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On the question of Interruptions
10 Plays5 months ago
In this episode of PRIME SPACE, Elias dives into the common coaching myth that "coaches don't interrupt clients." While it is generally true that coaches should avoid interrupting clients to allow them to process their thoughts fully, Elias explains that there are times when an intentional and appropriate interruption can help support the client's thought process. He outlines the distinction between clients who are reflecting productively and those who are getting lost in repetitive or circular thinking. [10:10] In the latter case, a thoughtful interruption to refocus the client can be warranted, as long as the coach's intention is truly to support the client rather than impose their own agenda. [13:45] Elias provides tips on how to interrupt in a constructive way that maintains trust and safety in the coaching relationship. [13:50]
#PRIMESPACEPodcast #CoachingMythsUncovered #EliasScultori #CoachingMyths #ProfessionalCoaching #CoachingSkills #ActiveListening #CoachingTips #CoachDevelopment #BuildingTrust #CoachingInterruptions
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Transcript
Introduction and Series Overview
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to Prime Space, a Prime Coaching Academy podcast with your host, Elias Scultori.
00:00:14
Speaker
Hello coaches, today we are going to continue with the Coaching Myths Uncovered series.
00:00:23
Speaker
This is a series of podcasts, episodes that I am creating to talk about these myths in coaching, the myths that we carry along.
00:00:33
Speaker
And this comes from a prime event that Amy and I created a few months ago.
00:00:40
Speaker
where we covered eight myths that perhaps we exist in coaching nowadays that we would like to uncover and clear up the air about them.
Myth 1 Recap: Coaches Only Ask Questions
00:00:51
Speaker
If you want to watch the whole program that Amy and I did, the recording is in our YouTube channel, so please go there and listen to the whole program.
00:01:03
Speaker
But as I said before, during that time, during that event,
00:01:08
Speaker
We had eight myths to cover in one hour.
00:01:11
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So Ian and I were really rushing through the process and the concepts and trying to give as much content as we could in just an hour, squeezing everything that we could in just an hour.
00:01:25
Speaker
So I thought it would be interesting for us to do.
00:01:29
Speaker
podcast series on them a few weeks ago i covered the first myth which was coaches only ask questions uh is that true so if you want to listen to that that is episode 34 of our podcast and it would be interesting to see what you what you think of that that concept
00:01:55
Speaker
The second coaching myth is coaches don't share information.
00:02:03
Speaker
I haven't created a podcast specifically on this theme, but oh boy, I think that I have shared so much.
Myth 3: Coaches Don't Interrupt Clients
00:02:11
Speaker
in several episodes about the idea of sharing information, sharing observations, feelings, which is so much part of our core competencies, the idea of utilizing ourselves as instrument to support what's happening with the client.
00:02:31
Speaker
It's part of our competencies, and I have shared a lot about this in other episodes.
00:02:37
Speaker
You can listen to it in The Hidden Power of Not Knowing, podcast number 36.
00:02:44
Speaker
Take the can't out of your coaching, podcast number 32.
00:02:49
Speaker
And I'm positive that I shared a lot about sharing information in other podcasts as well, because I'm very passionate about it.
00:02:57
Speaker
Coaches sometimes are shy about sharing what is coming to the surface within them, utilizing the
00:03:08
Speaker
Coaching skills, that's the question, right?
00:03:10
Speaker
It's not only that sometimes we are shy about sharing information, but oftentimes coaches don't know how to share information using the coaching mindset.
00:03:21
Speaker
And that is a specific skill that I've covered in some of the episodes.
00:03:28
Speaker
It's also one of the modules in our Level 2 program.
00:03:31
Speaker
We talk a lot about that.
00:03:34
Speaker
A very important skill embedded in our core competencies and very important for us to have that concept and just mystify this idea that we don't share anything at all, right?
00:03:51
Speaker
We do.
00:03:52
Speaker
So pay attention to that.
00:03:53
Speaker
But anyways, let's talk about the myth that I would really like to address today.
00:04:00
Speaker
which is the third myth that we covered in that prime event.
00:04:04
Speaker
Coaches don't interrupt clients.
00:04:09
Speaker
Is that true?
00:04:09
Speaker
We never, ever...
00:04:12
Speaker
interrupt clients at all and you probably know that in our competencies and also in the PCC markers that you probably that you're probably aware of yeah we have very specific points about interruption and yes as a bottom line we do not interrupt clients
00:04:35
Speaker
And why?
00:04:37
Speaker
What if the client is so verbose and has lots to share and still we don't interrupt clients?
00:04:45
Speaker
No, the idea is that we don't.
00:04:48
Speaker
And we don't interrupt clients because of the simple concept that coaching is their time.
00:04:58
Speaker
Coaching is their time to process.
00:05:01
Speaker
Coaching is their space.
00:05:04
Speaker
And if they need to utilize it to process or to verbalize or to download or say whatever they need to say, it's their time.
00:05:14
Speaker
And we are there in the supporting role to support them in processing whatever they need to process.
00:05:23
Speaker
So as a general rule, absolutely.
00:05:27
Speaker
And it's not just in coaching.
00:05:30
Speaker
In general, when we are having a conversation with someone, we want to give the other person the time to process, to think, to verbalize, to express themselves fully.
00:05:42
Speaker
And especially in coaching, we want to give the client complete control out of the time that we are utilizing in the coaching conversation.
00:05:54
Speaker
It's their time to process.
00:05:57
Speaker
Coaching is their space.
00:06:00
Speaker
So we need to keep that in mind very clearly.
00:06:04
Speaker
It's not about what I think is right or the right way to process.
00:06:11
Speaker
Every person has a different way to process.
00:06:14
Speaker
And we need to give our clients the time and the space to process in the way that works best for them.
00:06:21
Speaker
So as a general rule, no, we don't interrupt.
00:06:26
Speaker
Our job is to facilitate the process.
00:06:29
Speaker
Our job is to create the space for them to process well.
00:06:36
Speaker
So things that we need to be mindful of, and these are simple rules that oftentimes we talk about at our beginner's level coaching.
00:06:48
Speaker
Pay attention to these sounds and words that we oftentimes have a habit of bringing to conversations.
00:06:58
Speaker
Yes.
00:06:59
Speaker
Okay.
00:07:00
Speaker
Sure.
00:07:02
Speaker
These little words, right?
00:07:04
Speaker
These little words that oftentimes are embedded in our speech and we are not even aware that we are utilizing them.
00:07:14
Speaker
And we use them with good intention to show support, to show that we are together, that we are present.
00:07:22
Speaker
However, we have to be aware that these little sounds...
00:07:31
Speaker
our interruptions and these little sounds also bring the spotlight on me, right?
00:07:39
Speaker
My endorsement, my support is important.
00:07:43
Speaker
No, no need to put the spotlight on us.
When to Interrupt: Navigating Client Conversations
00:07:48
Speaker
Let the client speak and let the client speak openly without any interruptions whatsoever.
00:07:59
Speaker
That's the best way.
00:08:02
Speaker
However, here's where we're going to uncover the myth here that coaches don't interrupt ever.
00:08:11
Speaker
Remember when I said that our job is to facilitate the processing?
00:08:19
Speaker
Our job is to create the space for the client to intentionally process the
00:08:27
Speaker
Our expertise is on how well we are able to create the framework for the client to have this intentional process.
00:08:40
Speaker
So that's where the gray area comes.
00:08:44
Speaker
And that's why we as coaches need to be, to have our listening skills, our presence, our paying attention, very keen, very, very refined.
00:08:59
Speaker
Because there are times when the client may be speaking and they may start getting lost in their own thought process.
00:09:14
Speaker
And they are not able to connect the dots or they are not able to move forward.
00:09:21
Speaker
They are speaking in circles.
00:09:25
Speaker
There may be moments like these where an intentional and appropriate interruption can be of tremendous support to the client's thought process.
00:09:42
Speaker
I wrote in a blog post a couple of years ago and then I published the blog post again at the Prime Edge blog at primecoachingacademy.com that I highly encourage you to read.
00:09:57
Speaker
It's called The Verbose Client.
00:10:00
Speaker
And in that blog post, I mentioned that there are two kinds of clients when it comes to language.
00:10:07
Speaker
One is when it comes to being verbose.
00:10:10
Speaker
One is a client that is verbose and has a lot to say, but you can clearly notice that they are making progress.
00:10:20
Speaker
They are speaking a lot.
00:10:26
Speaker
But they are moving from point A to point B to point C. And you can see that they are constructing things inside of themselves, that they are inside of their minds.
00:10:38
Speaker
They are building, they are clarifying, and it makes sense to them.
00:10:47
Speaker
It's been very helpful for them to say the things that they are saying.
00:10:52
Speaker
And clearly, they need to say all of the things that they are saying, even though it seems that they are saying a lot.
00:10:59
Speaker
But it's making sense.
00:11:01
Speaker
These clients absolutely stay away.
00:11:07
Speaker
Don't interrupt at all.
00:11:09
Speaker
Let them do the work.
00:11:11
Speaker
That's fantastic that they are moving forward.
00:11:14
Speaker
That's fantastic that they are saying all the things that they are saying.
00:11:18
Speaker
And they are creating for themselves the clarity, the understanding that they need.
00:11:27
Speaker
Fantastic.
00:11:28
Speaker
Fabulous.
00:11:29
Speaker
Let them go.
00:11:31
Speaker
Sometimes there are clients, and you probably have experience with some of them, that they say something and they start repeating themselves or they start going in circles and then they go to point A and then they go to point B and then they go to point Z and then they go to point A again and they keep bouncing back and forth and they are actually confusing themselves in all of that they are saying.
00:12:02
Speaker
and in fact that they sometimes they don't even know how to stop and how to wrap up and pause themselves they just keep talking because they somehow in their system they believe that the more they talk somehow they are going to find a way out of that rabbit hole that they created for themselves well in these moments
00:12:30
Speaker
I do believe that it is our job, actually, to support them.
00:12:37
Speaker
Remember, our job as coaches is to facilitate the process.
00:12:41
Speaker
Our job is to create the framework, to create the structure, to give an intentional space for the client to process intentionally.
00:12:54
Speaker
So if the client is going in so many directions and they are getting lost with themselves, I believe it is our job to go there and support.
00:13:05
Speaker
But then there is a question of how are we going to support?
00:13:09
Speaker
How are we going to interrupt?
00:13:12
Speaker
It's not just interrupting and being rude or jeopardizing trust and safety, but it's interrupting in a way to support.
00:13:25
Speaker
And we are doing that intentionally.
00:13:27
Speaker
We know that we are doing this.
00:13:29
Speaker
And we are doing this for the client.
00:13:32
Speaker
We are not doing this because we are impatient or because we have something to say or because it's our time.
00:13:40
Speaker
The client already spoke and I'm going to go in.
00:13:43
Speaker
I'm going to fix the problem.
00:13:45
Speaker
If we have all of this mindset behind the interruption, that's not coaching.
00:13:50
Speaker
But if we are there to give a helping hand to support the client, right, in anchoring themselves, that's fantastic.
00:14:04
Speaker
That's different.
00:14:05
Speaker
And I hope that you understand this distinction, interrupting for our sake,
00:14:10
Speaker
and interrupting for the client's sake, for truly the client's sake.
00:14:15
Speaker
And we need to be mindful because oftentimes we have that good intention.
00:14:19
Speaker
Oh, I'm doing this to support them.
00:14:20
Speaker
But in reality, we are doing this because we want to support them in arriving at the way that we want to go.
00:14:29
Speaker
That's not supporting them.
00:14:30
Speaker
That is manipulating the situation for them to...
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:14:35
Speaker
do the process in the way we believe that they are supposed to do.
00:14:40
Speaker
That's not coaching.
00:14:43
Speaker
So there are ways and there are moments when I believe that interruption is appropriate.
00:14:51
Speaker
Not often, but there are moments that interruptions are appropriate and there are ways to do it.
00:14:59
Speaker
So ways to do it is, you know, we can be very sincere.
00:15:04
Speaker
You know, can I pause you for a second here?
00:15:10
Speaker
You said a lot of things here and I'm getting confused.
00:15:14
Speaker
We can even say that, right?
00:15:19
Speaker
I'd love to say you said this word and you said that.
00:15:23
Speaker
What does that mean?
00:15:24
Speaker
There are ways that we can interrupt and in support of the client and the client is going to be even glad that we help them.
00:15:35
Speaker
There are ways that if you are even in Zoom or face-to-face with a client, even your body language can give the client a signal that there is something here and perhaps pause.
00:15:54
Speaker
Sometimes maybe the mm-hmms and yeses can be used intentionally to support the client into stopping.
00:16:04
Speaker
for themselves.
00:16:06
Speaker
So my suggestion here is for you to play with this as usual, right?
00:16:12
Speaker
I'm always encouraging you to experiment.
00:16:18
Speaker
Notice the distinction between verbose clients.
00:16:22
Speaker
What's truly happening here?
00:16:24
Speaker
Is this person making sense?
00:16:26
Speaker
Is this person creating insight and awareness for themselves?
00:16:30
Speaker
Let them go.
00:16:31
Speaker
Is this person going in circles?
00:16:34
Speaker
Am I going to interrupt?
00:16:36
Speaker
Then the next thing that you need to pay attention is what is my intention?
00:16:41
Speaker
What is the mindset that I am carrying when I perhaps go and interrupt that person?
00:16:50
Speaker
Make sure that you are grounded in the coaching mindset and you're not interrupting for your sake because what you believe to be, but you're interrupting to support and support really the person.
00:17:05
Speaker
That's a tricky awareness to have as a coach.
00:17:09
Speaker
And then experiment if you decide after all of this, if you decide to interrupt, experiment on how you're going to do it in a way that is supportive and not jeopardizing trust and safety.
00:17:22
Speaker
A couple of tips there for you to play with it.
00:17:25
Speaker
But the myth here is that, yes, sometimes we do interrupt.
00:17:30
Speaker
It's not the clients, the coaches never interrupt whatsoever, but there is a way to do it.
00:17:37
Speaker
All right, everyone.
00:17:38
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening.
00:17:40
Speaker
Don't forget to subscribe.
00:17:41
Speaker
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00:17:45
Speaker
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00:17:53
Speaker
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00:17:55
Speaker
Okay?
00:17:56
Speaker
And I will talk to you next time.
00:17:58
Speaker
Take good care.