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EP 29: A Bittersweet Welcome Back
4.2k Plays2 years ago
Whitney and Candace are back in this bittersweet episode of the Mom Group Chat podcast as they still process the loss of their best friend and co-host Shannon Finn.
They discuss how difficult the past 2 months have been, how they plan to move forward with the show, and give a full recap of their lives since they last took the mic. They thank the Mom Group Chat community for all of their support, love, and kind words during this tough time.
Keep up with the Moms and join the conversation on our socials:
Instagram: @momgroupchat
TikTok: @momgroupchat
Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchat@gmail.com
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Transcript
Reflecting on Podcast Beginnings
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. Hi, moms. We're back with the mom group chat podcast. Hello. Hi, Candy Mama. Hi, Whitney. Oh, my gosh. We were just saying before we press record that we have like butterflies in our stomach. Like this feels like we're recording the very first episode again.
00:00:35
Speaker
I know in the very first episode we all recorded in person, but it was so fun cause y'all were drinking and we were like, you know, shooting the shit. But now it feels like, I mean, today feels obviously very serious for important reasons, but I
Bittersweet Episode and Missing Community
00:00:49
Speaker
don't know. It's just like, we haven't done this in a while. So. I mean, the last time we recorded, I can't even remember honestly. It was Halloween. Yeah. Oh, did we? Yeah. We recorded on Halloween. Oh, wow. Okay. I forgot about that.
00:01:06
Speaker
Yeah. Today is obviously a very bittersweet episode. It is sweet because we have missed recording and missed the mom group track community so, so, so, so, so much. Like my life has felt, well, my life has felt kind of empty for a lot of reasons, but yeah.
00:01:32
Speaker
But it feels really empty without this podcast being a part of my weekly routine. I mean, it's our personal like therapy session in a way. Yeah, totally. Our way of connecting. Like I always would leave recording rejuvenated and like, oh, my gosh, I'm so glad I got to like talk to my friends today. Yeah. So it is weird not recording.
00:01:59
Speaker
or, you know, how long has, I mean, October, November. Yeah, it's been two months. Yeah. So obviously the better part of this is that Shannon is not here.
Acknowledging Shannon's Absence
00:02:12
Speaker
And this episode has been like, I've had so many nerves about coming back and recording this episode because I just know or we both know that like,
00:02:26
Speaker
doing this without her feels wrong. It feels so weird. I've been so excited to start this back and I'm so scared to reopen that door again just because of how we've both felt. I'm on the brink of tears even.
00:02:44
Speaker
Yeah. It's talking right now. Um, it's still very heavy. Obviously it's still very fresh for both of us. So it's scary, you know, being weird to talk about this knowing that others are listening. Yeah. So yeah. Today's probably going to be like a therapy session. So welcome everyone to our mom group chat therapy session.
00:03:07
Speaker
But it's been a really, really hard two months. I think part of the nerves about coming back to the show has just been like, what is it going to be like?
00:03:24
Speaker
Obviously Whitney and I talk every day like it's not like I'm nervous to talk to Whitney.
Community Support and Grief Journey
00:03:29
Speaker
It's just Shannon was such an integral part of this show and was such like a big part of everything we've built.
00:03:41
Speaker
If you really were to look back into the mom group chat archives of us wanting to start this podcast, so much of the concept and the messaging behind it and the premise of what we wanted to start was brought to the table by Shannon. She had such a brilliant mind.
00:04:06
Speaker
to this day like I mean the way she was able to listen to people and articulate back in such a way like well I mean we'll never have that back like she was such a major part of that to carry the conversation in that way and I would sit here thinking man she really like
00:04:26
Speaker
listens and has things to say. I'll miss that a lot. Yeah. Felt like she carried a lot. So yeah. I think we both know that this show is going to look different without her. And I think that's definitely part of my nerves of coming back and my like.
00:04:52
Speaker
I wouldn't say hesitation because after Shannon passed away and talking with family and friends of hers of ours of just hearing from you guys the listeners like I think one thing was clear is that.
00:05:10
Speaker
Everyone loved the show. Everyone loved Shannon and everyone has felt touched and heard and seen and understood by Shannon and by the show and everything we've built and like there was no question in our minds that like we knew we wanted to come back and be here and
00:05:32
Speaker
And that she would want us to continue. I mean, 100. I think she, if we didn't. We had such big dreams for it together and. Yeah. And she did. I mean, we talked about it all the time, you know. Yeah. We have, we have slash had big plans for the show and Shannon would be.
00:05:54
Speaker
pardon my language, fucking pissed if we didn't continue. She's yelling at me up in heaven right now like, yeah, I would be. You need to see through everything we had planned. So it was never a question to us of if we wanted to come back. I think we just needed to give
00:06:15
Speaker
ourselves the space to grieve and we're definitely still in the midst of that 100% but I think we always knew we wanted to come back and we knew from the way that you guys have responded the past two months that you guys would be here with us whenever we did decide to.
00:06:39
Speaker
Oh, my gosh, the outpouring of love. I have never experienced anything like this in my life. People we don't know, people that I haven't talked to in years and years reaching out like.
00:06:54
Speaker
I mean, I'm teary-eyed again, just thinking about the community and I mean, just how nice people are. Like it reminds you, like there's kind people in the world. People care. I mean, obviously the passing of Shannon was very sudden. Um, and I think, you know, a lot of people.
00:07:16
Speaker
were just like, what's going on? Candice and I didn't really know what was going on. So I mean, it took a lot of people backing us and family, their family to figure out how to even move forward without her. And it's still hard. I mean, I think about her constantly. Me too. All day, every day. I literally just ate Kava. And I was like, Shannon love Kava. Yeah.
00:07:45
Speaker
She's the one that made us try it, right? You know, I've, I've stayed really close. I mean, I was always really close with Shannon sister, Hannah. I mean, she literally worked for me for two years. Um, but I've talked to Hannah almost every day and I said this to Hannah, I was like, do you know when you're
00:08:03
Speaker
I mean it's been a while since I've gone through a breakup but do you know when you're going through a breakup and like it's hard and you feel like you can relate anything like someone could mention anything and I could relate it back to that person and that's how I have felt about Shannon the past two months like I could hear any song and it could be
00:08:24
Speaker
Totally. Oh, McDonald. Yeah. I'm like, you know what?
Shannon's Influence and Memories
00:08:30
Speaker
Shannon mentioned once that she wanted to pick and play. I can relate. You can give me anything. Show me any picture, any music, and I will relate it back to Shannon and Shannon and I's friendship and how
00:08:47
Speaker
much she affected my life. I mean, she was my best friend for over 15 years. Like I, what you said a second ago, and I think I definitely wrote this in like either my eulogy speech or Instagram. I can't remember, but like, it feels impossible to think about the rest of my life without her. And I still feel that way. It's, um,
00:09:17
Speaker
been really hard the past two months. Oh my God. Okay. I'm not gonna, um, bear with us guys. Um, but I also know that she would want us to go and thrive and live and do as much as possible and love as much as possible. And
00:09:44
Speaker
She touched so many people through this podcast. I think that's another thing that really, I really learned in the past two months is how many, like the number of messages I've gotten from people who don't know her personally.
00:10:00
Speaker
I feel so connected to her. I feel like I lost a friend too. She had a way of making me feel seen through everything she said in the podcast or she was so helpful in DMs. She touched so many people and so many people felt connected to her.
00:10:25
Speaker
through this show and I hope that we can continue to connect her to people like through talking about her and keeping her in the fold, keeping TJ and Andrew and her family like in our conversations and kind of in the fold of this show because they are an integral part of the makeup of this show. Yes.
00:10:52
Speaker
That's definitely a goal of ours. Like we will still continue to update everyone on TJ and how he's doing. He is just a sweet baby angel. Let me tell you the cutest child.
00:11:06
Speaker
So sweet. Hannah is now in North Carolina with them and so I get lots of photos and videos and he is just the sweetest. His language has exploded. I feel like he's talking so much. He's doing really well. Yeah, he's doing really, really well.
00:11:31
Speaker
circumstances but I mean yeah you know he he just celebrated his second birthday um so we have a big two-year-old uh and he looks so happy um so cute and I know uh Shannon was beaming looking down um but yeah still hard to yeah
00:11:52
Speaker
I think as moms and part of the reason this like her passing was so devastating is just as moms like that is everyone's biggest fear. I know that's my biggest fear of like not being there for my babies and not being there to, you know, see them grow up.
Navigating Grief and Emotional Balance
00:12:12
Speaker
I can't even know. It's been really hard to swallow that. Yes. And.
00:12:21
Speaker
So I try really hard to focus on the joy and to lean into the happiness and joy, but sometimes you also got to let it out and cry. Candice had such a good perspective of everything. What was it that you said, oh, that happiness and sadness can coexist?
00:12:46
Speaker
And, you know, you can have your happy moments and your sad moments and let, you're allowed to feel both during grieving. And that's really helped me by you even saying that. Because, you know, in the beginning when things were still really fresh and I would laugh at something, I would almost recoil and be like, I'm not allowed to do that.
00:13:08
Speaker
I'm not allowed to feel happy. I feel guilty. The fact that the world kept turning when mine had completely stopped, I was so mad. I was like, how can everyone just keep living their lives? This big traumatic thing kept happening. Weren't you saying, didn't you go get pick up food? And you're like, hi.
00:13:31
Speaker
My best friend just died, but thanks for my food. You know, it's like so weird living in that world. Yeah. I mean, Whitney knows this and her and I have talked about this like after everything happened, but you know, this isn't my first experience with grief and losing someone unexpectedly. My dad passed away from a heart attack when I was 23.
00:13:56
Speaker
23. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and it was completely sudden, obviously. So this isn't my first tango with grief. And I learned a lot from my dad passing. And one of the things I learned was that first of all, time heals a lot. It doesn't heal that like you always miss them.
00:14:19
Speaker
And they're not here. But if I think about my life from the day my dad passed away to now, there has been so much happiness and so much good that has happened. And that day my dad died, I felt like my life was ending and my whole world came crashing down.
00:14:41
Speaker
But really, when I look back, there's so much happiness that has happened too. And through my dad passing that I know that he would want me to be happy and to focus on the good and to live and to do all the things. The last thing he wants me to do is to sit around and wallow. And of course, that's necessary sometimes. Don't get me wrong.
00:15:06
Speaker
But that's something I lean on really heavily with grief. And I definitely have this time with, you know, losing Shannon is I try to focus on what she would want me to do. And that brings me some peace. Yeah. So speaking of.
00:15:26
Speaker
You are literally having a baby next month, which we can finally say. We're here. I can finally say that it is a month away. It's been, y'all, I am large. I am very large. Here, I should get up and show my belly. Well, I was just saying, I was like, Candace, your face looks the same. You're so cute. Thanks.
00:15:50
Speaker
I was like, my face has stretched like 10 miles and I was like, you still look fabulous. I'm pissed. I don't know. Like everyone on this, if you listen to this episode and you, it's on our Instagram somewhere, but we posted the photo of me when I was pregnant with Alice, when I looked like a gremlin or a bridge troll, something like that. My face changed so much when I was pregnant with Alice. My nose got whiter. I was so swollen. Like I was.
00:16:20
Speaker
a different looking person. And this has not happened yet in this pregnancy. I have, and actually I had an in-person meeting this morning and my client that I met was like, you look great. You're like all baby. It's all right here. And I'm like, oh my God, thank you so much. I agree. Um, yeah, I don't know what I was expecting. It's not like I haven't not seen you, but yeah, but we haven't like FaceTimed in a while probably. We talk all the time, but
00:16:50
Speaker
I guess I saw you in November, but. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that wasn't that was like a month or so. Yeah. Oh, you look too much almost two months ago.
00:17:01
Speaker
Oh yeah, you're right. Wow. Crazy. Yeah. No, I'm in the home stretch. So how's this pregnancy been? Because I mean, we've kind of missed the last. Yeah. Well, I mean, we, we pre-recorded a lot of episodes for me. So we have not recorded since October 31st.
Candace's Pregnancy and Coping Mechanisms
00:17:22
Speaker
Yeah, which we haven't even released those episodes. So yeah, we'll get to that at the end, I think. But I mean, I'm feeling pretty good for the most part. I definitely have hit the like.
00:17:38
Speaker
I'm out of breath all the time, like just sitting here and talking. I'm like, I feel like I need to, I feel like I need to catch my breath. Um, but I physically feel a lot better this pregnancy than I did with Alice. I think it's just that I move a lot more because I'm chasing Alice around. Like Alice does not sit still. So I think it's partly that, um,
00:18:03
Speaker
So physically, I feel pretty good. All the normal like late third trimester things, like my sleep has started to go downhill. Like how many times do you pee in a night? Like at least two. Yeah. That's what I was doing. Two to three. Yeah. Two to three, depending on how much water I have before bed.
00:18:24
Speaker
i know chris would like take away my cup he'd be like you can't and i was like but i need it i was so thirsty i know i know i'm not i'm that way too i'm so thirsty so it's hard for me not to like chug water before bed and then i hate myself when i'm getting up in the middle of the night like
00:18:40
Speaker
Yeah. So physically I feel pretty good other than like, you know, the normal things. I will say this baby. So I had a 3d ultrasound, um, the week before Christmas. So when I was 32 weeks, 30, yeah, 32 weeks, it was like two or three weeks ago at this point.
00:18:58
Speaker
And she is looking super cute in there. We got some really good pictures of her face and she is looking chunkier than Alice was. I think I've said this on this podcast before, but Alice has always been like a long and lean baby. She was like not, yeah, my little string bean baby, which I love.
00:19:20
Speaker
I really wanted a chunky baby this time around and she's looking chunkier, which is funny because I feel less chunky myself this time around. She's absorbing it. Thank God. Take it all, girlfriend. She's absorbing. Yeah.
00:19:39
Speaker
So yeah, she's looking good. I mean, at that ultrasound and it, you know, there's a margin of error with like weight, like projecting weights and stuff on those ultrasounds, but they said she looked like she was already like five pounds, six ounces. And that was two, three weeks ago. They were a pretty spot on with mine.
00:19:58
Speaker
Yeah. And the ultrasound tech, who is my aunt, she was like, I think she's going to be like in the eights, like high eights. And I was like, OK, that's doable. I mean, I pushed out a nine five fiver and you deserve this time. Honestly, you deserve like an actual recognition like medal for that. That is go you.
00:20:24
Speaker
Hearing that bag, it's like, ew, but I mean, it was so much easier this time. I don't know how prepared. I knew what I was doing maybe. Yeah. But yeah. Um, I would say the only thing, obviously like mentally the past two months has been hard. Like I've, for obvious reasons, there's also just such a weird juxtaposition of like.
00:20:48
Speaker
having this baby and being excited for her while also feeling really fucking sad that Shannon should be here with her baby, you know, and I think about it all the time. Like I feel a guilt. Yeah, about it. Like when we were. Which I know is the last thing she would want to know. But when we were at the funeral, people would ask like, you just had a baby, right? And I like really didn't want to even talk about it. I was like, I don't want.
00:21:16
Speaker
Mario to be a focus like I just felt weird. I felt the same way and obviously at the funeral I was like very much showing like I was very large even then and it's like I wish I wasn't just because I just didn't even want anyone to acknowledge it. I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want
00:21:37
Speaker
I just wanted it to be a quick like, I'm good or she's good. Yeah. Yeah. It's been hard to kind of manage those feelings. Shout out to my therapist who has been my rock the past two months and has really helped me learn that those feelings
00:21:54
Speaker
can coexist and there can be space for both of them. She's really taught me to make space for grief in my life in the sense of almost choosing a time to feel it and letting yourself feel it in that time and then having a transitional activity or something.
00:22:19
Speaker
going for a walk to like reset. And then that way I can focus on Alice and like present. And that sometimes if you don't have like, if you don't consciously like stop that grieving process, like it can bleed into your whole day. And, and I, another thing that's in the back of my mind, like at the end of this pregnancy is like, I'm in my last months, weeks, days without, with it just being Alice and my husband, obviously, but you know,
00:22:48
Speaker
Yeah. So I want to be as present as possible and like joyful and happy with her. Right. You know, so it's been tough, but I'm, I'm definitely excited. I am so unprepared though. Like I currently am in Evie's room.
00:23:09
Speaker
I just got it. There's nothing. It is. It's a work in progress. At least everything is emptied out of here. We are going to lay the carpet maybe even tonight because it arrived yesterday and I got the rug pad and everything. You even just dropped her name casually. I don't think you've said it before.
00:23:31
Speaker
Oh my gosh. I don't think I have either. Should I just announce now, I guess. So her name will be Evelyn Shannon, which is so perfect. Yes. Evelyn Shannon Donnelly. And we call her Evie, obviously.
00:23:47
Speaker
Alice calls her Evie. Alice is really sweet. Almost every day when she gets home, she lifts up my shirt and she says, check Evie, check Evie. And she likes to check my belly, which I don't know what she's checking for. She's going to be amazing.
00:24:04
Speaker
She's such a smart little girl. I think she's going to love her. Yeah. Yeah. I think she's going to be good. There's like a weird thing with Graydon. He's always been so good to Margo still to this day. So gentle loves her. But there was like a weird like jealousy thing that went on. Yeah.
00:24:24
Speaker
I feel like that's fairly common though. Yeah, I mean, and he never took it out on her. It was more like if I was holding Margo Graydon would like beg Chris to hold him. So there was like a weird like, well, she's getting attention. I want attention. And yeah, that's been like something to navigate, but really it's not even that bad anymore. I don't even notice it anymore because she's four months old now, which is like,
00:24:50
Speaker
We need a full update from you too. I want to hear everything. I blacked out through November. For real. I feel like I lost a whole month. For many reasons. Best friend dying when Margo was two months old.
00:25:10
Speaker
rocked my world. I was kind of the opposite of Candace. I was grieving constantly. I was sleep deprived so that didn't help. Like, oh my God. Yeah. You were in the depths of newborn land while also grieving one of your best friends saying. Well, those first two weeks,
00:25:37
Speaker
I was like, I need to be committed. I'm really not well. Just because I felt like I was being tortured, I was getting up with Margo in the night and being forced to constantly think about it.
00:25:55
Speaker
thinking about just how, I don't know, I didn't have her to talk to anymore. And I used to just grab my phone and want to text mom group chat.
Children as Motivation Amid Grief
00:26:07
Speaker
And just knowing that it was just me and you in there felt weird. And I just couldn't stop thinking about it. And then going to her funeral, I think really helped seeing family and friends, seeing Andrew and TJ, seeing Hannah and Shannon's parents.
00:26:25
Speaker
It almost felt like a good chapter closing on that, I guess, in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just being able to release and pay my respects. And then from there, I feel like I've almost mentally blocked it as a coping mechanism.
00:26:47
Speaker
um i'm almost scared to bring it up sometimes um like there was a point where i couldn't stop talking about it and now it's like i'm scared to talk about it because i'm scared to feel those feelings again because they were so intense and i've never experienced anything like this in my life i've never had like something traumatic like this happen to me so it's scary um yeah
00:27:11
Speaker
But Margo and Graydon have been kind of my saving grace in it all, even though she's caused me not sleeping, but watching her grow and her first smiles have already coming on, her first giggles, things like that. She's so cute. She is really so sweet. She's a sweet, sweet girl.
00:27:34
Speaker
Um, I am so obsessed with her. Having a girl really is fun cause you get to do the bows and dress up and all the pink. Um, but they still kind of just feel like another baby at this point. Like they're not into their specifics, but
00:27:49
Speaker
Um, she's been really amazing and Graydon's been really fun. So just trying to focus on family. Um, I, I think it's helped constant. Yeah. I think constantly, like, what would this be like if I didn't have Alice? Like, I feel like Alice has been such a light to me and I'm almost like, and you know, my, I feel like I heard my mom say it like growing up and like, even after my dad, like my children are the reason I'm getting through this and like,
00:28:19
Speaker
That's kind of how I feel about Alice. I'm like, I don't know what I would do getting through this without her. She's my reason for keeping the light around. Exactly. No, that's exactly how I feel.
00:28:35
Speaker
I don't know. I've talked to you about all of like, I don't know. I feel like my anxiety has heightened again. Like I was doing really well. I didn't feel like I had as much postpartum anxiety this time. And then it's like it's back. And I feel like I've manifested a lot of things like I like since.
00:29:00
Speaker
Um, Shannon pass away. I've gained slowly been gaining weight back. Like I have been hyper focused on like Margo sleeping. Like I'm trying to control things and I'm losing control of things. Like I'm just all over the place. And I'm like,
00:29:16
Speaker
Is this just something I am doing and not even recognizing because she's gone? Like, I don't know. Just feel out of control. Maybe you need to set aside some designated grieving time. I know you said you don't think, you don't want to think about it, but sometimes you got to let yourself think about it and go there. That's what I'm saying is like, I thought about it so much and then I stopped or nuts never stopped, but didn't allow
00:29:44
Speaker
It has had your brain to go there. Yeah, so I definitely feel like I should I don't know I just feel like since we're past the holidays and you know, January is always a reset and I feel Kind of like I'm grounded again in the way Margo just went through the four-month sleep regression and
00:30:06
Speaker
I feel like we're on the other side, so I almost feel like I have a little stability again. Yeah. Which how has the sleep gone? I know it's a big. It's a big and this is probably so tired of me talking about it, but you for girl, I am about to. You do realize like literally in a month I'm going to be the that's going to come from me. You forget like.
00:30:33
Speaker
I'm like, I'm lolling at me, you and Shannon talking about our one year olds being trouble. I am like, Oh my God. Like not that, not that Margaret, Margot was so good during the day. She's not a great sleeper. Graydon was a great sleeper. So this is like, it's like tit for tat. She's been hard. I'm doing everything by the book and it does not matter. She will not make the connection or
00:30:59
Speaker
She's gotten better. She has gotten so much better, but it's taken longer and I'm just, I keep comparing and I'm getting mad that it's not, I'm not getting the same results. So I don't know. It's just, she's a different baby. So I thought I knew what I was doing.
00:31:15
Speaker
Even in regards to your anxious thoughts and all of those, you are still very much in the postpartum era. You've heard us say on this show, you don't feel like yourself until nine or 10 months.
00:31:34
Speaker
You are only way away. I know. I'm so sorry. Hey, I'm past the hard part. Like, yeah, I was talking to my best friend, Cassie, who, you know, tell my listeners out there. She lives in Nashville area too. And man, she was texting me like, I was so focused on how I was going to feed this baby. I didn't even think about sleep. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's the hard part is the sleep. And she's like, it's almost.
00:32:04
Speaker
I don't know, at least for Alice, they went hand in hand though. Alice was not a great eater, therefore she woke up more because she didn't eat enough to keep her asleep. That's why I'm just praying for a big chunky baby who loves my boobs. That's all I want. I mean, how could you not?
00:32:28
Speaker
get up in there like for real they were given to me by god to feed the earth the whole earth she could feed the land literally i could feed every baby on this block and
00:32:43
Speaker
That's how my milk supply is. That's how big my boobs are. Also, I sent you a picture, but a month or two ago, I got up from bed and I was full-on leaking from my boobs already a month ago. I was like, the fuck? It's happening.
00:33:05
Speaker
That's why he's coming early. I'm not prepared.
Support Systems in Motherhood
00:33:10
Speaker
She's going to be sleeping in the manger. For real. She's going to be. I don't know, but no, the sleep is so hard that it consumes your life until you get a little bit consistency and like.
00:33:24
Speaker
It does get better and having the September group community that I'm in has helped because like-minded people are going through the same things and we're talking each other through things that are working for one another. It's like, thank God that I have this community around me to tell me that I'm doing a good job and just be consistent and you'll get through it. I think we're on the other side.
00:33:50
Speaker
Yeah. I'm ready to be done talking about it. I'm ready for you to talk about it. I was going to say, we haven't done an episode on sleep or sleep training at all. That's been on our list forever, but I remember we were always waiting until we all had newborns. We are definitely coming soon to an eardrum near you.
00:34:12
Speaker
is our episode on sleep and sleep training. So Whitney, before you leave sleep training land, I need you to take some notes and write down some notes. I don't think I'll ever forget how this was done. You said after the first, you forget.
00:34:31
Speaker
Well, it's true because Cassie was already saying things like she thought Emma had colic and I was like, well, have you tried this, this and this? And I was like, I forgot that Margo had reflux. Like I'd already like forgotten that. Yeah. And that was two months ago or whenever three months ago. And I'm like,
00:34:49
Speaker
Wow, you really do be blacking out when they're in a newborn stage. Okay. So you guys know my Q1 moms. That's like my mom group, which this is actually wild winning. I don't know that I've told you this. He did, you know, okay. Three, three people are, have already had their second and 10 of us are pregnant at once. 10 of us were people trying or yeah. So they like, we, we kind of had a, um,
00:35:20
Speaker
Like this, it's funny because Keller and Claudia and I kind of were always on the same timeline of like, okay, we want to get pregnant and have the second right before the next one. Like 202. Yeah, like 202. Yeah. And then the girls now have what they call a winter pact. So like that they were going to get pregnant this winter and the girls have come to deliver.
00:35:49
Speaker
I'm not joking. Every other day I get in that chat and there's a new positive pregnancy test. If I have a busy work day and I'm not able to keep up on the chat, the first question I want to ask is who announced they were pregnant today because it's so crazy.
00:36:06
Speaker
how it's awesome though that it's fun because now we're all like kind of doing it all. I mean, I've been talking to these women since I was like two months pregnant with Alice and now we're all having our seconds. It's so fun. It secures the bond even more. Oh, we're bonded for life. These, these, these bitches are stuck with me forever. They know too much.
00:36:31
Speaker
It's crazy how the internet friends become some of your really close friends. I love that group and love talking to them and I know the ins and outs of their lives and their babies and you learn to love their babies too and enjoy seeing pictures. So it's kind of cool. Totally. One of the moms in the group said recently, I feel like I hacked motherhood by finding this group.
00:36:56
Speaker
It's so true. That's cute. That is a big motherhood hack, is to find your group of people that are in the same stage as you. Yeah. Otherwise, four months going forward with a baby is really fun. I was going to say, you're entering the fun times. Yeah. I remember when Graydon Turd, four months old, and I was like, oh my god, this is my favorite age. And then it became, oh, this is my favorite. And then that's where it starts.
00:37:26
Speaker
because they're doing all the cute things and I mean she is watching everything and looking around and she'll follow great and she'll follow the dog.
00:37:35
Speaker
She's, she's on, on the, on the cusp of getting out of that little newborn thing and becoming like a real baby. And she's a big girl anyway. So she already looks like a baby and she has so much hair that people are like, Oh my God, she looks older than she is. Yeah. She has the cutest face. Like she's, I just love her so much. She's so cute. She's so sweet. I can't see how she grows even more.
00:38:05
Speaker
Has she lost any of her hair or her hair has stayed around because a lot of the times it falls out called spot just from rubbing. But that's it. Classic. Yeah. Wow.
00:38:16
Speaker
Graydon's never fell out either, so. Oh, Alice's was dark and it kind of fell out, but then grew back. Yeah, I think she's got her hair is so long now. That's another update. It is like halfway down her back. Like we're we're going to be due. We're going to be due for our first like girly haircut, but I've been trying to avoid it because I don't want straight across almost to.
00:38:38
Speaker
Are you going to give her bangs? No, I don't want to. I really want that front pieces to grow long enough to where they can like lay. I got you. I got you. That's kind of why I've been waiting, because I think if we were to get a haircut now, they would like. I mean, it's cute, but it could be cute. But also, I see pictures of me when I was little with that haircut and she is my mini me. And I'm like, that's not going to work for you, girl. I think that's a 90s thing. I had them too. Yeah.
00:39:08
Speaker
So yeah, I get it. That's funny. Well, how were your holidays? Um, fine. I mean, I felt like traveling with two since we went to my parents is a little stressful. Um, having like the baby's sleep or Margo sleep in a pack and play for the first time, like they're out of their environment. So things just got fucked up with sleep again. Yeah.
00:39:35
Speaker
you know, Graydon not wanting to settle down as easily. So things are always a little chaotic. She not napping as good. I was, you know, I'm just in that stage where I'm trying to create routine. And when you get out of routine, it's just like, I feel loosey goosey. Like I'm, I've lost control.
00:39:50
Speaker
So that part was hard, but otherwise, like being around family and friends is always amazing. And just, yeah, watching Graydon. This was his third Christmas, even though he's two, you know, but this was his third one.
00:40:06
Speaker
It's so fun watching them as toddlers. It's cute. It's also funny to see like what they really like and what they are drawn to. Like Alice's favorite gifts are like the cheapest, stupidest ones. Like fidget spinner was like one of my favorites. I'm like, okay, that was in your $70. Cool. Glad I spent $70 on this Hot Wheels tower. Even though that was his favorite, but
00:40:34
Speaker
This year was fun to watch them open gifts. I will say, I know a lot of moms can relate or I think, but my family or our family, you know, Alice is the first grandchild on both sides.
Challenges of Holiday Overwhelm
00:40:48
Speaker
They went.
00:40:49
Speaker
buck wild. The amount of toys that we got is actually unbelievable. It's crazy. Vinny had a full freak out the other day when we were cleaning out this room to take stuff to storage and donate. I wish I had recorded it, honestly. It would have been a viral TikTok, but he was like,
00:41:14
Speaker
Okay. For Alice's birthday, we are having a strict, no gift policy. And you know what? I don't blame him because it.
00:41:24
Speaker
Like we said for Alice's birthday that we want experience gifts. Which is smart anyway. Tickets to the zoo, send us Disney on ice tickets, something for us to do because there's nothing like, and I know it comes from a good place and everyone has good intentions, but that doesn't make my house any bigger. That doesn't make her playroom storage deeper. And I don't have anywhere to put all this stuff.
00:41:53
Speaker
I don't know if you feel this way, Whit, but, you know, everyone's like, oh, do a toy purge. And it's like, yeah, I am, I am getting rid of some things, but a lot of the baby or toys, because I'm about to have another, I don't want to get rid of like the toys that Evie will like in exactly a couple months. So I'm saying like, I have a big toy chest downstairs and it's like filled with like a seven month old would play with it. So it's like, well,
00:42:22
Speaker
I can't put anything new in there because it's all old stuff, but I can't get rid of it. So you're going to have a seven month old, like not that far from now. And I'm like, damn, it's just like really getting out of hand. Like I, yeah, we, my neighborhood, my cul-de-sac, everyone has a downstairs like playroom, like right when you enter and they were like, you're going to convert. And I was like, no, I won't. My front room's not going to be filled with toys. Like, no. And like,
00:42:48
Speaker
It's become quite the sword room, not like a playroom in full effect, but it's getting a little piled up in there. I was like, they were freaking right. Like, yeah, we turned, you know, we, we turned our front room right in the front door, a playroom. It was an office slash like, and I, I was like, we, I don't have another choice, honestly. So.
00:43:11
Speaker
Well, Chris and I always say the kids have taken over our lives. We have no control anymore. And well, yeah, but this is a time that will only last for a little bit, you know, so I was going to like come this.
00:43:26
Speaker
I was going to wrap this up by saying and ask you, with everything that has happened in the past two months, I feel like my perspective on life and motherhood has changed a little bit for the better, I would say.
Appreciation and Future Plans
00:43:48
Speaker
It's changed my marriage in a lot of ways. I think Vinny and I have been so much more like appreciative and grateful and like kind to each other the past two months because we realize that like all the shit that we argue about or like the shit that we let get in the way of like our happiness or our life like truly doesn't matter.
00:44:12
Speaker
And that every moment we get here with our kids and with each other is such a blessing. So I want, I think that Shannon would love that that is left, you know, for us, like that she would want us to appreciate every moment. But I also want to say,
00:44:37
Speaker
that that doesn't mean that you can't complain from time to time and that we will still vent and complain on this show. Let me tell you. That's all I do is complain. Yeah. But there is also that layer of like, I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful to be with Alice. I'm grateful to be with my family. And, um, you know, we would give anything for Shannon to be here with us and to be with TJ and her babies.
00:45:08
Speaker
So to just take that and keep it in the back of your heart and mind. Always be present as much as you can. Um, in every little moment is what I've been trying to do. If I feel myself getting worked up, I just, I let it go. I'm like, this is not the grand scheme of things. So yeah.
00:45:29
Speaker
Uh, yeah, it's totally affected everything. And yeah, like I said, I still complain just cause sleep deprivation will make you cuckoo for cocoa puffs, but, um, no, I'll be there in about a month and a half. So can't wait.
00:45:44
Speaker
I'm so sorry. The other thing we wanted to say was just, and we know from talking to you guys, like in our Facebook group and just hearing from you guys the past two months, like that you guys are so understanding and loving and supportive. So as we move forward with this show, like it's going to be different because we don't have Shannon and
00:46:11
Speaker
there will always be a missing piece and we're figuring it out as we go, y'all. We know for sure we're going to continue. That is not a question. We just ask that you're on this journey with us to figure out what works and what doesn't and to keep on keeping on with us. I guess the main worry, not a worry, but
00:46:38
Speaker
Obviously, Candice is about to have a baby and us trying to record as much as possible. Obviously, we will, but that puts a lot of pressure on Candice and myself being potentially solo on some of these and trying to get someone to record with me. I think what we mean is just give us a little time in these beginning months and let
00:47:02
Speaker
Yeah, you know, Candice enjoy her time with her newborn as they so graciously let me do. And, you know, we'll try and crank out as much as possible because we love talking and love talking to you guys. But I think that's all of our intentions are there to keep to be consistent. Yeah. But we are still navigating like how this we were like kind of a well oiled machine there for a while, like recording, editing.
00:47:30
Speaker
you know show notes content all the stuff so we're navigating what that looks like with just the two of us and me you know we had planned before all of this to like pre-record a bunch so that you know each of us got time with the newborn and obviously with all of this it we
00:47:48
Speaker
It's fine. We're going to make it work, but we're just asking that you give us some grace and that we just appreciate you guys. We want to be here. We want to be here, okay? We really do.
00:48:04
Speaker
so um the other thing is we do have three episodes that are pre-recorded with Shannon um that have not been released um because like I said we were working ahead for Shannon to be on maternity leave and all of that
00:48:22
Speaker
So I believe we are going to release those episodes. I think Shannon, well, I don't think I know Shannon had so much value to bring to everyone like, and I want to squeeze as much out of her as possible. And I mean that in like,
00:48:41
Speaker
I want everyone to gain every ounce of like insight and knowledge and humor and wit out of her as possible so I do believe we are going to release those episodes we are not quite sure what that's gonna look like if we're gonna release them all at once or full like the next three episodes will be
00:49:01
Speaker
you know, which the ones with Shannon, I feel like you can keep an eye on our Instagram and we'll probably post their kind of like the plan for those. Um, but, and especially like, I know the one episode I can think of that I felt like when we were done recording it, I was like, Oh my God, that was so helpful. Like I know it's going to help so many people. It was the episode we recorded about like nannies and childcare. That was Halloween. That was the last time we talked. Yeah.
00:49:30
Speaker
Yeah. Just so fucking crazy.
00:49:32
Speaker
Well, not the last time we talked to her, but the last time we recorded it. I mean, we were talking, we talked to her like literally 8 PM the day before. Yeah. Which is so, I know it's crazy. So, um, but that episode specifically, I remember being like, Oh, that's such a good one. Like people are always asking about nannies and childcare. And now I have a nanny. I know we'll need a, we'll need a full, this episode's getting kind of long, but we'll, we'll need a full update on that next time.
00:50:01
Speaker
I'm not scared anymore, Mama. I got one. Well, this has been so nice. I feel like I'm ending the best therapy session of all time. Yeah, I mean.
00:50:15
Speaker
Candice and I said this to each other all the time, like, thank God I have you, Candice. I know. I don't know what I would have done. I know. You're my light. I love you so much. I love you so, so much. I don't know what I would have done without you. And I feel like it's brought you and me like, I mean, we were already up each other's butt, but like we live in my butt. I live in your butt.
00:50:38
Speaker
But we I just love you even more. And I never want to let you go, Jack ever. No, never. So I can't wait to be back. You know, at the back baby. We're back. And we love you guys. Thank you so much for being here and for giving us the space and the grace and the
00:51:02
Speaker
taste and the face. I was trying to think of other rhyming words. And we can't wait for all that is to come. We love you. And thanks. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.