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EP 68: Navigating Family During the Holiday Season
2k Plays1 year ago
In this episode of Mom Group Chat, we’re getting real about one of the most challenging parts of the holiday season—navigating family logistics and setting boundaries. As schedules get busier and family expectations grow, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to please everyone. Join us as we discuss how to set boundaries that work for you, handle family logistics, and stay true to what you need during the holiday hustle.
Whitney also shares highlights from her recent Due Date Girls Trip, bringing back some laughs and insights from her time away. Perfect timing for the holiday season, we’re here to give you the tools to make family gatherings a little smoother and a lot more manageable.
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Transcript
Introduction and Hosts
00:00:07
Speaker
Like there's no right way to do it.
00:00:11
Speaker
Oh, we're going to get into it. What up
Living with Mom and Gray Decor
00:00:15
Speaker
moms? I'm Whitney Williams and I'm here with my best friend Candice and we are the mom group chat podcast. Hello. This is how we do it. I feel like my background right now and me is like 50 shades of gray.
00:00:31
Speaker
I really should have put on something. If you were wearing mine, you'd have blended in. Literally. So I'm in my ah mom's house, obviously. I mean, y'all know that by now. I'm living with we' we're living with my mom.
00:00:47
Speaker
currently and somewhere in this room and the walls are gray like the walls are gray the furniture is gray all of the accents are gray everything is my life is gray you know gray like took on the world by storm at a time yeah i mean um my mom is stuck there yeah literally I have some gray light gray walls, but it doesn't look terrible. like It's fine. It's almost white, but you know it was just the time. It's fine.
Recording from Different Locations
00:01:15
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's definitely my mom's... Yep. um That's all I'm going to say. It's great. That's all. I'm so grateful that she's housing us. That's all I have to say. but Yeah. i definitely
00:01:28
Speaker
ah
Child Sleep Struggles and Solutions
00:01:29
Speaker
I'm probably for the next like month or two of episodes, like I'm going to be bopping around. like Every episode we record, I might be somewhere different, honestly. Where is Candice? Where's Waldo? Only the Lord knows. Yeah, truly. so We'll see a different background every day. I'm just living life.
00:01:52
Speaker
Wow. I'm so glad to talk to you. Even like you just making that joke put me in a better mood. I've been in like a perpetual, like bad mood. I don't know why. Oh my God. like You just went on a girls trip. You should be right. Or do you have depression after the girls trip?
00:02:08
Speaker
No, I mean, the girls trip was great. I'm just I want to we need a full recap. that's Yeah, I will. I am tired from it. And like I'm just still struggling with the Passy thing with Graydon. So it's just like, ah man, he's really dragging this out. dude I like went down a reddit rabbit hole of like this happening with other people and everyone's saying like it got to a point like six months or seven months down the line and that they finally way yeah they finally just had to do cry it out at night which is
00:02:42
Speaker
honestly like so hard like yes I am like four cried out with newborns and like teaching them how to self soothe but at this age where they can talk and tell you oh god that they're scared like it literally breaks my heart in half and I like sit in bed at night and just like tears are coming down my cheeks of oh my god I can't imagine because I'm like I know we can't go in there anymore. And I'm just like crying in my bed, like jiggling like. o Like I hate this, but I know like I think I know that it's going to be good for him. And I'm like, maybe he won't remember this and think that we're terrible people like. OK, he will not remember this for sure. I keep telling him like he won't remember. Please, please, please don't remember. I don't want to neglect you. I love you.
00:03:32
Speaker
No, no, no, no, you're not gonna do that, but you gotta to do what you gotta do. You cannot, this cannot go on for six months. It cannot keep going on, it's been a month. I cannot. Anyway. That's so crazy. do Okay, in your Reddit deep dive, did they say it had something to do with age? Like, is it yeah this age? It's saying, like, between, they're like, oh, my kid, like, dropping the pasties slash, um, two and a half to four, like, they go through a weird,
00:04:01
Speaker
phase and like some people were saying um not to make this a sleep regression episode um but some people were saying like to do that hatch nightlight where it's when it's green like you can get up and that worked for their kid like different tactics like having i guess some people it's like happened when they switched to the toddler bed and they were like getting up and running to the room like putting that like door handle on there where they can't open the door And like yes, they banged on the door for like three or four nights, but if you don't come, like they'll stop eventually type thing. But yeah most people were saying like you immediately want to treat what's happening at night, but really you need to focus on what's happening during the day. like Are they getting enough energy out? like Should you drop the nap at this time? Everyone's saying to
00:04:49
Speaker
Yeah, everyone's saying like to focus on what's going on during the day and fix that first and then tackle what's happening at night. I'm so scared about dropping the nap. I am willing to do it.
00:05:03
Speaker
yeah And they say like to give them 30 minutes of quiet time and like that could be TV, play in your room, like have have some time, and that's like their decompression, whatever. Oh my God, so are you thinking of doing that? Well, his daycare offers it. So I'm like, how am I going to drop a nap when daycare offers it still? And it's like they have to, I think. Yeah.
00:05:27
Speaker
I'm like, can you pull him aside and put him in the big kid room where they don't nap during this time? so He doesn't disturb the class because I think he's ready. Like, that's why he's waking up. but I don't know. so we're crazy We're in the midst of now. It's all happening so fast. We're in the midst of crying it out. We just didn't night two of it. So and night two is usually like one of the harder ones. But the win is we didn't go in the room the past two nights.
00:05:54
Speaker
Okay. Good job. Honestly, yeah we're talking to him on the camera. We're doing the five, 10, 15 minute thing where if he starts crying really great and we see you, you're safe, blah, blah, blah. And if he's like still whimpering at five minutes, we'll say great. And we're here, you're safe, blah, blah, blah. We're watching you. We can see you. You know, and I mean, he was up for two hours by himself. Just
00:06:19
Speaker
God knows how like it's just so funny how kids have such strong wills of like like what I would give to just be in bed alone like I know moms always say that but like I just am like thinking about what I do in the day or at night with two hours like to just be sitting in a bed for two hours like I That's like talk dirty to me, literally. got that And kids are so strong-willed. It's like, wow, it's shocking sometimes.
00:06:51
Speaker
I know. And you know, I just didn't sleep during that time because I was watching him. Of course. Right. So it's ruining not ruining. That sounds bad. But like it's fine. yeah Like he would like whimper every so often. And I would like does he just like sit up like he's not laying down. was And then he like would take his blanket and put it over him. So he literally looks like a ghost in his bed just sitting up.
00:07:15
Speaker
And then he'll put it over him. He's a Halloween boy. And he'll pop it up open to look around and you can see him looking around the room and then he'll pop it back over his head. And I'm just like, why? Anyway, that was night two.
Mom Trip to Savannah, Georgia
00:07:27
Speaker
I have no updates, no good updates on this frickin passie saga. That is so crazy. Wow. I'm so sorry. But you're handling it like a champ. And um you guys are doing a great job. I told Chris, I was like, I At night, I feel like I'm on the brink of another panic attack. I'm scared. Oh, no. yeah I got into that point. Yeah, because it's like so many nights have interrupted. Your body is definitely like compounding stress. You know, I'm getting to the point of where like I'm the one trying to figure it out and.
00:08:06
Speaker
I'm out of ideas, so I'm like starting to panic a little bit. I'm like, um um what else can I do? you know So I'm just gonna try this for a week, but it sucks. Yeah, geez, I'm so sorry. Okay, well, on your girls trip, did you get like any extra sleep or not really? Hell no, those bitches get me up all night.
00:08:36
Speaker
Was it fun? Oh my God. So this is so funny. I posted our video on um mom group chat and we got a few DMS on like, I know you guys have talked about how you join a mom group, but this looks so fun. Like how do you do it? And I got some personal DMS as well.
00:08:54
Speaker
And Candice and I, well Candice is the one that told me to join Baking Little Babes on Facebook and within that group, yes it's like a huge forum basically of moms asking questions, posting, but within that group You have a due date group. Like mine was September 2023. So I joined that. And within that, like some people create like text threads or whatever. Like we got in an app called Geneva. And so it started from there and there was like 78 of us, but I went on this trip with 18 of the moms. Um, cause we, our group was so fricking big. Like we broke it up into like early September, mid and late. Um, so I went on this trip with like the early September moms.
00:09:38
Speaker
And there was 18 of us. We got in on Thursday and everyone just started like drinking. The house was so freaking cute and beautiful. We went to Savannah, Georgia. Um, and I think we chose there because it's open container. Like, hello. ah It was like kind of centrally located. We have a lot of yeah yeah East coast girls, but we did have people like from Colorado and Texas. So, um, a lot of people made the hike and.
00:10:08
Speaker
on Thursday, like we chilled at the house and like um we did ah superlatives that night and like got to know each other, even though we know each other. We've been talking for almost two years now. Yeah. um and yeah So we did superlatives on Thursday night. Friday was like the gung-ho day. like we um went shopping and started drinking and like had dinner on the rooftop and actually like went out that night to the piano bar and to the club, which, wow. I was gonna say, okay, hold on. You told me this via text. You guys went to a club, like a legit club. Oh, I mean, I was on the dance floor. like Honestly, there was so many people on the dance floor, I was getting mad because I couldn't show off my dance move.
00:10:56
Speaker
I was like, can everyone clear the floor so I can dance? You're like, excuse me, I need some space. I need to shake my thing. Um, but like ah it was so funny. Like I drink some martinis at dinner and then at the piano bar, which I've been there before. And if anyone's ever been to Savannah smiles, I hadn't been there since I was like 26. And I distinctly remember like jello shots being there. And that's all I could remember. I'm like, yeah,
00:11:25
Speaker
They did them in these syringe things and they still had them. And so this lady's walking around almost like New Orleans, like a shot girl, bopping around with a shot tray, but there's also like the huge syringe jello shots. And so, I mean, we were buying those like freaking candy.
00:11:41
Speaker
i thought I think I took like four or five, where I'll just oh squirt, squirt, and I'm in our mouth. um
00:11:49
Speaker
And- All the husbands are jealous. Yeah. Yeah. and That place is basically like a fricking zoo. There's a photo booth, there's shot girl, there's pianos, then you're like putting money in the jar to like have them play your song. like And they're writing your shit on the board and it's just like,
00:12:08
Speaker
So funny. All I did was I like don't even think I had a drink in my hand. I was just taking shots all night. like I had girls that were being shot pushers, which was so fun for me, honestly. like I'd be in the front listening to the piano and I got like tapped on my shoulder and they're like, Whitney, you're being summoned to the bar for a shot. And I was like, okay. Say less, I'm coming.
00:12:30
Speaker
um Well, that's me. I feel like in our friendship, I'm always like, Whitney, come on, let's go. home And there's no telling like what they were. Green tea shots, lemon drops. Like, oh, my God, don you feel like doo doo pants the next day. It was more like I was tired because I mean, I wasn't I mean, I was drinking, but not like because when we went to the club, I took a few shots there as well. Didn't have a drink in my hand.
00:12:56
Speaker
ah Literally put my Burberry jacket next to the DJ booth and said, can you watch this? And just laid that down with my purse and all my belongings that I care about. And I was like, I got to get on the flow and I got to break it down. So I just went out there and like.
00:13:11
Speaker
prayed to God that this was a nice DJ and, um, yeah, just danced it off. Basically. Oh my God. I'm so jealous. I wouldn't do that. Cute one moms. Let's get our shit together. And, uh, we had like, um, sticks with our baby's heads on them, which was so funny. Yeah. And at the piano bar, the piano, the pianist was like,
00:13:37
Speaker
All right, there's this group of moms and she's like, you know, there's two types of moms in this world. The ones that like, like to keep their babies safe, they won't post them on the internet, they put emojis over their face, and then there's moms that put their babies' faces on a stick and take them to a bar. You're all like, how about that? You know, so funny, but. I just found, um I found a note from Shannon ah yesterday,
00:14:07
Speaker
and or not yesterday, I guess over the weekend, but I found a note from Shannon, it was from her like wedding party, because she had wrote me obviously this like long heartfelt card. um But at their wedding on every single person's plate that everyone had a handwritten note from Shannon and from Andrew, like two notes, one from Shannon, one from Andrew, which is a little square of paper. It was like a couple sentences.
00:14:32
Speaker
And I just found my note from Shannon and it says, I should post a picture of it. It says like, I said all of the gushy stuff like in my card. And she was like, so all I want you to do is like, party your ass off tonight. And then the last sentence said, forget you're a mother, period.
00:14:54
Speaker
And I love that note so much, but I think about
Halloween Costume Decisions
00:14:57
Speaker
that all the time. Like, cause I'm going, like, for example, I'm going to Sabrina Carpenter on Friday and I was like planning my outfit and I was like, is this like a little scandalous? Like Sabrina Carpenter is very sexual and like scandalous. And I was like, I'm leaning in. Like I want to.
00:15:14
Speaker
be a little slutty girl on Friday, okay? But I was like, is this okay? And then I was like, I remember that note that Shannon said, where she said, forget you're a mother. And I was like, you know what, I'm gonna do it. But know it reminds me, I love moms that can go out and just like, forget you're a mom for a night, you know? And and it didn't even feel like that. Like, honestly, I like age was just not a number there or maybe I was just like locked in on myself and feeling like dancing when dancing with my friends but I like couldn't tell you what age group was there um but it was fun so fun the next day I was like a freaking zombie like oh we were supposed to at least have a chill day where you could kind of like chill around the house or no
00:15:59
Speaker
Well, Saturday, like we were gonna go to brunch, but didn't have like reservations, and with a group that big, it was just like- Yeah, it's hard. i did Well, I was like, I don't personally have it in me to like stand around. I feel like pukaka. So like we ordered McDonald's and just ate a sandwich. Did you eat McDonald's? I did. I had a- yeah I know. Oh my God, Whitney. Whitney doesn't eat McDonald's, you guys. I mean, was the sausage biscuit good is so good. It was obviously like not my choice, but I didn't say a word. I was just like, I'm going to just do it and not be that weird person.
00:16:41
Speaker
I was just like, whatever. because that like To say that you don't like McDonald's feels like an uppity thing to do, but it's actually like you're not even like that. It's just that you just don't eat McDonald's. I don't know how to explain it. I mean, if you like Taco Bell, you'll eat Chick-fil-A, you'll eat everything else.
00:16:59
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I just didn't say anything about like, you know, I just, I don't care at this point. Like I'll just eat it. So I did. And it was good. Will I do it again anytime soon? No, but we just did that. Went shopping a little more. And then what did we do that night? Just chill. We went on the ghost tour, uh-huh, which was fun. Um,
00:17:25
Speaker
But yeah, it was a great freaking trip. Yeah. Honestly, those trips are so good for the soul. And it was funny because on Sunday, we were driving back from, uh, I don't know, wherever we were on Sunday. And I was watching all of the stuff from your trip on my phone in the car. And Vinny was like, he was being sweet.
00:17:50
Speaker
He was like, does that make you sad? And I was like, what? And he was like, that they're all there without you. I go, I wasn't invited. Like, I'm not a part of this group. But like, yeah, I am like. Yeah, well, they all know you and they all.
00:18:06
Speaker
or asking about your situation. Everyone was really sweet and wanted to know about you. I feel like I know them too. I feel like I know a lot of them through Instagram. Yeah, for sure. But no, for real, the FOMO was so intense.
00:18:21
Speaker
It's just really cool meeting everyone in person because obviously it's the internet, but everyone was like so freaking nice and like honestly so beautiful. I was like, oh my God, it we have such a pretty group of girls. And I was just like, ah I love us. And it was it was just great. um really No, that's exactly how I have felt on all of my due date, like
Family Planning and Mom Group Dynamics
00:18:43
Speaker
get together. So I'm always like, Oh my God, we're there just the most amazing group of women. Like I'm so happy the internet brought us together. They truly are some of my best friends. I feel like we're in this weird time in our group where almost everyone is either just had a second
00:18:59
Speaker
Like I was on the early side of having a second on my, but everyone is either just had a second or is pregnant with their second or newly pregnant with their second. And we're in this weird phase where it's really hard to plan something where a lot of us can go because of, I feel like we need, yeah, but we gotta, we gotta make some things happen soon because I miss them so much. And those, those trips are so good for the soul.
00:19:23
Speaker
Yeah. Um, I think we planned it out this far in advance and at the time it felt like forever away. Like I swear we were talking about it last October and I was like, no, please don't make it a year from now. Like I want to get out of my house, but I'm in hindsight, like them being one is smart because Everyone feels better leaving them. They're in a routine. like It's not as hard, but at the time I was so desperate to like just get out of my house. I had cabin fever. so I'd say the year mark was great, but now everyone is kind of like planning on having a second or potentially their third. um so It's in the talks because they're all like, what? Margo's almost 14 months old now.
00:20:06
Speaker
So it's like everyone's starting to rumble. Oh my God. I was pregnant with Margo at 14 months when Graydon was 14 months. So that'd be like me getting pregnant right now.
00:20:22
Speaker
Yeah, that's scary. That's scary. Scary thought. Scary. Scary.
Creating Family Traditions During Holidays
00:20:30
Speaker
But. Yeah. Yeah. Worth it for sure. I still want a third. I stand by it even in this shitty ass situation we're in. I still think you're going to be in a new spot. It's not over for us.
00:20:44
Speaker
No, you're a three person family. And now like all I'm at that stage where all my friends are having their third because we're all 33, you know, and it's like, wow, everyone's hitting that third streak now. It's crazy. Yeah.
00:21:00
Speaker
its We're that old now. Oh, I know. Well, I'm so happy you got to go on that. Um, maybe the next one you guys go on, there can be a sleep day where everyone can just sleep. I mean, we made, we made Saturday the sleep day. And I mean, honestly, we probably could have gone home Saturday because everyone was so exhausted, but then we wouldn't have had as much fun on Friday. You know, you would have felt like yeah anxiety of, Oh, I got to leave in the morning. But we all went.
00:21:27
Speaker
So freaking hard. It was like Saturday was like, I can't do anything. So I love that, though. Yeah. I mean, I ate a foot long hot dog at lunch on Saturday. Wow. That sounds like a dream. Honestly, I love a hot dog. Half of it was smothered in sloppy joe. Never had one of those in my life. The other half was smothered in chili and fried banana peppers.
00:21:57
Speaker
Interesting. That seems like something you would not order. I'm very confused. I felt like I was at a football tailgate. I was like, what am I doing? Was this at a restaurant or like from a cart on the street?
00:22:11
Speaker
It was from a restaurant. Like the neurons were not firing for me that day. um If you were to hold a menu in front of me and it had a hot dog on it and you were to tell me what would Whitney order, like I think the hot dog might be the last thing I say. I don't eat hot dogs a lot because Chris doesn't like them, so I'm like, ooh, I can get one today. because I feel like the hangover brain also would make you do that. I get that. I do. I understand. um and yeah i mean it was I didn't eat the whole thing. like don't
00:22:42
Speaker
Sure. Yeah. Me and my big ass hot dog. It was good though. Oh my God, that's funny. Yeah. Okay. Well, um, let's get into today's we've done 22 minutes of yapping. Um, sorry. Sorry. No, no, no. We had a lot to catch up on and I wanted to hear your full due date recap. So I'm happy that I got the full, all the tea I withheld. She did. I asked her afterwards and she was like, guess who have to wait for the podcast? And I was like, wow. I said, Ooh, Carmen's a bitch. Yeah. but yeah
00:23:21
Speaker
It felt good to do that to you. Yeah. Great. Love that for me. ah That we only talk on here now. Sorry. That's not true. I don't want it to be like that. Okay. Well, it is spooky season. It's it's getting into the holiday season. I don't know about you, Whitney, but like time is fucking flying. Like I feel like the this last half of the year or half, I'm sorry. This last quarter of the year is going to be like,
00:23:49
Speaker
Poof. It always does that. And then January is 10 years long. yeah Every time. that's Every time. Yeah. So this is an episode we had genuinely planned to do last year. um And it is about navigating the holidays with family and, you know, having little ones navigating the back and forth of family and like plans. And obviously we didn't get to this episode last year because of Shannon. And I actually was thinking this morning how I'm so happy we didn't do this last year because I have so much more to add now after having a whole other holiday season with Alice and then having Evie and going through some holiday stuff this year. I feel like I have much more to add and more value to bring to this conversation after dealing with all of that.
00:24:41
Speaker
So I thought we'd start by just kind of the both of us talking about our current like family situation, like do we have family close, blah, blah, blah. I think some of our listeners know that, but I feel like it'd be good to just recap. So tell us about how close you are to family and what the holidays are typically like with your family. I'm not close to them. I don't talk to them.
00:25:02
Speaker
Just kidding. So I am in the Nashville area, but my parents live in my hometown, which is like an hour north of me. So close, but no cigar. You know what I'm saying? They're a little far. A lot of planning goes into like Seeing each other and usually a spin the night happens just because natural traffic is a much I feel like i'm passing a lot on this episode. I'm so sorry Okay, and then Chris's family is like six hours away um His parents live in lower, Alabama as we like to call it LA and And his sister, Jenny, who's like another like frequent flyer up here, she's in Tuscaloosa. So she's like three and a half, four hours away. So a bit far. Yeah. And yours is up your butt. Yeah. Literally, I turned to the left and there's my my family and I turned to the right and there's my in-laws. No, literally our entire family is in the Tampa Bay area, like grandparents, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters. All of the family is here up my butthole and I can't escape.
00:26:21
Speaker
So she is just trotting around town, appeasing everyone. It's also, I feel like this is also important to say is that we have the only grandchildren on both sides. So we are popular. We're gonna be popular.
00:26:39
Speaker
Um, Ryan, really everyone. Yeah. Ryan needs to start having some kids and I know Caitlin listens. So Caitlin, no rush, but also stopping. rush
00:26:53
Speaker
Candace needs yeah relief. Just pop one out of our wedlock. Just do it.
00:27:03
Speaker
um So we are very sought after time with us is like they fight our families fight over time with us. ah And then plot twist of the century of the over the past month as we now live with my mother. So It's just family all the time. And I would say like top three most difficult things about having kids, ah one of them has been navigating family and time with family. Personally, like that's something that has been a work in progress. And I feel like I've learned a lot and I've grown a lot of balls over the past year.
00:27:44
Speaker
And so I have some tips. I feel like my sister-in-law and brother, because they had the first grandchild, I feel like they went through what you're going through because I remember like we were all a little overbearing because we were just so obsessed with Addison. like right It was like a new shiny thing and she was so cute. like we were all like very up their butt and I think it was overwhelming because Hunter's kind of like the one that like chills to the side like we don't stay up his butt. And then all of a sudden we were and he was like, well, can everyone relax? Okay. So that's so interesting. I feel like that's Vinny, truly. Like before we had kids, he's the only boy. It's two, he has two sisters and they're very much like, you know, yeah I feel like the family before we had kids and everything, like,
00:28:37
Speaker
I feel like they were the main characters and Vinny's like, just chilling. He's the guy, he's chilling. And so this made Vinny kind of like the main character. He's like, can everyone relax? That's literally what happened.
00:28:52
Speaker
Yes, it's also a lot of pressure on me because Vinnie is just I feel like with his family specifically, he's not always like a proactive communicator. He's kind of just chill and he's always like, oh, you know, they want to stop by like whatever. But like as a mom with schedules and plans and also just like needing space, like It's hard. like It's hard to tell them myself, like, no, you can't come over right now, or no, we have other plans, or no, we're gonna go see my family. yep So I feel like, and this kind of leads me perfectly into my very first tip, and I would say the most important tip in navigating families and especially around the holidays is that you and your husband have to be a united front. You have to be a team.
00:29:46
Speaker
And that in order to do that, there has to be a lot of conversations ahead of time before you talk to families and even just like way ahead of time of plans to be like, Hey, here's how I'm feeling. Here's what I would like to do. How are you feeling? What would you like to do? What do we want this holiday to look like? Like from a plan's perspective, from a feelings perspective, like that sounds stupid, but those conversations are.
00:30:15
Speaker
karu shol I agree. the success of your holiday I think when when you go into anything with a plan, you feel a little more in charge of your emotions and how things are going to pan out because if you stand firm on that, you feel good about that decision. If you're so wishy washy, it's like,
00:30:35
Speaker
Did I make the right choice? Like, am I hurting anyone's feelings? But if you're a firm and what you want to do and everyone's on board, a.k.a. your husband, um then you know you made the right choice. Totally. And that this is going to be my second like tip is whenever you do make plans, obviously, like I said, decide with your husband ahead of time and then deliver those plans to your family in a definitive way in like with a period, not a question mark. The way a man would write it.
00:31:14
Speaker
right? And not a like, Oh, we're thinking we're gonna do this. And maybe like, we'll see how it goes. And maybe we can meet you guys. If you aren't setting those plans with a period, like it leaves the door for uncertainty and like her feelings being hurt. But if you can set the expectations ahead of time, like it's gonna save you a lot of drama. That is what I've learned. I feel like for the first year of Alice's life, I was doing my best to like,
00:31:44
Speaker
try and include everyone and like keep things open and flexible. And it always came back to bite me in the butt. And I've learned that to make a plan with Vinny ahead of time. And I'm not saying that like to leave anyone out or anything. I'm just saying we try to find a way that balances both families while also setting boundaries with ourselves and our family.
00:32:08
Speaker
And then we just tell the family our plans, be like, Hey, this is what we're doing. Like, or the other thing we do is if we are going to see them, like we decide the times and availability. Yeah. We are the ones with young kids. We are the ones whose schedules are tight and important. And if they want to see us that bad, especially if we have 17 people wanting to see us, we're going to give them a slot and be like, here's when we're available to see you, like take it or leave it.
00:32:37
Speaker
is kind of how we have gone about it. And that serves so way better than this open-ended flexible. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. like That doesn't even sound harsh or like that's a boundary. It's just like, hey, yeah, you can see us. Here's your time.
Balancing Family Time and Holiday Boundaries
00:32:54
Speaker
Yeah. and I think at the beginning I was so worried about like I don't know, I definitely was like worried about hurting feelings or I was scared of like leaving someone out. But I've just learned that like, honestly, you got to give less fucks and like, do what's right for you and still leave the door open for obviously we want to see family during the holidays like that is going to happen. But
00:33:20
Speaker
Yeah. There's a hard line. Like you don't want to seem like that annoying mom. That's like, no, you can't come over at this time. And it's like, you don't want the other, like your family and like your in-laws to think ill of you. And they're like, I'm just wanting, I just want to see my kid or your grandchild. Like what's wrong with that? Like, and then, you know, it becomes this whole thing, but I think that that is a nice way to put it. Like, please come over. Here's your time. Yeah, exactly. um And i obviously, like deliver it with a smile. You know what I mean? Like, don't I know I said with a period, but I I it's it also is about the delivery. And that's something my husband struggles with is like if he's frustrated or feeling overwhelmed by family, he sometimes his delivery is so wrong because he's just a man.
00:34:10
Speaker
And so I try to set boundaries and deliver with a period, but like with a smile, you know? Yeah, for sure. so Agree. And also my other tip is like, don't be afraid on, I'm going to say this for smaller holidays. Don't be afraid on smaller holidays to like go rogue and do your own thing and say no.
00:34:33
Speaker
Like for Halloween this year, obviously this is kind of a weird Halloween. Like we don't have a house anymore and we're living with my mom and we were starting to get questions about like, what are you guys doing for Halloween? Blah, blah, blah. I knew that if we stayed here, I don't like love my mom's neighborhood for trick or treating. First of all, if his parents like, I don't think they would want to come here slash my mom necessarily like wouldn't want to like host a party here, you know?
00:35:02
Speaker
And his parents live in a condo building. So like that's not ideal. And I finally just said to Vinny, I was like, listen, I don't want the pressure of family this year. like We're going to go. I was like, I think we should reach out to Zach and Joanna and like see what they're doing. They have young kids around the same age. They're in their neighborhood. Yeah. And but that's what we did. And then we I delivered that news with a period. you know I said,
00:35:27
Speaker
or one of his sisters had asked, what are you guys doing for Halloween? And I said, we're actually going to Zach and Joanna's to trick or treat with them and the boys, like period. That's it. And there were no other questions. There were no other like, oh, can we see them? Blah, blah, blah. So don't be afraid to go rogue and like do your own thing. You are your own family unit. And it is important that you create memories with just your immediate family. like If you're like me and you have a lot of family in town and around you, it can sometimes become convoluted and it seems like every memory is like with your family, which is a beautiful thing. But I think it's important that you also focus on creating memories with your immediate family as well. like
00:36:16
Speaker
It also builds that bond between you and your kids, like, cause if the grandparents around like Grammy and Gigi, like sometimes, you know, I don't know, they can. I'm trying to even think of like my Halloween's growing up and I don't remember grandparents ever being there.
00:36:34
Speaker
Like, that just wasn't a thing. It's just Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter. We're like the big ones to navigate with family. um But everything else was like our immediate.
00:36:48
Speaker
yeah yeah yeah we I remember when we were little, we like I would say until 10 or 11, I guess until middle school-ish, we would trick-or-treat with my cousins and my mom's grandparents. so like I remember them around during Halloween. I feel like maybe I was, I don't know, my mom's mom passed away when I was so little, like five, so maybe that's why. and like oh My dad's parents, like, yeah, they could not be bothered to come over. They were like just chilling at their house. They're like, we're done. Yeah, which is not like a hack on them. It's more like they do their own thing anyway. They're always been like that. um But so tell me how you guys like navigate the big ones like Christmas.
00:37:38
Speaker
So I am lucky in this sense of Christmas because Vinny's family really focuses on Christmas Eve. They celebrate Noche Buena, which is like, you know, Hispanic Christmas, basically. So they really focus on, yeah, they really focus on Christmas Eve. um So Christmas Eve is always reserved for Vinny's family. That's when we see him, his grandparents, like pretty much his whole extended family. That's when a lot of gifts are given. like That's when we get our gifts and all of that. and Then we my family has always been like a Christmas day, Christmas morning family. We also, as soon as we had Alice, we set the boundary, which again, I don't know what the fuck Christmas is going to look like this year, but
00:38:24
Speaker
you know We set the boundary that Christmas mornings were just going to be our family, like us, Alice, and Evie. We wanted that. like That's how I grew up. like Christmas morning was just us and our parents, and that was important to us. and Then we would see my family like for Christmas dinner, basically.
00:38:47
Speaker
Um, again, no idea what this Christmas is going to look like. Hopefully we're in somewhere new and have our own space for Christmas, but I just don't know that yet. yeah Um, and then Thanksgiving is the tough one for us. Both families want to see us both celebrate, you know, on Thanksgiving day, obviously. So that's the tough one. Also my family typically does it in Orlando at my aunt and uncle's. So to drive from Tampa to Orlando, yes, it's only an hour.
00:39:16
Speaker
Like Thanksgiving traffic on I-4 is like, it could take us two to three hours to get there. I'm not kidding. I remember like last Thanksgiving you were pregnant and you said you felt terrible. I was so sick on the way back. It was when I was pregnant with Alice.
00:39:32
Speaker
ah we I was so sick on the way home. I was like, you're I had literally stuffed myself like a turkey and I'm not kidding. Like I was so pregnant. Well, I actually wasn't even that pregnant, which is so crazy. I mean, I was, well, even if you eat like a tiny bit, which is the only joy that pregnancy can bring you, even if you eat over a little bit, like it's miserable. I was,
00:39:59
Speaker
miserable on the way home. And we were stuck in like stop and go traffic. I was like, I'm going to vomit or shit myself in this car. Like I'm not well. um So, yeah, no, that's not fun. And actually last year we did kind of set a boundary of we didn't go to Orlando and we just hosted at like just my mom and brothers at my house.
00:40:25
Speaker
that's obviously not an option this year. So I don't know. And also last year's Thanksgiving was weird. like It was right after Shannon died. I was just like, um I don't know. I was just like really focused on like our family our immediate family and like myself in a weird way. like I was just like, I'm unwell. I don't really want to see a bunch of people.
00:40:45
Speaker
um So I don't know. This Thanksgiving will be interesting because obviously, like I said, we're with my mom and I don't know what our families will do. But Thanksgiving for us is hands down the hardest holiday to navigate. I feel like typically in a perfect world like we spend Thanksgiving with Chris's family like we've had them come up here and then Christmas with mine like something about Christmas like I'm the one that I'm like there's a hard wall for me there because I want to wake up at my parents house.
00:41:22
Speaker
like yeah it's a me It's a me thing. like But I think that it's totally okay that you feel that way. And it just goes back to having those conversations with your husband to like be on the same page. And I'm sure this is something that y'all talked about probably even before you were married. Like Christmas is your non-negotiable.
00:41:40
Speaker
I don't know. And I think my brother and sister kind of feel the same way. I don't know what magic sauce my parents put on like our Christmas growing up, but like we're all like, we all want to be there immediately in the morning at my mom's house.
Cherished Christmas Traditions
00:41:54
Speaker
Like that's so sweet. Like, okay. We're going to drive from Knoxville at like 5 a.m. just to be there by like 7 in the morning just to like be at my parents house and then my god okay we need to ask your mom what magic she created because like I want that I want my kids to want to come back to my house every Christmas
00:42:12
Speaker
I loved ours because you know you believe in Santa until a certain point. And then what made it really fun at our house was like you almost graduated to the next cool thing. like Christmas magic was never lost because once you like found out about Santa, um my parents started doing a treasure hunt. And so when you become of age, they would hide the presents all over the house.
00:42:36
Speaker
and you would have a clue sitting on your stocking and you would do a treasure hunt and find all your gifts. so It was so freaking fun. I'm and sorry, I'm stuck at you saying, when you come of age, what is of age? I don't know, like fourth grade or third grade, right?
00:42:54
Speaker
Like when you stop believing in Santa. Is it like you have to you have to go to your parents and be like, excuse me, ma'am, I have questions. And then they're like, it is time. Yeah, basically. And there and then it was like.
00:43:07
Speaker
This is why Hunter and Ashley have been doing this treasure hunt for years, and I was never allowed. like They always did it, and I was like, what the fuck? They're getting through this treasure hunt. I've always been curious about it. I'm i'm like i'm so happy we have this forum, so I can ask those questions. Are there like hints, or you just literally search- Oh, it's a hint.
00:43:28
Speaker
it's like um I don't know, it could be a hint about the gift and the place of the gift. It's like, look in the room where next to the couch, this gift will cover your boo boo and not make you say ouch or something like that. And it could be a box of band-aids, like some bullshit like that. Oh my god, the amount of effort this takes from your parents is so cute. It is so freaking fun. And then like once Chris and I i like brought Chris into the family, we would do it for each other at my parents' house. And so it became like a thing with me and Chris, too. And um and it just it keeps the magic fun. like When your kids stop believing in Santa, like all right, it's treasure hunt time.
00:44:13
Speaker
um And then we would go to my dad's parents' house. And then my mom's side of the family would come back to my mom's for like the night. And so Christmas was like a whole day thing. And I just fricking loved it. And I still do. And I just want that forever.
00:44:28
Speaker
Oh, my God, that is so sweet. I'm so jealous. Well, maybe you can do that. I know. I think it's such a good idea. And it just made it really, really frickin fun. And you save like the best gift for last and you're just like, oh, yeah, like it was just great. um But ah yeah, Thanksgiving. I mean, last year I was at my aunt Diane's house, which is like what I did growing up. So I love that. We hadn't done that in a while. But Yeah, I mean everything else Easter we don't really like make such a huge deal like sometimes I'll go to my mom's sometimes I won't I don't know But um for Christmas Chris's family usually comes up in January That's another tough thing is like Chris never has off the week of Christmas. He has like the day so it is kind of hard for us to like
00:45:19
Speaker
Go travel. Yeah, um that is. hard Since he only has the day like he'll come to my parents house, but he'll leave like Christmas night to go back to work. So it kind of sucks. I mean, yeah, he doesn't really get to enjoy in the festivities of it all, but.
00:45:36
Speaker
It is what that is such a special tradition that you'll be able to keep going, you know, even as your kids get older and they have kids like that is so cute. I love that. They always say like, um like when you become ah an adult, like sometimes Christmas can like lose its magic and it feels stressful and overwhelming. and I feel that way. That's a way to continue it and making it fun. and like You and your husband can have like wine and like come up with all these funny fricking rhymes and hide it all over the house. like It's such a fun thing to do. like Chris and I, when we used to do it for each other, would be howling, laughing. and id be like The next morning, like waiting for him to find the next note is so fun.
00:46:21
Speaker
but Okay. So is each note like when you find a gift, the new note, the next note is in the gift. Yes. That is so fun. It is fun. It's great. Okay. Great little thing when your kid turns, you know, whatever that age and just keeping it alive, baby. It's great. I'll say I'm 33 years old and I still want a treasure hunt. And I'm a, I'm a fricking mom. Like it's not going to make me cry. Grow up, Peter Pan, you know,
00:46:51
Speaker
I love it. I love that so much. I think so many of the stresses so of the holidays when it comes to like kids can just be ah cured with preparation and like being a united front with your husband and like direct communication. If you like avoid things or like it's just going to make everything so much worse. So
00:47:21
Speaker
If you need help crafting a message, let me know. I'm really good at this now. So send me a DM on Instagram. I will i will help you send a message to your in-laws that says, we're not coming over. Okay. From Candace. Love you.
00:47:39
Speaker
Yeah. Love candy mama. That's great. Well, I appreciate all the tips. It is definitely like an awkward thing, but I think as they have gotten older and we've gotten wiser as parents, like you find the boundaries like that first year is seriously so hard to navigate. Um, so, you know, it's a learning curve and yeah, it is what it is sometimes, but yeah, i those tips are great.
00:48:07
Speaker
Okay. I'm going to so just do one more quick little thing and then we'll be done. Something else I wanted to touch on on this episode was about gifting and navigating gifts for the holidays. I feel like this is something that I personally feel stressed out by because it's funny. Like we didn't have any space and now I'm like, no, really I don't have house to put gift in. But, um, so this year is going to be even more interesting, but, um,
00:48:35
Speaker
I highly recommend creating some sort of like wish list of the things that like you they need or you approve, that sort of thing. um That's done really well for us. I feel like I've now trained my mother-in-law to like check gifts with me, she'll text me and be like, hey, I was thinking about getting this for Alice and there's been a couple of things recently that I'm like, no. Yeah. So um again, this goes back to what I said about like just being clear with communication as far as gifts. And if you don't have a lot of space for things like outdoor, like think ahead to summertime, like get some outdoor toys or outdoor things. um And I think we're
00:49:19
Speaker
planning on putting together a little wish list slash like gift guide for you guys of stuff either we're looking for for ourselves or for our kids. And I think we'll probably do some different age ranges. I love it. That sounds really fun. I can't wait to do that. um Yeah.
00:49:39
Speaker
Yours is going to be beauty. Mine's going to be home. And then you have boy and girl, little toddler and baby stuff. It's going to be freaking cute. Yeah. Oh, OK. Well, this has been so fun. Happy holidays.
00:49:54
Speaker
ah
00:49:57
Speaker
yeah I can't wait to see everyone's ah Halloween costume pics. I love seeing those. but Well, we'll we'll definitely do a Halloween costume thread in our Facebook group. So.
00:50:09
Speaker
Uh, Margot's going to be a NASCAR Hooters girl because that's what came in the mail. So, okay. Wait, you sent me that text and I did. I forgot to respond, but what did you order that? Or it was a mistake. I got sent the wrong thing and my friends were like, Oh, some poor college girls.
00:50:26
Speaker
trying to figure out how to make that Cindy Lou who toddler costume work like i like actually so funny i mean because that Hooters costume was a small obviously and I was like oh that poor girl whoever got it oh my god that is so funny I know i I think I had said um earlier in, you know, a couple of episodes ago that we were going to be the inside out characters, which we're not doing anymore. I just don't have the energy and I'm not dressing up. It's just not in the cards for us. So this morning I asked Alice what she wanted to be. And she said, Bluey and ah and Evie's going to be Bingo because they are two sisters and we are two sisters. So it's perfect. I love it. lo And Bingo.
00:51:11
Speaker
grain wants me to be a spider. So I don't know how I'm going to make that work. I know how to make it work because when I was little, there was a play that I was in where I had to, it was a bug's life and I had to be a spider. So I made a spider costume. I'll text you the instructions. I was just going to like draw a spider on my cheek. I wasn't going to go like that hard. I made, you can make extra legs with, um, pool noodles. That's what I did. Candace, how the fuck am I going to find a pool noodle this time of year?
00:51:42
Speaker
God, you don't live in Florida. There's pool noodles everywhere. It's on sale or put up at this point. You're so right. Wow. So sorry. but kind Well, ah it's fine. A spider on your face will be great. It'll have to do pig. It'll have to do.
00:52:02
Speaker
All right. Well, I love you and talk to you soon. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.