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2. The One After 'That' Reel
66 Plays27 days ago
After sharing the raw truth in Episode 1, this episode is the honest follow-up to what happened next — beyond the hospital visits and burnout. I reflect on the reel that unexpectedly resonated with so many and the deeper story behind it. What happens when your most vulnerable moment becomes a conversation starter for so many others?
I dive into the reality of what recovery has looked like (spoiler: it’s not all calm and clarity), the quiet guilt of slowing down, and the surprising sense of connection that’s come from opening up. If you’ve ever felt like you're silently falling apart while the world keeps spinning, this chat is for you.
✨ If this resonates, I’d so appreciate it if you left a review or rating. It helps this message reach more women who might need to hear it too. And as always, my DM's and emails are always open.
IG - @the.victoria.r
Email - the.victoria.r@outlook.com
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Transcript
Introduction to the Mindful Educator Podcast
00:00:37
Victoria R
Hello everyone, welcome back to the Mindful Educator podcast. I'm so glad that you're able to join me for today's episode and I'm going to be speaking on something that is quite close to me but very like I feel quite vulnerable sharing this and it has started with reel that I've shared recently and this reel was um basically me saying how I burnt it all down about four years
Reflecting on Vulnerability and Feedback
00:01:06
Victoria R
ago.
00:01:06
Victoria R
Um, and I'm not sure if you've seen it or not. It is on my, um, Instagram and Facebook feed. Um, but I was to put bluntly, I was shitting myself before sharing this with everyone. Um, it's got some photos of me where when I was in hospital. So already the vulnerability was, was pretty strong there.
00:01:28
Victoria R
um and i was like, Oh, do I put this out there or not? I wasn't sure. i was I was having lots of doubts about it, but I was like, nope, let's do this.
00:01:40
Victoria R
um Why not? You know, sometimes we have to let ourselves be a little bit vulnerable. And I must say the response to it has been a little bit overwhelming because I even had a mum come up to me today and say, thank you so much for sharing that.
Pressures, Expectations, and Neglecting Needs
00:01:56
Victoria R
And i was like, oh, now I'm going to preface this by saying when you post things on social media and then people comment on you in real life, i've I find I'm still getting used to that. Like it's still something, especially being in a small town I'm still like, oh, that's right. Everyone sees it.
00:02:14
Victoria R
And don like this part of me goes, oh, my goodness. um But it was really lovely of her to come up and say that. And she commented on the fact that that's how she's been feeling recently. she um She's been very feeling very out of alignment. Like, yeah, you know, she's got two young children herself. And she goes, just thank you. She just said, thank you so much for sharing this. And she goes, it's really made me think about my own life at the moment.
00:02:40
Victoria R
And straight away, I was like, there, that's the reason why ah felt the need to share this for just one person to go, this has really helped me, um has made it all worth it, has made me being very vulnerable, totally worth it.
00:02:57
Victoria R
And it just has made me wonder because I know she even commented, she's like, I reckon a lot of us are actually feeling like this. And I do agree with her. i think there's so many of us that ah just going through the motions, doing what we think is right, saying yes to all the things, um you know, trying to to be everything to everybody, that we're not being who we should be to ourselves.
00:03:23
Victoria R
And that's essentially what this reel was saying. i i was doing that. I was trying to to be all the things. um And at that time, I had my previous business and when I actually reflect on it, there had been so much happening in the lead up to me kind of hitting rock bottom, I guess, that I'm like, how on earth did I keep going for so long? So to give you a little bit of perspective in the, like, not even the months, like in the years, probably leading up to it. So obviously I already had my three children. now After each of my three kids, I
00:03:58
Victoria R
had major postpartum hemorrhages. So straight away, I was kind of on the back foot. I know there's a lot of other women that whatever their birth experiences are, um not all of them walk out feeling amazing. And we're then, you know, in charge of a little human that we've got to look after and make sure they survive and that we survive. And so straight away, you kind of just put on the back burner because their needs
Health Issues and Life Stressors
00:04:27
Victoria R
overtake our own.
00:04:28
Victoria R
And I know for me, um obviously losing that much blood and stuff when, you know, during the labour process, it meant that my body obviously took a while to recover from it.
00:04:39
Victoria R
um And it affected things like, you know, the breastfeeding and, you know, my own energy levels, all the rest of it. But at the time, I didn't really realise. You just get on with it. It's just one of those things. You get on with it. so you know, i I had three kids in the space of um just over four years. so you can imagine the toll that that would have taken um my body. So that was kind of, you know, if that had happened. And then ah know one of my children ended up, we had to take them down in an ambulance to Perth. It was an emergency.
00:05:12
Victoria R
i got an infection in their neck and it had, yeah, pretty much we spent a week down at PCH down in Perth um with them on very strong antibiotics. And again,
00:05:24
Victoria R
it's one of those things that you just get on with at the time, but the hidden effects and the hidden toll that it has on your body, you don't really realize um until much later. And then there was also the stress of where we're going to live. So we were renting um a house and it was fine and then it sold. And so we had to really quickly try and find something else. And there was nothing in town at the time.
00:05:48
Victoria R
And I still remember, I was just like, Oh my God, like, what are we going to do? We're going up out on the bloody streets. like At the time we couldn't actually buy our own house because my husband's business was so new that we weren't able to get a loan at that time.
00:06:00
Victoria R
So we had to kind of, we're in that in awkward in between phase, which if you've ever been, you know, kind of waiting on that, you'll know where I'm coming from. So we couldn't actually um buy our own house at the time.
00:06:11
Victoria R
And so we we had to rent. And thankfully another lady in town came through and managed to organise a rental. But again, you can imagine like all this kind of just stacking on top and you just, like I said, we just, we just keep going.
00:06:28
Victoria R
And this is not including the the day-to-day stuff that, you know, what we're trying to do, um you know, there're just life really. And then, yeah, i that's kind of when I hit not long after that. I reckon it was probably, how long have we been in the house?
00:06:46
Victoria R
it probably would have been about six six months or so, maybe a little bit longer. And that's kind of when it all came to a head for me. And it actually wasn't until I started with my naturopath, who I'm still working with, that we sat down and we actually spoke. And she's like, I want your full history.
00:07:02
Victoria R
She goes, I want to know kind of everything. And I think that consult went for about two hours. And it was me kind of outlining all of the things like, you know, things that happen, what I was like as a child, through a teen, through the teen years, into my adulthood, all the rest of it.
00:07:16
Victoria R
And when you actually stop and look at it's like, oh, okay. So you kind of, You've got your stress is starting and then yeah another one's getting stacked on and then another one and another one. And amongst all that, you're not really taking the time to stop and recover and repair from it.
00:07:33
Victoria R
So it any surprise that so many of us then hit burnout, that so many of us, our bodies are screaming at us and giving us all these signs that we're most of the time ignoring because we just don't have time,
Ignoring Burnout and Its Consequences
00:07:46
Victoria R
right?
00:07:47
Victoria R
to be paying attention to them is there any wonder that we kind of hit our limit and then can't do anymore and the thing is my body had been giving me lots of signs so some of the things that I personally um found that I was going through I kept getting psoriasis so I'm not sure if you're aware but um it's a bit of a skin condition and I always got it at the base of my hairline um on the back of my neck and I'd just be like it was almost like a um like a nervous twitch in some ways. Like I'd always be scratching there. And I know that ah it ended up quite sensitive. And so, you know, whenever I went to get my hair done and everything, I know my hairdresser commented on a couple of times. She's like, oh, I'm just going to be really careful. Like that looks really tender.
00:08:30
Victoria R
And it was one of those things that, again, i was just like, oh, okay, you know, obviously I've, you know, not been getting enough sleep or whatever it might be, kind of just brushing it aside.
00:08:42
Victoria R
So that was one of my body signs. I was always getting sick as well. So I'd pick up any little thing that was going. So anything that um was going around, I'd end up with it. i constantly had colds.
00:08:56
Victoria R
um The irony is I do actually have a cold now, but I know the reason why. So that's why. um But I'd always end up with colds. I was just constantly um feeling run down.
00:09:09
Victoria R
and Again, it was just like, oh, you know, it's just the the kids and their germs. Like I'm just picking everything up, like brushing it aside once again, not listening to my body kind of going, hey, Victoria, like hello.
00:09:22
Victoria R
um and then probably the biggest change for me was a change in my menstrual cycle. that was That was a huge one actually. And that's kind of what ended up leading to me having to go to hospital. yeah.
00:09:37
Victoria R
so ah basically when my body had had enough, I had been bleeding nonstop for over a month. um And it wasn't just light bleeding, it was heavy bleeding.
00:09:51
Victoria R
And as a result, I ended up severely anemic. ah My iron was that low that I had to get straight to Perth for both. I think I ended up having two blood transfusions and one iron transfusion.
00:10:06
Victoria R
in the space of 24 hours. It was that serious. And i knew that I hadn't been feeling well because we were living in a two-story at the time. And I, even going up and down the stairs, I was breathless. I was lightheaded just from going up the stairs and just being in the country as well. Like it's, it's,
00:10:28
Victoria R
Things take a little bit longer. So even though I'd been to the doctors and requested the blood tests and got them, because like um that's one of the things, like I do at least try ah do the right thing.
00:10:39
Victoria R
And the results were taking a little while. And then I did get a call from the doctors and they're like you need to get to Perth ASAP. And this is what you're going to tell them. um And so my husband and I, I think it was actually Year's Eve, we had to head down to Perth.
00:10:55
Victoria R
And um yeah, I ended up admitted to hospital. And yeah, there we were having to have all these transfusions and infusions and whatever the heck they were. um And they're like, so what took you so long to get help?
00:11:13
Victoria R
That's what they actually said. I'm like, what took you so long to get help? and I'm like, well, it wasn't for lack of trying. And I had actually called um a gynecologist that I'd seen at the time and they brushed my call off pretty much. I'd i'd said to them, I'm like, listen, this is what's happening. And they're like, oh, oh yeah, such and such will get back to you if she sees it as a concern. And I think this was after it so two or three weeks by that point.
00:11:39
Victoria R
And I never heard back and was like, oh, okay. So that's when was like, oh, maybe I need to go to the local doctors and Yeah, thankfully, they were a bit more onto it for me.
00:11:51
Victoria R
i I haven't been back to that gynecologist, needless to say. No surprises there. um Yeah, so that that was kind of the the beginning of the end, I guess you could say, in terms of
Rebuilding Health and Seeking Support
00:12:05
Victoria R
what I was going through. so that then led to a few other procedures that needed to happen. And yeah, it was, it was kind of the buck stops here. i was like, my body has been screaming at me for months, sometimes years that something wasn't right.
00:12:23
Victoria R
And it took that long for me to, to go all right, well, something needs to change. And The thing was, it it wasn't just me that was being affected. It was everyone around me. Like I i literally was that mum that yells.
00:12:41
Victoria R
I was yelling constantly because my threshold of tolerance was so low that I just, I couldn't handle it. I literally could not handle it.
00:12:53
Victoria R
And you know, my husband would come home and, or if he was late for whatever reason, oh my God, like, you know, it was like the world was ending. i'd be like, when are you home? Like, I need you home. I need your help.
00:13:07
Victoria R
And, you know, that anxiety, was like, I need you here. Like, I can't keep doing this on my own. And, you know, then the kids would come and ask me, I'm like, not now, not now. I can't like, just go away. Like, you know, and I look back and I like, it makes me really upset to think about,
00:13:23
Victoria R
the the version of me that they got during that time because it was a really shit version it was not I was not the mum I was not the wife I was not the person that I wanted to be in those times um oh let's see a moment um and it took all this happening for me to finally realize that this isn't okay this isn't right like I I kept trying to ignore what was going on and I kept trying to ignore the signs that my body was screaming at me to pay attention to.
00:13:57
Victoria R
And even now I speak to friends and I speak to other women and, you know, we always almost make it out like it's a bit of, oh, it's fine. It's a bit of a joke, but it's not, it's not fine.
00:14:11
Victoria R
And if you are feeling this way, if you are noticing that, you know, perhaps your body has started giving you little signals or little signs that things aren't right, little niggles that, oh, that's a bit odd for me.
00:14:23
Victoria R
um i urge you to please pay attention to them, right? If you find that your threshold is so low that all you're doing is screaming and or yelling or snapping or you're so irritable all the time that you just literally cannot handle the smallest thing, then again, please,
00:14:42
Victoria R
please pay attention to these signs. um This is where I ah really want to help others see all these things before they end up the way I did.
00:14:53
Victoria R
um Before you have to go to hospital for, you know, three different bloody yeah lots of transfusions, I don't want you to have to end up in that um in that space, and that at that level.
00:15:05
Victoria R
um So start paying attention to the signs now because they will be there. And even just knowing how you feel within yourself, when you feel, i don't know if numb is the right word, but when you're feeling just like nothing brings you joy, when there's nothing that, like you just don't enjoy it, it's just you're literally going through the motions every day.
00:15:30
Victoria R
And this can be really hard to pick up as well because when you are in the thick of it with young children, it can be really hard to recognize that because it does feel like that some days. Like it just, it does feel really monotonous. It does feel like, you know, groundhog day sometimes.
00:15:46
Victoria R
Um, but I think you will also know if you, if you're not finding those little sparks of joy, if you're not, um, yeah, if if you, yeah, you just, you know yourself, you know yourself.
00:15:57
Victoria R
And if you're finding that you're not coming back to yourself and coming back to, to how you're feeling, um, again, I really urge you to, to take note of that, um, to have that self-awareness, which can be a really tricky thing to get your head around, especially when there is so much other stuff happening.
00:16:15
Victoria R
Um, so, For me, it was, that was my huge wake-up call. And that's what I mean. Like I i did hit burnout. My body, my body wasn't letting me go on anymore.
00:16:27
Victoria R
It had tried warning me. and had tried giving me all the signs and signals. And was like, eh, it'll be fine. I just keep pushing through. And it wouldn't let me anymore. I wasn't able to push through.
00:16:40
Victoria R
And so kind of since then, it's been a case of rebuilding that. And i look back now and I'm like, you know, even if, after we'd had that um where I had to take one of my children to hospital like we were down there for a week it it was a very stressful situation but in saying that I also knew they were going to be okay um I think that's where the mum intuition had come in like I knew ah knew we'd received the help we I knew that something wasn't right which is why we went to emergency but once we'd received the help I knew that they were going to be okay and I knew that deep within like I
00:17:16
Victoria R
I do trust my intuition in that regard. And they were, they were fine. like we We were onto it. We sorted it. We're in the best place. And I thought I was holding onto to it so well. I honestly, i was like, yeah, I am handling this.
00:17:28
Victoria R
Okay. But I was eating chocolate in copious amounts. I think I put on a lot of weight after that because when I'm stressed, I stress eat. I'm one of those people that, that eats when they're stressed, not the opposite.
00:17:42
Victoria R
um But if I had just taken the time after that and recognize that that was actually a pretty traumatic thing to go through and honored that things might've been a little bit different, but I ignored it I kept going.
00:17:58
Victoria R
We've just got to to keep soldiering on. And it's like, well, I think this is where we need to honour ourselves a little bit more and honour the fact that our bodies do go through a lot of stress. And when we do go through stress like that, it does need the chance to recover.
00:18:12
Victoria R
So even if that means letting other people down so that we can recover, it's something that we might need to do. So cancelling appointments, cancelling obligations, it has to be done at times.
00:18:23
Victoria R
And I didn't do that. I just kept, kept going. i think, you know, at the time I had an e-commerce business. So, you know, we're doing, you know, new product launches, all the rest of it. I didn't need to be doing any of that at that time.
00:18:35
Victoria R
I should have just taken, you know, even a couple of weeks or a week or whatever it was afterwards to just let my nervous system regulate again. And I didn't. And, I know that I've spoken to other women who have gone through things where, you know, maybe a child has ended up in hospital or a husband has ended up in hospital or there's been some type of emergency.
00:18:58
Victoria R
And then, you know, they're back at work you know, the next day when they get home or whatever it might be. And I think this is sometimes where as, as a society, we're we're getting it a little wrong there. Actually, should not a little wrong. We're getting it very wrong.
00:19:11
Victoria R
This is where we do need to bring in those villages and support each other and go, you know what, you've just been through a major stress event on your body. You need to take some time, you know, let us help.
00:19:25
Victoria R
And, you know, pick up some of the pieces or get someone else to do that shift for you or whatever it might be. and this is where we really need to tune into ourselves a whole lot more and also call on that village that we have around us.
00:19:41
Victoria R
And so if you have had anything like that happen, if you've had any major stress events, um please take that time. Please take that downtime to rest and recover.
00:19:54
Victoria R
Your body will thank you. Your nervous system will thank you. Your mental health will thank you. And at the end of the day, it means that you're going to be a much better woman, ah much better person.
Recognizing Stress and Finding Help
00:20:06
Victoria R
If you're a mother, you'll be a much better mother. You know, it's it's actually in the long run, it is going to benefit everyone around you because they're not getting the dregs of you, they're getting the best of you. And like I said, this is where we really need to rethink how we're doing things in out this day and age.
00:20:24
Victoria R
And so i just, what I want you to take away from this is just firstly recognizing the signs that your body is giving you.
00:20:35
Victoria R
What is your body telling you? If you are constantly ending up sick, why are you ending up sick? What are you doing that is causing all this to happen?
00:20:46
Victoria R
If you're finding that you are so impatient, so just constantly feeling frazzled, just not able to to focus and put up with anything kind of out of the ordering. Like if if your child's having an absolute meltdown, are you joining them in the meltdown or are you able to hold that space for them?
00:21:08
Victoria R
If you're joining them in the meltdown and not and you're having a meltdown of your own, you're probably at your capacity without realising. if you're able to hold that space for them, then that's a good thing because that's when you know that you've got you've got that extra that you can give.
00:21:25
Victoria R
And that's a really good way to kind of work it out as well. you know Are you able to hold space or are you joining them in the chaos? So have a bit of a think about that. um I know that's probably one of the biggest changes for me as well is if my children are having a meltdown now,
00:21:42
Victoria R
I actually do have the capacity to hold space for them, which I could never do before. I literally used to join them in meltdown. I would be crying and screaming and carrying on as well.
00:21:55
Victoria R
um It wasn't a very ah calm household and back then. And that is, i think, one of the things that i'm I'm so grateful that all this has happened because now I can do that.
00:22:08
Victoria R
I can be that safe space for my children. that they need when they are having those big emotions instead of joining them in it. And it's very confronting when you kind of realise, oh, okay, I probably wasn't doing the best back then, was I? like I wasn't really doing right by you when i when I just sat there and joined you in that.
00:22:32
Victoria R
um But once you kind of bring an awareness to it, it's a big key and you can start making those changes. So i said, just pay attention to those signs, signs of your body, signs of your patients and your threshold.
00:22:48
Victoria R
If you ah noticing changes in your cycle as well, your menstrual cycle, please pay attention to that. um It was too early for me to be going through perimenopause. It wasn't that.
00:23:00
Victoria R
um I was too young for that to be happening. and My hormones in blood tests were coming back regular, so it wasn't a case of that. um And then if you are finding that your you're kind of like you're going, yeah, okay, i think I think I've kind of reached my threshold, please get help.
00:23:20
Victoria R
There is so much different ways of getting help. um For me personally, signed up with my naturopath and I'm going to get her on because she's freaking awesome.
00:23:32
Victoria R
um Love her. She has been a key part life. me getting back to a more regulated state and I owe her so much um just in the yeah even just holding that space for me in one of those very first consults but I could go back and talk for two hours about everything that had happened and it gave her a really clear picture as well and there's not many not many health professionals that um will take that time so that for me She has been a key part of my recovery.
00:24:04
Victoria R
And i also chose to work with a coach as well during that time um who also was able to hold that space and bring awareness to things that maybe I hadn't seen because i was a little bit too close to it. so there is definitely lots of help out there.
00:24:20
Victoria R
There is psychologists that you can go speak to. There is your doctor. fairies Honestly, there are so many professionals out there that can help. um There are other coaches like myself that are able to guide you in that regard. There is honestly, that the amount of help out there now, it makes me so happy that we have got so many options and that we're not afraid to talk about these things anymore because it means that as women, we can get the help we need and it doesn't have to be taboo the way it might've been back in the day. So yes, please make sure that you're finding someone that you can can chat to about this and
00:24:58
Victoria R
Listen to your intuition as to what feels right. Your intuition might have kind of taken a backseat the last few years, but it is still there. So try and tune into her a little bit more and she will help guide you as well.
Conclusion and Encouragement for Self-Care
00:25:11
Victoria R
So thank you for listening to this episode. It has been a bit of a vulnerable episode for me. I'm getting a little bit emotional at some points, but at the end of the day, I hope that it helps those of you that need to hear this message because I think there's more of us out there than we realise.
00:25:27
Victoria R
um And I think we need to recognise that It's okay to stop. It's okay to rest. It's okay to go have a day nap. These things are all okay. Let's start making that a little bit normal um instead of just trying to push through and be the martyr to everyone.
00:25:44
Victoria R
All right. If you have any feedback, I'd love to hear it. If you have any questions, please reach out. I am more than happy to have a chat with you. All right, everyone. Enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you so much for listening and I'll speak to you soon.