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Embracing Your Worth: From Inner Critic to Inner Peace with Victoria Reign
49 Plays8 months ago
In today's transformative episode of 'Shine on You', host Renee Novello delves into a resonant conversation with the inspiring Victoria Reign. Together, they explore Victoria's journey of overcoming obstacles, embracing self-love, and fostering change through parenting and personal development.
Join us as we delve into themes of personal growth, self-acceptance, and the pursuit of authenticity. Powerful and raw, this episode serves as a testament to overcoming past traumas and rebuilding one's life with purpose and self-love.
Be sure to tune in to hear...
- Insights into Victoria's journey towards self-acceptance, including overcoming the influence of childhood bullying and redefining her self-worth.
- The transition into parenthood and the importance of empowering children with the resilience to face challenges and nurture their self-esteem.
- Victoria's venture into personal development, coaching, and her impactful online programs designed to instill radical accountability and foster personal growth.
About Our Guest:
Victoria Reign, a fervent advocate for personal development and self-compassion, is more than just a voice on this episode. Her life's narrative is an open book of trials, resilience, and breakthroughs, which led her to retire from childcare and commit to guiding others on their path to self-realization. Her encounter with personal development bloomed amidst her struggles with marriage and motherhood, sparking a radical transformation that propelled her to embrace her inner strength and authenticity. Victoria embodies her teachings, symbolized by her 'worthy' tattoo, a constant affirmation of her inherent value regardless of life's tumultuous waves.
Connect with Victoria:
@Iamvictoriareign
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Shine on You'
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome, beautiful souls, to Shine on You, the podcast that dives deep into the realms of modern spirituality, the metaphysical, and the mystical. I'm your guide on this journey, Renee Novello. This is not just a podcast, it's a sanctuary for the open-minded, the curious, and those called to topics that maybe at times seem a little out there.
00:00:28
Speaker
Through grounded, heart-centered conversations, we are here to support your next breakthrough into higher alignment and help illuminate the path, highlighting the threads of wisdom that connect us all. We are a community of kindred spirits, a space for belonging, connection, and shared wisdom. This is Shine on You, a podcast where the coastal breezes of Wilmington, North Carolina meet cosmic mysteries.
00:00:55
Speaker
Jump in and join us for conversations that will feel like sunshine for your soul. To follow me along on this journey, head over to my website at ReneeNovello.com or on Instagram at Vibe with Intuition. Now let's dive in to the interview.
Victoria's Move and Personal Struggles
00:01:17
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of Shine on You. I'm Renee. I'm so, so excited to be here today.
00:01:24
Speaker
We are in studio, again, of course, in person, which I am loving because there is nothing like the energy in a room being live with someone. And we have a very beautiful special guest today, Victoria Rain. Welcome. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me, Renee. Such an honor to be here. Me too. I am really grateful to be able to sit down with you and to have this conversation and
00:01:53
Speaker
I like to start with a few pieces of background information. I think a lot of us are transplants to the Wilmington area. And I believe you fall into that. I definitely am a transplant. So maybe tell us your Wilmington origin story to begin with. How you ended up here. It's such an interesting story. I feel like so many of us have a pandemic story. So my story started off during the pandemic from California.
00:02:23
Speaker
And I was in the middle of a divorce and my ex-husband's parents, who are such an amazing help with us raising our son, they just said, we're moving North Carolina. And so if you could imagine how devastating that was to me, I'm like, what? We plan to have this baby as a family, like you guys are leaving it. And so I debated about it. I've had a thriving childcare business there.
00:02:49
Speaker
And so I just said, you know, I'm going to make the sacrifice. I'm going to close the business. And I'm just going to move to North Carolina. Have you ever been here? I visited twice. So the summer before I moved, I came. And then in 2011, when my ex-husband lived here momentarily, I came to visit. So you made the journey here in 2020? Yep. Like in the middle of everything going down? September 2020.
00:03:14
Speaker
Wow. Yes. It was wild because California was closed. So the fires had just happened in California and that was like the breaking point. I'm like, we already are wearing masks and now we can't breathe because of the smoke and the ashes. I was just over California and I really wanted to give myself time to heal from my divorce. Like I was running the business. I was a new mom. I was going through the divorce and there was not enough time for me to give to myself.
00:03:42
Speaker
So I saw coming to Wilmington as an opportunity for me to rest and truly devote myself to going within and doing the inner inner work to heal and allow myself to grieve after being a wife and being a caretaker to all the children and coaching their mothers through their challenges.
Finding Community and Connection
00:03:59
Speaker
And so I moved here and all hell pretty much broke loose shortly after. So you came as a unit. Yep. Came as a unit. And then there was.
00:04:09
Speaker
change the path change you know and um initially i just had this victim mindset like oh my god this wasn't what i thought it was going to be i feel bamboozled total victim hot mess mode you know in hindsight i see how i contributed to it i could have been a little bit more clear and my expectations and just so many different things but i became estranged from them from
00:04:36
Speaker
for maybe like a year, maybe? So it was just like straight custody and like, that was it for like- An abrupt transition. And it was abrupt transition. And you were a new mom. I was a new mom. My son was three at the time and it was very hard because I'd been with him every day pretty much, you know? So I had to adjust to that. I did. Yeah. And then you and I met, let's see, I don't know, I moved here in 2021.
00:05:02
Speaker
So I feel like a lot of us landed here kind of in the same vicinity in the same timeframe. And then I of course found you, met you at the cacao circles where a lot of us find each other. Yes. Yes. The sacred cacao circles. I know. Shout out to the cacao circles. Shout out to Christina and Liana. Seriously. Yeah, seriously. And we, I felt,
00:05:26
Speaker
this sense with you that was like, well, I think my daughter was with me that day. Yes, yes. Olivia, who is now 17. And, you know, she is a wise old soul. Yes. And you did something so special for her that I will never forget. And this is how I knew you were such a obviously ambitious and intelligent person, but you also had a huge heart is you offered to talk to her and kind of help her because she was just, you know,
00:05:55
Speaker
15 or 16, living in a new area, figuring it out. I didn't even introduce you as a mindset coach, but I know that you are a manifestation and mindset coach.
Astrology and Spiritual Awakening
00:06:07
Speaker
and that you also have a huge heart. And I felt that immediately, and felt safe with you talking to my daughter, and you guys had a little combo, and lifted her spirits, and I'm just, on a personal note, I'm so grateful that you offered. Yeah, thank you for trusting me. Of course. I was feeling it. You had totally just met. And I'm like, girl, call me. I want to help you. Because I saw so much of myself in her, and I know what it felt like to not
00:06:34
Speaker
fit in with the people around you, you know, so my heart definitely went out to her and I'm glad that I was able to resonate with her. You did, you really did because, you know, she was kind of trying to find her way and, you know, feeling like she has this way about her that, you know, she is not like other kids her age and she was sharing that with the circle and
00:06:55
Speaker
You know, I just felt this sense of like, oh my gosh, the nurturing. Yeah. And the sense of like. That mama bear coming out. Yeah, that mama bear coming out. So tell us, because I think it's always fun for the listener to hear, especially a lot of our listeners here locally.
00:07:10
Speaker
We like to kind of geek out on astrology and human design and even animal soul readings with Fox that we talked about. But do you mind sharing a little bit about? Absolutely. What's your imprint? Tell us whatever resonates with you. Absolutely. So my soul animal is the North American grizzly bear. It's a brown bear. And when I found this out, I was like, yes, grizzly bear. But the more I learned about the grizzly bear,
00:07:38
Speaker
I kind of was not ready to accept that independent part of me. So the grizzly bear walks along and it goes into hibernation every year around the fall and winter months. And for the most of my adult life, I'd done that. And I didn't really know why. But around October, November, December, I kind of would just go within and then
00:07:58
Speaker
Come springtime, I'd pop back like, yeah, I'm ready to go to the world. So I would always go into her remote around that time. So that really resonated with me. But the only time the grizzly bear really interacts with men with the male grizzlies is to mate. And that's it. And so the closest relationship the grizzlies will have is with their child.
00:08:19
Speaker
Oh. Yeah. And so grizzlies are very intuitive. Well, as a grizzly, so animal, I'm very intuitive. I'm a leader. I'm a nurturer. People come to me for guidance. However, if I am not aware of my own power, I can allow people to take advantage of me. But people sense my power long before I do. We're going to have Fox Lantern on who is the intuitive that
00:08:46
Speaker
does the animal soul readings that so many of us have had. Yeah. The pleasure of having, I mean, it's pretty profound information. It truly is. It really is. It's way more than something just kind of cute to know about yourself. It goes deep. It really was a very like monumental point in my life when I learned it.
Embracing Responsibility and Ancestral Connections
00:09:05
Speaker
I was like, I'm not going to be out here being a strong, powerful grizzly bear and allow people to take advantage of me anymore.
00:09:12
Speaker
And I was determined to rise in my power and I've been focused on it ever since Okay, well do you have any astrology your big three that you want to share? Yeah, so I'm a Leo Leo Sun Leo Mercury Mars and Venus so big Leo energy here in Lilith and my moon is Cancer Moon and rising is Virgo and
00:09:39
Speaker
order in there, too. Definitely. Thank God. I love that. Well, that's an interesting, and maybe I did realize that at the time, but Olivia, my daughter, has a cancer mood. Cancer mood, yes. Big feelers. Big feelers, for sure. I love that. That's so cool.
00:09:53
Speaker
Thank you for giving us a little backstory on that, because I feel like it really just kind of gets, it allows people to know you on a different level that kind of appreciate that though. Oh, I see you. I see you, I know what you're about. So tell us a little bit about the transformational journey. You know, obviously you went through loss, change, transformation, kind of, and it seemed like a pretty abrupt period of time, because I would see you from time to time around town and you were kind of like, okay, I'm on to the next thing, this is it.
00:10:22
Speaker
What has that been like? What have been some moments in that transformational journey that really shaped you into what you are doing now? I will say in 2021, this was after I was estranged from my ex-husband, his family. Now we're great. We're co-parenting harmoniously, and it's all that I could ever ask for. But during that season, I was very depressed. Dark Night of the Soul, what have you, feeling very, very lonely.
00:10:51
Speaker
And my godmom back in California, I called her and I just kept saying like, I'm so alone. I'm so alone. I feel so alone. And she's so cute. She's like, didn't you say there was some type of CBD that helps you with like when you would get depressed? And I hadn't like used any CBD since I'd been in California. And so I was just like, I'm desperate. I'm just going to go find some. And I remember seeing some pre-rolls at a crystal shop. I think it was Practical Magic.
00:11:20
Speaker
So rather than going to a traditional smoke shop, I decided to go to this crystal store and get one of their pre-rolls. And as I was there, I saw a sign that said, Reiki Hiller on site. Now, usually I like to vet the Reiki people that touch me, but I'm talking about deep depression. I was ready to, like, end my experience here in this physical world. Like, that's how low I was. And so I went into this space and it was this Reiki's cute little white girl. Jo Lynn was her name.
00:11:50
Speaker
And I said, can you give me some Reiki? And she's like, yes. So I laid down on her table. It's beautiful. I felt such at peace on her table. And when I sat down, after it was over, the first thing she said to me was, you are not alone. And I was just like, what do you mean? I've been saying that I was alone all day long. Because I didn't have any friends, or I didn't know anyone here. We were still kind of like COVID-like pandemic. So it wasn't really, you didn't feel comfortable just meeting people back then.
00:12:19
Speaker
And she told me I wasn't alone. And she said that she had to get permission from my ancestors to touch me and to begin healing, doing energy healing. She said that she saw lesions of ancestors lining before me, kneeling down.
00:12:32
Speaker
paying gratitude and homage to me. I have chills right now. Yeah, me too. For all of the work that I have been doing, you know, the whole time I just felt like I ruined my life by moving here because I gave up the business. I was broke. You were in your story. I was in my story big time, big time victim mentality. And she was like, you moved here for a reason, continue to do your healing work and start connecting with your ancestors. And I was just like,
00:12:57
Speaker
What's this little girl, white girl telling me to connect with my ancestors? You know, like this was such a culture shock for me coming from the Bay Area where most of my world where I was around people who look like me. So here in Wilmington, it just wasn't, it was all new for me, you know? So I went home and I built an ancestor altar and I started praying and connecting with my grandmother, her spirit.
Inner Work and Self-Discovery
00:13:19
Speaker
And things just began changing right after that was a very, that was like such a catalyst in my journey here. Shout out to JoLynn. Oh my goodness. Sparrow. She is a psychic tarot reader. She's amazing. Oh, I might need to know her. She's a woman to native. She's current. She moved to Durham, but you can still catch up with her online.
00:13:40
Speaker
You were in the right place at the right moment. Absolutely. Like what were the odds that I chose to go there to get some CBD versus a traditional smoke shop or something. So I thank God for her.
00:13:51
Speaker
Have you always had an interest in personal development or did that sort of spark your interest in going deeper? It sparked my interest in going deeper for sure and connecting with my ancestors. That's what sparked my interest because that was my background is Christianity. I am an ordained minister. And so I started really making my, like, had my awakening during my marriage, like,
00:14:17
Speaker
It started off with me wanting to heal the marriage. So I started doing a lot of internal work and just trying to understand how did I marry someone that was really struggling in the way that he was. So rather than blaming him, I just really went within and started to just unpack my own shit, you know? And 2017 was when I really started diving into personal development when I got pregnant with my son. You know, I got pregnant four months after I said I do and I couldn't believe it.
00:14:47
Speaker
Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I said what I never been pregnant before. I knew I wanted a divorce. You know, but I stayed married two more years. But I felt that as a mother, it was really up to me to do that deep healing work so that I could raise my son in a happy and healthy environment. I am pro happy mom, happy child. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. I love that so much. And the the transformation that I know
00:15:15
Speaker
you know, it's not a linear path. You figure some stuff out and then you're like, oh, I thought I already did this. I thought I already figured this out. And you have become someone who is really a voice for empowerment. And I love that. Thank you. I do. I love that. And also through that, helping people to like you did take
00:15:41
Speaker
radical responsibility for themselves and their story. Talk about that a little bit about radical responsibility. I truly believe that if it's my fault, if I'm the problem, then I am the solution. You know, some people, if it might feel good in the moment to blame others, but ultimately knowing that you're at the mercy of other people is such a disempowering state. And when I started to really learn that
00:16:11
Speaker
The world around me was a reflection of what was going on within me. The game changed. It was like, oh, so these people are responding to my energy. There was a spiritual law called the perpetual transmutation of energy. When I started to learn universal law on a deeper level, I began to see and look back in my life on how I had actually contributed and played a major role
00:16:37
Speaker
in such catastrophic, traumatic events that I experience. And it's not about victim blaming or blaming or anything like that. It's just about understanding from an energetic perspective on how you contributed to this outcome in your own life. So I'm all about radical accountability. Yeah.
00:16:58
Speaker
I mean, look, I've been there. I've been through the, yeah, I'm just gonna be the way I am, or this isn't happening for me quick enough, or all of that sort of mentality. And then when you do kind of realize that if it is in your space, you have contributed to it being in your space.
00:17:25
Speaker
created it for you to be able to learn from it, to grow from it. And I think that it does take, and tell me what you think, it takes courage to kind of look at yourself like that. And a lot of people are not wanting to do that. It's confronting. Absolutely. You know, growing up, like I have my background as Christianity. I grew up in church and in my culture, my environment, we start off blaming the devil.
00:17:52
Speaker
So you're blaming someone always for your behavior. And as long as we think that there is a power outside of us that is making things happen, we kind of just feel like, why should I look at myself? There's this evil force that's doing all these bad things. It couldn't be me. So once I learned that God was within me,
00:18:14
Speaker
Not without, not in the sky, not in this person, not in that book, not in that crystal. But God truly was within me. I was able to accept myself and have so much love and compassion for myself and look at my choices from a place of non-judgment. But it just is what it is. It's not wrong, it's not right. It just simply means one plus one made two. So how did I get here and what do I need to do to get to the next place?
00:18:42
Speaker
And typically it's not really what do you need to do, it's who do you need to be? There it is. Yeah, it's who do you need to be. So I started really diving into identity work and self-concept work. Tell us a little bit about that. Yeah, absolutely. So self-concept is pretty much who you see yourself as. Your thoughts about yourself, your beliefs, your behaviors, your habits, who you see yourself as, how you show up in this world. And a lot of us don't realize that who we see ourself as
00:19:12
Speaker
has come from our parents, our past partners, that teacher in elementary school, and society at large. A lot of voices going on. A lot of voices. And when you come into the awareness that you get to decide who you want to be, and you don't have to do a million things to become that person, you just have to start being that person.
Embodiment of Knowledge and Self-Worth
00:19:32
Speaker
So rather than waiting until you get the million dollars, you start to feel prosperous now. Rather than waiting for the prince charming or the husband
00:19:42
Speaker
to come into your life, you start to recognize all the ways that you've already been loved and provided for in your life. Yep. Who you want to be. Yes. And you start being that person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all about embodiment. Yes. I'd love that you talk about, thank you for saying that word because I know we talked a little bit before this and you talked about that and I was like, yes, because there is so much information
00:20:07
Speaker
amazing in a lot of ways you can learn you can grow to a certain degree with what you pick up right out in the field or pick up your phone and you know there's I mean a recipe and information for everything right so why aren't we all creating a life that we love why are we all not creating our reality in the way that we wish it to be given all this wonderful advice yeah it's about embodiment right it's all about embodiment so what does that mean
00:20:35
Speaker
It means taking the information in your body, like internalizing it and being it. Not just being able to regurgitate the law of attraction, not just being able to regurgitate scriptures, but being it. Have it come out in your thoughts, your actions, your beliefs, your works, your behaviors. Literally walking the talk. That's what embodiment is.
00:20:54
Speaker
Why do you think that's so hard for people? Like initially, I guess, or a lot of people are maybe resistant to getting to that point. Cause I mean, I know I got all the books. I got all, I'm like a sponge for learning. I love to learn. I take all the courses. I've taken, I know a little bit about a lot. Like I've taken so many courses. I can like probably teach about it, but have I embodied it? Not all of it. Nope.
00:21:23
Speaker
That's where I was at in 20, the top of 2023. I realized, damn, I've been studying all this stuff and I'm not embodying it. I was like, damn, like it was a real awareness. Like, wow, you've been studying all this stuff for years and you are still not where you want to be in life. What is the problem? And I learned it was the missing piece was embodiment.
00:21:50
Speaker
So my word for 2023 was embodiment. I was determined to embody, not just teach it because I knew that I'm called to be a leader. I'm called to help other women overcome the things that I've overcome in my life. But there was no way that I could do it from an unauthentic place. Like it just doesn't feel good for me to teach you about loving yourself. And I'm sitting here letting some men mistreat me where I'm just settling for less. So,
00:22:16
Speaker
I think that most people struggle with it because they don't have the right image of themselves. It starts with the self image. It starts with the self image. It starts with self concept for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And that's real tricky stuff. Yeah. Because you can read the information, but it's not, you're not shifting how you see yourself. Do you feel like it's a worth, it's a self worth?
00:22:36
Speaker
of like not seeing yourself as worthy of being that? Absolutely. It's a matter of faith. It's a matter of faith. You know, a lot of people say they believe, but the way they're living their lives is showing that they're not believing. Also self-awareness. You know, most people are not aware that they are not aware. So you ever see a child just walking around is acting wild and they don't know?
00:23:06
Speaker
They're just kind of like in their own world. People would call it the matrix. You know, so many people are in this space to where they're not aware that they're being controlled by other people. They're not aware that they're acting out their programming from their grandmother. They're not aware that they're operating in this false self. They believe that who they are is who they are, but it's really not who they are. It's who they have become throughout the experiences in their life.
00:23:34
Speaker
So the lack of self-awareness, a lot of people don't study themselves. Yeah, the beliefs that they carry are, they're identifying with those beliefs over, I guess, identifying with those beliefs of like, well, and I think that there is something to be said for some people just are intrinsically motivated to want to grow back to kind of the self-development piece, right? I mean, I think a lot of people want
00:24:00
Speaker
or they want what they see is possible, right? But they aren't necessarily wanting to do the work to get there. Or when you're working with, you work with women? Yes. When you're working with women, what are you seeing as a common theme of how potentially they're holding themselves back or something that has kind of come up that you've noticed and observed in your work? Two major things.
00:24:30
Speaker
giving way too many fucks about what other people think about them. Way too many, over explaining, needing to defend why they're doing what they're doing, and a false image of self, like having the wrong idea, not seeing themselves. All things that I've, I feel like all my clients are like virgins of me at different stages in my journey. And also improper image of God too.
00:24:55
Speaker
You know about that like just kind of maybe like some trauma. Yeah, so not necessarily trauma, but most of my clients have been black women Christian Christianity background and in the church we were taught like the God was separate from us like literally somewhere out in the sky and we were not worthy and we're shameful and
00:25:17
Speaker
we should be thankful that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. You know, we're not, we started off feeling unworthy. Like just being taught as a child that someone died on a cross and was crucified because of some bad things that you did. So that was like a start of the programming at a very young age. And so when we don't see ourselves as one with God, we have this like a deep, deep, deep feeling of unworthiness.
Overcoming Trauma and Empowerment
00:25:44
Speaker
Like how could God love me?
00:25:47
Speaker
You know, so I think that a lot of spiritual trauma in the sense that God is like this man in the sky with a beard, like Santa Claus checking a list if we're naughty or nice, you know, and a major disconnect from themselves, like not prioritizing themselves. And always ask women that claim to have the strong faith in God, like, how do you spend time with God if you're not spending time with yourself? Like, how is it possible? And as women, we take on so many jobs and roles and responsibilities.
00:26:15
Speaker
And we put ourselves on the back burner. And we feel guilty for putting ourselves first. And I'm just like, you can't save anyone. You can't even help anyone first without making sure you're good. But we've been taught from a societal standpoint that we should come last. Yeah. And I didn't grow up necessarily with a lot of religious input or standards or
00:26:41
Speaker
you know, practices, really. It was kind of on the peripheral. But that doesn't mean that it hasn't affected me. Like, I've internalized some of that, you know? And it just never really resonated with me personally for a lot of what you just shared. It felt very distant and I've always felt a very, very spiritual connection within. And I can see how, in my experience with working with women in
00:27:09
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, we're hard. We're hard on ourselves. So hard on ourselves. I mean, the way that we criticize ourselves, maybe not even out loud or in, you know, any sort of external way, but internally, we are so hard on ourselves. Even with feeling like I have a pretty good self-image, and I feel pretty good, and I'm not nitpicky to a certain degree, but then I still catch, you know, it's so pervasive. It is a lifetime relationship.
00:27:36
Speaker
So I have committed to a lifetime relationship with myself. I have been terrible to myself. Very, very harsh. My inner hater is what I would call it. Just terrible. Even after feeling like I arrived in a healthy state of self-love and still was not, something just was not clicking for me. And then I just accepted, I'm perfect already.
00:28:01
Speaker
It is what it is. Like, I'm okay. And there's no need for me to need anything outside of myself because I am the one. I'm the one that I've always been looking for. And I don't have to be anything more. I just need to accept that. Just accept, accept that you are the one you're good already. Yes. And the voice of judgment. Yes. I mean, that's a tough one because I think sometimes they're well meaning people that have been in your life, potentially caretakers, teachers, loved ones, you know, that
00:28:31
Speaker
they project their stuff on to you, you're a kid, you take that in and that is that voice. It's real hard. I feel like there's some unwinding that has to be done to really work with that because that is sneaky. I was just talking about the childhood bullying that I experienced from a particular boy in the apartment complex I lived in. It
00:28:52
Speaker
gave me body image issues throughout my whole life. Like my whole life. Like I was caught names like Bigfoot, Pork Chop, Hamburglar. Like it never happened at school, but it was just in the community that I lived in. And I continue to experience the community that I was in showing me things that I didn't like about myself or like picking on me and I internalized it completely. And I look back and at my childhood pictures and I'm like,
00:29:19
Speaker
Like, why would you even think to call me that? But I did have an opportunity to confront that bully about a few years ago. You did. I saw him in a restaurant. I was so crazy because I was like eight back then. That's crazy. And we were at the bar and it was a friend of his next to me and then he was across. And I had my headphones on, reading my book.
00:29:39
Speaker
And he tried to get my attention by calling me one of those names. And I looked at him and I said, that is not my name. And he said, you know, that's the name I used to call you. And I said, listen.
00:29:54
Speaker
I know you were bullied, and that's probably why you felt that it was okay to call me that, but that was not okay. And his friend was just sitting there eating his food, like, man, he told her, I mean, she told him, you know, it was like, it felt so liberating to say that. It felt so cliche, like, remember the talk shows, like, confront your bully, like, that's what I felt like it was, but it felt so good to tell him that because it caused a world load of insecurities, like,
00:30:22
Speaker
Cause my family, they always told me I was beautiful, but I went out in the outside world and I had this one guy in the apartment complex. He was like a preteen. I was like eight. And then he had all the other kids calling me that. Like that was my nickname. Like it became a nickname for me around the community. And I mean, it didn't feel good. I do not like that for you at all. And I relate to that too. I know it's like these things. And I think maybe it also comes with being, I mean, some of us, it's not good for anybody, but some of us are a little more sensitive. And I think that we,
00:30:51
Speaker
do kind of maybe take on a little bit more of a sponge to what we're told. Absolutely, I do. Yeah, me too. Me too. And I know for sure, I definitely have memories that popped up when you were saying that about names that were called or things like that. And it's like, it's nifty. And my mom had no clue. She didn't know until my adult life when I told her.
00:31:11
Speaker
She's like, why didn't you say anything? And I'm like, I don't recall you ever asking me if someone was like making fun of me. You know, like she never asked and I never said anything about it, but I cried a lot as a kid. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and I think that in a way it prepares us as parents because I know you have a beautiful son. Yeah. You know, I have these kind of upfront talks with my kids. I'm sure you do too. Absolutely. Or I'm like, look.
00:31:34
Speaker
Like this is what it is. Like this is the deal. Okay. Cause this, this may be happening and I get it sucks, but there's a reason why this person and it's really sad. Yeah. He has his clapbacks ready. Cause I just gave them to him the other day. I said, if someone says something mean to you, this is what you are to say. You must be really sad to say something like that to me because it's the truth. It comes from pain. It's not about who you are. And we have instilled so much confidence in him.
00:32:02
Speaker
to where he knows who he is. And he's only six. And I'm like, if someone's bullying you, ask them, who's bullying you? Because it usually comes from someone else. And so they try to give the pain to someone else. But just by saying that he can soften them a bit, you're going through something and to just not internalize it in that moment. That gives me hope. That really does. It gives me hope that there are parents that are
00:32:29
Speaker
giving their children the tools and helping them in the right way so this won't get passed down and it'll help that other person in a sneaky way, you know, in a way that's non-confrontational and empowers your son in the process.
Living Authentically and Coaching Practice
00:32:44
Speaker
Absolutely. I think that's really what me and my ex-husband had came to do. We were totally trauma bonding when we got together and we wanted to have a family and raise him in ways we weren't raised, you know, and though we're divorced, we're still doing that. And it's so
00:32:59
Speaker
I'm so thankful. I'm so, yeah, I'm so encouraged to hear that that has been the experience and you have gone through a lot of change and transformation in the past couple years. So what is fulfilling you lately? Freedom. Freedom is fulfilling me in so many ways. Coming to a deeper awareness that I've always been that girl has just been feeling so good. You know, cause for years I was just so hard on myself, criticizing myself, wanting to be more of this, wanting to be less of that.
00:33:29
Speaker
allowing other people's opinions to really sway me. And now I'm just living in a space of just pure acceptance and joy and love. You know, I retired from childcare in January and I'm like still sustained and have everything that I need. And it feels so good. It feels so good to know that God is providing for me as I'm living my dreams and there's nothing to be afraid of.
00:33:58
Speaker
And being able to like schedule my days the way that I want to. I went to karate practice with my ex-husband and watching my son do his thing on the mat and I'm just thankful. I love that and I appreciate that too, that sense of being able to have the freedom in your day to make different choices if you need to make them, to do what you need to flow with it, to go where you need to be.
00:34:22
Speaker
Do what you need to be doing. It is something I do not take for granted in my life either. I am so thankful. I was just attached to this caretaker role. And I even had to do a lot of work around that. It's OK for me to close the daycare again. It's OK for me to let go. It was a role, but I'm not going to attach myself to it. My purpose is not defined by a particular job or career or business. I'm here to light up the world.
00:34:52
Speaker
and help other people come into the awareness of the truth of who they've always been, to love themselves, to really value personal development and radical accountability. So it feels good. And how are you working with people or women?
00:35:06
Speaker
these days, like what does your programs look like or your containers? Virtually online. Yes. So my signature. So you have a far reach. Yes, I've coached women in Germany, Africa, all throughout the United States, Canada, the Netherlands. So it has been interesting. That's exciting. Yeah, only two people here in Wilmington. Yeah, but most of my clients haven't been just virtual online.
00:35:30
Speaker
And when you're working with them, do you have like a specific kind of method or are you more like a one on one? Let me feel it out. Let me see what that individual really needs. Or do you have like some kind of things that you feel are tried and true that you're I mean, maybe both, right? Oh, all the above, all the above. So my program, my signature program is the victorious women coaching program.
00:35:51
Speaker
It's a 12-week program or there is an intensive six-month program and it's one-on-one but there is a basic framework that I teach to everyone but then of course it's customized to that particular person. The big hearted energy that you lead with and that strength that we have talked about like I mean
00:36:11
Speaker
Yes, that is good. Yeah, it feels good to see myself in that way because for a long time people have saw me like that and I'd be like who they're talking about, you know, like I didn't feel strong.
00:36:23
Speaker
Like I just did not feel strong because I'm so sensitive. I'm so intuitive and I feel like crazy. So I just didn't see myself in that way. But once I started embodying and I shifted my self concept, I began to see myself through new eyes, you know, and I stopped judging myself for feeling so deeply. I realized it is what keeps me connected to my intuition, my ability to feel.
00:36:50
Speaker
Yeah. Do you have any tips for people who are like, well, I want to embody, I want to feel, I want to, you know, get in touch with myself. Like, is there anything that you can suggest, like maybe a couple tips or anything for people who are like ready for that? I would definitely suggest getting a mentor.
00:37:06
Speaker
A mentor who is embodying. I think that was one thing that really helped me out in my journey. I had a phenomenal coach, Kathleen Cameron, shout out to Diamond Academy. She was my coach. Well, I still consider her my coach, but I went through her program last year and it truly, truly did everything I needed it to do. Surround yourself with other people who are where you want to be. I think that's so important. Your environment, I can't stress that enough,
00:37:32
Speaker
It's so important the type of people you surround yourself with, you know, sometimes people are waiting for their friends to change. And the reason why your friends aren't changing is because you aren't changing. So rather than trying to change other people, focus on changing yourself, doing the inner work for yourself. And then one day you'll look around and your whole world will be new. Because that's what happened for me.
00:37:56
Speaker
It's beautiful. You know, my old friends, I didn't have friends that valued personal development, but I always did. But I would dumb myself down in different environments, you know, and then I just got to the point when I became a mom and I got married, I said, this is my life.
Setting Boundaries and Embracing Identity
00:38:12
Speaker
I can't worry about what someone else is doing. You were ready for it. That's a great those are great tips. I think that the community is so important. It is one of those, you know, success principles of
00:38:24
Speaker
are a combination of the people you spend time with is it but it is true. There's no way around it. So if you do happen to have someone in your life that maybe is a family member or somebody that you know is kind of pulling you down you really need that even more I mean we all need it but just to have that balance of having people that are pulling out greatness out of themselves and you and I love that then can you know pour into each other. I want to say that
00:38:54
Speaker
You mentioned around people who are like pulling us down. I think we need to come into the awareness that no one else can pull us down. No one else can pull us down. It is our lack of boundaries and self worth that is allowing that type of behavior. Like why are we attracted to staying in those type of spaces? Yeah. So that's really important. Yeah. Thank you for saying that. Absolutely. Yeah.
00:39:17
Speaker
I feel that it is absolutely. Take your power back completely. Yeah, it's up to us. Learn to say no, like I'll call you back mom or I'll talk to you later little sister without any guilt. Yeah, without the guilt. Yeah, you did mention that as being something that is such a common experience. Yeah, guilt and shame. Those are heavy. They are so heavy. For real heavy. I'll hold you back. Yeah. And shame is
00:39:45
Speaker
You know, it's interesting when we're talking about self worth, because it's like, the self worth piece is interesting because it's different than self confidence. Right? Like you can be confident. You can be externally confident, but the self worth is like that internal pieces says I'm worthy no matter what, right? I got a tattoo here. Oh, it says worthy. There you are. And I got this the day I fought for divorce, because it used to say Mrs. Jackson, my ex-husband's last name. So I got two roses and the stem says worthy.
00:40:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's it. I need that reminder. Right? Yeah, the self worth piece is something that is a little more internal to come to terms with. But it can be very freeing. And he'll, you know, definitely go around and around with that one. The self forgiveness and the compassion. Yeah. You know, I had this moment and then also understanding like there's no destination.
00:40:38
Speaker
that you're going to arrive to. Like you will continue to grow and ascend if you seek it for the rest of your life until you leave this world. And it's okay if you're still healing. It's okay if things still trigger you. It's okay if you find yourself driving down a car crying off of something that happened five months ago or five years ago. Just allowing that compassion for yourself.
00:41:00
Speaker
Like I used to have no self-compassion. It was, well, I should know better. Cause I read all these books. I took these courses like I should know better. So I had a hard time forgiving myself. But yesterday I realized like, you've only been studying this material for the past few years. You have been undoing years, generations of trauma,
00:41:24
Speaker
deeply rooted poverty consciousness. So it's okay. You're on your way. You're doing a phenomenal job. And in that moment, I just had so much appreciation for myself, like, girl, you got it going on. Like, look at the work that you've done and look at the work that you will continue to do and how many lives you are helping rise and break those same very chains that have plagued other people's families. You know, so it's like, why do you think?
00:41:48
Speaker
For years, three years, you should be like 100% embodied like that. Don't compare yourself to anyone else, because that's what I was doing. It's like, well, my mentor, she just accepted these beliefs in an instant.
00:42:02
Speaker
Yeah, but her path wasn't your path. So don't even look at anyone else's path. That's right. Yeah. And that's a lot of, it's confusing out there because everybody's showing their path or pieces of it, you know, maybe the shiny ending and you're in the middle and, you know, not to be compared. Yeah, definitely. But if we know anything about the subconscious mind from zero to eight, seven, you are being programmed like crazy.
00:42:28
Speaker
So if you had some really deep, crazy programming, it might be a little bit more challenging for you to uproot it and reprogram that. And it's OK. Yeah, I love that. So I wanted to talk about when I first met you, you had a different name.
00:42:44
Speaker
Yes, I did. And I totally respect that you have changed your name. Thank you. But how did that, how did that come to be? Oh, man. So. How did you make that decision? Last year, well, my name now is Victoria Rain, but I was born Tre'Shawn Lynne Harris. And so in my 20s, I went by Victoria, Victoria Black. But back then, it was like an alter ego. Last September, I realized I was like, why am I still having challenges in my embodiment?
00:43:15
Speaker
I found myself reverting back to past behaviors. And I'm like, what is going on here? Like, so I had to get clear about my identity.
00:43:25
Speaker
what were the habits and traits I wanted to begin to embody and what did I want to leave behind? And I realized my name had so much trauma associated with it. And so I said, okay, I'm going to do, I need to do something bold, something radical. And I decided to change my name to Victoria Raine. Victoria means victory and Raine means the rule. And every day it is just a reminder that I'm who I choose to be, not who I used to be. Oh yeah. And even further that,
00:43:55
Speaker
We don't have to keep shit that people give us. I never liked that name. I never liked it. I didn't ask for it. I never liked it. And then people would nickname me Trey. That's so masculine. I just didn't like it.
00:44:09
Speaker
Yep. And how did the, how did the world respond to that? I'm just curious, what was your experience? My family, I'm kind of like the unicorn. I won't say black sheet. I'm not like the unicorn of the family. You know, they're like, Oh, she's doing
Conclusion and Affirmations
00:44:21
Speaker
something else. That's weird. Like this is, they, they are used to me doing. There she goes again. There she goes again. They're used to it. And my friends, everyone just accepted it immediately.
00:44:30
Speaker
I love that. Yeah, I think my ex-husband, his family, I think they had a harder time, like, switching their belief like that. Because they're like, well, we know you all these years. And you know, like, you don't have to say a name. You could just talk to me, you know? But it is something I appreciate people respecting. Yes, it's beautiful. It just has like a second vibration when you say it. It does. And I love it. I love it. And we really don't have to keep things people give us from beliefs.
00:44:59
Speaker
to thought patterns, to even tangible things. You can say no. You are such a trailblazer of a strong person, and I love that about you. Thank you so much. And I also love your soft heart, too. Thank you. Thank you.
00:45:17
Speaker
else you'd like to share or that you want to conclude with that maybe we didn't get to or I didn't mention? I would like to say that if anyone is out there listening and they're struggling with self-worth, I just want to say that you were born worthy and there is nothing that you need to do or be to be worthy. You simply just are. And the faster you can accept that, the faster you were moved beyond this feeling of this unworthiness.
00:45:46
Speaker
Thank you for saying that. You're so welcome. Thank you for sharing space with me today. Thank you for having me. Your wisdom will resonate out into the ethers from here. I cannot wait for this episode to come out and to watch you as you continue to grow and expand in a way that is truly inspiring. Thank you very much, Victoria. Thank you so much for having me.
00:46:11
Speaker
All about expansion, like keep rising, don't stop. I love it. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome.