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14: Top 3 Niche Jobs I'd Do (If They Paid Well)
56 Plays1 year ago
We're joined by one of our best childhood friends, Anna, as we explore jobs we'd do if they actually paid well. Broached topics: pussona, carte blanche, bangs & banging, jobs for youngest children, Anna's Goldilocks Mountain, I Love You... BUT, North Korean bereavement comedians, Mousegate, federal crimes in spying, A Job Is An Exchange Mara!, vegan taste testing, board game hitmen, and rigged points.
Follow us at @MyTopEverything on Insta for updates! Email us at mytopeverythingpodcast@gmail.com with topic suggestions, comments, or questions.
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Transcript
Anna Joins Team Kara
00:00:00
Speaker
being nice to each other. Is it because Anna's here? Yeah, Anna's here so we gotta be a little bit. I was gonna say like even before coming on the podcast I was like I just need to call out and say that I am Team Kara because I've listened to every single episode and y'all are so mean to Kara. Oh my gosh.
00:00:18
Speaker
Case in point. Right before we hit record. Anyway. Big eye roll. I'll let you do your little intro now. That was recorded, so thank you. You were the intro. Well, we'll decide. I'll decide if that stays in or not. I'm not sure. If we need to hear. We gotta give her something. It's a lot of pro care propaganda. She could have two episodes in a row. You created this monster.
Introductions with Guest Star Anna
00:00:52
Speaker
Welcome to My Top Everything. I'm your host, Marion, and Kara. I'm Mara. And I'm Anna. I'm new. Yes, Anna is our guest star, our very first guest star. Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to be here. Well, we'll see if we can change that. Yeah.
00:01:11
Speaker
She's also our most loyal listener and one of our best friends. And she's here to get in an argument with us and possibly ruin our friendship forever. There's high stakes at this podcast. High, high stakes. We believe with either no more friendship or stronger friendship. And maybe you won't argue so much this time.
00:01:43
Speaker
Who listens to this podcast told me I was the provocateur that's my whole job here I'm just here you are you know it provokes people it gets the people going that's all I'm trying to do What they what they call me
00:01:58
Speaker
Hm? What did this friend call me? So adorable. You were just so cute. They were like, if I wasn't in a relationship, I would slide into those DMs. She's always begging someone to slide in. What'd they call Kara? Oh, the funny one. Wow. What the fuck?
00:02:28
Speaker
She's offended. I'm over here poppin' my pussy for what? Oh my god. Hey, Mara. Mara often forgets she's on a podcast and just lets her rip. I like it. I have a fan theory that she knows and she likes it. Like, this is her, this is her persona. Pussy poppin', pal. Persona. Persona. Her persona. My persona.
00:02:56
Speaker
Let's talk about your hairy persona. Your hair looks really cute. Did you get it cut recently? Thank you. Yes, I did. The place I go to all the time was looking for hair models. And so this woman used my hair as a demonstration and I gave her carte blanche.
00:03:18
Speaker
What? Yeah, I'll allow it. Okay, thanks. It's a term that she's using to mean like, do anything, like whatever you want, carte blanche, like all the things encompasses all of it. I think that might be right. How do you spell it though? C-A-R-T, space, clearly. B-L-A-N-C-H.
00:03:43
Speaker
Okay, I have an alternative idea. Okay. B-L-A-N-C-E. No. Cart. C-A-R-T-E. B-L-A-N-C. No. Basically, I moved the E over. Anna, would you like to tell us how it is? Again, we don't have a point here. Okay, in my head, I was visualizing it as C-A-R-T-E space B-L-A-N-C-H-E.
00:04:11
Speaker
Congratulations, you get a point or half a point. Yeah, I'm going to give myself half a point for knowing what it meant. It's like a blank check. I wasn't sure if I was pronouncing it right. That's why my face got quizzical.
00:04:32
Speaker
I love your persona this week. Let's see how many VJJ jokes we can squeeze into this one. We had a lot last week. There were a lot of JJs flying around. I don't even remember. Oh yeah, I started out with one. It was baby girl names. Oh my gosh. So of course not as loud as it sounds Anna, don't worry.
00:04:56
Speaker
It literally wasn't. It's just as bad as it sounds. I believe it.
00:05:02
Speaker
But anyway, that's how I got bangs. And these are the first bangs I've ever liked, because the way they... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just, I thought you were about to say, so this is how I got banged. And you both make sense. But anyway, continue talking about your bangs. They're lovely. I love them. They look really, and it looks really cute up. It's a whole thing, but
00:05:31
Speaker
I think I'm at my breaking point of my hair needs to get out of my fucking face. So I think it'll be like this for a bit. You gotta start pinning it back. That's what everyone does. But she sent us that photo yesterday post-pin. She had pinned it for her workout and then when it was unveiled after,
00:05:59
Speaker
I guess you have to commit to the pinning. You can't unpin it after this. No, I have been taking a bang bath every day. A bang bath? I'm going to apologize in advance because I can feel the force of when I use a P word, like on this microphone, this little lavalier. And I just want to apologize to everyone. I'll try to avoid P words. Just soften the P. I like this. This is a good challenge. I need a pop filter on this tiny lavalier.
00:06:27
Speaker
not to be that person, because I know that I am a guest in your home and I very much appreciate being on the podcast. But is it normal? I'm not liking, I'm already not. Is it normal that we're 10 minutes in and we haven't even played the intro music yet? The intro music is played after or put in post. Right, but you always say like, can I get some intro music? And then it's like, dude,
00:06:56
Speaker
Oh, yeah. We didn't do that. But don't worry. I think we'll probably put in the part where you, um, after being bribed by Cara endorsed her as like love that Cara, how much did you drive her with? She's like doing really well. It's because I was interested in her Bush. That's it. That's all it took. I feel like you need to explain that now. No.
00:07:26
Speaker
If you have a theory on what we mean, email us at my top everything podcast at gmail.com. Please don't. I have to read those. No. Cara, you should send one in. Oh, I should. I should start. Yes. Okay. Oh, but I think at one point I was told not to make anonymous. Yes. We have specifically with you because we suspect that you might try.
00:07:52
Speaker
to email us under the guise of someone else.
Exploring Niche Jobs
00:07:55
Speaker
Okay, let's get into today's topic. Our topic this week is top three niche jobs I would do if they paid for the cost of living. Now, I had a lot of questions when I read this topic. I did not come up with it. I believe my guess is, Mara, by the way, this was written, you came up with this topic. I have no recollection of typing this out. Oh, unless it was Grayson, it was you.
00:08:23
Speaker
Oh, really? I don't remember doing this. It was me. It's going to be good. Yeah. This is concerning, though, because I really had this follow up question. So the fact that you don't remember is not going to help enlighten what I'm about to say next. But what's it mean? Like, what what did you mean by niche jobs? And what did you mean when you said, like, if they paid for the cost of living?
00:08:51
Speaker
Okay, this was me, because I mean, it was. I remember now. Mostly because it would be really nice if I could work six hours a day, Monday through Thursday, and still make the same salary.
00:09:07
Speaker
That doesn't equal fairing on anything that we just talked about. Okay, let me fill in a couple more gaps. So like with that, I was thinking about, okay, what other things could I do that would still pay me the same salary?
00:09:25
Speaker
Like, how weird could I get? So I think you just mean like low stress jobs or like low time commitment jobs that pay really, really well. Like all of those bullshit CNN articles, like made it articles of like, I work two hours a week and I make 365 million dollars. Like those kinds of things. Yeah. The thing though is it's they could pay
00:09:51
Speaker
What is it for my cost of living? Cost of living. So it's not even the made it. It's just bare minimum, like 40K a year to hang out with the US. No, no, no, no. I hate it when I say numbers. It's not. So like, you know how I think this stemmed from on hinge, one of the prompts is what is a job you would do if money wasn't an issue? And I think that's my take on this.
00:10:16
Speaker
Because a lot of people will write certain things, but as far as career-wise, go. I think some things sound interesting, but the salary to me is not worth the job. OK. See, that's the problem I had with this, is I created a list that was basically that, because I was like, oh, maybe she's just talking about jobs that don't pay well. And so if they did pay well, what would I do? Or was she talking about,
00:10:46
Speaker
obscure jobs that I could think of off the top of my own dome, my own little cranium coming up with some jobs that don't exist, but if they did, I would do them if they paid enough for me to survive. And then also I was like, if the job already pays for the cost of living, but I guess that's a better phrasing, what you just said about the hinge thing, what job would you do?
00:11:13
Speaker
And to me, cost of living includes like still money to vacation. Yeah. Like it's not bare men. Like you still have fun money. My list is a bunch of weird shit I like to do. And I don't think any of these are jobs in real life. Okay. This is going to be fun. Let's have Mara go first. Oh my God. Okay. I got this.
00:11:40
Speaker
My number three top niche job that I would do if it paid cost to living would be a combination of peeling dried wax off of things and laminating items. Okay. How are those connected? Thank you.
00:11:58
Speaker
How can you combine such disparate things? I'm curious. Can you walk me through what that job would look like? I'm going to treat this like a job interview now. Take me through your day to day. What does a regular work day look like for you? I wake up at 9 AM. I get into work at 11. They feed me lunch.
00:12:26
Speaker
I then get driven to like a candle factory or something. And then, I don't know, I gotta go to the waxes. It's now 3pm. You've driven out of town through the next town to an adjacent town to go to the old candle factory. There's gotta be a candle factory within 20 miles of me. You've gone to Yankee Doodle Co. or whatever. Is that what it's called? The candle? Yankee.
00:12:54
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's just Yankee. It's just Yankee candle. Yeah. Oh, well, is that it? No, I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Anna's not brave enough to say this. It's not that I'm not brave. I just don't condone violence. Yeah.
00:13:11
Speaker
Is it violence if it's a touch between two friends? That's a touch. I remember that slap bet of you slapping Lucas is still like turned into my memory. That was wild. You rattled his brain. We should probably have one that's like top three slap bets at some point. Yes.
00:13:35
Speaker
Wait, but getting back to Mara, I have more questions. Would you use the wax that you peeled off to make your new form of lamination? Whatever happens with the peeled off wax is the company's business. I'm not a part of that. I just break it off of things. The lamination was like, I don't want to do one thing all day. And so I was like. I'm going to mix it up.
00:14:00
Speaker
I also think like, honestly, these are both like part time jobs, so you do need to combine them. It's a good thing you didn't come out here with just one of these things, because that would have been a hard though. I almost said just. So. Hmm. Yeah. This is not a real job. Don't you think it'd be anonymous? I think I could listen to books all day and like I would talk to different people. You're in a factory. They're not going to let you put headphones in. That's true. You're going to be raw dogging it.
00:14:31
Speaker
OK, I'll go next. Raw Dog It Now. What? What? I said I Raw Dog It Now. You think I listen to things in my ears all day? Yes, I don't. How much of the time, though? I've had to. Yeah, I think you do. 50-50. You like call people, you listen to music. Yeah, but there are lots of times of the day where I'm like, I need complete silence or I'm going to go insane.
00:15:01
Speaker
All right. I mean, I'm just 50% kind of a lot, but that's fine. You're not f***ing there with me. You just told me. It's on a recording. 50% of the time. Okay, but you didn't believe me. I still don't. Hence the argument. I'll keep a timer tomorrow.
00:15:21
Speaker
Yeah. I'm off work tomorrow. I'll keep a timer Thursday. Convenient. Yeah. You're going to have to update us next week, whether or not it's actually 50%. But maybe you should have somebody else. I don't know. Just like you could work to make it 50%. That's the problem. Like if you find out that it's not. I know. Now you're not unbiased. We'll just see what kind of data I pull. I think you need third party.
00:15:48
Speaker
This could be a job for somebody. That's my honorable mention. Bet Overseer, where friends and people hire me to be the third party in a bet to make sure that it's carried out fairly, done well, and determine who is the winner.
00:16:11
Speaker
Nice. That's a good one. I'm not picking wax off for like four hours of the day. This is like an hour job tops, I feel like. Why are they paying for you to live then and go on vacation? Exactly. So are you taking a point away from yourself right now? No. You didn't say I had to prove why they would pay.
00:16:33
Speaker
Oh, but I think that's inherent. My question also is, if you have Yankee or something, usually there's a glass jar. They put stuff in, it moves along. Where is this wax coming from? Why are they asking you to peel it off? There's a good question about how much wax spillage happens in a candle factory. You think they have a zero waste manufacturing process?
00:16:54
Speaker
I think they have a pretty close to zero waste. Yeah. It's bottom line right there. I mean, those Yankee candles though, my God, they're expensive. Maybe they're accounting for all their spillage. And Maro's one hour a week job. One hour a week. Listen, I don't know how long this would take. I didn't think about my day-to-day. I clearly haven't thought through this job interview at all, and it's not going well. I don't think they're going to hire me.
00:17:19
Speaker
Did we learn nothing from the million dollar crap zones? No, I didn't, apparently. I am going to go next. My number three niche job I do if it paid for the cost of living. I'm going with made up niche jobs. Maybe I'll do my real ones as like an honorable mention
Marion's Ghostwriting Adventure
00:17:36
Speaker
later. But my made up number three is significant event
00:17:42
Speaker
Card ghost writer so when your grandma is turning eighty and you don't know what to say to her or you want to send a Halloween card to your nephew or Christmas cards or break up cards or thank you cards yeah you give them to me.
00:18:03
Speaker
I write them for you. I say very meaningful, wonderful things, or witty things, whatever you like, whatever your mood is. And then I, you know, maybe I'd even mail them out for you. I don't know. Like, I guess I could be part of the package. That has to be part of the package. You have to be mailing that shit out for me. Yeah, but I'm a ghost writer. I'm not like a male producer. You know, I don't know if that's a word, but I'm not that.
00:18:30
Speaker
So I, but yeah, you know, like if you if you got married.
00:18:35
Speaker
and you're looking at 150 thank you cards to write, I'm your gal. You just tell me a couple things about your relationship with someone and I will pretend to be you in a card. It feels like more work than me writing to- No. Not everybody enjoys writing thank you notes. Marianne, if this doesn't already exist, I think you should definitely make an account on Fiverr or something. You could turn this into a pretty lucrative business.
00:19:04
Speaker
You think people would pay me for that? Oh, for sure they would. People hate writing cards. Myself included. It's hard. Like what? Sorry your dad's dead. Where do I go after that? It went so dark so quickly. I guess where do I start?
00:19:23
Speaker
Not with sorry your dad's dead. Exactly. My deepest condolences. Something along those lines. No, I'm on Google every time I'm writing one of those cards. Would you be concerned, Marion, that being a ghostwriter for significant event cards would take too much time away from your own writing that you wanted to do for yourself? I see burnout in your future. Like would I be too tapped out from writing to your Uncle John?
00:19:51
Speaker
Um, to, to do my own writing. Yeah, maybe, but if it's paying the bills, I feel like I would like it, you know, and it's a different type of writing. It's not like, you know, though, I will say that when I was like a freelance writer writing like top five
00:20:13
Speaker
health benefits of blueberries, like that did, it was terrible. It was so destroying. And I did not want to write on my own while I was doing it. You know, all my thoughts were going to antioxidants and that's not a great place to be creatively. Wow. Unless that's your entire research.
00:20:37
Speaker
Oh, counterpoint to this question. I do think that it would give a lot of material for my own personal writing because people would be telling me like, oh, these are my relationships. Can you mention X? Can you mention Y? I'm sure I'll hear a bunch of juicy drama. It'll get things flowing. I actually think it could help improve my writing. That's a good point, yeah. I'll be like, why do people communicate with each other? What are they trying to say?
00:21:04
Speaker
And you can ask questions to get to know more about the drama or the person under the guise of needing that information to write the card, which is helpful for backstories. It's a good point. Yeah. People love being tricked.
00:21:22
Speaker
All right, who's our next number three? We're going to have to keep this going with an extra person. You said that was your honorable mention. No, my honorable mention was the slap bet. The bet. Oh, yeah, the bet. OK, got it. I'll go next. We should have had a glass because she's our guest star. We're not knowing what my real number number three was.
00:21:46
Speaker
Anna, did you want to give me a point or? No, I'm not getting involved. Mine is one to everyone for not knowing how to take a joke. Are you serious right now? No. Nice one.
00:22:02
Speaker
Okay. My honorable mention is a made up one, but I really want to be one of those people that unpeels the plastic on new devices. Like I just want to do that full time. If somebody, like if you have, say there's a big construction building, right? Like a skyscraper and they have that plastic on the outside of windows, I would hang in a harness and I would day in, day out pull the plastic off the windows and it would be so satisfying.
00:22:27
Speaker
I know. This is very close to the peeling wax thing. I can show you. Grayson, it was on my list before this episode. Well you didn't say it first and as we know that's what matters in this podcast. Well also it's my honorable mention not my number three. So my number three is I would be a full-time camp counselor and I mean
00:22:52
Speaker
not sleeping there at night, not having like actual responsibilities, but I would just get to hang out and sing songs all the time and like run the high ropes course and stuff
Mara's Camp Counselor Dream
00:23:03
Speaker
like that. It would be awesome. And I would actually make money and not, I think I made like $16 a day or something like that when I was a camp counselor. It's something really bad. It's like, yeah, I was thinking it's like 20 bucks a day or something. If you're higher up.
00:23:22
Speaker
What you're describing is kind of like a teacher though, like you're describing a teacher. No, no, I said specifically, I have no responsibilities. I'm not responsible for planning field trips. I don't have to deal with the parents. I just get to do all the fun stuff. So you just have a job. You have a job that has no responsibilities. That's not what a job is.
00:23:41
Speaker
Well, this is a niche job. Yeah. I'm making sure they don't fall off the wall without like a harness. I'm making sure that they make best friends and they learn all the camp songs. You can't make me make best friends. Did you not make best friends at camp? Yeah, I did. Was the counselor pivotal in that? I don't know. I don't know that the counselor was the reason I made best friends. Well, it will be in my case. You're welcome. Would you travel around to different camps or like would you be?
00:24:11
Speaker
Like, yeah, I think I'd have to write like seasonally. You only have summer camps in the U.S. So there'd be like, yeah, I'd go to South America and do it for a while if I wanted. You basically did this. You're like talking about your early 20s. Yeah, but yeah, you did pay cost of living. She lived. She she money. And also I didn't do it full time one. And also I taught and was an NGO person and that kind of stuff. It wasn't just being a counselor.
00:24:42
Speaker
I feel I have properly defended my position. I do, too. What's my responsibility with plucking wax and laminating shit? How much responsibility is in that? That's the job you give the youngest child, right there. I'm the youngest child. Well? Were you responsible for your wax? Yeah, be careful what you say. There's three youngest children in the room with you right now. Oh, my god. I forgot. You're such an older child, Maga.
00:25:10
Speaker
Yeah, like so envious, so envious of like younger children that you're thinking of jobs that they would do and wishing you could do them. Yeah, you don't even have to cycle analyze that correct. Let's get your number three. Okay, so I honed in on the cost of living part of the prompt and I researched this is why I said I spent two weekends preparing for this.
00:25:40
Speaker
I'm so excited because I wanted to get the most bang for my buck. So I wanted to live in places that have high cost of living where I could also do really cool. So my number three top niche job I would do if it paid for cost of living.
Anna's Geodetic Survey Job
00:26:00
Speaker
is working for like the national geodetic survey. So you know like those little survey markers like on top of mountains or like in national parks and stuff. The US is currently pretty well mapped but I would go and like clean them or something or I could also like take that process like and go internationally to
00:26:23
Speaker
map some currently unmapped things, but I have some caveats. So I did almost die on a mountain one time. So therefore I don't want to do anything above a class three difficulty. How what's the highest class? I think five maybe. Okay. But you would do a class three? I would do a class three. It was a class four. Well, it was a mostly class two, class three mountain, but I almost died in like a class four part. I think if I remember correctly, I don't
00:26:53
Speaker
No, for sure, but yeah.
00:26:55
Speaker
Class three would probably be my max difficulty, and I'm not camping. So anything that I can do in a day is what I would do. Yes, Karen. Number one. One, I didn't know that there were classes of mountains. Two, would you be willing to shortly tell that story about how you almost died? Three, this is very unrealistic. If you're mapping places, they are in the middle of nowhere at this point. Everything is mapped, and you have to go camping. No, not everything is mapped. Because this is a United States
00:27:24
Speaker
specific organization. And there's a lot of remote parts internationally, globally that don't have this set up yet. Especially in the Himalayas or something. Those are all probably way beyond class three, so I wouldn't do that anyway, I guess. But I can help bring that. You're talking about like a mountain some time.
00:27:47
Speaker
What? I like hiking. But you're like, oh, the International Mountains haven't been categorized. Reaching within a day.
00:27:57
Speaker
They could probably have a drone do what you're talking about, but they're like, the drone can't clean up. We need to really fight back against drones and AI. Otherwise, we're all just going to be taken over by robots. We need to save human jobs. It's a good sidestep there. I agree with Kara. I said, I would clean. I would clean. Why do they need to be cleaned?
00:28:20
Speaker
because they're out and exposed all day they're metal and what do they do like do they need to be maintained or once they mark something are they done i don't know yeah they're okay you know what i put the most time and effort into this place i don't need your sass right now it took one it took one to get it
00:28:45
Speaker
I agree with Cara, this is totally unrealistic in a world that would employ somebody to chip wax. Oh, but Mara's wax picking is totally realistic. JTFO. We equally agree.
00:29:00
Speaker
We agreed that was also unrealistic. So you and Mara are in level playing field now. F*** you. No, I think mine is way better. Way better. It actually comes from a real job. So many limitations. At least Mara wasn't like, oh, but if it's a wax spill of larger than a meter, I'm not going to do it. She took one hour a day. Like, what? You know how nice that would be. That's unrealistic. I get fed lunch, driven around, and my kids...
00:29:30
Speaker
At least I'm going to be providing a service to clean something that might not even need to be cleaned. They don't need to be cleaned, for the record. I can bring it to other parts of the world. You told me, you said it's an American thing.
00:29:46
Speaker
And we're going to colonize, Kara, all right? No, I'm not colonizing it. It's just like mapping these other, we could bring something similar to other countries. Listen, I love you very much, but... Oh, no, don't butt me. Don't butt me.
00:30:05
Speaker
When the geodetic survey was set up, this was before satellites. So we have LiDAR and super- Oh man, if only you had a time travel machine so you could go back to the 70s when this would be relevant. I still think it'd be a cool job and I'm sticking to it. Yeah, you have to. Maybe you should pick a niche job that doesn't have to do with mountains and
00:30:30
Speaker
I still like climbing mountains or anything with like a national park stuff. It doesn't have to be a mountain. I was looking up geodetic survey because I felt bad and I stuck up for you. Yeah. Well, he learns the name of the game.
00:30:46
Speaker
It's a thankless job. Everybody's s*** on Kara. I want revenge. We'll get to her. I'm sure she's got one that I'm going to hate. Always. In this podcast, one minute you're alive. The next minute you're at each other's service. I know. You're right. You're right. I drank the Kool-Aid. I am not the peacekeeper. I'm disappointed in myself. Anyway, moving on.
00:31:06
Speaker
I was right though. Okay. For the record, I had to look it up. I had to look it up because I felt bad. I was like, well, I just want to make sure, but it's, um, yeah, we use satellites now. Okay. Plus one to Kara for knowing more geodetic information off the top of her head, then Anna's researching for two. I was going to give a plus one to Kara because she knew what geodetic meant when Anna said it.
00:31:32
Speaker
I, to be fair though, I did study geography. I was just gonna say, like her major. We're giving her one point. That's it. It's just one point. It's not two points. It's one point. Okay, let's move on. My number two niche job I would do if it paid for cost of living. I can't wait.
00:31:53
Speaker
People would hire me to come to funerals or really depressing events. And I would just provide comedic relief. I would just like mingle around the crowd. I would talk to people. But my thing would be dark humor.
00:32:10
Speaker
You gotta, that's what I'm there for. That's actually a thing. When I was looking up, like people will pay other people to like attend funerals so that it looks like the person had friends. Oh, sorry. But I like what you added that you're there for like comedic relief.
00:32:29
Speaker
Yeah, like I'm going to mingle. This tradition actually stands back from ancient times. The Romans and the Greeks would pay mourners to come, but it'd be like serious mourning. This is what I thought you were going to say, because this is like an ancient job that you're trying to
00:32:45
Speaker
profit off of but they would literally it'd be like you would need to be sobbing screaming like streaking and you would claw at your face so it's like a very it's a very serious job if you got you were like performative mourning and you're getting paid to do it it's like a whole thing could hire anybody from North Korea performative mourning
00:33:11
Speaker
Sorry, would you like to explain that? I guess. Like when that man died, they were crying in the streets. I don't know if it's like a dictator. Who's he? Who is this man? Say the name. Well, it's not Kim Jong Un. That man's alive.
00:33:37
Speaker
Right? They're a guy that died for him to be in power. His father? Yeah, I know his name. Kim. At the same time? Should we say at the same time? Yes, ready? Three, two, one. Kim Jong Il. I was so close. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, they've got the first two. Yeah, part of the name is still the same because they're related. Yeah.
00:34:02
Speaker
But they were taking his photograph around and the people were audibly, apparently, people were getting punished if they weren't showing the appropriate level of sadness. Yeah, this isn't a reach. North Korea has been accused of putting on airs for a long time in different ways and forcing their people to pretend that they're not hungry or whatever.
00:34:32
Speaker
Yeah, so you want to be a North Korean citizen funerals, is what I'm hearing. That's what I heard. No, I was just... No, she wants to be the... Yeah, sorry, Mara. No, you're fine. She wants to be a fun North Korean citizen, a happy one. Yeah, I'm one that they're sending to prison because I'm not morning correctly and I'm telling bad jokes that are inappropriate. No, but they're not sending you to prison because they paid you to do that. They want you to...
00:35:02
Speaker
I brought up North Korea because I was relating it back to your ancient Greece thing that has nothing to do with what I want to do. We're going to forget about that entire segue. Are we? Yeah, because it's confusing you guys. We were listing examples of real careers and jobs that had to do with your proposed job and then you listed another example.
00:35:30
Speaker
They're adjacent. I'm not going to cry. I might like sympathy tear up occasionally. But my point is to provide comedic relief. OK, yeah, you're like you're a bereavement comedian. Yeah, I'm easing attention.
00:35:46
Speaker
I actually, if I die, can you do that, please? If you die after me. I will be doing that because if you die before me and I have to go to your funeral, Kara, the only way I'm getting through that without probably sobbing, being a North Korean citizen, is by telling the worst jokes.
00:36:07
Speaker
Dude, your death is gonna be one of each other, Carol. Thank you. I will live on an infamy. There will not be a tear shed.
00:36:19
Speaker
You're not going to catch me crying. Instead of do like stand up comedy, you're doing like underground comedy. Yeah, that's too frightening. Sitting down comedy. Underground, like death. That was funny. Thank you. I did the joke. Now I caught it. I should be the underground comedian. Minus one to Kara. Just kidding.
00:36:42
Speaker
That's one to Marianne for doing my job for me as a number two, whatever. Look at me assigning points. Yeah. My number two niche job that I do, if it would pay for the cost of living, this is not a real job. You're going to think it is, but it's not. I would plan your vacation and not like, I know what you're thinking.
00:37:05
Speaker
What are they called? Travel agents. Travel agents, yeah. Okay, but not like that because like mine would be like a whole fucking itinerary from like the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed. Are you celebrating an anniversary or something? I'll plan all of it. I'll plan like where on your trip you'll be doing it, what you'll be doing, the speeches that should be given.
00:37:29
Speaker
the people you should invite. I'm talking about a full take event planning, but put it on a week-long trip of which you get to every year because you work in America. I feel like this job already exists. You're like a wedding planner on crack, but instead of weddings, you're doing vacations. If the job already exists, name it.
00:37:55
Speaker
Travel agent. No, not travel agent. Travel agent will give you three hotels and be like, here's your three hotels. Which one do you want to go to? They have different levels of travel agents. They do. They will plan your whole trip. I mean, not every minute of every day. Yeah. Not like this is where you'll go. This is what you'll do on this day trip. These are the places you'll go. These are the people you'll see.
00:38:20
Speaker
I think your strongest argument was writing speeches and who to invite and special occasion type. I think that's where your niche job comes in. Yes. Yeah. She's also dictating their love-making. Did you hear? Did you catch that part? No, I didn't. She was like, are you celebrating an anniversary? I'm going to tell you where to do it.
Marion's Vacation Itinerary Planning
00:38:43
Speaker
Totally missed that. Nice. What is that, a fourth vagina reference? Good job. That's a, that's a misread of what I was saying, but I do like it. Yeah. I'll plan the VM. I think you would though. If, if John called you and was like, listen, I need to know. And then you called the wifey and was like, where do you like to do it? I think you'd, I think you'd plan it. Like where you were going to have your outdoor sex, where you were going to have your post fight sex, where you were going to have your risky sex. On day three, you're going to have a fight.
00:39:14
Speaker
be mad. Just show those feelings to the side. There's going to be a bathroom in this Greek tavern and that is the best place to do the angry sex. Are you speaking from personal experience that's so specific? No, I want to clear that up. No, I think I was still a virgin when I went to Greece. Gotcha. You look like a fool.
00:39:42
Speaker
What are those priestesses called? The virgels? The vigils? The priestesses? The priestesses. Priestesses? I'll look it up. You get back to us. I don't know. Yeah. To have somebody plan a trip at that granular of a level is nice because then you just don't have to think about anything.
00:40:05
Speaker
I was saying I would do what sometimes at my unhealthiest I will do when we're planning things. I'll go that far, you know what I'm saying? Into things I'll do for our group, for anyone, if it paid for the cost of living, because that would actually be dope. Okay, Kara.
00:40:25
Speaker
My number two is a baby animal razor. So I could help raise elephants. I could do horses, dogs, cats, you name it. There are many people that do this. When I was in Kenya, I went to a sanctuary and they were taking care of the baby elephants because
00:40:40
Speaker
Unfortunately, the mothers have been poached. I have helped take care of horses in the past as they're growing up. My mom is currently raising a horse. There are dogs that need help being raised. My neighbor is doing it right now. You name it. I'm there. Baby animal, give it to me. I'll do it. You're talking about a wildlife-free habilitator. It's like a real job. It is a real job, but they don't pay. The panda keepers get paid like $35,000 a year.
00:41:07
Speaker
And it doesn't, I mean, it can't be a real job. Remember, it's a niche job. So like... Your list might not be real, but Kerris is. I thought Kerris wasn't real. What was her first one? My first one wasn't real, which is why it was on my honorable mention. That was the sticker peeling. Perhaps. Minus one for not remembering her first one. But no, no, no, that's her honorable mention. What was your actual one then? Camp Counselor. You hated that one too.
00:41:35
Speaker
Okay, so you'll be a wildlife rehabilitator. No, no, I'm not dealing with adult sick or dying animals, just babies. The babies? I'm not rehabilitative. I'm not asking them to go out into the wild. I'm just, a baby is given to me, be it, you know, a puppy mill situation, a mother getting shot, whatever it is, I will help raise the baby. Here's what I'm going to say. You wouldn't be good at this job. Agreed.
00:42:01
Speaker
What are you going to say? I want to know what Mara was going to say. Yeah. Let's go with Mara first, because mine's very specific. There's just no way you could do this job. This would be mentally wrecking. Absolutely not. You would be crying all the time. You would be a wreck. Your mental health would be so bad, because you would, at the end, have to give these babies away. And you cry when you see old people. So there's just no way. They're like something you've bonded with.
00:42:30
Speaker
Yeah, you're not gonna be okay. Your first baby squirrel that dies in your hands, you'll be done. But also like this is not a very relaxing job. This is like a 24 seven like constantly waking up milking the baby.
00:42:44
Speaker
milking your baby. It's not that I'm the baby taker care rapper. You're out there trying to milk him? You complained about that one dog that followed you around all the time. What are you going to do with a little baby skunk? No.
00:43:05
Speaker
Elephants don't need constant attention for the record. They come get food as they need it. You give them a dirt patch to play in. If this is an orphaned baby elephant, you're going to be on this thing all the time. I don't ride elephants. I'm not like that. You're going to be with it. You're going to be connected. Get out of here. I didn't realize you were making a joke and shot a video.
00:43:31
Speaker
Here's also why I think this would be a terrible fit. One time when we were working together as year-round camp counselors, we found a baby mouse together.
00:43:47
Speaker
Do you remember this one, Pally? Yeah, a little. Yes, a little baby marriage. That didn't happen. I'm sure it was Kara. We found a little baby mouse and it was like clear, like it was out in in the open and we were like, let's try and rehabilitate it. And we like took it into the shed and we were like, oh, what are we going to do? This was this mouse. This was the person this was the person you went to Egypt with.
00:44:13
Speaker
No, no, it was you because we talk about like, what are we going to do with this mouse actually makes it through? And then we went back and we were scared to check when we checked the baby mouse was dead. I remember you finding a mouse at Sacagawea. That's a different one. I've got a lot of baby mice in my life. It's like I'm like cursed with it. Instead of like the crow man from Hey Arnold, I'm like the baby mouse lady from my life. And you were part of this.
00:44:42
Speaker
This was you. Do you have a photo? I would remember a baby animal because I'm sure it was sobbing. I believe the fact that you don't makes this even more damning. And I said damning. No, don't bring the damning up again. The end is silent.
00:45:00
Speaker
It was trauma and that's why you don't remember it. You couldn't do this job. I don't disagree. You don't want to care for false. You don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara. I don't want to care for Mara.
00:45:18
Speaker
Here's the thing, number one. I don't remember it. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but I'm gonna need some sort of evidence, a photo, a text message, something, because I'm not convinced it was me and neither are you. You think it was you? No, I am 100% convinced it's you. I'm not confused at all. I would be a great baby animal watcher. I do agree that 24 hours a day would probably kill me, but they'll grow up and then I'll get a break and then I'll move on to another baby animal. My number two niche job that I would do with the paid for cost of living is
00:45:48
Speaker
I would be a merch girl or an usher, anything that would allow me to see Broadway shows for free all day or a day and I would live in New York City. I like that. I like that. Actually a good one because I was looking up stuff online and that is one of the lowest paying jobs ever is a ticket taker or usher at playhouses. Dude, that would be my jam. I'd be so excited to do that every day if I got to see awesome theater all day.
00:46:14
Speaker
and I'd like to expand it to Off-Broadway as well, but if anybody's being a stickler, then I will just stick to Broadway.
00:46:22
Speaker
Good job people aren't already. I actually have a friend who worked at Kimmel who that was his job for a long time was he was like the swag seller guy. Nice. And he did love it. Did he have other jobs? How did he live in New York off of that? Oh, it was in LA, but good question. No idea. No idea how he managed to make money off of that at all. I like that. I have nothing bad to say about this one. Thank you. Good job. Let's just not do sponsors this week.
00:46:51
Speaker
It's not even anything to say unless you're skipping sponsors. What you gonna say? I would like to say this episode is sponsored by Grayson because he gave me a microphone. So thank you, Grayson.
00:47:09
Speaker
Number three as always. Yeah. Number two is me for coming up with the question. You don't, you're not even convinced that's you. Minus what point? Okay. Number two could be you. If you, yes, you listening.
00:47:33
Speaker
You could be our sponsor. Email us at mytopeverythingpodcast at gmail.com and make us an offer we can't refuse. And number one for this week's episode is higher education, creating niche jobs everywhere, making your dreams come true. I'm such a good one. I almost put up my list to do some sort of like, I learn forever. And then I was like, wait, that hurts.
00:48:00
Speaker
And people get paid to do it. Perpetual grad student.
00:48:10
Speaker
My quick honorable mention list here is the real niche jobs that I would do. Number three, mail carrier, bam, easy. If I could really make a good living off of that, I think I would enjoy walking around everywhere all day, getting to know people, spying on them in their houses. I think I would love it. That's exactly what you would do. I would. I would. Without a doubt, you would not want me as your mail carrier because I'm snooping.
00:48:36
Speaker
I am zooping. Federal crime. What's number two crime? How can you argue that's a federal crime? To look through someone's window? She's not walking into someone's house. She's just looking at whether or not Petunia actually trimmed her petunias that week and is the drama between John and Jerry going to resolve itself someday because he finally mowed. That's her time in drama. I'm talking about looking through the mail.
00:48:57
Speaker
Oh, no, I never said she's not like the male. If the windows happen to be open, Marian is, you know, did it dive in and dip in this. She's going on. Yeah. So you're just not a very thorough spy.
00:49:10
Speaker
No, I'm spying on people through their windows, kind of like what I do on my evening walks already. And if they've got their window, like, you know, not open, but if the diamonds or the shutters or blinds are open and the lights are on, I will look in to see what they're doing. I like that. I enjoy that. And if I were a mail carrier, I get to do that all the time. And you get to be closer.
00:49:38
Speaker
like to the window. Yeah, I'd have like an excuse to really get up in there. Yeah. Nobody's going to question that. Well, they will after the 17th time. You should probably just buy a postal uniform.
00:49:53
Speaker
Now we're getting into the federal crime territory. Yes, God is a federal crime. Unpersonating a mail carrier. A government worker. Yes, I believe so. My number two real niche job is bingo manager. I think I would love to shout out old people all day. I would like everything about it. I love raffles. I love people winning prizes. So bingo manager with everyone. Like I've cried out so many raffles. Yes, Kara.
00:50:19
Speaker
I was just about to tell a story about how we once, I can't think of it as Bally, we were at some end of season party or something. And Marion didn't know there was going to be a raffle and they announced it and she turns to me and she is just sobbing out of excitement. Really leaking out of every orifice because she was like, there's only a raffle. It was the funniest thing I've ever, I've never seen anybody be that excited. And I think you won something. I just want to say it. I did.
00:50:49
Speaker
Kara, you acknowledge you were in Pally. I didn't say it wasn't at Pally. Her memory's coming back. It's coming back. Listen, it's just connecting the dots.
00:51:00
Speaker
You should, you will too one day. Find me a baby. Find me a baby image. I never did that. I lived at Pally. It's in past episodes. Anyway, um, yeah, that I, I just do love raffled. So I think I would really like bingo and announcing it and watching people when things, I would probably cry every day. So that's my number two. My number one real niche job is hot air balloon pilot.
00:51:23
Speaker
I would love to do that. I think that would be so fun to go around the world and find my little hot air balloon over the Serengeti and other places that have hot air balloon rides. Do they do that? Yeah. I mean, I met a guy who was doing that once when I went on a hot air balloon. He was like, oh yeah, in the winters or something I do.
00:51:44
Speaker
safaris and then I do Thailand like in the spring, Turkey in the summer and he also like does races where they have like hot air balloon pilots get in their hot air balloons and you race and you're like trying to pick up keys to like a convertible that are on the ground or whatever and you're trying to be the first like basket to pick it up as you're in your hot air balloon and you're like racing so yeah that should be
00:52:11
Speaker
Yeah, I think your job should just solely be competitive balloon racer. I feel like you would dominate. Yeah, I think I would really like that. So that's why it's my number one real niche job. And that's my interlude. Let's get to our number ones.
00:52:28
Speaker
Well, I'm just real quick going to say my honorable mentions. Sorry, what? I'm real quick going to say my honorable mentions on mench. No. Walking in the woods. You want to say it normal, maybe? I did in the middle. There are my.
00:52:50
Speaker
Here are my honorable mentions. They are not real jobs, once again. They're just other weird things I like to do. Walking in the woods, looking for cool rocks, creating what a lot of people would call objectively bad art, and plucking in grown hairs and blackhead removal. I knew that somebody was going to put a pimple popper or something up in here, and I knew it was going to be you, or Marion.
00:53:15
Speaker
Okay. So you didn't know it was going to be her. Somebody was going to do it. I was, yeah, you're right. I'm not even arguing.
Mara's Reading Job Ambition
00:53:24
Speaker
My number one niche job that I wish people would pay me a living wage for is reading. I don't have to review the book. Maybe there's a live cam just watching me read. I don't have to like, I don't have to read the book out loud. I'm not doing that, but.
00:53:44
Speaker
I'm just, I get to, I read and somebody pays me to do that. And you're not like you seeing it or providing a review after you're doing nothing. I mean, I guess I could write a review, whatever. You hate it. That's just my buzzer noise for no. I don't, you don't have to like it. It's not a job. No, it's not. It's a hobby. I agree.
00:54:10
Speaker
I, correct, but I wanna be paid to do it. This isn't hobbies I wish were jobs. There has to be some sort of exchange. It's a job. I'd like to be paid to make my art. That's my number one. Your art is reading. Is that it? No, she's got art. She wants to be paid. I'm pivoting, I guess. I'm pivoting, okay. Because it's not a job. She crumbled under the pressure. Your number one is you'd be an artist.
00:54:40
Speaker
On ironically, people would pay. Is that niche? What kind of art do you do? No, it's not. I'm floundering over here. Just accept the minus one and we'll move on. That's all. That's my number one. This is so embarrassing. I've never floundered this much at a number one. Really? Yeah, it's really bad.
00:55:04
Speaker
You shouldn't have blown through all of your honorable mentions before this. I know. I already, I'm thinking about it right now. I've done f***ed up A. R. Hunter. There are also people that professionally go look for like diamonds, right? Like you sift through rocks and stuff. I feel like you'd be good at those things. Oh, that's true. I actually created a niche job for each of you and mine for Mara was
00:55:25
Speaker
she finds your stuff for you. So if you... I thought about that on my drive home and then I forgot to write it down. If I got paid for every time I found something for somebody, like... Yeah, you'd be the person they call when they've misplaced their phone, their wallet, their keys, anything, something really obscure and you would find it for them. And I believe that could be a real job, unlike reading. I agree that I would have to do something
00:55:54
Speaker
with reading. I don't want to be an editor, but I could be, I could be, okay, I could read a bunch of books and be a really mean editor because sometimes I read books and I want to write strongly worded emails to the authors. Maybe that's what you do is you get paid to
00:56:13
Speaker
write these strongly worded emails for all the people like like like almost like a class action lawsuit where you're representing the fandom you're like this is not okay you ruined what you had it was three fourths of this was amazing and then you f***ing you blew it yeah so my number one
00:56:34
Speaker
Nice job. What? What are the rest of our jobs that you created for us? When you like to know weather boy? Well, what if what if you came up with this yourself? My number one? I mean like what if it's your number one?
00:56:50
Speaker
You have to say your number one first. Yeah. Got it. Got it. It's not just Christmas. Marah really liked the one that you made for her. Yeah. It's Christmas. She bought just your pants with that one. Number five.
00:57:10
Speaker
My number one invented niche job that I do have paid for the cost of living is your personal game night participant. So you don't have a fourth. You need a fourth to make your hearts game go well.
00:57:27
Speaker
Put me in coach, you want somebody else to win or lose, you tell me beforehand and I will secretly aid in whatever objective you have. So just getting hired to go around and be a part of people's game nights. Yes, questions, I see a lot of them. Would you ever accept defeat if you're being paid to do so? Oh, they want me to blow it.
00:57:55
Speaker
to make themselves look good. Yes, well you just said, you just said too that if you needed to facilitate somebody in particular winning that was not you, could you do it? Yeah. That was my question.
00:58:09
Speaker
I love you guys. This is a great cue. I didn't even think of this. The silence. You're getting paid to live in probably some really swanky place and you can't throw a game. I thought the yes would come easy.
00:58:32
Speaker
It's hard. It's hard. It's not in my nature. Do they want a competitor? Do they want a real game night? Or do they want us to sit around? They are hiring you to do a job to provide a particular service. So you might need to be very specific about the types of services that you will provide as a game night.
00:58:57
Speaker
Who are you willing to hoodwink? Why are they asking you to lose? Who are they trying to fool? Imagine this scenario. You want to have a game night to cheer up your friend who's recently been broken up. You want to give them a little self-esteem boost. Feel good. You bring me in. They would have to win. Game night participant strategist say, hey, help them out. It's their birthday. They just got broken up with, blah, blah, blah. We want them to win.
00:59:22
Speaker
be a part of this. And you would have to let them win. Yeah. I think if I could actually raise the job as game night hit man, I think that would help. If I put it in those terms and it's not like it's me.
00:59:38
Speaker
just being a participant and like throwing it it's like I have a real purpose. That could be a package actually like you can still like I think your official title could be like game night strategist but then you could have like the hitman package.
00:59:54
Speaker
If they want me to throw something, like if they want me to try not to win, that's going to cost extra. That's like a premium. Exactly. Like you can set your own prices. Yeah. I can see you going to like in the middle of like having being close to victory. You're just like, oh, I was supposed to lose this one.
01:00:14
Speaker
Yeah, I mean if they want me to- They want their deposit back and everything. If they want me to play Candyland with a bunch of six-year-olds and not trounce them, I'm gonna need an extra bit of money. Kara, what the f*** is that face for?
01:00:29
Speaker
I'm listening. Oh, okay. We came in hot. Judgment. I was trying to come up with a scenario that Marion wouldn't accept if she loses. This is my face. I was trying to figure out, okay, say that you have a family dynamic where they really need the uncle to lose because then he's going to lose his car or something and he's an alcoholic.
01:00:50
Speaker
You know, like some really dramatic, ridiculous situation where you're going to lose, but it actually ends up like hurting somebody. Like I wonder if you have limits or you're just the hit man and you just, here's your red envelope. Do it. No questions asked. Wait, sorry. I was thinking really hard about the whole baby mouse situation. I did so. Oh my God. Are you trying to think if we have a photo? Cause we don't.
01:01:11
Speaker
No, I was just thinking about like, why can't you remember it? And you got in my head. Now I'm like, do I need to like message cater and be like, did we try to save a baby mouse together? Anyway, and CC me on that email. Okay. I'm gonna text her. I'm not 50. I'm not gonna email her. Anyway, what was the scenario where I would say no to be human?
01:01:35
Speaker
No. Can Anna or Mara confirm that it was a good scenario? It was if losing a game ended up actually hurting somebody. Like they lost their house if they... You don't care. No, how would that happen? I don't know. That's what my face was for. I was trying to figure it out. So I could pose you a really difficult question and then... Okay, sorry. Thank you for being vulnerable with your brainstorming.
01:02:05
Speaker
that I would hire you to come over and win so that you could beat the person that's always winning and probably already annoying me because it's less annoying if a stranger wins. Here's where I would be a really good hitman. You're like,
01:02:20
Speaker
Johnny's like really getting my goat at work. I want to put him down a peg and buy him over to a game night. Just trounce him. Don't care. Just humiliate the boy into the old pursuit. The next time you're in town, I'll bring you to John's game day. This is I was like, I feel like Mara is going to be your first client. That's exactly what I was saying. And I will pay you a one McDonald's drive through a mail. Damn, I take it. That sounds good. Maybe I'll do that for dinner. Nice.
01:02:51
Speaker
Okay. Uh, let's continue. Okay. So my number one is I would be a vegan food taste tester because Lord knows they need them. Yeah. And I feel that I'm a pretty picky, positively picky person and I have very specific requirements and I feel like half the vegan food out there is not meeting my requirements and I don't really understand why. So I think that's a real job. I win. Thank you. The food scientists do need tasters. Yeah.
01:03:20
Speaker
I think this is good. This is very close to what I was trying to come up with you.
01:03:27
Speaker
for. Like I was trying to think some type of like niche job with like food tasting or like rejecting food for you. But then I thought you might get a little offended because you know, you care so much if I get offended on the podcast. You bring up like every three months about how you were named pickiest eater in high school because you were vegetarian. And so I didn't want to, you know, like
01:03:52
Speaker
pigeonhole you that way. Open old wounds. One, not a wound. Two, three months is a very big exaggeration. Three. I watched you cry over it. It's like the last 60 months. Shots fired. I cried because I was voted pickiest eater. Yeah.
01:04:11
Speaker
Really? I like how she's considering it actually happened. No, it didn't actually happen, guys. It's called embellishment. I've been embellishing, no, every three months, no, you don't bring it up, but you do bring it up quite often, at least once a year, that you were voted pickest eater just because you were vegetarian in high school. Yeah. I'm okay being pigeonholed. I'm a vegan. I'm already, I've pigeonholed myself. I have picky standards.
01:04:36
Speaker
sorry for trying to be sensitive to you for once. Thank you. I'll never do it again. Oh, this is a good job for you. So you didn't come up with one for me is what I'm hearing. I did. I did. So, so originally I was like,
01:04:56
Speaker
Oh, Kara should, her niche job, that doesn't exist, that should, should be, she should just tend to other people's gardens, but then I realized I was talking about a gardener.
01:05:08
Speaker
Listen, can I tell you my job idea that I had the other night? I can't remember if I texted you guys it. My job idea was that, so everybody has these yards, right? Especially in the Midwest. And they don't want necessarily to have to mow their stupid grass, let me go on my diatribe back grass, boom, done. And then instead of having grass or wildflowers or whatever, they hire me. And in the winter, this is actually my job idea. I'm actually going to make this happen at some point.
01:05:34
Speaker
They hire me. I plan out their garden with them. We sit down at the kitchen table together. We have our coffee, our tea, our whiskey, whatever it is. And we plan out, do you want carrots? Do you want an apple tree? Whatever. We plan it out. And then in the spring, if they want, they can help me figure it out, plant it, whatever, decide on their accoutrement. And then in the summer, I come over and I help pick it and I maintain the garden.
01:05:56
Speaker
and I can teach them how to can stuff or any of that. Anyway, I'm really excited. I think that'll be an awesome job, so good job, Marion. Look at that. Two out of three so far. We'll see if Anna likes hers. Spoilers, she's not going to. All right.
Anna Discovers the 'Professional Foreigner' Role
01:06:14
Speaker
I have to start my number one, well, not my number one, an honorable mention. My honorable mention would be
01:06:20
Speaker
Um, I would be a Disney princess and, but I have no desire, like a character, I mean, like at a theme park. Um, kind of already do this now. I still put on my prom dress like once a year and I'm Bell for like a daddy daughter dance at a local church. Um, and so I just, it'd be great to do that. Um, I have no desire to live in Florida.
01:06:43
Speaker
I was going to ask that. LA, yeah, no. So I would not be an Orlando princess, but LA is a little more appealing. Would you go to North Carolina? Because North Carolina is currently creating a package to try to lure Disney away from Florida. For real? Yeah, I'd go to North Carolina. My cousin lives there. There you go. So yeah, I'd go there. I know.
01:07:05
Speaker
All righty. So my actual number one, and this is a real job, by the way, I didn't know it existed until I did my two weekends worth of research. It's literally called a professional foreigner. You can get paid up to a thousand dollars a week to be like
01:07:28
Speaker
to pose as like a celebrity or like a really important international person to help close business deals. I don't really care about like corporate and like making deals and all of that stuff. I just think that would be really fun to like assume a character and then just like put on a suit, shake somebody's hand, put a thousand bucks in my pocket and then be on my way and I could go anywhere I wanted. Is this like a
01:07:52
Speaker
character like a real like you have to pretend to be Miley Cyrus and you hope that they don't look too close or is it like I think it's like it's more like they pretend it's this is a feather bottom and yeah it's like a whole thing she's so yeah yeah I just pretend that I am famous or yeah really really important they don't like look at I help I help seal the deal
01:08:18
Speaker
I mean, we can probably put some fake stuff, fake news out there. What is this called? A professional foreigner. It came up on Indeed, or no, not on Indeed. Glassdoor. No. Monster. Fakejobs.com. No, it wasn't. It was like, I searched for like unique job ideas or something like that. And it was on several lists, by the way. Interesting. Do you know?
01:08:45
Speaker
that scene in Schitt's Creek where Alexis dresses up in Moira's clothes. Yes. And she looks like a scary, she's serving c**t and goes to that meeting with David. I don't like that. Did you say serving c**t? That's right. I don't like it. No. That's a scene. I think here's what I've inter- because I want to argue it. My interpretation of that is that because she looked like a professional stern person, therefore she is a c**t and I do not
01:09:15
Speaker
Like that interpretation, that leap. But I understand where you were coming from. I say it as a compliment and not as if... I don't want men up there. Men listeners of our podcast don't go out there calling people c***s if they look awesome. Especially if you're angry. Get out of there. That's like, wait, don't you have a viewer in Australia? That's like their swear word of choice. Why are you going to alienate your listeners in this way? We don't mean them.
01:09:46
Speaker
You're the one that's okay, random Australian person. Please, please keep listening. We need you. We've mentioned you twice now. I think it's actually three times. It's getting...
01:09:58
Speaker
Wow, Cara, way to forget about your most loyal listeners. Just like the mouse. Just like Mousegate. Mousegate. You're going to have to come up with evidence, otherwise there's really nothing to land on here than the lack of memory. The mouse died. Why would we have evidence? It died. I think I would remember if we took a picture of this.
01:10:18
Speaker
I love you, but your memory is kind of terrible. Oh, I know. I'm not. It's just generally when it's something like that, I think I would remember at least like walking back. Usually I have like a flip, like a flip into little memory. I'm dying over the fact that Anna started this podcast, like you guys reduced me to death.
01:10:47
Speaker
You come after me, man. I told you I'm Italian. I gave revenge. Anna, the niche job I came up for you was
01:11:03
Speaker
Being hired to say no for other people So if like there's something that is a boundary for them or like they don't want to go to You're the person who says no. Hell. Yeah, I would totally do that and I would rock it I remember multiple occasions like drag literally dragging you and Kara away from creepy men and clubs After they kept like coming up to you and I was like, no, they're not interested. Yeah, we're we're creepy man magnets. Yeah
01:11:34
Speaker
Yeah, we're women, period. My favorite, when Britta would come out dancing sometimes, and she would just have both of her middle fingers up and would be facing the crowd. Safe to say, men didn't really approach us. Love that.
01:11:54
Speaker
I did something similar, except I was flashing my engagement ring. I was like, don't talk to me. And that worked. I literally had a guy come up, like he started to come over and then he's like. And you're like, yeah. The listeners, I'm like pointing to my ring finger and yeah. And I was like, yeah, no, not happening. That's sweet that he asked. I mean, I guess, but the bar is low.
01:12:17
Speaker
Okay, that's literally what I was gonna be like, really? That's where we're at? Yes. That's sweet that he pointed to his finger. Do your ownership ring. Are you interrupting or not? Yeah. What a nice guy. What a sweetie. I hope he's doing well. He really makes me believe in humanity again.
01:12:44
Speaker
Ah, man, your bar is low. Just two better, man. Who won this? I like don't, do you write down the points? I did. You did? Of course you did. Who won? Wait, we have to give up, we have to give out points. Okay, right. Plus one to Anna for writing them down. Did she write down ones that she didn't agree with though? I wrote down all of them. Yes, I have integrity. Okay, so plus one.
01:13:12
Speaker
Did you give yourself a plus one right now? I did. Yes. Plus one for Marion for coming up with jobs for us. That was very entertaining. That's good. Yeah. Plus one to Kara for her number one. Thank you. I liked it. Yeah. I actually came but I went on my own too. The vegan food person. Yeah.
01:13:35
Speaker
plus the other thing that she got really excited about that I can't remember anymore. My job, it's fine. You'll be part of it. It's fine. Oh, the gardener. Yeah. Yeah. Professional gardener. Plus one Tamara, because it doesn't matter that I give her a pity plus one.
Game Results and Point System
01:13:50
Speaker
She's not going to win. Oh, shit. I think I'm at negative one. Oopsed it.
01:13:58
Speaker
That's true though. Sometimes I just like it. Damn. That was good. That's fair. I accept.
01:14:07
Speaker
I'm done. I'm done giving out points. Are we ready for the totals? Yeah. Okay. And last place, we have Mara with negative three. What? Wow. I don't even know how you got there. I didn't even yell. Oh my God. I don't ever want to keep track past this episode. Number three is Marion with the positive one half point.
01:14:32
Speaker
Kara is number two with one, and I win with one and a half points. So thanks guys. Yeah, we need to believe that. I wrote it anytime somebody was like negative one tomorrow. Oh, you believed our negative one. If they were, if they were cheating it. Yes, it had to be corroborated. At least two people had to
01:14:59
Speaker
agree with the points before I wrote it down. It's not a terrible system. I'm going to try to lose better next time. We hope so. Well, congratulations on winning, Anna. I wouldn't have it any other way. I was actually paid to make sure that you won this time. How much is her McDonald's cap? Is it like 20 bucks?
01:15:27
Speaker
It's like a full meal, you know, like a carb, a sandwich, a drink. A carb, a sandwich, and a drink. Fries. Yeah, fries. I know. I liked the way you said it though. I'm looking for pictures of the mice. I can't. Where
The Baby Mouse Photo Discussion
01:15:41
Speaker
are you even going to find that? Like, it's from? Facebook. It doesn't exist. It's from seven years ago. Why would you put a dead baby mouse on Facebook, dude? Maybe you would take a picture of it alive. It's a gross ass mouse.
01:15:56
Speaker
Oh, it was gross? Why? Because it was a baby? Yeah. I'm sure it was dying. Haven't you seen a baby mouse recently for the first time ever a week ago? No, on TikTok. Yes. And? And it looks like a weird little rat thing. Yeah. It's like a heart. Like a heart that has legs. Does that feel accurate? You know, like a little heart. You know, they're squishy. No, I don't think so. I think it looks like a little mole rat, if anything.
01:16:26
Speaker
Well, yeah, but you're approximating it to something very similar. That doesn't feel fair. Well,
Social Media and Sign Off
01:16:32
Speaker
the points are over, so I guess it doesn't matter, does it? This has been My Top Everything. You know, catch us on Twitter, on Insta, My Top Everything podcast at gmail.com. Interact with us. We're lonely.
01:16:50
Speaker
Slide into Mara's DMs. I'll just say it for her. Thank you. I am in charge of Instagram. Let's go. Or like not in charge. You can be in charge. I'd love for you to be in charge. I'm in charge of Instagram. Slide into my DMs. I'm Marion. I'm Cara. And I'm Mara. And I'm Anna. Your winner. This has been My Top Everything. See you next time. Bye. Bye.
01:17:18
Speaker
Wow. I think that went really well. I really enjoyed you as a first guest speaker. That was so fun. I think it went fine. Marian's a little salty because she's legitimately, yeah, third place. Wow. Wow. Wow. Kara, we have to start keeping track of the points. Yeah, Grayson, check my math. Grayson, add one second.
01:17:52
Speaker
Wow, that was really nice of you to say us. I'm glad we got that one. All right, listen to every single episode. He puts up all the blues. Yeah, but you said us like you were included in that. No, I liked it. I didn't want to be so accusatory and just