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Ep 6: Finding Strength in Imperfection
23 Plays7 months ago
In this episode, Coach Autumn examines the value of stress. Inspired by the Japanese art of kintsugi, she shows how embracing challenges can actually lead to growth and transformation. You'll get practical advice on managing stress, focusing on what can be controlled, and finding peace with what cannot. Highlighting the role of community and faith in transforming brokenness into beauty, Coach Autumn leaves you with reflective exercises and actionable steps to help you build resilience through life's tough moments.
Intro and Outro Music Credit: Savage by Beat Mekanik, Free Music Archive, License type: CC BY
Please visit: www.autumnswain.com
Contact: autumn@thealignedleader.org
IG: @drautumnswain
FB: Autumn Alena Swain
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Transcript
Introduction to Align Living Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there. I'm Dr. Autumn, leadership consultant, wellness coach, author, and I'm incredibly grateful to be your host of the Align Living podcast. I'm here to equip you with the tools, inspiration, and practical tips necessary to lead a life of wholeness and pursue greater Shalom in your life and that of your families, teams, and communities.
00:00:34
Speaker
My mission is to empower you to lead from a place of holistic wellbeing.
Exploring Aspects of Well-being
00:00:39
Speaker
It's time to say peace out to the fatigue, fog, and frustration of living in a place that lacks abundant wellbeing. Join me as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of spiritual, physical,
00:00:56
Speaker
mental, emotional, social, and economic well-being, all within the comforting embrace of one podcast. Hey, good people. Dr. Autumn here. Welcome back to the Align Living podcast.
Understanding and Managing Stress
00:01:18
Speaker
And I'm so excited to have the opportunity to chat with you today about the value of stress.
00:01:24
Speaker
What? You may be thinking, stress is not of value. Well, I would argue that stress is unavoidable. I used to think that if I just aim for a stress-free life, all would be well.
00:01:41
Speaker
Well, that's no longer my goal, nor is it a healthy philosophy because we are all exposed to stress. So the value of it is in learning how to manage it well. That's what the goal should be, right? To manage stress well. And then in doing so, your tolerance for stress actually increases and can even go from having a negative health consequence to a positive one in your life.
00:02:05
Speaker
So listen carefully to today's episode to learn how managing stress in a healthy way can change everything. Now, this is a super big topic. I probably won't get into all the spaces and places on this topic I want to today. Probably look out for future episodes with more nuggets, but I want to start in an unexpected place. All right. I want to start by talking about finding beauty in our brokenness.
00:02:35
Speaker
Because when we do that, it will help us view stress in completely different lenses. So first, what's the cause of stress? Well, many, many things. You could think of some, I could think of plenty, but often the cause of stress is related to things like overwhelm or hurt, challenges and struggles for sure, and so forth. So let's start with talking about pursuing wholeness amidst so much brokenness.
00:03:02
Speaker
Why start here? Because we have to embrace stress in order to grow through it. Like that's the key word. How do we grow through stress? Because we have to go through it.
Sustainable Rhythms for Health
00:03:15
Speaker
We can't avoid it. So I'll be shedding light on how to embrace the challenges and struggles in a way that will produce something amazing.
00:03:25
Speaker
Now, you may not feel like that is likely right now, especially if you're going through it. If you're in a tough season at this moment or just feeling overwhelmed today, but stick with me, okay? I promise, and I promise I can relate.
00:03:41
Speaker
So I want to paint a picture of how to manage those rhythms I talked about a couple episodes ago, the intentional sustainable rhythms, how do we manage those through the stress in order to create something even more beautiful, a life of health and wholeness, one of Shalom.
00:04:01
Speaker
So the first few episodes of this podcast, we began building this foundation of understanding around a line living and your pursuit of wholeness. And we then also touched on a very big barrier compartmentalization and how important it is to decompartmentalize in your life and acknowledge the integrated nature of our parts and also even the integrative nature of us with one another. All right.
Perspective on Stress as Growth Opportunity
00:04:30
Speaker
Now, the amazing thing about this new barrier I'm about to discuss is that it has the potential to turn to gold when approached in a healthy way. Okay. All the barriers we talk about is our perspective and how we navigate them. That makes all the difference. But today's is golden. So I want to talk about how we can turn stressful situations or seasons of struggle into a path for growth.
00:04:58
Speaker
Now I've said it before, avoiding stress is not the solution. Avoiding challenges is certainly not helpful. Like think of the last time you were in pursuit of a goal or something important. Challenges are always part of that pursuit. And steering clear of struggle is certainly not realistic, not on this earth. We're born into brokenness. However,
00:05:20
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When you approach this reality in the right way, it could be one of your greatest assets in the pursuit of wholeness. Now the truth is how you handle this reality will help you or hurt you. Sometimes we think we could just
00:05:38
Speaker
be or do nothing and stay in this neutral space. But the reality is most things, there's no neutral and there's definitely no neutral here in stress management. You can learn and grow and heal through this reality, or you can slide downhill and sometimes very quickly. So I want to equip you to do the former, to embrace the brokenness of our reality and turn it into something quite beautiful.
00:06:06
Speaker
Now, if you've been following me on social media, you know I love a good analogy. And if you're not following me, you really should, because I'm constantly putting up new content. My Facebook is just Autumn Alina Swain, my name, but my Instagram's at Dr. Autumn Swain, at Dr. Autumn Swain. So here goes another one, another good analogy.
Kintsugi and Aligned Living
00:06:31
Speaker
I was at a foster care conference making my book, The Playground Leader, available as a resource when I got into a conversation with the CEO of a fantastic local organization that supports families connected to foster care. And she learned of my aligned living work and asked if I'd heard of Kintsugi. And I responded I had not, but certainly my curiosity was piqued. So later that day I searched it up.
00:06:57
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And I quickly understood why she found value in this artistic expression, especially giving her work with vulnerable populations. And I also understood why she thought to bring it up to me.
00:07:12
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Kintsugi is a craft tradition of Japanese refinement mending broken pottery with liqueur and powdered gold. The result is a piece of art even more beautiful than it was before it was broken and mended back together. If you haven't seen it, quickly Google it because I will tell you that it's gorgeous.
00:07:36
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And I would argue that this mending back together process is our practices embraced in a line living. When we do these things that we're talking about, that is what takes the brokenness and helps make us whole, but also brings out so much beauty in the journey, in the process, in our brokenness, okay? So to create this pottery, you're basically aligning these broken pieces of pottery. And what's holding it together is this beautiful golden material, right?
00:08:06
Speaker
So for this analogy, the gold that keeps us in alignment are intentional practices. It's the rhythms. In our pursuit of wholeness, we don't just arrive and then stop doing what we did to get there. It's a lifestyle. You hear me say it over and over again. It's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle of intentional choices, supporting your holistic well-being, your growth. That is gold. To be honest, some of the most
00:08:36
Speaker
simple, monotonous, daily things, rhythms, tasks, are the gold. It really is if you think about it. So to be continued with the Kintsugi analogy though, the artist sees fractures and fragments as something to be highlighted, therefore making the new object more valuable than before.
00:09:01
Speaker
And then this can be our stories or our testimonies or lessons on growth or encouragement to others and to yourself or so forth, right? Like, to me, those are the things when the artist sees the fractures and fragments as something to be highlighted. That's what we highlight in our life story, in our journey, okay? Now, Japanese crafts people have engaged in this technique for centuries.
00:09:24
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But anyone truly can take part in this restorative process of rebuilding a beloved object with newfound elegance.
00:09:32
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Kintsugi is aligned with several well-known Japanese beliefs and philosophies, and I just want to take a couple of them and kind of extrapolate the point into what it means for us in aligned living. So this Japanese philosophy of montanai, and excuse me if I pronounce some of these words wrong, but that just simply means regretting, squandering, and advocating for minimizing waste.
00:10:00
Speaker
The longer the life of our objects, the fewer objects we have to buy that use our precious resources. All right, that's smart. Kintsugi can make this relationship with breakage one of joy and learning instead of regret and loss. Okay, that's pretty powerful. So I want to pause here.
00:10:17
Speaker
As I contemplate this as it relates to online living or our pursuit of wholeness, it's all about priorities, right? How often do we clutter up our lives with so many things that are just distractions not supporting your growth? Hmm?
00:10:36
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In my aligned living community that I created, the membership journey that I have available to people, you could see more about it on my website, but this is one area we focus on. Starting with this blank slate and then building upon it with our responsibilities, but then creating space for what matters most.
00:10:55
Speaker
If you want to mend the broken pieces into something even more beautiful, you have to take the time to work through the struggle with intention that supports your wellbeing. I shared in episode two on this podcast on margin a little bit about my personal story, including my most recent season in my life and how I navigated this space of high stress and chaos.
00:11:21
Speaker
And it was the practices I maintained in the pursuit of wholeness that brought about peace and wellness. And quite frankly, it's what helped me grow through the emotional mental battles within. Sometimes I think our default in stress is clutter. What about you?
00:11:41
Speaker
What I love about this Kintsugi analogy is the process of being mended with gold is about decluttering just a bit, focusing on what matters most. Sure, there's always going to be some stress and chaos, but the idea here is that you're becoming something more beautiful as you allow the process of this art form to take place in your life. You're living in the chaos without becoming the chaos.
00:12:11
Speaker
It truly reminds me of when Jesus was on a boat in a storm. His disciples or his followers were just falling apart. And here was Jesus asleep. He was resting. When he awoke, he maintained a sense of peace and calm internally. And his perspective was different than the others. His mind wasn't cluttered in the chaos. He was focused on the right things in the moment.
00:12:40
Speaker
Now we certainly aren't Jesus, but I believe if we begin this journey with intention, you can feel peace in the storm. You can maintain your pursuit of wholeness well in the midst of stress. As a matter of fact, I would argue or I would say that
00:13:00
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To manage stress well, you must maintain your pursuit of wholeness, but also pursuing wholeness in those rhythms help you manage stress. It's a win-win situation. The second concept that I
Managing Stress with Faith and Meditation
00:13:15
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wanted to highlight within this kintsugi art form is mushen.
00:13:20
Speaker
which is simply a mental flow that frees you from the angst of change and allows you to easily accept fate. Practicing this guides you towards a reaction of mildness and quiet acceptance. The power to repair favorite objects with kintsuki helps this mental fortitude making new life possible.
00:13:40
Speaker
Now that's not my point, but I want to pull a point from this philosophy that I want to focus on here. So what I want to encourage us to do is focus on what's in your control.
00:13:54
Speaker
That's what, that's what I get from this. Like if you accept reality by focusing on what is and isn't in your control in the right way will help you manage stress very, very well. So navigating my season of struggle, it's essential to find peace with what you have control over and for the many things outside of your control to let go of those things.
00:14:24
Speaker
I literally, in my attempts to do this, printed off 30 plus scriptures on trusting God, and then I meditated on them because I wanted them deep in my heart, in my spirit, and I prayed through them.
00:14:40
Speaker
I made the right choices with what was in my control. So those scriptures are interesting. I was really helping me with what was outside my control and then what was in my control. I continued to do those things, those rhythms. I ate while I exercised. I breathed.
00:14:56
Speaker
multiple times a day and I mean like the deep breathing practices kind. But stressing on what I didn't have control over that certainly was never helpful. So just to give you a little encouragement an example one of those 30 plus verses was Proverbs 3 5 through 6 and this one helped me tremendously.
00:15:16
Speaker
It says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. All right, I'm going to dive more into this later, this concept of navigating what is and isn't in your control. But I wanted to give you a tool to kind of help you navigate
00:15:39
Speaker
some of what we have control over and some of what we don't by looking at our emotions. All right. So a friend who's also a counselor in my life was shedding some valuable insight for me on emotions, right? Cause I'm always trying to learn some, always asking people questions about these areas, you know, that comprise online living. And she was talking about how emotions are the symptom of a deeper need.
00:16:06
Speaker
So the emotions aren't wrong, but in order to steward them well, we need to understand where that emotion's coming from, what need is going met or unmet. So when life is challenging, emotions tend to be like front and center, like whoa, like right there, right? And in this pursuit of wholeness, it's important to strive to acknowledge
00:16:24
Speaker
the emotion, but then choose how to live in that space with that emotion. Okay, so what is the deeper need that is attached to that emotion and then find a way to satisfy that in a healthy way? Well, that's the key in a healthy way. That's where that like, that is where the gold is. It's in pulling the pieces of our brokenness together.
00:16:50
Speaker
when we intentionally make choices in support of your wholeness and then not just reacting to the stress and challenges in a way that keeps those broken pieces just laying on the floor. Now, reflecting on our humanity, we are all broken, but we can be broken and beautiful at the same time.
Transforming Brokenness into Beauty
00:17:10
Speaker
It's what we do with the brokenness that matters. Like if you let yourself be transformed into something better, then you can continue to grow and become more whole and have shalom in your life. Again, not by avoiding the struggle, but embracing it. Embracing the hard, embracing the pit even. That's where you can be transformed. All right. So I once heard this visualization practice. It's pretty brilliant and I want to invite you in.
00:17:38
Speaker
You're in a pit. Now, maybe you don't feel like you're actually in a pit, but just think about a moment of stress you're going through. Maybe you're just in a little pit for a little while, but it's a pit nonetheless. Now, don't look up at Jesus because he's not up there. Where the heck is he? He's literally with you in the pit, like next to you. How much of a better feeling is that?
00:18:04
Speaker
Right? Like, so for the things outside your control, you got Jesus there in the pit with you. You know, that's a pretty powerful visualization practice because we can do the things, the rhythms within our control, but that helps us find peace with what's outside our control.
00:18:29
Speaker
Again, those emotions that you're feeling aren't bad. The stress doesn't have to be bad, but it's how you work through it. Now, maybe you have a different practice, spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally. However, you might work through the stress. But the point here is that we need to work through it in a healthy, productive way. And that's where this beautiful art form is formed. God will take the broken pieces and transform them into something incredible.
00:18:57
Speaker
And truthfully, like I intended this podcast to be for anyone and everyone, no matter what spiritual journey you're on. But I do want to speak from my heart, my personal journey, that truthfully, I don't think that this artwork can come together aside from faith in God and aside from spiritual formation.
00:19:22
Speaker
Part of a line living is spiritual formation for a really important reason. Our purpose, our peace, our provider is found in Jesus, not religion, but a relationship with God. While our practices in pursuit of wholeness
00:19:39
Speaker
Our choices, our rhythms, that's the gold, right? That's the gold that can hold us together. But Jesus is the artist. When we let him, he will work the miracles with our broken pieces. His hands put the pieces back together. And the best part is that he sees such beauty in all of us that we don't see.
00:20:04
Speaker
We just need to invite the artist into our lives to create this masterpiece. It doesn't matter how many pieces of shattered clay you feel you have become because nothing was too much for him. And I would add that part of how God works is using community to help put those pieces back together, right? Like he wants to use us
00:20:31
Speaker
within one another's lives to be part of that work. We're not meant to live in isolation. As a matter of fact, I have a whole podcast episode I'm going to be putting out on the barrier of individualism, and it's going to be amazing. But I would say the more broken pieces, the more potential gold you can now have as a part of you, right?
Growth Through Personal Brokenness
00:20:55
Speaker
As a part of your story to inspire others to show up in this world to shine.
00:21:02
Speaker
Just like kintsugi pottery, the process of pursuing wholeness shapes you and heals you in a way that's golden.
00:21:10
Speaker
So on near future episodes, I do want to dive more into my personal journey of the recognition of humanity and some of the practices I put in place to heal my brokenness. And what I mean is like really practical ways of stress management, basically. But hopefully some of these specific practices will help you on your journey.
00:21:34
Speaker
But I do want to leave you with one way to manage stress well, right? After all of this, you're probably like, well, what's something I could do now? Consider how you cope, all right? Because when it comes to stress, we're all coping in some way. We're managing it, we're navigating it. How do you cope? So you're stressed, let's say, are your decisions or choices bringing you towards Shalom or further away?
00:22:02
Speaker
If your default is a negative coping habit, just name it, replace it, and then do that new thing consistently. And ask yourself, how am I working through this stress? A big game is coming up, right? I'm your coach here, so I love these sports analogies. A big game's coming up. So much pressure, so much to prepare for. Stress.
00:22:28
Speaker
Keep doing the things you need to do to win. You press through. You do the training, right? You have your team and your coach in your corner.
00:22:39
Speaker
That's the self-care or self-compassion, the healthy choices, the intention to be surrounded in healthy community rest and
Community and Consistent Habits for Stress Management
00:22:47
Speaker
renewal. That's the aligned living. That's the training. And that is what you need to do to work well through the stress. And maybe I just need to point out that maybe you're not sure who's in your corner.
00:23:02
Speaker
But that's why I created this aligned living community. You can see more at autumnswain.com, but basically it's a place to have people in your corner on this journey. And there's a reason social wellness is a part of the aligned living journey because good community is important. So find it because it's there. Now,
00:23:23
Speaker
Wrapping up for Coach Autumn's Practice of the Day because practice does not make perfect, practice makes permanent. There is really no smooth transition from that really deep, intense information to talking about your coach's tip of the day. But what I want you to do is print a picture of kintsugi art.
00:23:47
Speaker
look it up, find something beautiful, print it off. I mean, I guess it's optional, but you could do this next part without it. But visuals, I think, are valuable. And then in the margin of that picture of art, write a list of three healthy ways you can manage stress in your life, and then do them for 63 days. Huh? Why 63 days, Autumn? Well, a lot of people say 21 days, but according to one of my favorite people and doctors,
00:24:15
Speaker
Dr. Caroline Leaf. It actually takes 63 days. So that's what we're gonna do. So we're forming this habit and this is the work. This is the training. So when you're struggling with your rhythms, look at the art and remind yourself why you're doing this. You are worth it. You need it. Keep doing it. Even when you don't feel like it.
00:24:42
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in to the Aligned Living Podcast. I'm Dr. Autumn, your guide on this journey to Shalom or wholeness. Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation? Head over to autumnswain.com to learn more and to dive deeper into the world of Aligned Living. Until next time, stay aligned.