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077 - Stop Coaching the Way You Were Coached
91 Plays10 days ago
Today's athletes aren’t motivated, led, or developed the same way you were—and if you’ve ever felt like your coaching isn’t landing the way it used to, this episode is your wake-up call.
We break down exactly why modern athletes shut down, why old-school methods no longer work, and how you can evolve into the kind of coach today's generation actually responds to.
You'll get to listen to the first lesson of the *NEW* Captains & Coaches course, "Why They're Not Listening - Coaching Today's Athlete": http://listen.captainsandcoaches.com
Preview the communication upgrades that turn frustration into connection, buy-in, and leadership. If you're ready to coach athletes the way they need—not just the way you were taught—this episode is your starting point.
Training - Old Bull Program - 7 Day Free Trial - https://bit.ly/old-bull-train
#ModernCoaching #AthleteDevelopment #SportsLeadership #CoachingStrategies #CoachEducation #HighSchoolCoaches #SportsPsychology #AthleteMotivation #YouthSportsCoaching #CaptainsAndCoaches
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Course
00:00:00
Speaker
You can't coach the modern day athlete with the old school playbook. Welcome to the Captains and Coaches podcast. We explore the art and science of leadership through the lens of athletics and beyond.
00:00:12
Speaker
I'm your host Texan Quilkin and today I'm excited for this episode because I just launched a brand new course called Why They're Not Listening.
00:00:23
Speaker
coaching today's athlete. Today I'm going to give you a preview of the first lesson, so complete first lesson where I get into the learning objectives, and then I'm going to give you a brief overview of the course here.
Insights from Coaching Experience
00:00:37
Speaker
What I want you understand what why I was so passionate about writing this course is I had so many opportunities over the years to go into different programs as an assistant coach, as a head strength and conditioning coach as a jv lacrosse coach as a a a varsity assistant lacrosse coach so many different teams all over the country different sports different opportunities different head coaches stepping into that program the one constant is connecting with the athlete building that that bridge from what i want them to do what i want them to accomplish and then what their goals are on the field and helping them understand this connection between the weight room, between practice and where they want to go.
Developing the Course on Social Emotional Leadership
00:01:24
Speaker
So this is a a very exciting course. It's essentially taken me 16 years to write it. I've been really focusing the last two on this and a concept I call social emotional leadership.
00:01:39
Speaker
And I'm seeing it as I go into different programs. I've traveled the world teaching coaches how to coach. That's another thing is is leading seminars all over the world. I have two days, 16 hours of education to make my points. When I was dropping into these seminars, we had to make a connection with the students fast and then lead them to through essentially a very fun learning experience. But connection was going to accelerate our points. Yes, we told a lot of bad jokes, quoted Fast and fur your Furious often.
00:02:16
Speaker
But nonetheless, that was just some humor and attempts to make connection that we can accelerate the the buy-in that we were delivering with the information. So traveling the world teaching seminars, stepping into different team environments, no matter the sport, and building that bond with the the coaches that were attending the seminars or the athletes that I was leading, all of that valuable information I'm going to hand off to you in this new course where I've witnessed new coaches in the field or old friends that are now in in head coach leadership roles and positions
00:02:54
Speaker
commenting on newer coaches entering the field and their great in-depth understanding of programming, but still lacking the skill set to connect with their athletes.
Challenges and Opportunities in Modern Coaching
00:03:08
Speaker
Wild. So that's that's what this is all about. It's going to be about connection. And I want you to reflect on your career a little bit as you listen this. Have you ever had an athlete that shut down right when you needed them to rise up the most? Have you ever had an athlete where you thought you gave crystal clear feedback to them? and It made so much sense in your mind. You almost felt that you were dumbing it down only to watch it bounce right off of them. Or they shake their head yes and then go out the next rep and do something that was completely even worse than than before.
00:03:45
Speaker
Or if you've ever walked off the field wondering, ah what's what's going on with my team? That was what this this course is all about. And essentially this episode, we're going to have fun with.
00:03:58
Speaker
So today's athlete, they're operating with a completely different internal operating system. They're grown up in a world with constant social pressure, nonstop comparison, shifting authority, hyper-awareness around mental health, instant access to information, sometimes more than they need to theyd know what to do with.
00:04:18
Speaker
So... it It is a different kid because we aim to coach from a place that we were coming from and even 10 years ago, a place where we felt comfortable with connecting with that kid, it's a different world. So this is an opportunity for us to to bridge that gap and really teach, not only make the connection, but teach how to have proper social leadership, awareness and connection and put them in a position to level up as individuals and athletes when they step into the workforce, because they're not getting certain social
Building Emotional Intelligence and Self-Leadership
00:04:55
Speaker
skills. We want sports to be this this opportunity not only to develop confidence in our bodies, our physical abilities, but also confidence in our ability to connect with others, to take on challenges and learn how to speak to ourselves when the going gets tough and work and power through certain challenges either with ourselves or
00:05:20
Speaker
with our teammates. So the students, they process challenge differently. So in this course, I explore how the the brain works and then certain lessons that they should have learned when they were a kid.
00:05:36
Speaker
And there's could there's potential that they missed the mark, whether it was a moving, whether it was divorce, whether it was some form of conflict or lost during their childhood, and now here they are with you as a teenage athlete, why does this happen?
00:05:52
Speaker
What can I identify socially as a coach and help teach that lesson that they need in this moment in time? So it's it's an aim to connect and understand their central nervous system so they're not forced into, when I overcoach, into fight, flight, or freeze mode.
00:06:10
Speaker
And there's been those times, right, when you you feel you're losing it as a coach and you've got to be aggressive. Well, what form of central nervous response is that triggering? Are we allowing them to to live in that moment, to ro learn how to rise to the occasion, preparing for competition, preparing for life, or are we just creating a default pattern of fight, flight, and freeze?
00:06:37
Speaker
So the course I'm going to explore, ah emotional intelligence EQ. A lot of the, and i'm I'm teaching a college course now, many of them. So I'm teaching college course and it's very textbook dense.
00:06:51
Speaker
So it's very IQ. where there's a challenge and and they need reps at this, developing their EQ. So we're aiming and targeting and connecting EQ and IQ within the course and working on individual leadership. Self-leadership not only for you as the coach, but how do i train self-leadership for individuals? Can I recognize the mental and emotional state of an individual?
00:07:18
Speaker
Once I have that skill and ability, then I can teach that individual to recognize the mental and emotional state of other individuals. And before you know it, I as a coach, my captains and my captains are able to recognize and lead the emotional state of my team. That is true leadership. What I've witnessed all too often in the field is when coaches just hand off problems. Hey, this problem came up.
00:07:46
Speaker
Hand it off to the captain. Go so go figure this out. The coach did that because they didn't have the tools. And the captain, younger, less life-experienced kid, now is given this challenge to solve this social problem dynamic within the team, and they don't have the tools either.
00:08:05
Speaker
Let's give you the tools. That's the course is all about. So process-oriented connection, understanding self-leadership and how to lead the mental and emotional state of
Innovative Coaching Techniques
00:08:16
Speaker
a team. And then there's going to be a lot of modern communication. What I did with this course was have a lot of fun. I have my whiteboard. and my practical.
00:08:26
Speaker
What I did when I filmed the course, I just rocked a 45, 60 minute whiteboard lecture. Then I went out onto the floor for another 45 minutes and pieced together filming the practical.
00:08:40
Speaker
But just like I did when I was traveling the world with the seminar, what I loved about that is we could talk theory on the whiteboard. Then we went out to the floor and actually moved. So how I design the course is I'm up on the whiteboard leading you through this portion, then cut to here is now the practical portion where I'm out on the floor with the athletes and you're seeing how I lead that group through this and help make those leadership points. And the whole purpose, you learn the tools, you take those exercises that I'm teaching in the practical and you go apply it on Monday.
00:09:19
Speaker
that's that's That's a playbook. Old school playbook, out. New school playbook, I'm handing it off in here. So the aim is is to transform what you're doing instead of going from commands, criticism, and intimidation as a coach into collaboration, curiosity, and inspiration.
00:09:38
Speaker
And I get a feeling if you're listening to this podcast, you're more in that second buckt bucket of collaboration, curiosity, and inspiration. But now how do you lead up to the coaches that are still relying on commands, criticism, and intimidation?
00:09:57
Speaker
Spoiler alert, it's going to be the same tools. We are training and teaching the teenage athletes that we have the social emotional leadership tools. A lot of the old school coaches that you're going to be working with, they are lacking in the social emotional leadership tools.
00:10:15
Speaker
So it's going to be the same playbook. That's how, in my mind, I was leading this course because I worked under plenty of those coaches lacking the EQ. And this is going to be this opportunity where it's going to help you in self-leadership. It's going to help you hand off self-leader abilities to your team captains, your team leaders, and then opportunity to shine some light in areas of darkness for the coaching staff that you are working with and tools to help get that done and what i love about it it all comes down and comes back to movement sport is movement we are teaching lessons through movement so now during our warm-up i give you warm-ups i give you strength training exercises uh conditioning drills
00:11:02
Speaker
all with the purpose of developing social emotional leadership and building trust in your athletes. Not only trust between you and your athlete, but the ability for them to trust themselves and trust one another.
00:11:17
Speaker
So with that, I'm going to throw you the first lesson. This is a fun one. It's about nine minutes long. Each lesson, I have a lecture video, the practical with it, and then dive into into the research and explore more in written form. So it's video. It's written form. It's it's it's the course that I want i wanted to take.
00:11:42
Speaker
and now I'm designing it and handing it off to you. That's what I'm
Texan's Journey from Athlete to Coach
00:11:46
Speaker
excited about. So I'll close out after this, but dive into lesson number one, enjoy this experience, and we'll see you in a little bit.
00:11:58
Speaker
Team, welcome. I'm very excited to be here. Thank you, Coach Halliburton. Huddo Hippo's best mascot in all of Texas, in my opinion. so great call, Coach. Thank you, Coach.
00:12:09
Speaker
My athletic career began in in middle school, much like all you, started li weight lifting weights there as a middle school football player, then set the tone into college Texas football from Katy, Texas, a powerhouse within the Texas football community.
00:12:27
Speaker
The only problem is I didn't go to Katy. I went to Katy Taylor. So after years of working hard and getting my butt kicked, there was a lot of lessons within there. My teammates, we were captains, we were leaders.
00:12:41
Speaker
And we decided to take our performance into our own hands, despite what our football coaches painted the picture of our performance, and we started a lacrosse team. So five of the 10 of us that started that team went on to to play a college ball.
00:12:55
Speaker
And then here we are 22 years later after starting that team, and it's still running strong in Katy. And we're starting to see an explosion of lacrosse in Texas. I'm currently coaching in Austin, Texas, so aiming to give back to the sport.
00:13:09
Speaker
So lacrosse became my first opportunity to step into the role as a leader. I got the opportunity to go play some East Coast ball at Marymount University and play. From there, I was a three-year captain, four-year starter as a lacrosse player from Texas. That's an oxymoron, at least 20 years ago.
00:13:28
Speaker
I basically played linebacker with a stick and had a lot of fun doing it. I had more career knockouts than I did goals. Very physical player, bringing that to a finesse sport on the East Coast.
00:13:39
Speaker
It was easy pickings. So that leadership role, the the buy-in that I got from my team by being the leader in the weight room and on the field, presented an opportunity from the coaching staff to recruit me.
00:13:52
Speaker
to be a grad assistant coach at that university. So I had this chance to now step in. These were my teammates. Now they were going to become my athletes.
00:14:03
Speaker
They were still my friends. And I had to learn to walk that line between leadership, where a team captain was a special responsibility, but we're still hanging out. at the end of the day. I'm having meetings with coach, aiming to hold them accountable.
00:14:18
Speaker
We're still hanging out. Now it was shift. I'm all full-time coach, and I have this responsibility to take them. Part of my job as a sport coach especially the rookie sport coach, was cutting film.
00:14:32
Speaker
This is way before Huddle. Any of you sports coaches out there, Huddle is the greatest adventure of all time. Because back when I started to coach, we had still some old school coaches that were VHS tapes.
00:14:45
Speaker
Then they were shifting to DVDs, and then when you reach out and email and say, hey, I need this tape, or you're in the middle of season, I'll trade you this team that we played for that team.
00:14:56
Speaker
And it's like a bartering system. Well, as rookie, I had to collect all these, So reach out to all the coaches, starting you know first big boy job, reaching out professionally to these coaches and getting these tapes, sometimes tape tape, sometimes DVDs, mash them all together, put it into a system for the team to now go. So reaching out to a sport coach mid-season, I got one of the greatest emails of all time and that's how we're gonna start this little show.
00:15:27
Speaker
So I'll read my email that I sent. So re, re, re, film swap. Any sport coaches know that. You just keep that chain going. Coach, we watch and the schools have been changed just to protect the innocent.
00:15:41
Speaker
Coach, we watched the MU film and looked at the scout. My question is, why do you think your guys stepped off the gas? It seemed that in some of their games, they just fold, but not against you or Wesley.
00:15:54
Speaker
This is an absolute must win for us this Saturday, and I'm just looking for insight and to add to their struggles. Thanks. Reply, coach, that seems to be the million dollar question. We were up 4-1 and 5-2 to KC and lost 10-8.
00:16:11
Speaker
As you saw, we were up 5-1 to MU and lost 6-5. We were up three one to WC last night and lost 7-6. My only answers are my kids are mentally soft and don't have a cutthroat mentality.
00:16:28
Speaker
Other thoughts? Too many hugs when they were young from mommy and daddy. Not enough red meat. Guys only date one girl at a time now instead of two or three. Too much organic food and not enough additives and preservatives to make people chemically induced.
00:16:44
Speaker
Too much money has these kids drinking top shelf instead of plastic bottle charcoal filtered vodka. Frats. Too many buttons on video game controllers.
00:16:55
Speaker
No trans fat and french fries and never enough salt. Sorry about the rant, but I need some laughter today in my life. I wish I knew the answers. Coach, this is 2011.
00:17:08
Speaker
So times have changed a little bit, but how many of you have ever felt a similar just frustration when you were just banging your head against the wall trying to reach these kids?
Connecting Through Movement and Experiences
00:17:20
Speaker
Yes, we almost can see all hands up, whether it's one or two individuals or sometimes a whole team if you ever reach that point in the season, especially from the strength and conditioning side.
00:17:31
Speaker
And it it's tough. It is frustrating. So that's part of this frustration as coaches of how we can change and have a perspective shift in an aim and attempt to connect to kids through movement.
00:17:45
Speaker
They're playing their sport, that is key. Sport is movement through space, problem solving, camaraderie, all the stuff that we love and admire as coaches, we just need to translate that in language that they understand.
00:17:59
Speaker
so i have three So I have three empowerment promises that this whole presentation is gonna cover. Number one,
00:18:11
Speaker
perspective.
00:18:15
Speaker
to drive emotional quotient, to drive EQ, not only for you as a coach, but also start to hand that off to these teenage or college level athletes where they can become more aware in leaders.
00:18:29
Speaker
that is That is being a true el leader. We're able to connect and then take them where they can't take themselves, whether it's a coach or a team captain.
Identifying and Nurturing Leadership
00:18:37
Speaker
Next up, we're gonna talk about identifying,
00:18:44
Speaker
Deficiencies.
00:18:50
Speaker
Identifying deficiencies in leadership. This is one of my biggest pet peeves, especially with a sport of football. A lot of high school coaches, they look at the quarterback and say, you're the leader of this team.
00:19:02
Speaker
What if that kid is just a naturally quiet kid? What if he's more reserved? And then they force him, he does everything right. every He shows up to practice early, he keeps guys late, he shows up in the weight room, and I mean shows up in the weight room, giving more effort, so the coach then forces this responsibility onto him and then just lets him fail.
00:19:23
Speaker
What happens to his performance on the field then? Starts to dip, he gets into shame spirals, quicksand, is they're just a quiet kid. So how do we approach different kids with different energies to put them in a position to lead?
00:19:37
Speaker
That's what we're gonna to work on here. And last but not least, connect it through what we love
00:19:47
Speaker
with some movement solutions. So practical tools that I want you to hand off so you can apply Monday and start to see who your leaders are. allow them to fail in this controlled environment, and then be there with exact tools what to do to help build them up, to empower them to be leaders one step at a time.
00:20:17
Speaker
Welcome back to the podcast or from the course to the podcast. You've been listening to the podcast this entire time. Hopefully you got the opportunity to watch that video and see the the format, the style of the course.
00:20:31
Speaker
The re-re-re film swap, that is one of my favorite emails of all time. I should print it out and hang it up in my office for Freaking hilarious. So the that's the exploratory experience of the course. We're gonna have a whiteboard. Then I'm going to take you out on the floor for those practicals. And we're going to continue to aim to to modernize your coaching, create a deeper impact, and help your athletes become better leaders, not just better performance.
00:21:04
Speaker
this This course is your new playbook. um I encourage you share this episode with a coach that you feel needs this. And maybe that will be that that light bulb that goes off. I cover the three learning objectives for the full course in that whiteboard presentation.
00:21:22
Speaker
Maybe one of them, maybe all of them would resonate with a coach you feel needs to level up and raise their game. Hey, um easy. Head listen.captainsandcoaches.com for the full course.
00:21:40
Speaker
And i like, subscribe to the podcast. I reference a lot of the podcast experiences, especially the interviews within the course. So deep dive, highlight an interview, then deep dive more and more research with certain individuals ah that I have on there. So Thank you for listening. Thank you for tuning in. Thank thank you for being a part of the the Captains and Coaches movement. That, and in an essence, is self-leadership, and I'm grateful for you taking that ride. So your athletes are waiting for a coach who understands their language.
00:22:18
Speaker
A coach who can connect, communicate, and elevate. now let's raise the game thank you for tuning in and see you