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TWBG Presents: Disassociative Personality Theatre - Royal Rumble 88
10 Plays4 months ago
Creedence and Jimmy Take the reigns. Watch Along however you'd like, and listen to Chattahoochee man run his c^cksmoker. KoDb and KOdB.
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Transcript
Introduction & Royal Rumble Reflections
00:00:02
Speaker
Oh, hey man, hey y'all, it's me. It's old Credence, dude. I'm just ah hanging out here, man. hasla i was reading on Blake's phone and shit, dude, talking about, you know, somebody, don't know who it is, I can't keep y'all straight, even though there's only like and eight eight or nine of y'all, but somebody says something about y'all should watch some Royal Rumbles and shit, and, you know, them boys can't get together very often, and it's like,
00:00:29
Speaker
I said, fuck it, I'll help, you know, man. I'm just hanging out here, just fucking running my fucking cock smoker. And I was like, dude, sign me up, dude. Man, that'd be cool. I'll do it. I'm just hanging out, man, while you at work doing shit, you know.
00:00:43
Speaker
So I'm gonna watch this. sir We're gonna start at the very beginning, though, yo. Y'all said something about 1989, man. We're going all the way back to 88 here, dude. You might be hearing it the background. I'm just watching on Blake's TV, man.
00:00:56
Speaker
He's got a 9,800-inch Vizio, dude. It's pretty cool. But you oughta see how big my cock smoker looks on that thing, dude. Oh man, I tell you, dude, I just fucking, you fit turkey in it, dude.
00:01:08
Speaker
I like to put myself on the TV sometimes, you know, man? I apologize, this ain't gonna be no kind of professional deal like, you know, old Gabe does, man.
00:01:19
Speaker
You know, Gabe's a real pro, unless it comes to the trust tree. He ain't a pro with that. I'm on close these blinds, dude. This son is blinding my fat ass. Goddamn.
Wrestling Matches & Interviews
00:01:32
Speaker
Hey, man, it's Chico Santana. He's from Tecula, Mexico. It looks like we got Brett and Tito starting this motherfucker off. You know, I did give Tito an interview a couple years back at Second Family Services.
00:01:45
Speaker
But my dad, old Hank Thomas, he didn't think that that would work out fine because he was, you know, a matador. Brett and Tito locking up here, dude.
00:01:57
Speaker
Hey, who's that on the... Hey, baby, who's that? Hey, look at that. I'm out there with my man Hitman, dude. I bet you didn't know I was gonna be around with you, Credence. Nah, dude, I thought only like Blake had to be here for that shit to work, you know, all that third male stuff they've been doing.
00:02:11
Speaker
It's all the satanic magic, man. They boys are capable of some weird shit, dude. Yeah, baby, we splitting personalities and we ain't even in the body. We just floating around.
00:02:22
Speaker
That's because Blake's been fucking around with time and space for a long time, baby. He knows some things that you don't. He knows some things that I don't. He's got some secrets, baby.
00:02:33
Speaker
But that's for... Hey, you shut up, kitty cat. You lucky Charlie ain't here. You went to work with Blake.
00:02:42
Speaker
All right, man. Well, I guess we're going do a two-man booth here. Fuck it, whatever. I'm just along for the ride, you know. Ain't like there's a script of this shit. Hey, that's Gorilla's dead boy on the outside.
00:02:54
Speaker
Oh, and a young Jimmy Corderas looking like a fucking auditioning for Bert in the Sesame Street movie with those thick old fucking dick beaters over his eyes. Oh, man. I got to tell you, dude, this crowd don't look particularly Canadian to me. They are in Ontario or somewhere, I believe. Somewhere. Saskatchewan. I don't know, dude.
00:03:15
Speaker
I can't get into Canada because I've never beat a woman. jump chip Vince is on commentary Jesse. They're speculating about jumping Jim Bronzel's drop kick.
00:03:27
Speaker
You know, he had the best drop kick ever, dude. That's what they always would talk about. Jim Bronzel, his fucking drop kick, baby. Hey, baby, that's mine. Don't be doing that shit. Goddamn, dude, that's going to be hard, you know.
00:03:39
Speaker
We just out here running our fucking dick lickers, man, and going back and forth, and that ain't eitherer really either are one of us, dude. I know, baby, it's going to be tough, but that's why we the guys. All right, dude, whatever.
00:03:51
Speaker
I'll keep pumping my dick smoker. You keep on running that that fucking cock gobbler yours, Jimmy, and we just get this done. Oh, baby, Tito with a flying forearm. Here comes number three into the mix.
00:04:01
Speaker
It's the natural Butch Reed. He was a main event in Florida, dude. That's what I'm telling you, man.
00:04:09
Speaker
I wonder Vince told Butch when he said, hey. i Actually, I bet I know. I bet he said something like, hey, it'd be hilarious if if you dyed your hair blonde because you're black. ah It's a hoot.
00:04:23
Speaker
Something like that anyway, dude. I don't know, man.
Commentary & Childhood Anecdotes
00:04:28
Speaker
There's so many things that just falls out of my fucking dick hole anymore. I don't know who I am.
00:04:35
Speaker
Hell, I ain't even me.
00:04:40
Speaker
i mean, whatever, dude. He gets existential down in Chattahoochee early in the morning. Goddamn, dude. That's cool, though. We just being positive.
00:04:51
Speaker
So Tito's putting the boots to Butch Reed's his fucking head, and we got Brett in there still. Brett and Tito, what a good choice for one, too, man. They just said, let's get some dudes in there that ain't gonna embarrass us on the USA Network nationally.
00:05:05
Speaker
That's all Vince said. Turns out it was a Canadian and a Mexican. Who could figure? You know, if they were in 2025 America, they'd be rounded up by ice.
00:05:16
Speaker
Well, Tito would. They'd come get Brett in a couple years, though, once they get all the brown people out. Then they'd start working on everyone else. You know. That's what happens, you dumb motherfuckers. They thin the herd, and then they just fucking come and get your ass.
00:05:31
Speaker
But I'm sure Donald J. Trump's going to take care of you.
00:05:36
Speaker
Just like that load in his fucking diaper. Hey, man. The anvil's in, dude. We got a tag team situation. Tito's in trouble, brother. Because we got, not only that, we got three heels in there, dude. Natural butchery teaming up with a Hark Foundation, brother.
00:05:50
Speaker
Tito looks like he's got a turd in his pants, man. You ever notice that on a wrestler's tights, dude? Like, man, I used to notice Hulkster back in the day. is like, I think Hulkster took a load of Dookie in his pants, man.
00:06:02
Speaker
You know, this course is after 1989 because I was calling it Dookie. But actually back in the South, was calling it Dookie long before that. I remember kids, man. They'd use, well, that's Blake's story, I guess, dude. But Blake told me about how the kids in his hood housing an apartment complex, man.
00:06:17
Speaker
They'd just drop trout and shit in the fucking yard, dude. You'd be walking around and be like, oh, there's just there's a pile of human shit. And I'd be like, damn dude, that's pretty crazy, but I'm not gonna call it cool. you know I'll say it's crazy though, dude, because it's fucking crazy.
00:06:33
Speaker
I mean, people just shitting kids mostly, because they ain't got no, their parents all cracked out, fucking smoking crack, smoking dick, filling their cock holes with what God knows what, man. I'm pretty sure some drug dealers fucking lived upstairs above Blake.
00:06:49
Speaker
That's what he told me anyway. I don't know. Goddamn Creedence, you okay, baby? You kind all over the fucking place.
00:06:58
Speaker
I'm fine, dude. Don't worry about me, man. I got a lot businesses, Jimmy. lot business. lot trees.
Wrestler Stories & Quirks
00:07:04
Speaker
Oh, man. It's a snake, man. It's Aurelian, dude. Oh, that's just cool to see, man.
00:07:10
Speaker
It's cool see Aurelian Smith Jr., dude. He was a child of rape. You know that? Oh, he just dumped Butch Reed. The natural Butch Reed. There's a little tidbit for your history facts, folks. Who's the first man to ever be eliminated in a Royal Rumble? Or as they would call it back then, a Rumble Royale.
00:07:26
Speaker
And that would be the natural Butch Reed. Fucking crowd's going crazy for Jake.
00:07:34
Speaker
They love the snake man in Canada. I'm trying to think. Jake's... What's getting ready to here? He's getting ready work up a feud with old Ravish and Rude here. going to work that for about the remainder of 88, I think, dude.
00:07:51
Speaker
But he and Tito's working over the hearts here. dan This is ah it a tag team main event in any country in the world. They call it to the snake burrito versus that's what they would call them today anyway, man. They'd be like the burrito snakes or something.
00:08:06
Speaker
Something stupid. Like, let's just fucking give up on our tag team names, dude. And we just gonna combine shit. Part of your name, part of their name and call it fucking good.
00:08:17
Speaker
That's how creatively bankrupt we've gotten as a society, dude. Just try. Like, goddamn. You think the guys in the team might have an idea? i do. Like, they probably got something better than calling them the Buttfuck Burrito Connection, dude.
00:08:33
Speaker
I don't know. Hey, man, it's Harley. Hey, look at that, Jimmy. yes Oh, baby, it's Harley. Look at that hair, man. He's looking like middle-aged Thurman Merman, baby. I wonder if he's got some sandwiches in them pants.
00:08:46
Speaker
I got to tell you, dude, Harley's body, it just ain't good, baby. I'm very uncomfortable looking at it. I don't know if this man is 48 or 84.
00:08:57
Speaker
He's got dude. And then he's got purple shorts. And they're up to his titties. It's very uncomfortable.
00:09:10
Speaker
But it looks like Harley at me and Nanville, they're getting ready to, they're trying dump the snake man, baby. I'm out there in my pink jacket because I got the hearts in the match, baby, they're in their pink. I'm always he' color coordinated. That's what a professional does, baby.
00:09:23
Speaker
Hell, I even got a jacket for the glamour girls.
00:09:28
Speaker
I got something special for Miami Toyota's little girl, though. They fought on this match, actually. It was on my undercard, baby. Oh, that was a fun night up there in Canada. Ooh, baby. I wanna keep on, keep on, keep on dancing. I wanna keep on dancing.
00:09:44
Speaker
Bob angels wore me like a pair of Japanese finger cuffs, as it were. Not Chinese. Oh, that's so cool, Jimmy, man. Thanks, dude. Yeah, I ain't never had sex with a Jap.
00:09:57
Speaker
It ain't because I didn't have the opportunity or the money or the force. it's I just think they ah smell funny, dude. Anyway. Hey, look, it's Jim Brunzel.
00:10:09
Speaker
He's from Minnesota. They say Jim gave Vern Gagne 90% of his money for his entire life, dude. You got to
Family and Personas in Wrestling
00:10:16
Speaker
You got to be really kind of waking up every day thinking about that, don't you, man? Like, goddamn, I'm a bitch.
00:10:23
Speaker
I gave Vern Gagne damn near all my goddamn money.
00:10:29
Speaker
And, like, why would – I don't know, dude. It's very uncomfortable. Like, him and Vern see each other, and, like, you know, Vern knows he's fucking him, and dude's finally figured out that Vern's fucking him.
00:10:44
Speaker
Like, do you think he ever goes to him and he's like, hey, Vern, you know, man, can we stop this whole you fucking me thing? And Vern's like, all right. Sorry, you can't do that, partner. Do you want to wrestle? And then he, like, Vern fucking breaks his neck or something.
00:10:58
Speaker
I don't know. Like, it's a wild thing looking at man in the knowing he's lying to you. Because then you left with a choice, man. And you're like, well, can go along with this thing. Be cool, dude.
00:11:11
Speaker
But also... I don't feel like I can let you treat me like a bitch because you're going to do it again. Like, it ain't even so much about what's going on now. Like, okay, fine. I'll let you have your win, whatever.
00:11:23
Speaker
But don't do this shit again, asshole. And then going to do it again, man. And that's when that's when the branches and the trust trees start shaking, dude. And that's when if you're 400 pounds, you're going to fall far, man.
00:11:37
Speaker
And you need to keep my fat little girl name out of your fucking mouth. You hear me? You hear me, fucking Gabe? You bitch. I'm just kidding, man. That's how we do things right here. Second second service so services. Whatever the fuck it is. I don't know, dude.
00:11:51
Speaker
Sam Houston's in the match.
00:11:55
Speaker
Sorry, I got a little bit of... it's The temperature got down here, dude. Got my phlegm and my mucus all... I'm sorry, baby. God damn it, I told you. That's me.
00:12:07
Speaker
oh Dude, my dick licker is just running on auto, Jimmy, baby. I can't possibly... No, it's fine, baby. don't want to get in five with you. You're too big anyway.
00:12:19
Speaker
Hey, man, you know Sam Houston and Jake was relations?
00:12:25
Speaker
I think they fucked or something, and then they was related to Rockin' Robin. That's how that works, I guess. Oh, Tito is over the top and gone. The hearts have eliminated Chico Santana, baby.
00:12:37
Speaker
That's right. See you later, hell, matador shithead.
00:12:44
Speaker
You got to think that one of the Hart Foundation members got to be odds-on favorite, man. You know, like two is stronger than one.
00:12:55
Speaker
Too bad old Strikeforce Rick Martell wasn't in there, dude. He could have helped out Chico. Oh, boy. Oh, look at this, man. Look at that. What a good-looking fella that is. Dangerous Danny Davis, baby.
00:13:07
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Now we got three members of the Hart Foundation in. We're gonna take this one home. Well, goddamn, Jimmy. This is from 1988, dude. You know how this fucking thing ends, dude.
00:13:20
Speaker
I love you, baby.
00:13:23
Speaker
All right, well. i think i think I think Jimmy said that to Blake. Blake told me a funny story one time, man. He's out there at that Starvention in San Vegas. And, dude, I was out back, and I was i was drinking a fettuccine Alfredo, dude.
00:13:41
Speaker
And fucking Blake said he goes meet Jimmy, has his meet and greet with Jimmy, man. And he goes up to Jimmy, and they... they take the They take the, let me see if I got this right. They take the picture, baby, from Jimmy, hen who hands him the megaphone, and he and they hey and take the photo, and Jimmy signs his little 8x10 deal.
00:14:00
Speaker
And then, after he even signed the thing, man, he he hands Blake the megaphone and for the picture, and then Blake's like, Jimmy, we just took the picture, baby. What'd you say to him, Jimmy?
00:14:11
Speaker
Oh, baby, I just looked at him and I said, I love you, baby.
00:14:16
Speaker
I just saw it there and I was like, damn, that's so cool, dude. Like, don't know. Just, Jimmy's always a pro, man. so So cool, dude. Just cool. That's good. That's what smile.
00:14:28
Speaker
I see can't smile. That's smile. I like to watch you can't smile. Oh, man. Goddamn Cousin Roger on the Royal Rumble, dude. It's getting wild in here.
00:14:40
Speaker
Shit. I don't know where these boys are going. i don't think this is what they had planned when this whole thing started out, dude. It's sort of taking on a life of its own, man. A bit of Well, I'm going to tell you all this. It's so secret for old Credence here that I think these boys got some mental illness, dude. Like, goddamn.
00:14:58
Speaker
Like, eight they crazy, man. I don't know. But they heart's in the right place, you know. There's there's that. and And that's about 75% of the battle these days.
00:15:10
Speaker
Good hearts versus bad hearts, that's really about all it is. Hey baby, we should've done that gimmick back in the WWF. We could've done the good hearts versus the bad hearts. We know what side Gabe would be on. Oh damn, Jimmy, that's cold, baby.
00:15:23
Speaker
Goddamn, dude, ain't cool, man. Oh shit. Yeah, Gabe's got a weak ticker, dude. We've been trying to get him down that accountability crib with Dally, but it ain't it ain't free, baby. You know, Dally told him.
00:15:36
Speaker
He gave an opportunity. I mean, when Dally said, it ain't free, that's when Gabe was supposed to go. Well, how much is it, Dally? Dude, it's like 10K. 10K a week, brah.
00:15:47
Speaker
And then Gabe was supposed to go, well, let me see if I can scrounge that up, Dally. And then I come down there and I'll be on your show with that fat bitch and Buff Bagwell. You know, rest in peace. But, like, I'm just saying, dude, Gabe's got a bad heart, man.
00:16:03
Speaker
And... And take it from old Credence, I got three of them, dude. And they're all, each one bigger than the last. Okay, dude? Why you think my stomach's so big, dude? You know how cows got stomachs, to dude? Credence got three hearts in there, man.
00:16:17
Speaker
Three hearts. I got a good heart. I got a bad heart. And I got a kind of deviant heart, dude. They all mix together, man.
00:16:28
Speaker
That's how you get all the second family services. Hey, look, it's Don Morocco. Why the fuck is Nikolai Volkoff coming out at the same time as Don? We got two people coming out at one time, dude. Oh, Volkoff's, Volkoff's, this is fucking stupid, man. Like, they fighting over who wants to get in the ring first. Like, I'll take the two-minute break, dude.
00:16:51
Speaker
I don't know. don't remember that shit, man. I think we might have just made that happen. I've been speculating that it's a lot of the black masses, dude. Goddamn. That was satanic shit. Just fuck.
00:17:04
Speaker
And all this other stuff, man. It ain't going to be no time until something these boys is doing in their orbit. And you're going to see something on the screen that's 40, 50 years old, man.
00:17:17
Speaker
And something's going to change, and something's gonna be different, dude, because the very fabric of space and time, and man, it's being altered from Chattanooga all the way to Kansas up to northern Michigan, dude.
00:17:30
Speaker
Eastern, western even, fuck. Everywhere but the south.
00:17:35
Speaker
South Michigan, that is.
00:17:38
Speaker
I'm very conflicted on the South, you know, man. As as you know, Chattahoochee is in the South, and I do like Southern things, dude. I mean, you know, I ain't never hit a woman, and but I do like fried foods.
00:17:50
Speaker
ah I do like Alabama football, you know. Roll tight on that. fuck Fuck them dogs. uga You know, you know what I'm saying?
00:18:03
Speaker
Anyway, man. Oh, Sam Houston's about to toss Danny Davis. Nobody gives a shit. Volkov is still outside being explained to the referees why it was not his turn to be in a Rumble Royale, man.
00:18:14
Speaker
I'm guessing there's a language discrepancy there or something, dude. I don't know. I don't know why they did that. It makes no sense in the context of the match. Nikolai just waiting out there for his fucking turn.
00:18:28
Speaker
I think they're just probably trying to make Nikolai look fucking stupid or something, dude. I don't know. They say he took a hot plate with him on the road and he would cook sausages in the hotel. That's right, baby.
00:18:40
Speaker
Nikolai would be cooking up all sorts of shit. One day a.m. in the hotel room. One night, he chopped off part of his own penis and cooked it. Goddamn, man, that ain't cool.
00:18:50
Speaker
No, it was just a tip.
00:18:54
Speaker
I gotta tell you, dude, there ain't a lot of star power in this Rumble Royale.
Business of Wrestling & Nostalgia
00:19:00
Speaker
If I remember correctly, the business of the night, man, was more about getting over the Hulkster and the Andre. Because they's rolling into Mania 4, dude. And they're setting up that rematch where they're going to get the belt off of the Hulkster, the twin referee gimmick.
00:19:19
Speaker
I'll tell you what, that one blew Blake's mind, man, when he was a kid. He thought they really did fucking plastic surgery. He asked his mama, how did they get that man to do plastic surgery to look just like that other man? You see, there's something you gotta understand about Blake, dude.
00:19:34
Speaker
There is a... and in And he kind of fights against this. Probably harder than anything because it's probably the hardest lesson he fucking learned. And it's the one that hurt the most.
00:19:46
Speaker
You see, because... Although he might not seem it, Blake is fairly naive, dude. he He fucking wants to believe, man. He needs to believe, dude.
00:19:57
Speaker
And he wants to believe you because the alternative is you're fucking lying to him, dude. And if you're lying to him, man, you're doing it for no good fucking reason, dude. in And why you fucking lying about shit that probably don't even need to be lied about, you know?
00:20:15
Speaker
And then that makes, like, that builds a foundation of dishonesty, dude. And then all of a sudden, you're sitting here and you're like, I'm trying to go with this shit the right way. Be a cool dude. Be honest. Be upfront. Like, let's be straightforward with each other about what the fuck's going on because there ain't nothing we can't fucking fix here, dude.
00:20:33
Speaker
But we can't seem to fucking do that because people can't seem to say what the fuck they really want. You know? Like... If you can't verbalize what is in your heart and what you want and what you need and what you want to see, like, that's a problem, motherfucker, you know?
00:20:52
Speaker
That's what I'm saying, dude. Like, if you gotta dress up your beliefs, if you gotta put context around them, you're fucking wrong already, motherfucker.
00:21:06
Speaker
So, point is, what I'm saying, you know, Blake wanted to believe, and he did. He believed Earl Hebner and his brother, or whoever, had fucking plastic surgery to look just like Earl goddamn Hebner.
00:21:21
Speaker
I had to tell him that three weeks ago. He was fucking wrong.
00:21:26
Speaker
Oh, boy. Here comes outlaw Ron Bass. Woo-wee. That man didn't draw a goddamn dime in the WWF.
00:21:35
Speaker
He didn't do nothing but fuck up Brutus' chance to win the when the fucking Intercontinental title at SummerSlam 88. Got it to Warrior.
00:21:46
Speaker
I tell you, don't know it's because I'm running my fucking penis smoker so much or what, but I'm sweating my ass off, dude. We got the heat on in here, man. Oh, we can't have the heat, dude. Nah, fuck that. I got my own natural heat.
00:22:01
Speaker
I'm running it constantly at 48 BTUs a minute. don't know if that's... don't know. I threw that one out.
00:22:10
Speaker
I'll take a mulligan on that one, man. You know what I'm saying? They can't all be winners. Anyway, so we got Duggan in here in his white boots, and this is very offsetting, off-putting to me.
00:22:21
Speaker
I don't like this. I don't like Jim Duggan a lot anyway. I think there's a darkness there that we don't see. ah i see it. It's in his face and his crooked fucking eyes, you understand.
00:22:34
Speaker
But it's also in the way he talks and the way he looks at people. and Jim Duggan has these little moments, these little s slight little moments where you get a peek of the real man in there.
00:22:47
Speaker
And he's a real fucking asshole. But he's one of them, you know, kind of like I was talking about a little while ago, you know. He's gonna he don't kind of say what he what he thinks, but he ain't really said nothing, you know? Like, there ain't...
00:23:05
Speaker
the the if you got If you gotta dress that shit up, you gotta put all that context around it, you gotta to explain it away, well, maybe you're wrong, Jim.
00:23:15
Speaker
And I hate to tell you this, Jim, but you're fucking wrong about a lot of things, dude. Your face, your body... I mean, why was he always yelling at the referee? You was a baby-faced dude.
00:23:29
Speaker
And you're always, get off my ass. Like, what the fuck, Duggan?
00:23:35
Speaker
I don't know why anybody likes you, quite frankly.
00:23:40
Speaker
So we got Atla Ron Bass. We got Sam Houston, Danny Davis, Steakman, the Killer Bs, the Hart Foundation, the Rock Don Morocco, Nikolai Volkoff, and Jim Dugan in here.
00:23:56
Speaker
As I said, not a lot of star power, baby. That's the third time I've been keeping track. I never lose track, baby. What you going to about it? I mean, obviously seriously, dude.
00:24:09
Speaker
You 80 years old and 105 pounds, man. I'm Creedent Thomas, dude, from Chattahoochee.
00:24:19
Speaker
I'm going to stick my pinky in your asshole, and then I'm going to fucking explode your cortex from the inside. Well, that sounds pretty cool, dude.
00:24:29
Speaker
Oh, baby, this hillbilly jim. Hillbilly jim just climbed in the ropes the weirdest fucking way I've ever seen. He got a knee up, and then he just kind of went under the middle and the bottom rope, and he just crawled in there, I guess, because he's a fucking hillbilly, and they're always on their knees crawling around and rooting and shit.
00:24:47
Speaker
I don't know. Oh, baby, he just dumped the anvil. Goddamn.
00:24:53
Speaker
Oh, Hillbill, man. He a house fire, dude. He's from Mud Lick. That's about three hours from Chattahoochee. I go to Mud Lick, but don't go there lick no mud. I go there to eat ass.
00:25:07
Speaker
But i never been to Jim's house. They say he and Granny got their place down by Pawns Lake, but I ain't never seen nothing down there but a boat on fire, dude.
00:25:20
Speaker
So we got Volkov in Morocco working it out in the middle of the ring. I think we got, nah, we ain't up to 20 yet. They just working, this fucking clock is off, dude. They're like, this is it's fucking 60 seconds sometimes. Sometimes it's two minutes.
00:25:35
Speaker
it feel This one feels like it's been about four minutes. I know the fucking one man gang is supposed to be in here somewhere, dude. They ain't up to 20 yet. Where you at? Where you at, gang?
00:25:46
Speaker
I always loved gang, man. I thought gang was cool, dude, and that ain't because he just looked like me, man. That ain't my dad. Oh, it's Dino Bravo, dude. Oh, he got Frenchy Martin. Yeah, he had Frenchy before me, baby.
00:25:58
Speaker
He always told me yeah was the best, though, baby. He said Frenchy. Frenchy smelled like fucking Mexican food constantly. You think I was to say French, didn't you?
00:26:11
Speaker
Y'all do. I can't argue with you there, Jimmy, man. Frenchy is a grotesque-looking human being. He's problematic in every way. the The appearance, the the gimmick, man, I got to feel like he'd probably use that gimmick to his nefarious advantage many ways.
00:26:27
Speaker
What do you know about nefarious, baby? That's Blake's dude.
00:26:32
Speaker
are you talking about, Jimmy, dude? don't know nothing about it. You talking about nefarious means? That's Blake's gal Friday, baby. While he's in and out of jail, he does Blake's dirty work on the side. He's a real guy, though. He's not like one of us that just kind of dances in and out of consciousness.
00:26:49
Speaker
Oh, dude, that's pretty cool. Yeah, I got one of them, too. It's called Casio.
00:26:56
Speaker
Actually, we should probably change that, dude. No, I didn't mean that. That's my other that's my brother's friend. ah my My nefarious, his name is Magnavox. There we go. That's better. Magnavox Beta.
00:27:09
Speaker
Real son of a bitch. Do anything for you, though. Hell, one time he beat a woman for me, but I never did it. That's my old Magnavox Beta. Oh, look, man. It's a warrior, dude.
00:27:20
Speaker
I done forgot the Warriors in this thing. You ever hear my, Jimmy, ever hear my half-assed theory about how the Warrior was a Native American character, dude? I was talking to my, I was running my old penis popper on one of my shows on the ah the ad revenue generated network and I was like, dude, I think Warrior is a Native American, man. He's got the tassels, the paint, you know, the the fringes and shit. Like, it just made sense to me, man.
00:27:49
Speaker
And I just think subconsciously that's something they did, dude, because, you know, that's how things worked back then.
Royal Rumble Developments
00:27:55
Speaker
But, you know, then he kind of took off, and, you know, they didn't really want to old Charlie Norris him. But when you look at the man, it's hard to say. He don't look kind of Native American, dude. You know, he's all tan and shit.
00:28:09
Speaker
Oh, here comes a gang. He is laboring, man. Oh, dude. He's running about as slow as I am to the to the fucking shower. um I don't like shower, man. Apparently, there's way they could shower me where I didn't have to do it myself.
00:28:23
Speaker
I think that'd be pretty fucking cool, too. you know't say Gang's in. He's going after the snake man, dude.
00:28:33
Speaker
gotta wonder if Jake was able to secure crack up in Canada.
00:28:39
Speaker
I'm sure Brett knew somebody, dude. Probably Bruce. You got a fake figure the hearts could... That's the weird thing about the hearts, dude. Like, man, there's everything wrapped up in there. Like, are these supposed to be good upstanding people? And you ever notice how the good upstanding people in wrestling ain't good and upstanding?
00:28:59
Speaker
I think the only good upstanding people in wrestling probably ones you never heard or hear about. Gang's just dumping motherfuckers. There goes Jake. One of the B's went. I don't even know which one because it don't really fucking matter. yeah got Danny Davis up in the air.
00:29:14
Speaker
Warrior gets kicked in the dick by Nikolai.
00:29:20
Speaker
I think we up to number 20 now. Oh, it's a JYD, baby. Thump. That's what says on his butt.
00:29:31
Speaker
You know, Blake had JYD LJN. I'm pretty sure he talked about this on the show, man. But that creepy old boy, man. He took his action because he had a Rambo, too. And he scraped his butt on the on the concrete, dude.
00:29:43
Speaker
Because he wanted to see if the skin was flesh-colored underneath. It wasn't. It just took the fucking paint off of the the camouflage pants. But JYD's, too, dude.
00:29:54
Speaker
He wanted to see what color JYD's butt was underneath the red tights in that LJN.
00:30:00
Speaker
It's fine, you know, normal.
00:30:05
Speaker
They did it with a white toy and a black toy.
00:30:09
Speaker
That's, you know, ain't like it was some weird racist thing. It was more of a science experiment, really, you know.
00:30:18
Speaker
Anyway. I don't know, Creedence, that sounds pretty weird to me, baby. But I'm from Memphis.
00:30:26
Speaker
Hillbilly Jim is out, dude. He has been dumped by the gang. The gang is just unloading motherfuckers. Don Morocco takes a kick at old Frenchy Martin.
00:30:41
Speaker
Danny Davis is is gouging the eyes of Jim Dugan as Dino Bravo ah holds him. Let's take a little... We got Morocco, Warrior, Gang, Dino, Duggan, Davis, Dogg,
00:30:56
Speaker
So out of these men, Ron Bass. You got Morocco and and Warrior who are definitely on the juice. Bravo as well. JYD looks like he's probably on the juice, but he ain't lifting. Like he's just doing steroids and eating food. That would be my guess.
00:31:15
Speaker
Warrior is gone. Warrior's been dumped by Dino.
00:31:20
Speaker
That's unimaginable. You won't ever see Warrior go that easy ever again.
00:31:25
Speaker
We're down to Dog and Gang, Dino and Morocco, and Dugan and Bass.
00:31:35
Speaker
You would have thought at least the winner could have got like a fucking Intercontinental title shot or something on primetime. I don't know.
00:31:43
Speaker
But, you know, Blake thought primetime was going live from every arena in the fucking world, and they was just wrestling matches all night. ah Again, the naivete is... We all learned that word on the John McCain campaign trail.
00:31:57
Speaker
Remember that man? Wouldn't that be nice to go back to having a choice between Barack Obama and John McCain?
Political Commentary & Wrestling
00:32:04
Speaker
Gee.
00:32:08
Speaker
We really fucked that one up, dude.
00:32:12
Speaker
six shirt
00:32:17
Speaker
I voted for Bernie. Yeah, no, dude, this that's cool, Jimmy. Morocco's doing some fucking forward rolls to try to evade the heels, which is kind of stupid because it looks like it's probably just taking his energy, but I don't know, dude.
00:32:33
Speaker
Morocco's in these baby blue pants. He's throwing drop kicks, dude, because he's a baby face. He's drop kicking Frenchy Martin on the goddamn apron.
00:32:42
Speaker
I was a big fan of baby face Morocco, dude. I tell you, he He was, ah you know, he was money, man. He was big, jacked up, all tan, wearing them baby blues.
00:32:55
Speaker
Dude had weird veins everywhere. Those, like like, curly, squiggly veins. Like, he had them his goddamn calves, even.
00:33:03
Speaker
I'll tell you, baby, I've never seen worse eliminations in a Royal Rumble than this one. These guys get clotheslined halfway across the ring, and they just run about 12 steps and dump themselves out over it.
00:33:16
Speaker
Yeah, Jimmy, they got better at it, you know, that's for sure. But this definitely hasn't been a what you want to call a classic Rumble, a Royal Rumble. I guess that's why this one's the Rumble Royale, you know.
00:33:29
Speaker
I guess, baby. I don't know. always liked how Dino's tight said Dino on his butt, though. Yeah, that's just's cool, man, you know. We got to have something there. I'll tell you what, I did like it better when Dino was wearing different colors and When he went to that baby blue and nothing else, man, that was very unsettling. I didn't like that, you know.
00:33:52
Speaker
i' I don't know. I don't think Dino and Earthquake was money, baby. But that's just me. You know, I i ain't no Canadian, and I ain't never hit no woman. So, there's that.
00:34:07
Speaker
Uh-oh. Dino's holding gang. Oh. hold Dino's holding Duggan. gang Duggan moves out of the way, clotheslines him over.
00:34:19
Speaker
do
00:34:23
Speaker
So now we down to Duggan and Gang.
00:34:28
Speaker
different title on the top
00:34:32
Speaker
Who's going to win this one, man? I don't know. I'm just speculating because my penis pop is running hot.
00:34:43
Speaker
Duggan is getting choked out over the top rope.
00:34:50
Speaker
I suppose they're trying to build up to some sort of surprise dumpage here or whatever, but basically you just got gang kind lollygagging Dugan around, throwing them over the fucking ropes and bullshit and holding them over and whatever, and Dugan just laying there.
00:35:07
Speaker
Uh-oh. I see what's about to happen, baby. Spoiler alert. Gang off the ropes. Dugan down. Oh, there it goes.
Royal Rumble Climax & Humor
00:35:14
Speaker
Pulls top rope down. There goes the gang over top. Jim Duggan has won the fucking Rumble Royale.
00:35:19
Speaker
Thank God. What an asshole. At least he never hit no woman.