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TSP Ep 130: Tom Reflects on Dick Head or What's it all About Alfie?
17 Plays1 month ago
In this episode, Tom takes a dark reflective journey on the tribulations of life and his film Dick Head.
And Stephen Dies!
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Transcript
Expressions of Gratitude and Reflection
00:00:00
Speaker
You know what, Tom? You take such good care of me and my family, and I'm just sorry that I ah don't reciprocate. You know, for for every... ah Who's that?
00:00:14
Speaker
It's John. He's like, hey, guys, I'm here. Come on. to me. To all my friends. All my friends. I don't know. My phone's over there. I can't reach it. I can't open the Discord.
00:00:26
Speaker
That's fair. That's fine. Do you think, um so we just had a meeting with a Adam and Pat. Do you think they hate us?
00:00:38
Speaker
No. That's it good. The thing that I think was the most insightful and just kind of fun aspect of the meeting that we just had.
00:00:49
Speaker
was that it was kind of this high-level discussion of how we want to execute the themes and... Just giving them ideas. Tone of the film. Yeah, ideas, right?
Music Selection and Film Collaboration
00:01:02
Speaker
And it's like, so this is why we picked this song. This is why we want the pacing to be like this. And I was talking with with ah with John and Pat, not John and Pat, Adam and Pat about...
00:01:17
Speaker
talking about them without me? When you had stepped out for to chuck to do the diaper, um we were talking about the kitchen. Like when Karen's washing... Not Karen.
00:01:29
Speaker
Yeah, her name's Karen, right? um When Grace is washing her hands and stuff like that. i was like, this is like... The the important thing about this is like this is the first like impression of what the music will be and for the film.
00:01:46
Speaker
Like, yes, it's the the act of just washing her hands or whatever is kind of like not like this, like, it's maybe not be that interesting to watch or anything like while the ah credits are playing or overlaid.
00:01:59
Speaker
And quantessential and quantis. And consequential and consequential. Yes. But at the same time, it's like.
00:02:13
Speaker
The music is what's. sucking the audience in here yeah and that's why it's so important to nail that pacing there because like she even called it out that it was like ah just like a little too slow and ah the whole thing out and I was thinking was like you know being able to like
00:02:37
Speaker
communicate this with people like it's like the the thing that i that has been so weird is like for like the longest time it's just been like me and you like trying to figure out like what it like what works what the film needs to be what like like how we get this to to the point where it needs to be but now we're at a point where we're like or explaining it to people like Adam and Pat, and it's making sense to them. And then there's like a validating aspect to that.
00:03:11
Speaker
And also they're just like doing a really good job. Like I remember I was, ah we were, cause he had asked some questions about some segments and I was like, we didn't really make notes on those. And I was listening to him and i was like, no, you know what? No, this is actually pretty good. This is like, yeah. Like, and I just, and it's so weird to think like,
00:03:33
Speaker
Let me ask you a question. Sure.
00:03:37
Speaker
We met with Adam and Pat, and that was a good conversation. It was like four hours long.
Progress and Validation in Creative Work
00:03:43
Speaker
But like we haven't been so productive on an our end.
00:03:49
Speaker
So how do you feel like as far as we're concerned like um on our end?
00:03:56
Speaker
I feel pretty good about our end only because... we have kind of got to the point where we are done with the grunt work.
00:04:08
Speaker
Uh-huh. And it's a matter of us finding someone to help us get that extra mile.
00:04:19
Speaker
I think it's going to be, and then I think this is where it's a little difficult ah of an aspect only because it's like, this is where we kind of need to also like learn to, to let go In a sense that.
00:04:35
Speaker
it's their It's their turn. To get a crack at it. And we just kind of get. And this is where we get to kind of enjoy it. And sit back. And be the the critic.
00:04:46
Speaker
did you Did you feel like you got to be that right now? Yeah. And that's what I was like. Oh this is what it's like? ah Is this what it's like when you're not doing everything? Because for so long. We've been doing everything.
00:05:01
Speaker
Yeah. For so long it's been, well, you know, like, let me cut this scene to see what Steven thinks. Let me, or Steven cut this scene. Let's, let's go over it and. Let's see what Tom thinks. And let's, yeah. yeah And then, but now it's like, they're presenting us work.
00:05:18
Speaker
We get to kind of examine it, realize it, but we're not doing that work. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Is that your fucking cup of whiskey? Yeah.
00:05:29
Speaker
Oh my God, dude. You're like, oh my god, we're going to die. Die? No. We'll be okay. and i And I think that's kind of... It's honestly has... it's It's been a little bit hard to adjust.
00:05:49
Speaker
Just because it's been... every time like and that and we and we had talked about this like like to Ad Halmonim on the ah ah call with Adam and Pat.
00:06:01
Speaker
Pat and Adam. about like, you know, just thank you. Like yeah for us being able to like put our trust into them. Cause it's like, we've tried this before and it's never kind of worked out well.
00:06:20
Speaker
And this is the first time where it's it. And it, and i I know, I mean it sincerely when I say it's, they've spoiled us by how easy they've made it.
00:06:30
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Like, we were able to say, like, yeah, we don't like this. And they're like, okay, we'll try something new. or we'll work on something better. Or, you know, like, ah there's there's this this chime. This is the goddamn Hunger Games.
00:06:47
Speaker
Okay, you admit to it, huh? yeah I mean, the thing is, is, like, I like it. And you were right. yeah It's cool. Who doesn't like It's catchy. It's very catchy. It's very... ah but But then I'm like, how do we...
00:07:02
Speaker
use what we have like it's like the the hardest part of what we're doing is like it's like finding the idea yeah because it's there's such a blank canvas in a sense we're such a like especially with the with the composing and the sound like we have what we liked but we can't go with that any of it right We can't have Halloween. We can't have Twin Peaks. We can't have Rosemary's Baby. We can't use Terrifier. We can't use Mandy.
00:07:35
Speaker
To an extent, yeah, we can't. We can't. And I don't, especially when it comes to Halloween. Like we, ah the thing was, is like, as we were cutting and we were using that temp music to kind of like tighten the
The Power of Music and Storytelling
00:07:49
Speaker
edit.
00:07:49
Speaker
How much do you feel the temp music influenced you? do you think you much Do you think it was a detriment? Yes. Why? I think it was a detriment because
00:08:03
Speaker
it was so powerful. It made some scenes so powerful. that What do you mean by powerful? By powerful. So when ah like when we were talking about the opening, when the pumpkin reveal, she looks the... Karen opens the pumpkin and that sting comes in from Halloween. And and then there's that cut to the buildup.
00:08:32
Speaker
And then she drops the pumpkin in the bucket and then just goes. And it's like that... it was one we didn't I cut the music to that but the thing is is once the music was cut to that it was like oh my god it's like you have a scene that works yeah and it's like okay it worked the important thing is that the music the the ah the film works without the music but you can
00:09:03
Speaker
You can understand what's going on. You can understand the beats of the story. Screw that sting. but You understand what's happening. Yeah. And that's the important part.
00:09:15
Speaker
But we use some of the greatest scores to ever be in films. ah for And it elevates the film. So like when that Twin Peaks theme hits.
00:09:28
Speaker
But like Halloween at that time, what else did we have? Like Rosemary's Baby. Rosemary's Baby. ah How like a the thing is like, yes, Rosemary's Baby feels great. I mean, Halloween was like the ultimate the penultimate like music throughout the entirety of this film. right To me, Halloween was always the filler.
00:09:49
Speaker
That's not what we're trying to replace. To me, the Halloween stuff is easily replaced with kind of what they've already... What Adam and Pat have already kind of done. It's not that score that is giving me pause.
00:10:02
Speaker
Yeah. It's Rosemary's Baby for Jennifer. the Because the thing was...
00:10:15
Speaker
There's this delicate, what we are hoping is this delicate handling of her character who is told through essentially the score.
00:10:29
Speaker
Yeah. And if the score does not meet and tell that story, i don't want to say we're screwed necessarily, but we're in a worse place as the film as a whole.
00:10:46
Speaker
does Jennifer's theme transcend any other aspects of the film?
00:10:53
Speaker
Not necessarily. Okay. Because Marianne's performance is so solid that I think, uh, she brings it enough that you still get to, you still get to grasp and understand who Jennifer is as a character. ah so Um, um,
00:11:14
Speaker
It's just like, you know, have you ever had pancakes without... I've had a lot of pancakes, man. Have you ever had pancakes without any butter or syrup? Oh. That's what it's like.
00:11:25
Speaker
So you gotta cook them quick and then flip them over? Is that what you're saying? What I'm saying is it's like Marianne's performance is like a pancake. o And the music is like the butter and syrup.
00:11:39
Speaker
Okay, so elaborate some more. So... When do you flip that pancake? yeah oh i'm just saying No, it's like a perfect pancake already. You got to flip it.
00:11:49
Speaker
You got to flip the pancake, man. you know once you sort Once you start seeing those bubbles, you flip. know Once the pancakes are bubbling, you flip. for And Jennifer, Marianne brought that for Jennifer.
00:12:01
Speaker
And the thing I'm thinking about and that that I've been kind of hyper-focusing on when it comes to Jennifer's theme and what, and that's essentially we've been calling the musical notes, the notation around Jennifer as a character ah phone is that we just need to, it's like a dotting your eyes and crossing your T's. It's right. I guess like to go back to the pancake analogy, it's essentially like, know,
00:12:34
Speaker
Marianne's performance is a perfectly made pancake, but we want, it's like no one wants just a dry pancake. Now, some people do. Jeffrey Dahmer probably like dry pancakes.
00:12:47
Speaker
Oh yeah. But we're not making a movie necessarily for Jeffrey Dahmer. We're trying to make, you know, the thing is like, we're trying to add that syrup. We're trying to add that butter and that's Adam and Pat, right? Adam and Pat are the butter and syrup on the pancake. Yeah.
00:13:02
Speaker
To continue with the analogy on the pancake, it's simple in the fact that we want to add this richness of the butter and the sweetness of the syrup to our character.
00:13:19
Speaker
And that is coming through the score. That's the Twin Peaks. That's the Rosemary's baby. And what they have now...
00:13:32
Speaker
okay Like that thing that you said, you said it so well and it's like
00:13:40
Speaker
It's too classy. like that's not Jennifer doesn't wear like this pantsuit. She's not going to the debutante's ball. Not this shit. you know She's got a broken down car in her driveway.
00:13:56
Speaker
She's poor. she's this you know Her mom is a single you know a single mother. Her husband killed himself. ah They're freshly moved into a new area. she's She walks to school for Christ's sake.
00:14:10
Speaker
yeah You know, she's a 40 year old and in community college. She's the yeah. Yeah. Like we know these people. Yeah. um
00:14:23
Speaker
And the thing is, it's, it's more so that we want to know this character, but we want to know what people think of her through the music.
00:14:35
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And that's what we need to sell. We know who Jennifer is through her actions and through her dialogue in the script and through
Character Complexity and Societal Reflections
00:14:44
Speaker
but edit. Right?
00:14:47
Speaker
She's the character. She doesn't just fall in with Kevin. She doesn't just bang Kevin because he's a hot dude. she's been But there's a certain amount of innocence to Jennifer's character, right?
00:14:59
Speaker
Yeah, and that comes through Marianne's performance. Who she trusts. Who she trusts. But not only that, it's...
00:15:08
Speaker
her act of survival and the fact that she doesn't necessarily give up, even though she's kind of ready to give up as a person in the sense, like she's right.
00:15:24
Speaker
Like there's a, probably a point where she, and there's this beautiful moment at the, near the end of the movie where she's just like, I can't do this. I can't do this. Right. And then,
00:15:38
Speaker
She hears the scream from out the window. And the scream is, Callista. And it's Richard. It's of out of here familiar. Yeah.
00:15:53
Speaker
And it's like, well, maybe not all hope is lost. Mm-hmm. And she rallies to essentially, you know, call for help.
00:16:10
Speaker
And this is maybe where it's like we're asking a lot of the audience because it's just like Tom yeah tom just leaves. Yeah. And there's not there's no explanation. There's no scene showing that he was like sharpening his knife or putting a condom on or whatever the hell he's doing.
00:16:27
Speaker
Yeah. It's just either the audience interpretate. He's just not there. He drops her down on the bed and then he leaves. Yeah. To do whatever the hell he's doing. Is he fucking putting a dead cat in another pumpkin?
00:16:41
Speaker
Is he jerking off? Who knows? We don't know. it's the it this is It's one of the bigger leaps that we're asking the audience. It's it's very it's very much a horror trope that we are um capitalizing on big time.
00:16:58
Speaker
Right? The scene where the killer just vanishes. Right? And we're just hoping that the audience isn't sitting there going, well, it's so dumb. What is he doing? Like, is he way you know like you know is he sharpening his knives? Like, whatever your interpretation is, cool.
00:17:14
Speaker
I don't care. To me, the answer is, like, he's essentially, like, psyching himself up for what's to happen. That's kind of how I always thought about it.
00:17:25
Speaker
It's like he's won. at this point in the story, Tom has won. Everyone that's been in the way of Jennifer is out of the way. He has her. He's, you know, and then now he has to essentially seal the deal. Yeah. Because this has been his moment of affection. His object of affection is Jennifer.
00:17:47
Speaker
And he's, you know, he's captured her. he has her. I mean, he's laid her next to his dead sister. Like, couldn't be more symbolic. Yeah.
00:17:58
Speaker
Who he's replacing. And just like that, it in the I think ah the interesting thing about Dickhead 2 is like, there's a lot of theme of replacement and that, or just like the idea of people
00:18:19
Speaker
not not necessarily replacing, but the Standing in for one another symbolically in a sense. Like Tom and Richard are are, they symbolically stand in for each other. Like Kevin and Lester and Bo are like, depending on their point in life, they're the same guy.
00:18:42
Speaker
Like, Yeah. Like, they're predatory and, you know, like, they're narcissists and sure, they night not they that might not necessarily all be this, like, same level of, like, bad. Like, the thing is, you know, when we've I've been reading Kowski and i've been reading Hollywood and
00:19:12
Speaker
Just like this idea that like, you know what, man? People are kind of fucked up. Oh, yeah. Like, I think there's this thing where we're like, we started holding people to this like moral, like high ground.
00:19:30
Speaker
I know I've been thinking a lot about. who You all right there, buddy? Yeah, I'm all right. Should we call it? No. Keep going. You sure?
00:19:41
Speaker
Yep. positive yep you like you're about to slip back into the sweet slumber of lady everybody here so you know was thinking remember how like when everyone start to like stop hanging out with us to one degree or another yeah it remember that and it was like oh you know like you Tom and Steve and you know, like those guys are like... They fucking suck. They suck, you know. they may They make crude jokes and they make inappropriate comments and you know, we should stop making those comments because those could be...
00:20:23
Speaker
you know hurtful and I just remember thinking like when did everyone get so fucking did everyone get on this goddamn high horse and the thing was like like for a moment it felt like everyone just fell in line with it I remember it was like it was like right after COVID and it was like everyone just got like it was like we need to be better people and I'm like no we don't We should be honest. and you know like I've never tried to be a saint.
00:20:57
Speaker
I never tried to be Mother Teresa. I mean, Mother Teresa wasn't even that good of a person when you really you know get down to
Societal Changes Post-COVID
00:21:04
Speaker
it. She was just a woman. She was just a person.
00:21:08
Speaker
She wasn't that great. She gave those AIDS blankets out you know or whatever the fuck she did. you know i don't know, man. you know like Everybody's flawed, man.
00:21:20
Speaker
I never tried to be God, but I think about that sometimes. I kind of been thinking about it lately just because I was like, you know, as a country,
00:21:36
Speaker
you know Everyone's like always asking, im like like what happened? How did Trump get so many votes? people you know All the conspiracy theories like Trump won because of X, Y, or Z. I mean, I feel like there are multiple answers, of course. There's nothing so black and white, but...
00:21:58
Speaker
ah the I think if you wanted to boil it down to the simplest solution, like how could this have happened? And that it's just quite simple.
00:22:11
Speaker
It's like people are hurting and they could do anything for change.
00:22:19
Speaker
And, you know, and even if it's putting their hand in the snake's mouth or whatever, right? Just to feel something different. Because I think that was the biggest problem.
00:22:32
Speaker
ah It's like.
00:22:36
Speaker
You can't tell people that. Can barely afford their groceries or. People that are told that. You know they have life so good.
00:22:47
Speaker
That. i Everything's been great. And everything's been so great. And it's like. No it hasn't. yeah No one's really acknowledged how shitty things are, in a sense.
00:23:01
Speaker
yeah Trump hasn't... And the thing is, like he ain't good, man. It's probably going to be way worse the next who knows how long. i mean One can only hope that we go back to some sense of normalcy after these four years of chaos after because you know it's always like it's easy to blame the person and you know on the throne yeah right they're like oh so many people voted it you know there were like 20 million votes more for biden in uh 2020 or whenever it was yeah and it's like well yeah
00:23:48
Speaker
Life sucked in 2020. Does anyone remember how bad it was? Yeah, it was pretty fucking bad, man. Like, holy shit. We all thought the world was going to end.
00:23:59
Speaker
I mean, we were just on the phone with ah Adam and Pat. Remember the goddamn Australian wildfires? Oh, yeah. And it was like, that was just the beginning. yeah That was January of 2020. And, you know, by March, I mean...
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah, I remember I had lost my job in 2020. Really? Yeah. Tell us about it. i um It was the only time I remember really feeling scared in 2020 because I had worked a lot in 2020. I had worked a lot of overtime because everyone was kind of like not working and coming in Just a small group of us.
00:24:42
Speaker
And I remember just working... When everything kind of shut down, i was still going into work. I
00:24:52
Speaker
remember getting a call like, hey, things aren't going well. like We don't need you anymore. Really? Yeah, i and I remember the thing was like a month later, they had like essentially hired me back as like a contractor back at the the ah the other building when I was working at Kohl's.
00:25:12
Speaker
say I just remember thinking, like fuck, dude. I don't know what else to do. no one's looking for anybody. Despite how I've ever felt, you know I should always be thankful, I guess, in the sense that I've always been able to find something.
00:25:34
Speaker
always think about how the fuck people are surviving out there that are making $8 an hour or $10 an hour or whatever.
00:25:43
Speaker
How the fuck are these people living? yeah Spam costs five bucks a fucking can nowadays. like You can't even eat spam. Motherfucker, no one can hear you.
00:25:56
Speaker
What? I've got my headphones on, man. Exactly. You can chill. And yeah, you know, don't know, man.
00:26:13
Speaker
It's like, sometimes it sucks to to be thankful. Because it's like, parts of not thankful, but it sucks to be like, to not be able to be grateful for what you have.
00:26:30
Speaker
Because I remember, he's even back then, we were still working on Dickhead. In 2020, we were still working on stuff. ah That was before the cabin trip.
00:26:42
Speaker
um the cabin trip would happen I think in the summer of 21 yeah I remember
00:26:56
Speaker
there was like this's just like there was like this gap of like hopelessness at least for me i mean I know you I don't think you ever had that feeling well maybe you did i don't know But for like the project itself, there was like ah ah like after we had deal dealt with all the Sean shit and then Benning had kind of gone through his thing and then we had watched that.
00:27:22
Speaker
There was probably a year, maybe two years. I don't know. Because the thing was, it's like, no, like after like probably like after so after six months after re wrapped, like everyone kind of stopped asking me about it.
00:27:40
Speaker
Like I remember chris Chris LaMonda asked for like some footage for like a reel. And I was like, well, it's it's just not ready yet. Like nothing is synced. And then we had that green bar and it was like, the thing was, and it's like, damn dude, I still can't, i don't i get I haven't gotten over it to this day. Like just like this idea of like self-worth maybe is the the term. I don't know.
00:28:08
Speaker
Just being like able to just like really accept that we actually did something worthwhile. like It's just been like... It's hard for me for some reason.
Struggles with Success and Self-worth
00:28:22
Speaker
i don't know if it's the same for you, but I think it's hard for me because...
00:28:30
Speaker
for so long man it's just like you know i got so used to being a loser you know and just like most in like the most like pathetic pitying way it was like it was comfortable to be a loser it's so comfortable to be a loser because no one expects you to win if you're a loser If you're a winner, people expect you to keep winning. you know like When you're a loser, man, when you're in the goddamn gutter, everyone just expects... like and you know When you're in the gutter, and you know you know how they're like, oh, man, you know like the the fucking flower that grew out of the concrete.
00:29:07
Speaker
you know You think that's like so beautiful, but it's like, man... That ain't that spectacular. you know Shit's always trying to grow, man. Some people just have it easier. Some people have to go... Sunflowers have to go to the concrete, man. but It's so easy to be a loser.
00:29:26
Speaker
It's so easy to grow as a loser, too. always think back to wanting to be like good at StarCraft. Somehow it always goes back to like StarCraft, Counter-Strike, Magic the Gathering.
00:29:41
Speaker
Where it's like, you know, the people that were the best, it was like they're everything. The people, the best StarCraft players, the best Magic players, you know, they eat, breathe, and shit that thing. And always thought about that with storytelling. It's different.
00:29:59
Speaker
Being a writer is different because... You don't got to... To be a writer, you just got to live. It ain't that hard. You just got to live. You just got to have some experiences. any experience you have, man, you just keep going.
00:30:16
Speaker
And to accept that you did something good, something worthwhile would would mean that you you're living up to some expectation, you comparison, the the risk, the...
00:30:31
Speaker
the you know I always tell people i don't like to play the lotto because I would always believe I could win. I never played. There's no hope.
00:30:45
Speaker
But if I bought that ticket, i would always the dreams, the that that that thing would feel like that that anticipation because it's like, yeah, money doesn't solve all your problems, but it's a good start.
00:30:59
Speaker
Because if you could just take that little bit more If you just had that, just that, you know, if you weren't in the concrete anymore, you know, if someone just came up with a jackhammer and just chiseled it all away and gave you some, you know, like some dirt with some fucking, you know, some good healthy cow shit, you know, you would grow, you know, your flower would grow, man. But
00:31:31
Speaker
that's easy.
00:31:33
Speaker
You know, flowers grow all the fucking time, man. Fucking flowers grow in the goddamn dense forest, man. You know, the trees, the canopies, the layers of density, man. They just fucking, they block all the sunlight. Yet somehow that fucking photosynthesis still happens. and I don't know, man. Those thick fucking trees, they block all this shit. You know, the old trees, they grow tall and they get the big branches and they get the big leaves. And they, know, all the little trees are like...
00:32:05
Speaker
They say like, yo, dude, give me some sunlight, man.
00:32:12
Speaker
hu You know, somehow they still, you know.
00:32:17
Speaker
The wind blows and you they get their chance.
00:32:25
Speaker
And it's like.
00:32:29
Speaker
You know, you made dickhead.
00:32:34
Speaker
It's a movie about us when it comes down to it. Our fears.
00:32:41
Speaker
How easy would it is it to be Tom? Lusting after what you can't have.
00:32:50
Speaker
That's all of us in so many ways. Richard, lusting after what you can't have.
00:32:57
Speaker
know The characters of Kevin, you know he's handsome. he thinks you know He's the guy that could have it all. But he he still has to, you know, he resorts to date rape.
00:33:10
Speaker
He resorts to the pill. He resorts to giving in to his fear because
00:33:21
Speaker
there's a certainty there that the risk is gone. He'll get what he wants because it's ah even if what he wants isn't
00:33:35
Speaker
what he needs because what he really needs is like you know a father and a mother and and love and that's what we all want right we all want our parents we all want our love we all want stability and hope
00:34:02
Speaker
and it so that's why it's easy to be a loser man
00:34:07
Speaker
you're a loser, no one expects you to win.
00:34:12
Speaker
When you're a loser and people tell you, wow, what you wrote was interesting, what you wrote made me feel, you could say, hey, that's great.
00:34:25
Speaker
That thing I did, had an impact, but you know overall, still loser.
00:34:34
Speaker
Always will be, but
00:34:38
Speaker
That's no way to live. so Don't plant yourself in the concrete. You find yourself there. You got to use every excuse to break through.
00:34:53
Speaker
ain't about fucking growing out of concrete. Life ain't about finding the hardship.
00:35:02
Speaker
It's about finding what you have and using it.
00:35:07
Speaker
finding every inch of soil and sunlight to grow, you know? That's why when you get, when something comes easy, you have to look at it real hard because it's so easy to be dangerous when you're really thinking, God damn, what does that really mean?
00:35:33
Speaker
What does it really mean? To make something. So many hacks and frauds and fakes. Everything is gross and disgusting.
00:35:47
Speaker
People love things that are dumb and stupid. But who are you to tell them it's dumb and stupid and if they actually love it? Who are you to tell them they didn't feel...
00:36:00
Speaker
but you have standard. You have to have a standard you got to have a Gotta have a goddamn spine.
00:36:09
Speaker
What's a spine a world where no one likes anything, you know? Like...
00:36:17
Speaker
Mediocrity ain't so bad if people like you, but damn, that's not what you shoot for. one wants to be mediocre. Everybody wants to be something. You know, you think...
00:36:34
Speaker
Life, but existence,
00:36:41
Speaker
it always feels like you're building to something.
Family Connections and Life's Chaos
00:36:46
Speaker
You hope that each day just isn't the same as yesterday. and tomorrow you're going you're closer to something. Even if you can't tangibly understand what it's going to be, you just hope.
00:37:02
Speaker
Beyond hope.
00:37:05
Speaker
and The next day is a new thing.
00:37:11
Speaker
You know, the other day, my grandpa died.
00:37:17
Speaker
i just kept thinking.
00:37:20
Speaker
and didn't know the man.
00:37:23
Speaker
ah met him a few times.
00:37:28
Speaker
And the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about him. But of have been thinking about how just little I can remember.
00:37:42
Speaker
I don't think I met him more than five times in my whole life. If I did, I don't know. i don't remember.
00:37:51
Speaker
And I don't think that's a fault of his. i don't think it's a fault of mine. I just, you know, sometimes, you know, life's complicated.
00:38:04
Speaker
We don't always get to know those that are so we're supposed to know.
00:38:09
Speaker
You know. Sometimes we never will. And that's fine too because no one's owed anything really.
00:38:18
Speaker
So many people live their life thinking that they owe someone some someone or something owes them something.
00:38:25
Speaker
Now heard stories. I remember the stories. It's just making me think about my own past. And it's like I don't I don't remember a whole lot sometimes.
00:38:39
Speaker
Could be the booze, could be the drugs. I don't know.
00:38:46
Speaker
That's okay.
00:38:50
Speaker
Because we have what we need right in front of us, you know? That's why it's not okay to be a loser.
00:39:01
Speaker
If you are a loser, Just change the mindset, right? That's what they say.
00:39:09
Speaker
try to be a winner. Just try not to give up. Don't quit. What does that mean? Don't quit. Shit.
00:39:22
Speaker
Quit at life. lot of people do. Most do. and one point or another.
00:39:31
Speaker
else are you supposed to live?
00:39:36
Speaker
We all get tired. Some of us stay tired for longer.
00:39:44
Speaker
Some of us have it easier than others. Some of us have lives that we had never known. you know, you think about
00:39:53
Speaker
kids, small children, go through the some of the most grown up shit you can imagine.
00:40:02
Speaker
Never the same. Never had a chance, but
00:40:10
Speaker
still live life.
00:40:14
Speaker
Sure, they're fucked up. Sure.
00:40:19
Speaker
We're all hurting, but some hurt more than others.
00:40:27
Speaker
You know, we drink this turkey. It's wild turkey.
00:40:33
Speaker
quiets the mind. You know, we self-medicate. Some of us learn to self-medicate better than others. And some of us learn to self-medicate worse.
00:40:48
Speaker
Some of us are dealt harder hands. You know, every now and then you get Try to figure out what to do with it.
00:41:07
Speaker
So what are you supposed to do?
00:41:10
Speaker
be okay with it?
00:41:13
Speaker
Accept it?
00:41:17
Speaker
Rally against it?
00:41:21
Speaker
Look into the dark? Say no, not today?
00:41:28
Speaker
i'm sure that's what some have done.
00:41:35
Speaker
i don't know. Maybe it's all romantic. It's easy to romanticize when you're living in the gutter.
00:41:48
Speaker
But we're not. Most of us aren't.
00:41:53
Speaker
We got rules and warm food and possibility.
00:42:02
Speaker
got hope and logic and intuition.
00:42:09
Speaker
a lot of dumb fucks out there.
00:42:15
Speaker
Never had a chance. But
00:42:20
Speaker
you know what?
00:42:24
Speaker
Every now and then you drink a whole bottle of Wild Turkey 101. And
00:42:30
Speaker
you sit here and you talk about things.
00:42:38
Speaker
It's tough sometimes.
00:42:43
Speaker
Wishing.
00:42:47
Speaker
You know, i always ah grew up hearing the saying, you know, wishing one hand and spitting the other and see which one fills up first. And I'll tell you that wet hand is going to fill the swimming pool with spit instead of wishes.
00:43:12
Speaker
But damn, there's something tangible about hope. About the dream.
00:43:19
Speaker
Something so real about living in that space. Living in a false reality.
00:43:26
Speaker
Living in a world where things make sense. When we live in a world where nothing makes sense. Where chaos rules.
00:43:37
Speaker
People hurt. Hurt people hurt people.
00:43:44
Speaker
It's hard to make sense of life when nothing makes sense.
00:43:50
Speaker
you know We all try to fit the square cube into the square hole, but man, there ain't no holes. There ain't no cubes. It's just we assign to it, man.
00:44:06
Speaker
It's hard to be open. It's hard to think, hard to change.
00:44:11
Speaker
It's hard to want to.
00:44:16
Speaker
you know,
00:44:20
Speaker
envy and that's the danger of like a capitalist society. It's a danger of Western society.
00:44:29
Speaker
so filled with haves and have nots.
00:44:34
Speaker
Yet everyone's living in a cage. Doesn't matter if it's golden copper dog shit. Cage is a cage.
00:44:46
Speaker
The only difference is is the golden cage. The occupants hold the key. That's the major difference. That's the envy.
00:45:00
Speaker
They hold the key to their own cage. They don't even know how to unlock it.
00:45:06
Speaker
That's a fucking shame.
00:45:11
Speaker
Some people figure it out. Others don't.
00:45:16
Speaker
I don't know how you figure it out.
00:45:23
Speaker
don't know how you accept what you have is what you need. don't know what you need is what you have. don't know.
00:45:34
Speaker
and know life ain't simple.
00:45:39
Speaker
know that suffering ain't
00:45:43
Speaker
sometimes I think we need to. you gotta suffer everything was handed to you you'd never know what anything was worth what's the point of that but at the same time ah definition suffering itself is
00:46:10
Speaker
not something you want to go through that's for sure
00:46:18
Speaker
Well,
00:46:22
Speaker
I'll say this.
00:46:26
Speaker
I hope to make films. Not because it's fancy and full of fame and culture and art and women
00:46:43
Speaker
all of that. I hope to make films because It's community and it's beautiful. and
00:46:55
Speaker
To be able to just
00:47:02
Speaker
make someone happy or sad or show them part of life that they're not used to or to just make their eyes open for a moment.
00:47:16
Speaker
That's the power of dickheads.
00:47:20
Speaker
Kevin doesn't necessarily know that he's bad. Or good. doesn't kill anyone in the movie. doesn't have to. Doesn't make you good or bad because you're not a killer. He's just a simple man. That hurts.
00:47:45
Speaker
Because wants something and he'll do whatever he can to get it. even though if Even when he already has it, takes it too far and he fucks it all up.
00:47:59
Speaker
And he pays a price for it.
00:48:03
Speaker
And that's what's important about Dickhead.
00:48:07
Speaker
Tom, he covets his sister. He covets love. He covets security, happiness.
00:48:20
Speaker
It's so easy to take all that away. So easy to fuck that up.
00:48:29
Speaker
It's easy to love, but
00:48:34
Speaker
hard to love right.
00:48:40
Speaker
takes a lot of pain, takes a lot of introspection know how to do that.
00:48:47
Speaker
Sometimes
00:48:52
Speaker
It feels like you're drowning.
00:48:56
Speaker
Every breath of air is precious.
00:49:02
Speaker
That doesn't mean you shouldn't drown.
00:49:12
Speaker
All right.