Transcript
The Whole Ballgame: Albert Bell's cork bat game in 1994 remains one of baseball's most aggressively unhinged moments. When umpires seized his bat, Cleveland didn't protest politely. They launched a heist movie.
The Whole Ballgame: Jason Grimsley ceiling-crawled like a budget action hero to swap out the evidence while Bell acted like a man deeply offended that anyone would question his perfectly normal, extremely explosive bat.
The Whole Ballgame: The suspension that followed felt less like justice and more like a parent grounding a kid who definitely knows what he did and would absolutely do it again. Then Major League Baseball decided to cancel Christmas.
The Whole Ballgame: About a month later, 1994 strike wiped out the World Series and replaced joy with press conferences, legal jargon, and a deep sense of betrayal.
The Whole Ballgame: Fans were left staring at December calendars with nothing but resentment and reruns, wondering how a sport built on nostalgia could so casually torch its own traditions.
The Whole Ballgame: No October drama, no champions, just a lump of coal wrapped in a collective bargaining agreement. If baseball were Santa, it left the country on red.
The Whole Ballgame: Which is why Albert Bell ends up feeling like a twisted version of Santa Claus himself. He brought gifts, towering home runs, fear, destruction, but only on his terms, and he looked furious the entire time.
The Whole Ballgame: Bell didn't spread cheer, he enforced it. Lurking in the shadows of this holiday nightmare is the entirely fictional villain, Rick.
The Whole Ballgame: A weird, unsettling baseball goblin abandoned in Fenville like a cursed elf on the shelf no one asked for. Rick exists only to remind us that 1994 baseball was chaotic, slightly cursed, and populated by characters who felt less like athletes and more like urban legends whispered during a lockout.
The Whole Ballgame: Two more sleeps till Christmas. How we doing, Blakers?
uncleStinky : ho ho ho over here it's santi claus it's a joey a butterfugo over here over yeah
The Whole Ballgame: Where is he?
The Whole Ballgame: Been a minute. my
uncleStinky : what was that what was that about the elf rick you went on a weird tangent there at the end and
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I, you know, I think Gabe believed that I was going to be ah along along for the ride, as it were, for his new his new location, his new home.
The Whole Ballgame: But, um hey hey, Blake, Have you ever seen the movie Cape Fear?
uncleStinky : I
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, I learned a trick or two and and they have that new minivan and there's a lot of extra things to hold on to up underneath that sum gun.
uncleStinky : Oh, okay.
The Whole Ballgame: And so when when Jamie brought the baby over, I went ahead and s smuggled myself underneath the minivan and slept in the garage for a day or two. But, you know, the the green couch is back in the office the way it should be.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: You can see a little sliver of it there in Gabe's video.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I did. it Yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: And that's where I've been staying. Yeah.
uncleStinky : How you like the new place?
The Whole Ballgame: he he thought He thought he was going to get away with leaving me in that basement, but a
uncleStinky : probably misunderstanding.
The Whole Ballgame: no no, I don't think so. i Look, he he tied me to the the the the ceiling in the basement with ah with an old extension cord, so I'm pretty sure pretty sure it was on purpose, but...
uncleStinky : Well, that might have been the day he was worried about the rapture.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, that could be too, I guess. I guess I could give him the benefit of the doubt. But ah when the new owners found out that the basement leaked to the way that it did and the realtor emailed Gabe to ask him about it, and he said, no, it never happened to me.
uncleStinky : Didn't want lose you. Uh-huh.
uncleStinky : Oh. No, it didn't.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
uncleStinky : Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: What?
uncleStinky : a
uncleStinky : no it didn't
The Whole Ballgame: I told him, I said, you either let me come there and stay or I'm going to tell them all your dirty little secrets.
uncleStinky : a
The Whole Ballgame: And so here I am with the family.
uncleStinky : ah
The Whole Ballgame: the The Christmas tree is all lit up and Gabe can look at it and presents underneath it. And he can't wait to see that little girl. ah
uncleStinky : Oh no.
The Whole Ballgame: okay
uncleStinky : Spreading like a virus.
The Whole Ballgame: There it is. How's everybody doing?
uncleStinky : Oh, it's just me, so I guess we're fine.
uncleStinky : Oh baby, thanks for asking.
The Whole Ballgame: I expect, I, i that's that.
uncleStinky : Did you hear they got my megaphone back, Gabe?
The Whole Ballgame: There it is. They did. They found your megaphone, Jimmy.
uncleStinky : Oh baby.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm so excited for you.
uncleStinky : I can dance again for Christmas.
The Whole Ballgame: Keep on dancing, baby. Uh, it's, it's what we're here for.
uncleStinky : Oh...
The Whole Ballgame: Uh, we're here for the whole ball game is what we're here for. And,
uncleStinky : I'm not too happy if anybody gives a shit.
The Whole Ballgame: Charlie, if if I may be so bold, I'm pretty sure I give more more care about you than just about anybody else on this phone call, including myself.
uncleStinky : Did you see my friend Juan Cena's last match?
The Whole Ballgame: no No, I did not. I did not watch it. I saw the end of it, but I didn't watch the the match itself. No, what happened?
uncleStinky : He wrestled Andre the Giant and won
The Whole Ballgame: Wow, that's pretty exciting, especially considering Andre's been dead for more than 20 years. Pretty good.
uncleStinky : has never been much of a wrestler. He's always been more of a like a Mexican tuxedo salesman. But I didn't even really know he did it, to be honest with you. but ah how I turned the TV on and there he was with Andre the Giant.
uncleStinky : But did you know they opened it all and me go back up out east?
The Whole Ballgame: heard I heard, heard, I heard that they, they moved into another, another unit there in the, the bad mall, right?
uncleStinky : No, that's a good mall. They closed the bad mall down. Bad mall's closed.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, they closed the bad mall down.
uncleStinky : It's all gone, Gabe. It's all gone. No more. No more chair massages.
The Whole Ballgame: That's really upsetting.
uncleStinky : But El Emigo has moved to east with the Toys R Us. I went there with Blake and his boy couple weekends ago. It was okay. It's just a bunch of shelves and shit.
uncleStinky : set up in and and and all
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, we gotta to we we got one here too. It's a place called Great Lakes Crossing that used to be like a ah a big Mills style mall, you know, just a giant one.
The Whole Ballgame: There's a Toys R Us in there and it's it's like three aisles of of racks and that's that's it.
uncleStinky : The pervert behind the counter said next year they're gonna get permanent shelling. I don't know. Maybe I can get a job there.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, look, if they got a warehouse, Charlie, I'm sure you'd fit right in.
uncleStinky : No, fuck that. I'd be like Jeffrey the Giraffe. I'd be Charlie the Cock. Come by your toys there, little kids. It's Charlie the Cock. I don't know.
uncleStinky : We'll work on it.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, I think that needs a little workshop in Charles.
uncleStinky : How about I said that, we go go with
uncleStinky : Huff's house. Or Huff Daddy. Or maybe Hung Daddy. That's right. You call me Hung Daddy. Come on down to Hung Daddy toys. Don't worry.
uncleStinky : We ain't going to hang your kids or your daddy. We ain't Christmas in the wild.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, boy.
uncleStinky : Happy, happy holidays, gay, Merry Christmas. Put that stupid hand on.
The Whole Ballgame: Thank you, Charles.
uncleStinky : You look like a pervert.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, ah
The Whole Ballgame: Chad Ream is my new neighbor.
uncleStinky : Oh, that's very unsettling.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, good. You froze for a second. I was a little worried about what was happening there.
uncleStinky : I'm always freezing.
uncleStinky : I'm ice cold, baby.
The Whole Ballgame: yeah
The Whole Ballgame: I suppose a knuckleballer's got to be ice cold, right? gotta have Got to have a certain amount of ice water in your veins to be able to throw that slow, right?
uncleStinky : too hot to handle Duke of the hole Gabe alright Merry Christmas y'all Merry Christmas Adam trying to keep Florida respectable
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm. Sure.
The Whole Ballgame: that where Adam is? Is Adam in Florida?
uncleStinky : he's down in he's down in the shit
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, boy. Well, Florida man, thank you for listening. ah This ballgame we're watching, it's going to be a Chicago broadcast. So we've got Hawk and Wimpy on the call.
uncleStinky : Yes.
The Whole Ballgame: And if you've already loaded it up, the the
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, the link. That was the word I was looking for. Jesus Christ. Link is in the the show notes down underneath. And it's our good friends that this is where you find baseball on YouTube. we got the whole game here. So excited about that. um Wimpy looking as only a a victim of sexual abuse can. Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: And Hawk taking full advantage of Wimpy's desire to keep him firm and erect throughout the ballgame.
uncleStinky : You can put it on the board. Yes.
The Whole Ballgame: Looks like we missed out on it too, but they have a link in the show notes there to um a saber retrospective on the corked bat game, which is interesting. We'll have to read that as we go along here, and we'll get a we'll get our good friend Albert Joey Buttafuoco over here Bell's response as we we go. That sounds good to you.
uncleStinky : Don't worry, Gabe. I'm not driving tonight.
The Whole Ballgame: Wonderful. I love this for us. So head on over to the...
uncleStinky : I'm flying.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, of course you are.
uncleStinky : The flying horse, Gabe, brought to you this week.
The Whole Ballgame: That's wonderful.
The Whole Ballgame: Ah.
uncleStinky : If the horse ain't flying, you ain't trying. Over here.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, before we get into the ballgame, though, you and I were texting back and forth, not not Joey, but but Blake, about the yourre you' your home team, your Kansas City Chiefs leaving town ah come 2031.
uncleStinky : Oh yeah. Yep.
The Whole Ballgame: How do you feel about that Or do you feel about that?
uncleStinky : I do not. I do not engage in those feelings anymore. But two, two, i ask you one question. One question only.
uncleStinky : Have you seen Clark Hunt's face?
The Whole Ballgame: No. Is that Lamar Hunt's son?
uncleStinky : Yes, he's he's the owner.
The Whole Ballgame: Got it.
uncleStinky : He's been the owner for however fucking long Lamar's been dead and whoever.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Look, I'm going to send you his face, all right?
The Whole Ballgame: Please send me his face.
uncleStinky : And then i will ask you the question, why are you surprised by any of this? Okay?
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : So it's coming at you, all right?
The Whole Ballgame: Here we go.
uncleStinky : coming from over here over there Abba!
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, okay. Well, there you go. There's the answer. It's the only answer we really needed, isn't it?
uncleStinky : Yeah. um And I believe it's Yeah, there's a weird...
The Whole Ballgame: Is he wearing lipstick?
uncleStinky : There's something weird with his lips, man. i don't know what's going on.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm. Yep.
uncleStinky : um I'm not sure if it's the wife or his daughter. but she's going, no, yes, yes, yes, yes.
The Whole Ballgame: No, no, no, that's him.
uncleStinky : They're very androgynous family. Bizarre even. um But one of them is like speaking or did speak at the, I think at the, ah or I don't know, or they were pimping out the fucking Turning Point usa halftime show or whatever.
The Whole Ballgame: No, for fuck's sake.
uncleStinky : Yeah, so, so what what I will say
The Whole Ballgame: That's great. Jesus Christ almighty.
uncleStinky : I find particularly kind of just sleazy as fuck. Like, this team just went to five fucking Super Bowls.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah,
uncleStinky : And, i like, don't get me wrong, too. This, they're moving, like, fucking 10 to 15 miles away, maybe. This is not a...
The Whole Ballgame: yeah it's not like it's a huge deal. It's just what people don't realize is that it's the border is right there, right?
uncleStinky : No, like...
uncleStinky : I, to me, the... who I don't give it Yeah, like, it doesn't fucking matter whether it's... I think it's...
The Whole Ballgame: Are they going to be in Kansas City, Kansas, like proper?
uncleStinky : It's gonna be in Wyandotte County, whatever the fuck that...
The Whole Ballgame: Or is it? Wind out. Okay. Yeah.
uncleStinky : So, I don't know what falls in there, but it's all fucking... All the suburbs, fucking Olathe, which is where they're going to put the goddamn training facility and all the other bullshit. That's where I was just fucking at.
uncleStinky : Like, that...
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : That thing's gotten scary. Like, fuck, there's so much shit out there now that it wasn't there, but Um, so anyway, like again, this shit's all like within 10, 15 miles of, so, but you know, could you bitch about it? Could you complain about it? Sure.
uncleStinky : is it with everything else considered really in the grand scheme of things? No. Cause like fuck dude, Arrowhead lasted forever. And should they leave there? I don't think so. It's pretty fucking awesome. It's unique. It's, uh,
uncleStinky : I mean, it's still...
The Whole Ballgame: Kind of the last one left.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I mean, the Bears are leaving, right?
The Whole Ballgame: Well, yeah, I mean, that was the thing. I was going to bring that up. Now now they're talking about Northwest Indiana.
uncleStinky : Yeah, like, it it's all gross.
The Whole Ballgame: maya My neck of the woods.
uncleStinky : Like, this is late-stage capitalism shit, man.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. Yeah, it is.
uncleStinky : This is fucking garbage. So...
The Whole Ballgame: think we said that to each other earlier today. That's exactly what this is. It's the same old shit. Just another another song on the same radio station.
uncleStinky : It's just like, you know, you look at...
The Whole Ballgame: Hot Dick 105.
uncleStinky : Yes, that's right on there. Hot D 105.
uncleStinky : Five. But the, ah you know, like in baseball, you got the A's leaving, you know, they're dog shit, they suck and whatever.
The Whole Ballgame: and pop
uncleStinky : And then here, it's like, you know, and I get it again, not leaving town, but, you know, a fucking team... moving on for a better deal that just was like a goddamn dynasty.
uncleStinky : So, yeah
The Whole Ballgame: This man is a ghoul. Like this guy's face is a real problem.
uncleStinky : ah
The Whole Ballgame: I didn't realize it was this much of a problem.
uncleStinky : I feel like his father would probably disapprove of this. But...
The Whole Ballgame: What are you going to do? It's, you know, time marches on, right? That's what Tracy Lawrence would say.
uncleStinky : Look, I think about the only thing is for certain in each generation is like the the wealthiest, most powerful men of each generation just get a little fucking worse, probably.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. The only thing that's for sure about staying is nothing's for sure.
uncleStinky : Happily put.
The Whole Ballgame: Go ahead and head over to the, uh, the link there in the show notes and we'll get this game underway so that we're not too terribly exhausted for work tomorrow. Uh, not that we're either of us is going to do too much work tomorrow, but, um, you know, it's late.
The Whole Ballgame: What do you want from us? Um, I suppose what you're paying for. So here it comes. Uh, We're going to hit play in you have it up, right?
uncleStinky : I do.
The Whole Ballgame: Three, two, one, play. Yeah, it's back. Thank you.
The Whole Ballgame: They're on Sports Channel in Chicago.
The Whole Ballgame: We had one of those little black boxes on top of the TV with the the rotary dial, the clicky dial thing.
uncleStinky : Not. Uh
uncleStinky : huh. Uh huh.
The Whole Ballgame: That's how we would find Sports Channel.
uncleStinky : I was always jealous that i could not get Sports Channel.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, fascinating, too. Sports Channel was like the earliest version of those those local sports networks where it's like the same network in 30 cities, except they just have local sports.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
uncleStinky : Right. Yeah, I was always, a think we might have mentioned this, but. My sister had a satellite and they would get the sports channels. Oh Jesus, this guy's on cocaine.
The Whole Ballgame: there's a guy There's a guy with a problem.
uncleStinky : Speaking of a problem.
The Whole Ballgame: Black Jack McDowell on the on the bump, getting the start tonight, looking like a fucking long, long eraser pencil.
uncleStinky : Looking like he's heading out to the theater for the premiere of Singles.
The Whole Ballgame: Or threesome.
uncleStinky : Yeah, there you go.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Some other movie that's got Ethan Hawke and Janine Garofalo in it.
The Whole Ballgame: I went to and went to the movies last night ah by myself after the kid and it the kids went to bed. ah fuck. ah and saw
uncleStinky : That's good.
The Whole Ballgame: And saw The Housemaid with Sydney Sweeney.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: And, you know, she takes her tits out, which is really all she's good for.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Sure.
The Whole Ballgame: um But it was it was a real twisty piece of shit.
uncleStinky : Fucking whore.
The Whole Ballgame: A real terrible movie, but I didn't see you coming what came. So that's good.
uncleStinky : Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: And then I came. So it was good. Good, good all in all.
uncleStinky : Did you do it in the theater? Departed style?
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah, of course.
uncleStinky : withp Whip out and fucking...
The Whole Ballgame: For front row.
The Whole Ballgame: I did. I groaned exactly like that. It was a 1020 screening. i was the only one in the the theater, so I felt comfortable enough.
uncleStinky : sure? Sure. I better do these lineups.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : We got Lofton incentive. Iskale at short by Arrogate. Second. Albert over here. Eddie Murray DH-ing Jim Tomey third. Sandy Alomar behind the plate. Paul Sorrento at first. And Wayne Kirby.
uncleStinky : Who's that fuck? Who am I thinking? Wayne Brady. God damn it. That's what i was trying to get. i couldn't get it. Fuck. Next time.
The Whole Ballgame: Jack McDowell on the bump with his ah his gold MLB logo on his right shoulder. Boy, he was he was a lot skinnier than I just i remember in my brain.
uncleStinky : The one dog. Reigns, Johnson, and Jackson on the outfield. Ventura, Guillen, Martine, the Big Hurt, Black Jack on the mound. And behind the plate, the the assassin that kicked off the World War himself, Ron Karkavise.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm really glad he brought that up, Blake.
uncleStinky : I am too.
The Whole Ballgame: I gotta tell you, it's, you know, what people don't remember about the Archduke Ferdinand is that that he was really, you man, he loved sluts.
uncleStinky : Right.
uncleStinky : Oh, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, ultimately, that was his undoing. I learned pretty quickly that he had a soft spot for big breasted women and tight bodied boys.
The Whole Ballgame: And so, yeah, you know, Hey, back then, most of these guys in the, in the, the, the area around Turkey, you know, like the middle, middle East, they didn't, they didn't give a shit about nothing.
uncleStinky : Oh, OK.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, they didn't care about morals or morality or what was right or wrong. And just, uh, they're a bunch of, uh, bunch of hedonists. that's That's the word I would use for it.
uncleStinky : Did somebody say something about Turkey?
The Whole Ballgame: I say, Blake, I got to tell you, I don't appreciate it when you you jump on here and you start flapping your gums, moving your little cock gobbler around like like you know like you know who I am.
uncleStinky : ah Hey, easy there.
uncleStinky : Oh, dang, dude.
The Whole Ballgame: who
The Whole Ballgame: yeah
uncleStinky : a Christmas came twice for Adam.
The Whole Ballgame: I got to tell you, between that cock-of-eye character and this old Southern gentleman, my throat's going to be real tore up in the morning.
uncleStinky : Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, well, we all make our choices.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, God, what is that face on Gabe's phone? Who's that wearing lipstick? I don't want to appreciate it. Get that out of my face.
uncleStinky : Well, yeah, you appreciate it. That's a fellow. he's a sport He's a sports owner, Marvin.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, well, I was a sport.
uncleStinky : That's...
The Whole Ballgame: I wasn't a sports owner. I wanted to be, but but I guess ah if a prerequisite is wearing lipstick like that as a man, and I'm glad I never was.
uncleStinky : I know.
uncleStinky : You probably knew his daddy. Lamar Hunt.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, Lamar, I'll go way back. Yes, indeedy.
uncleStinky : I had a feeling he might.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, you know we are we did share a predilection to...
uncleStinky : Hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, but maybe we shouldn't talk about that quite yet.
uncleStinky : Close.
The Whole Ballgame: It's a little early in the ballgame, you understand? Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Jesus, Marvin.
uncleStinky : Kenny Lofton with a stolen base.
The Whole Ballgame: Blake, I would be remiss. I missed i missed out here.
uncleStinky : Nah.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, ken that's Kenneth Alton.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: We like him. i I would like him if he was a little shorter, if I'm being honest. Anyway, ah
uncleStinky : He's like
The Whole Ballgame: he's lithe, but I'd appreciate if he was more like four foot three or less. You understand?
The Whole Ballgame: 92 pounds, I can't believe you hit that nail right on the head, man.
uncleStinky : so one big turkey
The Whole Ballgame: That's what I was going to ask you about. I'd be remiss if I didn't. you know we ah I usually like to stop by y'all's program and and talk about the the way I would prepare a bird and whatnot.
The Whole Ballgame: I think I may still do that for Christmas, but I missed out on the Thanksgiving because Gabe was moving or something and and he couldn't get me my recording equipment in time.
uncleStinky : yeah yeah That should be something, yeah.
uncleStinky : Well, you know, how you gonna make a turkey when you're mobile?
The Whole Ballgame: But anyway, um how was your how was your Thanksgiving holiday there, Blakers?
uncleStinky : It is fine.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm glad he always liked to give me so much material to work with here on the program. I tell you, it makes doing these things a real delight.
uncleStinky : I tell you Marvin, I'd give you more if I could remember. i don't know. Like, I'm not sure what I did. i think I went to my mother-in-law's and then I came home. Um, like usual.
The Whole Ballgame: what what What did you have to eat over at the mother-in-law's? Did she cook the bird herself or was she one of them folks who went to the store and bought a pre-cooked bird and throw it in the oven for 25 minutes before the game starts or whatever?
uncleStinky : I, you know, I think you, you cook it for a few hours, don't you?
The Whole Ballgame: Well, it depends on whether you bought it pre-cooked or or if ye ye you're doing the thing from scratch, your way you ought to.
uncleStinky : I'm not sure about scratch, but I, I know it took her few hours to cook the bird. So had to add some ham, some, uh, potatoes, green bean casserole stuffing, you know, the usual, I think this was going to drop Marvin Indians.
The Whole Ballgame: Sure did.
uncleStinky : Indians are on the board.
The Whole Ballgame: They up 1-0 here in the bottom of the first inning.
uncleStinky : Those beautiful, beautiful uniforms.
The Whole Ballgame: Top of the first inning. Excuse me.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, these are the uniforms they should be looking for looking like. You know, I saw earlier today, i was here hanging out with Gabe, looking and watching what he was looking at on the internet, which would be a dangerous proposition from time to time, you understand.
uncleStinky : I've seen the profile.
The Whole Ballgame: Anyway, he was...
The Whole Ballgame: He was there
The Whole Ballgame: he was there watching the ah the the ball game from 1999 when old boy was Gene Lamont out here, John, with the umpire.
The Whole Ballgame: I think he might have some kind of problem.
uncleStinky : That is
The Whole Ballgame: ah I think this is the beginning of the end here for Mr. Bell in this. in this game anyway um he was there uh looking at the the game from 1999 where they they hit albert bell and uh
uncleStinky : I'm checking the bat, Marvin. You called it. Here we go
The Whole Ballgame: interesting
uncleStinky : go. The umpire is looking at the end of the bat, seeing that there's been some shenanigans there.
The Whole Ballgame: Or Hawk said, it corked?
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: And Wimpy said, it could be. Hawk said, it might be. as if there were a home run, you see?
uncleStinky : Yes.
The Whole Ballgame: It's very, very clever stuff.
uncleStinky : Uh-huh.
uncleStinky : Yeah, very tongue-in-cheek, huh?
The Whole Ballgame: Got Hawk explaining exactly how to cork a bat.
uncleStinky : I took it the wood out and I insorted the cock over here. This is bullshit, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: Why? Well, tell me why it's bullshit, Joey.
uncleStinky : I didn't do it.
The Whole Ballgame: Hmm. But didn't you?
uncleStinky : I couldn't have.
The Whole Ballgame: You couldn't have? All right.
uncleStinky : Nah. Did they have the bat?
uncleStinky : How could I do it when the guy that did it was over there and i'm over here?
The Whole Ballgame: You were...
The Whole Ballgame: Over here. Yeah, got it.
The Whole Ballgame: Is that Eddie Murray?
uncleStinky : Eddie Murray over there.
The Whole Ballgame: Okay, just making sure. Yeah, Gene Lamont on top of things. Really ah making things happen.
uncleStinky : You know what? Personally, if I was Albert Hawk admitting to getting caught cheating.
uncleStinky : um
uncleStinky : Oh, there's a John Hart, the GM. That's little cup because wife Sandy. What do you think about her?
The Whole Ballgame: ah Sandy clearly loves anal sex.
uncleStinky : She's asking him if he did it, and he is not wanting to look at her and respond.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, he didn't look at it. Yeah, he like turned his whole body away so his face didn't even make incidental eye contact with her.
uncleStinky : Sandy, Sandy, shut the fuck up.
The Whole Ballgame: Stop. Stop fucking talking. Stop. like You want to talk about this?
uncleStinky : there's There's fucking cameras on us, you stupid bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: We'll talk about it in the car.
uncleStinky : They can read my fucking lips.
The Whole Ballgame: You know what, bitch?
uncleStinky : This is why I hit you.
The Whole Ballgame: Go wait. Go wait in the fucking car. God damn it. Your Mary Hart fucking haircut. You pissed me off. Fuck out of my face.
uncleStinky : It's only the first inning.
uncleStinky : God.
The Whole Ballgame: God, that guy's a two real 2T, isn't he? Jesus Christ.
uncleStinky : He's on MLB Network all the fucking time now.
The Whole Ballgame: And a tan blazer with that green polka dot shirt underneath it.
uncleStinky : But, um...
The Whole Ballgame: Hey, was a nice one.
uncleStinky : Look at that by Robin.
The Whole Ballgame: Not too shabby.
The Whole Ballgame: Paco sucks it up.
uncleStinky : Oh, I was... what The point I was about to make before we got... sidetracked.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : I got to tell you, if I was Albert, i would I would go find Gene after this game, probably.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, i can't imagine I can't imagine a scenario where he didn't try try looking for him at the very least. You know, whether or not they ever had an interaction this day, i don't know. But I i i can't imagine scenario where he didn't try to look for him.
uncleStinky : would have done.
uncleStinky : We just go by the fucking Matt.
The Whole Ballgame: It is Eddie Murray.
uncleStinky : No shit. We established that.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : He was over there.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, no, we didn't. You never answered my question.
uncleStinky : said he was over there.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, he's over there. Yeah, you did. I'm sorry, Joey.
uncleStinky : He's on deck. Come on.
The Whole Ballgame: I apologize.
uncleStinky : Come on.
The Whole Ballgame: See, this I hate too. um So, and I don't know why I dislike it so much, but I don't like it when a team other than the Yankees or the Cubs don't have their names on the back of their uniforms.
uncleStinky : Oh, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: And the White Sox here, they don't. they don't Even though I'm a White Sox fan, it's very upsetting to me. And I think it's because mostly because I don't know who's who.
uncleStinky : Yeah, it usually comes back to something like that, right? Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: ah It's about me. Nobody else. What do we got here?
uncleStinky : We're all ego-driven. We got what Paco Martin at second, Tim Raines in left, the Big Herd at first, Julio, the Dominion's one, Franco DH-ing, Robin Ventura at third, Darren Jackson in right, the one-dog, Lance Johnson center, the Assassin, Kark, behind the plate, and Ozzy Guy-Zhen at short.
uncleStinky : Mark Clark on the mound, 10-3 on the year with the three point seven one e r a you got a bunch of You got a bunch of weird letters at the top of your thing?
The Whole Ballgame: Interestingly enough.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah.
uncleStinky : and Okay.
The Whole Ballgame: Joe, N.A., N.A., Q, X, X, X, N.A.
uncleStinky : Yep, yep. All right. That makes me feel better.
The Whole Ballgame: Darren Jackson in the lineup today. Darren Jackson been the voice of Chicago White Sox baseball for, gosh, since 2003 or 2004.
uncleStinky : Yeah, he's kind of a goon.
The Whole Ballgame: That's an interesting word for him. I wouldn't have used the word goon to describe Aaron Jackson, mainly because of like his stature. He's ah kind of a little guy. and In my mind, goon is a big one.
The Whole Ballgame: Of course, now these kids have taken over the word goon, which is really upsetting to me because you know I'm not gooning. I'm just jerking off. What are you talking about?
uncleStinky : You talking about fucking Bill Irwin, dude?
The Whole Ballgame: I did really enjoy those ah those boots that he wore that looked like ice skates.
uncleStinky : Aaron Jackson was 6 foot 185 pounds. of it is...
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, diminutive. I'm 6'5", 350. What's your point?
uncleStinky : yeah that's abnormal too
The Whole Ballgame: i don't, I don't, I don't, don't, I don't, I don't.
uncleStinky : all all of it is
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, all right.
uncleStinky : Like, I mean, come on he is He is probably, i mean, I'd say he's slightly above average in both of those things.
The Whole Ballgame: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
uncleStinky : What's the average man, like five nine
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know. Tim Raines, a Hall of Famer.
uncleStinky : I think so, especially if Harold Baines is.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Omar Vizquel gets it just in the nick of time.
uncleStinky : ah think he was safe.
uncleStinky : see what I liked about the the tribe this year, and I think they did a few more years, but on their home uniforms, they would wear red cleats.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, interesting.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: So let me ask you this. the Manny Ramirez comes around in 95 then? Or is it later?
uncleStinky : Nah, he's here in 94.
The Whole Ballgame: is it
uncleStinky : This rookie year.
The Whole Ballgame: He's here now. Okay. Because I was looking at that lineup. He's not in the lineup today, but um it's an incredible it's a frigging murderer's row, that lineup of oh guys.
uncleStinky : is rookie here
The Whole Ballgame: It's done unbelievable.
uncleStinky : Yep, they got about three year, four year run here.
The Whole Ballgame: Big hurt up to bat now and looking as only Frank can look when he's not covered in pillows.
uncleStinky : Motherfuckers batting 382 for God's sakes.
The Whole Ballgame: It's July 15th, everybody. It's Jamie's, excuse me, Bob's second birthday today.
uncleStinky : Today or July fifteenth
The Whole Ballgame: July 1994. Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : That's good.
The Whole Ballgame: you
uncleStinky : like Frank's cleats.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah. See, those are... What are those, Reeboks?
uncleStinky : Yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: No, those are Jordans.
uncleStinky : that No, they're Reeboks.
The Whole Ballgame: Okay.
uncleStinky : Big Hurts were exclusive. They were Reebok.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh-huh. Okay.
uncleStinky : They also had Big Hurt Baseball. Did you ever play that?
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah. Yeah, plenty. It wasn't as good. it was a Griffey game, but it's fine.
uncleStinky : No, it sucked. I had a Frank Thomas poster on my wall. Big one. Like a 16 by 20.
The Whole Ballgame: Did you really? I didn't know that.
uncleStinky : And I had Frank.
The Whole Ballgame: Hey! Hey!
uncleStinky : Uh-oh. Got under that one.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : had Frank and I had ah Cal Ripken. And Ozzy.
The Whole Ballgame: Ozzie Smith, right?
uncleStinky : Yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. Not Ozzie Gijin.
uncleStinky : Not Ozzy Gijen, no. No.
The Whole Ballgame: Cobble the second inning here in Chicago, Cleveland up one to nothing.
uncleStinky : Had those guys, and then I also had a bunch of, uh, I had a WWF Attitude poster.
The Whole Ballgame: Sure.
uncleStinky : and um, that's right.
The Whole Ballgame: Get it?
uncleStinky : And I had a picture of chick in lingerie named Sandy on my ceiling. So when I laid on my bed, I could look up at it.
The Whole Ballgame: Like the grandfather and in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Looking at Janet Jackson.
uncleStinky : Yeah, exactly.
The Whole Ballgame: I get it.
The Whole Ballgame: Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
uncleStinky : then I also had this poster that I made of cut out magazine photos of Triple H. Which, that's fine.
The Whole Ballgame: It's all about the game.
uncleStinky : It said the game. You know you know what the the thing that said game? You know what it was? It was from the cover of a GamePro magazine.
The Whole Ballgame: Nice.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Really good shit.
uncleStinky : Yeah, it's like a serial killer thing, you know? The fucking cut out the magazines, yeah, of Triple H.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course.
uncleStinky : A serial killer tribute to Paul Levesque. that's That's what you could call it. It's probably in a storage unit in Memphis, Tennessee, if I had to guess. Keeps getting better.
uncleStinky : Sandy Alomar Jr. at the bat.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm going to find that fucking thing one day. got a time capsule. Somebody on the learning channel is going to open it up with a pair of lock cutters and find your tribute to the game from 1996. Seven, eight.
uncleStinky : na na naty this is this is No, This is fucking like a shit.
The Whole Ballgame: seven eight
uncleStinky : 99. This is when he became the game.
The Whole Ballgame: Wait a second.
The Whole Ballgame: you You were making shit like that when you were 19? Yeah.
uncleStinky : Oh yeah, I made, it was like a fucking poster. was a big poster board.
The Whole Ballgame: yeah Yeah, doing it doing it yourself?
uncleStinky : No.
The Whole Ballgame: All right.
uncleStinky : I did.
The Whole Ballgame: Nothing wrong with that.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I got laid 700 times in the room with it, so it worked fine.
The Whole Ballgame: Nothing suspect at all. Nope.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know. I don't know.
uncleStinky : No, you don't.
The Whole Ballgame: i don't know.
uncleStinky : that's
The Whole Ballgame: It must have been a pretty shallow shallow pool around there.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I guess so. Fucking Northeast Indiana. Horse shit. How many kids were you in your graduating class?
uncleStinky : 26?
The Whole Ballgame: Northwest Indiana is 26. Thank you very much.
uncleStinky : twenty six Yeah, okay.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. yeah
uncleStinky : I think I had like 250 in mine.
The Whole Ballgame: Look at that, 10 times, 10 times as many. What a beautiful night on the south side of Chicago here. Look at those, those zero stratus clouds fill in the, fill in the sky on a beautiful July evening.
The Whole Ballgame: Hey, his name is Clark Profile. What a weird name.
uncleStinky : Nah, his last name's Clark, and that's his profile, you dipshit.
The Whole Ballgame: it's pronounced Profile. Got it. Clark Profile. It's weird that he's got his first name on the back of his uniform.
uncleStinky : Nope.
The Whole Ballgame: He said, nope.
uncleStinky : Julio's batting 312.
The Whole Ballgame: The diminutive one, over 300 here on the season, ready to let one rip and turn a single into a double without even trying.
uncleStinky : Looks pretty good size to me,
The Whole Ballgame: don't think so. look at it Look at that. He makes himself real small, lithe, fast, quick.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, see, look at that. Pop foul, out of play.
uncleStinky : got 14 homers.
uncleStinky : You really wouldn't call that guy a goon?
The Whole Ballgame: adding three that Batting three, 399 at home, Frank Thomas, on the year.
uncleStinky : Seriously?
uncleStinky : He looks like a total fucking goon.
The Whole Ballgame: Who's that? Oh, Darren Jackson?
uncleStinky : Yes.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. DJ. DJ.
The Whole Ballgame: What do you think, DJ? Well, I'll tell you. Okay. Or that was maybe that was Jerry Reinstorf. don't know.
uncleStinky : hanging, people.
The Whole Ballgame: I was hoping that Carlos Baerga was going to let ah run directly into Albert Bell there. it didn't happen.
uncleStinky : Why would you hope that?
The Whole Ballgame: You see that big old chain Carlos is wearing things flopping around like crazy when he runs big fat gold chain on Carlos's neck.
uncleStinky : What a hot dog. What a fucking hot dog.
The Whole Ballgame: About time we had the return of Billy Martin to the program.
uncleStinky : Maybe Carlos can get fucking three grand for the holidays and self-deport.
The Whole Ballgame: um maybe he's a cer Maybe he's a serviceman and he already got his $1,776 that'll pay for ah one car payment for most of these dipshits who are driving around a super truck.
uncleStinky : you see that, Gabe?
uncleStinky : the Did you see that that you can get extra money for the holidays? to leap I might do it if I can get three grand.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, all you got to do is... the Hey, man, if you want to send send my ass back to the Czech Republic... Where my ancestors came from, I'll take the three grand. What the hell
uncleStinky : don't if you get to choose, but I'd go pretty much anywhere if I could be alone.
The Whole Ballgame: hell? don't say that.
uncleStinky : No, that's that's what, that'd be nice.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, you want that. Okay. All right.
uncleStinky : I mean, yeah, it'd kind of suck. I wouldn't want to be around all the other fucking deportees. But if they could just take me my own place somewhere and give me three grand, sure. It'd be fine.
uncleStinky : Yeah, sit down, Robin, you bitch.
uncleStinky : Fucking tailing away. Uh-oh. Z-fwa-ba-ba-ba. Z-fwa-ba-ba-ba. Are you typing the stuff that's popping up on the screen? Is that the noise I'm hearing?
The Whole Ballgame: No.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm sorry you're picking up the the clicking and clacking though.
uncleStinky : Z-fwa-ba-ba-ba.
The Whole Ballgame: I didn't realize.
uncleStinky : Sounds like Jake the Snake's over there eating a fucking ham and cheese sandwich.
The Whole Ballgame: yum
uncleStinky : Oh, dang, man, dude. I done went got myself all fucking hungry, dude.
uncleStinky : I'm just gonna eat some Chex Mix on the show for the next 45 minutes.
uncleStinky : Takes me about three days to get all the good pieces out of one of them big Sam's bags, man. And then it's just the shit pretzels, dude. I'll leave them for the little fucking girls.
uncleStinky : I like the rye chips, man. That's my favorite, dude.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, you're talking about Bart Gardetto's over there?
uncleStinky : Yeah, dude. What the fuck? You think I'm just over running my dick licker talking about not talking about rye chips? I mean, god dang, dude. Come on, man.
uncleStinky : Dang.
uncleStinky : Hey, look, dude. i and Is that Wayne Brady, dude?
uncleStinky : Got it in.
The Whole Ballgame: looks Does Wayne Brady need to choke a bitch? God, what a great television program Chappelle's show was.
uncleStinky : You know, I believe that didn't Wayne come out as a pansexual?
uncleStinky : I read that.
The Whole Ballgame: I was reading the other day about Carlos Baerra nowadays and what he's up to. Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Oh, were you? Did you see that lady? Look at her. She's very aggressive. Clearly a lesbian.
The Whole Ballgame: Clearly.
uncleStinky : What's he up to, Gabe?
The Whole Ballgame: Well, it's interesting. he um I'll take it from here, Mr. Yocum. Who's this? who's It's been such a long time. Benito, how are you, sir?
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I'll tell you. I heard you mention Carlos's name, and I thought I'd come in and tell you a little story about Carlos and what he's been up to for the last few years.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, that's fine by us. went to What do you got? Well, each morning at precisely 9.17 a.m., Carlos glides across the marble floors of my Coral Gables mansion, and impeccably dressed in a linen suit that somehow still allowed for gold-glove caliber footwork.
The Whole Ballgame: He polishes silver with the same intensity he once brought to turning double plays, muttering to himself about proper placement timing and fundamentals.
The Whole Ballgame: He calls me Señor Santiago, you understand.
The Whole Ballgame: Every morning I wake up to Carlos shouting upstairs, Your cafecito is hot, your schedule is clear, and someone has once again moved the good rum.
The Whole Ballgame: It was me. i had several horrors last evening.
uncleStinky : Of course.
uncleStinky : Was that the end?
The Whole Ballgame: ah ah Basically, I'm not going to read any more of what ChatGPT spit out because it sucks.
uncleStinky : i Okay, I just wasn't sure. Kind of just abruptly, it was me.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : i had whores.
uncleStinky : Which makes sense.
The Whole Ballgame: Whether coordinating poolside domino games, arranging framed photos of impossible assists, or silently judging the angles of Santiago's trophy room, Bayerga ran the household with the quiet authority of a man who knew he could still hit 300 if called upon.
The Whole Ballgame: The neighbors whispered, the palm trees listened, and somewhere deep in the humid Miami air, the universe laughed because none of this ever happened, could never happen, and absolutely should not be believed.
uncleStinky : Oh.
uncleStinky : Oh, OK.
The Whole Ballgame: See, they have to throw that in so nobody gets sued, I would imagine.
uncleStinky : Well, that takes takes you right out of it.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : It's like watching a John Cena match.
The Whole Ballgame: Carlos Bayerga was the best butler money could fictionally buy. Garbage. What you going to do? I bet you Grok wouldn't have to put all that shit in there, but that's because Grok's not woke, bro.
uncleStinky : I don't know. they i had to switch it up because those motherfuckers...
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, the pictures.
uncleStinky : Yeah, i couldn't make real fucking people or whatever. and ay Who knows what the fuck's... Who gives a shit?
The Whole Ballgame: Blackjack walks another here.
uncleStinky : ah Jack Morris going tomorrow against Jason Beret.
The Whole Ballgame: Jason Beret. Jesus Christ. Look at that face. He looks like a... He looks like like a 17-year-old in high school who who shaves his face way up too high too early.
The Whole Ballgame: He doesn't have any hair coming in, but he just gives himself razor burn on his cheeks. You have any of those dipshits in your school? ah
uncleStinky : Not that I can think of. it doesn't really stick out to me.
The Whole Ballgame: and I worked with this i worked on real dipshit at Sears in the hardware department. His name was Joe Amato. Right. And he would come into work. He's one of those kids with like the, the, like the, the white blonde hair. Right.
uncleStinky : Ooh, an albino?
The Whole Ballgame: And no, no, just really fair complected. And he would come into work on Saturday morning and his cheeks are bright fucking red because it's clear he was shaving and he just gave himself razor burn, even though he didn't have anything to shave.
The Whole Ballgame: So we used to call him the tomato because his last name was a motto.
uncleStinky : What a
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : What a piece of shit. Fuck him.
The Whole Ballgame: Fuck that guy. And then there was encore. We worked with a guy named encore as well. It was spelled a N K U R, but it's pronounced encore. And so every time I saw him, he'd walk in and I'd go for tasting more.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: It's encore.
uncleStinky : So is he like a performance artist? Like one name, like Cher, Madonna, that kind of deal?
The Whole Ballgame: I don't remember his last name.
uncleStinky : Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: Rama, Rama Swathi or something like that.
uncleStinky : Oh, I got you. So he wasn't he wasn't doing art?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. Indian kid. No, no, no.
uncleStinky : He wasn't making music?
uncleStinky : Performing with his body?
The Whole Ballgame: See what I was doing there was, was talking about the encore family size entree.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I'm familiar with the the gravy slices, the Salisbury steaks, the lasagna I believe they have as well.
The Whole Ballgame: My headphones came unplugged, so I didn't hear anything you just said.
uncleStinky : Can you get them back on your head?
The Whole Ballgame: Okay, there we go.
uncleStinky : that better? It looked like it was harder than it should have been.
The Whole Ballgame: It is. Thank you.
The Whole Ballgame: It was. flah but but but but but but but but
uncleStinky : It's kind of like you had everything backwards for a few seconds and it took you a while to figure out. that, you know what, this needs to go the exact opposite way. Are you okay, Gabe?
The Whole Ballgame: what you just said described the last year and a half of my life.
uncleStinky : Oh, dude, tell me all about it, man.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. You're exactly the guy who I need to talk to. Thank you. Credence. I appreciate you.
uncleStinky : Come grab a seat on a limb, dude.
The Whole Ballgame: don't if you saw that. I am.
The Whole Ballgame: I threw that that hard, but it was all because I knew the strike was coming. And what I didn't want to have happen was for Kenny Lofton to die on this play because I threw the ball too hard.
The Whole Ballgame: I've lived that reality too many times to count. So i I threw it a little bit high so I could give him the base and not kill him and oh lead to the end of civilization as we know it. Because as you know, Kenny Lofton controls the locusts.
uncleStinky : We do know that. He's kind of got your number, Kark. He's two for two on the night. Sort treating you like a bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Who's that? Kenny Lofton?
uncleStinky : Yeah. Second stolen base. He's two for two. He's only been on fucking twice.
The Whole Ballgame: Like I said, I've, I've, I had gone through this game hundreds of times already, hundreds of realities and, uh, every move I make is strategically done to ins ensure the continued survival of mankind.
uncleStinky : You know, I think you're a liar. That's what I think.
uncleStinky : Isn't every move we all make strategically done?
uncleStinky : Oh!
The Whole Ballgame: My goodness. i Look, we all know what indecent exposure is. And at 51 years old, you know, is what it is.
uncleStinky : My dick over here
The Whole Ballgame: But what exactly what exactly is extreme DUI, joe
uncleStinky : is like a regular DUI, but to the extreme.
uncleStinky : Over here.
The Whole Ballgame: It's this kind of scintillating sort of realism that we all hope for when you're around, Joey. I'm really thankful that, uh, that we can, we can counterbalance the, the, the craziness of a guy like Ron Karkavise with his crazy stories about time travel and,
The Whole Ballgame: you know, multiple realities when when we can have you really just breaking it down for us in every way, shape, or form.
uncleStinky : I got a couple magnets in my hand, Gabe. I'm playing with magnets over here.
The Whole Ballgame: How do they work?
uncleStinky : It's pretty fun. i don't know. They just do.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Maybe I'll blow myself up in some kind of computer thing.
The Whole Ballgame: Maybe just swallow two of those little guys and then we don't have to worry about you anymore.
uncleStinky : Hey, what if I put one in my mouth? And one in my ass. What would happen? Would they meet in my heart?
uncleStinky : Maybe my spleen? Or pancreas?
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know that there would be a direct way for them to reach your heart. Um,
The Whole Ballgame: But if there's a, yeah.
uncleStinky : What's the quickest way to a man's high?
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know, Joe, what, what, what?
uncleStinky : Allegedly shooting my wife in the face. Oh, bahia!
The Whole Ballgame: ah Here's Benito Santiago's butler, Carlos Baerga up.
uncleStinky : Carlos, do bring me my hey Wesley.
uncleStinky : Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know.
The Whole Ballgame: There we go. Streaks on the China never mattered before. ah you ah You and the family have big plans for Christmas? You going anywhere? Are you staying in the house and people coming to you?
uncleStinky : Oh, nice play by the ball girl. She's decent set tits on her, looks like.
The Whole Ballgame: and You got that that baggy T-shirt on, but you got it tucked into those shorts.
uncleStinky : You can see her tits jiggle when she moves.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Love it.
uncleStinky : Tell you, no, you got a good pair.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I don't know. ah
The Whole Ballgame: jesus christ
uncleStinky : Sure, we're going I we go to my mother-in-law's like always.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : ah i do the same goddamn thing. It's not it's not pleasant.
uncleStinky : It'll be fun watching the kids open their shit. and ah That's always good. but yeah After that, I'm
The Whole Ballgame: That's all it's got to be.
uncleStinky : just spending a lot of time doing shit I'd rather not be. Which, well, fuck, that's pretty much every day. so See, this is where you get rid of the expectations, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, easier said than done there, pal.
uncleStinky : That's where you get me. I come in and I help you. I'm going to get you through this. I'm your silver fox, Gabe.
uncleStinky : It's me.
uncleStinky : Big sexy Gar Elliott.
The Whole Ballgame: Who? Oh, okay.
uncleStinky : I'm your silver fox. I'm going to lead you through these tough waters.
The Whole Ballgame: car Gar Elliott?
uncleStinky : Big sexy Gar Elliott. I'm no way a amalgamation of Kevin Nash, Sam Elliott, and any other man with silver fox hair.
The Whole Ballgame: The voice seems there's a little Gary Busey in there. Maybe that's where of the Gar goes in.
uncleStinky : Gar was the name of my character when I played that retard's dad on Mask.
The Whole Ballgame: Yes.
uncleStinky : Hey, Gar!
The Whole Ballgame: All
The Whole Ballgame: right.
uncleStinky : Yes, Rocky.
The Whole Ballgame: Cher was on Saturday night Live this weekend.
uncleStinky : Oh, Jesus.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep. She's 78 years old.
uncleStinky : was gonna say...
The Whole Ballgame: That's how old my dad was when he died.
uncleStinky : Yeah, you know, I've seen photos of your father. He and Cher look roughly the same.
The Whole Ballgame: You put them next to each other, they make a perfect 10.
The Whole Ballgame: That was a visual joke. It doesn't work in this medium, Yoakam. It's fine. Big hurt. Jumped for that bad boy and fell right on his face.
uncleStinky : it hurt.
The Whole Ballgame: Big.
uncleStinky : It's all one medium, too, by the way.
uncleStinky : As the magnets show you.
The Whole Ballgame: What's one?
uncleStinky : or two.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm 3XL, not a medium, so I don't know what you're talking about.
uncleStinky : How many teas?
The Whole Ballgame: 3XLT if you're you want to get specific here.
uncleStinky : One or two.
The Whole Ballgame: Huh?
uncleStinky : damn.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Always do, come on. If you're going to do it, do it, do it, do it right.
uncleStinky : god damn
uncleStinky : see the size of that fucking leg brace on Omar Vizquel? That was massive.
The Whole Ballgame: That's right.
uncleStinky : Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: I need to make sure that my help is... The very best in protective equipment and the bigger the better, as you know.
uncleStinky : Oh, Omar works for you too, Benito.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh yeah, no, I just mixed up the two, that's fine.
uncleStinky : Yeah. yeah
The Whole Ballgame: Maybe yes, maybe no, I don't know.
uncleStinky : I didn't know if we were going to... Hey, there you go.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : Nice, nice.
The Whole Ballgame: Dear God. Oh.
uncleStinky : You tied it together.
The Whole Ballgame: The 1994 Major League season brought about two significant changes with regard to the makeup of each league's standings. Since 1969, the National American Leagues had used a two-division format, one east and one west, to accommodate the burgeoning expansion in the big leagues. The NL and AL had both grown by four teams since the AL began to swell in 1961.
The Whole Ballgame: Colorado Rockies and Florida Marlins, as we covered here, entered the NL in 1993, making the count 14 teams in each league. Realignment to three divisions in each league had been discussed for a few years.
The Whole Ballgame: In 1994, these conversations yielded results as a new central division was added. The second modification went hand in hand with the new division configuration. The additional division created a third champion and also made it necessary to add a wildcard team.
The Whole Ballgame: Postseason slots were now doubled, and now many clubs set a path to the playoffs with fewer obstacles. This format had been used by the NFL for so for many seasons beginning in 1970.
The Whole Ballgame: For Cleveland, the new alignment gave the Tribe some hope for a postseason berth. After years of futility, the Indians were now in a weight class that suited them with teams they could compete with.
The Whole Ballgame: Milwaukee, Chicago, Kansas City, and Minnesota. Gone were the days of immediate doom, conceding defeat to the powerful Red Sox, Yankees, Orioles, and Toronto Blue Jays in their old home in the East Division.
The Whole Ballgame: The White Sox had more success than Cleveland, but not much. They finished on top of the West in 1983 and 1993, but in both cases they were sent packing when they were eliminated in league championship series to Baltimore and Toronto, respectively.
The Whole Ballgame: As the second half of 1994 season began, the teams were separated by mere percentage points in the AL Central standings. Cleveland, 51-33, was a smidgen ahead of the Sox, who were fifty two and thirty four Both teams boasted powerful lineups and adequate pitching staffs to make their case as the favorite team. to finish atop of the division.
The Whole Ballgame: Cleveland opened the second half of the 1994 season with a four-game home set, excuse me, a four-game set against Chicago at Comiskey Park. The White Sox took the opener as Alex Fernandez beat Charles Nagy, and Chicago spotted Cleveland a three-run lead but scored two runs in each of the fifth, seventh, and eighth innings to claim the win. Tim Raines and Robin Ventura combined to go six for eight at the plate with three ah RBI.
The Whole Ballgame: The victory gave the White Sox their ninth straight win over the Indians at their home park. Cleveland had not won a game at Comiskey since September 9th, 1992. And that brings us to today's game. The pitching matchup for the second game. Mark Clark for col Cleveland. Jack McDowell for Chicago. Cleveland had acquired Clark from St. Louis.
The Whole Ballgame: and he was used as a starter and out of the bullpen by Mike Hargrove, the manager. This season, Clark was part of the starting rotation. McDowell, known as Blackjack to many, was the reigning AL Cy Young Award winner.
The Whole Ballgame: He was tops of the league in wins, leading the White Sox to their first division crown in 10 years. ah McDowell was pitching better of late, posting a 5-1 record in his last 10 starts in 94.
The Whole Ballgame: Can he... Cart get that one? Nope. Let it roll.
uncleStinky : God, what an ugly, ugly fucking man.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm telling you, i it it hit that girl hit that girl in the second second second row. a You notice how much I look like that that guy from Watchmen, right?
uncleStinky : Jackie Lee Haley?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, that's right.
uncleStinky : Also a baseball great, Kelly Leak.
uncleStinky : I'm going to go fuck myself.
The Whole Ballgame: Kenny Lofton led off the top of the first inning, got a board. When he bunted, we saw this. And then Albert Bell stepped in and Gene Lamont approached the plate, requested that Dave Phillips inspect the bat. Although...
The Whole Ballgame: er although
uncleStinky : El Presidente! Hey, Cat Daddy! It's me.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
The Whole Ballgame: Blackjack strikes out Eddie Murray here.
The Whole Ballgame: Phillips, who was the Empire crew chief, examined the bat with Joe Brinkman and said, i didn't see anything wrong with the bat, but we'll check it and send it on to the president, Dr. Bobby Brown.
The Whole Ballgame: And what what he decides to do is his prerogative.
uncleStinky : Nice. Yes. Fuck yes. I'm glad I didn't step on you.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know if Gene was trying to play mind games with Albert or what, Hargrove said. Davey Phillips said he checked the bat, didn't see anything wrong, but he had to keep the bat regardless.
uncleStinky : Jesus.
The Whole Ballgame: If Gene got some information from somewhere, i think it's erroneous. And what ah what did our our friend Albert Bell say?
The Whole Ballgame: That's bullshit over here, Bell said.
uncleStinky : Hey, I don't appreciate it when you do that. i don't sound nothing like that. You sound like that over there.
The Whole Ballgame: Right.
uncleStinky : And i sound like this over here. It's Joey Butterfuga over here.
The Whole Ballgame: Fantastic.
uncleStinky : Not over there. Over here.
The Whole Ballgame: Unbeknownst to the 38,686 in attendance at the ballpark, as well as the players, umpires and ground crew, the real drama was unfolding behind the action. Hargrove was in the dugout with his head in his hands, and Indians relief pitcher, Jason Grimsley, asked bench coach Buddy Bell what was wrong.
The Whole Ballgame: Bell told Grimsley there's a good chance that the bat was corked. Uh-oh.
uncleStinky : Oh, Kark drops one down the line.
The Whole Ballgame: There you He sure did.
uncleStinky : Is he going three?
The Whole Ballgame: Stand-up triple for Ron Karkweiss.
uncleStinky : Officer Karkavise, look at that.
The Whole Ballgame: I'd like you to understand that
uncleStinky : Yes, of course.
The Whole Ballgame: all that happens is because I allow it to happen.
uncleStinky : Uh huh. Thank you for allowing your triple.
The Whole Ballgame: You're welcome.
uncleStinky : Means a lot to me.
The Whole Ballgame: to
The Whole Ballgame: Grimsley told Bell he thought he could climb through the ductwork at Comiskey Park and get the ball back the bat back. Bell mentioned to Hargrove, who gave Grimsley the thumbs up.
uncleStinky : Wild.
The Whole Ballgame: It was a good possibility that all of Bell's bats were corked. sir
The Whole Ballgame: So Grimsley took with him a Paul Sorrento model to switch with the confiscated bat. Grimsley entered through the ceiling of the visiting manager's office, crawled through the ductwork to get to the umpire's dressing room.
The Whole Ballgame: It was not an easy venture for the six-foot-three pitcher to manage in an enclosed area.
uncleStinky : Just another diminutive guy.
The Whole Ballgame: It was pretty hairy up there.
The Whole Ballgame: Eventually, he crawled to where he thought was the umpire's room. There was a groundskeeper in there, sitting in there on a couch. I put the tile back down, but he had to know. Thank goodness he didn't say anything.
The Whole Ballgame: When he found his destination, Grimsley dropped into the room and made the switch. My heart was going a thousand miles an hour, he said. And on in I went. I just rolled the dice. Crapshoot.
The Whole Ballgame: Indians increased their lead two to nothing in the top of the third. the one out loft and walked, stole the second base. Vizquel also walked, and Carlos Baerga followed with a single to plate Lofton for a second ah RBI.
The Whole Ballgame: Schal got the run right back when Karkavice let off the bottom of the frame with a triple. We just watched here to right field and scored shortly thereafter. So there's some spoilers for you.
uncleStinky : Oh, you just watched him score right on time.
The Whole Ballgame: White, yep, there you go.
The Whole Ballgame: Ozzie Guillen followed with a ground out short.
The Whole Ballgame: White Sox slice a run off the lead and bottom of the seventh. Oh, blah.
The Whole Ballgame: After the game, the umpires knew right away that there was some something amiss when they saw the Sorrento bat. Major League Baseball investigated the incident, and the Indians coughed up the bat to security personnel from the MLB after the Indians hired ah an FBI agent to to to put on a special investigation and then threatened the Indians to that they would get the FBI involved it in full if they didn't make with the bat bat was x-rayed and then saw it open discovered that indeed there was a circle of cork in the fat part of the bat and bell was given a 10 day suspension and eventually it was lowered to seven days we talked about this before it boggles my mind that that was all that was levied there it was a he ended up getting a weak suspension for this
uncleStinky : Wow.
uncleStinky : Yeah, who gives a shit, right?
The Whole Ballgame: just really interesting to think about the world we live in today and what would happen there, especially in baseball.
uncleStinky : Yeah, you know, we gotta crack down on bullshit, right?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, apparently.
uncleStinky : It's, uh...
The Whole Ballgame: Cause it's, it's all it's life or death. You know, it's, it's not a game.
uncleStinky : Look, it's clearly made everything better from that point on, right?
The Whole Ballgame: It's good point. It's good point.
uncleStinky : We're not living in a shittier place than we were then, are we?
The Whole Ballgame: I'm pretty sure the last 10 seconds were shittier than the 10 seconds before those.
uncleStinky : It was debatable.
uncleStinky : Who's talking about Dr. Jack? Dr. Jack Fingers?
The Whole Ballgame: Well, i don't know.
uncleStinky : Oh, God. Dr. Jack Fingers on the show.
The Whole Ballgame: I'll tell you this right now. I enjoyed my time with Wimpy.
uncleStinky : Didn't we all?
The Whole Ballgame: This is just... You
uncleStinky : Wimpy will leave you with a smile, that's for sure.
The Whole Ballgame: yeah you know, a few times that we hung out in Arizona, I always had a good time with with Tom Petruik. We drank some beers and It's funny, petoric is a word that we use in the in the church for, as we we call a turnip, a petoric.
uncleStinky : Is it? Is that what you do?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, it's a petoric. It's not turnip, rotten turnip, loosely translated Latin to petoric. Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Oh, we yes. That's interesting.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, I thought you might appreciate that, yeah.
uncleStinky : Oh, I appreciate the fuck out of it, Bob. Thank you.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, you know, I'm here. am the police. You know, I could never could have climbed.
uncleStinky : How's your Christmas looking?
The Whole Ballgame: I never could have climbed through the ductwork at Comiskey. You know, I don't even know I climbed through ductwork at any of the ballparks. He's pretty big guy, but that guy was six foot three.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: He must have been real skinny, huh? Grimsy?
uncleStinky : yeah Yeah, I don't think he could climb through much.
The Whole Ballgame: You're a diminutive guy, then, you know. Can he be diminutive if he's just skinny, or does he got to be skinny and short? Oh, my goodness.
uncleStinky : think that I think I think the big part about being diminutive is being short.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: It's an interesting thought of perspective there. i would have gone the other direction. I thought, you know, if there're a they're six foot three and they're real super, super skinny. I would call them diminutive just because their stature isn't, you know, the opposite of diminutive.
uncleStinky : Well, it makes me feel good about myself that I chose the exact opposite way that you would have went. So we at least got that.
The Whole Ballgame: Can you tell me how tall you are again there, there, midget boy? Hey,
uncleStinky : No, and I'm 5'7", but I'm happy that I don't think like you is what I was saying.
The Whole Ballgame: you're in panic, you're just, you know, just be alright.
uncleStinky : Yeah, that's right, Bob. Thank you. how long have you been dead now?
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, I didn't hear on the program. don't know when that was. It was over a year ago.
uncleStinky : A year or so, huh?
The Whole Ballgame: it bu before My goodness, before for the other guy or you'd had his heart taken out. ah
uncleStinky : So this will this won't be your first Christmas as a dead man.
The Whole Ballgame: Gosh.
The Whole Ballgame: maybe maybe Maybe June or July that year. so yeah No, this will be second check full Christmas. He's a dead guy. Yeah.
uncleStinky : nice. Congratulations.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. I mean, look, at the end the day, people think it's such a bad thing, but it's a bad rap, you know being around Every once in while you get chosen to be the ah the ghost of the present or pastor, and if you you know, yet to come.
The Whole Ballgame: a i always i always like past or present because I don't like ever being the ghost of Christmas yet to come, you know. i really you know
uncleStinky : Oh, yeah, I gotcha.
The Whole Ballgame: So, you know, we all get to get a chance to be part of the play and You know, I still can read, you know, and Anton and I have have really great parties.
uncleStinky : Oh, that's good.
The Whole Ballgame: and The nice thing about Afterlife is is teleportation, you know, you can just kind of show up wherever it is. ah You can't really feel nothing or nothing.
The Whole Ballgame: So there ain't no feeling. i don't get hungry anymore, which, you know, that's hard. But, you know, as a fat guy, i like my food.
uncleStinky : is
The Whole Ballgame: You put something in your mouth here, it just falls right on the floor. You know, so.
uncleStinky : I heard i heard food food is just fuel.
The Whole Ballgame: i do yeah orange so You can we make an argument for that, I suppose. It's kind of like the way you think about it. And you're getting state of mind.
uncleStinky : Sure, yeah. It seems like it'd make it easier to to not miss it so much.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I'll tell you what, you know, I was going to say, beer is one thing, but especially this time of year, you know what miss the most?
uncleStinky : ah Hand jobs.
The Whole Ballgame: Eggnog.
uncleStinky : Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, yeah.
uncleStinky : Oh, that's gross.
The Whole Ballgame: I'll tell you what, i was just listening to the program a couple weeks ago, he said that Coca-Cola stuff tastes like eggnog now. And I thought, well, would be a nice delight. I'd like to try eggnog Coke.
uncleStinky : I don't think anybody said that but you.
The Whole Ballgame: It wasn't me, it was him, the other guy.
uncleStinky : He's You're him.
The Whole Ballgame: Cuckoo-ca-choo. All right. I am the walrus. It's ah Mark Clark in now. Or somebody's up there anyway.
uncleStinky : The fuck you talking? Paul Sorrento.
The Whole Ballgame: Whatever. Oh, you know.
uncleStinky : Mark bart Clark's the goddamn pitcher.
The Whole Ballgame: Sure. Paul Sorrento's in, and he this is this that's the that's the bat they swapped with.
uncleStinky : He's the one.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Albert's there.
uncleStinky : Well, there's your problem because his fucking bat's a totally opposite color.
The Whole Ballgame: Completely different color. Yep.
uncleStinky : I'm sure they took one of the other ones, hopefully. but What a what a story.
The Whole Ballgame: Hey,
The Whole Ballgame: this man's got the chin of a young Joey Buttafuoco.
uncleStinky : But he is not over here He's over there.
uncleStinky : believe he's a... Paul's former Minnesota twin. He was a rookie.
The Whole Ballgame: he's got that He's got that Swedish sort of look to him.
uncleStinky : Yeah,
The Whole Ballgame: And you know me, i know the Swedes.
uncleStinky : it's a very silly boy.
uncleStinky : the Paul was a rookie on the 91 Twins when they played the Braves in the World Series.
uncleStinky : I just watched that Game 7 like a week ago.
The Whole Ballgame: wi Wimpy just said, don't we have a larger word than big for those guys?
uncleStinky : Wimpy's such a...
The Whole Ballgame: Talking about the bears.
uncleStinky : He's such a fucking twink.
The Whole Ballgame: He really is, right? Thank goodness.
uncleStinky : He's like an old man twink.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, one guy plays around in your asshole and this is what happens to him.
uncleStinky : Are you sure it's just one?
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know. I'm not sure of anything.
uncleStinky : One night in Bangkok. That's what they say.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, papa Papa's very ah very fond of the ladyboys these days. Not in a sexual way, just out of curiosity.
uncleStinky : What does that even mean?
The Whole Ballgame: Papa. um
uncleStinky : No, I understand the pop part.
The Whole Ballgame: papa howard Papa Howard talks a lot about ladyboys on the program.
uncleStinky : Right.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Is this a specific, like, a Thailand thing?
The Whole Ballgame: He gets...
uncleStinky : or like ah are we just talking transgender in general?
The Whole Ballgame: No, the no, no, no, the Thailand kid, those like the actual, you know, the stuff that pre, you know, yeah.
uncleStinky : Right. So, okay. Okay.
The Whole Ballgame: the He finds it fascinating because, you know, he talks about if you tried to pay him a hundred million dollars to be able to tell whether, you know, who was, who was who or what was what he wouldn't be able to.
uncleStinky : Yeah,
The Whole Ballgame: So he finds it fascinating. It's very clear, obviously, for himself that there's not a sexual element to it, just a curiosity, which, you know, ah could be true, could be intellectually dishonest.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know.
uncleStinky : yeah who knows? I mean, I understand the point. I i get it.
The Whole Ballgame: course.
uncleStinky : Very hard to distinguish, but... um It is a myth, apparently, because I didn't even know this until I had to look it up and read. But, you know, that it's not like a um
The Whole Ballgame: Thank you.
uncleStinky : there's a larger acceptance or like trans population or whatever in Thailand than somewhere like everywhere else, really. It's kind of like it seems like it's pretty much in line or at least what I had read. Yet this is a very, obviously it's a thing. I mean, if you know Papa's talking about it and making, you know, that's why Von Ericks were always flying over there, I'm sure.
The Whole Ballgame: What I would imagine, and I could be very wrong about this, but i because I haven't really dug into the the research the things people have covered on this, but i eat from the you know we talk about late-stage capitalism all the time. In my head, it's it's an economic decision, right? you have You have enough folks come over as tourists interested in that sort of thing, and the market creates itself and evolves over time and grows.
The Whole Ballgame: you know there's a high demand for that sort of thing, then the supply shows up because it's about the money.
uncleStinky : Why does the supply show up when the supply is all from there?
The Whole Ballgame: No, no, The supply of potential customers, the people searching that out.
uncleStinky : Oh. Yeah, I gotcha. I don't know, man. Everybody's just trying to come.
The Whole Ballgame: That's it. It's all about coming.
uncleStinky : Look at all the messes in the world. You can reverse engineer them all back to coming.
The Whole Ballgame: who
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, we talked about the Archduke a little earlier.
uncleStinky : Yeah, sure. Naturally. The sluts, right?
The Whole Ballgame: So many sluts.
uncleStinky : Paul O'Neill leading the league.
uncleStinky : And, you know, speaking, Gabe, of ah you talked about the three divisions.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : In the National League Central, we have a heated race.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep.
uncleStinky : between the Cincinnati Reds and the Houston Astros, which that will be our our next ball game. We'll be going to...
The Whole Ballgame: That's right.
uncleStinky : rip We'll be going to Riverfront for the Reds and the Astros on on Baseball Night in America.
The Whole Ballgame: We're coming right. I forgot. Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: we We get to, yeah I'm i'm ah i only making an assumption here, but I think I might be right. Do we get Deon Sanders for the first time here?
uncleStinky : Well, I mean, we we had Dion in then his football form.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, sure yeah.
uncleStinky : Did you forget about me, Mr. Gabe? Come on now.
The Whole Ballgame: like I could never. I could never. Some of our listeners, though some of our listeners, some of our listeners were not, were not privy to that.
uncleStinky : Mr. Randy Watson.
uncleStinky : Yeah, they don't.
The Whole Ballgame: ah And if they wanted to be, how might they experience Deion Sanders on the whole ballgame if they wanted the football version of said human?
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : that yeah we we took a look at the prime time ah and the two legit to quit falcons and we had to go out and outsource the talent to play d on and because we just couldn't do it justice and we got reverend brown from coming to america not the actual eddie murray but uh murphy sorry we got eddie murray in the ball game uh but we could only afford reverend brown so but we could afford the entire Joey Buttafuoco for this one. So thank you for that. But that would be a patrion.com slash the whole ball game.
The Whole Ballgame: I'll tell you what, the the, the, the, you know, we have to pimp this stuff a little bit more so you people understand exactly what you're missing, but we've, we've, we've, we've developed um this sort of short form.
uncleStinky : I totally forget about it. We never do.
The Whole Ballgame: uh, content, I guess, as much as it pains me to say that word out loud, but, uh, we call them foul balls. And, uh, these, these dipshits we have rolling around in our heads, oftentimes we'll take control of our recording devices or phones and, and just create magic.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh, the most recent one, I believe you've was from, Somebody in your head, right? Yeah, you put you put something up there the other day.
The Whole Ballgame: What was it? Was it Jimmy? No.
uncleStinky : I don't know. Once I'm done with it, it's gone forever.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, that makes sense. ah I know Jimmy recently did one, ah you know, talking about his missing megaphone, which he did get back, everybody.
The Whole Ballgame: He did get the microphone but megaphone back. so is Oh, yes, that's right.
uncleStinky : Oh, we had ah RFK saving the fat boys.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep, that was it. Yep. RFK is, uh, out there to save the fat boys. So if that interests you, Jimmy interests you, if any of our dipshit ideas interest you, uh, you should probably head over there to patreon.com slash the whole ball game and, you know, make it so that, uh, Blake and I can save,
uncleStinky : I think.
The Whole Ballgame: $20 a month a piece and eventually retire to the Dominican Republic.
uncleStinky : Maybe yes, maybe no.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know.
uncleStinky : You know, as I look at it...
The Whole Ballgame: Maybe, maybe Haiti.
uncleStinky : Yeah, that sounds good. As I look at it now, you know, there's 51 foul balls in there. 11 Charlie News Networks. Five story time with credences.
uncleStinky : And then we have seven stolen goods, which is just random shit that I find humorous that I'll share from the internet.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh yeah.
uncleStinky : And the one of one, Harry at home.
The Whole Ballgame: I haven't done another one of those, have Harry just ah recorded a little bit while he was emptying the dishwasher.
The Whole Ballgame: And ah it goes, I think it's about 11 minutes long. It goes well off the rails.
uncleStinky : Yeah, and that's in addition to the additional shows we do that are not baseball. Like ah we talked about the the Saints and the Falcons ah wildcard weekend from 91.
uncleStinky : my My first is falling in love with football for the first time.
The Whole Ballgame: We watched ah the pilot to different strokes together for our fans on Patreon.
uncleStinky : Yeah, Marvin.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep. Talk a little about Martin Marvin and his love of black midgets or young black boys. We're not sure, you know, when we don't judge um unless he's a pedophile and then fuck that guy.
The Whole Ballgame: But we're not sure.
uncleStinky : You also have your entire phone call with DDP on there.
The Whole Ballgame: But.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yes. Yeah, that's the other piece, right? Yeah, I should probably update him. It's been almost a year since I talked to him, and he told me to call him and update him every month on whether I was still a fat boy. um And I am, just not as fat as I was.
The Whole Ballgame: ah But, yeah, ah you can hear you can hear the the grift come out of Dallas' own mouth. over there on the Patreon as well. It's ah it's a good one.
uncleStinky : I bet you that he knows how many months it's been since you haven't called. He's not going to call you or check himself, but he's made notes so he can regain and fuck you and make sure you know that you're a bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Correct.
uncleStinky : in
The Whole Ballgame: What will happen is I'll call him back and he'll let it go to voicemail and I'll leave him a voicemail and he'll call me back and he'll go, bruh, you're not dead?
The Whole Ballgame: you didn't You're not dead yet? That's pretty good. You know, it's been 11 months since I heard from you.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : He'll go back and check the last message or phone or
The Whole Ballgame: He put tally marks. Yeah, exactly. Tally marks. he's He's got notes on everybody.
uncleStinky : Dally marks. Dally marks.
The Whole Ballgame: Tally marks. There it is. fuck We got there, by God.
uncleStinky : Yes.
uncleStinky : Nice.
uncleStinky : No, but the Cincinnati and and Houston will will be taking a look at Jeff Bagwell and... And we'll probably have to see what we can scrape together to get another guest star for the the big dog of the Reds. None other than Kevin Mitchell, baby.
uncleStinky : BMF for himself.
uncleStinky : And I think I got a guy lined up.
The Whole Ballgame: Let's see.
uncleStinky : That he's going to cost us.
The Whole Ballgame: look at this roster real quick.
uncleStinky : Oh yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: See again. Hmm.
uncleStinky : I said, but he's going to cost us. Um, yeah, that fucking reds team is monstrous. The bagwells bagwell is going to win the fucking MVP. So that's really the, the, the division race and that, and that's kind of the story there. But, um, I'm pretty sure that reds teams like collective batting average is something like, like two 90 fucking two or something like that.
uncleStinky : Like, The entire team's damn near batting 300. Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Brett Boone, Jeff Branson, Tony Fernandez, Willie Green, Lenny Harris, Barry Larkin, Hal Morris, Roberto Kelly, Kevin Mitchell, Dion, Jerome Walton.
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus.
uncleStinky : Yeah, Kelly gets traded for Dion. That's the swap with Atlanta.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, I see. Yeah, I was looking at the roster from that year.
uncleStinky : Whenever that trade happens, don't know, a couple months in the season, I think.
The Whole Ballgame: What I always find funny is
The Whole Ballgame: you can almost always tell by the name whether or not they're going to have a kisser.
The Whole Ballgame: Case in point, I don't remember this man at all, but of the the Reds roster in 1994, what name do you think I would have clicked on thinking, oh, I bet this guy's got a got got a kisser on him
uncleStinky : Yeah.
uncleStinky : Hal Morris.
The Whole Ballgame: Nope. Chuck McElroy.
uncleStinky : Mm hmm. Yeah, Chuck's got glasses, doesn't he?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, see that. And that's a thing. You know, it's it's a it's it might be vaguely racist. I'll put that out there. But get a black guy with with glasses on, especially wire rim glasses.
The Whole Ballgame: And there's just like a level of.
The Whole Ballgame: This guy looks like a real nerd.
The Whole Ballgame: He played for a lot of teams, though.
uncleStinky : Well, I think those glasses do that to anybody. Nobody looks cool.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't think so. I don't look like a nerd.
uncleStinky : Nobody looks cool in wire-rimmed glasses, man.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, and wire rims? Yeah, that's a good point. The hoes. The hoes looked good.
uncleStinky : Oh, yeah. That's true. Thank you, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Cubs. wi Cubs, White Sox, Phillies, Reds, Orioles, Rockies.
uncleStinky : What are you doing? Just reading baseball teams?
The Whole Ballgame: No, no, no. That's who Chuck McElroy played for all those teams.
uncleStinky : Oh, okay. Goddamn. This fucking show's really devolved.
The Whole Ballgame: It really has. Jesus Christ.
uncleStinky : Cardinals. Cubs. Pirates. Brewers.
The Whole Ballgame: Savannah bananas.
uncleStinky : Astros. Oh, no. That hurts. Banana ball.
The Whole Ballgame: Dear God in heaven.
uncleStinky : ah It's all going to hell.
The Whole Ballgame: We're all in big, big trouble.
uncleStinky : Yeah, would do you when you look at everything, it's just so goddamn problematic.
The Whole Ballgame: Carlos. pierga
uncleStinky : for Like, all the arts, like, where it's all heading, the... We're fucking everything up.
The Whole Ballgame: Arts and farts.
uncleStinky : it God damn it. They're going to Saudi Arabia for WrestleMania. like We just have completely went past the point of pretending to to give a fucking shit about anything.
The Whole Ballgame: I didn't tell you. we We haven't talked about much of anything. I'm ah pretty sure I will be in Las Vegas this April.
uncleStinky : Hey, look at you.
The Whole Ballgame: not for Not for WrestleMania, though.
uncleStinky : got a B&B? oh
The Whole Ballgame: russ ah We might end up in an Airbnb, but no. We're probably going to do WrestleCon for pro wrestling tees. So I've got to be in town for that.
uncleStinky : What do you mean not for WrestleMania you'll clearly that's the real reason you're there
The Whole Ballgame: Well, yeah, but we're selling shit somewhere else. I won't go to WrestleMania.
uncleStinky : now
The Whole Ballgame: I'm not going to pay that kind of money. If you're not going, I'm not splurging. You know, I care about you, Blake, is what I'm saying. Merry Christmas.
uncleStinky : You're Sterling, not Splurgeon.
uncleStinky : Get it?
uncleStinky : What was that one guy's name? Spurgeon? Spurgeon Wynn? that senator?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, that's what I thought of when you said that word.
uncleStinky : still Seems like somebody Bob Cottle would have worked with when he was working with Jesse Helms.
The Whole Ballgame: I was like, wait a second, I know that from somewhere. Now I got to look it up.
uncleStinky : Let's not talk about that when we talk about how nice a guy Bob Cottle is. The fact worked for one of the most racist fucking politicians ever.
The Whole Ballgame: He was, yeah, he was like, um he was like his chief of staff. He didn't just work for him. He was like the guy.
uncleStinky : that's right, boss. He's a real...
The Whole Ballgame: Charles Spurgeon was a British preacher, author, pastor, and evangelist.
uncleStinky : that's right. I heard my...
The Whole Ballgame: Closeness to God.
uncleStinky : That's it, yes.
The Whole Ballgame: Dilemma and deliverance.
uncleStinky : I heard my dad's daughter talk about him before. That's it. that That fucking huckster.
The Whole Ballgame: That's your sister.
uncleStinky : Nah, she's not my sister.
The Whole Ballgame: She's your dad's daughter. She's your sister.
uncleStinky : Nah. It's
The Whole Ballgame: Okay. All right.
uncleStinky : a half-sibling.
The Whole Ballgame: I have one of those. Her name's Penny.
uncleStinky : Penny Lane, she's in my house.
The Whole Ballgame: you know you know You know, Penny is is one of those. she's a She's an archetype. a penny Penny Patton. penny yeah
The Whole Ballgame: Penny's about five feet tall. That's not an exaggeration. She's about five feet tall. She weighs about 375 pounds.
uncleStinky : Oh, wow.
The Whole Ballgame: Um, she's 14 or 15 years older than I am. As you know, my father and mother were 18 years apart and, ah he was, I think I've told the story on the program before.
uncleStinky : Uh-huh.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know if I have, but, um, my dad lived next to my mom and her family. And he lived with his wife who was whoring herself out at the truck stop in town.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: And he found out about it and ah he had been convinced that he was sterile by his wife at the time ah to the point even that they adopted and Penny was adopted.
uncleStinky : uh-huh
The Whole Ballgame: So he was, she was his from adoption with, with his ex. And he found out that he was in fact not sterile when the 19 year old girl that lived next door to him got knocked up with my brother.
The Whole Ballgame: before she graduated high school. So, so ah
The Whole Ballgame: Penny, ah yeah, about 15 years older than me and maybe more.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm not really sure. But she's that woman who um ah we all have one of these in our life that ah no matter what the occasion, no matter no matter the reason for the gathering, everything is about Penny and Penny's problems.
The Whole Ballgame: Right. ah Last time I saw Penny was at a funeral. And the entire time that I saw her, hadn't seen her in three or four years. It was about how bad her back hurts and how she needs to sit down or else she's going to go into a spasm and end up in the hospital.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, and I'm talking about 20, 25, 30 minutes of the same story going around and around and around and and it always, you know,
The Whole Ballgame: Well, this happened to me and then my back and then, you know, I have this, this, uh, like this myalgia or this fake brain pain, right?
uncleStinky : yes yes it's always the fibromyalgia yes yes yes
The Whole Ballgame: Like that always the fiber. Yeah. Right. Uh, but yeah, that's, that's, uh, that's Penny. That's my half sister. Um, the only thing Penny ever did for me that was worth a shit was she took me to, uh, see back to the future, uh, part two at the movie theater.
uncleStinky : oh oh wow always comes back to back to the future for you oh nice
The Whole Ballgame: Yep.
The Whole Ballgame: Fucking A. See the DeLorean's up there, too. He's right there. Yeah. Now to retire the side.
uncleStinky : ah Oh, man. Penny, penny, penny. Well, of course she for fucking back hurts.
The Whole Ballgame: any Penny, penny, penny.
uncleStinky : She's I'll tell her. Oh,
The Whole Ballgame: Thank you very much. And God forbid somebody say that.
uncleStinky : i'll tell her
The Whole Ballgame: i I know you would. I know you would. God bless you.
The Whole Ballgame: See if I can find a picture of Penny and I'll send it to you. It might end up being the wallpaper for this episode.
uncleStinky : god
uncleStinky : I still like the sticker of the one girl.
The Whole Ballgame: Which one girl?
uncleStinky : i don't even know who it is. The one that's just looking back so disapprovingly at the camera. Looks like she's got a wig on and big glasses. It's funny.
uncleStinky : I know you disapprove of it though, so I don't send it to you.
The Whole Ballgame: Hey, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
uncleStinky : Okay, I'll send it to you and we can go back down and rehash this.
The Whole Ballgame: sounds good to me. I'll do it in character. It'll be great.
uncleStinky : Yeah, yeah, pretty sure like twice you like oh no don't do that But I'll do it Her face is funny it makes me laugh
uncleStinky : That one I See I told you motherfucker exact reaction
The Whole Ballgame: Come on, man.
The Whole Ballgame: Although what's kind of funny about that is she kind of looks like Penny.
uncleStinky : Yeah, see, the whole thing's funny. I know what I'm...
The Whole Ballgame: she's she's She's lost about 150 pounds since that picture was taken, too.
uncleStinky : I know what I'm doing, dude.
The Whole Ballgame: So that's nice.
uncleStinky : I'm fucking in sync, brother.
uncleStinky : Jack! Did you hear that?
The Whole Ballgame: I did. There she is. Oh dear god.
The Whole Ballgame: Get real kick out of this shit.
uncleStinky : Ugh.
The Whole Ballgame: Broken bat, little looper. Two down.
The Whole Ballgame: Where you at? There you are. Okay. There comes. There you go. Say hi, Penny.
The Whole Ballgame: There only some games left for that one.
uncleStinky : Is she with Macho Man?
The Whole Ballgame: She's not. that's a Well, my dad called him George. His real name is Kevin.
uncleStinky : No.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, that's the guy that she ended up marrying after her abusive ex.
uncleStinky : He looks kind of abusive himself.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, i wouldn't it wouldn't surprise me one bit.
uncleStinky : I mean, are you going really marry a 5'375 pound woman if you can't beat the shit out of her every now and then?
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, no.
uncleStinky : Penny Lane, you're in my heart. You're in my backhand.
uncleStinky : It's the fifth inning and this cocksucker is talking about a late arriving crowd.
The Whole Ballgame: My back hurts. It's a my fibromyalgia is acting up spanky. Wimpy. I mean, wimpy.
uncleStinky : Spank it, Whippy.
The Whole Ballgame: See, I mixed up the little rascals and Popeye.
The Whole Ballgame: He's got himself a 3-1 lead.
The Whole Ballgame: So, Comiskey, this is old Comiskey. No, it's not. This is the new one.
uncleStinky : Wow, that's new one.
The Whole Ballgame: Never mind. Yeah. hu Dipshits.
uncleStinky : Yep, yeah, they really shit the bed with that. You can't even tell the difference. Brand new fucking stadium.
The Whole Ballgame: Hi and inside.
uncleStinky : Only the White Sox.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, they signed that Japanese guy. Everybody seems really excited about it. and i sent you that clip. Did you see that?
uncleStinky : I that did not.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : So Taguchi?
The Whole Ballgame: Nope.
uncleStinky : oh
The Whole Ballgame: oh White Sox.
uncleStinky : You know what do you know so Taguchi used to be on the Cardinals?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, I remember the name.
uncleStinky : In the 2005 playoffs. He integral part. and i would run around also two thousand and four i suppose And I would go, so what?
uncleStinky : So to Gucci.
The Whole Ballgame: Perfect.
The Whole Ballgame: Mune Takamurakami, Japanese slugger.
The Whole Ballgame: Chicago White Sox general manager Chris Goetz calls Munitaka Murakami, one of the most prolific power hitters on the planet, expects the 25-year-old Japanese slugger to make an immediate impact on his rebuilding of the team next season.
The Whole Ballgame: White Sox and Murakami agreed to a two-year, $34 million dollars contract. Not sure what Reinsdorf thought about this, but I'm sure he's got some things to say.
The Whole Ballgame: The video that I sent you has him on on camera telling and the fans that they can just call him Mune.
The Whole Ballgame: Like Mercedes Mune.
uncleStinky : Uh-oh, that's what I wanted...............................
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, listen to this. Hold on.
uncleStinky : cool back
The Whole Ballgame: Hold on before you do that.
The Whole Ballgame: Perfect. It should be a humdinger. Left-handed batting corner infielder launched 56 home runs in 2022 to break Sudaharu
The Whole Ballgame: record for a Japanese born player in the Nippon professional baseball league while becoming the youngest player to earn Japan's triple crown. Uh, we learned of course about Sadaharu Oh in our episode that highlighted, uh,
The Whole Ballgame: Bob Horner.
uncleStinky : Sataharo, oh no.
uncleStinky : Let's get a beer.
The Whole Ballgame: Did I tell you that I talked to Sonny Ono on the phone?
uncleStinky : Maybe.
The Whole Ballgame: Because we were we were planning on booking Muda or Naito. And now that Naito is not in New Japan anymore,
The Whole Ballgame: ah Sonny Ono is his North American representation. And he wanted us to lock him in and send him 50% of their pay immediately.
uncleStinky : Sounds like a good deal.
The Whole Ballgame: Do you know how I responded to Sonny?
uncleStinky : oh no.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, no.
uncleStinky : Good. He deserves that. Well,
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. Socks down, too. They're in trouble, according to Hawk.
uncleStinky : why can't you just give the guy half his money?
The Whole Ballgame: Well, it's not his money. It's their money.
uncleStinky : Well, they were or he works for them, right?
The Whole Ballgame: That's what he says.
uncleStinky : You telling me that you think Sonny Ono's fucking Tetsuya Naito out of some money?
The Whole Ballgame: Yes.
uncleStinky : ha ha ha
The Whole Ballgame: ah He's fucking so so so so sa ah Naito. as I don't know what the fuck that was.
uncleStinky : ha. Ha ha ha ha
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus Christ.
uncleStinky : ha.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
uncleStinky : Ba ba ba ba ba. Oh no, dude.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Naito, Great Muta, and Jushin Thunder Liger.
uncleStinky : ah no they
The Whole Ballgame: He represents all of them here in the United States. And yeah, I'm reasonably sure he's taken a great deal of money from all three of those men.
uncleStinky : I don't seem like Sonny Ono to me, dude.
The Whole Ballgame: No. Oh, no.
uncleStinky : Oh, no.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
uncleStinky : I'll never tell.
The Whole Ballgame: Sonny. Ah, he's a great guy. He's a great guy. He understands story, man.
uncleStinky : Oh, I thought that was Don Teriyaki for a minute.
The Whole Ballgame: No, no, no.
uncleStinky : Same dude, kind of just different ethnicity.
uncleStinky : Man.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, as I sit here on my porch and I watch the sunset in Montana, I'm reminded of my time with Sonny in Minnesota.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: What a great guy he was, is, you know, Sonny actually still lives in Minneapolis.
uncleStinky : Yeah, yeah.
uncleStinky : Big in the political scene up there. Yeah,
The Whole Ballgame: Nah, man. Nah, this isn't about politics. Nah.
uncleStinky : what is, right?
uncleStinky : Nothing's about politics, right, Eric?
The Whole Ballgame: That's the, that's the weak. That is the weakest excuse I've ever heard. I, I hear it all the time. It's all, oh, cause of politics. Nothing's actually politics, man.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
uncleStinky : No?
The Whole Ballgame: This makes me sick.
uncleStinky : I think everything's politics.
The Whole Ballgame: What do you hear that from Meltzer? What do you hear that from Meltzer?
uncleStinky : No, I heard it from Richie Sambora.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't like rock and roll music.
uncleStinky : Okay.
The Whole Ballgame: This is a full.
uncleStinky : I'm sorry you don't like rock and roll music. I guess that means we just fucking discount it.
The Whole Ballgame: Correct. You finally you're catching on
uncleStinky : Yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: What a businessman this guy is.
uncleStinky : Oh
The Whole Ballgame: My goodness.
uncleStinky : oh yeah, I got the receipts to show it.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't save any of my receipts.
uncleStinky : Yeah, that seems probably good for you. you in trouble.
The Whole Ballgame: Wasteful. I've only been bankrupted three times. No big deal.
uncleStinky : All right.
uncleStinky : Gabe, Gabe's saving his Powerball receipts. Did you win the billions?
The Whole Ballgame: Ah, fuck. I knew I forgot something. God damn it. It's Monday.
uncleStinky : Surely you can buy it sure you can buy a ticket online now, right?
The Whole Ballgame: Hopefully.
uncleStinky : And there's some kind of app.
The Whole Ballgame: You can't. You can't. You can't. I don't. like I can't do it.
uncleStinky : No?
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know why.
uncleStinky : Well, it's probably smart you don't.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, it it rolled over to today. It was.
uncleStinky : Oh, dude, there's Spanky.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
uncleStinky : Spanky LaValier.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, nice.
The Whole Ballgame: Believe that's that he's in your arsenal. Let's see here. The winning numbers tonight, 3, 18, 36, 41, 54 with Powerball 7. Let's see here. 1.6 billion tonight. 735.3 million cash value if you just take it all once.
uncleStinky : Oh man, those are exactly my numbers.
The Whole Ballgame: see here
The Whole Ballgame: one point six billion tonight
uncleStinky : That would be fine.
The Whole Ballgame: seven hundred and thirty five point three million in cash value if you just take it all at once
uncleStinky : Yeah, that sounds fine.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, I'd build a compound. That's what I would do.
The Whole Ballgame: Somewhere centrally enough located, none of you fuckers would ever have to to to work again. take take We'd take care of Molly, we'd hire some tutors.
The Whole Ballgame: Man, it'd be hell of a thing.
uncleStinky : It sounds like you're just trying to lock me inside a fucking compound and not let me out. ah So, I don't know about that. But, uh, yeah. Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: You know those guys in Oregon where the ah the feds raided their they're compound?
uncleStinky : Uh.
uncleStinky : Oh, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: and
uncleStinky : Hey, is that Princess Di?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus Christ.
uncleStinky : Oh, she's choking the kid. You fucking cunt. Look at that bitch. She definitely likes it in the ass.
The Whole Ballgame: Look at her. We can only hope.
uncleStinky : Big Hurts smokes one in Omar.
The Whole Ballgame: There is ah no indication as to whether and any anybody won. We should know in the next hour or so whether or not somebody actually won tonight. If not, it'll roll into Christmas Eve, and the jackpot will be about the same as it was when I was there in Missouri with you and the boy back in September, and that was $1.787 billion.
uncleStinky : What a haul.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : I would, ah
The Whole Ballgame: Somebody in Missouri won. ah just was Someone in Missouri and someone in Texas split it.
The Whole Ballgame: White Sox cap brought to you by our friends at Insure won the gift at the ball game this weekend.
uncleStinky : I think if I won, I'd go to work for like three days. And then quit.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: ah like dramatically or just kind of just walk in a day and be like, Hey, I, uh,
uncleStinky : Oh, no, no. i'd be like, you know, at first off, I'd make sure everybody knew I won
The Whole Ballgame: yeah.
uncleStinky : And then I'd just kind of walk around and fuck with people. And then, oh no.
The Whole Ballgame: Would you give Dave any money?
uncleStinky : And then then by the time, you know, just whenever I got bored with it, I'd just like probably flip them off and
The Whole Ballgame: Okay.
uncleStinky : Maybe light an Undertaker symbol on fire out back or something. And say, fuck y'all. And head out.
The Whole Ballgame: Not a cross. An Undertaker symbol?
uncleStinky : Yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Got it.
uncleStinky : Because that's what we did back in the day. So um I might have to do that.
The Whole Ballgame: White Sox wives put together a quilt there, Blake.
uncleStinky : Oh, that's great. That looks like a real sack of shit.
The Whole Ballgame: It's a lot of work, Wimpy has to say.
uncleStinky : Yeah, well, you know...
The Whole Ballgame: Darren Jackson's wife was ah the lead on that bad boy.
uncleStinky : Who's the gay man in the middle of the wives?
The Whole Ballgame: And maybe he is a goon. Yeah.
uncleStinky : That's the question.
The Whole Ballgame: That's Carlos Baerga's houseboy.
uncleStinky : I don't think so. That's the White Sox wives. It's Darren Jackson's boyfriend, I bet.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh.
uncleStinky : Maybe it's yours, Kark.
The Whole Ballgame: comment
uncleStinky : That's right. You did tell us about your escapades with many men and women.
The Whole Ballgame: When you exist wholly outside of time,
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: what's important to remember is that sex is a construct just like anything else.
The Whole Ballgame: Sexuality even is a construct.
uncleStinky : Sure.
The Whole Ballgame: it just
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: It's just whatever you believe it to be. It's not a it's not real. everything is Everything is fake. Isn't that the way that you live your life?
uncleStinky : Well, I think i know what sex is and I'm pretty sure it's real.
The Whole Ballgame: No, I didn't say sex. I said sexuality.
uncleStinky : Well, at first you said sex.
The Whole Ballgame: Shut up.
uncleStinky : I wasn't sure.
The Whole Ballgame: I said shut up.
uncleStinky : oh Wally?
uncleStinky : You in there?
The Whole Ballgame: Move on.
uncleStinky : Oh, okay.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : Good job.
The Whole Ballgame: All right. Well, what are you going to How's this new microphone sound, by the way?
uncleStinky : Sounds great. I'm glad you got it.
The Whole Ballgame: That's wonderful.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. I, uh, my other one broke. Um, well it's been broken for some time and I thought it was the cord.
uncleStinky : right right because you'd move it yeah
The Whole Ballgame: It was actually the inside of the fucking, the, the, the thing on the back end, the little plug it was, that was broken. Um, and I missed, uh, by a month and a half, I, uh, I missed the, uh, the geek squad replacement bullshit. So I had to buy a new fucking microphone.
uncleStinky : that's too bad
The Whole Ballgame: You know what? I don't i don't think you're you're being sincere. Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : I'm nothing but...
uncleStinky : You know, it sounds so good. I think maybe, you know, maybe more people start giving us money and we can do more shows.
The Whole Ballgame: That would be that'd be really good if they would do that, especially this time of year where you know we're on here talking about how I'm going to spend more money on Powerball tickets because I need the money.
uncleStinky : Because...
uncleStinky : Oh, dude. It's Beavis and Butthead.
The Whole Ballgame: That's Beavis.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah.
uncleStinky : They're being escorted out, I think.
The Whole Ballgame: It looked as though that were the case. There you go
uncleStinky : Only Comiskey.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I mean, I don't think those two were the ones that ran onto the field and beat up an old man, but it could very well be.
uncleStinky : That'd be something.
uncleStinky : Beat the shit out of Tom Gamboa.
The Whole Ballgame: Gamboa, that's it was. Yep.
uncleStinky : Hey, there's Jose De Leon.
The Whole Ballgame: Number 48 in your programs.
uncleStinky : form Former Cardinal.
The Whole Ballgame: Number one in your heart.
The Whole Ballgame: Robin Ventura.
The Whole Ballgame: Former White Sox manager, former ah New York Met, Robin Ventura.
uncleStinky : former Oklahoma State Cowboy.
The Whole Ballgame: Former Nolan Ryan punching bag.
The Whole Ballgame: Ho! Inside for a ball.
uncleStinky : Forever uncool Robin Ventura.
The Whole Ballgame: This Clark character is a good pitcher, huh? Is he still in there? Is that still him?
uncleStinky : It is Yeah, he was a decent prospect I remember when he came up with the Cardinals and then he's doing well here
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. 10 and three on the season. He's.
uncleStinky : he said dinger
The Whole Ballgame: He's full four for seven with a dinger. Oh, maybe that's who that was. Maybe that was ah Wimpy's
The Whole Ballgame: assaulter. Maybe that's who that guy with the mustache was around the Chicago wives.
uncleStinky : oh
The Whole Ballgame: His boyfriend or perp.
uncleStinky : Yes. Assaulter slash boyfriend.
The Whole Ballgame: perp
The Whole Ballgame: Look at this we're getting It's getting interesting here, Blake.
uncleStinky : Look. It's late in the game. The pitcher's getting tired. We gotta get the bullpen up. There's...
The Whole Ballgame: Derek Lilliquist is up in the bullpen, along with Jose Mesa.
uncleStinky : ah yeah Lefty. That's a couple of kissers right there.
uncleStinky : The aforementioned Buddy Bill.
The Whole Ballgame: Manuel in there as well. It's the bench coach eventually. Charlie Manuel. No, that's Jerry Manuel. Never mind.
uncleStinky : Jerry Manuel's on the White Sox.
The Whole Ballgame: There's Darren Jackson. Uh-huh.
uncleStinky : Charlie Manuel is the hitting coach of the Indians.
The Whole Ballgame: Darren Jackson's standing in now. Looks like a bit of a goon if you ask me.
uncleStinky : I'm telling think the guy at the stash is with Darren.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, that's the end of the inning. Darren Jackson fucks it all up for everybody. And we head to the bottom of something or other.
uncleStinky : No, that was a sacrifice bullet.
The Whole Ballgame: okay. Well, there you go.
uncleStinky : Yeah, fucking idiot.
The Whole Ballgame: Same difference. Same same difference. It doesn't really matter. I know how this ends.
uncleStinky : a Yeah, sure, I know. You've been through fucking time and space.
The Whole Ballgame: ah No, no, no. That's me. The Hawk has not been through time and space.
uncleStinky : Who can keep straight? Uh-oh.
uncleStinky : What the fuck is this bullshit?
The Whole Ballgame: this. wa you i no know a native wound up dying
uncleStinky : Lance Johnson grounds out and that'll be all for the White Sox as this inning comes to an end. Oh no, wait, they scored a run.
The Whole Ballgame: like ah Like I said, Lance Johnson fucks it up for everybody.
uncleStinky : You know Lance is a former Cardinal as well.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, Lance was more of a journeyman than I knew when he was playing for the White Sox. I wasn't paying enough attention to the rest of the league. I didn't realize he bounced around the way that he did.
uncleStinky : Got Warren Newsome on deck. Seems like a good time for me to go take a piss.
The Whole Ballgame: sounds great. ah Blake will be right back here on the whole ball game. Well, he's gone.
uncleStinky : gonna keep on dancing true.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm going to sing you all a little song.
The Whole Ballgame: Nah, I was just kidding. I'm not going play a song for you. Well, I'm glad you mentioned that, Gabe. I'll sing a song for these people. What song do you all want to hear?
The Whole Ballgame: Okay, let's see if I can find that one in my in my app here.
The Whole Ballgame: oh where's that oh where you going here you go okay well it's that time of year folks and and i'm here and after gabe goes to bed at night you know he leaves the christmas lights on in the living room so i i'm uh i'm bathed in the the kind light of the Christmas holiday season. And so I figured I'd, I'd sing, uh, sing y'all little tune that, uh, that's near and dear to my heart. Oftentimes we would sing this one, um, while we were juicing the girls around Christmas time. So,
The Whole Ballgame: Here we go. Oh, come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant. Oh, come ye, oh, come ye to Bethlehem.
The Whole Ballgame: Come and behold him, born the king of angels. O come, let us adore him. O come, let us adore him. O come, let us adore him. him Christ the Lord. And now the little known second verse.
The Whole Ballgame: oh God of God, light of light. Lo, he abhors not the virgin's womb.
The Whole Ballgame: Very God, begotten, not created. Sing, choirs of angels, sing in exultation. Sing, all ye citizens of heaven above, glory to God in the highest.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, I can't, I don't really know if I'm saying this right. So, ah you know, I'm trying to make it sound the same, but I don't have the music in front of me, just the lyrics.
The Whole Ballgame: So I just wanted to get it as right as I could for y'all. I know it'd be in that time of year, so. We'll wrap it up here with the third one. Yea, Lord, we greet thee. Born this happy morning.
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus, to thee be glory given. Word of the Father. Now in flesh appearing. Oh, come let us adore him. Oh, come let us adore him.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, come let us adore him. him Christ the Lord. oh here he is. I was singing a little little little Christmas tune for him there, Blakers.
uncleStinky : That's great. Thank you, Rick. I'm sorry.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
uncleStinky : like i had to stop and get some animal crackers for Jimmy, baby.
The Whole Ballgame: I got it. I got them. i got them. I got, there's a, there's a second verse here. The third verse came back to life and sounded right. But like the second verse goes, God of God, light of light.
The Whole Ballgame: Low, he abhors, not the virgin's womb. Very God begotten, not created. So I don't know if I sang it right or not, but I told him that was a song that we used to sing around Christmas time while we was juicing them girls.
uncleStinky : Well, it's awful festive of you guys.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, come let us adore him. You know, we're praising God and coming. It's all really good.
uncleStinky : Staying faithful.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Glad to have you racked, Rick.
The Whole Ballgame: that might be That might be a fun fun set of ah foul balls is is our our guys all singing ah singing Christmas carols on the Patreon for the holiday season. So, yeah, in the next couple of days here, still more sleep, still Christmas, folks.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Maybe we'll ah we'll sing some some Christmas carols. i bet bob I bet you Bob has a hell of a... ah ah repertoire singing Christmas carols, you know, as dedicated to the Dark Lord as he is.
uncleStinky : know, Jimmy used to sing quite a bit. hadn't been care for that, though.
The Whole Ballgame: Keep on dancing, baby. feel like Jingle Bells from Jimmy Hart sounds about right.
uncleStinky : There's probably seven or eight Jimmy tracks in the foul balls.
The Whole Ballgame: Dashing through the snow. an a one-horse open sleigh. O'er the fields we go. Laughing all the way.
uncleStinky : You big Christmas music guy, huh, Rick? I think he's crying now. hard
The Whole Ballgame: go underneath the couch.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I think so.
The Whole Ballgame: I miss Beth.
uncleStinky : Yeah, that bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Roberto or Sandy? That's Sandy, right?
uncleStinky : That is.
uncleStinky : Roberto is more diminutive in spits.
The Whole Ballgame: Sandy says, Sandy says, or Hawk says, he's really hitting the ball well.
uncleStinky : You know, it's a baseball, man. That's talk. Eighth inning and Blackjack's still in there.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, you know, in a game this close where ah where you know one crack of the bat could change the change a course of the ballgame, you hate to give give a guy like Blackjack, who's struggling a little bit at this point in the season, but, you know, has got a lot of quality starts in a row here.
The Whole Ballgame: Got to give him every opportunity to win the game if he's he' was anywhere close. You know, we owe him that much for the for grabbing us to Cy Young last year.
uncleStinky : We? who Do we? Who's we?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, I reckon it's we. It's we. It's us. You know, I, as part of the team at this time, 1994, I was 11. um It was important to me to give Blackjack the benefit of the doubt on everything.
uncleStinky : Is this you? Are you talking as Gabe? i it sounds like you're doing a little It sounds like you're doing a little accent, but then you talked about being 11,
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know. I'm really confused. was... there's certain there was
The Whole Ballgame: fat little 11 year old girl.
uncleStinky : Oh, brother, what? What's happening?
The Whole Ballgame: Ask Creedence. He'll understand.
uncleStinky : Oh, dang, dude, not me, man. I'm off for the holidays, dude. You know what I'm saying? Dick liquor clothes, dudes. Oh, man.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, Creedence, I saw some pictures the other day on that, uh, that info dump on, uh,
uncleStinky : um dude, wouldn't be...
The Whole Ballgame: the Department of Justice website looked an awful lot like you, pal.
uncleStinky : Oh, dude, no. I can't get on that plane, man.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, fuck.
The Whole Ballgame: I saw that leisure wear, that multicolored striped leisure wear, and you on the the beach with that drink in your hand. I saw it.
uncleStinky : and did I didn't say nothing about no boat.
The Whole Ballgame: You know all the bullshit aside, that man,
The Whole Ballgame: to avoid having to fly to Chicago, rented a bus, a tour bus, to bring him to Chicago from but from from Huntsville for Star Class 5, maybe, whatever it was.
uncleStinky : Oh, fuck.
uncleStinky : Oh, he's gotten so fat.
The Whole Ballgame: he rendered a rented a fucking tour bus.
uncleStinky : Oh, he's not flying. So he can lay in bed. God damn, that's awesome.
uncleStinky : It's amazing that you can walk around with the fucking look down on people shit. and And you're so goddamn fat, you gotta to take a your fucking bus because you can't hop on plane.
uncleStinky : And then he tried to spin it to you like he he preferred that. Oh man, no.
The Whole Ballgame: that He absolutely did.
uncleStinky : It ain't like that, dude.
The Whole Ballgame: you um man, you know, it ain't like, ah you know, I could fly first class all I wanted to, and I'd be fine, I guess. But would would you rather just just work and do your job and and and be in the lap of luxury, or do you want to go through the TSA nonsense and this and that and the other thing and all the rigmarole?
uncleStinky : But you don't want to.
The Whole Ballgame: No, man, I'll just rent the bus.
uncleStinky : Yeah, no. Now fuck all that rigmarole.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, like you can't take it with you.
uncleStinky : Uh-huh.
The Whole Ballgame: can't take it with you
uncleStinky : Yeah, fuck all that. Fuck that rigmarole. And let let's take the option that it takes takes four more.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh.
uncleStinky : Hey, Alvaro Espinosa.
The Whole Ballgame: That is a kisser.
uncleStinky : Maybe yes, maybe no. Utility infielder, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know can't say it. Hello, my name is Alfredo Aspinosa.
uncleStinky : Alvaro.
The Whole Ballgame: I am very happy. It's fine. There's a bit of a um but the distinctive of the like language barrier.
uncleStinky : Sure, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Alvaro, Alvarado is the same word.
uncleStinky : think he's French.
The Whole Ballgame: my French. ah
uncleStinky : Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, I think we found our loophole here at Blaker's.
uncleStinky : Ha ha ha!
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yes, we have.
uncleStinky : Ha ha
The Whole Ballgame: Avaro Espinoza.
uncleStinky : Ha ha ha!
The Whole Ballgame: Look at my goggles.
uncleStinky : Ha ha ha!
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, I like cheese and champagne.
uncleStinky : Ha ha ha!
uncleStinky : Suck IMU!
The Whole Ballgame: Have you ever seen the movie with the little rat who makes the food with the man's hair? He pulls the hair. or that is what I like the best.
The Whole Ballgame: jesus christ
uncleStinky : I can't confirm this, but...
uncleStinky : I think this is not the first time on the show you've ever asked me if I've seen the movie with the little rat. what she eats It just feels like it's happened before.
uncleStinky : but there's no no way to figure out, like, because there's nothing logically.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh dear God.
uncleStinky : What's the last thing we talked about that Ratatouille could possibly come up in?
The Whole Ballgame: Wonderful.
The Whole Ballgame: i mean, maybe one of, one of, one of, uh, uh, one of the, um, one of the recipes or something.
uncleStinky : it's something to do with cooking.
The Whole Ballgame: um
uncleStinky : Maybe
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus Christ almighty.
uncleStinky : Marvin. Who knows?
uncleStinky : Best to not think about it this late.
The Whole Ballgame: Probably not.
uncleStinky : Maybe Donnie will know.
The Whole Ballgame: Strike on the outside corner.
uncleStinky : Clark's still in as well. Both starting pitchers still going here in the bottom of the eighth. 3-2 Cleveland.
The Whole Ballgame: ah regular pitcher's duel here.
uncleStinky : This is what you live for. I mean, well, not you don't live for it, but like this is gone. It didn't happen anymore, you know? This is a big part of the fucking game.
uncleStinky : You got the hitter and you got the pitcher. You got the starting pitcher and now that's gone.
The Whole Ballgame: See...
The Whole Ballgame: It'll all be gone before long, i would imagine.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I mean, the game's already changed enough. to It's not even... i mean, sure, you can do the mental and gymnastics if you want to, but you're just fucking fooling yourself.
The Whole Ballgame: trying frankly, you can do whatever you want.
uncleStinky : Quite frankly, and it's always been entertainment.
uncleStinky : It's about the experience is what you're paying for. Nobody gives a shit if the team wins.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : They want to go out and feel good and feel like they had a fun time at the ballpark and got to experience some good times, close friends, maybe family, maybe somebody you're cheating on your wife with, perhaps a lover of the same sex.
The Whole Ballgame: It's real good point.
uncleStinky : Quite frankly, I don't know.
The Whole Ballgame: And it worked out for Michael.
uncleStinky : Get the pillows.
The Whole Ballgame: Here comes the big hurt.
uncleStinky : Here comes the big hurt.
The Whole Ballgame: think Mark Clark might get the hook here.
uncleStinky : I would pull him.
uncleStinky : But i've been see I've seen too much modern baseball.
The Whole Ballgame: The crowd is ah getting rambunctious here.
uncleStinky : I think your options are you stick with Clark. What he wants, he doesn't want to um bring in Mesa to pitch here and then wait and continue to the ninth.
uncleStinky : If this was Ventura, he probably would bring in the left-hander.
The Whole Ballgame: Right.
uncleStinky : But I would fucking bring Mesa in.
The Whole Ballgame: Ooh, see, that was high. Frank didn't like that call.
uncleStinky : Frank didn't have such a judicious eye. He would have knocked the shit out of that one There's a fat ball
The Whole Ballgame: Papa's running 20 years of Syria on Sirius XM.
uncleStinky : See nah What the fuck are you doing that porn
The Whole Ballgame: Didn't get enough of it. You need to unlock something. Please try again. No, I think i I said something that sounded like Siri.
uncleStinky : Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: And so my phone reacted to it, but um Papa's running a series
uncleStinky : Hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: on on while they're out for the holiday of 20 years in 20 days of their, cause it's been 20 years. They've been on XM serious.
The Whole Ballgame: And, uh, uh,
uncleStinky : Series black.
The Whole Ballgame: Speaking of, uh, uh, large testicles, uh, they had a man on the show. i don't know what year it was exactly, but I was listening to it tonight, uh, whose testicles weighed 170 pounds because he had a, he had, he, he smashed one of his lymph nodes and, they just continually fill with liquid and he's got to get them drained pretty regularly.
uncleStinky : a
The Whole Ballgame: But yeah, he, carries them around in a milk crate,
The Whole Ballgame: upside down milk crate. And he carries his testicles around that way. They weighed them on the air.
uncleStinky : That's awful, man.
The Whole Ballgame: Awful, just terrible.
uncleStinky : That...
uncleStinky : Probably just never has any time to himself from all the sacks.
uncleStinky : I mean, chicks love big balls, right?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, that's that's what they love.
uncleStinky : just want lick them.
The Whole Ballgame: Here we go. Yeah, here it is.
uncleStinky : I gotta tell you, like, I've always been, it's it's almost, you know, it you gotta to be careful, because it can be painful getting your balls sucked.
uncleStinky : Especially try to, like, pop one. Get all cute.
uncleStinky : Like, you know that's attached to something, right, bitch?
The Whole Ballgame: Wesley Warren Jr. ah was an American man who attracted worldwide attention for his problems with scroed elephantitis, which caused his scrotum to grow to a weight of, excuse me, i was wrong, 132.5 pounds and hang down a little below his knees.
uncleStinky : Oh, okay, here we go.
uncleStinky : Oh, I throw Kark, you bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: After launching a campaign to raise money for
uncleStinky : Oh, no, it's not Kark, sorry.
The Whole Ballgame: In operation to resolve the problem, for which he raised only $2,000, he underwent surgery in April of 2013 after visiting Dr.
uncleStinky : So sad.
The Whole Ballgame: Joel Gelman of the University of California, Irvine Center for Reconstructive Urology, which was aware that Warren could not afford surgery and so performed it for free.
The Whole Ballgame: Warren struggles with his condition and the subsequent operation were filmed by British television crew for a documentary, the man with the 10 stone testicles, which aired on channel four in the United Kingdom ah in 2013. He died of complications of diabetes on March 14th, 2014. Um, so, uh, less than a year after he got the surgery, he died of diabetes.
uncleStinky : Well, that's just the way it is, I guess.
The Whole Ballgame: Born in Orange, New Jersey, Warren was a former resident in New York City. Worked in security.
uncleStinky : Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: DJ caught that. Good work. Good work, son. He moved to Las Vegas in the 90s. Worked on commission to find locations for pay phones in the Las Vegas Valley.
uncleStinky : What a job.
The Whole Ballgame: He fell ill in late 2008 and attributed the onset of his condition to accidentally striking his testicles while sleeping.
uncleStinky : Oh my god.
The Whole Ballgame: He said, I had never felt such a pain. It was like a shooting pain through my entire body. When it stopped, it was like a huge tractor trailer went on the top of me. I think it ruined my lymph nodes down there.
The Whole Ballgame: The following morning, he found that his scrotum had swelled to the size of a soccer ball.
uncleStinky : Fuck.
uncleStinky : Paul Ostenmacher coming into the game for Blackjack Vandal.
The Whole Ballgame: We're about to get the numbers on Austin Mocker.
uncleStinky : Goddamn, man. That's terrifying. How do you accidentally... was he He had to be doing something he shouldn't have been.
The Whole Ballgame: So what he said on Stern, when I was listening, he said he'd always had relatively large testicles and he woke up that morning. They were relatively loose, like, you know, when they're just kind of flopping around.
uncleStinky : Sure.
The Whole Ballgame: And he said they separated out and he flopped his legs over the side of the bed and his right leg smashed down on his right testicle.
uncleStinky : Hmm.
uncleStinky : Yeah, I've sat
The Whole Ballgame: And that was the pain and he smashed it. And then the swelling.
uncleStinky : Yeah, no they're sitting on a nut is awful.
The Whole Ballgame: Never had that problem. with really tiny testicles. so
uncleStinky : Thank you for for sharing that with us. yeah
uncleStinky : It really is a pleasure serving with you.
The Whole Ballgame: Actually, i mean, if we're being real honest here, my left one's pretty regular size. My right one, though. See, when I was 10, had ah inguinal hernia surgery because the tissue never formed in my abdomen.
The Whole Ballgame: That keeps your testicle in your scrotal sac.
uncleStinky : Sure.
The Whole Ballgame: So it would float back between my abdomen and my my scrotum until I was 10. And I had surgery at that point where they tethered that testicle.
The Whole Ballgame: In my scrotum.
uncleStinky : That's good. I'm glad.
The Whole Ballgame: It's called a, it's a version of a hernia. Cause there was a tear in the tissue and what have you. And that's a, so my right testicles only about 10 years behind my left.
uncleStinky : Well, that's good.
uncleStinky : they can just tether it down more or oh ah
The Whole Ballgame: No, they did. That's what they did. They just did. We didn't know. It didn't notice it happening until I was about 10.
uncleStinky : i see gotcha okay quite the facial hair on hollywood here
The Whole Ballgame: It looks a little bit like a the moon pie.
uncleStinky : remember paul ossenmacher from the eighty s late 80s braves
The Whole Ballgame: Wearing in Jackie Robinson's number. i don't know if you noticed that.
uncleStinky : I do.
The Whole Ballgame: He didn't go up there to paint.
uncleStinky : I missed what happened to Kark.
The Whole Ballgame: I had to be somewhere.
uncleStinky : Ah, very well.
The Whole Ballgame: and I had an arrangement and he was always really good about it. So...
The Whole Ballgame: ah
uncleStinky : Jesus Christ, Paul.
The Whole Ballgame: Look at that. All right, good for you, Paul.
The Whole Ballgame: He's laughing about it, too.
uncleStinky : Franco, Ventura, and Jackson in the bottom of the ninth.
uncleStinky : James A. Angio, hell of a fucking director.
uncleStinky : Toohey. Hot Toohey. I'm just Hot Toohey's dad. yeah That's good shit. But you're scrolling.
The Whole Ballgame: Now I got a text from the lady.
uncleStinky : What's that?
The Whole Ballgame: I didn't wake her up, but it is what it is.
uncleStinky : Oh, I thought you said from a lady.
The Whole Ballgame: the, the, not a Please, Blake, we talked about this.
uncleStinky : Hmm.
uncleStinky : Gabe, I'm in here with a child trying to slumber. Cut out your bullshit. I've only had six hours of sleep so far.
uncleStinky : I need to get a solid 14. I'm going to be working in the next two weeks. I have to get my rest.
The Whole Ballgame: It's 17, by the way.
uncleStinky : Ha ha.
uncleStinky : Goddamn, man. I think I would pay $1,000 if I could just sleep till noon tomorrow.
uncleStinky : don't know who I'd give it to, but whoever could make that.
The Whole Ballgame: um I mean, I'll take it.
uncleStinky : Yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Mark Clark's still in this ballgame. Giving them a complete game here, aren't they?
uncleStinky : He ain't no bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, look at that.
uncleStinky : yeah Yeah, it might blow up in their face.
The Whole Ballgame: Julio Franco.
uncleStinky : Hawk's excited about the tying run being on with nobody out.
The Whole Ballgame: We're in the bottom of the ninth, man.
uncleStinky : It's nut-cutting time. I tell you, about every every hour to three hours or so, I get paranoid that somebody's sneaking up from behind to attack me.
The Whole Ballgame: That's what they say.
The Whole Ballgame: Is that real?
uncleStinky : It
The Whole Ballgame: Or are you just
uncleStinky : No, it flashes through my head.
The Whole Ballgame: momentarily or does it persist?
uncleStinky : Well, every one to three hours.
The Whole Ballgame: Shit.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know what to tell you. Brother?
uncleStinky : think guess's i think I think it's the Hulkster.
The Whole Ballgame: Brother?
uncleStinky : think it's his spirit.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, dude, you got understand, man.
uncleStinky : Tell me be vigilant.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
uncleStinky : Dark forces at work against us.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm misunderstanding. You didn't really work against you. You know, if you're in the way, you might make you look collateral damage, but there's no no targeting, you know?
The Whole Ballgame: It's not, you know, You can't control other people.
uncleStinky : Right.
The Whole Ballgame: That's what I always say.
uncleStinky : You can possess them and do it.
The Whole Ballgame: We don't really do that. I mean, there's a rare occasion where it does happen, but that's not about... to It's not about you know taking control or trying to to ruin a life or anything like that. she so Sometimes some people are especially suited to taking care of business in certain circumstances than others would be aware of.
The Whole Ballgame: There
uncleStinky : Yeah, I got to tell you something, Bob. i'm not too I'm not too thrilled with...
The Whole Ballgame: you should.
uncleStinky : There's an awful lot of fucking people talking about demons and demonics like like it's real. like
The Whole Ballgame: Yes, it's beautiful.
uncleStinky : um it's It's pretty absurd.
The Whole Ballgame: shi v on I a day. Back in the 20s or something like that, somebody said there' there was some video of freak show, guys, tentacle arms or whatever. It was real but demon that they caught or something like that. Like, you can catch a demon. the army You can catch a demon. You want to catch a demon. It's ridiculous.
The Whole Ballgame: Demons aren't really a thing, you know. ah Demons are just ah a construct that we keep in our heads, try to scare people around. You know, dark forces and elements and things like that, but there's not really such a thing as a demon, you know.
The Whole Ballgame: If there was demons around you, they'd be real shite into them things.
uncleStinky : Well, they believe in angels, so they're going to believe in demons.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, guess that's true. What I'm discovering today is that Bob is really just um like... oh like a standard drunk character mixed with um Cliff Clavin from Cheers.
uncleStinky : Yeah, yeah. it's
The Whole Ballgame: There's a lot of Cliff Clavin in Bob.
uncleStinky : Nothing but agreeable.
The Whole Ballgame: so You know, she brought that up there, Blake. yeah You know, in 1962, the Pilgrims, they they came to the New World.
uncleStinky : Thanks. Did you say wicked breaking ball, brother? It's wicked. wicked.
The Whole Ballgame: Winless in the last nine games here at Comiskey Park are the Indians trying to turn that around today.
uncleStinky : Speaking of wicked hat.
The Whole Ballgame: Just saw a giant wad of dip going in his mouth.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: You see that?
uncleStinky : Uh-oh. Six for safe.
The Whole Ballgame: Disgusting. And, oh, didn't turn it.
uncleStinky : I feel like I've seen that umpire make two out calls that were closer than that, I thought earlier.
The Whole Ballgame: Two down here. Bottom of the ninth.
uncleStinky : But I'm just a cockeyed optimist.
The Whole Ballgame: Tomorrow is Festivus, you understand.
uncleStinky : Mm-hmm. Good, good.
The Whole Ballgame: As I raid blows upon him, I thought, there has to be another way.
uncleStinky : yeah
The Whole Ballgame: That must have been some doll. She really was.
uncleStinky : One of those real dolls?
The Whole Ballgame: Jesus Christ.
The Whole Ballgame: Comes down to Lance Johnson here. Bottom of the ninth
uncleStinky : You know, I think if something happened to my wife, I'd probably just be content with whatever the high-tech sex doll is of the time moving forward.
The Whole Ballgame: no comment Yep, probably.
uncleStinky : It just seems like the least problematic thing, you know?
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm,
uncleStinky : It's probably pretty awesome, too.
The Whole Ballgame: I would guess.
uncleStinky : Especially the ones that, like, will move on their own and stuff.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep, yep. Yep, having sex with anything would be pretty good.
uncleStinky : Well, I heard you've been getting laid on the reg lately, hadn't you?
The Whole Ballgame: on the reg, that's right. Three times in almost three years, no big deal.
uncleStinky : Damn. Damn. Look at you getting it done.
The Whole Ballgame: Good stuff. Joey, fuck off. Joey Cora's on deck. See, Joey Cora can be the difference maker here, but they're not, he's not up up yet.
The Whole Ballgame: don't
uncleStinky : How is the hows the new routines?
The Whole Ballgame: want talk about it.
uncleStinky : okay Oh, base hit!
The Whole Ballgame: There it is. Lance, Lance Johnson.
uncleStinky : The one dog!
The Whole Ballgame: My goodness. Uh-oh. Oh, there we go.
uncleStinky : Shit.
The Whole Ballgame: My goodness.
uncleStinky : Yeah, first and third, baby.
uncleStinky : Those deviants are excited.
The Whole Ballgame: Very, that guy in the red polo is just out of his mind.
uncleStinky : Oh, look at the fucking meathead.
The Whole Ballgame: Look at that guy with the backwards hat. That's
uncleStinky : That's where those dudes that beat the shit Gamboa are sitting. It's probably them.
The Whole Ballgame: where they were, yeah. my god Yeah, that could have very easily gone the wrong way.
uncleStinky : Kenny Zilofki didn't put that in the fucking...
The Whole Ballgame: Runners in the corners, two outs, and it's all up to Joey Cora here, the bottom of the ninth.
The Whole Ballgame: Man, I'm fast.
The Whole Ballgame: Joe, welcome to the ball game. Well, I appreciate you bringing me on.
uncleStinky : Hey.
uncleStinky : eight
The Whole Ballgame: I like my time in Chicago, but I like Seattle better.
The Whole Ballgame: Why is that, Joey? I like the climate.
uncleStinky : Hang on.
The Whole Ballgame: I like it really wet, if you understand my meaning.
uncleStinky : Don't forget to bring a towel.
The Whole Ballgame: That's the end of the ballgame. Joey Gore grounds out for the third out in the ninth inning.
uncleStinky : Oh, I'm going to go get it a little high now.
The Whole Ballgame: And
The Whole Ballgame: Jeff Russell grabs himself a close.
uncleStinky : Yes, he does.
The Whole Ballgame: Wimpy and Hawk going to wrap it up after these messages from the guy who keeps his brain in his hair.
uncleStinky : guy is doing drugs.
The Whole Ballgame: Look at that fucking wide lapel. Look at that. That lapel's fucking as big as my gut.
uncleStinky : Goddamn.
uncleStinky : It's an absurd tie.
The Whole Ballgame: That's a wide-ass lapel.
The Whole Ballgame: Ron Karkavise gets drive of the game here. You're goddamn right I do.
uncleStinky : Second night in a row. How about that?
The Whole Ballgame: Well, you know, sometimes the stars align and you get exactly what you need out of life.
uncleStinky : Thank you for that.
The Whole Ballgame: Speaking of which, Blake, what's next for the whole ballgame?
uncleStinky : Well, that would be um the aforementioned Cincinnati Reds and Houston Astros baseball night in America. Riverfront Stadium.
uncleStinky : That would
The Whole Ballgame: Do we know what date we're dealing with here? That will make a lot of difference in whether I'm able to show up.
uncleStinky : be, I believe it is July of 94. We got them.
uncleStinky : and
The Whole Ballgame: Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la.
