Introduction and Podcast Setup
00:00:07
Chris
Welcome back to another episode of the Mythic Giraffe podcast. I'm Chris.
00:00:10
swolesville
And I'm Ron. That's all I got. I don't have anything else.
00:00:15
swolesville
Nothing to add.
00:00:17
Chris
yeah It was 38 when I left Howard County yesterday. And by the time I got home, it was 52 down
Driving Woes in Maryland
00:00:32
swolesville
Well, you know how accounting's out there in the mountains.
00:00:32
Chris
so a Yeah. And it anyone who lives on the western shore and nobody can drive. And no one can merge.
00:00:46
swolesville
Yeah, merging is the biggest.
00:00:46
Chris
It's. Yeah, it's like every time you came to you know emerge from an exit, it was bumper to bumper and then we speed up again. It's like, ah but why why can't you people understand this?
00:00:58
swolesville
Yeah. And Howard County is just farther than you ever think it is.
00:01:06
swolesville
It's like weirdly far away from everything.
00:01:10
swolesville
It's it's a weird... Maryland is a weird state anyways. Like, whoever drew that map was like, really.
00:01:21
Chris
Well, it's like that little bit that squeezes up and then it bumps back out to go over Virginia. It's like, why?
00:01:30
Chris
Yeah. Well, and the entire peninsula should just be it.
00:01:35
Chris
This is gonna hurt me to say this. We should just all be Delaware on this side.
00:01:38
swolesville
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we don't want you. so na and na na na no no no and no no no no
00:01:45
Chris
Come on, you don't want Somerset County?
00:01:51
Chris
That'd be great for them. Ship them all down there.
00:02:02
swolesville
yeah we'd have little you know have we'd have nice roads leading down there
00:02:08
Chris
Probably even be a bike lane.
00:02:08
swolesville
yeah you're married on people ah delusional yeah this whole fight at work
00:02:13
swolesville
but two two days ago about the roads in Maryland and they were like, we have way
Maryland vs Delaware: A Debate
00:02:19
swolesville
better roads than everybody else. I'm like, are you crazy?
00:02:23
swolesville
like I said Delaware roads, they were like, Delaware roads are terrible.
00:02:23
Chris
Have they driven on our roads?
00:02:27
swolesville
I said, I know the moment I crossed the Maryland Delaware line because the roads get crappier. The moment.
00:02:35
swolesville
What are you talking about?
00:02:37
swolesville
Well, well you know you guys have all this traffic. That's because we have people.
00:02:45
swolesville
right the It's not the road's fault.
00:02:47
swolesville
I don't know if you guys know this, but you guys have traffic at Route 90.
00:02:50
Chris
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if there was a bigger push to go to the pickle factory, there'd be more traffic. Oh,
00:03:01
swolesville
Well, that's how the whole, the whole thing started. They're like, well, look at Lewis, look how terrible the roads are. I say, well, because, but are we talking about small towns that just like blew up, you know?
00:03:07
Chris
ah I thought you're going to say it started with a pickle factory. I was like, I'm intrigued.
00:03:15
swolesville
and Yeah, of course they haven't been able to keep up with the traffic because no one expected 60 extra thousand people to be living there. You know?
00:03:23
Chris
Yeah, when you initially do the infrastructure, it's like, OK, well, we need this, we'll add a little bit, not, you know, the insanity that is Lewis.
00:03:32
swolesville
Yeah, I mean, Sussex County is a crazy amount of people that have moved there in the last five years.
00:03:38
Chris
Yeah, but they all live like on the coast.
00:03:40
swolesville
Yeah, yeah, because that's where the things are.
00:03:46
swolesville
I mean, they're starting to spread. They're spreading out to like Georgetown. Soon Georgetown East will be the beach.
00:03:55
swolesville
Like when I was a kid, like long neck didn't count as the beach. And now that counts as the beach.
00:04:02
Chris
it's like Worcester County, I mean It's just Burl, you know, Berlin East that's it
Government Inefficiencies
00:04:11
swolesville
Yeah. Yeah. Well, Worcester County is a weird county anyways. You have West Ocean City, which is not part of Ocean City, then you have Ocean City. And which is a town of 7,000 people or something stupid.
00:04:27
Chris
yeah But it's also the town of Ocean City.
00:04:30
swolesville
Yeah. right yeah
00:04:32
Chris
and Okay, we're the country of the United States.
00:04:39
swolesville
with the county of Salisbury City.
00:04:42
Chris
Oh my gosh, yeah. Well, that's another one you can tell the roads, like when you hit those lines, especially in station one district, that's like, you know, and city maintenance. It's like, oh, here we go.
00:04:54
swolesville
Yeah. but And it's it's one of those things I rage about, like, why is there city maintenance or roads? Why doesn't the state just take care of all the roads in the state?
00:05:10
swolesville
Like, why do we have this weird system? It's, it's like the schools. Why do we have schools that are split up? Just have the state take care of all the schools.
00:05:21
swolesville
Why do the, why is there more than one police force? Just have one state police force. It's weird.
00:05:29
swolesville
The whole thing's weird.
00:05:33
swolesville
I don't like it.
00:05:34
Chris
You know, what if if you're going to End the, you know, okay, well, the city's got to take care of this, you know, street or whatever. Don't end it in the middle of a street. End it at, you know, an intersection or something where it makes sense.
00:05:50
Chris
I've played enough SimCity in my life to know that you can end a street in a definitive area.
00:05:55
swolesville
I was going to say that, like, the
Winterizing Adventures and Mishaps
00:05:58
swolesville
city plows probably pick up, but that would mean that they had to plow the road once. So, yeah.
00:06:02
Chris
Right. There was a maniac on 97 last night with a snowplow.
00:06:07
swolesville
Oh, they're all, they're all right. Like DelDOT, MDOT, they've got their plows ready for go. It's like,
00:06:11
Chris
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This was some shorebilly.
00:06:15
swolesville
Oh, just some guy.
00:06:17
Chris
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yep.
00:06:19
swolesville
um Well, first of all, it hasn't rained in three months, so snow is not on the possibility here, guys.
00:06:29
swolesville
Just because it gets cold, you're still going to have that other part of that.
00:06:32
Chris
Yeah. It drizzled a little bit.
00:06:35
swolesville
Yeah, for everything everything's good now, we can lift all the burn bands.
00:06:44
swolesville
New Jersey lift.
00:06:44
Chris
I did have to pump the water off the cover of my pool.
00:06:50
swolesville
Frank's parents rich man with this pool.
00:06:52
Chris
Oh, yeah. Yeah, my, what, $400 kit from Walmart.
00:07:00
swolesville
Did your polls go bad yet? How many um many years have you had it?
00:07:07
swolesville
That's about the time my polls started to go bad.
00:07:08
Chris
I got a. Yeah, I've got one that's sunken in a little bit.
00:07:13
swolesville
Now mine like started to actually
00:07:14
Chris
and Part of me is like, I'll just drain the whole thing and level it. I'm like, no, no, I'm not. When it goes, it goes.
00:07:20
swolesville
Yeah, that's what my wife liked when we had ours. She's like, well, you're like, you should level it back up. I said, I'm not... but No. but If I take this thing down, it's going into the trash.
00:07:31
Chris
Yeah. Or my wife showed me this thing. It was like, look at what these people do. And they take their pool down every year and then they put this other stuff out and they make it into like a little outdoor seating with a fire pit.
00:07:41
Chris
I was like, oh, that's adorable. Not happening.
00:07:46
Chris
I said, if you want to do that, you can.
00:07:46
swolesville
No. Right. That is the correct answer. The problem is, yes, that is adorable. You should do that without my help in any system.
00:07:57
swolesville
Otherwise, the pool stays up like it is.
00:07:57
Chris
Yeah. Yeah. And then in the spring, when you want the pool again, you set it back up. Yeah.
00:08:09
swolesville
Yeah, no. yeah we just we did We had ours out until it rotted. And then we're like, OK, that's it. It was nice.
00:08:17
swolesville
It's, I didn't use it enough to really justify it. You can't really swim in it.
00:08:25
swolesville
You know, you just kind of lounge in it.
00:08:30
Chris
Yeah, and my fences aren't high enough to really lounge in it.
00:08:33
swolesville
Oh, honestly, you gotta to have a bigger fence.
00:08:37
Chris
Looks like I put the winterizing chemicals in it.
00:08:39
swolesville
That's what the hot dogs work.
00:08:41
Chris
ah Yeah, like a month and a half ago or whatever. I guess I didn't read all the instructions. Well, there weren't really instructions, so I just started dumping. the I was like, oh, it's this whole kit. I guess you just put it all in there. Two of those chemicals reacted to each other and there was steam coming out of my pool.
00:08:57
Chris
So yeah, I was like, huh, that's probably not good. I might go inside, so I'm not downwind anymore.
00:09:04
swolesville
It's just dead raccoons and birds in your backyard.
00:09:15
swolesville
We, uh... I was actually gonna say that in my pool. Damn it. I lost my whole train of thought.
00:09:25
swolesville
Oh, winterizing!
00:09:25
Chris
We don't have trains.
00:09:26
swolesville
That works. I winterized my RV the other day. And like my brother's like, you're winterizing your RV?
00:09:35
swolesville
I said, yeah, man, you got to do it before winter comes. It doesn't do you any good to let the water freeze and then say, I'm going to winterize it.
00:09:43
swolesville
He's like, well, that means you're done for the year. I'm like, that just means I'm not going to use the water system for the year. The RV still works.
00:09:52
Chris
You've winterized the plumbing.
00:09:55
swolesville
And considering how much. It costs me about $12 to winterize my RV. They charge like $400 if you pay somebody to do it.
00:10:09
swolesville
And then they charge you to de-winterize it, which is an even bigger scam.
00:10:15
Chris
Why do you have to de-winterize it? Don't you just flush it?
00:10:19
swolesville
Pretty much. That's all they do.
00:10:21
swolesville
But then they tell you that they do a lot of stuff.
00:10:28
Chris
So while I was sitting in traffic, stewing yesterday,
00:10:28
swolesville
Well, uh... Oh, boy.
00:10:33
Chris
Yeah, no, just random thought popped in my head.
Centaurs and Kiwi Birds: Curious Thoughts
00:10:36
Chris
How do centaurs sleep?
00:10:39
swolesville
With their hooves down, like a horse.
00:10:44
swolesville
Yeah, horses don't sleep standing up.
00:10:49
swolesville
Those are the ones that are on or watch. They sleep with their hooves down on the ground, right?
00:10:54
Chris
Yeah, but even then, how would the torso, does it just slump over?
00:11:00
swolesville
Well, they it do Nordics. They lay backwards on there.
00:11:04
Chris
cut ah but their spine wouldn't be able to bend that far?
00:11:08
swolesville
They're pretty buff.
00:11:10
Chris
Yeah, but, yeah, exactly. They're buff. They're not flexible.
00:11:12
swolesville
I don't know if they do sweat-centered yoga.
00:11:13
Chris
it It's just, I i don't, yeah. Do they have to like lay on their side, oddly?
00:11:19
swolesville
Well, that just seems like a... Because I don't think they can roll over and crush themselves.
00:11:27
Chris
Yeah. Or do they, yeah, just kind of like get down on their hooves and then like lay their torso and against like a rock or something. Yeah, see, it's and see, that's a yeah. And I spent like 20 minutes in traffic thinking about that.
00:11:48
swolesville
and What did you come up with as an answer?
00:11:50
Chris
I didn't. That's the thing. It just stood in my mind and I knew not to say something about it when I got home to my wife because she would laugh at me. So.
00:12:06
swolesville
I guess they could lay on their side, but I feel like that seems, you know, dangerous.
00:12:16
Chris
Listeners out there, if you know how a centaur sleeps, let us know. With a diagram. Don't just try to describe it. We need a diagram.
00:12:23
swolesville
yeah Yeah. No, we need a picture.
00:12:23
Chris
More specifically, I need a diagram.
00:12:26
swolesville
We need a picture of a real centaur.
00:12:30
swolesville
Yeah. Yeah. First you gotta find a centaur, then you gotta wait till it falls asleep. Then get us a picture.
00:12:40
swolesville
Hmm. I never really thought about this problem, this commendrum.
00:12:47
swolesville
It's almost as if centaurs.
00:12:47
Chris
Ooh, so a quick search says if centaurs sleep in a mode similar to horses, they will do most of sleeping in short naps taking in a standing position. They'll lock the stay apparatus in the muscles of their legs so they can relax while still standing.
00:13:08
swolesville
I guess I didn't know that they slept on- I didn't think horses stopped signing up.
00:13:21
Chris
Yeah, that's wow. There's a lot of there's actually some images and diagrams.
00:13:28
swolesville
Some images of a mythological creature that may or may not- well, did not ever exist.
00:13:35
Chris
You can't prove that.
00:13:38
swolesville
its It's very hard to prove a negative.
00:13:50
Chris
Somebody out there grafting skeletons together.
00:13:53
swolesville
Right. And we don't have the fossil record. Oh, I got a fun fact for you today.
00:13:58
Chris
Oh, fun fact, fun fact.
00:13:59
swolesville
What? There's two things that are really important to defining a Um, a mammal. What are they?
00:14:18
Chris
Lactation and body hair, right?
00:14:22
swolesville
No, those are not correct.
00:14:27
swolesville
Because early mammals didn't necessarily lactate and body hair does not only appear in mammals.
00:14:39
swolesville
it's It's specialized teeth and a rigid jawbone.
00:14:46
swolesville
Yeah. According to some people, I assume, you know, early, early, early mammals, the way you can tell that they were mammals was they had a solid jawbone instead of a, I guess, articulable.
00:15:02
Chris
Like a floating separatable.
00:15:05
swolesville
Yeah. Yeah. That's what makes you a mammal.
00:15:11
Chris
Here I thought it was the teats.
00:15:14
swolesville
Well, that's what I thought too, but technically platypus are mammal and they don't do that.
00:15:22
swolesville
Platypus are very specific kind of mammal, but.
00:15:25
Chris
Yeah, so I'd say platypi.
00:15:27
swolesville
Put a pie, platypus high.
00:15:31
Chris
and That just sounds dirty.
00:15:32
swolesville
That just sounds wrong.
00:15:32
Chris
um They just do all kinds of weird things. I mean, they're venomous. They've got...
00:15:39
swolesville
Little eggs, which they're not the only animal to lay eggs.
00:15:40
Chris
Weird. No. Yeah, what's the other one? The echidna.
00:15:45
swolesville
You can pick it, yeah.
00:15:49
Chris
And they lay like, or no, it's kiwi birds that lay huge eggs.
00:15:56
swolesville
Kiwi birds, huh? Aren't they really tiny?
00:15:57
Chris
Yeah. Yeah, but their their egg is like almost the entire size of their body. It's crazy.
00:16:06
Chris
Yeah. And they have this horrible screech. Yeah. It's stuff of nightmares.
00:16:15
swolesville
When have you ever seen a kiwi bird?
00:16:18
Chris
Now, I of the Internet. No, no, I mean, there is the Kiwi farm down the road.
00:16:26
Chris
Yeah, I'm gonna use that to keep the pests out of the pickles.
00:16:27
swolesville
Do you think the bird was named after the fruit or the fruit was named after the bird?
00:16:32
Chris
I think they're both named after the region.
00:16:42
swolesville
I would have thought the region was named after the bird.
00:16:47
swolesville
They are... they called...
00:16:48
Chris
are Kiwis named after? ah The kiwi fruit is named after the kiwi bird. It's New Zealand's national bird because it's... Because of right because of its oh oh yeah the kiwi fruits named are the kiwi bird because of its resemblance to the bird. It was originally called the Chinese gooseberry. But in 1955, they changed it as a marketing move. And it is native to China and Taiwan, not Australia.
00:17:22
swolesville
Huh. The kiwi bird has been known. ah They're considered New Zealand's national bird. They are named.
00:17:41
swolesville
Why is it called a kiwi?
00:17:49
swolesville
Something about its call.
00:17:49
Chris
Well, there's one thing that says, The story goes, it was during the First World War that New Zealanders started to be called Kiwis by Australian soldiers, which was much nicer than calling them pig islanders, which was the norm. Okay.
00:18:08
Chris
Oh, yeah. It was the Maori who named the flightless bird Kiwi. Several different accounts of why it's so-called. Some say it's because it's shrill call. Huh. or is inspired by the Polynesian bird Kivi, which resembles the kiwi.
00:18:23
swolesville
So what we're saying is that the fruit is in after the bird.
00:18:31
Chris
Yeah. Gosh, man. All kinds of fun facts today.
00:18:34
swolesville
Yeah, I'm not sure I've ever seen a Kiwi.
00:18:35
Chris
About mammals and kiwis.
00:18:45
Chris
Yeah. Weird little birds.
00:18:47
swolesville
All birds are weird.
00:18:49
Chris
Well, yeah. And um if it's in the whole Australia, New Zealand area, it's probably going to try to kill you at some point.
00:18:59
swolesville
it's fair that's fair clearly we weren't meant to live there what
00:19:07
Chris
No, no, it's like you see the people that are like, yeah, you got to tap to your door handle before you open your car because spiders you know hide in the door handles. No, no.
00:19:20
Chris
Yeah, I mean, the crazy, I don't know, some giant spider they have day down there, they like hide in shadows and they like like the a little scoop underhand part of the handle.
00:19:33
Chris
So people go to reach to open their car and boom, giant spider.
00:19:41
swolesville
That's no bueno.
00:19:43
Chris
no so They've got like, I don't know, a handful of different snakes that can kill you with a couple bites and yeah.
00:19:50
swolesville
A handful, I got tons.
00:19:54
swolesville
But top 10 most itemist snakes, like eight of them live in Australia.
00:20:00
Chris
Yeah. Then you've got saltwater crocodiles.
00:20:04
swolesville
uh all kinds of great white sharks and you got jellyfish yeah not my uh not my place to go
00:20:09
Chris
Yeah. Yeah. Jellyfish.
00:20:21
Chris
No. And I saw somebody the other day was saying, what's that?
00:20:26
Chris
Yeah, now they were saying that the pythons that are in the Everglades. They found one the other day that was in the process of swallowing like a hundred pound deer.
00:20:41
Chris
So that's a big snake.
00:20:43
swolesville
That's a big snake.
00:20:53
swolesville
I don't, not really scared of snakes, but that's a big snake.
Snakes and Fashion Critiques
00:21:04
swolesville
Something about that ah snake that can take down a hundred pound deer scares me.
00:21:09
Chris
Great. Well, and the thing is, it was able to take it down. It was eating it. So that means it probably could have taken down something larger, just not been able to eat it.
00:21:20
swolesville
And I'm larger than a deer.
00:21:24
swolesville
Then I don't want to be taken down by a snake.
00:21:28
swolesville
And they're way quicker than you think they are.
00:21:32
Chris
Well, it's because they're just nothing but muscle.
00:21:36
swolesville
Good eatin's right there.
00:21:38
Chris
I don't know about that.
00:21:41
Chris
I don't know that I've ever had snake.
00:21:44
swolesville
I've had rattlesnake before. It's fine. It doesn't taste like anything really.
00:21:48
Chris
Do you really think it was rattlesnake? Or did they just like catch an eel down in the river? So yeah, here's your rattlesnake.
00:21:58
swolesville
It's a good point.
00:22:01
swolesville
Couldn't really.
00:22:04
swolesville
Yeah. I mean, I can't prove it was a rattlesnake.
00:22:05
Chris
It's like the people are like, oh, we had scallops. I'm like, did you have scallops or did you have stingray?
00:22:11
swolesville
Yeah, that is a thing, isn't it? They cut the wings off skates.
00:22:16
swolesville
Call them scallops.
00:22:16
Chris
And they just use like a biscuit cutter and pop them out.
00:22:20
swolesville
Doesn't matter though.
00:22:22
Chris
I guess not. I mean, unless they're like inflating the price to say, oh, these are special scallops or something.
00:22:29
swolesville
Right, that's fair. That's fair. I do like scallops though.
00:22:35
Chris
Yeah. See, I'm just I've never been a big seafood person.
00:22:43
swolesville
It's so good though.
00:22:49
swolesville
You know, she, you know, she sells seashells by the seashore, seashore food.
00:22:55
Chris
yeah Yeah, that's like the seven dishes, seven fishes. That doesn't sound great to me.
00:23:01
swolesville
Oh, man, seven wishes is it's my thing. It's my jam.
00:23:04
Chris
Yeah, yeah. ah you guys Are you doing that this year?
00:23:09
swolesville
You know, I didn't even thought about it. I'm not one of these maniacs. I haven't thought about Christmas yet because it hasn't even hit Thanksgiving yet.
00:23:20
Chris
Oh, but I mean, the local radio station has already switched to they are on their 15th day of Christmas music.
00:23:25
swolesville
That's insane.
00:23:28
swolesville
Insane. It's not even Thanksgiving yet. We do not need to listen to Christmas music for two freaking months.
00:23:35
Chris
We should just blare it citywide.
00:23:42
swolesville
No. No. I'm not going to make it.
00:23:46
Chris
I need to figure out some Groundhog Day music.
00:23:53
swolesville
Yeah, I just hate when I frickin' even go to, you know, get gas and I gotta listen to frickin' Christmas music the entire time I get gas.
00:24:02
Chris
Hmm. Yeah. Well, any store you go in now has nothing but Christmas out.
00:24:08
swolesville
Well, just don't get a go to the stores.
00:24:13
swolesville
Like, uh, what store are you gonna go to these days?
00:24:20
swolesville
Do you go inside anything?
00:24:26
Chris
Because I'm an old man and I like to look at things and have it in my hand tangible before I purchase it.
00:24:33
swolesville
fair Yeah, the only thing I'm really old man about is shoes.
00:24:40
swolesville
I feel like I ah have to try my shoes on.
00:24:44
swolesville
Before I buy them.
00:24:45
Chris
Although, see, I'm also one of those guys that once I find the shoe I like, i I'm fine just ordering another pair online that's the same size.
00:24:54
Chris
But the problem is, they're like, oh, well, now it's the yeah ah Brooks Ghost 58. And it's like, did you change something about it? Is it going to fit different?
00:25:04
swolesville
Right, just give me the same shoe.
00:25:10
Chris
Well, yeah, the last time I went to buy shoes, and I made the mistake of taking my oldest daughter with me. I was like, I can't remember what kind of shoes they were, but I tried them on. I was like, man, these are really comfortable. And she's like, oh, my God, you look like an old man.
00:25:21
Chris
I was like, oh, OK, we're in that stage. This is fun.
00:25:26
swolesville
ah Now, because your kid's generation, their shoe choices are I mean, terrible?
00:25:36
Chris
Oh, yeah, it's either uggs or vans.
00:25:39
swolesville
No, but like they that or they were the sneakers that are way bulky. Like you're freaking in back to the future. It's no.
00:25:49
swolesville
You guys, yeah I get to be, I understand that I am an old man.
00:25:52
swolesville
I get that part, but you punk kids don't get to tell me it's because of my choices. You, your, your styles are awful.
00:25:59
Chris
Oh, yeah. ah Well, there I don't think there is style right now.
00:26:05
swolesville
They're bringing back the mullet. They're just...
00:26:07
Chris
Yeah, yeah, so many bad decisions. yeah
00:26:12
swolesville
Yeah, they't they don't get to tell me what to do.
00:26:15
Chris
And the the giant sunglasses. Yeah.
00:26:19
swolesville
Yeah, yeah. If a millennial tells me it'll look old, I'll take it because, you know. And also, this generation is trying to make up way too many words.
00:26:30
swolesville
You get two words you get to add. That's it.
00:26:33
Chris
Oh, what? Yeah, Riz and Skibbity and.
00:26:38
swolesville
whatever bullshit they say yeah too much yeah you get two words I'm not gonna learn anymore yeah that and I need to I guess I don't know what we did
00:26:55
Chris
yeah Yeah. I mean, does every generation make up some words, I guess?
00:27:08
swolesville
Rad didn't stick around.
00:27:10
Chris
I use it all the time.
00:27:12
swolesville
No, you don't.
00:27:17
swolesville
And like, even when, even back in the rad times, we didn't rad that much.
00:27:26
Chris
yeah And they tried with some, like the Ninja Turtles, Cowabunga.
00:27:31
swolesville
Yeah. Bart Simpson, nonsense, but.
00:27:38
swolesville
It's just... You get two words, that's it. And riz is not a word.
00:27:44
swolesville
This makes sense.
00:27:46
Chris
This is supposed to be like your like charisma.
00:27:51
swolesville
Oh, is that what it is?
00:27:53
Chris
I think so. So I think it's.
00:27:54
swolesville
Oh. That doesn't say dripping a lot. I don't like it.
00:28:00
swolesville
Yeah, like you're drippin', yeah. And that thing they say, busin', all that crap.
00:28:03
Chris
Like you need to blow your nose or you need to go get an STD check.
00:28:08
swolesville
Probably both.
00:28:10
swolesville
Yeah, you should get an STD check.
00:28:15
swolesville
Yeah, I think that's the thing they say. I don't know. I don't talk to them.
00:28:18
Chris
Oh, is that about clothing?
00:28:23
swolesville
I try not to talk to them ever.
00:28:28
swolesville
I don't even know what generation they are at this point.
00:28:29
Chris
I'm just, is it Gen Alpha now?
00:28:34
Chris
Something like that. Yeah, whatever. The Utes.
00:28:38
swolesville
the youths. They won't, but they're not old enough to get into the fire department before I leave.
00:28:45
swolesville
That's all I need to know.
00:28:50
swolesville
I guess I deal with the millennials and the tens of years.
00:29:00
swolesville
That's bad enough. That's bad enough.
Modern Necessities: Printers and Heating Debates
00:29:05
Chris
Although I had one of them the other day that was fussing about the, because we were talking about the new art monitors and they're like, I can't believe you're thinking about not getting printers.
00:29:16
Chris
It's like, you're an iPad child. You shouldn't want a printer. You should be used to everything on a screen in front of you.
00:29:22
swolesville
We're not gonna get printers on our monitors.
00:29:28
swolesville
How will I? How will I do things?
00:29:30
Chris
how will you what When is the last time you did a 12th lead?
00:29:34
swolesville
ah i Five months ago?
00:29:39
swolesville
Probably five months ago.
00:29:43
swolesville
Yeah, I look at them all the time.
00:29:48
swolesville
um yeah I don't know. Scary.
00:29:54
Chris
yeah Yeah, change is scary.
00:29:56
swolesville
Change is scary. But how will I push my little things and make sure it's regular?
00:29:58
Chris
yeah Because they have on-screen calipers.
00:30:01
swolesville
you know it's Oh, that sounds... That sounds sus.
00:30:12
Chris
We're trying to cater to the younger audience.
00:30:18
swolesville
Hey, sus is a good word. I'm OK with sus. That's one of your two words you get to add. Sus is cool. ah Sus gets my voice of approval.
00:30:28
swolesville
That's Riz does not.
00:30:29
Chris
Hmm. Yeah. What's the no cap?
00:30:32
swolesville
Yeah cap, I don't understand cap.
00:30:34
swolesville
I don't know what has cap, what has not cap, I don't get it.
00:30:38
swolesville
I don't think they do either.
00:30:39
Chris
I mean, I have a cap when I wear a hat, I guess.
00:30:45
swolesville
Uh. Do you wear caps?
00:30:49
swolesville
Also, they don't know how to wear baseball hats.
00:30:53
swolesville
Baseball hats, flat brim is stupid.
00:30:59
Chris
Yeah, the front of your head is not flat.
00:30:59
swolesville
you the Right, the front of your hat is not flat. the point The baseball hat is a piece of equipment to keep the sun out of your eyes. When you have the flat brim, you just look like a dork and it's not doing its function.
00:31:14
Chris
yeah Yeah, and it's not molded correctly, so you've got like these air pockets up by your temples.
00:31:19
swolesville
Right. It's just bad.
00:31:26
Chris
Yeah, I thought it was bad enough like when people were leaving the stickers still on them. I was like, that doesn't make any sense, but OK.
00:31:32
Chris
But yeah, now the flat brim, no.
00:31:35
swolesville
Yeah. The frame just looks dumb. It just looks dumb.
00:31:40
swolesville
We're just two old men telling you what to wear.
00:31:41
Chris
Because that's the thing. If I'm going to buy a hat, I'm going to pull it off the shelf, and I'm immediately going to bend the brim and try it on.
00:31:48
swolesville
Yeah. How else are you going to know if what's going to happen?
00:31:53
swolesville
It's, um, you need to have, it needs to be able to fold up and go in your back pocket in case you're, you know, working on your combine.
00:32:06
swolesville
Got to be able to go backwards in case you need to go in high speed, low drag mode.
00:32:10
Chris
Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, I turned my hat around all the time and my kids were like, what are you doing there? I tried to look cool. I'm like, no, I'm just, ah I don't need the brim of my hat in the way. So I went it backwards.
00:32:22
swolesville
Right, sometimes I'm using it as a sweatband.
00:32:28
Chris
Or if it's windy, and I have that top down in my Jeep, I don't want to lose my hat.
00:32:32
swolesville
Yeah. Oh, man, I saw nightmares of that with my dad. When I was a kid, my dad lost his hat out the window on the Delamorial Bridge.
00:32:41
swolesville
That hat was never seen from again.
00:32:44
Chris
I'm surprised he didn't send you and your brother after it.
00:32:44
swolesville
Yeah, I still roll my window up, Scott.
00:32:49
swolesville
That's a long drop. It's a long drop. But I still roll my window up going over bridges because of that.
00:33:01
Chris
Yeah, I rolled my windows up too and I panicked the entire time I'm driving across a bridge.
00:33:07
swolesville
You're really lucky you don't have to cross the Susquehanna ever.
00:33:12
swolesville
That bridge is scary.
00:33:18
Chris
It's like the maniacs from our department that helped out with the Bay Bridge walk and were out on that thing for hours.
00:33:25
swolesville
Well, yeah, they gotta be out there.
00:33:27
Chris
No. Yeah, but no. Could feel it sway and move and hmm.
00:33:34
swolesville
Well, if it doesn't sway and move, then you have problems.
00:33:40
swolesville
Cause the wind, the tremors.
00:33:43
Chris
Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, it was that there was one bridge, they didn't factor that in and it like shattered.
00:33:50
swolesville
Yeah. And it shattered in a, it it was, I remember watching it as a kid, that the video of it, or the film of that video, this actual film.
00:34:00
Chris
It's on the microfiche.
00:34:01
swolesville
Yeah, probably on the microfiche.
00:34:05
swolesville
That was a man. I remember having to learn how to use microfiche. What a wasted time of skill that was.
00:34:15
Chris
Or you have to learn this this way because you sound like you're going to have a computer with you or a calculator with you the rest of your life.
00:34:24
swolesville
yeah yeah All my teachers were wrong about everything.
00:34:31
swolesville
I mean, my dumb English teacher told me how to spell. Who needs that?
00:34:37
Chris
Yeah, now you have spell check.
00:34:42
swolesville
You have Grammarly, which just checks your grammar for you. You don't even have to have no grammar anymore.
00:34:49
Chris
Yeah. But there are still people that misspell and miss write things.
00:34:55
swolesville
I was gonna say, and yet there's still people who can't write.
00:34:58
Chris
Yeah, one of those may or may not be a deputy chief.
00:35:06
swolesville
I'm glad he's gonna be there when I retire.
00:35:17
Chris
Oh, how about Talkbic 1?
00:35:20
swolesville
Topic one. It's probably a short topic, but
00:35:26
swolesville
Have you ever won a fight with your wife when it comes to turning the heat on? Because I don't. Don't think I'll ever win one.
00:35:36
swolesville
Because we've already turned we've already turned the heat on.
00:35:37
Chris
Winning the heat battle.
00:35:42
swolesville
It's 55 degrees outside when we have the heat on.
00:35:46
Chris
Well, what was the temperature inside?
00:35:46
swolesville
It's ridiculous. I don't know. I don't have thermostats.
00:35:53
Chris
What's that? You don't have a thermostat?
00:35:55
swolesville
No. we We have main split systems, so we don't have their sets.
00:36:02
Chris
Well, I was actually the one that gave this year because I woke up when I came downstairs and it was like 60 degrees downstairs.
00:36:11
swolesville
60 degrees is a perfectly lovely temperature. Would you walk around outside in a nice pair of shorts?
00:36:21
swolesville
Maybe it's, uh, I probably 60 degrees. I probably wouldn't wear a sweatshirt. You'd go outside in that temperature and shorts and t-shirt, right?
00:36:28
Chris
It depends on this if it's breezy.
00:36:30
swolesville
It won't stop breezy in your house. I hope.
00:36:33
Chris
but Well, it can be because I i keep ceiling fans on like all the time.
00:36:39
Chris
Yeah, I don't like stale air. I like the air to be moving.
00:36:42
swolesville
But then he's just moving stale air around.
00:36:45
Chris
No, no, no, it's keeping it fresh.
00:36:47
swolesville
How's it refreshing? It doesn't go through it.
00:36:49
Chris
Because it's agit it's agitating the molecules.
00:36:58
swolesville
It's just moving the same areas.
00:37:01
Chris
Yeah, but it's like water. If water's just sitting there, it gets stagnant. But if water is moving, it stays non-stagnant. It's the same with air. If you keep the air moving, it doesn't allow it to stagnate. Science.
00:37:19
swolesville
I don't think that's science.
00:37:23
swolesville
I don't think you could just yell science and say, we're good.
00:37:28
swolesville
I don't think that's how science works.
00:37:30
Chris
Man, you gotta keep the air agitated.
00:37:34
swolesville
I don't think you gotta keep the air hesitated. I think the air can be, you know, just
00:37:41
Chris
Yeah. Or like a day like today, where it's overcast, I feel like it is 10 degrees colder in my house than it actually is.
00:37:50
swolesville
Yeah, they put a sweatshirt on.
00:37:52
Chris
like Yeah, but I'm just saying it's it's weird the way you know, like if it was a sunny day, it feels like it's warmer. It's as's probably just the way your mind works, but yeah.
00:38:01
swolesville
Yeah, yeah, it's all your brain. That's why I tell my wife, it's it's just, it's your brain saying, oh, I'm cold.
00:38:07
swolesville
Just tell your brain you're not cold.
00:38:09
swolesville
Yeah. Tell your brain you're not cold and then don't turn the heat on until January 1st.
00:38:19
swolesville
That seems like a fair compromise. January 1st, turn the heat on.
00:38:23
Chris
Well, I mean, anymore, we don't really get cold till January, February, so.
00:38:27
swolesville
Yeah, yeah. You know, until things are freezing outside, then you can turn the heat on. It's got to keep the pipes warm. Which doesn't even work in my house because I close every door like a maniac. So there's no open doors in my house for the heat to go in there.
00:38:47
Chris
Wait. So you close off, like, the spare bedroom, your bedroom, bathrooms, all that?
00:38:52
swolesville
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
00:38:55
swolesville
I don't leave the house with the door open.
00:39:00
Chris
i The only door I keep closed in my house, other than like the coat closet, is the downstairs bathroom. Everything else stays open.
00:39:11
Chris
One, you gotta keep the air agitated. And two, if I come home and the doors are closed, how do I know whether or not somebody is hiding in my house?
00:39:22
swolesville
But you have a laundry room, right?
00:39:25
Chris
but it's bifold doors.
00:39:27
swolesville
Well, let's see. Yours is just bifolds.
00:39:29
swolesville
You keep the bifolds closed, but that that really could help you too much.
00:39:33
Chris
Yeah, oh no, I keep the bifolds closed, but yeah, like the upstairs bedrooms and all, now it's wide open.
00:39:35
swolesville
But like, you know, if there's a if there's a fire in my house, especially if i'm sorry I'm not home, I want it to be contained to the smallest area possible.
00:39:46
Chris
Yeah, I get that, but I don't want somebody to jump out and scare me.
00:39:50
swolesville
And I'm gonna say I've been doing this for a long time. I've never opened the door and gone, oh, that air is stale.
00:39:56
Chris
Oh, you've been in a, you have been to houses that have stale air.
00:40:01
swolesville
Yeah, but not my house.
00:40:04
Chris
Right. Because you're moving around it and you're agitating the air.
00:40:10
Chris
If you left one of your rooms closed off for a week and came back and came.
00:40:15
swolesville
I that all the time.
00:40:18
swolesville
Yeah, there's the door to my shop I don't open every week.
00:40:22
Chris
Yeah, see, I think your wife is opening it. and like flushing it out every now and again.
00:40:26
swolesville
You'd think my wife is going down to my shop, which has all the tools that she doesn't know how to use, oh and just opening the door and closing it.
00:40:36
Chris
Yeah, because she knows the air's gotta circulate.
00:40:40
swolesville
I don't think anybody knows this.
00:40:43
swolesville
This sounds like a Chris only knows this kind of thing.
00:40:46
Chris
No. Oh yeah. You gotta keep it moving.
00:40:50
swolesville
I mean, I'm sure your wife probably knows this.
00:40:52
Chris
Because that's how you get the bad humors in your soul.
00:41:00
swolesville
Yeah, the good old hubris.
00:41:03
swolesville
Um, yeah, I don't, I don't think it works like that.
00:41:08
Chris
yeah i like I like the feel of air movement, just a little bit of air movement.
00:41:09
swolesville
Could be wrong. I've been wrong about many things.
00:41:16
swolesville
Well, like when I was sleeping.
00:41:18
Chris
But yeah, like in the day,
00:41:20
swolesville
Like, just sitting around?
00:41:22
Chris
yeah Like right now, the room I'm sitting in doesn't have a ceiling fan, and it's just stifling.
00:41:30
swolesville
I don't even have ceiling fans in my downstairs anymore. I took them out.
00:41:37
swolesville
Because they were retarded. I was not supposed to say that word anymore. They were dumb.
00:41:42
swolesville
but The ceiling's only like an eight foot ceiling and they had ceiling fans. So like, you like like lost like another foot out of your ceiling.
00:41:50
swolesville
and You felt like who you were going to do jumping jacks out here, you're going to lose your hand.
00:41:55
swolesville
So, get rid of this.
00:41:56
Chris
Why are you doing jumping jacks underneath the ceiling fan?
00:41:59
swolesville
Because I like to work out down here.
00:42:02
Chris
They go to the side of it.
00:42:05
swolesville
Well, there were two of them and the room is is long, but it's not very wide.
00:42:12
swolesville
So there's not like space to do that.
00:42:14
Chris
do sideways jumping jacks.
00:42:17
swolesville
You could, you could do the jumping jacks in between the two of them, or you could just get rid of them.
00:42:19
Chris
yeah Or have the fans off when you're working out.
00:42:24
swolesville
Or you could just get rid of the ceiling fans, which seems like a much better plan.
00:42:29
Chris
See, now you have see yeah you're working out within stagnant air.
00:42:36
swolesville
It's not stacked in air.
00:42:37
Chris
that's that's that's why you get That's why you get that cold a few weeks ago.
00:42:43
swolesville
I don't live in a box covered in a bubble. but Air moves into your house just because you have a house. Do you saran wrap your house? What's going on over there?
00:42:59
Chris
No, but you don't want isolated air. It's not good.
00:43:05
swolesville
Boy, this really seems like you're about to tell me that you're going to start bleeding yourself with leeches or something.
00:43:05
Chris
All the air needs to mix and.
00:43:11
Chris
No, it's just crazy talk. There's no good leech people around anymore.
00:43:19
swolesville
Well, you got to breed your own leeches.
00:43:25
Chris
Seems like a lot of work.
00:43:28
swolesville
Yeah, it does.
00:43:31
Chris
He's got to have a whole aquarium set up, and and aquariums, they're fine for like a week.
00:43:42
Chris
After that, they just smell.
00:43:44
swolesville
Yeah, they're definitely one of those things I'm just like, this is just
00:43:50
swolesville
It's a waste of time and space.
00:43:52
Chris
Or like these little goldfish bowls used to be able to get that. Yeah, that was just a Petri dish waiting to happen.
00:43:58
swolesville
I didn't realize that stagnation was like one of your top worries in life.
00:44:00
Chris
They had no filter, no circulating water. They got stagnant.
00:44:14
swolesville
I think we've learned a lot about you today.
00:44:14
Chris
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's okay. If there's somebody out there keeping a diary, all the things going on in this head. Gosh.
00:44:27
swolesville
I feel like your wife needs none of these things.
00:44:29
Chris
Oh, she's here now, so I'm sure she's shaking her head in the other room.
00:44:33
swolesville
I should take the, take her birthday off.
00:44:38
Chris
That was three days ago.
00:44:42
swolesville
That's so you can tell how quickly, how much I check Facebook.
00:44:48
Chris
Yeah, yeah, I would say the heat fight battle, whatever. That's not as big one. It's the air conditioning one.
00:44:58
swolesville
Oh, see, that's an easy one. It can't be hot when you're sleeping.
00:45:07
swolesville
Well, are you talking about the other fight?
00:45:07
Chris
Like the way the weather's being crazy lately. What, that it's too cold.
00:45:13
swolesville
Well, no, the fight that my wife is, hey, it's 68 and gorgeous outside. Can we just open some windows inside of the air conditioner on? No, it's too hot. Or you can't have the windows.
00:45:22
Chris
When it's also all you're doing is you're letting all that pollen in.
00:45:27
swolesville
Who cares? That's how you get immune to the pollen.
00:45:34
Chris
Yeah, but then your whole house is covered in pollen, because especially that first couple of weeks in late spring, early summer, where we have the yellow clouds rolling through.
00:45:46
swolesville
That's really a lower shore thing. It doesn't happen as much up here. Yeah. You guys have crazy pollen.
00:45:57
swolesville
and And I feel like it's getting worse every year I'm down there.
00:46:02
Chris
It's because it's dry.
00:46:02
swolesville
but the pollen yeah When the runs off the streets, it's crazy to watch.
00:46:10
swolesville
you We always have the fight of opening the windows. I would sleep with the windows open every day and not my wife.
00:46:22
swolesville
Whatever windows can never open because that faces the neighbor's house.
00:46:27
Chris
oh So you don't want to hear them or.
00:46:28
swolesville
You can't have that window open for reasons that I don't know.
00:46:37
Chris
Do they smoke a lot?
00:46:38
swolesville
I think she's more worried that there might be secretly robbers.
00:46:43
swolesville
Everything comes down to getting robbed to her.
00:46:47
swolesville
Or somebody breaking into the house and doing things. I don't know what they're doing. Yeah.
00:46:53
Chris
Just moving around to hold little Chachkies in.
00:46:57
swolesville
Yeah. It's weird.
00:46:59
Chris
Did her house get broken into when she was a child?
00:47:02
swolesville
I don't think so.
00:47:04
swolesville
Not that I know of.
00:47:12
Chris
Hmm, that's interesting.
00:47:12
swolesville
it's It's weird. It's weird. And as much as I say, we live in a nice neighborhood and there's not robbers running around.
00:47:24
swolesville
And if they are, They're just going to come through the front door. They don't bring ladders and climb up into the second floor windows.
00:47:31
Chris
she Is she expecting like a 1950s cat burglar?
00:47:34
swolesville
I think so. Yeah.
00:47:39
Chris
yeah Well, because I mean, they drop from the sky and they land on the roof and they scurry down to the first window available.
00:47:54
Chris
Yeah, that's hu and it's a second floor window, isn't it?
00:47:58
swolesville
It is. It is.
00:48:00
Chris
Yeah, that's that's odd.
00:48:04
swolesville
Yeah. Hi. Yeah.
00:48:07
Chris
Yeah, actually, you can't open that window, you can't.
00:48:12
swolesville
It's got to have the standard. Stay there. I could see, you know, making sure the windows downstairs are closed.
00:48:21
swolesville
It's a ground level.
00:48:22
swolesville
I mean, they're literally on the ground.
00:48:25
swolesville
But I, ah the thing I don't want to tell her is if somebody really wanted to rig it in, they would just break the window.
00:48:34
swolesville
She also tells me that I have to sleep on the outside of the bed, like towards the door so that, you know, if someone does come in, then I'll have, I'll deal with them before she will. Like, so you want them to kill, so you want them to kill me.
00:48:44
Chris
Oh no, it's backwards in this house. Yep. Yeah.
00:48:49
swolesville
Well, that's what I said. I said, no, they should deal with you. So I have more time to get ready for fight so I can take care of the problem.
00:48:54
Chris
Exactly. Yep, that's the thing.
00:48:56
Chris
it Yeah, it's going to take me a couple seconds to really get up and get in that fighting mood.
00:49:00
swolesville
Yeah, I need that extra couple seconds to go, what? Huh?
00:49:06
swolesville
My body's not fine tuning to wake up from a dead sleep and do crazy critical thinking and oh wait.
00:49:16
Chris
Oh, I can do critical thinking, but I can't fight as soon as I wake up. It's going to be ugly.
00:49:23
Chris
I have a couple seconds to just so center, and then it's go time.
00:49:26
swolesville
And then you make the comment, well then let's make the dog sleep out in the living room and then they'll be there to warn us. Dogs can't sleep in the living room. Come on.
00:49:37
Chris
but I mean, that's your first. If there's anything that moves in this house, the dogs freak out. So that's that's the first line of defense.
00:49:47
swolesville
A robber could steal my dog so they wouldn't wake up.
00:49:56
swolesville
could literally stuff them into a sack and walk them away and they probably would wake up.
00:50:03
Chris
Just give them a cookie and yeah, they would just have a lot of treats into the bag scoop them up It's like the cartoons where the robber brings in like the t-bone steak and sets it there and
00:50:06
swolesville
Yeah. Yep, they wouldn't even if you put a pillow in the bottom, Atticus wouldn't even wake up. Telling you. The dog is useless because the guard dog.
00:50:30
swolesville
100% is how it would go.
00:50:33
Chris
Yeah. Yeah. In this house, a cheese stick. I'm dead.
00:50:41
swolesville
That would be, yeah, that's saying the same with dogs. I don't know what the answer to this problem is.
00:50:48
swolesville
Maybe a third dog that actually has to protect the house.
00:50:55
swolesville
But, you know.
00:50:58
Chris
Like, do you just keep it how it is? out Well, you need to switch it, so she takes the first hit.
00:51:06
swolesville
Yeah, I've tried.
00:51:08
Chris
it's yeah Just you want to rearrange the bedroom.
00:51:08
swolesville
She won't do it.
00:51:11
swolesville
Her excuse is it's...
Domestic Logic and Monster Myths
00:51:17
swolesville
Yeah, I tried that too. Her excuse again was, it's just weird, and I need you by the door.
00:51:25
Chris
Interesting. interesting
00:51:28
swolesville
So, when the robber kills me, you all are aware of what happened.
00:51:39
swolesville
Well, like I said, that was a small topic, so we want a topic too.
00:51:41
Chris
Yeah. Sure. Topic two. This again, something I was thinking about during my ride last night. Why is it that so many of the classic monsters. They multiplied or spread or whatever through bites.
00:52:01
Chris
So you get bit by a zombie, turn into a zombie. You get bit by a vampire, turn into a vampire. You get bit by a werewolf, turn into a werewolf. It's always a bite.
00:52:10
swolesville
Technically, that's not how you become a zombie, but that's cool.
00:52:16
swolesville
In the original Nihiliving Dead, you turned into a zombie when you died.
00:52:19
swolesville
It didn't matter how you died, you just died.
00:52:22
Chris
Yeah. Yeah, because everybody had the virus in them or something.
00:52:29
Chris
But yeah, vampires and werewolves.
00:52:29
swolesville
And vampires don't... Well, werewolves, definitely.
00:52:35
swolesville
But vampires gotta give you its blood to make you it was a vampire, right?
00:52:39
Chris
but There's a bite involved.
00:52:42
swolesville
well you also typically there was that whole repressed victorian sex thing going on with the gothic vampires right oh yeah 100 yeah branch stroker and mary shelly all those guys right in those gothic horrors back in the 1800s repressed victorian sex problems well i think uh that's the part of it yeah
00:52:52
Chris
Is that what it was? Okay.
00:53:06
Chris
Say they weren't allowed to kiss?
00:53:14
Chris
Okay, that makes a lot more sense, but...
00:53:17
swolesville
It was definitely a sexual part of Dracula too, you know, that whole thing.
00:53:27
swolesville
I mean, they are the coolest of all.
00:53:30
Chris
And why is it always the neck?
00:53:35
swolesville
Yeah, I only think about that too, like, like a zombie bite. It's really hard to pierce skin. Right? Like if you try to really bite somebody, you would be really hard pressed to bite through their skin.
00:53:51
swolesville
I don't know if you could.
00:53:51
Chris
No, you can do it. Yes, you can, because kids can bite like maniacs.
00:54:01
swolesville
I just feel like it'd be really tough to get through, especially somebody who's moving and trying to fight you.
00:54:06
swolesville
I feel like they'd be tough.
00:54:08
Chris
Yeah, that part. but I mean, um I know you've taken people to the hospital because they got bitten by somebody.
00:54:18
swolesville
Like, that had a piece of flesh taken out of him.
00:54:21
Chris
Yeah, it breaks the skin.
00:54:25
swolesville
Yeah, I guess that's fair.
00:54:25
Chris
and And what does that tell you about, you know, humans, that a human bite is worse than a dog bite?
00:54:31
swolesville
Wow. Yeah. Dogs eat poop.
00:54:35
Chris
Yeah, yeah they use their tongue as a toilet paper, but
00:54:40
swolesville
Yeah. I mean, wolf may make sense, right? Because wolf man is partial wolf.
00:54:46
swolesville
A wolf bites you, that's gonna tear your ass up.
00:54:48
swolesville
It's got better teeth for it.
00:54:52
swolesville
We don't really have tearing teeth.
00:54:52
Chris
Yeah. Yeah, their teeth are built to hold on and tear.
00:54:56
swolesville
Yeah. Our teeth don't really puncture.
00:55:01
Chris
Yeah. Well, it's like if you look at the like the anatomy of the human mouth, even with the extended canines like they always do for vampires, I don't think it's going to work well.
00:55:16
swolesville
No, yeah, yeah.
00:55:20
swolesville
Well, also, like, the neck's such a hard spot to get to.
00:55:25
swolesville
It'd be easier to get through, like, you know, brachial artery or radial artery or something that's...
00:55:32
Chris
Yeah, like pinch right on the trapezius or something.
00:55:34
swolesville
Man, it's real hard to get to the jugular.
00:55:40
swolesville
It's kind of a reason, like, we don't really practice jugular tourniqueting.
00:55:49
Chris
Yeah. We were talking about that side tangent ah yesterday that hardly anybody does an EJ anymore.
00:55:59
swolesville
Yeah. Yeah. It's well, I always kind of replace that world, right?
00:56:06
swolesville
It's the same thing we had conversation conversation about. Nobody ever really does nasal intubation anymore because CPAP took care of that.
00:56:12
Chris
Yeah, CPAP took care of that.
00:56:15
swolesville
You know, EJ always did feel barbaric.
00:56:19
swolesville
Doesn't it feel a little barbaric?
00:56:23
Chris
a little yeah well nine times out of ten the person was unconscious or in cardiac arrest so it's really easy you're you're right at the head you're ventilating you just bag bag move that to the side oh look there's ej boop the hardest part was always getting it taped down
00:56:23
swolesville
Like I'm going to stick this needle in your neck, hold still.
00:56:33
swolesville
sure sure but now it's yeah yes and then all inevitably the head would move and occlude the yeah and you get blood everywhere then you you have the vampire going oh
00:56:53
Chris
Hm. Oh, gosh. Or if it dislodged. Oh, that was bad. Yeah. Yeah.
00:57:06
Chris
Maybe that's the thing. Yeah, if you've got a medic who does nothing but EJs, watch him.
00:57:13
swolesville
They only work nightshifts. They only do EJs.
00:57:15
Chris
Oh, gosh. I'm going to run stats when I get to work next week. Yeah.
00:57:21
swolesville
yeah who who Who's done the most EJs?
00:57:26
swolesville
I've got some garlic parm for you to try.
00:57:26
Chris
Yeah. well and and who's Well, that and who's done the most EJs between 1900 and 0600.
00:57:37
Chris
Yeah. Hey, what are you guys having for dinner tonight?
00:57:38
swolesville
Each day's my hour.
00:57:40
Chris
Garlic bread? Hmm. Yeah.
00:57:48
swolesville
I mean, it would be a good job for a vampire to have.
00:57:52
Chris
I mean, I guess you they would have a good sense of where to go.
00:57:56
swolesville
Well, I mean, they'd cover the nightshifts, which nobody wants to cover.
00:58:02
swolesville
They wouldn't have any problem being up at night.
00:58:05
swolesville
super humanly strong, so you wouldn't be calling for medical assist all the time, so the engine guys would be happy.
00:58:12
swolesville
Um, never get cold, never get hot.
00:58:19
swolesville
We don't have any, well, we do have one river, so they would have to figure out where it's the city to put all over.
00:58:25
Chris
Yeah. Gosh, is that what we do? Put higher vampires for the night shift and werewolves for the day shift?
00:58:36
swolesville
I always feel like a world could have been a cop.
00:58:40
swolesville
You know, that's kind of a cop thing.
00:58:40
Chris
Hey. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because sniff it, drug sniffing and all that.
00:58:47
swolesville
You know, chasing people down, drug sniffing, you know, full moon you go crazy.
00:58:49
Chris
Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
00:58:58
swolesville
trash and donuts basically the same.
00:59:03
Chris
Wait, is it werewolf or were raccoon?
00:59:07
swolesville
I mean, cops are basically raccoons now.
00:59:09
Chris
Yeah. Can any mammal be wearized?
00:59:18
swolesville
ah i I don't think it has to be a mammal.
00:59:23
swolesville
Well, what's an owl bear? Is that a bear who's been weared owl or an owl that's been weared bear?
00:59:30
Chris
I just thought it was a weird amalgamation of the two, not any were-izing.
00:59:35
Chris
These are just, you know, a were-bear, were-rat.
00:59:37
swolesville
I think it's definitely werebears. Just werebears coyotes.
00:59:50
Chris
where You can't have a were-skink, though, like a lizard.
00:59:52
swolesville
Oh, size problem. You can't wear cats because that's a rakshasha, right?
01:00:05
Chris
Oh yeah, when they've got the weird backwards hands, right?
01:00:07
swolesville
Yeah. Yeah. Because they're cats. And they have a cold name like Rakshasa. ah Uh...
01:00:19
swolesville
Yeah, I don't know. I guess there's no were-lizards. There's no were-crocodiles.
01:00:26
swolesville
I guess because they're not cold- they're cold-blooded and they're just not warm-blooded.
01:00:31
Chris
Well, I don't know though, because so where creatures from across the web, werewolf, were bear, were tiger, were ape, were fox, were crocodile, were fish, were shark.
01:00:47
Chris
Oh my God, there you go.
01:00:51
swolesville
Wait, so you got to get bit by the where shark to become ah wear a where shark.
01:00:59
swolesville
And what do you do if you're a where shark and you're in, it's the full moon and you're not near the water.
01:01:04
Chris
Yeah, I don't know. Keep moving.
01:01:10
Chris
Yeah. Where's Spacy?
01:01:12
swolesville
Like just drop them off in the middle of Topeka, Kansas.
01:01:14
swolesville
And you'd be like, okay, well you're thousands of miles from the ocean.
01:01:23
swolesville
Yeah, that would suck.
01:01:26
Chris
Yeah, Harley's going to throw up only mammals.
01:01:33
swolesville
Well, clearly not if there's more sharks.
01:01:34
Chris
Most but not all true lycanthropes are mammals.
01:01:39
Chris
It can be very rarely a reptile bird or fish.
01:01:44
swolesville
But again, what happens if you're at the full moon and you're not in the water?
01:01:45
Chris
Well, I would assume you would know the cycle and stay near the water when the moon's coming on.
01:01:51
swolesville
What if somebody takes you away from the water and you can't, you know, you can't get to the water?
01:02:00
swolesville
That seems bad.
01:02:02
Chris
Yeah, but... I would assume you'd still be able to breathe oxygen, you know, breathe air.
01:02:07
swolesville
Deep right, could you?
01:02:11
swolesville
Is there a shark now?
01:02:11
Chris
It depends on how full wearized you are.
01:02:14
swolesville
That's fair. That's fair.
01:02:19
swolesville
I mean, werebear is the best use of the were because it rhymes.
01:02:20
Chris
Oh, he's still there.
01:02:27
swolesville
And you're a bear. Werebear.
01:02:31
Chris
Oh, I lost you for a second.
01:02:34
swolesville
Werewolf. I think weretiger is probably the second best.
01:02:40
swolesville
Yeah. Where fish sounds like there's real, you're front with real danger there because
01:02:49
swolesville
again, water your biggest weakness. Well, you're the Aquaman of the lycanthropes.
01:02:55
Chris
Yeah. You like run upstairs, filling up the bathtub?
01:02:59
swolesville
Yeah. Like you're the Aquaman of the lycanthropes. Oh guys, I can really help out on this adventure. As long as we're close to the water, do you need any water related stuff done?
01:03:10
Chris
Yeah. When that's a thing, yeah, especially with Aquamet, you've got to be so close to the water. It's like, take Ocean City, for example. If somebody is committing crimes or whatever on the boardwalk, you're not going to be able to help.
01:03:22
swolesville
No, you're yeah you're useless.
01:03:23
Chris
There's a big, yeah, yeah.
01:03:25
Chris
It's like, bring them over here to the shallows. No.
01:03:31
swolesville
Aquaman outside of water is just a dude.
01:03:35
swolesville
In a weird outfit.
01:03:39
swolesville
yeah To go faster.
01:03:40
Chris
Yeah. And you would think that he would keep his head shaved being underwater all the time.
01:03:49
Chris
but To faster, so he doesn't get algae in his hair.
01:03:55
Chris
You know, he's got to have some krill and all kinds of things living in that head of hair.
01:03:59
swolesville
Oh, he smells terrible. A hundred percent.
01:04:02
swolesville
A hundred percent. Yeah.
01:04:04
Chris
Yeah. They just sitting there, let the remora clean me.
01:04:13
swolesville
Yeah, no, he's he's he's terrible.
01:04:21
swolesville
The fact that they tried to make with two movies about that character isn't seen.
01:04:26
Chris
Yeah. and They didn't try. They did.
01:04:28
swolesville
Well, okay. They did make two movies with this, but it's the same.
01:04:31
Chris
Yeah. The fact that they made the second one is the craziest.
01:04:39
swolesville
Because again, everything he does cannot involve 99% of the people in the world.
01:04:52
swolesville
And he has sex with fish.
01:04:55
Chris
He denies it, but yes, he does.
01:04:57
swolesville
Well, I'm sure he denies it, but... I've seen Peacekeeper. I know what happens. Peacemaker. Whatever it was. The John Cena one.
01:05:14
swolesville
That's one of the best lines in that show is, you just keep making stuff up about every superhero. Except for the Agra way of having sex with
Aquaman's Superhero Limitations
01:05:22
swolesville
fish thing. That's true.
01:05:30
swolesville
And why would you even want him on the Justice League? What good does he do you on all of your missions? Hey, Akrame, we're going to space.
01:05:38
swolesville
All right, I'll stay here and keep the fish happy.
01:05:49
swolesville
Not DC's finest moment.
01:05:53
swolesville
Because like you had other characters who could have taken his spot, you could have had the Green Arrow.
01:05:59
swolesville
Could have had Flash, right? Because Flash wasn't originally in the Justice League.
01:06:08
Chris
I thought it was Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Aquaman, and flat in the yeah Green Lantern.
01:06:11
swolesville
I'm trying to think back to the old cartoon. and I don't remember Flash being in it.
01:06:19
swolesville
Could have had Green Lantern. Well, you know, he's busy.
01:06:26
Chris
Yeah, I guess Aquaman was on there just in case something happened in the water. Maybe it was one of those things.
01:06:31
swolesville
Put a scuba tank on.
01:06:31
Chris
like they but But maybe, maybe they got a government kickback because they let a disadvantaged superhero on the team.
01:06:47
Chris
that's That's how they did it.
01:06:47
swolesville
But like Superman doesn't need to breathe air so he could just go underwater.
01:06:55
swolesville
Right. Cause he goes in space.
01:07:00
swolesville
Yeah, it's true.
01:07:02
swolesville
ah Bruce Wayne is always looking for a tax shelter.
01:07:03
Chris
Yeah. Bruce Wayne was like, exactly. Yeah. He was like, OK, look, guys, we bring this guy on the team. We're not going to pay taxes and the government's going to fund us a little bit.
01:07:12
swolesville
Yeah, that's a fair point. I didn't think of the tax code.
01:07:18
swolesville
ha Poor Aquarius.
01:07:18
Chris
Yeah. Operation floaty.
01:07:26
swolesville
And the crazier part is that Marvel was like, you guys got Aquaman, we got Prince Namor. Namor, what the hell his name is.
01:07:32
Chris
Yeah. And he's got wings on his ankles.
01:07:37
swolesville
Yeah. And then they like tried to make him like a badass. It was real right real bad.
01:07:47
swolesville
Yeah. Again, scuba tanks exist, submarines exist. We don't need Aquaman.
01:07:56
Chris
Yeah. Yeah. Go do your little bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup somewhere else.
01:08:05
Chris
Well, I think that was quite the podcast.
01:08:09
swolesville
I don't know how we got to Aquaman sucking, but boy did we end up there.
01:08:13
Chris
Oh, yeah. Breakfully so.
01:08:15
swolesville
Right. release Yeah. 100%.
01:08:19
Chris
Folks, don't forget to send us diagrams of how you think Centaur sleep.
01:08:24
swolesville
Well, no, we want, we want photographic evidence of Centaur sleeping.
01:08:28
swolesville
We don't want just drawings.
01:08:31
swolesville
need real centaurs or join the discord group and other than that keep your heat off for another two months
01:08:31
Chris
Yeah, photographs are better. Yes. Yeah, find them. Find them. Find us on Twitter at celitra22. And yeah.
01:08:49
Chris
Two more months, folks.