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Episode 2 - Regrets Of Not Being Diagnosed Earlier In Life
113 Plays2 years ago
In this episode Paul and Martin (and co-Mayors of ADHDville) talk about ADHD in terms of the regrets they had at not being diagnosed earlier in life. Martin muses about looking through the lens of decades of crap that he could have avoided, being fucking kinder to himself and repairing what can be repaired. Meanwhile Paul chews on proverbial cud (not Haribo) about the missing emotional tools that he had and his unnecessary masking shenanigans. Stephen Hawking drops in for a chat and then frustratingly drops out again after a tech failure.
Email : ADHDville@gmail.com
Please remember:
This is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals.
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Transcript
Podcast Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
quite a chunk into this book so it's about a third of the way through but yeah yes and it's also a really fast read it's quite you know yeah yeah all right speaking of good words and squeaky chairs welcome to the old geezers talk ADHD
00:00:38
Speaker
I kind of went a bit wonky towards the end there.
Host Diagnoses and Purpose
00:00:46
Speaker
Hello everyone, I'm Paul Thompson. I was diagnosed with ADHD three weeks ago. And I'm Martin West and I was diagnosed with ADHD horrendous about seven years ago.
00:00:59
Speaker
So we're two old geezers who, by coincidence or not, after 39 years of friendship, discover that we're co-ADHD-ers.
Creating Safe Spaces for ADHD
00:01:09
Speaker
Now, it's really important to say that this is an entertainment podcast about ADHD and does not substitute for individualized advice from qualified health professionals. That went better than last week.
00:01:24
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. A lot better. We're better too. So don't take any advice from us. We're just here as a kind of all-inclusive park bench or a comfy pair of ADHD slippers. Our ultimate hope is to create a safe space for the ADH community where we can engage openly and frankly.
00:01:47
Speaker
Okay, still
Introducing 'ADHDville'
00:01:48
Speaker
here? Okay, then grab your lunch pack and let's take you to ADHDville, an imaginary town that we created on our minds, where we'll be able to explore different parts of ADH.
00:02:03
Speaker
Oh, right. So in ADHD rule, let's start off where we always start off, which is in the mayor office. We are the joint mayors of ADHD. And this is where we take care of business. Yeah. I feel like I need some papers to rattle, you know? Right. Right. Yeah.
Humorous Anecdote: Italian Bureaucracy
00:02:26
Speaker
Or a rubber stamp. Or a rubber stamp or something.
00:02:29
Speaker
Yes, I know that you Italians do like a rubber stamp from what I remember last week. I once went to an electrical store to take back a product that wasn't working or whatever. I came out like two hours later with seven different rubber stamps on it just to get it changed for another swap to another product. Anyway,
00:02:56
Speaker
wow okay all right little monologue about italian rubber stamping
00:03:02
Speaker
All right. How was your, how
ADHD and Film Sensitivity
00:03:04
Speaker
was your week? Was it was only, yeah. Um, it's cool. It's cool. I think, Oh, do you know what's come to mind? It's like, might be connected to our, our, you know, 50 plus age group thing, whatever, you know, mature mature. I've never been mature, never will be. But anyway, um,
00:03:27
Speaker
I'm okay with, at this time in my life, I've just been, I'm okay with being okay, you know? And so when you have an okay week, it's just like, that's good enough. It's really good enough. Winter Sea, Asteroid City. Very cool. What's that? What's that story?
00:03:46
Speaker
Okay. With Scarlett Johansson and Tom Hanks and all this kind of very, I loved it. It's been absolutely pillared in there by the, by film critics. I loved it. All right. In the HDA angle to you going to see a film.
00:04:13
Speaker
I've got a shoe on it. Are you ready? I never watched trailers. I can't stand. They'll give you the whole damn plot watching the trailers. If someone comes up and I'm like, I literally turn away because I don't want it to be spoiled.
00:04:36
Speaker
even to the point where people like laugh at me because I go and watch any film and so and I said oh how was the film and I said it was really bad actually so didn't you watch the trailer first no no I never watched the trailers and I don't read reviews
00:04:51
Speaker
I like that chance to see part, you know, take a chance. I'm trying to find like an ADHD angle on this. So for example, I can't go on big screens. I can't go too close to the screen because when it gets to like an action scene and there's a lot going on, my brain just kind of
00:05:15
Speaker
my visual part of my brain just kind of melts down and I get overloaded with stimulus. And there's obviously like a lot of noise going on as well. And
ADHD and Sensory Sensitivity
00:05:28
Speaker
then my anxiety, not just like,
00:05:31
Speaker
you know the film making me feel anxious for the plot but it's like I'm actually feeling quite anxious because my brain's just going and that's the stuff so like wants to shut down.
00:05:46
Speaker
I'm the opposite. I get really hacked off with someone distracts me from my absorption of my, my potential to absorb a film, you know, visually and sonically, sonically. And if like, crisp packets and stuff like that drives me nuts.
00:06:08
Speaker
Oh, right. Yeah, because it's interesting. Part of ADHD is often there's, you know, like you're hypersensitive to all kinds of things like textures or sound or lights or, you know, like there's often one or a combination of things that kind of almost like set me off, make me anxious and then can easily just go into like feeling angry.
00:06:35
Speaker
Right.
Communication and ADHD Needs
00:06:36
Speaker
Oh, me too. For me, it's like, I already find it difficult to concentrate something and stay with it. Don't fucking distract me. Right. You know, and I've got, I've been in situations like people would like look to me like I'm crazy. I was in Palama with a couple of friends and there was like a TV above me. Then there were announcements to like call out the number of the order for people go collect their food.
00:07:00
Speaker
There was a guy behind me who was on like, um, um, listening to YouTube, like full blast volume on his, on his phone and trying to have a conversation with my friends. I was going out of my mind and I literally lost my, I lost my ship and my two friends who were like, they're from Palermo. It was like normal to them. Chaos is part of their life. You know, they looked at me like Paul's losing it.
00:07:27
Speaker
to me it was like totally okay but I did make a scene yeah oh all right yeah yeah well my one of my psychologists she said to me so we know what do you think because I told her about this said what do you think you could do about it and I said well I
00:07:46
Speaker
I guess I could just put up my hand and say, guys, I find it really difficult to concentrate. I'm really sorry.
ADHD Sensitivities in Daily Life
00:07:55
Speaker
And she said, yes, exactly what you should do. And I tried it and it works really fine.
00:08:01
Speaker
it's really fine you're just really honest you know that's I mean like there is something really good about getting your needs met right which is damn right and I think as you get older you you are more comfortable with getting your needs met and
00:08:19
Speaker
You know, so it was like, I was at the opticians yesterday, right? She kind of like put my head back and she was going to, she squirted a drop in my eye. Right. And she didn't really, I wasn't really teed up for it.
00:08:37
Speaker
And the whole sensation and the whole thing was like, I was like, what? No, I said, well, we'll start. I said, I have ADHD. And one of the things is how things feel on my skin.
00:08:54
Speaker
Mm hmm. Like I can react really badly to it. Yeah. Yeah. And she was like, oh, oh, oh. And then that and I was talking to my wife about it. She said, oh, yeah, that's that's good. You know, you're brilliant.
00:09:11
Speaker
I've started to do that as well. Even before my diagnosis, I had a meeting with a guy who was like, I've got a real shit show going on at the moment with my different SIM cards from different companies. It's madness, total madness. Anyway, this guy came and we met and said, okay, I'll do this, this and that, and then you need to do this and the other. And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:09:34
Speaker
look I'm not very good I didn't know I had been diagnosed I said look I'm not very good at memorizing this stuff can you like write it down for me or just slow down because it was in Italian just slow down I said really I really sorry really thanks for being patient and I'd like write down okay so I need to send you this document okay and it really helped but for me it's not it's also about respecting my own needs too
00:10:04
Speaker
Like they have the right to be there, you know, to exist.
Life Before and After Diagnosis
00:10:09
Speaker
Yeah. You know, it's like learning how you work is so important. Right. Exactly. Exactly. And I think the thing at the end of the day, if you, there's also the other, there's other benefits too. Um, like, um, if you're suppressing your needs, which is what, you know, I've done.
00:10:31
Speaker
you know, it's like, my needs aren't important, you know, either consciously or not. If you're suppressing your needs, you will get to a boiling point without realizing you're like, you get to a point of you know, what the fuck point, you know, and you kind of like go crazy. So it's
00:10:49
Speaker
there are no good sides of, you know, of putting other people's needs before yours. Unless, you know, sometimes a good, totally good reason. But if you're suppressing your own, that's bad. That's bad. For sure.
00:11:04
Speaker
All right, so item number three on my list is just a reminder to please subscribe to our pod. Tell us what you think. It keeps the lights on here in ADHDville.
00:11:24
Speaker
I've got item four from last week, which is like, do you have like a famous person with ADHD? You bought up, I can't say Michelangelo, it was Leonardo da Vinci.
00:11:43
Speaker
Right. So who's your special guest this week? Oh, yes. Thank you. Thank you, Martin. I think what you mean is the surprise special guest. Yeah. This is where I go to my monologue. Oh, Martin, I know that you said we don't have a budget and that we shouldn't blow a budget on the first two podcasts, but we've got a surprise guest.
00:12:09
Speaker
Oh, right. And it's like, OK, it's Stephen Hawking. Wow. Yeah. So you've you've got the voice computer on the chair of Stephen Hawking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All plugged in. With all his with all his famous like catchphrases. Yeah. And but unfortunately, he couldn't join us because I didn't have the right touch. I didn't have the right plugs.
00:12:39
Speaker
All right. All right. Which is, uh, plugs is such a trigger for my ADHD plugs. Oh my God. I have cables, cables, plugs, sockets. It drives, it drives me crazy. I think two evenings ago, I couldn't fix my camera, as you know, good camera to, uh, for this podcast. And I was going out of my mind.
00:13:07
Speaker
I literally, I had to stop and like calm myself down. Blimey. Yeah. Well, you did it though. Yeah, I did it. Yeah. Victories. Little victories. So we still got a budget. We still got budget for, um, um, something else, you know, like, um, well, I was going to spend it, I was going to spend it on, on Haribos, but, uh, not any, any more.
00:13:36
Speaker
All right, okay, let's get to the focus of this week. The theme of this week is regrets of not being diagnosed early in life. Okay. All right. And I'm going to take you, Martin, to a little park bench overlooking the lake, you know, contemplative kind of place in ADHDville.
00:14:03
Speaker
Cool, all right, well, let's jump in in our mayor's car and then we'll go over to the park.
Identity and Authenticity with ADHD
00:14:20
Speaker
All right. Yeah, nice park. Feeling the breeze.
00:14:32
Speaker
Shall I start? I think, I've got bullet points, I'm so unprepared. I purposely unprepared for this. Great. Because as you know, Martin has nicknamed me Paula Wingett Thompson. For me, this whole regret thing is about authenticity. It's like, okay, ADHD is not like, it doesn't,
00:14:59
Speaker
I was gonna say it doesn't define me, but it so actually it really does, you know, they did pull that knows what impact ADHD had on my personal life and my work. Right. Right. And, and I just didn't know for years who that person was. So, you know, if only I'd known if only I could have given it a name, I could have maybe, you know,
00:15:28
Speaker
discovered who the authentic Paul was way way way way way before. I actually came up I found a really cool quote like literally two hours ago by Joan Didion. She said I have already lost touch with a couple of people that I used to be. Oh, wow. I thought it's really cool.
00:15:49
Speaker
It's like you kind of like grow out of one person and into another and blah, blah, blah. You learn, you unlearn. And then in our case, you get to like, in my case, 56.
00:16:01
Speaker
find out, wow, part of you Paul is ADHD. It's part of your things at me, you know, you can't kind of like pretend it wasn't there. Right. Especially if you think about how people we interact with people and how they think of us, how, you know, in terms of our reputation, how we've behaved. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, like, because for me, the simplest way I think about it is
00:16:26
Speaker
as soon as I got my diagnosis or even before I got my diagnosis right when you start to think okay it looks like I might have ADHD and you kind of go yeah the thing is is you look back over your entire life through the lens of having ADHD and then
00:16:45
Speaker
everything starts to kind of click into place and then there's a feeling of Regret the what ifs and what I should have done or what I could have done if I'd known By this point, I'm in my late 50s. I can't I was trying to work out where I'm 59 or 58 I think I'm 59 now But you kind of think that's like decades of absolute crap I've caused
00:17:14
Speaker
And you kind of go, there's that kind of regret that just kind of comes flooding in because you think, if I'd known, if I'd known in my teens or whatever, my life would have been very different.
00:17:29
Speaker
totally, you know, a lot of innocent people as well, you know, being, you know, needlessly, you know, sometimes, you know, really upset and traumatized, you know, yeah, yeah, I think I've always been, you know, when people say you shouldn't have regrets in life, I've always had a quite a quite
00:17:53
Speaker
Um, an obvious response to that, you know, my instinct is, you know, what the fuck? Damn right. I have regrets. Damn right. I think it's completely natural. I don't know, but that's completely natural from maybe an ADHD person or natural from everyone's. Yeah. I, I, um, I remember I was, um, my first psychologist and, um,
00:18:20
Speaker
I think it was quite early on into the, into like, that, you know, going back about eight years or so, maybe nine. She said towards the beginning of our sessions, she said, yeah, I think it's possible you're just missing some mental tools, Paul. And then slowly but surely, I think what I gleaned from that, what came out of this, I missed empathy,
00:18:45
Speaker
If I have regrets, empathy is like quite up there at the top of the list. I just didn't have the capability to, whether it work or a personal life, to actually think, okay, I've got this obstacle between me and an ambition. I want to go from here to there. And something's in the way. I would just go out of my mind and get really frustrated and lose my shit and just be completely unreasonable or just
00:19:14
Speaker
you know, bury it inside me, suppress it and like, deal with it in a really bad way, you know, for weeks or months. But it's like there, rather than having what I missed, was the capacity to think, okay, okay, Paul, it's all about you. You know, there's some other stuff going on here, you know, you know, that person that you think is being really shitty to you at this precise moment, just had a bit of a bad day, you know, so I deal with that, you know,
00:19:43
Speaker
And I guess emotional intelligence, right? As a lot of, I think in my case, just a lot of suppression, you know, the masking thing. Oh, my God, you know, surely masking like fits in, you know, like a hand in glove with this kind of discussion about, you know, regrets. Just not having the courage to, you know, show present your true self, thinking you had to like,
00:20:13
Speaker
cover up, I think, in my case, for sure, you know, subconsciously covering up that kind of like deep down feeling that I was something more different about me. That meant I couldn't cope with certain things just like slowly but surely over the years like building up your skills or your masking skills.
ADHD in Creative Careers
00:20:35
Speaker
But what you're doing, in the end is you're suppressing yourself.
00:20:40
Speaker
Absolutely. You know, because like, you know, when you do have ADHD, and it kind of presents itself when you're young, as you're saying, you have that kind of sense of being someone else and of being outside like a like a little bit of a weirdo. Right? He's a little out out there, you know, and he has such potential, but you know, he's, he can't sit still. He's like, he's like off with the fairies is is
00:21:09
Speaker
He's jumping from one thing to the next or whatever, you know, and your entire family and close people can just play into that and go, yeah, you know, you are weird and odd.
00:21:22
Speaker
And you start to think, yeah, I am weird and odd. And that badge of honor. So it becomes part of your personality, right? And you kind of think, well, that is who I am. And I think one of the challenges of late diagnosed ADHD is
00:21:43
Speaker
it's become so ingrained in you that you feel like it's part of your personality, all these people saying who you are, and you're bad, and, you know, you can't concentrate, you just flip from one thing to the other, and all the kind of chaos, you know, ADHD brings, and you've internalized it as part of your personality as being this kind of slightly outsider. You know, that when you do get diagnosed,
00:22:08
Speaker
you almost feel like that is part of your personality, and it's harder to get past that and to kind of realize, well, no, you're not actually that person. It's just, everyone told you you were, so you were like, okay, well, that's who I am. Yeah. Well, because, I mean, that's, to be fair to those people, that's how, you know, from the outside looking in, everyone, my reputation, people always said, oh, Paul, you always seem so calm.
00:22:37
Speaker
pretty much throughout my life. And they're always really surprised when I tell them, no, it's fucking chaos in here, you know, in between these years, chaos, total chaos and, you know, asking against oppression, you know, but the interesting thing is interesting point you're making there.
00:23:03
Speaker
I think the benefit of being a 56-year-old, slightly but surely, I've actually learned how to filter stuff, filter my mind much better, filter out the useful stuff and the not useful stuff, filter it out. Just because you're is exhausting. I literally, I got to a point 11 years ago
00:23:32
Speaker
total exhaustion, total after exhaustion. And I think it was almost like survival. I had to like, okay, subconsciously, I knew I had to start filtering better. And but the benefit was sorry, I kind of get to the point. Now that I'm older, it's like my brain was like highly trained to deal with loads of shit, right? Right. And now that I've learned to actually
00:24:00
Speaker
filter and deal with that shit better. I've actually got this just like really feels like a really what really highly trained brain just like deal with lots of concepts and possibilities and you know,
00:24:14
Speaker
So it's, you know, because I know that you, you work in a creative field like me, so it will be like, okay, here's a situation that you've got to solve for. And there's like lots of variables. People want this, people want that. There's technical things you have to deal with.
00:24:32
Speaker
The problem that people are coming to you with is quite complicated and then looking for a simple, elegant solution. Yeah. And your brain has become quite good at, well, I always think of it as like.
00:24:47
Speaker
noticing patterns in things and you kind of go, okay, yeah, this is good. This is crap. Don't need this need this. And then you can kind of filter out all the stuff that doesn't matter. It's like, became really good at simplifying it. It's like noise from here, noise from there, like input, input, input.
00:25:06
Speaker
I could like home in right. Okay, in the end, it's, it's something simple. You know, I think because as I said, all of those years of having to deal with that for years, it is in the wrong way.
00:25:18
Speaker
But now older, you know, out of necessity, as I said, to like, have a bit more peace in my mind, a bit more tranquility, you know, I've dealt with it, dealing with it better now. Yeah, I think the ADHD brain becomes quite good at solving problems. Yeah. So I mean, it's something, you know, it reminds me of, you know, a lot of people say, Oh, I don't really want to change, you know,
00:25:44
Speaker
like people worried that you start taking whatever pharmaceutical for like, you know, yeah, it's like, I don't really I kind of like that part of me that's a little bit out there. And as it happens, yeah, that doesn't change. You really stay that kind of like, you know, I kind of like, you know, if I walk you down a high street, I feel like a bit of an aliens classic for me, feel like a bit of an alien.
00:26:13
Speaker
Um, but I like it, you know, yeah, because, you know, like, yeah, you're, you're, you're
Managing ADHD-Related Guilt
00:26:20
Speaker
right. Being diagnosed and working with yourself or having pills doesn't change, you know, like there's this really great side to, to having ADHD, you know, this is, it gives you super powers. And I've only found that.
00:26:38
Speaker
by developing strategies and trying to deal with the bad side of ADHD, it just frees up my brain to actually be better at the stuff that I was good at anyway. Yeah. And I think it's no coincidence we're both in a creative industry.
00:26:56
Speaker
you know, highly stimulating environments, you know, for one day to the next, deadlines, different clients, different projects, different sectors, different people, you know, it's, you know, and obviously it's quite rarely that one day is, you know, two days are the same. Right. Do you have had that thought?
00:27:17
Speaker
Well, yeah, because I yeah, I feel lucky that I fell into being a creative because it suited my brain. So there was a lot of novelty all the time. It wasn't the same job. Like you never really knew what your day was going to be like. So that made you happy. And then there was
00:27:43
Speaker
there was always a deadline and they're always very short, which meant that my brain was kind of good for working in that way. So I was always really happy about where I actually managed to make a decent career that's suited. And I think the advertising agency, honestly, it's like, it's full of people with ADHD. It's just... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:28:12
Speaker
Yeah, I worked out there's a pretty much a four year pattern to most of my professional career. I only realized this later. Unfortunately, I got to like four years and I would start like rattling in a cage and I would go into my classic self sabotage mode. I was actually described as a loose cannon.
00:28:31
Speaker
going from like, you know, like, one of the most important people in the agency to be in a totally loose cannon and given the sack. Because I was like, I was and I, I was totally self sabotage. It was unbelievable madness. Because I just I think I just wanted something new. And then going to my next, you know, four year learning cycle.
00:29:00
Speaker
And then you have like, you know, decades of, of, of that, you know, and then that's another thing that you look back on you go, Oh, you know, what if I've been diagnosed with ADHD earlier and I knew this was a thing and, you know, now I have regret, you know, like it just builds up.
00:29:18
Speaker
all that kind of shame as well. I upset some people, you know, along the way that is so unnecessary. Right. You know, shame, the self-loathing that kind of comes with it, the feelings of depression, you know, I'm a bad person. What's wrong with me?
Self-Kindness and ADHD Acceptance
00:29:36
Speaker
Right.
00:29:37
Speaker
And you get all of that. And then you get diagnosed as we're saying. And like, oh, you know, I'm not a bad person. My brain works in this particular way. And you kind of go, oh, well, that removes some of the guilt, at least, because it's just how it was me trying to work in a normal world and be a normal person.
00:30:04
Speaker
Yeah, but but no, I've got ADHD, I have to work with who I am. But that's, that's it. And it goes totally round goes come back comes back round as what I say the beginning of authenticity. It's like who you are. It's part of you. It's like, it also comes down to how you communicate it as well, that it's not a an excuse. It's just a reason.
00:30:26
Speaker
yes you know right yeah in our house our phrase is um it's not an excuse it's it's an explanation right is the same thing because there is a tendency i kind of feel where you kind of go oh okay i behave in this you know like i i i continually procrastinate you know or whatever about putting the the the
00:30:52
Speaker
the putting the trash out, for example, it just piles up and and your partner can go, well, you know, take the take the goddamn trash out and you go, well, it's not my fault. I've got ADHD and just walk off. Yeah. You know, that goes down well. Right. It's not an excuse. Right. It's just an explanation to why the trash is piling up.
00:31:21
Speaker
you know, I never think of ADHD being should be used as an excuse for anything. It's just, yeah, why? Yeah. And then there's that there's always gonna be, you know, some people aren't as receptive as, you know, our partners, as people talk about it as being something fashionable, like, Oh, God, yeah, it's like everyone yesterday was bipolar. And then the day after everyone is OCD.
00:31:46
Speaker
you know all right i know but but but then i look at it and i go well if it was fashionable i've been fashionable all my entire goddamn life jesus christ yeah right i mean like what i what i kind of thought i wanted to do was maybe try and offer something up as a as as a way to deal with with guilt so i've got like five little points here that
00:32:16
Speaker
I've been doing some more prepped than I am. Yeah, because I kind of felt like, you know, it'd be good to offer something. Well, I mean, it's a really important dynamic. Something that's really cool. You know, you're more down the line. I'm two weeks into diagnosis, you know. Right. It's great. Cool. Right. So, yeah, guilt is a big thing. It is a big part of ADHD. I think the first thing that we
00:32:43
Speaker
trying to and this is in no order by the way is just have awareness of the guilt whatever it is so if you think right you know like for me you know I had affairs I didn't pay the taxes or I procrastinated on this thing or I caught you know I
00:33:06
Speaker
I caught people a lot of unnecessary anxiety. I missed out on my job promotions or whatever it was. And I feel guilty about it. The first step is just being aware of where that guilt is.
00:33:24
Speaker
When it comes up, you know of so that's one thing just just being of being aware of it This the second one is what was the environment when that when that happened? So I'm just trying to think of an example so I might feel guilt that I didn't do the taxes for a few years after I think about all why What was the environment what was going on? No, well there was lockdown. There was a virus. There was the whole
00:33:51
Speaker
that, that whole thing and my brain just kind of stopped being in a, you know, running along the normal day to day. And then the world was different. And then things like my taxi just, just went away. Like they just, away. Right. I, for me, talk to the environment, for me during the pandemic, for me, like, like a really kind of like in short beginnings, like, Oh,
00:34:20
Speaker
a little bit arrogant, if I'm honest, like, oh, I'm okay with this. I'm fine. You know, I'm fine. I'm fine. Then it was until half almost after the pandemic, I realized I was I was bouncing around. Like I in my
00:34:39
Speaker
because I like to put, I'm an image person. So I like, the image I have is a pinball machine. I was a little ball bearing in a pinball machine just going from here there and everywhere bouncing all over the shop because of the environment. It was because I didn't have any structure anymore. I didn't have like, you know, get on a train, walk to the office, you know, routine, no routine, no structure.
00:35:09
Speaker
And, um, I'd never had that before. I'd never had, I'd never had ADHD without structure before that, before that moment. Right. And like, whoa. And that's, that's, you know, make peace with that. It's like, but it's, it took me a while to realize that. And it gives me some peace of mind to know it and it fits, it resonates, it really fits, you know? Right. Cause it helps with the guilt a little bit to kind of understand what was going on, what the players were.
00:35:39
Speaker
and where you were. And then the next one is just be fucking kind to yourself.
00:35:46
Speaker
Right. Accept yourself for who you are. So now you know you have ADHD, right? So we're usually our worst critics, you know, all that self-loathing and low self-esteem, you know, that grinds you down. So it's important, you know, as almost every ADHD podcast will say, it's just
00:36:09
Speaker
you know, to kind of, you know, give yourself a break, you know, yeah, you were, you know, you didn't have a normal functioning brain, you had this kind of like, crazy ADHD brain, you didn't know you were trying to fit into other people's normal and struggling. Exactly.
00:36:33
Speaker
And then the fourth is like, is change what you can change. So can you repair some of the damage? And, you know, so it's, it's, it's a little bit like, you know, I've apologized to people for my appalling behavior in the past. It's a, and it's a little bit like, I think it's, it's one of the steps in the 10 step.
00:37:03
Speaker
If you have guilt, if there is something that you can do, you should go and do it. And then the last one, and this is probably the most important, is the past is the past. There's a limited amount that you can do about that.
00:37:24
Speaker
You are now, you know, you can self-identify as an ADHD and you go, right, well, it's time to kind of tool up. Right. Okay. I now need strategies. I now need things. I need my environment to be in a certain way. I need to keep trying different things to see what works and what doesn't work. And in that way, you can actually just become
00:37:51
Speaker
you know, a better person and you can go, yeah, look, I'm not a nutbag. I'm not a weirdo. I just realized that I need more sleep or I realized that that that I need to write stuff down. I need people to speak more slowly sometimes and I can write stuff down in order to kind of retain the information. And this is what I need. Yeah.
00:38:16
Speaker
Yeah. You know, and in that way, you'll, you'll, you know, you're going to cause yourself less guilt down the line just by improving. Yeah. Well, it could, it could be worse you were saying that about, you know, being in our fifties.
00:38:35
Speaker
get to our age and you know what works for you, what doesn't. It's like if you know meditation will never work for you. It's like, because there's so much noise out there, so many people say, do this, do that, especially on Jesus, on social. There's so much out there. Apparently, but at the end of the day, you know, people
00:38:59
Speaker
Some things, when you get to a certain age, things will resonate. Some don't. You don't feel like you have to force yourself to go down a road that's like, yeah, I could never meditate. Or you're not into sport. It's okay. But you can still really prove your diet, for instance. Apparently, it's a biggie, huge one. Your gut health. Gut health, the second brain.
00:39:25
Speaker
It's a huge one. And that's going to be another podcast. Yeah. Gut health's apparently huge, huge, huge. And that's where alcohol's really bad for ADHD is, by the way. So yeah. All right. Well, we're going to bring that one to a close.
Fun Quiz on Adderall Names
00:39:45
Speaker
And then, um, and then, uh, as we're walking over to the, uh, post post office, um,
00:39:53
Speaker
I'm going to leave the car behind. Um, and I've got like a little, uh, I've got a little, little quiz for you. Oh, I've got a little quiz, which is, which is called street names for Adderall. Catchy title. I know. So, so I've got a bunch of street names for Adderall slang, if you like, what the cool kids are saying.
00:40:20
Speaker
And I've got a bunch here, about 10 or so, right? And you have to decide whether that's a real street name or it's one that I've made up. Okay. So all of these names, so they could all be real, they could all be fake, or they could be a mix. Right. Okay. Put it into context. I'm already thinking, yeah, I think I know Martin pretty well. I'm going to sniff them out so easily. But let's see.
00:40:48
Speaker
Let's see how we go. And then I'm going to get my mate, Prarayan, is going to say whether it was a yes or whether it was a no. So let's start with the first one. Copilots.
00:41:04
Speaker
Is it real or is it fake? No, wait. I thought he was talking about street names. Yeah. Co-pilots. Yeah. Co-pilots is a street name. It could be. Co-pilots is a street... Oh, okay. I've got a guess. Okay. Okay. Just wind it. Does it sound like a real name, street word, name for Adderall? It's fake. It's fake. It's fake. Oh, dear. It's real.
00:41:34
Speaker
Oh, okay. Started off well. Yeah. All right. Here we go. The second one. Eggs. Eggs. Yeah. Have you got any eggs, eggs, mate?
00:41:47
Speaker
I'm taking eggs. I'm going with no. Oh yes. Yes, that is correct. It is a street name. It sounded so ridiculously simple it had to be invented by you. Valium. That's what that is a street name for. All right. Third one. Boomers. Boomers. I'm kind of real because I want it to be real. I'm going to say it's real.
00:42:16
Speaker
Oh dear. It's fake. Mushrooms. Dammit. It's a, it's a, it's a word for mushrooms. Really? Yeah. Here's an interesting one. Crank. Crank. Crank. It's about time I took me crank. No, it's not real.
00:42:44
Speaker
Oh, dear. Yeah, it's apparently real. Damn it. What is it? It's a real street name for Adderall. Okay. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. Crank. Yeah. Wow. All right. Okay. Here's one. LA turnaround. LA turnaround.
00:43:09
Speaker
How does that feel? Is that a real street name for Adderall? I think it's a real street name for Provagil. Oh, yes. That's right. It is. It is a real name. Street name for Provagil. Well, for Adderall, but I'll count it as the same thing. Right. Same thing. Yeah. Some people call it. It's like loads of stuff on YouTube. They say like Provagil or it's also called
00:43:35
Speaker
modifinil it's like it's called the smart drug and it's like tons of people taking it in the states by the way i'm not blaming you i'm not pointing the finger but in the states you just have to be there live there in the states about one in four people that go for a ADHD diagnosis doing it to get the drugs right
00:43:58
Speaker
which is nuts when you consider. Well, yeah, I mean, well, for one thing, if you don't have ADHD and you do take, you know, stimulants and amphetamines, it doesn't help your studying or concentration. It actually makes it worse. Right.
00:44:17
Speaker
It only works on ADHD people. Yeah. Well, for that reason. A Provety or a modern of it was called, it's either called the smart drug or the success drug. Secret to success drug. All right. It's insane. Okay. Anyway. All right. So here's the next one. Yay. Yay. Yay. Is it a real? Yay. Or is it a name I've made up?
00:44:48
Speaker
Oh, it's real. Oh, idea. Fake. It's, it's, it's a name for crack. Really? Yay. Come on. God. All right. Okay. Next one. All right. Truck. I like this. I know. Right. Truck drivers. Truck drivers.
00:45:19
Speaker
I'm just, I'm just going to take me, uh, take me, me truck driver now. It's I'm saying it's, it's not real. Oh dear. It's real. No. All right. So this one should be quite, this one should be easy for you. Smarties. It's got to be real. Please make it real. Yeah. Oh yes. It's real.
00:45:48
Speaker
This reminds me of why it's always in Camden. I used to be so green. I'm a lot less green now. I used to be so, like, unstreetwise. And Camden, this guy came up, he said, he's a whiz mate, he's a whiz. And I'm like, what? He's a whiz, do you want some of me, he's a whiz. What? Do you want some fucking speed?
00:46:20
Speaker
No, you're right mate. Alright, last one. Black beauties. Black beauties. I've got the opening credits to Black Beauty now running in my brain. Not real. Did not like that show.
00:46:46
Speaker
Oh dear. Yeah. It's real. Oh, I did really badly. Yeah. I did really badly. I need to invent a quiz now for the next podcast that you'll do equally badly at. Otherwise it's going to like, you know, give yourself a hard time. All right. I like it. I like that quiz mate. Very nice. Very nice. Did I?
00:47:07
Speaker
Well, I didn't win anything, but potentially would I find like Haribo or something? Yes, that's the torment. I'm just going to post you a bag of Haribo's that you'll have to just throw away. That's your punishment for finally getting like too right. Yeah. I've already got an open, an open bag of Haribo in the kitchen. Check it mate. Unopened. I think he's going to have to go. Kill him.
00:47:37
Speaker
All right, let's just wrap wrap this up, right? Yeah, yeah Okay, so the post office So so yeah, this is my bit
00:47:51
Speaker
It's my monologue.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:47:52
Speaker
Your feedback is vital to us and we also welcome any stories you'd like to share. We'll be reading all of your emails and comments and we'll include as a regular feature on our podcast with a pick and mix of our faves. So please send them in, please, please, please.
00:48:08
Speaker
All right. Okay. Well, thanks for being here. Check out the show notes for any links. Visit us on all of our socialies. Um, and, uh, in the meantime, just, just be fucking kind to yourself. All right. See ya. See ya. Ciao. There says the mayor. That's that.