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Bigger, Better, Faster, Stronger
188 Plays6 years ago
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Transcript
Introduction and Setting the Tone
00:00:00
Speaker
I'm Annie Tevlin.
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to Off the Record, the podcast.
00:00:04
Speaker
Now it's just you and me.
00:00:07
Speaker
I respect your privacy.
00:00:09
Speaker
What happens here?
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Speaker
We'll never leave this room.
00:00:12
Speaker
So lock the door, put me in, put a finger to my lips.
00:00:17
Speaker
Cause I can't say I've got what I would do.
00:00:21
Speaker
Off the Record with you.
00:00:30
Speaker
Off the record with you.
00:00:31
Speaker
Okay, let's get one thing out of the way.
00:00:33
Speaker
And by one thing, I mean four and a half things.
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Speaker
One, I'm nervous.
00:00:39
Speaker
Two, the font on my computer is set to 24 because when I'm nervous, 12-point font just won't do.
00:00:45
Speaker
Three, the backs of my knees are sweating, and four and a half, I just realized I have to pee twice.
00:00:50
Speaker
But this podcast isn't about the things that my body begins to do when I get bulldozed by emotions and excitement.
00:00:56
Speaker
This podcast is about one of the most exuberant, sensitive, joyful, motivating men I've ever had the honor of sitting across from.
00:01:04
Speaker
You guys know him as Eric Bigger, who rose to fame competing on the 13th season of The Bachelorette and most recently Bachelor in Paradise.
00:01:11
Speaker
He appeared
Introducing Eric Bigger and His Reality TV Journey
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Speaker
on the show competing for the heart of former Bachelor star Rachel Lindsay, working as the CEO of personal training outfit E-Bigsway, before making his reality debut.
00:01:21
Speaker
And if you know this guy, like I don't know this guy, but I think I do, he's the one with the most brilliant smile, most open heart, he's smiling right now, and most infectious, I'm so happy to see you dance, Denmark and the world has ever seen.
00:01:35
Speaker
Now, in interviewing Eric, I kept coming to the realization that interviewing this guy solely on his Bachelorette experience is basic.
00:01:43
Speaker
This guy is so much more than that.
00:01:45
Speaker
And in researching and voyeuring Eric, I get the impression that this guy is so much more than the show portrayed him as.
00:01:52
Speaker
This is a guy that is not going to waste his time in matters of love, in interviews.
00:01:57
Speaker
He takes the long view on life and knows what and won't fulfill him.
00:02:02
Speaker
He will tell someone something they might not want to hear in the short run if it means they will get what they need in the long run.
00:02:09
Speaker
You can see things from very far away, Eric, because you're astute, you're sensitive, and from my vantage point, Eric desperately doesn't want to be the reason that anyone hurts.
00:02:19
Speaker
He also wants what is hard to sometimes access, be it love or the cold hard truth.
00:02:24
Speaker
It is because of these character traits and more that I jumped at the chance to have the force that is Eric in the studio today.
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Speaker
And I'm
Feedback and Personal Growth
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Speaker
so honored he took a moment to take a break from his own podcast, Bigger Talks, to connect with me today.
00:02:36
Speaker
So without further ado, I'd like to welcome Mr. Eric Bigger to the studio.
00:02:41
Speaker
Wow.
00:02:42
Speaker
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
00:02:45
Speaker
I could cry.
00:02:46
Speaker
How did you discover all of that?
00:02:48
Speaker
That was so powerful.
00:02:49
Speaker
Phenomenal.
00:02:50
Speaker
Are you lying?
00:02:51
Speaker
Inspirational.
00:02:52
Speaker
No, I'm not lying.
00:02:52
Speaker
I could like, if I really would have just really sat here and like let you go, I probably would have cried.
00:02:57
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:02:58
Speaker
Wow.
00:02:59
Speaker
So before we start, let's be honest.
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Speaker
Growing up, I didn't get feedback in life.
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Speaker
Good or bad.
00:03:05
Speaker
So when I hear things, I'm like very like, really?
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Speaker
Really?
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Speaker
Imagine I get no feedback as a child, good or bad.
00:03:11
Speaker
Like I did good in school, you know, I was a leader, I was positive, I was a good kid, I didn't get in trouble.
00:03:17
Speaker
But no one told me like, Eric, you're doing good, you're doing great.
00:03:21
Speaker
And I didn't get bad feedback.
00:03:22
Speaker
Oh, you jumped shot.
00:03:23
Speaker
That's no, I don't like that.
00:03:25
Speaker
Or you need to work harder.
00:03:26
Speaker
I didn't get that.
00:03:27
Speaker
So I guess that's why I'm so good at giving feedback because I need it and I want it.
00:03:32
Speaker
So someone gives me something, I take it and I kind of analyze it.
00:03:36
Speaker
Maybe sometimes to a fault, but that was powerful.
00:03:39
Speaker
I felt like I was coming up to get an award or something.
00:03:42
Speaker
Jesus.
00:03:43
Speaker
Must be the Aquarius in you.
00:03:45
Speaker
Is anything that I said, is that accurate?
00:03:48
Speaker
Are these things that you've heard about yourself
Misunderstandings and Personal Responsibility
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Speaker
before?
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Speaker
I mean, I just feel like you really did your research and really picked the way through the lens of what the world sees.
00:03:58
Speaker
Like, you see through everything that others don't see.
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Speaker
And it was just, wow, you're very, like...
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Speaker
I was powerful.
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Speaker
That makes me feel really good.
00:04:06
Speaker
I have to say you, you know, obviously we're, we all watch reality TV.
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Speaker
We all know that this is a snapshot of someone's life.
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Speaker
That's not who you are.
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Speaker
big time edited.
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Speaker
There's so much other, you know, B-roll that people don't get to see.
00:04:19
Speaker
But there's always this part of you that comes through, and it's no offense to the television show that you were on, but I just always got the impression that you were like too sensitive, too real, too authentic, too...
00:04:35
Speaker
passionate, I don't know what it is, but there was just that show in a way I saw you being pigeonholed and it's almost like I felt like in real time you maybe thought that you were being misunderstood.
00:04:46
Speaker
That's how it came across.
00:04:48
Speaker
There was a frustrating aspect for me watching you on Bachelor in Paradise specifically recently.
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Speaker
And it was like, oh my God, this is like a misunderstanding.
00:04:57
Speaker
Someone needs to go in there and show the real Eric.
00:05:00
Speaker
That was the vibe that I got.
00:05:02
Speaker
Yeah, I think the thing is, I think that definitely is very accurate.
00:05:06
Speaker
Definitely misunderstood.
00:05:07
Speaker
I felt that way my whole life because I knew I had this energy about me and this curiosity about me that
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Speaker
didn't make sense to the norm or to the environment I was in.
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Speaker
So subconsciously, I think I always tried to fit in because I didn't want to stand out because I wanted to be part of the belonging and not the becoming.
00:05:24
Speaker
So what happens sometimes when you're in this environment of people, you have to adjust, right?
00:05:28
Speaker
And when I mean adjust,
00:05:30
Speaker
You got to converse.
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Speaker
You got to talk.
00:05:31
Speaker
You got to, you know, be present because this is what you signed up for.
00:05:36
Speaker
This is your classroom.
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Speaker
And Bachelor in Paradise was one of those shows where I'm glad I did it because I learned a lot about myself and others.
00:05:44
Speaker
And I realized I'm just tired of trying to fit in.
00:05:46
Speaker
I can't.
00:05:47
Speaker
Like, I can't.
00:05:49
Speaker
Is that something that you felt on the show because of your psychology?
00:05:53
Speaker
Yes, my psychology, my awareness, my insight.
00:05:56
Speaker
And this is the thing.
00:05:57
Speaker
And people take this.
00:05:59
Speaker
In life, when you have more information and more awareness, I don't care who the person is, the director, the head of the show, if you have more insight, more awareness, or just in whatever you do, you have to always take responsibility.
00:06:13
Speaker
So if
Trust and Relationship Dynamics
00:06:14
Speaker
you're dealing with someone, if I'm on a show and I'm dealing with a person, and it looks like it's all me, it's all of me, I made a mistake, which I did, I made several mistakes, but it's hard to hold someone accountable for something they can't be accountable for.
00:06:28
Speaker
So you have to always be responsible and you have to always, I don't want to say take the L, but it might seem like that because you're responsible.
00:06:35
Speaker
The more information you have in life, the more responsible you have to.
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Speaker
So I have more information than some people, not because I'm smarter than better, just because I'm well read and I read a lot of books and I'm curious about people and the mind and the body.
00:06:48
Speaker
So there's certain things I can tell.
00:06:50
Speaker
without really spending too much time with a person.
00:06:52
Speaker
Body language, energy, behavior, feeling, intuition.
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Speaker
And these things you don't see on the show because they're intangible.
00:07:00
Speaker
But it's hard.
00:07:02
Speaker
Did you watch your season?
00:07:04
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely.
00:07:05
Speaker
You watch it back?
00:07:06
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:07:06
Speaker
Is it something where, you know, if there was one lesson that came from that, because I really do want to get to the other sides of you, but we got to do what we got to do because the people want the Bachelor information, but we're just going to do a tiny bit of it.
00:07:17
Speaker
You know, when you watch that season and you came out of that for Bachelor in Paradise, what was your takeaway from that experience?
00:07:27
Speaker
Well, one takeaway was my intuition never lied to me the whole time.
00:07:31
Speaker
So my intuition was on about everything, on and off camera.
00:07:35
Speaker
Everything was accurate.
00:07:39
Speaker
But I think the lesson I had to learn because I'm so good at fixing things and getting out of things, the lesson was...
00:07:48
Speaker
I have to learn how to trust people, right?
00:07:51
Speaker
Because how I grew up, I didn't trust people that much because it just didn't.
00:07:55
Speaker
So what happens when you trust people and they do a disservice or they disappoint you or let you down, there's a perspective in that.
00:08:03
Speaker
So I never really got that perspective because I never allowed myself to be in that space because I knew how to get out of it.
00:08:09
Speaker
And the last time I did that was when I was a kid with my mom.
00:08:12
Speaker
And it really felt very uncomfortable.
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Speaker
And so I was like, from that day forward, I'm like, I'm not trusting people.
00:08:18
Speaker
You know, my mom would tell me things and wouldn't do it.
00:08:20
Speaker
Or she would let me down.
00:08:21
Speaker
So it's a perspective in being, quote unquote, the dark space, the villain.
00:08:28
Speaker
It's a perspective with that and also gives you insight and is a different type of motivation opposed to, oh, you're such a good guy.
00:08:34
Speaker
You're nice.
00:08:35
Speaker
You're sweet.
00:08:36
Speaker
It is squeaky clean.
00:08:38
Speaker
You're perfect.
00:08:39
Speaker
No, I'm not perfect.
00:08:39
Speaker
No, I never said I was perfect, but I learned was it's okay.
00:08:44
Speaker
It's okay to be in a space.
00:08:45
Speaker
It's okay for it to be misunderstood.
00:08:47
Speaker
It's okay to be misunderstood.
00:08:48
Speaker
for why now, why is this happening?
00:08:51
Speaker
It's okay.
00:08:52
Speaker
And you're not the first person to go through that.
00:08:53
Speaker
I mean, if stardom and fame and being on a television show has taught us anything, it doesn't matter.
00:08:58
Speaker
You can be Angelina Jolie and saving all the people in the world and you'll still screw up something somewhere along the way and people will have something to say about it.
00:09:06
Speaker
So it's almost permission to just do you.
00:09:09
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:09:09
Speaker
However you get misinterpreted, you know what I mean?
00:09:12
Speaker
You're out there doing the best that you can based on the level of awareness that you have.
00:09:16
Speaker
And, you know, it's an easy thing to forgive.
00:09:18
Speaker
Yeah, it is.
00:09:19
Speaker
But I think what I think I really like, because when I got to Paradise and you start forming like little relationships with things, what I really noticed, I said, you know what?
00:09:30
Speaker
I like to see how people are when things are different.
00:09:34
Speaker
So when I made my decision, that was the route, like why I made the decision, because I was feeling something different from what people were seeing.
Emotional Highs and Lows on Reality TV
00:09:41
Speaker
How so?
00:09:42
Speaker
It just wasn't there.
00:09:44
Speaker
Like I was all the way there, but I don't think she was all the way there.
00:09:48
Speaker
Right.
00:09:48
Speaker
Emotionally.
00:09:49
Speaker
I think maybe her love language was words and mine's the most act of service because I was getting the words.
00:09:56
Speaker
I just wasn't getting the feeling.
00:09:57
Speaker
I wasn't getting the emotions.
00:09:58
Speaker
I wasn't getting the actions behind the words that was given to me.
00:10:01
Speaker
So is it fair to say that you kind of took yourself out of that relationship because you didn't feel like— Well, the thing is, it was never really a relationship.
00:10:09
Speaker
It was just like we were dealing with each other.
00:10:11
Speaker
We never said we were in anything.
00:10:13
Speaker
I mean, there were certain moments on the show where we had an opportunity.
00:10:17
Speaker
We went on a date at, you know, at the hotel, and there were certain things that happened there.
00:10:23
Speaker
It would just kind of make me question, like, okay.
00:10:25
Speaker
Why are you bringing up this third party in the middle of a massage?
00:10:29
Speaker
We had a chance to, you know, stay at the hotel with no cameras and talk about these things.
00:10:33
Speaker
We didn't.
00:10:35
Speaker
So those things, and a lot of people say, well, you know, it could be like a sex thing.
00:10:40
Speaker
You want to do like, no, like, no, it's never that.
00:10:43
Speaker
It's like, I'm grown.
00:10:44
Speaker
Like, I don't need to have sex to validate how I feel about you.
00:10:47
Speaker
It was never that.
00:10:47
Speaker
So I was just trying to figure out where are you really at?
00:10:51
Speaker
And I know this is your first rodeo.
00:10:52
Speaker
You're on TV.
00:10:53
Speaker
So it's different.
00:10:54
Speaker
Just let me know.
00:10:56
Speaker
But when we had the opportunity to do that, there was no, we're fine.
00:11:00
Speaker
We're good.
00:11:01
Speaker
And I think my what I didn't do was really address how I really, really felt.
00:11:06
Speaker
I just kind of like, you know what time is everything is a time and place for a certain conversation.
00:11:10
Speaker
And I made a mistake.
00:11:11
Speaker
But end of the day, what people didn't see was we talked about all this.
00:11:15
Speaker
I apologize, made it up.
00:11:17
Speaker
We hugged it out.
00:11:18
Speaker
It was actually one of the best moments on the show.
00:11:20
Speaker
They didn't show it.
00:11:23
Speaker
We hugged out on the beach under the stars and we talked about we didn't think we were last on the back end anyway.
00:11:28
Speaker
And when was that?
00:11:29
Speaker
Like how far after the... This was like a day probably before rose ceremony or two days or two... Yeah, like a day before rose ceremony.
00:11:36
Speaker
I remember like it was yesterday.
00:11:38
Speaker
And it was so weird.
00:11:40
Speaker
But both were women.
00:11:41
Speaker
I cleared it up.
00:11:42
Speaker
Why is it that the apology of me cleaning everything up was so much better than being in a relationship with these people or dealing with them?
00:11:51
Speaker
I was like, how is this?
00:11:52
Speaker
And then when I left...
00:11:54
Speaker
The tears were coming from so many different emotions.
00:11:57
Speaker
Misunderstood.
00:11:59
Speaker
What people don't know before the show, every girl that I go hard after, I never get.
00:12:03
Speaker
So there was another sign like, why does this keep happening to me?
00:12:06
Speaker
Then I got love from people that I never think will happen.
00:12:09
Speaker
People were crying when I left.
00:12:11
Speaker
That's the love I wanted the whole time I was on the beach.
00:12:13
Speaker
And I had an out-of-body experience.
00:12:14
Speaker
When I was in the car, when I was in the truck on the way back, my producer was crying.
00:12:21
Speaker
That's how powerful it was.
00:12:22
Speaker
It wasn't like, yes, I was sad about Angela.
00:12:24
Speaker
Yes, I was mad.
00:12:25
Speaker
Yes, it broke me up apart.
00:12:26
Speaker
But it wasn't just completely her while I was crying.
00:12:29
Speaker
It was so many other things.
00:12:31
Speaker
And I'm empath.
Motivations and Stereotypes
00:12:32
Speaker
I feel everything.
00:12:33
Speaker
So I'm feeling this person, her, this person.
00:12:36
Speaker
I'm feeling everything.
00:12:38
Speaker
And it was just like, it was crazy.
00:12:40
Speaker
Did it hit you like a ton of bricks?
00:12:41
Speaker
I remember that scene where you kind of start to, you know what I mean?
00:12:45
Speaker
Like you're going on the fritz on the show, kind of like it's all so overwhelming.
00:12:49
Speaker
You were holding your face in your hands and you were, it was the beginning of something.
00:12:53
Speaker
And I think even as the viewer, we didn't know what that was.
00:12:56
Speaker
Did it, are you someone where it hits like a ton of bricks or it's a slow burn and you were feeling that...
00:13:01
Speaker
I think it was a slow burn.
00:13:03
Speaker
Do you know?
00:13:03
Speaker
I think over time it came and then I was just like, I can't give no more.
00:13:07
Speaker
Like one thing about me, I don't play the middle.
00:13:09
Speaker
It's even black or white.
00:13:10
Speaker
I'm giving all I'm not giving.
00:13:11
Speaker
And that's why I said I'm giving everything to you because you don't see her upset.
00:13:16
Speaker
You don't see her crying.
00:13:17
Speaker
You don't see because she wasn't all in emotionally.
00:13:22
Speaker
It looked that way, but you don't see no emotions from her.
00:13:24
Speaker
And you see her going out on a date, she's crying.
00:13:27
Speaker
But it's not about her.
00:13:29
Speaker
It's not about me.
00:13:29
Speaker
This is about life.
00:13:30
Speaker
Yes.
00:13:31
Speaker
And it's about people learning.
00:13:32
Speaker
And it's about people growing up.
00:13:33
Speaker
And for me, I'm a vessel for what to do, for what not to do.
00:13:38
Speaker
And I'm willing to take the risk.
00:13:40
Speaker
I'm willing to take the chance.
00:13:41
Speaker
I'm willing to fail in front of everybody to be where I want to be in life.
00:13:44
Speaker
So on the back end of it all, it's part of my story.
00:13:47
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:13:48
Speaker
What was, you know, the great motivator in going on Bachelor in Paradise after your experience with Rachel?
00:13:56
Speaker
Like, what was that?
00:13:57
Speaker
Is it something where you're like, okay, I am so motivated to find love and I think I can find it.
00:14:04
Speaker
Like, was there someone in mind?
00:14:05
Speaker
Was it just kind of another?
00:14:06
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:14:07
Speaker
It was never nobody in mind.
00:14:09
Speaker
Only two girls I really liked.
00:14:11
Speaker
throughout the whole Bachelor thing was Becca Tilly and Vanessa Grimaldi.
00:14:15
Speaker
If they was on it, I'm like, game.
00:14:17
Speaker
Game, game, game, game.
00:14:19
Speaker
Bibiana, you know, we had this friendship and they don't show this either.
00:14:22
Speaker
We had a conversation where I'm like, okay, Bibi, I love you.
00:14:26
Speaker
We're friends.
00:14:26
Speaker
We're great.
00:14:27
Speaker
Let's draw the line.
00:14:28
Speaker
I need to know what really are we?
00:14:30
Speaker
Like, I know we friends, but I kind of feel like I don't want to assume.
00:14:33
Speaker
She's like, no, I think we're friends.
00:14:35
Speaker
We should keep up that.
00:14:36
Speaker
I said, cool.
00:14:37
Speaker
Because I don't want to never miss out on something that could be something because I didn't open my mouth.
00:14:41
Speaker
Yes.
00:14:41
Speaker
So they don't show that part or clear that up.
00:14:44
Speaker
So outside of that, it was just like, who knows?
00:14:47
Speaker
When I went on The Bachelorette, I wasn't like highly into Rachel.
00:14:49
Speaker
I had signed up prior to her being the person or knowing she was the person.
00:14:54
Speaker
I didn't even know she was the person.
00:14:56
Speaker
So on that show, The Bachelorette,
00:14:59
Speaker
anything could happen, anything did happen, I fell in love.
00:15:02
Speaker
So that's how I felt like Bachelor in Paradise is an opportunity to see who you are, what you are, see what Bachelor in Paradise is all about.
00:15:07
Speaker
Yeah, and there's more women.
00:15:08
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:15:09
Speaker
There's more women, more opportunity.
00:15:10
Speaker
If you don't connect with Rachel, then what happens?
00:15:11
Speaker
Then you're just on the show.
00:15:13
Speaker
Why not?
00:15:14
Speaker
And what people don't know, these TV shows, it's growth.
00:15:18
Speaker
It's kind of like self-therapy.
00:15:20
Speaker
Because when you get on these shows, you're learning about yourself.
00:15:22
Speaker
It's challenging, yes, but it's worth it because it's a sacrifice.
00:15:25
Speaker
You're sacrificing your life, you're remote, you're sacrificing everything.
00:15:29
Speaker
And it's something you get from sacrifice.
00:15:31
Speaker
And that's clarity.
00:15:32
Speaker
And that's more of a lot of other things.
00:15:35
Speaker
But I'm glad I did it.
00:15:37
Speaker
Would you do more?
00:15:38
Speaker
Is there like a Winter Games or would you be the bachelor?
00:15:42
Speaker
Like where are you at with this?
00:15:43
Speaker
They would have to make me the bachelor.
00:15:45
Speaker
I can't mess around.
00:15:47
Speaker
It's like, what are we doing?
00:15:49
Speaker
I can't.
Beyond Reality TV: Aspirations and Authenticity
00:15:51
Speaker
I need...
00:15:52
Speaker
I need a strong, powerful, potent individual that just unspokenly gets me or can challenge me and who's not afraid to understand who this guy is.
00:16:04
Speaker
Because I think I'm complex to a lot of people because it doesn't make sense.
00:16:08
Speaker
You have so much energy, you're so positive, but then you're so deep.
00:16:13
Speaker
But you're black and you're African-American and you're like built.
00:16:15
Speaker
I think all these things go on in people's mind.
00:16:17
Speaker
So here's the thing I think people need to know.
00:16:20
Speaker
You know, it's a divide in the world, right?
00:16:22
Speaker
Perception is people's reality.
00:16:23
Speaker
Perception is dangerous.
00:16:25
Speaker
When it comes to a black man in America, and I'm not saying for everybody, but for what I've watched and observed, you even want to know a few things.
00:16:34
Speaker
One, you're an athlete.
00:16:36
Speaker
You know how many people come up to me like, oh, you play ball?
00:16:39
Speaker
And I could lie to them and say, yeah, I play overseas.
00:16:40
Speaker
I play for Turkey.
00:16:41
Speaker
They will believe me.
00:16:42
Speaker
Why?
00:16:42
Speaker
Because I fit the bill, right?
00:16:44
Speaker
No, I'm not that.
00:16:46
Speaker
Or you're an actor.
00:16:46
Speaker
You got the look.
00:16:47
Speaker
You're tall.
00:16:48
Speaker
You're charming.
00:16:48
Speaker
You must be an actor.
00:16:50
Speaker
No, I'm not that.
00:16:51
Speaker
Or you're a singer.
00:16:53
Speaker
Or you're an artist.
00:16:54
Speaker
Or you're a rapper.
00:16:55
Speaker
So look, there we go.
00:16:56
Speaker
Athlete, actor, musician.
00:16:58
Speaker
So those three things, right?
00:16:59
Speaker
All entertaining, using your body to get people to like you, TV personality.
00:17:06
Speaker
Outside of that, for a black man in America, it's negative.
00:17:10
Speaker
You must be a criminal.
00:17:11
Speaker
You must sell drugs.
00:17:12
Speaker
You must sell drugs.
00:17:13
Speaker
You're not, I'm not going to see you as a lawyer.
00:17:15
Speaker
I'm not going to see you as an accountant.
00:17:17
Speaker
I'm not saying they're not out there.
00:17:18
Speaker
Because in D.C., New York, those are those businessmen, those investment bankers that are minority or African-American.
00:17:24
Speaker
But from a general perspective, you don't see that.
00:17:27
Speaker
I won't say his name, but it was a friend on the show.
00:17:31
Speaker
I don't know what guy asked him.
00:17:32
Speaker
Especially Josiah was the guy, but I don't know what guy on Winter Games asked him.
00:17:35
Speaker
He's like, man, I didn't know.
00:17:38
Speaker
Someone asked Joe Sye, telling Joe Sye, I didn't know you were a lawyer.
00:17:42
Speaker
You look like a football player.
00:17:45
Speaker
That's the stereotype.
00:17:46
Speaker
So that's what you're dealing with.
00:17:48
Speaker
Look at LeBron James, you know.
00:17:51
Speaker
So shut up and dribble.
00:17:52
Speaker
Like, no, I don't do more than dribble a ball.
00:17:55
Speaker
And I think people can't put me in a box.
00:17:59
Speaker
And I think that's what throws people off.
00:18:00
Speaker
That's literally my intro.
00:18:02
Speaker
I mean, 100%.
00:18:03
Speaker
I've never seen someone on television, let alone reality television, that seems so whole, that seems so full.
00:18:10
Speaker
It's also mysterious.
00:18:12
Speaker
And I came into this feeling nervous because this whole part in my intro about you're pretty much not going to waste your own time because you have such a high emotional quotient.
00:18:22
Speaker
You've written books.
00:18:23
Speaker
You've written books.
00:18:25
Speaker
been in the throes of reality television, which takes an incredible amount of strength, but at the end of the day, like, you cannot be pigeonholed.
00:18:33
Speaker
And I've seen you on interviews before where people don't come with that energy.
00:18:40
Speaker
They don't come.
00:18:40
Speaker
It's almost like frivolous questions, and you clam up.
00:18:44
Speaker
You're like, no, I don't have time for this.
00:18:46
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, shit.
00:18:48
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:18:48
Speaker
Like, is this just how it's going to be?
00:18:50
Speaker
Like, I got an extra interview or someone's in front.
00:18:52
Speaker
I was asking like, what are you in my head?
00:18:54
Speaker
That was early in the morning.
00:18:55
Speaker
I was like, Dan, this was bad.
00:18:56
Speaker
And I was like, what do you want to know?
00:18:57
Speaker
Just say it.
00:18:58
Speaker
I love that though.
00:18:59
Speaker
Just say it.
00:19:00
Speaker
Stop.
00:19:00
Speaker
Don't.
00:19:01
Speaker
I dislike when people spare me.
00:19:03
Speaker
No, let's get to the root.
00:19:04
Speaker
What do you want?
00:19:05
Speaker
I ask women all the time.
00:19:06
Speaker
Like, what do you want from me?
00:19:08
Speaker
What do you mean?
00:19:08
Speaker
I just think you're cool.
00:19:09
Speaker
What does that mean?
00:19:11
Speaker
Because I don't understand your intentions right now.
00:19:14
Speaker
I just think you're cool.
00:19:17
Speaker
Like, okay, you want to just kick it?
00:19:19
Speaker
Or what's your MO?
00:19:21
Speaker
Let's just get to the root so we can just kind of clear the air.
00:19:23
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:19:24
Speaker
That's why I'm like, why sacrifice this incredible opportunity to get someone who's so open to talk?
00:19:32
Speaker
You know, if you're going to come with the stupid questions, then you're going to get the stupid answers.
00:19:35
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:19:36
Speaker
Okay, so you mentioned Baltimore.
00:19:38
Speaker
I want to go back for a second.
00:19:39
Speaker
Okay.
00:19:40
Speaker
So before there was ABC inviting you to be on a reality show, before you playing the role of Jay-Z in Durag Intervention, don't worry, I saw that.
00:19:47
Speaker
Did you see the other one?
00:19:49
Speaker
Tyler Perry?
00:19:50
Speaker
All I Want for Kwanzaa?
00:19:51
Speaker
No.
00:19:52
Speaker
Oh, you got to see that one.
00:19:53
Speaker
What is that?
00:19:54
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:19:56
Speaker
So my uncle was my father.
00:19:59
Speaker
It's a parody of Tyler Perry,
Background and Upbringing
00:20:01
Speaker
All I Want for Kwanzaa.
00:20:01
Speaker
I was a guy who had a wife and you got to see it.
00:20:05
Speaker
It's like hilarious.
00:20:07
Speaker
Where do we find this?
00:20:08
Speaker
I'm telling this to all the, okay.
00:20:09
Speaker
Go on YouTube and type in All I Want for Kwanzaa parody.
00:20:12
Speaker
It's when I was 25 years old and that was my first acting debut.
00:20:16
Speaker
And I didn't know I could act.
00:20:17
Speaker
So I was like, yeah, you're Jamal.
00:20:18
Speaker
And I'm like, Jamal, the first line in the movie, this one I was like, this must be like divine.
00:20:24
Speaker
Um,
00:20:25
Speaker
The guy said something to me, and I said, God knows my heart, and he makes me irresistible to women.
00:20:31
Speaker
You know, it's like, God knows my heart?
00:20:33
Speaker
Like, is this happening?
00:20:35
Speaker
So it was like, but I was the lead in the parent, and I'm like, what?
00:20:40
Speaker
I didn't sign up for this, but I did it.
00:20:42
Speaker
It's funny.
00:20:42
Speaker
You got to watch it.
00:20:43
Speaker
It was amazing.
00:20:43
Speaker
Yeah, I was like, I mean, I went into the rabbit hole.
00:20:46
Speaker
I was like, literally, I was four steps away from your birth certificate.
00:20:49
Speaker
I like people like you.
00:20:50
Speaker
Do you have an intervention?
00:20:51
Speaker
Because it's like, it's stimulating.
00:20:53
Speaker
We can have a real conversation.
00:20:54
Speaker
We can create stuff in the universe.
00:20:55
Speaker
Let's create something.
00:20:56
Speaker
We can do it.
00:20:56
Speaker
Let's meet the people who created astrology and numerology.
00:20:59
Speaker
Maybe we can be those people.
00:21:00
Speaker
We can create our own.
00:21:01
Speaker
We got a TED talk in our future.
00:21:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:04
Speaker
Okay, so aside from the masterpiece that is Do-Rag Intervention and All I Want for Kwanzaa, which I will look up, I want to hear more about life in Baltimore.
00:21:12
Speaker
Okay.
00:21:14
Speaker
I said off the mic, I grew up in D.C.
00:21:16
Speaker
and Northern Virginia, spent a lot of time in Baltimore.
00:21:20
Speaker
Can you kind of watch-
00:21:21
Speaker
Did you say Fairfax?
00:21:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:23
Speaker
Did you do some research on me?
00:21:26
Speaker
No.
00:21:27
Speaker
No, I didn't.
00:21:27
Speaker
Of all the places you can mention, why did you say Fairfax?
00:21:30
Speaker
That's the first thing came to my mind.
00:21:32
Speaker
I listened to what comes to me.
00:21:34
Speaker
And I went to Hampton University, so I'm very intuitive.
00:21:37
Speaker
So I just like whatever comes at the top, I just say it.
00:21:39
Speaker
And if it's right, it's right.
00:21:40
Speaker
Whatever.
00:21:40
Speaker
We're best friends now.
00:21:41
Speaker
So, okay.
00:21:43
Speaker
That's crazy that you said Fairfax.
00:21:45
Speaker
Northern Virginia.
00:21:46
Speaker
It's even that Arlington.
00:21:47
Speaker
Like, come on.
00:21:48
Speaker
That's where my parents live now.
00:21:49
Speaker
There we go.
00:21:50
Speaker
I'm from Baltimore.
00:21:51
Speaker
I went to school at Howard Community College and then went to Hampton.
00:21:54
Speaker
People don't know Virginia, though.
00:21:55
Speaker
That Maryland-Virginia line, though.
00:21:57
Speaker
Yeah, EMV, baby.
00:21:59
Speaker
You know, if you're from Virginia, you know Rockville, you know Bethesda, you know Chevy Chase, you know all that.
00:22:03
Speaker
Then you go into Baltimore and that's like Hanksville and Fells Point and all these different, oh my God.
00:22:09
Speaker
Pockets.
00:22:10
Speaker
Camden?
00:22:12
Speaker
What am I thinking of?
00:22:12
Speaker
Yeah, Camden.
00:22:13
Speaker
You got Camden and you got Canton.
00:22:14
Speaker
Camden.
00:22:14
Speaker
Yes, Canton.
00:22:15
Speaker
That's what I'm thinking of.
00:22:16
Speaker
Like, there's such a divide for being so close.
00:22:19
Speaker
I don't know a ton about Baltimore.
00:22:22
Speaker
I just know Little Pockets and I feel like I'm missing out on so much in that city.
00:22:25
Speaker
It's so rich.
00:22:26
Speaker
There's so much going on.
00:22:27
Speaker
It's had a torrid history too.
00:22:31
Speaker
You know, like little Eric, I want to know what you were like in Baltimore.
00:22:35
Speaker
Like, what are you listening to?
00:22:37
Speaker
What are you wearing?
00:22:38
Speaker
What's a day in the life of like 14 year old Eric?
00:22:44
Speaker
14.
00:22:44
Speaker
Don't hold back.
00:22:44
Speaker
I remember like it was yesterday.
00:22:46
Speaker
My dad was actually incarcerated that year when I was 14.
00:22:49
Speaker
And my cousin, I remember like yesterday he bought me these green, black and green, white, 14 Air Jordans.
00:22:57
Speaker
I never forget those.
00:22:59
Speaker
I'm playing flag football on a blacktop at my middle school, Mount Royal.
00:23:04
Speaker
Shouts out to the Eagles.
00:23:05
Speaker
Yeah, you know, wearing uniforms at school every day.
00:23:08
Speaker
I'm probably listening to...
00:23:12
Speaker
I think Young Buck had his first album out.
00:23:14
Speaker
I think 50 Cent had just hit the scene.
00:23:17
Speaker
I think I'm in like the eighth going to ninth or I'm in the ninth.
00:23:20
Speaker
I'm wearing baggy clothes.
00:23:21
Speaker
I got 4X t-shirts, probably 38 size jeans.
00:23:24
Speaker
I probably got some jerseys or some Nike boots on my feet or some Charles Barkley's.
00:23:29
Speaker
And what do you, are you an athlete at this time?
00:23:33
Speaker
Are you into the arts?
00:23:34
Speaker
In my mind, I'm thinking I'm going pros.
00:23:35
Speaker
I'm going to the NBA.
00:23:37
Speaker
That's my dream.
00:23:38
Speaker
And I'm putting in work.
00:23:39
Speaker
I'm a gym rat.
00:23:40
Speaker
I was in the gym.
00:23:42
Speaker
Daryl Corbett, who coached Carmelo, Dante Green, Malcolm Delaney, all these Baltimoreans good basketball players.
00:23:48
Speaker
I'm throwing a ball off the...
00:23:49
Speaker
off the wall to myself catching and I got to make a hundred before I leave the gym so who were who were you what was your team the Wizards the Wizards the Bullets at the time Washington Bullets no I think they were the Wizards at the time the Wizards I think Vaughn Dixon Rip Hamilton maybe Jordan was on the team at the time when he came back at 40 that was my team that's incredible so are you a good student
00:24:11
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:24:12
Speaker
I'm a great student.
00:24:13
Speaker
Like, I got all A's.
00:24:14
Speaker
Well, I know
Motivational Writing and Personal Growth
00:24:15
Speaker
you.
00:24:16
Speaker
This is another little thing I found about you.
00:24:17
Speaker
So you graduated magna cum laude?
00:24:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:19
Speaker
I got one C my whole college career, and that was in pre-calc.
00:24:22
Speaker
I got an A in big discount.
00:24:24
Speaker
Entrepreneurship.
00:24:26
Speaker
What?
00:24:26
Speaker
That's awesome.
00:24:27
Speaker
I didn't even know that that was a thing.
00:24:29
Speaker
Yeah, it was.
00:24:29
Speaker
Just like in the business school?
00:24:30
Speaker
Business school.
00:24:31
Speaker
Okay.
00:24:32
Speaker
That makes sense.
00:24:33
Speaker
I got two AAs from Howard Community College, and then I got a BS from Hampton.
00:24:37
Speaker
So you went on to write two books, correct?
00:24:41
Speaker
They are called 100 Days of Wisdom and Quotes to Shape Your Life.
00:24:45
Speaker
What inspired this?
00:24:47
Speaker
I don't know.
00:24:48
Speaker
Coming to LA, very confused and lost, trying to figure me out in life.
00:24:52
Speaker
What is this about?
00:24:53
Speaker
I'm 22.
00:24:53
Speaker
I'm out here.
00:24:54
Speaker
I think those books are like 23, 24.
00:24:56
Speaker
Before that, I had a mobile app called Eric Bigger's Successful Living that I paid for.
00:25:01
Speaker
No one knew about it.
00:25:02
Speaker
Didn't do anything.
00:25:04
Speaker
But people like Bob Proctor, Tony Robbins, Les Brown, these people inspired me.
00:25:09
Speaker
And
00:25:10
Speaker
Before this whole bachelorette thing, when I left Nicole on the show, I had 3,600 posts.
00:25:17
Speaker
All my posts were quotes and videos.
00:25:20
Speaker
So I had Motivation Monday, Wisdom Wednesday, and What's Positive Friday.
00:25:26
Speaker
And I also had Smile Fridays.
00:25:28
Speaker
So I had a routine.
00:25:29
Speaker
Quotes, videos, quotes, videos, quotes.
00:25:32
Speaker
I smile every week from somebody.
00:25:33
Speaker
I'd write a dope caption about someone smiling.
00:25:37
Speaker
When I came home, man, it's just like, man, you got to delete all of that.
00:25:40
Speaker
So I delete everything.
00:25:42
Speaker
So when people see me now on social media, like, oh, my God, he's attractive.
00:25:45
Speaker
He's handsome.
00:25:45
Speaker
He's this.
00:25:45
Speaker
He's a model.
00:25:47
Speaker
I never thought none of that of myself.
00:25:48
Speaker
Why did you have to delete all of that?
00:25:50
Speaker
Just because it was a new me.
00:25:52
Speaker
Like, I evolved into this new person.
00:25:54
Speaker
I'm in on TV.
00:25:55
Speaker
I got a little bit of fame.
00:25:57
Speaker
got to clean it up.
00:25:58
Speaker
This is what the world is going to.
00:26:00
Speaker
And it makes sense.
00:26:01
Speaker
And it was weird because like, I never really wanted to make, make it about myself because it was never about myself growing up.
00:26:07
Speaker
So I always made it about people.
00:26:08
Speaker
And I think that's been my challenge on some of these dating TV shows is that I don't converse to talk about myself.
00:26:15
Speaker
I converse to talk about the person.
00:26:17
Speaker
So then they never really get to know who I am because I'm so good at understanding and I'm hard at being understood.
00:26:24
Speaker
You know, it's so funny, though, what the things that and this has been a theme over the last few weeks, but the things that we as people feel a lot of shame about or feel like no one's going to accept me if I say that or I'm going to be the weird one if I say this or I don't need anybody to feel sorry for me.
00:26:40
Speaker
Right.
00:26:40
Speaker
Any of these things that happened in our past, that's.
00:26:43
Speaker
and I'm sure you've encountered this as a motivational speaker, like, those are the things that set you free and other people free.
00:26:49
Speaker
When you're able to just say, you know what, I didn't know who I was going to be, what world I was going to be born into, this is the world I was born into.
00:26:58
Speaker
And then you can talk about it and that fearlessness that accompanies that, then it's all good because there's going to be so many people out there that were like, oh, my God, I thought that this guy was just, you know, a hunky personal trainer and didn't get deep.
00:27:10
Speaker
Oh, my God, he's getting deep.
00:27:11
Speaker
And people didn't even know I was from Baltimore.
00:27:13
Speaker
They thought I was just a suburban kid.
00:27:15
Speaker
And I grew up with my mom and dad in life.
00:27:16
Speaker
My mom and dad has never been in my life.
00:27:18
Speaker
I don't know what marriage looks like from my two eyes.
00:27:20
Speaker
Can you, I know you touched upon this a little bit and you people know a little bit of this.
00:27:24
Speaker
Can you touch upon any, what it felt like to grow up in your house with the instability of your parents?
00:27:31
Speaker
Well, the thing is it was always like that.
00:27:33
Speaker
So it wasn't like, what is this?
00:27:34
Speaker
This is weird.
00:27:36
Speaker
I was the man of the house.
00:27:37
Speaker
My dad used to always say, take care of your mom and take care of your sister.
00:27:40
Speaker
You're the man of the house, take the trash out, be there.
00:27:42
Speaker
So I was a man before I was a boy.
00:27:46
Speaker
I, I,
00:27:47
Speaker
emotionally.
00:27:48
Speaker
So I was my mother's son, I was her best friend, I was her boyfriend, and I was her husband.
00:27:54
Speaker
And I think she was going through a lot, just a lot of traumatizing situations in her life, in her life.
00:27:59
Speaker
She had me at 21.
00:28:01
Speaker
When you young, you think 21 is old.
00:28:03
Speaker
My mom said she had the most pain when she had me.
00:28:06
Speaker
What people don't know is she was, she had, I had a twin, and my twin didn't make it.
00:28:11
Speaker
And I was a month early.
00:28:13
Speaker
I was premature.
00:28:13
Speaker
And my mom was like, you're a miracle baby.
00:28:16
Speaker
She said, sometimes your energy, I feel like that's your twin living inside of you.
00:28:20
Speaker
And so it was like, huh?
00:28:23
Speaker
She told me this at 25.
00:28:24
Speaker
I'm like, really?
00:28:25
Speaker
She was like, yeah.
00:28:27
Speaker
And so it was just like being premature.
00:28:30
Speaker
Doctor said, I'm not going to make it.
00:28:33
Speaker
And just all these things that just make up who I am.
00:28:36
Speaker
And I'm like, and I was mad at my mom for so long because I didn't understand why didn't she love me.
00:28:40
Speaker
And then as I get older and I got older, I'm like, you couldn't even love yourself.
00:28:45
Speaker
Look at the stuff you experienced.
00:28:46
Speaker
Look at the stuff you had to deal with.
00:28:48
Speaker
You're the real
Family Dynamics and Emotional Resilience
00:28:49
Speaker
MVP.
00:28:49
Speaker
And so Tony Robbins has a documentary called I'm Not Your Guru.
00:28:54
Speaker
And there's a segment in there about a little girl.
00:28:58
Speaker
She hates that she loves her dad because her dad wasn't in her life.
00:29:01
Speaker
He said, okay, you hate your dad.
00:29:04
Speaker
I want you to call your dad and tell him everything you hate about him.
00:29:08
Speaker
And after you do that, tell him everything that he made you because of that.
00:29:14
Speaker
I was like, oh, shit.
00:29:16
Speaker
So I had to call my mom like, mom, you didn't do this, you didn't do that.
00:29:19
Speaker
I said, but mom, but you made me a strong man.
00:29:21
Speaker
You didn't make me depend on women.
00:29:22
Speaker
You made me self-efficient.
00:29:23
Speaker
You made me driven.
00:29:25
Speaker
You made me be a man and not depend on women and take care of me.
00:29:28
Speaker
I said, so you're the real MVP.
00:29:30
Speaker
She started giving me more information.
00:29:31
Speaker
I'm just like, wow.
00:29:33
Speaker
And that was like a healing moment for me.
00:29:35
Speaker
And then over the years, I'm just like, my mom's just been through pain and she has an embrace.
00:29:39
Speaker
And I was taking all her burdens as a child, being the only man around.
00:29:42
Speaker
And I really think
00:29:44
Speaker
she didn't love me the way I knew she could because I think she had like real deep resentment, resentment, like about my dad.
00:29:52
Speaker
Like I think they had a lot of love, but there was a lot of pain there.
00:29:56
Speaker
What's the story there?
00:29:57
Speaker
I obviously, I just think, I just, I just think my dad at one point, there wasn't love.
00:30:01
Speaker
It was,
00:30:03
Speaker
Me and my sister.
00:30:05
Speaker
I was March 9th, my sister was March 8th, but she's a year older than me.
00:30:09
Speaker
So we're day and a year apart.
00:30:11
Speaker
And I was supposed to be born April 7th.
00:30:13
Speaker
I came March 9th, and so my dad started getting high.
00:30:16
Speaker
He was doing drugs.
00:30:18
Speaker
And so it was hard, you know, and I think at one point he was abusive and things like that, things that she didn't get in details.
00:30:25
Speaker
And it kind of just, you know, broke apart.
00:30:26
Speaker
This is before you were around.
00:30:28
Speaker
This is like probably when I'm a baby.
00:30:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:30
Speaker
You know, where I'm like just being conceived or whatever.
00:30:33
Speaker
And it's just, that's just what it was with them.
00:30:36
Speaker
And you can still tell to this day, they still got some love there for each other.
00:30:39
Speaker
They joke about it.
00:30:41
Speaker
You know.
00:30:41
Speaker
What's your relationship with them now?
00:30:43
Speaker
Oh, perfect.
00:30:44
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:30:45
Speaker
My relationship with both of them was like great.
00:30:48
Speaker
Like when my dad apologized on TV, that made our relationship even stronger.
00:30:52
Speaker
Like, wow, dad, I didn't even think he would do that.
00:30:55
Speaker
It's so incredible the things that we hold on to and the baggage that we keep.
00:30:58
Speaker
I can, you, I mean, you said it yourself, but that was a healing moment for me being able to tell your mom all of those things.
00:31:04
Speaker
Like as a son, first of all, I would, there's so many emotions that go into that guilt.
00:31:10
Speaker
This person raised me.
00:31:11
Speaker
How am I, why am I allowed to hold up a mirror to this person?
00:31:14
Speaker
Why don't you love me?
00:31:15
Speaker
And that's what I think I was dealing with on the show as well.
00:31:18
Speaker
I was like, I shouldn't have to fight for someone to be into me.
00:31:21
Speaker
My mom barely was that way growing up.
00:31:24
Speaker
So if this is not there, then that's just what it is.
00:31:26
Speaker
So I have to do something.
00:31:28
Speaker
That's going to change or make something happen.
00:31:32
Speaker
And that's hard.
00:31:33
Speaker
And that was my struggle with women.
00:31:34
Speaker
I would never open up to women.
00:31:35
Speaker
I would just provide and guide.
00:31:37
Speaker
Would never receive.
00:31:38
Speaker
I never knew how to ask for help.
00:31:40
Speaker
My boy's like, E, why don't you ask for help?
00:31:41
Speaker
I said, you know what?
00:31:42
Speaker
I don't know how to.
00:31:43
Speaker
What did that look like in a relationship?
00:31:46
Speaker
Can you think of an example where a woman that you've dated has tried to nurture you and you were like, nope.
00:31:50
Speaker
The thing is, my energy wouldn't allow you to nurture me, but my love would want you around.
00:31:56
Speaker
And so what happened was...
00:31:59
Speaker
I remember like two or three women telling me, I don't think you need anything.
00:32:04
Speaker
And I'm like, what are you talking about?
00:32:07
Speaker
She's like, I just don't think you need anything.
00:32:08
Speaker
You know everything and you're so positive and you're spiritual and you're just, so whatever they need, I just took care of.
00:32:15
Speaker
You need something, I'll pick you up.
00:32:17
Speaker
I'll get your Uber, whatever.
00:32:18
Speaker
I never show an insecure side of me where I was lacking.
00:32:22
Speaker
Or even if they saw it, I had an energy where you better not say that to me.
00:32:26
Speaker
I had this know-it-all energy.
00:32:28
Speaker
Because at that time, that's all I had was what I knew.
00:32:31
Speaker
Because nobody was guiding me.
00:32:33
Speaker
My dad and mom didn't tell me to do this and do that.
00:32:34
Speaker
I had to learn everything.
00:32:36
Speaker
I'm self-taught.
00:32:38
Speaker
So I had to do all these things, you know.
00:32:42
Speaker
My mom told me about mannerisms and miss and mister and clean up your room, dad, not hitting your sister, but not like really hands-on, like this is how you do this.
00:32:51
Speaker
This is what you do with your money.
00:32:53
Speaker
This is the Bible.
00:32:54
Speaker
Read these things.
00:32:55
Speaker
So certain things, I just didn't get that guidance.
00:32:59
Speaker
And I had this not all energy.
00:33:00
Speaker
You better not tell me anything.
00:33:02
Speaker
Whereas like...
00:33:04
Speaker
I was so positive.
00:33:05
Speaker
Like my positivity was so good that it shut you down.
00:33:10
Speaker
Yeah, I'm thinking like you didn't receive love from your mom, so you don't know how to receive it.
00:33:16
Speaker
Or do you not want to receive it?
00:33:18
Speaker
Or do you not want to be seen as someone who needs for anything?
00:33:20
Speaker
Does that seem like you're a nuisance?
00:33:22
Speaker
I think it was a need because my mom had that.
00:33:24
Speaker
I don't need it, man.
00:33:25
Speaker
She's always, I don't need it, man.
00:33:27
Speaker
That's all she will always say that.
00:33:29
Speaker
And I think I just didn't know how to because I didn't know what it looked like.
00:33:32
Speaker
I didn't get it from my mom.
00:33:33
Speaker
I don't remember my mom hugging me and kissing me on her forehead, telling me she loved me and you're great, son.
00:33:38
Speaker
It's never that.
00:33:38
Speaker
Did it manifest... Do you have two sisters?
00:33:40
Speaker
Is there Erica and Lacey?
00:33:42
Speaker
And Brittany.
00:33:43
Speaker
And, okay.
00:33:44
Speaker
So, how did it manifest with your siblings?
00:33:47
Speaker
In the same way?
00:33:47
Speaker
Well, so, Erica is my oldest sister.
00:33:49
Speaker
She's by my dad.
00:33:49
Speaker
She has a different mom.
00:33:51
Speaker
Lacey has a different dad.
00:33:52
Speaker
Brittany, her and I had the same mom and dad.
00:33:55
Speaker
I think...
00:33:56
Speaker
My sister, Lacey, she's doing great.
00:33:57
Speaker
She's out in Microsoft.
00:33:59
Speaker
She's got a nice job.
00:34:00
Speaker
She just graduated from college last year.
00:34:02
Speaker
Erica's back in Baltimore working with Under Armour.
00:34:05
Speaker
She just had a son.
00:34:07
Speaker
My sister, Brittany, does hair, and she has three kids.
00:34:10
Speaker
That's amazing.
00:34:13
Speaker
So, I mean, it's still a lot of work and damage there because in my family, there are a lot of women and not a lot of men.
00:34:22
Speaker
And what I mean by that, you got my dad, you got me, you got my cousin.
00:34:28
Speaker
And I think most women in my family are single.
00:34:32
Speaker
And so what I realized is that, and I don't want to say it's black women, but the women in my family had to be so strong for so long that
00:34:45
Speaker
They're always working from a masculine place, more dominant place, where they're receiving and nurturing and the feminine energy space is not really there because they got to be strong all the time.
00:34:58
Speaker
So it's hard for a guy probably wants to date or be around.
00:35:04
Speaker
They don't know how to get in there because they're so strong.
00:35:08
Speaker
And some guys don't can't deal with a dominant woman because it's too much.
00:35:12
Speaker
And I think that's what's been going on the whole time in my family with the women.
00:35:16
Speaker
There's no men.
00:35:17
Speaker
I remember on The Bachelorette, you said that you had never brought a woman home to meet your family.
00:35:25
Speaker
And in listening to all of this, do you think that there was any part of that?
00:35:30
Speaker
Because I think on the show, it came across like I came from this, I had this
00:35:34
Speaker
kind of unstable, torrid background.
00:35:36
Speaker
It almost seemed like there was shame attached to it.
00:35:38
Speaker
But now in listening to this and having more insight.
00:35:41
Speaker
Yeah, there was no home to bring them to.
00:35:42
Speaker
Who are you going to bring her to?
00:35:43
Speaker
Oh, grandma's upstairs.
00:35:44
Speaker
You want to meet my grandmother?
00:35:45
Speaker
Grandma is.
00:35:46
Speaker
Who's that little heifer?
00:35:47
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:35:47
Speaker
Like, I remember one time I had a girl come over.
00:35:49
Speaker
I'll never forget.
00:35:51
Speaker
And I was like, Grandma, you going to make me some eggs?
00:35:53
Speaker
And she was like, have that little such-and-such cook you some eggs.
00:35:56
Speaker
Like, my grandmother is that grandma.
00:35:57
Speaker
She was a teacher for 30 years.
00:35:58
Speaker
She'll lean into you and tell you you messing up.
00:36:03
Speaker
And that's where I come from those type of people.
00:36:05
Speaker
They're straightforward to the point.
00:36:07
Speaker
So it was no one.
00:36:09
Speaker
And then no one really knew about E. No one knew about Eric.
00:36:12
Speaker
No one asked about relationships, sex, money, because I was a good kid.
00:36:18
Speaker
I got good grades.
00:36:19
Speaker
So I was a product of my own madness because in my environment, you got attention from when you did bad.
Positivity and Coping Strategies
00:36:26
Speaker
I did good.
00:36:27
Speaker
Oh, he's responsible.
00:36:28
Speaker
He does good at school.
00:36:29
Speaker
He's playing basketball.
00:36:31
Speaker
Always had something going on and I always knew what I wanted.
00:36:33
Speaker
I was a leader since I was a kid.
00:36:35
Speaker
So...
00:36:37
Speaker
And then I build a relationship where I'll get everything out of you.
00:36:40
Speaker
You can't get nothing out of me.
00:36:42
Speaker
As far as emotionally.
00:36:43
Speaker
You won't know what I'm really dealing with because I master with my positivity.
00:36:47
Speaker
So imagine you telling me like, oh man, you know, oh yeah, just be great.
00:36:50
Speaker
You got it.
00:36:51
Speaker
Nothing can stop you.
00:36:52
Speaker
You're amazing.
00:36:53
Speaker
Ma, thank you.
00:36:54
Speaker
Peace and love.
00:36:54
Speaker
Give me a hug.
00:36:55
Speaker
Like this guy coming at you with all this positivity is like, I can't even get in there and give him some.
00:37:01
Speaker
So what have you, I mean, what have you lost as a result of that?
00:37:06
Speaker
This being more vulnerable.
00:37:06
Speaker
What have you, what have you, but I mean,
00:37:09
Speaker
Looking back on all of these years where you had, I do think that you're a half full kind of person.
00:37:15
Speaker
I think that that's a choice people choose to be the victim or people choose to overcome.
00:37:20
Speaker
I think it is your default in meeting you now and talking to you and witnessing you that...
00:37:24
Speaker
you choose to come from a positive place.
00:37:26
Speaker
I don't think it's always like, oh, I'm overcompensating because I'm positive.
00:37:30
Speaker
But in looking back, what do you think maybe you lost as a result of always being the happy, positive guy?
00:37:38
Speaker
I don't think I lost anything.
00:37:40
Speaker
I think I just gained a new perspective.
00:37:42
Speaker
Because when I went on the show, we have a therapist and she was like, the reason she's like, your positivity should cope with mechanism because I had so much pain and anger from growing up in the environment.
00:37:51
Speaker
She said, if you allow those emotions to rise to the top, you would self-destruct.
00:37:55
Speaker
So honestly, she's like, she's like, but you're not in Baltimore anymore.
00:37:58
Speaker
It's okay to just tell a person.
00:38:00
Speaker
And my turning point, honestly, was the show.
00:38:03
Speaker
When I spazzed, I've never, ever, ever in my life done any of that ever in my life.
00:38:09
Speaker
So that was a turn.
00:38:10
Speaker
On Bachelor in Paradise?
00:38:11
Speaker
No, no, no, not Paradise.
00:38:12
Speaker
On Bachelorette.
00:38:13
Speaker
On The Bachelorette.
00:38:14
Speaker
Keep my name out your mouth.
00:38:15
Speaker
Yes.
00:38:15
Speaker
That was my turning point in my career, in my life, because if I didn't do that, I wouldn't be here.
00:38:20
Speaker
And so that was...
00:38:21
Speaker
accepting my true feelings because I was the guy, you call me anytime you need to ride to the airport, you need some money, I'm doing everything for you.
00:38:29
Speaker
And then I'll see people take advantage of me.
00:38:31
Speaker
And now you know what I'll say?
00:38:32
Speaker
It's cool.
00:38:33
Speaker
It's cool.
00:38:34
Speaker
It's cool.
00:38:35
Speaker
Then it got to a point where, no, it's not cool.
00:38:36
Speaker
Don't do that.
00:38:37
Speaker
And so what happened was, my friend told me this before the show, he's like, E, you think you're going to change the world with positivity?
00:38:43
Speaker
No, that's not your powerful weapon.
00:38:45
Speaker
Your powerful weapon is your shadow side, your real side.
00:38:49
Speaker
People want to see that.
00:38:50
Speaker
He's like, girls want to see it too.
00:38:51
Speaker
I was like, yeah, but that's going to scare them.
00:38:53
Speaker
He's like, no, it's not.
00:38:54
Speaker
That's going to want to be around you more.
00:38:56
Speaker
Oh, and you're teaching people how to have boundaries.
00:38:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:59
Speaker
And so once I, when that moment allowed me to be raw and open, no one said my name.
00:39:07
Speaker
And I got home from the shop.
00:39:08
Speaker
I'm like, okay, it's okay to be real about how you feel.
00:39:11
Speaker
So my patience for stuff, people messing with people around me.
00:39:15
Speaker
I didn't like, I would be just, I wouldn't keep it in.
00:39:18
Speaker
I'd be like, no, what are you doing?
00:39:20
Speaker
We're not doing that.
00:39:21
Speaker
So really, I think I just was a boy before the show, and I became a man.
00:39:27
Speaker
Owning my feelings, that's what happens.
00:39:29
Speaker
So I lost my innocence, I would say, or my being too gullible or naive or nice.
00:39:37
Speaker
I'm still nice, but I'm not letting people get away.
00:39:39
Speaker
Like, nah, you ain't doing that.
00:39:41
Speaker
That's also such an awesome example of forgiveness.
00:39:44
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:39:45
Speaker
That you can be 90% positive all the time.
00:39:48
Speaker
That doesn't mean that 100% of the time you're going to be like that.
00:39:50
Speaker
At some point, people need to flip out and have a moment.
00:39:53
Speaker
And that you allowed yourself that when you came back from the show and you didn't beat yourself up about it and there wasn't shame attached to it.
00:39:58
Speaker
That's a beautiful thing.
00:40:00
Speaker
Because then you're able to be like, yeah, if you push me, this is going to happen.
00:40:04
Speaker
It's not going to happen all the time, but it could happen.
00:40:07
Speaker
So like...
00:40:08
Speaker
Now we know.
00:40:09
Speaker
And then the thing I realized, because the therapist was like, just know when you're telling your truth and you're expressing yourself, just have compassion for people.
00:40:17
Speaker
Because when I first was in that space, it would come off hard and harsh.
00:40:22
Speaker
And some people just can't deal with that, even though it's real.
00:40:25
Speaker
But it's like, just have a little bit more compassion when you're delivering what you're trying to get out to some people, because it'll tear some people up.
00:40:32
Speaker
Of course.
00:40:33
Speaker
But, I mean, it just had to happen that way.
00:40:35
Speaker
And I'm glad it did, and...
00:40:39
Speaker
And honestly, naturally, I have a positive flow to me.
00:40:42
Speaker
That's just my essence is positive.
00:40:45
Speaker
You do my numerology
Navigating Fame and Authenticity
00:40:46
Speaker
or my birthday.
00:40:49
Speaker
I'm a Pisces, so very emotional and sensitive.
00:40:53
Speaker
My rising is a Libra, so I come off like a Libra, so I'm charming and observing.
00:40:57
Speaker
Then my moon sign is a Sagittarius, then we're happy-go-lucky.
00:41:01
Speaker
And then March 9th is the most positive day in the Pisces horoscope.
00:41:06
Speaker
So it's like positivity is just part of me.
00:41:09
Speaker
I don't have to be positive.
00:41:10
Speaker
Motivation is part of me.
00:41:12
Speaker
I don't have to be motivated.
00:41:14
Speaker
I live in this vibration daily.
00:41:16
Speaker
But I have other sides to me that's like, yeah.
00:41:21
Speaker
Like I said, I don't play the middle.
00:41:22
Speaker
Sometimes people are like, you're too intense.
00:41:24
Speaker
I'm like, what?
00:41:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:25
Speaker
Too intense.
00:41:26
Speaker
Maybe you're just insecure about something.
00:41:27
Speaker
I don't know.
00:41:28
Speaker
I'm just me.
00:41:29
Speaker
Totally.
00:41:30
Speaker
But, you know, it was a lot.
00:41:33
Speaker
When I sit back and think about it, I was in Mexico this summer.
00:41:37
Speaker
I was on a beach watching the sunset.
00:41:39
Speaker
I'm thinking like, how did I get here?
00:41:41
Speaker
I remember being in Baltimore City, West Baltimore, shooting a basketball on a basketball court and having guys over there sell drugs, shoot dice, talk crap.
00:41:52
Speaker
But yeah, I'm on ABC talking about love.
00:41:55
Speaker
How is this real?
00:41:57
Speaker
My life has been like a dream.
00:41:58
Speaker
I done been around.
00:41:59
Speaker
killers, drug dealers, rich, wealthy, famous, professional athletes that have been on TV, been in where it's bad at, been where it's great at, I'd have been down, I'd been up.
00:42:11
Speaker
So my perspective is so wide that I can relate damn near to anybody.
00:42:17
Speaker
A hundred percent.
00:42:18
Speaker
That is your power.
00:42:20
Speaker
One of your powers.
00:42:21
Speaker
The fact that you are, I feel like I use this word ad nauseum, but you are so well-rounded.
00:42:27
Speaker
Like it's crazy how well-rounded you are because you've had the Baltimore experience.
00:42:31
Speaker
You've had the LA experience.
00:42:32
Speaker
You've had this alternate reality literally on a reality show.
00:42:36
Speaker
You can relate to anybody.
00:42:38
Speaker
Yeah, the fame, how people perceive you and people think you got all these things and all this money and you this and how people turn it back on you and people talk crap and it's weird.
00:42:49
Speaker
And I understand what people, it's not easy because it's a mental game.
00:42:53
Speaker
It's not the physical stuff.
00:42:54
Speaker
It's the mental and emotional stuff that you got to deal with.
00:42:56
Speaker
And I'm mentally strong.
00:42:58
Speaker
I process everything.
00:42:59
Speaker
I'm like, okay, I see what's going on out here.
00:43:01
Speaker
They don't even know better.
00:43:02
Speaker
When people get thrown off when they seem like, oh my God, I'm like, how you getting like that?
00:43:06
Speaker
I'm just like you.
00:43:07
Speaker
But the perception of something changes people's feeling of it.
00:43:11
Speaker
Oh my God, that's LeBron James right there.
00:43:14
Speaker
LeBron James, LeBron James, LeBron James.
00:43:17
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:43:20
Speaker
But that's just what it is.
00:43:22
Speaker
And that is, you know, people get that sometimes.
00:43:25
Speaker
But I try to be as open and authentic as I can.
00:43:29
Speaker
But sometimes it's hard because people take advantage of you giving them a little bit of energy.
00:43:33
Speaker
They ain't going to be talking your head off and they want to do this.
00:43:36
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, my God.
00:43:37
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:43:37
Speaker
They will suck you dry.
00:43:38
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:38
Speaker
So I have to ask, what does dating in Los Angeles look like now for
Relationships and Fatherhood
00:43:46
Speaker
you?
00:43:46
Speaker
Tough.
00:43:46
Speaker
Are you open to it?
00:43:48
Speaker
It's tough.
00:43:49
Speaker
Good stories.
00:43:50
Speaker
We can have the women remain nameless.
00:43:53
Speaker
Is there, you know, where are you at right now in terms of what you want to give?
00:43:58
Speaker
I'm just focused, man.
00:43:59
Speaker
I'm focused on life.
00:44:00
Speaker
If a woman comes in my life and it's organic and it makes sense, then I'll give it some energy.
00:44:04
Speaker
But right now, I just, there's nothing that's like, oh, yeah.
00:44:10
Speaker
I would like that, but I'm not looking for that because I got so much stuff I just need to focus on and just get done.
00:44:15
Speaker
Is there any part of you that's like, I don't know if these people actually want to know me and like me for me?
00:44:21
Speaker
Is there any part of me that's like, oh, they just want to know me because I'm the cool hot guy from The Bachelorette?
00:44:25
Speaker
Oh, yeah, for sure.
00:44:25
Speaker
It's a lot of that.
00:44:26
Speaker
A lot of the girls that hit me up.
00:44:28
Speaker
I might even entertain.
00:44:29
Speaker
Like, oh, she's cute.
00:44:30
Speaker
I don't already know that there's nothing outside of just this lust or this physical attraction.
00:44:37
Speaker
And then there are some women you meet and I'm like, damn, you're great, but I can't do you like this.
00:44:42
Speaker
You know, I don't want to waste you putting all your eggs of feeling about me a certain way and I know I can't give you what you need.
00:44:50
Speaker
I ever not do that to you.
00:44:52
Speaker
What is it that you want in a partner?
00:44:54
Speaker
Like, what does that look like for you?
00:44:55
Speaker
Which is such a ever changing list.
00:44:58
Speaker
It's just something that is just there.
00:45:00
Speaker
I don't have to think about it.
00:45:00
Speaker
I don't have to question it.
00:45:01
Speaker
It's unspoken.
00:45:02
Speaker
It's like a best friend.
00:45:03
Speaker
It's like someone who understands me for me.
00:45:08
Speaker
And just gets it.
00:45:10
Speaker
I think people got this wrong idea that love is supposed to be hard.
00:45:14
Speaker
Like, I don't think it should be... The relationship could be hard, but not the love.
00:45:18
Speaker
Not knowing me and understanding my ways.
00:45:21
Speaker
I mean, that takes work.
00:45:23
Speaker
But if you love me, you love me.
00:45:25
Speaker
And accepting that... I was reading a book this morning, Power Now talks about relationships.
00:45:31
Speaker
And if people could accept the person for who they really are and not who they want them to be, their relationship would flourish.
00:45:38
Speaker
Because you're not trying to make this person out to be like, you should do this because like, no, let them be where they're at.
00:45:44
Speaker
Love them from that place.
00:45:45
Speaker
And if y'all grow together from that, y'all do.
00:45:48
Speaker
And if y'all don't, that's all right.
00:45:50
Speaker
It's simple.
00:45:51
Speaker
Well, people make it hard.
00:45:52
Speaker
So I want to be in a situation where unspokenly we know each other.
00:45:56
Speaker
I know when you're mad.
00:45:57
Speaker
I know when to leave you alone.
00:45:59
Speaker
Like my grandmother, for instance, when I come home and she's evil or has a certain way,
00:46:04
Speaker
I used to try to go back and forth with her.
00:46:06
Speaker
I just like, let her have it.
00:46:07
Speaker
You got it.
00:46:09
Speaker
If my sister tell me something, I know she ain't telling the truth.
00:46:11
Speaker
I just like, you got it.
00:46:13
Speaker
I don't try to fix it.
00:46:15
Speaker
I don't try to manipulate it.
00:46:16
Speaker
I don't try to let it be.
00:46:18
Speaker
That's, that's who she is.
00:46:20
Speaker
What do you need from a woman?
00:46:24
Speaker
What do you need from a partner?
00:46:25
Speaker
Like going back to, I didn't really put myself out there.
00:46:28
Speaker
I didn't really let that person in.
00:46:30
Speaker
You know, I see someone who's gone through so much.
00:46:33
Speaker
There's,
00:46:34
Speaker
I mean, there's such a story there.
00:46:38
Speaker
What do you feel like you need from a woman?
00:46:43
Speaker
And I don't mean like need as in I'm dependent on you for this, but what do you want to feel?
00:46:49
Speaker
Just nurturing.
00:46:50
Speaker
Just nurturing side.
00:46:52
Speaker
Challenging.
00:46:53
Speaker
Someone who like I can trust.
00:46:55
Speaker
Because I'm a type guy, I'm going to go get it.
00:46:59
Speaker
I'm going to go do it.
00:47:00
Speaker
So I know when I'm looking back behind me, I need to know you got me.
00:47:03
Speaker
Because I'm about to go mess some stuff up and bring back us a lot of things.
00:47:08
Speaker
I need to know you're going to be there.
00:47:09
Speaker
You're going to hold it down.
00:47:09
Speaker
You can do your thing on your own, too.
00:47:11
Speaker
I don't want to hold you back.
00:47:13
Speaker
And you just got to have that soft spot, that love, that nurturing.
00:47:16
Speaker
I just love nurturing, giving, understanding women.
00:47:20
Speaker
Like someone like me.
00:47:21
Speaker
Kind of like acts of service.
00:47:26
Speaker
You think about these things.
00:47:28
Speaker
And you're not all about you all the time.
00:47:31
Speaker
Do you want kids?
00:47:33
Speaker
Yeah, but I think as I got older, this has changed.
00:47:37
Speaker
I see it's a lot harder than I thought, and it's not what I wanted to be.
00:47:41
Speaker
But of course I want kids.
00:47:42
Speaker
My dad worshiped me like a month ago.
00:47:44
Speaker
Hey, now, you need to think about it.
00:47:46
Speaker
You want to keep the DNA going?
00:47:48
Speaker
I'm like, oh, really?
00:47:49
Speaker
That was kind of surprising, Dad.
00:47:51
Speaker
I didn't think you were going to tell me that.
00:47:53
Speaker
yeah
Quickfire Round and Shared Mantra
00:47:54
Speaker
you know man you want to keep the dna going i'm like oh really you're like my sisters yeah that kind of surprised me so um yeah i definitely want to have kids that's so definitely a boy and a girl for sure i think that'll come in due time awesome okay i want to change keys here a little bit i want to do some quick fire questions with you let's do it okay so this is just like top of mind don't think about it too much just whatever yeah exactly like yeah gotta be hot um
00:48:20
Speaker
The first part of this is what word do you think of when I say the following words?
00:48:25
Speaker
Okay.
00:48:25
Speaker
Okay?
00:48:28
Speaker
He's holding very tightly to his chair.
00:48:30
Speaker
His right hand is gripping the glass of water.
00:48:34
Speaker
Okay.
00:48:36
Speaker
In and out.
00:48:37
Speaker
Burger.
00:48:39
Speaker
Bigger talks.
00:48:40
Speaker
Motivation.
00:48:42
Speaker
Maryland.
00:48:42
Speaker
Baltimore.
00:48:44
Speaker
Love.
00:48:44
Speaker
Lust.
00:48:45
Speaker
Chris Harrison.
00:48:46
Speaker
My guy.
00:48:48
Speaker
Gluteus Maximus.
00:48:49
Speaker
Big booty.
00:48:51
Speaker
Passion.
00:48:53
Speaker
Love.
00:48:54
Speaker
Durag intervention.
00:48:55
Speaker
Waves.
00:48:56
Speaker
What was that?
00:48:57
Speaker
Waves.
00:48:58
Speaker
You know why you ate a durag, right?
00:48:59
Speaker
To get waves.
00:49:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:00
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:01
Speaker
In the same breath, Jay-Z.
00:49:03
Speaker
Kanye.
00:49:04
Speaker
Kanye.
00:49:06
Speaker
Kim.
00:49:07
Speaker
I like that.
00:49:08
Speaker
LeBron James.
00:49:10
Speaker
King.
00:49:12
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:13
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:16
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:16
Speaker
I want to make a mantra with you.
00:49:18
Speaker
This is something that I did in the beginning of the podcast, like the first few episodes.
00:49:21
Speaker
And it's just a way that you and I can go back and forth and create a mantra for the world.
00:49:27
Speaker
I don't know what you're going to say.
00:49:29
Speaker
You don't know what I'm going to say.
00:49:30
Speaker
It's going to be like, the blank is blank.
00:49:33
Speaker
And we're just going to go back and forth five times.
00:49:35
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:36
Speaker
We're going to create a mantra.
00:49:37
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:38
Speaker
You start.
00:49:40
Speaker
Love.
00:49:41
Speaker
Is.
00:49:42
Speaker
Beautiful.
00:49:43
Speaker
And.
00:49:44
Speaker
You.
00:49:45
Speaker
Are.
00:49:45
Speaker
Great.
00:49:46
Speaker
Because.
00:49:48
Speaker
You did it.
00:49:49
Speaker
You.
00:49:51
Speaker
Your way.
00:49:52
Speaker
That's it.
00:49:53
Speaker
There it is.
00:49:54
Speaker
For the record, I got stuck with and and for and the on that exercise.
00:49:58
Speaker
So that was literally your mantra.
00:50:01
Speaker
I was the preposition queen.
00:50:03
Speaker
You did it.
00:50:04
Speaker
Your way.
00:50:05
Speaker
Okay, so if I think about the trajectory of where everything's going, where everything has gone with you and where it is going, is there anything that you feel like...
00:50:16
Speaker
maybe is a little misunderstood about you and if you were like, okay, not that this is getting written on your tombstone or anything, but I want people to know this about me.
00:50:24
Speaker
This is what I don't want to be lost in translation.
00:50:27
Speaker
This is who I am despite all of the television footage and all of that.
00:50:34
Speaker
I think people struggle trying to figure me out and I would just tell people, just don't try to figure me out.
00:50:41
Speaker
Just see it as you see it and you'll learn.
00:50:44
Speaker
Because I can't figure me out.
00:50:46
Speaker
I'm a forever grown human being and I love people.
00:50:51
Speaker
At the end of the day, I love people.
00:50:53
Speaker
I want to see people win and I got a big heart and I want to give.
00:50:56
Speaker
But outside of that, I'm a very indifferent, complex individual.
00:51:01
Speaker
And I think what happens with especially women, they always try to figure me out or try to understand me.
00:51:06
Speaker
And I'm like, you just want you won't it won't make sense to you.
00:51:08
Speaker
So I don't even try to make it make sense.
00:51:10
Speaker
Instead of trying to figure me out, just just enjoy it.
00:51:12
Speaker
Just enjoy my company, enjoy my time.
00:51:14
Speaker
And then eventually you will.
00:51:16
Speaker
Do you feel like it's accurate when they try and figure you out or it's almost like premature?
00:51:19
Speaker
I just think they try too hard and it takes them out of the space of just being present and they're missing.
00:51:25
Speaker
Cause like I used to do that.
00:51:26
Speaker
And I'm always thinking about instead of just being here, cause you miss something when you're not here.
00:51:31
Speaker
You're thinking about what am I going to say next instead of just letting it happen.
00:51:37
Speaker
And, you know, I'm different.
00:51:38
Speaker
And I think it's because I was raised.
00:51:41
Speaker
I became the mom I always wanted for myself.
00:51:43
Speaker
And that's why I think throw women off.
00:51:46
Speaker
And they don't know how to deal with it.
00:51:47
Speaker
You're so giving, you're so loving, you're so nurturing.
00:51:49
Speaker
Oh, my God.
Self-Care and Personal Growth
00:51:50
Speaker
Why do you always, why are you so nice to me?
00:51:52
Speaker
Women are not used to that for men.
00:51:54
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:51:55
Speaker
You know how to listen.
00:51:56
Speaker
You're so understanding.
00:51:57
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:51:59
Speaker
Well, people don't want to let go of that either.
00:52:00
Speaker
Once you've had a taste of that, I can imagine that could be a really difficult ending.
00:52:06
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:52:07
Speaker
Once you have that kind of nurture and then it's not with you anymore, that's tough.
00:52:12
Speaker
And I'm very loyal, loyal to a thought sometimes.
00:52:15
Speaker
And I think once I can tell, like, okay, that's how we're doing, I can easily detach myself and people feel it.
00:52:24
Speaker
Or I'm like, okay.
00:52:26
Speaker
How do you care for yourself?
00:52:28
Speaker
You know, I have a vegan skincare line.
00:52:32
Speaker
I brought you some goodies.
00:52:32
Speaker
It's in the car.
00:52:33
Speaker
I brought you like a whole, I don't know what you're using for your skincare regimen currently, but that's done now.
00:52:37
Speaker
Those days are behind you and now you have a whole new one.
00:52:40
Speaker
And...
00:52:43
Speaker
You know, our tagline is where skincare becomes self-care with the idea that you take a little bit of time to make yourself feel good, make your skin look good, all of these things, then it can be yet bigger moments, more impactful moments in your life where you care for yourself.
00:52:57
Speaker
So one of the big words that's floating around the world now and on Instagram and so on and so on is self-care.
00:53:04
Speaker
How, when you're not doing the podcast, when you're not caring for people, you know what I mean?
00:53:09
Speaker
When it's just you doing your thing, you're home on a Wednesday night, you've got nothing to do, no friends are available.
00:53:17
Speaker
Like, what, how do you care for yourself when life gets to be a little bit too much?
00:53:24
Speaker
So many things.
00:53:26
Speaker
It's not one thing that I do when things are too much.
00:53:31
Speaker
I just sit alone by myself and just appreciate what I have.
00:53:35
Speaker
Thank a lot.
00:53:37
Speaker
Gratitude.
00:53:40
Speaker
Working out for me is great.
00:53:42
Speaker
I get facials once a month.
00:53:44
Speaker
Yes.
00:53:45
Speaker
I have an esthetician.
00:53:46
Speaker
Her name is Celeste Rodriguez.
00:53:47
Speaker
She's so great.
00:53:48
Speaker
She helped my skin so much.
00:53:49
Speaker
Okay, then I'm sorry, Celeste.
00:53:51
Speaker
I'm sure the regimen that you put him on is fantastic.
00:53:53
Speaker
Like, I literally had two blackheads in the middle of my foyer for, like, three years, and she got him out.
00:53:57
Speaker
I'm like, you're amazing.
00:53:58
Speaker
I look at my photos, like, damn.
00:54:00
Speaker
I love you.
00:54:01
Speaker
I get massages.
00:54:02
Speaker
I do cryo.
00:54:04
Speaker
I get my hands and feet done.
00:54:05
Speaker
Like, you know, being on TV really changes, like...
00:54:09
Speaker
how you treat yourself, teeth whitening, things like that.
00:54:13
Speaker
But emotionally, I pray a lot.
00:54:15
Speaker
I pray a lot.
00:54:16
Speaker
I meditate.
00:54:17
Speaker
I do affirmations.
00:54:19
Speaker
I watch motivation clips all the time.
00:54:22
Speaker
I'm listening to podcasts.
00:54:23
Speaker
So my thing is 30 minutes a day I read, 30 minutes a day at least a podcast.
00:54:28
Speaker
I always got to pray, meditate, and affirmations.
00:54:30
Speaker
So those things that I must do.
00:54:32
Speaker
Is that stuff that you're just doing like bedside or sitting on a cushion?
00:54:35
Speaker
Like what is that?
00:54:36
Speaker
Yeah, bedside.
00:54:37
Speaker
Like early in the morning, as soon as I get up.
00:54:39
Speaker
Just keeping that spirit like aligned and strong.
00:54:42
Speaker
So when I get out in the battle of the beast, I can deal with anything.
00:54:45
Speaker
Because inside is strong.
00:54:47
Speaker
It's really strong.
00:54:49
Speaker
But, you know, I like laughing, you know, I like comedy.
00:54:53
Speaker
I'm goofy, you know.
00:54:54
Speaker
Hey, you want to date me?
00:54:55
Speaker
What's your name?
00:54:56
Speaker
Call me up right now.
00:54:57
Speaker
It's miracle season.
00:54:58
Speaker
We're moving with the cheese over here.
00:54:59
Speaker
It's bigger talks with E-bigger motivation Monday, but it's Thursday.
00:55:07
Speaker
Yeah, so that's another side.
00:55:09
Speaker
I have so much to my personality, by the way, people who are interpersonality types.
00:55:13
Speaker
I'm an ENFP, so extrovert, intuitive, feeling, projecting.
00:55:18
Speaker
Yes, absolutely.
00:55:19
Speaker
All that.
00:55:20
Speaker
So it's just, I'm everywhere.
00:55:22
Speaker
I'm scattered.
00:55:23
Speaker
And I think people just don't communicate enough.
00:55:26
Speaker
And here's who's to say if I'm out, I have a wife and I'm talking to another girl and I'm flirting and her girlfriend sees me and tell her, oh, I saw Eric cheating and talking.
00:55:37
Speaker
But check this out.
00:55:39
Speaker
You don't know the conversation I have with my wife.
00:55:41
Speaker
We discussed that we can have open relationship and that's not your business.
00:55:45
Speaker
So that's another thing I dislike when people generalize what marriage and commitment is.
00:55:51
Speaker
It's different for everybody.
00:55:52
Speaker
Stop trying to make marriage and commitment what it is to the world.
00:55:56
Speaker
No, I'm
Motivational Approach and Legacy
00:55:57
Speaker
not conforming to that.
00:55:58
Speaker
Me and my spouse over here are doing it our way, and it's not your business.
00:56:02
Speaker
So if you see something...
00:56:05
Speaker
More times than not, it's probably true, but for everybody, it's not.
00:56:08
Speaker
And I think people are afraid to create their own rules for their own marriage.
00:56:12
Speaker
Who said we have to get married at an altar?
00:56:14
Speaker
We're spiritually married.
00:56:17
Speaker
But based on how people were raised and what they were taught, they don't know better.
00:56:20
Speaker
So you can't blame them.
00:56:22
Speaker
I'm so curious.
00:56:24
Speaker
I don't want to go against the grain, but I'm like...
00:56:26
Speaker
why do I have to marry you to make you feel like I really love you?
00:56:30
Speaker
Where does that thought come from?
00:56:31
Speaker
I ask women that all the time.
00:56:33
Speaker
I was asking a relationship therapist.
00:56:35
Speaker
I was like, why are you getting married?
00:56:36
Speaker
She's like, well, I think, you know, because, you know, that's what he really wanted.
00:56:41
Speaker
And I was like, but do you really want it?
00:56:42
Speaker
I mean, yeah.
00:56:44
Speaker
And I said, are you doing it for your job purposes?
00:56:47
Speaker
And people don't, and that's why I went on my post every day.
00:56:50
Speaker
Your perspective matters, but only when you understand it.
00:56:53
Speaker
Why are you getting married?
00:56:54
Speaker
Why do you believe in these rights?
00:56:56
Speaker
Do you know why or someone put that in your head based on how you were raised?
00:57:01
Speaker
People are afraid to just be themselves.
00:57:04
Speaker
I've talked to so many women
00:57:07
Speaker
Just in general, I might throw a question out there and it could be like off topic about some women probably want to be more permissuous and be more out there.
00:57:15
Speaker
But the way the world looks at it, they can't do it.
00:57:17
Speaker
So they suppress their sexuality.
00:57:20
Speaker
Well, because I don't want to consider this and that.
00:57:22
Speaker
And I tell guys who kind of like try to shame women or make them feel bad if they do decide that like that's not right.
00:57:29
Speaker
You can't do that.
00:57:30
Speaker
But the world we live in has been putting women down for so long and women have been suppressing their true feelings and feeling oppressed that that's not fair.
00:57:38
Speaker
A man can go out and fornicate and have sex with a bunch of women, but a girl can't do that?
00:57:44
Speaker
And it's wrong?
00:57:45
Speaker
It's not right.
00:57:46
Speaker
And I don't like when people try to make people feel bad about something they truly feel.
00:57:52
Speaker
That's what makes you a good motivational speaker.
00:57:54
Speaker
Because it's not about putting up all the memes and putting up all the quotes.
00:57:59
Speaker
Because sometimes it's too much information.
00:58:01
Speaker
We don't know what to do with it as people.
00:58:02
Speaker
We scan Instagram.
00:58:03
Speaker
We look at Facebook.
00:58:04
Speaker
Do this.
00:58:05
Speaker
The five people you hang most around, you turn most like them.
00:58:09
Speaker
We're getting so much information.
00:58:11
Speaker
But the fact that you're motivating people to just stop and consider how they actually feel about it, you strip away all the...
00:58:18
Speaker
your family of origin, what your parents want you to do, what your friends expect you to do, what might be weird, what your religion wants you to do.
00:58:25
Speaker
And then you say like, I actually don't know if I want to be married or I don't know if I want to have kids or maybe I want an open relationship.
00:58:32
Speaker
It's the same type of consideration, you know, that,
00:58:37
Speaker
I don't know.
00:58:38
Speaker
It's about understanding people.
00:58:39
Speaker
I had a friend who stripped at a nightclub.
00:58:42
Speaker
Did I love her different?
00:58:42
Speaker
No.
00:58:43
Speaker
I have friends that are gay.
00:58:44
Speaker
Do I love them different?
00:58:45
Speaker
No.
00:58:46
Speaker
That's what they want to do.
00:58:47
Speaker
So be it.
00:58:48
Speaker
I got unconditional love for them.
00:58:49
Speaker
Be yourself.
00:58:50
Speaker
Be your authentic self.
00:58:51
Speaker
Resilient, authentic, willing.
00:58:53
Speaker
Raw.
00:58:54
Speaker
Be raw.
00:58:55
Speaker
Just do that.
00:58:56
Speaker
Be that.
00:58:57
Speaker
And life will change.
00:58:57
Speaker
But you're so afraid to be that because you're afraid of being judged.
00:59:00
Speaker
The world going to judge you anyway.
00:59:02
Speaker
Whether it's good or bad, you can get judged.
00:59:04
Speaker
And that's the hard thing because if you're not used to criticism, you don't know how to deal with it when it comes.
00:59:11
Speaker
But it's only to make you better for good or bad.
00:59:13
Speaker
It's motivation.
00:59:14
Speaker
It's motivating.
00:59:15
Speaker
I mean, I love that.
00:59:16
Speaker
I could literally talk to you for three more hours.
00:59:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:21
Speaker
I mean, honestly, and I want to.
00:59:22
Speaker
I would love to have you back.
00:59:24
Speaker
Of course.
00:59:24
Speaker
I just, guess how long we've been in here?
00:59:27
Speaker
Huh?
00:59:28
Speaker
Guess.
00:59:28
Speaker
Hour.
00:59:30
Speaker
And 20.
00:59:30
Speaker
Hour 20.
00:59:32
Speaker
We're on the same wavelength, people.
00:59:34
Speaker
What?
00:59:34
Speaker
That's exactly it.
00:59:35
Speaker
Hour 20?
00:59:35
Speaker
Like, to the number on my little timer on my computer.
00:59:40
Speaker
Hour 20?
00:59:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:42
Speaker
You're locked in.
00:59:42
Speaker
Vortex.
00:59:43
Speaker
You're nuts.
00:59:44
Speaker
It's not a mistake.
00:59:45
Speaker
There's no mistakes in life.
00:59:46
Speaker
Oh.
00:59:47
Speaker
Divine baby.
00:59:48
Speaker
Well, we are like, we're kind of best friends now.
00:59:51
Speaker
We are best friends.
00:59:52
Speaker
I know more about you than I ever would if I had just met you randomly.
00:59:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:56
Speaker
This is what is the greatest gift of a podcast is now when you and I see each other again, when people...
01:00:03
Speaker
unite again after sharing this kind of information, everything goes to a higher wavelength.
01:00:08
Speaker
So all the small talk goes away.
01:00:10
Speaker
Not that there would have been any to begin with because we both hate it.
01:00:13
Speaker
But now it's like we get to come from this really authentic, I want to be seen, see me for who I am place.
01:00:19
Speaker
And that's what this podcast is literally all about is just giving you an opportunity to
01:00:26
Speaker
Talk about who you are down to your core and what you want for the world and the mark you want to leave on it.
01:00:33
Speaker
Yeah, I don't want to be legendary but iconic.
01:00:37
Speaker
I want schools named after me.
01:00:38
Speaker
I want to leave something that people can benefit off for a lifetime, forever.
01:00:43
Speaker
How do you do that?
01:00:44
Speaker
Who knows, but I'm on my way.
01:00:46
Speaker
How can people find you?
01:00:48
Speaker
That's very important.
01:00:50
Speaker
You can find me on Instagram, Eric Bigger, E-R-I-C-B-I-G-G-E-R.
01:00:55
Speaker
I'm on Twitter.
01:00:55
Speaker
Follow me on Twitter.
01:00:57
Speaker
Eric underscore bigger.
01:00:59
Speaker
I am on Snapchat.
01:01:01
Speaker
E-Biggs.
01:01:02
Speaker
E-B-I-G-G-S-S.
01:01:04
Speaker
And I'm also on LinkedIn.
01:01:07
Speaker
LinkedIn, yeah, I'm on that.
01:01:09
Speaker
Facebook as well, just Eric bigger.
01:01:12
Speaker
Yeah, email me, eBigger, you know, bettersyou at gmail.com.
01:01:15
Speaker
It's more personal and for business, eBiggerInquiries at gmail.
Empowerment and Energy Connections
01:01:20
Speaker
Oh, you better be careful.
01:01:21
Speaker
Now your inbox is going to go through the roof.
01:01:24
Speaker
That's all I love if it's for the right purpose.
01:01:26
Speaker
But let's not forget, you're powerful, and I wanted to give you a message.
01:01:29
Speaker
If there's anything you ever want to do in life, you can do it.
01:01:32
Speaker
How you do it?
01:01:33
Speaker
By just doing it.
01:01:34
Speaker
That's why I said it in our mantra.
01:01:36
Speaker
You were great because you did it and you can continue to do it.
01:01:39
Speaker
Just own it.
01:01:40
Speaker
Just own it.
01:01:40
Speaker
You have it.
01:01:41
Speaker
Because the way you think, you don't think like a normal person thinks.
01:01:46
Speaker
Not that I know what a normal person thinks like, but you think different.
01:01:49
Speaker
Let's say that.
01:01:50
Speaker
That's the kindest thing I could imagine.
01:01:53
Speaker
So receive it, believe it, achieve it.
01:01:56
Speaker
You will do it because you did it and you're doing it and you're living it and you're loving it and it's miracle season.
01:02:01
Speaker
You're moving with the cheese, baby.
01:02:03
Speaker
What about the olives?
01:02:04
Speaker
Let's go back to the olives.
01:02:05
Speaker
The olive.
01:02:06
Speaker
So this is how you... So the book is called The Aleph.
01:02:10
Speaker
Hopefully I'm pronouncing it right.
01:02:11
Speaker
A-L-E-P-H.
01:02:12
Speaker
Oh, like A-L.
01:02:13
Speaker
Yeah, okay.
01:02:14
Speaker
Like the Hebrew letter.
01:02:16
Speaker
Yep, Hebrew.
01:02:17
Speaker
So Paulio Coelho, who wrote The Alchemist, that's his book.
01:02:20
Speaker
And so basically he talks about when two or more energy comes together in a room, there's like this Aleph in the room that connects those energy and makes it more.
01:02:32
Speaker
So you're tapping into a whole different energy of enlightenment and insight and perceptions and talk.
01:02:37
Speaker
And so the talk becomes more like, I don't want to say spiritual, but more like divine and deep and like, wow, this is how the magic happens.
01:02:48
Speaker
But I guess, you know, you got to be on the same frequency for those things.
01:02:50
Speaker
Like, honestly, when I met you, I was just like, I know her.
01:02:53
Speaker
Like, how?
01:02:54
Speaker
Oh, I know.
01:02:54
Speaker
You came walking through the door and you just had this big smile on.
01:02:57
Speaker
And I know that you smile a lot, but you also, like, don't need to smile a lot.
01:03:01
Speaker
You know what I mean?
01:03:01
Speaker
I think it's very intentional with you.
01:03:03
Speaker
And it was like, you just walked in.
01:03:05
Speaker
I was like, hey, dude, yeah, we're going to sit down and we're going to catch up just like we always do.
01:03:08
Speaker
Like, we went to college together or it was like years ago.
01:03:11
Speaker
Like, what up?
01:03:12
Speaker
But it's energy.
01:03:14
Speaker
Listen, people, energy do not lie.
01:03:17
Speaker
So be aware of your energy, energy you invest in others.
01:03:22
Speaker
Don't invest it everywhere.
01:03:23
Speaker
It was also probably because of that one time that you walked by me at Glendale Galleria.
01:03:28
Speaker
I did?
01:03:28
Speaker
Yes.
01:03:29
Speaker
When was this?
01:03:29
Speaker
You didn't recognize me because you didn't know me, but you did.
01:03:32
Speaker
When was this?
01:03:33
Speaker
This was like probably six or seven months ago, and you were just walking by with a dude, and I was with my husband, and I think it was before Bachelor in Paradise had aired, and I was like, hey, it's that guy.
01:03:49
Speaker
Were we by the restaurants?
01:03:50
Speaker
You were by Sprinkles?
01:03:53
Speaker
Like where the elevators are where you go to your car.
01:03:56
Speaker
Like near Forever 21.
01:03:57
Speaker
Oh, wow.
01:03:59
Speaker
You just walked on by.
01:04:00
Speaker
And now it's like here we are sitting in a podcast studio together and I get to know you better and we get to connect.
Gratitude and Conclusion
01:04:05
Speaker
And it's like the beauty of the world.
01:04:07
Speaker
Manifesting.
01:04:08
Speaker
I love it.
01:04:09
Speaker
It's happening.
01:04:10
Speaker
Do you have a song to go out on?
01:04:12
Speaker
I always like this little aspect.
01:04:14
Speaker
If there's a song that represents your life right now or if there's a song that you want to take us out to, I've got Spotify up and I've got a shit ton of songs for you to choose from.
01:04:23
Speaker
Damn, there's two songs came to mind.
01:04:27
Speaker
No brainer.
01:04:28
Speaker
But the song I really probably was, it's Nas.
01:04:31
Speaker
I know I can.
01:04:33
Speaker
I know I can.
01:04:34
Speaker
That is the best.
01:04:35
Speaker
Be what I want to be.
01:04:38
Speaker
All right.
01:04:38
Speaker
Don't fail me now.
01:04:40
Speaker
Oh.
01:04:41
Speaker
It feels good.
01:04:45
Speaker
It feels good.
01:04:46
Speaker
Is that Tony, Tony, Tony?
01:04:47
Speaker
Yeah, Tony, Tony, Tony.
01:04:50
Speaker
And of course I get a phone call right now.
01:04:52
Speaker
Like, come on, people.
01:04:53
Speaker
We're in the middle of a podcast.
01:04:54
Speaker
The universe is trying to stop us from blessing the universe.
01:04:57
Speaker
I'm going to try and spell this the way it is.
01:04:59
Speaker
I think it's like Tony, Tony.
01:05:01
Speaker
Yeah, there it is.
01:05:02
Speaker
Yeah.
01:05:03
Speaker
Okay.
01:05:03
Speaker
So before we play the song, I just want to say thank you.
01:05:06
Speaker
You're welcome.
01:05:07
Speaker
Thank you for being you.
01:05:10
Speaker
Just your energy for showing up emotionally, physically.
01:05:14
Speaker
Just, I think you're a very special person.
01:05:17
Speaker
And that is my intuitive response to you.
01:05:19
Speaker
I think that you are a good person.
01:05:21
Speaker
I think that you have been places.
01:05:23
Speaker
I also think you're going places.
01:05:24
Speaker
And I'm just, you know, as a spectator in watching you, I'm a fan and I'm proud of you.
01:05:32
Speaker
And I just want the best for you.
01:05:33
Speaker
And I hope our paths cross again.
01:05:37
Speaker
And in the meantime, I wish you the best with your life.
01:05:39
Speaker
And I think amazing things are going to come from it.
01:05:43
Speaker
Amen to that.
01:05:43
Speaker
I receive it all.
01:05:44
Speaker
Thank you.
01:05:46
Speaker
You're welcome.
01:05:48
Speaker
And with that, Tony, Tony, Tony will take us out.
01:05:51
Speaker
Yes, he will.
01:05:52
Speaker
Thank you guys so much for listening to Off the Record, the podcast.
01:06:03
Speaker
Off the record with you.