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Facing Imposture Syndrome with Marcia Hoffheins
78 Plays1 year ago
Hello beautiful friends! This week we are hearing some straight up truths on trusting ourselves and recognizing imposture syndrome from the potent wisdom of Marcia Hoffheins. I would describe Marcia as a highest potential coach. She has the innate ability to lead others back to themselves along with formal executive leadership coaching training to she shines a light on th very best that maybe lying dormant within each of us. In addition, she is a renowned yoga teacher & trainer, a human design reader as well as the founder of "Make Shift Happen" her retreat style iniative to faciliate your growth & transformation
Marcia is a manifesting generator powerhouse of a guiding light & one of my MOST favorite storytellers.
And if you have ever been in the yoga room with Marcia at the front leading - you KNOW exactly the full body resonance you are in for with this conversation. Grab a cup of tea and settle in. This one will transport you into an expansive feeling leaving you inspired of all that is possible for us.
In this conversation, we cover:
-Trusting ourselves & our inner spontaneity with engaging in life, taking messy action and not giving our power away
-The epidemic of imposture syndrome and low self worth.
-From her long history of guiding in yoga rooms to what Marcia is up to now as a executive coach working in corporate america
-Drawing parallels between the competition that happens in yoga room & corporate america for the perceived success
-How fear of missing out and people pleasing keeps us trapped in living for others instead of trusting and valuing ourselves.
-Facing our vulnerability when imposture syndrome shows up
- Getting to the root of our false beliefs about ourselves & tending to the garden of our thoughts about ourselves
-What has been the gift and opportunity of the past few years. How we showing up to expectations again and still honor ourselves.
-How the openess of our human design chart plays into our seeking guidance or coaching. The energectic dance btwn the individual with defined and undefined centers in their charts.
-How we can honor the individual instead of sweeping generalizations in age of the influencers as we are heading towards new cycle ahead in 2027.
Reference: How Yoga Works book
https://www.amazon.com/How-Yoga-Works-Michael-Roach/dp/0976546906
To connect with Marcia:
@marcia_hoffheins on IG or www.marciahoffheins.com
To connect with Renee:
@feelgoodwithrenee on IG or www.reneenovello.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Guest
00:00:13
Speaker
Hello and welcome to this cozy corner of podcasting land where we have deep intimate conversations with people who feel good to the soul. Also, we offer new perspectives on our healing around here, self growth, or just to bring more awareness to all sorts of approaches
00:00:41
Speaker
and healing modalities that connect us deeper to ourselves. Welcome. I am Renee Novello. I am so grateful to be here with you today and for this awesome episode coming your way. Today's guest is a leadership and human design guide. She is a longstanding, highly regarded yoga teacher,
00:01:10
Speaker
She is in fact my original and first yoga teacher that I took my training from. She's recently graduated from GMU, which ironically I did too, a long time ago. She is Marsha Hoffheins. If you know her, you know her to be a straight shooter that gets in there, whether it's in a yoga class environment,
00:01:38
Speaker
guiding you with human design, or as now she is a graduated executive coach. What I love about her is she has the gift of seeing others innate power and potential, and she's just soulful. And I love her. So I hope that you too fall in love or get better acquainted with our guest today, Marsha Hoffheins.
Past Collaborations and Spontaneity
00:02:11
Speaker
Hi, Marcia. Hi, Renee. I'm really happy you're here with me today. I'm excited to be here. I was thinking about you and I did this dance right before All Hell Broke Loose. We did. Which how?
00:02:37
Speaker
Back a few years ago, hell. Yeah, yeah. How about how about the 2020 version of hell? Like whatever like we did it we we it was and I know this because Facebook memories keep me honest on where I am in space and time. And it was like right at the end of 2019. You and I did a little chitchat. So this was on the podcast that I had at the time. That was a little, little bit different intention. But
00:03:07
Speaker
I, yeah, I mean, and then I've been on your podcast too, a few times now. Yep. Which is always fun to spend time with you. Thank you. Yes. I've always enjoyed that. And we always, you know, we go wherever we go. It's like, I just shared with you, I have a couple notes, but I don't necessarily have like hard and fast agenda. That's just how we do. Yeah. You know,
00:03:35
Speaker
there are those that do better in this way.
Coaching Approach and Structure
00:03:39
Speaker
And then there are those that need the structure. How do you deal with people that you pull on your pod that needs structure when you're not? I try to instill a sense of what will happen if I don't. So I think the one thing you and I have going for us is we know each other really well. Like we've been through some, some life for a while.
00:04:04
Speaker
So with you, there's a comfort level where we just know we can trust each other to pull through whatever needs to come through. And if it's someone I don't know well, I do try to give them a little bit of a format of how it will go and then answer any preliminary questions.
00:04:27
Speaker
I do sometimes have a few things I really want to find out or really want to dig into or know about someone, but for you, I'm like, I know how it feels to be in your presence and how you have this, at least it's, I'm pretty sure, or I assume it's like a spontaneity that comes through. And so for us, that's kind of the fun, the fun of it is that spontaneity and
00:04:56
Speaker
what, you know, hearing what you're passionate about, catching up. I mean, what's, what's Marsha up to right now in this brand new 2023? Like, what is what is on your heart right now? In general, anything? Yeah, what's not?
00:05:19
Speaker
You just said something, though, that I just had to have a little chuckle about because, you know, we know this about ourselves. We know certain things about ourselves and we then spend all this time looking for others for this validation.
00:05:38
Speaker
a celebration and understanding of who we are. And it oftentimes dilutes and confuses our own internal signals because we then lose trust in ourselves. And you said the thing about spontaneity, you know, for years and years people were like, how do you, how do you teach this way? How do you talk this way? And, and I would, you know, in my
00:06:07
Speaker
very young understanding of who I was supposed to be as a leader in a wellness spiritual space, I would be like, it just passes through me. I mean, just saying that, I mean, it does, things just come to me, but it is, it's the spontaneity and that's more accurate and why I chuckle is,
00:06:35
Speaker
It's in my human design chart. I think that I have that spontaneity channel. And I just laugh because the thing that I think is hysterical and I don't...
00:06:48
Speaker
I would prefer not to spend our entire time talking about human design. If it comes up in the business piece, that's fun. But I know you and I can like go off on tangents here. But the reason I want to say this is because what I have learned to love about human design is it really shouldn't be telling us anything that we don't already know about ourselves. And if it's a surprise, we've just been completely living out of our own
00:07:13
Speaker
We've been given too much power to everybody else around us, I guess is what I'm saying. So like everything that I have learned. Yeah. So I just kind of laugh because yeah, it is very spontaneous for me. Um, you know, that's interesting because, um, that you brought that up and what's on my heart and what I'm passionate about right now.
Corporate Experience and Self-Worth
00:07:35
Speaker
It's a lot of the same. I, um,
00:07:39
Speaker
Last year at this time, I was preparing for executive coaching school to get a certification in organizational leadership and wellbeing. Sounds very impressive. Full transparency, the program was not very impressive. Did I learn something? Yes. Was it something that I had not learned before? No.
00:08:08
Speaker
However, what was interesting to me about it was it taught us this structure for coaching. And what I appreciate about this is coaching is really an art, just like teaching yoga, just like being a Reiki practitioner, just like being a human design reader, like insert skill and their arts, right? And they really are, um,
00:08:36
Speaker
they're their own containers. And they belong as such. And so what I appreciated about the structure was, it helps rein me back in and I'll liken it to, let's say, you on your yoga mat, learning triangle pose, there's a structure to the pose. But you got to find yourself inside of it. And
00:09:06
Speaker
What I'm passionate about right now is I am now doing an abundance of coaching in corporate America, like I set out to do. And listening to these men and women struggle with this big word, imposter syndrome. It is this
00:09:35
Speaker
Weird space. It's weird. That's not the right word. It's this interesting moment for me to look at men and women who are of a certain level in their careers. One would assume a certain level of comfortability.
00:09:57
Speaker
Yet at our baseline, we are all suffering from this human condition of not being worthy enough, not being good enough, not being enough. You have the right answer to trust ourselves. And I was thinking a little bit about your request to me and like,
00:10:24
Speaker
like the good Manny Gen I am, I decided to respond to it because I think it's right, right? How do we take these teachings, whatever the teachings are, whether it's you're working with a coach and the coach is asking you to go deeper, you're on your yoga mat, you're in a spin class, how do we take these teachings and learn to trust ourselves and not give our power away to a practice, to a philosophy,
00:10:53
Speaker
to another person, to a guru, to a teacher, to whatever. This is what's on my mind right now. That's so powerful. I just want to share real quick. You can definitely finish your thought. I wanted to just highlight a few things about what you just said. You're from a corporate America background. You transitioned into yoga teaching. Not only did you
00:11:20
Speaker
dabble in yoga teaching. You full on had a career in yoga, which is the distinction all on its own. You were named top yoga teacher in the community in the town we lived in, which is a very competitive yoga kind of community. A lot of yoga teachers out there, a lot of good ones, people you, you taught to full rooms and people also learned as I did how to teach yoga from you for how many years did you do that?
00:11:50
Speaker
I taught yoga. I was a yoga professional for 20 years and I trained teachers for 10. Yeah. And then you have transitioned into what comes again through you as being a natural guide or coach and then took a professional coaching program from an accredited university, right? And so now
00:12:20
Speaker
I'm just bringing everybody up to speed on these reflections because these are very much rooted in years of experience, years of seeing what people go through. And now, you know, I think that what you said about Worth, this is the psychic thing that happens for me. I had in the shower before this episode a download about
00:12:47
Speaker
Let's talk about Worth with Marcia because when I was naming this podcast, I was naming it Feel Good with Renee. And I think that that is part of my own general essence is I want people to feel good. I want to explore ways to feel good. But it's also about
Challenges of Self-Worth and Influences
00:13:01
Speaker
feeling good enough. That could have actually been the name of this podcast is Feeling Good Enough with Renee. Because that is something I think we all deal with. So now, and I did ask you, I said, when you come on next week on the show, you
00:13:18
Speaker
I just want to impart a little bit of what it's like to be in a yoga class with you because there's a reason why the rooms were filled. There's a reason why people recognize you for that. And so what you're setting up for us so beautifully is exactly that. So I just wanted to interject. Hopefully I didn't throw you too far off your thought process there, but just to bring people up to speed a little bit on you and what you are. So, um,
00:13:48
Speaker
naturally talented at? Yes. I did get thrown off my thought process, but that's okay because I'm going to go somewhere else with this. So the good enough. The big question that I started to think about, why so many of us
00:14:16
Speaker
feel less than, even in our greatness. And I started to think, well, there's this big message out there. And it's believe in yourself. Right. And so we try all these things. And, you know,
00:14:39
Speaker
Oh, trust yourself in the middle of the room to stand on your hands when all you've ever done your whole life is stand on your feet. But yet at somehow at 30 fricking years old, can I swear? Yeah. Okay, 30 fucking years old, we all of a sudden decide, oh, I'm gonna stand on my hands. We all of a sudden decide at 40 or so on whatever year old that I need to believe in myself.
00:15:09
Speaker
and we've never been taught, one, how to, and two, many of us come from families or schooling situations where people didn't believe in us.
00:15:29
Speaker
And let's just even take a step back and think, oh, well, I was a star athlete. And on the field, I always started, but there was always probably, and I can say this with a high sense of comfortability, because I had a child who played very competitive sports. And I know too many people who have children who play competitive sports, even if there's the star, there is a, and I say that,
00:15:59
Speaker
begrudgingly because I hate that like there's the star player right on a team. But there is and we understand this like we all watch sports and we know how it goes and but there's going to be an underlying current of there's a coach that's cutting them down to
00:16:21
Speaker
There's that coaching mentality of like, I'm going to cut you down so that you try harder and work harder. There's going to be the kids that are on the team that are jealous of this person, so therefore they mistreat them. Or their parents are putting the pressure on them to perform and do better. So we're never really taught how to have self-trust and self-belief.
00:16:47
Speaker
And then we come to these moments where we're getting promoted to the next level of our career. We're being hired for a job. And I just had this last week. I have a woman who I've been coaching for a while and she lost her job and almost very quickly because of her, because of her reputation.
00:17:11
Speaker
Another person that she had worked with over the years referred her to this new job, this new opportunity, and she got hired right on the spot. But because her own mother was still in her ear about, oh, well, be careful because you know, duh, duh, duh, duh. Her mother was still playing that role of how she mothered her as a child. So this woman was sitting there with this grand opportunity in front of her and couldn't even celebrate it or be confident in it because
00:17:41
Speaker
of what she was being told by her own mom.
Yoga Teaching and Personal Truths
00:17:52
Speaker
So this worthiness, this self-worth, this am I enough in for many of us is like this age old wound that we've never been taught
00:18:10
Speaker
how to actually do it properly. And what I think is cool is there's our generation and then the next several generations, right? Who now have access to all these tools to start learning how to have this confidence in themselves.
00:18:39
Speaker
And it's really hard because we so are taught that someone else has the answers for us. So my own personal experience right now, right? Like I just had this hip surgery. Um,
00:19:05
Speaker
had a labral tear, hip impingement. I've had like this hip thing for my whole life on my left side, truly, truly like just clunkiness, weirdness, always knew something was wrong. I've had x-rays in the past, nothing, but nothing shows up. And what's really funny about me saying that to you is even in this last round, they saw the labral tear, they saw the impingement.
00:19:29
Speaker
none of the arthritis that's in my hip showed up on any of the imaging. So it's just funny because when you know something's wrong or you know something's right, but because the outside world doesn't see it, you then go, well, I guess it must not be true. And I think about so much of what we do
00:20:00
Speaker
as human beings, gussying ourselves up, fancying ourselves up on the outside to show that, oh, I'm worth this. And if I think about, like I was thinking a lot about this over the weekend and the years that I spent training men and women to teach yoga, and there was always something super uncomfortable about it for me.
00:20:28
Speaker
And I shifted the last several years to be honest with you, but for the first several years, there was something that just fell off to me about it because inside I knew I was doing it wrong. I was doing it the way we were supposed to be doing it, which was this is what this is supposed to look like. This is how you teach it. And this is what you do. And the truth is, is that's incorrect.
00:20:52
Speaker
The truth is there is no one size fits all for how this pose should look and or feel or your feet should be placed for your body. But because we diluted this beautiful practice to postures and then that's what was sold, we lost sight of what the truth was with the practice.
00:21:21
Speaker
Did you ever read how yoga works? Oh, hey doggy. I know, she's laying right here. She's passed out. I might have, I don't remember. I'd probably have to see a visual of the cover. It's a beautiful story about a woman who is in prison. I can't remember why she has to go to prison. She's in prison and she ends up teaching the guards yoga. And it's her journey about
00:21:51
Speaker
being in prison and teaching yoga. And it's one-on-one yoga and it's custom to this man. And that's the intention of the practice. So the intention isn't so much about one size fits all black and white. These are the poses, check the box, start your class this way, teach this in this order. Right. It's an individual, if I'm gathering what you're saying, what you're putting out. It's a,
00:22:19
Speaker
one on it's intended to be a one on one exchange. Like think about Pilates. Right. Pilates is the same. So when someone comes into a yoga room, and they don't necessarily trust themselves, they get into a lot of trouble, don't they?
Career Path Alignment in Corporate Settings
00:22:45
Speaker
myself included because you, you know, I've done that many times where I push myself into places. I have no business going or I do it for the ego of it to get to the place or to not feel, isn't it interesting? Like there's this all this dynamic that plays out where it shows up everywhere in life, but in a yoga room under the pretense of all these sort of, um,
00:23:12
Speaker
equanimity and things like that, but you still look around at what other people are doing. And you, it's that fine line of that being inspiration versus not trusting yourself to, to stay your own path and to stay your own course. And you know, that kind of, that kind of thing. Yeah. And to parallel this to, you know, men and women in corporate America,
00:23:43
Speaker
A lot of people are looking at like, well, what's my next career step? Well, I guess I want to take on managing people. And this was actually, I will, this is from a conversation that I had just two weeks ago.
00:24:01
Speaker
A lot of times the only way to go up the corporate ladder or up in your job or your position or whatever is to start managing people. And spoiler alert, we're not all meant to manage people. I am the worst people manager. I'm a great leader of groups. I'm a terrible people manager. I know this because I tried and I sucked at it.
00:24:26
Speaker
So this woman is struggling, she's struggling, she's talking about, well, I gotta manage people, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, well, have you ever managed people before? And she's like, yes. And I was like, well, did you enjoy it? She goes, I hated it. I'm terrible at it. Okay. But here we go. Right. To exactly what you just said, but because on the outside, while everybody else is progressing to the next place, which is handstand. And so I must obviously need to be doing that next.
00:24:51
Speaker
even though I hate standing on my hands and it hurts my wrists and I never done it before and I really don't care about it, but I'm gonna do it anyway, cause that's gonna give me this perceived success and I'll be rewarded. And it was just such an interesting moment for me to see this woman like clearly struggling with what her next step was gonna be
00:25:21
Speaker
And she was struggling with it clearly because she didn't have enough trust inside of herself and belief in herself to just say to her boss, like, I don't really like managing people out of fear that that's gonna cost her. Sure. Right? So what's the fear outside of a work position? Well, if I tell you that I am not able to meet you
00:25:49
Speaker
on X day, at X time, I might be missing out. I might be missing out on an opportunity. So then we get ourselves into it. What is it? FOMO. And then we just start overextending ourselves and overdoing things instead of like taking a big zoom back and going, well, this isn't right for me right now.
00:26:05
Speaker
We're always trying to like fit ourselves into everybody else's expectations of us. That to me, it's just becoming clearer and clearer as to why this imposter syndrome just creeps in so much for so many of us.
Roots of Imposter Syndrome
00:26:20
Speaker
Whether if it was our parents, it was a sibling, it was a friend, it was a
00:26:24
Speaker
A love interest, whether it was a teacher, it doesn't matter where it came from. We all have somewhere where our set of beliefs was given to us about ourselves that we lost trust. And we began to think that we were not good enough. Yeah. Or worthy enough. I was just going to add in that
00:26:50
Speaker
The other, well, obviously at a human level, a behavior level, we all want to feel loved and included. And if we see, and we have this perception that we're not good enough or doing something enough or lovable enough, right? That's a huge cost to us perception wise, right? Like we feel that. And also like it gets into these layers of these different wounds, right? Like for,
00:27:20
Speaker
You know, I can relate to this, like you feel left out. You feel alone because you're not one of the cool kids doing the cool thing in the yoga room or in a, you know, advancement of a job or a business or anything. You know, it's like, I don't want to be left out. I don't want to be alone because that sucks.
00:27:46
Speaker
So then we push ourselves into these places and we fit these molds that aren't really honoring us. And so I love this conversation. This has been on my heart a lot. It's coming back to ourselves and coming back to finding our own inner, you know, our own inner authority on and standing on that and kind of dispelling some of this other stuff that we've collected.
00:28:14
Speaker
along the way, it's been such a strong influencer. And a lot of it's not, I mean, I'm sure what you're seeing with your corporate people, like, this is totally unconscious. I'm sure most of them don't have any, they don't understand that this is, so this is a lot of what you're seeing and unpacking with people now, is this? Yeah, it's, I mean, imposter. Yeah, I mean, it's actually quite incredible.
00:28:45
Speaker
It's everywhere. And it's not just my corporate clients. I mean, they're, they're private clients. They're, yeah, they're, I mean, I have private clients. And what I mean by that is they're not hiring me through a corporation, right? It's coaching is coaching. You can, it's executive coaching. It's life coaching. It's whatever you want to call it, but coach, if you're getting, being coached, I mean, you know, this coaching is coaching. It's not, there's not some like,
00:29:15
Speaker
special formula to be a coach over here versus a coach over here. It's all the same if you've been trained to be a coach. And all the trainings that I've taken, the foundation is the same. That's why I'm saying this training that I took last year wasn't like some magical elixir. And you know what was interesting about that?
00:29:37
Speaker
I went into that training feeling imposter syndrome because I was the only wellness professional in that training. It was me and a bunch of government employees, like a few people in higher ed, and then maybe one or two people who were just like had different jobs, but they, everybody was in the corporate or government space somehow. Wow.
00:30:08
Speaker
So I came in going, oh, they're gonna know something that I don't. And that wasn't true. In fact, it was completely the opposite. I was gonna say, I bet you they didn't have any clue what they were going to be learning from you.
00:30:21
Speaker
Yeah, right. Yeah, no, it's true. Like, it was, it was really eye opening. And I will have to say that that was really as hard as doing that course was for me. And I say it was hard. Because here's the thing, I was like, Oh, let me do this one more course, because maybe I'm going to learn something that I didn't know before. So I can go coach at this level, I already
00:30:47
Speaker
And that's not to say I'm not trying to be arrogant and or egotistical, but I had just spent so much time in this space and doing so much work that I was like, Oh, I know this. Okay. So if anything, it was reaffirming, but I will tell you, I really, what I appreciated about that time was I was surrounded with many men and women who very much were like, Oh, I,
00:31:16
Speaker
you, I want to learn from you.
Growth Through Coaching Training
00:31:20
Speaker
And it really was a powerful moment for me to kind of step into my enoughness. Yeah, that I don't have to have my hair all done up in a special way. And I don't have to be I can just show up as me. And the people on the other side will go, Oh,
00:31:47
Speaker
I see her, I get her, and I almost said I want more of her. That sounds cool. Well, I did say it. I didn't almost say it. Actually, those words just came out of my mouth. Sounds incorrect. It doesn't sound right.
00:32:05
Speaker
You know, but here's the thing, here's what I still struggle with. And like, if we're going to have this conversation, I think it's fair enough to say like, so for the past few years, I've done a retreat in Tulum and I leave Tulum and all the women are like, oh my God, I'm coming back next year. Cause it's like such a.
00:32:22
Speaker
It's a sugar high, right? And we leave and you feel great. And I'm like, why wouldn't you want to come back? It really is, forget about me and the program. It's a special time. It's a special place and it's a great place just for yourself. So I always offer the women who come with me for STIBs on rooms, right? And when
00:32:50
Speaker
everyone doesn't suddenly just like jump on board because of something that was said to me in the yoga space. And because in the yoga world, everything, and you know this, everything is based on how many people are in the room. If suddenly those people aren't like flocking to me, I start going, well, this is going to be shit. I'm not going to get enough people to go. That's it. No one wants to come.
00:33:19
Speaker
And it just, but it comes and I know exactly where it comes from. I didn't have this until I was told the things that I was told in like the last seven years of my time teaching yoga by women who had power over me because they were the owners of the studio and they could not say they should have, but they could.
00:33:43
Speaker
So it doesn't even have to be, you don't have to sometimes go far to find where it started and be okay with the fact that it doesn't go away right away. It's just like we teach in yoga. And this is like one of my favorite teachings, to be honest is
00:34:06
Speaker
get there, get the feeling, memorize it. And the next time it shows up, get there faster. So each time I catch myself going into this like, oh shit, no one's going to sign up. I'm like, Marshall, what are you talking about? Like we have a little conversation. I move it out, but it took me a while to identify. I do believe, and I'm curious about you. I do believe it's important to identify the moment
00:34:33
Speaker
that it had started happening for you so that you can kind of go, oh, that's not true, right?
Eliminating Negative Influences
00:34:40
Speaker
Yeah, I have a visual going along with what you're explaining of, you know, again, kind of almost a yoga teaching in of itself, but the planning of seeds, right, or a success principle, spiritual principle, all that, right? It's like, at some point, someone threw that seed in your garden, and
00:35:00
Speaker
whatever reason, maybe it was completely unconscious on their part, maybe they did have, you know, not the best intentions, and they wanted to try to throw you off because of their own, whatever projections and so forth. But when that seed lands in the garden, it's like, then it's our job to either be like, Oh, yeah, I'm gonna grow the seed, I'm gonna the seed, the seed is staying, I'm gonna, you know, continue to foster this, or pluck that seed out and be like,
00:35:30
Speaker
absolutely no. And it doesn't even necessarily have to involve that other person, but you for yourself can identify. So I do think there is something to that and understanding. I think sometimes we can get caught up too much in the past stories, right? I mean, we've talked about that before, like we can replay these stories over and over and over again. And, you know, that doesn't necessarily serve anything either. But then there is that sense of like,
00:35:55
Speaker
Oh, I know where this came from. And now I can decide and be empowered to either choose to say, yes, I will continue to have that in my garden or no, that's got to go. Right. Yes. And you just said something that I love, love, love. We can get addicted to the story or we can acknowledge the story as truth. Like it's our truth. It's your truth. It's my truth.
00:36:25
Speaker
and not accept it as truth for the rest. Do you see, you know what I'm saying? Like it happened. It was said, it was a moment. I experienced this. I'm not this. Definitely. And the brain is really hard to rewire, man. So it is like,
00:36:49
Speaker
You know, I think about my front garden. You just brought up the garden. I have like a total visual. I replanted some plants and some weeds from my backyard, decided to take a journey forward with them.
Post-Pandemic Self-Awareness
00:37:02
Speaker
And at least once a week in the summer, I have to go out and pull them and spray my vinegar and salt and whatever concoction.
00:37:15
Speaker
And sometimes I think, I should just fricking use Roundup. This would go by faster. Yeah, I don't wanna do that. But I have to keep at it, right? You can't just think you're gonna do it once and then it goes away. And so what's interesting for me right now is watching the journey of these men and women, not even just in my coaching courses,
00:37:45
Speaker
not courses, my coaching clients, my one-on-ones, but it's coming up in just conversations that I'm having with young moms feeling not good enough because of these interesting perceptions and other people's realities that are being demonstrated on social media and these conversations around what motherhood should look like and what I'm like, thank God, I'm not a young mother right now because I think I'd be losing my mind.
00:38:17
Speaker
But there is this like, am I enough? Am I doing this right? This big conversation that's going on. And it's not just in work, it's just in life. And I think one of the interesting things that I think people are waking up to right now is, you know, for the,
00:38:49
Speaker
Interesting times that we've had for the past three years. I think it's been at this grand opportunity for us to explore ourselves as humans. And it probably was really, really uncomfortable for a lot of people to get super quiet, but coming out on the other side, realizing what it is you want, deserve, and will be and won't be.
00:39:15
Speaker
And that comes with then a whole new sense of like, you're trying to ride again. You're trying to learn how to do everything over again. So the other thing, and I'm kind of thinking out loud here is I'm wondering if this is like this resurgence of now that things are starting to somewhat go back to the way they were in 2019. I'm not going to say go back to normal because I think that's the most asinine statement that we possibly could say, but like,
00:39:47
Speaker
Well, that's a whole other conversation. But a lot of people are having to go back into the office three times a week. They're having to just get back into the way things were, again, 2019 timeframe, 2019 and years before. And with that, it started probably coming like this uncertainty again of like, wait, do I want this? What's going on here?
00:40:15
Speaker
Or thinking, oh shoot, maybe I do need to go for this next thing so that I prove my worth and I'm here again. And it just keeps coming back to, for me, kind of how we started this whole conversation of take a deep breath. And if you close your eyes, what is your internal dialogue? Like get into the feeling of it.
00:40:46
Speaker
If you're feeling this like unworthiness, why?
Coaching Style and Human Design
00:40:55
Speaker
Ask why. Go deeper into it, right? Sink into it. Again, not to dwell and not to get all like victim mentality or anything like that. Just to maybe reclaim your power a little bit.
00:41:17
Speaker
I think what you said about what we've collectively experienced over the past few years is like we, you know, we learned one way or another something about ourselves and that could have been probably uncomfortable. You know, some of us learned a lot about ourselves. You know, it was like there was some somebody, you're on the spectrum somewhere there. And then you, you know, now,
00:41:47
Speaker
How do you stay true to yourself and what you've learned about yourself? It's an interesting time of transition because you are going back to these sort of expectations of how you work, how you show up, but the multi, you know, all the many things on your calendars and all that, like, okay, we're back at it. But what can you do for your, like to honor what you've learned about yourself and to carry that forward and to,
00:42:17
Speaker
I mean, see where that goes, right? Like from here, you know, it's almost like, and it's hard because we want to go back to the same programming that feels safe and the same, you know, groove that we've had because it feels safe, but what is the greater opportunity here? Like what can come of this or you claiming that part of yourself?
00:42:44
Speaker
And when you're, I wanted to ask you when you're coaching people, I'm, I know intuitively that you coach to an individual and not off of some checklist, but is there something that you can share with us in terms of your coaching style or what you have now adapted that is like, like you were just kind of laying out with evaluating and asking yourself, like, is there any kind of, and it may not be this simple.
00:43:12
Speaker
totally fine. So any kind of process that helps people when they feel stuck. And they're not sure you know how to trust themselves or how to get into that groove. Yeah, that's a good question. So
00:43:42
Speaker
its willingness on the part of the Kochi to go there. And I have literally just yesterday three different people, three totally different situations, right? Like underlying theme, similar.
00:44:12
Speaker
And I can tell you that one of them just can't see it. And just keeps looking to me going, yes, but this is why I need you to tell me the answers. And I said, I can't tell you the answer. It's not my job. I'm not a consultant. I'm not your mentor. I don't know anything about your work. So I can't mentor you in your job, right? Like I don't know what a
00:44:42
Speaker
lean underwriting, like, I don't know. So that may or may not be the answer you're looking for. The process is this, you listen, and you ask questions, but you ask the questions of what they're not saying. So if you're, if you're
00:45:07
Speaker
if your coach, whoever your coach is, if you have a coach, is listening and I'll liken it to the yoga room, right? Like I used to be able to see people and go, hey,
00:45:18
Speaker
Press into your back foot, right? And they'd be like, how do you know? Cause I was in the, I was listening, but with my eyes. Does that make sense? Yes. The same tool. I sit across from people in the Zoom room and I watched their energy. I watched their emotions. I listened to the tonality of their voice. I pick up on keywords and I ultimately find the thing that they're talking over. And I go there, like I cut right into it.
00:45:47
Speaker
And then it's up to them if they want to go there or not. And as a coach and as any professional out there that is in this world of healing arts should be unattached
00:46:11
Speaker
and not affected by your personal outcome because ultimately it goes back to, this is up to you to identify, to want to go there. I'm guiding you to your solutions. I'm not telling you the solution. That's right.
00:46:29
Speaker
Sure, sure, do people ask me, oh, can you give me some journal, like, yes, I will send journal prompts and I will send breathing exercise and things like that to help them in process, but it's not the solution. And like we said, and we were talking about in the beginning, we are so eager to look to someone else and tell us how we are supposed to be. And the more I allowed myself, thanks to,
00:46:57
Speaker
one removing myself from situations that made me feel like I was a little nutsy for being like so spontaneous and then the moment trying to feeling like I had to explain my process to people like everyone always wanted me to I'm like I can't I can't tell you I have no idea how to tell you how I'm doing these things and I
00:47:20
Speaker
have learned, I don't have to, right? And it's not to be arrogant or anything, it's just, this is, and like, what I love what you said about us is you have known me long enough to trust me. And really what I'm looking for now in life are people who are just going to meet me and go, oh, I trust this person's like almost crazy ways, right? Cause sometimes they are a little off the, but that's okay. Cause I like it like that.
00:47:50
Speaker
So for us as a whole, as we once again are going through transition, if this idea of, am I good enough? Am I worthy enough? Just skip back, just close your eyes and think about what you learned about yourself when things got quiet. Does it still feel good? Is it still right for you?
00:48:19
Speaker
Are you able to be wholly you? Wholly with a W-H, wholly. Right? Wholly you, the whole person without compromising your truth.
00:48:49
Speaker
Yeah. It's a loaded question. We're not going to answer it today, right? Yeah. It's a practice. It's a, but this is what's on my mind. It's peeling back one by one, you know, looking back at possibilities and feeling into it. And I think that there's, I was thinking about what you were sharing about people coming to you and saying, like, tell me how you do it.
00:49:11
Speaker
I understand that because in this, again, I'm just theorizing here, I don't necessarily know, but in the, again, human design perspective, you have a lot of definition in your chart, right? How many centers do you have to find? I only have two undefined, so what I find? Seven. So it's interesting because you and I are flipped, so I have seven open, two defined. So it makes, because you're so,
00:49:41
Speaker
consistent, right? And reliable in those centers that are defined. It's like, I can see, I'm just, again, this is my own mind, being curious about, I wonder how many people come to you with a lot of openness that are like, but tell me, you know, tell me that way that you get there. Because I know from my perspective, having all that openness, it's like an unresolved part of you that you feel like other people get so easily.
00:50:12
Speaker
because you kind of see them come from that consistent place. And for me, it's like, there's so much possibility there. It's like, I take it all in, you know, anyway, not to go down to- It's overwhelming. It is overwhelming. It is. No, but I mean, this is totally relevant, right? This piece of it, because I think it is. I say, if everything's energy, then everything's an energetic problem. That's right. Right?
00:50:37
Speaker
In fact, I'm going to be leading a group of 50 to 60 entrepreneurs, some crazy millions of dollar businesses in March.
Human Design in Business
00:50:50
Speaker
I'm going to a conference and I'm going to be talking to them about how to use human design in their business. And it's all energy.
00:50:59
Speaker
Right. It's all, are you using your energy the right way or, or are you just like plopping a prescriptive, like every strong entrepreneur gets up at five 30 in the morning? Right. Bullshit. They don't, they just don't. It's not for everybody, right? Not everybody works out at six o'clock in the morning. Not everybody can drink green smoothies or is a vegan or whatever the thing is.
00:51:22
Speaker
And it all comes down to, are you utilizing your energetics in the right way to what, for whatever purpose, right? Whether it's evaluating your relationships. Well, it's all relationships too, right? It's your relationships to money. It's your relationship to belief on where you're going to take your profitability. It's your relationship to your coworkers, to your customers, whatever. And it's our responsibility to understand our relationship to our energy.
00:51:50
Speaker
And if everything's energy, then everything's an energetic problem. Write down to me using my voice right now communicating with you. So what you're saying is totally valid because if people are walking around with all this open energy, right? Then they're, they're the ones that are going to feel like I'm going to make a huge assumption that it's overwhelming and it might be like panic and anxiety ridden feeling, right?
00:52:16
Speaker
Welcome to my world. Yeah. Yes. Right. Until you learn how to control that energy and know where you want your influence to come in from. Right. And I'll say, while it does seem super sexy to be in so much control, it's actually a lot of times hard because I remember
00:52:41
Speaker
In my early days of doing yoga teacher training, I'd be like, what is that person's problem? Why are they getting so emotional? Because I had to find emotional. So I was like, well, I had to literally teach myself tools so I could read a room to understand and to notice and pull someone's hand and be like, Hey, I'm noticing, right?
00:53:10
Speaker
Whereas when I didn't understand energy that way, I was just like, what's wrong with this person? This is so fascinating to me. I could totally, I could totally kick out on this whole topic with you all day long because it is so fascinating to see how these things play out in the real world and how they work both for us and
00:53:40
Speaker
and against us. And against us. Yes.
Customized Individual Approaches
00:53:44
Speaker
Well, so, and here's what I say about human design. I say to everybody, I'm like, don't all of a sudden be like, oh, I'm a manifesting generator. I'm supposed to be this. No, don't do, don't pull that bullshit. Yeah. Get real in tune with your own specific, because there's, listen, I see lots of generators who look like projectors.
00:54:06
Speaker
And the only thing that makes them a generator is they've got that sacral energy, but they are wide open spaces. It's very layered. It's very nuanced. It's not, it's an even, yeah, you can look at certain things. And I think this whole topic of placing generalizations is really interesting. I think it's a thread for us that has connected us because I, you know, look, we've been through,
00:54:34
Speaker
things we've seen each other go through various struggles. We've seen each other have various victories. And I think one thing, and again, I think this is a reflection of what is also happening at large, but I've seen it like in terms of just, you and I have always been, I don't know, somehow on parallel progressions to a certain degree about this sort of thing. And maybe it's not just specific to us is what I'm saying. Like it's probably happening like around us, right? But we're picking up on
00:55:04
Speaker
We used to be so generalized with blanket ways, let's say, approaches to back what you were saying about the way yoga was taught. General, this is what you do. The way you eat, right? Certain things you do to take care of yourself in terms of exercise or self-care. And now this is so right on time as we are transitioning towards that next era that happens in
00:55:34
Speaker
So again, another conversation, but in 2027, we are concluding from human design perspective, a 400 year cycle. And we're going into another cycle that is all about honoring the individual. And it's, I mean, it also is like more of a small collaborative economy kind of, right? So we're taking those big, huge globalizations and statements that are sweeping statements. And now we're peeling back and we're saying, but wait a minute,
00:56:04
Speaker
No, no, no, like, just because and it's all juxtaposed against social media, too, because we see constantly what everyone else is doing. And I think a lot of them have very, you know, there's neutral intentions about it. But when you see someone that's like, prescribing any sort of dogmatic way, it's like, well,
00:56:32
Speaker
okay, that works for you. And that's awesome that you're getting that result, but it's a huge leap. It's a huge leap to say everyone. And look, I've done this in various ways. I'm totally calling myself out here. Like I have tried things. I've seen trends. I've gone for it. It's been, but at the end of the day, I had to take risks. And this is again, a vein of what you said earlier. It's about taking self responsibility.
00:57:01
Speaker
and saying, oh, that's easy for her to just tell me, go eat this food, go do this exercise. But it's up to me. It puts that responsibility back on the person. And that's where we're going. And I think that that is what is so awesome about what you're doing in the world is you are really helping transition that, you know, pad that for people so that they are feeling like, okay, I got this. Like I can, I see that I can
00:57:31
Speaker
I can, you know, that tracks and that is back on me. Yeah. Thanks for that. Um, well that shares. Yes. So that the piece on the prescriptive, you know, um, this is what we're supposed to be doing this, you know, drink the celery juice, whatever.
00:57:59
Speaker
No wonder so many people struggle with imposter syndrome, right? Because you're like, but this isn't working for me. What's wrong with me? What must be wrong with me because the medical medium says, and you're like, but it didn't work for me or whoever. I don't know. I said celery juice, so that's why I pulled him out.
00:58:22
Speaker
Oh, no wonder so many. Yes. No wonder so many people feel it because social media is a bunch of generalizations and it's a bunch of this new age of the influencer who really have no responsibility or credentials to be selling you the athletic greens that are going to change your microbiome that are going to totally change your life. No, it's wrong. It's not, it's not true. I think you got to go take personal responsibility for yourself. It might work for some.
00:58:52
Speaker
That's right. And then the second piece of what you said is, you know, transition to people taking personal responsibility for themselves.
Value of Coaching vs. Information
00:59:10
Speaker
And one of the things that has been fascinating for me to watch, just if I think about my career,
00:59:21
Speaker
I used to sit for 25 hour weekends, anywhere from seven to 15 men and women would plop down in front of me on a Friday night after just working for a week at whatever their job was. And I would literally go around in a circle and say, how are you really? And
00:59:49
Speaker
People would start crying, people would start sharing. Some people never got there because they just couldn't, they didn't know how. And now I'm sitting one-on-one with men and women, sometimes in conference rooms. I had an interesting moment last week. This girl was on a call with me and every time she was talking about something to me, she started whispering.
01:00:19
Speaker
And she was in a conference room and I said, I said, you know, no one can hear us. She goes, well, I don't really know. That's the truth. So there's this, like, they don't even feel like they can speak normally to me. They're in a private one-on-one coaching session with me over the doors closed. She's got her headset on. No one can hear me because I'm speaking into her headset. And then she's whispering back to me, right? What she really wants to be saying.
01:00:49
Speaker
Yes. Her, her truth is, uh, her truth is being, yes. Even though she wasn't saying anything negative or bad about anything, but like her desire is, looks a little different than what the world wants from her right now. And she's conflicted with what to do with that. So it's this, these moments where I get to sit and really have an hour dedicated to one person with the prompt
01:01:18
Speaker
and it's always the same, what are we gonna talk about today? And man, people need to be heard, they need to be, felt supported and at the same time, not just given, we'll go put this Band-Aid on, come back to me in four weeks and we'll see how it's feeling.
01:01:49
Speaker
Well, people again, and I think what we're bumping up against is there's no problem with information. There's a massive, massive amount of information available now to all of us at our fingertips and why I think you can make the case, although another podcast perhaps in the future would be about the coaching industry in itself. But I think one can make the case for coaching is that that
01:02:19
Speaker
is where you deliver transformation. You take that, cause if that person just, if information was good enough, it's, it's, you know, we'd all be masters, right? We'd all be, but we need that, we need that skilled trained and you know, a person who has that level of, and really what comes through about you that
01:02:46
Speaker
Like I've known you a long time. You know, I've seen, like you've seen me go through growth. The maturity that you have to be able to bring people through transformation is, it's a gift for you. And it's, I'm like sitting here like kind of like, huh, taking this all in in the moment, Marsha. I really am. I love this.
01:03:13
Speaker
this conversation, all of it. And I feel like we could talk all day, of course, already, I guess, but is there anything as we wrap up that you want to get out and share or on your heart? Don't waste time.
01:03:47
Speaker
And I'll credit that to the great old Andre Lapa. Be protective of where, who, how you give your time and energy.
Selective Energy and Supportive Relationships
01:04:07
Speaker
Pay attention very closely to when you walk in rooms
01:04:17
Speaker
you're invited to do something, how it makes you feel. And if you are someone who is struggling with imposter syndrome, not feeling good enough, know that it is a process of unwinding and unfolding
01:04:47
Speaker
And only you have the ability to do that for yourself. And don't waste time. Just don't waste time because, and this isn't a life is short. That's not, that's not what I mean by that. I mean, you've said it a couple of times, you and I have been friends for a long time, right? And it's not because you and I spent time
01:05:16
Speaker
Well, we might have a little bit in the middle, sitting around talking about other people and wasting time on frivolous things, right? And again, I say that semi-jokingly because we all were of the human condition. We're going to go through it, but pay attention to that. Like, who do you break that cycle with faster? Where do you get to the more important conversations? Who can actually be that person or those people in your life?
01:05:43
Speaker
that really truly support you and when you see those moments popping in that maybe make you feel doubt or insecure or whatever, who can you turn to? What tools do you have for yourself to get you out of those cycles?
01:06:09
Speaker
because social media is such a thing. Like I'm not saying don't have social media, but curate your social media. You don't need to take in all the noise, particularly if you're a very open human as my dear friend Renee is. Or have been conditioned to listen to other people before you listen to yourself. So just this idea of, you know,
01:06:37
Speaker
Don't waste time, go slow. So it doesn't mean, I don't mean like go fast in the next thing, but like go slow, take your time, learn, grow and honor you. And man, just be soft with yourself. That's it. That's, that's beautiful.
01:07:06
Speaker
So if people are looking to connect with you and what you've got going on, where's the best place for them to do that? Um, Instagram and my website, marshalloffines.com. You need me to spell that out. You put in the show. I am, I am, I am my name on Instagram and Facebook.
01:07:35
Speaker
on my website on LinkedIn. So I don't have like a, like another name or anything like that. It's just straight up Marsha Hoffines. That's how you can find me. I love it. That's, that should be the title of this episode. Straight up Marsha Hoffines. Straight up Marsha Hoffines. I mean, that's kind of brilliant. Too good. It writes itself. Thank you, my dear. I'm so happy to have been here with you.
01:08:02
Speaker
was fine. Thank you. Until next time. Thank you for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed it and you'd like to help support the podcast, please share it with others post on social media or leave a rating and review.
01:08:20
Speaker
it would mean the world to me. To catch all the latest from me, you can follow me over on Instagram at FeelGoodWithRenee. Thanks again and I will see you next time.