GIANT-SIZED SPECTACULAR

This is a big one folks. An epic episode for an epic story. The Dark Phoenix Saga is one of the most transformative and dramatic chapters in all of X-Men history and listen, it’s every bit as good as (or better than) you’d imagine. These 9 issues bring in the Hellfire Club, Sebastian Shaw and Emma Frost, Dazzler, KITTY F’IN PRYDE, Senator Robert Kelly, and a bunch of unforgettable random henchmen like “Murray” and “Jacko.” Plus, the return of Angel, a creepy old villain, and –for a second– Peter Corbeau (with his clothes on).

This story was so big that Matt and Pat couldn’t handle it alone, so they brought in the very funny actor and fight choreographer QUINTON J. ALEXANDER to help!

The drama is high. The action is intense. The characterizations are note-perfect. The consequences are far-reaching. And Matt, Pat, and Quinton are stoked about it.

Topics Include:

Scott wasn’t thinking about it! Professor X can’t stop getting cucked. Giving a 47-year-old man 10 demerits. Why didn’t they buy Blob ice cream? A blowing-guys-up epidemic. DISCO DAZZLER. Emma Frost is not hot, she’s just rich! An awkward Blackbird flight. “It’s okay to be scared, as long as I don’t let my fear foul me up.” Goons are people, too. A teapot bun. We always comment when someone is shirtless. John Byrne Techno-Tunnels. Harry Leland sucks. Emma Frost is a super inventor? Why people like Wolverine. “If woman become powerful… She start kiss everybody?” #TheyBonedontheButte The X-Men Plummeting To The Ground Rule. The Book of Hells. “A galaxy far, far away.” Just a basic pnemonic scrambler. Angel is also here. Professor X fucks up everything. No one got to pack jammies. The Blue Area of the Moon. A robot that’s two robots, my one weakness! The Watcher sucks. “Impies.” We all get choked up.

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28 - The Dark Phoenix Saga: Uncanny X-Men #129-137 w/ Quinton Alexander

Issues Covered: The Champions #11-17, Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #17-18, Incredible Hulk Annual #7

We’re losing our goddamn minds. In the second installment of our marathon record of the entire 1975 run of the Champions, we start falling apart! Were humans even meant to podcast this long? 

Topics Discussed:

John Byrne is here! The Two-Gun Kid makes an appearance. Bill Mantlo still the worst. Stilt Man?!? The Stranger?!? Kamo Tharn?!? Hive?!? This is all so stupid (Pat, you can't do this in the description!!) The Champscraft. Former Nazi and avid Beekeeper. Bees everywhere. A bunch of other issues we forgot about. Beast?!? Magneto?!? Dr. Doom?!?Jimmy Carter?!? Vanisher?!? Boy this stays stupid. Spidey?!? The Hulk?!? Terri Sue Bottoms!?!?!? Matt and Pat deliriously sound tf off.

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27 - The Champions #11-17

Matt and Pat are depriving themselves of sleep so that they can bring you a marathon episode of TEN ISSUES of THE CHAMPIONS in a row! It's gonna be a wild ride, as we catch up with former and future X-Men Angel and Iceman in Los Angeles. 

New Russian teacher Black Widow, guest lecturer Hercules, delivery boy Ghost Rider, and students Angel and Iceman all meet up on the campus of UCLA and the absurdity just continues from there. Strap in and get yourself a pizza because this is gonna get weird.

Topics discussed:

JENNY ISABELLA! Dadfriend. Questionable mythology (in the book, and from the podcast). WHY ARE THEY ALL THERE? A trustworthy cadre of devils. Huntsman is maybe the worst character we've ever met. The Warren Commission. Making a deal with the Devil sucks. Diva Ghost Rider. An Instrument of Peace. There's gonna be a murder in Malibu! "Friend...?" Whoops, Warren's parents are dead. Everybody is Charles Bronson. Iceman's big pouty lips. You can't push lawyers. An AI summary of Spider-Man's core value. ICEMAN COMETH COUNT: 4. Vince Colletta inking over backgrounds. Bullying someone into hiring a lawyer. DARKSTAR! Angel gets his gas bombs back! Three people spying on the Champions all at once. "The Heroes for the Common Man." Ripping out a wall to chase a child. The TITANIUM man? BOB HALL. He survives but he explodes to death. Ghost Rider would make a terrible EMT. A device that tracks pearls that look like each other. "Lenin's Comrade, comrade!" Dick Fenster: Boy Public Relations Man. Black Widow pulls a Ferris Beuller. THE SPOILERS! How is Johnny Blaze's identity secret!?? Darkstar has every power. The Champions abandon a plane in midair. 



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26 - The Champions #1-10

Not much of an intro this week. We've really gotta start doing more X-Men related stuff, I guess. But then we get into a rip-roaring, intense few issues where we finally meet the elusive MUTANT X (remember? from the door?)! Also, just fair warning, there’s some pretty rough stuff in this one (CW: descriptions and discussion of sexual assault and rape)

Topics Include:

Angus MacWhirter?? Jean and Moira are serving looks on Muir Island. Just who the hell is this Jason Wynnegarde guy?? We don’t trust him. Subtly cucked in space. What a beautiful Scott and Hank reunion. A less-than-beautiful Scott and Jean reunion. Claremont HATES Jamie Madrox. The Trenchcoat. Oh no, Ferdie Duncan! Jean hunts a human. Wolverine’s skeleton is metal?? We don’t have to call him Mutant X anymore. Scott never forgets a slight. “That’s not what you said when the Leprechauns were here.” Has Moira MacTaggert lost her damn mind?! Sparring in the hot cocoa grove. A sharp sweater on a horrible man. Dai Thomas! This stuff is pretty fucking dark. Does Proteus make sense? Do these bees have souls? The horror of being enclosed in the earth. “OWW!” Now let’s do a silly one. Danger Room antics. Arkon the half-nude cave viking. The Imperion! Colossus on a dragon!! Storm’s great sacrifice – or Scott’s? The difference between Claremont and Thomas.

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25 - Uncanny X-Men 125-128, Annual #3 - Proteus

PLUS: Power Man & Iron Fist #56-57 

After an unbelievably long journey, the X-Men FINALLY MAKE it home! But first, they have to stop in Calgary, Alberta and fight a brand new super-team named ALPHA FLIGHT. And THEN they make it home... BUT FIRST AGAIN they have to visit Iron Fist, obviously, and meet up with the worst cameo villain ever. And THEN they make it home. And INSTANTLY have to deal with a new dork who puts them in a big pinball machine.

Topics Include:

Former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. Jeryn Hogarth, Lawyerboss. "I LIKE the X-Men." Cyclops is gonna kill ALPHA FLIGHT. Burt. Major Mapleleaf. Darice Duck. Is Mutant Menace going to read Alpha Flight? "That stinks, mister!"  Cyclops hates Canada. The Living Monolith crouching in an empty apartment. The traditional X-Men visit to Iron Fist. Why do Misty Knight and Scott Summers not talk!? Misty scolds Scott... Twice! Iron Fist and Havok really get into it. A big bag of Cheops. Three Archaeologists = One Mutant. Who is Jason Wyngarde? Nightcrawlers greatest fear: Bumper cars with buzzsaws! Proletarian? Arcade's permits. Cracklin' Rosa. What's the point of a Robot Magneto? Betsy is DONE. Cyclaugh! Pat admits to a Federal Crime!

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24 - Uncanny X-Men #120-124 - Alpha Flight/Arcade

The last we saw the X-Men, they were in dire straits! Most of the team was about to be buried under a flood of lava in an underground laboratory in the middle of the Antarctic, while Beast and Phoenix had collapsed in the frozen wastes, after barely escaping with their lives. Is this just 5 issues of everyone being dead? Let's dig in and find out!

Topics Discussed:

Vacation Scott. The X-Men have sex. Wolverine's torn picture. A menacing nude man. The crew from the Thing fails to learn a lesson. Pat Reber: Hero to Bisexuals. Ka-Zar is glad to see the X-Men go. A love affair with Nereel. The Wolverine Sweet Spot. Garokk the Petrified Man aka Garokk the Sun-God. Ka-Zar is cancelled. A whiney Charles Xavier. AMAHL FAROUK and his little sunglasses. Xavier's arch-nemesis collection. In this bad a blow? YOU DON'T KNOW HIS FIRST NAME! Sunfire's back! Moses Magnum, Master of the Magnum Force. MARIKO YASHIDA! Plan Gemini for "Syncopation". Angus McWhorter is back! Remember, Banshee is always screaming. Misty Knight is the world's worst friend.

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23 - Uncanny X-Men #114-119 - The Savage Land

Issues: Marvel Team-Up #69-70, Defenders #62-65

Last we saw Alex Summers, Havok, and Lorna Dane, Polaris, they were being blasted point-blank by the god-tier-power-level Firelord. So what happened to them next? Matt and Pat, brave podcast adventurers that they are, venture to find out! Detour with us as we scour the Marvel Universe for HAVOK and POLARIS.

Topics Include:

We'll FINALLY get an origin for the Living Pharaoh... right? Nooo not Professor Craig's office! White men dressed as pharaohs. With Great Boredom Comes Whatever. A web disaster. Bunkies. Spider-Man twerking. A strong face, a weak ass. Gods vs Cosmic. Spider-Man foraging. The limits of Diplomatic Immunity. Membership Madness! DAVID KRAFT!! Drawing bad cinematography. "Do I have to be BLACK Goliath?" A game of frisbee. "I just remembered that I'm an Avenger." Stealing your Dad's car as a joke. Riding in a car with a Goliath. Plantman is here too. Toad has regressed. Flipping off the fun switch. "The Porcupine is here!" 

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22 - Havok & Polaris

Issues:  X-Men #109-113

Pat won’t stop getting horned-up for the X-Men, but it’s hard to blame him when we’re reading comics as hot as these ones! With John Byrne fully on board the book, this chunk of issues sees the return of some major villains, and a robot spoon-feeding Wolverine.

Topics Include:

Pat’s fuzzy. John Byrne is HERE! NUDITY. Lilandra’s struggle with government bureaucracy. Kurt and Scott have a tough conversation. Piotr, the oblivious unicorn. Captain Alpha! “By Lenin’s Beard!” The X-Men are playing baseball! WARHAWK and his mysterious superior. Cyclops owes Wolverine one. Captain Delaney and his friends are sick of the X-Men. The circus comes to town. The “Hey Rube” debate continues. Mind control? Bruno and Jukie: Our Favorite Ones! We don’t talk about Jim Shooter. Cockrum still on covers. “The gentleman’s name is Magneto.” The circus leaves town – flying! Antarctic volcanoes. Too many bases for one man. Babying the X-Men. Matt explains how magnets work. The book’s monthly now! Storm is a dangerous baby. New psychic comms! What will the X-Men do?? Jean’s Different. Magneto looks great. Free & Weird.

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21 - X-Men #109-113 -  The Return of Magneto

Issues:  X-Men #106-108, Marvel Team-Up Annual #1, Marvel Team-Up #53, Iron Fist #15

It's a stunning conclusion to the X-Men's first galactic adventure AND Dave Cockrum's first X-Men run. Matt and Pat also fill you in on some of the other stuff that's been going on with the X-Men in other Marvel books... unfortunately.

Topics Include:

Bill Mantlo. The Letterin' Rosen Boys! "Nobody cramps my style!" Duplicates again... Where have the X-Men never gone? A Barrach'an Shovel Beast. Nude Fang. A call-back to the Z'Nox. THE STARJAMMERS! Peter Corbeau learns his lesson. Everyone evolves into primates. THE KURT REPURT. Why is Shakari Eric the Red!? Starting an intergalactic war on a whim. Spread-eagle, taint-first. R.I.P. Dave Cockrum. JOHN FUCKIN' BYRNE! Jahf Supreme. I AM 1000X STRONGER THAN THE LAST GUY. Kabballah. "Until they fill out the paperwork, they have to kill me." A colorist named 'Hugh.' "My student, Errol Flynn!" Peter Parker disappears on a plane... and where did Spider-Man come from?? Anti-radiation spray. Something that's supposed to be normal is now outer space. Yama Dharma and his 6 friends. "Are you Peter Parker?" A bad issue. "Let him go, Wolver." WOODGOD. If you're in Nevada, you're gonna have to deal with the Hulk. The town's nerve gas tank. Chekhov's Anti-Radiation Spray. NOT-Chekhov's Sonic Scream. A bad case of heartburn. An Iron Fist Slapstick Comedy. A mention of some villain named "Sabretooth"??? NO MORE IMAGE INDUCER! "God of Us All!" Fantastic art in every Iron Fist book.

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20 - X-Men #106-108 - To Space and Back

WELCOME NEW LISTENERS! You're just in time for the return (?) of a beloved character who we were POSITIVE died last issue! Matt watched New Mutants (2020), Pat visited a bunch of comic book stores, and we take a trip through to the end of Chris Claremont's second year on The X-Men, as a bunch of weird stuff happens and it might be connected?

Topics Include:

Furry Nightcrawler. The Month of 100 Editors. Jean Grey, who did NOT die… Everyone wants to kill Nightcrawler. The X-Men are going to Ireland! Wolverine hates vacation. Cassidy Senechal Eamon O’Donnell. A real Canadian Tuxedo. Black Tom and Juggernaut; true friends. The ol’ “bad Irish road maintenance” trope. An X-Polycule. Nightcrawler is so damn cool. Storm’s (maybe too many) origins! "You ungrateful, unspeakable cur!" MISTY KNIGHT! Stop answering our rhetorical questions, Chris Claremont! Literal Leprechauns. The Suez War (bad). The Arm That Looks Like Spider-Woman? LOGAN!!! Neuronic Tangler Glove. Sword/axe/castle/thunder! "YOU KILLED MY FRIEND NOOOO!" Dungeons & Dragons. Apologies to Andy Yanchus. ANGUS MACWHIRTER! Eric the damn Red again. Banshee has the most metal power. A "form-fitting coffin." Alien bug... lady? The Furies. THE STARJAMMERS!! Why is Firelord here? Ohhh The Arm That Looks Like Spider-Woman! The X-Men sitting around drinking coffee. Phoenix is uhhhh pretty powerful. How many Dave Cockrums are there?

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19 - X-Men #101-105 - The Phoenix

Comedians Matt Aukamp (Save Your Game, The Very Worst) and Pat Reber (The Very Worst) read the X-Men in chronological order and talk about all the weird, funny, ridiculous, insightful, and interesting things within.