Buckle up, folks; we're going to space this episode! But first, we have to stop by and hang out with our friend Spider-Man! Get ready for adventures across New York, Earth's orbit, and the Shi'ar Empire, making friends like Corsair and the Starjammers along the way! A LOT of X-Men down, and an eerie forecast of things to come.

Topics discussed:

Guy Ritchie’s X-Men. Dog ate a book. Marvel movies. J.M. DeMatteis! Wolverine touchin' butts. Wolverine at Ren Faire. Bunkies. Roman orgies. Robot heads roll. Spider-Man’s awkward sleepover. Professor Anthony Power. Mentallo? The Fixer?? Vacation-mode Professor X. Corsair! Shi’ar drama! Father issues. Spider-bots blowing the hell up. Tigra! The Imperial Consort. Calling Professor Xavier “Charlie”. Kitty still in a bikini. The Brood?! Deathbird! Is Colossus dead?!? The Starjammers are back! Lilandra and Charles reunited. A full-fledged Space Opera. A handheld costume generator. Kitty’s raddest costume. Admirable Admiral. Xavier down! The Phoenix?! Nope haha. Peter Pan. Intercepting lasers. WEBWING! Another T-Rex.

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34 - Marvel Team-Up 117-118, Uncanny X-Men 154-157 - Space Opera

Issues: Marvel Fanfare #1-4, Marvel Treasury #27, Marvel Team Up #100 (back-up story), X-Men Annual #5

We're not puffyfaffing around this episode! We're getting to it! We've got so many stories to tell you! Among them: A story about the Savage Land, Sauron, Angel, Mutates, and Spider-Man! A pointless short story about Angel beating up an underdog on behalf of his evil father! A story about how all African people know each other! And a story about the Badoon.

Topics discussed:

Extremely accurate Nightcrawler fancasting. Angel's Aerie. Warren's shirtless era. Peter Parker strips while fighting. Marvel Fanfare! Warren's nipples. The best T-Rex so far. Karl remembers his ex. A terrifying Big Bird. Insulted by a giant spider. “Watch me beat the shit out of your frog friend!” Tally ho! A polite earthquake. COLONEL CATHCART IS HERE! Moses Magnum...? “TIMBERIUS”!? WHERE'S LUPO!???!? “zonk”. A big moment for the frog-man. Angel runs away. The dreaded downdraft! The New Toad. They forget a cliffhanger. A gendered de-evolution machine. “The youth is demented!” Ka-Zar gets The Ick. SCOTT EDELMAN! Andreas De Ruyter! Walking from Cairo to South Africa to Kenya. “...in a word...” A big orange robot who looks like Alpha from the Power Rangers. Chris goes ALL OUT on the FF. “...in a word...” The Fantastic Four cause a lady's death. Finding the old bolts. Colossus' berzerker rage!

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33 - Marvel Fanfare #1-4, X-Men Annual #5, Shorts - Distant Lands

Back in the X-Men’s main title, the X-Men are doing X-Men stuff! For example, fixing the Danger Room, visiting an old petrified friend/friend who may or may not be a Sun God, switching bodies, and telling bedtime stories! Also, we finally learn the origin of Magneto!?

Topics discussed:

Studying Kermit. Kitty’s new costume sucks! Being “precise” about “broads.” Curling with Colossus. Magneto the Designer. “Hey, Cyclops!” RONALD REAGAN IS HERE! The Bermuda Triangle. Magneto’s philosophy. BONK! Why is Carol Danvers here? X-Men goofin’ on the beach… Deus ex Claremont. A missed eye opportunity. A FREAKY FRIDAY. Cyclops Snipin’! THE ARMORY RETURNS. Distracting lettering. The worst “No time for that now!” yet. Kitty Pryde’s arch-nemesis. Persona Exchange Gun! Stevie Hunter’s life has gotten pretty fucked up. Sebastian Shaw hitting himself. “THIS IS FOR WOLVERINE, SWINE!”  Pirate Kitty! Wolverine is comic relief. Un-mutinying.

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32 - Uncanny X-Men #149-153 - I, Magneto

Issues: Uncanny X-Men #147, Rom #17-18, Spider-Woman #37-38, Marvel Treasury #26

The X-Men take some time off of their regular title to hang out with some pals in ROM, Spider-Woman, and Marvel Treasury! The boys say goodbye to an old frenemy, hello to some new characters, and get a cool new poster.

Topics Discussed:

ROM. A murderous, yet agreeable, Wolverine. Bill Mantlo hates people with disabilities. Ham-fisting. “So there’s two Steves?” A 15-year-old playing with trucks. Breaking your vow to murder a child. How to communicate a complex situation without talking. THE SECRET, THIRD SETTING. Wolverine can smell evil. Nightcrawler and Colossus makin’ out. “Who Am I?” Spider-Woman’s unfathomable backstory! La Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine. Sleeping with your landlord. Mint is not candy shop it’s where they make money. SIRYN! My buddy, Benny D’Israeli. AN UPDRAFT! Figuring out Cerebro ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! Black Tom’s Bio-Beam. PLOP, PLOP Bub. Wolverine loves a bar fight. Matt is a better writer than Lee Forrester. Caliban’s Natalie Portman-eque crush. 5 identical cliffhangers.

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31 – Uncanny X-Men #147, ROM, Spider-Woman – Makin’ Friends!

Goodbye, John Byrne; we hardly knew ye! It's time to move on to bigger, fresher things like... Dave Cockrum? 

The infamous Claremont/Byrne run ends with a Kitty Pryde solo story that whips ass, followed by a Cyclops soio story that's... you know... it's fine. Then the X-Men get wrapped up in a big ol' Arcade/Dr. Doom catastrophe and we get... Dark Storm!?

Topics discussed: 

Stealing a Christmas Tree. Home Alone/Alien. Brent Anderson! A demon era. MAN THING!? Paolo for Loser League. Reverse pool-hustling. Do you smell bad? Dave Cockrum returns! Iceman’s dorm room. Wolverine’s bare butt. Storm and Doom’s love story. Al or Lee? Reusing Arcade’s rooms. “EAT HOT LEAD SUCKER!” Doom’s sex robot. Havok pulls a Bugs Bunny. Claremont embellishing. Rogue & Storm! Oh, wait… Why not catch an updraft? “I don’t engage in fisticuffs” Covering a planet in Skin.

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30 - Uncanny X-Men #143-147 - Kitty Pryde & Dr. Doom

Plus X-Men Annual #4!

Hot off the heels of one of the most famous X-Men stories of all time, we take a short respite with… ONE OF THE GREATEST X-MEN STORIES OF ALL TIME. A story made even more salient, unfortunately, by current events. Plus, we get a recap issue, we get to know Kitty a bit more, and we take a brief pit stop in HELL (?)

First, though, we spend some time imagining an X-Men Stardew Valley.

Topics Include:

A funeral, but other than that it’s pretty funny. Cyclops’ Brain damage. Holoempathic Matrix Crystal. Goodbye, Cyclops! A shirt that says “BITCH”. Warren’s back and worse than ever. “I’m sorry, Mr. Robot, but I’m much stronger than you.” A Wolverine and Nightcrawler road trip! STEVIE HUNTER!! The Night Creeper. Alpha Flight! Oh, the Wendigo. John Byrne is a baby. Snowbird is rude. Justin Trudeau. The Blob?? The NEW Brotherhood??? Days of Future Past!! It’s shorter than you think. Big Alex, Robbo, and George. Logan looks fucking cool, twice. Franklin Richards! A LOT of first-time appearances. The fulcrum. Everyone dies. Dr. Strange! The X-Men are going to Hell! Dante’s Inferno, but it’s a little messy. This run was good. Saturday Morning Cartoons.

VISIT OUR NEW FRIENDS at Big Bang Comics in Bayamon, PR, Blackbird Comics in North Las Vegas, NV, and Nerds 4 Ever in Newcastle, WY!

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29 - Uncanny X-Men #138-142 - Days of Future Past

GIANT-SIZED SPECTACULAR

This is a big one folks. An epic episode for an epic story. The Dark Phoenix Saga is one of the most transformative and dramatic chapters in all of X-Men history and listen, it’s every bit as good as (or better than) you’d imagine. These 9 issues bring in the Hellfire Club, Sebastian Shaw and Emma Frost, Dazzler, KITTY F’IN PRYDE, Senator Robert Kelly, and a bunch of unforgettable random henchmen like “Murray” and “Jacko.” Plus, the return of Angel, a creepy old villain, and –for a second– Peter Corbeau (with his clothes on).

This story was so big that Matt and Pat couldn’t handle it alone, so they brought in the very funny actor and fight choreographer QUINTON J. ALEXANDER to help!

The drama is high. The action is intense. The characterizations are note-perfect. The consequences are far-reaching. And Matt, Pat, and Quinton are stoked about it.

Topics Include:

Scott wasn’t thinking about it! Professor X can’t stop getting cucked. Giving a 47-year-old man 10 demerits. Why didn’t they buy Blob ice cream? A blowing-guys-up epidemic. DISCO DAZZLER. Emma Frost is not hot, she’s just rich! An awkward Blackbird flight. “It’s okay to be scared, as long as I don’t let my fear foul me up.” Goons are people, too. A teapot bun. We always comment when someone is shirtless. John Byrne Techno-Tunnels. Harry Leland sucks. Emma Frost is a super inventor? Why people like Wolverine. “If woman become powerful… She start kiss everybody?” #TheyBonedontheButte The X-Men Plummeting To The Ground Rule. The Book of Hells. “A galaxy far, far away.” Just a basic pnemonic scrambler. Angel is also here. Professor X fucks up everything. No one got to pack jammies. The Blue Area of the Moon. A robot that’s two robots, my one weakness! The Watcher sucks. “Impies.” We all get choked up.

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28 - The Dark Phoenix Saga: Uncanny X-Men #129-137 w/ Quinton Alexander

Issues Covered: The Champions #11-17, Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #17-18, Incredible Hulk Annual #7

We’re losing our goddamn minds. In the second installment of our marathon record of the entire 1975 run of the Champions, we start falling apart! Were humans even meant to podcast this long? 

Topics Discussed:

John Byrne is here! The Two-Gun Kid makes an appearance. Bill Mantlo still the worst. Stilt Man?!? The Stranger?!? Kamo Tharn?!? Hive?!? This is all so stupid (Pat, you can't do this in the description!!) The Champscraft. Former Nazi and avid Beekeeper. Bees everywhere. A bunch of other issues we forgot about. Beast?!? Magneto?!? Dr. Doom?!?Jimmy Carter?!? Vanisher?!? Boy this stays stupid. Spidey?!? The Hulk?!? Terri Sue Bottoms!?!?!? Matt and Pat deliriously sound tf off.

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27 - The Champions #11-17

Matt and Pat are depriving themselves of sleep so that they can bring you a marathon episode of TEN ISSUES of THE CHAMPIONS in a row! It's gonna be a wild ride, as we catch up with former and future X-Men Angel and Iceman in Los Angeles. 

New Russian teacher Black Widow, guest lecturer Hercules, delivery boy Ghost Rider, and students Angel and Iceman all meet up on the campus of UCLA and the absurdity just continues from there. Strap in and get yourself a pizza because this is gonna get weird.

Topics discussed:

JENNY ISABELLA! Dadfriend. Questionable mythology (in the book, and from the podcast). WHY ARE THEY ALL THERE? A trustworthy cadre of devils. Huntsman is maybe the worst character we've ever met. The Warren Commission. Making a deal with the Devil sucks. Diva Ghost Rider. An Instrument of Peace. There's gonna be a murder in Malibu! "Friend...?" Whoops, Warren's parents are dead. Everybody is Charles Bronson. Iceman's big pouty lips. You can't push lawyers. An AI summary of Spider-Man's core value. ICEMAN COMETH COUNT: 4. Vince Colletta inking over backgrounds. Bullying someone into hiring a lawyer. DARKSTAR! Angel gets his gas bombs back! Three people spying on the Champions all at once. "The Heroes for the Common Man." Ripping out a wall to chase a child. The TITANIUM man? BOB HALL. He survives but he explodes to death. Ghost Rider would make a terrible EMT. A device that tracks pearls that look like each other. "Lenin's Comrade, comrade!" Dick Fenster: Boy Public Relations Man. Black Widow pulls a Ferris Beuller. THE SPOILERS! How is Johnny Blaze's identity secret!?? Darkstar has every power. The Champions abandon a plane in midair. 



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26 - The Champions #1-10

Not much of an intro this week. We've really gotta start doing more X-Men related stuff, I guess. But then we get into a rip-roaring, intense few issues where we finally meet the elusive MUTANT X (remember? from the door?)! Also, just fair warning, there’s some pretty rough stuff in this one (CW: descriptions and discussion of sexual assault and rape)

Topics Include:

Angus MacWhirter?? Jean and Moira are serving looks on Muir Island. Just who the hell is this Jason Wynnegarde guy?? We don’t trust him. Subtly cucked in space. What a beautiful Scott and Hank reunion. A less-than-beautiful Scott and Jean reunion. Claremont HATES Jamie Madrox. The Trenchcoat. Oh no, Ferdie Duncan! Jean hunts a human. Wolverine’s skeleton is metal?? We don’t have to call him Mutant X anymore. Scott never forgets a slight. “That’s not what you said when the Leprechauns were here.” Has Moira MacTaggert lost her damn mind?! Sparring in the hot cocoa grove. A sharp sweater on a horrible man. Dai Thomas! This stuff is pretty fucking dark. Does Proteus make sense? Do these bees have souls? The horror of being enclosed in the earth. “OWW!” Now let’s do a silly one. Danger Room antics. Arkon the half-nude cave viking. The Imperion! Colossus on a dragon!! Storm’s great sacrifice – or Scott’s? The difference between Claremont and Thomas.

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25 - Uncanny X-Men #125-128, Annual #3 - Proteus

Comedians Matt Aukamp (Save Your Game, The Very Worst) and Pat Reber (The Very Worst) read the X-Men in chronological order and talk about all the weird, funny, ridiculous, insightful, and interesting things within.

Matt Aukamp

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