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How personal can I be?
64 Plays26 days ago
In this episode of PRIME SPACE, Elias Scultori, MCC, explores one of the most common and delicate questions coaches face: “How personal can I be with my clients?”
Drawing from ICF Core Competency 4: Cultivates Trust and Safety—specifically sub-competency 4.6—Elias reflects on the role of transparency, vulnerability, and authenticity in coaching. He unpacks what it means to share appropriately, how to balance openness with professional boundaries, and why the guiding question should always be: What is the benefit for the client’s process?
Through this lens, Elias challenges the long-held image of the “flawless leader” and emphasizes the courage it takes for a coach to show up authentically. When coaches embrace vulnerability—not as oversharing, but as a way of being—they empower clients to drop the masks of perfection, embrace their own humanity, and tap into their resourcefulness.
Whether you are a new coach navigating boundaries or an experienced practitioner deepening your presence, this episode offers a thoughtful exploration of what it truly means to be transparent, vulnerable, and authentic in service of your clients.
#Coaching #ICFCoreCompetencies #TrustAndSafety #Authenticity #Leadership #ProfessionalCoaching #PRIMESPACE
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Transcript
Welcome to Prime Space
00:00:03
Speaker
Welcome to PRIME SPACE a PRIME Coaching Academy podcast with your host, Elias Scultori.
Should Coaches Share Personal Stories?
00:00:15
Speaker
Coaches, this past week I had a meeting with a small group of coaches and one of the guys in the conversation brought a question to the group.
00:00:30
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It seems that during the week he had a coaching conversation with a client and in the middle of the of this session, he shared something personal, a little bit more personal.
00:00:43
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And he was a little concerned if he had shared too much. And the question that he had for the for the group was, how personal can I be with my clients?
00:00:59
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When you think of
Building Trust and Safety Through Openness
00:01:00
Speaker
that question, how would you answer that question? Of course, that question is very related to core competency number four, cultivates trust and safety.
00:01:15
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More specifically, core competency, sub-competency 4.6, which reads both in the 2019 and the 2025 version of the ICF core competency, the sub-competency reads, a professionally trained coach,
00:01:36
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demonstrates openness and transparency as a way to display vulnerability and build trust with the client.
00:01:47
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Oh boy, big words.
00:01:51
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Transparency, vulnerability, and I like to add here the word authenticity. How much transparent, how much how much vulnerability, how vulnerable do I show up with my clients?
00:02:06
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What is the level of authenticity that I bring to the coaching conversation? These are very point important points for us to consider. And my answer to that question is, ah what will be the benefit of sharing that story or sharing that piece of information that is perhaps a little bit more personal to the client's process.
Balancing Professionalism and Personal Disclosure
00:02:30
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Because bottom line, everything that we do in a coaching conversation, in a coaching relationship, is to the benefit of our clients. The client is in the spotlight.
00:02:45
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So if I decide or if my client has some curiosity towards a personal aspect of my life, my job as the professional is to think of how much of this is going to contribute, is going to be beneficial to the client's process.
00:03:04
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I always say that I am an open book. When I am with my clients, I come in front of my clients with my whole self, everything that I am. And i'm I'm there with an open heart to share with the client whatever is necessary to support them. I am 100% fully committed to their process.
00:03:27
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But because I am fully committed to the process and because I know that this is their time, This is their moment. Whatever i decide to introduce to this exchange that we have must be to benefit them.
00:03:44
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That is the question that I'm mostly concerned about. It's not what and how much, but what is the benefit? When?
00:03:54
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How is this going to contribute to my client's process? Or
Vulnerability as a State of Being
00:04:00
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is this going to be detrimental to what the client is doing in the coaching conversation and the relationship that I have with the client?
00:04:10
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That's more of what I am concerned about. Vulnerability does not necessarily mean disclosing information. That's what Dr. Brené Brown says all the time.
00:04:22
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Vulnerability is a state of being. And I hope that even here in these episodes of Prime Space, I demonstrate transparency and vulnerability and authenticity with you.
00:04:36
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That's my way of showing up and being human and hoping that this will support you also and give you even more permission and an invitation for you to also be human. And I think that that is the the other layer of this subcompetency and this kind of concept of transparency and vulnerability.
Managing Perceptions and Authenticity
00:05:00
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Yes, we need to be mindful of the benefit of this to the client and be mindful if what you're going to share is detrimental or not. It's it's even an ethical issue that we need to be mindful of.
00:05:14
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But there is ah and another layer of this, which he is the the concept of managing perceptions. We are also very well trained to manage perceptions.
00:05:28
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And in managing perceptions, we are not being able to be authentic and to really be in touch with ourselves. So when I manage perceptions, this idea of the labels that I carry, the roles that I have, ah the sense of authority that I may or may not have, that will impact on how much you respect me or do not respect me.
00:05:56
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So therefore, I'm going to manage how much information I'm going to be offering to you about myself because that is going to affect the way you are perceiving me.
00:06:07
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There is the danger that if I share, you will be able to see
Empowering Clients Through Vulnerability
00:06:15
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me or perhaps I will be able to see me
00:06:20
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just as a human being, like you are. And therefore, I may lose that power, that control, that respect, or how much respect you're going to have for me, or that perceived control of of that image.
00:06:39
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right There is that aspect of the leader. We all grew up with that. The old-fashioned way of looking at the leader or the professional as someone who is flawless, who has everything together.
00:06:52
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ah That patriarchal image that of a person that has has control, flawless, doesn't have difficulties.
00:07:05
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someone who has the knowledge that is going to come and solve my problems.
00:07:12
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We all deal with that. And as coaches, we need to be mindful of it. Are we ah we endorsing this image? Because how much information we are managing or the image that we are managing with the client Well, that will affect the way the client sees themselves because if I keep that image of me being the all put together, that will inevitably make the client feel less of themselves because they are going to look at themselves in the mirror and they are going to see like, oh, you know, my coach is all all perfect and and all good not.
00:07:55
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and and i'm not
00:08:01
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So therefore, I'm less than. And i this, just the practice of not being transparent, not being vulnerable, we are actually disempowering our clients.
00:08:13
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When we have the courage to show up with transparency and vulnerability to our other clients, we are giving the client the opportunity to say, i am not talking with an image. I'm not talking with an ideal.
00:08:27
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i don't have to manage perceptions. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to have everything put together. i also can be transparent. I can be sincere. i can let my guard down. And when I do that...
00:08:42
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then I can be authentic. And in that authenticity, I can meet myself. I can meet my potential. I can see myself more clearly. I can see possibilities.
00:08:54
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And then I can see the wealth of knowledge that I have. I don't have to depend on the knowledge of my my coach. I can depend on my knowledge. I can depend on my insights. I can depend on my resourcefulness.
00:09:09
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And if I don't have a piece of information, I have the the capability to find the information that I need. Right? That is so powerful. And it yeah i think it's important for us to be mindful of the subtle messages that we choose to pass to our clients when we choose to be transparent or not with them.
Courage and Reflection in Coaching
00:09:35
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Those questions that a client will bring to the coaching conversation, why am i who am why am i reacting to my coworkers in that fashion? Why am i having such trouble with my direct report? why Why does this situation challenge me so much as a leader?
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why Why is it so difficult for me to find and a job I really like and that supports me? For a client to really answer those questions, they need to be in touch with their authenticity, with their level of transparency.
00:10:12
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They need to be authentic and sincere with themselves. So if I don't show up with the level of transparency and sincerity with my client, I am actually preventing them from the possibility of finding those answers for themselves.
00:10:32
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you can see how transparency and vulnerability ah so crucial. And I want to point out here that yeah there is the image of the powerful, then all put together, the knowledgeable, that is one side. But you know the other side as well, the the humble, the generous, the vulnerable, that can also be an image.
00:11:00
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And ah that is also, if it's an image, it's not it's not productive. What we want to show up is with authenticity and transparency. And that will require us to be able to look at ourselves with transparency and vulnerability, which is a tremendous act of courage.
00:11:26
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Transparency, vulnerability, and authenticity coming from a coach are paramount features of the coaching process.
Practicing Authenticity for Deeper Relationships
00:11:36
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You can see here the power of this core competency, and and it shows again core competency number four and five cultivates trust and safety and maintains presence, usually competencies that we overlook.
00:11:52
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new coaches especially, we overlook these competencies and there is so much depth in reflecting upon these core concepts of coaching. How much are you opening your heart to your client?
00:12:11
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What is the image that you are creating in front of the client? Do you have the courage to show up open, sincerely, transparent, vulnerable, authentic to your clients?
00:12:31
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The moment that you are able to do that, I am positive that you are going to bring your coaching to another level.
00:12:44
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But that requires us to be authentic, to be transparent, to be vulnerable with ourselves, to have the courage to see ourselves in the mirror.
Fostering a Supportive Community
00:13:01
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and be able to show up not only to our clients but to our lives and to the world with that level of authenticity wow therere that is a practice and I hope that you are up for the challenge because this is what we work on every day
00:13:24
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Isn't that beautiful and powerful? Imagine if we all would model that level of transparency and authenticity with each other without the need to manage perceptions, without the need to feel, ah how much be concerned of how much you respect me or not, knowing that we are all valuable and humans and equals and we are here to support each other.
Engagement and Call to Action
00:13:59
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If you find this podcast and this episode valuable, please share this with other coaches, share this with your colleagues and ask them to subscribe and to follow PRIME SPACE
00:14:14
Speaker
It's a pleasure to have you here and i look forward to hearing from you. Let me know what you think of these topics and engage with me in conversation.
00:14:26
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Have a safe week, everyone, and I will see you next time. Take care.