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Episode 25: Navigating Mental Health
25 Plays24 days ago
Episode 25 is Part 2 of a 3-part series about navigating health. Lenise and Allie start by defining mental health, discuss healthy habits, and share their experiences with finding what has worked for them. Part 3 will tackle how the two (physical and mental) are intertwined. Join the conversation!
Allie and Lenise would love your feedback and input. Comment on the episode page, on Instagram posts, or DM them! @anchoredinlifepodcast
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Transcript
Introduction & Purpose
00:00:02
Speaker
One of the best feelings in life is feeling anchored. When the waves of life come, you stay confident, stable, and secure. So how do we stay connected in a world full of distractions? We think honest conversations can help.
00:00:17
Speaker
I'm Allie. And I'm Linneze. Two friends who just want to chat about how to be our best selves. Thanks for joining us. This is Anchored in Life.
Recap of Accountability in Health
00:00:31
Speaker
What's a good lesson on how to speak slower is have a reverb in your ear. All right. Since I can hear myself, how about you introduce our topic? Okay. So the last time we joined you, we talked about the importance of holding each other accountable when it comes to our health.
00:00:48
Speaker
And not just physical, although that's what the last episode tackled, but also mental health. How do you stay in the best shape? And so we're going to pick up part two of that conversation now with a focus on your mental health and We talked about in the earlier episode about how we were looking for ways to get in better shape and how we totally forgot that we committed to this pledge ah months ago. And so here we are with this conversation because we're both in a season in our lives where we are putting a bigger focus on our physical and mental health, just health overall.
Mental Health Prevalence & Silence
00:01:33
Speaker
And so I read a very interesting statistic, and I'm not usually one to go through on out statistics because I know that you can get them to, you know, sway in any direction you choose, but this was pertinent to what we're discussing. And It's about mental illness and how one in five adults experience mental health issues in a given year.
00:01:59
Speaker
But 60% of adults with mental illness don't get treated for it. While we're talking about this quiet epidemic, I'm of, you know, whatever it is for you, you know, high functioning depression or you know, compartmentalizing anxiety, we are going to focus on the importance of making sure that you are taking care of yourself from the inside out.
Generational Views on Depression
00:02:28
Speaker
I am very thankful to live in a generation, though, that does, what's the word? um Welcome. I'm happy to have had bosses who welcome that. I've also had bosses that don't.
00:02:41
Speaker
But just in talking to my mom about it, that's why I say it's generational, because there's things that I would say or share at work or with my boss or really just in general and even just going to therapy in general that she would never do.
00:02:57
Speaker
and not because she thinks it's bad. It's just not top of mind for her. You just keep going. And I'm glad that she has that mentality, but there's been times in my life where I felt like I couldn't keep going. And now I know what it was for me personally, my mental health struggle Not currently, although I guess you could say currently because I am taking medicine for it, but I am not currently struggling with this right now.
Living with High-Functioning Depression
00:03:22
Speaker
But I struggle with depression. You mentioned the words high-functioning depression. Guess that's what I have because you can't tell unless you're in my house and living with me and then you can really tell.
00:03:34
Speaker
Because I'm not fun to live with at the time. So I get these thoughts that everything is pointless. So doing things is hard.
00:03:45
Speaker
ah Just going for a walk. Well, it's pointless because I'm just going to eat something and then it's just going to cut totally negate the walk. That is my cue that something is wrong and I have to check in with myself.
00:03:56
Speaker
What am I doing physically? What is going on mentally? Is it too much? And it can be lonely because you don't just walk up to people and ask them if they're depressed. So you don't exactly know when other people are living that alongside you.
00:04:12
Speaker
And you have to be in environment where it's okay to share that. I've also had some friends not really help. I've had some friends say, well, how do we fix it? And that's not helpful to me.
00:04:24
Speaker
um I don't think it's something that you can fix. I think I have to work through it. It's almost like feeling an emotion. I have to feel it all the way through and then eventually the cloud will go away.
Importance of Self-Awareness
00:04:36
Speaker
But when I went to therapy, i would always explain it as a dark cloud.
00:04:40
Speaker
And as I got better, I felt like the cloud and the haze was lifting and I could see clearly again. I think some of that had to do with, you know, hormones can play a part in this, what medicine we're taking, all of those things. But there was a time where work was very hard, everything was hard, and I think hormones were playing into it where it was a perfect storm.
00:05:01
Speaker
So that's where I'm coming into this conversation with. And I can get in a spiral pretty quickly. And my husband, Nathaniel, is pretty good at helping me with rational thoughts versus i can get really irrational sometimes.
00:05:15
Speaker
And that's been helpful. So he's certainly seen me through some some episodes and I'm happy to say I'm pretty good now. but So definitely depression is the thing that creeps up if i don't watch it carefully.
Defining Mental Fitness
00:05:28
Speaker
I kind of want to let people know the focus for me for this ah topic was about having the courage, right, to dismantle the life that may look good on paper or like you talked about, looking good on the outside, ah building this life that looks good but doesn't necessarily feel good to your soul.
00:05:53
Speaker
And you're really good at checking in But I wonder how many people are truly checking in with themselves beyond saying, I'm fine.
00:06:06
Speaker
um You know, what does it really mean thrive versus surviving? and I think those are really difficult conversations to have. And much like you said, it's it's not about fixing anything. i don't i don't like more and more. I've been more careful with my words.
00:06:27
Speaker
ah Fixing indicates that it's broken. and I have to give a shout out to my son because he brought this to my attention. um He's going to kill me. He was telling me about um a girl and he was saying, well, I don't want to say that she she had a good body because that would indicate that people have bad bodies and that's not true.
00:06:50
Speaker
i i took notice in that. ah To fix indicates that there's something broken and In the most extreme way, that's how I'm taking it, right? Because I think words have power and it just means that it's something that needs to be paid attention to.
00:07:09
Speaker
And when it comes to our mental health, we really need to take a deep dive and pay attention. Well, speaking of words, let's define mental health as best we can.
00:07:23
Speaker
So that we can kind of rope that into what
Personal Responses to Mental Challenges
00:07:26
Speaker
we're talking about. How do you define it? And I probably should um do more research in this because for me, your mental health is being mentally fit.
00:07:39
Speaker
And i'm I'm sure there's someone out there who's clinically trained that would disagree with me. And and I do want to say we're not experts here. We're not professionals. We are just living our truths and trying to share what's been beneficial ah for us. And that's how I approach ah this topic.
00:07:58
Speaker
ah My mental health equals my mental fitness. So am sharp? Am I am i I don't want to say happy, but am I okay? Can i have the ability to calm myself in situations where I'm in fight or flight mode?
00:08:18
Speaker
Mental health for me just means that you are, you're doing okay. For me, when you were talking about that just now, i was thinking about many times where I am clearly just a ticking time bomb.
00:08:34
Speaker
And someone could say something to me that was perfectly fine and nice, and it would be the straw that breaks the camel's back. That's, I should have known earlier. i don't like it to get to that point.
00:08:45
Speaker
But for me, it is actually similar to what you're saying, mental fitness. It is like you've thrown something at me that I now can't handle and I shouldn't be that fragile mentally.
00:08:58
Speaker
I should be able to handle... Anything that's thrown at me, whether negative, positive, whatever it is, you know, I shouldn't lose it because my daughter threw her shoe across the room.
00:09:11
Speaker
No, I am better than that. I have been better than that. And I know what my normal is. And yes, that can normally frustrate me. But for that to make me cry or shout or something,
00:09:22
Speaker
Those are my cues, you know, something's up here. So it's kind of
Nature & Therapy for Mental Health
00:09:26
Speaker
similar. i'm I'm thinking when you said mental fitness, I was thinking of lifting weights and it is kind of exercise of the mind. Like what weight can I lift today?
00:09:35
Speaker
And there's days where it's too heavy and it's normal because of the thing that's happening is too heavy and that's fine. But there's other times where this thing is not heavy, but you're treating it like it's the end of the world.
00:09:48
Speaker
So check in what's going wrong or what's what's happening in that mind of yours. Sometimes for me, it's
Managing Stress in Uncontrollable Situations
00:09:54
Speaker
overstimulation in that I don't count. But a lot of times it was me not dealing with something when it bothered me and then it builds and it feels like quicksand. That's the best metaphor I can think of.
00:10:06
Speaker
It's like quicksand. You sink slowly and then you try to get out and you realize, oh, I'm stuck. So when that happens for you, what's your go-to in terms of either checking in with yourself or helping yourself?
00:10:22
Speaker
What steps do you take? I guess it kind of depends on the type of mental health problem or challenge I'm trying to tackle.
00:10:34
Speaker
So is this psychological? Is it emotional? Is it social wellbeing? um You know, if it's emotional, I'm going to journal. you know, write down every single emotion that is coming to me at that time.
00:10:52
Speaker
If it's psychological, I'm going to try to find some quiet time, quiet time, and and sit and try to sort through what it is that I am locked in in this you know battle
Handling Toxic Work Environments
00:11:07
Speaker
in my head. Because you know whenever there is some sort of um problem and that regard, it it typically starts with you.
00:11:17
Speaker
And so I'm going to sit there and be quiet and try to figure it out. and Those are my mechanisms. I know other people have different ways of of addressing that. But for me, and and you know this because you've known me for a long time, it it really is my go-to writing.
00:11:36
Speaker
And then just and i'm i'm hesitant to say meditation because i use meditation for different things. For me, meditation and quiet time are two different things.
00:11:47
Speaker
So i'm I'm going to be quiet. I can't be quiet. i know. I know. You're a busy bee. I also really don't like silence. Oh, gosh. I am loving it even more and more.
00:12:03
Speaker
As my daughter grows up and things get louder around here, i think I'll be changing my tune. But for right now, i get, I don't get freaked out. I'm just, i get like kind of antsy when it's totally quiet. I need some sort of background noise. That's all I'm saying.
00:12:19
Speaker
For instance, I put on a podcast that I have listened to a thousand times in the background while I'm working. And my brain kind of needs that distraction in order to focus. And so for me, nature is really helpful.
00:12:32
Speaker
My husband does this with my daughter and I'm starting to realize that it's kind of my mechanism too. When she's having a freak out, he takes her outside and she stops. And she did that ever since she was four days old.
00:12:44
Speaker
Just recognized at that young age that she was outside and had things to look at and felt at peace. I don't know what's going on in her brain. But when she's having a temper tantrum and nothing else worked, we go outside and she starts waving at the trees.
00:12:58
Speaker
And so there's times where Nathaniel is suggesting a walk. How about she going to walk? But on the other end of the spectrum, I have been a long time um attendee of counseling. So I definitely recommend that.
00:13:11
Speaker
We've been talking about things that we can control, but I do want to touch on, because this is very important when it comes to mental health, the things we can't control, the environments we're in, meaning that could be home, that could be work, that could be family that you didn't sign up for, maybe married into or something.
00:13:31
Speaker
you You know, that there's things that we can't control. We can control how we feel. I get that. But I think... If we talked about this topic and didn't go into strategies on how to handle things that are in our control, like when you have a job that's just really demanding and things are constantly thrown at you, and if you you like that job but the nature of it is anxiety-inducing or something, what can we do? Because it's common to not be appreciated at work. It's common to...
00:13:59
Speaker
think that the way work is, is never going to end. So I kind of want to bring that up and talk about how we've both maybe
Generational Differences in Workplace Dynamics
00:14:07
Speaker
dealt with a similar situation. Yeah. This was one of the items we had on the talking point and you messaged me and you said, what's going on with this question here?
00:14:16
Speaker
Yeah. And I'm like, maybe. At the time, I was trying to just stress the importance of your environment when you're at work and how it it can occupy so much space.
00:14:34
Speaker
of your mental space. And, and I don't think we, again, pay attention to that feeling. um And especially when we are feeling maybe overlooked in our workplace or underappreciated, that can trigger all kinds of ah feelings, um you know, inadequacy and anger,
00:14:57
Speaker
that may not necessarily be accurate that you are inadequate or that you're not enough. And so then that anger that you're in turn, you know, bringing on to yourself,
00:15:10
Speaker
could totally be a waste of your time and your energy. And here's deal. Even if you're in a space and you don't feel um appreciated or it's it's too stressful, there's that toxic ah workplace culture, you know, those things can be real for people.
00:15:29
Speaker
You always have a choice. We underestimate the power of that choice. And I know you're you're saying these are things that we don't control because we we can't always control our environment. We certainly can't control the actions of others, but we can control how we respond to it.
00:15:47
Speaker
And if we have the patience and the grace with ourselves and the know-how to check in then we can kind of sort through some of that. I've definitely dealt with a couple of these situations, and but more times I've helped people with toxic work environments and what to do.
00:16:06
Speaker
And there is a point where you have to ask yourself, do I want to keep pouring energy into what you were saying, right? Giving myself grace because I love what I do. I'm going to keep, you know, staying disciplined and and set boundaries and all of those things. So this just job doesn't creep into my psyche, right? Enough to where it's ruining me or is it time to walk away?
00:16:28
Speaker
And i don't know if this is right, but I've counseled a few people into just leaving. Because what I'm seeing and what you're describing, this environment that you're in, it's not possible to disconnect from it. You're constantly being sucked in and you are turning into a person you don't want to be.
00:16:48
Speaker
and if that is a priority to you, then you have to leave that environment. I mean, that can be true with a relationship too, right? that That can be difficult. and No matter how much you want to change, there's a certain level of of comfort. There's a rhythm that we develop when we have been a certain thing um ah for x amount of of time.
00:17:13
Speaker
And you're right, you know, I guess, and I never um wanted to look at it this way, but those comfort zones, they can be little prison cells if you let them.
00:17:24
Speaker
I also want to talk about, because I thought about this as I was looking over what we were going to chat about, and I think this might be one of my mom's main problems with it. This whole share what you're feeling at work thing. With mental health though, when are you just sharing too much or complaining too much versus it really being a mental health problem? And I'm talking about work.
00:17:45
Speaker
I think it's very hard to distinguish the line of what you can share with someone either higher than your boss or your boss and for them to perceive it as affecting your mental health versus you thinking something's hard. It's Well, I certainly think that if you are venting and sharing and not offering solutions, then yes, that's a complaint.
00:18:13
Speaker
And there's nothing I can do with that. to help address it, to help work through it, if that's all you're doing is venting and pointing out ah you know the misgivings or what you see as the problem.
00:18:30
Speaker
I need a solution for that. And to me, if you cannot in turn come up with a solution to your manager, then you might want to seek other help.
00:18:42
Speaker
um And I don't think that and don't think that it's too much to ask for managers, because I think we we all know there has been a shift in in the environment when it comes to ah the workplace with managers.
Balancing Emotions & Expectations
00:18:58
Speaker
The prioritizing that people do now. We have so many different generations in the workforce and we all have different ways of how we tackle our jobs. You know, i I'm definitely that kid who's like, I can do it. You give me a challenge. I'm going to leap 10 times. Literally, as you were saying, the question.
00:19:19
Speaker
When is it crossing that I felt like I want to jump out of my seat and say, I know, I know, I know. I am that solution driven person. And I definitely think that that's my generation.
00:19:31
Speaker
and then there are others who are like, look, I have boundaries. This is what I need. And I'm going to need you to meet me halfway so that together we can do this. And don't think either one is wrong.
00:19:42
Speaker
And I think that managers today are smart and they realize that they've got both in the workplace and they they just have to um be willing to listen.
00:19:52
Speaker
But listening also comes with offering a solution. i do not want to hear problem after problem if you're not telling me how we can work through this. So the advice here then, if you want to go, this is, you know, at work, if you want to go to a boss or something, you can come with a problem if you're bringing a solution.
00:20:12
Speaker
Otherwise, it's a complaint. Yeah. I have definitely come to the table with no solutions before. Allie. And sometimes tears.
00:20:24
Speaker
I think it did. Not tears. I know, what my mom said. It does, may i think it made me come across as immature, which I'm not denying I wasn't. I was young.
00:20:35
Speaker
But I think that piece of advice, you know, would have been helpful at the time. yeah Things have changed since then, though, even in the last five, seven years. I want to be, I want to have the reputation of your generation.
00:20:48
Speaker
Like the hard worker. whose reputation? Yours. Oh gosh. ru this We're the forgotten generation, I think. Yeah, because you're just over there doing your work. Right. Right.
00:21:00
Speaker
whereas So we get lumped into geriatric millennials, which is like, what the heck is that, man? is that? That's not nice. Geriatric.
00:21:11
Speaker
But I will say I had a friend. Okay. So full disclosure, my son went off to college and it was very difficult for me the weeks leading up to it. And then the week after, um and I never anticipated it to be that difficult. I miss him because Sidney,
00:21:34
Speaker
He's there when I get home from work. And more than anything, I miss those late night conversations. And I just miss the dynamics of our household going from four to three.
00:21:46
Speaker
And i had a girlfriend. She's, you know, checking in on me. And you were, too. ah asking, you know, have I, have I dealt with it yet? And I said, no i first of all, I didn't feel like shedding any tears when we were dropping him off.
00:22:03
Speaker
Um, and shout out to any of the moms and dads out there who just recently went through a college
Acknowledging & Processing Emotions
00:22:09
Speaker
drop-off. I I'm here for you. i know how that is. yeah Our son was like, bye. See ya. Thank you. i'm great. And I was just like, wow, he's not, his his vehicle's not going to be in the driveway. It's little things.
00:22:25
Speaker
I'm not going to wake up in the morning to him scrambling eight eggs. you know And I told her, I said, no, and I am keeping that tucked away.
00:22:36
Speaker
um and I'll deal with that when I can. And she told me, you have to let the emotions in when they come, because most of the time, that means your body is ready to handle it.
00:22:53
Speaker
And when you keep pushing it down, the more you do that, the bigger it's going to become. She recommended a book that I still have not had the courage to pick up because i i looked at the time I ordered it.
00:23:07
Speaker
First step. Oh, that's good. It's called Things Fall Apart. No, I have not started reading it yet. But my point in bringing this up is when it comes to mental fitness, which is how I equate mental health um you have to exercise and you have to be ready to level up.
00:23:30
Speaker
And you can't do that without first taking that first mile, right? You got a condition, that you got to get on there and you got to go through the steps. You got to work on your cadence and you got to push.
00:23:43
Speaker
And then you got to try for mile two if you want to be stronger and better. And so I recognize, you know, that by this small thing of um Not really allowing myself to fully digest how it affected me, him going off to school, that I am not getting in my mental fitness.
00:24:07
Speaker
So we'll see.
Weekly Practices for Mental Health
00:24:09
Speaker
you You can hold me accountable for that and and we'll see how I am. I shall. I shall check in randomly. I received that same advice when I was younger and going through grief counseling. like She would always say if you don't feel the emotion at all or all the way through, that it's just going to stay inside.
00:24:31
Speaker
So you can either be sad for a really long time Or you can be really intense, sad for a short time. Which one would you rather? And the intensity is scary, right? Of any emotion.
00:24:46
Speaker
i am so scared of myself when I get really frustrated. I really do feel like I could throw a car. I mean, that's the rage I feel. i believe that you could.
00:24:57
Speaker
i mean, I really visualize the Hulk when I am frustrated. I mean, it's like seeing red a little bit. And I know that I have to feel it, but away from the thing that's frustrating me.
00:25:10
Speaker
That's interesting that we've gotten the same piece of advice because that is so true. It just festers and grows at the end of the day. All of these emotions do. Depression does. Anxiety does. Anger. All of it.
00:25:22
Speaker
And if there's not enough space in your life and in your schedule to do this mental fitness, just like physical, then you don't have time for it and it won't get better.
00:25:33
Speaker
It's kind of as simple as
Hobbies & Continuous Learning
00:25:34
Speaker
that, I'm realizing.
00:25:37
Speaker
Of course is. But when we're not in our head and we don't have our friends. But on that note, I do want to kind of mention some weekly practices. And in it is one first reach out to someone who's meaningful to you.
00:25:54
Speaker
And that can help you with that connection. And then also learn something new. Feed that curiosity to maintain your growth mindset. Again, we're talking about mental fitness for me equals mental health.
00:26:08
Speaker
So exercise all of that brain power you you've got working for you so it doesn't get caught up in the weeds. Emmy has as a ah good start to, i think, going outside, even if it's brief, that time to connect with nature is is very helpful. And then digital detoxing.
00:26:29
Speaker
Allow yourself a scheduled time to walk away. So you're telling me. That the scrolling is not helping? I don't think so. i don't think so. You did just touch on how important a little hobby is though.
00:26:45
Speaker
Because I used to think I don't have time for hobbies. i don't have the mental capacity for hobbies. I don't have time. And I'm realizing now that I'm better for it when I have a hobby. Even those things you can buy from Michaels where you're like stitching yarn together and where they tell you where the colors go.
00:27:01
Speaker
Things like that. That's that's kind of what that's what I think of when you say learn something new. mean, we're not about go figure out how to... change an engine in a car, but like go work your brain and it can be little things.
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah. I just downloaded an app. It's called smarty me. And you can like, you take this quiz and it, it will spit out, um, results.
00:27:25
Speaker
and And talking about learning something new. So like I have all these mythology courses and history courses, um even etiquette, eloquently speaking. Yeah, and it just it walks you through these different topics that you can learn. And instead of the scrolling, why not spend that five, ten minutes on one of those courses where you can learn something new. Or if you you don't want to do the SmartyMe app, there's Udemy.
00:27:55
Speaker
um That's a great application, too, where you can find a lot of free courses. from various schools and and learn a new skill or yes.
00:28:05
Speaker
Phoenix, my daughter loves Michael's and she loves those ah projects that they have there. they're inexpensive too. They're like $10. Yeah. I did it. I did it one time and I don't have a artistic bone in my body, but the thing I did looked like an owl and I was really proud.
00:28:22
Speaker
Yeah. And it has a calming effect. It does. And guess what? I got my hands occupied with AKA I can't hold my phone. So it's helpful. We are almost out of time. So I do want to make sure that I mentioned to people to, you know, use the the hashtag navigating health journey and share with us a moment, you know, when you ah chose to put your mental health first, right?
Encouragement & Future Discussions
00:28:48
Speaker
I would love to hear what's working for you. Mary, maybe share some resources that have worked for you as well. And if you decide to pick up the book, Things Fall Apart and read it before I do, let me know how you like it. But you can't get out of reading it.
00:29:03
Speaker
yeah And it's a thin book too, Allie. That's how I know it's going to be heavy. All right. Well, be we'll check in the next one because the next one, part three. We're going to combine how mental and physical health are connected and talk about that. And maybe by then you'll have an update.
00:29:20
Speaker
Yes. And also by then, maybe you won't have the echo effect in your ear. I know. It's so annoying. It's all right. I think I need to speak slower anyway. I actually kind of like it. Well, thank you. I'm glad you do.
00:29:32
Speaker
All right. See you next time.