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Ep 12: Battling the 'Me, Me, Me' Mindset: Embracing Community for True Wellbeing
27 Plays4 months ago
In this episode of the Aligned Living podcast, Coach Autumn explores the role of social wellness on our journey to wholeness. She breaks down the difference between individualism and self-improvement, showing how a self-centered approach can have long-term negative effects. With insights from her own research, Dr. Autumn reveals how our hyper-individualistic culture fosters unhealthy behaviors and isolation. She advocates for a community-oriented mindset, emphasizing the importance of genuine support networks for managing stress, making healthier choices, and achieving holistic wellbeing. Hit listen to learn more!
Intro and Outro Music Credit: Savage by Beat Mekanik, Free Music Archive, License type: CC BY
Please visit: www.autumnswain.com
Contact: autumn@thealignedleader.org
IG: @drautumnswain
FB: Autumn Alena Swain
Referenced in this Episode:
5 Signs of Individualism (Blog): https://serge.org/blog/5-signs-of-individualism/
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Align Living Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there. I'm Dr. Autumn, leadership consultant, wellness coach, author, and I'm incredibly grateful to be your host of the Align Living podcast.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm here to equip you with the tools, inspiration, and practical tips necessary to lead a life of wholeness and pursue greater Shalom in your life and that of your families, teams, and communities. My mission is to empower you to lead from a place of holistic wellbeing. It's time to say peace out to the fatigue, fog, and frustration of living in a place that lacks abundant wellbeing. Join me as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of spiritual, physical,
00:00:56
Speaker
mental, emotional, social, and economic well-being all within the comforting embrace of one podcast.
Barriers to Achieving Wholeness
00:01:11
Speaker
Hey, good people. Dr. Autumn here, and welcome back to the Align Living Podcast. And today I'm so excited to have the opportunity to chat with you about another really big barrier to achieving wholeness. um I would say both individually, as we're talking about in this pursuit of wholeness, but also collectively, all right? so ah Previously I talked about one of the biggest barriers being ah compartmentalizing right when disintegration is such an issue and in order to live in alignment and pursue wholeness we need to reintegrate these spaces right and we keep talking about this but I also think it's important on a bigger picture, kind of this 30,000 foot view to identify some of these like other barriers individually and systemically that can get in the way of us pursuing wholeness. So I talked about ah compartmentalizing. Today I want to talk about individualism.
00:02:13
Speaker
And this is not just an issue in the West and in the United States. It's a growing issue globally. So it's super important that we just name it and create awareness around it. And I hope by the end of the episode today, you will just have this greater understanding of how you could, well, one, see its relevance in your life if you're thinking, well, that's not much of an issue for me.
Impact of Individualism on Wellness
00:02:36
Speaker
Like, trust me, it is. It's something we need to be really aware of. And also, you'll see how addressing it will help you and the people you have influence over um when you can navigate it really strategically because it does impact every other area of your life. It really does. So that's what we're going to dive into. so
00:02:54
Speaker
As you recall, there's these six areas comprising our pursuit of wholeness that I've talked over and over again, um our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, and economic, right? So um i'm I'm highlighting that because I want you to keep all those things in mind when we talk about this barrier of individualism. So um today I'll be diving a little bit more into the importance of your social wellness though, because ah it has a tremendous impact on our overall well-being. Our social well-being impacts our physical health, our mental health, our emotional health, and our spiritual health, so even our economic health. Why not?
00:03:29
Speaker
So, ah that's the reality, and so I um want to touch a little bit more on social wellness today as it relates to individualism. So, um again, one recent episode I talked about, like, in the pursuit of Shalom, we have to understand that decompartmentalizing our spaces is essential. So, identifying that you know all of these areas are intimately interconnected. um So when we start talking about individualism, it's identifying that ourselves as individuals are also interconnected with our communities and the people around
Holistic Living and Spiritual Wellness
00:04:04
Speaker
us. So um is this is just all about living an integrated life, right? Like when we talk about an integrated life, it applies in so many ways. There's so many angles to look at it. And I want to keep diving into those different different angles throughout these different podcasts episodes. this is
00:04:19
Speaker
really the essence of aligned living. So when you are living in alignment holistically, you're in sync with yourself, all right? And that's peace. That's goodness. Living disintegrated doesn't feel right, and it just leads to this lack of well-being. So reality is unfortunately there's just a lot of things in our lives that we've continued to isolate when in fact to be our best and live our best we have to reintegrate so if you're thinking that that's not you it probably is like we're all on a journey like there's some way we could do this better so for example there's been this disintegration of our spiritual formation so in fact
00:05:02
Speaker
to truly grow to a higher level of spiritual well-being. You need to acknowledge and pursue a greater integration of your spiritual wellness with all those other areas of well-being that I just talked about. So again, thank you so much for joining me on this Aligned Living journey as we continue to reintegrate our lives in this pursuit of wholeness. So jumping right in, talking about this barrier of individualism. ok Essentially, we're not just integrated within us, but among us. We're integrated with one another in our communities, whether you like it or not. And I'm going to break this down for you. What impacts my neighbor can directly or indirectly impact me. Our individual wellness is connected to our social well-being and the ability to live out
00:05:57
Speaker
not just have knowledge of, but live out what it means to be in or with healthy community, okay?
The Community vs. Individualism Debate
00:06:05
Speaker
So individualism itself, let's dive into this because I think when you break it down, it is filled with quite a few ahas. So this is our topic of conversation today. i want I want you to think about like, what do you think of when you hear this word? When you hear individualism, like what are the first things that come to your mind? Well, I would say that in general, it's easy to acknowledge the negative side of individualism, but to make choices that support this thought or to make countering individualism in practice is a bit more challenging. So what I mean by that is, you know, you hear that word, you're like, yeah, like community is so important, like individualism means selfishness or whatever you might be thinking, okay? That's that's acknowledging its negative side
00:06:55
Speaker
You know, in thought, but in practice, this i I don't think we fully realize just how much our lives support an individualistic way of living. So we want to start breaking that down. Like, in other words, we know communities and we know communities value bull. but is it a value? You see what I'm saying? There's a lot of things that we know is important, like health and wellness is um important, but is it a priority? Like you're plugging into the Line Living Podcast, you want to pursue wholeness or a greater level of wellbeing. So you listen, you learn, but do you apply? That's making a priority. So in this case,
00:07:39
Speaker
Community is important, but is it a value? Because when something's a value, you make time to prioritize it. Like going back to early episodes, maybe episode three or four, when I talked about margin, if it's a value, it will be a priority and then you will create margin for it. Some would say, my statement here is debatable. Like some might argue that individualism can be good, but individualism is not to be confused with self-improvement or personal growth, okay? Because yes, absolutely, we need to focus on ourself at times. Like that's a big part of what I talk about with aligned living. Like we are gonna be better parents and better coworkers and better leaders and better neighbors when we take care of ourself.
00:08:25
Speaker
However, individualism as an idea is is very different than personal growth and self care. All right. So I am again, the first to say to give some space for your own wellbeing. But why do we do this? And this is where the big difference comes in. It's not just for our own good, but it's just as important that we do this for the good of others. You see, individualism is really like, okay, I'm going to focus on myself because I'm what's important.
00:08:57
Speaker
all right You're not really thinking about your community, whereas why do we improve ourselves? Why do we focus on so self-grow self Why do we want a line living in our lives? It's not just for our own good. It's for the people around us. So there is a big difference there. So individualism and practice cuts out the other. It's self-focused only for self and not for the betterment of others, okay? You see why this is such a huge barrier to wholeness in general? Some may find individualism is temporarily an easy and good thing because you see some temporary benefits of being so self-focused. However,
00:09:38
Speaker
And I could say this with the deepest conviction because of the season of life that I have gone through recently is that in the long run, individualism makes everything more difficult. It's just not sustainable to live a life well lived. So for me, what I mean by this is when you have a team When you are engaged in being on someone else's team and when you have a team of people that are helping you move forward, like when we're in community, when you are defying individualism, it is way better. is It's just so much more beneficial to you in the long run than an individualistic approach. So that is a big part of my counter argument. So, um, let's see. Well, okay.
00:10:29
Speaker
What do you mean by this autumn? Like, tell me a little bit more about this, like, difference here, um, just so maybe I could pick up even more what you're throwing down. Okay, sure. I got you. People make choices based on what's best for themselves without thinking about its impact on his or her neighbor. all right However, just like each area of wellness is into like interconnected or integrated with the individual, they're also in integrated at a community level. So culturally, Western society is facing many challenges in the time that encourages
00:11:06
Speaker
unhealthy choices and isolation that fosters unhealthy behavior. Alright, that's just part of our reality. um So for example, in today's fast food culture, people are not taking the time to make healthy food choices which lead to physical brokenness. but it also is often linked to families not taking the time for one another. You see? Okay. Another example lies within the lack of genuine community among people. And then this leads to a lack of support and accountability, which then can create feelings of isolation and the inability to make the right choices for oneself. So you see, this is like supporting my entire argument here that
00:11:48
Speaker
Individualism maybe in the short one might have some benefit for you, but in the long run, it is going to have a negative effect because you see what happens when we don't have that, when we are truly self-focused and we're not making community a value.
Leadership and Community Engagement
00:12:03
Speaker
So there's just too much research and too many stories of people that I personally know that are a testament to the value of community on one's mental and emotional wellbeing. This plays out physically too, because if you consider the role that toxic stress plays on our physical health, you'll see that there's also a direct correlation between healthy community and your physical health, right? Not just having the people in your life that can help you with things, you know, eating well and accountability and friendship and all of those things, but literally like when you were in positive community, it helps manage stress. And I could be getting the stat wrong, but I've recently heard,
00:12:45
Speaker
that 90% of all illness in some way is connected to the negative impact that toxic stress has on your life. And if we know, yes, there's practices like, you know, deep breathing and prayer and all these things that help with stress, like coping in a positive way. We also need community, okay? So, um, this is exactly why, like, I'm so convicted about what I mentioned earlier, that individualism may provide some temporary benefit, but in the long run, it's only going to cause damage to you and those around you, okay?
00:13:25
Speaker
Interestingly, um I have been passionate about this for some time now because back when, um during I'm making myself sound so old, but during my dissertation research on the holistic well-being of leaders in their communities, I was able to participate in some fantastic interviews. And one of them directly rated related to this particular concept um was an interview with Dr. Randy White, and he's a leadership and community development practitioner and consultant, okay. And he also happens to be a former professor of mine. And um so in my interview,
00:13:58
Speaker
with him, he suggested that this hyper individualization of today's culture has led to a decreased desire for the common good. All right, now think about that, because now we're talking about narrative and mindset, like at a cultural level, like that's pretty significant. Again, why I'm bringing this up and devoting an entire episode to it. He goes on, the interdependence that had existed throughout history is not nearly as prominent of a value today. I mean, that's just saying like communal living or like how we navigated um society and and living as an individual was much more communal in nature, right? Like there was an interdependence and and I love that and we need to get back to more of that.
00:14:39
Speaker
ah So, ah however, the reality is today, the gap between the rich and poor is greater than it's ever been. This is one of the many factors that demonstrate the direction culture is taking in society, okay? ah There is so many arguments. I i was just even listening to a podcast the other day that was talking about like, this is one of the biggest indicators of the direction that we're moving. And in this case, it was like not a healthy direction, right? I i wish I could remember exactly what this episode of was about is like a really powerful i can't even remember the podcast as a matter of fact i should figure this out and let you guys know um but the reality is that it's just an important inig indicator for the health of society right like so making choices for the common good over individual comfort is just not a common occurrence in today's culture but we can make it that way like there's hope we can you know there's pockets of you know people that are prioritizing this and we can move back into that direction but it starts with awareness all right and not just awareness but making it a value like i said earlier to go on the fragment
00:15:42
Speaker
fragmentation of our culture into these interest groups is a force against collaborative initiatives and a cultural barrier to individual and community wholeness, okay? So in my interview, keep that in mind, in um in my interview with Dr. White, he pointed out that interest groups were actually initially intended to be something good for our society by giving voice to the voiceless, okay? Think of how many things start out to be a force for good, but then if we are not super intentional about keeping it in a healthy space, it could turn unhealthy, right? So it was, these were intentionally, like the intention originally was to be a healthy space, to give voice to the voiceless. And now, because of individualism having too much like pull in our society,
00:16:32
Speaker
Now these intro interest groups are actually forced against the collaborative initiatives that we want. All right. So this is all like super important just to be aware of now as like, it just gives us a healthier perspective.
Overcoming Societal Barriers
00:16:45
Speaker
It's like adding layers to our lenses through which we see the world. The polarity involved in interest groups today has fostered a greater level of competition amongst one another for resources and attention. And it could be seen as a positive contribution to today's society that there are a greater number of avenues for letting one's voice be heard, okay, on a matter, right? So you can see it that way. But the average person now has several avenues for making a statement on a particular cause.
00:17:17
Speaker
But there are now so many messages that are being expressed that can lead people in different directions contributing to this greater fragmentation due to competition instead of collaborative approaches for the greater good. All right? Like collaboration, if you listen to any of my soap boxes, like collaboration is always part of the solution, okay? But here we're talking about individualism And these fragmentations are like creating competition instead of collaboration. Okay. And, you know, I'm not saying all competition is bad. What I'm saying is we need to counter this barrier and be intentional about creating more collaborative approaches for the greater good and making that more a part of our our narrative, and a greater priority.
00:18:07
Speaker
ah So I personally feel this cultural reality that we're in has led to this compartmentalizing of issues. just issues in general, like name one, they're interconnected in some way which can prevent an individual or organization from seeing the big picture and come to a more strategic solution. You see what I'm saying? So if you have an issue and you're trying to address it, it looks like a good thing, but the solution, the most strategic solution is to collaborate. But if that is not the natural rhythms that we see when we're approaching things and that's not what we're gonna think to do,
00:18:45
Speaker
But the reality is achieving shalom or community wholeness requires seeing the bigger picture and then working together strategically and targeting the broken parts within society. Okay. You know, someone might hear this and say, yeah, this seems like common sense, but then why aren't we seeing more collaborations amongst nonprofits? You know, instead of just worrying about like, it all comes down to abundant mindset, right? Like that's not even what this podcast is, ah this particular um episode's about, but Think about it. When you think more abundantly, churches would be collaborating. Non-profits would be collaborating. um Corporations would be collaborating. Neighborhoods would be collaborating. We would be collaborating.
00:19:24
Speaker
you know but it's just it's it's This barrier remains like such a an intense part of our society that has had a negative impact. so You'll notice that a big part of a line living in general is identifying gaps. I love talking about gaps. You're going to be tired of hearing about gaps. Like when we first started, it was like when episode one, two, three, probably I touched on all three of them, probably that, you know, The pursuit of wholeness starts with the fact that we have a desired state of where we want to be with our well-being and then we have the reality of where we are, okay? There's this gap and then there's also a gap between, you know, being inspired to do something differently and then actually implementing it and doing something differently, right? So then there's also this gap between
00:20:15
Speaker
agreeing with something and actually taking steps to make a difference, right? And that's the the the the dangerous space within community. Like people love the concept of community, but how many people, there's this gap between doing what it takes to actually contribute to healthy community and more collaborative approaches. There's also a gap culturally between the desire of people to have more unity but then lacking a willingness to do what it takes, okay? Bridging these gaps always involve a sacrificial component. You tell me one gap that you can bridge without some sort of sacrifice, right?
00:20:53
Speaker
that means that it's not easy bridging these gaps are not easy but the very very best of life exists on the other side of this gap making the sacrifice worth it okay so that is where we need to take the time and the space to prioritize and say okay i'm going to be super intentional about this what's the sacrifice that's required and you set to it because you know otherwise if you just willy-nilly when the sacrifice when it's time to make the sacrifice It's not going to happen, right? the Intention is being intentional. um So what sacrifices are needed for you to bridge the gap in your life between your individualism tendencies and practices that support healthy community? Okay. um Let me say this again, maybe in a easier to understand way. If you consider
00:21:45
Speaker
healthy community and what you desire to see maybe not just within yourself, but within your family, within your neighborhood, within your school, within your community, within your church spaces, within your um workspaces. There's this ah vision for this healthy community that you desire to see, and then there's the gap, and then there's their individualistic tendencies, okay? To bridge that gap, what are some things that you can do in your life? Okay, that's where we're getting we're getting at. This is the starting point. This episode serves as a starting point to get us thinking about this. I'll give you one point of self-awareness as we wrap up this episode.
00:22:26
Speaker
So I love talking about this too. This is for sure one of my soap boxes.
Long-term Well-being vs. Instant Gratification
00:22:31
Speaker
Consider the role of instant gratification on this particular topic. um I'm actually going to be diving deeper into future episodes on self-awareness and honesty because if you're trying to make progress in eating healthier and exercising, having more energy, sleeping better, more positive community in your life, maybe there's work goals, you're working towards family goals, you're working towards mental health, emotional health, you name it, any single topic, spiritual formation, Self-awareness is such a key component. Honesty with self is such a key component. So that's why I want to start here in addressing this barrier of individualism. Let's start with self-awareness. So consider the role of instant gratification on this particular topic, okay? Individualism feeds instant gratification, okay? Because it's about self, and self wants X.
00:23:23
Speaker
Self wants Y or Z. We're going to go after X, Y, and Z if we're not aware because that's what we want, right? Instant gratification is that immediate, you know, choice to satisfy a desire that is not the best for us in the long run. The focus is on our immediate needs and wants and not what not what is best for us long-term. Okay, that's delayed gratification. Delayed gratification is saying, I'm going to delay this desire right now because it's best long-term. What's best for us long-term always has a greater positive benefit on those around us as well.
00:24:00
Speaker
Think about your family and your kids and your coworkers and your neighbors, right? Like delayed gratification is magical. They've actually done some incredible studies with kids where they put things in front of them. They're like, let's say they put two M and&Ms in front of them and say, you can eat these right now, or you can wait 10 minutes and you'll get five M&Ms. Okay. I'm just kind of making this up, but this is the general gist of what the study was. and it And it tracked the long-term success of these kids, and kids that were able to delay gratification had greater success in their life. Like, that's how important this is, okay? And we're not even to get into the roots of why somebody would be willing to delay gratification versus instant gratification.
00:24:40
Speaker
I mean, I literally could talk about this from an emotional mental wellness perspective, definitely a spiritual formation perspective. As a matter of fact, ah the whole concept of um emotionally have healthy spirituality, I think has a lot to do with instant versus delayed gratification as well. And I'm sure there's like some pretty fascinating scientific um conversations around this as it relates to just our our total, like the way our body works and the connection between our thoughts and emotions and choices. but Enough rambling on that. It's just a pretty fascinating thing. But achieving wholeness is is a matter of discipline, right? it's We're making choices all day long that either support or don't support your well-being. And the consequences are supporting the end goal of of wellness, right? Like they're either contributing positively or negatively to that. It's all about choices, right?
00:25:33
Speaker
However, in today's society, this this strong pull of instant gratification has led to, okay, let's just give me give you some examples. It's led to severe debt and increasing obesity rates and damaged relationships. Okay, that's on a systemic level. Now consider what maybe some of those areas are as it relates to your own personal life and the immediate community around you. When we let instant gratification, which is tied to individualism, like take the lead, right? Like we want to counter that for sure.
00:26:05
Speaker
So there's this reason I talked earlier on this podcast about our choices and taking things one step at a time. Like I i wrote about it in my book, The Playground Leader. I talked about it early on in this podcast. Like build the life you want one brick at a time. are choices than are those bricks, okay? With each choice comes a consequence, either desirable or not desirable. So this culture of instant gratification has pushed people to make choices with undesirable consequences that then contribute to a community that's more broken and further from achieving wholeness. See, are you tracking me? So we're we're naming
00:26:48
Speaker
The the barrier individualism now we're giving you i'm giving you a very practical step to counter it is this self-awareness of instant gratification and we're talking about its Positive or negative impact on not just you but your community if you're able to delay gratification or not and that comes down to our choices, right? And because of this other barrier of compartmentalizing, we're not bridging our whole selves into the decision making process. We're not bringing, bringing, bringing, not bridging. Bridging works too. I'm talking about bridges all day with talking about gaps and bridges. We're not bringing our whole selves into the decision making process. This is super key.
00:27:31
Speaker
Because when it comes to individualism and instant gratification, like you need to bring your whole self into the process. So there's the whole concept with aligned living. When you're aligned, and I wish i could yeah wish you could see me right now because I'm i'm using my hands to create a visual of like things coming together like in alignment because and That's how we want to make our decisions. So this cultural barrier of compartmentalizing often prevents a person from hearing God effectively as well, right? Like if things are disintegrated. When we make a choice to meet an immediate desire that's not best for us, and it's not best for those we have influence over in our lives,
00:28:15
Speaker
It can be assumed, and I hate making assumptions, I'm just saying it could maybe be assumed that you haven't paused to ask God to be part of that decision. That's disintegration, right? Like all our choices, our decisions should be an aligned process. And that means that our spiritual well-being should be part of that process of making those decisions. So, and and it goes with every other aspect of well-being. Or have you considered what the right decision is when made from an emotional or mental healthy place? Okay, that's another example.
00:28:50
Speaker
So just to kind of wrap this up, when a person isolates one issue from others, they will most likely not arrive at a sustainable and effective solution for that issue in his or her life. All right, there's a book you may have heard of, um it's called Windows of the Soul, author Ken Guyer, and he he writes about how people need to be open to hearing God through various circumstances. All right, so when we compartmentalize our lives, It's easy to shut God out and not hear His voice when He introduces what Ken Geier says, a window to our soul in unexpected ways. this You see how this is all tying to the self-awareness around instant gratification versus delayed gratification and our choices? And then what I'm saying is our choices need to be an integrative process where we bring our whole selves to the process. So these Ken Geier is saying like it's easy when we compartmentalize to shut God out of these processes.
00:29:50
Speaker
But then you might be missing this beautiful window to our soul that could come in any number of ways because you're shutting that part out in this decision-making process. So, Ni goes on to quote, how many windows have I missed because I was too busy to look? And how much wisdom have I overlooked because I was too behind in my schedule to even see what was being offered? Alright, so there are just many, many cultural barriers standing in the way of Shalom, truth be told, for both individuals and communities.
Integration of Spirituality and Community in Decision Making
00:30:24
Speaker
That's just the truth. If our individual lives and our communities are so intimately interconnected, there must be an intentional effort then to decompartmentalize those things
00:30:36
Speaker
that are limiting wholeness from taking place okay so living a divided life in an endemic according to parker palmer he wrote a book called a hidden wholeness and he specifically states Once I have seen my dividedness, do I continue to live a contradiction? Or do I try to bring my inner and outer worlds back into harmony? Like that is what this is all about. Like that is peace. Aligned living is peace. I love how he says it though. Let me say it again. Once I've seen my dividedness, do I continue to live a contradiction? Or do I try to bring my inner and outer worlds back into harmony? Like I love that.
00:31:16
Speaker
He goes on to discuss an important point regarding wholeness and culture, right? That's what we've been talking about this whole episode. He talks about how many ah how humans in general have both consciousness and choice, all right? These are two realities that can both divide a person, but also help him or her become whole. That's what we're talking about. Our choices, for instance, are delayed gratification, for example. these two realities, consciousness and choice, and they could either divide or help you become whole. That's what I want you to take home. Choosing wholeness requires vulnerability, which is easier done in good community. So we're bringing this back to community, right?
00:32:02
Speaker
vulnerability, honesty with self, self-awareness is easier done and good community, which back to social health at the very beginning of this episode, I told you it would tie into of those six components why social health needs to be intentional, not just eating right, not just exercising, not just stress management, but we're talking good community, which can be hard to find in today's society due to this individualistic culture and other barriers that I've talked about previously. So we need to be intentional about it because now hopefully you'll see from this 30,000 foot view just how stinking important this is. So
00:32:40
Speaker
Similarly, as I wrap up, I want to give you a super, super, super practical tool that I think you will hold on to. Individualism doesn't let people into your life to challenge, encourage, support, and do what community does. Okay. So bringing this full circle, individualism does not leave room for social health, right? I'm going to say those things again. We need to be challenged. We need to be encouraged. We need to be supported. That's what community does. So when I wrote the book, the playground leader and i'm covering these 24 characteristics that we want to instill in our kids writes this more holistic approach to looking at our kids as leaders what do we want instill in them i cover 24 characteristics and there was no greater theme in that book than community sure there was you know
00:33:27
Speaker
ah chapters on being authentic and brave and confident and discipline disciplined. But I also talked about empathy and being team-centric and lamenting and being neighborly. Okay, these are all super important things. You can, you know, get the book on Audible or order it, read it, you know, it's a to get a really ah deep dive into what I talk about in those specific um areas, especially if you are connected to, you know, yeah young people in any way, it would be super valuable for you. um But this list goes on, right? like Community takes intention. that It just does. And if individualism is one of our greatest barriers to shalom, we probably should start to create culture that encourages community, okay? and Culture in your home, culture in your neighborhood, workplace, school, so forth. Be intentional about leading the way in this space. so
00:34:18
Speaker
Maybe you're like, you totally had me at individualism. I am so pro community, like for sure, for sure, for sure. Well, I encourage you specifically because we're all on a journey. None of us have arrived. If it's really, really important to you, then take inventory of your life and see where are you intentionally countering this individualism, right? Because when we name it, it has a greater impact. So literally I'm just saying like, when you're making your choices, like who are you thinking of, right? Um, and challenge yourself to go a step further. Like, do you check in with friends regularly? Do you consider a family member's needs? Okay. Those ones are a little bit easier, but have you considered the impact that one of your decisions has had on your community and everyone in it? Okay. That starts to go a little bit deeper. I love studying the book of Acts and the Bible when I'm really wanting like to reinforce just
00:35:11
Speaker
what healthy community looks like and just trying to glean new and ideas and inspiration and Acts 4 verse 34 says specifically, there were no needy people among them because those who owned land or houses would sell them. And then, you know, it just goes on and on to create this picture of like true community. Now that was at a certain time, like there was a certain cultural context, but we can extrapolate this idea to today's um times and the reality is like when we collaborate when we connect when we um understand that we are connected the way that we live our lives will look a little bit different so I recognize and I'll be the first one to say like life is super super full and yes it's a bit more time consuming to not just care about yourself but a life lived with others in mind it changes everything your quality of life is going to skyrocket as a result because
00:36:06
Speaker
in your personal pursuit of wholeness, even that idea alone, you will need people, you will need your team. And I like to say a team, because think about all the team, like, I could tell you, as a matter of fact, I should devote an episode to talking to you about my personal team, like how I, like, people look at me and they're like, Oh, you're so healthy, you must be so disciplined, like, what do you do? And all of that, but like, I have a team, right? Like, community suits are certainly super important to me. So, I'll probably talk to you guys more about that in detail just because I really want to wrap up this episode here but um you know I want to I want to give you something super practical okay I think that many of us know the value of community to some extent but
00:36:56
Speaker
a value really guides your life. Okay. So I want to talk about some signs of individualism because I want you to be able to like have a few things where you really look at your life and say, am I living that way? Okay. So How is addressing individual individualism in your life a priority? All all right. So step one is this self-awareness. All right. It's foundational to wholeness. I talked about this before. So I found a blog and I really liked what they have to say, right? Like don't recreate the wheel if it's already been done pretty well. So.
00:37:35
Speaker
um I'll include this in the notes, the um the reference for this particular blog article, but they talk about five signs of individualism. And I just like to look at this as red flags. Okay, so think about this. self-reliance you do have self-reliance in your life that just essentially is saying are you proud you don't need help from others or you don't like being more vulnerable all right think about that because some of us it's a challenge to be vulnerable and we and and we take pride in total individualism total i mean self-independence all right now what about self-sufficiency
00:38:12
Speaker
Relationships stay super super at a surface level. They're superficial, right? Like when we are self-sufficient, we like, we take pride in that and then we don't take the time to really dig deep into relationships. All right. That's the second one. Like third one, self-protection. Oh, I know some people where this is like a super relevant one. Okay. I mean, what this means is you keep people at arm's length. You're afraid to be hurt or rejected. um Or something else right so so this is like super important because.
00:38:47
Speaker
I'm not a psychologist, but I would imagine if you dig deep into your history, there may or may not have been some things that have created thought patterns where self-protection is just a way of life, and you need to start to undo those, okay? ah Fourth red flag, self-importance. You tend to be addicted to busyness, and it's the way you fill the void of deep relationships in your life. Like how many, of I don't have time for that. And then you feel like just your massive busyness is fulfilling some purpose, But that's self-importance. That's another red flag in the way of um individualism. And then the fifth one is self-will. I think all of us could stand to do better in this area. Your schedule and priorities always take precedence. You don't reshuffle your agenda to help or serve others. You like having people around, but you don't tend to take their advice.
00:39:37
Speaker
or welcome their correction. Okay, to some extent, we probably all most of us, at least listen to this podcast, will reshuffle to an extent or will take some advice to an extent, but there's always like a limit, right? um you know just I'm going to say this again. So self-will is your schedule and priorities always take precedence. You're not reshuffling your agenda to help and serve others. Okay, you like having people around but you don't tend to take their advice or welcome their correction. Maybe you already are so certain about the way that you do things a certain way is the right way and you're not leaving space for that. That self will. That's the fifth red flag to individualism. So the reason I wanted to name these is because I'm certain that
00:40:19
Speaker
almost all of us listening are like communities good. Individualism has a negative side, but then in order for us to change and be better, we need to call some of the things out that might be still like festering in our lives and those things will impact our choices and we want our choices to support community and wholeness so we need to have some like true self-awareness so that's step one and then step two is really just leading into as I wrap up I've said that like three times but here we go for real coach autumn's practice of the week because as I say practice does not make permit perfect it makes permanent okay
00:40:58
Speaker
So, with that being said, the practice of the week is to create space or margin, my favorite word, for community. Leave margin for community. Take an assessment of your life um and leave some margin for intentional community. All right, that's going to be our goal. That's what we're going to do together. If you already do, maybe assess if it's the best way for you to counter individualism. It's the best way for you to build community. ah Maybe there's some new ways you can take initiatives around collaboration. um I just have to say I love seeing alignment with how God has made our bodies and what happens when we make good choices.
00:41:38
Speaker
Okay, I'm just going to tack this on as like an appendix to that practice of the week. um I just think it's so fascinating. And so I want to ask you, like, consider how God made our bodies ah and how community and how God made our bodies are in such alignment. Like, I often discover so much about what we need at the root of our being when we do this. When we think about like how God made our bodies and then we look at our problems, wait what is the root of this? like The solution is often tied into this equation here. like We need a nutrients. There's certain nutrients we absolutely need. God gives us what we need through plants that grow on this earth. okay Not the packaged crap. God has given us plants with nutrients that we our bodies need.
00:42:27
Speaker
Breath, for example, impacts our nervous system in a positive way, actively reducing the negative impact of cortisol levels and toxic stress. Okay, God gave us breath. like Isn't that fascinating? Now God made our bodies so we can have an immediate positive impact from a genuine positive embrace. Wow, like so community will immediately give your body a health boost like crazy. I'm telling you this. So when I say the practice of the week is to make margin for community, you're like, holy smokes. Like maybe you're feeling stressed. Maybe you're feeling down.
00:43:02
Speaker
community will help your body physically, because that's how God made it. So crazy, huh? Hugs. we but Whether you love hugs or not, I was about to say we all love hugs, but not everybody does. But hugs can instantly boost your oxytocin levels, which is this really amazing, positive chemical in our bodies. Like God put it there and made it so that hugs will boost those oxytocin levels. And that helps in healing some negative feelings, such as loneliness and isolation and anger. Okay, like how super cool is that? So make margin for community. Maybe it's volunteering because let me tell you, volunteering itself, when you're feeling so overwhelmed, like you don't have a free second in your life, volunteering will reduce stress. It increases positive, relaxed feelings by releasing dopamine. Again, how cool is that? Like we serve, you show up in community and you serve and there is a physical response in your body. That's how God created us, a releasing of dopamine. Like how cool is that?
00:44:02
Speaker
you spend time in service to others and you will feel this sense of meaning and appreciation um both Which has like these incredible stress stress reducing effects Like I don't even have time right now to go into all the things that are happening physically in your body But how cool that this is how God made our bodies, right? Like sometimes we do Things that are these temporary solutions that are counter to how God made our bodies like that's not what we need What we need is this and that will get to the root of the problem. So Make some margin for community do your body good, and I hope that you have an amazing time doing it. Have a great day
00:44:45
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in to the Aligned Living Podcast. I'm Dr. Autumn, your guide on this journey to Shalom or wholeness. Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation? Head over to autumnswain dot.com to learn more and to dive deeper into the world of Aligned Living. Until next time, stay aligned.