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Ep 15: Finding Your Strength in the Struggle
18 Plays21 days ago
Ready to thrive, even when life gets tough? In this episode of the Aligned Living podcast, Dr. Autumn reveals how to not just survive, but grow through challenges. She shares her powerful method of how to "sit in the suck”, but do it well—including preparing yourself holistically before life throws its hardest punches. Packed with real-life stories and game-changing tips, this episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to strengthen their mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional foundation.
Intro and Outro Music Credit: Savage by Beat Mekanik, Free Music Archive, License type: CC BY
Please visit: www.autumnswain.com
Contact: [email protected]
IG: @drautumnswain
FB: Autumn Alena Swain
Episode References:
Intentional Sustainable Rhythms (ISR), discussed further in Episode 3: Let the Beat Drop, Finding your Rhythm (Aligned Living with Dr. Autumn)
Transcript
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there. I'm Dr. Autumn, leadership consultant, wellness coach, author, and I'm incredibly grateful to be your host of the Align Living podcast.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm here to equip you with the tools, inspiration, and practical tips necessary to lead a life of wholeness and pursue greater Shalom in your life and that of your families, teams, and communities. My mission is to empower you to lead from a place of holistic wellbeing.
00:00:39
Speaker
It's time to say peace out to the fatigue, fog, and frustration of living in a place that lacks abundant wellbeing. Join me as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, social, and economic wellbeing, all within the comforting embrace of one podcast.
00:01:09
Speaker
Hey good people, Dr. Autumn here, and welcome back to the Aligned Living Podcast. I am really excited to have the opportunity to chat with you today about how to live life well, even when things are super difficult.
00:01:25
Speaker
even when faced with challenges and experiencing some of our greatest struggles. Because in this pursuit of aligned living, like we want to be able to um pursue wholeness and be well, whether we're on a mountaintop or in a pit. Okay. And so I think this is just a super relevant conversation to have because life is life. Things are always happening, so how do we sit in this suck well? It's a really important question because if we don't know how to do this, life will constantly lay up and down and we want to know how to build a strong foundation of health
00:02:06
Speaker
and to be able to maintain that even when things are hard. So by the end of this episode, I hope that you have this renewed energy and even greater clarity around this question of how do you sit in the suck well, okay? ah Because in this pursuit of a line living, like I said, it won't always be smooth sailing. As a matter of fact, many times it just won't be.
00:02:35
Speaker
So interestingly, um a couple of months ago when I knew that I wanted to produce an episode on this topic, just you know largely because it's been essential to my own progress and holistic wellness journey. um the you know I've experienced some pretty stressful seasons. And I will tell you, I was so grateful to have this foundation so that I can you know move through that space of you know being in a pit,
00:03:02
Speaker
um and do it well, you know, and so I wanted to turn around and provide some insights to you because I know many of you um on this life's journey will, um you know, enter into seasons where you're faced with hardship you weren't anticipating and you want to be able to do that well. So, and then, you know, and ironically, um since that, you know, I realized I wanted to do this episode a couple months ago, I have spoken to so many people from family and friends and neighbors and even strangers, to be honest, that have expressed to me these goals that they have that they really want to work towards, um you know, ah sharing with me that they want to be better and feel better. However, life just keeps getting in the way, right? Okay, so I want to start there.
00:03:52
Speaker
i've I've really reflected on this and life getting in the way is a narrative that you want to crush. It's super unhelpful. It does not serve you. So this is the starting point. Like this narrative does not serve you so catch yourself when barriers become excuses like that's the first step right because life will always be happening. And so um let's go from there. So I engaged with these folks and then just considered my own experience and expertise and I'm convicted
00:04:28
Speaker
that part of the process of pursuing a more aligned life and well-being is embracing challenges as part of the journey. Like don't wait for a moment when challenges are obsolete and don't keep trying to create a perfect quote-unquote system for making progress like don't put off until the next day what you know you can begin today because that putting off becomes a dangerous habit because next thing you know you've put off until the next day something 365 times and then holy crap like a year just passed you by
00:05:08
Speaker
Alright, so that's what we don't want. So an essential part of this journey to living a life well lived, this pursuit of wholeness that we talk about in a lion living is being able to sit in the suck. Well, that's why we're asking this question. And that's what I hope to shed some light on for you today. um Because then you don't become paralyzed by this, like, I just don't feel like it.
00:05:29
Speaker
Like when I was thinking about all the conversations I've had, even in the last couple of months, um you know, being able to live an aligned life, we have to be able to do it when we're in a pit, right? But what keeps getting in people's way? This like, I just don't feel like it.
00:05:44
Speaker
And that leads to key like to putting things off. okay And that leads to feeling even worse. okay So let's begin. I want to give you some really practical tools here. The next time you know what you should do, but then you think to yourself, I just don't i feel like it, do it anyways. like That's what I'm telling you.
00:06:08
Speaker
have some really good self-awareness and when you hear yourself telling yourself I know I should do this, but I just don't feel like it. Do it anyways. Like that is my advice to you. If you walk away from anything from this episode today, but I want to get a little more practical for you. So one thing that could be super helpful is building a new narrative around this idea so that no matter how you're feeling, you're going to continue your rhythms in support of your goals, right? So it's, it's shifting your narrative so that you're not making choices around how you feel.
00:06:43
Speaker
but what you know you should do. So then you're not only doing things when you feel like it, okay? So that's the narrative we're changing. Like, as a matter of fact, become a person who does the right things, especially when you don't feel like it. So that's your new narrative, not that, oh man, this life happens, I'm gonna wait till I find balance, I'm gonna wait until this, I'm gonna wait until that, um keep putting it off. Like your new narrative is, I am a person.
00:07:09
Speaker
that is going to do something, especially when I don't feel like it because I know it's the right thing to do. Okay. Easier said than done, right? All right. Sure.
00:07:21
Speaker
but it doesn't have to be hard, okay? So how do you sit in the suck well? All right, there's a couple of things that I'm gonna touch on here. One is preparation. It's building this foundation of a line living when things are a little less challenging, when there's a little less struggle in your ah life, right?
00:07:40
Speaker
Um, I was actually at a barbecue with some neighbors and I, to be honest, I can't remember the full context of the conversation, but what my friend said stuck with me. I just absolutely loved it. She goes, you don't gotta get ready if you stay ready.
00:07:56
Speaker
Like, I literally had her repeat that because I'm like, what'd you say? He said, i you don't got to get ready if you stay ready. Okay. I love this. For me, it was so real, especially in some of the seasons of life I had just gotten out of. How is this related to a line living the pursuit of wholeness? Well, if you are ready so that when life is really life-ing,
00:08:25
Speaker
You don't got to get ready. You see what I'm saying? you're You're already there. You've already built that foundation. And so what does this look like? It's the foundation that we're talking about here. like What does it look like to build a solid foundation to function from when life does get hard? So let me ask you this. like If you had an honest conversation with yourself, what does your foundation look like?
00:08:50
Speaker
When you're talking about health, like holistic health, when you're talking about lined living, we're looking at those six areas of wellness. And we're going to touch on each of those six areas in this episode, just to give you some really practical takeaways, because remember, your foundation needs all six of those bricks.
00:09:05
Speaker
That's the whole idea of a line living. They're interconnected. They're intimately intertwined. You can't focus on one without focusing on the other five because they um are so related, right? So I'm going to go through them just because this is an essential component of sitting in the suckwell. It's an essential component of building that foundation. So if you're going to stay ready, okay?
00:09:29
Speaker
Part of that is remembering what I talked about really early on in early episode of this podcast. um I call it ISR, but that stands for intentional sustainable rhythms. And you can go back to, I'll put it in the show notes, like which episode early on I talked about this in detail, because when I keep talking about like pivoting and rhythms, like that episode really covers a lot of what those foundational concepts mean for you. um But I love this word rhythm because it ebbs and flows with life. This is why you've heard me say before likely if you've been following this podcast is I don't love the word balance because balance is just kind of an inevitable fail. We don't find balance like life is actually much more about seasons it ebbs and flows you know so I love the word rhythms because we can find rhythms to support our overall well-being or our shalom and then maintain that even when things are not the same all right no matter what's going on again whether you're on mountaintop or a valley right and so I love rhythms so this is this helps you stay ready right so some examples of rhythms
00:10:31
Speaker
in an effort to build that solid foundation, let's just go through these six bricks. Okay, so you have spiritual formation or your spiritual wellness, right? If you start now and thinking like, how can I really grow in a relationship with God? How can I um establish rhythms?
00:10:47
Speaker
that no matter what I'm going through, because let me tell you, physical, emotional, mental, social, economic, they're all super, super important. But um whether we're on a mountaintop or in a valley, like our spiritual wellness, our connection with God is so essential because it informs every other area in a way that is just so powerful that it helps you make the right choices and do the right things, especially when you don't feel like it, right?
00:11:13
Speaker
And so start doing some of those things now, establish like just habits of like prayer throughout the day, like connecting with God, like remembering his truths about you, right? um There's ah so many different things that we could do that just support our spiritual form formation that you want to, you know, start doing now. um Our physical health, right? Like, you know, think about basic things like your water intake, your stress management, how well you rest, um movement, um you know, moving your body throughout the day. um Of course, eating, nutrition's a really, really big one. I've done an entire episode just breaking down like some foundational ideas around ah nutrition and how to fuel your body well. So you start doing some of these rhythms now, then they're already part of your routine when life hits you really hard. Emotional and mental well-being, right? um You know, these things are super interconnected as it relates to our feelings, which give us information and help
00:12:11
Speaker
you know, inform, you know, some of our, you know, met and unmet needs and so on and so forth. um Emotions are just a really, really good tool. It's just about, you know, regulating and managing them well and and ah really self-awareness. And then that could, you know, um that plays a role in informing your thoughts and your thought processes. Of course, our mental wellness has a lot to do with with our thoughts, which, you know, our non-conscious subconscious thoughts make up a big part of our personality. So it's really important to be aware of these things and integrating rhythms just to help, you know, ah maybe counter some of the negative thought patterns that you have and to produce healthier thought patterns in your life, right? ah Social and economic wellness, establishing rhythms around these are really important too, you know, like, you know, how you're, you know, managing your finances, your view of money, um social wellness, the community you're building, like how you're serving and giving back,
00:13:09
Speaker
um to those in need, the friendships that you formed, um other, you know, family and intimate relationships, like are are they healthy or are they toxic? Are they life-giving? Do they have mutual benefit? um You know, these are all good things to start building now because this is the foundation that I'm talking about. So when life hits you really hard, you will be amazed at the difference of how you can lean on this foundation that you built when you do it in advance. so um So, you know, you don't gotta get ready if you stay ready. um That's gonna be a favorite quote of mine for life. I just know it. um So, you see, like, when you get ready now, when life hits you a little harder, you you are you're ready for what comes at you. you've invested in the solid foundation, you're living more aligned. So when you're like, in a moment where like, this really sucks. Like, I remember I have tears streaming from my eyes and just, you know, talking to, you know, a few people that are I'm really close to and just saying like, this
00:14:06
Speaker
Sucks. But you can be present in that place in a healthy way. That's the difference. Like I was still showing up. I was still eating right, which helped me take care of my kids better. I was still getting out in nature, going for walks. Actually my time with God increased. You know, I had my regular rhythms, but it increased. It was so life-giving.
00:14:26
Speaker
you know, and just managing my emotions and my thoughts while leaning on healthy relationships, you know, then you could say, this sucks, but you could still feel healthy. Like, even if emotionally you don't feel like happy, happy, joy, joy, like you could still be healthy, okay?
00:14:47
Speaker
No, I'm not talking about trying to climb out of that pit immediately, okay? So sometimes I'm sitting in in the suck well, you know, it doesn't mean like, oh my gosh, I just got to kind of like push through what I'm going through and like try to get out of this pit. Like sometimes we need to sit there for a minute, like grieving is a real thing, like, um you know, um you know, lamenting, these are all like important processes.
00:15:10
Speaker
in our wellness um but you know how do you kind of sit in that pit in a healthy way okay so that when you do kind of come out of it um you're still you're in a decent place you know what I'm saying um so I am talking about the reality of life that sometimes we are struggling so what I want for you is for you to not struggle and staying aligned even when life is hard okay does that make sense so I'm saying like we We will struggle at times, but if you can stay aligned even when life is really hard, it's going to decrease the impact of that struggle significantly. It won't be as difficult to do something you don't want to do if you've already established these rhythms. Like, you know what to do. It's already a part of your habits.
00:16:01
Speaker
Now you may not feel like doing them, but honestly that is the key to being well, whether you're on a mountaintop or in a pit is to do the thing when you don't feel like it. Like if I was to say one line, if you were, how do you sit in the suck well? It'd be do it when you don't feel like it. Like that's it. Like I could literally have said those two lines in this podcast episode would be complete.
00:16:27
Speaker
But just to give you just some more like practical insights into what this specifically looks like, what some things that you could do, or even if you have a friend that you're like, I know I have a friend or family member, somebody going through a hard time, like you should shed some of these like, you know, gold nuggets with them. um So this gap that I keep talking about, right? Like this gap that exists in in part,
00:16:47
Speaker
um Because a lack of rhythms really like we have a desire of where we want to be and then we have a current reality of where we are so What is contributing to this gap? I mean I continue to talk about this in in every episode in some way But I think in part this gap exists because we're just waiting like we're always waiting on something we're waiting on the right time or to feel right or something like that that's why like I this whole message like do it when you don't feel like it's so essential it really really helps bridge that gap um so to begin closing that gap between where you are and where you want to be i'm going to talk about just three really quick things just reinforce three points that you could take away from this because
00:17:28
Speaker
Um, it's just, this is an inevitable reality, right? So, uh, number one, remember you don't got to get ready if you stay ready, like build a foundation of a line living now. If you find yourself just continually waiting or putting things off, ask yourself why and under no circumstances keep waiting, right? So you're going to be honest and you're going to take action.
00:17:52
Speaker
Conclude that this honest conversation with yourself, like conclude it with a commitment to take at least one step forward and building that solid foundation. All right. So what you don't want is while you're waiting around, something hits you. Something hits you really, really hard. And then how you handle that hit depends largely on your overall wellbeing. Like, do you have a foundation of a line living there or not? Right?
00:18:19
Speaker
So that's what I don't want, like waiting around, waiting around till the right time to start building that foundation, then you get hit. And it's just harder to handle that hit. Well, you see what I'm saying? I want you to be able to handle a situation while I want you to be able to be well in the midst of the suck. Okay. So do the work now, like not when an emergency warrants it.
00:18:42
Speaker
You know what I find so interesting about this is it seems like common sense. Like, you know, I have, you know, when I have conversations with people, like most of us love the idea of prevention, right? maybe Arguably everyone loves the idea of prevention. Nobody wants to go through things. um You know, preventing an illness, preventing a toxic relationship, preventing emotional breakdown, preventing mental messes, preventing even crash and and burning, right? Like preventing a health emergency.
00:19:11
Speaker
But the thing about prevention is it requires immediate action. It's like taking initiative now, you know, even when things might be going better um so that you're ready when something happens, right? Like we talk about this a lot with finances, right? Like prepare now so if something happens, you'll be good.
00:19:31
Speaker
But we don't talk about this as much in these other areas of life, right? And so um that's the first thing, like start preparing, start building that foundation. Remember, you don't got to get ready if you stay ready. Okay. I love that quote. Okay. So when life happens, this is number two, pivot, don't quit. Okay. This is a big part of the um intentional sustainable rhythms. What are rhythms?
00:19:55
Speaker
There, there are things we've implemented that allow for pivoting. Okay. It's not an all or nothing mindset. Like this is how I've been doing it. Well, life happened. I can't do it exactly like that, but I can keep doing something like that's pivoting. So pivot, don't quit. This is number two. Routines are so good, but remember the best routines are malleable. Like they could shift when they need to shift the what, the what that you're doing was eating healthy, for example, stays the same.
00:20:24
Speaker
but the how and the when may look different. That is pivoting. So important. Number three, no matter how you're feeling, do the things you know you need to do, even when you don't feel like it. Okay. I think I've said that probably 10 times in this short episode here, but like, I just really want to drive it home. So when you are in that moment,
00:20:47
Speaker
I'm not feeling it you're gonna remember this remember what I said you say I'm gonna do it anyways okay do it even when you don't feel like it this is like one declaration I stood on in all seasons of my life no matter what I was going through especially when I was sitting in the suck it's like autumn you don't feel like it right now but I'm gonna do it anyways okay and truth is No matter your upbringing, your intention, your circumstances, whatever, there will be a time when you're like, this really sucks. It's not like you could just get through without this happening to you. Align living then is really all about this pursuit of wholeness or making progress towards holistic well-being.
00:21:28
Speaker
so that you can sit in the suck well when it does happen, right? So establishing rhythms now and then keep doing them even when you have to pivot, even when you don't feel like it, like that's the take home.
00:21:41
Speaker
Now, some of you might be thinking and I want to address something really, really important. What if you're in a tough spot, like right now, like you're listening to this and you're like, I just got hit. Like I'm struggling right now. Like, and then you don't have time to build a foundation in preparation or like the prevention thing. You're like, I'm in it. Like I can't prevent now. I'm in it. Okay. This could be your child is just really struggling with school or your best friend's navigating a heartbreak or You find out a family member has an addiction or close neighbor slash friend loses her job or you lose your job. um A friend or colleague loses their life to gun violence. I mean the list goes on and on you realize you've been in an abusive marriage or situation and you're not sure how to move forward like
00:22:27
Speaker
here's my advice to you if you're in this space now still don't wait okay start building the foundation while you're in the pit okay everything else still applies like find rhythms to support each area of well-being you may just have to focus on like a couple things at a time right because you're also going through some other things but you still are going to do it when you don't feel like it um truth is honestly there were times when I was in a pit and I was doing the things and I didn't always feel that different I still felt down or hurt or unfocused or like you're in the midst of something you just got hit um you start doing some things you might not feel like a huge like drastic difference because you know those feelings and emotions are real. But why what I'm telling you is that I knew that I needed to keep doing the things so that I can get to the other side of what was going what I was going through and to be well while doing it. Because if you don't do those things, ah the other side doesn't look so good, right? But what is really, really fantastic about this
00:23:30
Speaker
in those seasons of life there's so many things outside of our control and if we get too caught up in all the things outside our control it just could leave us in a not so good spot right but the cool thing about this pursuit of a line living you know matter even if you just got hit hard is that you know you can find peace in the reality that you are in control of these things, right? You might not be in control of so many of these things happening outside of you or around you or to you, but you can be in control of what you do for yourself, okay? So if that means navigating rhythms in your life, even when it's hard, like do it, it's in your control. It's one thing that you can say, I could wake up
00:24:12
Speaker
And I can pray. I can pray throughout my day, take things to God. I can make a healthy meal. I could choose to eat the right thing. I could go for a walk in nature. I can choose to listen to a podcast that will inspire me. I can choose to read a good book or take a good nap.
00:24:30
Speaker
Get this, you could choose to work on one task, just one that will take you a step closer to a dream that's been on your heart. That's in your control, even when you are in the suck. Do 20 push-ups. Drink a whole bunch of water. Stay hydrated.
00:24:48
Speaker
Take five minutes for some deep breathing exercises or journal for five minutes intentionally writing down truths that counter negative thoughts or even lies you've been told by others or even yourself. How about this one?
00:25:06
Speaker
Name out loud 10 things you're grateful for. I will tell you, when I was in the suck when I do this, it changed your perspective. And sometimes a shift in perspective is all we need to get a little boost for your day. Call a friend. Even if you don't feel like it, someone you know will be there for you. Go hang out with someone you know will make you laugh. Never, never, never let yourself isolate.
00:25:37
Speaker
So this is just the start of a very, very, very long list of things that you can do that's in your control that will support your pursuit of a line living. And no matter what, just remember to do something you know you should do, even when you don't feel like it.
00:25:55
Speaker
Okay. So now for coach autumn's practice of the day, I feel like this entire episode was like a practice. Um, but practice does not make perfect. It makes permanent, right? That's what we're talking about here. So today's tip, um, specifically I want to Bring awareness to the next time you find yourself telling yourself, I will just do this later. I will get to it tomorrow. I'll start this plan Monday. Like how many times we keep putting these things off and I'm saying don't wait. Like that's my practice.
00:26:28
Speaker
Like it's very practical because what we're saying is the next time in your head with anything you say, I'm just going to put this off. I'm going to wait. Well, I'll just start tomorrow. I don't feel like it. Don't wait. I'm saying do one thing right away. Just pick one. Just do one thing right away because what it does is it gets you in motion. It's a catalyst for other good things. So don't let yourself overthink. Just do one thing that same day. And remember, you don't got to get ready if you stay ready.
00:26:58
Speaker
Let's be a people that know how to sit in the suck and do it well.
00:27:08
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in to the Aligned Living Podcast. I'm Dr. Autumn, your guide on this journey to Shalom or wholeness. Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation? Head over to autumnswain dot.com to learn more and to dive deeper into the world of Aligned Living. Until next time, stay Aligned.