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31: Recapping What The Next Generation Needs From Adults
235 Plays3 years ago
Ryan Pfendler and Jill Devine have been talking with high schoolers about their faith walk. In this recap episode, Ryan and Jill discussed what they learned over the last few episodes. In addition, Ryan provided some practical tips for parents with teenagers.
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Transcript
Introduction and Jill's Journey with Faith
00:00:00
Speaker
The following podcast is a Jill Devine Media production. Christianity has become known for judgy people, strange words, ancient stories, confusing rules, and a members-only mindset. This is why I stayed away from the church for so long, but it's not supposed to be that way. I'm Jill Devine, a former radio personality with three tattoos, a love for a good tequila, and who's never read the entire Bible.
Podcast Focus: Faith and Real Life
00:00:24
Speaker
Yet here I am hosting a podcast about faith. The Normal Goes Along Way podcast is your home for real conversations with real people using real language about how faith and real life intersect.
Understanding Teen Faith: With Ryan Finler
00:00:37
Speaker
Welcome to the conversation.
00:00:41
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of normal goes a long way. I'm your host still divine here with Ryan Finler. And for about the last couple months, we've been really focused on the faith of the next generation. We talked about ages zero all the way through high school in multiple episodes. And I just wanted to get Ryan on to kind of get
00:01:09
Speaker
your perspective on specifically these high schoolers that we talked to. I know that you interviewed all of them. I was there with you, but did you listen back again to kind of, because sometimes when you're in the moment and you're interviewing, you might miss something or you're just so in it and then later you're like, wait, what did we talk about?
00:01:32
Speaker
Yes, yes. You know, you listen back through it and you realize, oh, this person brought something up that I wish I'd dug into more, but, you know, they say something and then you think in the back of your mind, oh, I should ask them about that. And then they say something else.
00:01:47
Speaker
And so you got to ask them about that. And then before you realize it, you miss your chance. And the episode's done. Right. It's five hours later. Right. So personally, I found it super helpful this episode because there were things about these students that I, as much as I do know them, there are things I learned about them that I didn't know. And so things that they discussed on the podcast that I hadn't heard before were awesome to hear. And then the follow-up conversations later were also really
Impact of the Podcast Series on Jill
00:02:16
Speaker
good. So.
00:02:17
Speaker
OK, so that's kind of what I want to dive into. I will say this. I mean, we again, this podcast is still fairly new. We are only about 30 episodes in. Let me double check that really fast. I don't want to say the wrong. Yeah, we were 30 episodes in. This is episode 31. And I have gotten some great feedback. But I will say that this whole series
00:02:47
Speaker
has really brought a lot of great feedback and a lot of questioning from myself to you and just really trying to kind of set myself up as now a leader in ministry and then even with my kiddos. Now, I know that you talk to high schoolers on the podcast and I have a three and a five-year-old,
00:03:09
Speaker
They're going to be teenagers one day, so I want to be prepared, too. So before we get into that, I do want to let the listener know if you have no idea what we're talking about.
Insights from Teen Interviews
00:03:18
Speaker
The last few episodes, Ryan sat down with some of his high school students that come to his ministry. But this is definitely
00:03:31
Speaker
worldview. I don't know if that's the right word to use, but it's not just specific to where Ryan and I work. These are what the teenagers are thinking. These are what they are saying. Of course, it's going to be a little different in different states and cities, but we really tapped into
00:03:46
Speaker
what they want to know, what they wish they knew, what they want adults to know. So I encourage you to take a listen to the last three episodes. We had girls on, we had guys on, we had private school kids on, we had public school kids on, and we had a teacher. So that's kind of the background to what Ryan and I are going to dig into. Before we start going into
00:04:11
Speaker
big questions I would like to say this I don't know if you did since you are with these kids more than me, but I had some preconceived Notions I guess I should say about
00:04:27
Speaker
the episodes, which I think a lot of times people do, and you are always proven wrong usually, and that's what happened to me. I did not think that I was going to hear such maturity. I didn't know if they would be as open as I would like for them to be, and they were. It just, every episode blew me away.
00:04:55
Speaker
I'm curious, what did you think you were going to hear? Like if you could give a model of what the conversation you expected was going to happen, what did you think it was going to be more of?
00:05:09
Speaker
immaturity, especially with the guys. And I will say this, and you've told me this too, one of the guys, Gus, you guys all, everybody tells me Gus is so funny. He's amazing. I love Gus, like adults, teenagers. Everybody loves Gus. But the one thing about Gus is he's so funny. So I was really anticipating a jokester when he came in.
00:05:36
Speaker
And oh my gosh. Um, he blew me away because he really wasn't a jokester and you agree with that, don't you?
Complexity of Teenagers
00:05:45
Speaker
Yeah. Oh yeah. And maybe the one who put it best. Okay. When we were talking to Ivy about being a pastor's kid and she was talking about how people put kids like her into a category of either you're a good kid or a bad kid. Yeah. Good pastor's kid or a bad pastor's kid. And honestly, we do that with every kid and
00:06:06
Speaker
you know, you could even do it with Gus. Oh, Gus is funny. And boys are immature. But then you realize that, oh, people are complex. And you might see one side of them 90% of the time, but that other side of them is still there. It just doesn't come out all the time. And I think I really definitely saw that in the guys conversation. I wasn't expecting as much
00:06:33
Speaker
openness and straightforwardness from them. Yeah, I felt that with all of them, actually, again, you know, this is something you talked about with the guys how in a small group environment, sometimes deep questions are tough. But they talked about how, you know, they do think about them, even if they're not answering you, they are thinking about what you say to them. And that conversation with them on the podcast, I thought, Oh, man, they do have those deeper thoughts.
00:07:02
Speaker
And maybe they don't express that all the time on Sunday nights, but they are there and they're just thinking on them. And maybe that's a, that's just how guys work. I can be that way. My husband is, my husband is very, like you can, don't ask him a question and expect him to, if it's complex, like he needs to think because he'll end up saying something that he, not that he doesn't necessarily mean, but he just wants to think a little bit.
00:07:30
Speaker
Yeah, I've actually started telling you know in more one on one conversations with students or people. Sometimes I will just sit there and say I am not going to give you my response today because I would rather give you the right response or what I feel is right rather than what I'm thinking right now because like reacting.
00:07:49
Speaker
Exactly. I might think on this just a little more. And so I'd rather give them a fuller, more complete thought than how I'm reacting in the moment. And so with those guys, I think it's it's it's similar. You know, they'd rather they want to figure it out before they speak.
Parenting Teenagers
00:08:06
Speaker
The other thing that I really
00:08:10
Speaker
was kind of blown away about is not that they feel like they're know-it-alls but they do understand that they are teenagers and they do understand that they make stupid mistakes and maybe say stupid things but that's part of the process and that's what we need to kind of figure out so that's kind of
00:08:37
Speaker
One of the main reasons why I wanted to do this recap episode with you, because I want to have kind of, I don't want to say brutal, but I want to have a really direct conversation as if you are talking to a mother or a father who has teenagers. Because listen.
00:08:57
Speaker
i know how frustrating it is with littles and i keep hearing how frustrating it's going to be when i have teenagers and i remember what it was like to be a teenager but there is something there and there is something that.
00:09:13
Speaker
the kids are looking for from their parents now, maybe. And I think sometimes, you know, it's mom and dad, we aren't going to really answer all their questions or talk to them about everything. But if we can at least set parents up to maybe extend that hand a little bit so that their kids know, that's what I want to dive into today. Looking back on all of those conversations,
00:09:42
Speaker
there were kids who were ready to grow up quicker than others and kids who are wanting life to slow down a little. And there were kids who were really excited and passionate about their faith and what they believed in and kids who were more thoughtful and reserved. And so I just think that the struggle with people and I'm guessing parents feel the same way as you're looking for the right answer. And honestly, you know, as
00:10:12
Speaker
my wife and I, Jess and I talk about future kids. Like, what's the right answer for their schooling? You know, here we are talking about kids that don't exist yet. And we're trying to figure out the right route for them to go to school. And I realized that, man, each of these kids is unique in their own way. And what's right for one might not be right for the other. And one might be ready to grow up faster than the rest. And to them, you say, hey, slow down a little and remember that you're still a teenager.
Schooling Choices: Public vs. Private
00:10:39
Speaker
And to others you're like, you know, they're like, I wish life would slow down a bit. Maybe to them you say, okay, but life is happening and maybe some decisions need to be made. And so let's work on that. And so, you know, um, there's not one broad answer here. So, okay. You were just saying that you and Jess were having the conversation about schooling. And I'm interested in that because that was a huge topic and in, and I don't,
00:11:08
Speaker
I don't know, did we get this idea too from, especially Ivy, but that maybe the private versus public school debate slash divide is more of a Midwestern thing? I got kind of confused by that because I definitely understand that it's different in different segments of the country. Do you feel the same? Yeah, I would definitely say so.
00:11:35
Speaker
Anecdotally speaking from my own life, what happened at private schools and whether or not you should send your kids them was very low key where I grew up. It was not a major part of the conversation. There weren't.
00:11:49
Speaker
big parental debates about which to send your kid to. Now, also in the East Coast, though, we have charter schools, which are kind of like private schools or public schools, designed, disguised as private schools. So it's like a public school curriculum, but in a smaller school setting and it's free. I mean, I went to one of those. And so you walk in, they've got the uniforms and they've got a smaller setting, but you're getting public school curriculum.
00:12:15
Speaker
You know, every culture is different. I would say that what we see here in St. Louis is a microcosm. This isn't the rule. I don't think across the country people are having as intense of a debate as we are here, but there are private schools around the country.
00:12:31
Speaker
I am facing that now as a parent with five and three year old and never, and I've said this before, never ever considered sending them to a private Christian school. Some of it obviously has to do with me working at the church that's with the school.
00:12:57
Speaker
I feel like when I'm talking to people and they ask me why, that I need to be more confident in my answer. And I mean, honestly, it should be like, well, that's my husband and my decision. So that's all that matters. But that doesn't ever happen. There's a, well, what about this? What about that? What about this? And so I told you before we even set up this recording, like,
00:13:26
Speaker
I don't, if I'm challenged, I want to be confident and this is with everything in life, but I want to be confident with my decision and I want to be confident with what I say. And I think right now what the divide is
00:13:43
Speaker
or maybe the challenge is, oh, well, you send your kid to a Christian school and they are going to love Jesus even more, or no, you send them there and they're going to get so sick of Jesus and learning about all this stuff and you're doing it wrong. And it's just, why? I don't know.
00:14:07
Speaker
Which, I'm curious, which is there a particular group that is really coming at you with these questions or is it people from all sides? I mean, probably more of individuals who either work in the public school district or that's where they send their kids.
00:14:27
Speaker
They don't necessarily understand why Brian and I would choose to send our kids to a private Christian school when we have a great school district for free. That's their question for you is, is why would you spend money on this when we're providing something great? And are you saying that they work for that district too?
00:14:50
Speaker
Not necessarily that district. They know of the district or that they don't understand or they say that, you know, your child's not going to get a great education in a private Christian school versus a public school.
00:15:05
Speaker
And I think that there are pros and cons to both. And one of the things for Brian and I was was the faith component. And I think that that comes out, too, in in character as well, that you might get on a private school versus a public school. But that's it's more than that. I mean, yeah.
00:15:31
Speaker
It's very, very, very divided. Right. Right. You know, it's so funny. This just reminds me that the right way to someone is whatever way they oftentimes. So because this is what I did, this is the right way. This is because this is how I raise my kids. This is the right way. And so
00:15:53
Speaker
There are gonna be private school people that put those questions on you and put some pressure on you And there's sounds like there's public school people right now. Maybe Asking you these questions and you know, they're like my kids are going through the school system, you know And so I think as people we just we defend what we've done to our own kids And for some reason we take it personally when someone does something differently Right, you know I am So I'll talk about
00:16:24
Speaker
Jessica and I, she homeschooled. So that's a, by the way, that's a side we haven't even really talked about. Oh, that's a whole other side. Yeah. But she was raised homeschooled. I was raised public K through 12. And then I forget, I did go to a private college. I went to a private Christian school for college. And so I do know what the private school experience is like.
00:16:50
Speaker
And so, you know, I've had my experiences in those two worlds. She's had her experience in the homeschool world. And even in the homeschool world, when her mom took her younger siblings and put them in a public school, it was like the biggest drama
00:17:09
Speaker
out in, you know, Warren County, Missouri. I mean, because this, you know, this was a Christian family in a rural area that put their kids in a public school. And unfortunately, you know, there's just as much pressure there. And so there will always be people, maybe this is what I would say, Jill, there's always going to be people that tell you that
00:17:35
Speaker
If they're doing it differently, they're going to tell you that they're always better. And so know that that's a bias, their own bias. And I think you said it best, there are pros and cons to each.
Communication with Teenagers
00:17:50
Speaker
I hope in this conversation with these teenagers, anyone listening and you realize that you can put your skit kids
00:18:00
Speaker
in a public school or private school, and they can grow up with a mature, articulate, life-changing faith. And we heard that from all sides. And so that encouraged me. I think it just comes down to, what are you willing to deal with, so to speak? There's going to be pros and cons in both environments. Would you rather deal with the struggles
00:18:28
Speaker
inherent in a public school or do you feel more equipped? Maybe that's a better way of putting it. Do you as a parent feel more equipped to deal with the struggles of a public school or do you feel more equipped to deal with the struggles of a private school? And then what is a kid themselves feeling more equipped to do?
00:18:45
Speaker
going back to that initial thought process for this episode, as a parent, and then this obviously is a podcast about faith, but as a parent to a teenager, and they come down to you and they say, Ryan,
00:19:05
Speaker
I do know because when we talk to these teenagers, they weren't just talking about faith. They were talking about their life. But how and what do you say to parents that
00:19:19
Speaker
are parents of teenagers and they are so confused on how they talk with their child, what they do. I want to hear these tips. I want to hear from you because you are in it and I will say this too and I said it in several of the episodes with the kids. Those
00:19:40
Speaker
Teenagers trust you you are able to connect with them. So what you tell a parent Truly, I would say it is like something you need to listen to and really trust Ryan because he You you you are in it. They really do trust you and so I mean I know that I would go to you if I had teenagers and say
00:20:04
Speaker
give it to me. Tell me the hard truth. I need to know because you are really, really connected with these kids.
00:20:11
Speaker
Well, thank you for saying that. And honestly, it amazes me how many times I will make a side comment that I will later on hear a student quote me as saying, and I'm like, you heard me and you listened to me and you kept that in your head and now you're using it in your own conversations. Sometimes I'm blown away at how much these kids listen to me. I don't try to
00:20:41
Speaker
be the type of person who's like, everything I say is right, but I think as an adult, as a Christian leader, and I think teachers have a similar role. We are these adult presences that are there in their lives that they trust and listen to, and they maybe listen to us more than we think if they trust us on a certain level. And so, man, it just reminds me of the power of those words.
00:21:06
Speaker
I have to separate in this conversation, what is good for Ryan, the student minister to do, and what is good for a parent to do. And the roles are different. And as much as they listen to me and will trust what I say in certain things, I'm not their parent. And what works for me wouldn't necessarily work for a parent and vice versa.
00:21:28
Speaker
And so this is where, you know, sometimes I feel a little out of my depth because I haven't had that experience yet and of being a parent. So your question is... Tell me how to deal with it. Well, and something that I always say in my other podcast is I like to have as many tools as I can in my
00:21:54
Speaker
Toolbox and so if that means that my child does not feel comfortable talking to me then Then I would have you I'm just using you as an example as another tool for my child to talk to and for me to talk to I mean
00:22:11
Speaker
I am learning too in working in ministry, we are therapists. That doesn't necessarily mean that we are qualified, but to have a listening ear and to be able to provide that advice. You're the tool. You're the tool between
00:22:31
Speaker
the child and the parent. If I'm a parent coming to you and saying, how the heck do I connect with my kid? How do I do all the things? That's what I'd like to hear from you based on your conversations with the teenagers and your experience. What do parents need to know?
00:22:54
Speaker
I think in the podcast and some of the episodes, we said this more than the others, that listening is important and being patient and that listening is reciprocal. If you want your kids to listen to you, you should listen to them. But I would also say that parents should speak up and should speak into their kids. I put it this way. Kids don't need their parents to be a dictator.
00:23:23
Speaker
And they don't need their parents to be for silence. They need their parents for guidance. And so, you know, a dictator is someone that gives, you know, directs them and tells them everything they need to do and doesn't give them the space to be themselves. Well, that doesn't seem to be healthy. And statistics and studies would prove that.
00:23:43
Speaker
being silent and sitting back and leading, or not leading, I should say, sitting back and being silent and trying to let a young person figure everything out for themselves also doesn't seem to work very well. I think listening to your kid, speaking at the right times and in the right ways, maybe we just go back to what Jesus said, which is speak the truth in love or speak the truth with love.
00:24:13
Speaker
Is your motivation to speak to your kids for you to be right back to those parents that are maybe putting pressure on you to put your kids through a certain school system? Are they doing that because they really want your kids to succeed or are they just wanting themselves to be right? Well, when we talk to our kids, is our motivation for us to be right?
00:24:36
Speaker
you know, and for them to hear what's right from us or is our motivation that we love them and want what's best for them. And son or daughter, what I think is best for you is this I've heard what you've said, and I understand it. And I empathize with it.
00:24:55
Speaker
And then we speak into that after those two steps. Listen, empathize, remember that you were probably there at one point in your life too, but then also speak. And oftentimes that door will be opened in those conversations. Sometimes I, again, this is youth student minister Ryan.
00:25:16
Speaker
But in these conversations with students that are deeper, I'll say, OK, are you sharing this with me? Do you just want to be heard right now or do you want me to speak into this? They've always said they want me to speak into it. But I try to give them that permission. Like, hey, are you OK with me speaking into this right now? And maybe as a parent, that works.
00:25:41
Speaker
If you've been trying to have a certain conversation for two years and they won't let you speak into it, at some point I think maybe it's time for you as a parent to say, hey, whether you're ready for it or not, here it is. The way you're living in this way isn't healthy and I know it's not healthy. But trying various methods like that I think could be helpful. Speaking, recognizing when the doors open when you're talking to your kids and then speaking into it then.
00:26:07
Speaker
Well, one thing I was confused about in the conversations with all the teenagers, I think all of them did say when you asked what they were looking for from adult leaders that they wanted us to definitely listen.
00:26:28
Speaker
But they also said they wanted us to be able to relate to them and be relatable in the sense of hearing their experiences and us providing our experiences. But then I got confused because they also were like, well, we also don't want you to be like, well, back when I did it, it was this, this, this and this and go on and on and on and on. Well, how am I supposed to provide
00:26:54
Speaker
the way I experience something and can relate to you if you don't really want me to talk like
Empathy and Understanding Teenagers
00:27:01
Speaker
that. Did I misunderstand that? Or I'm just trying to figure out how I can be relatable and share my experience, but also in a way that's going to be effective.
00:27:13
Speaker
You know, if have you been through heartbreak, Jill? Of course. OK, so when a teenager goes through a breakup, you remember what that was like. Yeah. You know, I think we have to just occasionally bring ourselves back to those moments where we went through something.
00:27:31
Speaker
similar. It doesn't mean that, okay, I process it this way. So you should also process it this way. Tune into more of the how you felt and what you were going through during those times. And maybe say, Hey, you know, something I found helpful during this time was this. Let's say I'm talking to a student about boundaries, okay, whether it's relational or lifestyle boundaries,
00:27:59
Speaker
I will say I'll affirm that it's good for them to seek boundaries and maybe I'll speak and say, hey, I had to set a boundary once. When I started being more serious with Jess, it changed relationships with certain girls I used to talk to and that's good.
00:28:18
Speaker
And then I'll try to say, Hey, for you, you know, I would encourage you to figure out what are the boundaries you're looking for? You know, if you're dating someone, what are the boundaries that you two can agree on? Um, so kind of saying, Hey, here's how I did it, but also giving them space to figure it out for themselves. And so they've heard what I've done, but they have a space to make it their own. And so.
00:28:42
Speaker
When it comes to empathizing, I think it's remembering that place you were in and not being afraid to share what that was like for you, but also not, you can describe what you went through, but don't prescribe for them what they should do as a result, you know? If they're going through grief, there's similarities, but they're not going to grieve the same way. And, you know, that's true of so many other situations.
00:29:11
Speaker
Um, I guess that's what I do. That's, that's just what I do. Yeah. Well, and I thought of an example when you were talking and my sister had told me this, she has an 18 year old son and a 27 year old son. And, um, she had told me that, so when my oldest nephew went through his first heartbreak,
00:29:36
Speaker
I don't know exactly what my sister said they did, but she was like, we kind of dismissed it. We kind of were like, you know, you're a boy and you're going to have lots of ladies and fish in the sea. And then she said with her youngest, she said, she goes, I realized I made a mistake with his older brother that when he, when the youngest went through his heartbreak,
00:30:04
Speaker
She said, oh, he's experiencing heartbreak. It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl. Heartbreak is heartbreak. She had told me that I realized I failed our older son when I dismissed it or however it was, especially then with the youngest.
00:30:26
Speaker
Okay, just because you're a guy doesn't mean you can't have the feelings and that has resonated with me because it is one of those things that as a parent, it is easy for us to be like, I've been through that and I know that things are going to be okay. Well, like you said, going back into that moment, you did not think things were going to be okay. I mean, I thought the world was ending. I thought I was never going to get out of bed again.
00:30:57
Speaker
that is a really good lesson to remind yourself of and also just the the little like tell me more or that's interesting because there are going to be times too when you create this relationship with your child they're going to say something that you definitely want to react to but when you do that you start shutting the door so you have to be like bite my lip tell me more i'd like to know more about that so
00:31:20
Speaker
I think.
00:31:26
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Great. An example that just from these conversations with the students, Audrey shared in her episode that she was going through some faith questions in her life. And that was something I wish I'd dug into a little more in the podcast. But I let her share what she was saying and then followed up with her a few weeks later and said, by the way, you said you had some questions. What are those questions? And she clarified that with me because a faith question could be anything from
00:31:56
Speaker
I don't know if God's real to, you know, I don't believe that this book of the Bible is divinely inspired. I mean, like there's so many, part of having those like follow-up conversations is clarifying what they mean when they say
Teenagers' Faith Journey
00:32:12
Speaker
that. So oftentimes I assume they mean one thing and then I dig a little deeper and they are actually talking about something entirely different.
00:32:21
Speaker
So how did that conversation go with you and Audrey? I mean, you don't have to share what she said since she's not here to talk about it. But was she appreciative? Or was she? Yeah, I think she was. I'll follow up with her. Or maybe you can follow up with her and see what you think. But I yeah, I thought it was good. You know, her questions are more of like,
00:32:44
Speaker
you know, the on the emotional side of her faith, why don't I feel God a certain way, like I see other people feeling him. And we talked through that. And I said some stuff, I walked away, and then I came back because, as I said before, sometimes my mind works a little slow. And I realized that, you know, I tried to affirm her walk where it is now. And I, you know, we talked about how, hey, emotionally, maybe you'll experience God emotionally different in the next stage of your life, maybe that's going to come in college.
00:33:14
Speaker
And I also affirmed her and said, what if God's giving you the gift of stability right now? Because emotionally connecting to God is great, and I've been there before. But sometimes those emotions, you know, it's in scripture, it says that like your emotions can cause you to go, you know, can carry you like the wind, taking you from one place to the next. And I just said, what if God's giving you a gift of stability right now? And I've had people in my life
00:33:43
Speaker
you know, spiritual brothers who they weren't the most emotional and worship. They weren't the guys who were going to cry during a great sermon, but their stability was what drew me to them. And so I tried to, I'm like, Oh, what you're asking, maybe the thing that you're struggling with is actually part of what makes you a part of the kingdom and useful in the kingdom. And so, but it took me some time to get there.
00:34:11
Speaker
I was careful not to promise for either that these emotional things you might want. I don't know if they're going to come in college. I said they might. That's what happened for me. It might come then. It might come later. I think at the heart of it, it's like even if that place never comes, it doesn't mean you're not useful as you are right now. Maybe you're very useful as you are right now.
Highlighting Teen Guests and Mentors
00:34:33
Speaker
Well, I would encourage everyone to take a listen to all three episodes. We had Audrey and Jenna, and those were our public school girls. And then we had Ivy and Maddie, and those were our private school girls. And then we had
00:34:53
Speaker
Gus and Trevor. Gus, private school, Trevor, public school, and then Justin Charoma, a public school teacher. And I feel like in every episode, I took away something. And I want to share my thoughts with you on that, and then I would like for you, as we wrap up the conversation, to share your final thoughts on it as well. But I will say this about Audrey and Jenna.
00:35:21
Speaker
those two so mature for, I mean, they're teenagers. So again, I had this preconceived idea, but Jenna is so firm in her faith right now. I hope that never goes away. She is not afraid to talk about her faith and proclaim it and give advice. That I thought was really cool and I was not expecting it.
00:35:51
Speaker
I know Audrey, so I didn't know Jenna really, and so I knew Audrey and what she came with was not what I was expecting. I kind of thought that she would have been Jenna.
00:36:03
Speaker
But that made me really appreciate Audrey Moore because she has grown up in this world. And she's saying, hey, I have some questions. And it doesn't matter that I will go to church every Sunday or talk to my parents about faith or talk to you, Ryan, about faith. There's questions. And I appreciate that.
00:36:29
Speaker
With Ivy and Maddie, it was really fun to listen to Maddie because I kind of felt like she and I have similar things. She is a teenager willing to explore her faith and do things on her own. Uncomfortable, but she did it. And she opened the door or sent the text or sent the email or just showed up.
00:36:58
Speaker
And that is not easy to do in general as an adult, but then as a teenager, holy moly. So that, I really connected with her on that. With Ivy, you did have these preconceived ideas because she is a pastor's kid. And you're like, okay, she, again, we're placing people into different sides. Well,
00:37:23
Speaker
I keep going back to when, again, she is a pastor's kid, so I'm thinking, okay, she knows everything. But when I asked her the question, what does it mean to be a Christian to you? And for her to look at me and go, oh my gosh, that's a really difficult question. And she answered it on her behalf, and then she answered it on what she thought for some of the kids that were in her school who
00:37:52
Speaker
have said they're not Christians, what she thinks maybe that they are, they just haven't figured it out yet, she gave some really great advice and some just normal talk.
00:38:08
Speaker
Yeah, take away the pastor's kid title. I think that that might be held against her sometimes. And geez, that's the girl that I want to walk with, you know? With the guys, Trevor and Gus, I talked about Gus.
00:38:29
Speaker
I think the honesty and the fact that they both opened up as males and said, this is why we don't open up and this is why we don't do certain things. I don't know. Like I said, I was blown away by all of them, but especially the guys. It showed me how
00:38:58
Speaker
So many people, when you see them in person or you see them over afar, you have no idea what is going on with them. And I just want them to open up a little bit more. I hope that they learn that. And then Justin, being the teacher,
00:39:20
Speaker
I know he can't say a lot in the public school setting, but what he's doing with FCA and the mentor role that he plays and the coach role, we need more people like him. We need more adults like him, more leaders like him. And I just, I don't know.
Role of Parents and Church in Faith Development
00:39:39
Speaker
I'm intrigued and enthused at the same time. What are your final thoughts on all of it?
00:39:48
Speaker
I've been pondering these kids all with different backgrounds, all sharing great stories. I just thought, man, what is the common variable here? And I keep going back to parents. These kids have parents who value things at home. And they love their kids in a certain way. And I just think, man, how important is that as a parent
00:40:17
Speaker
help your kids set priorities in their life. Speaking from both a public and private school perspective, I've lived in both worlds and I know the pros and cons of both. And so I know what our public school kids are struggling with and I know what our private school kids are struggling with.
00:40:38
Speaker
I would say that to our private school families, there is more to your kid's faith life than what they're learning in school. They're learning some great things in their school. I learned some great things at my private Christian college. But Jesus calls us to a holistic lifestyle of faith, not just an academic faith.
00:41:01
Speaker
And so there were great things I learned in the classroom, but when those things met up with my relationships with my friends and my small groups in my community and my church life, I mean, it gave me an entire experience. And had I only had what I learned in school, I would have missed out on the fullness of faith in Jesus.
00:41:26
Speaker
I want to encourage our families that just because your kid goes to a private school five days a week, doesn't mean they're getting the full faith experience. This is why our schools aren't churches.
00:41:41
Speaker
I think church is important. I think worship is important. I think having your kid in a community of faith is what's probably most important. And that's what our kids value when they show up to our environments or show up to church. My desire to stick with something is dependent on whether there's community for me there or not. And so I would say,
00:42:05
Speaker
Don't give in to what's easy. What's easy is to say, my kid goes to a private school. I don't need to get them plugged into church. That might be easy, but is that what's right? Jill, what is your kid's favorite food? Oh my gosh. And what is really his favorite food? Well, if I say, girls, what's your favorite food? They're going to go McDonald's. It's just McDonald's.
00:42:33
Speaker
Their least favorite food, vegetables. So is it good for them to eat McDonald's every day? Do you give that to them because that's their, their favorite or do you give them vegetables at time? Well, yeah, he definitely has to be moderation of everything. You know, no, they don't get McDonald's every day.
00:42:52
Speaker
Even though they don't like the vegetables, they need it, it's good for their bodies, it's good for their health, I think with faith it's the same way. Sometimes our kids aren't always going to love being active in their faith lives, but if you believe that Jesus saves and that your eternity is dependent on it, then man, you know how important it is to keep them involved.
Conclusion and Social Media Engagement
00:43:15
Speaker
You know, you never know, I think what overall with these conversations, you never know where someone's story is going to be. You might think that at 14 or 15 that their faith life is set, and then at 16 they have a transformation. That is what's so powerful about the spirit of Jesus, right? We're not dealing with what's common or what's statistically normal. We're dealing with the power of the Holy Spirit in these kids' lives. And because of that, no story is ever done.
00:43:41
Speaker
And I just I want to keep seeing stories of that kind of transformation happen in our young people. And so the job of a parent is so important. That to me was like the common variable in these kids lives and in every kid's life. And so thank you parents for being there and loving your kids and supporting them in all that they do.
00:44:02
Speaker
It is not an easy job. And I'm going to find out soon just how not easy it is. One day, hopefully, I'll find out, but was a Spider-Man line with great power comes great responsibility. I don't know if that works here or not, but you know, you've got the power to shape what your kid values and don't underestimate that as a parent.
00:44:28
Speaker
Hey, thanks for joining us today. You can follow normal goes a long way on Instagram and Facebook to be notified of upcoming episodes. We would love to have you join the conversation there.