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16: Top 3 Worst Topics for a First Date
63 Plays1 year ago
Some of us have been on many, many first dates. Too many to count. Others, just a handful - not because we're losers! But because we're not shameful promiscuous hoes like Mara and Cara. Join us as we list the worst topics to bring up on a first date.
Broached subjects: burn my Kindle when I die, BookTok, crazy enneagram girls, CHIPS WITHOUT DIP?!?, "the divorce," Tonks and her flesh prison, promotional human teeth, the pointlessness of sports, proper vacuuming time length, Do I Like You or Do I Like Me?, don't let Marian know you have vices, don't let Mara know you like her, don't let Cara know you're insecure, Are We Brats?
Follow us at @MyTopEverything on Insta for updates! Email us at mytopeverythingpodcast@gmail.com with topic suggestions, comments, or questions.
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Transcript
Opening Remarks on Boundary Waters Fire
00:00:00
Speaker
I have a point. Did you know the Boundary Waters is on fire? Oh, so it's more than just Canada. Well, they're on the boundary. I was gonna say that. Let's get started. Call me up. If I wear my lips and I wear my chopstick, where would I meet today?
00:00:30
Speaker
If you were my lips and I were my chapstick, where would I find me now?
Worst First Date Topics: An Introduction
00:00:59
Speaker
Welcome to my Top Everything, a podcast where the three best friends in the whole entire world come together as experts, knowing everything about every subject to argue about them. I'm Marion. I'm Kara. And I'm Mara.
00:01:00
Speaker
Excellent.
00:01:20
Speaker
And thank you for joining us today on this beautiful, beautiful day. Today, our topic is top three worst topics to bring up on a first date, unless there are any updates from anyone that you wanted to bring up. I don't got any. I should consult the list before we get on for updates, because I like what episode airs before this.
00:01:44
Speaker
I need to I need to have like a running list of things to go back and look at. Yeah, I just I'm editing our top annoying TV leads and in it, I'm like, oh, maybe I'll watch Will and Grace for a bit and then get back to you on whether or not I agree with the whole grace thing. So I got to do that for an update. Just got reminded.
Forgetting Episode Updates
00:02:00
Speaker
Amanda is here right now. Not in my apartment, but.
00:02:03
Speaker
she's here visiting and I referenced that episode because she was like, yeah, I listen to every episode. And it was, we were talking later about doctor stuff and I referenced the house thing. And she was like, I don't know what you're talking about. It was like, Oh, so you don't listen to every episode. Turns out
00:02:19
Speaker
You're gonna need to apologize to her. Eat your words. We should have had her on here tonight. I feel like she's been on so many first dates that it would have been good. It would have been good. It was geological mysteries right before this. Great. Which I did not excel at. And I don't want to revisit. I have zero updates. You brought it up.
00:02:44
Speaker
Oh, I see where you're talking about. Gotcha.
Researching Date Conversation Faux Pas
00:02:47
Speaker
Yeah, I was like, what? That took me so long. OK, let's let's get into it. Yeah. How about just straight out the gate. Any comments on the topic before we just? Yeah, I have a lot of comments. One, I made my list on my own, but I went out there and looked. Wow, for the first time ever. Should we give a round of applause, slow clap, everybody? A round of applause, everybody. Oh, my God. Put those claws together.
00:03:12
Speaker
Why did you bring up the fact that you, for the first time ever, did this list all by yourself? First of all, is that the first time ever? Just going to put that out there. Well, good enough that you felt like you needed to note it. One of the only times. Yeah, one of the only times. That's funny. This is one of the first times that I've asked for help because I just haven't been on many first dates.
00:03:36
Speaker
Wow, Bragg. Yeah. That's cool. Tight. Me either. So Cara, you said that you didn't use the internet. I did. So I made my list without the internet, but I went out there to see what was up because that's what I do every time. And people have strong opinions about what to bring or not bring up on dates. And I
00:04:02
Speaker
fear saying things for what might be on your list, but I will say that the idea of not bringing up politics or religion on a first date might be an error. I feel like you got to suss them out early, you know? You got to know. That was on every single list I saw. Yeah, no. Those are hard deal breakers that most people don't really change about. And I just, I'd like to know upfront if you're intolerant
00:04:29
Speaker
I like how that is the outcome that we're all seeking, but you said it. I need to know if you're a tolerant person or not. So let's get
Personal Experiences Shaping Date Topics
00:04:37
Speaker
into it. Is this going to work? I don't want to do the work to help you change your mind as a grown ass adult to show you that certain things aren't OK. Yeah, I didn't put religion and politics on there because I thought, yeah, you might. These are these are core values that are going to get brought up.
00:04:57
Speaker
And yeah, weed them out early. That's right. Yeah. My list, everything I'm going to talk about today are things that I've actually. That's what I figured. Yeah. I'm so excited. I broke open the diary. There's some gems in here. So you thought you weren't going to do homework, but in fact, I did. I want you to go first. I'm excited.
00:05:23
Speaker
Number three, so lowest on the list, still annoying. I don't really like being asked what I read. I kind of stopped telling people that I do like reading a lot because a lot of men don't really know what to do with the answer, exclusively romance, some fantasy and science fiction. Yeah. It's like deer in headlights a little bit. They don't really know how to respond. And so
00:05:50
Speaker
Yeah. No. And I don't really want to answer the question, what book are you reading right now? Which is the natural segue. Because yeah, that's between my sheets.
00:06:05
Speaker
Me or my bed, my Kindle or whatever gods exist. And if I die before you, I need you to just throw my Kindle away. Yeah. Understood. Understood. Just toss it in a river. I never existed. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that is it's a hard thing to I think now you could probably say when a man asks you, hey, baby, what are you reading?
00:06:30
Speaker
And I assume that's what they all sound like on the date. And you can just say, oh, you know, book talk books. And I think like that would be a good way to, you know, kind of dodge the fact that you're reading smut.
00:06:47
Speaker
That's not a bad idea. For those folks at home, what are book talk books? Spicy. There's also different parts of book talk that do regular books, but when people are referring to book talk, they're talking about the whole sector of women who read and rate books.
00:07:09
Speaker
books based on their spiciness level and the different tropes. And there's been a real in like embrace of romance novels or novels that include romance. I agree. There really has been. And so, yeah, I might have to try it out. I will say that I saw a tick tock yesterday of women that were like just had like a tabling event for Smut novels or book, talk, book, book, talk books.
00:07:38
Speaker
And they were asking like men to stop and to read a page. That's all they had to do. And this guy that they had on the video was, he was a hockey player and he came out of some hockey game and he was reading it and he goes, and he's like eyes lit up and he started smiling and he read like 10 pages. He just like wouldn't stop and it was fucking hilarious. He was like, oh, this is what this is. Oh, okay, okay. I do wonder like how many like men know what
Exploring 'Book Talk' and Spicy Book Ratings
00:08:06
Speaker
women read? Do they know? Maybe I should be telling all the men I go on first dates with, just straight up, here's some homework, here's some good. I know, they should read it, they should study it. There's a guy on Book Talk actually who talks about like, oh, make note of like, when your girlfriend like doesn't want to put down a chapter or whatever, or she gets a look in her eyes, ask her where she's at.
00:08:32
Speaker
Later get the book, read the chapter, and then everyone in those comments had books and chapters that they're like, I wish a guy who wouldn't read this.
00:08:42
Speaker
Yeah, back in, back in high school, Maureen and I had our own book club and it was almost exclusively trading these books with each other. Yeah. They had a lot more plot back then. Was this the one for Girl Scouts? No, not the Girl Scouts book club. How dare you? I was like, wait, what? How dare you? No. In high school, dear listeners, Marion and I started a book club for our Gold Award.
00:09:10
Speaker
That's it. We got it. Wasn't part of it. Part of it was to do a book club. That was your service? That was our project. We made a book club. Our high school book club. And we had a bookathon where we raised money and we read in the library for like two days straight. Simpler times. Yeah, seriously. I too would probably struggle if somebody asked me what I was reading and I had to tell them the truth.
00:09:37
Speaker
I usually, I have a book that is like PC or like PG. I have a PG book that I'm like, either I've been reading for like six months or I have finished within the last year. And that is usually my answer. Yeah. Your, your book talk beard as we'll call it. Yeah. You have that one book that, that is acceptable, socially acceptable. And you're going to tell everyone that book.
00:10:05
Speaker
Yeah. For me, that's John Green's Turtles All the Way Down. That's my beard right now that I've been telling people I've been reading to cover up. I don't know the author of mine. That's a good one. People are in love with John Green. Yeah. To cover up books like The Spanish Love Deception. Mine is The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klorn. You have been using that for a while, huh?
00:10:34
Speaker
Yep. Well, I only started it in March. All right. Okay. Fair enough. And I am not going to tell you how many books I've read between the start of that one. It's between you and your shoots.
00:10:46
Speaker
Exactly. Who wants
Astrology and Personality Tests on Dates
00:10:48
Speaker
to go next? I do. My number three is astrology or personality test. I don't need to hear what you think other people think about you. I'm trying to get to know you as a person. Unless it's like you are an astrologer, like unless it is who you are as a person, shut the fuck up. I don't need to hear how you fit into a category. So thank you, Pam. That's funny. I was going to say as like an honorable mention to piss you off, I was going to say a neogram.
00:11:13
Speaker
I know you are. You're here saying it yourself. You're saying people better not come at me on a first date talking about a Neogram. I've seen people's eyes glaze over when I talk about a Neogram. I know what I do. Yeah. Yeah. I've had people only remember you by the Neogram girl.
00:11:34
Speaker
See? You don't want to leave a first date being a Neogram girl. No, thank you. Mara's like, I'm going to go see my friend Cara. They're like, is that the one that talks exclusively about the Neogram? Is that the number one? They wouldn't know that. They wouldn't know that, Cara. No, that's the point. I bet I didn't do a good enough job. No.
00:11:53
Speaker
Uh, I do kind of like bringing up astrology and astrological science just as a joke because I find it really funny. And so I kind of bring it up as like a, a tester of how, how much can you joke about yourself? Uh, or like go along with the joke. Some of us don't even know, like until very recently, I didn't really know what the tropes of a Virgo were. So I didn't know how to engage in conversation about it. So if the other person is equally, Oh, you picked them up.
00:12:20
Speaker
Yeah, I make it. I make it all up. I'm like, really? You're like September Virgo. I mean, that's accurate, though. It's really not a good look to be a September Virgo man. Yeah. Really? Female? Fine. But a man Virgo in September? Yikes. August male Virgo? Fine. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You're really you're really trying to get to know whether or not they can shoot the shit. Yeah. OK. I like that avenue. That's a good way. I like it.
00:12:50
Speaker
But I don't want to take a personality test with my first date. I do agree on that. Grayson says, for the record, I don't think Kara came at me with a neogram on the first date. Good job, Kara. Managed to keep it in your pants. Thank you. I like how he said, came at me. I know it's kind of aggressive sometimes when you're in action. Yeah, I've mild out a little bit. Yeah, especially the neogram. I mean, that one's probably one of the more offensive of the personality.
00:13:21
Speaker
I mean, challenge it or don't. But yeah, so yeah, I agree with you. Yeah, I put this on. Well, it's about how seriously the person takes it because they're just making a joke and fine.
00:13:40
Speaker
if they're sitting here actually talking to me about their rising moon or whatever the fuck, we might have a problem. We do have a problem. Like if you say that sentence and don't like giggle or give me some sign of a joke. Well also, are there a lot of like straight men who are into astrology?
00:14:01
Speaker
I'd probably be suspicious right then and there. Did I get another gay one?
Family Drama on First Dates
00:14:09
Speaker
Did I fall for another gay guy? The eternal question. Oh, man. Mary, what's your number three? I got a pick from, I have four, so. I have two honorable mentions, so.
00:14:31
Speaker
I have a laundry list. OK, then I'll do this for number three. This hasn't happened to me. Mine are more like theoretical.
00:14:43
Speaker
like what would be a problem. And I feel like maybe talking about your least favorite family members. Like if someone was like, who do you like the least or like, I hate my dad, you know, like that, that's an, I do not some awkward first date conversation. One, because like,
00:15:03
Speaker
Definitely too soon to be talking about family stuff, like real family stuff. But also I think it's gonna make you seem like kind of dramatic and petty and negative. You know what I'm saying? Like if you're bringing family into it already, it's gonna get weird.
00:15:21
Speaker
I have that on my honorable mention. True feelings about family because it's complicated. And I don't want to know about your family drama yet because also that's just like, that's a red flag for me. And then I'm already in my head talking myself in to dating you. I don't need help. Don't talk yourself. I've already got nine reasons to leave and go back, get in my jam jams, open up about your Doritos and read my next Smut novel. I don't need any more reasons
00:15:50
Speaker
to walk away from this. Correct. Do you casually eat Doritos? What? I don't eat Doritos, but that Marian does. I like- You just open up a bag of Doritos and eat them? How are you eating your Doritos? Yeah, good question. What do you mean? Never. I don't eat Doritos. I don't open up- Oh my God. Yeah, when people like chips, Kara, they buy a bag and then they open up the bag of chips and then they eat some of the chips. Without a dipping sauce?
00:16:20
Speaker
This is madness. This is madness. Dipping sauce. Not every chip is a tortilla. And now he's got some hummus, a little cheese, something. Oh my God, this is so sad. I think it goes like Cara not knowing about pubes falling out. And then this like goes. I'm crying over here.
00:16:43
Speaker
Yeah, I think I think we have to chalk this one up to you being vegan. So you only have like plain potato chips. You know, you've never tasted the flavor burst of a Thai sweet chili Dorito, which you can just fuck up whole world. Yeah. The best I got was the Cool Ranch. And then I learned they had milk in them. So I had to stop eating them.
00:17:07
Speaker
Why would you put milk in Cool Ranch Dorito? Why? Wow. Okay.
Discussing Past Relationships on Dates
00:17:15
Speaker
This is great. This is going to be a fast one. I'm excited. Yeah. My number two is one time on a date, this guy kept referring to his last breakup as the divorce with air quotes and everything. He was like, Oh, I got it in the divorce.
00:17:35
Speaker
And I was like, was it real or was it not? What the hell? Well, he, it wasn't, they had just dated so long that they kept referring to the end of their relationship as a divorce. How long? How long? Do you remember? Like six years, I think. Oh man. Five. I don't remember. It was longer than three, I'm pretty sure, but like less than 10. I think it might've been like high school sweethearts. Okay, here's my commentary.
00:17:59
Speaker
If you if you are with friends or family or that person, I think it's OK to air quote the divorce thing. This is somebody you just fucking met. You're trying to woo them and prove that you're super cool and awesome and worthy of dating. Why talk about a why talk about an ex in the goddamn first place? Correct. Why talk about the breakup and see why call it a divorce? It's not you're not in the inside joke or lack thereof, because what the fuck I know.
00:18:26
Speaker
No, yeah. Or don't give me any reason to ask. I had a picture of a dog. And so I was like, Oh, on the first day conversation, something ex doggy. And he was like, Oh, that was my ex girlfriends. I don't actually have a dog. And I was like, Sir,
00:18:44
Speaker
It's a really low ball question here. It's for somebody to ask about a pet. I don't want to hear about your fucking ex-girlfriend. Lie to me and tell me it's your aunt's next time. We got it back up. We got it back up. So you were like, do you have any pets? And he was like, look at this dog. It's not mine anymore. It's my ex-dog.
00:19:04
Speaker
My ex-divorce. I lost this dog in the divorce. Sorry, this is another guy. This has happened on more than one date. Just men talking about previous relationships. Only one is referred to as the divorce. This other guy just had a picture of him and a dog on his profile. And I asked about it on the first date. OK. And then he was like, it's not really my dog. It's my ex's. It's my ex-girlfriend's. And I was like, cool. Thank you.
00:19:33
Speaker
What do I ask after that? Yeah. But you are proposing you are proposing that they lie and they say they're ants. I mean, if if we are to to if we are to presume that there are further dates, if the dog comes back up, that's going to be awkward. It would be. And it'd be worse. Yeah. Because then you'd be like, why do you lie about this dog? Yeah, I'm already like five. Yeah.
00:19:58
Speaker
Don't have that picture on your dating profile. That's all up for discussion. So you can't, if you're not willing to discuss or it's gonna be weird, just don't. Yeah, that's my number two. Don't bring up your quote divorce and quote or previous relationships. It's a good one. One of my...
00:20:20
Speaker
honorable mentions is complaining. I don't need you to complain if the service is fast or slow. I don't need you to complain that the traffic was bad today. Like the weather, I just, I don't need you to complain. That's my honorable mention. It drives me crazy. If we're talking about the weather, it's never going to be between the two of us.
00:20:41
Speaker
We've already reached the point where I can walk out. Oh, my God. I think there was actually a study done where people are like the worst thing you can do on a first day is be negative. So this is a very run of the mill thing you're asking, Kara, is yeah, basically what every person doesn't want is for somebody to sit there and be a Debbie Downer. So, yeah, see universally hated. Yeah, surprise, surprise, surprise.
00:21:17
Speaker
I feel like pets are OK. But once you enter into the realm of dead, anything like dead parent, dead pet, I can I just don't. What do you say as the person that has to respond to this comments? Like it's already awkward when somebody talks like, oh, my pet like passed away last week and you're their coworker and you see them in the hall every day. You know, you're like, I'm so sorry. And they're like, no, no, no, it's OK. You don't have that rapport even. What do you say?
00:21:35
Speaker
My number two is dead pets.
00:21:45
Speaker
Yeah. I asked to see some pictures. OK. Do you feel like the pet's presence is still in your house? Because I've had several people, not on first dates, talk about how they think that their past pet is now a ghost living in their house.
Do Deceased Pets Haunt Homes?
00:22:03
Speaker
Oh, I guess if the pet dies, then yeah, that's likely, isn't it? But that could be the thing, kind of like ghost cat over here running around.
00:22:14
Speaker
I'm pretty sure that Grayson's parents house has ghost dog because the current dog like always goes to the same spot that old dog used to and does the same thing. Tonks will be hot haunting my, if I have kids, my like my children. She's never gonna ever die. That checks out. Yeah, that's that's a terrifying idea of a cat.
00:22:38
Speaker
She's going to have a little poltergeist and it's going to be so cute. Is it going to be cute? Because she's already terrifying in real life and I can't imagine that she's going to get less vicious in the afterlife. I would say dead parents is a little different.
00:22:52
Speaker
than when you said dead parents or dead pets. I agree. That's why the thing is dead pets, because I can understand. There's like an emotional trauma and like a bonding that can happen when you talk about like parent and maybe something similar with pets. But somebody's relationship with their pet is so unique, you know, and like nobody else really appreciates that pet as much as you do.
00:23:15
Speaker
Yeah. Grayson just said, sorry. Grayson just said the world is only protected by the flesh prison that holding in Tonks' spirit. Yeah. See how I'm doing? Tonks was unleashed. I'm gonna have to start her on geriatric food soon. Oh my god. Oh my god. She's almost seven. No, she's not older than... I think they have to be nine for that.
00:23:37
Speaker
It's like, it's soon. I said almost, you know? Two years ago. You're like, yeah, she's close to the grave, boys. Any day now. In 100 weeks, I have to switch her over. Oh, you guys. Unrelated. My brain last night.
00:24:00
Speaker
Monday night's dream, my entire scalp burnt. And then I had a dream that I got to peel it all off in large chunks. It was so nice. And then last night's dream, my brain was like, hey, you know, it's fun if you pretend like you're learning of Cheryl's death for the first time. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I was like, fuck you. I was so crabby this morning. That's fair. I snapped at work. I was like, oh my God.
00:24:29
Speaker
It's just me sobbing in my dreams. Oh, sorry. Dead pet. I don't know, cause you can't really ask. Probably this is, I'm going to add what you just said to maybe a list of things you don't talk about on a first day is just like, you're really grim dark dreams that you've had.
00:24:48
Speaker
Yeah, because listen to how we tried to respond. Yeah, we were like, go! And we owe you. Oh my gosh. I should probably have a list that I referred to before HD. For you. Yeah, you have to study for these now. No pressure. No pressure, bro.
Bizarre Date Interactions
00:25:06
Speaker
Yeah. Oh man. Don't bring up peeling my scalp skin off on first day. Let them bring it up first. If you bring it up... If you bring it up peeling your scalp first, it's meant to be. There I am. Damn. One time I used the pickup line, you have some really nice teeth. They'd go great in my collection.
00:25:27
Speaker
How did that work out for you? How did that go? We didn't have a date, but it was just nice rapport. He didn't immediately unmatch me. All right, you know? Oh, it wasn't in person. I was picturing an in-person interaction. Okay. Somebody did hand me a tooth while I was out at a brewery one time. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, it's just, it's right there. You kept it? Wait, sorry. What? Yeah, it's right there. I don't understand. Is it a human tooth?
00:25:55
Speaker
I think, yeah, it looks like human tooth. I don't know where they got it. Why did I keep it? Why am I displaying it? Who gave it to you? I was doing a transaction at a brewery festival and they handed it back to me with my chain.
00:26:13
Speaker
Did they know? Did they know? Did they say here's a tooth or they accidentally gave you a tooth? No, they knowingly handed me a tooth. What did they say? I think they were like just giving them out. Like they had... Is this like a crime scene they're trying to pass out so that they can't fucking recreate the scene? Like what the hell? This is a great topic idea. Top three creative ways to get rid of crime scenes. Murder evidence.
00:26:38
Speaker
I gotta write this one down. You didn't think I was an accomplice, but now I do. That genuinely was my first thought when you said that. I was like, excuse me. I like forget about it. And you just tucked that in and you were like, yeah. Did some whoever you were with, did they also get a tooth? I was in line alone. Like other people in the line got teeth. So this was so it's not a real teeth.
00:27:11
Speaker
It's a human tooth? I don't know. We'll see it. How do you make a fake tooth? Very easily, I'm assuming. I mean, why else will they be giving it out? I hope it's like a dog tooth. I'll just send you guys a pic. Yeah, thank you. Also, have you seen the Bob's Burgers movie?
00:27:29
Speaker
No. It was a musical. I said fuck no. Oh, so good. Can I talk about it? Spoiler, spoiler. There's a point where a dead person is buried in the side of an embankment and Louise falls into the embankment and the dead person's face falls on top of hers and a tooth falls out from the mouth and falls into her mouth.
00:27:53
Speaker
It was perfect to witness and I truly gagged. Let's look at this tooth. Oh, oh, where'd they get it from? You didn't ask any fucking questions when you got this. No, I didn't ask any questions. The line was really long and I was done with that interaction. It looks like whatever makes gets me out of here faster. Sure. I'll take a two. It looks like a human tooth for those. Was it promoting something more surely at all?
00:28:19
Speaker
The times to remember why something is happening. This is one of them. No, I don't remember anything about that. God, I should probably throw this away, huh? I mean, well, I don't know now. Yeah, I'm going to put it back next to my mushroom. You might solve a case someday. Let's let's keep her around for a little while.
00:28:41
Speaker
Okay. Uh, my yikes, my honorable mention for worst topics to bring up, uh, cryptocurrency, just crypto. Yes. Talking about that is just a conversation killer. Unless you made millions of dollars in crypto and you're about to share that with me. I don't know that we need to be talking about your feelings.
00:29:08
Speaker
on crypto, what you've invested in, or how sad you are that you lost your money in crypto, you know? I agree. I don't give a fuck about crypto. It's like worse than sports. If I had to choose between someone talking to me for 10 minutes about crypto or sports, I'd pick sports. Same. Well, unless they could teach me how to invest in crypto and make money.
00:29:35
Speaker
Would you really accept their help, though, after our first date? How good are they at it? Well, they're going to tell you they're great. How much money? They're going to tell you they're great. It's a crypto boy. Yeah, they probably take my money. I think finances in general. Just like I don't want to hear if AMC went up in stock today. I don't care.
00:29:56
Speaker
Yeah, anything like portfolio related, that's a downer for a first date. That shows me where your priorities are.
00:30:06
Speaker
And I don't like that you make money. Why don't you be poor like us? I'm not looking for a rich time. I'm looking for a good time. Thank you. Yeah. One of my honorable mentions is baseball stats. I know I've mentioned that state before in this podcast, but that guy just talked. He just talked about baseball stats the entire fucking dinner as he like didn't eat the stem of his broccolini.
00:30:37
Speaker
I was like, I've never seen somebody cut broccolini so poorly in my life. How did he cut it?
00:30:43
Speaker
It's just like he had never picked up a knife before. And then he tried to cut it with a fork. And I was like, oh man, I feel so bad for what's happening right now. If it didn't work with a knife, it's not going to work with the side of a fork. Yeah. I would say any type of like in-depth sports talk, you can talk about like, oh, these are the sports I watch. This is my main team. I think on my first date with Matt, that probably came up because he loves hockey.
00:31:07
Speaker
and mostly it was about how he plays hockey and then like maybe a little bit but you know you save the really in-depth stuff until the person is trapped in a relationship with you for years and you're on the highway and then they got to tell you all about like Wayne Gretzky and
00:31:27
Speaker
when he came to the LA Kings or whatever and you miss your exit because you're so excited about this really great story that you're telling and your girlfriend's trapped there for 25 minutes while she listens to it. You know, those are, you had to wait until you're further in a relationship. Which highway? 405? No, it was down in the OC, I would say the five. So this is a real story. Yeah, San Diego. I think it was the five freeway, the one that goes to San Diego.
00:31:57
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That's bro. Yeah. I just, yeah.
Obsession Topics on Dates
00:32:02
Speaker
Again, unless people are equally invested in that topic. I think that's the hard thing with the first day is you don't know what the other person's going to be into. And usually people have like three things that they're weirdly obsessed with, whether it be sports or astrology or teeth or whatever. Cows. Cows. How long can you hold a conversation about cows?
00:32:23
Speaker
I mean, how long could I hold the conversation about anything mundane? I feel like I could go for at least five minutes about anything. That's true. So with the baseball stats that he gave you, what was, like what? Like RBI is hitting averages for the season. And what did you say? Oh, that's cool. Nice. No way.
00:32:51
Speaker
That's wild. Is that an acronym? Stop it. Stop it. Please stop it. It's to the point where I didn't know how to change the subject. Because I was like, I don't even know where we go from here without it being such an abrupt, stark segue. It's when you go to the bathroom and see if the window unlocks. I did go to the bathroom. And it was one day I contemplated leaving. Wow. There was a back door next to the bathroom. Kara, what were you going to say about this subject?
00:33:20
Speaker
I was just going to complain. About baseball stats specifically? No, about sports statistics was my number one. But I just sometimes, like Grayson's friends play fantasy football and I play fantasy football with them or with you guys. And it's like,
00:33:40
Speaker
I pay a quarter of a half of a percent of interest to that, you know? And I sort of know the people on my team. Sometimes I think they're the team from last year. I don't really pay that much attention. And when we talk about it as a group and people just go off about that catch on the 50 yard line, or when people at work, people at work, we always start, for some reason, every Monday we have a team meeting and we always talk about sports. What the sports things that happen that weekend were, did the Seahawks,
00:34:07
Speaker
do the thing. I don't know. I don't care. Just the radio on Monday morning has sports with whoever the fuck I listen to every Monday. Couldn't even tell you. And it does give me one liners for the bros at work. Oh, they are like trying to help you. They're like, here's what you need to say to make it look like you're on the know.
00:34:29
Speaker
They don't actually say it like that, but it is like four sentences each about all the sports that happened. Oh nice. So it's very helpful. It's like minimal things to remember. How about that pass?
00:34:41
Speaker
Yeah, it was crazy. They've only done that past five other times in the history of that sport. It's crazy how many stupid ass statistics you can get out of a sport for. Oh, this is the first. This is only the second time that I don't. It doesn't matter. None of it matters. They're just going to do it all again next year, aren't they? They're just going to do it again. Yeah.
00:35:04
Speaker
Cool. So interesting. Do you ever see the old people at baseball games that have the paper stats things? My mom did those for a very long time. Maybe until I went to college, we would always get one of those and she would fill them out meticulously. She and my brothers would do that, get a pencil.
00:35:28
Speaker
You're just keeping track of the game that's on scoreboard, right? That's it. That's all it is. And then she'd be like, wait, what just happened? Did you see it? Can you tell me, was that an error? I'm not here to watch the game. I'm here to be outside and look at some of my thoughts. I was just there to eat Dippin' Dots exclusively. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. My dad and I, we just eat everything in the park while my mom and my brothers tried to catch a foul ball and kept score.
00:35:56
Speaker
Nerds. Anyway, my real number two worst topic to bring up on a first date is any crimes you've committed?
00:36:09
Speaker
I imagine that that wouldn't go over well. You know, I don't know about that. If somebody was like, yeah, I did time for robbing a store for six months out. I'm out. I'm done. That was reasons 11 through 34 why I shouldn't be. I think any vices can be.
00:36:28
Speaker
Difficult. Yes, because that guy that I dated for a bit that eventually told me about his gambling problem and explained to me how he didn't call it a problem. He just explained to me that he lost like 30 grand and that he knew how to do it better the next time. Not a problem. Not a problem. No. That's what happens sometimes. Sometimes you lose 30 grand. Yeah. It's OK. He's selling a house in London. That can't probably be in the podcast.
00:37:00
Speaker
Yeah, but vices, I don't I can't I can't you got to hold back the crazy. I can't show it all up front. You'll never have some like this might be controversial because some people would say you want the vices talked about right away so you can walk away. But I yeah, that's my perspective. Yeah, I had it. I've had very few first dates as we've.
00:37:22
Speaker
discussed, you know, but one of them that I did have the guy told me like and I appreciate his honesty. He told me up front about like how he had a problem with alcohol before and he was sober then.
Red Flags: Personal Vices and Addictions
00:37:39
Speaker
But he had like a bunch of stuff about like using or whatever. And it was very overwhelming. It was like this whole thing to listen to. And it was like, whoa,
00:37:51
Speaker
It was just it seemed like a lot for first it might be more like second date Stuff. I don't know like it was just a little heavy and a little intense. Yeah, there's a difference between Cataloging everything and just being like hey, I'm an alcoholic Yeah, let's do XYZ. I think if you're recovering from something I think it's worth like a tidbit
00:38:14
Speaker
You know, like kind of like if you have a kid, you know, like if you have any like big baggage, whether you're, I'm not gonna, no, I shouldn't say those things. Recently divorced, have two kids. Delete that from the podcast. Wait, what'd you just say? Big baggage, like children. Or being an alcoholic is what I was saying. Which delete, delete, delete.
00:38:33
Speaker
I'll say it, but literally I was talking to this guy and then he drops that he's recently divorced and has two kids. And I was like, that's too messy. I don't want to know. Yeah. But it, but it is, there is a question of like, when do you bring up the fact that you have children? Like at what point do you say that before I meet you? Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I don't,
00:38:59
Speaker
Before a meal. Pretty first date. Let me know about the children. Yeah. Because I think kids are one thing that they're never going to go away. Like if you're an alcoholic or something like that, like you have a vice, that's something that you've hopefully already managed on your own. And it's just like an alert, like, hey, by the way. Whereas kids, it's like, hey, you're going to have to be a stepmom, like just in case you want to go through with this.
00:39:22
Speaker
I have a couple honorable mentions. This one guy talked to me about his terminal eye disease on the first date. I think he was going blind. Another guy brought up that he hasn't had a driver's license for 10 years. Did he say it right?
00:39:39
Speaker
I don't care why. Not a DUI. I do care a little why. But I can't be that stationary. Are you fucking kidding me? And I'm not doing all the driving. Go fuck yourself. And then, seemingly innocent, this guy asked me to describe my days in three adjectives I don't normally use. And I swear to God, all the words I've ever learned left my fucking head.
00:40:08
Speaker
I was like, I don't know. And he, I got one out and then he had to be like, it's okay. Oh my God. So you're saying no, no grammar talk on the first date. Yes. Grammar.
00:40:23
Speaker
Oh, man. Him and I went on like a handful of dates. So thankfully that wasn't enough to. I think I would have liked that question. I think you would. You say adjectives to describe your day. I mean, I don't like that you don't normally use adjectives that you don't. Right. I mean, how does he know what I do or don't use, but whatever. Yeah. Well, say right now, Marion, describe your day with three adjectives you don't normally use.
00:40:48
Speaker
Okay, let me think about what happened today. Yeah, he didn't even give me any pondering time. Yeah, I think you need some like warm up, some like, but when you're on a first date, it feels like if there's a pause, it's awkward, and therefore it's not going well, so it's stressful. Yeah, so lob questions. Know like, if you were born in 1700, what would you have been? None of that. I think that would have been a good one.
00:41:16
Speaker
Shit, I like that. If you could have anybody as your uncle, who would you pick? Oh, I like that one too. Man, we would be on great, we would be great dates. I know we would be. If I were born in 1700, what would I have been? Oppressed. Fun. Easy. I'd probably be dead because I died in childbirth at some point. Well, you've always, Marion, you've always said that you would have been a knight or something, right? Joan of Arc. Am I making this up?
00:41:41
Speaker
Have you said this before? A night? I thought I remembered that. You got any adjectives? Challenging. Nice. That's about it. Well, that's number. And we're good. That's a good texting question. If you're on a Tinder situation. You're right. That's more of a texting not in a real life. I can ignore it for 30 minutes while I vacuum.
00:42:12
Speaker
Yeah, you vacuum for 30 minutes, dude. Let's go to our sponsors. OK. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.
00:42:32
Speaker
Our number three sponsor this week is Grayson. Thank you for doing our sound producing and all that other stuff that you do. Unless I'm editing this one, in this case, I'm our number three sponsor. Pow, pow, pow, pow. Nice dude. Editing's a lot of work.
00:42:54
Speaker
Say that, say you as the normal sponsor, like, because then you can cut one or the other out. Oh, I see. Yeah, like say it as if you are the third sponsor. Our number three sponsor this week is me. Thanks for editing this me. Great job.
00:43:16
Speaker
Number two this week is Tyler. Thank you so much, Tyler, for supporting us on social media and being a wonderful listener. And our number one sponsor this week is Hymn Jinder.
00:43:41
Speaker
Well, Grayson and I met on Bumble. Yeah, a success story. If you follow the rules of this particular podcast, you could end up like Karen Grayson. I just went to the wedding success story of somebody that met on Match.com. Thanks.
00:44:04
Speaker
All right, let's do our number ones.
Timing of Asking for a Second Date
00:44:07
Speaker
My number one, I feel like really puts me in a bad light a little bit. I don't want to say I'm a fuck boy, but you decide for yourself, please. I don't want you to end the date with, so do you want to do this again, bro? I do not know. I'm either for sure no, or I'm making up my mind.
00:44:33
Speaker
Like I'm, I'm weighing options over here, but I don't want to commit. You don't want to start plans right away for a second interlude. No, that's fair. I feel like you need time to think about the bagel choice you want. Yeah. So that's interesting. I've always set up the next meet by the end.
00:44:56
Speaker
What if they don't want to see you again and you ask that question? I've never had somebody not want to see me again. Come on. It doesn't happen. I don't want to tell you in person that I don't want to see you again because men can be kind of scary.
00:45:15
Speaker
So then do you just cancel later? Yeah, you're noncommittal. You'd be like, I need to look at my schedule. I know I got some things going on, but I'll get back to you. We're told, Matt Grayson says in the chat, male perspective. We're told to do that because it's hard to say no. Literally what I said. It is hard to say no. Who told you that, Grayson? It's just like.
00:45:38
Speaker
society. Okay. Yeah, I mean, when I like somebody, I want to get a plan together. And I think also I do this with like, I mean, how many times have I run into somebody just random and made plans that we never actually like, you know, follow through on like, it'll, it'll happen.
00:46:03
Speaker
Yeah, and I guess I have ended a date with making other plans. But you're right, the pressure of, if you're not feeling it or you're not sure, the pressure of trying to come up with what's gonna happen next is off-putting.
00:46:18
Speaker
And then it like leaves me with a weird taste in my mouth about that day. And then I have that weird feeling first in my mind when I go home. Because they want to see you again? But it's the last interaction. And if it's weird, then it colors the whole other previous interaction. Right? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that is what I'm saying. I agree. I don't think everyone agrees with this question. But that's OK.
00:46:45
Speaker
My number one is any insecurity or something that you have low self-esteem about. It was going to be sports statistics, but luckily I had five. Yeah, I feel that on the first date, you're trying to present a good version of yourself that you're comfortable with. Also, confidence is extremely sexy, so not putting a confident step forward is a big
00:47:14
Speaker
drawback in my mind. And I want to hear what you like about yourself. OK, so yeah, like what are you proud about? Yeah, I can hear about your insecurities later. You know, we got time if there's time. Yeah, I don't I don't want to hear about them before I don't care enough to talk you out of it. Marion, you look like you disagree. I'm just trying to think about like if somebody is trying to give an insecurity or like something where I'd be like,
00:47:43
Speaker
this is upsetting but you brought this up or like this is not a good, like this has made me lose faith in you, I guess, when I don't know you. I would say that like if you're like on a date and you like walk past some scooters and you're like, man, I love scooters and you're like, I am terrified of all two-wheeled objects or- That's hilarious.
00:48:08
Speaker
See, I don't know. Another example. When you wait or your glasses or usually it's something physical, you know, like something about yourself that you're physically uncomfortable with and everybody's got one, right? Like your elbows, your freckles, whatever it is, like.
00:48:23
Speaker
I think I would like that vulnerability in a person, somebody that's given it to me, Frank, somebody who's like, Oh, I'm so bad. Like if somebody broke the ice by being like, I'm really bad at like first date conversations, my mind always goes to baseball statistics and I am so, so sorry. Like I know it's terrible. Like that would be enduring to me like that, that
00:48:45
Speaker
vulnerability and honesty about how they feel about themselves, then it honestly would make the baseball statistics go down easier. I'd be like, oh, you're doing it. Like, but that's a vault. I would say there's a difference between a vulnerability and insecurity. You're tying in the insecurities to like how you don't want to hear anything negative talk. Probably.
00:49:07
Speaker
like attitude. Yeah, but like if you're insecure, like if you didn't go to college and you're insecure about that and you like bring it up or just like something that you like feel down about yourself about and I don't know what it might be, but I just don't feel like this is the time and space to bring it up. I will accept that as your number one, I guess. Thank you. Yeah, I like the if you can't fix it within five minutes, don't tell a complete stranger about it. Never heard that.
00:49:37
Speaker
deciding to tell people or comment on things, like if they can fix it within five minutes, let them know. But if they can't, shut your fucking mouth. Oh, I didn't know about that. So like, when you're looking at somebody, if their nose is weird, you don't say anything. But if they got a booger, you say something. You mention it. And they're always grateful. Okay, like, Oh, my God, thank you. Okay, I see. I like that rule. Hair, teeth, like shit in your teeth, not
00:50:07
Speaker
that you're English. Teeth. Oh my god, stereotypes. Yikes. My number. Also, just to, sorry, just to clarify.
00:50:20
Speaker
It's not... No, you can go. What? No, clarify. I don't need a clarify. You interrupt, let's hear. They're like, do you want to see each other again? I feel like it makes me sound a little like a butt. I think honestly, both of you aren't coming off great with these number one, so I'll put that out there. My number one was supposed to be sports statistics. This is my number four. Well, I knew it wasn't going to be good, but I like...
00:50:47
Speaker
That's, I hate that question. That's okay. Yeah. I don't, I don't know. I'm just digging. I'm just digging a hole over here. How dare you? How dare you want to see me again? And voice that. You bastard.
00:51:03
Speaker
It's a struggle because did I have fun on this date because I'm there and I'm a great time. Or did I actually enjoy your company? And I have to go home and I have to decide what was me and what was you, all right? I need time to write down in my journal pros and cons, okay? The eternal struggle. Am I loving this because I love me? Or is it because of anyone else?
00:51:28
Speaker
I need to know and I have to think about it. I just enjoy my company so much. Fucking hilarious.
00:51:38
Speaker
What's your number one? Yeah, my number one worst topic that you shouldn't bring up on a first date is any like sex acts you did or didn't like done X with you or anything.
Inappropriate Date Conversations: Sexual Topics
00:51:53
Speaker
It just sex acts in general, like anything sexual, like, but yeah, talking about those things, big no no, big, big no no.
00:52:06
Speaker
Yeah, because then you're sat there thinking about them doing something with somebody else. And also, why are you bringing it up on the first date? Are you expecting sex after this? That's all I think that you're expecting. What are you hoping to get out of this? Seriously. You guys know this before our listeners. One time I got, I went on a first date. Two out of the three first dates I've been on, I've talked about on this podcast, I guess. But this one was...
00:52:34
Speaker
Another guy from Hinge. We went out on a first date and then we were kind of texting a little bit after and he told me he got like a car. He bought a car. I was like, oh, great. And he said, yeah, it's got tinted windows, you know, so perfect for road head.
00:52:53
Speaker
And I did not talk to him again. That's so aggressive. And then later he was like, do you want to hang out? I was like, I just think we're probably not a good fit. And he was like, what was this? Because of the road head joke. And I was like, yes. The fact that you knew what it was means that you already know you're a fucking problem. Like, why would you say that?
00:53:18
Speaker
No, why was that your first idea for a joke? Like we didn't even hold hands or anything. Like this date was like literally like a getting to know each other. It's not like anything even remotely happened. Like not even a kiss, nothing. And just come out with that joke. It's like, oh man, what world are you living in? Yeah. If that's you on your best behavior in the beginning, I don't even want to know what other jokes you're about to tell me. No. Like that's your arsenal. That's what you're going with.
00:53:48
Speaker
Nasty. Yeah, so. That's disgusting. But I do think, I've never had this happen, but I have to imagine that the worst thing to bring up to somebody is like, oh yeah, my ex, she did this thing with her wrist, and it was so great. Like, I just gotta imagine that's the worst thing you could say. You have wrists like her wrists. I think this is gonna go well. Yeah, I think you've got the same range of flexibility. I love the way you picked up that Y glass.
00:54:16
Speaker
You seem to be like a bra size smaller, but that's OK. I can manage. I will be OK. So it looks like a nice handful, I guess. Oh, this is nice. This is good. This is good. Well, we've we made it. We've come to the end. We did it. There's a lot of bad things to bring up on dates, huh? Yeah. Yeah, there's a laundry list. Why is it a laundry list?
00:54:46
Speaker
I don't I don't know. I don't feel like it's that hard to not do these things. But I think she means the laundry list. Yeah. Laundry list, I think, comes from like when you would. You know, like at a hotel or whatever, when you like tick off what you want them to clean. That's my guess is that back in the day, people would order what they want to have cleaned. And that's where the laundry list came from.
00:55:16
Speaker
I did that in Mexico once. Wow, fancy, fancy bitch. Okay, didn't know we were talking about our financial situation. What a bad topic to bring up. It's not our first date. Basically, yeah, but you're like cataloging your clothing that you sent to the dry cleaners. Not like what you want done. That's the same thing, Mara.
00:55:41
Speaker
No, it's not. What you want done to your laundry and the items that you sent there are different. The shirt and the skirt and everything. Sorry, I thought when you meant you're writing everything you want done to them, I thought you were like, oh, please use starch. No, no. Like when you go to a hotel, right? Because Cara, is this what you did in Mexico? You go to the hotel and you check off like shirts, like three shirts, like skirt. Yeah, like I had a bag of things and I let them know X, Y, and Z. What was in there? It's different price wise. So they need to know like how many shirts, how many socks.
00:56:10
Speaker
I had a number, the number of socks. You were right. I just misinterpreted what you saw. Yes. So points, I think I'm going to give us each a minus one, including myself for, we each had a topic that sounded a little bratty, honestly, minus one insecurities, minus one, I want to do this again, minus one to me for like, oh, you're going to tell me about like your vices or your problems.
00:56:40
Speaker
For the record, my number one was supposed to be dead sick. Yeah, but it wasn't though, Kara. It wasn't. You can't keep saying that. Because it wasn't. And you bought the thing up. I have a... It doesn't count. You had to go with insecurities. It'd be that way sometimes. That's your fault. You did this to me. Take your minus one gracefully. I will. We're all in the same sitch. Fine.
00:57:07
Speaker
I will give a point tomorrow for doing homework and going through your diaries and telling stories. I enjoyed it. I kept it PG. If you have a point to Marianne for the family, don't complain about family on first dates. I feel like that's really important for the love of God. Shut up.
00:57:33
Speaker
point to me for going on all of these days. Yeah, honestly, honestly, how many first dates do you think you've been on? I don't even know. I was like, these are the ones I remember. Uh, I was like trying to go through all of the dates I've been on. And I honestly, I don't know. Cause there was a time when you would go on one each day of the week. Yeah. I nicked, I nicked name them Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
00:58:00
Speaker
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Thank you for telling us the days of the week. Yeah. Why just why do you even know it? That you know them? I don't have that many. That you wanted to brag for a second about that you had seven men on the line at one point. That's a real.
00:58:18
Speaker
Nice phase of mine. All right. Congratulations, Mara, for winning. Thank you. This has been My Top Everything. Please follow us. Subscribe, rate, review, whatever you need to do. Email us at mytopeverythingpodcast at gmail.com. And yeah, I'm Marion. I'm Kara. And I'm Mara. And we'll see you next time.
00:58:46
Speaker
Bye! Yeah, one day I'll be able to come in. Are you still doing the three-day roll? Did you ever successfully do the three-day roll? I don't think she did. It's the three-day roll. We told you that you should go in three days to be a person because to give yourself time to maybe like them.