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Demystifying the Past
12 Plays4 months ago
🎙️ Welcome to another episode of PRIME SPACE, the official podcast of PRIME Coaching Academy, hosted by Elias Scultori, MCC.
In this episode, Elias continues the series "Coaching Myths Uncovered"—a deep dive into common misconceptions that circulate in the coaching world. Today’s focus: the myth that in coaching, we should never talk about the past.
Elias challenges the oversimplified idea by exploring how the past is intricately woven into the present—and how understanding it can be a powerful tool in developmental coaching. Discover how honoring a client’s full journey (including past experiences, beliefs, and values) can enhance awareness, growth, and transformation.
🔍 Topics covered:
* Why the past naturally informs the present
* The importance of holistic and developmental coaching
* Real-life client stories that illustrate this distinction
* When it's appropriate to refer a client to another professional
📺 Watch the full "Coaching Myths Uncovered" event on our YouTube channel!
💬 Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more coaching insights.
🔗 Stay Connected:
Subscribe to the podcast | Follow us on YouTube | Share with fellow coaches
#CoachingMyths #EliasScultori #ICFCoaching #ProfessionalCoaching #CoachingPodcast #PRIMESPACE #CoachingDevelopment #PastInCoaching #MindfulCoaching
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Transcript
Introduction to Prime Space Podcast
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to Prime Space, a Prime Coaching Academy podcast with your host, Elias Scultori.
Series Overview: Coaching Myths Uncovered
00:00:15
Speaker
Coaches, today I would like to continue with the series Coaching Myths Uncovered.
00:00:24
Speaker
You probably remember a few months ago, Amy and I did an event called Coaching Myths Uncovered.
00:00:33
Speaker
And in that event, we covered eight myths in one hour.
00:00:40
Speaker
And it was a lot of information in just a short period of time.
Myth Focus: Should Coaching Address the Past?
00:00:45
Speaker
So I decided to create this series here in Prime Space to talk about each one of those myths.
00:00:52
Speaker
And this is one of them I'd love to address.
00:00:56
Speaker
uh this one in particular and um highly encourage you to look back at past episodes to check some of the other myths that i have discussed a little further and fleshed out a little bit more than when we had the event you can also by the way uh watch the whole event on our youtube channel so please go to youtube
00:01:20
Speaker
and check Coaching Myths Uncovered, please subscribe to that YouTube channel and let us know what you think of that particular event and your thoughts on each one of these myths.
00:01:30
Speaker
But anyways, today the myth that I would like to cover is in coaching we never talk about the past.
00:01:44
Speaker
Is that true?
00:01:46
Speaker
What do you think?
00:01:48
Speaker
We hear this oftentimes in coach training, sometimes even from more advanced coaches.
00:01:56
Speaker
We have this concept of this myth that the past is a no-no zone.
00:02:02
Speaker
We don't go there.
00:02:05
Speaker
And I'm not sure if that is correct.
00:02:07
Speaker
And here are some of the thoughts for you to consider.
Exploring Past Influences in Coaching
00:02:10
Speaker
Usually this idea that we don't talk about the past or we don't address the past or the past is never allowed in a coaching conversation or if the past shows up, oh, maybe we're not doing coaching anymore.
00:02:25
Speaker
Maybe this is therapy.
00:02:28
Speaker
Usually that is because of a...
00:02:31
Speaker
somewhat simplistic way of defining coaching and you've probably heard this many times saying that coaching is the present and moving forward
00:02:44
Speaker
And there is nothing wrong with this definition.
00:02:47
Speaker
Yes, we want to see who the client is today, what is happening with the client today, so that the client is able to decide or make choices for them, more intentional choices for them to move forward.
00:03:01
Speaker
Absolutely true.
00:03:02
Speaker
But even in this definition, let's dissect this definition a little bit more.
00:03:10
Speaker
The present moving forward.
00:03:14
Speaker
What is the present?
00:03:17
Speaker
Who is our client in this moment?
00:03:20
Speaker
Our client is who they are in this moment.
00:03:24
Speaker
This moment is a collection of everything that happened in the past.
00:03:30
Speaker
So the present in itself has past in it.
00:03:34
Speaker
It's inevitable.
00:03:35
Speaker
We are today here and we showed up in this moment the way we are because of everything that brought us here.
00:03:45
Speaker
So the past come with us everywhere we go.
00:03:50
Speaker
It's inevitable.
00:03:52
Speaker
So if we are addressing the present, inevitably we
00:03:57
Speaker
Directly or indirectly, we are addressing the past.
Holistic Coaching Approaches
00:04:02
Speaker
So it's an illusion to think that, no, we never talk about the past, because just by addressing the present, we are, in fact, addressing the past in some fashion.
00:04:15
Speaker
The other thing to consider, and sometimes this myth shows up, is because of a very transactional approach to coaching.
00:04:24
Speaker
This is the problem.
00:04:25
Speaker
What is the solution?
00:04:27
Speaker
This is the issue.
00:04:29
Speaker
What are we going to do about it?
00:04:32
Speaker
But coaching is much deeper than a transactional aspect of it.
00:04:39
Speaker
That's a rudimentary view of the proposition of coaching.
00:04:43
Speaker
And I've talked extensively about this, continue to talk about it.
00:04:46
Speaker
I'm passionate about it.
00:04:49
Speaker
Coaching is developmental.
00:04:50
Speaker
We are there to support the client in broadening their awareness of who they are today, how they are interacting with their situation, so they are more equipped to design a way on how they want to proceed.
00:05:09
Speaker
It's about broadening awareness.
00:05:13
Speaker
It's about deepening the client's understanding of who they are, how they are situating themselves with the issues or what life brings to them.
00:05:25
Speaker
That is what coaching is about, is the client opening their horizon and seeing themselves more broadly and growing from understanding more of what is truly happening,
00:05:39
Speaker
bringing more conscious and awareness of the present so that they can move forward.
00:05:46
Speaker
Who am I?
00:05:47
Speaker
How did I get here?
00:05:48
Speaker
What are my values?
00:05:51
Speaker
What makes me respond to these situations in this particular fashion?
00:05:56
Speaker
What makes this more important than that?
00:05:58
Speaker
This is what coaching is all about.
00:06:00
Speaker
And this is a very holistic process.
00:06:04
Speaker
We can't look at just a situation here and solving the problem because then we are not coaching the person.
00:06:12
Speaker
We are coaching a situation.
00:06:14
Speaker
And that is so circumstantial because the situation may change, but the person is going to be the same.
00:06:22
Speaker
And if the intrinsic forces have not been addressed...
00:06:27
Speaker
the client is going to have similar situations and similar difficulties moving forward.
00:06:36
Speaker
That's why we address the whole of the individual, because everything that shows up in a person, humans, are complex.
00:06:45
Speaker
And everything is interconnected.
00:06:48
Speaker
There is a web of things bringing that individual to respond and to be in that present moment in that particular fashion.
00:06:59
Speaker
So emotions, limiting beliefs, assumptions, creativity, intuition, ways that the client perceives the world, aspirations, values, past experiences, all of this contributes to this level of deep exploration with the client.
00:07:19
Speaker
So the past is part of it.
00:07:21
Speaker
It's just yet another item that
00:07:24
Speaker
We perceive that sometimes when we talk about that no-no coaching, we don't go there, it's because we are perceiving the past as problematic, that the past is problematic.
00:07:37
Speaker
Well, you know, if I look at my past,
00:07:43
Speaker
I would say that 99% of my past was good.
00:07:47
Speaker
And I hope that yours was too.
00:07:49
Speaker
We had problems.
00:07:51
Speaker
We had issues.
00:07:52
Speaker
We had difficult periods of our lives.
00:07:54
Speaker
But there were many wonderful things that we are blessed with.
00:07:59
Speaker
that we were blessed to have, and that's why we're here.
00:08:05
Speaker
So there is this perception that the past is problematic.
00:08:11
Speaker
It's a very unilateral way of looking at it.
00:08:19
Speaker
The past can be rich.
00:08:21
Speaker
And the past can be very informative.
00:08:24
Speaker
The past can be a valuable resource for the client.
00:08:28
Speaker
The client may look at the past and say, oh, this wasn't an issue back then.
00:08:32
Speaker
What happened there?
00:08:34
Speaker
So why is it an issue now?
00:08:37
Speaker
What can I learn from my past experience that will inform me today?
00:08:42
Speaker
So the past can be a valuable, resourceful, and exciting part of exploration, depending on the situation with the client.
Differentiating Coaching and Therapy
00:08:56
Speaker
The distinction here and the reason why we have this myth in the coaching world is because it's important for us to notice the distinction between the past being informative, the past being resourceful,
00:09:15
Speaker
And when the client is hooked on something there in the past and the client does not have the resources to unhook themselves and move forward.
00:09:28
Speaker
That is something that that's a unique situation that we need to be very mindful of.
00:09:36
Speaker
Sometimes the client may even come to a coaching conversation, notice something that they are still holding on to, and then just by realizing that the client is able to let go of it.
00:09:47
Speaker
So awesome, let's move forward, right?
00:09:50
Speaker
But if the client goes there and the client sees that they are hooked and they are unable to move forward, they are unable to resolve that particular situation so that they are free to move forward, then that is the case that perhaps a different professional would be more helpful and supportive to them than the coaching process.
00:10:19
Speaker
Just recently, just a quick story here.
00:10:22
Speaker
Recently, I had a client, such a beautiful process here.
00:10:26
Speaker
We have worked together for a few years.
00:10:31
Speaker
And I noticed that there were things about upbringing, family systems, that once in a while would come in the conversation.
00:10:42
Speaker
And it would pop up and we would move on and talk about the coaching situation and blah, blah, blah.
00:10:50
Speaker
But once in a while it would come back again.
00:10:52
Speaker
And I was noticing that.
00:10:56
Speaker
But it wasn't interfering with the coaching process.
00:10:59
Speaker
It was just something that would pop up.
00:11:01
Speaker
I would listen to it, and the client would move on.
00:11:04
Speaker
One day, the client came and said, oh, I started working with a counselor.
00:11:09
Speaker
And I was like, oh, that's wonderful.
00:11:11
Speaker
And I acknowledged that, and we talked about it, and we continued with coaching.
00:11:16
Speaker
And I've worked with clients that worked in parallel with a psychotherapist and myself as a coach together.
00:11:25
Speaker
And it's always a beautiful process as long as the psychotherapist and the counselor are aware of what we are doing together.
00:11:34
Speaker
I had a client a long time ago that said that it was the triad of support for him.
00:11:40
Speaker
It was a beautiful process.
00:11:43
Speaker
This client in particular, more recently, one day came to me and said, Elias, I think I need to pause coaching so that I address this situation.
00:11:53
Speaker
And I supported that particular client wholeheartedly.
00:11:59
Speaker
And that person is taking care of it.
00:12:02
Speaker
And the plan is that in a few months we are going to look and see if it's time to resume coaching.
00:12:10
Speaker
And this is beautiful, right?
00:12:12
Speaker
It's the development of the person.
00:12:15
Speaker
This particular client had an awareness.
00:12:17
Speaker
And they were able to go into that decision for themselves.
00:12:25
Speaker
And in fact, the coaching process supported them in making that particular decision.
Empowering Clients for Professional Support
00:12:30
Speaker
So this is when we need to be mindful of the nature of the past, when the past shows up, how the past is showing up.
00:12:43
Speaker
And if we notice that the client is hooked on something and doesn't have the resources to free themselves from that and move forward, perhaps it's time to make an observation.
00:12:57
Speaker
You know, I noticed this is showing up and it seems to be a little bit beyond the scope of coaching.
00:13:04
Speaker
What are your thoughts on this?
00:13:06
Speaker
Let the client just notice it and bring it to the client because then the client is able, give the client the chance to make a decision.
00:13:18
Speaker
Who would be able to better help you in this situation?
00:13:24
Speaker
Give the client that opportunity to do that.
00:13:27
Speaker
One thing that is very important for us to keep in mind is that we are not skilled unless you have the skill, unless you are a counselor or a psychotherapist.
00:13:38
Speaker
We as coaches alone, we don't have the skills to diagnose anyone and it's not for us to do that.
00:13:45
Speaker
We raise the issue and we say, we raise the awareness that it seems that this is beyond the coaching scope.
00:13:56
Speaker
You know, who can help you here?
00:13:58
Speaker
What are the possibilities here?
00:14:00
Speaker
What would you like to address and support the client in making the best decision for themselves?
Encouragement and Subscribing
00:14:08
Speaker
So I would encourage you, don't be afraid of any of the parts of our clients, including the past.
00:14:16
Speaker
There are so many resources and possibilities right there with the client in all of these aspects, in everything that the client brings to the table and who the client is in their totality.
00:14:31
Speaker
And be excited about it.
00:14:33
Speaker
Pay attention to the distinction.
00:14:35
Speaker
If that little...
00:14:37
Speaker
point of being hooked it shows up support the client be curious about it and invite the client into a decision for themselves in that particular situation okay i hope this is helpful play with it i i'm always asking you to experiment and uh and uh play with these concepts because this is so valuable and that's how we learn and how we grow as coaches
00:15:03
Speaker
Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast.
00:15:06
Speaker
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00:15:09
Speaker
It's always so wonderful to have a review.
00:15:11
Speaker
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00:15:17
Speaker
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00:15:20
Speaker
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00:15:26
Speaker
So visit our YouTube channel and subscribe to it as well.
00:15:31
Speaker
And I will see you next time, everyone.
00:15:35
Speaker
Enjoy coaching.