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The Expense of Anger
10 Plays4 years ago
In this week's episode, I discussed the expensive of anger and how to combat anger with emotional intelligence.
Recommended Resource: Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves https://amzn.to/2vGTBUa
Relational Intelligence: The People Skills You Need for the Life of Purpose You Want by Dr. Dharius Daniels https://amzn.to/2To814K
If you want to send me an email you can email me at [email protected] instagram.com/elianeanita
twitter.com/elianeanita
facebook.com/elianeanitashow
Snapchat: ElianeAnita
Recorded, Produced and Edited by Éliane Anita
Track Produced by Devo Beats
This is a Relevant Media production and Podcast
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Eliana Nita podcast, the podcast created to inform, challenge and empower you. Now let's get down to business.
00:00:21
Speaker
Hi guys, welcome to the Alien Anita podcast. I'm your host, Alien. And I am so excited to have you join me for this week's show. Welcome back. Welcome back. I would like to thank everybody that is a long time listener for listening again. And I would like to thank all of the new people that has just found out about this podcast for coming in and listening to me. So I hope you guys enjoy this podcast and I'm going to hop right into it.
The Cost of Anger
00:00:50
Speaker
Today I'm gonna talk to you about the expense of anger. Anger is a very powerful emotion and it can be expressed in many ways. It can be subtle and it can be loud, but more than anything, anger is an expensive emotion. Oftentimes people use anger as a weapon, but what you're gonna learn in this podcast today is how anger actually becomes a weapon against you.
00:01:18
Speaker
We have all made many poor decisions based off our anger. We've said things we didn't mean. We did things that we later regret. We made decisions that we hated. And it is true that the wages of anger can be deadly. So let's talk about what happens to your body when you're angry.
00:01:41
Speaker
When you're angry, your body releases three hormones from your adrenal gland and your adrenal gland sits on top of your kidneys. They release the hormones cortisol, adrenaline, and neural adrenaline. When high levels of cortisol is released, and this is when you're angry,
00:02:01
Speaker
It causes your neurons to accept too much calcium. An overload of calcium causes your neurons to die. Now you may be wondering whether it's a neuron. A neuron is responsible for transmitting information from your brain to your nerves, muscles, and glands
00:02:19
Speaker
and these neurons go throughout your entire body, so it basically tells your hands, oh, that's hot, or if somebody has touched you, if you've been stabbed, it basically sends your brain is in the communications like, oh, you've just been cut, so let's send some white blood cells, some red blood cells to go and heal that spot so that infection doesn't set up.
00:02:45
Speaker
So basically, these neurons are responsible for keeping your body in full operation. And when you're angry, these neurons die off, so basically your body disconnects from your brain. So your brain and your body is no longer in communication because your neurons are dying at a rapid rate because you're angry.
Impact of Anger on Health
00:03:11
Speaker
The parts of your brain
00:03:13
Speaker
that's affected while you're angry is your prefrontal cortex and your hippocampus. Your prefrontal cortex is responsible for your ability to plan, make decisions, and how to behave. Because the loss of neurons, your brain no longer has the ability to plan or make decisions.
00:03:34
Speaker
The hippocampus is responsible for your memory. When you're angry, you can no longer remember much of anything. And this is why when you're angry and you're arguing with someone, you can't remember what you want to say. And you barely can remember what you said because your brain has just entered into flight or fight mode.
00:04:00
Speaker
And so it's basically responding and not actually thinking out what it's saying. So you'll find yourself saying things that you don't mean when you're angry because your body can no longer respond accurately because it's not thinking. This is also the reason why you cannot create new memories while you're angry. So it basically shuts your brain down from really being able to process, plan, and think.
00:04:28
Speaker
Anger also puts stress on your body when you're angry, literally, while you're in the process of anger or feeling the emotion of anger. Your blood pressure, heart rate, arterial tension, blood glucose, and blood fatty acid levels all elevate. Prolonged anger can potentially lead to the damaging of your blood vessels, which can lead to a stroke and heart attack.
00:04:55
Speaker
While you're angry, your immune system immediately becomes weakened and it can no longer fight off illnesses or diseases because all of your body and all of your energy is being exhorted to being angry so it can no longer fight anything else.
Emotional Intelligence as a Solution
00:05:12
Speaker
Anger also calls your vision to become impaired. It causes skin problems and leads to headache and migraines. But what if I told you I discovered a way and I know some information now where you could never be angry again. You want to know the secret? The secret is emotional intelligence.
00:05:35
Speaker
Emotional intelligence is defined as the capability or the capacity to be aware of control and express one's emotions and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
00:05:55
Speaker
I have five ways that I've learned how to use emotional intelligence and combat it against anger so that you'll never be angry again because you'll always be in control of yourself. So here's the five ways that I wrote down. First of all, you need to learn yourself.
00:06:15
Speaker
I was reading this book called The Art of War and he said in this book, and I'm super paraphrasing that, he said in the book that you can win a million wars by learning yourself and learning your enemy, but you will lose all of your wars
00:06:34
Speaker
by not knowing who you are and not knowing who your enemy is and I'm not saying that the person that you're angry with or mad at is your enemy or they could be your enemy who knows but if you don't know who you are
00:06:50
Speaker
in war. You will never win. So that means knowing your weaknesses and knowing your strength. We often blame other people for our anger. And the truth is how we feel is determined by us. We choose to be happy. We choose to be mad. And if you so decide to be angry, that's on you, not the other person.
00:07:17
Speaker
We have to learn what our triggers is and why. We are responsible for doing the work of understanding ourselves, leaning into our triggers to find out why this triggers me. You cannot expect for people to walk around like you a landmine and guess which one is a trigger and which one isn't.
00:07:40
Speaker
It's unfair to the rest of the world because nobody knows you better than you.
Strategies for Managing Anger
00:07:44
Speaker
So with that being said, because you're taking the first step of emotional intelligence by learning yourself, the next thing you need to do is plan your response. Because you have no control over anybody else but yourself, you need to practice your response.
00:08:04
Speaker
I believe that you should allow yourself to emotionally go to a place first. And by that, I mean, say for instance, if you need to have a difficult conversation and you don't know how this person is going to respond to what you say. But what you can do is plan how you present that information to that person and plan your response.
00:08:26
Speaker
you have to allow yourself to emotionally go there if it's right and emotionally go there if it's wrong. So you need to see how this person will respond if they blew up or if this person received it well. Therefore, you can identify
00:08:41
Speaker
where you might get triggered at and plan how you decide to respond. By planning how you respond, you take your power back and you make the decision that I am going to be this way no matter what this person says or does. I'm going to be true to myself because I know who I am.
00:09:02
Speaker
The third thing you need to do is to be empathetic. A lot of times we lose our empathy for the other person on the other end. So it's easy for us to when we're angry to just think about me and my feelings and how I felt and what I thought and how this person did and what this person did to me.
00:09:20
Speaker
But sometimes you need to put yourself in that person's shoes to feel what they feel, to think what they think or think how they think, to understand what their point of view is. It may be a wrong point of view, but at least you can have the empathy to put yourself in that person's shoes to see what could this person be trying to communicate to me or what did this person really mean when they did that or said that.
00:09:48
Speaker
instead of just thinking that this person is just out to attack me. So when you have a mindset that people just want to attack me, that people are only after me, they're going to hurt me, they're going to harm me, you'll never be able to really build relationships of trust.
Preventing Anger from Taking Control
00:10:03
Speaker
But you'll always be on defense, always be on defense mode and always experience anger because you automatically assume that people only want the worst. But when you become empathetic, you will see that people may not that person may not even thought that way. That may not have even crossed their minds.
00:10:22
Speaker
Maybe it's just me, you know, deflecting things from my past on them or my experience with someone else on them. And that's unfair to that person as well. So when you become empathetic, you tend to think through your triggers and think through your experiences. And also you get to see the other side of the spectrum by seeing that other person as you would see yourself.
00:10:48
Speaker
The fourth thing is to walk away. Sometimes you just need to let it go. Like every war is not your war to fight. Every argument is not worth putting the energy into.
00:11:06
Speaker
Walking away is a strong discipline and you have to know enough about yourself to know when it's getting too hot. And it's perfectly fine doing an argument to say, hey, let's just take a break. I feel myself kind of losing my balance or losing my ground and I need to just take a break on this right quick. Let's park this and come back to this when I've cooled down and I can respond to you with respect and honor.
00:11:35
Speaker
And that shows a high level of maturity, and it also shows a high level of self awareness. And the fifth and final thing I would say you can that emotional intelligence helps you do to combat anger is to remember what's important.
00:11:53
Speaker
Your goal should never be to allow anyone or anything to push you to anger. No one can push you off a ledge unless you climb up the cliff. Remember, your physical, mental, and emotional health is your top priority, not the other person. And it is no need to lose sleep over something or someone that won't matter in a few years from now.
Biblical Perspectives on Anger
00:12:16
Speaker
So remember the key, most important goal. So if you're holding a conversation with someone and you just want to get clarity or you want to, you know, maybe get your point across, remember what the goal is. And when you keep the goal in front of you, it's very, very hard to slip off into other things. So focus on the goal.
00:12:39
Speaker
You have the right to feel anger and I'm not saying never to become angry because anger is an emotion. It's a real emotion and you have the right to feel angry but you don't have to let anger become you. Release your emotions so that it doesn't build up and become toxic inside of you. When you need to express anger find a safe place or safe person to express your emotions with
00:13:03
Speaker
and allow and ask them to give you a time limit. Hey, I just need about 15 minutes of anger. Please don't let me go longer than this because I don't want it to plant a seed in my heart and now I become angry.
00:13:17
Speaker
Please remember that anger is an expensive emotion. It could lead to chronic illness if prolonged, loss of relationships, and it could have damaging effects on your character. And you don't wanna be that angry person that people refer to. Oh, if you say this to that person, that person's gonna become angry and they're gonna blow up. You don't want that. You can lose everything by allowing anger to control you.
00:13:43
Speaker
Oftentimes we think anger will hurt the other person, but ultimately anger only hurts us and it really hurts our body as well. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes that anger resides in the labs of fools and you don't want to be labeled as a foolish person. Defeat anger by becoming emotionally intelligent. I'm going to end this podcast with one of my favorite scriptures on anger.
00:14:11
Speaker
and it says, don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. Psalms 4, 4 in the New Living Translation.
Further Learning Resources
00:14:24
Speaker
You know how I love to do, I love to give resources, recommended resources, every podcast that I come across that can actually really help you
00:14:34
Speaker
in your plight in the subject that I talked about. So the first one is, I actually have two books this week. It is Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and it is written by Arthur's Travis Bradbury and Jean Greaves. This is a highly recommended book. It also comes with Emotional Intelligence 2.0.
00:14:59
Speaker
quiz that you can take. So I would recommend you get in that book and finding out where you are on the scale of emotional intelligence and find out what areas you can work on to become stronger in your emotional intelligence. And the second book is a new book that came out this year and it is a phenomenally written book and I'm highly recommending that everybody go out and get this one for sure.
00:15:24
Speaker
And it is relational intelligence, the people skills you need for the life of purpose you want. And it is written by Dr. Darius Daniels. I love Dr. Darius Daniels. I recommend that you go find him, follow him, get his book. It is a really, really good
Contact Information
00:15:43
Speaker
read.
00:15:43
Speaker
And so those are my recommended resources. And so I just want to thank you guys for tuning in this week for this week's podcast. I always enjoy to hear feedback from you guys. If you want to follow me on any social media, I am Aliana Nita on all of the platforms. I will say that I am currently off of social media. So if you try to contact me via social media,
00:16:05
Speaker
You won't get a reply from me because I'm not checking any of that. But the best way to contact me now is Via email and that is a Leon I need a show at gmail.com But if you do want to follow me on social media, you surely can But that's always that be blessed