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Beyond the Conversation - Bonus Episode
25 Plays8 months ago
In a powerful and deeply personal bonus episode, Audrey opens her heart to share a difficult part of her past. She talks about her experience with older men and the predatory dynamics she had to navigate as a young person. This episode is a conversation about the subtle signs of manipulation, the feeling of being powerless, and the strength it takes to reclaim your own story.
Trigger Warning: This episode discusses sensitive topics, including the exploitation of a minor. Listener discretion is advised.
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Transcript
Content Advisory
00:00:06
Speaker
This show is not suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.
Introduction of Beyond the Conversation
00:00:11
Speaker
Hey everyone, Joah here, and welcome to a special segment we're calling Beyond the Conversation.
Raw Moments with Chris and Audrey
00:00:20
Speaker
Sometimes the most powerful parts of a conversation happen after the official recording ends. The pressure is off, the stories get more personal, and something really honest comes through. That's what happened here.
00:00:31
Speaker
After we wrapped our interview, Chris and Audrey shared a moment that caught me off guard in the best of ways. It was raw, real, and reflective. With their blessing, we're bringing that moment to you.
00:00:42
Speaker
This is Beyond the Conversation, ah bonus story worth hearing. Rated R for Reflection.
Childhood in Camden and Predatory Threats
00:00:50
Speaker
When we were talking about the kids having keys to the house and the parents just hoping everything's okay at home, it just takes me back to some traumatic shit that happened back in the days.
00:01:00
Speaker
Right? Like, when my mom, we lived in Camden, New Jersey, and we had, like, a house town. They said, okay. And we lived there. There was a time that my sister just going through her shit in life. She's only a year younger than me, but that's a story that is not mine to tell. But...
00:01:17
Speaker
there was some shit going on and there was a guy that was a family friend and he had come by to the house and it was just me and my sister and my brother. so I'm the oldest. I'm watching them waiting for my mom.
00:01:29
Speaker
And it's one of those things that I think back to when you guys were talking about, like you know, i had keys and the traumas and i was just like, that was a scary time because that man came over and because he knew my mother was not home. She was a single mom at the time. She was just dating, into whatever, working.
00:01:43
Speaker
He came over because as an older man, He wanted what he wanted and he was where he was mentally in the sense of us being young girls. I was like maybe what, 13? i was like 12 or 13 years old.
00:01:55
Speaker
My sister saw at that point she was 11 or 12, depending, I can't say exactly the timeframe because I know at going to eighth grade, I was living with my dad. So was before eighth grade. And it was just weird because he just came over and I was confused. Like, yeah what are you doing in my house? Like, who what but like why are you here, bro?
Awareness and Protection at a Young Age
00:02:10
Speaker
And mind you, I know him because family friend, people that my mom brings us around, her brother was dating his sister. we I knew him, but I was go confused as to why he was in my house. For me, it was just like, thinking back to that, it was like, we really had to take care ourselves at an age that we needed to be taken care of. We had to be adults,
00:02:30
Speaker
while being children. um and Yeah. Because I had to protect myself, my sister, when i like my brother, because, you know, he's still the child, but had to protect my sister from this man that came here to see her.
00:02:41
Speaker
And then then, wanted to try to see me. You know what i mean? Because he thought that if he could do something or say something to her, she could convince me to come over and like everything was okay.
00:02:52
Speaker
Although I was still young, I very much so was a beyond my years. I knew a lot of things that i probably shouldn't have known at 12 years old. Right. Unfortunately. Yeah. But I was like, i don't want to, like, you got to get out. Like, just the energy. I knew was, I mean, I've always known it something just didn't feel right to me. But that man coming into my house and you're supposed to be like a family friend. And ah we know you. We're going to see you again probably next weekend.
00:03:12
Speaker
You got kids. You got a wife. Like, all these things. And him coming about like it was nothing. ah Just dropping by my house. and that's where, it I guess, in a way, was like a trigger. Because, like, you're speaking about, like, we had something happen?
00:03:27
Speaker
Kind of. That's and okay. I'm sorry. No, you're fine. It's not, he didn't get to get too far. He wanted to, and I didn't allow it. I ended up, I stopped him because I was like, something is wrong. And the fact that my sister's the one that called me to come over here, she obviously doesn't fully understand either. So I don't know what's going on with her and him or what he's tried, but he, it didn't stop him in that moment. it also didn't stop him down the road. As I knew him down the road, we would go to pool and all this stuff, the things that happened, but the fact that he felt comfortable enough to come to my house and think it was all good. Like y'all not going to tell nobody, nobody like,
00:03:59
Speaker
My mom still says, I don't even know if I've ever told her that, but him knowing and being confident enough to be like, I'm go go over there. Who's going to say, who's going who I'm family friend. Like I just came over to check on the kids. It was a deal.
00:04:11
Speaker
That's pretty much harder what it would have come down to. But to be in his thirties and me be a 11, 12 year old kid and my sister a year younger than me and him think I'm gonna come over. Cause I know your mother's not home.
00:04:23
Speaker
Them knowing the receipt enough that my mother's not in home enough that he could come over. And take advantage of that. And my sister being naive, my sister is, she's a whole other story, but I was like, no, you got to get the fuck out of house. I was like, no, something don't sit right. I was like, you got to get out. was like, nah, you're going have to go.
00:04:39
Speaker
And just all of these memories that kind of came flooding back and going outside, watching him leave ah because I watched him leave. I didn't want him to think he could just turn around and come back in. I watched him leave. i was on the porch. And I swear to this day, I remember this guy being like a ah musky green color. And I was like,
00:04:54
Speaker
A storm was coming. I felt it. It felt like so wrong. Everything about that day was just fucked up.
Encountering Inappropriate Adults
00:04:59
Speaker
And my little brother's just in my mom's room watching TV, hanging out because he doesn't know what the hell is going on. And I'm over be here freaking out.
00:05:05
Speaker
So all those thoughts and the different things that I went through from that age and even before then on. Right. we I really had to grow up six, seven years old. i had to mother my mother at times. and I'm not saying that in a moment because if my mom heard me say some shit, she'd be like, no, you didn't. it was your mom. They could be in denial. Yes. It was very much so I had to be who I needed to be for you.
00:05:26
Speaker
ah You leaned on me as a child. Yeah. and Not me leaning on you. Not here I am as an adult and I had to go through years of therapy or whatever. But all of that pretty much has brought me back to some of those moments in my childhood yeah that is like,
00:05:38
Speaker
I shouldn't have had to go through those kind of moments. Why was I alone with my brother and sister taking care of kids that weren't mine? They're just my siblings and people thinking that they could take advantage because they knew the situation.
00:05:49
Speaker
And he was definitely one of those men in his 30s, had ah a baby boy at home and I think a daughter with his wife. And you're doing this. So. Yeah, that definitely brought me back when you were saying that, like making sure you had to look around that nobody could just come in and you won't get watched. It was a scary time back then. And we were aware of it, right? Because we were the kids that were actively out there. um That's funny because i remember being on my grandmother's block and we were playing. It was late.
00:06:18
Speaker
And there was this, I was running up the block and there was this guy in his car and his truck and he had his window down. And I'm walking out of the building and he looks at me. And he whips out his dick.
00:06:30
Speaker
And I'm talking about, i was like seven or eight. by That's crazy. I was a baby. And this grown-ass man sitting in his car literally just pulled his dick out and started touching his dick.
00:06:44
Speaker
Just... Like nothing. And looking at me and I'm just like, what the fuck? And i run. I remember running to my grandmother's house and I went in and I'm like fucking shaking, freaking out seven years old.
00:06:58
Speaker
And my uncle was there. i remember my uncle was there and somebody else, a few of my cousins. And I had told them, I said, there was this guy. He took out his private part and he was touching it and he's right up the block. They all fucking ran.
Family Support and Challenges
00:07:10
Speaker
Yeah. I'm about my uncle took a bat and everything. They ran to him and he was running into his building, into his apartment, and they're banging on the door. they got the They got him and they fucked him up.
00:07:22
Speaker
As they should have. As they should have to stop, you know? Right. They fucked him up. And it's just like, yeah even if I... That didn't make me feel any better. I was a kid. was seven years old. Right. i didn't understand. So now you're even more scared. Right. Because now I'm fucking freaking out.
00:07:36
Speaker
Like, holy shit, what was that? But yeah, going back to that... At that time, yeah, we, our parents were very blindsided. Like, okay, yeah, you get it You have to, you know, provide. It was very much provide, provide. I have to do what I have to do. They were young parents. My mom was, my mom was, wasn't even 21 and she already had two kids. She had my brother at 15, me at 19. I can't fucking imagine. i have one and I had her at 23 and I'm just like, bro,
00:08:09
Speaker
Imagine that. yeah Two under 21. No, I get it. But we had to grow up so, so fast. We were the ones with the blind spot. They're the ones that were just blind. Blind. Like they were like, what is the, what we're saying? Ignorance is bliss. Negligence that they were having, that was happening to us. They weren't trying to see because if they saw it, they knew they had do more and they can't do more. And they couldn't. Yeah. They didn't know what the fuck to do. Yeah. They didn't know what to do, how to do it. They're a new country.
00:08:37
Speaker
Yeah. Their generation was taught one thing. So for us, we were being taught what they were taught, what they knew. So it's something my mom used to love to say. I did what I could with. so but I did the best that I could with what I had. Right. That was my mom's favorite thing to tell me. and it still is one of her favorite things to tell me.
00:08:50
Speaker
And I can understand that. But at the same time, I'm looking around, I'm like, I went through too much. Yeah. you You could have done, ah you could have done a little bit more. I see that too. I say that too. I'm not trying to act like, you know, she's end up. Yeah. But no, but I can say that where it's like, yeah, as a parent, as a mother, i can't, I can't fathom the thought of not actively being there and being vigilant to my kid what the fuck she's doing.
00:09:21
Speaker
hmm. However, i can give my mom grace to understand the fact that it was a different time. She didn't have all the tools that she needed at that time. She was a young mom. She was trying to figure it out.
00:09:35
Speaker
We're not fucking perfect. So I can give her that grace because as a mom, it's stressful. It's hard. Parenthood is hard. very Even just living nowadays is hard. Whether you're a fucking mother, a parent or not, it's difficult.
00:09:49
Speaker
So I give her now,
Reflections on Mother's Struggles and Growth
00:09:51
Speaker
I can forgive her and I can give her that grace. Like I understand. And we can leave that at the past. Like yeah we're aware of what happened. I don't need to consistently bring it up because when I wasn't, I think like in my twenties, I would always bring it up.
00:10:06
Speaker
And I felt bad because I can see how it like diminished her. And I was like, fuck, I feel horrible for doing that. Like, okay, I'm going to stop. Like, I can't... We can... Let's talk about it. Let's hash it out.
00:10:18
Speaker
But I don't want to do that to you because that's fucked up. Right. Right? To keep opening opening up a wound that she's trying to fucking... i'm so Like, she's begging. I'm sorry. Like, pleading for forgiveness.
00:10:30
Speaker
And it's like, but here I am still fucking opening these wounds for her. And it's like... Who the fuck am i She had to... she She's growing. She's learning just like I am. Right?
00:10:41
Speaker
right We're learning. Right. And just like she is now. So to see the growth that she's had is beautiful. and I'm like, go fucking you. Go you. You continue to grow. Don't close that. can Oh, I got goosebumps. Aw. Continue to do that, you know?
00:10:57
Speaker
Like, I'm proud of her because, no, she's not perfect. And no she's never but and we're never going to be perfect. But just... acknowledging it and, and, and wanting to make that change and being different for your grandkids and, you know, being, being there upfront and center.
00:11:15
Speaker
That's what I care about. yeah And I see you, I can see you. And, and I appreciate that. I really do. So I can give her grace and I, I forgave her. Yeah, we went through some fucking shit.
00:11:28
Speaker
You know, she wasn't the greatest. And I went through my traumas and I went through all, but she was fucking young. i can't imagine having two kids at fucking 15 and 19. Right.
00:11:39
Speaker
Right. With no no parents. No mother. Her mother was fucking out here doing drugs. Alcoholic. Nobody. Right. like oh oh Nobody. She had nobody to guide her, to steer her in the right direction. So, not for nothing, she fucking did her thing. Where I did it wasn't the greatest.
Grace and Acknowledgement of Past Traumas
00:11:58
Speaker
You're alive. But I'm alive. well She did good for herself. Like, you know, she never...
00:12:04
Speaker
I never was in somebody else's house. I always lived under the same roof with her. She always had us, always had us there. So I can't say that she had me out on the fucking a street or i was in Fulano's house. No, she kept us under the same roof. She was strict, right?
00:12:20
Speaker
she She was very into her her shit that she was she was growing up. She was going through it, but she did her thing. Anyway, just we all went through our shit trauma.
00:12:31
Speaker
Yeah, no, I mean, i I love that you guys like, thank you for bringing that up, because I think. Again, we're giving grace. um And I when I've talked to others about the grace that I give and that we give, we tend to give.
00:12:48
Speaker
i'm also I'm also told and often told that I am generous. I'm often told that I am generous for the amount of grace that I give to those that have wronged me or have put me in situations where it may not have been the best interest at the time. Okay. Right?
00:13:06
Speaker
Again, when it comes to like our parents, I give grace in the fact that they were much younger than we are and they had way less tools than we have at our disposal.
00:13:19
Speaker
At the same time, I think that we do ourselves a disservice by offering them grace and also not giving ourselves the reality check of seeing what it is for what it was.
00:13:32
Speaker
In other words, there were predators out there. yeah There were people that I'm sure that if we got spider senses or sixth sense about their intentionalities or their energy that they were bringing into our home or our spaces,
00:13:47
Speaker
that they also got those same indications. And so there's a piece of me where I'm conflicted, where it's like, yes, I understand you were young and you were doing your best with what you had, but it doesn't negate the fact that I also experienced traumas and fucked up situations that I should have never been susceptible to.
00:14:07
Speaker
At such a young age. Right. At such a young age with the responsibility of having to learn to deal with it. On your own. On our own, just because you guys were making it happen. Right. So i just want to make sure that for like the listeners out there that may have been triggered or might you know be also reflecting in their past, whether it's tied to practical magic or not at this point, right that they also feel like a sense of accountability for those that put those put them in situations that they had no business being it. Yeah. A lot these people got the empowerment due to how our parents would allow certain things and not fully fight it, not stop it.
Breaking the Cycle of Trauma
00:14:41
Speaker
So if you think about it, I feel like it's one of those things that in, and I don't know. don't see it a lot now, but growing up it'd be like, you got to put on shorts. You got to put on clothes because these people are coming over and it's like, yeah, but I'm in my house.
00:14:54
Speaker
So it's like, now we do the same thing subconsciously because now what the fuck can we do if that's what we grew up doing because we had to. Right. Now, when you see it, you're thinking like, why am I keeping my child from just like being in their home? Oh my God. I just had this moment with my daughter the other day. She came down and she was just, you know, in her t-shirt, just took a shower, t-shirt and undies doing the dishes. And I was like, ma'am.
00:15:17
Speaker
Put some clothes on. Why are you even wearing no pants? She looked at me like I was crazy. And I was like, and in that moment, didn't say it, but I realized that it was really my traumas that were speaking and being projected out here because for her, It's that comfortability. She was comfortable in her own home.
00:15:31
Speaker
And she's never felt preyed upon. She's never felt, right, this sense of danger in a way
Connecting Personal Stories to Broader Experiences
00:15:38
Speaker
that I did at that age. By 12 years old, I was very well aware of the world around me and the people that were trying to take advantage of yeah circumstances. yeah um So thank you, right? like it's Again, thank you for that because I think it brings a lot of context where it's not just about the movie, right? like the The podcast...
00:15:57
Speaker
as I'm starting it, is a platform and a space for us to, yeah, hold a mirror against the movie and being able to see, like, oh, my God, when I was 10 years old, I used to think Jimmy was the hottest guy. And I thought jimmy was the coolest girl. and Right?
00:16:13
Speaker
it gives you that opportunity, but it also gives us the soundboard where it's like, man, when I was that age, life was like this. And the lens that I saw this movie and life through was this.
00:16:25
Speaker
And I think that unfortunately for a lot of us, our lens was jaded or skewed or manipulated. And it's something that we still carry to this day. And I think that, you know, all we can do is be better for our children and our daughters and for our sons, right? Because I have one of each and,
00:16:43
Speaker
The conversations are very different, but along the same lines, all right, for both of them. Right. That's definitely, I think, a piece that you could use to, like, kind of bring people into.
00:16:54
Speaker
Like, you know, when you can use pieces that we don't use for the actual podcast and saying, yeah, this is what I'm doing. I think that was phenomenal to kind of like, give it a – that's ah its own soundbite of saying, hey – this is what I feel like that these podcasts are for. It's not just about the movies, it's about us reflection or about, um, relativity from then to now, the changes, the, the aspects of who we were to who we are, who we will be. right And that was, I think that was phenomenal. So that could be its own piece to kind of put out and say,
00:17:23
Speaker
Bah. Introduce the podcast. Yeah. This is my podcast. This is what we're here for and what it's all about to me and for my people. And for those out there that are listening and that would like to be a part of something like this and understand it and maybe aren't able to communicate it or don't know people that understand them in that way, whatever, whatever. that was I feel like that was perfect. So just wanted to tell you that. Great. Thank you.
00:17:44
Speaker
Well, I appreciate y'all. Once again, i think that, um you know, for me, this is a passion project. So whether it's one and done or 12 beyond uh it doesn't matter to me i just want to make sure that our stories are being told and that we're giving safe space and relativity right like the movie is really that it's relativity to worlds that we have entered before at different ages and different stages of our lives and just being able to kind of take a step back and how does this apply today ah why did i love it so much what did it mean for me and how can i kind of pass it on to the next generation because for these cult classics
00:18:21
Speaker
That's the goal, right? Is that now my daughter can watch it yeah and she's getting her own interpretation. And, you know, hopefully she doesn't think so it's okay to just have chocolate cake every day for breakfast. breakfast that But that she holds on to the sisterhood aspect and that she holds on to the self-respect aspect. And, you know, a man only gets to hit me once.
00:18:39
Speaker
And like that's all he gets, right? Like that message for even that, that was very subtle. It was a this message. went But for me, it stuck out for somebody, right? Like for
Closing Thoughts and Gratitude
00:18:48
Speaker
somebody that's dealt with that that type of yeah exposure, that stuck out. So again, I appreciate y'all.
00:18:54
Speaker
And I hope to have y'all on again. But I think that Practical Magic was definitely a great way to kick this off. And I'm i'm happy for y'all to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Like the blood! I can't wait to clean this up.
00:19:09
Speaker
it i can't wait to clean this up