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Episode 49 - Ride This Coaster Sucks
14 Plays4 years ago
Slater, Goliath and Muscle Daddy from Ride This One join Ben and Zach for an all out takeover of the premier comedy roller coaster poodcast; Your Favorite Coaster Sucks! We talk about stunt pilot at silverwood theme park, roller coaster and theme park brackets, Coaster Studios Christmas Cabin, OVC and much (much) more!
Actually, we're the worst roller coaster podcast on the internet!
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Transcript
Discovering Anchor.fm
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey Ben, making a podcast is pretty tough, right? Yeah, you gotta like record stuff and then you gotta upload it and it sucks. I know, it's a fucking bummer and it's a lot of effort, but I just found out about Anchor.fm, which lets you record and edit directly through their website or app, as well as upload and publish to platforms such as Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
00:00:21
Speaker
So anchor.fm is not a porn site, right? Not yet, because it's still free too. So you know, they'll start charging once they got only fan style content. That's good. That's good to hear. So if you want to jump on the train before it's all titties and pussies, download the anchor app or go to anchor.fm to
Amazon Store Promotion
00:00:39
Speaker
get started. Hey everybody, we got shirts. Your favorite coaster sucks on the Amazon store. Check it out.
00:00:46
Speaker
Absolutely right. We do. We got a bunch of colors available and the shirts are in two different designs. We got the classic golden ticket logo and our Rolly ride logo. I also got 10 different colors, man. Yeah. Like you're wearing a shirt right now, so you could always use more shirts. Add to the collection. Get in a lot of crazy. We're in line for your least favorite ride. Tell every Theusey their favorite coaster sucks.
00:01:11
Speaker
Make a fanboy the Fury 325 cry. Very easy to do all by sporting a Your Favorite Coaster Sucks shirt. We also got sweatshirts available through Amazon. We are now shipping to Germany and UK. So if you are out there listening to us, you can get our shit there too. Buy a shirt.
00:01:29
Speaker
Hey! Settle down, you bitches! Uh-oh, we better be quiet. Tony's talkin'. Mark, you stupid bitch! You know we only invite you, from Michigan's adventure, to laugh at all of your false hopes! Yeah, what was your latest addition? New restrooms?
00:01:47
Speaker
We, uh, updated our kids area. Great! Another place for Chad to find a girlfriend! Hah! Well we hung a picture of it up on our fridge! Hah! So the reason we're all here should be pretty fucking obvious.
00:02:04
Speaker
the sweet sweet already used but oh so sweet and juicy vortex trains treat them kindly huh that's adorable that you have such strong emotional connections to the trines but I have bad news for you Clarence
00:02:27
Speaker
Tony, you just, you fill me with repugnance when you talk that way.
Theme Park Ride Humor
00:02:35
Speaker
Ha, that's funny, cause I like saying it more than Taylor Bibe likes victim blaming. Anyways, bitch, we're closing the Carolina Cyclone. Oh, oh really? Well, Tony, I love that, but I also love when you're shearing down a sheep and you get it so smooth.
00:03:02
Speaker
And it just, it looks, if you go from behind it, it looks so much like a woman. And you can, you can insert yourself into the sheep. And it will feel like a woman. Good! Then go fucking tweet about it, you little bitch! While you're at it, sell some Carolina cyclo merchandise!
00:03:31
Speaker
What was gonna happen to the trains? Are we going to have to dispose of them like we have to dispose of our bleeding mistress? Ken! He needs new trains for Anaconda! Alright, new trains. And Anaconda closing next year! The fuck, Tony? You bitches are going to tweet about the trains and sell some fucking merchandise!
00:03:58
Speaker
Fuck, fine. Are we going to get a replacement ride? Hey! Shut the fuck up again! I'm Tony fucking Clark! Okay, Tony. Hey, Mark! I have some good news for you! Oh goody, does corkscrew get the old vortex, Carolina cyclone, and anaconda trains? Close! We're closing corkscrew! Ha ha ha! What? Why? Because we can! Dickhead! Oh man, Tony, come on! Six Flags wouldn't even treat us like this!
00:04:28
Speaker
What the fuck did you just say to me, you bitch? Six Flags wouldn't treat us like this. I don't want to do what I'm about to do, but you left me no choice, you bitch! Oh, Tony, I'm sorry. I take it bad. I'm sorry too, Mark. Now open up your mouth just like Dick Kinzel.
00:04:48
Speaker
Oh, now do any of y'all other bitches want a logic complaint? I didn't fucking think so. So, next order of business. Corkscrew at Cedar Point will be receiving the old Vortex Carolina cyclone and a gun of trains, as well as the old Michigan's Adventure Corkscrew
G-Force Parody Introductions
00:05:07
Speaker
trains. Is that okay with you, Mark?
00:05:10
Speaker
Mm-hmm Okay, next up Corporate has the budget for the new RMC Raptor at one of the parks. Ooh, pick me Tony. Let's see. I'm going to I hate these meetings
00:05:33
Speaker
Welcome to the worst roller coaster podcast on the internet. Now, let's join Ben and Zach as they tell you why your favorite coaster sucks. I'm Zach and we are GeForce. I'm Ben and we are GeForce. I'm Goliath and we are GeForce.
00:06:03
Speaker
I am Muscle Daddy, and we are G-Force. And I am Slater, and he forced himself on me. No, no, it's we are G
Enhancing Conversations with Music
00:06:13
Speaker
-Force. No, I'm going to tell the truth! Slater, 20 no's and a yes is still yes. Listen to the G-Force.
00:06:26
Speaker
this conversation is somehow way better with the upbeat music happening behind it you know maybe if it was just two hours of that loop over and over and over again i think maybe we could retain some better listenership that way but maybe if you offered like free ecstasy with the episodes it would also help show me on this coaster where chad touched you
00:06:50
Speaker
below the lap bar the music almost reminds me of like a like a family game show you would see on packs with like like the families run out it reminds me of like if Nickelodeon like had their show ripped off by a cartoon network like it's triple dare goddamn I miss double dare that shit was amazing
00:07:15
Speaker
And it only has, like,
Jokes on Stepfamilies and Nickelodeon
00:07:16
Speaker
step parents on it. Yeah. Yeah, but step moms always get stuck in the dryer in that show. It's weird as fuck. Mark Summers is over there talking to him like, hey, you want to grab a drink after the show? Hey, bro, stop touching me. What are you doing, step bro?
00:07:34
Speaker
Do you guys think Chad ever had a production internship at Nickelodeon? Who knows? But I do know that he said the best place to meet chicks in a theme park were at the kitty coasters, so. Whoa. Guys, guys, let's be mature about this. And by mature, I mean my whiskey, which is age 16 years, just like Chad's girlfriends.
00:08:03
Speaker
Sometimes he's impatient and only waits 15. Oh, that's what he meant when he said, I like my women like I like my whiskey. Absolutely. I'm talking to him without a dick. Well, I'm hearing the whiskey, so I understand now.
00:08:22
Speaker
I mean, this is weird for me because I keep wanting to be like, I feel like I need to do an intro because I want to be like, and welcome to whatever the fuck we're doing. And it just seems unnatural to me. But it's going to ride this favorite coaster sucks. There we go. We got an episode title. Welcome to ride this coaster suck way.
00:08:45
Speaker
All we have to do is record two different intros and you guys could just rip off our show and then. I mean, that sounds like efforts. That's so much work, dude. When you've been in a podcast game for this long. When we've been in the podcast game this long and fallen behind everyone.
00:09:07
Speaker
It's because it's hard to care anymore. I mean, when you've been, okay, I feel like I have watched this hobby get shittier and shittier and shittier just like this country. So yeah, it's hard to care.
00:09:19
Speaker
Well, it's because everyone's sitting at home with nothing to do. Oh, my God. I mean, unless you're going to theme parks, man. Absolutely. That is not true. The Tim Trackers have had two staycations in a week to Disney World. Listen, everything's OK.
Podcast Introduction Reflections
00:09:35
Speaker
They got to stay at the Polybongolos, so it's OK. Everything is fine. They're like, this is a once in a lifetime staycation we're doing two weeks in a row.
00:09:45
Speaker
I think according to Tim, his facial hair works as a mask. So let me go on record as their kid looks like he wants to kill himself at all times when he's in the parks. You're having fun, buddy. You love the parade and he is literally trying to choke himself with a bottle.
00:10:04
Speaker
Poor kid. Poor kid. That kid, when he is 13, is going to be like, they're like, we're going to the parks, Jackson. And he's like, I wish you were both dead. So what you're saying is you're talking about Andrew. Yeah. So he's going to be like Andrew from Adam and Andrew. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. If you force the hobby on your kid, they're not going to like it.
00:10:31
Speaker
Apparently, if you don't if you force things on children in general, they don't like it. Unlike the studios, we do not support that. Yeah, I'm fine with being
Racial Stereotypes and Absurdity
00:10:41
Speaker
completely outspoken on the fuck all the pedophiles with a cactus. Once again, small house plant. Rocco was right. Rocco was right. We apologize. It was just not me that was fucking the kids. That was a bit.
00:10:58
Speaker
Yes, you know, it's a bit like Alex Jones. He's like spitting all this crazy shit all the time. But then every once in a while, something will stick. I think Rocco had that kind of Alex Jones luck with what he was saying. If you throw out enough shit, something's going to be proven right. So I want to know if the if the guy from I want to know if Chad has been down and ridden the coaster down in Florida.
00:11:26
Speaker
You know, the the Pito coaster. Can we edit out Goliath? Fuck you. You know, you know, that coaster down there has all the Pito designs. I don't I've never heard of this Pito coaster. What's the Pito coaster? Yeah, exactly. We would like to offer a trade. We will send you Goliath for you.
00:11:57
Speaker
Do you not remember he was he there was a right wing coaster or whatever was railing against the iron Guozi because the icon or the the paint job on iron Guozi is a pedophile paint job. Oh, why do you keep saying pedophile? So it's not like a pita chip. He's British, obviously.
00:12:22
Speaker
But Prince Andrew is our most well-known pedophile. Peterphile is Peterphile here! Peterphile! The Queen is having to cover up that Prince Andrew buggered an underage girl. Don't forget to put your aluminium caps on.
00:12:44
Speaker
Prince William has lost another hair and his wife is still far too hot for him. What will the royal family do? Oh, I know. Let's start a superficial campaign to support
'Horse Girls' and Coaster Enthusiasts
00:12:55
Speaker
women. We'll call it Geforce. Fancy a shag there, dear.
00:13:03
Speaker
Okay. And the logo shall look like the Black Lives Matter logo with a loop. Who doesn't want to get fisted by a little pink piggy fist? That's kind of what it looks like to me. Like when you guys showed me that logo, I was like, why is it fisting that? Why is it the fisting logo?
00:13:21
Speaker
All right, I would pay money to see Taylor put one of those fist pics in his hair if it was pink. I would pay. I would pay Taylor money to see him actually fuck a girl and keep her an erection because we know for a fact that that fucker is getting fucked by Alec all the fucking time. Uh-uh. No, I'm sorry. They'd be acting like they in love. That's some bullshit. I'm not buying it. What's the most fingers you've got in somebody?
00:13:54
Speaker
I got big ass hands too and she was a slut
00:14:02
Speaker
Oh, my God, Slater had a she in there. I was certain this was going to be a man. OK, I did call him a her. It was a guy, but, you know, she was. Listen, that's how the gays are. So I also I also just noticed there's a very interesting cropping with who is what's the name with Gabby? Just like.
00:14:28
Speaker
You talk about in their video. Yeah, it's just it doesn't look like she's wearing a shirt. Oh, we can also like. They're like. Well, first of all, I was going to say, can you imagine this show with just Goliath and Ben? And secondly, it would just imagine this show if we put any context to what we are talking about. The people that are like joining and have never heard anything.
00:14:56
Speaker
So, Zach, person who runs this show, why don't you tell people what we're talking about? How many of these poor people are just like three months behind on coaster radio and they're like, I'll check out this show they mentioned.
00:15:13
Speaker
Well, I figured I'd be nice enough to give a full episode of our show as a plug to your guys show. So this is kind of a taste of what you're in for. If you listen to ride this one, that's really the context. Oh, no, no, no. Don't put that on us. We didn't plan this. Not at all. We have no plan. And it's G force IRL.
00:15:36
Speaker
Oh, I hate them so much. If you are confused, we are talking about a new endeavor by Taylor Bivey, not the Disney movie about the guinea pigs. Yeah, it's pretty much we'll call it the biggest apology tour that Taylor could be on. There's like I pretty much anyone I've ever seen own a guinea pig has been like an overweight girl who doesn't press your teeth well. But anyways, we'll take off.
00:16:08
Speaker
And that's like a ponytail.
00:16:10
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, definitely. She might also really, really like horses. Yeah, she like works as god damn it. I hate horses or something. Horse girls are the fucking worst. And let me tell you, that's why there are no women coaster enthusiasts because they're all horse girls. I fucking hate horse girls. Horses are not majestic. They're big, dumb animals. The only good thing they do is I can gamble on them.
00:16:39
Speaker
Tasty, tasty animals. Jordan's like, I don't even like fucking Freefallen by Tom Petty because of that bitch. God damn it. Fuck your horses. No, Chad, that horse is underage. I bet Chad like horse girls, but he does.
Mocking Coaster Enthusiasts
00:16:59
Speaker
You know what? I like the animated ones on My Little Pony. Thank you.
00:17:05
Speaker
He's like, he's like, I'm thinking of auditioning for Equus. You want to see how I look? He was really, really into Britney Spears when she was in the Mickey Mouse Club. Let's just say that. Oh, my God. So I'm assuming you all have already talked about Chad on this show.
00:17:23
Speaker
No. Yeah. All right. Oh my God. Taylor. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
00:17:55
Speaker
I don't understand. Tyler, so goddamn much.
00:18:00
Speaker
I'm seriously considering taking all the screenshots from when he basically victim blamed and all of that nightmare that was there and just putting that on their website. You should read the tweet that he said where he said what he did was wrong, but I believe she could have stopped the situation before it got before it even got started. Hopefully this is a learning experience for her, too.
00:18:26
Speaker
Wow. Hopefully she learned not to be the object of a sexual predator's advances. Yeah. She's got to learn.
00:18:36
Speaker
You got to take Taylor Bobby dot com and make it like a big compilation of all the fucking bullshit that he's done and all the other drama of like videos that they removed. Taylor Bobby dot com. No fatties. No fatties. No fatties videos. I'm sorry. Taylor Bobby's whole reason for why he didn't have a girlfriend and why he didn't like the girls in America just sounded like someone so deep in the closet like that his balls were hurting.
00:19:05
Speaker
Ben, the videos were basically him being racist. Yeah. I noticed a lot of black people working at Six Flags America.
00:19:15
Speaker
Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's right. He was like doing the timed dispatches video or whatever. Wait, wait, wait, wait a second. Wait a second. So you're telling me some young white dude from a highly religious Mormon family with a lot of money might be racist and sexist in America? Oh, Taylor, Bobby's like, I didn't really care for the cocoa butter smell.
00:19:53
Speaker
I love cocoa
Racial Issues and Social Commentary
00:19:55
Speaker
butter. It smells wonderful He tried to play it all coy in that video though. He's like just an observation like you're not fucking Jerry Seinfeld Oh, would you ever notice that a lot of black people work here like shut the fuck up, dude? Oh
00:20:09
Speaker
You never notice that black people work everywhere. Come on. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, I literally think in his direct quote, I don't it's been a while since I saw the video, but I swear he said something like the like the ride times at Six Flags America really weren't that great or consistent throughout the day. Now, I didn't notice that there are a lot of African-Americans working at the park, so I don't know if that had anything to do with it. Like I swear. Yeah.
00:20:36
Speaker
I remember the video very well. Here's the funny thing. I never really watched their videos. That was one of the first videos I ever clicked on.
00:20:47
Speaker
I've hit you not, and I just thought, oh God, this guy, this is not gonna age well. That's all I thought, so yeah. In the original draft of the script, he's like, you know, it's weird, because I've heard that like, typically, stereotypically, that people like that are supposed to be faster, so like. He tried to encourage them with fried chicken and watermelon, but they did not move faster. Oh God.
00:21:17
Speaker
Now we're getting into dangerous territory, Muzzle Daddy. I'm sorry. We're not trying to get cancelled. We're just making fun of people who are on the verge. I didn't say the racist things. That was Goliath. Look, I'm just thinking about this old Bill Burke bit where he's talking about when they wheel the podium out.
00:21:40
Speaker
I think, I think that podium's been dusted off and ready for you, muscle daddy. Listen, I am allowed to say 12 racist things because I voted for Obama twice. I didn't know that was a thing. Straight white men from the South. Six because I know how you are. Well, there was the elevator pitch for get out.
00:22:09
Speaker
has anybody seen Antebellum because that looks really good to me. It was really poorly reviewed, though. That sucks. No. Mm. Yeah. Because, you know, because I get all my movie news from KKK daily and they did not
Taylor Bibe Critique
00:22:25
Speaker
like it. Well, it was either going to be that movie or I was going to rewatch Creed. So I guess it's Creed. You know, hey, like trying to watch only black people movies. This is just I really love Creed. I think it's the best of the Rocky
00:22:39
Speaker
Thank God, I love black people movies. I do. My favorite is Django Unchained. Have you seen Medea? Have you seen the Medea movies? They're so funny. Listen, man, the issue was I tried to watch Django with Goliath, but he insisted we watch it backwards. It's more fun that way.
00:23:06
Speaker
And there it is. Well, it's been real nice hosting a coaster podcast. That was a fun year. Thanks so much for listening to your favorite coaster sucks. We've had a great time. We'll be back later with the new G4 podcast. We'll be rebranding in a year and a half is something else. All right.
00:23:35
Speaker
Thad filler Daddy since I'm gay. I'm gonna give you permission to say faggot a bunch of times in this episode
00:23:49
Speaker
God, I haven't gotten myself back yet since I was in, like, ninth grade. I'm so excited. Well, you already said it once. There you go. I'm so excited.
Dark Humor on Suicide and Patreon
00:23:59
Speaker
And Goliath's like, dang it. Why is it Jason here?
00:24:08
Speaker
He'd never give you permission, Goliath. It's not happening. It's fine. It's fine. Even if you stay with an A on the end, it's still not OK. You're not that cool. It's still not OK. White 12-year-olds in your mom's basement. It's not OK. Tyler Hero, Duncan Robinson, they might be able to because they're pushing the heat towards a finals appearance. God damn it, Celtics. Get it to fucking gather.
00:24:33
Speaker
But hey, at least we don't have to shout out that shitty Your Favorite Coaster sucks podcast on ours. We haven't shouted anyone out in quite a while. In fact, our show. OK, you know what our show has been lately? Like since the pandemic, our show has just basically been let's let's see how suicidal Nathan is this week. That's basically been the show where we're building up to the episode where he does it.
00:24:59
Speaker
In the arms of an angel. You guys better capitalize and livestream that shit.
Chris Evans and Chris Pratt Discussion
00:25:06
Speaker
Well, you know, I feel like if we get to 300 Patreons, we will livestream Slater killing himself. Yes. If we get a thousand, you get to help decide how he does it.
00:25:27
Speaker
And fifteen hundred. I've got to say that for twice. I'm very happy so far. He's he's keeping his own count. That's good. I'm not going to be more than six. Like Ben has just flatlined like right now. Now, there's just a lot of, you know, I know because the easiest episode Ben's ever had. He's like, I just got to say like two words every 20 minutes.
00:25:54
Speaker
I don't know. Ben, do you edit these or Zach, do you do it? Okay. Well then Zach, I'm sorry. Ben, this is easy for you. What are you bringing to this? Besides your smoldering good looks.
00:26:07
Speaker
Oh, thanks. With my chat, there was a picture of you like paddle boarding or doing something outside that fat people like me don't understand. Here's the thing. They were so thirsty over your dick. It's absurd. It is absurd. And it made me feel bad about myself. What what picture? It's a view like outside on something with a paddle. You're standing. It's in water. You weren't wearing a shirt. I don't know. Oh, that how that how that way. Where did this pic leak from?
00:26:38
Speaker
I think it was like on like your Twitter or Facebook or something online. It was online. Oh, weird. OK. It wasn't totally in your computer, which we broke into. Real quick, if we're talking about links or leaks, Ben Zach, what do you think about Chris Evans cock? It was very dark, shadowy and not very impressive. Thank you. I don't know why that was a big deal. It's like, all right, and shadow dick.
00:27:04
Speaker
It's definitely a picture of a dick that a straight guy guy took, like straight men do not like gay guys get like lighting and all this shit. No, that was. And the thing is, too, is that he probably wasn't even trying to really take it. It was probably like when he woke up, like hung over and he's like, Oh, I'm hard here, like and just took a picture of it and forgot about it.
00:27:23
Speaker
Yeah. I've never done that, but okay. He is now the Chris that I like the most of the famous Chris's because Chris Pratt became a fucking lunatic. Okay, Chris Pratt, fuck that dude. Fuck him. He has become a piece of fucking shit. Ruined everything for me.
00:27:41
Speaker
What happened with Chris Pratt? Oh, he's a weird conservative psycho, but he's like in the closet about it. He is super duper conservative now, ever since he married Arnold Schwarzenegger's daughter. He was conservative before that. Yeah, now he's just extra so. Very, very about God.
Political and Social Topic Exploration
00:27:59
Speaker
He's very Southern Baptisty. Yeah. I mean, I'm not like dissing on God, but yeah, I am. Fuck that shit. I am. Strike me down.
00:28:12
Speaker
If there was a God, he already would have done that. If there was a God, Trump would not be president. I don't know. Trump is very excited because God in Lucifer, I love that show, by the way, is the Allstate guy. Also, RIP Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
00:28:35
Speaker
Also, RIP democracy, but that's the whole other thing. Right. Who's excited to watch Slater get subjugated? We laugh, but I'm actually a little nervous about that. I hope you enjoyed your freedoms while you had them.
00:28:54
Speaker
I'm just over here as a white cisgendered man living in the South who's like, I mean, if shit gets bad enough, I'm putting that red hat on. I already got a big ass Alabama tattoo. I'm safe. Oh, not now what? No, here's the thing, though. I've done this before. If that's the shit that goes down, I'll quickly. I found Jesus. I'm a gay. I'm a straight now. I'm straight. They all believe in that. They all believe in that. Later's boyfriend's getting led to the gulag real quick. Oh, my boyfriend.
G-Force Project Critique
00:29:24
Speaker
Are you kidding? My boyfriend can pass for straight so easy like looks like he's about to kill himself every day anyway. Well, you know, that's the thing like straight people love when you it's like when you convert to their back to like, you know, whatever. And then they use it like, well, I know a guy who who's straight now. So it might be, you know, like clearly something you can do something like. Well, all you got to have is methane tigers and you can convert anyone.
00:29:53
Speaker
Well, you know, as my youth pastor said when I first came out of the closet, I was about 15, he said, maybe you should try having sex with black women. They're more manly. You might enjoy that. What? I kid you not. Wow. The insight. Incredible.
00:30:17
Speaker
Wow. Um, so G force. Oh my God.
Religious and Social Practice Humor
00:30:34
Speaker
I really don't like that. They just took the black lives matter fist. No. Can we point out it's not expensive to get a logo made. It's not your appropriation.
00:30:50
Speaker
It looks like, yeah, it looks like fisting. It's like, why is it in a hole? Ben, do I need to explain to you how fisting works? You have all people I figured would know. I mean, I'm less than like 12 hours away from knowing what it is, so. All right, well, there you go. Oh, wait, is it your first?
00:31:11
Speaker
What? Your first time. I'm assuming you're the fister. No, not my first. I was going to say, you're like, you're 12 hours from knowing what it's like. I'm like, you don't know already. 12 hours post. Listen, let's just say, my internship at Jim Henson paid off. I'm just saying I did something last night. Awesome. Can I ask, what's it like to be a human Muppet?
00:31:35
Speaker
I don't know. We can't go into that. We can't go into it. I'll talk about it on your show. But this show is clean. They're good Christians on here. They're good Christians. Let's talk about Jesus. Let's take a moment and fall onto our knees and let Josh, let Jesus come into us.
00:32:04
Speaker
Fill me with your love of Christ. All that delicious, creamy love. I know there's a guy he sues down at Home Depot. You want me to go get him? I did want to take a moment here to talk about the teachings of Joseph Smith.
00:32:22
Speaker
Oh, that amazing special underwear. If you bullshit enough, you can make a religion. You know what? It makes sense that Taylor Bidey would cover this shit up because there is not a religion better at covering up sexual crimes than the Mormon faith. They don't cover it up and just make it part of the religion. That's true.
00:32:45
Speaker
page 30 of the rule book, sweep it under the rug. Mm. Yes. But what happens when it's the rug is full? There's no more room. You better buy a bigger fucking rug. No. G force. If you want to.
00:33:01
Speaker
If you want to if you want to feel really popular, go to Salt Lake City or anywhere in Utah, download Grindr and don't upload a photo of yourself, because the key to getting messages in Utah with a Mormons is like they only message people who don't have pictures of themselves. It's like the opposite of anywhere else. Yeah, you have they want to look for other download people. How uncomfortable is it to be a member of the Utah Jazz?
00:33:29
Speaker
They found every, you know what? I'm not even saying that joke. If you believe that if you prayed hard enough, you would become light. They're like, Carl Malone, we're really going to need you to work hard. I know you're scoring 25 and 12 a night, but we just need you to pray. We've been working overtime at the church.
Coaster Enthusiast Community Critique
00:33:52
Speaker
We made it work with John Stockton. We got Sammy Sosa.
00:34:04
Speaker
My bourbon out of my mouth This guy who looks like Taylor Bobby across the street walking a dog Does his family own a pottery business because I swear to God I was driving to Louisville this week and I saw a sign for by be pottery Maybe maybe Does it because if so, I want them to make me a g-force pot. I
00:34:28
Speaker
That's what I want. Throw a fist in. I want a fist going through a circular ceramic. That's what I want. They could probably just like, instead of making a bowl or a pot, have them make a dildo holder. That'd be great for you Slater. That'd be a birthday gift for you.
00:34:51
Speaker
I mean, my birthday was in March and everyone completely ignored it, but that's fine. Because people were dying. It was a pandemic. People die every day. Some of them are straight and white. So what about SLCs? I mean, I'm excited to continue building another one. T4, baby. T4. T4?
00:35:21
Speaker
Wait, what? Hello, Tyler. This is yeah, this is Kentucky Kingdom. We're just we're just going to have to make a public statement saying we don't know her. Sorry. Just I hope you understand. Bye. You don't know about T4. Yeah, I don't know about T4. No, it's T4. Well, Kentucky Kingdom has been like, you know, teasing this ride and they they actually said they're making T4 a dueling SLC.
00:35:53
Speaker
And there's actually like merchant shit out for it as well. Oh, do they actually actually put out? Where did they actually put out March? No, Coaster 101. If Kentucky Kingdom put out that shirt, I would buy that in a fucking heartbeat. Here's the thing. Their park overall, I find to be trash. I don't know. It's not the park. It's.
00:36:13
Speaker
Louisville. It's the whole area.
Online Identities and Humor
00:36:15
Speaker
But they have the best social media, the best social media anywhere. Keys to the canceled kingdom, baby. I was going to say, since we were talking about Kentucky Kingdom and now keys to the canceled kingdom, let's talk about that fucking YouTube panel. I didn't even watch it.
00:36:38
Speaker
The G-Force panel. God, pay attention. Oh, G-Force was around back then? Fuck, I didn't realize that. No, but I thought they had a representative from OVC there and everything. Oh, wow. I wonder if that RMC documentary is still going to happen. I know people are emailing RMC saying, hey, y'all know what's going on about this going here?
00:37:08
Speaker
What the hell? Really? There's there's someone who's a mutual friend of our show who's been DMing me all these very aggressive acts he's taken against the OVC accounts. Really? Yeah.
00:37:23
Speaker
Oh, well, what is he done? I'm very curious. He's like messaged Patreon and YouTube. And basically every like platform they used and sent them the screenshots and all the evidence and like every piece of evidence, they've like compiled it. Oh, wow. Yeah. So I mean, it's just got way too much time on their hands and you go fucking back to work. Who's doing that?
00:37:55
Speaker
So like I said, it's not making this. What you're saying is it's it's pulled pork and country ham. Exactly. It's beans and cornbread. Oh, yeah. So anyway, you force on Facebook is five girls who like to dream big. If you search for G force on Facebook.
00:38:21
Speaker
That's the description that that it's not that G force, but you know you search for G force on Facebook And it's five girls who like to dream big God, I swear to God if you like that page. I'm gonna call the police No, I'm do you think I'm part of G force. No a little I will not wear a shirt a little bit By the way record you all are
Mocking Coaster Events
00:38:45
Speaker
welcome. I got somebody to buy our fucking merch I
00:38:48
Speaker
I did see that. Also, quick insert question. So now with the whole Netflix movie cuties, does it make you a pedophile to eat those little oranges? No, but I'm gonna go on one. Oh my god. That's a good movie.
00:39:02
Speaker
OK, so I never bought those cutie oranges for years. I didn't buy them until a week ago. And I realized it like afterwards. I'm looking at my my countertop. I'm like, why the fuck did I buy cuties? I never buy these oranges. And I wasn't even eating them. And I'm like, oh, God, I probably like. Wait, you bought cuties. All right, guys. Fucking pedophile on the show. Fucking hell. God damn it. It's elaborate. No, no, it was elaborate.
00:39:30
Speaker
It was an elaborate marketing scheme to sell those fucking oranges. Tiny little oranges are supposed to represent little prepubescent like breasts, obviously. I was doing like in real life, you can peel breasts. Stop it. Stop it, Slater. Chad is coming everywhere.
00:39:51
Speaker
They were like, sales are down. We need we need like something like a really controversial, like something on the Internet to like, what's what's the most controversial thing you can think of? They're like, I don't know, cats videos. Gosh, I'm sorry. I'm just thinking about like Chad, you know, desperately looking for the youngest dude in prison. Just going to make him his bitch. I'm going to put a wig on you.
00:40:20
Speaker
Your name's gonna be Emily. So fly opened. That looks wonderful. Yeah, it looks awesome. What is it? It's the Vekoma flying coaster that's not a pile of shit. Nice. Where's it at? It's in Fantasia land. It looks like it's more like a suspended looping coaster with the seats tilted a little bit.
00:40:47
Speaker
I hate coaster enthusiasts, literally. You know, when I, when we started podcasting, right? Very, very beginning, actually before, Judy intern told me, he's like, this is going to make you hate this hobby. It's going to make you hate coaster enthusiasts. I was like, nah, dude, I'm not so cynical. Man, that fucker, he was completely correct. You know, I, I invited him to drop by, but apparently he's too busy on vacation.
00:41:15
Speaker
I mean, he's not too busy. He just hates you. Well, that's true. Drew, we still appreciate you. You're the only part of in the loop that I enjoy. I mean, here's the thing. In the loop is utter shit. I want to go on record. I'm very proud of you, Ranger. I had money on you being the pedophile. So far, we're doing good, man.
00:41:44
Speaker
Hey, hold on. Look, Hyde is a really nice guy, OK?
Relationship and Social Interaction Jokes
00:41:51
Speaker
He is not. I want to kill him with a hammer, but go ahead. That was it. You guys were like the podcast is shit. And I just wanted to say in their defense. Listen, guys. Let's talk about your logic. OK, like the podcast isn't shit because they're really nice guys. Well, you and Vin are really nice guys, too.
00:42:15
Speaker
Well, I don't know about Ben, because he can't ever fucking show up on time for a podcast I'm part of. I mean, neither can Goliath or you half the time. I am there on time every damn time. And we have to translate to fucking Slater time, even for this fucking show, or he would have shown up an hour fucking late. But I still showed up on time. I was fucking early. I was the first one in this goddamn chat.
00:42:44
Speaker
To be fair, I was in for quite a while. I just didn't say I was there. I was like, he was just waiting for us to shit talk him because he was ready to do some mean girl shit. Yeah, I love that me being better like the opposite gays like like just opposite.
00:43:03
Speaker
Well, is there I don't think there's really a spectrum of gay, though. It's either just as gay as me, if not gay or in some fashions. But I mean, yeah, do you hear me? Do you hear me? I mean.
00:43:19
Speaker
I got more eyes some better now. That's good. It's what happens behind closed doors that makes a gay a gay and not their appearance or. That's right. So I don't care if you're
Humorous Diet Tips
00:43:35
Speaker
down low. You're still a gay.
00:43:37
Speaker
Ha ha! Hey, Slider, did I tell you that they've started selling Dots pretzels in my city? Oh, they're selling them everywhere now. They're so good. They're amazing. I mean, that is like I have banned them from the house because like I am like, you know, trying to lose weight so I don't die. That name sounds racist. It's really good. By the way, I drank half a bottle of Buffalo Trace so far on this episode.
00:44:03
Speaker
Oh, and they're not Uncle Remus pretzels, they're dots pretzels. Calm down. Wait, wait, what's the name? Is it dots or dots? They're not themed after a racist log ride, OK? Welcome to racism, the log ride. Wait, what's the name? Doss or dots? Dots. D-O-T-S. D-O-T-S. Oh, OK. They're out of there like. It's North Dakota. North Dakota, thank you. Yeah. I didn't even know there were people there. They're so good.
00:44:34
Speaker
And I take responsibility for introducing them to pretty much everyone. Yeah, so good. I blame you. I blame Slater. Yes. So when you die of a heart attack, that is not my fault because I have been with you to a Brazilian buffet and I did not make you eat all that. But I'm not saying I didn't, too. That's right. You know what? The second I can go back, I'm going to a fucking absolutely absolutely absolutely make it my fucking cheat day. And this fat ass is going to go there and eat.
00:45:03
Speaker
I'm going to get both shots and then I'm going to go. So you want to know a good trick. So like the night before you had a bunch of like heavy ass carbs, eat like a bunch of like, I don't know, pancakes, drink like a gallon of water before bed, get up in the morning, burn like 2000 calories and buffet and
Podcasting Challenges and Current Events
00:45:22
Speaker
you'll eat. Yeah, you got to make it worthwhile. Well, Kobayashi, he would eat a whole hotel pan worth of rice before his competitions.
00:45:32
Speaker
There you go. Yeah, I was I was a swimmer. So that was the best part. You'd eat like two. I would eat like two little Caesars pizzas. I just I just got to say that I love the Goliath strategy for a buffet was to mimic Kobayashi. Kobayashi was the man.
00:45:50
Speaker
I'm going to be honest. I don't know who that is. Is that missing a competitive eater? He was the competitive eater who was really, really good before Joey Chestnut came along. Yeah, he these people are. He was like the competitive hot dog eating mask. No, no, absolutely not. I got you.
00:46:12
Speaker
Yeah. God damn, these pretzels. Are you talking about one of those things that's also used to make you a human toilet? These pretzels are making me thirsty. It's like a leather hood with like a like a like no eye openings and just like a mouth hole. Right. OK, but not one of the things that like stretches you out like. No, that is that's for your OBGYN. Sure.
00:46:40
Speaker
Okay, Muscle Daddy Goliath, one thing I gotta mention. So apparently in our last episode- This is not your show, Slater. I don't care. I'm talking about what I wanna talk about. Snack, ask me a question. No, you don't matter. Anyway.
00:46:55
Speaker
It's all about Slater. Did you not get the memo? Actually, this time it's about Goliath. You did not do anything except for I caused a fucking panic. So remember I was talking about those little like the idea of doing the molds to do a little chocolate assholes. I ended it. I ended that conversation by saying I would be sending that to Goliath.
00:47:25
Speaker
I didn't realize I said that. And I caused an utter panic in some people. Wow. Which makes me, by the way, say that I am totally sending them to Goliath now. But we'll make ginger shoes out of it instead. I, yeah. Oh, okay. Okay, I see what these are. Okay. What, the assholes?
00:47:53
Speaker
No, the mask. I see the. Yeah. Yeah. Lovely. Just wear the buffet. There you go. I'm very proud of myself. I have not gone to a buffet yet.
00:48:08
Speaker
I mean, imagine a golden corral and the chocolate fountain. Oh, listen, it's just Goliath doing a handstand. I'm really upset because obviously Zach and Ben, neither of them have been being safe because just a couple of episodes ago, they went to a buffet and that was not OK. Zach, I support whatever you want to do because you're fucking adults and this country will not take away your goddamn freedoms.
00:48:37
Speaker
I will. I'm all about taking away freedom. The gays are ruining America. I know. I know.
Marriage and Relationship Humor
00:48:49
Speaker
Are we on ride this one or are we on your favorite coaster truck? Because we have just taken this shit over. I am very sorry to anyone who was expecting to have their night night podcast that puts them to sleep. And we're supposed to record tomorrow. So, boy, what are we going to do? I'm going to have to get more Buffalo Trace.
00:49:13
Speaker
Look, there's plenty of material in G-Force. Listen, I have just enough cocaine to get through tomorrow. Just enough. Ben's just sitting in. He's like, I could have been, you know, I could have had my fucking car towed right now, not be here dealing with this shit. This is bullshit. I don't like this.
00:49:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah, my car. I haven't had my car towed yet. So that's good, man, because I'm good, man. Congratulations podcast. We got to wait two hours because podcast are being your fucking car got towed. We're in the podcast. Yeah, I parked it in a bus area like a bus stop. I'm going to say this. I don't have a good deal. I don't have buses. What? I don't approve of buses. What did a bus do to you? It sexually assaulted me when I was 16. It was named Chad.
00:50:04
Speaker
I'm assuming Chad was one of those guys who ignored the you must be this tall to ride signs Yeah, hang on. We got to let Ben finish Chad has his own you must be this tall the ride sign. It's his belt Which is really short because that is not a tall person yeah height
00:50:29
Speaker
All right, Zach, would you fuck a midget? You can't say midget anymore. That's offensive. You have a little person. Oh, fuck them. It's better than a little person. We don't get to decide what's better for them, unfortunately. Fine. Zach, would you fuck a hobbit? I think I would. Yeah, I have fucked many hobbits. You never feel like you've got a bigger dick than when you're with a hobbit.
00:50:57
Speaker
no true because sometimes you know their dicks are just as big but it's on like this small frame so all of a sudden you feel tiny that reminds me of something I saw Chad tweeted you know tiny hands make your dick look bigger
00:51:11
Speaker
Oh, so he was quoting Deadpool or was Deadpool quoting chat? That's a great one. Did you actually read the messages that Chad sent? Yeah, they were disgusting. They were all like, you know, maybe you should show your tits, LOL, JK, maybe not.
00:51:29
Speaker
Let's take this and let's just say, reframe this, even if Chad was flirting with a fucking adult, okay? If it was legal, that is some of the most tragic flirting I have ever heard. Let me go on record. I have flirted that bad before and still fucked someone, but they were 24. I love you, Lydia. Marry the dumb ones.
00:52:00
Speaker
To be fair, I guess her first words after seeing you, her parents were, he's so big. Nothing to do with your personality. He's so big. Her first words to her parents, she's out of my league, but he's down to fuck. I love my wife very much. I hope she doesn't leave me.
00:52:22
Speaker
It's always like people at a bar when they're drunk, like they'll walk up to me. That's the only thing that said, like, wow, you're so tall. And it's like, I don't want to. I don't know how to respond to this. What do you what am I supposed to say?
Podcast Dynamics and Listener Engagement
00:52:34
Speaker
Ben, you fuck them. That's what I did when I was single. Hey, Ben, how the weather up there? You pretty good. There's a 50 percent chance of rape.
00:52:50
Speaker
I got to quit drinking. This is not bringing out a good side of me. No, you got to go to a history event when you're going. Hey, Ben, you know what they say about shoe size? It's fucking hard to find shoes. I wear a size 17. God damn it. Yeah, you're a size bigger than I am. I. A 16 is hard to find. Dude, it's a pain in the ass.
00:53:18
Speaker
Listen, I am very comfortable in my 12s. Thank you very much. Hey, Ben, let me say, if you ever need really comfortable shoes, Adidas are the most comfortable I've found, man. Yeah, but I'm gay and I don't want to be seen in Adidas. Thank you. We'll see. I love my D Mitchell shoes, like basketball shoes and shit, so.
00:53:37
Speaker
Up up here, like in Seattle, I'm only allowed to wear brown boots or like rain boots. Wow. Those are the different like, like gay gangs out there. And if you're like wearing the wrong thing in the wrong area, like it's it's bad. It'll be West Side Story real quick. Hey guys, we're 50 minutes in. Should I start a bracket or what do I do? Yeah. Yes. Let's start a bracket. So what?
00:54:07
Speaker
God damn it, I was bluffing. I don't have a bracket. Let's start a bracket. Get that. Get that gay bracket shit out of here. I guess we we were we sold our soul to Disney after last episode. I know we sold our soul to Disney. I got I got a lot of you. I voted against the dole whip.
00:54:31
Speaker
Listen, I don't like it. I just, you know, I have to be honest. It's what I do. What about a dole whip? What's the story? Listen, if you don't listen to our show, that's fine. I don't listen to yours. We'll just leave it there. The dole whip got voted best theme park food like snacks. Most iconic. You're the one who named it. If you said best, that would have went very differently.
00:55:00
Speaker
Bitch, I'm drunk. I don't know what I said. I do listen to your show, but like most podcasts I listen to, it's when I'm like doing other things. Right. I do believe we can get away with pretty much saying whatever we want on the show. People don't listen. They don't.
00:55:17
Speaker
Yeah, that's honestly like I feel like podcasts is just like for people who need social stimulation and they just want to have people like in their house, but not interact with them. Podcasting people like to hear themselves talk. It's people like me who are driving at three in the morning and need something to keep them awake.
00:55:37
Speaker
that's true i feel
Political Views and Societal Issues
00:55:38
Speaker
like we had way more engagement like previous years when people were going to the parks more because people would be going to the parks and so on the weekends and we would have more engagement but it has been a quiet year this year because of that because i think people
00:55:54
Speaker
I mean, while they're out of work, a lot of people have found side work or they're keeping busy doing other things. And it's not podcasts, because I think a lot of people aren't listening to theme park podcasts because it's just fucking depressing. It's what SNL calls a rebuilding year. Hey, I'm excited about seeing, I hope Joe Biden wins just so that we can see Jim Carrey on Saturday Night Live every week.
00:56:19
Speaker
Well, I mean, it's going to happen either way. Oh, Lord. Hey, your favorite coaster sucks listeners. We want to take a quick sec to talk to you about Patreon. Do you have a dollar sitting around your house right now? Well, if so, you should join our Patreon at Patreon dot com slash your favorite coaster sucks. What else are you going to do with that dollar? There's not a whole lot you can do with it. But I'll tell you, with that dollar, you can join our monthly Zoom calls. Those are so much fucking fun, aren't they, Ben?
00:56:47
Speaker
Hell yeah, pay for friendship. It's what we're all doing nowadays. Hey man, it's community. We got a nice little community here built up. And yeah, it's behind the paywall, but a buck a month. We think almost anyone can handle that, right Ben? Hell yeah, you can't even get like a McChicken unless you like live in a state with no sales tax. So why not throw it our way? Throw us literally a bone. At patreon.com slash your favorite coaster sucks.
00:57:14
Speaker
I'm just going to be honest, if Joe Biden loses, I'm putting that red hat on and I'm embracing my racism. Well, you know, you got to survive. He's he's going to pull the veil back finally. Yes. He's going to prove all show all of them pedophiles, all of them. He's taken down them crazy pedophile rings, which is great. He would just start with himself. I'd appreciate it. So is he doing that? Is he doing that to like the theme park pedophile groups, too?
00:57:44
Speaker
Oh, Lord, it's worse than the Disney groups. Oh, I can't even imagine. Listen, y'all want to understand who I am as a person. I am currently wearing a sleeveless hoodie with a Alabama football hat on. So the fact that I am not a major Trump supporter is shocking. Yeah, I know. Absolutely. You can't tell me there are. Go ahead. No, if you if you looked at it, muscle daddy. Oh, yeah, he voted for Trump.
00:58:13
Speaker
Absolutely. But I voted for that mean bitch.
Dark and Controversial Humor
00:58:19
Speaker
Jordan seems to almost be the exact face of I wish I hadn't voted for him. My wife has a Black Lives Matter and a thin blue live sticker on her car. I'm very upset with her.
00:58:38
Speaker
She works for the police and I'm like, baby, you have to pick one or the other. You have to pick the racist or the black people. You have to have one. Well, now I'm just over here like, look, if you shoot a black person, I will protest you and hope you go to prison. You should. He will punish her pussy real, real good. I will not. She will get none of this dick.
00:59:03
Speaker
I'm not a conjugal visit. She is only going to be allowed to fuck Zach. I'm married, I can't. I told her. By the way, that came out of nowhere. Good for you, Zach. Congratulations. Were you texting Ben on your wedding night? No, we were actually hanging out. Oh, that's a good word. Yes.
00:59:32
Speaker
But to be fair, but to be fair, it was the entire wedding party because it was only six of us. Zach, when did you get married? July 25th. Congratulations, man. That's good for you. Thank you. Are you happy? Do you regret it at all? No, no, I'm really happy. I think he's just so happy not to be alone anymore. Other than those times when you're like, what the fuck?
00:59:59
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, no, that comes with the territory, though. My wife, man, she wishes she hadn't married me. I know every day, it's like, God damn, I shouldn't marry him. Mm hmm. Very bad style. There's definitely these moments when my wife will give me this look and I'm like, oh, that's the regret face. But like, wait, what did I do? Exactly. I'm like, oh, shit, is this something I did or is this some external regret?
01:00:27
Speaker
She's like, God damn. I need that wrong. All right, Goliath, how many years have you been with your lady? Going on 10 years, something like that, married 10 years. Jesus. So you and me have been in a relationship about, we've been in the relationship both of us for about 10 years. I mean, I've been in a relationship, March was me and my boyfriend's 10 year, but we're still not married because we're that smart.
01:00:56
Speaker
We're like, we're not paying for a wedding. That shit's too expensive. Book that shit. Absolutely. Next time, if I ever had that to do over, I would definitely elope or something because we paid. Yeah.
01:01:09
Speaker
Right, because love fades and. Listen,
Drinking Culture Critique
01:01:15
Speaker
man, you know, unless unless her dad is making lots of money, you know, then you have like the biggest wedding you can have otherwise, you know, just do something small like go on a fucking roller coaster that'll kill you later married there. It only costs six hundred dollars to get married on the roller coaster at New York, New York.
01:01:36
Speaker
Well, you know, but you're not figuring in medical bills afterward. I know. My insurance is just not that good. You want to know why we didn't have alcohol at my wedding? That's because the bride's family didn't help pay for it. That's why we didn't get alcohol. Bullshit. It's also because you're all weirdly conservative. I was pissed. I offered to help you pay for alcohol, you son of a bitch. You did not. That never happened. I fucking did. I fucking did. You show me the receipts.
01:02:04
Speaker
I will show you the receipts and there would be receipts if you'd let me fucking do it. That's how much I wanted to be drunk. Well, we had to try to sniff pixie sticks. That's not where you was. Pixie sticks anyway. Although to be fair, I also was only going to pay for PBRs and Papa Vodka and Kool-Aid.
01:02:31
Speaker
Man, Kool-Aid and vodka. That was one of the best nights all of my life. I got this one from Alabama. That was a good night. That was college for me. And if I was really feeling exciting, it was just ever clear because fuck it. Man, I got drunk as hell after Alabama beat Tennessee in 2014. That was great.
01:02:53
Speaker
There's nothing says like I'm going the wrong direction in my life than walking at like 2 a.m. alone in the middle of a small down drinking a bottle of straight Everclear. We go live with the newest in the loop video.
01:03:16
Speaker
And he's just crying and mumbling about cruises. We love you, legend. We hope you're doing all right. I really don't care about you. You could die and I wouldn't care. I don't care. For the first time in months, I watched an In the Loop video because he did the moonshine tasting and me and my wife are doing a staycation week after next. So I'm like, let's go get drunk.
01:03:44
Speaker
How often do you think one of them has gotten alcohol poisoning in those videos? And I think they're immune now. Yeah, I think Legend and his girl are pretty much immune. Drew could still die. But it would take a lot of 25% maybe. I really respect you. I like you. You seem like a decent human being.
Inappropriate Social Media Humor
01:04:06
Speaker
other than your skills at fantasy football. Goliath, we're not getting into that right now. Knowing that they drink like the Rat Pack, it really calls in. Don't you dare put any form of that level of class on them. I just said, I don't mean like the Rat Pack. I just meant the same quantity. I should make quantity wise, but that really calls into question the validity of the name, the drunk riders.
01:04:32
Speaker
I mean, didn't they destroy the drunk writers in a drink off? That's what I heard. That is why I'm drinking so much so we can fucking compete with them. OK, but to be fair, it's drunk writers, not alcoholic writers. You have to still be able to get drunk to be a drunk writer. That's the problem. Whereas in the loop drinks to feel normal. Oh, so so the difference is the drunk writers versus the functioning writers. There you go. Yes.
01:05:02
Speaker
Yes. Just like Daddy always said, drink until you're numb. Now bend over, son. I have problems. I love how cheer you guys make this show. I just I just I'm just imagining now Chad packing his bag for a coaster trip. I wonder how many bottles of Jesus juice he made sure to have. Oh, poppers.
01:05:30
Speaker
He's like, you don't need condoms if they haven't reached puberty yet. Oh, my God, my God. Yeah, I got I got a 24 hour ban from Facebook. Did you really? What for?
01:05:51
Speaker
because I posted there's this picture online, okay? And it's a guy getting fucked by another guy, okay? You can't actually see him getting fucked, but it's one of those ones where it's like framed, so you don't see any actual nudity, but you know what's going on. And then there's this little, a child who looks like he's wiping the tears from her eyes. Mind you, it's an edit that was not actually on the TV. You can tell it's an edit.
01:06:16
Speaker
Even so, apparently Facebook knows that photo really well because I posted it with the caption saying, oh, look, it's Chad's girlfriend comforting him in prison. And they banned me immediately. Like, we're not like I posted it and all of a sudden, ding, you have a 24 hour ban. I was like, God damn it.
01:06:43
Speaker
Yes, we're going to find removed from Twitter. I don't want to get a picture. I'll. Yeah, send it to the group. Yeah. Oh, my God, I just are you the first person that's actually gotten a ban from posting something in that shitposting group? I mean, I got a message from them immediately, like, well, we didn't do that. We didn't know because all big thing is they don't do that.
01:07:12
Speaker
I don't know. I doubt I'm the first one that Facebook has taken down. Yeah, I doubt it. Poor Mark Zuckerberg. He just wanted to rate women and now he's he's led us to this. You know that picture that was floating around of him on that like electric surfboard thing. I have not seen that. Neither am I.
01:07:39
Speaker
It was by the way, could they have picked a better Mark Zuckerberg than Jesse Eisenberg? No, I feel like that was accurate. Maybe they could have gotten an animatronic to play him.
Coaster Community Behavior Criticism
01:07:54
Speaker
I mean, if they pick the guy from Ratatouille, that would have been right. I just sent that photo. All right. I swear to God, Slater. I'm going to be mad. Look in the mirror, bitch.
01:08:10
Speaker
Oh, that got me a 24 hour band that I have seen so much worse on Facebook. That's a great photo. Wow. I am very surprised that G-Force is not shared. And then some bitch, though, who did see it was like he really shouldn't be posting posting sexual content that involves children. I'm like, oh, my fucking God. Suck a dick. The kid's not getting fucked. The man is.
01:08:39
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, first of all, that is not what was actually on the TV. Okay. If someone's actually showing hardcore gay porn to their child, they are a bad parent. Do you remember, did I order Papa John's during the super long clusterfuck podcast? Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. Cause I'm too drunk to go get dinner.
01:09:02
Speaker
Should we do another should we do another clusterfuck podcast and try it with drunk writers and actually try to end the loop and we'll try to raise money that will actually help women? Yes, we should all do that. I believe Marcus did not make love to his children.
01:09:23
Speaker
I would let Marcus make love to any one or all of my holes. Damn near anyone at this point. Make love anything on you. Not completely wrong. I would not let Zach fuck me. But that there's reasons. And Zach, you seem nice. I would have a beer with you and hang out. You assume that I would want to fuck you.
01:09:51
Speaker
You know, I hope that was right to his slider because I'm much sexier than him. Oh, no, no, no. I didn't take that as a pass at me, Jordan. No, that would be lovely. Okay. Thank you. Because I am working out hard. By the way, by the way, he's working out hard. You're like, oh, I've been 3.15.5 time. I did 5.75, bitch.
01:10:15
Speaker
You know what? Fuck you. I Vince pressed 80 pounds today. You know what I did yesterday? I incline press 5.15. Get on my level. I mean, which level are we talking about? I've been willing to go pretty well. I've been drinking. I'm going to eat pretzels and leave everybody alone. I didn't have them set up today.
01:10:44
Speaker
Well, we do stand behind Marcus here. Some of us actually stand in front, I think, Slater, but I digress. That is a good idea, Slater. We should do a massive question. I like that idea because drunk writers in the loop managed to actually raise a lot of money, although I think a lot of it came up, showed up because Taylor Bibi showed up. I don't know if that should happen. I don't think.
01:11:15
Speaker
I don't think we'll get him to show up, but so we all need to promise we're going to at least donate a little money. So it doesn't look completely perfect. I promise to donate your poor. You can't afford to donate money anymore. I am full time feeder, baby. I'm making good money. Good. Then you better give me a good fucking birthday present. What do you want for your birthday? You tell me right now. I want you to make that fucking deal, bitch.
01:11:41
Speaker
I will make the dildo when I have help, God damn it. My wife works weekends right now. Jason will come down to Tennessee. He will come down. He's coming up. God damn it. Get your geography right. This is how you don't know time zones. Bitch, I don't care. He is offered repeatedly, repeatedly. Jason, come spend the weekend with me.
01:12:07
Speaker
Cause there ain't nothing wrong. If I could listen to this episode, so you're not going to have to worry about that. No, Jason, Jason actually has been listening to this show. Oh, okay. Cool. He works long hours and needs to have headphones in and we are not recording. I was on the goddamn road 12 hours, three days this week. Wow. See muscle daddy just needs to be so important.
01:12:33
Speaker
I do. I am a white straight man. I need to feel like I am the best person here. I think he's channeling Taylor, Bobby. I think, uh, no, I don't, I don't see him displaying his ass for five days. Bobby, hang on. Chad is innocent. I should know not to fuck him.
01:12:56
Speaker
If his gums were enough warning for you now. Yeah, it's called the pink flag. Listen, I'm going to make the most embarrassing of things. I'll admit it. Like within our little group, we actually all before all this happened, we thought because we like little short guys. Well, he's a little short guy. So we all thought like Chad was cute. And then you like find out like there are sexual deviate and they're like 100 percent. I didn't know who the fuck Chad was. I mean, I'll be say I'll say.
01:13:25
Speaker
You expect that there's going to be another drama shit within this community. He's not the one I pegged to be next, though. Well, I don't even know what Chad looks like. He looks like a guy that has to resort to try to fuck 16 year olds. I mean, can I look him up on Facebook? Yeah, I'm sure you can probably look him up on Google if you typed in Chad or how Valley Coasters.
01:13:48
Speaker
I don't think it'll be that hard. Basically, it'll be a lot easier once the charges go through. You Google his name, it'll show right up. You know, one of my ex fiance has an only fans. That's weird. I mean, friends of them on Facebook here. I'll send you a picture. All right, guys, what kind of pizza should I. Here's a picture with him with a small child. Oh, wow.
01:14:15
Speaker
Oh boy. I feel like Thrills United should especially be doing like a anti-predator type thing. That would be wonderful. By the way, I loved it in the loop as a plan in place in case one of the guys was like. Yeah, true. But they've got a plan in place. That's great.
01:14:38
Speaker
It is not victim blaming, actually. So that's good. And I sit the picture. Guys, I'm going to be honest. It's Clint. We all know who it is. Oh, my God. He just looks creepy. I'm not talking about the kid. I'm talking about Chad, but I was like, Who here hasn't accidentally fucked a kid? OK. I have not done that because I don't think you're better than me, motherfucker.
01:15:07
Speaker
It's not an accident if you say, hey, I'm not going to tell the year 16. That would make me look like a crazy guy. Like four years to the age, man. Oh, my God. Oh, that's a joke. I promise. Everyone I have fucked is of right age. What's the right age for you? Jordan is no longer allowed in states that have operating schools.
01:15:35
Speaker
Look, just because my wife is five years younger than me does not mean I'm a pedophile. I was in a 10 year age difference relationship. I mean, my boyfriend is like six years older than me. Seven almost just shy of seven years older than me. Listen, what you're saying is we robbed the grave. I do not agree with people who think that like large age differences in the race relationships are wrong. They're fine as long as it's legal.
01:16:01
Speaker
There has to be a certain light. And there comes a point when you are old enough that you can make these decisions for yourself. And yeah, you might make bad decisions. That's part of life and sex. We have all fucked someone and said, ooh, I shouldn't have done that. Look, my sister's dad was like 25 years older than my mother. Great. Was that weird? Yes. Do I love my sister? Yeah, she's fucking great. Not in that way. Fucking stop, you're a monster.
01:16:33
Speaker
No one said anything, but he just says the guy who says I'm ready to wheel that MAGA hat out. Well, if that's just if Joe Biden loses at that point, I'm like, look, I see where the country's going. I hope that, you know. Lord, this country, I can't even on this country. How about we all just move to Chechnya?
01:17:03
Speaker
Oh yeah, that's gonna be great for me. Look, I'm gonna be honest, I would move to Slovenia just because they have probably the second best NBA player from them. You can buy like six more wives there too. I don't want six wives. I want one wife because she's already a pain in my ass.
Perception of Relationships Q&A
01:17:22
Speaker
Yeah, can you imagine having that many wives? Like, fuck that. My God, especially like, if they don't leave me, they're like, have you noticed how much straight people hate their significant other?
01:17:38
Speaker
Yeah, I don't get it. I don't get it. Like, like I don't see that in the gay community, not on the same level. That is not true. I love my wife very much. Um, in fact, when you're straight out today, that's because people have this subconscious need of like companionship. And so it's almost like they, they put more work into making the relationship work instead of just trying to be happy with that person because it's like, it's like four times today.
01:18:08
Speaker
Also, I feel like that straight relationships get really stuck on like gender roles. And so it forces people into situations they don't really want to be in. Right. Yeah. And gay guys are just like, I don't know. I feel like bottoming today. Let's do it. Shit. Yeah, right.
Dark Humor on Theme Park Rides
01:18:26
Speaker
Hey, guys, remember when we used to make podcasts about theme parks? Yeah. Talk about other than the fact of Stuck Pilot, which decided to advertise their new the new coaster. Fucking plane crash. Hey, guys, here's a tragedy that happened. What's the profit off of it? What's next year? 9-11, the dark ride. Fuck, yeah. And 11 was an inside job by the government.
01:18:54
Speaker
It's just not okay to make 9-11 the dark ride, a shooter dark ride, where you start, the first targets are the towers, and after that, it's a Muslim. It's just a bad idea. I mean, I just don't like that they're going with a generic, uh, single rail, when there's, you know...
Silverwood Theme Park Critique
01:19:13
Speaker
Wait, Silverwood bought it?
01:19:20
Speaker
I thought that park in Silverwood heard about it. First of all, it doesn't matter because that Silverwood is like the park you go to only after you've been to everything else. Hey, that's not fair. In terms of things that are great in Idaho, it's the 2007 Sugar Bowl victory, wait, the Fiesta Bowl victory, sorry, Silverwood and potatoes.
01:19:47
Speaker
That stadium is awesome. The blue, the blue field. That thing's cool. The best thing that they have is really low COVID rates. So actually it might be a good place to go. That's because everyone just spends time with potatoes.
01:20:03
Speaker
I went to Silverwood a month ago. I love that park. It's one of my favorites. Was it wonderful? It seems actually very nice because I like being in the woods. I will say I love the name. I think Stunt Pilot is a great name and I actually really like the color scheme. That simple white and red is sexy. It looks really good. I think it looks good too.
01:20:22
Speaker
And for that park, I think it's a great addition. Would I rather be an original layout? Fuck yes. But this is a park that they got to, you know, at least it's at least it's not a used clone. I mean, you think about how many rides Silverwood has gotten, but they they've they've been used. Here's my thing. Did SeaWorld buy one of these and then cancel it? They'd already started manufacturing tracks. They got it for real cheap, you know.
01:20:49
Speaker
Was it Kentucky kingdoms that got delayed a year? I know there was one park that had one of these delayed a year. I mean all I know is 2023 are going to be real quiet in this army. You know how close Silverwood is to the RMC factory.
01:21:09
Speaker
True. It's still in track for a couple of years. I could swear we manufactured that piece. I don't know. It's just I don't see it. Isn't it like silverware? We finally got a whole thing together. Oh, man.
Seattle Seahawks and Kraken
01:21:29
Speaker
Who knew silverwood would be like the park to visit in 2021? Oh, yeah. Come, come to my place.
01:21:36
Speaker
Stay out of the basement and then we can go to Silverwood. I have every integer coming to the basement. To see a Seahawks game and then driving to Silverwood. I am exactly the person who wants to go into your basement. I am checking your basement out and yes. Ben, how excited are you that they're letting Russ cook this year? Who's that? He is the quarterback for the Seahawks.
01:22:02
Speaker
What's the quarterback again? Okay, here's the thing. Here's the guy who throws the ball. He's using his voice for heterosexuality, okay? Okay, Ben, do you like, do you like that the fact that the Seattle NHL team is called the Kraken? I do like the Kraken. Thank you, I enjoy it as well. And that's fine to like the team, but if you like the Kraken rum, go fuck yourself, that shit is terrible. Yeah, it's a good one. Hopefully I did way too sweet.
Coaster Delays at SeaWorld
01:22:31
Speaker
What if you like crack in at SeaWorld Orlando? Well, then I mean, that was a great ride like in like 2005. Just don't steal the sign and you're good. Oh, man. I see that was great. That was a good ride. It surprised the shit out of me.
01:22:50
Speaker
I wrote it two years ago. Yeah, I'm really wondering about this B&M prototype that's supposed to go to a SeaWorld. I don't know if that's been officially delayed or not, though. Oh, the surf coaster? I'm assuming it's been delayed at this point. Yeah, I don't think that's happening anytime soon. I feel like it's going to be like a shitty five years in the hobby.
01:23:13
Speaker
Uh, you know, I, as long as, as long as you don't go to like, uh, Saudi Arabia, you know, you go to Saudi Arabia, you got that new park going out there. Well, the good news is Ben and Slater cannot go to. That's right. That's right.
01:23:29
Speaker
You know, yeah, probably not. You know, I saw Arabia. I love vagina. No, no. Here's here's the thing, guys. We're thinking about this G-Force thing all wrong. We're going to pair up all the single individual female enthusiasts with a gay male enthusiasts for a big group trip. So you've got the beer.
01:23:54
Speaker
Is that it? And with the first pick in the gay, enthusiastic draft, Taylor, Bobby selects. Himself. Oh, I don't want an icky girl with her juices. Sorry, that cabin picture, though, with him and all those dudes.
01:24:18
Speaker
Oh, the Christmas cabin. Oh, my God.
Cabin Sharing and Innuendo Jokes
01:24:21
Speaker
I don't know if I've seen this one. Taylor's totally straight Christmas cabin. Now, to be fair, I shared a cabin with three gay men and I'm straight. But did we call it a Christmas cabin? You might as well call it the butt fuck cabin. OK. Christmas cabin. Oh, my goodness. Yes. Oh, my gosh, guys. Let's have some hot cocoa. Did you bring the candy canes? Did you bring the vibrators? I brought some vibrators.
01:24:48
Speaker
Damn it, you killed me the last time Santa got fucked in the ass. Oh no guys, we forgot the paupers. Where are we gonna get these in Santa Claus?
01:24:58
Speaker
Goliath, you haven't seen this picture? I have not. Please. So if you can find it or I'll just describe it the best I can. You know, even better, even better. This is great for radio because we're in a podcast. Exactly. My bad. No, no, that's all right. Are you saying that saying, oh, have you seen that meme hilarious? Does it translate to radio? No, it doesn't.
01:25:21
Speaker
So you know those big cabins up in Pigeon Forge by Dollywood? Yes. So they rented out one of those and like it's a picture from the second level overlooking the living room. OK. And it's like 15 teenage boys all just laying around on the furniture.
01:25:37
Speaker
Please stop. You're getting my dick hard. They're like laying on the ground and like leaning on each other and like it's. Wow. Yeah, he's like it was so sticky. Imagine the smell of the cabin. Oh, oh, I mean, it smelled like anal juices and astroglide. I mean, I just imagine it. I'll be right back. They taped a sign on the door that said no girls allowed.
01:26:09
Speaker
Seriously, baby, we all know that Alec is balls deep in your holes, OK? We know that it's clear as fuck. Guys, guys, you've got to come to Taylor's super straight clubhouse. I pretend to have toxic views on women, so you won't think that I'm a homosexual. Actually, gay men can absolutely have toxic views on women.
01:26:38
Speaker
Oh, I'm not surprised. I mean, look at Taylor. It's true. It's true. If you generally believe that women are ew gross, that's kind of a toxic view. I'm not scared of vagina. It's just not my thing. I just don't really want to go near it. Right.
Smelly House Story
01:26:56
Speaker
It's not going to make me want to vomit, but just don't shove it in my face. I don't want to be close enough to smell it.
01:27:04
Speaker
I'm not, I shit you not. One time I was in Indianapolis. We were going out to a bunch of bars and my friend's like, oh, we're going to go to my friend's house before the bar and pregame. Great. We get there and it's this lesbian couple who has not fucking showered and God knows how long. I'm not getting. Smelled like dank ass and pussy in that house. It was so bad. I thought I was going to grow up. So bad. My God.
01:27:33
Speaker
I mean, the description is. Oh, right. So. And that's when the lesbians is like, what, you scared of a real woman? Yeah, yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah, I am. If that's a real woman, I'm out and large black women scare me because they are intense.
01:28:00
Speaker
And that's why my youth pastor thought I would like them. Raise this ass, motherfucker. You want to get pegged, bitch? Oh, my God. Maybe you should just fuck your youth pastor. No, no, my youth pastor look like Goliath. No, did he end up marrying one of the girls from the youth group?
01:28:30
Speaker
No, but one of the guys did. One of the guys did. The second she turned 18, they got married. That was creepy. Oh, yeah. She was pregnant. Like we've been dating for three months exactly. The Lord's command. Yeah. Was Chad in your youth group?
01:28:57
Speaker
No, definitely not. I bet he was in a youth group, though. Oh, he definitely is, because one of the things he's definitely doing to try to get better is he's going to be going back to church so he can learn to hide it better. So what you're saying is he's Catholic. Oh, so here's my thing, guys, do you think he'll get in any real legal trouble or do you think that daddy is going to basically just hire a lawyer and get him out of this shit? Liar.
01:29:28
Speaker
I think if beans and cornbread has anything to say about it. There's going to be some ramifications. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
01:29:44
Speaker
Bees and cornbread. Oh, man. Oh, man. Wow. You know what? I'm really proud of you all. One thing that I have noticed. I mean, I haven't listened to your episodes lately, and I promise I'll listen. I'm lying anyway. But you all are talking. Well, I mean, Zach, you're talking faster. Ben, I mean.
01:30:05
Speaker
you're probably high. I mean, you're both high, right? You're both like really high right now, right? Not very, I've been smoking CBD only, so. Okay, wow, only CBD? What led to that, anxiety? It's all I have in the house, and I've been lazy to go get more weed, so. Okay, I mean, really, you're out of weed, but you're also lazy? You're not high, like. Yeah. It's only Saturday. Do y'all not do delivery out there?
01:30:34
Speaker
They do, but I don't like paying for it. It's not hard to pick up weed. It's really not that hard. I need my new debit card so I can take cash out, but the card is on my old apartment in a mailbox and I have to text somebody to get into that mailbox and it's a lot of work. This is the conversation you have with someone who is 22. How old are you?
01:31:05
Speaker
I'm doing it later.
Age and Interests Discussion
01:31:06
Speaker
I'm going to buy weed in three hours. We're not recording that long. I hope that's not how long you think this is going to last. There's a, there's a Sanford and some marathon that's really calling his name first. I get that, you know, my heart. So anyways, um, I'm, I'm old. Um, you know, your heart looking at memes and stuff online, you're like, I don't understand it. These jokes aren't funny.
01:31:31
Speaker
Well, I feel that way about like, I have no urge to download TikTok. No, zero. God damn it, I love TikTok. TikTok's awesome. All right, but how old are you, muscle daddy? 29. Are you really? Yes. Oh. And Goliath, you're going to be turning 40.
01:31:54
Speaker
Yeah, big four can do shit for my fucking birthday. But yeah, my birthday. Yay. You can fucking die. That's what you do. But that's exactly what you do, especially if you go out to the restaurant here. I'm good. That's fine. You can order in a bunch of really bad food or maybe smoke some really bad food or, you know, just, you know, have bad food. Yeah.
01:32:19
Speaker
You know, maybe like Goliath birthday party episode. Hey, I'm down to three twenty eight. Awesome. What do you think is the next the first in-person meetup? Like, when do you think that'll happen? Like that will be at.
01:32:42
Speaker
Yeah, just in general, like, what do you think is the first event after COVID? Like, what do you think it'll be when? Well, I think the big one is going to be Hollywood Nights. Yeah, I think Hollywood Nights. How things go. Because here's the thing, it may not actually be fully safe at that point, but depending on how the vaccine goes and if I'm actually vaccinated, I might risk it. But we'll see.
Post-COVID Event Speculation
01:33:04
Speaker
We'll see, it's gonna depend. I miss it, but I'm also not gonna rush myself out there because it's also not worth the risk, but it's also gonna depend how successful I've been with my weight loss journey, where am I at with all of that. There's a lot that's gonna go into deciding it. Basically, he's gonna be a bitch about it. Fuck yeah, I'm gonna be a bitch about it because right now I'm high risk. Listen, I ain't gonna die over this bullshit. I'm sure someone's gonna try not to.
01:33:32
Speaker
Good call. I feel that. Yeah. I understand that. Yeah. Yeah, I think Hollywood Nights is probably potentially the first big thing. But let's be honest, 2022 most likely gonna be off the chain. It's gonna be sick.
01:33:47
Speaker
And then in like 2022, we're all gonna be like, 2023 is gonna be the shit. By the way, it's May 29th, 2021 is Hollywood nights. Right. So we'll see, we'll see how long that has to happen. Because that's the Saturday is the 29th. So May 28th is the day you want to be there. Cause you want to do that.
Podcast Merchandise Ideas
01:34:08
Speaker
You want to do that water park ERT. Yeah. Yeah. COVID 20.
01:34:13
Speaker
I feel like maybe we should, you know what? You all need to release a hat for your podcast. And it should just be like the Make America Great Again hat. But you could just make it say Make Podcast Great Again. How about we take the G and replace it with the G-Force G? I know one. Yeah, just M-A-G-Force-A.
01:34:41
Speaker
You know, it's funny. I almost feel like that's some like subtle just the fact that they use the Black Lives Matter fist. And it's like, I don't know why that rubs me the wrong way a lot like it because it is lazy one. And it it's just we're already dealing with issues with appropriation and taking things from black people as a problem in this country. And it's just it's tone deaf. It's super tone deaf.
01:35:09
Speaker
Yeah, and also it's cheap to get a like real fucking logo made. Like it's like releasing Mulan. Never mind. God damn it, Goliath. I killed another podcast. I know it's all good. Another podcast. We're already dead. It's no big deal.
Mount Olympus Park Critique
01:35:28
Speaker
Perfect. Thank you. Well, you know, it has been an hour and 35 minutes.
01:35:33
Speaker
How many F words do you have left muscle daddy? You're slacking. You've all got, you've got nine. Oh, you got four left. I said he wants back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. Do you guys have an opinion on Mount Olympus?
01:35:48
Speaker
I've never been there with them. I've heard stories of it. Did something happen? Are they doing something? No, they just suck. Oh, OK. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I would love to see the Holiday World family buy those parts because then they could be killer. I think that they would manage the shit out of us. But, you know, I think that thing's beyond repair. Oh, nothing's beyond repair.
01:36:14
Speaker
You know, Mel Gibson still has a career. It's like it's like the holiday world family can buy it, but only the one who owns Alabama Adventure. Yeah, I love his. I love his shirtless pictures, man. Somehow with the park actually become to worse. That guy. I disagree. I disagree. Conspiracy theorist online, though. Have you seen his fucking like Covid tweets? Now, sometimes to be successful, you got to kill your brother.
01:36:44
Speaker
Sometimes, sometimes, Lord. Boy, what are the COVID conspiracy theories? Okay, Dan Cook, go look at his like Twitter and Facebook. He is conspiracy theory crazy shit on COVID. Like this guy, he's just mad because he's not making as much money this year. That's it, that's what it comes down to.
01:37:09
Speaker
You know, it's Randall. Is it like Holiday World or something? Oh, no, no, no, they know. No, they don't have anything to do with Holiday World. They don't. They don't. They don't. He's the owner. He's the owner of Alabama Adventure, Alabama Splash Adventure. If you know it's Alabama Adventure and Splash Adventure. Fine. Well, then they need to actually add another fucking roller coaster. Actually, wait. Oh, it's Dan. He's actually not. They're not. They're not buying shit next year. Congratulations. We're opening. Yeah.
01:37:38
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's it's I don't know how to talk. K OCH. You don't know how to spell what, Ben? I know, right? I just can't find his Twitter. I don't think he was on Twitter. He's on Facebook. Well, I'm going to give up. Right. I know. I'll believe the conspiracy theories. No one listens to this. So what have your numbers been? Well, what have you all been getting every step? About half of what we were getting before.
01:38:10
Speaker
Then what were you getting before? Half of life is like two and a half. So, um, no, we were averaging like three hundred three fifty per episode. Oh, and then we're about. Yeah, yeah, we're at about like 160, sometimes up to about 200. That's all right. We're at two. I mean, those were those were those are me downloading twice.
01:38:37
Speaker
This has been like a really down year, like just everything's down.
Podcast Upload Consistency
01:38:42
Speaker
To be fair though, you can like, there's a direct correlation with our podcast, I noticed. We'll get sporadic and uploading and our listenership drops a lot. The second we get back to doing it consistently, our numbers start climbing again. And we've just been really bad about that lately. But you know, it's been one hell of a year. The fact that our podcast even still exists is a fucking miracle right now.
01:39:04
Speaker
Because let's be honest, if I stopped doing the podcast, it wouldn't happen. I do my best, but I am drugged down by a big ginger weight. Because I'm doing my part. OK, by the big ginger rate, are you are you talking about your hemorrhoids? I'm talking about both the hemorrhoids and Goliath.
01:39:28
Speaker
Hmm. Okay. All right. Well guys, um, I mean, I suppose you all can continue. However, I need to go spend time with my boyfriend and I need to start my weekend and I need to like, you know, do something I want to do. So I'm gonna get out of here.
01:39:44
Speaker
For sure. No, that's that's a that that is is great of a transition to the outro as as any could have been. That was masterful Slater. There you go. And by somebody who who seems most enthusiastic about ending a podcast.
01:40:03
Speaker
So, you guys want to plug your show real quick? I mean, if they're listening to this, they already know who we are. Well, we'll write this one podcast. Fine. We're going to leave a boy. You can get to us. Just go to www.tailorbybee.com. I'm not even kidding.
01:40:22
Speaker
Or you go to ride this one or tailor by the sunglasses dot com or shave your or shave your cut. All of these go to us. Really? Shave your cunt. Yes. Shave your cunt. Shave your cunt.com does go to us. Wow. That is fantastic. A lot of ways to find ride this one. Oh, fucking way. We've got an awesome listener who does that and also turns people in for shit.
01:40:52
Speaker
Yes, yes. Beans and cornbread, beans and cornbread, beans and cornbread. Why did you guys work in country ham? Thank you. So what did you guys buy the URL? We didn't pull pork and country ham. Decided he was he was bored and he was like, hey, we're going to I want to buy the park. I'm going to buy that URL.
01:41:15
Speaker
He was listening one day, and he's like, I'm going to buy that URL. And he's giving him quite a few of them. He's linking our website to various URLs, and we're fine. It's great.
Humorous Podcast URLs
01:41:30
Speaker
So if he could do perhaps victimblaming.com, that would be great. Oh, Tyler, baby. Tyler, I'd be victimblaming.com. Yes. That would be great. How about OhioValleyCoasters.com?
01:41:47
Speaker
I wonder if that is that open? Let's check. And real quick, while we're going through that, I'm going to give our crappy fucking plugs. I like coasters.com is not taken. God, these people are so stupid. You have to buy your URL, even if you're not using it. You need to buy it. You get it for a month, man. Well, I think we have a new website project coming up.
01:42:19
Speaker
So yeah, I don't know. Follow us on the socials. Give us a good rating and here on whatever app you're using to listen to us. We appreciate it. Leave us a review. Tell us who you like the best from Ride This One. And we want to give a big shout out this episode to pork rinds and biscuits.
01:42:43
Speaker
Yes, pork and beans. Thank you very much for your contribution. That's a good song. Baked beans. Put it in my fuckhole. Baked beans. If you get it, you get it. If you don't, it's fine. Is there a video for that? Oh, yes. I will. I will. I'll send that to you as well. If it's whitest kids, you know, if you haven't seen whitest kids, you know you're missing out.
01:43:10
Speaker
And no, I know why does kids, you know, kind of sounds like the original name for like, Taylor, but like Coaster Studio, Coaster Studio is patron people.
Patreon Supporters Acknowledgment
01:43:21
Speaker
We have Patreon people that we got to say thank you. I just I forgot you all got a Patreon. I love this so much.
01:43:33
Speaker
I don't mean to ridicule you, but I mean how much money are you getting a month? $54 $54. Oh my it's better than I thought turning on actual profit
01:43:47
Speaker
Yeah, that's what's up. Yeah, yeah. So thank you very much to those people who made that possible, who are Mikey Mayo, Michael Muldoon, Tristan Cox, Dominic B, Steven Feinberg, Daniel Puckett, Nathan Hart, Jonathan Hawkins, Jared Mullen, Brandon Carter, Ryan Schumacher and Logan M. Oh, sorry. M fucking squared. You better just start giving me money. I got a Venmo bit.
01:44:16
Speaker
Oh my god, Rob has this video of him on Accelerator. Why don't I give me a call? My name's Baked Beans. What's yours? Baked Beans. Baked Beans. Baked Beans. Hey caller, do you have a napkin? Better find one fast. Baked Beans can get a little messy. Baked Beans. I'm what you're looking for. Sexy catchphrases. I'm asleep. It's a good town.
01:44:46
Speaker
Anyways, move on. Everyone should look that video up. Bake beans. Why does it get you? No, it will make you happy. It's wonderful. So especially beans and cornbread, beans and cornbread. We've recorded for an hour. Forty five. I think this is going to be about 15 minutes of usable content. I mean, good luck editing this shit. It's just going to be the intro before any of us come in and then it's going to be the outro.
01:45:16
Speaker
Exactly. It'll be the one minute Disney news. Is there Disney news? We don't even know. Tim Tracker likes Disney. No, Tim Tracker likes money. It's just in a Disney news. Chad Miller is becoming a Disney blogger.
01:45:42
Speaker
I like the Haunted Mansion because underage ghosts can't report you. He's just going to rebrand it to Orlando Valley Coasters. Oh, man. Rob Alvey's face looks like a fucking catcher's men. No, this picture of Rob Alvey looks like the beginning of a necrophilia video. Oh.
01:46:11
Speaker
It was so because you look at it and go, oh, shit, like black T-shirt. It's like a bag of mashed potatoes, like a hefty bag full of mashed potatoes. Oh, God, I would love a bag of mashed potatoes. You could just eat raw belly. Wonderful. I hear you taste like taco. I think he is just a giant cyst. I think he's just a giant.
01:46:40
Speaker
That explains the skin. Oh, my God. So what's are you guys still trying to get him on? We're trying. He's still not responding. We're trying really hard. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, what's the best way to get him on?
01:46:58
Speaker
I don't know. I mean, I keep emailing him. He just doesn't reply, which is weird for someone who replies to everything on Twitter. You're using the wrong medium, dude. You got to send him. You got to get him on Twitter, man. That's what we need to do. We got to get like a hashtag trending that that has TPR in it and like keep getting people to tweet at him or something. I don't know.
01:47:25
Speaker
Offer to the energy for us at Duke Duffy.
01:47:29
Speaker
Oh, gosh, gosh, it's driving me nuts. I realized to rob out. He really reminds me of. I cannot think of the guy's name. Really, really fat. Like you think he's going to have a heart attack any moment. And he hosts the game show. No, he was the game show or did at least. But he also had a cartoon as when he was in the 80s or like the 90s. Anderson, Louis fucking Anderson. That is. And how how how was Louis Anderson not a pedophile?
01:47:59
Speaker
Because me, too, didn't exist back then. So, uh... Damn it, no audio writer coaster. Thanks for that POV shit.
01:48:09
Speaker
All right. I was it. I was it. We were at Walmart today, went to Walmart today and the and the we have a fair or not a fair, but a carnival in town. I'm like I was looking. I was like, fuck, I would love to go to a carnival. That's how bad that's how bad because you got hard. You're off the podcast. No, no, I'm not. I do not belong to Ohio Valley Coasters.
01:48:39
Speaker
No, I just I'm not successful on going anywhere in Ohio, so. Especially to your point. All right. We really are going to have to get off of here. So I was in the middle of wrapping it up, but we got so dangerously sidetracked because of us thanking him square for his support.
01:49:04
Speaker
All right, and yeah, so go check them out if you want to check them out. You know, all the molestation jokes you can handle. Bring me the boy and the fuck it. I don't know. Email us and don't send us pictures. We don't want them. Your favorite coaster sucks at Gmail dot com.
Listener Voicemails and Feedback
01:49:20
Speaker
Leave a voicemail three and two five seven two nine five five two. We'll play it on the show, especially if it's explicit. All right. I think that's all we got.
01:49:31
Speaker
Do y'all get voicemails? Do people actually contact you? I haven't actually checked in a while, so I probably should. All right. Last voicemail we got was a spam caller. Well done. I hope I get like a voicemail from like the Trump campaign. I dare that shit. Do you want to fuck your daughter too?
01:49:54
Speaker
Wow. All right. Bye, guys. Thank you so much for coming by, guys. All right. Thanks for having us, man. Thanks for having us. Sorry we ruined your podcast. That's OK. You can make up for it right here by helping us say the title of the show in really shitty fashion. Listen next time on your favorite. Favorite.