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Back in The Habit - Part 1
27 Plays7 months ago
When you rewatch a childhood classic, do you see the same movie you remember? On part 1 of this episode of "Spoiler Alert: It's Different Now," Eli and Joa take a deep dive into the 1993 hit Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit. They discuss how the film's message of finding community and connection resonates even more deeply today. Eli and Joa also explore the impact of the film's cultural representation, highlighting how pivotal it was for young people to see themselves reflected on screen in a positive and empowering way.
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Transcript
00:00:06
Speaker
This show is not suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised. Oh,
00:00:16
Speaker
yeah! Whoa!
00:00:28
Speaker
Buenos dias mi gente! Welcome to
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:30
Speaker
Spoiler Alert, It's Different Now, the podcast where we lovingly ruin our childhoods by rewatching movies that definitely should have come with a warning label. I'm your host, Joel Rojas, and each episode a friend drops by to laugh, cringe, and spiral with me through the cinematic relics of our youth.
00:00:45
Speaker
Because nostalgia is fun. Until you really pay attention.
00:00:51
Speaker
Rated R for Reflection.
00:00:59
Speaker
Here we are from the VHS shelf to the rewatch queue. Let's talk about what's changed. Hello,
Revisiting 'Sister Act 2'
00:01:05
Speaker
hello, hello. Welcome back, my good friend, Ellie. For those of you that do not know, we had an episode that disappeared into the abyss.
00:01:13
Speaker
And Ellie and I have spent a great deal of time discussing Stand By Me, ah timeless classic. And to unfortunate events, It is a greatest podcast never heard and it will be cued in our memories forever.
00:01:27
Speaker
But today she joins me again to discuss one of her near and dear favorites. And I'm going to give her the floor to introduce herself and the movie along with why she picked it. Hello, hello, hello, everyone. As my awesome sister Joa said, i am Ellie, Eliana.
00:01:44
Speaker
Sister Act 2, straight to it, Back in the Habit. This movie came out in 1993, and one of the biggest reasons why I chose it is because I'm a musical kid.
00:01:58
Speaker
Anything musical, anything with songs draws my attention, draws my heart, and There are so much that I can pull from this movie that is so much in common to my upbringing.
00:02:13
Speaker
Very familiar and warm at the same time. Even though I've never grew up in San Francisco, I felt like I understood the environment they were set in.
Personal Resonance and Memories
00:02:22
Speaker
You said it was released in 1993.
00:02:25
Speaker
32 years ago at this point. um That puts me and you at about five years old. We're in kindergarten. So I don't believe I watched this movie when it first came out. Do you remember exactly when you saw this movie for the first time?
00:02:38
Speaker
I definitely didn't watch it when it first came out. But I feel like we had this... on cassette or VHS. And it was something that we would pop in and watch.
00:02:52
Speaker
I'm pretty sure that if I went into my mom's basement, I will probably find it, which I'm mad that I didn't do But yeah, it must have been maybe two, three years later.
00:03:04
Speaker
and So maybe eight, nine years old. Right. I think I was about the same age. I feel like I was definitely in grade school, but I wasn't five. I feel like I had a little bit more, what is it? Wherewithal, right? Is that the words?
00:03:19
Speaker
Yeah. We were forming memories and we were aware of those things. Right, of our environments. Okay. So what do you remember watching about it outside of it reflecting the community that you grew up in? What are some things that stayed with you over the years that made it relevant for you today?
00:03:37
Speaker
So what's relevant is the song and I am not going to sing it, but if you want to be somebody and you want to go somewhere, that song has literally been ringing in the back of my head since this movie.
00:03:52
Speaker
And it's always been a thing. Like if I want to be somebody and I want to go somewhere, like pay attention, right?
00:04:02
Speaker
Growing up also, Whoopi Goldberg was just a staple in our house for all of her movies and all of the things. And so seeing this movie, seeing the types of kids in the 90s, it was like I stepped outside, but I stepped on screen seeing kids like me and my neighborhood, my community, my people,
00:04:31
Speaker
Where in the 90s, maybe you didn't really see all of that on TV. Maybe it wasn't as cultural. And so to see a movie that was cultural, that was in an urban community, that was, you know, in the ghetto, let's call it for what it is, in the ghetto.
00:04:49
Speaker
um It just felt like home watching it. And so for me, it's like, if that can be on TV screen and be worthy for people to watch, then my life may not be as simple or boring as people around us may make it, if that makes sense.
Representation of Inner-City Youth
00:05:10
Speaker
you saw your environment reflected back you, which provided representation for what could be. And I think that was something that I also, i agree with you. And I also noticed as I'm watching, I had to remind myself that it was a Disney movie because when I'm trying to think, I'm trying to place where we are in 1993 in terms of just the state of affairs in the United States.
00:05:31
Speaker
And I felt like a lot of movies in the nineties that I remember watching, that were set in inner city or the ghetto where you know wherere black and brown people lived and tried to thrive.
00:05:43
Speaker
i felt like those movies depicted violence. and or the unfortunate events that tend to happen in these settings as what we would call clickbait now, right? But what was interesting and attractive to viewers back then, it was, you know, if we're going to watch black bodies on the screen, then they need to be in a gunfight or they need to be robbing somebody or they need to be a baby mama or you know, so it was, it it stood out to me immediately. And I had to remind myself that it was a Disney movie because you don't see any of that. This is probably the most positive depiction I've seen of inner city youth.
00:06:16
Speaker
You don't see, and it's crazy, like, and I didn't even put that in my notes, is that you don't even drugs, gang violence, crazy cursing, or any of that.
00:06:28
Speaker
And at the time, growing up, that's what you envisioned. So to see a different type of representation that is positive, that is uplifting, it was definitely different.
Inspiration from Sister Mary Clarence
00:06:43
Speaker
I also felt that something I received differently was the way in which Dolores Van Cartier, which is Whoopi Goldberg's character, but when she's in nun attire, she is Sister Mary Clarence, right? So...
00:06:58
Speaker
What I felt, I do remember watching this different, or excuse me, I do remember watching this movie as a child. I just don't remember exactly the plot of the movie, right? I do remember kids. I remember the first movie um and kind of how that played out. But I felt like one thing that stood out to me that would never have stood out to me back then, regardless of the age, was just the level of care that Sister Mary Clarence clarence had for her students.
00:07:22
Speaker
And ah reminded me of the type of teachers and representation that I've had throughout my life in terms of being exposed to educators or people in the community that are just wanting to uplift you and see, they see the good in you and they see the potential.
00:07:40
Speaker
And I just felt like this is exactly who I aspire to be. Right. And I, I hope that I can be, I kind of saw myself in her and that I am kind of that representation because I felt like the level of care that she had for students is very,
00:07:55
Speaker
I hope it's not rare, right? But I feel that the expectation for teachers to have that level of care today in 2025 is very ambitious and kind of abusive, right? Like considering the the circumstances they operate in today.
00:08:12
Speaker
So that kind of hits, that strikes a chord with me because growing up, seeing that level of care and concern that you saw throughout the movie, I didn't have that.
00:08:23
Speaker
I didn't have that in school. I didn't have that with my teachers or counselors or so-called mentors. And so I think another reason why it stood out was because I wish I had that.
00:08:37
Speaker
Whereas I think in my community where I grew up in, teachers were just trying to make it themselves. And now as an adult, looking back, I understand like they were Probably not paid well. they were in the ghetto and all the things, but it...
00:08:57
Speaker
was ashamed to watch it now and to remember how I felt as a kid that I didn't have a teacher that cared for the majority of the time.
00:09:07
Speaker
Were there one or two? Sure. But for the most part, to have a team of nuns and like this movie, it was a crew women that had this passion and this desire for the youth.
00:09:21
Speaker
And I didn't have that growing up. What kind of impact do you think it would have had on you to have exposure to that type of representation or level of care?
Impact of Mentorship and Education
00:09:30
Speaker
Lord. Endless possibilities. i think that it probably would have saved me from my rebellious...
00:09:42
Speaker
spirit in school and you know even as a Marine I was rebellious as an adult I had my phases but even as a kid maybe because I was the youngest of three and the only girl I wanted to be one of the boys right and we've talked about this before I didn't want to fit into the normal box of a young girl Latina in a ghetto community.
00:10:13
Speaker
And so I was always argumentative. I was always fighting, cutting class, this and that. If I had leadership, mentorship, guidance, leadership, by teachers, mentors, counselors, whoever, administrators in the school. I think that it would have structured me and guided me differently and maybe grounded me, but I didn't have that.
00:10:36
Speaker
And I longed for that. even Even when I went to college, I didn't have that experience either. And I've gone to now, I would say four different colleges.
00:10:48
Speaker
Wow. And even in those four different colleges, I still have not had that. And when I hear of other people's experiences in school, in college, it's like, maybe I still haven't found the right school yet because I haven't had any guidance or leadership or mentorship in any school from kid to now as an adult.
00:11:17
Speaker
That's so unfortunate. i know. Oh my gosh. But I also, right now, this is where I check my privilege because... i You have to, right? Because as similar as we are, we grew up in in a few different circumstances, right? Where you had more of the inner city experience. My mother made it a point to move us like two streets over into the suburbs city, right? So we got to go to the schools in the suburbs and we got to experience a more structured community and network, right? That came with that. So
00:11:49
Speaker
there's I feel like there's people in my past, like I could think of from kindergarten, right, where there was ah teacher that had extra care when it came to me having to deal with my parents' divorce, right? She was very invested in making sure that I was okay at five years old.
00:12:04
Speaker
And i saw her again... When I was 20, was home on leave from boot camp. I was at the Mencon Festival and I saw her. She saw me. We locked eyes. We knew exactly who each other were and we embraced. And we had, right? Like at this point, I'm a grown woman and she's a way older woman. And, you know, it was just, we connected for those few moments. And then we realized it's kind of like, ah, this weird now. I don't really know you. So love to see you. Time to go. So I i felt like, you know, i had that very early on. And then I can say maybe through high school, I didn't have much of that one-on-one experience
00:12:37
Speaker
you know, dedication of somebody that was a mentor or wanted to look out for me, but I feel like there was plenty of people that were kind of sprinkled throughout.
00:12:47
Speaker
The representation within education as kids grow up is extremely important. And when that fails, usually the community steps in. So where do you feel that your community was able to provide some level of support and representation, even in the circumstances? Because, I mean, somebody led you to college. Somebody led you to the Marine Corps. So where did that stem from?
00:13:09
Speaker
So as far as college, it was always something that my mom desired for all of us, all of me and my siblings, because she was and so is the only child from her parents that got higher education.
00:13:28
Speaker
And so for her, she wanted for her own children to pursue higher education also. So for me, there was no option after I finished high school. I jumped right into a summer college program.
00:13:44
Speaker
However, I didn't really have the wherewithal to know what I was doing, what I was getting into, how to go about it, how to pay for it. I had a scholarship.
00:13:56
Speaker
So that summer program was completely paid for. My first year was completely paid for. went to a community college. um But for me, my mom drilled into me.
00:14:10
Speaker
You're going to college. Your brother's didn't go to college. You have to go. However, not knowing what to do or or how to go about it, my friends were kind of the ones leading me a bit and encouraging me or giving me advice.
00:14:29
Speaker
But even in the school, I still felt lost. Did I go to the guidance counselor? Sure. Did I go to speak with administrators? Yes.
00:14:40
Speaker
But don't know if it was just... not having the mental capacity at that time to be mature in pursuing school. Whereas I just wanted to have fun. Right.
00:14:54
Speaker
Right. Um, so that led me to saying, okay, i did a year college. It doesn't fit for me. I'm going to the Marine Corps. Okay. I was the second in my family. My oldest brother was in the Marines.
00:15:10
Speaker
And everyone telling me, don't do it. Finish school, stay in college. And I said, well, if you're telling me I shouldn't do this, I really now want to do it all the more. they building so Correct. If you tell me no, I'm going to say yes.
00:15:27
Speaker
So then when once I got to California and I was serving out there, i decided to enroll in school. Because in my mind, I'm like, okay, I have time. i can take a course or two But then deployment came.
00:15:43
Speaker
And so I had to drop from that. I tried do it while on deployment and in Iraq, which was the dumbest move ever. And then when I got out of the Marine Corps, then I tried to pursue it. And it's been a back and forth.
00:15:56
Speaker
I don't think that I've locked in what it is truly I want to pursue, but it's still in the back of my mind. And just like you said, it's unfortunate that I haven't had that support system in a sense of um academic leaders.
00:16:16
Speaker
And I think that once I find that, then I'll be full steam ahead. How important is it for you to get a college degree at this point? At this point, now it's been more personal for the relevance of what do I want to teach my kids, my future kids?
00:16:37
Speaker
Do I want to teach them one way or the other? And for me, it's like, I want to be like my mom and say, hey, this is important. This is something that will be a great resource and will benefit you for financially.
00:16:54
Speaker
Would I say that it's okay to take a break from school? Absolutely. Would will I say it's okay to join the service? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, i would want my kids to at least have a degree that they can fall back on.
00:17:11
Speaker
So I think the motivator for me now, this season of my life is that I want to be an example to my future. Yeah. Great answer. I think that's really my driver. The motivation is different at this point.
00:17:28
Speaker
But the driver is setting the example for my kids. right At this point, I'd rather not be in class. I'd rather not be in school, but I understand the leverage that a degree holds when you're trying to make a certain salary bracket and when you are looking for certain titles and credentials as you advance in your career. So I'm going to play the game.
00:17:46
Speaker
But the driver of me continuing to play this game is the fact that my daughter's watching, and my son is watching, not really knowing what he's watching, right? But he they're both present in me sitting on class Zooms or doing assignments or working with a group to do a presentation.
00:18:02
Speaker
And I'm taking time away from them to do these things. And so I want to make sure that when they look back, that they see where that investment was spent, but not necessarily because I believe that the the process is as
00:18:19
Speaker
genuine as it once was. I feel like in 2025, I've started to realize the business aspect of education. Being in education myself is just... It's little discouraging. i won't jump into it at this point, but it's, you know, again, education is very important for the for the fact that it is fulfilling. It's something that is rewarding in the sense that it's something that nobody could ever take away from you. And like you said, when you're trying to mirror something for somebody like your children, want to make sure that you're you're giving your best foot forward. So I appreciate that stand that standpoint and that reflection.
00:18:51
Speaker
also feel too like, The quality of people nowadays that are so uneducated in the most basic ways is concerning.
The Role of Parents in Education
00:19:03
Speaker
Yes.
00:19:04
Speaker
Yeah. To not be able to sit down like you and I and articulate thoughts paralyzes me for the future. Yeah. And debate and agree to disagree. Yes. And see each other's viewpoints and just be okay. Yeah.
00:19:21
Speaker
It's yeah, it's really hard. It's hard to I don't know. I feel like we're kind of we used to the saying in the Marine Corps, right? The the last of the old breed. I feel that way in terms of ah society. Right. Like, I feel like our generation is the last of the old breed. We have ah an understanding and a tie that is very unique.
00:19:42
Speaker
And I mentioned this on a previous podcast where we have just our range different. so far reaching in terms of the access to information and knowledge that we possess and the fact that we had a hand in building the technology that is thriving right now and kind of numbing and dumbing the next generation.
00:20:03
Speaker
is really, is a really weird place to stand at 37 years old, right? it's It's like, whoa, like you see this huge divide in terms of intellect and just the understanding of what knowledge can do for you, not only in your personal relationships, but just being a ah ah citizen amongst society and being able to do simple things like vote or drive a car responsibly, right? Or like treat people that weight your food at a restaurant with respect. Like there's just certain things that have been lost in terms of just knowledge. It's not even education, right? You don't have to go to and NYU to figure out how to be respectful or how to be considerate.
00:20:42
Speaker
And I feel like those those pieces that come with just absorbing. It has to be like, you have to be thirsty for knowledge. And I feel like we've made things so easy that this new generation just doesn't have the capacity to seek.
00:20:58
Speaker
Why be thirsty for knowledge when it's accessible in an instant? And that's the tragedy of it.
00:21:08
Speaker
We did this too fast. yeah For me, it's like, I don't also, I also don't want to be a hypocrite in Saying that this younger generation should pursue education when all the while I've put a hold to it for so long.
00:21:26
Speaker
So that's why it has been a motivation for me um to get back into the run to finally finish because I can't be preaching if I'm not doing it.
00:21:46
Speaker
what do we say about the this generation that's going through? i feel like there's an education-related crisis going on right now where there's an an undervaluation of what education is, whether it's at the micro level, which is in the classroom, and how a teacher is, one, paid and compensated for the job that they're doing, but also the resources that they have available to be able to provide a quality education. And then looking at just...
00:22:16
Speaker
the the attitude, right Like just the general attitude that we have towards kids that we send off to school and we expect them to be the school administrator's problem for six to seven hours a day, five days a week.
00:22:30
Speaker
And parents in a way have also disassociated from a responsibility to make sure that kids get a quality education because they realize that that the education is not quality. Right. So we're stuck in this dichotomy, whereas we understand education is important, but we also understand that the education that is available is kind of trash.
00:22:46
Speaker
And so then we adopt this attitude, which is like, well, if you can't figure it out, then how do you expect me to figure it out? Right. Like, y'all Y'all have pretty much depleted the system. What do you want us to do now?
00:22:57
Speaker
Right. And I think there's this weird position that we find ourselves in when we look at our role in that. there There has to be a fear
00:23:11
Speaker
of losing it all. And what I mean by that is we see the world in the spectrum of war. And what if, right, there's these talks about if whatever country is able to knock our entire grid of the U.S. and we don't have access to the Internet and all this, there has to be a fear of that, number one. And number two, losing what we're so privileged in having.
00:23:40
Speaker
And three, being the solution, right, as an educator and not relying on the systems that are in control. You can't depend on other people for the thing that you want your children to be.
00:23:57
Speaker
If you're not a part of that solution of teaching, then you are a part of the problem. You have to be wise within yourself to so also help your children along the way in teaching the areas that feel that the system is lacking.
00:24:16
Speaker
If you're not passionate about that and being a teacher in their lives, then do you really have a say in critiquing and judging the systems that are in control right now?
00:24:28
Speaker
I would agree with you. I think that the average cub would say... they have a say by virtue of the fact that it's their kids and that's it. i like That's kind of where they would stand. I don't agree, but you're right. There has to be some level of accountability in terms of the village that we're building, right? We can't just hand over our kids to strangers because that's really what it is. Strangers that are being underpaid, ah that might be under-trained, that might be overwhelmed and are also dealing with all of life's chaos that we are all enduring right now.
00:24:59
Speaker
And this is a hard one, right? If parents today are afraid to drop off their infants, their toddlers to daycare because they're afraid of how their children are going to be treated. Yes.
00:25:12
Speaker
Why do you lose that fear when you're dropping them off at school? Oh, we don't lose it. yeah We're just legally bound. and There's a difference. But what I mean is,
00:25:23
Speaker
At some point, you have to maintain that level of fear a little bit when it comes to how they're being trained, how they're being taught, what are they seeing, what are they exposed to, the material, the lessons, the biases that they're you know receiving and they're downloading.
00:25:45
Speaker
If you're not one of the biggest mentors in your kid's life,
00:25:53
Speaker
You can't be mad. It's how they start to formulate their own thoughts. right You obviously want your kids to be independent and be free thinking and all that, but be their biggest influence.
00:26:12
Speaker
And I think that that is what's lacking in today's society because parents are tired. They're busy. but we should never be that busy that we're not on. I was going to say, we also have an addiction to social media. I would say we're one of the biggest violators. The the boomers are terrible about it.
00:26:31
Speaker
but Our parents are terrible, but we are, right? We created
Social Media and Parenting
00:26:35
Speaker
it. We are one of the but mass consumers of this and and our kids see us, right? I try to check myself when I'm scrolling and I look up and I see my son looking at me. I'm like, oh, all right. Like, i want I don't want to be that. Yes, I don't want, i feel so guilty. I'm like, oh my God, right? But it's a mirror because I see that that is an issue, right? and when it's And it's not to say that you can never be on your phone, but there has to be a level of balance.
00:26:57
Speaker
And there has to be, like I said, a level of accountability in terms of your your actual effort and your intentionality behind raising your children day to day. Cause it it does get hard. It does get redundant. Some days feel like groundhog's day.
00:27:10
Speaker
Some days you feel like you're teaching the same lessons over and over again, but you're right. It takes a level of just constant dedication and understanding of what is lacking in society for us to be able to fill in those gaps.
00:27:21
Speaker
and i heard And I had a similar conversation with my mom about this and She and I adore my mom. I think she's an amazing mom, period, in all the ways.
00:27:32
Speaker
But shout out to mom. She said to me, you know, sometimes I feel guilty because I was always working and was very busy or tired.
00:27:46
Speaker
And I understand her own capacity, you know, at the time, like I look back and I'm like, mom, you, hello. Life was life-ing when you were a single mom with three kids. Like, I don't hold that against you.
00:27:58
Speaker
But was it difficult when you put this stipulation on me to go to college, but I was so alone in that process that I didn't have direction.
00:28:10
Speaker
And as a, was 17 when I started college, So as a 17 year old, not knowing the world and having to navigate that alone was very difficult. And it it put a sense of fear in that I was just ready to be done with it. and i And that's why I go back to saying that if I had actual mentors in my life that could guide me in the right way, things would have turned out very differently for me.
00:28:46
Speaker
You saying what you said about your mom just now in terms of her being the driving force for you to get to college and you not being prepared. How do you see yourself in characters like Rita, where she has this conflict with her mom, where she's wanting to live her dream and be a singer and she's is Lauryn Hill. Right. So the character is obviously very talented. Right. um Do you do you see yourself in.
00:29:08
Speaker
in the pressure that applied to Rita in terms of keeping your heads down, focusing on the books and getting out of the hood, so to say, and and moving on to opportunities like college? For sure. But my mom was definitely way more gracious than Rita's mom.
00:29:22
Speaker
and Oh, thats so much. My mom, um, was definitely a fan of supporting my passions and supporting whatever dream I wanted to pursue. So like I was in ballet, I did gymnastics. I did figure skating, like whatever,
00:29:43
Speaker
hobbies or side projects I wanted to get into. My mom was all for it. She would never shut that down. However, there was this requirement and I'll go back to that requirement of you still have to focus on school.
00:29:58
Speaker
You still have to get good grades. Like you don't have to be an A student. You don't have to kill yourself to be an honor roll student, but you have to do well.
00:30:11
Speaker
So in a sense, I could see partially my mom and Rita's mom in her saying like, this has to be your focus. But the sad part of it all was that Rita's mom was driven by grief and resentment.
00:30:29
Speaker
My mom was driven by wanting the best for us because she came from little. And she came from ah an environment, an upbringing, a community that never had anything that she excelled to.
00:30:48
Speaker
And she just wanted that to continue to grow. And I don't see that from Rita's mom. It was more of, I'm angry for how things turned out with your dad. and And I'm telling you, you're not going to be that.
00:31:02
Speaker
And that's a harsh punishment for a kid. Because what are you teaching your kid? that they don't have a right to dream, that they don't have the right to pursue something that is so deeply ingrained in their being that they can't help but want to unleash.
00:31:22
Speaker
That is a sad, sad thing.
00:31:31
Speaker
There's a few scenes within the movie that, you know, I just found myself in love with, but I want to give you the opportunity to kind of bring to bring to the forefront, what scenes this time around? I'm sure you've watched this a million times. You say you watch it all the time.
00:31:46
Speaker
But in this latest rewatch, what were some scenes that stood out for you um that you felt was either timely for 1993 or that are still the same, right? We're still in the same position or or same perspective and reflection, reality, whatever word you want to use.
00:32:06
Speaker
I mean, I feel like
00:32:09
Speaker
Whenever there is an underpoverished school being showcased somewhere else where there are people of privilege, that is the same feeling of feeling less than being looked down upon.
00:32:26
Speaker
That I don't see it ever changing. So as true as it was back then in the nineties, it's very much the same in today's time.
00:32:37
Speaker
And just to give you a snippet, um, when I was in middle school, I went to a charter school and because I was, I had honor rolls, I was allowed to go to a summer program between seventh to eighth grade.
00:32:52
Speaker
And I went to a school called the Princeton day school, which was in Princeton, New Jersey. And it was for kids that were gifted and bubble bla blah, blah, all the things. And I remember going and feeling like, oh, this is so cool. Like being in school um with other kids from other schools, other districts.
00:33:13
Speaker
And it was, you know, science, math, whatever, all the curriculum. And I go into room with ah teacher and counselor or somebody and they're doing like these mini interviews of all the kids to see where they came from, what they want to aspire and so forth.
00:33:35
Speaker
And I remember sitting down and when they asked me, because I guess they didn't have my profile up or whatever, when they asked me, so where do you live?
00:33:45
Speaker
And I said, in New Jersey, the look on their faces was completely shut down
00:33:56
Speaker
And then the ghetto, angry, hurt girl came out and was like, what? Oh my God. Mind you, I'm with these people in Princeton.
00:34:07
Speaker
But the moment that I saw the reaction to me saying that I'm from Trenton, And it's not Trenton. Trenton folks, say Trenton.
00:34:18
Speaker
The
Educational Disparities
00:34:19
Speaker
moment that I said that, they like looked down on me and that will always be forever vivid memory for me. And I never wanted to be that. But watching this movie and seeing that was like, damn.
00:34:36
Speaker
We're still here. We're still here. It doesn't change. granted we're human and, you know, we have our nasty behavior, but that is true back then as it is now.
00:34:47
Speaker
It is. And it's unfortunate because I've had the, I've had the, the privilege and, you know, learning opportunity of being at a nonprofit. It was a huge nonprofit in New York city that dealt with youth employment.
00:35:02
Speaker
So the goal was to expose and engage young adults in various career fields and you know sparking interest and making sure that we're providing as much career readiness at the high school level as possible to be able to carve the paths for college or vocational training or just entering straight into the workforce. So there's amazing opportunities for Fortune 500 companies or just small businesses in the community. So the organization that I worked with, the portfolio that I had included three schools out of Staten Island, three high schools out of Staten Island, and eight high schools out of the Bronx.
00:35:41
Speaker
And the way that resources were allocated to these schools and the programming or the recruitment or events down to culmination, right? Like the end of the summer, big day of action type of programming was day and night.
00:35:57
Speaker
The summer before I left, we had, it's it's a day of action event. So we get all of the kids together that are 14 and 15 years old that have been working on a community-based project to improve an issue in their their community.
00:36:10
Speaker
They present these all together to the community at a specified venue. So in Staten Island, it just so happened to be done at the Fairy Hawk Stadium, which is a huge stadium in Staten Island that brings different concerts or music series or sporting events to the field.
00:36:30
Speaker
Obviously, accommodations are amazing. There's food, there's bathrooms. The field is pretty. They had a state senator come and speak And when you contrast that to what the Bronx had, which has eight high schools worth of kids presenting projects that reflect issues in their community, it was done in one of the partner high schools auditorium.
00:36:50
Speaker
They had pizza ordered in. They presented on stage for a few minutes to their peers, jammed all these kids right in the middle of August into an auditorium. And that was their day of action presentation. And I remember feeling...
00:37:04
Speaker
What's the word? The disparity. The disparity between, I felt that the disparity between both schools was very indicative and telling of where the organization's politics and priorities stood. And not for nothing, it was relative and it it was very explained when you do look at the org structure.
00:37:22
Speaker
But I just felt like I was ah actor. I was an active participant in facilitating and perpetuating this very idea that kids in the hood up are less than and therefore can and should accept less than.
00:37:39
Speaker
even though they're doing the same curriculum, the same programming under the same organization as their peer students over on Staten Island. And i just I just felt like this is exactly what I'm in this field for. And I like i left the organization, but I left with a certain vision of making sure that kids that reflected me, whether it's being brown, whether it's being a woman, whether it's being queer, whether it's being first generation, right? Whether it's being a military vet, that people that reflected me in any way saw somebody in position to make decisions that would benefit them in the long run. And I hope that that's kind of where a lot of people in my field are headed. And it's making sure that we're protecting diversity and equity and inclusion and all and belonging.
00:38:21
Speaker
But I just felt like that was such a showcase of reality for me. That's why in the scene where they find out that the school is going to close, that's why it hits so much harder for them, right?
00:38:38
Speaker
Because they already feel like they don't get enough. They already feel like they're getting scraps. This is the only school in their area. And it was said um in the movie, like if the school gets shut down, they're going to have to be bused to other locations.
00:38:57
Speaker
But here's the crazy part. It wasn't until the end of the movie that they saw value in these kids because they have talent, because they can be show casted.
00:39:11
Speaker
They can be put on display because, oh, they're talented. They're gifted. And though the ending was great and beautiful, if you pay attention to that part,
00:39:24
Speaker
It's history repeating itself even now today. It's only the kids that are gifted, talented, that will be a great representation of a school district that can bring in resources, money, um programs, all the things.
00:39:43
Speaker
How unfair it that children across the board are not given the same and equal treatment?
00:39:57
Speaker
I also thought it was pretty, and this was telling of the time, but I thought it was insane how for their trip to the all-state competition down in Hollywood, again, they're set in San Francisco, so Hollywood is about an eight-hour, nine-hour journey if you're taking the the roads down south. So...
00:40:14
Speaker
They had put a figure of it'll take you it'll take us or excuse me, it'll cost us about two thousand dollars to get all of these students down to Hollywood. And they felt like this was an enormous number, so much so that one of the sisters says it might as well be a million dollars.
00:40:29
Speaker
yes And again, it was telling of the time of what two thousand dollars meant in 1993. But then when you look at it from the socioeconomic perspective, it was like. we can't come up with $2,000 as St. Francis Academy, right? Like, it was just like... Wait, not even the Academy.
00:40:48
Speaker
Who's running the Academy? Right, the church. The church. The church. there's There was just... I was like, I still don't, I don't feel like 2000 was a lot. Like, I don't know. i was five, but I still feel like 2000 should have been doable for any other academy or school, right? That was trying to get to this competition. And they made it seem like it was so far away in terms of being an attainable goal to be able to fund their dreams of being on stage to do what they do best.
00:41:13
Speaker
So you want to talk about what hits different? That exactly. that what they considered was expensive and out of reach and they don't have in today's time $2,000 yeah right that's Miami right that mm-hmm by like twenty her kid
00:41:37
Speaker
I think about one of my friends is a dance mom, right?
Community Support and Engagement
00:41:41
Speaker
Oh gosh. $2,000 is just cost. Right. That's recital one. Right. Not even that's dance one. And they're, they're in five different dances.
00:41:52
Speaker
So that's definitely like crazy. And something in that scene also was when sister Mary Clarence comes up with this idea that the community was going to help out.
00:42:04
Speaker
Right. Yeah. and that they were going to put on this big production right outside of the school, doing the singing, offering baskets for people to donate money.
00:42:16
Speaker
What I loved about that specifically is that back in the nineties, yeah, you did you did see the community come together more than you would today. Absolutely.
00:42:29
Speaker
That's the part that I do miss. What do you think has changed? People are selfish. People are self-centered. People don't want to give to anybody else's kid because for them it's like, well, who's giving to my kid?
00:42:46
Speaker
I think compassion has lost its way with people in today's society.
00:42:56
Speaker
Giving forward is such a concept of the past or paying it forward right is such a concept of the past.
00:43:07
Speaker
It's a rarity unless it is attached likes, posting, comments, reposts, retweets.
00:43:18
Speaker
Right. If it's not to gain one's own popularity, it's a rarity.
00:43:30
Speaker
yeah! it is a rarity. A rarity. My words are escaping me. Where do you think this... Where do you think we took a ah turn on that, on compassion and community?
00:43:42
Speaker
what do you think it's linked to, I guess is the better question. Where does it stem from if we look at the gap you know that we're talking about between our childhood and now us being the them? We are the them. I always say that. We are they. We are the ones that we we keep talking about. We have become them. yeah So as the they...
00:44:03
Speaker
Where do we feel we lost compassion and understanding? So I can only speak for my community, right? Where I grew up in and what I have seen in transition in my own community.
00:44:16
Speaker
And I think that
00:44:21
Speaker
the parents of today who are folks that are my age, because they grew up struggling, their response is, well, I had a struggle.
00:44:34
Speaker
Well, nobody gave me a handout. Well, nobody did for me.
00:44:40
Speaker
i think it's the bitterness and the unresolved resentment that people carry that has led them to lose sight of the fact that if you didn't have it, why wouldn't you want to be that for someone else?
00:45:04
Speaker
maybe because I was raised by a social worker, that my mom has always put on a display of compassion.
00:45:14
Speaker
No matter who people were or anything, she set the example that one, we struggled too. Single parent, three kids, living in a state that she had no family, no connections to,
00:45:34
Speaker
But my mom, out of her lack, she would still give.
00:45:41
Speaker
Maybe because I had that upbringing, there was no room for me to make an excuse to not be a helping hand. If I couldn't see my mother do it, why wouldn't I want to be that?
00:45:56
Speaker
But I think that a lot of people in my community where I'm from
00:46:04
Speaker
They make that an excuse of, well, I had to work hard for mine.
00:46:10
Speaker
Now, granted, this is side note, yeah um whether you include this or not, but I went to my 20 year high school reunion.
00:46:22
Speaker
The amount of people who are educated folks from my class was astonishing to say the least, but to also know how many of them are
00:46:36
Speaker
Supporters of the community. I was thoroughly impressed. Because. I'm talking about my community. with My hometown.
00:46:47
Speaker
right Or my home city. And to know that. Even through all of the crazy stuff. The gang life. that The murders. The shootings. the All the things that we grew up in. And around.
00:47:01
Speaker
That so many of them. but Was above it. made me proud. However, you clock the percentage of them or us to the multitude of the people that we actually graduated with and it's staggering.
00:47:23
Speaker
So the thought still stands is that people lost their way because of bitterness. That's interesting to think through because during the time we're talking about how it was common to have community events and to see the community show up.
00:47:44
Speaker
So it's weird to have this like pushback that says I had to struggle when we can remember where communities were more united.
00:47:55
Speaker
So yes, you may have had to struggle, right? and i don't take that away from my parents at all because the 90s was a completely different time. But I would argue that the 2025, has been... has topped it.
00:48:05
Speaker
Right? i would argue that we, if we're comparing struggle to struggle, which I never like to do I feel like the generation that we sit in is, is we're we're taking the cake, right? Outside of the World War I and two generation, the greatest generation ever that, you know, fought fascism and communism and all the things.
00:48:23
Speaker
I think we're right behind them. And I feel like, If we can remember the importance of community, which is obviously why a lot of us have entered the paths that we have, right? We we we sense the importance of what community brings.
00:48:35
Speaker
We also recognize the lack of community in our present. And
Building Community Connections
00:48:41
Speaker
I think we're actively working towards re-regulating that or re-infusing or re-imagining what community looks like for our generation, especially one that is very divided.
00:48:54
Speaker
were We're very... and it's it's a product of our environments, right? it's a product of our society. We are a capitalistic society and over time, everybody will choose capital, right? You choose self or your immediate family because it's a game, right? Now it's a game of monopoly. So who has and who does not have?
00:49:12
Speaker
And that divide is getting bigger and bigger. And so when we look at how community responds to being able to aid to these absences of whether it's networks, which include housing or food, right? Or like the basics.
00:49:29
Speaker
But we're looking at just the ability to feel like you're part of something does wonders for the human psyche. And so even if you provide...
00:49:41
Speaker
food or clothing or housing or a church on the corner. If you don't have the ability to tie everybody's struggles, challenges and strengths together, then the community falls apart, right? there's there's There's not a safety net that can catch those that are most vulnerable.
00:50:00
Speaker
And so I wonder... how we keep our compassion, right? Like people like you and I, how we keep our compassion while also fighting back the assholes that naturally exist, right? Like, that's the best way to put it.
00:50:13
Speaker
And I'll say this because it's relevant to the movie too, is that my pastor says it all the time. Everyone in wants community, but nobody works for it. Nobody wants to build it. No one wants to connect.
00:50:27
Speaker
Even in the church, people want to come, they receive, and they want to go. But how are you building connection or building a community if you're not anne connecting with one another? If you're not reaching out, if you're not saying, hey, how are you doing?
00:50:41
Speaker
Hey, is there anything that I can help you with? Parents to parents. Hey, do you have a babysitter? do you need help in that? But people aren't reaching out because they're so disconnected.
00:50:54
Speaker
And I think that boils down to why, yes, people in our age group, in our generation, they may have had community back then, but they're so disconnected in today's time that they'll say, oh, I wish I had that.
00:51:11
Speaker
I wish I had what I had growing up. Like we struggle, we had people around, but it takes intentionality. Are you being intentional with the people that you do have around you to care enough to be the community that you want to have?
00:51:28
Speaker
Are you building upon it? And if you're not, then you cannot be upset when you don't have it. So what's the answer? like as as um Well, how do we connect, I guess?
00:51:41
Speaker
Connection is the answer. How do we connect? I think, though, yes, our phones are our greatest resource. Put down the phone. Get off the computer.
00:51:53
Speaker
Have face to face. I know for me, for, I want to say the past 10, 12 years, it has been something that I've worked towards to connect with people.
00:52:09
Speaker
To the point that now those around me in my community know that they can pick up the phone and say, hey, I got this situation going on. he Can you come over?
00:52:20
Speaker
There is no, oh, well, you know, I'm kind of in the middle. There's none of that. If you're calling and you're saying, I'm coming to you. You have to have a heart and a passion to pursue relationships with the people that you want to build community.
00:52:35
Speaker
If you don't have a heart for that, I can't teach you that. I have a hard time with like, Accessibility. So, yes, I agree with you. Right. Connection. You have to you have to be intentional about the face to face. You have to be able to pick up the phone and actually call people and ask how they're doing and and do the check ins and actually be invested in the day to day so that when the big things and the small things appear, they just blend in to the natural you know state of the relationship. Right.
00:53:03
Speaker
um as opposed to waiting until we're in crisis to reach out or waiting until we're in celebration mode to reach out, we should kind of be making sure that everything in between is also being shared.
00:53:14
Speaker
I have an issue with the phone and I, it's traumatic, right? I have an issue with the phone. So for example, if you were to call me, um maybe not you, cause you're you, but that's love y'all.
00:53:26
Speaker
Yeah. But, but hear me, follow me, follow me. So I'm the type of person that, I don't like being available whenever you want me to be available.
00:53:38
Speaker
And I don't
Setting Personal Boundaries
00:53:39
Speaker
think it's necessarily because of a control aspect, which would have been my first go-to as I dissect myself. But it stemmed in the fact that while in the Marine Corps, recruiting duty. And for three years, you're assigned a government cell phone and that government cell phone becomes your electronic leash.
00:53:54
Speaker
And for three years, you are tied to making sure that every text is answered and every phone call is either picked up or returned within a timely manner. And so when I got done with that phase of my life,
00:54:05
Speaker
I had a completely different perspective and relationship with the phone. So where I used to pick up my phone every day after work and a call two or three homegirls and watch the sunset and talk about our day,
00:54:18
Speaker
I stopped doing those things because the phone no longer became and attractive tool for me to use connect. It became ah burden, right? So I never recovered from that traumatic experience because that's ultimately what it is because it still has ripple effects to this day where if you call me and I'm not mentally prepared to answer that call, I'm going to watch it ring. I do it to my mother. I do it my mother-in-law. I do it to my best friend. I do it, right? I do it to my wife sometimes if she's upstairs. No, come downstairs. Like, come find me, right? So I feel like great the set the boundary though with your wife, you're calling me from upstairs, come downstairs, right?
00:54:56
Speaker
Because you value face to face. Yeah. yeah So when someone knows you intimately and not just in a loving partnership in that way, but intimately, like I know you, I know how you move. I know how you flow. I know how you think I know. how Listen, I know you.
00:55:17
Speaker
So because I know you, I know your boundary. I know your do's and don'ts. Why am I going to waste my time in doing something that I know that you're not going to receive well?
00:55:31
Speaker
Right. See, you get it. I get it. Thank you. Because I felt like such a sociopath trying to explain it. and then And it's not you. It's not personal.
00:55:42
Speaker
I just feel like there's certain people the same way that if I expect you to recognize that I'm not this phone person, that I also know my friends and I know my people. Right. So like... There's certain people that'll call me and I know if I pick up with that phone, I might have to do some emotional labor. i might be put in a position or have to answer some questions or have a discussion that I'm not ready for in the moment. Maybe I'm rocking my son to sleep. Maybe I'm cleaning. Right. Like, so I try to be aware of my state of mind so that I can give my best self to you when I do answer the phone.
00:56:11
Speaker
But I'm very much in the position where like, if you want to talk on the phone, just send me a text. I'm not. I'm not help you. Something. Schedule me.
00:56:23
Speaker
No, but it's not though. Right. Because when you respect someone's time. That has to be reciprocated. It's it's both ways. If you respect my personal time and my quiet time, I will respect you enough that when you call, I know that there's a sense of urgency. Right.
00:56:41
Speaker
That's why i said if you call, it might be different. Like i might really pick up that phone. Because I'm not out here trying to bug you. Especially my folks in my community who have kids. When I say i am so off hands because I know the importance of your time.
00:56:58
Speaker
So I'm not going to bother like that. I will, though, throw my little note in the bin and say, hey, can you hit me up when you got time? Right.
00:57:10
Speaker
Here's the thing that my best friend, and I will forever love her for this, for pouring this knowledge into my brain.
00:57:20
Speaker
Whenever someone comes up to your mind that you want to go invent to, My first line with them is, do you have a moment for me to vent?
00:57:34
Speaker
Do you have the capacity for for what I'm about to do? you have the capacity to let me unload right now? Do you have the space and the time right now for me to talk to you?
00:57:47
Speaker
If the answer is no, all right, I love you. Bye. right I'll text. I love you. All right, cool. We'll catch up later. There's no hard feelings. Why?
00:57:58
Speaker
Because I already put it out there that I'm respecting you. I'm leaving the door open for you to come into my bubble right for this engagement. When you're ready.
00:58:09
Speaker
When you're ready. I think that if we train those around us, that that's the boundary and the perimeter that they have to stay within. Right.
00:58:21
Speaker
it will save us a lot of hardship, a lot of unspoken offenses that people may start to feel. for If we communicate, when I'm home, I may not answer you, but that doesn't mean that I'm not attentive.
00:58:41
Speaker
That just means that my priority is my family when I'm home. But if you leave me a text, I will read If I don't answer on the first or second call, leave me a voicemail, send me a text.
00:58:56
Speaker
If it's urgent, I will call you back. when we have to be equal participants in that communication. And if we put that out there enough with those that we care about, those that we love, um, we can only hope that it's respected. And if it's not, then you know where to put them. right I'm not calling you back and I'm not texting you. I'm not like i'm sorry.
00:59:18
Speaker
Cause you're not respecting me as a person. Yes. No, I agree. And I think that's a great way to put it in terms of just establishing boundaries. And you know, we, we, It's hard because I feel like we're constantly growing.
00:59:29
Speaker
We're constantly learning these like, well, that's how I just heard you say that. And duh, right? Like that makes sense. That sounds real simple, but there's probably listeners that are hearing this podcast and they're hearing this for the first time you know,
00:59:43
Speaker
There's a level of respect, intentionality um and compassion and understanding that at the end of the day, we have been thrown into this like were world, not world, but a world life circumstances that makes us crave community while also drawing us further and further away from community. And so understanding how we can connect while respecting each other.
01:00:06
Speaker
It sounds like a very basic thing, but I think that we have had a really hard time trying to put those pieces together for ourselves in general. like Like you said, there's these unspoken offenses that people take when you you haven't hit them up for a couple days, or maybe you took two, three days to respond to a text.
01:00:23
Speaker
I try to lead with grace and understanding that i need time. And so I give others time as well. But I think the instant gratification has ah of social media and just life right in general, in the way that we experience technology,
01:00:39
Speaker
has skewed the way that we hold expectations of others. So while we can hit a button on Amazon and get a robo in person to talk us through our order, we kind of expect the instant response from others. And I think that's very telling of the community that we in that we are in now.
01:00:59
Speaker
and the obstacles that we face in terms of just being able to reach over, like AT&T, reach out and touch someone, right? like there's there's I think of that saying often because, again, i feel like I'm a victim of...
01:01:10
Speaker
this circumstance, this weird place that we find ourselves in because I very much want to connect. And at the same time, I very much do not want to talk on the phone. Right. I want to schedule the date. Do you know what I love?
01:01:23
Speaker
What? I love voice memos. I hate voice memos. Oh, I love voice memos because I will listen to it on two times the speed. And when I got the time. No. No. I don't like voice memos because to me, a mother it might as well be a phone call. like But if you don't like a phone call... No, I liked i like they schedule phone call. like i liked okay I like being able to expect a conversation.
01:01:50
Speaker
I like the ability to plan ahead and make sure that I have the space and place to give my attention to the conversation and be an active participant, right? I like that aspect.
01:02:01
Speaker
So those potential listeners, right, who may not understand someone like yourself who needs that boundary with folks.
01:02:14
Speaker
I hope that it's understood that you're reclaiming or claiming a power of yours of teaching people how to love you. Deep.
01:02:27
Speaker
Yeah. That's what my therapist would say. Hello, I'm therapist Eliana. You have to teach people how to love you, how to treat you. Whether they do it or not, that's their business.
01:02:40
Speaker
You don't have to accept. Yeah. And I think from day to day, I accept that. I think, again, I'm conflicted because I often crave the connection, right? And I i feel like this year for 2025, I made it a point to come into the year with the goal overall for my family and myself to reconnect with those that I felt I had drifted too far from.
01:02:59
Speaker
But here's the thing, right? when When people recognize what season of life you're coming out of,
01:03:06
Speaker
It's evident the reason why you're now having to reestablish connections that you feel like may not be all the way solid or haven't put so much attention to, but those people have to recognize the season that you were in.
01:03:23
Speaker
As much as life changes for everyone, you were in a season of your life where your focus and your priority was home. Right. building the home, getting the home. Literally getting the home, establishing home and family life.
01:03:40
Speaker
And so there has to be a mutual respect and a mutual understanding of everybody's different phases of life. You may not be accessible or you may not have been accessible in the past couple of years, but that doesn't mean that they'll forever be your way of being moving forward, it's just, that was what you needed in that season of your life.
01:04:10
Speaker
Yeah, I try to hold power in the fact that we could always hit play. Like I feel like there's always space to reset, restart. And I feel like at this point, the people that have kept it, like life has a funny way of filtering people out of your life. And I think the people at this point would agree and align to what you just said, right? i think a lot of us have been, i mean, we're in our mid thirties. We're all going through some type of building process, reinvention process, improvement process. We're all under construction.
01:04:37
Speaker
So I think if we if we did this right, then the people that are still around are those that can understand that and and can see the value of that. So good point.