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EP 32: Parental Leave
1.9k Plays2 years ago
In today’s episode, the moms are talking all about parental leave…or honestly the lack there of here in the US. They recap the Kyte Baby SCANDAL and spill all the tea about just how behind the US is when it comes to parental leave. Candace goes into detail about how prepping for this maternity leave as an entrepreneur has been difficult. This topic is something that stresses a lot of moms and we want you to know you’re not alone. For more information and ways to advocate for better parental leave please visit: https://paidleaveforall.org/
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Transcript
Introduction and Pregnancy Woes
00:00:07
Speaker
Like there's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms? My name is Candace and I'm here with my best friend Whitney and this is the mom group chat podcast. Hey Candy. I am feeling, I sent you a voice note about this this morning. So this is like a repeat thing you're hearing unless you haven't had a chance to listen to it. I know you've had a crazy morning, but
00:00:33
Speaker
I woke up feeling flu-ish, like the flu. And I, for those of you listening, I'm 30 almost 39 weeks pregnant, like giving birth in a week.
00:00:48
Speaker
if I come on her own. And I woke up this morning with like an awful sore throat and like fatigue. And I was feeling like chills. And I was like, am I about to fucking get the flu right now? The thought of pushing out a baby while having the flu is like, I'm scared.
00:01:07
Speaker
Wait, is that a thing? I mean, I remember like giving birth with Graydon and there was like COVID pregnancy rooms and I was like, damn, I can't imagine like, this is already hard enough. Imagine like having the cold sweats while doing it.
00:01:23
Speaker
I'm so scared. Are you okay? You look good. Thanks. Well, I mean, I put on makeup and like got myself together, but I don't know. I just woke up and I was like, dude, I do not feel good. And then at the same time, my husband, he's a gem. Love him so much. But he is like, you know, I have one more weekend before this baby comes. I got to work on the she shed. So like I'm doing so that means like I'm pretty much on my own with Alice all weekend. And if I'm sick, I'm like,
00:01:51
Speaker
Mama, help me. Yeah. I will be calling in for backup because I can't do it. I can't do it. I think it's just, you know, this is a sick season. Like I even have like a little something because both Mike Grayden brings home
College Memories and Personal Growth
00:02:08
Speaker
the germs. We micro dose Margot with the germs. Then I eventually get it. And then Chris may or may not because he's in the hospital all the time. He like always seems to like escape the sickness.
00:02:20
Speaker
Your immunity is just I was going to say he's like grown immune to I think so. I truly do. I think he says, but he seems to get the flu every year. And like, I don't want to jinx myself. I don't end up getting it. I think I've always been traveling or something when he has it. And I'm always like, oh, yes, I missed it.
00:02:44
Speaker
I feel like I haven't had the flu, like the positive flu, you know what I mean? Since college for me. Yeah, since college, yeah. Did we have that at the same time? I don't know. Well, I remember this is such a sweet story, actually. This is like, do you know when you have like tiny memories from your past that like were probably so minuscule to someone else, but they like really meant something to you? Well, to me.
00:03:10
Speaker
I have a memory of you when we were roommates in college and I tested positive for the flu. And at the time, the flu was like really going around Alabama. It was like rampant. And I remember they wrote me out of class for 10 days and they were so strict about it. They emailed all of my
Alabama Football and Nick Saban Influence
00:03:31
Speaker
teachers directly.
00:03:32
Speaker
And we're like, yeah, I know. It's like she has tested positive for the flu because they were trying to stop it from spreading. I remember this might have been like been the time of like swine flu or like, do you remember each? Yes, that was a freshman year, though.
00:03:48
Speaker
Yeah, this was definitely sophomore year that this happened but I tested positive for the flu and They sent me home and I remember texting all of you guys like I'm gonna quarantine Which back then like I feel like I didn't even know
00:04:04
Speaker
Now quarantine. Yeah, I was like, I'm going to stay in my room. We had three, you know, me and three other roommates. I didn't want to get anyone sick. And I remember you texted me and you were like, I brought you something. And I opened up my door and you had brought me a chocolate Gigi's cupcake and a Gatorade. And I remember just being like, that was so nice. And I remember that cupcake was the best fucking cupcake I've ever had in my life.
00:04:31
Speaker
definitely like 20 year old thoughts like here's a Gatorade and a cupcake that'll fix you right you know what though that Gatorade I remember it was and you knew I
Maternity Leave Excitement and Anxieties
00:04:41
Speaker
liked lemon lime it was so good Oh lemon lime man when you're like playing sports that
00:04:47
Speaker
quenches your thirst. Like an ice cold lemon lime Gatorade. I think I might have to go to 7-Eleven after this and get one. I'm not joking. I have not had one in a while. It's also like one of those things that is related to being sick. Like when I am sick, I want a lemon lime Gatorade or I'm hungover. I always get the ice blue Gatorade. Yeah. Yeah. That I was going to say you're I feel like you're an ice blue girly. Lemon lime, though, is if I'm feeling sporty.
00:05:17
Speaker
Oh, okay. Okay. So if I'm running around playing soccer, since I do that so often these days, uh, that would be a lemon lime time. Oh my God. That's so funny. I'm surprised that it wasn't scared of you from the sickness, but go me.
00:05:34
Speaker
Well, I mean, you like left it at my door and scampered away. Like I didn't physically see you, but it didn't matter. It was the thought that counted. And I remember I think of that all the time, like that because I feel like when you're sick in college, like I remember being like, I wish my mom was here to take care of me. And so it was just nice to feel like someone was doing something nice, you know? Well, you know, I've been like going down memory lane just because like Facebook memories, too. But we're going to our
00:06:03
Speaker
best friends from college wedding and so all these old memories are coming up and I literally thought about how you had the bedroom downstairs and we all were upstairs and I was always like so worried about you because if an intruder came in they would have gotten you and I remember thinking you were so brave.
00:06:21
Speaker
the living down there. I never thought of it like that. I remember thinking, I don't have to go up the stairs all the time. That was my. We already had to go up the stairs. Yeah, I know. We were like on the second and third floor, so it didn't even matter. But I liked my little room downstairs. I was a scaredy cat. Well, everyone piled in your room because. Yeah. And you'd be in the bed and we'd all be like hop in the bed with you.
00:06:47
Speaker
And everyone would use my bathroom. I remember that was the only thing that like, and if my room was a disaster, which it was a lot of the time, I would be like so embarrassed. We'd have guests over and they'd be like, can I use a restroom? I'm like, fuck.
00:07:03
Speaker
You're like, let me make up off the counter. Yeah, for real. But isn't it so fun, though, like even designing your first room and all that, it was fun. Yeah. I remember, like, I think back to how young we were, but I feel like we were doing some adult things. I don't know. Going away to college is crazy. Yeah. I mean, you're 18. You're just like, OK, well.
00:07:26
Speaker
You got to learn to do laundry. You get to decorate your own room. You got to make your own decisions. And it's like. And you also have to like be you're held responsible for your own time, if that makes sense. Like you have to get up for class. You have to like make time to do chores. It's like, I don't know. It's it really.
00:07:46
Speaker
I say this a lot, and I'm sure we'll talk about this in a future episode, but I sometimes feel like college is a little bit on the way out. I don't know that college will be as mandatory as we felt it was when we were going away to college, but there are so many amazing lessons that I learned that I feel are so valuable.
00:08:12
Speaker
that I would be a totally different person if I hadn't gone away to college, you know?
00:08:18
Speaker
Yeah, you almost have to, in a way. I'm so glad my mom really pushed all of us to leave our town. And she was like, go and do, because I didn't have the opportunity. She's like, if you want to go out of state, go. Spread your wings. And so it's just one of my favorite things I've ever done. And I met all my favorite people. And it's just college was such a blast for me.
00:08:43
Speaker
It was so fun. I remember it very fondly. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. They were so fun. No. They were amazing. We had an amazing college experience. I was talking to a guy I work with, and he was like, you know what I remember? Our very first conversation was, and I was like, oh, what? I hadn't talked to this guy forever. I would be nervous.
00:09:06
Speaker
And he was like, it was that you had won three national championships while you were in college. And he's like, I would just be beside myself if that was me. And I was like, you remember that? I was like, well, it was nice. Yeah, that is so funny. I feel like that's like a fun, like in my top 10 fun facts about myself. Like I went to Alabama and we won three national championships in my time. I'm not even mad. I know. I'm not even mad when we lose now because I'm like,
00:09:34
Speaker
our golden years while I was there. I know. The only thing I'm sad about now, which I don't think we've talked about is like Nick Saban leaving Alabama. And I'm like, my son's going to grow up without him being the coach for the football team. And I'm like, it could just it kind of tugs at my heart a little bit. No, I get that for sure. But they'll they'll enter a whole new like
00:09:59
Speaker
but I'm gonna be that old person where he's gonna be like, yeah, that talks about. My mom went to school there when Nick was there and I'm gonna be like, that's me. It's my legacy, baby.
Parental Leave Policies: U.S. vs. International
00:10:10
Speaker
It is. Well, one of the reasons I'm so like, I can't be sick today is because today is my last day of work. Nice.
00:10:22
Speaker
And I cannot tell you how much I've been looking forward. I have been busting my ass on like, and so this is, you know, a very good segue into today's topic because, you know, today's my last day of work. So I will be starting my maternity leave. And as an entrepreneur and business owner, like I don't get a maternity leave or like not a
00:10:48
Speaker
guaranteed paid one I pretty much have to like create it myself and so this I mean I don't mean to beat a dead horse here we all know this but the end of last year was really hard I had a really hard time and
00:11:04
Speaker
I feel like with Shannon's passing and like the holidays, I feel like I lost all of November and December and work was slow, which when work is slow for me, it means like less money. It means, you know, less momentum. So I just feel I was in.
00:11:24
Speaker
hyperdrive in January, trying to do as much as possible, make as much money as possible, and just set up myself to be able to take a maternity leave. And so I've been grinding, okay? You really have the fact that you went to a launch party 38 weeks pregnant. Two of them last week, two.
00:11:48
Speaker
Candace. Yeah. I don't know how I'll talk. I mean, I'm going to mention it here because I love her. But this is for my client, Karina Kilcoin, who released a book and she made the national bestsellers list. So she is a author, which is amazing. And you know her. That's and I know her. I'm her assistant. I she is incredible. She wrote a book called Rise Above the Story, which is
00:12:16
Speaker
about how to rise above your trauma and your story that you've been handed in life. She has a really interesting click life story. Cool. Go check it out on Amazon. It's called Rise Above the Story by Karina Kilkwine. Last week was her book launch. It came out last Tuesday and she was on a crazy book tour. I obviously didn't travel with her because
00:12:39
Speaker
I'm 38 weeks pregnant, but we, um, she had two book launch events here in Tampa and St. Pete. So I went to both of those at 38 plus weeks pregnant and I am exhausted. Well, yeah. I mean, I was telling you, I was like, I had Chris take Graydon everywhere, like without me. Cause I was just so tired that last month, especially two weeks before I was like, there's just no way I.
00:13:06
Speaker
Yeah, Chris took great into the fair and I was like, I can't go to the fair because I just, number one, don't want to give birth in a pig pen. For real. Fair enough. I feel like the fair might be top five worst places to give birth. Like I can't. Amongst the rusty nails. I just think about the crowd at the fair. It's they like just lay me down in the hay or cotton candy.
00:13:36
Speaker
Like it was more so. Yeah. Not only was I physically not wanting to go, like I mentally was like, I am scared to give birth anywhere other than like, I just needed to have proximity to my car at all times. So yeah. The fact that you even like drove to St. Pete and all that. That's crazy.
00:13:57
Speaker
So I just have to power through today and then if I make it through all next week, that would be crazy. I'm at the point now where I'm kind of hopeful that I make it to induction at this point because if I did, I would have a whole week of rest and that would be incredible.
00:14:19
Speaker
Just do a little nesting around the house, run the last minute errands. And this way, if it's induction day, do your hair and makeup and you're ready to go. It'll be great. Do you go at like 5 AM?
00:14:31
Speaker
Right now it's scheduled for 8 30, which is later than last time we went in. Actually, last time we were supposed to go in at 10 p.m. Yeah. And we called and they didn't have beds and they pushed it and pushed it. Finally, we got the call at like 5 30 a.m. that we could come in at seven. So that's what we did last time when I was pregnant with Alice. So we'll see. With Margo, I was going to say we called, you know, because you're supposed to call before you go in and we had a five a.m. And they're like, come on.
00:15:00
Speaker
So we get there and they're like, actually, like someone may be coming in with emergency. You might have to wait. And I was just like, Oh no, but they're like, it was a Braxton Hicks. So you get to come in and get the bed. And I was like, thank God. Oh my God. Vinnie would spiral. Vinnie hates. I was, we were like, I was kind of sad because I'm like, I know how long my inductions take. So I was like, the longer we push it, like the longer it's going to take and.
00:15:28
Speaker
Yeah, you know, it did. I kind of hope it doesn't get pushed further than 8 30 a.m. because it's kind of the same with me. I really would love to have her on the 12th. Yeah. So if we push it, there's a chance we move into the 13th, which would be fine, too, because that's Taylor Swift's number. I don't know. That's just my thinking. Yeah. And also Shannon's birthday is the 13th. I mean, not actual March, February 13th in March.
00:15:58
Speaker
But I've always associated the number 13 with Taylor Swift and Shannon, so those are two of my most favorite women. And it's the day before Halloween. I mean, Halloween. I'm obsessed. Whitney's always got Halloween on the brain. Before Valentine's Day, which is frickin'
00:16:15
Speaker
perfect for a girly girl. It's cute. It's always just pinks and reds and fun colors. I know. I'm excited about doing a little like, here's my new Valentine post. So I'm excited. Classic. I love it. I know.
00:16:32
Speaker
Um, so today we're going to talk a little bit. Well, we're going to recap a controversy that I'm sure all of you moms know about our, you know, keeping track of, we're going to talk about what went on with kite baby.
00:16:48
Speaker
And so tragic. I know. And and then we're going to talk about parental leave and maternity leave and just how behind the United States is. And I think after this episode, I would love to do a little poll on our stories.
00:17:08
Speaker
to be like, did you get a leave? How long was it? Was it paid? Just to get some real stats from our actual listeners because it is pretty crazy. So I did a lot of prep for this because I wanted to come prepared with the numbers because they're pretty staggering. And this is something, as an entrepreneur, I feel pretty,
00:17:35
Speaker
passionate about and something like it. When I think about if I wanted to put my body behind like a cause, I think trying to change the parental leave policies in the U.S. would be one thing that I would get behind and would want to percent. Candace, I think everyone listening is behind you on saying that. So yeah. So and it's so crazy how many stories I've heard from moms firsthand of like
00:18:05
Speaker
I struggled with if I could even keep my job because if I had a baby, it meant that I couldn't go back to work or I would get two weeks or we couldn't pay our bills. It's so wild that in this country, it's almost like you have to choose between having a family and making a living wage.
00:18:29
Speaker
Well don't you feel like what sparked our podcast was because we all had to like change routes totally like Shannon went stay at home mom I went part time like you started your own business like it was like a ripple effect based on US policies yeah 100% that's a super good point so we're gonna talk about kite baby first and just kind of like recap what happened I feel like a lot of people already know but in case you don't
00:18:58
Speaker
We're gonna recap
Kite Baby Controversy and Policy Updates
00:18:59
Speaker
it. We're gonna put them on blast. Yeah, we're gonna put them on blast. So I wanna start by saying that we actually, we both have loved Kite baby in the past. Sleep sacks. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, sleep sacks. I actually, I told Whitney this, I don't own any of their sleep sacks. I do have a couple that are hand-me-downs that I have gotten from other moms that like only use them a couple of times.
00:19:22
Speaker
But I have a couple of their pajamas that I love. They're so soft. I feel like they're one of the more popular baby brands, wouldn't you say? Yeah, I mean, it was something recommended to me. So it was like anything word of mouth from another mom. You're like, oh, then I'll definitely try it. The Sleepsax were the only ones that I still currently have. I have five.
00:19:48
Speaker
two in each size because Graydon had them and then I got some for Margo too. So it's like, I have a lot. I've invested some money in this company. Yeah. I also would say if you're listening to this and you have kite baby things,
00:20:05
Speaker
I've seen some videos of people throwing them away and stuff. I feel like that's extreme. We're not going to be wasteful. One of my main points in my research and all of this that we're going to get into is that Kite Baby is not in the minority here of their maternity leave policies. You'll see that they
00:20:28
Speaker
Sadly, are not the only ones who didn't offer a great parental leave policy. I think the fact that they are a baby company is what really put them in a bad light.
00:20:46
Speaker
Let's get into the recap of exactly what happened. So there was an employee at Kite Baby, her name was Marissa, and she was denied the option to work from home or the NICU after her adopted baby was born severely premature and was being treated in a hospital several hours away. So Marissa made it very clear that she never had any intention of quitting or not doing her job. She was totally willing to work through the NICU.
00:21:14
Speaker
from the NICU, which I think is an important thing to note because it's not like she was asking for just leave or paid leave. She genuinely was like, I know that I don't have leave. I'm going to work from the NICU, which is hard to do anyway.
00:21:36
Speaker
So Kite said they were unwilling to make the arrangement work and they took her notice as resignation, which is pretty crazy. That's devastating. Yeah. And to already have the stress of a baby in the NICU, I should also note that it seems like Marissa had problems having children on her own, which is why they went the adoption route. So if you really think about everything that
00:22:03
Speaker
this woman has already been through to get to this point. And now her baby's life is at risk. And like how heartbreaking. Yeah, I mean, the fact that you finally gets the baby that you've been hoping and dreaming and waiting for and they go straight to the NICU and then your boss is like, sorry, like, yeah, these circumstances don't work for us like,
00:22:32
Speaker
Sorry. And then the fact that they took it as resignation, the stress of being like, oh shit, now I don't have a job. Like, I mean, the NICU's expense. Oh my gosh, it's so expensive. Like the fact that she had to worry about her job on top of all of that is so crazy. Yeah. So like you said, the fact that it is a baby company and that they don't have a better policy
00:22:59
Speaker
is I think the wildest point to me. Right. Right. And it's actually like not even I understand that policies are necessary. Like that's the whole point of this episode is to talk about policies. But it's like also just human understanding. Like couldn't they see that her situation was abnormal and like dire and they couldn't work with her as a baby company? Like that's crazy.
00:23:26
Speaker
I'm just wondering, just thinking out loud, Kite is a newer brand in a smaller company. They just didn't have the bandwidth to allow that much time. And they're like, this is what safeguards us. But it's like, damn, these are people's lives. These are baby's lives in your hands. Show a little empathy. I don't know. I mean, man, she's- You would think they would have some perspective on it.
00:23:55
Speaker
You know what I mean? Like take yourself out of the business for a second because she wasn't she was willing to work still. It's not like that's true. You know, so the CEO issued an apology at first that was super scripted and was met with a lot of backlash. They apologize for how her parental leave was handled and communicated.
00:24:21
Speaker
After that apology was met with a bunch of backlash, she issued a second apology that was much less scripted and more from the heart, where she admitted that she was selfish and thinking about the company.
00:24:37
Speaker
and they handled it incorrectly. At that point, I kind of feel like the damage was done and the moms, they came for her. The way she was like breathing in that apology. She was she's like, she was scared. Yeah.
00:24:55
Speaker
her company was flashing before her eyes for sure and i think if there's one lesson from all of this like i i ultimately like what they did was awful i hope that there's a positive out of this that a lot of companies saw just how much of a ripple this had to moms and two people everywhere of how
00:25:15
Speaker
It affects like their business like I mean, I don't know if kite baby will ever be the same We'll see and I'm not gonna buy from them anymore. So yeah So I think a lot of businesses will take this as a lesson and so that is kind of like the recap of like the actual
00:25:35
Speaker
scandal that happened. So yesterday, Kite Baby released a statement about their updated parental leave policies, and they are as follows. After six months at Kite Baby, employees receive only four weeks of paid parental leave and up to 22 weeks unpaid for a total of six months.
00:25:58
Speaker
After 12 months at Kite Baby, employees receive eight weeks of paid parental leave and up to 44 weeks and paid for a total of one year. They said, we understand the importance of family and recognize parents' vital role in nurturing and supporting their families. With this updated policy, we aim to foster a culture of support and inclusivity while ensuring that all employees have the opportunity to be present during important moments in their lives.
00:26:25
Speaker
So this was met with also a sour taste. They need to stop. Stop. Honestly, they need to just do less. Say less. Like it's getting worse. It's getting worse. Everything they do, it's just making it worse. I don't know if you saw, but on that post, they turned off the comments and like they have for like a while, but people will go like, I guess you can only do a certain.
00:26:55
Speaker
I don't know but there's like people down from like January 6th that are like you blah blah blah blah and so I'll go and read those from time to time just to get a chuckle yeah it's crazy so I mean only four weeks paid leave is pretty minimal um yeah I yeah that's horrible your child's not figured out like oh my god the stress like
00:27:19
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know. I just like you're not you're also not sleeping and you're supposed to function on zero sleep while trying to figure out your baby and like what if they need to switch to form formula and they're not reacting well like That is fucking crazy
00:27:35
Speaker
No. So if you think like as moms, we know how brutal that postpartum period is, regardless of if it's adopted, if you birthed it out of your vagina, if you birthed it through C-section, no matter how you bring a baby into your home, that first. I'm going to go as far and say 12 weeks, honestly, is so brutal.
00:28:01
Speaker
So we're talking about physical healing, bleeding, being in diapers, large incisions, like stitches, all of that stuff, like physical healing. We're talking about crazy hormone changes from after having a baby. You've heard baby blues. I feel like I didn't know that was real until I had a baby.
00:28:26
Speaker
Your hormones are just wild after a nurse would look at me sideways and I would burst into tears. Like I was an unwell person. Yeah. Lack of sleep, figuring out breastfeeding or just feeding in general, like stress, your baby has reflux, which is super common or colic or.
00:28:50
Speaker
whatever, there's so many nuances with feeding and figuring out what is gonna work for your baby. Like. It truly goes against everything you're naturally, your body's naturally supposed to be doing. You're supposed to be nurturing this child. And when you can't financially cover a certain amount of time, it's just like, okay, I guess I have to go back to work or I'm gonna lose my job and then I'm gonna lose,
00:29:20
Speaker
my mortgage and it's just like a spiral and it's so sad that we have to live like that. But for real, it's so sad. So another thing is just the absolute. Yeah, for real. The absolute necessity of bonding with your baby. Like that's in a lot of countries. I learned in my research a lot of this time in other countries, like it's not even called parental leave. It's called bonding leave because they want you to bond with your baby.
00:29:50
Speaker
And I think it's really interesting. Research shows that parental leave is beneficial for not only short term in infancy, but also in longer term outcomes. So that's like higher education and higher wages for children as they grow up. Like it's directly related, which I think is really interesting.
00:30:09
Speaker
It is. Yeah. So tell me, did you, did it come up like what countries do what or? Yes. So this is super interesting. So I'm going to start with, I'm going to start with talking about the U S because that's like, I want to give you some stats. Yeah. It's a dumpster fire. We're free though. Thank you. I want to.
00:30:32
Speaker
We are the wealthiest country in the world. Okay. Every article I read makes that very clear. I'm going to hit you with some stats. Only one in four working people in the United States have any paid leave at all. And that paid leave is all from the private employer, not from the government at all.
00:30:55
Speaker
One in four people. As it stands right now, we are only one of six countries in the world that guarantee no form of paid parental leave. And nearly half of the workforce in the US does not even have guaranteed of unpaid leave, which is pretty crazy. What the hell is that about?
00:31:15
Speaker
Yeah, like if you look at the other six countries, it's like New Guinea. It's so crazy. Like third world countries, obviously like they don't have paid, but the US is one of six, only six countries.
00:31:32
Speaker
Are we that obsessed with work that we just have to stay out there grinding? What's the deal? So I listened in my research for this episode. I listened to a short clip of a woman who I actually am going to link her resources at the end of the show notes of this episode. But she talked about all of the actual benefits
00:31:57
Speaker
that would happen for companies if they did offer parental leave. It's like higher retention, less turnover, like higher employee engagement. Like if people genuinely like their jobs and feel respected, like it overall in a large way benefits the company. It's like crazy that they don't see that, you know?
00:32:21
Speaker
Well, it's like I don't know if I don't know. People forget that this is such a crucial time in someone's life, like starting a family. And I don't know if it's that when people get older, they forget that that's part of the life, but.
00:32:36
Speaker
Everyone goes through it at some point, hopefully, if they want kids. And it just it resonates across the board that it's something that we desperately need to be better at. Yeah, I feel like my company, they just upped theirs to 12 weeks, which was fabulous because with Graydon, I got eight. So in the two years, I it had changed. And then I took two weeks on vacation on top of that. So I had 14 weeks with this time with Margo.
00:33:05
Speaker
And it still didn't feel like enough, but I felt like I was a little more mentally prepared compared to Graydon. Yeah, I've been saying that a lot as I prepare for this maternity leave. When I was preparing last time, I feel like you just have no idea what your life is going to look like on the other side of that first baby. You think you're like, oh, I'm going to go back to work because that's all I've known and I'll be fine.
00:33:33
Speaker
And like, okay. I know what, I know what to expect a little bit unless Evie comes out and she is just, I'm not, I'm not even saying it out loud. That's a man. I'm not, I'm manifesting a beautiful, not crying. Margo screamed and Chris and I looked at each other like,
Entrepreneurial Maternity Leave Challenges
00:33:54
Speaker
Like when she first came out, she cried for like three hours straight and we both were like, oh, fuck. And now she's like, so chill. That's so funny. She was just angry about being here for a little bit. She was hungry. I found out my milk hadn't come in, didn't come in for five days. So I was like, oh, you were getting dust, girl. I'm so sorry. She was starving. You were getting dust. Oh my God, that's funny. But yeah, you just don't even know what your life is gonna look like on the other side of that first one. So it's like,
00:34:24
Speaker
You're not prepared. It's hard. It's so hard. And it's like that first day you're without them. Like there's no other experience like that. Another mom can't like understand. But yeah, it's so heartbreaking and sad. It's just unnatural feeling.
00:34:41
Speaker
100% the amount of TikToks I saw of like moms documenting their first day back to work. I saw so many videos and like the intense like feelings and heartbreak not only that like all these moms preparing all their pumps to take with them to work and like
00:35:00
Speaker
It's just so much physical and mental strain on moms to have to be forced back to work when we are not ready. And even then, a lot of these moms, even the leave they have taken is unpaid.
00:35:20
Speaker
So I've seen where it's like people are some, that's a Reddit article where it's like you as a woman have to like make this mental switch in your head of disconnect just to be able to function at work. Like you have to mentally block
00:35:36
Speaker
everything that's telling you to go home and be with your baby and you're like no this is for the greater good or whatever they'll be fine when it's just like it doesn't feel good yeah that you have to do not at all so
00:35:52
Speaker
So, you know, I said this in the beginning of this episode or sometime a little bit earlier, but, you know, everyone is coming after Kite baby for this and definitely like they needed to do better. They needed to, they needed to change their policy and even the policy they came out with is like not the best.
00:36:13
Speaker
But this is not only an employer issue, this is a government issue. So like I said, we're only one of six countries and it's because all of the pressure to provide parental leave now is on the companies, like the private companies. And all of these other countries have government paid
00:36:33
Speaker
parental leave and so they are supporting their company's families. So I'm going to list off some other or some other countries like paid leave that they offer because it's pretty crazy. Tell me where we need to move. Okay. Well, there's a lot of options here. We got options. The first one is super far. So I don't know if we want to go there, but New Zealand, they get 26 weeks paid.
00:37:00
Speaker
I'll be a QE. Let's ride. Yeah. Sweden. 480 days paid. Oh my God. Yeah. So like two, almost two years, right? No. Yeah. Almost two years. Yeah. Year and a half, something like that. Year and a half.
00:37:16
Speaker
Mm hmm. Japan, 14 weeks paid. Australia, 18 weeks paid. Brazil, 120 days paid. Norway, 69 weeks paid. India, 26 weeks paid. UK, 39 weeks paid.
00:37:36
Speaker
These are just, um, I mean, these are only what, like eight or nine countries that that's an example. So it's crazy. Like right now there is no U S federal law that provides a right to paid family or medical leave. I know. Um, one of my girlfriends, she works remote now, but her company is based out of California and she has six months leave. And I was like, uh,
00:38:01
Speaker
Kathy's got that together at least. That is so nice. I don't know if it's a California thing, but it seems like it would be because they're just cool like that over there. I was just like, oh my God, that's fabulous. I've been panicked about this maternity leave that I'm preparing for right now just because
00:38:22
Speaker
with alice like i was so prepared but i didn't have a toddler like i was the time i had the time to like i mean i had thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars saved i had been you know training uh someone to take over for me for months
00:38:40
Speaker
I had so much time to prepare and I went into that maternity feeling so prepared. I only took eight weeks, which was not enough. Funny enough, I said all the time, I'm like, if I have another baby, I'm going to take at least 12. Lo and behold, this time around, I think I can only take eight based on
00:39:05
Speaker
It'll be like eight or nine. But I've been really stressed about this maternity leave because I just have had a hard end of last year. And I actually did some research. I'm like, are there any options for entrepreneurs? Is there any state funding, anything like that? There are only, I believe it's like nine states who offer some state paid, Florida's not one of them as you can imagine. Dang it.
00:39:35
Speaker
Not with DeSantis as our governor. Are you kidding me?
00:39:39
Speaker
So this guy with his healed boots. So Florida is not one of them. California is. So that's probably part of that. Like a lot of the time in California, you can pair the state paid leave with your private employers paid leave. So higher taxes, but better maternity leave. I know. We can choose here.
00:40:07
Speaker
But when I think back to going back to work at eight weeks, like, I feel like I was unfit to work at eight weeks. Like, I was a zombie. I was not OK. You I mean, you split your time. You said you felt you were always split. Like you were splitting a mom split at work. You were never giving 100 percent to either like. And since you're kind of in the same situation this time, like.
00:40:32
Speaker
What are you going to do? Yeah, this time around I feel a little bit clearer in that I
00:40:41
Speaker
I'm going to ease back into work rather than being like, today's the day I'm back to work. I agree. I'm going to try and slowly integrate that back in. And also, I just feel a little bit more comfortable this time around just because I kind of know what to expect. There is a level there of security, I guess, of knowing what to expect. Yeah. I will say.
00:41:08
Speaker
If we do have a third, which is still on the table, I think maybe, um, I think I might start prepping for maternity before we even get pregnant. Like I might, I, like I need this time around, like with my panic of like getting ready. I think I've learned that like, it's so much better to do it slowly, slowly, slowly, like throughout the nine months rather than like cramming it in. Um, so.
00:41:37
Speaker
I don't know. I mean, you live and you learn. I learned a lot about like prepping for this maternity leave and I don't know. It'll be, I'm going to give myself more grace this time and try. Also, I will say my clients that I have now are much better of much. What's the word?
00:41:58
Speaker
Yeah, they're just better at respecting boundaries than the clients I had when I came back with Alice. I think that I'm just going to hold those boundaries strong when I do come back to be like, I work from 9 to 4.30 or whatever those hours are. I will not be answering you after that and trying to hold those strong.
00:42:28
Speaker
You'll be amazing. I feel like it. Are you going to be taking them both to your moms or are they going to stay with you?
00:42:37
Speaker
as long as Evie is breastfeeding or I'm pumping, she will probably be here, but I will have my she shed. So I'll be able to like separate myself. I think that was a big change. I don't know if you remember, obviously this is now the playroom at my house was my office. So there was no separation.
00:43:04
Speaker
When I came back to work with Alice, I was sitting there at my desk while my mom was holding Alice on the couch. So I was just constantly like, I see you. I see you over there. But having a little backhouse and my little she shed that I'll be able to focus on, I feel like I'll be able to be more productive and get work done quicker.
00:43:26
Speaker
I can't wait to see what you end up doing. Are you going to be a breastfeeding mama?
Breastfeeding and Travel Plans
00:43:33
Speaker
I don't know. I really want to this time around strictly for Europe.
00:43:38
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Because the thought of having to pump and store milk and do all of that while we're in Europe is really daunting to me. So I would just love a baby that is an amazing nurse or that I can just whip out my titty and give her some milk rather than having to pump all the time.
00:44:00
Speaker
But we'll see, Alice was not into it, so we'll see, but I don't know, we'll see. Hey, and you can just be topless in Paris and just... I know, right? Who cares? I'll never see these people again. Well, I don't think it's frowned upon, so... Good. That's my... You'll find this funny wit. So my child is obsessed with being naked, and I'm like, girl, you are your mother's child. If you know me,
00:44:30
Speaker
I would be naked all the time if someone let me like. This is my most naked friend for sure. For sure. Like if you were on my bachelorette party, I was naked the whole time. Like I feel like I know what your body looks like more than mine. Well, maybe not anymore. It looks a lot different than my bachelorette party. I'll tell you that.
00:44:52
Speaker
Oh, no one wants to see what I got going on. I always I always say like if I were to get super famous somehow, like those videos and pictures would surface. And it's like, I don't know what to tell you, mom. So like you look amazing. Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
Candace's Humor and Paid Leave Advocacy
00:45:08
Speaker
So now that now that my body looks like this, I would probably look back at that body and be like, damn, girl.
00:45:14
Speaker
Put him up on the billboards, honestly. Yeah, let's make baseball cards of those or something. But now, when I went Alice loves being naked, she'll literally be like, Mama, naked. And she wants to take off her clothes and run around. I'm like, she is my child. She really is. Just like me, he's so modest. He wants to stay on all the time. He'll kind of do it like in the summer. He'll run around in the backyard naked. But he's a modest man.
00:45:43
Speaker
Hmm. I wonder if he'll like a naked lady like probably. He's seeming to be a guy's guy, so probably. OK, I just want to share one. There is an amazing resource called it's a nonprofit called Paid Leave for All. That is an amazing resource for
00:46:09
Speaker
how to get involved if you want to take a stand for government paid leave. I will link their website in the show notes of this episode. I highly recommend you go over there and check it out. I learned so much from their site. I also learned so much about how you can get involved.
00:46:29
Speaker
how you can reach out to your government to do something about it. There are even like letters of like sample letters of like how to reach out to your company. If you are struggling and need more leave, there's
00:46:44
Speaker
Q&A things about like FMLA and like I feel like that's something when you do get pregnant and you learn that maybe your company doesn't have like the best leave policy like you want to know your options. I highly recommend checking out this site and I think it will help a lot of people and hopefully you know we can change
00:47:09
Speaker
Change the tides here in USA.
Podcast Closing and Gratitude
00:47:12
Speaker
Pick a fence, people. Just kidding. Yeah. I really appreciate you gathering all this information. This was very insightful. Thanks. I felt like I was doing a research paper, but I was like something I was actually interested in. So you got an A plus. Oh, my God. Thank you.
00:47:29
Speaker
All right. Well, I'm going to go and hopefully not get the flu. And this is my and have one last productive day at work. Good juju for you, you. All right. Love you. Love you. Bye.
00:47:45
Speaker
Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right, gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.