Transcript
The Whole Ballgame: try that again.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, you know, welcome to season two where We don't have to deal with Patreon anymore, and you don't have to wait as long for your shows. So thanks for sticking with us, and hopefully we claw back the 30 or so of you that ran away when we stopped recording on time. You know, 1994, baseball gave us one of those weird little statistical hallucinations that only the strike could produce.
The Whole Ballgame: On one side of the mirror, Bob Hamlin. rookie rookie slugger for the Kansas city Royals owner of a swing that could launch baseballs into low orbit and a face that looked permanently irritated by the very concept of sunlight.
The Whole Ballgame: Hamlin mashed 24 home runs in just 101 games and walked away with rookie of the year. The guy who looked like he should be selling forklift parts, but instead was accidentally one of the best power hitters in the American league that summer. Meanwhile,
The Whole Ballgame: the other side of the league, there's Frank Thomas, my guy, the big hurt, producing one of the most terrifying offensive seasons the sport has ever seen. By the time the strike slammed the door in August, Thomas was hitting.353 with homers, RBI,
The Whole Ballgame: and over an op over one point two pitchers weren't facing a hitter so much as filing missing persons reports on their fastballs. Had the season finished, we might have be talking about a 50-homer, 350-average inner circle MVP year that sits comfortably next to the greatest seasons in baseball history. So 1994 leaves us with a strange baseball snapshot.
The Whole Ballgame: Bob Hamlin, Rookie of the Year, scowling his way through a power binge that felt like it came out of nowhere, and Frank Thomas in the middle of a season so dominant that it felt like a force of nature cut off before the full destruction could be documented.
The Whole Ballgame: One guy looked like he hated having his picture taken, the other looked like a comic book superhero demolishing baseballs and strike in the strike rather froze them both in amber.
The Whole Ballgame: As we continue our 1994 journey and work our way towards a matchup between the White Sox and the Kansas City Royals at the end of July, We visit Frank Thomas and our kisser this week, Bob Hamlin. Blakers, how we doing?
John Fart: Oh, baby. um It's all melancholy and the infinite sadness over here, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: Jimmy's here, everybody. Hey, Jimmy, it's a long time no see. How are you, sir?
John Fart: I don't know if you've heard, but we lost Terry.
The Whole Ballgame: ah
John Fart: Did you know?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure how
John Fart: We lost Terry like y'all lost the Patreon, baby. It's gone.
The Whole Ballgame: It's long gone. ah thank you to everybody who participated in the Patreon, by the way, thank you to Terry as well. But, uh, you know, at a certain point you just got to get back to brass tacks. You know what I mean, Jim?
John Fart: Oh baby, you don't want to be dancing on those. You could you better have your tetanus shots, but that Bobby Kennedy, he's going to take those away from us soon too.
The Whole Ballgame: What do you mean? Brass tacks or, or tetanus shots?
John Fart: All the tetanus shots, baby.
The Whole Ballgame: And so instead, I believe he's going to make sure we all get a um ah yearly dose or monthly dose of methylene blue.
John Fart: Are you growing a mustache?
The Whole Ballgame: My beard has come back in force.
John Fart: Are you doing it? Are you trying to cover your teeth, baby? Because I want to tell you they look pretty decent. How did mine look?
The Whole Ballgame: Wonderful as always, Jim. Thank you for...
John Fart: Oh, well.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, I mean, the bottom ones look like they're fighting each other, but it's fine.
John Fart: You be honest. Oh, no. just say there But when you even them out, the tops and the bottom, of they they okay? Okay.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
John Fart: oh Oh, baby, I'm going to keep on dancing on that one. Although I ain't got no shoes.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I mean, the the lighting in the room is dark, so you can't really see the misco the discoloration. So I think you're all right.
John Fart: I keep it dark in here so I can see the bomb angels.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't understand why it being dark in the room helps you see the jumping bomb angels.
John Fart: you know, when they smile.
The Whole Ballgame: No, i don't. want
John Fart: Oh, I must be thinking of something else.
John Fart: Did I tell you we lost Terry?
The Whole Ballgame: You did let us know that that the Hulkster said goodbye. we act i don't know if you listened to it or not, Gemma. You were probably deep in your in your cups.
John Fart: I've been listening Oh, I've been listening, baby And I'm worried
The Whole Ballgame: What are you worried about?
John Fart: Oh, baby, I'm worried about that fat housing He's so fat, so evil I think he's gonna take y'all down, baby He scares me, baby.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, man. Oh, oh man. That's now oh er You're not ahead for dinner tonight.
John Fart: Oh, baby. See?
The Whole Ballgame: Big old glass of fried chicken. i Blended it up and sucked it right down. very fat. too
John Fart: Oh, baby. See, that's what saying. He's very fat. He's very evil. this is he's gonenna He's got all them demands. he's gonna He's fat housing, baby. He's got a cape and he's purple.
The Whole Ballgame: ah yeah My third chin unplugged my headphones. I need you to repeat that. I'm okay. Yes, King Kong.
John Fart: I said you...
The Whole Ballgame: Fat not a fat me. Fat evil. Okay. Okay.
John Fart: I said you fat, evil, and purple, baby, and you got a cape. Kind of like Bundy when I managed him.
The Whole Ballgame: yes yeah king kong i'd not have read me our fat e and third
John Fart: I think Fat House and might have a bad heart too. I don't know.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, man, I don't know why I say that, man. a
John Fart: I think, you know what? he's a You might even be fatter than Gabe. you ri You is a blimp, baby.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I like not being the fattest guy on the show anymore. That's exciting.
John Fart: Hey, you remember blimpies?
The Whole Ballgame: I do. Yeah, i used to eat at Blimpies when I lived in New York.
John Fart: I bet you did.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, they had the best black and white cookies at Plimpy's.
John Fart: baby.
The Whole Ballgame: Look to the cookie, Blake. Look to the cookie.
John Fart: That's what they tell me. And that's what Brawler tells me anyway. He's from New York.
The Whole Ballgame: True. So we got ah an interesting kisser here on the docket today. and Bob Hamlin. I don't know much about Bob. i didn't I purposely didn't do a lot of research, and so we're going into this pretty cold.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, I am anyway, so this should be a lot of fun before we get to... ah
John Fart: Oh yeah, it's colder than one of my fat boy's dead bodies! sir How's the cemetery, Gabe?
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, hey, Gabe. Is that is that that Paul Bear guy? I've been waiting for him. I'll tell you. You know, I've always had a ah ah ah in particular, er I don't know, taste for chubby or pale guys. You know, Stephen's a little chubby and hasn't seen the light of day in some time. And so I do appreciate the pale chubby boys. So I would love it if you could give me an introduction.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, and I'm sure I can do that for you. But, you know, I think it's...
John Fart: Oh, no!
The Whole Ballgame: Well, looks like you ran away, Rick. i we We may ah need to wait for another day.
The Whole Ballgame: We may need to wait for another day for you to free to meet Paul. Oh, well, I'll just stick around. I mean, you see you see the green cat sticking out in the background there.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm just going to slide back underneath and and maybe i'll
John Fart: Oh, yeah, look at that. There it is. a little cubs hat under there.
The Whole Ballgame: maybe I'll jerk off for a while well while y'all talk and
John Fart: Yeah. You got to edge yourself.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I mean, look, you know, when you're up until 4 a.m. every night because you can't fall asleep before then, ah there's really not much else to do but to slowly jerk off for three and a half hours.
John Fart: Just.
The Whole Ballgame: It culminates in ah in what you would think would be ah ah just a gigantic eruption of of of orgasmic er wonderfulness, but really it just kind of dribbles out like any other time.
John Fart: I don't think it erupts much anymore.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. I blame Beth, stupid bitch.
John Fart: i saw she was a petitioning to get you into the Hall of Fame.
The Whole Ballgame: I told her not to do that shit. I said, I don't need the Hall of Fame. I'm on this podcast every week and they love me and that's all I need. And she said, you're not even on Twitter, Dad.
The Whole Ballgame: don't know.
John Fart: What a bitch.
The Whole Ballgame: Stupid cunt. Her mother sucks too.
John Fart: oh
The Whole Ballgame: Well, sucked.
John Fart: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: She's been dead for a while now.
John Fart: Sure, yeah, no, that goes without saying.
The Whole Ballgame: That that' that explains why I'm able to hang out at Gabe's house underneath the couch, see, because I don't have nobody looking for me or nothing.
John Fart: No, no, no authorities or anything.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh-uh. No, sir. And now in this new place, I mean, I can blend right in with all of these ah neck-bearded mag fucks. Boy, oh boy. i Man, they're everywhere out here in their big old trucks and shit.
John Fart: Oh yeah?
The Whole Ballgame: I got to keep Gabe from giving the finger 10 or 12 times a day because he doesn't have a gun and everybody else does.
John Fart: So the news...
John Fart: Yeah, yeah, well...
The Whole Ballgame: He's an idiot.
John Fart: You can't jerk each other off, for Christ's sakes.
The Whole Ballgame: Fucking fat ass.
The Whole Ballgame: Goddamn it, dude. Like, seriously. Like, Blake doing It's Okay. We talked about this. You don't call me names. Like, you live here rent-free. Fuck.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, I'm sorry. yeah hey Hey, hold on. Hold on. No. He's jerked me off. I have not jerked him off, and I will not.
John Fart: Oh.
John Fart: Well, the night's young.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I think that, yeah, no shit, right?
John Fart: We need something to get the Patreon back up one day.
The Whole Ballgame: We got to get somebody in in in there excited about this program. Ah, fuck you, Rick, program.
John Fart: Tell us about the hammer.
The Whole Ballgame: So we're in 1994. Bob Hamlin is our kisser. Look up a picture of this motherfucker if you haven't seen her already on the on the the the the thing on the podcast. But he's a he's a real good-looking cat, and we're going to tell you all about him.
John Fart: I can tell you a little bit, a little story I have from coincidentally enough, Cousin Roger's father, by the way, i was a young boy. I'm visiting.
John Fart: I'm in Memphis. This is probably like 92 or 93 because it's right before he hammered Hamlin goes to the pros. But, you know, I like baseball. they know I like baseball. So it was obviously always going to talk to me about baseball. They had a, uh, Mets Cardinals game from, uh, ABC Monday night baseball from like 1988 on BHS. And I used to watch it all the time at their house as well as Rocky three. Um, those were two tapes I'd always watch when I would go over there.
John Fart: And anyway, he, he would tell me about, um, relation in Topeka. And then he told me this time about this home run hitter that the, at the time, the Memphis chicks, that was the double a team is the double a team of the Royals.
The Whole Ballgame: Be my Dixie chicken. I'll be your Tennessee lamb.
John Fart: I believe they were named after the Chickasaw Indians.
The Whole Ballgame: We will.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, okay. Well, whatever.
John Fart: Yeah. Yeah. The mascot, if you... Or not mascot. The little ah logo, if you look at it, you can see like a fucking headdress and stuff. But I didn't get it either for a while.
John Fart: But BoJack... Tim McCarver Stadium, actually, if we need another another tidbit to throw in there. but um
The Whole Ballgame: you know what You know what I like about Tim McCarver?
John Fart: Symmetrical genitalia.
The Whole Ballgame: Nothing.
John Fart: Yeah, that's true. Thanks, Dion. Real class act.
The Whole Ballgame: Real classic D.I.
John Fart: But anyway, my uncle, Uncle Robert, he said, they got this boy, big boy, he has home runs, his name. They call him the Hammer, Bob the Hammer Hamlin. I had relation up in Topeka.
John Fart: And, you know, that'd be about it. So anyway, he was the first one to ever tell me about the Hammer, Bob Hamlin. And that was probably a year or so before the rest of the world got to know the hammer.
The Whole Ballgame: We're going to get to know them today. And, uh, even if you didn't or don't want to too bad, you're about to right here on the whole ball game. You ready get into this or you want to, you want to, do you want to talk about, uh, current events? We haven't talked about current events for a while. just want to, wanted to come up in, uh, in general conversation.
John Fart: Yeah, sure.
The Whole Ballgame: Awesome. I'm looking at, uh,
The Whole Ballgame: This box full of baseball cards that came in the mail, and I don't know where they came from. Anyway, I'm glad I'm paying attention to the show. This is really good for everybody.
John Fart: you should You should probably order them online one night.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, probably. What I was what i was planning on doing was reading this biography that, ah well, I won't tell you who wrote it, but you might be able to figure it out as we go.
John Fart: It's TWBG original content is what it is.
The Whole Ballgame: In the annals of baseball's fleeting stardom, few stories capture the highs and lows quite like that of Bob Hamlin, nicknamed the Hammer for his prodigious power that evoked the folk hero John Henry.
The Whole Ballgame: Hamlin, except, you know, John Henry was black, of course. Hamlin burst onto to the scene as American League Rookie of the Year in 1994, smashing 24 home runs in a strike-shortened season for the Kansas City Royals. Yet, his career, plagued by injuries and inconsistencies, spanned just six major league seasons, leaving fans to wonder what might have been.
The Whole Ballgame: A left-handed slugger who played primarily as a designated hitter and first baseman, Hamlin compiled a.246 batting average with 67 home runs and 209 RBIs over 497 games, posting respectable eight sixteen op and two and a and 2.5 wins above replacement.
The Whole Ballgame: His tail is one of untapped potential, a reminder that even the mightiest swings can be felled by the game's unforgiving nature. mixed with a healthy dose of quirky, larger-than-life personality that has kept him a cult favorite.
John Fart: Hey, look, look, Hey, it's me. It's Bob. Um,
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, well, I didn't expect to hear from Bob today. we We have a pretty large cast of characters on this program, and I wasn't sure if we were going to get a new one today, but I'm excited to have you. Hey, Bob.
John Fart: well, I was informed this is how this thing works. Uh, you know, I'm just a pretty normal guy. I think, uh, you know, you guys usually do zany off the wall stuff. Uh,
John Fart: I don't know how much of assistance I will be there, but ah I'm Bob. Just just a normal guy, you know.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm so excited that you're here. Thank you for taking the time. We could use we could use a little bit of vanilla on this incredibly swirled-up program. Robert James Hamlin, that's you, was born on November.
John Fart: Thank you.
The Whole Ballgame: You're welcome. He was born November 29, 1967, in Elizabeth, New Jersey, the second of four children to Robert James Hamlin the third And Margaret Hamlin, his father, a banker, relocated the family to Irvine, California when Bob was young, providing a sunnier backdrop for his budding athletic pursuits.
The Whole Ballgame: At Irvine High School, Hamlin starred on the diamond, showcasing the raw power that would define his game. He continued honing his skills at Rancho Santiago College, now known as san Santa Ana College,
The Whole Ballgame: and later at UCLA, where he played briefly before entering the professional ranks. Hamlin's college performance caught the eye of scouts, leading to his selection by the Kansas City Royals in the second round, 43rd overall, of the 1988 amateur draft out of Rancho Santiago.
The Whole Ballgame: Standing weighing around 240 pounds with fluctuations to 260, uh,
The Whole Ballgame: fluctuations up to two sixty ah I wouldn't call him a fat ass, Blake. You know, i think for fat ass sort of demarcation, you probably have to be 325 and up, wouldn't you say?
John Fart: He was fat. he was not a fat ass. That's correct.
The Whole Ballgame: Got it. I like it. Okay. He was a prototypical power hitter, left-handed with a smooth uppercut swing that generated easy pop.
John Fart: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: His minor league journey began in the Royals system where he quickly established himself as a masher. In 1990, at Class A Baseball City, excuse me he hit 20 home runs, and by 1992 in AAA Omaha, he belted 22 more while batting.280.
The Whole Ballgame: However, early signs of trouble emerged. Recurring back issues, later diagnosed as a stress fracture, hampered his development and delayed his big league call-up.
The Whole Ballgame: His nickname, The Hammer, originated during his short-season stint in Eugene, when a team announcer made a wild call one day and the moniker stuck. Teammates ran with it, and Royal Scoreboard sometimes synced blasts to MC Hammer tunes for extra flair.
John Fart: Yeah, you know, I think that was just something that was fun for the fans, you know, Gabe?
The Whole Ballgame: m That time period was just full of really upbeat and fun hip-hop And whether it fit your sort of personality or not, I think it made fans happy at the time. i'm thinking I think you're probably right.
John Fart: Well, you know, it was about that time when, you know, the early 90s the
John Fart: the culture is really starting to shift and move into a very more progressive, provocative way, you know, and that can sometimes be, you know, troubling and and difficult for a straight up normal guy to navigate. But, you know, I think I did very well. And, um you know, just give me a P, a B and a B and I'm a happy boy, you know.
The Whole Ballgame: I get it. Absolutely. You know, it's, it's funny.
John Fart: Pizza, beer, and a bowl. Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah. I, I figured that's what we were talking. Wait, Anyway, we were just just a few years away from the new generation. You know, this was this was, it was finally the 90s. You turned the calendar page.
The Whole Ballgame: And my assumption is that, you know, you were seeing a lot of those, you know, progressive politics in your college days there in California. And so, you know, was probably a lot looser than it would have been back home on the East Coast in Jersey, right?
John Fart: What's this new gen? You talking the w WWF, the new generation? What are we talking about here?
The Whole Ballgame: That's precisely what I was talking about.
John Fart: Oh, yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Everything's new and hip and and young.
John Fart: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: it's all It's all got a fresh coat of paint on it. you know
John Fart: Well, I know a little bit about the wrestling. Yeah, yeah, big ah well a big fan is an old friend of mine, Jim Ross.
The Whole Ballgame: Tell me about it. What do you know?
The Whole Ballgame: Oh.
John Fart: he's ah You might know him if you're a wrestling fan. Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: I do. i do i Blake and I both know Jim Ross very well.
John Fart: well Yeah, he's, ah as I stated earlier a little bit, you know, a happy guy, a pea, a bee, and a bee, and I'm a happy boy. It's a pizza, beer, and a bowl. And I tell you, nobody appreciates a good bowl like Jim Ross, and he's a bit of a legend in the cuck community, which I'm a proud member of, because you only come hardest when a bowl is coming in your wife's
John Fart: Like
The Whole Ballgame: I i did dig just, I didn't, um I didn't expect this, I guess. um i I assumed with the bull thing you were talking about, like ah like a bull market, like you were in into trading stocks or I didn't really know.
John Fart: Jack Gill?
The Whole Ballgame: ah i don't I don't know.
John Fart: Michael!
The Whole Ballgame: he'd said
John Fart: Michael!
The Whole Ballgame: right. Well, um more to come there. no pun intended.
John Fart: Eddie Guerrero's dead.
The Whole Ballgame: That's...
John Fart: if he was a alive, he'd be in ice detention.
The Whole Ballgame: that's
John Fart: Michael.
John Fart: Same, same.
The Whole Ballgame: Hamlin made his MLB debut on September 12th, 1993 at age 25, pinch hitting for the Royals against the Durham Bull, nope, the New York Yankees.
John Fart: same same
The Whole Ballgame: In a brief 16 game cameo that year, he hit.224 with two home runs, offering a glimpse of his potential. The Royals, coming off the retirement of Hall of Famer George Brett, were in need of offensive firepower, and Hamlin seemed poised to prove it.
The Whole Ballgame: But 1994 nearly derailed before it started. In January, Hamlin, never one to shy from fun, entered an unsanctioned, made-for-TV ESPN arm wrestling tournament in Las Vegas with other players.
The Whole Ballgame: He won his matches, but felt his elbow pop, tearing his flexor tendon.
John Fart: Now, it's a little something, Gabe.
The Whole Ballgame: All right, Bob.
John Fart: You might not know this, but um you ever do you remember the movie Over the Top, Gabe?
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: Of course I do.
John Fart: Bull Hurley, B.H.
The Whole Ballgame: look
John Fart: Bob Hamlin, B.H. That's all I'm saying, okay?
John Fart: Bull Hurley, okay?
The Whole Ballgame: So you're saying it's not a coincidence.
John Fart: I'm saying I think there's a simulation and and And that simulation has is programmed me to only be able to come to my full potential when there is a giant bull dick pounding my wife in front of me and she's reaching out to me, barely rubbing her fingertips down my legs, Gabe.
John Fart: Okay? she's She's in pain but pleasure. Ugh. And she she wants to feel me,
John Fart: Oh.
John Fart: oh
The Whole Ballgame: All right. Well, Bob, I've got to ask because, you know, curiosity killed the cat and here we are.
The Whole Ballgame: Explain to me the difference between coming normally and coming while you're watching your wife get railed by a bull. What you you say to your fullest potential. So what's what's the difference between a normal session where you you ejaculate as any other man would and a session, boy, oh boy, I'm thinking about all the the listeners listening to this with their wives. Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: ah And tell me about tell me tell me about the difference between that and watching just um a man with just a massive cock rail your wife from behind while she looks at you with with tears in her eyes.
John Fart: All two of them, maybe.
John Fart: Like Steve, Dr. Death Williams, Gabe. That's who the King Bull.
The Whole Ballgame: Perfect example. Yeah, i thought when you mentioned JR and then we got to the the the cucking of it all, that's when I realized that that we were going to hear from
John Fart: All right.
The Whole Ballgame: hear from do hear about Dr. Death at some point.
John Fart: Those big Oklahoma bull balls slapping your wife's glitters while he's just pounding her is the most, probably third greatest orgasm you'll ever have, okay? And maybe her first.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
John Fart: But anyway, you're baseball guy, right? You got a baseball podcast.
The Whole Ballgame: Yes.
John Fart: I'm sure you're well-versed in all the metrics.
The Whole Ballgame: Sure.
The Whole Ballgame: Not really, but but Blake is, and I can get him to translate.
John Fart: What's... Well, it's all about the exit velocity, Gabe. I'd say when the bull's pounding away, the exit velocity is at least 50 miles per hour greater.
The Whole Ballgame: Aha.
John Fart: Plus probably three more spasms. You know i'm talking about. when they
John Fart: Contractions, that's it. Sorry, you got me all hot thinking about Doc.
John Fart: If he was only black...
The Whole Ballgame: The Royals wanted him on the DL to open the season, but he gutted it out.
The Whole Ballgame: Pushing through stiffness and pain.
John Fart: No pun intended. I'm a fat guy.
The Whole Ballgame: Welcome to the club, pal.
John Fart: Not as fat as you though, buddy.
The Whole Ballgame: yeah That's good.
John Fart: Hey, let me ask you something, Gabe. Normal guy here. Normal guy to guy talk.
The Whole Ballgame: God damn it.
John Fart: if What if Steve Dr. Death Williams was black? You think they would have named him Black Doctor or Black Death?
The Whole Ballgame: Maybe just Dr. Black.
John Fart: Like Dr. Wagner?
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm. Junior.
John Fart: I don't get that.
The Whole Ballgame: L.E. Ho. Del. Dr. Wagner. Junior. Black.
John Fart: There's only been one good Mexican bull, and that's Manny Fernandez.
The Whole Ballgame: Installed as the primary D.H. Maybe yes, maybe no.
John Fart: He was in NOM.
The Whole Ballgame: Under manager. How... Under manager Hal McRae, he thrived anyway, slashing 282, 388, 599 with and era and ballpark, obviously.
The Whole Ballgame: twenty five doubles in one hundred one games is nine eight seven op ranked among the leagues elite and is one hundred and forty seven ops plus adjusted for era and ballpark obviously underscored his dominance.
The Whole Ballgame: Memorable moments included a grand slam off Oakland's Ron Darling on May 22nd, a three-run homer against the White Sox, stay tuned, on July 31st.
The Whole Ballgame: Voters took notice, awarding him the AL Rookie of the Year over Manny Ramirez and the illustrious Rusty Greer. The hammer had arrived.
John Fart: Of the Rangers, of the Texas Rangers.
The Whole Ballgame: The hammer had arrived, evoking comparisons to burly sluggers of yore, and Royals fans dreamed of a new era of thump.
John Fart: Oh boy, so did I. i if ah but I wish Sylvester Ritter was still with us and he could just get balls deep and grab them cakes on my old lady while I fucking just blew a fucking rocket.
John Fart: You know, thump, because that's what it said on the back of his trunks, Gabe. Remember?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, you were, uh, You were mentioning being a wrestling fan. So yeah, it makes sense that you would bring that up.
John Fart: You know, I wonder if you took a toy, a JYD, and scratched the ass off where it said thump, what color it would be underneath. What do you think? That's a weird thing, huh?
The Whole Ballgame: You know, you know, Blake might have some insight to that.
John Fart: He's not here.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, okay. Well, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll hear from him later. We'll find out. I think. I think Blake once actually did that, interestingly enough.
John Fart: may
The Whole Ballgame: I'm not sure if you share some connective tissue within the simulation or what. That's a an interesting turn of events that you bring that up.
John Fart: Maybe yes, maybe no.
The Whole Ballgame: Memorable... Oh, no, we already got that.
The Whole Ballgame: Statistically, 1994 was a master class in efficient power hitting. Hamlin's isolated power of 317 was top tier, and he drew 56 walks against just 62 strikeouts,
The Whole Ballgame: showing plate discipline that belied his free swinging reputation. ah Another pun. His 2.6 wins above replacement that year accounted for the bulk of his career total, highlighting how singular that campaign was.
John Fart: You
The Whole Ballgame: Off the field, he embraced his everyman vibe, wire-rimmed glasses, noticeable paunch, and a love for poker that made him fear a feared clubhouse card shark.
John Fart: ain't got to worry about me poking her. That's what Doc's for. no.
The Whole Ballgame: Teammates like Mike Magnante warned newcomers, You did not want to get into a card game with him you would lose. Stories circulated of players fleeing the sound of shuffling cards, clutching wallets, while high-stakes games on team flights drew crowds and staggering losses, often financed by big contracts like Wally Joyner's.
John Fart: I believe Wally Joyner is a Mormon, fellow Mormon, to you.
The Whole Ballgame: That's right. I guess I still am on the rolls. I haven't checked lately, though. I should check that. I think you can look up members of the church. You should probably do that. um
John Fart: I'll work on it.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, Blake should probably do that, not you, Bob. Unfortunately, Hamlin's success proved ephemeral. The 1995 season brought a precipitous drop-off, limited to 72 games due to lingering back problems, and a nagging eye condition that affected his vision.
The Whole Ballgame: He hit a dismal 168 with seven homers and a 591 OPS. Demoted to the Miners mid-season, he struggled to regain form. The Royals stuck him in nineteen ninety s stuck with him in where he Rebounded modestly, batting.255 with nine homers in 89 games, but his power had waned and defensive limitations.
The Whole Ballgame: He was adequate at first base with a.990 career fielding percentage, but posted six total zone runs. I have no idea what that means. Relegated him mostly to DH duties.
John Fart: It came in my eye. That's how I had my eye problems. I shot right up straight.
The Whole Ballgame: I assumed that might be the case.
John Fart: Yep. Hot night. Hot night in Toledo. Oh, boy. Mudhens.
The Whole Ballgame: Is that all we get?
John Fart: Get it? Oh, I i thought you knew. knew It was Toledo Mudhens. Three, four of the boys, you know...
John Fart: Sometimes you don't have one bull. You got to get three or four horses.
The Whole Ballgame: That year also produced his most enduring quirk. The 1996 Pinnacle Foil Card, widely dubbed the worst baseball card of all time by outlets like Slate, MLB.com, and countless fans. The close-up shows Hamlin staring blankly past the camera through huge wire rim glasses, holding a placard with his own name, misspelled as Hamlin, H-A-M-L-I-N, in some accounts, against a bizarre school picture day background.
The Whole Ballgame: It breaks every design rule, awkward angles, redundant name references, zero team branding, and has become legendary meme fodder with John Boyce and others riffing on its commitment to badness.
The Whole Ballgame: Hamlin took it in stride, later reflecting on its immortality.
The Whole Ballgame: Released by Kansas City after spring training in 1997, Hamlin signed with the Detroit Tigers. He enjoyed a partial resurgence, hitting.270 with 18 homers and 52 RBIs in 110 games for 122 OPS+.
The Whole Ballgame: It was his second-best season, fueled by a change of scenery. Yet injuries stuck struck again. Leg woes, including hamstring pulls and knee issues that had dogged him since the minors, limited his mobility and consistency.
The Whole Ballgame: In 1998, Hamlin joined the Milwaukee Brewers, but managed only a 219 average with seven homers and 109 games. His production, hampered by persistent ailments, sent to AAA Indianapolis midway through the year, he batted.221 before things took a dramatic turn.
The Whole Ballgame: Hamlin's playing days ended abruptly in June 1999, while with the Detroit Tigers AAA affiliate, the Toledo Mudhens. After grounding out in the sixth inning, he returned to the dugout and told manager Gene Roof,
John Fart: I'm done.
The Whole Ballgame: frustrated by nagging injuries, including an undiagnosed eye vision.
John Fart: I diagnosed it just fine. But, you know, society was not quite as welcoming back then.
The Whole Ballgame: including an undiagnosed eye slash vision issue. He later addressed with LASIK. Interesting that the laser can remove the semen from your eye. That's good to know. He walked away mid-game.
John Fart: Just sucks it out. It's like a a transporter.
The Whole Ballgame: Sure. Why not? ah He walked away mid-game at age 31.
John Fart: They won't let you keep it, though.
The Whole Ballgame: A rare... and That's good. He put a little little little beaker.
John Fart: i
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
John Fart: I tried.
The Whole Ballgame: He walked away mid-game at age 31, a rare and poignant exit. He later described the mix of fear and exhilaration.
John Fart: Ah, ah.
The Whole Ballgame: Having spent years battling physical tolls. Retirement didn't sever Hamlin's ties to baseball after a hiatus running a manufacturing company.
The Whole Ballgame: He attended scout school and joined the Toronto Blue Jays as an area scout in 2002. He later worked for the Nationals, Blue Jays again, and spent nearly a decade with the Boston Red Sox before returning to the Nationals, scouting the western U.S., including Orange County and San Diego.
The Whole Ballgame: Hamlin has spoken candidly about his career's up and down ups and downs, including the 94 strikes impact, his battles with weight, and his love for Vegas,
The Whole Ballgame: and poker.
John Fart: There's this guy, Vegas Matt Gage. Have you ever heard of him? I love his videos on the YouTube. i love that and eating with Bakashi. Fuck it.
The Whole Ballgame: All right, just before we get too far down the inside baseball here, um I have a YouTube premium account. And ah when when Blake, when when yes, could now we, because Blake finally decided he was going to pay me half, a little more than half actually nowadays.
John Fart: We. We.
The Whole Ballgame: But anyway, ah we have this account and I subscribe to ah several channels that Blake ah takes great judgment upon, including including vegas Matt.
John Fart: No, it's all fine. Look, it's fine.
The Whole Ballgame: Vegas Matt, ah who who who plays a lot of slot machines and a lot of Baccarat and a lot of blackjack, and I watch it so I can live vicariously and pretend that I'm him gambling, you know, five grand on a hand of Baccarat pretty regularly.
John Fart: It's fine.
John Fart: Mm-hmm.
John Fart: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: um
John Fart: How's it working?
The Whole Ballgame: ah So far, not so great. And then he's talking about binging with Babish.
John Fart: Ah, yeah, that was it.
The Whole Ballgame: um uh it if you know you know if you don't maybe we'll do an episode on it one day but probably not anyway you know it's all fat guy shit uh gambling your money away and and eating it uh one way or another that taco bell or or you know uh getting excited about food on youtube
John Fart: Yeah, something...
John Fart: There's brand synergy. That's what this is. Did I tell you about my gambling exports with that fucking card bullshit?
The Whole Ballgame: I saw it. I saw it on Twitter.
John Fart: God damn it, man. How disappointing was that? scared.
The Whole Ballgame: I've never even done that. And that's, look, like that's the shocking, the most shocking part. I've never bought a digital baseball card. I just have no real interest in it. But now that you, you as if fucking, I'm so predictable and pathetic.
The Whole Ballgame: Um, and fat, uh,
The Whole Ballgame: in no, ah in a surprise to absolutely no one, you did it. And now I'm, I downloaded the bunt app and I'm looking at it regularly going, should I do that? I wonder if I should do that.
John Fart: yeah
The Whole Ballgame: Maybe that's the right play. Cause if he got a bad one, maybe it'll, the odds will even out and I'll get a good one. And I don't know how that works, but.
John Fart: well if you if you go and i got the arena one and so if you go and you know whatever each packs a different price whatever but it shows you all the cards that you could possibly get in like the tiers and
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
John Fart: all the like whatever common ones or whatever. So basically you got like a 2% chance of getting each one of those.
The Whole Ballgame: Thank you.
John Fart: And then the one up above, it it's like a 0.5 and there's three of them. And then there's three that are like a 0.25 or something. I don't know, something like that, but it shows you the odds.
John Fart: I'm like all of them. And I was just so goddamn disappointed that I didn't get like a fucking team card. Really? Like,
John Fart: a 9.5 fucking Angels team card that was worth $45, I guess. But, so that, that's the thing too. They'll fucking buy it back from you if, you know, you don't like it Yeah, they gave me like $40 for it.
The Whole Ballgame: like 90% value, right? what how
John Fart: bought a $100 pack. $100
The Whole Ballgame: How much did you spend on it?
John Fart: was hoping pull out,
John Fart: one hundred dollars pack i was hoping to pull out trying to see I can't remember what the fucking I think there was a the rare ones there was like two different skeins autographs um but anyway i was at least like I don't know okay kid you got like a fucking 1988 Fleer like one of them had like a PSA 10 1990 Bowman Ozzie Smith that was like one of the common cards and stuff like that like that would have been fine or some bullshit but goddamn team card.
The Whole Ballgame: Thank you.
John Fart: So anyway, I sell that back and now I got, ah what? 40 fucking bucks. And I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to buy another pack to try to figure this, get something. And I buy uh, fucking NBA a one.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, boy.
John Fart: They got some that have like old fucking Jordans in it and shit too. It's like, Jesus Christ.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
John Fart: But they actually have auctions on there as well. And I saw it.
The Whole Ballgame: What is this? What is the app that you use? Because i I didn't see the...
John Fart: Arena.
The Whole Ballgame: Is it Topps?
John Fart: Arena.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, it's just called Arena.
John Fart: Yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Okay.
John Fart: It's just, they got all sorts of different cards or whatever.
The Whole Ballgame: Do they give you the option of, like like, sending you the physical card, or is it just digital?
John Fart: Yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, okay. All right. It's one of those. All right.
John Fart: Oh, yeah, no, I wouldn't have done it.
The Whole Ballgame: At least there's that.
John Fart: Yeah, that was the whole, like... I don't know. i Yeah, I was hoping to at least break even or make my fucking... make a dollar or...
John Fart: if, if I would have something fucking cool, I would have definitely fucking kept it, which is why I wouldn't be any good at this. But
The Whole Ballgame: the team The team card, was it numbered?
John Fart: not, I mean, it was just a 9.5. Um, yeah, yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Okay, so it was graded. Okay.
John Fart: All the cards are graded. They're all fucking graded.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, that's good at least.
John Fart: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah.
John Fart: No, it's just type arena on the fucking app store. I know that you can look through it. Um, but, um, I buy the, I buy like a fucking $25 NBA one and I get a goddamn some bullshit Tyler hero fucking 9.5 or not. I think it was a 10 even maybe. I don't know. It was worth like fucking 10 bucks and I got a $9 for that. So I said, I got 24 bucks sitting in my wallet.
John Fart: None. It's, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to have to add more money to do anything.
The Whole Ballgame: here we go
John Fart: I need at least another dollar to buy the cheapest fucking pack. And if I'm in there doing a dollar, I might have... I wonder how much money these goddamn things pay fucking psychologists and shit.
John Fart: This is what I should be getting paid for, figuring out how to use... fucking manipulate people and bullshit, but I can't focus enough to do it on my own. I need some evil corporation to put their hand up my ass.
John Fart: Give me...
The Whole Ballgame: It's either yours or your mother's.
John Fart: free baseball cards.
The Whole Ballgame: In sabermetric terms, Hamlin's 109 career OPS plus shows he was slightly above average offensively when healthy, but his 2.5 wins above replacement underscores the brevity of his peak.
The Whole Ballgame: Comparisons to other one-year wonders like Brady Anderson abound. Yet Hamlin's story carries unique charm. A journeyman who swung for the fences, crushed bombs for one glorious summer,
The Whole Ballgame: left behind poker tails, arm wrestling mishaps, a legendarily bad card, and that mid-game retirement drama, not to mention his penchant for the Bulls.
The Whole Ballgame: For Royals faithful, he's a symbol of the post-Brett era's promise, even if unfulfilled, the everyman slugger who looked more like a plumber than a star, but hit like a hammer.
The Whole Ballgame: As Hamlin himself might say, sometimes the hammer hits the nail, other times it bends the thumb.
John Fart: It's just me, Bob.
The Whole Ballgame: Bob Hamlin on the whole ballgame, everybody.
John Fart: I gotta tell you, I thought when I did my initial research, I thought this man was just a giant fan of the Chicago Bulls.
John Fart: But...
The Whole Ballgame: that's yeah I mean, at first, i went there. i went to the stock market. I didn't know what we were going to expect from this guy. But I guess you should should kind of get the understanding that these none of these guys are ever as milquetoast as you expect them to be.
John Fart: don't Don't blame me. I've been lost on the island.
The Whole Ballgame: yeahp ah This week we are sponsored again by the wonderful and talented ah Lost THC.
The Whole Ballgame: Get lost on the island today. Find yourself lost.
John Fart: Super hit, super hit, super hit. Doot, doot, doot, doot.
The Whole Ballgame: Looks like it's got like a couple of Canadian maple leaves on the front of it. um
John Fart: Well, you can alternate it between one, two, or three for your your strength, your your potency, if you will.
The Whole Ballgame: That sort of thing, so.
John Fart: um And then you got a battery meter and you got a juice meter, whatever fuck you want to call it.
The Whole Ballgame: Fantastic news. ah oh
John Fart: I'm lost!
John Fart: ohs Howard Stern's penis. Howard Stern's penis.
The Whole Ballgame: He was on the Howard Stern show, you know.
John Fart: Bob Hamlin.
The Whole Ballgame: No, the Autoblow. He won a contest, the best sex toy contest.
John Fart: What?
The Whole Ballgame: yep i
John Fart: Well, God damn it.
The Whole Ballgame: It was actually on Sirius the other day on Howard 101. They replayed it. and i list I saw the headline. I remember the guy having written to us because we wrote to him but wrote back to him when he had heard us talking about the Autoblow 3000 a couple months ago.
The Whole Ballgame: And, uh, I wrote back to him and yeah, he told me, and and when I saw it show up on the the screen in my car, I was like, Oh, I got to listen to this to make sure this is it. And lo and behold, it was there. Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: He won that a sex toy contest on the Howard Stern show back in, Oh gosh, 22 23.
John Fart: So you're still waiting on yours? Is that what you're saying?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, please, by all means, we are not above pandering to sex toy companies, especially me nowadays. So oh
John Fart: He's got Bozo and Smokey the Bear behind him, folks. All right.
The Whole Ballgame: I do indeed.
John Fart: That's...
The Whole Ballgame: As well as two issues of Comics the Magazine. That's right, Comics the Magazine, issue number one in stores, March 11th.
John Fart: Ah.
The Whole Ballgame: So head to your local comic book shop. ah If you were a fan of Wizard Magazine back in the 90s, you've been missing it for about 20 years now, and we fill that void. Go ahead and ah head to your local comic shop. Most of them will have a copy or two, if not a whole ton of them.
The Whole Ballgame: Cover price $2.99, 48 pages of enthusiasm and in the enthusiasm about comic books. So head on over to your local comic shop today. It's Comics the Magazine.
The Whole Ballgame: comics, the magazine.com. That's my, you can head over there. And if you want to advertise in comics, the magazine, and you want to advertise the auto blow 3000, I won't be able to give you an ad, but most, most others be just fine.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh, uh, hopefully, hopefully these, hopefully these streams never actually cross on the other side of reality, but you know what, if they do fuck it, something will get figured out.
John Fart: Work out alternate arrangements.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know. Whatever.
John Fart: ah you I'm sure you've never found yourself in a situation of your own causing that backfired.
The Whole Ballgame: Not ever. No, sir. i I make the best choices.
John Fart: You will handle yourself with the same grace and charm and civility that you did. In all those other times, Gene.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, at the end of the day, um you're joking. But the reality of the situation is is I should still not be free. So let's just leave it at that. ah
John Fart: and Nobody is these days.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, it's a real good point you're making. Lost THC. That's the point. um I just looked up this.
John Fart: You're all free on the island.
The Whole Ballgame: i I looked up this baseball card and it's pretty, it's pretty remarkable that this made the cut. I don't understand at all how this.
John Fart: It's fucking pinnacle. Nobody gave a shit.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, it's a good point, I guess. Anyway, ah so that's Bob Hamlin and Annette.
John Fart: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Boy, oh boy, what a, what a tale.
John Fart: That's what she said. Perhaps a tale that could only be toppled by a Thomas the Train. No.
John Fart: What is it? Thomas the Tank?
The Whole Ballgame: Big Frank, the big hurt. ah yeah I've told a story before.
John Fart: Put your Reeboks on.
The Whole Ballgame: Yep, I've told a story before. ah In Little League, even though I was terrible, and that's why they stuck me at third at first base or left field, depending on the day.
John Fart: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: Um, one because I was super tall. I was the tallest kid. uh, and the other, because I couldn't play any other position and very few kids can hit with any power to left field.
The Whole Ballgame: So they, it was the least danger that they would put me in. Um, I wore number 35 because of Frank and, uh, I don't mind telling you he was my favorite.
John Fart: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: Um, And the more I've learned about him, the the less there is to like. But, ah you know, that's that's why we do the show.
John Fart: That's right.
The Whole Ballgame: It's because if nothing else, you learn here that you absolutely never
The Whole Ballgame: engage in hero worship if you're being intellectually honest.
John Fart: Never been let down, have we?
The Whole Ballgame: Not ever.
John Fart: Every single one of them.
The Whole Ballgame: Every time, every single one lets us down. Every one of them. And you know what it is? I don't even think it's it's the fact that they're bad people or anything else like because we're all bad.
The Whole Ballgame: It's the fact that we we engage in some belief that they are anything more than human.
John Fart: hmm.
John Fart: Yes, they. ah Let's see, how should I say this? There's just a certain group of people that if and a lot of them find themselves in positions that are in the spotlight because they're drawn to that, but this these group of people are the more they can can do and get away with the more they will do and try to get away with because that's part of the deal for them and you know not saying like you know whatever frank was out there hurting people or whatever but my my point is like they they're gonna make asses out of themselves and whatever lane of ass them they fall in you know
John Fart: you know Some might be you know fucking O.J. Simpson Benoit type, which is the goddamn bottom of the rung or whatever. And then you you get into your you you know liars and your abusers and your manipulators and that kind of shit. but And then you know kind of your douchebags or your lesser offensive ones, which... you know Frank's probably a douchebag, I think.
John Fart: Let's find out, shall we?
The Whole Ballgame: Onward.
John Fart: See if I can read this before I piss myself.
The Whole Ballgame: we can Let's just pause it and we'll come right back.
John Fart: No, no, no, no.
The Whole Ballgame: All right.
John Fart: I want to make a game out of it. Because if if I got to go, then I'm wanna to do the Dances with Wolves bit.
John Fart: I'm going pull my gun out and blow my head off. Because that's what happens in the movie, right? I just pissed my pants.
John Fart: Remember?
The Whole Ballgame: Of course I do. I remember watching that with my mom and being terrified. Of
John Fart: I laughed my ass off when he did that.
The Whole Ballgame: course you did.
John Fart: I fucking lost it. I thought that was hilarious.
The Whole Ballgame: If that's not the perfect juxtaposition to illustrate the difference between you and I i don't know what is.
John Fart: Oh, God.
The Whole Ballgame: i remember hiding underneath the blanket next to her.
John Fart: I've never...
John Fart: My mom was mortified. because i i mean it' fuck yeah I didn't say fuck, but like it just blasted out of me.
John Fart: a In the pantheon of baseball's greatest pure hitters, Frank Thomas stands tall, literally and figuratively, as one of the most feared right-handed batsmen of his era.
John Fart: Nicknamed the Big Hurt by White Sox broadcaster Ken Hawk Harrelson, For the devastation he wrought on opposing pitchers, Thomas combined elite, plate discipline, power, and average in a way few have matched.
John Fart: A two-time AL MVP, five-time All-Star, and first ballot Hall Famer, he posted 301, 419, and slash line over seasons with five hundred and twenty one homers one thousand seven hundred and four ribbies 1,667 walks, and a 974 OPS.
John Fart: His 73.8 career war ranks him among the all-time greats at first base. Thomas is the only player in MLB history to string together seven straight seasons with at least a 300 average, 100 runs, 100 ribbies, 100 walks, and 20 homers.
John Fart: Achieved clean in the heart of the steroid era, His story is one of relentless excellence, hard-earned respect, and a quiet dignity that made a Chicago icon, though behind the scenes, a more complicated, sometimes prickly personality, emerged in the clubhouse.
The Whole Ballgame: Well, you know, ay er I'll tell you, i take issue with the the perception that I had any any sort of prickly personality. I'm a i'm a happy-go-lucky ah dancing fool, you know.
The Whole Ballgame: ah I'll shuck and I'll jive and I'll do what you need me to do. that's ah That's what I always tell folks. I'm an easygoing ah sort of sort of guy that just goes with the flow, makes things as easy as possible, you know.
John Fart: Big
John Fart: big Dan.
The Whole Ballgame: try to I try to hit home runs, I try to to run to to drive runs in, and I try to make my team better.
John Fart: Got it.
The Whole Ballgame: ah Ultimately, I think what you got to remember here is ah greatness doesn't breed happiness. Happiness breeds greatness.
John Fart: got it All right. Frank Edward Thomas Jr. was born on May 27, 1968 in Columbus, Georgia, to Frank Sr., the original Big Frank, a bondsman, animal catcher, liquor delivery driver, and deacon at the Nazareth Baptist Church.
John Fart: And Charlie...
The Whole Ballgame: he also handles He also handles snakes, Blake. I don't know if you know that.
John Fart: Oh, I didn't. I i't only...
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, he was a snake handler as well.
John Fart: I only knew what I listed now.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
John Fart: so But he handled snakes like um like in the church or just for fun?
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. he No, no. Well, I'm sure he had fun doing it. You know you know that you you understand. But, yeah, no, he every Sunday he would sit.
John Fart: Right.
The Whole Ballgame: with the congregation in between um the the the oh the preacher and a couple of the ushers there every week. And he would handle their snakes for them just like the the good man, the good man of God he was. That was the deacon's role, was to snake handle.
John Fart: I think we went to different churches
John Fart: let's see and Frank's mother Charlie May Thomas Frank Sr.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
John Fart: instilled core values God family education first see the ball and swing it strikes clean your plate
John Fart: And then Frank's three older sisters, Gloria, Mary, and Sharon. And an older brother, Michael, from his mother's previous marriage.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, my my father always told her she was a whore for having having kids with two different husbands, but he loved her nonetheless, all the same, both of those
John Fart: Right, right. and And right he was to tell her that. But tragedy did strike early as your younger brother died in infancy. And Frank, you nearly drowned as a child. That had to be something. I, too, almost drowned as a child. I know that can be very traumatic. Brother.
John Fart: Brother.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't remember that. i don't I really don't have any memory of the near drowning. They tell me that ah you know that the doctors all told them that this could create a real real issue down the road.
The Whole Ballgame: It had been established that that that men who who experience near drowning may may grow up to have some sort of homicidal tendencies like in the movies, but not me, pretty happy guy.
John Fart: Do you know Ken Griffey Jr. or
The Whole Ballgame: No, I don't know who that is. I'm unfamiliar entirely. See, ah my my voice has a bit of a deeper register, you understand?
John Fart: I just assumed since you guys played the same era and all star teams and all that.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, you mean Ken Griffey Jr.?
John Fart: Yeah, no, not senior. You must have thought I said senior, right?
The Whole Ballgame: No, no, I didn't. i just you heard You said some letters together and I was confused. Yeah, Ken and I were good friends.
John Fart: Oh, yeah, because you probably don't know about the robot. You don't listen.
The Whole Ballgame: What do you mean?
John Fart: Nah.
The Whole Ballgame: or What's a robot?
John Fart: A multi-sports star at Columbus and Central High School. Later named after him, Thomas excelled in baseball and football as a tight end. Undrafted out of high school in 1986, he headed to Auburn University on a football-baseball scholarship.
John Fart: Injury shifted focus to... Now, let me ask you this, Frank. Did you find it hard...
The Whole Ballgame: Mm.
John Fart: difficult being an African-American man down there in Alabama in the 80s particularly.
The Whole Ballgame: Not at all, Blake, and I'll tell you why.
John Fart: Please.
The Whole Ballgame: i was a fantastic athlete. And, you know, when when when you have the kind of athletic skill that I had, ah there's a certain value that's placed upon your head um where, you know, I'll say that other other black men in the South during that time probably did have a hard time.
The Whole Ballgame: I didn't, though. And so, you know, I only know my experience, and mine was nothing but positive.
John Fart: um Okay. Right. All right. So just as long yeah just as long as you're good, it's good. That's right.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, look, at the end of the day, like I said, you can you can choose to be miserable about any little thing you choose, but it's not going to get you very far.
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, look, you can you can't put a limit on anything. You know what i mean? the The more you dream, the further you get.
John Fart: Fuck it.
John Fart: I don't remember where we're at.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, you know, at the end of the day, you have to be willing to sacrifice everything, but you can never sacrifice your integrity. That's what I always said.
John Fart: Is that what you always said?
The Whole Ballgame: Always, always and forever.
John Fart: Yeah, you remember that song? I love you always forever, near and far, we'll stick together.
The Whole Ballgame: That's great. I don't know what you're talking about, but that's fine. Sounds like some white woman shit.
John Fart: good All SEC honors spot on the 89 College World Series team and the White Sox select Frank 7th overall in the 1989 MLB draft.
John Fart: The highest Auburn player ever taken. At 6'5", 240 plus pounds, Thomas was a towering presence with exceptional bat speed and coordination.
John Fart: coorion His minor league path was swift. He debuted in the majors on August 2, 1990 at age with seven home runs games.
John Fart: thomas's full rookie season and ninety ninety one announced his arrival
The Whole Ballgame: Thank you.
John Fart: A 318 average, 453 on base percentage, 553 slugging, 32 homers, 109 ribbies, and league-leading 138 walks.
John Fart: Frank finished third in AL MVP voting and won his first silver slugger. In 92, he led the league in doubles, walks, and on base percentage. Then came back-to-back MVPs unanimous in 93 as the White Sox won the AL West and again in 94, 353, 487, and 548 in the strike-shortened season, leading in slugging runs and OBP.
The Whole Ballgame: right.
John Fart: He joined rarefied company. Only Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Jimmy Fox, and Ted Williams had matched similar 320 wins.
John Fart: 300 average, 20-plus homers, and 100-plus runs, RBIs, and walks, streaks. From 91 to 97, Thomas was untouchable. Consistent 300-plus hitter with power and patience. His 997 OPS over that span dwarfed peers.
John Fart: Harrelson's big hurt nickname stuck, capturing how pitchers winced facing him. Thompson credited his success to discipline, rarely chasing, rarely fooled, and a smooth, compact swing that generated elite exit velocity.
John Fart: He was a contact hitter trapped in a slugger's body. High average, massive walks, low strikeouts relative to power, defensively solid at first base.
John Fart: His value was overwhelmingly offensive. A 156 OPS plus career with peaks over 200.
The Whole Ballgame: What I always found, and this is starting back when I was in college, was that as long as you keep a smile on your face and hit the ball when the boss wants you to hit the ball, you got nothing to worry about.
John Fart: Right.
John Fart: Nothing at all?
The Whole Ballgame: Not at all.
John Fart: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: What do I have to worry about? I'm making all sorts of money and hitting the ball when when I need to hit the ball.
John Fart: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: getting all sorts of kudos from sports writers all over the country. and you know Should I have won Rookie of the Year my rookie season? Yeah, probably so. But ah you know that's about the only thing I had to complain about the first couple of years I had in the league.
The Whole Ballgame: And I'm sorry.
John Fart: i get I was going to say, I guess you got to ask yourself what's what's important to you. You know, to know if.
The Whole Ballgame: Being successful is important to me. Making money is important to me.
John Fart: and So yeah, money and you said kudos.
The Whole Ballgame: people talking about how People talking about what a good guy I am is important to me because I am a good guy and I need to hear it.
John Fart: Yeah.
John Fart: Okay, well.
The Whole Ballgame: Don't you think I'm a good guy, Blake?
John Fart: I just met you, Frank.
The Whole Ballgame: Based on the things that you've heard about me, don't you believe that I'm a good guy?
John Fart: While Thomas' on-field dominance was undeniable, his clubhouse reputation in the early to mid-90s White Sox era revealed a more divisive side.
John Fart: Like that pesky President Obama. So divisive, right?
The Whole Ballgame: Well, you know, look, I don't like it in a politics.
John Fart: I bet you don't.
The Whole Ballgame: But, you know, when you're a guy that has the kind of, you know, Q rating that a Barack Obama had, you just can't go out there wearing tan suits.
The Whole Ballgame: You can't do it. it's ah it's ah It's a dangerous game to play. You know, you want to stay firmly ensconced in the middle where everybody's going to protect you the way that you want to protect people in your life.
The Whole Ballgame: You know, it's just, it's a game of give and take here. And if you don't play the game, you get run out on a rail. And luckily I was smart enough never to let that happen.
John Fart: Well, thank God for that.
John Fart: Anonymous ex-teammates quoted in Jeff Perlman's 2022 unauthorized biography of Bo Jackson, the last folk hero, the life and myth of Bo Jackson.
John Fart: Payne and Frank is an intimidating presence who moped with the best of them, a douchebag, a selfish prick, and one of the most disliked players in the room.
John Fart: Complaints centered on poor treatment of clubhouse attendants and staff. Did you treat the clubhouse people poorly, Frank?
The Whole Ballgame: No, look, this is this is all sort of contrived nonsense. you know the i have always stood by the old adage that the true measure of a man is how we treat someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The Whole Ballgame: Mm-hmm.
John Fart: Oh, yeah? that so?
John Fart: right.
John Fart: Frank Street.
The Whole Ballgame: People can call me names. people People can call me names all they want, Blake. That's that's what I'm trying to say. at the end of the day, it comes down to one of two things.
John Fart: and
The Whole Ballgame: you know If I'm looking at this from a completely neutral standpoint, it's you are either you are either jealous of my successes or you want the money and fame that came with my success
John Fart: Right, as you are.
John Fart: Uh-huh.
The Whole Ballgame: And you' only your brain is so tiny and so small that the only way you have of trying to ah trying to get there is by by running me down.
John Fart: Uh-huh.
The Whole Ballgame: ah you you don't You don't see the forest for the trees, as as the wise men would say.
John Fart: Mm-hmm. Well, at the end of the day, the day ends, right?
The Whole Ballgame: Look, in life, you got to swing for the fences. You might miss sometimes, but when you connect, it's worth it. And, you know, some of these guys just will never connect, and so they have to hack the trees down.
John Fart: Frank treated the clubhouse guys like garbage, one said, judging people by how they treat those who don't need to be nice to.
John Fart: Whining about lineup spots, refusing to hit fourth or fifth for protection even when it frustrated coaches and pitchers avoided him, and an overall arrogant vibe that alienated teammates.
John Fart: One standout quote, Thomas was one of the best players in the game, but a selfish prick of a teammate.
The Whole Ballgame: When you come from where I came from, Blake, you know, batting, batting Alabama, batting third or fourth, it doesn't make a difference.
John Fart: Auburn?
John Fart: Auburn?
The Whole Ballgame: But, you know, if a coach is going to put me or try to put me in the cleanup spot and and I'm more more successful in the three-hole, why in the world wouldn't I fight for that?
The Whole Ballgame: Why wouldn't I say, you know what, i yeah I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you're wrong here, especially if I feel strongly about it.
John Fart: Well, see, I would say that he believes that you are so good that putting you in the four hole forces pitchers to give the man in front of you who would be in the three hole better pitches to hit because they don't want to walk him. So they have to face you with a runner on base. And that's actually the highest compliment you could receive from your coaches.
The Whole Ballgame: Maybe so. But what what you have to remember here is I've got to play two games.
John Fart: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: I've got to play the game of help my team win, but I also have to play the game of help me not look like a jackass. Okay? And if I strike strike out, which, you know, everybody strikes out, but if I strike out in a three-hole, that's one thing.
The Whole Ballgame: But if I strike out batting cleanup, that's a whole other, and my value goes down. And, you know, if if y'all don't understand that you got to play both games at the same time, i don't know what to tell you.
The Whole Ballgame: Like, if you don't understand that, then there's not much I can teach you.
John Fart: You're
John Fart: ah Bojax, a calming force in the clubhouse, reportedly played a key role in humbling him, bluntly telling Thomas to seriously shut the fuck up when he got whiny.
John Fart: Pearlman frame Bo is the best thing for Frank. helping temper the ego and selfishness that drove others crazy. The Wendog! Lance Johnson echoed the lineup drama, noting it hurt team chances by pitchers simply walking Thomas.
John Fart: See, it's what I was saying, Frank. They just walk your ass, because they're not worried about the guy behind you. They get him. Whereas they were...
The Whole Ballgame: Well, look, that's, that's one way to look at it.
John Fart: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: I suppose it's the wrong way to look at it because if I'm getting on base, then my OPS goes up and the team's OPS goes up.
The Whole Ballgame: And why isn't the guy who should be in that four spot driving me in what, what's the problem? I would be able to do it. If I were in the four spot, why can't you? And Bo was in that spot on a regular number of, of of occasions.
The Whole Ballgame: And look, the problem with Bo is that he started to Bo leave his own hype. Right. I never got there. I never you look. I i'm I'm as humble as a day is long.
The Whole Ballgame: I always have been.
John Fart: mm hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't believe that that even if people say the things that are about me, that they say that I was the greatest of all time, that was clean or the the strong, the the the biggest bat, clean bat of the year, this, that or the other thing.
John Fart: Right.
The Whole Ballgame: um
John Fart: Free basis, new genetics.
The Whole Ballgame: Sure. what Whatever. um i mean, that's now. Look, man, look, all of us go through a certain point in our lives where our our testosterone levels dip.
John Fart: Right.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm not ashamed of it. oh I'm not ashamed of it now. I wasn't ashamed of it then. People believe that I was clean, and that's all that everybody needs to talk about.
The Whole Ballgame: And Bo can suck my balls.
John Fart: I believe I can fly. A memorable, almost comical glimpse of vulnerability came during a turbulent team flight back from California.
John Fart: As panic spread, players grabbing religious medallions, Ozzie Guillen praying to Jesus, the towering Thomas cocooned himself in blankets and pillows, wrapping up like a makeshift fort to shield from the shaking plane.
John Fart: The image of the feared MVP burrowing under bedding while chaos reigned added a layer of human frailty to the intimidating facade.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, you know what?
John Fart: we remember about that, Frank? When planes coming down, guys are fucking confessing their gayness. It's almost famous. But they're praying to Jesus, Ozzie Guillens, cussing out Buck Martinez. and And you're making a goddamn fort out of pillows on a plane, nose diving.
The Whole Ballgame: Look.
John Fart: Like a child.
The Whole Ballgame: you can You can frame it however you want. At the end of the day, i was trying to speak, strategic ah act strategically in a moment just like I always do.
John Fart: Oh, what was the strategy?
The Whole Ballgame: me batting Me batting third versus me batting fourth or The plane's going down. Should i hide in the hard fuselage? Should I try to get underneath a seat?
The Whole Ballgame: Probably not. But it if if it comes down to it, who's more likely to survive? The guy that's surrounded by stuff that's soft or the guy that's surrounded by stuff that's hard?
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, it's a pretty simple calculus if you get right down to it. I was being strategic. And just because wrap myself in pillows and blankets just in case, how does that make me a bad guy or or dumb or silly?
The Whole Ballgame: I mean, it's no more silly than why is that?
John Fart: Makes you a douchebag. Makes you a douchebag.
The Whole Ballgame: what Why? Tell why.
John Fart: Because you think the fucking pillows are going to help you as a plane crashing to the ground.
The Whole Ballgame: tell me why
The Whole Ballgame: And Ozzie Guillen thought that holding on to that golden cross around his neck was going to help him. What's the difference? At least mine was practical.
John Fart: Well, I think he's hedging his bet that he's about to die and he's trying to pray for forgiveness for all his sins and go to heaven clean.
The Whole Ballgame: No, I know for a fact he was asking God to save us.
John Fart: That's probably more likely than the...
The Whole Ballgame: I know for a fact he was asking God to save us, which is just as stupid as anything else.
John Fart: Sure. Well,
John Fart: that's fine. It's the same fucking thing, really. It doesn't matter.
The Whole Ballgame: That's what I'm saying. So we're in agreement.
John Fart: nu up
The Whole Ballgame: I'm glad to hear it. Thank you very much.
John Fart: No wonder they fucking hated you in Fox.
John Fart: Prick. These anecdotes drawn from anonymous sources and Perlman's reporting highlight a contrast. The polished, clean superstar versus a moody, occasionally petulant diva.
John Fart: ah sounds right who valued personal stats and protection over team flexibility. Thomas matured over time, but the early friction underscored how his intensity could manifest as selfishness.
John Fart: The late 90s brought foot and ankle issues that limited the DH duties and reduced games. Did you have gout? Gabe had gout. Bobby Hill had gout too.
The Whole Ballgame: I'm unfamiliar with whatever that could possibly be.
John Fart: You said foot problems. It's just a foot thing.
The Whole Ballgame: No, I ran a lot. I don't know what else to tell you.
John Fart: They're going to bomb you.
The Whole Ballgame: How's that now?
John Fart: I ran. Get it?
The Whole Ballgame: Move on.
John Fart: You live or you die. The late 1990s brought foot and ankle issues that limited in DH duties and reduced games. After subpar 98-99, he rebounded in 2000 with career highs.
John Fart: Look at that. That's pretty weird, isn't it? To rebound in 2000 with career highs. 43 homers and ribbies. 320 average, 436 on base, 625 slugging, yet finished second in the MVP to Jason Giambi amid controversy.
The Whole Ballgame: Look,
John Fart: Named AL Comeback Player the Year.
The Whole Ballgame: I was AL comeback player of the year. And do you know why? Because everybody knew that I was clean.
John Fart: Well, if everybody knew you're clean, wouldn't they give me MVP? Not Giambi, who everybody knew wasn't clean.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, I wasn't voting, so I don't know exactly what was going through their head. But,
John Fart: I fucking hate talking to you.
The Whole Ballgame: you know,
John Fart: I just want you to know that. like God damn, do I. It's like banging my head against a fucking wall.
The Whole Ballgame: No, no, no, no.
John Fart: Look. Come on. Look.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, I don't know.
John Fart: When? When's it happen?
The Whole Ballgame: What do you mean?
John Fart: At the end of the day? and that when it happens?
John Fart: You fucking prick. I hate you, Frank. Please.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, look, let me explain something to you. Okay.
John Fart: Please.
The Whole Ballgame: You cannot, you cannot let the fear of failure stop you from pursuing your dreams. You got to take risks and be willing to fail. All right. Because it's, it's in those failures that we find our true strength.
The Whole Ballgame: And in that 2000 season, after 98, 99, what I, what I consider my true failures, I, I, I found that strength. Now, was it at the end of a needle?
The Whole Ballgame: Yes. Does anybody think that? No. And that's all that matters.
John Fart: Injuries persisted. Triceps tear 2001. Foot fractures in Limited to games. he missed Chicago's World Series win.
John Fart: though he received a ring and celebrated with the team. Released after 05, he signed with Oakland in 06, and hitting his on June against Minnesota,
John Fart: the same park where he had his first in nineteen ninety thomas retired after two thousand and eight with five hundred twenty one homers twenty first all time 2,468 hits and enduring respect is one of the cleanest stars of the era.
John Fart: Post retirement.
The Whole Ballgame: That's right.
John Fart: Thank you. Is that dog squeaking in your background, Frank?
The Whole Ballgame: It sure is. Believe me, it's not it's not easy to deal with an idiot.
The Whole Ballgame: And this man over the course of the years has tried my patience and tried it and tried it. and we don't miss him, by the way. And if you go out there and you ask any one of my players out there, any one of my staff members, we don't miss him.
The Whole Ballgame: We don't miss the attitude. We don't miss the the bitching and the whining. We don't miss it. Good riddance. See you later. He better stay out of our business. He better stay out of White Sox business.
The Whole Ballgame: Matter of fact, i I don't need to be talking to you guys. I'll i'll say what I have to say to him directly. Have you talked to Jerry? i know It's are still early in the morning. Have you talked to Jerry about this story?
The Whole Ballgame: No, I haven't talked to him.
The Whole Ballgame: Let me tell you something. There's a lot of guys around here for that have been with the White Sox organization for, you know, I'm one of them. all that had Damn near all my coaches for 20 some odd years.
The Whole Ballgame: And Jerry's almost, well, he is like a second father two to a lot of us.
The Whole Ballgame: For these backhanded comments, actually, I guess they're not even backhanded anymore. They're full for frontal smashes right in our face. For these to keep coming, and and again, for for him to turn his back on all the things that Jerry has done, and and he's in this guy, this guy,
The Whole Ballgame: Of all people.
The Whole Ballgame: Kenny Williams can suck my balls too.
John Fart: You know, look quite frankly, I just said to Kenny, I said, look, let's see if we can get this done with Tataguchi. All right.
John Fart: You like that one? Direct, direct hit, motherfucker.
John Fart: ha ha ha.
John Fart: ah
The Whole Ballgame: you, Adam. i yeah I didn't expect a Tadaguchi reference on this program. That's good shit. Okay.
John Fart: The only thing that's for sure about the whole ball game is nothing's for sure. Post-retirement, Thomas became a White Sox ambassador, analyst, and businessman. Big Herd Enterprises.
John Fart: fuck it
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, he's big and he's hurt.
John Fart: Sounds like a porn fucking company. Inducted into the...
The Whole Ballgame: Well, I'm glad you brought that up, Blake.
John Fart: Yeah. No wonder the new GenX makes sense now.
The Whole Ballgame: My secret, my secret passion really is, is, is bull services. My favorite, my favorite time while I was in the major leagues was, was 94 shortly after the strike began.
The Whole Ballgame: my my favorite, customer really was, I don't even remember this guy. He used to, used to play for the Kansas city Royals and his wife was a a real looker by the name of Debbie, uh, Bob Hamlin.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh, she, that, that broad really loved my big fat cock.
John Fart: I heard Bob did too.
The Whole Ballgame: He did. He came hard, man. You remember that? yeah yeah I don't know if you remember this or not, but he, he had some eye issues one night. I was fucking a real good. This was this is in the...
John Fart: Yeah.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, gosh, this must have been 95 or 96. We were in Kansas City for the weekend. And, yeah, Bob came so hard, he splattered all over his own face, and some of it landed in his eye.
The Whole Ballgame: And I think it gave him problems the rest of his career, as short-lived as it was.
John Fart: Yeah, I heard he had to have Lasix to get that fixed up.
The Whole Ballgame: Yeah, i mean, look, you got to melt that jizz out of your eye somehow.
John Fart: Right.
The Whole Ballgame: That laser gets hot.
John Fart: He ever call you a silverback?
The Whole Ballgame: He occasionally, yeah. But he'd he'd bring this other guy around, a real fat ass little guy, wore a hat, had a had a redhead wife. She always wanted me to fuck her, too. But I told him no because I wasn't into old redhead bitches.
John Fart: They show up on a Vespa together.
The Whole Ballgame: She was driving a Vespa. He was hooked around in the back of it by like ah ah a dog chain running behind the Vespa.
John Fart: oh oh I didn't think he was that fast. I guess it is just a Vespa.
The Whole Ballgame: Oh, no, he was just jogging. I mean, she might have been going four or five miles an hour.
John Fart: Yeah. All right.
The Whole Ballgame: That's why she was so wobbly on that thing when that teenager hit her. That's why she fell down so hard.
John Fart: Yeah, I'm sure that's it. Inducted into the Hall of Fame on in 2014 83.7% of the ballots. He remains a Chicago legend. His number 35 retired in 2010.
John Fart: Thomas' size and demeanor made him intimidating yet approachable in public. He starred in Major League Two as himself. Known for his love... Oh.
The Whole Ballgame: I love that film. And this goes back to what we were talking about at the beginning of the program. Like, at the end of the day, you just have to take care of yourself and be nice to other people.
John Fart: Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: If you play the game the right way, and if you're if you let other people believe that you play the game the right way, more importantly, then you'll be fine.
John Fart: yeah it sounds like you've really crafted a a fine painting of yourself well done congratulations
The Whole Ballgame: mean, look, at the end of the day, the end of the day, that's all that really matters.
John Fart: yeah that's right it is isn't it uh
The Whole Ballgame: Challenges are what makes life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes it meaningful.
John Fart: Good God, did he say overcome? ah
John Fart: Frank avoided the spotlight but delivered in big moments. His seven-year streak remains unmatched, a testament to consistency in a turbulent era.
John Fart: In sabermetric terms, Thomas' 73.8 war, 156 OPS plus, and cement him as one of the greatest hitters ever.
John Fart: often compared to Ted Williams for pure skill. For White Sox fans, he's the face of sustained excellence in the post-1959 era. The big hurt didn't just hit, he punished mistakes, walked when fools pitched around him, and left an indelible mark.
John Fart: Flaws, vulnerabilities, and all, reminding us that even legends have human edges.
The Whole Ballgame: There will always be doubters and naysayers. Always. You just got to use their negativity as fuel to prove them wrong. You know, that's what I've always done. and No one's going, em mean, look, if you want me to be real with you for a minute, no one's ever going to to to to try to trounce all over world.
The Whole Ballgame: the even keel, happy faced black man with big power. That's just all there is to it. And if you can take advantage of that, why wouldn't you?
The Whole Ballgame: Why wouldn't I? why And that's why I didn't.
John Fart: Johnson didn't.
The Whole Ballgame: Bobby Lashley did.
John Fart: He sure did, didn't
The Whole Ballgame: Hard hitting, soft spoken, just like Big Frank.
John Fart: bald, too.
The Whole Ballgame: Tell me I'm not an archetype and I'll call you a liar.
John Fart: I never questioned whether you were or not. You're awful aggressive for fucking guy that's just so even keeled.
The Whole Ballgame: There's nothing aggressive about me except for my passive aggression.
John Fart: That's saying, you know, call me a lie. And then, well, no, didn't fucking say anything. You hit 521 homers and you're sitting here telling me about shit at the end of the day.
The Whole Ballgame: Leaders aren't born. They're made. They're made by hard effort, which is the price which all of us must pay to achieve any goal that's worthwhile. You know what that's from, Blake?
The Whole Ballgame: That's from my Hall of Fame speech.
John Fart: Yeah, well I must be becoming one hell of a leader because I'm having to put in a lot of hard effort listening to to your horse shit.
The Whole Ballgame: Look, Blake, not everybody loves me, but everybody respects me. And do you know why?
John Fart: I don't know about that.
The Whole Ballgame: i I do. you Even you respect me, even if you don't know it. You know how I know? I can see it in your eyes.
John Fart: going to say hard justice.
The Whole Ballgame: You want me to fuck your wife, Blake?
John Fart: No, I don't.
The Whole Ballgame: I'll do it. All right.
John Fart: i I think that would...
The Whole Ballgame: If you change your mind, I'm here for you, pal.
John Fart: Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure there's one thing I'm not going to change my mind on. It's that if I were to ever entertain the idea, it probably wouldn't be a man.
The Whole Ballgame: The greatest achievements are the ones that require the greatest sacrifices, pal.
John Fart: Yeah, well, I don't know if that exactly jives with my life philosophy, but That's fine. I'm not a Hall of Famer either. I'm a Hall of Shamer.
The Whole Ballgame: Finally, the that is the smartest thing you've ever said. You are not a Hall of Famer.
John Fart: Are you holding a Labradoodle?
The Whole Ballgame: And you know who is? You know who is?
John Fart: Who's that?
The Whole Ballgame: me Me and KG24. I lied to you. I knew who he was a robot.
John Fart: See? You're a lying sack of shit like a fucking knew you were. Look at the dog hates you too. They can smell liars.
The Whole Ballgame: It's true. There's no question. Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Thomas on the whole ball game. i You know what? It's become my new passion.
The Whole Ballgame: to create personalities that are just going to rub you the wrong way.
John Fart: I've come to notice, yes. nice ah i always i expect nothing less.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh, on the next episode of the whole ball game, you get the whole ball game. We go to July 31st, 1994. It's, uh, I don't know if we're in Kansas city. I think we're in Kansas city for this one.
John Fart: I don't it's July 31st.
The Whole Ballgame: Uh,
John Fart: It's the same date as our last game, seven twenty July 25th at Kauffman Stadium, Kansas City.
The Whole Ballgame: You sure? Ottawa. Oh, that's right. You're right. It's 25th. um
The Whole Ballgame: Love it. July 25th, 1994. White Sox at Royals. We'll watch Bob Hamlin crush a three-run bomb, I'm sure. Or maybe that was a different game.
The Whole Ballgame: I don't know. Whatever. We'll watch Bob Hamlin and Frank Thomas.
John Fart: This is a different game. Mm-hmm.
The Whole Ballgame: That's great. Thanks. Thanks, pal. Uh, I'll go fuck myself and you'll stay put and, uh, we'll be back in a couple of days with another episode of.
John Fart: The whole ball game.
