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52: A Widower’s Advice On Living Life To The Fullest with Brandon Janous (Part 1)
326 Plays3 years ago
This week’s episode originally aired February 24, 2021 on Jill Devine’s other podcast, Two Kids and A Career. Through a mutual friend, Jill Devine was introduced to Brandon Janous. Brandon lost his wife, Rachel, to breast cancer on March 1st, 2020. Jill invited Brandon on the podcast to share Rachel's story because as he describes in the episode, "there's beauty in the brokenness".
To gain a little insight on who Rachel was, here are some highlights from her obituary:
Rachel excelled in everything that she attempted. But it was dance that captured her heart. From the time that she could walk to the time that she could walk no more, she danced. She danced everywhere she went and never in her life had trouble finding a dance partner.
Rachel attended the University of Nebraska (Go Big Red), where she not only danced on the sidelines of every football and basketball game as a Scarlet, but she also excelled in the classroom. It was here, in Lincoln, Nebraska, where Rachel would meet the love of her life (though she didn’t know it at the time.) He knew it. It just took her a bit longer to be convinced.
His name was Brandon Janous, and because of a silly flag football tournament, their love story began. Brandon was introduced to Rachel through some of her High School friends (Go Oak Park) on a weekend trip he and his buddies took to Lincoln from the University of Missouri (MIZ).
On March 13, 2010, Rachel and Brandon said their “I do’s” and began what they would consider the greatest love story ever told. The first of their 3 children, Hadley Mae, arrived just over a year after their wedding day, and for the next few years, Rachel would spend most of her time in maternity clothes. In 2012, they welcomed their second daughter, Cooper Grace, and in 2014 they got their boy, Macklin Lawrence, and became what is now known as The Janous 5.
She taught us that God is so dang good. And that while dying of cancer at 38 years old isn’t fun, dancing in heaven was going to be a blast!
Rachel's story is one every person should hear. Your perspective on life will change after hearing it. #LoveLikeRachel
Instagram and Facebook: @brandonjanous
Two Kids and A Career: https://www.jilldevine.com/podcast
Normal Goes A Long Way Website: https://www.normalgoesalongway.com/
Normal Goes A Long Way Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/normalgoesalongway/
Normal Goes A Long Way Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Normal-Goes-A-Long-Way-110089491250735
Normal Goes A Long Way is brought to you by Messiah St. Charles: https://messiahstcharles.org/
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Transcript
Challenging Perceptions of Christianity
00:00:00
Speaker
The following podcast is a Jill Devine Media production. Christianity has become known for judgy people, strange words, ancient stories, confusing rules, and a members-only mindset. This is why I stayed away from the church for so long, but it's not supposed to be that way. I'm Jill Devine, a former radio personality with three tattoos, a love for a good tequila, and who's never read the entire Bible.
00:00:24
Speaker
Yet here I am hosting a podcast about faith. The Normal Goes Along Way podcast is your home for real conversations with real people using real language about how faith and real life intersect. Welcome to the conversation.
00:00:42
Speaker
Welcome to this week's conversation. I'm your host Jill Devine. And I've talked about this a little bit on this podcast, but I am a host of another podcast.
Podcasting and Potential Guests
00:00:52
Speaker
It's called Two Kids and a Career. And over the last couple of years, I noticed that some of the guests that I've talked to on Two Kids and a Career would be great to have on this podcast. And the first person that came to mind was Brandon Janis.
00:01:10
Speaker
So I interviewed Brandon Janis on my other podcast on February 24th, 2021.
Brandon Janis' Journey and Book Deal
00:01:19
Speaker
And so many of the things that he said in that conversation, I thought the listeners of normal goes a long way. They have to hear his story. They have to hear about Rachel. They have to know what is happening in that family.
00:01:37
Speaker
And since that conversation in 2021, some really cool stuff has happened with Brandon and his family, including a book deal, which in order to understand the book deal, the new book that he wrote, you have to hear the conversation that we had first. So I wanted to introduce you to Brandon Janus and this
00:02:03
Speaker
two-part episode is going to be a conversation that I had with Brandon in 2021. And then you're going to get to hear the conversation that I had present day with Brandon about his new book. So let's jump into that conversation, the one from 2021, with Brandon Janis talking about what he does for a living.
Business Success During the Pandemic
00:02:29
Speaker
So I have a subscription box company. We own a few different subscription boxes, a couple of faith-based subscription boxes, and also have a brand called Fanbox, where we are kind of the turnkey spot for any influencer or brand who would like to start a subscription box. So we do different boxes for those that would like to be in that category.
00:02:54
Speaker
And subscription boxes are definitely taking off. And I think probably even more so because of the pandemic. Would you agree with that? You are 100% correct. And I hate to say that. I hate to say that business is good when business is so bad in so many places. But we have definitely hit.
00:03:12
Speaker
accord with people that are sitting at home and they're still spending money in some cases, and we're able to deliver boxes right to their door. So again, I hate to say it's been good for our business, but things have really been, we've been really staying busy. Let's put it that way.
Social Media and Family Recognition
00:03:28
Speaker
Well, I did not ask you to come on the podcast to talk about the business. I did actually say to you when we were emailing, oh, I wanted to learn more about the faith inspired subscription boxes because it is something that is becoming a little bit more relevant in my life. And maybe it's something we could talk about. I don't know, but it's not really what I want to talk to you about. And I just want to introduce
00:03:58
Speaker
how we got introduced. And it's just, again, social media is so crazy. You can either love it or hate it or be in the middle. It kind of depends on the day. But I wanted to share a little bit with you on what I kind of know and what, basically how this all started. So let's first go back to, I got a message from a mutual friend of ours.
00:04:25
Speaker
his name is john and he had sent me a message on instagram because i do this thing called the supermom shout out and i started this because it was just like man there are women out there who are not getting recognized like they just
00:04:40
Speaker
You need to be seen. You need to be supported. That's all it is. You know, just, hey, tell me a super mom in your life and let's just give her a shout out. And so he sent me a message and he's like, hey, I think this is kind of ironic that you do this super mom shout out. And one of my friends is getting this super dad shout out. And so he sent me this post on
00:05:03
Speaker
I'll read it from you on Instagram and it says, so we did this thing and they even put us on TV for it. One of the biggest things I wanted to do for the kids after Rachel passed away was to give them super cool experiences and to make sure that we didn't take a single day for granted. So we built a skate ramp and an A-frame clubhouse in my sister's backyard because that seems like a pretty cool way to grow up to me. And because my kids are so dang cool, they put us on TV. The show is called Super Dad, but it shouldn't be. They are the real MVPs and I'm just lucky, lucky to
00:05:33
Speaker
get to be daddy to them each and every day. So you can find it on Discovery Plus, you get a seven day free trial and you should check it out when you get a chance. And so all of a sudden I started obviously clicking on it and going, Oh my gosh. So I told this to our mutual friend, John, but I did not tell this to you.
Rachel's Unique Memorial Wishes
00:05:56
Speaker
Um, I, and tell me if this is correct.
00:06:01
Speaker
When your wife passed away and it was March 2020, I started seeing mutual friends of ours sharing the details about her death. And is it true that the recommendation for when you all did get together to celebrate her life, did you ask that everybody wear concert tees and comfy pants because that's what she would want? Yes, yes.
00:06:32
Speaker
She didn't want it to be stuffy. She didn't want it to be all dressy. She wanted it to be super casual, and that was her style. And so she got her wish.
00:06:43
Speaker
Well, I immediately, obviously I connected as a mom and just my heart dropped when I read this, but it's been a joke in our family. I'm like, okay, I don't know yet what we're gonna do, but if I am going to be in a casket, you better be putting my Adidas pants on and my comfy shirts and just, I wanna be comfy. Let's just make it comfy. So I saw that, I was like, oh my gosh,
00:07:11
Speaker
This is amazing. And then I started looking more into her story. And I mean, oh, I know that this is not easy. And it's a beautiful story, too. But in preparation for the interview, because I'm like, OK, I'm pretty sure that this is the guy and the family. And then I started doing some research and I stopped because I didn't want to read or
00:07:40
Speaker
Listen to your story with anyone else. I wanted to just hear it so naturally from you and organic so I don't know much except for Rachel had a two-year battle with cancer and like I said lost her life in March of last year, so It's now on you
Rachel's Selflessness and Family Preparation
00:08:00
Speaker
Brandon. I've talked way too much already. No, well, you're right we had a two-year battle with with breast cancer she had a
00:08:08
Speaker
I was in remission for, gosh, about three months. We thought we were good. We thought we had beat it. We did everything right. And then it ended up coming back in her spine August of 19. And then it continued to progress into her spinal fluid and then into her brain in January.
00:08:33
Speaker
of last year or so, about a year ago. And that's when we knew that things were not getting better. And it was such an interesting time. And I say interesting because most people don't get, I hate to call it a luxury, but the luxury of knowing when you're gonna be gone. And when you know, you do get to prepare.
00:09:01
Speaker
And Rachel, that's all she set out to do those last few months was prepare us for life after Rachel. Prepare me, prepare the kids, prepare all those that were around us. It was the most selfless act I've ever witnessed in my life.
00:09:19
Speaker
to worry none about her and all about us. And most people would start checking things off their bucket list, right? That's what you do when you know you're going to die. And that was not what she did. She checked things off a to-do list to make sure that we were okay.
00:09:41
Speaker
I don't want to say it made it easy because it's far from easy. And being a single dad to three kids during a pandemic is not the easiest thing in the world. But man, she sure did allow it to be much easier than it ever should have been. And it taught me that I don't know what tomorrow holds, nor do you, nor does any of the listeners.
00:10:05
Speaker
And we need to make sure that we prepare others well. Because again, you nailed it, the concert tees. I didn't know she wanted concert tees at her memorial. I didn't know these things, right? But she was able to tell me what she wanted. She was able to pick songs for her playlist at her memorial or celebration. She was able to talk about the candy bar that she wanted for the kids.
00:10:30
Speaker
You know, in the back of the room, she was able to talk about who she wanted to sing and who she wanted to speak and what she wanted them to talk about. And so things that I didn't have to think about. So it was all done. You know, we call it that time. There was so much beauty in the brokenness. It was such a hard time. We spent 40, 39 nights in the hospital before she passed away. People from all over the world came to say goodbye to Rachel.
00:10:59
Speaker
But they left inspired, they left ministered to, they left feeling better than when they entered for sure. Rachel, I had a front row seat for 39 nights to watch Rachel lead people to Jesus, to watch her share so much good.
00:11:20
Speaker
and a world that is so broken, and when she could have felt defeated and she could have just felt beat down and given up, she never did. And it was the most beautiful time. And unless you were there, you just can't understand because I was watching my I was literally watching my wife die every day. And and
00:11:43
Speaker
But I was also watching her give so much life to so many people throughout that process. And it's just something I'll never forget. Like you said, I wasn't there, so I don't understand. And I have so many questions. But Kim, before we get to the kiddos, tell me how you met Rachel.
00:12:04
Speaker
Yeah, so I met her through some mutual friends in college. She went to University of Nebraska. I went to Mizzou and I had some fraternity brothers that went to high school with her and met her on a flag football trip, believe it or not,
Love Story and Family Life
00:12:19
Speaker
that we took to Nebraska. And one of my buddies on the way there, he said, you're gonna fall for her. And I wasn't in a position to fall and nor did I want to fall. You're right. And it took me 10 years to convince her
00:12:33
Speaker
to date me and to eventually marry me. But I finally figured it out and it happened. And so yeah, it was just a mutual friend's connection that led to 10 years of me chasing her and her finally saying yes. And then she passed away 13 days before our 10th year anniversary.
00:12:54
Speaker
You have three kids. I know that you have two daughters and a boy. Can you tell me their names and their ages?
Discussing Illness with Children
00:13:01
Speaker
Yeah. So Hadley is my oldest. She's nine. And then Cooper is my middle girl and she's eight. And then Macklin's my little guy and he is six. Um, I think the thing that I struggle with the most when you were talking about, like as a mom,
00:13:21
Speaker
how do you prepare to say goodbye to your kids? And knowing that we were going to have this conversation, there have been many times, because I knew she, you know, was battling. I saw the pictures on social media when she got to go outside because she wasn't really allowed to, right? Or, okay. And like she knew and you knew
00:13:50
Speaker
but I look at my girls and I think to myself, how, how do you, how? So that's a really good question and a hard thing to speak on.
00:14:06
Speaker
One of the things that Rachel and I decided early on before she got really sick, I mean, just when she first got cancer was we talked, OK, do we are we openly public about this or are we private? And there's no right or wrong. So many people keep this close to home and they don't talk about it. And we decided for a couple of reasons early on we were going to share it and.
00:14:27
Speaker
be open with our kids. We decided, one, that we wanted people to pray for us. And the more people that could know about it, we believe in the power of prayer, the better. So if we shared our story, people were going to pray, and that mattered. And two, awareness for women.
00:14:44
Speaker
Rachel was super healthy. And two and a half years ago, or I guess three and a half years ago now, there was no sign of any issues. Rachel ate well. She was in great shape. She took very good care of herself. There was no reason in the world for it to be her. But it happened. And so we want people to understand
00:15:03
Speaker
that it can happen and detection matters and to make sure you are going to your appointments and you are doing your checkups. And I've gotten hundreds of messages from women that I don't know saying they have done their mammogram and they've done these things because of Rachel, so it worked. But the other thing was I never wanted to whisper
00:15:25
Speaker
around the kids. We were always open with mommy surgeries and the different things that was going to happen. But I knew also, I had to be honest, because my girls are going to be teenagers soon. And if they can't trust me now, how are they going to trust me then? And I needed them to be able to know that daddy was telling the truth. And if I kept, when it got bad,
00:15:51
Speaker
I remember having this conversation with Rachel when we knew we were in the hospital and she wasn't going to come out barring a miracle. And I remember telling her, I need to tell the kids that mommy's going to go home and be with Jesus.
00:16:02
Speaker
And I remember dreading that conversation because it was going to be the hardest conversation in the world. When daddy comes home, that means mommy's at home with Jesus because I was in the hospital too. And so her parents were staying here and they didn't have either parent. And so they knew that was the sign. When daddy came home, that means mommy
00:16:21
Speaker
went home and mommy has no more pain and mommy has no more appointments and she has no more uncertainty and she is she is healed she's healed in heaven and then daddy gets to come home and be daddy again and so again the reason I had to tell them this is because I needed them to trust me if I'd have kept saying mommy's gonna get better mommy's gonna get better mommy's gonna get better and then she didn't how are they ever gonna trust me
00:16:47
Speaker
in anything I say to them again.
Coping Through Happy Memories
00:16:49
Speaker
And so I sat them down in the lobby of the hospital a few weeks before Rachel passed. And the doctors had told us there's just nothing more we can do. And I just sat them down and I told them that. I said, guys, you know,
00:17:02
Speaker
you know, medically, there's just nothing more the doctors can do. And mommy's not hurting because, you know, she's got great medicine and, you know, she's feeling good, but there's just nothing they can do to stop the cancer. And we're gonna keep praying about it and we're gonna keep hoping, but, you know, there's a really good chance that mommy's gonna get to go see Jesus soon and that daddy's gonna get to come home.
00:17:28
Speaker
And we all cried and we all hugged. And, you know, they continue to come see mommy every day and hug on her and love her. And, you know, I don't think they ever said bye. I mean, they say bye every time they leave, but I don't think they had that final goodbye, which was OK with us. But I came home the day she passed March 1st of last year and got home that night about nine o'clock, went into my girl's room and gave him a kiss. And they said, Mommy went to see Jesus. I said, that's right.
00:17:58
Speaker
That's right. And I went in and talked to my little man and woke him up and just gave him a kiss and said, you're home. You're home, daddy. I said, I'm home. So mommy's with Jesus. Yeah. Mommy's with Jesus now.
00:18:10
Speaker
And so that's how the conversation went. And there's hard days. There's hard moments. They all still sleep on my floor every night. And I'm never going to stop that until they want to. I think being honest and transparent made the transition from her life on earth to her life in heaven so much easier that it wasn't a surprise. Daddy didn't lie about anything.
00:18:38
Speaker
and we were in it together and we're doing life together now and we trust each other and we're walking through it and we're struggling through it and we're stumbling through it but we're a team and I love my team and I'm blessed to have you know the team that I have as we work through this.
00:18:56
Speaker
How are they today? Gosh, good question. Yeah. So my little man, Macklin, was a mama's boy. And he was only five when she passed. So half his life, Rachel was sick.
00:19:10
Speaker
And so he was just used to laying next to mommy and dad. And, um, you know, just, just knowing that mommy was probably not going to be up a bunch. And so that was kind of the life he was used to. So he's still a snuggler and a cuddler. And, and, and, you know, I've kind of taken that, that place for her. Um, my oldest has, has probably taken it, I don't want to say the hardest, but has she internalizes things a lot more. So, so she's been.
00:19:37
Speaker
you know, in therapy, which is helping a lot for her. My middle child doesn't internalize things, talks about everything. And she just, she knows mommy's in heaven and she's happy with that. And, you know, that's how we're gonna be. And all in all, kids are so dang resilient. And, you know, I honestly don't even know if they know that the year Mark is coming up.
00:20:05
Speaker
You know, kids' time is so different than our time. I mean, this has been one fifth of Macklin's life this last year, right? It's a big chunk of his life, so I don't know if he feels like it's been years or months or weeks or days. I have no idea. And we talk about mommy every day, but we talk about happy things about mommy. We talk about
00:20:26
Speaker
You know, remember when mommy used to do this, or this was mommy's favorite food, or, gosh, mommy cooks mac and cheese better than you do, daddy, or, you know, all those kind of things. It's rarely a sad thing. And I welcome sad. I'm not saying crying and letting it go and all those things is bad. That's good. And so we, you know, if it comes up and we have hard days, we talk about it. But more often than not, our memories of mommy are so happy and so joyful.
00:20:56
Speaker
And we know she doesn't hurt anymore. And we know she's healed. And we know she's watching over us. And we know all these things. So they're doing so well. And it's easy for me to say, but until people come see and experience them, everybody leaves and says, gosh, they're good. They're happy.
00:21:17
Speaker
They have so much joy. The reason is because of what Rachel did to prepare us and to let them know that mommy was going to be going to be okay because she was going to get to watch the Super Bowl with Jesus this year and she was going to get to, you know, have dance parties in heaven. And so they know that mommy's healed, mommy's good, and so they're good.
00:21:41
Speaker
Okay.
Reflections on Life's Shortness
00:21:42
Speaker
So you're going to end part one of this conversation with Brandon. We'll continue with part two next week. So I hope that you'll tune in. Here's a little preview of what you're going to hear. Life is so dang short. You know, three and a half years ago, Rachel was perfectly healthy and there were no issues and we were living our life and we were doing the best we could and that changed. And then we had one focus for two years was to keep Rachel alive.
00:22:12
Speaker
And what we learned during that time is that most things don't matter that much. And for two years, there wasn't an argument. There wasn't a disagreement because it just didn't matter.