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Episode 23: Finding Space & Clarity in Our Busy Lives
28 Plays2 months ago
On Episode 23, Lenise and Allie talk about finding space in their busy lives, physically and mentally. Surprise, surprise - it's hard! They give practical tips for battling the noise in our heads and finding time to be grounded. Join the conversation!
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Transcript
Introduction to Staying Anchored
00:00:01
Speaker
One of the best feelings in life is feeling anchored. When the waves of life come, you stay confident, stable, and secure. So how do we stay connected in a world full of distractions? We think honest conversations can
Meet Allie and Linny
00:00:16
Speaker
help.
00:00:16
Speaker
I'm Allie. And I'm Linny's. Two friends who just want to chat about how to be our best selves. Thanks for joining us. This is Anchored in Life.
00:00:28
Speaker
So is this just going to be a counseling session or what? Well, who would it be for? You, because you said this earlier this week. Did um You said, ah because we, okay, peek behind the curtain, we rescheduled a few times, which was totally fine.
00:00:46
Speaker
One time was that it was just back and forth, right? Because that's just what happens with schedules. And then you said, but last time you rescheduled, you said, and this will be in the podcast. oh yeah. You know, have had a problem lately with
Dealing with Mental Clutter
00:01:02
Speaker
remembering things. And this is right on par with what we're talking about, the importance of getting rid of Clutter, ah specifically mental and and physical space.
00:01:13
Speaker
I don't remember saying that. I've been dealing with the same thing. Yeah. I made a few weird mistakes last week at work. Ooh, don't you dislike that? Yeah. And I'm checking. So there i have a job where I send emails to lots and lots of people at one time. So there's constant checking of things before I do that.
00:01:36
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And sometimes I give myself time to work on an email for a week just for the sake of being able to check day after day instead of just doing it all at once and hoping it's okay.
00:01:47
Speaker
I go and check my work last week and there's a couple things where I'm saying, how did I even do that? i How did that even happen? was this the same person last week as it is right now?
00:01:59
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So crazy.
Exploring 'Mom Fog'
00:02:00
Speaker
You know, in all fairness, you have a little one. In the house. I do. You also have ah dog the house.
00:02:10
Speaker
And I was reading something the other day, and it it made sense to me. A lot of moms, new moms, they talk about mom fog. And I never experienced that. And so I never i was like, what is that, mom fog?
00:02:24
Speaker
But in the article that I was reading, it talked about how a lot of moms sometimes feel as though they're not clear on things and they forgot or, you know, their mind is just everywhere. And it's because of all of the things that moms are having to do. And I'm not shading the dads because I know that they're there too or other partners. yeah But what the person was saying is this is not a bad thing because what a woman would consider to be mom fog is probably the norm
00:02:58
Speaker
For a person who does not have a child and a household that there are habits you maintain because you have all of the things floating around in your mind. So to, you know, be nice to yourself if once in a while you forget something or if all the balls that you're juggling, ah one of them falls because you've got a lot going on.
The Minimalist Lifestyle
00:03:20
Speaker
Yeah. You still only have two hands to juggle said balls, whether you have 10 or three. it does. It gets hard. So this concept of space, mental and physical.
00:03:33
Speaker
You know, I think at the time we were discussing this, don't was this your idea, this topic? the We had this idea a long time ago. Like, I think it's been our list for a while because I cannot remember...
00:03:52
Speaker
I'm thinking I was pregnant. Let me just, I think it was that long ago. Well, you know, it's spring and it's spring cleaning time. Yeah. ah my My head immediately goes there. I dislike clutter. Yeah. More than you know.
00:04:08
Speaker
and I'll have, you know, in in my house, the the thing is, oh, if it was thrown away or if it's laying around, mom's going to throw it out. And that's, yeah, that's that's the case. Mm-hmm. I think that there's just a need for a space. And I think that also carries over to our mind.
00:04:27
Speaker
and So for me right now, initially, this was probably all about decluttering because, you know, we're trying to minimize and have just openness, a more minimalist lifestyle.
00:04:40
Speaker
And at the time, that was the focus. But now the focus for me is more mental. um Just not having so much going on all the time.
00:04:54
Speaker
I think that's what you meant in your text when you said that to me. Chances
Saying No to Commitments
00:04:58
Speaker
are. I mean, this month has been too much, really and truly. Do you think that it's because a lot has to do with your kids? Yeah. So how much of it can you control? i think a ah ah common thing that you tell me and that we talk about is you personally think that you should say no to more things.
00:05:20
Speaker
So is it that or is it just the fact that you're in a season of busy sports, your kids are older, so they're in a bunch of things, they have to be driven there, yada yada.
00:05:30
Speaker
Is it or is it both maybe? Well, and I think I should kind of welcome people into the conversation because it's easy for you and I to go right into the conversation because yeah and we talk all the time and I message you and I tell you these things.
00:05:45
Speaker
So if you are are listening, you're like, what are they talking about? I'm talking about the importance and the challenges that come with finding physical and mental space and why both are necessary to your well-being.
00:06:02
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And so with me, with mental space, and I'm often invited to do different speaking events, and my children are very involved. This is my son's senior year for high school, and my daughter is very athletic.
00:06:18
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And I have a need
00:06:24
Speaker
of giving back. And I had someone tell me the other day because I was i was asking for some consideration. ah You know, well, I did this today. i did that today.
00:06:38
Speaker
And I'm asking you to kind of overlook this. And the person responded to me, well, you did those things because you said yes, because you like to.
00:06:48
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And in that moment, I was really irritated by that. But that's where I'm going with. When you say yes to something, say yes because it's what you want to do. It's not necessarily going to mean someone else is going to have the same understanding of the time commitment that it took for you to do that.
Motherhood Challenges
00:07:09
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For me, i have, we have been alluding to a child. I have one. um She is, as much as she wants to be and athlete, she's not.
00:07:21
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She is 10 months. And yes, we're in we're in the standing phase, the pulling things down, very, very active. So you can't just plop her down somewhere like I used to five months ago.
00:07:33
Speaker
And so she's very active. So I think that's Hmm. What takes up a lot of my energy? Me and space. I would agree that right now, for me, it is more of the mental part of it. But it's this always happens, right? always listen to the perfect voice.
Importance of Routines
00:07:51
Speaker
podcast before we talk and then the topic is exactly what we're talking about. So I just I know I've and I've been seeing her on your Instagram reels this week, actually. so I'm listening to a Mel Robbins podcast right now about five things that you should do in your evening routine. And I'm not a routine person.
00:08:10
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It's also some context. Laniece is very routine driven. I am not. at that and I'm just like, good it's my chair. oh like like now how I know. i feel trapped.
00:08:23
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Yeah, I was going to say, why do you think that is? I just I feel trapped. If you tell me something is status quo, then I'm going to do the opposite. I'm just that's just how I am.
00:08:35
Speaker
So this whole everyone needs a routine thing, my inclination is to fight that. But it is helpful. OK, hear me when I say everyone needs a routine because without one, it's chaos. So I'm listening to this podcast and she says, first of all, we make about thirty five thousand decisions a day.
00:08:56
Speaker
Mm-hmm. and my brain wanted to explode and then one of the habits she talked about was clean up before you go to bed and i've always done that Because I cannot stand it when there's things in the sink and things everywhere.
00:09:13
Speaker
My husband is apparently blind this is the because he could live like that just fine. But I found it interesting that she dedicated one of the habits in her podcast to that, which is don't leave that for yourself in the morning because then you're just getting yourself. So I've always been a big physical space clean upper.
00:09:35
Speaker
It needs to be not cluttered. Mental, the mental is where I'm at right now in terms of why I'm trying to figure out why I'm a little cloudy ah and if it's something I can control or not because I'm not really in the same season as you in that I have a ton of things back to back to back and not a lot of the things I do are very external.
00:09:56
Speaker
So when I have this mental clutter, cloudiness. It's frustrating when I can't figure out why it's happening. But trying to set myself up well where my mind is free of clutter, knowing that my physical surroundings do affect that, right?
00:10:13
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i My mind feels cluttered when I'm surrounded by it physically. So I don't think you can ever separate the two, right? I mean, it's really important. No, i I mean, not for me. and The whole idea of leaving a mess, that, yeah, no, we're not.
Mental Reset and Gratitude
00:10:30
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so emotionally, let's talk about why we need space, both mental and physical.
00:10:37
Speaker
What is it for you? ah Maybe give me an emotional description of when you know that you're triggered in that you don't have enough space.
00:10:49
Speaker
Well, I like to think of it as when you go to sleep. When we lay down and we close our eyes, we allow ourself to forget everything that happened so we can go to sleep.
00:11:03
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herh Then, you know, we're able to get that rest. Our mind can purge everything that we gathered in for that day and really open up more space.
00:11:16
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And I guess I look at it that way. When you go to bed at night, And you rest. You are allowing your mind to reset. And so throughout your day, you have to, and the reason you need your mind to reset is so there's space for new things to be learned.
00:11:33
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And so when you wake up in the morning and then boom, you forget about that peaceful rest and the fact that you were able to just let all of your ah troubles pause for the moment.
00:11:47
Speaker
And right when you wake up, you start with the thing. eat oh turn off the alarm. Oh, make up the bed. Wait, what am I wearing today? Or what's the weather? and you just start boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:11:58
Speaker
And all of these things, they start to cloud and cloud your mind. And it makes it difficult for you to be at peace. And I think that in turn, i mean, it just it has an onion of effect on the rest of your day. And then what is that doing to your body?
00:12:19
Speaker
So I've had to and I've always been a person to and I still do this very routinely. b Before I go to bed, I am writing in my gratitude book.
00:12:31
Speaker
And I'm writing down three things that I'm grateful for that happened for that day. But what I want to do when I wake up now in the morning is to give myself three reasons to just remember to give yourself mental space.
00:12:46
Speaker
Just as annoyed as I am about dishes being left in the sink, I need to be annoyed about having unnecessary thoughts clouding my mind. and Now, how to do that, I don't know, Allie. I mean, I can pick up the dish, right, and wash it.
00:13:00
Speaker
and Yeah, it's tangible. But how do you, don't know. How do you get rid of thoughts that aren't necessarily serving you well? I'm no expert, but this is something that I have done during, this is extreme, but when my husband's having a panic attack or when I'm having a panic attack, what I do is i do five, four, three, two, one in my head and I just pick things. So five squares in the room, four green things, two, or sorry, three, two, Three spheres, two sounds, and then i pick something random, one thing that makes me smile.
00:13:38
Speaker
And I just keep doing that until there's no thoughts in my head. I don't want to call it distraction, but you can't be thinking about all those things and the other thing that was upsetting you.
00:13:52
Speaker
So I really try to distract my mind another way. Now, when it comes to schedules and feeling like you simply don't have enough time in the day to have mental space, that's hard.
00:14:07
Speaker
Gosh, remember when I was younger, my dad would say, you don't have your priorities in order. And I'm like, what does that mean? Priorities are not in order.
00:14:19
Speaker
Yeah. I'm like 10 at the time. Look, man, i just want to go outside and run. Yeah. What priorities do I even have? Yeah. i Right. But I think it is about prioritizing what's important.
00:14:37
Speaker
He's going to kill me. I'm not going to mention it. But I asked my son recently. Yeah. Absolutely. Who are you talking about? Yeah. Okay. I'm not going to go into details about what I asked him. Okay. But I said, you need to ask yourself how important this is to you and then act accordingly.
00:14:54
Speaker
And so that's what I'm trying to do now. Whenever I make a decision, i am asking myself in the grand scheme of things, how important is this to me?
00:15:06
Speaker
And that is how I'm going to act. And And it has been helpful. I have been better at saying no. And i am getting more comfortable with knowing, without even having to ask that question, when I need to say, okay, this is a back burner item.
00:15:25
Speaker
And I think that might be helpful too. The funny thing for me, Allie, in talking about mental space and creating it, I'm fine when it comes to meditating.
00:15:36
Speaker
I can zone out or when I'm running, I can zone out so quickly. i think that's why I like to do it because that those are the two times when I am, or when I'm in a savasana,
00:15:47
Speaker
right yoga ah I am just on another plane. I mean, and there's there's nothing there. There might be a random thought, but it doesn't linger.
00:16:00
Speaker
If only I could do that with without having you know to to get mile three or you know sit down and and quiet with some music. Yeah, yeah. So when you find yourself feeling like you don't have enough mental space, is it because you didn't have enough time that day to meditate or it wasn't long enough or?
00:16:22
Speaker
Oh, sure. and And those are my extra patient days. Do you need to meditate in the morning or can it be at any point? ah For me, yeah, it's going to be in the morning, even on the weekends when I'm not working.
00:16:35
Speaker
and Okay. It's definitely because that sets the tone for my day. That helps me to reset. I love how opposite we are. i know. It's so funny. but Because my um i have a trainer right now because pregnancy. Because you're a warrior mode. Yeah, because pregnancy is that what it is.
00:16:53
Speaker
And loss of my muscle. It's fine. I'm regaining it. But I have a trainer right now because she really helps me in. I have been battling some not great body talk recently. Mm-hmm.
00:17:05
Speaker
And not that my daughter's even old enough to understand what I'm saying to myself, but I don't ever want there to be a day where she does start understanding. Mommy doesn't like the way she looks and ever internalizing that.
00:17:16
Speaker
That really scares me because I think that's where it starts. And I don't want that. So my trainer doesn't want that for me either, just because it's not healthy for my journey. If I'm pessimistic and negative, it's not going to work. So she said, we're going to journal.
00:17:30
Speaker
And I said, My friend, Lenise, has said I should journal and I haven't. but I just, just hold on. Hold on. Don't get, older don't get too excited. She said what? She said, i think you need to journal about gratitude. There she goes. Yes.
00:17:46
Speaker
And I said, best I can do is a note on my phone. That's fine. Yep. I'll take it. Yep. So she said, what time of day do you want to do this? And I said, nighttime. Because i number one, things are quiet.
00:18:01
Speaker
Like literally and took quiet. They're not quiet. in the The time that I wake up in the morning, it's not quiet. It's when everybody else is up to. So i'm it's hard for me because she sends me a different prompt every day on the app that we use together. And she said, what time do you want it to be? So I gave her a time of 9 p.m.
00:18:19
Speaker
And so I usually do it around then or before bed. That's helpful for me because I can't go to sleep until the other thoughts are overrun by the thoughts of gratitude.
00:18:33
Speaker
the Otherwise, i sit there and order 10,000 things on Amazon. no because I remembered, oh, i mean, he needs more diapers. And oh, that one little doorknob thing. I got to get that one screw. So let me order that. And that's how that's what my mind is doing when I'm in bed.
00:18:51
Speaker
Meanwhile, my husband fell asleep in 2.5 seconds. not Not a care in the world. Yeah. So that's also frustrating.
Body Image and Self-Acceptance
00:18:58
Speaker
that's always That's been our relationship this whole time is how do you do that? He's like, I don't know.
00:19:03
Speaker
Because he's prioritizing his rest. You need to get your priorities in order. I guess so. Yeah. I've just also never been a ah good, it takes me a while to fall asleep.
00:19:14
Speaker
That's kind of always, when I was a kid, I used to watch TV, which is like really bad, not great, but I've, I don't, we don't have a TV, so I don't have that happen anymore. Anyways, I just thought that was interesting that I kept saying and complaining basically about the same thing to her.
00:19:29
Speaker
And she said, do you journal? Do you meditate or do you do anything gratitude wise? And I said, no. And you said, yes. You said, yes, absolutely. I said, yes, I've heard I should do that.
00:19:42
Speaker
But currently I am not. I'll pull up one of ah her recent prompts. I'll pull up last night's prompt because I think this is a practical piece of advice for people.
00:19:52
Speaker
If you're like me and have been rejecting the thought of any sort of gratitude journaling meditation or thoughts, I don't think it's a good idea because the negative thoughts seem to always be louder. And I don't like that about our brains and our minds, but that's just the truth. So it is important to right size the ship a little bit and put some thoughts into your brain.
00:20:17
Speaker
So last night she sent small wins matter. What is one small healthy choice you made today that you might have overlooked in the past? That was so helpful because she made me focus on a win when I could have listed 10,000 losses.
00:20:33
Speaker
And she made me thankful for my body, which I am complaining about. constantly to her. Those are good prompts. And i think in terms of body image, it and I am just recently did a ah podcast with a ah trainer, Gabriella McLean.
00:20:56
Speaker
And I reached out to her because I saw the movie The Woman King. And you've got women of all ages in this movie. And, you know, if you haven't seen the movie, the physique of these women, they're all in phenomenal, very strong, ripped.
00:21:14
Speaker
And I thought, wow, you know, how are you able to get someone who's like in their 60s and, so you know, clearly someone in their 20s. I get it. Yeah. um But one of the people in the movie, she only had two weeks to work with and they'd never worked out before.
00:21:27
Speaker
And of the things that I wanted to make sure that we answered in that is as we get older and as life happens, it becomes more challenging to get our body to look the way it once did.
00:21:44
Speaker
And that's normal. okay And it's it's easy to say, but you know, in my case, when I go to put on ah my jeans and it's like, oh, I've got, all right, let's just kind of.
00:21:59
Speaker
thing Think small thoughts. That's what I always say to myself. yeah but that's That's how it goes. Yeah. um You know, as you get older. So i just wanted to put that out there because I think a we are all, um we've all been there before when we we get on ourselves about, gosh, darn it, you know, this and that. Well, life happened.
00:22:23
Speaker
Okay. Life happened. Absolutely. And... Pretty much on that topic.
Effects of Stress on the Body
00:22:30
Speaker
The effects that this constant stress, a.k.a. not having enough space, can have on your body is real.
00:22:39
Speaker
Oh, for sure. So, yes, it's psychological. Yes, it's emotional. But literally, if your cortisol levels are high constantly, you're most likely going to gain weight or have some other effect that is not great.
00:22:53
Speaker
That will possibly make you gain weight. Yeah. I mean, really, for women, it's kind of that's what's going to happen. So it's not just because we're saying, oh, having space is great. you should, you know, make sure your house is clean and then have enough time to meditate. I mean, I don't want people to hear us saying that.
00:23:12
Speaker
It's just. But that is what I'm saying. It is what we're saying. So we're clear. Yes. I just know that it's not that. It's not that cut and dry. Yeah, it's not that cut and dry, but it really does affect everything down to your body.
00:23:27
Speaker
Like literally the fat cells in your body. And going back to our mission of this podcast, it's we're both trying to hold each other accountable. So we're talking about things that we are in the process of trying to figure out and we're trying to talk through it, recognizing that it's important, but also understanding that we're struggling getting it done.
Tips for Decluttering
00:23:51
Speaker
Tell people about the two-minute rule. I like this. I love it. I love it. And I have been using it and using it. You know we will be tasked with the decision. And this is me.
00:24:03
Speaker
Oh, this is me. i am Because I don't like to worry. And I don't like to be forced to make a decision. Well, think about it. You know, um and Sydney's prom is coming up and my husband is wanting to know if we've gotten his tux and everything ordered. I said, yeah, well, you know, that's not for another two weeks. I'll worry about that next week.
00:24:23
Speaker
Mm hmm. no If it is something that only takes two minutes to call and ask if they have the size for that tux in stock, do it now. Don't put it off because it's going to add to the clutter. It's going to add to the thoughts that are in your mind that you don't need.
00:24:40
Speaker
You don't have to say, wait, ah did I have a dentist appointment next week? Take the two minutes and put it in your phone or mark it on your calendar so you know. You don't have to go back and think and remember. Yep.
00:24:50
Speaker
Because before you know it, you will forget when I think of someone, i need to text them in that moment because I'm not I can't I'm not going to remember to text them in 20 minutes when I said I would.
00:25:01
Speaker
So i'm really trying to be more intentional about that when someone comes to mind, text them if I want to check in. That's good. I think our practical tips here are some sort of meditation, some sort of journaling, some sort of time in the day where you are being thankful for what you have or what you did or however you want to prompt yourself. They're all over the Google.
00:25:23
Speaker
Ask ChatGPT. The robot's good at this stuff. Get some prompts. Are you using ChatGPT? Are using ChatBots? Man, I want to just get on OpenAI. There are others out there. Gemini has one.
00:25:36
Speaker
use whatever. Yeah. Okay. I'm just saying if people are like, oh, mentally, I gotta go look for prompts or I gotta go on Amazon and buy something. Just the robot, yeah he can help you.
00:25:49
Speaker
But otherwise, maybe think of your own things that you want to be thankful. It's really simple when you actually sit down and think about it. It's really things will come to mind.
Being Present with Loved Ones
00:25:58
Speaker
I'm also working on being present.
00:26:00
Speaker
I think that's especially top of mind right now because I have a 10 month old. And that time is whizzing by. want miss Yep. And when she's playing with her toys, it's really easy for me to just get on my phone.
00:26:13
Speaker
Well, because it's your time. Yeah. And she's an independent player. She doesn't need me to play with her. But I'm going to wish that I could 10 years from now again, you know? You'll miss those moments of just looking at her.
00:26:26
Speaker
Being present is hard for me because... I blame my job for that. Yeah. um Oh, yeah, that's fair. you You can't just be focused on one thing. You just can't.
00:26:41
Speaker
Yeah. um You've got people talking to you while you're talking. you Yeah, yeah. You've got a thousand things to look at You have things to prepare for, things coming in up. Yeah, that's hard. So I'm conditioned, what, 10 hours out of the day to not really pay 100% attention to someone. Yeah.
00:27:00
Speaker
So when it's time for me to give my undivided attention, that's hard. That's a big ask. But with my daughter, I am i'm increasingly aware of time.
00:27:12
Speaker
We were in the car driving to school and, you know, i was asking her, because because that's my time. That's the only time but other than the weekends ah to to catch up and and see what's been going on. I said, so I had to go to school yesterday. And, you know, what are you working on? And she's writing.
00:27:29
Speaker
finishing an assignment she's a very good student so she takes her homework very seriously and she looks at me and she says mom I would really love to talk to you there's so many things I want to talk to you about but I have to finish this right now and I i was just like wow okay She said it to you straight.
00:27:50
Speaker
She did. And in the sweetest way, you know, and then I was reminded, you know what i mean? Like how last week when we were at the grocery store and she's trying to talk to me and I'm looking out in fairness, right? You're you're at the market and you're trying to shop.
00:28:07
Speaker
You can't really sit there and look eye to eye. Yeah. But instantly I was taken back into the market when she taps my shoulder and she says, Mom, are you listening?
00:28:18
Speaker
Because that in and of itself is a practice in decluttering your mind, right? because Because when you're present, you're not able to think about 10,000 things at one time like your mind is used to doing.
Reflecting on Creating Space
00:28:32
Speaker
That kind of just clicked for me right now. But I think your method works with that, the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I think that could actually work with helping to be present as well.
00:28:45
Speaker
Yeah, I'd agree with that. So I hope that people take away that. Think about how you can declutter your physical and mental spaces. Physical, like we mentioned, is a little easier, right? Because you can see it.
00:28:56
Speaker
Right. But do yourself a favor and do that. Yeah. well um And I will say that will help you and then your spouses. Yeah, it sure will. You know what? Engage your spouse to help you. How about that?
00:29:09
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know about you, but when I... will Because we have, you know, cleaning ladies come over. And every time after they leave, I'm just like, I know. Me too. Me too. And imagine that feeling carrying over for your mind. Right.
00:29:22
Speaker
That cleansing. Yeah. We need it And if you... Don't experience it every day. You really are doing yourself a disservice. You're not doing yourself any favors and whatever you think is wrong in life, it will snowball.
00:29:38
Speaker
That's what happens to me. If I don't stop it, melt the snowball, it'll just get bigger and bigger and bigger. So that's what I think my gratitude quote unquote journaling does now. I am, man, i love to hear that. I waited until here to tell you.
00:29:52
Speaker
i loved it. That just like put the biggest smile on my face. I'm going to, after this, I'm going to send you some of my answers to things. Yes. Yeah. Curious.
00:30:03
Speaker
We're also curious about what you guys think. our listeners. So we're on Instagram.
Closing Remarks and Community Engagement
00:30:09
Speaker
You can share maybe some practical tips that you like to do and take some time and reflect about where you can create more space in your life.
00:30:17
Speaker
Mental, physical, both maybe. And then please share this podcast link with other people. We'd love to get in more ears simply because we love having a community of people going through all of this with us.
00:30:28
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it's not easy. So why not have a team? Well, I hope you guys have found this um episode helpful. And yes, as Ali mentioned, do share it with others and leave us your feedback in the comments on Insta.
00:30:44
Speaker
Toodaloo. That's going to be my new ending.