Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
38: Faith-Filled Parenting: How To Talk To Your Kid About What They See On The News
224 Plays3 years ago
Jill Devine asked Hannah Lang and Laura Fleetwood to be a part of this new series about Faith-Filled Parenting. Hannah is the Director of Children’s Ministry at Messiah St. Charles. Laura is Jill’s spiritual mentor and mom to two teenage daughters. Hannah will tackle the elementary age (birth-5th grade) and Laura Fleetwood will tackle the secondary age (6th-12th grade).
Resources from Hannah:
Normal Goes A Long Way Website: https://www.normalgoesalongway.com/
Normal Goes A Long Way Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/normalgoesalongway/
Normal Goes A Long Way Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Normal-Goes-A-Long-Way-110089491250735
Normal Goes A Long Way is brought to you by Messiah St. Charles: https://messiahstcharles.org/
Use my special link https://zen.ai/normalgoesalongway and use Normal Goes A Long Way to save 30% off your first three months of Zencastr professional. #madeonzencastr
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Zencastr
00:00:00
Speaker
The following podcast is a Jill Devine Media production. Before we get into this week's episode, I would like to talk to you about Zincaster because you wouldn't be able to listen to this episode if it wasn't for Zincaster. I use Zincaster to record all of my episodes and I use Zincaster to edit my episodes and I use Zincaster to distribute the episodes so that you can hear exactly what I'm recording and you can hear the different guests that I have available for you.
00:00:28
Speaker
And I just want to make sure that you know that if podcasting is something that you want to do and you just think that it's not within your reach, it actually is with Zencaster because they have made it so easy to just hit record and to edit and to distribute. I mean, it really is something that you should check out.
00:00:51
Speaker
So, whether you're new to the podcasting game or you've been podcasting for a while but you need an easier solution to editing and recording and distribution, Zencaster, that's the way to go. Go to zencaster.com slash pricing and use my code. Normal goes a long way and you'll get 30% off your first three months of Zencaster Professional. I want you to have the same easy experiences I do for all my podcasting and content needs.
00:01:21
Speaker
it's time to share your story. And speaking of stories, let's get into this week's conversation.
Jill's Faith and Podcast Journey
00:01:28
Speaker
Christianity has become known for judgy people, strange words, ancient stories, confusing rules, and a members-only mindset. This is why I stayed away from the church for so long, but it's not supposed to be that way. I'm Jill Devine, a former radio personality with three tattoos, a love for a good tequila, and who's never read the entire Bible.
00:01:47
Speaker
Yet here I am hosting a podcast about faith. The normal goes a long way podcast is your home for real conversations with real people using real language about how faith and real life intersect. Welcome to The Conversation.
Talking to Kids About News: A Faith-Based Approach
00:02:03
Speaker
I'm Jill Devine here with Hannah Lang. We are talking about faith-filled parenting and we have been tackling some different topics and today
00:02:13
Speaker
how to talk to your kid about things they see on the news, the tough world issues that we're facing, maybe not even tough world. They just see things that are happening in our community, good or bad. I will say there's a little bit of bias here that we see mostly bad things on the news and it's not always easy. And I'm trying to kind of figure out what to do when some of those questions come and
00:02:43
Speaker
This is one of those conversations that I think faith could be a huge part of it and it might not be a part of it. I guess it just depends. So some other things that I know that have been addressed in our house, I think one day Brian had the news on and maybe it was something with Ukraine
00:03:08
Speaker
And Lou was sitting there and an explosion was showed and I think she asked questions about that. You know, not too long ago we had the Queen's passing and so then that covered the news. I'll be honest with saying, sometimes I get in trouble on the adult side of this.
00:03:34
Speaker
I don't have the news on a lot in the house. And one of the main reasons is for my own protection. When there's too much of that negativity and there's too much conflict, it gets inside of me. And so there's this struggle I have because I do want my kids to see things. I don't want them sheltered.
00:04:05
Speaker
but there has to be some sort of limitation. A boundary. Sure. Yes. And so one of the boundaries is for me personally and then for them.
Managing News Exposure for Children
00:04:17
Speaker
And I know that we don't want to shield them. I know in just even resources that I've seen, they do say though, you should keep the exposure at bay and make sure that it's age appropriate. Right.
00:04:34
Speaker
So where do you even begin? I mean, you have crisis, you have everything from if we have the news on, we have fires, we have abuse, we have wars, we have murders, we have all of these things. My gosh, that's a lot for any human being to have. But then I think about elementary age kiddos
00:05:02
Speaker
And I might be a little bit more concerned about that age. I'm interested with Laura's perspective on the secondary, but that stuff that they're seeing.
00:05:13
Speaker
what an impact it can make on them. Absolutely. Absolutely. And it's hard to know how to answer questions when you're still feeling complicated about it, right?
Explaining World Events to Kids
00:05:25
Speaker
Or you don't know the reason why. Mommy, why was there a bombing in Ukraine? Oh, golly. I mean, where do you even begin
00:05:32
Speaker
to discuss the reasons and the why and could that happen here? And so the specifics are hard to speak to because a lot of that is kind of situational, right? But like you said, I think part of the balance that we need to think about as parents is protecting them from unnecessarily
00:05:54
Speaker
scary things or from them being inundated with all the scary things in the world. But then as they get older, they're going to be hearing about things at school or hearing about things on the news or they're always listening. Maybe they hear something on the radio that you didn't know that they heard. And so they are going to be exposed to these scary things or the hard things or things that don't make any sense or things that feel like a crisis.
00:06:19
Speaker
And so I have some resources that just provide some good guidelines as far as big picture things to think about when it comes to discussing these things with your children, especially from a faith lens, which I really appreciate because, honestly, I don't know how I would manage all the hard and scary things that happen on the news without my faith. Right. Okay.
00:06:43
Speaker
This is different from our past conversations. I want to provide you with some of the things that I have noticed and done some research on, and maybe we can go back and forth to see the faith perspective compared to this.
Faith's Role in Reassuring Children
00:07:01
Speaker
I love it. Let's do it. Something that I saw, especially the really preschool age,
00:07:08
Speaker
that you want to reassure your kiddos with words and gestures, hugs, you're safe, and to also address their feelings and your feelings. Yes. To say, I am upset too.
00:07:25
Speaker
And then to find out what they know, because something you've said is in other episodes, like they know a lot more than they... Than you might think. Yeah, than I might think. So what about those first few things right there? Yeah, I think it's really important, like you said, to create a sense of safety.
00:07:42
Speaker
and security with those preschoolers, you want to let them know that you're a safe person. They are safe right now. Even if they see scary things happening, you are safe. Mama's right here. It's not happening in our house. Our house is safe. Our family is safe, especially at those ages. You want to let them know that
00:08:02
Speaker
they're not alone, right? And I'm looking out for you. Mama's going to be with you right now. God is with you. Reminding them that, you know, God loves you. God is with you. God is with us. We can count on God, that kind of thing. Definitely leaning into the sense of security and safety with the preschoolers. And that could also go for
00:08:22
Speaker
the elementary kiddos, right? Oh, absolutely. Some good things to say to those preschoolers are, I'm here to help you when you need it, or I trust that God is with us when scary things happen. Listening, like you mentioned, listening to see what they have to say about it or questions about it, maybe listening more than we speak. I tend to over talk, especially when I'm nervous, I can start babbling.
00:08:45
Speaker
I don't need to say more than they need to hear. So it's a reminder for myself, too, to listen more than I speak. And, you know, we never want to make them feel like their feelings are wrong or bad. So, I mean, I wouldn't want to say to a child, everything's fine. Stop crying. Right. Or like, you don't need to be scared about that. Right. Because if they're feeling scared, we got to validate. We've got to talk about it. Yes. Right. All right. Let me ask you about using simple terms. For example,
00:09:14
Speaker
a violent crime. Someone used a gun to shoot people. Do I just leave it at that? Do I bring in the faith component? What do I do?
00:09:25
Speaker
Well, I absolutely think that giving honest answers is really important. So if your kid is asking why, you want to answer them honestly because you want to show yourself to be someone who respects their questions and can answer honestly and you're a safe person and you validate their feelings, right?
00:09:46
Speaker
But the tricky balance there is you don't want to give them simplistic or unrealistic answers, especially if it comes to faith. So I have been personally hurt by simplistic or unrealistic answers that people have given me in response to terrible things. So especially if they bring God into it, something always happens for a reason, right?
Faith-Based Explanations and Their Challenges
00:10:13
Speaker
I have heard people say, with very good intentions, God needed another angel when someone has died or I experienced the loss of my first child and I had someone who was in my small group at church who really loved me, was a close friend.
00:10:32
Speaker
I you know she said something to the effect of everything happens for a reason and that made me feel terrible because that made me feel like God did God take my baby did God want my baby to die what do you mean everything happens for a reason what's what could possibly be the reason that God let my baby die and so when we when we try to be
00:10:53
Speaker
simplistic or quickly give answers that just sort of shut down the conversation, especially for bringing God into it. I think that can be way more damaging than helpful. What would you offer instead though? I mean, do you have an example? I do. So, well, in that specific situation, when I had a loss, when I was sad because something sad happened,
00:11:20
Speaker
I would have really appreciated someone saying, that's really sad. I'm sorry. Actually, one of the best things that anyone did say to me during that time was from my pastor. I'm not going to cuss on this podcast, but he did say, that's really beep, crappy, really crappy, right? And I just said, yes, it is. And he told me, God never wanted that to happen. God never wanted babies to die. God is sad too.
00:11:50
Speaker
That really meant a lot to me because it reminded me that this world is hard and sad and scary sometimes and that's never what God intended and he didn't want the world to be like this anyways or and so when you talk about like
00:12:05
Speaker
hope that goes beyond your circumstance, that's where you bring the faith component in. I never want to blame God for these scary things that are happening. We could get really in the weeds about, like, why does God allow suffering? That is a really complicated, hard conversation that maybe you should ask a pastor about.
00:12:24
Speaker
Thankfully, we have the hope component of like, God's love is with us all the time. We know that God is near me all the time. I know I can trust God. I know that, you know, I can trust God no matter what and God loves me no matter what and someday everything is going to be perfect. Someday God's going to take away all the suffering and the tears and when we get to be in heaven with God, there's going to be no more sad or scary things.
00:12:51
Speaker
So you can revisit what's true without brushing something off or giving a simplistic or unrealistic answer that's going to make it unsatisfying and sometimes even hurtful. Honestly, what you just said in these last few minutes that it sums it up. I mean, that's what you need to know. And I think that when we get Laura on,
00:13:17
Speaker
the secondary age, those kids are going to be watching TV more or consuming it more and have
00:13:25
Speaker
deeper questions, so that's going to be interesting to hear what she has to say from that.
Resources for Discussing News with Kids
00:13:31
Speaker
I think it's easy to just wrap up with what resources you want to provide or any last-minute thoughts. Yeah, absolutely. I've got a conversation guide. Now, this is called a conversation guide for crisis. Now, experiencing scary news isn't necessarily a crisis, but I think this
00:13:54
Speaker
information is really helpful to have. So there's a conversation guide for preschoolers, a conversation guide for elementary kids. They make it really simple. Here's some things to say and some things not to say. Just to give you an example, I mentioned earlier, you know, stop crying, everything's fine. That's a not what to say category, but some good things you can say is you can tell me how you really feel.
00:14:18
Speaker
I always want to hear about what you're feeling. It doesn't make sense to me either. How can I make you feel safe? It makes me feel better when I talk to God. Can we pray to God together? So those are some good responses for your children. And then I also have a great article, how to talk to your kids about tragedy.
00:14:38
Speaker
Sometimes it's tragedy that they see and experience personally, but more often to be tragedy that they hear about on the news. It just gives a pretty good guideline, some best practices for navigating these conversations. The thing I'd love to remind parents is that
00:14:57
Speaker
You can feel very nervous about conversations like that, and I just want to remind you that God is with you in those conversations. The Holy Spirit works through you, gives you the words to say, grace covers all things, and never underestimate God's power to comfort your child and to work through his word and his spirit.
00:15:19
Speaker
Okay, we're going to continue the conversation about faith-filled parenting, how to talk to your kid about things they see on the news. And I know with secondary, there might not be a ton
Discussing World Events with Teens
00:15:33
Speaker
of groundbreaking tips that we have. It's definitely hard for the littles when like Hannah and I were talking about how they see something on the news like a bombing
00:15:46
Speaker
or a robbery or a murder. And how do you have those conversations? Because that's tough. And so you basically just kind of keep it short and sweet and you provide a safe space. So now that the teenagers understand big words and they understand things that are happening in their world and they have the news on, maybe they're watching it with you,
00:16:11
Speaker
those things, the wars, the murders, the bad things that are happening. How do you talk about it with that faith lens? So one of the things is you try to make it a regular part of your family time. Just checking in with, hey, so what are you guys talking about in school these days when it comes to current events? What are you and your friends hearing about what's on the news?
00:16:39
Speaker
Finding out what they know and what they're thinking about is important because sometimes we think that they're concerned about the same things we are and they're just not, you know, because they're getting their news from TikTok or whatever, which they do, by the way.
00:16:56
Speaker
Get their news from TikTok. Which is not always a bad thing, but you just have to be curious first to really get a sense of what's on their mind. And then ask a lot of questions. Don't assume that these teenagers are looking to you for your opinion or your answers. Sometimes they just want to talk about it and not
00:17:24
Speaker
get a lecture or have you go off on, oh, well, this is what I think and this person is an idiot for believing that. And I think encouraging open dialogue is so important. I think it's important to admit when we don't know. Yes. The answer or like we don't even know what they're talking about. It's OK to say, hey, I don't know anything about that. Let me go educate myself first and then let's talk about it. You know, I think asking questions like,
00:17:53
Speaker
How do you see that event impacting your life? Because that's something that they're processing is how does this war going to impact me personally? Because remember, teens are very self-focused. So they haven't most of the time yet learned to care so much about the world in general or how things are affecting other people. It's very much their brains are wired right now.
00:18:23
Speaker
to develop their own thoughts and ideas and opinions about what's going on. So it's very me focused. And so asking them, how do you think that impacts you? How do you feel about that? And letting them have their opinion is so important. I was just going to chime in and say, I know that this might not work with every parent, but to leave your bias out and say,
Fostering Independent Thinking in Children
00:18:52
Speaker
This is how I feel. And this is the reason why I feel you're allowed to have your feelings too and let them form their opinion. Absolutely. Because so many times you just grow up in a situation where it's always what mom and dad think and what they want. I just would encourage parents that your kids
00:19:15
Speaker
have the choice. Let them look at all the options and find out what really hits inside them. Yeah and that's not to say that your values as a parent and as a family aren't important. Of course they are. Like you can say this is this is my value on this. This is what
00:19:36
Speaker
You know, this is what I believe. This is how I see the world, but then also recognizing them as an individual that again, the long goal, we want them to grow up to be independent, healthy, wholehearted, faithful adults, which means that they need to take this world and understand the lens through which they see, which of course is going to be influenced by how you as a parent see the world, but
00:20:02
Speaker
It can also be different, you know, and that's when we what's the saying that you you give your kids a foundation so that they can then spread their wings and fly or something like that. You know, like that's our goal is we want them to be independent, thinking, self-sufficient members of society. And whenever I start to think about how I want them to be, I think,
00:20:29
Speaker
Well, how would you feel if this is what your mom and dad were saying about you? Back that up. Okay, so we're gonna go ahead and wrap up this topic and then saving another big topic for last. What happens if your kids have questions about their faith? How do you talk to them about that? So that's what we will dive into our next episode.
00:20:56
Speaker
They're deep thinkers. They really are, especially in those older elementary years, like third, fourth, fifth grade. They are going to ask questions that might unlock some questions for you. And when that happens, that can be scary sometimes. I mean, even the people who walked with Jesus when he was alive had doubts and questions, and they got to experience him in true life. So doubting is a normal process of being human.