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Becoming A Emotional Healthy Leader: Peace Plan with Jarrett Lewis
10 Plays6 years ago
On this week's episode I have a special guest. His name is Jarrett Lewis and he is a clinical psychologist. Jarrett shares his wisdom on how to become and why it is important to be an emotional healthy leader.
You can follow Jarrett on instagram at @jarrett.lewis1
Here are links to the books Jarrett and I talked about in this episode:
Why Don't We Listen Better? : Communicating & Connecting in Relationships by James C. Peterson D. Min L.P.C. http://amzn.to/2oG3avp
The Road to Character by David Brooks http://amzn.to/2sZJ2tn
Keep Your Love On! By Danny Silk http://amzn.to/2FDfBjE
The Culture of Honor by Danny Silk http://amzn.to/2FdFA3r
The Business of Honor by Bob Hasson and Danny Silk http://amzn.to/2FCsbj2
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter! I'm @elianeanita! If you want to send me an email you can email me at [email protected]
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Recorded, Produced and Edited by: Éliane Anita
Track Produced by: Devo Beats
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Transcript
Introduction and Apologies
00:00:20
Speaker
Hi guys, welcome to the Alien Anita podcast. I'm your host, Alien, and I'm so excited to have you join me for today's show. Guys, I am so sorry for not bringing you my weekly podcast last week. I had a very interesting week and I just could not get to my microphone and laptop to record.
00:00:40
Speaker
But I have an amazing show for you this week.
Meet Jared Lewis - Psychologist and Friend
00:00:45
Speaker
I have a special guest by the name of Jared Lewis and he is a really good friend of mine from my church. He is an amazing, amazing psychologist and I'm so excited to bring you this show. Let me give you a little bit of background on Dr. Jared.
00:01:00
Speaker
He is currently a PhD candidate in clinical psychology at DePaul University in Chicago, Illinois. This is where I got my undergraduate degree so I have a special heart towards him. Anywho, he has obtained two master's degrees in psychology from DePaul University and the University of Memphis.
00:01:20
Speaker
as well as a bachelor's degree in psychology from Jackson State University. As a future clinical psychologist, he aspires to better understand the various trajectory through the psychological stressors, traumas, and coping behaviors that are linked to amelioration and astrobation
Community-Based Trauma Interventions
00:01:40
Speaker
of emotional and behavior problems in urban ethnic minority adolescents and adults. Most of his focus in on education, educating others on the importance of emotional effective emotional regulation
00:01:56
Speaker
in response to hurtful and traumatic events. Jared's long-term goal is to develop a community-based trauma-informed interventions with a primary aim of disrupting the specific processes that link trauma exposed to the emergence of psychiatric disorders and social, emotional, and vocational maladjustments.
00:02:21
Speaker
As a supplement to his pre-doctoral training, Jared conducts psychodiagnostics assessments for children and adolescents at Rush University Medical Center and provides therapy services at Chicago Counseling Services. He is currently the system administrator at All Nations Worship Assembly of Chicago where he also provides counseling service to members of the congregation.
00:02:47
Speaker
So basically in a nutshell, Dr. Jarrett is the bomb. And today I had him on the show to discuss peace plans and how to be an emotional healthy
The Emotionally Healthy Leader and Peace Plans
00:03:00
Speaker
leader. Even though in this podcast, he and I talked about leadership and what it looks like to be an emotional healthy leader, this is something that I believe you can apply to every area of your life. And Dr. Jarrett so brilliantly elaborated on so many great points.
00:03:17
Speaker
Without further ado, I am going to bring you the conversation that he and I had about being an emotional, healthy leader and creating peace plans. Hey, Jared, thank you so, so much for joining me for this show. I'm so very grateful that we finally got a chance to connect and do this peace plan talk. Yeah, no, thanks for having me. I'm excited to talk about it.
00:03:44
Speaker
Yeah, this is going to be really exciting. So I was telling the audience previously that I said in a class that you did a talk about being an emotional, healthy leader. And I was all over it. Like, if I showed you my notes, you would be like, what is this? It was so good to me. And so I just had to have you on the show because I was very intrigued about a topic that you talked about called a peace plan.
00:04:12
Speaker
And so would you mind giving the audience a definition of what a peace plan is? Sure. So first I just want to say I did not come up with this, the idea of a peace plan, but it came from my pastor and apostle Matthew Stevenson. So I want to give him credit for that. It was something he had talked about in one of our staff trainings.
00:04:35
Speaker
And really what I've taken from what he gave us and kind of like revamped it a little bit to what I think it is. And so this is my basic tip at describing what it is. So what I think it is is really sort of a set of strategies that are really sort of designed like better contextually informed so that it is personalized to you. And it's designed to sort of center oneself and teach you how to practice the art of peace.
00:05:05
Speaker
And so it's kind of like how we recalibrate our emotional selves and sort of gain right perspective about situations. So I think like we definitely all need a plan for sanity, at least I do. Yeah, I agree. We get really emotionally charged. I think the plan really provides us with like a pathway to gain some sort of resolve in response to all the like random happening of life.
The Importance of Peace Plans for Leaders
00:05:33
Speaker
So why do you think that leaders need a peace plan? Well, I think unlike others, leaders really carry the burdens of like the people that they lead. And so I think inherently because of that, their peace is always under attack. And so no peace for a leader really means no healthy leadership. And it really is a barrier to the connection between the leader and the group that they lead.
00:05:58
Speaker
And so I think that inevitably is going to result in like barriers in communication or ineffective communication, which really can lead to the destruction of a team. I think that this is true. Yeah. And I think that leaders like have.
00:06:14
Speaker
like the ability and the power to like set standards and uphold those standards and sort of create a culture and an environment that they can use to really empower people, encourage people. And if they're not great leaders, maybe discourage and disempower people, but they really are
00:06:35
Speaker
kind of like the gatekeepers to a productivity for like a groups of people. And so I think that because of that, there's just a natural strain and a natural sort of difficulty associated with leading people with different personalities and different ways of expressing their emotions that will keep them in a place where they could really lose peace very easily if they're not sort of proactive in coming up with a plan to keep themselves at ease.
00:07:04
Speaker
So I feel like most people don't feel like they're in control of their emotions. Like people often like, you know, I remember in the class you talked about how we could really control our emotions or how we can gauge our emotions. Like we can express a negative emotion without having like a negative
00:07:26
Speaker
or doing it in a negative way. So how much are we in control of our emotions and does peace plans help us keep control of our emotions? Yeah, so I think, unfortunately, some people are probably not in control of their emotions, but I think it is something that we have to practice over and over again.
00:07:47
Speaker
So one thing the Peace Plan does is it helps us go through and realize that we are going to experience a range of emotions at any particular time, right? So in a month's time, I might feel sad, I might feel disgusted, I might feel gratitude, I might feel frustrated. And so in moments like that, how can I get myself back to a healthy place where I'm making good, sober decisions?
00:08:10
Speaker
And so I think that part of what we have to do is realize what are some of those things that trigger our emotions. So what are things in the past that made me really sad? Or what are those things in the past that have made me really angry? And how did I respond? And then what was the consequence of those actions? And I think sometimes that helps us regulate our emotions in a way that keeps us healthy and proud of the decisions that we make.
00:08:37
Speaker
Because I think if you ever know someone who can't really manage their emotions well, they tend to sort of act without thinking. They tend to act like illogical, like it's not really making sense while they're doing certain stuff. And I think it's because they're responding to those emotions and they haven't really done that sort of introspective work to figure out
00:09:02
Speaker
And part of that, what happens is as you sort of think about your different emotions, you start to think about why you are that way. And so it pushes you into a
Anticipating Negative Outcomes - Safe or Not?
00:09:10
Speaker
place of self-awareness. So in order to do a peace plan, you've got to know what peace looks like for you. Because peace may be different. Like peace for me may be, I tend to be more introverted, so it could be at home with a good book. That might be peace for me. That might be torture for the next person. Peace might be being around family and friends.
00:09:30
Speaker
that you love or people that you care that you really care about so as you have you have to sort of divine divine peace for yourself and then also when you're understanding what that is you know what you're striving for and then that gives you sort of motivation to be able to manage those emotions well.
00:09:48
Speaker
Absolutely. I think that I most recently started hearing more and started reading actually more articles. I've seen somebody, I've seen several people do videos about emotional triggers and finding out what triggers and how you can respond. And I'm so glad that you really spoke to that because I think a lot of times,
00:10:12
Speaker
with leaders, most leaders are kind of goal oriented or task oriented sometimes and they forget to actually allow themselves to think about the things that can be that could go wrong in a project, you know, so we're you might get like
00:10:28
Speaker
a great idea and you might start to roll it out. And as a leader, you're like really excited about all of the good things that can come from this really good idea. But a lot of times people don't give themselves the emotional
00:10:43
Speaker
or they don't give themselves the time to kind of stretch out and see like what happens if things go wrong. So like, do you think that that's safe as a leader to go in places emotionally and just kind of like think about like what could possibly go wrong and how to respond? Is that safe?
00:11:04
Speaker
Yeah, I think so. I think one of the keys to being an effective leader is to overthink almost everything. And so I think that that is not different when it comes to emotions. We have to realize, part of when I've been under or submitted to a leader that was very, I thought, effective and very emotionally healthy, I've
The Power of Vulnerability in Leadership
00:11:28
Speaker
got the sense that they really had done the work to get to know themselves and to know what kind of leader they are.
00:11:35
Speaker
And I think an effective leader does a good job of being vulnerable in the right moments, and then also sort of shielding some of their personhood from their team at times. And so I think for... Go ahead, I'm sorry.
00:11:51
Speaker
Oh, no, no, no, I was going to say, I was actually this after you done. Oh, no, I was just saying, like, if you're thinking about a big project, if you're thinking about all the things that may go wrong, you have to kind of explore what does it feel like? What do I do? How do I respond? And how do I feel when I feel like something hasn't gone the way I want it to go? If I feel defeated, do I have a tendency to sort of point the blame on someone else? Because a leader that is that way,
00:12:14
Speaker
it may feel like the people that they're leading may feel like they can't please them because every time something goes wrong, it's somehow their fault. Another way, you also want to know if you are a leader that really likes ideas from your team. Some leaders are not the type who really want to have that collaborative relationship. They just want to have all the vision, all the ideas, and their team is willing to execute that vision.
00:12:40
Speaker
And it's not right or wrong. It just depends on how it works. I mean, how you want your team to work. But I think that being aware of your leadership style and how members may
00:12:54
Speaker
conflict with that, or may also, you know, work collaboratively with it, all of the different emotions they can bring up. Like, I think I sometimes have the opportunity to talk about things like anger a little more, but even things like you want to have healthy boundaries, like say if you are, you know, leading a ministry team at your church, you want to be sure that like, okay, this person, you have to be aware of your emotions and other people's emotions, because if you have an emotional style that's very similar to someone else,
00:13:20
Speaker
you may start to show favoritism to them. You may start to treat them, you know, they may have different standards. So you have to be, that's, leaders have that pressure to like know themselves and know each other and no other, I mean, know the people that they lead as well emotionally. I remember my dad saying when I first started, he taught me how to drive. He was like the key to being a good driver is like driving through yourself and for everybody else. And that's pretty much what leaders have to do.
00:13:44
Speaker
they have to be able to manage their emotions as well as be able to have some sort of like barometer for like how other people are doing emotionally. Like if people are tense, if they're not tense and how they respond to that. That's amazing because you know I think a lot of times as being the leader myself like I don't think about how
00:14:08
Speaker
I think that as I'm learning more, like you said, learning more about myself as a leader and just as a person taking the time to invest, to know what my triggers are, know how to respond to those things. I don't think about how other people, personalities will affect mine because
00:14:27
Speaker
I try really, really hard to be in control of my personhood and not be moved by anybody else's. And so I think that you brought out a really good point about how leaders are responding or how they have to take into account for not only their personhood, but the people that they lead as well. And so that kind of makes leadership a little bit more complicated, but it's not impossible because people have done it before. So I think that that really
00:14:55
Speaker
gave a good definition of how leaders should conduct themselves and how they should go about taking care of themselves emotionally and making sure that people around them are emotionally healthy. So one thing that you brought up that I wanted to talk about was the vulnerability of a leader. So I feel like as a woman leader,
00:15:16
Speaker
I'm like, I love to just express myself. Like, not always like in a negative way, like I'm throwing books across the table and yelling and being bossy or demanding, but like, if I'm really passionate about something, I want to really express that. Or if I'm really emotional about it, I want to express that. So is it safe for leaders as far as like, you know how the Bible says guard your heart? Like, how do you, like,
00:15:44
Speaker
Guard your emotions, but allow your team to see you in a vulnerable state. And I don't think that vulnerability is necessarily like you crying or you having a soft moment. But I think just being able to see you in every facet, how safe is it for a leader to do that? Yeah, I think it can be incredibly safe at times and then incredibly unsafe at other times. And the reason I say that is because
00:16:13
Speaker
leaders have what makes them leaders is not so much entitled, but because of their influence. So if we think about like looking at a group of kids playing a playground, we can identify and identify the leaders very quickly by just kind of like their natural roles, what they tend to do, who listens to them.
00:16:31
Speaker
and things of that nature. So when you are expressing your emotions and taking a moment to show your vulnerability, I think that you have to be very aware of what the end goal is. So what is the expected end of me sharing this emotion at this time? One thing I mentioned in our teaching before was that we
00:16:53
Speaker
Every leader needs a secret agent. You need someone on your administrative team that knows you, knows your weaknesses, knows what your triggers are. And in a moment where you need to just give some unfiltered, sort of uncensored raw thoughts and emotions, you need someone that you can go and do that to who understands the context of the team and won't judge you for it. Because I think sometimes we just need to vent our souls in that way and vent our hearts that we're not
00:17:22
Speaker
sort of carrying all of that stuff, because that may come out in our actions that we don't have. The beauty of having that person, or if you're lucky, those two or three people, is that you can be as vulnerable as you need to in that moment, so that when you take it back to your team, you can express that emotion in a way that will empower them, in a way that will encourage them. So you can be, for example,
00:17:47
Speaker
You know, you could be angry. There are many times we saw like, you know, even in the Bible where Jesus was compassionately angry. And so there are times when you can show through your emotion, through your anger that you are passionate. Like I know when I was growing up, I had teachers that, you know, some people have a hard time believing, but I was a very talkative child. I was very energetic. It was hard for me to sit down.
00:18:09
Speaker
But the one thing that you wanted me to change my behavior, if you told me that you were disappointed in me, if you wanted me, you had an expectation for me that I did not meet, you could tell me you were mad at me all day, you could tell me, but somehow that expresses and communicates something totally different.
00:18:31
Speaker
Because it almost says that you are better than this behavior, like my expectations for you are much higher, and you have not met that expectation. And it would usually be followed up by like, I know you can do it. And I'm just disappointed that you haven't done it. And so there is emotion behind that, right? There may be a little bit of sadness, there may be a little bit of discontent, and then like the disappointment.
00:18:53
Speaker
But what it also communicates is that there is some hope that things could change. So I think leaders, we can't think about really emotions without thinking about communication because they're so inherently tied together. So if you were to come in and show anger by like, you know, throwing books or like screaming or hitting the wall, like that might incite fear, you know, more than anything. And that might not be the expected aim that you want. But I think that
00:19:23
Speaker
I have definitely been under leaders who have expressed sadness or expressed even like a little bit of fear, like in a way that made me want to help them or made me want to do something, maybe even to encourage them or to strengthen them in some way. And not that you want to rely on your team too much for that because you still want to be the leader, but I think there are ways in which
00:19:53
Speaker
I feel much more connected to leaders when I feel like they're human. When I've had like robotic leaders, I feel like I can't relate to them because I think that you're perfect. And then that makes me, that highlights all of my flaws and makes me feel maybe even adequate to be on this team.
00:20:08
Speaker
I think like you can be very, it can be very safe as long as you have decided what the goal is behind your vulnerability, but if you need to then you just find a secret agent, and just go ahead and tell them everything in the way that you want to. So you can get that stuff out, you know, go ahead and
00:20:27
Speaker
and just kind of process all of that and then go and take your emotion so that way your emotional expression is much more targeted and it's focused it's not just you know sort of you know scattered because then it'll also it speaks to your intentionality with like growing your team and like building them too and also like modeling for them effective like emotion expression too
Balancing Actions and Emotions
00:20:54
Speaker
Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I mean, you talked about a point in the class that, and I'm looking, I wrote, I made a ton of notes for this podcast, but I'm trying to contain myself because I'm just so big on, I guess right now, I'm just
00:21:11
Speaker
huge on emotional strength and having the, the wherewithal to control, because I believe that if you can control your emotions, you can control a lot of things in your life. And so one point that you made in the class that I just wanted you to kind of talk a little bit further about, you, you made a quote and I wrote it down. You said, you can let your actions feel your response. Could you elaborate on that just a little bit? So you, um, so you can,
00:21:37
Speaker
The thing is when you, I'm sorry, what were we talking about? I just want to get a little bit more context, but I know exactly what I'm talking. Okay. So you were, um, you were, you were talking about how nobody makes, um, a good emotional decision when you're overly emotional. And then you said you can let your actions feel your response. So, um, the idea is that you always want to be, uh, sort of,
00:22:03
Speaker
balancing your emotions. So if our goal is to constantly be in pursuit of peace, and by virtue of that, we need to be so reminded in our thinking and in our emotions. And so there are times when we can allow our triggers and our responses to an emotional thing really guide
00:22:27
Speaker
what we do in a way that is not only unhealthy to us, but unhealthy to others. So basically what I'm saying is that if I understand what my triggers are, and I understand how I have the potential to respond to certain triggers. So for example, I think in that class I mentioned, I hate when people talk over me, because it communicates to me that what I'm saying is not as important.
00:22:52
Speaker
What you're saying is much more important, and then you're not really invested in listening to me as much as you are in responding. So if I know that's a thing, if I'm in a conversation or heated argument or debate, even if it's a healthy one where it's not too much emotion involved and you begin to do that too many times, I know that that's going to make me, at first I'm going to be just a little annoyed, then I'm going to get frustrated, then I'm going to get angry.
00:23:15
Speaker
And so I know I have the potential to get angry and then maybe my tone switches, maybe I start taking, if we're like in a healthy debate, maybe I start taking little jazz that you're arguing in a way that like maybe is not, is unfair. And you have to know sort of what you are capable of doing, you know. This is also about like knowing that I felt like you really got to know who you are. And I think a big part of managing your emotions is really like
00:23:40
Speaker
figuring out who you are and knowing like its identity is at its core because you in order to be an emotionally healthy leader you've got to know who you are as a person and then also who you are as a leader what your leadership style I'm sorry I got a bit of a tangent but um but yeah
00:23:55
Speaker
No, no, no. Cause it was good because you talked about facing, allowing yourself to be confronted with hard truths. And I love that because it shows you what you're capable of as a leader. Like how, how high is your petty level? So to speak, like it makes you confront those things so that you could, you can lead in an effective way. And so I, I just, I love it. I think, you know, I love the idea of hard truth and I like.
00:24:22
Speaker
There are times, even in my own personal prayer or worship time, where I feel like I am confronted with a hard truth. And I think that one thing that I was talking to a friend the other day, and she was saying one of the things she regularly does is even if she hasn't done anything that she knows is wrong or sinful, she literally asked the Holy Spirit to convict her of anything that is unconfronted. And she does it at the beginning of our worship time so that
00:24:51
Speaker
At that point, she can go ahead and be cleansed from all unrighteousness so that when she goes into her worship time, she knows that she is coming from a pure heart and that there's not anything sort of clouding her soul in a way that may make it hard for her to hear from the Lord about whatever it is that he's wanting to do in and through her.
00:25:13
Speaker
amazing because I think that that is sort of how you have to like like and I think in that moment is probably when you receive hard truths from the Lord and I feel like that is and at the core of especially for Christians that the core of keeping your peace is having a consistent worship time a consistent prayer and devotional time because if you have practice asking the Holy Spirit to convict you of any unconfronted sin or anything that you've done wrong then you have gotten used to like hearing hard truths from the Lord on a regular basis
00:25:42
Speaker
So if you get it from a friend or from a team member or from someone you lead or from someone who's pouring into you, you know, you're not as easily offended. You're like, nope, that's just a hard tool. I got to face it. And it's something you practice more and more.
00:25:56
Speaker
So yeah, so I love the idea. And hard truth is just to define it as really just something that's hard to hear about yourself. It's probably not as desirable. For some people, it's like I am actually very selfish and it's hard for me to really care about people. So I have to go out of my way to consider other people and to consider their feelings and their thoughts. For some other people, it might be that I'm so over accommodating. One thing I learned, a hard truth I had recently was that
00:26:25
Speaker
In my friendships, I have a tendency at the beginning, when it's a good friendship, it's going well to over-accommodate my friends. Like, oh, you want to do this? Oh, yeah, I can drive. We can do this. We can hang out here. It's fine. No worries. I'm OK with being inconvenienced because we're building. And as time progresses, and I begin, and you can, and even to the point where I will allow friends to depend on me more than I depend on them. But as time progresses, there will come a time when I need, part of my peace plan might be that I need to confide in a friend about what's going on with me.
00:26:56
Speaker
And if I'm not able to depend on that person, I'm sorry, then I might get frustrated. But the thing is, I have over accommodated them to where the now though nature of our friendship has been that you come to me and that I am in convenience for you, but that I've not really required that of you. So at that point in the friendship, I really have no right to be frustrated with you because I have helped set this dynamic.
00:27:20
Speaker
That was a hard truth for me. Like you over accommodate people and then, you know, think that they don't allow when you want to need them, then they can't be needed by you. But it's kind of like the way that you set it up. So it's not always like, you know, you are, you know, you have anger issues. It could be something like that. Like you just over accommodate people almost for a thought at times. Yeah.
00:27:44
Speaker
Wow, that is so powerful because I think that one of the things that what I've learned personally with being emotionally healthy and becoming more emotionally healthy is learning how to express my desires. So I've been listening to like a ton of podcasts and like
00:28:03
Speaker
I was listening to one in this this business lady who I really admire. She was talking about how she had to learn how to express emotion or express expectations when she went out on a date with a guy. And so she was saying, you know, I couldn't expect for him to know or feel or whatever she was she was talking about at the time, something that she did not say. And so I think that
00:28:31
Speaker
to, for me, like I'm learning how to express my expectations and I don't have, I don't have to be afraid or ashamed to say, this is what I expect out of this friendship relationship, business, uh, relationship and whatever. So how important is it for leaders to express expectations from their team or, you know, maybe they're dealing with a vendor or whatever, like how important is it to express
00:28:58
Speaker
I think it's incredibly important. I think as it sets the standard and it's something for someone to meet. I think when you go, the danger of going into any situation, whether it's like a business meeting with a vendor or if it's like even like a staff or chief or your team or some sort of team building exercise and even not, whether you, because there are ways that you can communicate your expectation proactively and then there are other ways you can communicate it when it's not been met.
00:29:25
Speaker
And I think that there are pros and cons to both, but I think that at some point you have to let your team know what you're expecting of them and then also affirm their ability to meet those expectations. I think sometimes the sort of militant approach like, and you need to do this and do this and do this and not sort of affirm their ability to sort of meet that standard and uphold that standard.
00:29:51
Speaker
I think it's not as encouraging. And that's particularly my style. I think one way, if you're going to have standards, also sort of affront people that they can actually meet them. And that is the expectation. And maybe even give them some sort of affirmation when they do meet them as well. But I think you have to communicate
00:30:12
Speaker
what that does for the team and then also how it makes you a better leader when your team actually meets these expectations. So I think it really I think good teams are ones that are collaborative in nature and I'm collaborative in both a horizontal way like everyone on the same level is collaborative but also
00:30:29
Speaker
in a way that's more vertical, where the leader is also collaborative with the team so that people feel like they're invested, they have some buy-in. And I think if you communicate your expectations in a way that we all have to work together for this thing to work, I think that that will, and affirm their ability to do it. It not only encourages them
00:30:49
Speaker
to meet those expectations, but it gets everyone to the greater and common goal of whatever the team is trying to accomplish. Yeah, that's really important. I love that part to just set your expectations ahead of time and let your team know what you expect out of them.
00:31:09
Speaker
you know, so that they can know what to expect from you. And I think it's like a two way street when leaders do that. One thing that I really enjoyed hearing you talk about is be willing to make public mistakes and teach the wisdom that you gain from it. And so you talked about a huge like I have this probably circled star and everything in my notes where you talked about having a weak moment and having a weakness.
00:31:36
Speaker
And so could you elaborate on the difference between the two. Yeah, so this all goes back to like identity and knowing who you are and knowing who you are as a leader.
Understanding Weak Moments vs Character Weaknesses
00:31:46
Speaker
I think sometimes for new leaders, particularly ones that are like learning.
00:31:51
Speaker
particularly how to lead a particular type of group that might be new to them, or like some hard personalities or a hard combination of personalities. It's very easy, I think, to label a weak moment as a weakness.
00:32:07
Speaker
So a weak moment any of us can have, and we will have them, they are inevitable, they're going to have that life. And that is, you know, it actually shows us how much we need the Lord and we have to rely on and trust in Him because there will be times when we may fall short. The goal of learning of a weak, once you've identified it as a weak moment, is to understand sort of what happened right before and what happened right after. So if I had a weak moment where maybe I, you know, two
00:32:36
Speaker
Uh, like I expressed my emotions in a very raw way. Maybe that wasn't helpful. I have to realize what triggered that. What, what was it? How did I respond to it? What did I think about it? And then what was the result of my accident? How did it hurt the team? Um, did it help at all? And then you can figure out how to address the weak moment at, which may be tied to a weakness, but doesn't have to be. I think the danger of, um,
00:33:02
Speaker
qualifying a weak moment as a weakness is that you may think that it's really a character issue when it's really just like maybe poor judgment in a moment or it's really like a slip up, something that can happen to all of us. Weakness highlights a need for character development. So if I find that there's consistency in my weak moments around this particular area, that might be highlighting a weakness.
00:33:27
Speaker
So if it's that every time this one person offers a new idea or says something, something about me feels very angry and I get snappy or whatever, that may point to more of a weakness. Maybe I'm intimidated by this person's strength. Maybe they're just, you know, like a high capacity. Maybe they're a leader themselves and they just want to help.
00:33:45
Speaker
and I'm intimidated because they have some of the same capabilities that I have and that may be more of like a weakness not being able to healthily deal with it and not be intimidated but actually you can find that high capacity person put them in place and have them sort of working on the team maybe with greater responsibility or in a
00:34:05
Speaker
particular tasks or a particular lane so that they know the confines of all their potential. And so they're not trying to be a leader everywhere.
00:34:17
Speaker
So I think that the weak moment is just like something we all have. Everyone has a weak moment. There'll be times when we'll do things and not feel great about them. And we have to just remember and understand grace and know that we have grace to make those type of mistakes. And then also that others, and we can extend mercy to others when they do the same.
00:34:43
Speaker
for weaknesses we should have as a team or going back to that secret agent or even our friendships where we can go and vent to someone and say, hey, this is a thing that I'm seeing consistently. Do you think this is a weakness that I have?
00:34:57
Speaker
Because I think one of the key things for friendship and for even tightly-knit teams is to, you need someone who's going to be able to give you right perspective. Because sometimes we're biased in our thinking, particularly around emotions, especially when we feel like we have a right to feel a certain way. We need people who are going to be able to help us highlight and understand what's at the core of that weakness. You are so right. You are so right.
00:35:22
Speaker
because it's hard, you know, dealing with those hard truths, as we talked about a few minutes ago, like, just allow yourself to deal with that and say, like, you know, this is where I've made a mistake. Or, you know, like even dealing with high capacity leaders, like, I think that it's so very important for leaders to be secure in who they are and what they bring to the table so that they can bring out the best in all of their name.
Insecurity Leading to Abusive Leadership
00:35:50
Speaker
And so, like,
00:35:52
Speaker
I think that like I've served, honestly, I have worked like paid positions to work under very insecure leaders. And so I think that it could be, do you think that like insecure leaders can be abusive to their team? Like do you, do you feel like that that's a form of abuse? For sure. I could definitely see it. It doesn't have to be abuse, but I definitely think it could get there very easily because what you have is, um,
00:36:19
Speaker
someone who is not allowing themselves to be confronted with truth. And if they have someone, whether they're doing it on purpose or kind of inadvertently, who's making them sort of be confronted with the fact that they have trouble, like leading say a high capacity leader under them, like they're going to always be met with the emotion associated with that. So then like that person will
00:36:43
Speaker
If that goes unconfronted for an extended period of time, I could see it becoming abuse and unfair treatment and inequality will come as a result of that because they're not sort of dealing with their emotional reaction to the situation.
00:36:58
Speaker
I think that goes back to knowing yourself and then also knowing your leadership style. And the reality is every leadership style has pros and there are some cons. I tend to like a very collaborative work environment. I think for sometimes people who lead a number of high capacity leaders, it may be hard to have a collaborative approach because then you may have
00:37:21
Speaker
too many like chiefs and everyone's trying to lead. So maybe you have to sort of, you can do collaboration with the hierarchy though, like an understanding that there is a leader. But yeah, I think it definitely could turn to abuse very quickly because people would, without having those emotions and the triggers so that it knows emotions, the truth of why they are there, confronted, I could see people really,
00:37:48
Speaker
doing moving to a place of like control and trying to maintain like unhealthily trying to maintain their position as a leader. And I think that that definitely can come out in abuse, like abusive language, maybe unfair procedures and policies, things of that nature, even just like, you know, just being generally unkind. I think it could come out a number of ways just because that leader is probably fighting for their right to be a leader, but not understanding how to do that.
00:38:20
Speaker
That's very true. So how can a leader cultivate healthy emotions with their staff routine? Yeah, so there are a number of
Fostering Healthy Emotional Expression in Teams
00:38:30
Speaker
ways. So one, you have to figure out what's the culture I want to create? What's the environment I want? How do I want people to feel? That's so good. Jerry, that's good. That's so good.
00:38:41
Speaker
How do I want people to feel? How much emotion do I want expressed here? In some teams, in some groups, in some companies, maybe a lot of emotion is necessary to do the job. I know I've worked at places before where all of the therapists had their own group therapy. It was a particular place where there was a lot of trauma, particularly for community violence.
00:39:07
Speaker
It was not uncommon for me to be working with an individual, a family, and they have a family member that was shot and killed over the weekend. We were working on grieving another family member. And so it's like a lot of, that is very weighty. So in an environment like that, we have, you may want to set up things like that group therapy for the therapist for us to sort of bend our own stuff and to work through our stuff and what it's like to work in this kind of emotionally taxing environment.
00:39:34
Speaker
In other environments, it might be detrimental. I think in our class, I made a joke about our security team. There are times where you can't be overly emotional because it could result in someone getting hurt or it could also contribute to you not doing your job well. If you are too
00:39:55
Speaker
too nice someone could like if you are protecting like your leader or something on the security team and you are someone is like running into the room or whatever and you're supposed to be securing that area you may need to be you know forceful in a way that may include some emotion to keep that leader safe you know and that's what's necessary there
00:40:15
Speaker
But maybe you need to, you do that in a way that is, where you're adhering to the policies and procedures for that team or for that group. And you're also not being overly emotional in a way that may be distracting or, you know, and unfortunately, like what we've seen, like sometimes when people, especially when you think about security, have web things and things like that, they're overly emotional and people can really get hurt or even killed because people have not been able to, in that moment, figure out how to regulate their emotions.
00:40:42
Speaker
but also given that context. So I think that you definitely as a leader have to figure out how, because everybody's going to need to express their emotions somehow, but like what that looks like for your team, how you want it done. If it needs to be a specific time, kind of like my example with the therapist where you go and that's the time for a group therapy, where you do it, it's not sort of,
00:41:09
Speaker
It's not like if I have a hard day, I'm rushing into my colleagues' offices to tell them about my interrupting their session with someone else. That's the inappropriate time. But you want to make sure you set up
00:41:22
Speaker
Procedures for how you want emotion to be expressed and you will model that as a leader So in your you know in your even giving information about policies and procedures either way that you do with the tone in which you Talk you can sort of express how much emotion is needed here And then you also can correct people and you can correct people in a kind way you can do it You don't have to be disrespectful, but once if people
00:41:48
Speaker
expect something that's slightly not consistent or aligned with what you want for the team, you can correct them in the moment. And sometimes, you know, sometimes as leaders, I think people try to rely on them sometimes in a way that's emotionally unhealthy for the context. And so, you know, redirecting them to someone who could help them or giving them some advice, I think also is helpful. So I think once you have in mind what kind of culture you want to create, what kind of environment you're trying to build, I think after you get that, then you're able to
00:42:17
Speaker
figure out what healthy emotional expression looks like in that context. And that's going to vary from team to team, from group to group.
00:42:25
Speaker
Right, right. I love how you said define the culture because I feel like I have worked in structures. I'm a chemist, you know, and I work in the lab. And majority of the time I do independent work, but I do work in a team, but we all do independent work. And so we have a very undefined culture. It's just like, well, it's kind of, it's like, it's like you make a decision, but you don't.
00:42:52
Speaker
And so I'm learning even in my own personal business how to develop the culture, the kind of culture that I want, because I think that as leaders, and you can tell me if I'm wrong, I'm just gonna ask you this, but I think that it's, I feel like it's okay. It should be okay with leaders to call their team out on their emotional hangups.
00:43:11
Speaker
And what I say by that is like being able to hold them accountable for their emotions. So it's like, if you are having issues at home, then don't come into me and being disruptive because you feel like you're unheard of. Is that okay as a leader to be able to say, hey, you kind of interrupt them or you'd be able to correct them concerning their emotions? Or is that too much of a slippery slope?
00:43:39
Speaker
I'm going to say done with the right tact, done with tact and done with the right motive. I think it is necessary. I think that depending on the context, like if you're working in a corporate environment, you want to make sure you do that in a way that doesn't come off like abusive or doesn't come off like
00:43:59
Speaker
You are counseling them on matters outside of their job responsibilities. I think in more informal settings, it's easier to do. But I think you also have to remember the goal
00:44:12
Speaker
function of your team and I think if you phrase it in a way that suggests that by someone not being aware of their emotions and being able to regulate them healthily really does hurt the function and goal and the team sort of achieving their goal I think that there is no harm in doing it because it really is or it should be out of leaders concern for productivity for efficiency
00:44:36
Speaker
and for collaboration that they are addressing it and not from a personal place. And that's another place where you have to realize this person may be triggering me just because of the way in which they're expressing their emotions. But if it's really interrupting meetings, hurting the functionality of the team, then it definitely has to be addressed. I just think that depending on the context, you want to be aware of how you deal with and the cost and benefits of doing it.
00:45:07
Speaker
Wow. Okay, that's something that definitely we think about. And I'm taking those literally as we talk because I'm learning so much from me.
00:45:20
Speaker
But finally, I'm going to wrap it up with this final question. I know we kind of like in the beginning, we definitely talked about what a peace plan is, what it looks like for some people and what it doesn't for others. But like, is there a certain way or a certain method to go about creating a peace
Crafting a Personal Peace Plan
00:45:37
Speaker
plan? Yeah. So first we got to define like what peace is. We talked about that a little bit earlier. So
00:45:43
Speaker
What am I like when I'm at peace? You know, you know, typically there's some shared things that we have like you pretty calm You're probably so reminded you're making rational decisions. You're thinking logically And those are things that we also we're at our best when we're at peace, right? And so I think that we so we have to figure out like how do we when was the last time I was there? so that's kind of and for some people that's harder than others and even if it's hard to figure out when was the last time I was there and
00:46:12
Speaker
you can take a moment to visualize what it would look like for you to be there, even if you have not been there, if you've never known what it was like to be a piece. What does that look like in your mind? What does that piece look like? And then you have to think about what your priorities are in your day-to-day life. What am I giving my time to? And how is this contributing to or taking away from our piece?
00:46:35
Speaker
So if I am working 16-hour days, and of those 16-hour days, I spend the last 15 minutes falling asleep, scrolling on my phone, and then I'm not at peace, and I'm giving all the other time to other people and their priorities in this, then maybe I need to do some readjustment. And I understand that developing a peace plan is going to be harder for some, but I think it's difficult for everyone in different ways.
00:47:05
Speaker
So you want to consider, you want to lay out what your priorities are. So how do I need something every day that I do to make sure I'm at peace? Do I need something once a week? And then what are those things? So for some people, it's like, you know, getting a massage at their favorite spot, right? Some people may not be able to afford that on a regular basis. So it may be like reading a good book.
00:47:29
Speaker
spending some time simply reflecting in their journal. One thing I love to do is simply journal like Monday. I don't do it every day, but it does bring me peace because it gets me back to a place of right perspective for me. So if I had a hard day, one thing I need is to get back to right perspective.
00:47:47
Speaker
and by right perspective I mean just back to a place where I'm understanding that even in a moment of frustration or even just discontent that things are are going to work together for my good that I'm going to be okay that I can you know rest in the fact that like you know the Lord is sovereign and he's working out things um in a way that that is uh much um
00:48:09
Speaker
that is almost like incomprehensible for me and that I just got to trust that. And so some people may not find peace that way, but I think that somehow that journaling is one way I get that piece. And, you know, after you buy the journal, it's free, you know? So that's so unique. So you want to make sure you have like some what I call like big picture peace plans. Like maybe I get a massage every month or every three months.
00:48:34
Speaker
or something like that. And then maybe I'll journal twice a week. That helps me peace. Maybe I make sure that I give, you know, I know sometimes we do like prayer and passing, like we're in the car, we're like running this, but maybe I give, no, just two days, maybe not being too hard, like where I am praying, like, and giving the Lord my undivided attention. So I'm not, you know, brushing my teeth as I pray, I'm not in the shower as I pray, I'm literally just praying. And that's something that brings me peace.
00:49:00
Speaker
um maybe it's that you know i'm being around friends is something that brings me peace so i need i need to figure out how often i need that so i think on your once you list out those things that bring you peace you have to sort of weigh which ones bring you the most peace and you have to get a good idea of when you um like how often you'll need those things
00:49:23
Speaker
Um, so one way that like I think that I have done it is figuring out what's expensive and what's less expensive or what is free, you know And so for me the three things are what I try to do more regularly And then actually what happens is that when you do those? Uh smaller things more consistently the big things are just like a nice surprise like you're already kind of keeping yourself at it
00:49:47
Speaker
coming up with a strategy for what this looks like. And what I would, what I recommend is doing one almost every week. Like one thing I
00:49:57
Speaker
in my graduate program, my advisor instructed me to do very early on was like to have a Sunday meeting, which is basically on Sunday evening, you sort of go through all the things you want to accomplish that week and you start to lay them out and actually put them into your calendar and say, okay, I want to read, I want to read two chapters of this book. I want to write this much on this manuscript I'm working on. I want to achieve these things at work.
00:50:25
Speaker
The thing is that it's not that you would perfectly fit onto the plane, like everything would happen at the time that you put it, but it's like everything is in the space. At the beginning of your week, you know that like, okay, these three things will not happen this week. So I don't have to deal with the disappointment of getting to the end of the week and feeling like I still didn't do this thing. And that in and of itself will bring you peace. But also with that, you also come up with a peace plan.
00:50:50
Speaker
This week is going to be, okay, now that I've done this meeting and I've planned out my week and I got all this stuff going on, this is going to be a packed week. I'm going to need at least three things from my peace plan, three strategies to keep me at peace, and I need to strategically place them throughout my week so I know where I'm doing them and that they would be probably in response to particular stresses. So maybe if you have a busy work week, you can have a fun weekend if your time allows. So I think the best way is to have
00:51:20
Speaker
even in that given weekend, in a given month, like some of those big picture piece things, but then also some smaller ones that are really matched to what your responsibilities are for that week and for that month.
00:51:32
Speaker
Um, because it's one thing to say, Oh, I'm going to take, I'm going to get one thing off my peace plan. I'm going to do it for the month of February, but February may be a very intense month or it may not be. And so you may do, if it's not that intense of a month, you may do one thing and then you get to March, which is super intense month and you, you find yourself not at peace. Um, and you're paying for it in April. So I think.
00:51:56
Speaker
the way to create an effective peace plan is to start I would even suggest doing it just day by day before because I think it's easier when you make things small like so I just want something to give me to get a piece and for some people it could be just watching a funny tv show I know sometimes like I just need a break from thinking like and so I will watch the tv show that requires no thinking just to give me a break and that will bring me peace you know and so
00:52:26
Speaker
Yeah, that's what you need to do on a daily basis. It's about figuring out what your priorities are. And I would say if you have some big goals in mind, you need big, big items on your piece plan. Because
00:52:40
Speaker
The thing is, I think when people lack peace, they lack focus and you are so turbulent and your emotion like this thing happens and you find yourself upset or frustrated. This thing is happening and you find yourself sad. And I think what it is is just the heart not being settled.
00:52:57
Speaker
And then I think when the heart is unsettled, emotions run rampant. And so I think what a peace plan does, it's like insurance for the heart, in that it allows you to really develop a plan for keeping yourself settled, keeping yourself centered, and keeping yourself at a resolve about anything that's happening in life, no matter how crazy, no matter how difficult.
00:53:20
Speaker
I think developing a peace plan is really trying to figure out, giving the stressors and giving the potential stressors and giving the obligations and responsibilities that I have, what are things that I need to make sure that I maintain my sanity and to make sure that beyond just being sane, what keeps me in a place of peace and a place of resolve and a place of like tranquility, where I'm not like distracted but focused on my goals.
00:53:50
Speaker
I know I said a lot, but I hope that was helpful. All of that was absolutely amazing because I was going to tell you, I've really been practicing my peace plan. So I have been learning more about my triggers, learning more about what makes me hyper emotional.
00:54:13
Speaker
how just dealing with the inner self for me, that's been really, really big. And so as I have been doing that, I found myself having so much peace with doing a budget. At first, I would be so tired, Jared. I was like, oh my God, I gotta do my budget.
00:54:31
Speaker
And yesterday, I had enough time to work on a few projects that I have been working on. And I gained so much momentum from doing those projects, like knocking those things off my task list. And moving forward with that, before I went to bed, I was like, you know what? I got like an hour or so. And I worked on my budget. And it was like being able to have that clarity because I'm like, I set a really big, huge savings goal. And last week was such a huge
00:55:00
Speaker
huge emotional week for me. It was extremely traumatic, but being able to come into this week with a more refined focus helped me to be able to address the hard things like doing the budget and starting to see like, oh my gosh, I could put this kind of money away.
00:55:16
Speaker
great. So it really felt good to be able to knock those things off my list and then being able to go to work and get things done and then come home and deal with business and deal with that. And then for me, I'm not even a huge TV watcher. I love to read. Reading is one of our biggest passions, but
00:55:38
Speaker
like being able to come home and turn on the TV and let the TV watch me as I sleep has been the joy of my life. Like I, it's so strange because I just, I'm not really huge on TV, but it's just been really good to just come home and watch a little bit of nonsense TV, like something to just stop my brain from thinking or laughing at something, you know.
00:55:59
Speaker
Because it might be very difficult that you just forget to laugh and then have those small moments to just enjoy. So, you know, that working on developing my peace plan has been so significant with my healthy emotions because I've been able to, you know, kind of travel forward to think about if this worked out really excellent, what would it look like? If it worked out really horrible, what would it look like? You know, so it's just been really, it's been so good for me all together.
Social Media's Impact on Emotional Well-being
00:56:29
Speaker
So I wanted to throw this wild card question out, and then I'm going to ask you for some resources if you have any. But how much does social media, in your opinion, how much does social media impact the emotional state of people? Yeah, I could talk about this for a while. So I think that, so first of all, I will say that I am really
00:56:59
Speaker
I think I think there are some major advantages to social media. I think the fact that you can get information out very quickly to really a targeted audience, like in a way that I think can increase influence and also like just speed up dissemination of materials is just great. I mean, this is how the Internet works, but I think social media is a little different in that it allows you to give it to people you care about and people you've chosen to connect with.
00:57:28
Speaker
Um, so when we think about, uh, even like professional networks, but I don't know if this consider social media, but like LinkedIn, I think like, uh, just being able to connect with people like, oh, if I need, I don't know, a lawyer, I think I'm, I know I have a lawyer friend on LinkedIn. I can go and look through their friends and find more lawyers, you know? Um, and so I think that I think there's beauty in that, but I say that to say that I think that social media, um, for the undisciplined person can be very detrimental to their emotional self.
00:57:56
Speaker
And I don't say that because it gives you access to people's lives and people's accomplishments and people's failures and people's stressors in a way that we prior to it just did not have. Like there were ways in which, you know, we like I don't have to be at someone's wedding now to know what it looked like and to know what color the bronze made stresses were and to know who was there.
00:58:19
Speaker
You know, and that, you know, years ago was a thing, like we did, you know, it was something someone told us, but now we can sort of have almost like this big brother view of people's lives and as a result, make conclusions about them, which could inherently affect our emotions. So if I am looking at my high school classmates, right?
00:58:43
Speaker
Um, it's been like several I think like uh, like 11 years or so since I graduated my oh no 12 Wow, so he's not graduating high school, right? And so there you know a lot has changed if I haven't seen you since 2006 like there may have been a lot that that has changed that has changed in your life but social media may have me thinking that i'm right there with you living your life and let I know you and I can begin to
00:59:09
Speaker
have certain emotions about how successful I think you are. I think people, the danger in social media is that you've been running to comparison very quickly and you begin to feel some way about yourself and how you are in relation to others, which can be very unhealthy. So I think there are times when I've even, I've said to myself, I realized like I've been scrolling too much. I've been on Facebook too much. I've been on Instagram too much. And I think it started to affect like,
00:59:38
Speaker
what I think about myself and my situation. And I think the scary thing about social media is we do it without thinking so much. Whenever I do a fast or anything, I usually either delete my apps or sign out of all of them because it's hard for me to focus myself sometimes because I would just pick up my phone and not think about it and I'll be on Facebook.
01:00:01
Speaker
But what we don't realize is that all of that stuff affects us. And whether we're intentionally paying attention to it or not, it may affect our emotions. And not only, I've been talking about how it affects what we think about ourselves, but also how we feel about others. And I think that the good thing about not having exposure to some people's lives is this, especially as Christians, some of us,
01:00:28
Speaker
it may impede our ability to really extend mercy, because if we, you know, feel like we know more about what people may or may not be doing, and now people don't even have to post up someone else to post it with them. And now you get to see it because you're, you know, associated with them friends or whatever. And so like, if we, I think that we have to keep that
01:00:51
Speaker
that as Christians, we really try to conform more and more to the image of Christ, we can't do that without mercy, and we can't do that without being focused in all of our efforts. And I think the biggest danger about social media, and I think how it affects us, is that it can be a hidden distraction. It's one that we don't think about, but one that pulls us into thinking and into emotions that may not be healthy for us,
01:01:19
Speaker
So we may find ourselves coveting what other people have, whether that be friendship, whether that be material things. We can find ourselves bragging about the things that we have. We can find ourselves living our lives for social media, for our instant stories, and for our picture posts, so that people will think of us as successful, as happy, as healthy.
01:01:40
Speaker
And what it can do from an emotional standpoint is teach us how to be dishonest with ourselves, which is the worst thing you could do for someone who's trying to achieve, like to be emotionally healthy, you have to be honest with yourself. We talked about identifying triggers.
01:01:57
Speaker
And if you are training yourself to present your life in a way that is not quite genuine or not quite accurate, you're sort of teaching yourself to present, even if it's a shell of yourself, that is not quite honest. And so we have to be careful in that we are practicing that, and that works against us being emotionally healthy.
01:02:20
Speaker
So I think that I've said a lot of different things, but I think at the core of it is that social media can be very distracting and I think it can work against our ability to be emotionally aware because we may find ourselves being affected by just our
01:02:40
Speaker
witnessing of other people's victories and failures, of other people's lives in a way that could make us think differently about our failures, our victories, and our day-to-day lives. And I think it works against being more introspective because you are constantly exposed with other people's lives. So yeah.
01:03:06
Speaker
I agree. I mean, I think that a lot of times like leaders forget, especially business owners, when it looks like somebody else business is like booming more so than yours is. I think that we have to always keep in mind, especially with social media, that this is someone's highlight reel. And like, this is not necessarily what it took for them to get there. Like nine times out of this hand, people are not posting the struggle. They're just going to post the finished product. So.
01:03:35
Speaker
I'm glad that you really talked about that piece because a lot of times we get very carried away with social media and then we forget about our own lives and how important we are. And I think that that's something that social media robs us of, and that's why it's good to spend time developing peace plans. I feel like, and this is one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to talk about it because
Protecting Purpose Through Peace
01:03:57
Speaker
I just want people to, especially my listeners, to know how important their purpose is and how you protect your purpose by creating peace around you, whatever that looks like. And so I loved how you concluded the class when you said that your peace is truly your superpower.
01:04:16
Speaker
And it really is. It's like if you can gain control over all craziness, and I think that's what most superheroes do. They gain control over what is causing chaos in the environment. And so I think that if we can gain control over our environment, then we can really change the world. So do you have any resources to offer my listeners any books or books or anything?
Recommended Reads on Emotional Intelligence
01:04:42
Speaker
There are a number of like great books on emotional intelligence, which is a little bit what I talked about in the class, but how you just become more aware of your triggers, what we've been talking about, and how to regulate your emotions well. There is a book that I wanted to make sure that people knew about. And so one of them is The
01:05:10
Speaker
It's actually it doesn't seem like an emotional like a book on emotionally emotional health, but it actually will help you And it's kind of like a quirky kind of book so I think it'll be good, but it's called the road to character and that's by David Brooks who's actually It actually is and I actually haven't like
01:05:33
Speaker
I want to be honest since I haven't read it completely, but I think that it's really good and that it really focuses on what our value systems are and how that will show up in our ideas of success and in our actual success. So I think that, so that inherently teaches us how to also manage our emotions. And then I have another one I wanted to make sure I can't remember the author. I'm looking, I'm sorry.
01:06:04
Speaker
Let's see. Okay. And this one is more about, and something leaders have to learn about is really how do I connect with people and how do I lead them from that point of connection? So this book is about really about listening, but it also includes emotional components. So it's called, Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating and Connecting in Relationships. And it's by James Peterson. Yeah. So it's also, yeah, also one. And you know, for those that are,
01:06:34
Speaker
Also, like, you know, for people who are really this one, it has much more of a Christian bent to it, but it's called Keeping Your Love On by Danny Silk.
01:06:43
Speaker
Oh, I'm happy. Oh, yeah. And that one I also started with being British. But yeah, I think that's great for about the importance of connection and communication and how it's important. But I think one of the main premises of the book is we can't be swayed by situations. And so we have to maintain our, we have to keep our love on throughout all things. And I think it teaches us really how to be at a place of peace.
01:07:12
Speaker
Yes. So I think that, I actually probably would start with that one. Yeah, I think that one's really good. Keeping Your Love On. You know, he has another book. I don't know if you read his book. I'm a huge fan of Danny Silk. That's who wrote Keeping Your Love On, but he has a book called The Culture of Honor.
01:07:35
Speaker
And I really, oh my gosh, like I read it as a team, you know, I served with Dr. Ross and it's a requirement on our team that we read this book. And it's such a good book because what it does is it teaches you how to be honorable to each and every person's gift. And I think that as an emotional
01:07:59
Speaker
healthy leader. I think that it's important to know who has what gift. So this is, of course, this is a biblical book, but it really, and it talks about the fivefold of the church, but
01:08:10
Speaker
It talked about how you honor people. It talked about extended mercy to people. It talked about how you can honor every person's gift, whether they're a prophet, apostle, teacher, whatever. It showed how we all work together with our different gifts.
01:08:30
Speaker
I think that it teaches, it really stretches you as a leader and just as a person on a team to how to respect people and respect who they are and how God created them. And I love God or how God uniquely designed each and every one of us. But that book was really, really good. I was going to suggest that. I don't know if you read that, but that's a really excellent book. It's so good.
01:08:52
Speaker
It's funny. I'm actually I'm reading it right now. I haven't I haven't. So yeah, I'm like, almost halfway. And it's like, yeah, it's really good. So I definitely
01:09:03
Speaker
I like it a lot. And I also, like Dr. Ross is the one who gave me the idea to read it. And then I just, I bought that one and the business of honor too, which may be a good one for leaders, especially to read too. Cause it seems to be in the same vein of culture. But maybe there may be more enough business context. I'm not sure. I haven't read that one yet, but I have it. And I'm planning to read it. Cause I think you just cannot go wrong honoring especially for leaders to honor their team. I think it, it really shows
01:09:33
Speaker
people that honor can go both ways especially in vertical relationships and then it also teaches us that like how we can and how like in moments of difficulty it's hard to really one thing i love about the book he talks about um i'm sorry let me finish my thoughts that when you like in moments of difficulty or conflict it's hard to sometimes honor people but one thing that he talks about is finding the problem at the very beginning of the book
01:09:58
Speaker
And I think sometimes we are not in moments of conflict, we've not quite identified the problem. And I think it's easy sometimes to look at for leaders, especially the results of or the consequences of, like say a team members action, you know, leaders action and focus on that. But, you know, as we mentioned before, like the example with leading a high capacity leader, the problem may be that this person, you know, is intimidating me because of their strong leadership skills.
01:10:26
Speaker
that's a hard truth but that also may be the problem that's getting in the way of me being an effective leader and also us being a functional and effective team. And so I love that concept of finding the problem because in finding the problem you have to sort of dig through the emotional stuff to get to the core of what's going on. So yeah.
01:10:43
Speaker
Yeah, I love that book. I'm hoping to finish it. Yes. I'm excited for you to finish it. When you do, we're going to talk about it because it's so good.
Conclusion and Social Media Connections
01:10:51
Speaker
So awesome. Yeah, no, definitely. Well, Dr. Cheery. We definitely should be. I'm sorry. Could you say that again? I'm sorry. Oh, no, I think I know we definitely should. We definitely should talk about it. Yeah, for sure.
01:11:03
Speaker
Thank you so much, Dr. Jarrett, for coming on the show. I truly appreciate you sharing your knowledge with my listeners, and I'm sure my listeners are going to give all kinds of questions to me. So I'm just very excited to have you here, and I just appreciate you. And I didn't know until I read your bio that you graduated from DePaul, I actually got my undergraduate degree from there.
01:11:27
Speaker
So I'm just very excited that you came on the show and shared your knowledge with me. Thank you so much. And please tell me you want to come back again. Oh, thank you for having me. Yeah, definitely. Just let me know when. I've definitely enjoyed it. And thank you so much for having me. No problem. I could talk about this up all day. Yes. I'm excited about it. Thank you so much.
01:11:56
Speaker
Yeah, no problem. Well, guys, that concludes my interview with Dr. Jarrett on peace plans and being an emotional, healthy leader. If you are interested in following Dr. Jarrett on social media, you can follow him at Jarrett.Lewis, the number one, the numeral one.
01:12:14
Speaker
I hope you really enjoyed this podcast as much as I enjoyed recording it with Dr. Jarrett. If you are interested in asking me any questions concerning the show or any previous shows, you can email me at alienanitashow at gmail.com. You can follow me on all social media. I am alienanita on everything so you can find me everywhere at alienanita.
01:12:40
Speaker
And as always guys, thank you for tuning in and be blessed and stay relevant.