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#9: Top 3 Panic Attacks
58 Plays1 year ago
We immediately regretted picking panic attacks as a topic. On the plus side, this episode features amusing hiking stories, tattoos, and general existential dread.
Follow us at @MyTopEverything on Twitter and Insta for updates! Email us at mytopeverythingpodcast@gmail.com with topic suggestions, comments, or questions.
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Transcript
Symbolic Shapes: Internet Connection Icon Debate
00:00:00
Speaker
What's like a square? The Internet connection symbol is a square. What is it when it's not connected? Like a bunch of C's getting bigger and bigger. C's. Oh, right. Like a backwards C's.
00:00:19
Speaker
I think you know what the internet symbol on your computer looks like. Don't question me right now. It doesn't look like a square. I'll say that much. No, or a C. It does. Do you mean an upside down C? When you're plugged in with an ethernet cord. Yeah, you know, I'm prepared. You're prepared to carry this?
00:00:45
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Are you ready?
Introduction: 'My Top Everything' and Panic Attack Theme
00:00:48
Speaker
Hello. And welcome to My Top Everything, where today I'm your host, Mara. And we'll be talking about the really exciting subject of our top three most memorable panic attacks, which I'm sure is the listening content you are just looking forward to hearing today. It's the content I was looking forward to talking about today.
00:01:11
Speaker
Yeah, I've been looking forward to this all day. I didn't avoid thinking about my top three until like two hours ago. I've been thinking about it for a week. Gotta get good content. Who put this on the list? They should be punished. I don't want to say it was me.
00:01:30
Speaker
Minus one for you. Right off the bat. But I feel like it is. I think it's a good topic. They'll learn a lot about us as people. I know, and I personally, I feel like there's a couple I just can't talk about. Yeah, I wonder if we'll have any crossovers.
00:01:53
Speaker
I got five. I have five on my list. Me too. Because you have one of you three has been there for every one of these stories. Yeah, I also have five on my list for the exact same reason. Just in case. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. OK. Yeah, I'm sure we will, which will be good because then we can. Are there any updates from? Oh, I have something interesting. OK. Tell the episode top three conspiracy theories. And it is in a disclaimer.
00:02:23
Speaker
I say like, take everything we
Origins Explored: 'Take It With a Grain of Salt'
00:02:26
Speaker
say with 20,000 grains of salt. When I listened to that with Matthew, my partner, he said, why are you saying that? That's not what that expression, like that's wrong to say 20,000 grains of salt. What do you think? Like, where do you think the expression, take it with a grain of salt comes from? Like what does that mean to you? And where do you think it comes from?
00:02:49
Speaker
Yes. I think it's like food related in the sense of I think sand gets in to something and it's another Marie Antoinette situation where they're like, just take it with a grain of salt. Be happy you have bread to eat. That's my guess. I don't think it's right. I have literally. I think I would have said something about food, but now that you've said that thing about Matt, I don't.
00:03:17
Speaker
I feel like it has to do with resources or something. Shipping. Did you say shipping? Yeah, I did. Ships go abreast. What do you think the grain of salt does though? And the expression, what do you think the grain of salt is doing?
00:03:39
Speaker
It's like causing chaos. It's like mitigating. It's like lowering your expectations or like it's mitigating something. Ruining the thing that you're getting more sense. So I said it was like, I said it was like.
00:03:52
Speaker
reducing or like balancing out whatever you're doing. So like if right, if you're saying something like untrue, then you're going to need more grains of salt, like an anecdote, like an antidote. Like I don't use it like that for like
Realizing Panic: Personal Experiences and Insights
00:04:06
Speaker
poison. You know, I use it right. Just based on your explanation. That is right. Thanks. Who doesn't use it right? I don't know. Marianne doesn't know. What does Mara do?
00:04:14
Speaker
I don't know if she's talking about ships and sand. I just don't think she knows what it is. It was a Michael Scott sentence situation. Thank you very much. They believe and by they, I mean, linguists, linguists believe that it comes from, yeah, like something where people are saying, oh, if you want to reduce the effects of poison, like take it with a grain of salt or things like that. Matt, when he tried to call me out on this, he was like,
00:04:45
Speaker
No, the grain of salt. God, what was it? I can't even. It was like the grain of salt was equal to the weight of how you were supposed to take the thing. So like if you said twenty thousand grains of salt, that would mean like, oh, it's serious. Like he was like, oh, take it with the grain of salt, because that's how small it is. That's how like not important it was. So that was. Yeah, that was like supporting your argument,
Misinformation Mishaps: Conspiracies and Celebrities
00:05:13
Speaker
though.
00:05:14
Speaker
interpretation of that. No, no, he was like, don't say 20,000 grains of salt because it's not that significant. He's saying that the grain of salt signifies like, wow, I'm saying signify a lot, but insignificant. Like this is how. He's saying that what you were saying is insignificant.
00:05:34
Speaker
He's saying that when somebody says, take it with a grain of salt, what they're saying is like, take my, what I'm saying with a grain of salt, because what I'm saying is about as insignificant or as like real as a grain of salt. So he was like, if you said 20,000 grains of salt, you're implying that what you have, it has a lot of weight. It's like, you know, it's significant. Which is untrue. This is an untrue interpretation.
00:06:02
Speaker
Until you said 20,000 grains of salt, I have zero knowledge of anybody putting a number in front of grains of salt. It's always been take it with a grain of salt, and that's the only way I've ever heard that. Yeah, Marianne embellished. Yeah, I was trying to go further. Not only don't take us serious, really question us.
00:06:25
Speaker
Yeah, and boy, howdy, did he when he listened to that. He was apparently I got something wrong with the Gulf of Tonkin. He was like, you can't just say what you just said. I was like, OK. And then at one point during the 20 Grands of Salt episode, I say that Mac Miller committed suicide. Apparently it was just an overdose and.
00:06:50
Speaker
There's no like that's suicide. There's no evidence. Well, I don't know. I didn't look it up. According to him, there's no evidence. I was intentional, but I literally didn't look it up because like the last time I thought about Mac Miller was like right after he died because of.
00:07:05
Speaker
Ariana Grande and it was like still unclear whether or not it was intentional or accidental. And people were speculating that it was intentional. So I guess it wasn't, I don't know. Anyway, apparently we committed a lot of slander that episode.
Confidence and Doubt: Presentation Dynamics
00:07:22
Speaker
So that's my update.
00:07:24
Speaker
I didn't even know who Mack Miller was until you repeated it right now. So yeah. Yeah. So just I've used for the record, I've used numbers in front just to try to jazz it up a little bit, give it some pizzazz. So yeah, don't take anything we say. There's that time we got Susan Boyle incorrect. I just, you know, like we don't know what we're talking about. We don't know what we're talking about. And we're exposing that.
00:07:50
Speaker
But that's how we start a lot of our arguments. Yeah. Yeah, we all say everything with complete confidence. That's who we are as people. And it's usually the things I'm saying the most confidently. I usually have the least idea about. I know the least about the things I'm. I don't know if that's true. I think between the three of us, we have a pretty good knowledge base, you know, which is why we call each other out, which is why arguments start. See podcast. This is great.
00:08:18
Speaker
Yeah, thanks listeners. Thanks for listening to our misinformation. We appreciate it. Please spread it. Carrie, you go first. No, okay. I don't think you've gone first in a while. Yeah, probably not. I'm trying to decide which. So here, okay.
00:08:43
Speaker
This was the first, this was when I got introduced to like what panic attacks are kind of. So this one was when we were all three living in St. Paul and we were in the apartment and we had, I had just moved. I didn't put this one on because I figured you would talk about it. Yeah. It was in August. You had been back for two months.
00:09:07
Speaker
Yeah, like two months. So you guys have been living together for probably like five months at that point. I had just moved in a couple of months before. And I don't remember the exact situation, but I remember
00:09:19
Speaker
I think I had it doesn't matter. Anyway, we were sitting there and use Marion started having what we now know is a panic attack. And I don't remember like what was I was in the kitchen. I know now that my panic attacks can be triggered by caffeine or heat. Like sometimes when I get overheated, there's more likelihood of a panic attack happening. And that was when I was very anxious. You know, I had a very like I had uprooted my whole life.
00:09:50
Speaker
changed a lot of things all at once, like no more relationship, no more traveling around the world, like back in America, like just a lot of things. And so I was very anxious all the time. And I remember that I
00:10:07
Speaker
I think I got like essential oils to try and help. And I had felt myself kind of freaking out and I put the essential oils. It did not help. That's what that's all I remember. I remember being in the kitchen being very, very hot. And then suddenly I was having a panic attack.
00:10:24
Speaker
Yeah. But we didn't, correct me if I'm wrong, but we didn't know quite yet that that was what it was. Like we knew you were having like an issue. I don't think we identified panic attacks at that point. Yeah. So we were talking about it and like trying to figure out what to do. And I was like, you want to go on a walk? And you were like, yeah, yeah, I need to go on a walk. Let's go on a walk.
00:10:42
Speaker
And we walked for like two hours through there's like the random neighborhoods of St. Paul and talked about I remember this why I remember it is because I remember like walking around in like the twilight and you talking about how you had remembered it happening in Australia when you were diving and you were at the Great Barrier Reef and I hadn't heard that story. And just how you were like kind of you were like starting to connect the dots on that walk of that feeling being like at certain points in time and those like similar
00:11:12
Speaker
physical reactions, and you were like, I think by the end of the walk, you were like, maybe this is a problem. Maybe I shouldn't do something about this. I think it was because typically when I got that feeling, there was a good, it was more obvious why it was happening. I could understand why I got that feeling when I was going underwater in the Gray Barrier Reef, but I didn't understand,
00:11:40
Speaker
it happening just while I was cooking in the kitchen and we were all hanging out for no reason. I remember being like, this is an issue. I can't live my life like that. I have been told by a couple doctors that they suspected I had an anxiety disorder at the time, but I didn't believe them.
00:12:05
Speaker
Yeah. Which is crazy. Thinking back to that time, because that would have been in what, 2017?
Childhood Panic: Early Experiences and Triggers
00:12:13
Speaker
2017. 2017. Like it's been five, I mean, as of last year, it's been six years and everything is different. We all go to therapy. You now know you have a panic disorder and OCD. Like it's crazy, the leaps and bounds have happened in six years. I know. It really ended up explaining a lot. At the time I wasn't really ready. And that was, I had just like,
00:12:33
Speaker
You know, seeing that male therapist and he was like, Oh my God, like a worst. Oh, do you really think you need therapy? And I was like, I guess not. And that was your first. Yeah, that was my first. Interaction with a therapist and I had spent like years. Like trying to psych myself up for the idea that maybe I deserve therapy and then like talk to him about the very first thing about how hard it was to get to that moment.
00:13:01
Speaker
of being there because I just felt like my problems weren't big enough to deserve therapy or anything. And then the next session with him, he's like, oh, so maybe you should take some time off and actually decide if you really need therapy. I don't know. And I was like, you what?
00:13:18
Speaker
It's just, it's so confusing because like one, you're a paying customer. Like at the end of the day, like that's like a real thing. But also if somebody has worked up so long and told you that they have worked so long to get to the point where they're like finally ready to start addressing some shit. And then the second time you see them, you just bury them and be like, ah, you're probably fine. Like what? He was a bad. Did you go to therapy school? Like he's a bad therapist. He was very pretty though. He's a handsome, handsome man.
00:13:48
Speaker
and young, but he was a bad therapist. And I think probably part of it was in our first session, I had a lot of death anxiety. Had a lot of death anxiety. See, six years changes it all, right?
00:14:04
Speaker
Yeah, totally over that. That was before I had death anxiety. Yeah, you're welcome. Anytime. And he and I was talking a lot about it and he was clearly Christian as the vibe I got because he didn't understand. And I think honestly, it was a gift that he didn't try to continue with me because we didn't vibe. And I was I was not well versed enough in therapists to know that like that. Yeah, we were a really bad fit anyway, like, but
00:14:35
Speaker
Yeah, so this was right in the middle. I remember that panic attack. It was very, yeah, I was very scared because I didn't really know what was going on. And yeah, the only ones, it kind of leads into, my number three was every time in Australia where I would smoke the green herb and then like for 45 minutes,
00:15:05
Speaker
directly after smoking, I would be having a panic attack, but I had no idea that that was going on. It always happened whenever I smoked, and so I just thought that that was part of...
00:15:17
Speaker
I was just part of getting high feeling. You were like, why do people do this? I remember you talking about it and being like, this is not enjoyable. I mean, what sucks is like I would feel better after and I would enjoy it. But it was like I knew I had to get through the part where I thought I was having a heart attack and dying. And like, yeah, the only thing that made it better was getting up and moving because then I couldn't feel my heart beat as fast. Like because if you're that's why I wanted to go up and walk with you.
00:15:44
Speaker
It's because, well, first of all, the cool air. But then also, when my heart, I'm very aware of my heart pounding when those things happen. And it gets me all worked up. And so if you're walking, then you can't really feel. Or if your heart is pounding, it makes sense. You're moving, you're exercising. Yeah, it's not something you're questioning. If you're doing physical activity, you're just like, OK, this is what's supposed to happen. Stop that, what I'm standing still.
00:16:13
Speaker
Don't do that. Yeah. And it's weird that my ex never put the dots together either. He was just always really confused why I insisted on going for a walk for an hour right after we got high. Because for him, he was like, every time. He was like, I would really like to just sit here. And I'd be like, we have to get up and move right now, or else I'm going to lose it. You can't be here. Again, I think it's funny because you would have been what, 20
00:16:39
Speaker
Five, 24, you were younger, so 24, but also the year before, so 23, 24. It is crazy how different people think when they're 23, 24 versus like 32, 31, whatever. Yeah, none of us are 32, so I don't know why you're saying that. What the fuck? I mean, you're close to 30. I'm just Lexic, 32, 23, it made sense in my head. It doesn't make sense when I say it out loud. It's fine.
00:17:04
Speaker
i feel that yeah my number three most memorable panic attack it all goes back to my childhood yes yes let's take it back i don't know i'm sure i've told this story before but i was i was a cute little camper out of camp and i was out there doing camp
00:17:25
Speaker
And one of them is that stupid rock wall. And they have it, so the first four or five feet is nothing. And then after five feet is a total rock wall with the plastic handy things. And then to start, they put a ladder up, you climb the ladder, and then you go.
00:17:49
Speaker
I got, I got off the ladder. And I think that's about as far as I got. And I just like, I froze up. And I, I remember not moving. I don't want to use the words blacked out because I was like so clamped onto that motherfucker. But, um,
00:18:11
Speaker
Yeah, it's just a cool thing that happens to me anytime I get like six feet off the ground. So that was like your first memory of a panic attack?
00:18:21
Speaker
That's like the first one I could think of. I feel like there's other ones, but, you know, trauma and forgetting. Thank God, your brains, huh? Yeah, I didn't actually found it kind of hard to make some of these because there's like a couple that I've talked about a bunch, but then I'm like, there has to be other ones that I just like didn't realize were happening or that I've just decided to forget.
Adventures and Anxieties: Scuba and Hiking Tales
00:18:44
Speaker
Yeah, I didn't even like remember that Great Barrier Reef one until you said it like that.
00:18:51
Speaker
Oh, that's my most potent, weirdly, because I've been with you for quite a few, but weirdly, that's the most potent one in my brain. Because I think we talked right after it, and you described it in great detail. And you talked about your ears, and you were sick, and you weren't sure. And also, I was like, oh my god, the Great Barrier Reef, you're going to be left behind. And I got really scared for you. That's the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah, that was a terrible story that you told us. Thank you. Well, yeah. I had a dysfunctional Eustachian tube, which I didn't know at the time.
00:19:19
Speaker
And you have to be able to, like your ears have to be able to pop and level when you're scuba diving. I had gotten certified no problem and then something happened, which makes sense. I used to have a lot of ear infections and had a lot of tubes when I was a kid, like some things, my ears were not made right. Genetically, these ears should not be passed along, is what I've concluded. And I think because of all the going up and down during those six months, like something my Eustacean tube failed, got limp.
00:19:49
Speaker
it's not rigid and so basically what was happening is it wasn't clearing when I went down until then I was going down for scuba and I was getting worried that I was going to pop my eardrum because like I couldn't tell if my ear was clearing and then yeah and then we
00:20:08
Speaker
we would try to go down and I'd be convinced that my respirator wasn't working. And I'd be like, I can't breathe when we go down. Like anytime I, I would be like at eye level. And if my eyes went below the water, I'd freak out.
00:20:21
Speaker
Feel that with the scuba diving, when you and I went to that scuba diving camp together, the pool was just fine. And I like, then when we got to the lake, which was all muddy and not clear and just disgusting and this, you did not like that. What's the thing with the twirly thing on the back of the boat motor? No, it's like the giant.
00:20:44
Speaker
rotor. It's not a rotor. You guys know the old timey like boats. You mean the ones that are like a steam engine and it's got like the paddles? No, no, no. Yeah, it's not. It's like the it's a. It's like a fan. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a fan. Yeah. And then it's like the whole movement is what pushes the boat is that like paddle gets underwater and push like in Finding Nemo, the things that people get chopped up in.
00:21:13
Speaker
You mean the one where the fish escapes, though? That's what you're talking about. The glades. Yeah. No. The big blades, those big three blades. It's not a blade. No, it's not a blade.
00:21:23
Speaker
It's like a 1950s situation. It's attached on both sides of the paddle. It's a steamboat. It's a motherfucking steamboat. Did I not say that? You did say that, but what? I don't know why she's talking about it, but I know I saw it when she went. Steamboat. We weren't on a steamboat. Because when we went scuba diving in the lake, the steamboat had just come in. And so the fucking dust was even worse than it normally is in the lake. So the visibility was shit.
00:21:50
Speaker
one one lake is this two what dust like what is happening ocoboji two it was not it was just not clear it was not it was murky it's a lake it was worse because the steamboat it was murkier because it's supposed to be one of the
00:22:06
Speaker
like the clear water lake in Iowa, basically. And it's supposed to be good for a little your first time scuba diving ever, I guess. But yeah, it was pretty gross, actually. I mean, I enjoyed it. This is pretty and I didn't want to go down.
00:22:24
Speaker
And I remember losing my breath. And the instructor was basically like, OK, well, I have to go down. So you're either doing this or you're staying here. And I was like, I guess I'm going down. Wow, camp was really rough for you, huh? That's both of your stories so far. Was the first one at camp? Yeah, it was, huh? Oh, my god.
00:22:48
Speaker
Kira, liven us up. What's your number two? This is not a liven up topic. This is a terrible topic. So I've only had two. I wouldn't even call this one I'm about to say like a panic attack, but I was influenced by other people. No, this is a panic attack. Sorry, this is a panic attack. 100%. Is this on your list? It was, yeah. But I will keep it off. But yeah, of course, this the triple bamf panic attack. Yeah.
00:23:19
Speaker
What time in your life do you witness three people have a panic attack at once? I don't know like I couldn't believe in my eyes
00:23:28
Speaker
We were dropping like flies, man. It's just one after the other. OK, so Marion does a birthday trip. Marion does a trip for her birthday every year. And we were on an international week-long trip to Banff because she's so active. Oh my god, it was Canada. It's hardly international. Oh, it was international. We had to bring our passports. Barely. Well, then. I don't either. I have an enhanced license.
00:23:52
Speaker
You didn't need a passport to get in? You don't know. You just need a real ID? It's an enhanced ID and I can get into Mexico and Canada with it.
00:24:04
Speaker
Sorry, we were in Banff. Okay, so we're all in Banff and it's international. Us three and Savannah and we we went on a hike and it's not that like we okay so on the first day we went on this hike where we we went now that I'm doing regular hikes I think we probably did like
00:24:24
Speaker
3,000 foot gain, like that was screaming. It was very intense. It would have been like probably 10 miles or something. It was a pretty intense hike the first day. It was a 12 mile hike. 12 mile hike. We thought we were going to die. We were preparing the situation in our own. We didn't tell each other on the first hike. We were all each preparing our own scenario for if we couldn't find the way out. That's post panic attack. That's not even. That's before it. No, no, no. Because this is no. It was no. It was the first day.
00:24:54
Speaker
No, no, the panic attacks were on the very first hike. And no, yes, Kara. Yeah. Yes, they were because by the time we had summited that motherfucker, I had like given up all hope because what I thought we were going to be on that for the night. Our luggage got lost as we went to bed. Yeah, that's yeah. Let's back it up. Our luggage got united. I was just trying to get to the panic. We spent.
00:25:20
Speaker
the morning trying to buy stuff in that little town in Banff, like coats, everything that was lost. Sleeping bags, sleeping bags. And while we were at the shop. Tent. It was like literally like 12, 30, 1 p.m. The day was basically shot because of it. Yeah. And the hike we were going to do, we couldn't do anymore. And we struck up a conversation with the shop owner. He showed us. Who was really into essential oils and how
00:25:51
Speaker
good they are for strep throat and like you guys mostly Kara got tied into this conversation with this man for like most of the time I was shopping for a coat which thank you I love people that are excited about things I just want to listen yeah anyway anywho so he showed us on a map and he's like oh here's a hike you could do today and it's like not that long couple hours
00:26:16
Speaker
Yeah, he asked us, he's like, what's your experience with hiking? And then he looks us up and down and we're like, oh, we're pretty experienced, like whatever, which I believe is true. And then he's like, okay, well, here's this hike. You're going to go up this and down this and it'll take you. And I quote, he said four hours.
00:26:35
Speaker
Yeah, so I think we started this hike around one thirty or two. This is what I remember. And the first part of the hike is just the idea is you go straight up the mountain when you and then you cross over the top of the mountain and then you go down and around through the woods. And that part's very like easy, but long. But the first part is very intense and like very like just kind of straight up. And we kept asking people like,
00:27:03
Speaker
How far are we? Remember there was that one girl that was like, you're almost like 30 minutes in. We were like, how far? And she's like, Oh, you're almost there. It was like, it ended up being like a seven hour, eight hour hike, right? No, we got done.
00:27:20
Speaker
11 p.m., luckily it was bamf in the summertime, so it was still light out, but it was like literally, do you remember, we got to a place to eat at like 11.30, we had to find a bar that was open and have those nasty burgers. I was so crabby, and the place almost wasn't open, and I was like, I'm not cooking dinner, I'll just go to bed and wake up even more hangry. Yeah, we were all breaking down in the parking lot about,
00:27:47
Speaker
Anyway, so we're not even there. We're up. We're walking the mountain and we get off the trail a little bit somehow and there's like this ledge. Do you remember the ledge? And we had to kind of... Yeah, where you had to hug the rock. Yeah, we had to like hop to another part and...
00:28:06
Speaker
I feel like Sabina was leading it or something, but Sabina was also freaking out. She was like shaking at this point. This is when I first discovered, oh, Sabina doesn't like heights, which I feel like I did not know up until this moment. So we get, we cross that little difficult part. Then we realize this is not a trail at all. There's nowhere to go. We have to go back, hug the rock again, jump over. So at this point, I think this is the first time that Sabina cries is after that.
00:28:32
Speaker
Correct. Yeah. First cry of the hike. Yeah. And you know, we kind of calmer down and then we go, we keep going up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm with you. Yeah. We keep going up and there's more and more and then like Mars getting freaked out too. And then do you remember any details?
00:28:56
Speaker
Here's what I remember. I remember that we basically the way that the trail was is you had to go kind of
00:29:03
Speaker
not scramble, but like either kind of boulders, since you had to go up on top of a very large, huge rock, but via boulders. And then you walked across this big boulder and then you had to kind of go straight down on the other side of the rock. And there were trees and stuff. So you kind of had handholds and like, it wasn't scary. There was now that I'm looking back. There was a switchback. It was a switchback. It was a little switchback down that big rock. I remember it clearly. Like on the rock face, though, it was a switchback.
00:29:33
Speaker
There was vegetation and everything. This is why it's crazy. This was one of the least scary parts of the hike in my just unbiased opinion. It's not scary. Cara, Cara, Savina and I are all freaking out. Savina is leading the way. Cara's in the middle. I'm behind them. We're all going down on our butts. They're literally crawling on all fours.
00:29:57
Speaker
the record, we had kind of paired off with each of you. Like I was like, I'll take Savina. No, you hadn't paired off yet. It was after this. No, we are. Yeah. The four of us are there. I'm so glad this is my number two. Yeah. And we're all crying and Marion is like.
00:30:15
Speaker
In disbelief, I remember you just saying out loud, like, is this happening right now? I took one picture because everyone's, like, doing literally, like, Savannah or something, she goes, three points of contact, and she's, like, holding onto a chunk. She's, like, got her other hand on the ground. She's, like, scooting. All of you are scooting. I, like, walk down. I, like, literally just walk down the switchback. Like, what is this?
00:30:37
Speaker
I remember it was like Sabina started panic attacking and then Mara started panic attacking and then I was watching them freak out and I was like, maybe I should be panic attacking. And it was like, my body was just like, you're done. This is it. You and Sabina made me freak out. No.
00:30:55
Speaker
No, because I remember being the third and Marion, that's when Marion was like, what the is happening? Yeah, because I just couldn't believe that Kara, like because I kind of made sense like there had been past like high issues or whatever. Savino was a surprise to me, but like I had seen earlier in the hike, so I knew she was freaked out. But then when you started also freaking out, I was like, what's going on? And then you finished that part and you immediately went like
00:31:23
Speaker
10 feet away from it and you just- Squatted. Yeah. I squatted and found two very cold rocks and squeezed them very hard. That was my tactic. I was like, I'm going to literally ground myself. I was like grounding, touch the ground, touch the ground, feed the ground. I was like, what is happening here? Yeah, I cried. Yeah, I did cry. You're right. That was a straight up panic attack. You're right. And you were like, I don't want to talk about it.
00:31:50
Speaker
Like, Kara, I found a picture. It's Savina, you and then me. Damn, you got us on the middle. I remember receipts. Yeah, I remember. But I thought we got to post that picture on Instagram. I remember being there. I thought at least in my failed memory, I thought I was the last one to get get panicked.
00:32:13
Speaker
But regardless, that was a- Maybe you were, but you were in the middle. In the middle. Maybe that's why is your energies were just like attacking me from both sides. I couldn't take it anymore. I was like, fine, I guess I'll do it too. Yeah. And then you had an amazing thing. Both of them kind of recovered and then you were like- It took me a while. It took me a while. I was fine later because we hadn't reached the screen yet. And that was when I was with Savina and she was just like still, I mean, I think for eight hours, she had a panic attack pretty much like that whole hike.
00:32:41
Speaker
Yeah, because she was already high emotions, like boiling on edge. And then the scree happened and you guys kind of zoomed ahead and to get it when we broke up. Yeah, exactly. And then Mara and I, yeah, took our time through it.
00:33:00
Speaker
But then had a nice freak out about how we were probably moving too slow. And that's the start of. Yeah, because the sun's starting to set now. Yeah. And the lights going low. And there's only, do you remember, Mara? There were those people, it was like two guys and a girl behind us. And they were going, we were kind of leapfrogging for a bit.
00:33:20
Speaker
And then they got slower than us. And that was the only thing that was keeping us going was like, yes, someone behind us. We're not because we had seen so many people leave. And we were like, yeah, if we had known, we probably a lot of people started the hike the other way around, I think, where they start on those the flat part through the forest would have been way better. And then, yes, slowly. But then there's that part with all the like loose rocks. And I don't think I would have been able to like climb up because at that point, you would have been like two thirds of the way through.
00:33:51
Speaker
But luckily, that was on the beginning edge of our, well, what we thought was the end at the very beginning of our trip, so. Yeah, so we finally get up to the top. Finally, it's been hours now. We know we're completely fine. We've missed the, it's past the four hour mark that that guy promised us, and we know that we're just at the top. And I remember having service at the top and being so freaked out. I don't remember who I sent a message to, but I was like, hey, this is where we are. If you don't hear from me, it's tomorrow morning.
00:34:21
Speaker
Please start the search here. Yeah, and we, we're like, there's some snow. No water. No water, nothing. We were so unprepared because we just had no idea what this guy had gone in the center. And then we're like looking over, I remember being at the top and looking over and it's literally just like this big valley below us and mountains on either side. And you can just see like the sun like fading on one side. And there was a rainbow.
00:34:49
Speaker
Oh, you're on the other side. But yeah, yeah. And it wasn't clear where to go. No, there was no I would not see the mountain. Yeah, it was. I have this picture and it's like super zoomed out and the path is in the picture. And then you zoom in like four times, then you can finally see the and it
Lost in Banff: Hiking Challenges and Panic
00:35:09
Speaker
was. Yeah, it was bad. So we yeah, we start going down. And yeah, I know I we learned later that we were all thinking this, but I was literally like,
00:35:18
Speaker
where are we going to like take up shelter for the night? Like I was really not sure. It's like the only, I've only had two times, two hikes where I was like, I'm not sure I'm going to make this before nightfall. And that was the one where I was like, it might like, I was like, will we be warm enough? Like it's going to get cold.
00:35:35
Speaker
I ran out of water in the first like hour because I thought it was a four hour hike and my pack had brought a camelback and one water bottle. My camelback broke and leaked everywhere. And then I only had my water bottle, which I drank within the first hour. And so the whole rest of the hike. And so I'm considering sleeping there that night and I'm like, I still don't even have water. I'm like, there are bears here. Like what are we going to do?
00:36:00
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it was a mess. And so then we got through. I'm really glad that none of us voiced any of that. I think we were all like eyeing each other like none of you guys can handle it turned out and we couldn't. It's like there's been enough panic attacks. Can't be over here talking about like, what are we going to do if we don't make it out?
00:36:19
Speaker
There were those people behind us. I never saw them get out. Nope. No. I think when we reached the forest, because we had kept seeing around the bends, we would check back and they were still there. I think we were yelling at them. We were communicating. Yeah, because there was a part where after you went down the initial mountain, it's just like,
00:36:41
Speaker
boulders, gravel, like a rock field, and you don't know where to go. But it's very unclear. There's no, like, stain sort of sticks or anything. People had put cairns up.
00:36:51
Speaker
like those rock piles. And that was, we were like literally searching for the rock piles, you know, trying to figure out like how to go. And then I remember when we got out of that, then we saw the path and we saw the path leading to the forest and we were like hallelujah. It still ended up being like two or three hours after that, because that's a very, turns out that was most of the miles of the hike. That was like eight miles of the hike.
00:37:16
Speaker
Which thankfully it was super like, it was free going. It was good. It was a nice little hike. And it was starting to get dark when we were in the forest. I remember we were, it was like getting dark in the forest, but at that point it was like, it was just like, how long is this forest going to last? Like we can outlast the path on the forest. Yeah. That was a crazy one. I had that as my number one. I can't believe that was your number two.
00:37:41
Speaker
That's because before we read and I still don't, it emotionally didn't hit as hard as the only other one I've had. So that's my number one, which you'll hear about soon. Okay. But now that you, if you, I mean, I have many, so I have honorable mentions later. I would say probably my, my number two is, um,
00:38:05
Speaker
Our friend group decided to get tattoos and I was kind of like the main
00:38:14
Speaker
The main instigator, a provocateur of this. I figured out the design, I figured out the last minute tattoo artist who had a cancellation, who could take us. I told Amanda she could not bring her boyfriend, even though it's her birthday weekend. Great call. Fuck you, Brian.
00:38:45
Speaker
And we were, we got bagels beforehand and it was like, you know, 30, 40 minutes before the appointment. And I like, it really, we had been talking about how we were going to make Amanda go first because Amanda's like,
00:39:02
Speaker
the biggest wimp out of us, out of our group. And so we were like, she has to go first because if she sees anyone else go, she's going to wimp out. She's not going to do it. Like we had to make her go first because she's going to back out. And as we were leaving with our bagels and it became real what we were doing.
00:39:19
Speaker
I remember like, or maybe people were still checking out. Not everyone was done, but like I was, my body began to freak out about the fact that we're about to be this, do this very new scary thing. Carrie, you were actually there. I was like, can you come walk with me? Yeah. Cause I was like, I'm like freaking out. At that point I was seasoned, I was seasoned in the walking lab. Yeah. At that point you've been through several of them. So it was like, Oh yeah.
00:39:44
Speaker
I had the script down. It was like in the car. I was driving. Kara was the only one in the car with me. And I was like trying really hard not to like spiral with the panic attack. Like I was trying to I had been pacing outside the bagel shop. I've been like, can we go? Like I need to go.
00:40:03
Speaker
and then got in the car and we put on Hamilton. Do you remember? I was just about to say I remember putting on music that was going to be like distracting. Yeah. You're like, I don't know. I didn't remember it was Hamilton. It's Hamilton because then I was like, oh, I'll just sing along like and it did actually do a very good job of taking me out of it. But then when we got there, I was like my panic tag had made me realize I had to be the first one to get the tattoo.
00:40:26
Speaker
I was like, I cannot sit through like anyone else doing it, not even Amanda. So Amanda and I went in, I got my tattoo and she got her tattoo. And oh my God, was she a little baby about it? She got five bucks.
00:40:43
Speaker
The size of like a pencil tip. She intentionally wanted them to look like freckles or little moles. And she got five dots. And this girl squeezed my hand so hard and screamed like she was giving birth to a baby. And I had sat there while this lady dragged the needle through my thigh, back and forth, back and forth. And just a little like, boop, boop, boop.
00:41:11
Speaker
It took like 30 seconds, and Amanda was screaming and writing the whole time. I was like, what is this? I remember thinking at the time, and we paid for her tattoo because it was her birthday, and I remember thinking, this is a waste of $50. It was $75. $75, whatever it was. I was like, I can't believe we paid $20 per dot or something like that. I was like, oh my God. Yeah, we each paid $15. This is why I remember each dot cost $15, and we each claimed the dot.
00:41:42
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it was a good one. Yeah. So it wasn't the worst panic attack because actually it was one that is able to we were able to kind of stop it from going full fledged. I thought it might be kind of a good one because it didn't. It was a success story where I didn't go too far. Yeah. Yeah. Maro, what's your number two?
00:42:05
Speaker
Um, I will say after I got that tattoo, I was also freaking out. You had post freak out. I did have post freak out because it was my first tattoo and like, it's just a baby tattoo. It's just Cassiopeia. It's five dots and some lines. Um, and
00:42:25
Speaker
I freaked out, I paid for my tattoo, and then I went to a nail place and I got my nails done while I waited for the rest of you guys to be finished. I remember that I was sitting outside because we weren't all allowed back there. We had to take turns who got to be back there. And you came out with your tattoo. You showed it to us. Everyone was doing a proud show off their tattoo thing. And you sat down for maybe 10 seconds. I remember I was sitting outside the shop waiting. And you came down, you sat down, and you went,
00:42:53
Speaker
I think I'm going to go get my nails done. And you both did off. And I was like, all right. I was like, no, I cannot believe I just did this. Yeah. Did the nails help? I think I was after.
00:43:08
Speaker
Did it help? Did your nails help? Yeah, she was much more relaxed after the nails. She had some time to calm down. She had to pay $35 to feel better. But that is so funny because the minute she started actually doing the tattoo, my body immediately was like, OK, we know what's happening now. It's not unexpected. This is fine. And I was very euphoric after it was done. And I was like, yes.
00:43:36
Speaker
Mine was, did I make a mistake? Is that where I wanted it? Is that how I wanted it? This will be with me forever and it's very visible.
00:43:45
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, you really went from zero to 100 on the tattoo front. I did. I was all over the place.
Nature's Wrath: Thunderstorm Hiking Panic
00:43:55
Speaker
My number two panic attack is another outdoors one. You're welcome, listeners. This one time, Savina and I were on a cute little Memorial Day trip with just ourselves. And we went to Colorado, and we were going to do some 14ers.
00:44:13
Speaker
And we were out there and we decided to do grays and we got up there and we were just climbing and we're living our little best life. And I go to take a fucking selfie as one does on top of a mountain. And my hair is just sticking straight up like the ones that aren't in my ponytail and they are just straight up. Yeah, you have like a halo. Yeah, but just like eight inches of hair just standing.
00:44:42
Speaker
It's when we realized we were hiking a little too late in the day, because I didn't realize my hair was doing that. And Savina didn't say it out loud. So then I was like, oh, look what my hair is doing. And she's like, yeah, I know. And then that's the moment I realized she was freaked out. I was like, this is nice. What do you mean, too late in the day? If you are hiking,
00:45:02
Speaker
The mountain areas are known to get a lot of afternoon thunderstorms and so the electrical charge in the air gets really high in the afternoon around like 2 p.m. because it's preparing to storm and so since you're so high up altitude wise you're way closer to the clouds and you can
00:45:23
Speaker
like you can feel that electrical activity. And since you're above the tree line, you're like the first thing in line for death during a bolt of lightning to hit you. Yeah. Yeah. I told that story the other day to my therapist, I think, because I was, I can't remember. Anyway, I told that story the other day to somebody and they didn't know it because we don't have thunderstorms in Washington. So nobody like pays attention.
00:45:48
Speaker
to that sort of stuff because it never happened. I just thought that was really interesting. Wild. I know. And then the, so we're, that's not where the panic attack happens. I was like, okay, let's deal with this. I was a little freaked out, but then we started like kind of running back down the mountain. We were like, okay, we have to get lower.
00:46:04
Speaker
And to get up to where we had been, we did kind of do a little lightweight bouldering. And so on the way back down, once again, I was just frozen to a rock and I like couldn't move. And then there's this like Baltic man.
00:46:21
Speaker
I don't know. He's probably not vaulting. He was wearing a sweatsuit. And he's like clearly just a tourist that was like, yeah, I'll do this. And like, just, I'm going to do a 14er. No big deal. And he's like passing us and I'm like stuck. And then Savannah was like walking me through
00:46:46
Speaker
Okay, you have to let go, and you have to keep moving. Because I thought I was just going to fall. Yeah. But where am I going with this? Was that the panic attack? It was all fine. Yeah, that was the panic attack. I was just stuck to a boulder, me a boulder, and Sabina's dulcet tones, telling me it'll be all right. Thanks, Sabina.
00:47:15
Speaker
Anyway, this is why people wake up at 3 a.m. to hike really tall mountains. The other tall mountain that we hiked on that trip, we did wake up at 3 a.m. to hike. Learned your lesson. Yeah. Mama didn't raise dumb bitches. Thanks. Who knew there'd be so much like hiking talk in a podcast about panic attacks?
00:47:39
Speaker
All of mine pretty much happened outdoors. And when I was describing this to my psychiatrist, like in telling her what brings them on, and she was like, oh, you're like putting yourself in these situations.
00:47:53
Speaker
Like it's normal for you to be having a panic attack at that point. Why do you keep doing it? I was actually thinking when we told the first story, I was like, wow, we really put ourselves in these really like we have toilets and running water and TV and beds and we go out and we lay in the lay on the ground and we hike mountains out of choice and have panic attacks pretty regularly, it sounds like so.
00:48:21
Speaker
Yeah. That's just reconnecting with nature.
Managing Anxiety: Therapy and Medications
00:48:25
Speaker
Yeah. Finding your inner manic. And myself. It's really. Man versus. Really good. Man versus self. Yeah. Okay. Let's do our sponsors real quick. Okay. Our number three sponsor this week is Grayson, our producer and sound engineer. Thanks, Gray.
00:48:50
Speaker
Yeah. Thanks, Grayson. Does anyone have a number two? I mean, number two should be a therapy, right? Like, one hand-o. Just therapy in general. Everyone deserves it. Don't let the haters hate. Don't let your therapist tell you you don't need therapy. You should get therapy. Everyone should get therapy. You should be getting therapy right now instead of listening to this. I was also going to say number two in hand-in-hand with
00:49:16
Speaker
Aeropoeia would be sertraline, drug therapist, Lexapro, well butrin, gabapentin, clonidine, clonopin, Xanax. All those good, good drugs. Thanks for keeping me chill.
00:49:33
Speaker
Honestly. I'm on three of those right now. Not really. But I could be. Can't you tell? Actually, I don't know if it was Clompin, one of the fast acting ones. When I got my LASIK, it did nothing. They gave me, they're like, here's some quick acting anti-anxiety drugs. Sally, you don't freak out about the surgery. And it did not help. I needed like three of them. I should have said I'm extra anxious. Just like down the hatch.
00:50:02
Speaker
I know. Sometimes when I'm having a real anxious day and I take my second dose of my anti-anxiety, I feel like I didn't take it. Oh, wow. And of course, our number one sponsor for this week is Existential Dread, Quarter Life Crisis, the mental health pandemic that's surging through the country.
00:50:29
Speaker
Probably. The only guaranteed thing is death. All of that. Yeah. I haven't done my taxes yet. It's not grouped in the same. Death and taxes. That's the same. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's get back to the podcast.
Future Fears: Life Decisions and Relationships
00:50:54
Speaker
Okay, my number one was also spurred on by another one of Marion's birthday trips. This one was when we were in a canoe trip and it wasn't on the trip. We were on the canoe trip for Marion's birthday. We did like a three-day canoe down the Mississippi while it was flooded. It was this whole thing.
00:51:13
Speaker
And on the van ride back from that trip, it's you, Mara. Mara goes, so what do you, are you gonna go to grad school or what? And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go next fall or whatever. And you're like, girl, you need to get on that. You gotta do this, this, this, this, this. When are you gonna start blah, blah, blah? And you peppered me with questions. And I was like, oh my God. And I freaked out for dates. I was on edge for days. And I just started dating,
00:51:41
Speaker
That's actually called an anxiety attack. They're different. Anxiety attacks are the ones that last for days. My anxiety attack led into a panic attack. Okay. Excuse me. Yeah, that'll happen. Yeah. It's like what I thought was the only one until this podcast recording. We had that conversation. I had just started officially dating Grayson.
00:52:05
Speaker
four weeks before-ish. And about a day later, maybe two, Mara and I were sitting, I was doing dishes and Mara was sitting in the kitchen like eating a snack or making her charcutte or something.
00:52:18
Speaker
And I just had a full, like my body started sweating. I got wicked hot. My throat, my heart was in my throat. Like I just had the most intense, what I now know is a panic attack. And I'm just washing this dish over and over and over and over again. And I was trying to explain tomorrow what was going on. And she did, you did a really good job. You asked me like,
00:52:39
Speaker
where I think it's coming from, blah, blah, blah. And I realized that the source was that I would have to stop dating Grayson because he was born and raised in Minnesota. Boy was saving for a house. I'm 25. I'm trying to get out of here. You know, I was like, I was like, I just committed to this person and I'm going to have to leave because I'm going to go to grad school in a year and some change months.
00:53:00
Speaker
And you were like, you know, you should just probably talk to him. Like, you know, that's that's a reasonable next step. And I was like, OK, you're right. Yes. And I like called him. I was like, I'm coming over and he was like, OK. And he opens the door to his apartment and he's like, like, come in. What's going on? Well, I was like, no, get your shoes. We're going. We're going to walk. We got to walk. We got to walk. And.
00:53:21
Speaker
We go to this nearby park, and we're sitting on this bench being peppered by mosquitoes. By the end, my face was just like a molehound. It was disgusting. We're sitting there, and Grayson's like, can we leave? The mosquitoes are so bad. I was like, no, now we sit. We walked, now we sit. I explained the whole situation about how I'm
00:53:41
Speaker
a tumbleweed running through the through the desert. And I'm I'm bound to leave. And I just you can't keep up with such a tumbleweed. You're a rock and you stay in one place. I'm just just laying it on sick. And I was like, maybe would you consider possibly coming with me to grad school? And he was like, yeah, no. And that was the end of the conversation. Sounds like it wasn't how someone else remembers it. Grayson.
00:54:12
Speaker
No, I'm kidding. You did a great job. Yes, you didn't have a very big ask of me because you weren't exaggerating. It wasn't, hey, we've been dating for three months.
00:54:27
Speaker
will you move with me at some undetermined point in time? You literally just said, would you consider thinking about moving with me when that time comes? And I was like, well, that's- To an undefined place in- This is T-ball. In a year. Yeah. Whack. Yeah, so I'll think about it. Yeah, is that all I have to say to get out of this mosquito park? Yes.
00:55:06
Speaker
That's my number one. My number one's not very funny. It's like...
Life or Death: Roommate Wake-Up Call
00:55:12
Speaker
We'll just do it. I thought I was dying. That's basically it. Everyone's been waiting for one of those. I got high, followed the pattern, but I did it late in the night and I went to bed. And then I woke up like a couple hours later at like 5 a.m. Still very, very high. And I just wasn't expecting it. When I got up, I was kind of dizzy and my mind immediately went to
00:55:41
Speaker
why did you wake up? Like, why did you wake up randomly? Why are you feeling this way? You must be dying, like right now. And yeah, I could not like get it out of my head. I was like, I am dying. And I tried to figure it out, couldn't. And so I knocked on Rachel's door at literally five in the morning. Rachel was my roommate at the time. And she was studying for the bar exam, which if you know anyone who's ever
00:56:08
Speaker
studied for it. This is a 10 hour day for like 10 weeks where you study nonstop for this bar and like you don't do anything else and you don't have a life and it's very high stakes and it's very like stressful and you try to have as regular a schedule as possible. So I've been knocking on her door at 5am and like Rachel, I think I'm dying and she's like, what? And I'm like, I just think like, like I can't really breathe. My heart is like, I think I might be having a heart attack. Like, can you call the ambulance?
00:56:38
Speaker
And she's, yeah, and she's like very groggy. So she's like, you want me to call the ambulance? And so she's like, one second, let me get dressed. And so then I go out to the balcony and I managed to say like, try and take three breaths, like Marion and like actually, you know, like see if you can take three breaths. And so I took the three breaths and they helped. And then I was like, okay, like maybe you're just having a panic attack.
00:57:05
Speaker
And you're not. All right. But for me, when it gets that bad, my arm starts hurting. My chest hurts. Everything feels very real to the point where, for part of my 20s, I thought, maybe I should just, if I just had a heart attack, then I know what I feel like. And then I wouldn't have to go through all this. I remember you saying that, yeah. You were like, I just get it over. I'll take it. Yeah. When does this episode air?
00:57:36
Speaker
I don't know. Probably three weeks. If you too are having heart issues or think you might want to improve your heart health, consider joining my American Heart Association Heart Walk team.
00:57:49
Speaker
Email us for more information. Are you going to give them any more? Yeah. At my Top Everything podcast at Gmail.com. I'm glad you said it with me. Weren't you the one saying we should stop overlapping when we talk? Yeah, but I'm the host now, so I had to say it. I'm the fucking host. You didn't say the email, you know?
00:58:06
Speaker
I don't really know the email. Anyway, so Rachel, Rachel came out. She was like, do you still want me to call the ambulance? I was like, no, but let's go on a walk. We did walk for literally two and a half hours and she had to talk the whole time. The sun rose while we were walking around. Yeah, I felt so bad for her. I just saw her this week and she brought it up. She's like, oh, remember that time. I was like, boy, how do you do it? Don't I remember it? Yeah.
00:58:33
Speaker
Oh, what a good roommate. Yeah, I was very sweet of her. It's the one week she's not our number one sponsor. I know. I know, yeah. Should have made her the number two, yeah. But yeah, I've been very lucky that the two times that I've been convinced, truly, truly convinced that I was dying, I had people who
00:58:54
Speaker
Because the other time was with Savannah. It was after a night of drinking, see the pattern. And I went to the bathroom and I felt this very cold, icy tingle. Because that's something that happens when I have the beginning of a panic attack. It feels like my blood is turning to ice. And there was this icy tingle down my head, my neck, my spine. I never felt that sensation before at all. And I immediately thought, oh my God, something's gone very horribly wrong. And
00:59:19
Speaker
went out to Savina and was like, I'm dying, like call the ambulance. And Savina was like, what are you talking about? Are you joking? That's good. What? She's like, no, you're not. I'm looking at you. You're fine. She's like, I don't call the ambulance. She's like, I don't understand what you want me to do.
00:59:44
Speaker
That's just to be a direct statement. I don't know what you want from me. She's like, it's 6 a.m. I'm like, I gotta die. Ambulance is a 24-7, baby. What's your number one, Nora?
01:00:01
Speaker
My number one is the time that two Ecuadorian men stuffed me into a wetsuit.
Ecuador Escapades: Stressful Adventures
01:00:12
Speaker
This was a day of just high intensity. We started out with some whitewater rafting. The waves were five feet. What is that? Class five, class four? It was f***ing up there. Because when we got done, they were like, we're actually not going to take people down the skin until it calms down a bit. Oh my god. It was terrifying.
01:00:31
Speaker
And then we went ziplining and Osha, Osha did not exist at that place. At all. We had to walk through a llama farm after. Yeah. They tie me up. I don't speak Spanish. They tie me up. Yeah. And then all of a sudden they're just lifting my legs because apparently this is a zip tie zipline where you're supermanning it.
01:00:54
Speaker
And it was over this canyon valley. So it was like you're just staring down like straight down. Like what if something goes wrong and I just start plummeting? How long will that fall be before I get sweet release?
01:01:12
Speaker
And I'm like, is this okay for my weight? Will I die? Those were thoughts I had. It was fine. And then after all of that, we get on a bus again, and then we go, we're going to go repel down waterfalls. And I'm like, all right, I have a spa that I have to be alive for after this. I have something to live for. I have a massage later.
01:01:43
Speaker
Also, I had gotten my nails done, and so I'm doing all of this in acrylic nails, by the way, because I decided that was a good idea the day before. That means nothing to me. No. But I didn't break a nail, so this is good. Hey. Can we get to this?
01:01:58
Speaker
Thank you. We get to this place for waterfalls. And like I said, I'm a big girl. And we get there. And earlier in the day for whitewater rafting, it was no problem. There was a wetsuit. And it was good. And then at this place, they hand me one. And I'm like, there's no way my body's going into that. And then they had somebody switch out of their wetsuit to put me in it. And I started putting this on. And I started getting so hot and so
01:02:25
Speaker
like all of those insecurities about my own body just coming to light and being like, okay, well, I just won't do this. And like those two men that were helping us would not, they were like, no. They're like, we're getting you. You're doing this. We're getting you into the suit today. Correct. And I popped a Zanny and then they like, they put water and then they just like, they got, I got in that suit. Uh, they put me in there and it was, they packaged it tight.
01:02:55
Speaker
It was like if you guys have seen the Christmas story, the small child that she wraps up in all of the winter clothing and he hauls over and he can't get up. I am convinced that if I had fallen, I would not have been able to get up. Because then my like range of motion for my legs weren't that good and then the hike up to
01:03:14
Speaker
At this point, I'm crying. And then we have to hike up to the first waterfall. And this guy grabs my belt and is trying to lead me along like a dog. And then there's this incline. There's this three-foot gap that you have to jump over. And it would have been fine if I had my full range of motion. But if you had to jump up. Was this before or after? This was the day or two after the canyoning we had done.
01:03:40
Speaker
where the rock had almost hit you, the little. Yeah, so. Yeah, I almost done that as a panic attack, but I.
01:03:48
Speaker
I don't think that one quite got there. You had too many others that topped it. So I am supposed to, he's like, this man is like holding on to my belt and leading me along and wanting me to walk at a faster pace than I want to be and can be in this moment. And we get to this incline and there's this like hole. So if you like, we're like, we're walking across a riverbank and we're up a bit and then like five feet down or so is the river. And it's like,
01:04:16
Speaker
pretty there's just a bunch of rocks there's so much boulders and rocks and the liver the river the river is pretty low uh and yeah that was bad uh but i made it over that and i did make it to the top of the waterfall and i did repel down it and and i don't think i'm smiling in any of the pictures
01:04:39
Speaker
And I'm really glad I didn't do all of them because there's one where they just drop you down 50 feet. And I'm glad I said no. I'm glad I said I did. I rappelled down three waterfalls and I've peaked. I have a massage to get to. F*** off. Nice.
01:04:58
Speaker
Yeah, I'm just impressed that none of us had a panic attack during this podcast. Rehash. Yeah. Look at that. We're growing. I think my last one was almost a year ago. Hey. At this point. My cat.
01:05:12
Speaker
Thank you. I'm at zero. My cat just chat the litter box. So I got to go. It smells so bad. So let it. Who's the winner? Who had the worst panic attacks? Well, I don't think I should win because I didn't remember one of my stories. So I'm going to pull myself out on this one.
01:05:36
Speaker
I'm going to put myself forth as the winner of this one for the following reasons. What are they? Number one, I did great work easing the tension. Number two, I got to be host. I feel like gummy. Wonderful. I did great. Yes, you did. And number three, I
01:05:59
Speaker
I was just, I was there. You know, the motto, be there. I was there. What? We were all there. You don't get that there. Do I get points for being the host every week or like? No, no, no, no. No. This is your project. You can have a point for letting me be the host. Great work. I'll agree that you win, especially since you were willing to carry it this week. So congrats to our winner, Mara. This has been my top everything.
01:06:25
Speaker
Thank you for listening. Thank you. I'm Kara. I'm Kara. I'm Mara. I'm Mara. You're Mara. I'm Mary. And if you do worry about your heart, we can go for a little happy walk together. Just send in pictures of things you find interesting. And if you are in the Twin Cities area,
01:06:50
Speaker
and you want to meet me at Target Field at 9 a.m. on the 20th of May, 2023, there may or may not be a Heart Walk. She'll sign autographs. Oh my god, listen, I used to sign my name as an autograph and I'd be like, you're going to need that one day because I'm going to be in the Olympics for volleyball. Oh, when was this? What age?
01:07:15
Speaker
Was this like high school? You thought you were going to be in the Olympics? It was a f***ing, it was a joke, sorry.