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91: What is “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry” (Part 1)?
204 Plays2 years ago
It’s been a bit since Laura Fleetwood has been on the podcast, but for good reason. She’s been on a 3-year journey going through a doctoral program through Portland Seminary. She will be graduating in May 2024 and will soon be known as Dr. Fleetwood! You can learn more about her journey in Episode 12: Unwrapping The Bible With Dr. Meghan Larissa Good.
Laura sat down with Jill Devine to talk about a recent sermon series Messiah did, called The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. It was inspired by the book of the same title by John Mark Comer.
The conversation centered around some of the items not discussed in the sermon series. Here are all the messages from The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry series:
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: The Magi | Week 1
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: The Sabbath | Week 2
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: Prayer | Week 3
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: Simplicity | Week 4
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: Generosity | Week 5
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Two Kids and A Career: https://www.jilldevine.com/podcast
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Transcript
Misconceptions about Christianity
00:00:00
Speaker
The following podcast is a Jill Devine Media production. Christianity has become known for judgy people, strange words, ancient stories, confusing rules, and a members-only mindset. This is why I stayed away from the church for so long, but it's not supposed to be that way. I'm Jill Devine, a former radio personality with three tattoos, a love for a good tequila, and who's never read the entire Bible.
00:00:24
Speaker
Yet, here I am hosting a podcast about faith.
Podcast Introduction
00:00:28
Speaker
The Normal Goes Along Way podcast is your home for real conversations with real people using real language about how faith and real life intersect. Welcome to the conversation. Welcoming my old friend back to the podcast.
Doctoral Journey and Leadership
00:00:42
Speaker
Laura Fleetwood, it's been a little bit. It has. It feels good to be here.
00:00:45
Speaker
be here. You have been doing some busy, busy, busy stuff, which we're going to get into. I mean, let's get into it right now because you are about to be called Dr. Fleetwood. I know. It still is boggling my mind. But yes, I have been on a three year journey going through a doctoral program at Portland Seminary. And yeah, it's been
00:01:15
Speaker
something. But the end is in sight. I graduate May 2nd in Portland. So close. I know. So far away. Yeah. All right. And what have you been studying? We talked a little bit about this on a previous podcast episode with, oh, what's her name? I'm already blanking on her name. Oh, Trisha. Yes. Trisha Wellstead. What? And we'll link that in the show notes. But what is it that you are studying?
Stress Resilience Research
00:01:45
Speaker
So my degree will be a doctor in leadership and leadership is a very broad, broad course of study. So within that we get to choose our own research focus and mine happens to be on stress resilience. So how do we as humans bounce back, which is the definition of resilience from daily stress?
00:02:15
Speaker
How do we? We'll talk about that. But specifically, I have focused on tween girls because all of the recent research shows us that Americans are more stressed than ever and that females are more stressed than men. And the age at which we can have the most impact on developing someone's resilience
00:02:43
Speaker
is that age right before puberty when their body is getting ready to go through another big spurts growth and change. And so that's where I've been putting my focuses is on how moms and girls together can learn how to bounce back from stress in a healthy way. So the idea is that instead of waiting for it to get to a
00:03:07
Speaker
a problem where there's an anxiety diagnosis or depression diagnosis that we can on the front end teach these resilience skills because resilience can be learned. Like that's the amazing thing about how God designed our bodies. So we have a huge opportunity to make an impact if we can teach these skills early on and even we can learn them later. But it's like, gosh, if we could just like save these girls from
00:03:36
Speaker
all of the mental health struggles that, you know, research is showing us that they're encountering.
Workshop for Moms and Daughters
00:03:42
Speaker
I like that would be, yes, sign me up my heart. So yeah, that's what I've been researching for two and a half years now and developing a workshop that moms and daughters attend together to, um, to hopefully make a huge difference in how we walk through this world.
00:04:02
Speaker
I'm going to just ask about boys because clearly there are a lot of boy moms or moms to both boys and girls. And one thing that I didn't realize, obviously I know there's a difference, but I have stressed so much on the emphasis of making sure I raise my kiddos, my two girls to not have body issues.
00:04:28
Speaker
and to love their body. And recently at a community group that we host at Messiah, we were talking about naming our bodies. We've been doing some curriculum, and you're a part of this, Laura, through the Momco, and it's about bodies being good and how God sees our bodies.
00:04:52
Speaker
So I had shared with my group of women about that whole idea of how I, well, how am I trying to show my girls that their bodies are good because they are. When I have trauma or past healing,
00:05:11
Speaker
Yourself right like that. I'm going through and one woman brought up. She said you know with my son we're Experiencing it where he's noticing he's the shortest kid in the class I Didn't even think about that sure. I mean everybody is constantly comparing themselves No matter what your gender is I had to narrow my focus. Yeah because
00:05:39
Speaker
there's so much information out there that if I wanted to create a practical tool, I needed it to be very focused. And so because I'm a mom of two girls and I'm one of four girls, I have three sisters, I only know females. And so I kind of felt like God has equipped me to speak into that particular space. But you're right, males are not exempt from
00:06:05
Speaker
obviously the stress of life or anxiety or depression. And my prayer would be that God puts that on someone's heart to dig into that as well, because there will be a different lens to address the males than from what I have taken over the past three years.
00:06:28
Speaker
that happens, they can come on this podcast. And we will make sure we talk about that.
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry Discussion
00:06:33
Speaker
Absolutely. So since the beginning of the year, January at Messiah, we launched a sermon series called The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. And we will have a link to every single message at the show notes, normalgoestalongway.com. But I thought that there,
00:06:56
Speaker
There's this interesting dynamic with what happens with sermon series probably across the board for a lot of churches where you do the research, you put in all this time and effort, and then there's some stuff that just kind of lands on the cutting room floor, so to speak, that we don't really get to present. And because of what you're doing in these programs,
00:07:20
Speaker
Outside of Messiah, I thought you might be a good representative to come in and talk about this a little bit more in depth that we cannot cover all the time in social media or on Sunday mornings. So there's a lot of different categories. Let's first start with the whole idea, the book, how that all came about. Sure. So John Mark Comer.
00:07:46
Speaker
was a pastor in Portland, Oregon. And he had a church that was really, really growing. And he went through a phase of burnout, which is very common for a lot of people. It's especially common in the church world for pastors. I've gone through my own season of burnout, so I can really relate to his story. And he realized that
00:08:15
Speaker
The pace of life that Americans are trying to live is not sustainable. And so he experienced that in his own life. And the results of that was this book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurrying. He covers, I don't know, five or six spiritual practices that he has incorporated into his life that help him not get back into that hurried pace of life.
00:08:41
Speaker
And there's a quote that I love by an boss camp that hit me when I was going through my similar struggle with burnout. Um, she says, life is not an emergency. And when you hear that statement for me, I think you're right. Like God did not create life for it to be lived as though we were in an ambulance running to put out one fire.
00:09:10
Speaker
and another fire and yet that's how we're living our lives. Like we're just, we're not really living them. We're just kind of surviving. We're just kind of going through the motions because we're so busy. And just having come back from Europe, you know, I can attest that it is an American thing. Like when you're over there, it is not the same. People are leisurely. And of course I was there as a tourist,
00:09:40
Speaker
You just don't get the same sense of like stress that you get over here. More people don't have cars, you know.
00:09:51
Speaker
Public transportation is a thing. So you have time to breathe in between when you're getting from here to there. And there's much more of a focus on meals and food and time together talking and telling stories and enjoying a good drink. And it's just really interesting. And I could go into the history of why the US is like we are.
00:10:20
Speaker
is probably beyond this podcast. But yeah, it's a thing. Like the US is one of the most stressed out nations in the world. And yet we're also like one of the wealthiest and we have the most opportunity and the most freedom. And so you just wonder like, yeah, it's, and a lot of people go, but I don't want to change. Well, what you just described in Europe, like the,
00:10:49
Speaker
the meals and the drinks, like that's, that's what I want my life to be like. So why isn't it? Great question. You get to choose how you make up your life. We get to choose. There are so many things that you think about that you're taught growing up. I mean, how can you not get into the American discussion? How can you not get into why we are doing the things that we're doing? I mean,
00:11:19
Speaker
What were you taught growing up that you think contributes to a hurried lifestyle? Well, in order to have money to do things, to even just live in a house, you have to work. Vacations. This is my household growing up. They didn't come all the time, but when they came, you make sure that you enjoy them. And now I'm talking about me growing up,
00:11:48
Speaker
Our vacations either consisted of going to the Lake of the Ozarks, which is a few hours outside of St. Louis or Florida. And Florida was maybe once every five, 10 years. Yeah, same. I mean, our vacations were going to visit family in Chicago. Like it wasn't.
00:12:09
Speaker
We didn't do anything extravagant or no. Yes. I had a fine childhood, but I don't remember there being this sense of living life to its fullest, if that makes sense. Yeah. Well, okay. Let's get into it a little bit. Think about how the US was formed. It was a place for people to come
00:12:38
Speaker
as a refuge from someplace else Mostly like if you think about the Europeans for example who came over they were seeking freedom from various issues in Europe they encountered a landscape here that was very harsh and unforgiving in many ways and
00:13:06
Speaker
the Reformation had just happened in Europe. And so there was this sense of the Protestant work ethic where you had to prove your worthiness to God and also to people. And so that is kind of like the underbelly and capitalism was just getting started.
00:13:34
Speaker
It was all about independence and making a new life in this new land and that required hard work and independence. And so that kind of became like the foundation of our country. And it's not necessarily a bad thing. Like all of those, you do have to work. You need to provide for your family.
00:14:01
Speaker
But there's a balance, and we need to realize there's a cost to pushing ourselves so hard that our body, minds, and spirits can't keep up. And I think that's what we're now experiencing because of technology and 24-7 connection to people and being available to reach someone through phone and computer and all these ways.
Impact of COVID on Mental Health
00:14:32
Speaker
The latest stress research at the American Psychology Association came out and it says that since COVID, there's been a significant impact on well-being, evidenced by an increase in chronic illness, especially between the ages of 35 and 44. So those are kind of your raising a family years.
00:15:01
Speaker
It increased from 48% to 58% of Americans have a chronic illness in that age range, 58%. And then adults who experienced the highest increase in mental illness were ages 18 to 34, 50% of that age range. And both of those things, chronic illness and mental health diagnoses have been directly
00:15:30
Speaker
related to levels of stress. And it's not just the levels of stress, it's how we deal with the stress because everybody experiences stress every day. Right, like you can't take that away. You can't live on an island, right, and never have stress. Even if you did, you'd have stress. Because that's one of my biggest complaints with, you know, when you go to the doctor and they're like, you know, we got to eliminate your stress.
00:15:57
Speaker
Okay. How do we limit my stress? It's not limiting the stress. It's how we deal with it. Okay. That's, that's definitely different. Yes. That is the key because actually stress is good for you. Like your body was designed for stress and stress can push you to learn and to grow and to evolve and to transform, but it's how we deal with it and whether or not we recognize it.
00:16:26
Speaker
I think, right? Cause you have to recognize it before you can deal with it in a healthy way. What you said about the history going back to Americans and I immediately, and I want to put a caveat that is, um, you know, I just shared like the white European experience of coming to America. I recognize that there's a whole nother experience of people from other
00:16:53
Speaker
ethnicities and and I just want to acknowledge yeah, thank you that but that's that's how our government was formed that's kind of the You know, well that work ethic of you got to prove yourself I Guess what flashed into my mind was I always kind of had this thing Held over me
00:17:20
Speaker
There's always someone willing to do your job for less. So you better do what you're told, not ask questions, don't question your salary and what you're worth. So there was always this constant fear of
00:17:39
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I'm not doing enough. I need to do more. I need to show my worth. And so I could see now looking back at that why that is so stressful and why it is so crazy. And I think I've shared this with you or I know I've shared it with Pastor Jim that never in my history of careers
00:18:04
Speaker
Have I ever been told and encouraged to take time off and take time for myself and my well-being than I have when I started working in ministry? That's a problem. It is a problem. And it's also something I think that we cannot rely on our employer to do for us. It's something that we need to advocate and prioritize ourselves.
00:18:34
Speaker
Yeah, but if you are in a situation where you're feeling like, I mean, what is better than hearing it from your superiors? They're like, sometimes you have to hear that, like, hey, come on, you gotta take time for yourself. You're right, we have to be, we're our number one advocate, but when, especially in a corporate world, when you're working in a corporate, you've been there,
00:19:02
Speaker
If you hear that from your boss, you're like, wow, they care about me. When you don't, you just feel like, oh, I got to get this stuff done. And if I'm gone, there were several times that when I would take a vacation, I'm like, Oh my gosh, what's going to happen when I come back? Did they? Cause that would happen sometimes. You're like, Oh, don't take a vacation because you get replaced. You know, that's an awful way to live. Yes.
00:19:30
Speaker
So now my question though is I feel like we're starting to learn all of these different things to help. And you have a generation or two above us that are like, Oh, hippies woke. They don't, you know, tough it out. What do you say to that? I would ask them to consider their cause they're probably retired, right? I would ask them to look back.
00:20:00
Speaker
and imagine that they're on their deathbed. Look back to those years when they were working and they had young kids and do they wish they would have worked more? How do they wish they would have spent their time? In an honest answer asking me that, of course I want
00:20:23
Speaker
Am I getting this whole like kind of YOLO? I know that that's so kind of old still to say like it's a term that was, it's not as popular, but I wrestle back and forth with this YOLO, you only live once life. And I know the answer should not always come back to finances, but that's my barrier.
00:20:45
Speaker
But I know that there's other ways to do it. I know there's other ways to seize the day, to seize the moment, to live life to its fullest. And you know, I just need to put this caveat out there because just because I've been researching this topic does not mean that I have it all working in my own life. I just went through, um, another little stint of, of burnout, um, over the past few months. So,
00:21:14
Speaker
I'm not coming to this as the one who has her life all perfectly put together, but as somebody who struggles with it, because my body lets me know when I'm stressed in very hard ways. But I will say to your question about finances, I think a lot of it is where we place our trust. Do we, as Christians,
00:21:44
Speaker
not trust that God will take care of us when we live the way he tells us to live.
Financial Sacrifices and Trust in God
00:21:53
Speaker
You know, I think back to when I had my girls, they were young and we made the decision for me to stay home with them their first couple of years. And I was making more money than Justin at the time. So our income was cut by more than 50%.
00:22:12
Speaker
We had to sell a car. So we only had one car. I had no way to get around anywhere with the girls. And it was hard. Like it was financially not a smart decision. And yet I don't regret those years for anything. We didn't go anywhere or do anything, but my girls still remember like the daily walks we went on and you know, the little fun things that we did. And so.
00:22:41
Speaker
I think we have this standard in our head of how we're supposed to live and what that looks like. And that's the problem. Comparison. It's like, what are your priorities? That's what it comes down to. So you can live on less. You can. You can also trust that God will provide for you
00:23:11
Speaker
not that he's going to make your life easy and perfect, but he will provide for you. And, and I just think, you know, I think about my daughter, Audrey, who you interviewed and taking a gap year, you know, that's not, that's not something the world would go. Oh, that's, that's smart. You know, that's wise. And yet she experienced the world. I don't know if she said this in the podcast, but, um, she realized,
00:23:39
Speaker
She didn't figure herself out, but she realized how insignificant she is in the world. And that doesn't really matter what major she chooses, because there's a world of opportunity out there. It was one of the things, I mean, she had said multiple things, but one of the things that really stood out to me was when she said, I went into this thinking, I'm going to get the answers,
00:24:08
Speaker
and I am going to basically figure it all out. Yeah, be in control of my life. And she said, and it didn't happen, but it's okay. And just her wisdom alone, I mean, pro gap year, make it happen. And as she said, she had the ability to work and to save and all that.
00:24:36
Speaker
Um, I would love to hit pause on this conversation and come back and start talking about some like practical tools and tips you think we should do. Okay. So come back in two weeks.
Upcoming Episode Preview
00:24:49
Speaker
We are going to release part two of this episode with Laura Fleetwood. And you can also get all the updates. Like I said, we'll have the links to the sermon series.
00:25:00
Speaker
and get you caught up that way. We'll talk a little bit about those, but they'll be at the show notes at normalgoesalongway.com.