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Episode 14: Spiritual Bypassing
27 Plays1 year ago
In this episode Jim and Jenn discuss the concept of spiritual bypassing, which is a defense mechanism that keeps us from facing unpleasant aspects about ourselves and our reality that we could otherwise learn & grow from to expand our soul embodiment. What does it really mean and how and why do we do it? Tip: we all do it, so no judgment here, only love.
If you are new here, welcome to the Brave Journey Within with Jim and Jenn! This show is about the spiritual journey and all of the challenges, healing and expansion along the way. Join us as we bravely explore topics of metaphysics, spirituality, healing, mindfulness, and ascension. We will be sharing our experiences and wisdom, as well as diving deeply into various topics so that you can better understand your own journey. Whether you are just starting out or have been on the spiritual path for many years, this show is a space for you to learn, grow, and be inspired.
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Jenn Palmer YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JennPalmerHealer/
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Transcript
Introduction to 'The Brave Journey Within'
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to The Brave Journey Within with Jim and Jen. This show is about the spiritual journey and all of the challenges, healing, wisdom, and consciousness expansion experienced along the way. Welcome back to another edition of The Brave Journey Within with Jim and Jen. Hi, Jen. Hi. I'm really excited about our conversation
What is Spiritual Bypassing?
00:00:25
Speaker
today. This is a great topic.
00:00:27
Speaker
Yeah, so the topic is spiritual bypassing. And what does that mean? Exactly. I think you could ask 10 different people and you'll get 10 different answers. Well, I'll just read the definition as I found it. It means or describes when you use spirituality to set up life's challenges or emotional wounds.
00:00:56
Speaker
uh, coined by clinical psychologist, John Wellwood. This behavior blocks the path to authentic healing and instead offers a sugar coated escape rather than a solid solution. So it's the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with relationship hassles.
Consequences of Spiritual Bypassing
00:01:18
Speaker
Cause none of us have those very emotional challenges and developmental tasks.
00:01:26
Speaker
explains Robert Masters, a psychotherapist, and Arthur of spiritual bypassing, when spirituality disconnects us from what really matters. Simply put, it's a defense mechanism. So there you go. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's really important to talk about. I think most people at some point in time
00:01:50
Speaker
will do this. They will spiritually bypass. They'll disconnect themselves from what's happening around them. But I also think the opposite is true. I think too many times we dive so deeply into the drama and the trauma that we don't find our way out.
Balancing Emotions and Spiritual Wisdom
00:02:04
Speaker
And I think a lot of times it's about finding some sort of a medium or the middle road where you're paying attention to the emotion and the things that are happening, but you're also taking that spiritual wisdom and knowledge and applying it.
00:02:18
Speaker
But it can be tricky. Yeah. I mean, they get into some of the things here where it's like, you know, it's spirituality really, I would say forces you to work on your stuff.
00:02:35
Speaker
because that is the path of your evolution. You know, you have to do some psychological work on yourself to really tap into your soul's fullest potential, I would think. But they were saying, like, I guess somebody do research on it. It leads to a road, if you're doing spiritual bypassing, it leads to a road filled with more complexities and unresolved issues. So it's like you're never really making progress. You kind of get stuck.
00:03:08
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. It's definitely very difficult.
Insights and Examples
00:03:11
Speaker
You had mentioned a Mindvalley article where they talk about this and they had some really great points. Do you want to go ahead and dive into that? Because I think it was really well done. Yeah, this is kind of what I'm referencing right now here. So in this article here, it says here are some typical examples of what this might look like. Dodging emotional reality.
00:03:36
Speaker
So you ignore emotional pain after a challenging event, like a breakup, uh, by reciting phrases such as the universe knows best. Um, what's that? I was gonna say, let's go one by one. Let's just like, so have you ever done that Jim? Have you ever just been like, Nope, doesn't bother me. Universe must know. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's pretty common.
00:04:07
Speaker
trying to think of like a creative example where something crazy happens and you're just like, okay, I don't even know what to make of this. Yeah. Or I kid just can't deal with it right now. It's too much. I need to do, I need to survive in the moment and then I'll come back and look at that thing. But yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think of some of the more heavy things that have happened in my life.
00:04:38
Speaker
You know, I guess sometimes, I'll give one example. I was applying for a job and really wanted it and it paid really well and it would have been in my head probably pretty cool.
00:04:59
Speaker
And I didn't get it. And I was hurt for a little bit and then realized, you know, once I had dealt with it, that I would have failed miserably in that job. It was completely different.
00:05:21
Speaker
I think it really wouldn't have fulfilled me in a way that I had status money, like a title, like it was all these things that society says are, you know, you're working forward, but it wouldn't have been fulfilling to me. And it took me a while to kind of get there with that. In that sense, I think the universe did know best. Yeah.
00:05:47
Speaker
But there was still emotions and stuff to process with that. And sometimes it takes a while to do that. You know, you're not diving into the emotion and the trauma of it right away. You know, so it's
The Influence of Thoughts and Beliefs
00:06:00
Speaker
interesting. I mean, one of the things I know from everything I've been through personally, but also working with people when we're talking about emotions
00:06:09
Speaker
you know, there's always like two sides of the fence that your emotions are your intuition, it's everything that you think it you know, is if you're feeling a certain way, then that is your authentic truth. But there's another side of the fence that talks about well, the way you think about a thing is often what creates that emotion. So like that mental emotional tug and pull and going back and forth,
00:06:33
Speaker
I think part of the difficulty in all of this with this conversation is trying to figure out, well, are you feeling what you're feeling because you really are authentically in that space? Or are you feeling what you're feeling because you're thinking about it a certain way? So I, you know, it's almost like, yeah, cause your point of view forms your emotions and there are different ways to form.
00:07:00
Speaker
different point of view, you know, you can change and shift things. So by saying, well, I guess the universe has my back, that's not always a bad thing. In fact, that might be the most healthy way to approach something. But I guess, you know, I've just met so many people and how they work through situations like that. And I don't know that there's any quite one right way of approaching it. But I think it's
00:07:27
Speaker
It's really important for people to understand that if they're having an emotion, they do need to question their beliefs behind it and what could be creating that experience in that moment, but then also to honor the things that are coming up for them.
00:07:43
Speaker
even if they're thinking about it incorrectly or maybe there's better ways to think about something. Because I've just been so many people who get stuck in that emotion where they aren't able to find their way through it because they're stuck in that belief that they're in that's really holding them back from a bigger and better understanding. So it's really, it can be really complex and every situation might be different. So what do you think about that?
Responsibility in Relationships
00:08:15
Speaker
You know, in relationships, if you are like, oh, that didn't work out, the universe knows best, right? The defense mechanism is not dealing with it or thinking that you had nothing to do with it, right? Well, I guess it wasn't supposed to work out. They didn't do this or didn't comply or didn't meet expectations or something like that.
00:08:40
Speaker
Um, I think if you're being honest with yourself and reflective, right? Like if the, you know, unexamined life is not worth living, then you owe it to yourself to say, you know, why didn't that work out? You know, what led to that? And, um, maybe the universe really did know best or maybe I didn't get the lesson yet. And so I'm going to keep repeating that theme until I do. Yeah.
00:09:08
Speaker
And so you can blame the universe forever. It's not going to, you know, let you pass go and collect 200 bucks until you deal with your stuff. That's so true. Oh my gosh. That's so true. So I think that's where the pitfalls come in with that. Yeah. I kind of see it as pitfalls on either side. You can think your way out of anything and then not ever take responsibility for what has been showing up in your life.
00:09:36
Speaker
Or you can get so stuck in the emotion and the feelings of it all and not change in that way as well and not see the bigger picture and not see how this could be working for you or how it could be the best thing that ever happened that you're going through this thing.
00:09:54
Speaker
I mean, I've definitely had times where I had a disappointment or something happened and I shifted my belief system around it and then I was like, oh, I think I'm actually okay. I'm good. I didn't need to go through a grieving or a expression of anger or anything like that because I suddenly was able to see a different point of view for what happened.
00:10:16
Speaker
And was immediately like, this is more truth for me. Like, you know, this is better. This, this makes more sense in this moment. Um, not to say that I haven't spiritually bypassed because, you know, I think that is, you're always trying to figure that out, but yeah.
00:10:34
Speaker
And for being honest with ourselves, we all have coping mechanisms and defensive coping mechanisms, and we all do these things. So this is not, you know, like, well, I don't do this. But you probably do, and you should be aware of it. Right. So it's like catching yourself, but that's one. This is your favorite, toxic positivity.
00:11:02
Speaker
It's so funny. I only ever heard of this a little while ago.
Positivity vs. Reality
00:11:05
Speaker
And I was like, what is toxic positivity? I think if you're living in a false reality, which, you know, how do you even describe that? But if you ever everything is like, no, everything is good. This guy is falling. But no, God must think it's okay. Okay. You know, whatever. I don't know. But it just seems like I think that's another one where
00:11:31
Speaker
That's a hard one to define because I think I, in general, I tend to be pretty positive. I go through periods where I'm not. Maybe I'm more toxic negative at times. I think all of us could be. But I think it's more about truth. And if you're in alignment with a truth that sees something in a positive way, I don't know that I would call it toxic, even if somebody else might.
00:11:56
Speaker
What are your thoughts? How they define it is it's keeping a positive facade during tough times and denying the presence of any negative emotions or problems. But again, that's so subjective. I might be able to look at a problem and be like, I know this is really difficult right now, but I also know I'm going to catapult from this. I can have a really good positive mindset about something. I can also be very negative at times, too, if I'm not balancing myself.
00:12:27
Speaker
I think that's so subjective. So what pops into my head as I'm thinking about this is like being in the Peace Corps where, you know, they say it's the toughest job you'll ever love and you get to this place and for me it was Bangladesh and
00:12:47
Speaker
you would have people there who were talking about how awesome and great it was. And in some ways it could be, but it was also a pretty challenging place. And I saw a lot of people there have
00:13:06
Speaker
I used to, there was a watering hole at the, because the alcohol is illegal, because it's a Muslim country, British, British club, they had alcohol there. And they would often joke with Peace Corps people, like, Oh, you guys have like rose colored glasses on. You guys aren't seeing reality here. And for some people, that was really true. Like they did not to the point where
00:13:37
Speaker
You know, this is real life, right? Like, uh, people got into some really challenging situations because they didn't admit like, Hey, these are not great things. You may not want to walk alone at night like these, you know, um, and things happen. So you have to be aware, but be honest with yourself about what's around you. And otherwise you can really put yourself in potentially bad situations. Um, no one can tell you that though.
00:14:06
Speaker
Right. You have to see it for yourself, going back to your point about perspectives. It's okay to have a positive attitude and see the good in things, but make sure it's authentic. And, you know, you're careful that you're not lying to yourself and telling yourself things are safe when they're really not. Yeah. True. So true.
Mindset Shifts and Emotional Processing
00:14:31
Speaker
But yeah, on the other side of that though, again, I think it's like finding that middle space where you're seeing how you can shift your mindset, how you can shift your belief system and turn things around on its head so that you can get what you can get out of it and turn something into the best situation possible versus sitting in the negative of a thing.
00:15:00
Speaker
you know, what's coming to mind is maybe even like a car accident, you know, you won't be coming out of a car accident going, yes, I just got into a car accident. But you can shift your mindset and beliefs around that. Because if you live through that car accident, even if you had injury, I mean, like if you talk about like even near death experiences where people have passing come back, that's probably the the most pivotal and beautiful point of their lives.
00:15:26
Speaker
right? And they can choose to focus on maybe they had a conversation with spirit or they were gifted certain healing abilities or or something, right? And it totally shifted and changed their life for the better. That accident. Some people even with all of that might think that was the worst day of their life because maybe they were disabled for three years, or maybe even their whole life and they couldn't
00:15:54
Speaker
you know, be who they were, but then other people will see it. Oh my gosh, that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Right. So some people will call that toxic positivity because you're not addressing, well, but you're disabled, you know? Um, so that's where it's, it's just, to me, it's so subjective. And you also have people who have had several near death experiences because they didn't learn our lesson. Right. I know. I know.
00:16:24
Speaker
Well, I think it's one of those things where we just have to question every aspect of whatever it is we're going through or we're struggling with to find out what's truly helping us and what's not. And what emotions are we aware of? What are we feeling? What are we resisting? And dive in. I don't think it should ever be ignored, but I think there's a balance of, but where is your consciousness in that? You can be aware of
00:16:54
Speaker
Let's see the emotion of anger. And let's say that accident happened by a drunk driver, like a hit and run even. And maybe you have this anger from that drunk driver who did the hit and run and there's judgment and there's all this stuff, but it really does no good to be in that space.
00:17:16
Speaker
it does no good to sit there in that. You're not solving anything. So if there is a way to acknowledge that you're feeling that way, but is there a better or healthier way to approach it or to work through it by seeing a counselor or going through hypnosis or getting some healing done where you're approaching it from a really healthy way instead of living in there, because then that becomes the negativity, the toxic negative. So what are your thoughts about that?
00:17:45
Speaker
Well, I think one of the things that comes to mind when you talk about, you know, toxic positivity for me is sometimes people, I think they get it misconstrued with like optimism. You know, the belief that, okay, things may not look great right now, but I'm optimistic that we can win this game.
00:18:15
Speaker
It's not toxic. You know, we may not win the game. My son will probably hate me for sharing this, but he was losing a game one time. We were playing soccer and they were down like three nothing. And I was like, I was very upset about it. Like, you know, it's, it sounds like a lot, but it's only three goals. You never know what will happen. And he's like, no, it's, it's over. We're going to, we're going to lose. It's just very negative, very pessimistic.
00:18:46
Speaker
Sure enough, their team kind of starts to come back and they ended up tying the game and his coach doesn't put him in because he was not in a good emotional space, which was the right decision. But afterwards, I'm like, I told you the game was not over. You know, you didn't believe me, which is fun, but you had an opportunity and you missed out on it because you weren't able to handle it in that moment.
00:19:15
Speaker
So I think you can be optimistic and it could be authentic versus, you know, being optimistic and, you know, like, okay, at this point we're beating a dead horse. Like we're not going to come back. Like it's, you know, we're down 10 to one. There's a minute left. There's just no, it's possibility. So maintaining optimism in a sense where things are possible versus.
00:19:42
Speaker
maybe not purchasing, getting stuck in a negative mindset and not seeing an option or a possibility to get through a situation. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's interesting. It just, it reminds me of a client I had one time and, um, she had a situation in her life where what was coming through in guidance, it was almost like it was a 60 40 chance of something happening. And the 40% was what she wanted and the 60% chance was not working out. Right.
00:20:13
Speaker
And their guidance for her was to, okay, so you're aware that that 60% exists, but if you're placing all your energy into that 60%, that becomes 100%.
00:20:27
Speaker
But if you're placing your attention and your focus on that 40%, then that is a lot more likely to happen. So just because something, let's say, is like a 60-40 outcome, it doesn't mean it's like you're shifting timelines and you're shifting the way things are actually going to come out to be by placing your attention and focus in certain things. So I think that this is why sometimes spiritual people
00:20:49
Speaker
Might be spiritually bypassing things because they're trying to put their energy to what they want to come out what they want to happen which is when you're talking manifestation that is exactly what you want to do if you're sitting in fear let's say you have money worries and you're not gonna make ends meet and if you're sitting in fear of that all the time and you're living in that
00:21:11
Speaker
then chances are you're not going to make ends meet. You're expanding that as your possibility and you're feeding that outcome. So there's truth in that as well and how you're approaching from a very mature point of view, as long as you're not hiding from something. If you're really truly and authentically mindfully placing your attention on what you want, that to me is spiritual mastery in the midst of difficulty.
00:21:40
Speaker
and just really focusing on what you want and trying to expand the energy of that occurring.
Personal Nature of Spiritual Journeys
00:21:45
Speaker
But I think where we go wrong and where I've gone wrong in the past is where I've got healing to do and I can't see where the thing is. So maybe there's a karma or some sort of ancestral pattern or some trauma or something that I've had.
00:22:00
Speaker
that is blocking my ability to actually get what I'm trying to focus on. Like I've definitely seen that happen to me. And so it's like, it's almost like every single thing is it's an individual experience and it's hard to know. You have to be willing to look at the uncomfortable places. Yes. And fully address it. But at the same time, staying in that positive space of,
00:22:28
Speaker
Okay, but I know that this is helping me work through this thing. This is, you know, if I stay in a positive space, that yeah, it's possible I could win that game. Anything could happen. Then it allows that to actually be possible. If I was to play that game that your sum was in, in that negative space, there's no way if you're in that negative space, you're not going to win. You're not even giving it a chance.
00:22:50
Speaker
So I don't know. I can see both sides of things. You know, I just think you have to find that way to navigate in there and make sure you're paying attention to both. You're very balanced in the law of moderation today. What else did they got? Pardon me. They have over-spiritualizing. So you turn every minor setback into a spiritual test or a karmic lesson. That, hmm. Hmm.
00:23:21
Speaker
Cause I tend to think that nothing happens by accident. So I tend to think, well, maybe I don't, maybe I am a little bit too spiritual about things. I mean, is that making a mountain out of a mole Hill or getting stuck on minor things and turning them into bigger things of deeper meaning?
00:23:40
Speaker
I like to be an awareness of what's going on around me because I feel like it's trying to show me stuff about me. And if I ignore it, it tends to be that the messages might get bigger and louder until I get it.
00:23:56
Speaker
So I don't know. I'm not sure I necessarily agree with that, but I think if you're making too much out of something or freaking out too much about a certain thing or putting too much weight on something and not just being mindful and aware, but maybe making decisions based on, I don't know, but the astrology says or something, you know what I mean? It's okay. You gotta balance things out. I think I got a good one with this. Okay.
00:24:26
Speaker
When someone insults you or says something that triggers you, that's what the definition of kind of doing shadow work. Like why am I triggered? You could get lost in that or not. Some people get caught up on things like that and they get stuck. Well, why did they say that?
00:24:57
Speaker
I don't know. You know, maybe they're just a jerk. I mean, that could be. You know, like they're just the zebras being the zebra. Like, that's what it is. There's no deeper meaning to it. And maybe your lesson is to just ignore it. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, I mean, to me, so to me, maybe maybe this is probably why I'm probably one of those people they're writing about.
00:25:21
Speaker
I would tend to think of that. It's showing up in my experience for a reason. They said something, it triggered me, and it threw me off my game for a minute. Now, it might just be a test to see if I've mastered that in some way and how quickly am I able to come back to balance and center after whatever that thing was.
00:25:47
Speaker
Or it could mean that, hey, there's something within me that I really need to pay attention to.
00:25:52
Speaker
because they just called me a name. How do I feel about that? I don't know. But it does bother me. So if there wasn't something for me to heal within me, it wouldn't have bothered me. I'd been like, whatever. And that would have been, to me, passing that test. To me, it's the universe's way of showing you where you still have work to do. I love the talk of triggers, because to me, triggers always serve a purpose. So yeah, I look at things like that. I do. But I also don't make a mountain out of a mole hill.
00:26:21
Speaker
If I can help it, I just try to look at it and be like, Oh, that's interesting. Hmm. I'm really bothered by that. Why am I bothered by that? And it's not about why would they do that? I try to make it more about, Hmm, why am I bothered by that? Why do I care what they think? Or why is that comment, you know, irritating me or bothering me or, or whatever. You can really go down the rabbit hole with some of these things though, and sort of neglect your life. She get caught up in it though.
00:26:52
Speaker
Well, see, I don't even know that this is neglecting your life. To me, this is what life is trying to show you. To me, it's paying very close attention to what life is trying to show you and not neglecting. But if you're locking yourself in a room and ignoring the rest of your life because someone called you that name or whatever it is, well, that's a problem. Well, that's what I mean. People get stuck in that.
00:27:19
Speaker
sometimes, you know, where it's like, you are making this way bigger of a deal than it really was. You know, but it's funny with that, because I, if someone really got, let's say someone called somebody a nasty word or whatever.
Triggers and Personal Growth
00:27:37
Speaker
And it for some reason, you know, you have those things that just happen, and they seem like they're a little insignificant, but they stick with you. Have you ever had that happen?
00:27:46
Speaker
And you just keep replaying it in your mind. And then you're just wondering, why is that bothering me? That was not a big deal. But what if it's trying to scratch at an old wound or something that really is underneath of that that needs to be healed. And maybe this is the universe's or God's way of trying to help you access that thing. Or maybe you're in the midst of trying to close your heart because you've been heartbroken so many times.
00:28:13
Speaker
And then that thing that just happened, maybe it was a friend, maybe, you know, or something and it hurt you. And maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's becoming bigger than you think it should be because what's underneath of that is big. Does that make sense? Oh, it makes sense. In balance, I think these things are healthy, right? Like you're not sweeping it out of the rug or you're not inhibiting your emotions. Yeah.
00:28:39
Speaker
being mindful of them and dealing with them. That I think is, you know, what you're talking about is like being able to do that. I think where people get in trouble is when they get stuck and, you know, they create the story of this negative, you know, stress reactivity cycle that continues to sort of haunt them day in and day out where, you know, it becomes something bigger than it really was. Or it can be, right? Like you, cause you can make it worse.
00:29:08
Speaker
Right. Absolutely. What else we got here? Avoidance of responsibility. Yeah. You assign blame to karma or destiny for personal matters or life situations. Well, yeah. Well, so you have a perspective on that. I think that can go either way. Honestly, I'm kind of
00:29:37
Speaker
I've definitely seen spiritual teachers not take responsibility for what they've done or the way they approach things. But then I've also seen people who follow spiritual teachers who take things the wrong way and get very triggered and don't take responsibility for how they're taking it.
00:30:03
Speaker
Because if you think about it, even us talking on this podcast, there are things that we've probably said that might have triggered somebody. We're not meaning to. We're not meaning to cause harm in any way. But there's always somebody who's going to take it that way. I've had that plenty of times. Whose responsibility is that? Not mine. You get offended? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But I tend to agree with that to a degree. To me,
00:30:33
Speaker
You can say the word Apple and offend somebody out there. You know what I mean? Like I don't think there's anything, any conversation you could have where you won't offend somebody and you can't take that responsibility because that's just how they're perceiving something or they have a certain mindset or beliefs that they're going to see what you're saying through and it's going to get warped or twisted or misunderstood or something.
00:30:57
Speaker
Sure. Telephone. I think that conversation of responsibility, again, it's one of those things where it's like, well, there's somewhere in the middle there where it makes sense because if you're not asking if it's your responsibility, well, then you're probably not taking responsibility. But if you're asking your responsibility and you're really just trying to understand it and you come away going like, no, I don't think it is. And then you're probably okay. Right. Yeah. I think.
00:31:29
Speaker
Sometimes, and I think you would agree with this, but if you don't feel free to disagree, but sometimes sometimes there are karmic things. Yeah. So, but that I would say is still dealing with your stuff. However you get there. It's just saying it's karma and not dealing with it. I think it's the unhealthy aspect of that.
00:31:59
Speaker
where you're not taking responsibility. Is there any more to add to that? Well, I think I would just say that in most interactions, definitely not all, but I think in most interactions, there's give and take in all of that. So if you have something going on with somebody and it's uncomfortable or something happened, there's a little bit of something in there for both people.
00:32:29
Speaker
I don't think an interaction usually happens just one-sided. Well, no. I mean, in my stress class, there's a communication worksheet. And the last box is, is it resolved? This is like the trickiest thing for people. Right. If you ask people, a lot of times they'll be like, well, it's resolved.
00:32:55
Speaker
But if you, if they're being honest, usually it's not resolved. You know, well, what happened? Well, they said this and I said this and it's over. Well, is it really over or am I holding onto something? I remember getting into a argument with a doctor and they're like, well, I'm a doctor. And I'm like, well, you're an idiot. Like it doesn't matter if you have an MD behind your name.
00:33:23
Speaker
I think there's common sense and logic too, that exists. And you can't force something to happen because you wanted to. You're working with human beings that have their own autonomy and make their own decisions. They don't just comply with everything that you think they're supposed to do. I don't think that person's listening to this show, so I'm okay.
00:33:50
Speaker
Yeah, no, but I totally agree. I, you know, it's another one of those things where it's, and this is where, you know, I think this is where things get hard because let's talk about narcissism for just a minute. There's a lot of narcissists that exist in this world that like to take things and twist them and turn them around and make you question everything you're doing.
00:34:13
Speaker
And the next one is neglecting personal boundaries.
Navigating Relationships and Personal Power
00:34:17
Speaker
So perhaps you can weave that in with that. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and I think a lot of people who are light workers tend to, and I think there are narcissists in the spiritual community, but the people who tend to, you know, in mass in the spiritual community tend to be the ones who probably aren't narcissists. They're probably a little too naive.
00:34:42
Speaker
And so we aren't in our power, we aren't taking control of who we are and what are we doing here and does what's being said actually make sense or am I just trying to find an exit point or a way to give someone else my power? You know, so I think a lot of this conversation is really about that too because
00:35:07
Speaker
On either side of this whole conversation, when you're talking about what is spiritual bypassing, you can twist it and turn it in all kinds of different ways. And it doesn't seem to always make sense. You know what I mean? And it's like it's neglecting the common sense. It's neglecting
00:35:23
Speaker
We're going piecemeal here. We're just going to go situation by situation and see, am I ignoring something I need to pay attention to? Am I diving too much into the negative or diving too much into the positive? Am I keeping it balanced and understood? Or am I putting my energy? How am I feeding it? I just think those are all really good indicators of where you may be in all this. Sure.
00:35:52
Speaker
There's a lot to say about that. I know. It's like a whole other can of worms there. Yeah, there is. And there's a lot of narcissists, right? And obviously they can be very manipulative and very influential and a lot of smart people fall for that. You know, in the mindfulness or yoga communities you have,
00:36:27
Speaker
The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,
00:36:49
Speaker
sexually or, you know, just inappropriate relationships with people. Going back to the boundary issue, right? Like, where boundaries stop existing or they start
00:37:01
Speaker
overcoming boundaries that maybe they even preach or have or had at one point, then they realize they have all this power and they can get away with certain things. And if you're not careful, you can give your power away and allow that to happen, particularly with people who are abusive to their spouse. If you're not paying attention to that or you're telling yourself, oh, well, this is love,
00:37:30
Speaker
which I think is what they're saying is you can allow this abuse to occur to you or people that you care for. It could be a really difficult situation you could find yourself in. Yeah, it's interesting when you're talking about abuse and things like that.
00:37:53
Speaker
boundaries and in so many things and what I what I find really interesting and I'm gonna go ahead and talk about this and I don't talk about it too often but I went through a period where I had people who practice dark magic really target me and it was very abusive and very hurtful very harmful and I didn't do anything to deserve it and it just felt so wrong and
00:38:20
Speaker
What I learned in this process, and I honestly, and you might call this toxic positivity or whatever, I don't know, but what I learned is I couldn't fight when I delved into that energy. And even if I tried to do like return to sender or anything like that, it just made everything worse.
00:38:38
Speaker
When I explain what return to sender is like, all right, you're going to send me bad energy, I'm going to be like, energetically, I'm returning all that energy back to you. So if I curse you curse, it's your side to back. Now it's not your, now you're cursing yourself, basically, you know, so that's basically what that is.
00:38:59
Speaker
So, you know, I tried different methods and ways of trying to approach it, but what really got it to stop? Well, first there was karma from a past life I had to clear up, but before I even got to that, there was an up-leveling of my own spiritual consciousness about forgiving and loving. When I got into a truly forgiving and loving state, the vast majority of it just stopped.
00:39:27
Speaker
And I just forgave them. And I told them, I forgive you. And please forgive me for whatever my part in this is. And I just really meant it. I was in that space. I wasn't just saying it. I was really in the space of unconditional love. You know, I'm sorry that we got into this. I don't even know how this happened. And I love you. And I did the ho'oponopono to them.
00:39:50
Speaker
And which is, you know, that whole Hawaiian prayer. I always start with, I love you. I know that people usually do it differently, but I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. It triggers me when you change the order on that. No. What's that? It triggers me when you change the order of it. No.
00:40:09
Speaker
Right? I know. I'm sorry. But a lovely practice. And it's just a wonderful thing to incorporate into your life. It's amazing the results. There's so many different ways you can use it. But when I did that, it was like the universe was like, okay, she finally got it.
00:40:29
Speaker
And then I was able to then clean up the mess that was created from all of that, but I couldn't clean up the mess until I got to that state. And if I sat in that negativity and, you know, for lack of better way of putting it, the victim state of having been so targeted.
00:40:48
Speaker
you know, I never would have seen the end of it. It just, I could not have gotten out of it. And no practitioners seem to be able to get it to stop. And I went to some really good ones who knew what they were doing. But I think it was just that lesson I had to learn. And so, you know, when you're talking about boundaries and things like that,
00:41:07
Speaker
There's also the other understanding that what you resist persists. So when you're talking boundaries, one of the things I talk to my clients about, if you're putting up boundaries out of like resistance, like I'm blocking you, you can't do that. Well, what I learned through that whole experience was that that just made everything so much worse.
00:41:28
Speaker
So what I started really working with is how do I just get into my power and command what I expect and what I want in that experience? And these psychopathic, narcissistic, dark magic practitioners, you know, they didn't care what I wanted, right? They wanted what they wanted. So that's what happened. And it was
00:41:52
Speaker
It was me practicing my very spiritual understandings of this and coming into that state of being that stopped the abuse. So by becoming more loving and perhaps more spiritually evolved, you were able to stop and really enact what you wanted to happen.
00:42:17
Speaker
Well, because I think what happens, and you know, I still think I've got work to do, like we all do, but what I realized was going on is they, and this is true of anything happening in your life. It's not just dark magic or whatever, but they hook into or they tune into what is unhealed or what is like what I call a hook in you.
00:42:38
Speaker
Your vulnerability point. Yeah. Well, the things that you still have to do work for, you know, the things that you're not perfect about, they hook into that and that's their access point. And so the goal is, so one of the things for me was that karma that I had. And evidently I guess I had damned somebody to hell in a past life and, but whatever. Okay. I own that. I will take that responsibility.
00:43:05
Speaker
And if I did or didn't do it, who knows? I don't remember that past life. It was shown to me by somebody else and I was like, okay, but it resonated. So I was like, if I did that, oh my gosh, you know, I'm so sorry. That's the last thing I want to do to anybody. So I really went in and dealt with that and cleared that as karma for myself. And then things really cleared up.
00:43:27
Speaker
So what happens is, is I think, I don't know that it's necessarily that they stopped doing those things, but I was able to get to a point where I was here and their energies were here. So it was like, it couldn't, it couldn't latch on our effect. Yeah. It wasn't landing there. The arrows aren't hitting you. Right. Right. So.
00:43:50
Speaker
You know, and there's so many I've talked to so many people going through this whole situation, you know, and there's every person I've talked to has a different point of view about it and how you should approach it. But this is really what helped me. And, you know, you might call that spiritual bypassing because I wasn't in the muck. I wasn't in the fear. I wasn't in the the woe is me of, you know, the devastation that they tried to cause or anything like that. I would have my moments.
00:44:19
Speaker
And I would be like, oh, okay, well, there's still that thing. Okay, I still need to work on healing that, but I'm not gonna stay in there. So that's why I feel like I've got a very different perspective about all of this and how to handle the trauma of at least something like that and how you can come out on the other side of it and still be okay and still love yourself.
Overcoming Challenges with Love and Growth
00:44:41
Speaker
I don't think it would be spiritual bypassing.
00:44:46
Speaker
Well, I have talked with other people and they're very much at the viewpoint like, no, you need to fight fire with fire or you can't let them get away with that. But because basically it was like, what Jesus taught, you turn the other cheek. That's pretty much what I did. I stopped fighting and just was not in resistance, but worked on myself. I went within.
00:45:12
Speaker
and did the inner work to come out on the other side of it. And then still work with practitioners and things to help me clean up. And it really helped. But I just think it's so important for people to understand that when they're seeing things, and we've had conversations about this, but spiritual bypassing, a lot of people who use that word are using it to justify their victimizations in a way where they're mad at somebody
00:45:40
Speaker
and they want to feel that, and they're not getting past it. And what they're saying is, so this is the downside of all of that. Yeah, say more. It's the opposite side of that pendulum, right? And it's funny what my guides say about pendulums.
00:45:57
Speaker
they say, get off of the pendulum, rise above it, get off of the pendulum. So you might have like spiritual bypassing, complete opposite of spiritual bypassing, living in the drama or the emotion or whatever that's going on and working through it through that, or spiritual bypassing and being over here. And then I'm like talking about this middle thing, but honestly, what they say about really any of the pendulums is to get off of the pendulum.
00:46:24
Speaker
come into a higher, wiser understanding, see it for all that it is, and then deal with it. Because if you're on either side, it's kind of like you're not getting the whole point. Well, that to me is like being able to detach to see things from a higher perspective and then go back in to do the work, which is the wise thing to do.
00:46:52
Speaker
But it's what most people don't do. Well, but there are people that do do it, right? Where you are able to see like, if I'm seeing things from this perspective, I need to see it from another perspective.
Detachment and Perspective
00:47:08
Speaker
You know, how do I do that? Like that.
00:47:10
Speaker
There are people that do operate in a higher level like that that actually think and can have nuanced discussions about a topic. It's not promoted nowadays. Like everyone tends to go to a black and white type of thinking, right? Well, if it's not this, you're that. Or this is good, this is bad. It's like, wow, that's really not smart at all, which is not going to like think about this issue.
00:47:41
Speaker
A lot of people don't think how, I guess I'll say that, um, except for the people that listen to the show who are highly intelligent and spiritually evolved. You know, we always think we're always very conscious. We, we always have it. Right. When I spiritually bypass, it's a good thing. Oh, right. It's going to happen.
00:48:06
Speaker
Oh my God, this is a good topic. They give some examples about how this might look like. I'll just read some of these and then maybe we can like pick which ones maybe they kind of jump on. I only have love for you. That sounds like something a narcissist would say. Don't be so negative. It's all in divine order. Just let it go. Everything happens for a reason.
00:48:35
Speaker
Sending you good vibes. We're all one. Just trust the universe. Focus on the present. Negativity doesn't serve you. God, I think I've said all these. Yeah. Me too. I'm thinking, okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, there's some really good ones in this article too. So I mean, like some of those things.
00:49:04
Speaker
I guess they can be timely and accurate, but used another way could also be placating somebody or not dealing with stuff. It depends. It depends on how those words are being used. Are they being thoughtful? Are using them thoughtfully or not? Yeah, good point. 10 signs you might be meandering.
Identifying Spiritual Bypassing Behaviors
00:49:33
Speaker
forced optimism, spiritual superiority, victim of your gifts, where that says your spiritual will, extra sensory gifts feel like a curse, psychedelic escape, that's definitely a big one, horoscope dependency, saintly disguise, you shun your dark side because acknowledging it feels like a threat to your spiritual persona.
00:50:04
Speaker
That's probably more pervasive than people would realize. Over-reliance on spirit guides. Hmm. Interesting. Prayer posi... No, sorry. Prayer passivity. So prayers like the go-to for our solutions. I definitely come across that sometimes where people drop into prayer at the second, you know, something happens, but they're not taking action. Yeah. You know, to solve my thing.
00:50:34
Speaker
Guru glorification, which I think we, uh, we touched on and then finger pointing. You find endless faults with the world outside diverting the gaze from your own inner world that might need attention. So all good things. Yeah. Honestly, we could talk about this forever. Um, you know, there's, well,
00:51:03
Speaker
Where would you say is your go to or your best advice for how to stop it? Well, I think it's it's a couple things. I like to take people into.
00:51:19
Speaker
almost like an angelic point of view. So you rise up out of whatever the situation is and you look down through the eyes of either your angel or if it's in a relationship with someone else, look through maybe their angel or their higher self's eyes to try to see it from a different perspective or to get a bigger idea of what this picture is. What is this situation about?
00:51:42
Speaker
What are you trying to learn? What are they trying to learn? What's happening in this and why as best as you can get it? And then to drop back in and to recognize where you're feeling certain things, not to ignore the feeling, and then figure out what is behind that feeling. What are you thinking about that person or that situation or whatever's going on about yourself?
00:52:08
Speaker
and kind of allow yourself to work through that process. Acknowledge that, I don't know, maybe you've got an anger issue or whatever it is, you know, look at the darker side of yourself. Where do you have healing to do? But then dig deeper. Don't just sit there with that. You know, why do I have an anger issue? Why do I have this thing?
00:52:30
Speaker
Could it be past life? Did a trauma happen? Do I just feel like things don't go my way? Am I cursed? What is it? I don't know. And you try to figure it out. And how is it serving you? Because in some way, as a soul in this experience, it is serving you, right? Even the very difficult times. But that doesn't mean
00:52:53
Speaker
like that spiritual bypassing, look at how it might be serving you. How can you get ahead? How could this actually turn out to be helping you in some way? Because sometimes when you're struggling so hard and things are so tough, you need that stroke of positivity or that idea or that hope that you could ship something into your favor to help you get through. When you're running that marathon,
00:53:20
Speaker
and you've got like five miles left and you're totally exhausted, how do you get to the end of the marathon? How do you make it? You gotta find it within yourself. You gotta find the positivity. You gotta find that hope that it's one step after a time, you know, after another. And sometimes you have to get to that finish line and then go back and heal the things that you couldn't take the time to heal because you had to get to the finish line. That's not necessarily wrong either.
Self-Awareness and Personal Development
00:53:48
Speaker
I think there's a time and a place for all of it. And so I would just encourage people that if they're ignoring it, they're probably wrong about it. You don't just ignore something. It's not going to go away. But if you're sitting in it and not making any progress, you're probably wrong about it too.
00:54:12
Speaker
There's somewhere else you need to be or something else you're not aware of. And then I would recommend if you can't figure it out, get help. Go to a counselor, go to a coach. If you find somebody who you align with and work through it. Yeah. So the first thing in the article that talks about is self-awareness, which I would say is being mindful.
00:54:36
Speaker
bringing awareness to yourself, your situation, your thoughts, your emotions, not, you know, stuffing it down, which is a lot of guys do, but females do too. If you get triggered paying attention to why not running from it, being honest with yourself about these things. I learned that from you. It was the exercise you were like,
00:55:06
Speaker
What are the lines that you tell yourself? I was like, man, I haven't asked myself this question, but I know that there's actually stuff here. Like, I really don't want to do this. The only reason that you would do it is because you would get something out of it, right? Like it's a worthwhile exercise. Um,
00:55:31
Speaker
Someone else not running from things, not pushing them away, not avoiding them, being kind to yourself. Yeah.
00:55:41
Speaker
Uh, you know, as you do all these things, be patient, cultivate your inner compassionate coach, which is just kind of how you talk to yourself, um, when you're going through especially difficult times. And what else? I'm trying to think what else you said, curiosity, being very curious about things, but not to the point where you get stuck in wallow.
Curiosity and Patience in Growth
00:56:06
Speaker
Um, which sometimes people do really just get that wallow in, uh,
00:56:11
Speaker
certain emotions and they don't make any forward progress. Don't be afraid to fail, but if you're going to fail, just fail forward. Just keep making progress. And yeah, be patient with the process. There's no rush.
00:56:33
Speaker
out with anything. You are where you are right now for a reason. So just pay attention to that and do what you can and on the journey. Yeah, this journey is not for the faint of heart, right?
Conclusion on Balanced Growth
00:56:51
Speaker
Well, you chose to be here, so buckle up. Right. All right, let's go.
00:57:01
Speaker
All right, Jen, well, spiritual bypassing, uh, we won't do it anymore until the next time we do it, but, uh, that's so true. All right. Thanks guys. Thank you everyone. And we'll see you next time. Bye. We are so grateful that you joined us. Check out the description to learn more about us and also for additional resources to help you on your journey.