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Ep. 1: How to Give Yourself the Gift of Honesty
24 Plays8 months ago
In this episode of the Aligned Living Podcast, Coach Autumn takes us on a journey exploring the power of honesty in our pursuit of wholeness. Drawing from her own experiences, she shines a light on how being honest with ourselves is the key to kicking excuses to the curb and reaching our dreams.
Whether it's facing the need for dietary changes or stepping up to meet the needs of our community, Coach Autumn stresses that honesty is the bedrock of a life filled with purpose and alignment. As leaders, being honest allows us to make positive waves in our own lives and the lives of those around us.
So, let's embrace our truths, trust ourselves, and boldly stride into alignment. After all, it's honesty that lights the path to wholeness!
Intro and Outro Music Credit: Savage by Beat Mekanik, Free Music Archive, License type: CC BY
Please visit: www.autumnswain.com
Contact: autumn@thealignedleader.org
Referenced Resources: The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Philip https://www.anitaphillips.com/
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Transcript
Introduction to Align Living Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there. I'm Dr. Autumn, leadership consultant, wellness coach, author, and I'm incredibly grateful to be your host of the Align Living Podcast. I'm here to equip you with the tools, inspiration, and practical tips necessary to lead a life of wholeness and pursue greater Shalom in your life and that of your families, teams, and communities.
00:00:34
Speaker
My mission is to empower you to lead from a place of holistic wellbeing. It's time to say peace out to the fatigue, fog, and frustration of living in a place that lacks abundant wellbeing. Join me as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of spiritual, physical,
00:00:56
Speaker
mental, emotional, social, and economic well-being all within the comforting embrace of one podcast.
Foundational Practices for Aligned Living
00:01:12
Speaker
Welcome back to the Aligned Living Podcast. I'm so excited to have this opportunity to chat with you today about a part of my journey in pursuit of this whole Aligned Living thing. I believe there are a few foundational practices that you need to embrace on this journey, and today I'm going to talk about one of them.
00:01:36
Speaker
So I recently was introduced to this personality trait that I had never heard before. I was borrowing some books from a mom friend for one of my kids, and she noted that her son is a completionist. So any book he has, he actually had the complete series because if he started it, he wanted to finish the entire thing.
The Role of Honesty in Goal Pursuit
00:01:58
Speaker
So I proceeded to borrow the books, but when I got to my car, I had this thought,
00:02:04
Speaker
I am a completionist. So I recalled even as a kid that if I started something, I wanted to finish it and I wanted to finish it well. I actually loved going to the library with my mom when I was a kid. Take note that this was a time before smartphones and tablets.
00:02:24
Speaker
But I just loved the process of reading an entire book series. I would just get so drawn into the storylines. Of course, pre-Netflix, I also loved getting to pick out a movie, VHS, of course, and looked forward to watching a movie that week as well. Our small town library didn't have a lot of options, so I'm pretty sure my brother and I watched the original three Star Wars movies at least 25 times.
00:02:51
Speaker
But besides that side note, I actually was also an athlete growing up. Basketball was my main sport, and I loved it. Of course, I had my sights set on starting varsity all four years. That was the, quote, series I wanted to complete. To do that, I knew that I had to have focus. I had to be intentional.
00:03:20
Speaker
and put in the work. But there's this fourth factor that was essential, and without it, it's hard to complete anything well. And this fourth factor is something I rarely hear talked about, but is so important. So as we pursue this journey towards wholeness, I want you to keep this in mind as an essential component on this journey.
00:03:48
Speaker
And that is that I had to be honest with myself of what it would take. I had to be honest about the effort required. I had to be honest about my current reality and what sacrifices would be necessary to help me complete this goal that I had in front of me.
Reassessing Time Management and Overcoming Excuses
00:04:13
Speaker
So I had an honest conversation with myself on what exactly would be required for me to achieve that goal. So honesty is this fourth factor that we need to consider. And that's what we're diving into today.
00:04:29
Speaker
So outside of practice in summer camps, my brother and I would play basketball for hours in our driveway, which was gravel for much of my childhood. So just imagine the work and even some frustration at times, right, of trying to master your left hand being right hand dominant with a slippery basketball and a gravel surface to work with.
00:04:53
Speaker
But I didn't start my basketball journey to not complete it well. You see, way too many times we have this goal in mind, but we let excuses creep in and we let disappointment take us off track. So one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself on this journey to wholeness is honesty. Excuses are essentially ignoring truth.
00:05:17
Speaker
So what honesty will do is decrease the power of excuses in your life. And one of the most common excuses I hear working with leaders from all sectors and backgrounds and spaces is a lack of time.
00:05:34
Speaker
So just to break this concept down a little bit more, sometimes I find that if you have a specific application, it helps you connect it to other areas of your life. So maybe this is not your excuse, maybe it's something else, but let me break this down for a minute. So if you do feel that a lack of time in your life is an issue, have an honest conversation with yourself about that.
00:05:59
Speaker
Do you lack time really? Or is it a matter of re-aligning your priorities? And considering just how well you manage the time that you do have? Because let me tell you,
00:06:13
Speaker
A lot can be done when 60 minutes of wasted time turns into 60 minutes of time invested in your wellbeing. And I'm not going to dive into this today, but I will shed light on my more recent journey in my continued pursuit of wholeness because I had to be super intentional about using these small spaces for my own wellbeing, for my own shalom,
00:06:38
Speaker
when I went through a very difficult time in my life and so it is not just
00:06:45
Speaker
me as a teacher or a coach telling you this because I know I have the knowledge, it's because I've experienced it and I know personally the transformation that can take place when we are honest with ourselves and we make the painful choices and sometimes hard choices to redirect our priorities and manage our time so that we create space to really invest in our well-being.
Honesty as a Tool for Wellness
00:07:12
Speaker
I understand that honesty can be very hard because you have to be really transparent with yourself. And some of us are better at being transparent than others.
00:07:24
Speaker
But it helps to have a good community to confide in when you are on this journey. But a good starting place is to talk with God, okay? So he knows everything anyways, so really be as open as humanly possible with him.
00:07:45
Speaker
knowing that He is hearing you out of love, but we need to acknowledge our reality, our excuses, and being able to talk to God about it is transformative because verbalizing these truths will help you acknowledge that very first barrier in your pursuit of wholeness.
00:08:05
Speaker
And that is the thing standing in your way that can be overcome with honesty. Okay. So it completely shifts your paradigm on how you view things. You'll start catching yourself, making these excuses. You'll start embracing this habit of honesty that will create such a powerful foundation for you to fill your best and be your best for you and the people that you're doing it for. And that will help you embrace this path to wholeness.
00:08:33
Speaker
So I left for college, fit, and I thought I was healthy. I've always been one to push back against the status quo. Even in my faith journey, I questioned how things were done. Is this really how Jesus would do it? Is this really the most effective way to help someone that's hurting? I was always questioning. I was always pushing back.
00:09:00
Speaker
However, let me tell you in this instance, I fell right into the trap of gaining that freshman 15. It killed me. I quickly and painfully realized that my understanding of nutrition needed an overhaul. I thought I knew so much. I thought I was well.
00:09:19
Speaker
But I had to have this very honest conversation with myself about the role of healthy eating and what of my quote, favorite things of mine I might need to let go. So mind you, I grew up without eating fried food. We didn't have a lot of money. I didn't have processed foods around the house. We ate a good amount of whole foods. I drank mostly water. We never had soda.
00:09:45
Speaker
However, nutrition is much more involved than that, right? If what we're doing is not getting us the results, then we can't justify our actions. We have to say, I want what I want bad enough that I'm going to be honest and acknowledge that I have room to grow. So I personally needed to grow in my understanding of food.
00:10:07
Speaker
And actually it wasn't until several years later when I started my health coaching journey where I learned even more. And I'm excited to be able to dive into more of those intimate details around nutrition in the future. But the point here is that the truth I had to be honest about was the things that I justified weren't that bad. It wasn't like I was eating pizza or burgers or fried food, but I knew I had to do better to be better.
00:10:35
Speaker
I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to feel good. So in that honest conversation with myself, I acknowledged the situation I was facing. And part of that was my environment. I needed to get out of the dorms. I needed to get into an apartment. And why? Because I needed my own kitchen to cook.
00:10:57
Speaker
It wasn't easy, but I found a way to afford rent and that meant six girls living in a two bedroom apartment. But we made it work and needless to say, I lost that 15 pounds, six months of cooking my own food and making smarter choices.
00:11:16
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So some of you may be thinking, well, you were 19 years old, Autumn, my middle-aged body doesn't respond the same way. I want to be honest with you. And I say all of this out of love because coaches, man, when they're coaching their teams, they care about them, but sometimes they have to speak truth and love. So me being honest with you, I have to say,
00:11:37
Speaker
When healthy living becomes a lifestyle, everything changes.
Personal Journey to Healthy Living
00:11:41
Speaker
It doesn't matter if you are 18, 38 like me, or 88. And I now at 38 am healthier than I have ever been. So, um, just to give you a little more insight into my journey, how did I go from this health conscious young 20 year old to embarking on making this my life's work?
00:12:07
Speaker
It was actually my experiences working in community development, plus this aha moment I had during my doctoral research. And I'll talk about that at the end. But at the time, you know, post-undergrad working for this community development corporation, I was a passionate soul. I wanted to save the world. I was drawn to every social issue from homelessness to youth development to criminal justice reform. And the list goes on. All of it tugged at my heartstrings.
00:12:36
Speaker
And on top of that, I'm a problem solver by nature, okay? Some would say I'm a disruptor. That sounds negative. It's actually a tremendous compliment because it was intended as a compliment because we need people who see things that could be better
00:12:59
Speaker
and are willing to go against the status quo and do something about it, to speak up, to take action. So one of my ahas came when I was working with this nonprofit, this community development nonprofit, and I was given the responsibility to build out the youth development program. I had this mission, I had a passion and a blank slate. And I was faced with the challenge of how can I most effectively help these young people?
00:13:26
Speaker
The initial task on paper formally was to close the achievement gap in academics, but I was deeply passionate for the wellbeing of these youth. And we all knew within our organization that a more holistic approach was needed for the success of these young people. So during one of my afterschool program sessions, when I saw a fight break out over a paper plate,
00:13:52
Speaker
I knew a holistic solution was needed. I saw friends getting in hurtful arguments over small things, and I saw teens making terrible food and drinks choices. And in the midst of all of this, there was this hunger in them. They wanted to do something purposeful with their lives, something meaningful, but they just lacked the guidance and support to do so. So I knew we needed to start at the core.
00:14:21
Speaker
I knew their greatest growth would come from spiritual growth, a recognition of who they have been created to be. The love that surrounds that statement needed to be embraced.
00:14:35
Speaker
So this fight over this paper plate, I still remember it clear as day so many years later, and it had every aspect of well-being attached to it. Certainly there was this emotional maturity component, right? However, physical health is critical to the actions one takes and the choices one makes. So for example, processed foods negatively impact one's ability to regulate emotions and behavior.
00:15:05
Speaker
One's level of emotional and physical wellbeing WILL impact the thoughts a person has about a situation.
00:15:14
Speaker
So in the future, I actually would love to dive deeper into this interconnectedness of well-being. It actually will spread out amongst quite a few episodes to really shed light on just how much all these pieces of us are connected because without knowing that or acknowledging that solutions will be nearly impossible.
00:15:37
Speaker
But for now, I want to put a little tool in your hand. If you have not picked up Dr. Anita Phillips' book, The Garden Within, you absolutely should. Because she talks about the heart being the soil of your life and the roots of your mind being planted in the heart. This book's so valuable in helping us understand the important role of emotions.
00:16:02
Speaker
and how integrated they are to every other area of our life and most importantly how you have to have healthy soil so you could flourish out of that place so you can read a lot more in depth in our book but it just it helps you look at things differently because this fist fight over a paper plate while you may be thinking this example seems so far removed from my life I would actually argue it's not
00:16:32
Speaker
Because how many times do us adults make poor decisions out of insecurities? How often do us adults let poor management of stress lead right into poor choices about what we eat, what we drink, what we feel our minds with, or who we spend time with? Not long ago,
00:16:57
Speaker
This is actually really recent. There was this fight that broke out at an upper elementary basketball game. It wasn't the kids who got in the fight. It was two moms who pushed each other's buttons a little too much that day. And I honestly don't know how other people viewed that situation, but what I saw was a lack of well-being.
00:17:23
Speaker
I was super compassionate and empathetic towards what happened because poverty, let me tell you, is not just an economic issue. We could be in poverty spiritually, emotionally, mentally, socially, and physically. So could it just be that our stress levels are too high and our wellness is prioritized too low?
00:17:54
Speaker
So for me, at the time, it was taking a more holistic approach to the development and growth of these young people I was working
Community Development and Holistic Youth Growth
00:18:03
Speaker
with. Like that was what I saw. That was my mission. That was the solution. I literally was witness to so much untapped potential within these youth and with a more holistic character and leadership development approach, they could grow.
00:18:21
Speaker
through their circumstances. They can grow in their alignment and well-being and do something great with their lives even now. Not in spite of, but oftentimes because of their circumstances.
00:18:36
Speaker
So obviously this informed my education. So through my master's program, I was working in community development. I was looking at everything through the lenses of holistic wellbeing for individuals and communities, both. And then this led me to look into this idea more in depth in the pursuit of my doctorate degree in transformational leadership, because let me tell you,
00:18:57
Speaker
leaders and living aligned go hand in hand, right? Like if you want to be a transformation leader, if you want to have an impact, a positive influence, you must pursue living aligned. They just are too connected. So I looked into the impact of holistic well-being on leaders and our communities. And my conclusion was that
00:19:20
Speaker
Holistic well-being is comprised of these six integrated areas that I'll keep coming back to and I'll shed more light on in the future, right? The physical, spiritual, mental, emotional, social, and economic. These were the foundation to the pursuit of wholeness, okay? So, full circle, this aha moment I had was during one of my doctoral courses. Honestly, I can't even remember which one, but I remember the impact of the moment because
00:19:47
Speaker
A notable challenge arose like it was like a recognition that these leaders and teams endeavoring. I mean, let me just say these amazing leaders, right? Who want to make a difference. They want to do their work. Well, they're, they're endeavoring to enact solutions.
00:20:05
Speaker
to good solutions, right? But we're not in optimal states themselves. Understanding shalom is paramount to achieving it. If you want wholeness in your communities, then you have to have wholeness within to understand it. Thus, my personal pursuit of shalom
00:20:24
Speaker
particularly in the context of transformational leadership became pivotal, okay? So this was the major, major aha moment was that if I can help leaders in their pursuit of shalom, then indirectly, I am helping homeless folks, incarcerated folks, youth, entrepreneurs wanting to do good with their businesses, and even corporate executives responsible for the culture of their organization, where hundreds or thousands of people spend a majority of their days, okay?
00:20:54
Speaker
So if I can help those leaders and be more effective in their spaces and be more effective with their mission, like that was pretty amazing. I got excited about that. So Shalom became my vision and wholeness of leaders became my mission. Alignment serves as the bedrock, hence aligned living, right?
00:21:16
Speaker
At the outset of my doctoral research, my fervent goal was to witness the emergence of community wholeness or shalom, addressing brokenness demanded holistic solutions. And we needed to start with the individuals making up those communities.
Leadership and Community in Aligned Living
00:21:31
Speaker
All right. Like that was my focus. And then this led to the creation of the Aligned Leader, aka Aligned Living.
00:21:39
Speaker
my training and consulting organization because alignment really is this first step in the pursuit of wholeness. So back to honesty as I wrap up.
00:21:49
Speaker
Before anyone can effectively embark on this journey, honesty is required. Otherwise, justifications and excuses will be your greatest enemy. I want to ask you what things are getting in your way on this journey towards wholeness. Be super honest with yourself. Like what have you justified that is really just an excuse because you don't want to let go or put boundaries around something.
00:22:15
Speaker
In upcoming episodes, I'll cover the more recent part of my journey, um, basically arguably the hardest season of my life. And, and I will share with you some of the rhythms that I embraced in the midst of the hurt and the sadness and the stress of it all. But for now, I just want to ask you, how are you really like be honest? Are you frustrated? Are you unfulfilled? Are you apathetic? Are you angry?
00:22:42
Speaker
Maybe on an emotional roller coaster, like feeling awesome one day and just totally stressed out the next. Are you tired? So let's go there for one minute so I can allow you to walk away from this podcast with a really practical insight. Let's say you are tired.
00:23:00
Speaker
And you acknowledge you need sleep, okay? Rest is certainly one step in the right direction. It's really important. However, like what is your plan for more rest? How many times do we say we need something? We don't have a plan to integrate it. So my suggestion to you is to set a nightly alarm clock. You know what time you need to get up, go to bed eight hours earlier, seven minimum, but my recommendation is eight. Set that nightly alarm clock and then also on top of it, manage your time well, right?
00:23:30
Speaker
I want to ask you some simple questions that could be impacting your energy levels as well, that if embraced could have a huge impact beyond rest, beyond sleep. And when I talk about these things, I'm considering a leader that's overwhelmed and overly committed and feeling like they just have too little margin, okay? I'm keeping that in mind all the time. Let me ask you, how much water have you consumed today?
00:23:58
Speaker
What choice did you make around your food consumption? How about when you have the opportunity to walk instead, did you take it? When you stepped outside, did you take just one moment for a deep breath, breathing in the fresh air, observing nature, and then thanking God for one thing in your life right now?
00:24:24
Speaker
Our emotions impact our bodies as well, even our fatigue levels. So if you're feeling tired or in pain or headaches or other such things, consider what emotions you're sitting in and how you're handling them.
00:24:37
Speaker
The emotions themselves aren't bad, but our perspective around them could be because that informs your thoughts and impacts your bodies. That perspective can shift if it comes out of spiritual truths and that's why the spiritual formation part is central to all of the above. So much more on this in the future, but I wanted to get you thinking about alignment as an intention in your life and to be honest about it.
00:25:03
Speaker
So I want you to see how some very small shifts in your day-to-day life, no matter how busy you are, can have a big impact. So like I said, we'll go into more practical steps on this journey. But if we don't start with these mindset shifts that need to happen, the rest won't be as effective.
00:25:26
Speaker
So as we begin this journey, look at all of my suggestions and your own goals you want to pursue through these lenses of honesty. Okay. And then once you make this deal with yourself, to be honest, we can talk about the next most important thing on this journey and that's margin. Okay. We'll be jumping into this big time.
00:25:45
Speaker
in the near future because margins this magic word that without it, you have no space to pursue wholeness.
Taking Honest Actions for Health
00:25:54
Speaker
I actually love this word. It contains so much power to transform your life.
00:26:00
Speaker
Creating margin and then deciding what to do on it. We'll do with it. Okay, that's what we'll be talking about soon But as we wrap up now for coach autumn's practice of the day because practice does not make perfect Practice makes permanent So today's tip is to take honest action
00:26:20
Speaker
What I mean by that is pick any healthy habit. What do you want? More sleep, to do deep breathing, to drink more water, to do mobility exercises, right? Mobility is longevity. Journaling for mental and emotional health, walking in nature, whatever it might be, pick something.
00:26:38
Speaker
and then commit to doing it and capture every excuse that arises when you set out to do this daily, identify it, then counter it. So let's just use drink more water. For example, here's all the time, but tell people drink more water. Well, I forgot. Okay. No excuses. Set an alarm when it's out of sight. It's out of mind. So keep water in front of you at all times. And you'll start to form this habit of never leaving home without water. Okay.
00:27:05
Speaker
There's one, another excuse. I don't like the taste of water. Okay, well, get a high quality water purifier. It's better for you anyways. And a reusable water bottle that you love. And then the water's gonna taste better. The more you drink it, the more you get used to it. But even infuse it sometimes with cucumbers, strawberries, mint, whatever you want. Those are all healthy things. So just be honest with yourself. Trust me, you've got this.
00:27:38
Speaker
for tuning in to the Aligned Living podcast. I'm Dr. Autumn, your guide on this journey to wholeness or shalom. Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation? Head over to autumnswain.com to learn more and dive deeper into the world of aligned living. Until next time, stay aligned.