professor x Xavier's Earth body has been taken over by the entity.
01:24:04
Speaker
To be concluded. Ooh.
01:24:12
Speaker
I don't think there's anything else we need to talk about. This was maybe the worst of the series. Well, I'll say it's the most boring of the series. I think number four the worst of the series. Oh, yeah, sure. The worst so far.
01:24:25
Speaker
God, we have to tell you guys, this is where the trigger warning happens. Yeah.
Trigger Warning: Sensitive Content
01:24:33
Speaker
We're going to try not to talk about it for more than, let's say five minutes. So if you want to skip ahead, we'll do, we'll make sure it works editing wise that if you want to skip ahead five minutes, if you don't want to hear about again, sexual assault, emotional manipulation, grooming things around that.
01:24:53
Speaker
But okay. Yeah. It's time to start the X-Men and the Micronauts. Number four. Doppelganger. Chris Claremont and Bill Mantlo. Story, Butch Geis.
01:25:06
Speaker
Actually, I just looked it up. It's Butch Guise. Oh, we were both wrong. But it's a good compromise of our different our of our two approaches. ah Bob Wyacek inks Rick Parker letters. Juliana Farreter did colors. Bob Budiansky was the editor. And Jim Shooter is the editor in chief. Release date January 3rd, 1984. Cover date April
01:25:40
Speaker
four
01:25:45
Speaker
All right. Okay, we don't need to spend too much time describing this. It's disgusting, but it happens. Danny Moonstar is asleep at her desk, in her underwear, and evil Xavier creeps up behind her. He starts telepathically stimulating Danny sexually. Yeah.
01:26:00
Speaker
Which she initially fights against, but then she collapses to the ground in orgasm. She rises up and pledges herself to evil Xavier, and he promises to continue rewarding her with sexual pleasure while the narrator makes it clear she's not in control of her body. Fuck off.
01:26:16
Speaker
ah It is... Honestly... yeah I you did not want to read the rest of this after that. I was like, i yeah, there is no direction the story that could go that make it worth reading through this fucking scumbag shit. She's a child for fuck's sake.
01:26:35
Speaker
And also, it's it's it is without her consent in any way. It's very clear that like she is succumbing to the influence of evil. She initially tries to fight it off. like yeah It is not something that she is asking for in any way until she's no longer in control of her own consciousness. And this is this is her fucking... This is her her like father figure, her mentor, her teacher...
01:27:05
Speaker
This is a man who has shown a predilection in the past for being fucking attracted to teenagers. Like, I know this is his evil version, but I do have to talk about this. And I did read a little bit about this. Somebody, like, ah outlining all the different times that this has kind of happened. Is that Professor x Xavier has been fighting this demon in his head forever. Right. Like he was attracted to Jean Grey. He's talked about sexiness relating to other young girls multiple fucking times. And this is a part of himself. Right. They make it clear this isn't just an evil person who looks like Charles Xavier. This is a part of his brain.
01:27:47
Speaker
And here it is. And look, there's something to be said about a person who has evil thoughts or evil urges and controls them. But like this has been at the fucking surface of his mind for the entirety of the time we've been reading the X-Men. So even if we don't want to pin this on Professor Xavier, the character, we have to pin this on the writers who have been doing this with Professor x Xavier since the beginning.
01:28:15
Speaker
i mean, I think that's where... refocus our rage here because this isn't even treated as if it's a violation it is treated like it's a legitimate way to convince somebody to come to your side right they do this to a child they do it very knowingly because they draw her in her underwear she's asleep at her desk wearing a sweater and panties and that is it yeah it's also just the ah easiest knee jerk thing to do to say like their victimhood, the decisions that they make, it's all just generated out of their sexuality, their repressed sexuality. And it's like, it's at this point, it's a very common trope. It's not like this is a product of the past. It's, it's lazy writing. And it also just follows that, that idea that women are, are defined by, their trauma and their sexual activity and the combination of the two.
01:29:18
Speaker
Right. And almost like that, the moment that a man is, uh, freed from his inhibitions, he's going to do the worst possible things to any woman nearby him, whether a fucking child or not.
01:29:31
Speaker
Right. The sort of, this is just what men do. Yeah. And I want to remind everybody of the Gabrielle Haller thing, right? Like I, I don't want to seem like that whole diatribe I went off on was just out of nowhere. Like,
01:29:44
Speaker
it's it It sucks. It's a real bummer, and I'm sorry that... You had to hear about it. Yeah. Again, really tough to conclude the story here. We're going do it because that's the rest of it doesn't touch on this. This doesn't come back up. So which also fucking sucks that it doesn't. But we'll we'll talk about it at the same time. We're going to touch
Climactic Battles and Resolutions
01:30:08
Speaker
on it a little bit towards the end of this issue when we talk about how it doesn't come back up and how they wrap things up, but not in any explicit detail.
01:30:19
Speaker
But let's move forward. Okay. Back in the microverse. Jesus Christ. Kitty fires a laser at the X-Men Micronauts team from ah and welcome back if you skipped ahead.
01:30:33
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Back in the Microverse, Kitty fires a laser at the X-Men Micronauts team from a sniper position, which Colossus heroically jumps in front of. Kurt immediately teleports up to the sniper's nest and punches Kitty square in the face.
01:30:50
Speaker
Very good panel. Just Kurt popping in and socking her one. Punching Kitty right in her fucking face. it's a It's something I didn't know I wanted to say.
01:31:05
Speaker
He's shocked to see that the shooter is Kitty, though, and she phases away and curses him as he hesitates. Meanwhile, Kitty's consciousness is commanding an all-out assault on the entity's planet through c incredibledible the body of Baron Karza. Degrade notices an uncharacteristic empathy in Karza's approach to this battle, and when Kitty commands him to stop the assault on the planet so she, as Karza, can teleport in and save the X-Men,
01:31:33
Speaker
Degrade takes advantage. He forgets to end the assault on the planet dastardly.
01:31:45
Speaker
Down on the planet in the entity's chambers, Kitty as Karza finds Karza as Kitty and demands her body back. But the X-Men and Micronauts burst in at that moment to find Karza assaulting Kitty, but...
01:31:59
Speaker
That's immediately resolved when Xavier, in the entity's body, now you he's in the entity's body, psychically explains that it's actually Kitty in Karza's body and vice versa.
01:32:11
Speaker
Keeping up? Are we all keeping up? Also remember that Karza's kitty stabbed the entity's body, so Xavier is stabbed now. Yeah, Xavier in the entity's body is a stab wound. So, okay.
01:32:23
Speaker
Back on Earth! Evil x Xavier has dug Cerebro out of the basement and wants to test its power. He turns the... remember You remember Cerebro? Remember Cerebro? Did it ever have this helmet before?
01:32:36
Speaker
Before to this issue? ah Not a helmet this complex, no. Yeah. Or chunky. It's a chunky helmet. He turns the tiles all the way up and tries his hand at destroying the microverse one planet at a time.
01:32:52
Speaker
The X-Men and the Micronauts find the planet thereon being ripped apart, but that's actually still Kars' forces being commanded by Degrade. a different assault, though, suddenly breaches the space wall and starts depleting the Enigma Force, using that energy to blow up Baron Kars' homeworld and army, vaporizing Degrade in the process. Degrade's dead, of course.
01:33:17
Speaker
The great is dead. The same district. ah None of this matters. Micronauts literally lasts two issues after this. Matt, you have to keep reading. This is important. After this series, ah there's two more issues and then the Micronauts are gone forever.
01:33:35
Speaker
The same destructive force starts aiming for the X-Men and Micronauts, but since the Space Ball is a barrier created by the mighty time travel, these are the force to separate the Macro Micro versus the Firefly can actually sing the Bioship they're all on through the Space Ball. This, of course, is a devastating effect on her and Bioship, taking them out of commission once they land back on Earth in miniature form on the lawn of the X-Mansion.
01:34:00
Speaker
Everyone following along? Ugh. The teams discuss their damages and the plan to stop the entity. But mid-discussion, they're rocketed into action when a possessed Sam rockets right into the bioship.
01:34:18
Speaker
The rest of the New Mutants follow, beating the shit out of Bioship until the miniature X-Men and Micronauts pop out and starts beating the shit out of them.
01:34:30
Speaker
Lava from one of Magma's attacks starts flowing towards the bioship as miniature Kurt tries his best to keep miniature x Xavier and the entity's body out of harm's way once again.
01:34:41
Speaker
Fuck these kids. I have to save this old man. yeah. yeah Xavier explains that he needs Kurt to help keep him alive just long enough to breach his own mind and make sure the battle continues to rage enough to keep the end entity destroyed. I don't even care about the X-Men stuff at this point. It's so boring. This is fantastic.
01:35:02
Speaker
x Xavier then takes astral form, sneaks through the mansion, finds and enters his own brain. The battle rages on us. Yeah. Xavier takes a moment while he's so he can walk in astral form, which is has been true since the 60s. Yeah.
01:35:18
Speaker
Bill Mantlo. I'm sure this was Bill Mantlo because he's a moment. having hated Your comment on the fact that he is seeing. the mansion from an angle he wishes he could always see, but he's confined to a wheelchair, which his greatest shame. Which, yeah, is a shame and makes his life miserable or fucking, because Bill Mantlo,
01:35:42
Speaker
hates people with disabilities. And he makes sure we know that in every issue. Like literally almost every issue, every every time Bill Mantlo's been on this, like a Bill Mantlo story has been on this podcast, there is something about how disabled people with disabilities are shameful or miserable or less than.
01:36:08
Speaker
Right.
01:36:11
Speaker
ah The battle rages on outside as evil Xavier observes psychically. Through the appearance of Lockheed, he figures out that Kitty and Karza have switched bodies and focuses in his energy on having them fight each other.
01:36:31
Speaker
On Earth, he can't yet destroy things with his mind like he could in the microverse, but this should at least take them off the board. He eventually forces Kitty to phase into Karza, assuming it will kill both of them.
01:36:43
Speaker
But instead, it just returns them to their own bodies. Problem solved. And Karza's constantly like... Problem solved. Okay, first of all, Karza puts Kitty in like a really cool outfit. Like, her coolest outfit yet. It's like... Yes! It's like gray and magenta. It fucking rolls. It's true. Yeah, it's just Karza's colors on Kitty's outfit. Yeah. It's it's great, though.
01:37:06
Speaker
um But... He also keeps complaining about how he can't use Kitty's powers. He's like, I can't phase. I don't know how to use any of these powers. But like, yes, you do. We just two issues ago. Yeah, we watched you do it to were phasing adeptly. ah ah All right. Where was I in this stupid fucking recap? Not your recap isn't stupid. This fucking comic is stupid. At that moment, though, Evil like Xavier senses the presence in his mind just as the lava starts to overtake the bioship and Kurt is forced to teleport the entity's body, accelerating its impending death.
01:37:43
Speaker
Oh, no. Xavier and Evil Xavier meet in psychic combat, reminiscent of his psychic battle with Amal Farouk. Except this time, and Xavier has a new move. He explains to the entity that he's ruptured a blood vessel in his own brain, causing a massive hemorrhage, which means this body will soon die, taking both of their consciousnesses with it.
01:38:03
Speaker
Suddenly the entity's body dematerializes in Kurt's arm and the new mutants wake from their possession. The entity's body just disappears. Kurt is like, we've gotten him all. There's no explanation. There's no explanation.
01:38:19
Speaker
It's the same as like when he won, Evil Xavier won the battle earlier. There's just no explanation. They just say, yeah, yeah I won. Yep. Whoever says I won first.
01:38:31
Speaker
Also, why does he disappear? Why isn't I don't know. He just dead. don't know. x Xavier explains he's back to normal now as he was lying about the stroke, knowing that the entity knew he had the resolve to actually do it.
01:38:46
Speaker
What? The entity then teleported himself back into his original miniature body, which died from the strain.
01:38:57
Speaker
Problem solved. Problem solved. Bioship generously sacrifices himself to return the X-Men to normal size and Fireflight sings the Micronauts back to the Microverse where Karza, back in his own body, seems to have teleported himself back to.
01:39:13
Speaker
Xavier wishes there was some way to atone for the millions of Microversal lives he destroyed as the entity, but figures this was a tough fight, which is atonement enough in itself. The end. That's it.
01:39:26
Speaker
Even Danny, who so for some reason is in an outfit we've never seen her in, by the way, is like, I'm glad it's over. And he gives this. OK, this is why I think the evil entity of Xavier is the same as the old evil entity Xavier. OK. In the first time it came around, it was because.
01:39:50
Speaker
he was like on drugs or whatever that caused him to lower his psychic defenses he told us and the evil entity was able to take over once again this is because he's sleeping the evil entity which i guess was still alive from way back then and just living in the microverse was gaining power every time he was asleep But the biggest reason I think it's the same is because he gives the exact same fucking speech at the end of this issue as he did at the end of that issue where he's like, well, the conflict of good and evil is always hard. And, you know, there's evil that exists within all of us. And we just this is the price we pay for being human.
01:40:37
Speaker
he gave You're right. He gave the exact same speech when he was green x Xavier who made the original X-Men come fight the new X-Men.
01:40:47
Speaker
That is just normal like Xavier saying that. This would be his go-to story any time he turns evil. I would say i would I would agree with you if it wasn't written by the same fucking writer.
01:41:04
Speaker
i What a shitty way to end it. Yeah. Right. mean, our victory happens off panel. We just have to listen to x Xavier say that he defeated the entity.
01:41:16
Speaker
A dead character is brought back to life. The bio ship is essentially already dead. We we wrote him off for dead. Yeah. But he has enough juice left to sacrifice himself just to make the X-Men normal size again. They didn't want to be action figure sized anymore. Not a life
Critique of Writing and Execution
01:41:33
Speaker
or death issue.
01:41:35
Speaker
And then finally, Xavier takes absolutely no accountability for any of this. He says, i wish I could atone, but I just committed so many atrocities. it wouldn't be possible for me to atone for this. Let's move past it.
01:41:50
Speaker
So, yes. I mean, i ah you're absolutely i no arguments here. You are absolutely will say dead.
01:42:01
Speaker
they They do create a second bioship in in Micronauts 58. Remember, that's the next issue of Micronauts after this one.
01:42:15
Speaker
And then the series ends in Micronauts 59.
01:42:21
Speaker
Until they come back a year later for a brief another brief run. Oh my god.
01:42:30
Speaker
Is this the worst comic we've read? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Without a doubt. Between the overcomplicated but boring lore. Yeah. the several problematic moments, including one that is just unbelievable.
01:42:50
Speaker
And the fact that they don't he doesn't they don't address it. Danny, who is the we and we won't get specific here is the victim of the assault.
01:43:03
Speaker
Is just like, whew, glad that's over. Yeah. And it's never addressed again in the history of the X-Men. It's just OK, go ahead. Sorry. ah Yeah, Matt, because this isn't canon. Again, we're going to move forward as if this never happened. You can remove this story. And because the Marvel license for Micronauts lapsed, you don't have to worry about ever acknowledging it again. Yeah. And again, that's not taking Bill Mantlo, Chris Claremont, or what was the shitty artist's name?
01:43:37
Speaker
i don't think the art was that bad. Butch Guice. Butch Guicey.
01:43:43
Speaker
ah Not taking any of them off the hook. They did this and it fucking sucks that they did. And i dude, I never want to read a Bill Mantlo story again. Please, please, please.
01:43:55
Speaker
We're going to have to read a few. You won't get more mad at him than this. This is the most mad you will get at Bill Mantlo, but you will continue to be mad at him as you see what he does to Puck and North Star and Aurora and Shaman and Sasquatch and Heather Hudson.
01:44:19
Speaker
Okay, okay, okay.
01:44:22
Speaker
I don't think he does anything that bad to... ah
01:44:28
Speaker
No, never mind. It's every member. It's every member. Sorry. I thought that there was like one member he didn't fuck up. Anyway, i i there's so many things that I hate about this that I was already pretty clear about. The one that I haven't, I guess, complained enough about yet is that this is not like... These are your two best-selling titles, and there is no attempt to...
01:44:54
Speaker
bring Micronauts readers into the X-Men universe or bring X-Men readers into the Micronauts universe. This was written for folks that are already fans of two. It required you to understand not just the characters of each team, but also the personalities of each member of the team and the relationships between those members and how they play off of each other. Like you had to have a full working knowledge of each team. Yeah. In order to start reading this comic in order to get through the first 10 pages of the first issue.
01:45:27
Speaker
It's it was not well thought out. It was clearly a marketing ploy that they didn't actually try to do any marketing with. And failed and failed and failed and failed. You know, the the sales for the Micronauts were on the decline at this moment.
01:45:44
Speaker
And this did. all Yeah. This this killed it. And good. It deserved it. If ah Micronauts is twice as good as what we just read, it didn't deserve to exist.
01:46:01
Speaker
like Also, it's just so fucking funny that Bill Mantlo, it's like they come to him, they're like, all right, Pat, pat you be um the Marvel execs.
01:46:14
Speaker
And I'll be Bill Mantlo. And you come to me with that you. You come to me saying that you need X-Men fill ins or X-Men crossovers or whatever. And you just. yeah Yeah. Hey, Bill, we need you to fill in on X-Men for one issue. OK. Do you have any any ideas for one issue of the X-Men? I got an idea for a bit. I got an idea. It's um how about what if Professor Xavier's evil?
01:46:38
Speaker
Done. Oh, OK. Sounds great. Very original. Okay, ah Bill, Bill, we're going to have the X-Men appear in your book that you're writing. Do you have any? how about x Xavier is there, but he's actually evil.
01:46:55
Speaker
Okay. How about that? Brilliant idea. That's what I'm going to Very original. Sounds great. Thank you so much. Yeah. Oh, hey, Bill, I would love to do a crossover with you and the X-Men. Evil Xavier, Evil Xavier.
01:47:13
Speaker
OK, approved. Sounds like an original idea. OK, good. ah This is fucking this is all Bill Mantlo has for us.
01:47:25
Speaker
Oh,
Humorous Critiques and Vintage Ads
01:47:26
Speaker
bad stuff. He's got an eye out,
01:47:38
Speaker
Hey everybody, it's time for Matt's Deals and Steals. What is happening? Well, Pat, I know you spent your vast fortune... When we started doing this podcast, rather, you you went and you spent your vast fortune on every issue of the X-Men and its ancillary titles that you could. Of course.
01:48:01
Speaker
And by the time that happened, a bunch of freaking vandals ran around.
01:48:11
Speaker
Cutting all the ads out of every comic book. And then I think photocopying the other sides of the ads and pasting them back in so that you could still read the comics.
01:48:23
Speaker
ah But I bought the And then they mailed those ads that they clipped to you? Well...
01:48:35
Speaker
Yeah, actually. Actually, yes. yeah They sent all the ads to me, and I've been lying to you this whole time because I didn't i didn't want to be.
01:48:49
Speaker
And they didn't even need to it because i bought this I bought these four issues well before that trend had occurred, and I already have. Oh, that's incredible. Look at your original Micronauts printings. Yeah.
01:49:06
Speaker
They're my most prized possession.
01:49:11
Speaker
Aren't you glad you spent money on this? So, ah this ad in particular, let me read to you, Pat. Yeah, yeah.
01:49:22
Speaker
I'm listening. First, so I want to ask you a question right up at the top here. Yeah. Girl Troubles? No. Yeah. is inexperience or a lack of car making girls seem unapproachable?
01:49:37
Speaker
No. Shyness or confused feelings can be overcome, Patrick. I know. Proven methods, sound advice for meeting and keeping girlfriends.
01:49:48
Speaker
Book has money back guarantee. You will get girlfriends. Oh, no. Don't sit and wish. Send your address and 25 cents too And then there's an address here. 25 cents? Yeah, for 25 cents, you will get girlfriends, Pat.
01:50:08
Speaker
Shyness or confused feelings can be overcome. Proven methods, sound advice for meeting and keeping girlfriends. Can you? Okay. Yeah. It's the Golden Institute in Palm Bay, Florida.
01:50:21
Speaker
What I'm focusing on here is the money back guarantee. Book has money back guarantee. You will get girlfriends. Yeah, if you don't get girlfriends, money back guarantee.
01:50:35
Speaker
Your 25 cents. You'll get your 25 cents back if you don't get girlfriends. and But the problem is trying to prove you don't have girlfriends. It's exactly that. male mail you you'll mail them, hey, I didn't get girlfriends.
01:50:48
Speaker
And they'll mail back, you did get girlfriends. And then you say – I didn't get girlfriends. And they'll be like, prove you didn't get girlfriends. And then you get several letters from girls around you saying, we're not his girlfriends.
01:51:01
Speaker
And that's devastating in itself. Yes. That's that. You don't even want to do that. But
Conclusion and Listener Appreciation
01:51:08
Speaker
if you manage to do that, you send them and they say, Okay, those aren't girlfriends, but there ah you have girlfriends.
01:51:16
Speaker
Right. What are you going to do? There are two billion women in the world. You got to get a letter from your mom and dad saying he has no girlfriends.
01:51:30
Speaker
They send investigator all the way from Palm Bay, Florida to wherever you live to go or go to your school, get on loudspeaker. hey Everybody paid. Listen up.
01:51:44
Speaker
This is about Pat Reber. Does he have girlfriends? He says he has no girlfriends. We've observed him. We know he's been reading the book about how to get a girlfriend.
01:52:01
Speaker
And then, and then at the end of the day, they will make an announcement and they'll say, he was right. He has no girlfriends.
01:52:11
Speaker
We'll give him his 25 cents. Let's it was worth it.
01:52:22
Speaker
ah good All right. So 25 cents in today's money would be. um
01:52:29
Speaker
This is going to come out to, I'm going to say 82 cents. seventy seven ninety nine o No, that's $25. So 80 cents. yeah Perfect.
01:52:43
Speaker
ah Would you buy this? Is this a deal, a steal, or ah do you want to get girlfriends? I mean, I'm i'm married happily. hey This guy's got no girlfriends, it sounds like. But for 80 cents, h that sounds like a pretty good deal for any book.
01:53:01
Speaker
And Pat, if you don't get girlfriends, you get that 80 cents back. Right, and I'm not going to because I'm married. I don't know, you might.
01:53:13
Speaker
I'm not even going to try. okay well then, ah this sounds like somebody's shyness or confused feelings cannot be overcome. Matt's of the
01:53:37
Speaker
Fuck, I missed it.
01:53:42
Speaker
ah completely forgot. Well, that was bizarre.
01:53:49
Speaker
What happened? blacked out. that What just happened? What happened? The last five minutes ago. Yeah. i Welcome back, everybody. Let's give out some thank yous. Thank you to you, the person listening to this right now, for listening all the way to the end. And as we always...
01:54:12
Speaker
ask you to do please continue to like to subscribe to tell your friends to join our patreon oh join our patreon on patreon get some we made some loose promises through this episode about what we'll do if you keep contributing if you get us up to hundred dollars for at least one full cycle we will drink pilk if you get us up to what was it 150 150 we'll drink bilk and was and that doesn't have to be for a full cycle that just have to we have to hit 150 and then we'll drink bit buff buffalo i guess it would be bepsy but i'm still i i like the term bilk you're right it would be bepsy we both said and like it like i will not drink buffalo sauce and milk
01:55:07
Speaker
You have to get up to $500 for three cycles. And then we'll drink buffalo sauce and milk. Yep. Lots of weird foods, folks. to If you have any ideas of your own, it's MutantMedicePod at gmail.com and we will ah will consider them. Yeah.
01:55:23
Speaker
And for enough money, we'll eat pretty much fucking anything, guys. We are desperate. Huge thanks. or Sorry. ah Follow us on Instagram at Mutant Menace Pod. Write in MutantMenacePod at gmail.com about anything you want, but especially to give us money. Huge thanks to Krils Wilson for the music and Julia Selle for the voice of Trish Tilby.
01:55:51
Speaker
And Pat, yeah, I guess that's it, Matt. Only one thing left to do, right? That's right. It's ah just say it's, you know, the normal thing. Say the thing we say at the end of every episode, which, as everybody knows, I am no construct fool.
01:56:13
Speaker
That's right, folks. As always, I've become a rocket powered centaur. Yeah.