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The Good Work of Menopause
73 Plays12 days ago
Far too few women feel invited to speak freely about menopause and the changes they experience in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. In this episode, Tracy Johnson and Jamie Schaub go all the places you've wondered about: offering helpful context, personal stories, and encouraging support for women wondering if there is a better, kinder way to love their bodies as they age. It's an episode not to miss!
For more stories from brave, ordinary women, join us at Red Tent Living.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Red Tent Living Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
I'm Katie Stafford, and this is the Red Tent Living Podcast, where brave women host honest conversations about our beautiful and hard ordinary.
00:00:12
Speaker
Each week, we share stories with the hope of seeing one another a little better and affirming each other across different seasons and perspectives.
Focus on Women's Health: Self-care and Menopause
00:00:22
Speaker
We're excited for you to join us.
00:00:24
Speaker
Welcome to our table. Hello. Hello. Hello. How are you this morning? ah I'm all right. I'm here to, I'm ready to talk about women's health with you today.
00:00:37
Speaker
i love it. One of my favorite topics. and So when Katie and I were talking about like this, this piece of the series and like the good work we do around taking care of ourselves, she's like you and Jamie have to talk about all the things I've listened to you guys talk about around women's health, because it feels like, it feels like a topic that is both more present. There's a lot more buzz that we can, you know, where we can find inside social media and what's being said. um
00:01:12
Speaker
But I still find Jamie, like that I'm sitting with women and they, they have no idea about all things tied to, you know, their bodies, particularly like coming into and through menopause.
00:01:29
Speaker
And, and that feels like maybe, you know, part of where I thought we could spend our time today on our combined journeys around what that's looked like.
Understanding Menopause: Awareness and Hormonal Health
00:01:40
Speaker
Yeah. I, yeah I told you, I hosted this women's, this mom's happy hour last night for the lacrosse moms. And I was talking to this other mom and she works in healthcare.
00:01:53
Speaker
She teaches nurses and CNAs and does certification instruction, things like that. And we were talking, ah she happened to say she was, I mentioned I was 50. She said she was 51. And she started talking about how she's having this really deep pain in both of her hips.
00:02:12
Speaker
She said, yeah, when I laid down, my my hips hurt so bad. And I said, okay. When did it start? She's like, oh it's been like a year. I've done physical therapy. I've done all these different things and just's like so She tried steroids. And and I said, and none of that helps.
00:02:28
Speaker
And she said, yeah. And I said, have you had your hormones checked? And she was like, what? And I said, i had the same thing. And once I started hormone replacement therapy, the pain literally went away. And it was so bad, I would i couldn't fall asleep at night laying on my side because my hip pain was so bad.
00:02:49
Speaker
was like, what do you hormones have to do with my hip pain. And I said, everything, you've got to have your hormones checked. And I said, I'm really curious to know what your estrogen levels are because your estrogen drops and you start feeling, you know, frozen shoulder, elbow pain, like all of your joints will ache. And I said that deep aching pain in your hips that does not improve with physical therapy or stretching or Advil.
00:03:19
Speaker
I would be very curious to see if it goes away with estrogen. And she was like shocked. And she's like, i why have none of my doctors said anything or made a connection?
00:03:30
Speaker
i was like, right. This is why we're here as women. so frustrated, looking for answers and having to really educate ourselves on our bodies and the connection to like with what we're feeling and struggling with to our drop in hormones.
00:03:51
Speaker
Yeah. I have thought often about the amount of, i would consider myself a woman who, who advocates for herself. I feel pretty smart. I feel like try to read and listen and you know, and pay attention. And as I was
Personal Experiences and Challenges with Menopause
00:04:11
Speaker
approaching 50.
00:04:12
Speaker
i can remember conversations ah with my internal medicine doctor about um like what was happening with my periods. And clearly I was like perimenopausal and oh and thinking I'm asking the right person, that's right? I'm i'm asking somebody who like should know and, um, and got nothing. I mean, it was like, well, you know, are your night sweats? Do you feel, you, does it make it, is it interfering with your daily life?
00:04:43
Speaker
You know, is it feeling like it's, you know, more than you can bear? and the way that I am, it's like, I am I am a woman with a pretty high threshold as far as my pain tolerance goes. And for me to like say, oh yeah, this is interfering with my quality of life.
00:05:04
Speaker
It would have to be pretty drastic. And so I was like, oh no, I mean, i guess not. She's like, well, you know, if you can avoid hormone replacement therapy, we really believe that's what's best.
00:05:15
Speaker
Those were the words. If you can avoid hormone replacement therapy, that's what we really believe is best. And so i was like, okay, well then sure I'm fine. I'll avoid it.
00:05:26
Speaker
And so I look back at like other things that were happening at that time for me and ah clearly like joint pain and inflammation. i had ah really weird like histamine reactions that that I was having happen.
00:05:43
Speaker
Yeah. And I look back now and think i all all of this, I think, was tied to what was happening to me as I was coming into you know perimenopause and then making my way through menopause.
00:05:58
Speaker
yeah And I honestly did did not start putting those pieces together until you had your crisis. It's um when was that?
00:06:09
Speaker
Three years ago? Yeah. and And you texted and you're like, I am really scared. You will not believe what is happening with me. And you started like telling me all the things that were happening.
00:06:23
Speaker
and And I remember feeling scared with you, like what is going on? And then you started digging in And as you were like,
00:06:35
Speaker
telling me what you were learning, i felt like I was putting these pieces together for myself also. do you want to talk just a little bit about like what what happened to you? what
Functional Medicine and Hormone Testing
00:06:48
Speaker
What was going on back then?
00:06:50
Speaker
Yeah, I, um gosh, it there were so many things too that seemed unrelated. yeah But I started having skin issues. I had what looked like plaque psoriasis.
00:07:04
Speaker
Yeah. ah And hives all over my body. It started small and then got worse and worse. Yeah. Um, and I mean, i had all the telltale signs with the hot flashes and night sweats too. And I think when women think about menopause, they sort of stop at like, oh yeah, it's hot in here. I'm getting a hot flash, having a hot flash.
00:07:30
Speaker
That's kind of what I thought menopause was. I didn't know all of the other, you know, ah symptoms you could have associated with it. But I was having the skin issues.
00:07:42
Speaker
um I went to my internal medicine doctor and I had my cholesterol level. for the first time in my life was sky high. yeah was like well over 200. think it was 230 at the highest.
00:07:55
Speaker
What in the world? um I had an irregular EKG that came back showing some things that would be pretty scary as I started researching that. My blood pressure was through the roof and I have always run very regular, you know, 118 over 65. Yeah.
00:08:13
Speaker
sixty five always. My BP at one point was like 200 over like 100. Like just looked like I was headed for a heart attack. Crazy.
00:08:24
Speaker
Yes. And I had the, you know, so many sleep issues, couldn't fall asleep. And then once I fell asleep, I was waking up and I was awake most of the night sweating and anxious. I had lots of anxiety with it.
00:08:38
Speaker
And I had sort of this underlying and I chalked up my mood to the symptoms I was having in my body but just rage menopausal rage as I know it now but I was irritated but I could hear Matt chewing in the other room and I was like I'm gonna stab this man i cannot hear this man chew one more piece of food I'm gonna lose it And the internal medicine answer for my symptoms was...
00:09:12
Speaker
ah you know, Lipitor to control my correct cholesterol levels, a blood pressure med to bring my blood pressure down. Let's look at some Zoloft for your mood.
00:09:22
Speaker
And I was like, i'm I'm going to add on all these meds. Walking pharmacy. Yeah, you're going to walking pharmacy. Yes. but And we don't know why. Right. We don't know why. and we're not going to dig in. But here's a bandaid for your body that's falling apart and clearly telling you Like something is wrong.
00:09:41
Speaker
um And they wanted to put me on Otesla and then maybe Humira for what like plaque psoriasis. And I was like, and those are heavy meds that all bring additional side effects.
00:09:58
Speaker
Um, so I sort of went kicking and screaming to go see Matt's friend who's a functional medicine doctor. And I was kind of like, I
Debunking HRT Misconceptions with Personal Stories
00:10:07
Speaker
don't know what this hoo-ha doctor is. Is he a real doctor?
00:10:11
Speaker
um And he dug in, he ran some really extensive labs and looked at my inflammatory markers. The first thing he said to me is, you know, how old are you?
00:10:22
Speaker
and at the time I was 48, almost 49. And he said, we're going to check your hormone levels. Okay, fine. The labs came back. My estrogen was so low, it did not register even on the labs.
00:10:36
Speaker
My testosterone was really low and my progesterone was also just, you know, tanked. And I remember I went back in and he went over my labs and he said, well, looking at your hormones, you must be miserable.
00:10:51
Speaker
And I got emotional. Because yes, I was miserable. And what do you mean? i was so confused. Why does this have anything to do with my hormones?
00:11:04
Speaker
And so he started me on hormone replacement therapy. And I remember because I've always heard it's bad. It causes breast cancer. ah You have to be careful. There's so many doctors, so much misinformation about HR.
00:11:19
Speaker
Right. And as you know, i had a pulmonary embolism right after my youngest child was born. yeah So I was always told by doctors, including a really good friend of mine who's an OBGYN, absolutely no HRT for you because it increases your risk for blood clots.
00:11:36
Speaker
And what he said was, okay, so the misinformation is, yes, if you take an oral birth control pill, it will increase your risk of blood clots. You know, there are placebo controlled trials that show things like that. And there are medical studies.
00:11:53
Speaker
This is different. And when you do pellets, patches, or I do a compounded cream of testosterone and estrogen, it's absorbed by the body differently. The mechanism of action is different and it does not increase female cancers.
00:12:11
Speaker
It does not increase the rates, not going to cause blood clots. And he said, we'll monitor you. But I feel comfortable with you starting this and you have to look at your quality of life right now versus what it could be.
00:12:26
Speaker
and I believe that it's a, you know, it's a very like low risk for you. right So I started hormone, I started all three, estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone, November of, ah not this last year, but the year before.
00:12:44
Speaker
um and I would say within a month, I felt like markedly better. And my cholesterol came down. on its own because it was driven up by my lack of estrogen.
00:12:57
Speaker
My blood pressure was normal again. My mood improved. My libido was back. ah My skin started to improve.
00:13:09
Speaker
all of these issues, the, uh, I was also having that really horrible arthritic pain. I developed arthritis in my hands and started to get joint deformity in my forties.
00:13:23
Speaker
yeah Um, and that's irreversible. You can't reverse that once it starts, but the pain in my hands, you know, basically went away. it was, I was totally stunned at,
00:13:38
Speaker
the difference in my quality of life once I started it. And so now every woman I come across that, you know, talks about their symptoms or whatever, how old are you? Have you had your effect?
Finding Supportive Healthcare for Women
00:13:51
Speaker
And it's so sad, but I usually encourage people to go see someone who's a functional medicine doctor, or if you're going to go see an OBGYN or make sure that they are, you know, they have a thorough understanding of HRT.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah, totally. And so all of that's happening for you. And I I'm 10 years ahead of you as you were, as you were finding all of that out.
00:14:21
Speaker
I was like, um, my cholesterol shot up for the first time ever in my life. My blood pressure shot up. I bought a blood pressure cuff because I was like, what is happening?
00:14:34
Speaker
ah yes to the joint pain, like ah all, all, all of the things. And it was so, i I had never heard, I, no one had ever said, or even suggested that those things happening for me could have been tied to um, to menopause and to what was happening with my hormone levels.
00:15:00
Speaker
And so, to um Yeah. And then, and then to find out like, I, you know, that, that it it is late for me, but it is not, it is not too late.
00:15:11
Speaker
It's not like, okay, well that ship has totally sailed. Although, ah the first, my first visit to my doctor after all of that with you, where I started asking those questions that what I was basically told was, well, you know, you, you've been into menopause for five years. So there were, you know,
00:15:33
Speaker
There's really nothing there's there's you're done. Like basically like, you know, it's, it's too late for you. um And it was you again, you're like, I don't think that's true. Like, here's this article, and here's this article, and here's this person you yeah follow. And here's this, which, you know, kept me on a, on a track to like, keep asking questions and keep seeking and keep finding out what the options are.
00:16:00
Speaker
um And, you know, it took a ah ton of tests, like, all of my hormone levels and updating my mammogram and a CT artery scan for my like cardiovascular health, a consult with the cardiologist, all of these things that had to be done to get to the place where it's like, okay, yes, and now you too can have hormone replacement therapy.
00:16:27
Speaker
Um, because there's probably at least another six years, six plus years that my life can be better. Um, yeah. And why, why wouldn't I do that?
00:16:41
Speaker
A hundred percent. But the road to get there has felt unbelievably hard. And like the resistance um and and everything that you just described, like the, I absolutely had those doctors that would still say, yeah, hormone replacement therapy, we want to try and avoid that. And you're too old and it probably wouldn't do any good.
00:17:10
Speaker
And, and so, and I have found like, for me, it has been actually women in women's health, that have been the ones that, ah you know, that have provided like the, the education. And then these are the tests that we can do. And this is what we need to rule out. Yes, you're on the older side, but there are still lots of benefits that are available.
Lifestyle Changes for Menopause Management
00:17:35
Speaker
So, ah you know, what, um, let's talk a little bit about, you know, where, what, what would you say, where would you send women? Like if you're wanting, if you're in your thirties, your late thirties, you know, late thirties coming into 40 feels to me like the time where it's like, you want this to start being on your radar.
00:17:58
Speaker
Like you want to start having, some awareness of like, what, what is it that your doctor believes about menopause? What is it, you know, coming into your forties that, that, you know, your OBGYN or your internal medicine doctor, you know, beginning to ask those questions so that if you're not getting, if you're not getting answers, it says, oh yeah, like I am learning about um you know these things tied to HRT and here's how I would handle that. If the answers don't feel like it's going to be providing you
00:18:33
Speaker
with good resource that you are ahead of the game in finding somebody who is going to be able to like take that journey with you. Yeah. I think, you know, just what you said is asking your doctor, asking the questions, what, what are your thoughts on HRT?
00:18:50
Speaker
um If your doctor is not offering, if you're having, any sort of symptom and your doctor isn't very quickly asking to check your hormone levels, running labs, find a new doctor.
00:19:05
Speaker
Right. I, it was so helpful for me. i follow, and I think you do too, this Dr. Mary Claire Haver. Yeah. ah He's a, an OBGYN who has moved almost exclusively into the arena of hormone replacement therapy and women's health. And she's somewhere around our age. right And went on that journey because she herself was having issues and also not getting answers.
00:19:32
Speaker
And her colleagues and other physicians weren't talking about it. And there's got to be a better way than... Like I hear you saying, well, okay, yes, i i I know you're having these symptoms and night sweats and you know you're not sleeping well or whatever, but can you manage it? Is it really that bad? Right.
00:19:56
Speaker
like what What? If this was a men's health issue, would they be safe to men? Well, can you mean is it manageable? which is why which is Which is a contributing factor to where we are, right? yes the the if it that That is easy to find if you go researching sort of the consensus that if this was a man's issue,
00:20:19
Speaker
Like we would be way out in front of it, but because it's a women's issue, it's just taking a lot longer for it to rise to the top of what's a priority.
00:20:30
Speaker
And um so, yes, I love Dr. Mary Claire. Do totally follow her. it And I have loved from her that in addition, in addition to hormone replacement therapy, like so many of the other things that, again, I didn't know. that she's talking about in, in the realm of like, uh, how much protein am I supposed to be eating?
00:20:54
Speaker
What are the, what are the vitamins that I'm supposed to be taking and why? Like there's reasons for it. Like you need more omega threes because of the increased risk of cardiovascular disease for menopausal postmenopausal women, uh, vitamin D and,
00:21:14
Speaker
and vi and a and magnesium. yeah but You should be taking it at night because it's going to help you sleep. And, you know, all all of these things that are like, are actually relatively easy to do for yourself.
00:21:28
Speaker
um And the the balancing of like, weight-bearing exercise and, and, and not that you necessarily have to be going to the gym and, you know, and, and lifting major weights.
00:21:41
Speaker
You might, that could be really good, but even, you know, simple eight pound weights that you can have at home and, and just beginning to tend to the fact that yes, your body is changing and you don't have to give up on it.
00:21:55
Speaker
Right. It's not a four and conclusion. There are things you can be doing to like, build strength, build bone density, you know, and, and live your best life.
00:22:06
Speaker
And i think I, I wish somebody had been telling me that like it in the way that I'm hearing it now, when I was really like coming into my forties and early in my forties, because I would have, I would have started making some lifestyle changes that would have made this transition so much easier. me too.
00:22:28
Speaker
so much easier if i if those things had been kind of baked in and built in um before I started feeling terrible. Because that's the thing that I think also is really hard is that it's like, if you're not on the front end of it, by by the time you're like, oh, I got to do something. Well, you're already, you' you're tired and your joints are hurting and you've got this inflammation and you've got these mood swings. And think the last thing, makes it infinitely harder to be making lifestyle changes when you you like psychologically, you you are not at your best.
Self-care and Health Advocacy for Women
00:23:06
Speaker
And don't you think as women, so many times we put ourselves, you know, we're, a lot of us are and kids in our 30s and early 40s, and we're used to kind of powering through tired and worn down. And we have all these things, you know, we're taking care of our kids and And, um you know, taking care of a house and and a lot of us working at the same time. And so you just get used to ignoring ah yourself, your body, your, you know, you just push through and all have, you know,
00:23:47
Speaker
I'll have some more caffeine to wake me up in the morning and I'm stressed out. So I'll have a glass of wine in the evening. It's like, it is really, really important. I'm learning to like take care of ourselves first and into our bodies and not accept when we hear things like, well, is it manageable?
00:24:11
Speaker
And, you know, um i and oh, by the way, one of the major side effects of menopause and perimenopause is brain fog. So, oh my gosh, trying to sort through all of this and you're like, you can't, it just, it feels like you're like walking through mud.
00:24:34
Speaker
i mean, and and, and it feels, it's very isolating. I mean, and I think that's the other thing is that back Back to what you said, the most common conversations. And I was just I was just with ah um with Kathy Lorzell and Christy Bauman and Heather Stringer. We did a retreat recently. And, you know, and they're all well, well more than a decade younger than I am. I mean, you know, 15 to almost 20 years younger than I am.
00:25:04
Speaker
but, but the conversations are starting right. And they're, and they're, you know, they're sort of chit chatting back and forth about like, you know, noticing changes in their menstrual cycles and, you know, and, and all of that.
00:25:19
Speaker
And, uh, And I was thinking as I was listening to them, like, yeah, that was pretty much all that was being talked about when I was, you know, at that point in my life and sort of what you said, you know, yeah, and I'm not sleeping great and I'm having these hot flashes.
00:25:36
Speaker
The difference as I was sitting with them was ah they too have gotten more proactive about their health. And so ah you know, the information being exchanged was I started taking magnesium and and I've started paying more attention to like my omega threes. And I'm seeing this doctor and we're, you know, talking about like the other things that I'm putting in my body and like,
00:25:59
Speaker
You know, getting my hormones checked. and And I was like, wow, I, that would have been helpful. Like, as I was bringing up, you know, those symptoms or whatever, if my friends had also been saying, yeah, and I'm reading this, and I'm reading this, and there was none of that.
00:26:17
Speaker
No, there was none of that. There was just sort of like, yep, here we go. And i you know, I guess we just suffer and power through and, and and the conversation um amongst my friends was an avoid hormone replacement therapy, because we all know it's bad.
00:26:33
Speaker
It's bad. Right. It's just a continuation of the conversation of like, you know, PMS, like, oh, this sucks. And I have cramps and my mood's terrible.
00:26:44
Speaker
We're so used to that, that I think then we roll into menopause like, oh, this is just the new phase and this is going to suck too. And it's, you know... ah We have got to, as women, educate ourselves and take charge of our health um and really, like you said, advocate for what we need. And if your doctor is not listening to you is minimizing what you're telling them, is not offering them,
00:27:20
Speaker
helpful solutions, you have got to find a new doctor because there are doctors out there that that are educated on, you know, menopause and women's healthcare, forties, fifties and beyond, um and want to help and are willing to help and understand that, you know, that the tide is changing and the conversations are changing around HRT
00:27:55
Speaker
And it's not helpful to hear from a doctor, well, HRT isn't good for you and it increases your you know likelihood of female cancers.
00:28:06
Speaker
so Like such grossly partial information being offered without context. And there's no science that backs it up.
00:28:16
Speaker
Right. You go read the studies and you can. You can find them and you start reading like in more detail and it, and it is, it's stunning. ah It's stunning how it's been packaged and, and passed on to us.
Sharing Health Journeys Across Generations
00:28:32
Speaker
Um, which, you know, would be another conversation for another day. I i think the other thing and like you have, three girls. um I have four girls.
00:28:44
Speaker
And our conversations with our kids, also our daughters about, you know, what, what is true for us as we're making this transition, i you know, I think that's important. Also, that felt like a missing piece, like my mom didn't talk about, my mom did not talk about menopause or that journey for her or what she chose to do. It was sort of like, yeah, we don't talk about that.
00:29:13
Speaker
And, and it, and it matters. yes It's like, did your mom go through menopause? Like, what did that look like for her? Because there, there is some sense of what's going to be passed down and what might be true. And so that's been another thing that I have been trying to really pay attention to is that you know that I'm writing down the things that are happening and the things that showed up medically for me so that someday when my girls are at that point, but i it won't be, yeah, I'm not sure. i can't remember. I'll like, yeah, I wrote all this down. This is what happened.
00:29:48
Speaker
does This is what it's like for me. Um, so that they, they have some sense of that for themselves. That is something I'm realizing, like, but you know, it it felt like one thing what my mom just didn't talk about, but at this point in my life, I'm now coming to realize that.
00:30:06
Speaker
uh, because I've got access to her medical records that there were a whole lot of things that I would have really liked to have known that, that she just wasn't talking about, um, because of whatever her ideas were around, you know, privacy or what felt uncomfortable or whatever. And, and it's like, gosh, mom, I needed to know. Yes.
00:30:30
Speaker
I needed to know these things. And i want my girls, I want my girls to know all of those things. Because I imagine that 10 years from now, you know, what medicine will know and what, what will matter, what, you know, kinds of things that, that, you know, if this was true for your mother and your grandmother, like, here's what we want to know, like, that's all going to matter.
00:30:53
Speaker
Um, and so I think that's another piece as women, you know, for us to consider is like, if we've got daughters, what are you doing to safeguard your information so that it will be accessible and available to your girls when they get to a point in life where they're going to need to know?
00:31:11
Speaker
Yes. I love that. And yeah, and don't just trust your memory. Like it gets worse. I'm sad to say. Yeah, I'm there too. I'm there too.
00:31:21
Speaker
Yeah, I, my mom went through, my mom had me at 40 and went through menopause shortly after. And that's all I know. i I don't, I don't have the type of relationship with my mom where we talk about our bodies you right you know things like that. And so it didn't feel necessarily like safe or even helpful to bring those things to her or to ask.
00:31:45
Speaker
But gosh, now I look back and wow, my mom went through menopause at 40 and I didn't make that connection when I was 40. forty i I was perimenopausal, premenopausal,
00:32:01
Speaker
41, 42, 43, and then had my last period at 45. Wow. And I thought, I don't even know if I told you this, I might have, but my period was late at 45 and I took a pregnancy test and I was already like, oh gosh, this is great. I'm such a i have all this brain fog, I'm exhausted.
00:32:20
Speaker
And now I'm geriatric pregnancy, I guess. don't know. but am i What am I going to do with this you know baby? out And I probably took, over the course of like two months, I took a few pregnancy tests. And I finally had a friend who was 50 at the time. And she's like, hey, listen, I'm just going to shoot straight with you.
00:32:39
Speaker
You are not pregnant. You're like, this is menopause. And I was like, no, no, no. That's for old ladies. I'm not in menopause. I'm having a baby. I'm sure of it.
00:32:52
Speaker
And but the range, right? I mean, yeah, that means because, you know, at at again, we're that decade apart. I mean, my last period, i was 53.
00:33:03
Speaker
fifty three And so like it was yeah further off for me, but I know my mom, my mom had fibroids and, and at the time in the late sixties, the solution for that was take your uterus out.
00:33:17
Speaker
And so my mom, my mom had a partial hysterectomy at 28. oh So young. Right. But it then meant that, that there weren't the obvious signs. Like there, my mom didn't have a period after that. Right.
00:33:32
Speaker
I, So when she started to go through menopause, who knows? Right. Who knows? And we did not have that relationship either.
Encouraging Open Conversations on Women's Health
00:33:42
Speaker
I started to wonder because I was like, you feel angry moody.
00:33:48
Speaker
Like, you know, do we think this might be possible? um So, but again, there, there wasn't a lot of conversation around it. Um, and maybe because some, I mean, there's some, there can be some shame attached to, you know, you and I both grew up not having open conversations about our bodies, right um, with our moms. And so there's this like stigma or this, like, right it's like, we're, you know, the privacy around all of that, like,
00:34:23
Speaker
our relationship, mine and yours has been so helpful because we can just talk about, okay, going on with my body or, ah you know, this is so weird or I got this lab test back or, know, my,
00:34:37
Speaker
my sex drive was zero. right I would rather fold socks and reorganize my junk drawer than you know have sex. There was just no desire there. And that's, it you know wreaks havoc on your marriage.
00:34:55
Speaker
yeah And it's this whole part of menopause that I think is hard for women to talk about. Right. And they're, they're, you know, we talk it up to like, you know, oh yeah, I don't, I'm not in the mood or there's all these like memes and jokes about, all you know, women in our stage, not having sexual desire, interested in sex with our husbands.
00:35:22
Speaker
And And it doesn't have to be that way. It's not, as it doesn't, it you know, it's it's like, you don't have to give up there. And I think it's interesting that oftentimes that is also, and you've said this, it's coinciding with a time in your life when, when you are probably like running almost on overdrive with your kids and all the activities and all the things. And so we just kind of go, well, my life is just too busy and I'm just too tired to have sex.
00:35:52
Speaker
at the end of the day. And, and, and we just go. And so that's probably what that is. And, and the fact is like, it's probably not what it is. No, it's probably not what it is.
00:36:03
Speaker
um And also, by the way, why are you running yourself ragged? But I, you know, right. There are options to that too. Yes. Yes. I just, you know, um there's so much more.
00:36:18
Speaker
for us there. But it, it takes a lot of, you know, educating ourselves and advocacy um with our doctors. And oh, by the way, you and I have talked about how amazing it is that You actually don't even have to go see a doctor now. There are Wyona and all these different apps here. Right, right. Midi. It can be very easy for you to explore this if you want to.
00:36:50
Speaker
um i was telling another I was telling another friend of mine like about some of our conversations, and she was like, I wouldn't even know who to go see. And I i shot her the um the MIDI app, and I said, you can do this online.
00:37:06
Speaker
I mean, ah women are loving it. Why don't you try it? She, she got on, she, uh, had an appointment with Mitty 48 hours later and that next up and that day, like she started her hormone replacement therapy and that like, it was the most helpful conversation. The doctor, her, the doctor that she talked with, um, through Mitty was like, asked her all the things, was incredibly thorough.
00:37:37
Speaker
She had just had a physical and had just had colonoscopy and a cardiac workup and all these things. And so it it to her, I think it felt like her doctor on MIDI affirmed all these things that she had been doing kind of on her own, just like, I think I'm supposed to be tending to this stuff at this point in my life.
00:37:58
Speaker
But nobody none of nobody else she had seen had talked to her about HRT. Not any anyone. Unreal. Not anyone. And she started and she felt she like two weeks later, she's like, I already feel a difference. ah I love that.
00:38:15
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I think, I think we need, we need to, yes, talk to your doctor and yes, advocate for yourself and like, yes, talk to the women in your circle.
00:38:26
Speaker
You're not alone. You're not be the one to bring it up and and be the one to like start that conversation because it is it is incredibly helpful to feel like you're not alone.
00:38:40
Speaker
Incredibly helpful to feel like, i I have other women, I have sisters around me that like are doing this. So if I didn't have a mom I could talk to, it doesn't have to, that doesn't have to leave you in isolation and leave you alone.
00:38:56
Speaker
i I think too, like at our age and, you know, with our experience with HRT and going through menopause, we have, or I feel like I have a duty and an obligation to talk to my friends that are younger.
00:39:13
Speaker
yes And yes I have like a text string of moms that are boys are the same age and they're all, you know, a few years to, you know, seven, eight years younger than me.
00:39:24
Speaker
And they're sort of just on the cusp and starting to talk about it. And I have been super open. Here's my labs. Here's what showed up for me. yeah These are the symptoms I had. This is the help I got. And everyone sort of chimes in and says, this is my hormone doctor. yeah This is my hormone. Or I did pellets first. And this is how that looked.
00:39:46
Speaker
Yes. It's because I think, you know, as women, we we need each other. And we, so many of us have similar stories of not having that relationship with our moms. And maybe even for my friends that had closer relationships with their moms, there just wasn't the knowledge.
00:40:09
Speaker
Then um their moms didn't necessarily even know we have so much more knowledge now. What's available now? Like when I think about even, you know, what, what was true, what was true a decade ago, you know, when I was coming up to 50, what was true 15 years ago when I was, you know, 45 versus what we know today oh and what's available and all of the different options that are available and all of the information you can go and actually find out about like estradiol and.
00:40:46
Speaker
Yes. Like vastly different. I couldn't have found that information. Even if I wanted it 15 years ago, it would have been incredibly difficult to try and ferret it out and, and find it. And today like, yeah, there's all these different ways that you can receive hormone replacement therapy. And that can be as unique as other things that might be true about your medical needs.
00:41:10
Speaker
So yeah, Yes. Yes. To talking and yes, to sharing the information and to like cheering one another on, you know, it's okay. Like, yes, find another doctor.
00:41:22
Speaker
Keep asking the questions. What about this? Um, so, all right. So at the end of these conversations, we always kind of go, okay, well, what are you going what are you taking into next week with you?
00:41:35
Speaker
um based on what we talked about today. And i'll I'll go first. i think what i'm what I'm taking with me into next week is just that the reinforced reminder like that i I have both desire and responsibility.
00:41:53
Speaker
to keep morning keep bringing conversations about women's health, like to the table when I'm sitting with my friends. um And even to be the one initiating it um and instead of waiting to see if it pops up, but like being more intentional about, hey, you know,
00:42:15
Speaker
what What are you doing about this? What is this looking like in your life as far as, ah you know, like, where are you? And based on what group of women I'm with, you know, whether they're obviously menopausal, you know, or if they're younger, um just paying attention to that.
00:42:33
Speaker
i ah ah My exact words. I would say all of those same things. And also the just sort of reminder from you or the you know renewed awareness of how important it is to have these conversations with our daughters and be talking with them about our bodies and their bodies and normalizing whatever's happening with your body, like there's no, there's no need for shame around any of it.
00:43:06
Speaker
It's just, you know, it's just being human and let's talk about it. And, ah I love what you said about documenting what's happening for your body because we've, it's so relevant to us right now, but in 10 years, will I forget right about all the things I experienced? Probably.
00:43:30
Speaker
Right. so love that idea. i'm going to start doing that. Always good to talk to you. Thanks for coming on today.
Credits and Closing Remarks
00:43:38
Speaker
Yes, so much fun.
00:43:41
Speaker
The Red Tent Living podcast is produced by myself, Katie Stafford, and edited by Erin Stafford. Our cover art is designed by Libby Johnson, and all our guests are part of the Red Tent Living community.
00:43:55
Speaker
You can find us all at redtentliving.com, as well as on Facebook and Instagram. If you love the stories shared here, we would be thrilled if you left us a review.
00:44:07
Speaker
Until next week, love to you, dear ones.