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Ep 19: The Heart of Connection: Why Community Matters More Than Ever
27 Plays15 days ago
In this episode of Aligned Living, Autumn Swain chats with Alexis Browning, a former healthcare professional turned nonprofit leader, on the power of authentic community. Inspired by a mission trip to Kenya, Alexis left medicine to foster meaningful connections. They dive into why social well-being is essential to overall health and how vulnerability and proximity create deeper relationships. Alexis shares personal insights on embracing connection—even in tough times—and practical ways to build a sense of belonging. This episode is a powerful reminder: We’re not meant to do life alone.
Intro and Outro Music Credit: Savage by Beat Mekanik, Free Music Archive, License type: CC BY
Please visit: www.autumnswain.com
Contact: autumn@thealignedleader.org
IG: @drautumnswain
FB: Autumn Alena Swain
Where to find our Episode Guest: Alexis Browning
https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexis-browning-853870264/
https://www.instagram.com/a_browning90/
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Transcript
Introduction to Align Living and Dr. Autumn's Mission
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there, I'm Dr. Autumn, leadership consultant, wellness coach, author, and I'm incredibly grateful to be your host of the Align Living Podcast.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm here to equip you with the tools, inspiration, and practical tips necessary to lead a life of wholeness and pursue greater shalom in your life and that of your families, teams, and communities.
00:00:34
Speaker
My mission is to empower you to lead from a place of holistic wellbeing. It's time to say, peace out to the fatigue, fog, and frustration of living in a place that lacks abundant wellbeing.
Interview with Alexis Browning on Community Building
00:00:49
Speaker
Join me as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, social, and economic well-being, all within the comforting embrace of one podcast.
00:01:09
Speaker
Hey, good people, Dr. Autumn here and welcome to the Aligned Living podcast. And today I'm so excited because I um got to interview Alexis Browning, who's not only a dear friend of mine, but she is doing some amazing work as um president of the East Division with a phenomenal organization called Apartment Life, where basically she's just day in and day out committed to um helping build positive community and apartment communities um across the East Coast. And um what's so amazing about this work is it's engaging people to make loving your neighbor a lifestyle, right? And um just addressing the loneliness ah epidemic really, and um talking about the value of community
00:01:53
Speaker
And so she was moving and shaking in the medical field, doing some really
Social Well-being and Community's Role in Wholeness
00:01:58
Speaker
great things there. But um just through a like her life story, she tells you a little bit about a part of that where just the conviction for the importance of community in our overall um well-being, what it means for our success, for um our um ah wellness, this pursuit of wholeness, you know, with the line living, like we've talked about physical health and spiritual formation and mental, emotional health, but social wellbeing is an important part of it. I looked at that um just as equally as any other component when I was doing my dissertation research. And so um take a listen.
00:02:32
Speaker
You won't be disappointed. um be encouraged, be inspired. um So here's my interview with Alexis Browning and just to add, um listen through the very end because um we have a little bonus clip on our dating advice ah for you all, which, um,
00:02:50
Speaker
you know, everything we talked about there is like translates perfectly to just the the value of healthy community and in what that looks like. So that was um probably the most fun part of the whole interview for me was getting to talk with her a little bit about that. So you get to hear a couple of gold nuggets from both of us, some just some of our advice in that space. so that was fun.
00:03:12
Speaker
Anyways, um enjoy the interview. Well, Alexis, welcome
Alexis's Journey from Medicine to Community Leadership
00:03:17
Speaker
to the show. I am so excited to be chatting with you today. i really appreciate you taking the time to be on in the midst of your wildly full schedule, but this is going to be good.
00:03:28
Speaker
Yes, yes. Thanks for having me. I've heard about this podcast and the other parts of the world. We just had to kind of jump on here, here. And yeah, just excited for you to have me and for us just to kind of talk a little bit about just what we'll talk about today.
00:03:42
Speaker
Sure, absolutely. I'm actually, i had a little bit of break in in this podcast. And if there was anyone to have on post my little break, it's you because we have so many soapboxes we get to connect on and things we get to chat about.
00:03:57
Speaker
that I think are so significant and relevant to the world that we live in today. But um as listeners know, Aligned Living is all about the integration of um all things that make up our whole our our wholeness, basically. And the pursuit of wholeness is my passion. And we've talked about on this podcast, physical health and spiritual formation and mental and emotional health.
00:04:18
Speaker
but I haven't spent as much time tapping into the importance and value of community or what I call social wellbeing. And I thought there was no one better to start talking about this than you, um, as you all heard in in the intro, um,
00:04:34
Speaker
Alexis um is a leader of an organization that really focuses on like building positive community and building valuable and life-giving community within um apartment communities. And honestly,
00:04:50
Speaker
you know, equipping and finding people who want to just as a lifestyle, make loving God and loving your neighbor um just part of their everyday lives, which I think is so valuable.
00:05:02
Speaker
um But I would love for you to just talk about that
Lessons from Africa: Community Bonds and Priorities
00:05:06
Speaker
a little bit. You were like, you were like doing your thing in the medical field and then decided to lead this other thing in the nonprofit world where essentially like your whole life's committed to this value of building a community and and social wellbeing what that means. So I would love for you, whatever you want to share about your journey, your convictions behind this, just tell us a little bit.
00:05:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So I'm actually going to start a little bit, not in the U S I'm going to take us on a journey a little bit to Africa. And so, um, going back to kind of what you'd share, you know, i worked in healthcare, care went to school for healthcare, um, goal was to, uh, become a doctor.
00:05:42
Speaker
um, medic, you know, medical physician and always valued, um, just the human body. Honestly, I think science and how science works and, um, you know, the, the, we know the ways in which we impact how our body responds to things, um, and just the importance of that. And so, um, was always the track, honestly, to, to do that and to go to school for that. And so I ended up going to Africa back in 2018, um, for a mission trip.
00:06:11
Speaker
ah right in the middle of Kenya, right in the middle of summer. So so hot, just the not an ideal month to go to Africa. and he um You know, for those of you who are listening, if you've ever been to, you know around Kenya, the people are phenomenal.
00:06:26
Speaker
um Just you can, I would say, smell community there. I mean, just the way people interact. I mean, you would not think anyone doesn't know each other um there, which is just amazing from just driving in the cars, they're honking the horn, and waving. I'm like, oh, do you know that person? They're like, oh no, you know just like such a such a space. And you know the the heat is is blistering. So I was in Africa, was there for 10 or 11 days.
00:06:50
Speaker
um And man, I just was um overwhelmed by the positive well-being, i would say, of the people there who do not have what we have here. So again, for people listening, they don't have AC, they don't have Apple, they don't have TVs, there's no Rokus, like there's no just like normal, um right, everyday interaction experiences um in terms of just outside world like we have at the tips of our fingers. And yet there is a radical joy and life inside of them
00:07:28
Speaker
um due to just living in community. And so I ended up going to an orphanage while I was there. um full of little kids that have no idea who their parents are. And um the sense of just tangible um laughter, um life, overwhelming, just, I say positive, but just the the balance that they had from just each other, um just these kids that just kind of do, you know, life all day, every day in in this orphanage, it wrecked me. um And I just was like, man, i
00:08:03
Speaker
have to do this somehow for a job. um And so i say job, really livelihood, career, passion, just, it you know, again, always instilled in me just this idea of, right, like our inner self and the health that comes from their human body. And yet that aspect of adding, you know, people to that um was always intrigued me. So it just kind of like a perfect storm. And so was there in Africa, we left um again, a lot of just amazing experiences there for me to see at the front end of like, also what was really neat is that it didn't take much. I remember making sandwiches one of the nights we were there to take to the orphanage. And I was like, it took us 20 minutes to make these sandwiches. And it, it probably meant 10 years worth of work to these kids.
00:08:45
Speaker
um that they just were able to eat a homemade sandwich. Some of them are putting them in their pockets. um Just truly were just um so filled with gratitude. And I just remember coming back and going, I've got to leave the medical field. I am in working in the hospital. Again, anyone's listening, if you're in the medical field, man, it is such a gift and joy and call to serve the sick.
00:09:07
Speaker
um And I just knew that this aspect of getting to create systems create operations within community was something I had to do. And so my friend was serving as a coordinator, um apartment life coordinator, you know, so those who live in the active communities kind of within apartment life, different apartments, they're spreading, you know, just the good news, but then also, you know, creating this community enrichment within where they live and just grabbed ahold of me. I was just immediately drawn to the mission and I've been here eight years. So ever since it's kind of the start of that. So that's,
00:09:40
Speaker
really long answer to how I got here. Yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I will ask you in a little bit too, to even expand upon um just because of your passion for community and your and your faith, your passion for Jesus, your passion for um the the physical body and health. um I would love for you in a minute, I have a different question first, but just to put in the back of your mind to tap into like what you feel community even like means means to you personally and for for other people and how it's influenced your wellbeing or or in general, like how it influences wellbeing. I would love to
00:10:15
Speaker
ah tap into that because like what what you witnessed, you know, i was the integration of how community has impacted other areas of, you know, people's lives. But first, um I wanted to just kind of piggyback on my most recent episode where I talked a lot about choices, you know, because when it comes to let's say picking up the the right thing to eat or drinking water, like all these things are choices that I've found in my work of sometimes people struggle with.
Being a Good Neighbor and Community Impact
00:10:45
Speaker
So I dug into like the physiology with emotions and thoughts and everything behind choices.
00:10:50
Speaker
So with that being said, um What I wanted to ask you about is I read a book um quite a while ago, so I might not get this exactly right, but it's called The Art of Neighboring. And the whole premise of this book, right, was these two pastors went to a mayor of a pretty large city and said, hey, like, we want to make a difference in the city. Like, what can we do?
00:11:11
Speaker
And the mayor said, um just be better neighbors. Like, neighboring is this thing that even the the mayor of the city identified was such a way to have an impact holistically on and cities and individuals.
00:11:25
Speaker
But this full circle, it's a choice, right? Like we we we know it's it's valuable, but why do we struggle to create margin in our lives and make this choice to be a good neighbor and make time community, make time for people? So I would love to hear from your perspective, like whatever you want to share, why it's a struggle, what we could do to be better, like what we could do to prioritize margin, to make better choices around this space, like whatever you feel led to share on
Proximity in Neighboring and Vulnerability
00:11:53
Speaker
this.
00:11:53
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny. We used to give in apartment life, actually, we used to give that book to our coordinators kind of when they first came in about like five or six years ago. So just feel like we're always kind of finding resources, you and I, that I think we align a lot on. And so I'm a big fan of that book.
00:12:08
Speaker
um So, you know, Answering your question, you know, I think when you break down this idea of neighbor, right? And kind of I did some word study on neighboring a few years back when i started an apartment life. And it's this idea of actually proximity.
00:12:25
Speaker
creates obviously kind of the foundation of neighbor. But what was really interesting about a little bit in our neighboring, they kind of go through this as well as the proximity can be from an emotional, a spiritual, a physical standpoint, right? can be expound past just, I live next to you, but actually you and I, Autumn, who live very far away, we have a proximity just because emotionally we connect on a lot of things. Like, and we're able to dialogue so it can feel as if you're kind of close. So i think it's important one to grasp and understand that this neighboring concept does force vulnerability.
00:12:57
Speaker
no You know, you cannot be in close proximity and not be vulnerable. That could mean you leave your front door open or you leave your garage open. Or when you're going into your apartment, you maybe take the steps, not the elevator, you know, or whatever, just to kind of not to bypass people.
00:13:15
Speaker
But you're wanting to be known. You're wanting to be seen. You're wanting to be loved. um And so the struggle there would be, right, well, we don't want to be vulnerable. It's 2025.
00:13:26
Speaker
twenty twenty five um I'm in really sharing what's going on inside of me. I'm happy to tell you what I know, but I not really want to open up and kind of be vulnerable and and share that as well as.
00:13:39
Speaker
um it it causes this sense of not looking inwardly. And so when we think about proximity, when we think about neighboring that act of vulnerability, it causes us to actually have an outward focus versus an inward focus. And I'm just going to be real with the people listening, right? If you take a moment and think about what you did today as you're listening to this, wherever you are, like you probably did a lot of things for yourself.
00:14:03
Speaker
um, the list that you did for others for general population, probably, you know, pretty short, if it is long, then email Autumn and we'd love to talk with you. Cause you're, one you what an account you know, that it truly uh, uh, we're naturally just created to just be inward to stay inward. And so, um,
00:14:25
Speaker
it had to be about six years ago. um It's actually really funny. I was a really bad neighbor. I was a really bad friend. um I was going through lot personally and I did not know how to be vulnerable, really say, Hey, I'm actually needing help or I'm actually needing just someone to sit with that dinner or I'm actually needing whatever. Right. And so Because of that, instead of just saying, hey, here's what I need, i actually just said, hey, ooh, actually I'm not, I'm gonna be pretty, I'm gonna reject ah little bit of,
00:14:56
Speaker
the outward sensitivity, tender spaces. I'm just going to kind of stay inward, kind of, you know, not seek vulnerability. um And I think it it makes it a struggle again to be, to be known. I think it is a choice to want to be known, to want to be seen. It's a vulnerable choice. It's a bold choice.
00:15:13
Speaker
um Especially when we don't know how sure or confident we are in our own selves, our abilities, our thoughts, you know, et cetera. um And so, yeah, I would say kind of for me, kind getting those two struggles, to answer the question again, struggle wise would be lack of vulnerability, fear of vulnerability. And then I think that desire to kind of just look inward, what we know what will work out for me? What is it that I'm really needing, um as opposed to kind of outwardly looking?
00:15:38
Speaker
Yeah, I love that. Actually, I want to expand on that a little bit because I think I've heard this said before. um i think it actually might have been when I was working in, ah and not working, but volunteering with the church and all their like outreach strategies. And i always thought, man, like small groups really need to get more involved in like it should be part of our process, our spiritual formation to not just you know, support one another, um they have that community and and pray, but go out and serve. And I remember one of the leaders saying, yeah, but so many people in my group are going through hard things or like life is life and life and life is life. and yeah and so my conclusion is kind of like, you know, life is always life and things are always happening.
Leaders and Loneliness: Community Engagement Benefits
00:16:23
Speaker
And
00:16:24
Speaker
you know, we shouldn't wait until we've got it all together before we go do this, because it's like the cart before the horse, like actually by engaging in community, it it actually benefits you when you are in your hardest place or when you feel overwhelmed, when you feel stressed out.
00:16:42
Speaker
So i would love for you to expand on that a little bit more in whatever way you want to, like how, when you have a lot going on, you're feeling overwhelmed, like even even folks in leadership positions, right? Like they say it's lonely at the top a lot of times because you have 10,000 things going on and all these responsibilities.
00:16:58
Speaker
How does it benefit you physically, spiritually, emotionally, any way you want to look at it to engage in community like now? he Yeah. Yeah. That's really helped. That's really a good question.
00:17:09
Speaker
um You know, all a sudden we go back to, right. Like just the creation of the world. Like we just, you know, we weren't created to be alone. You know, I think that think when you think about the foundation of just who we are innately, don't think you meet anyone who I day after day wants to be alone.
00:17:24
Speaker
um And, you know, like what you mentioned, it's a good point as a leader, I, you know, lead ah ah a large group of people and a large group, large team. And they're just pocket pockets of loneliness that come with that.
00:17:36
Speaker
Um, and one of the things that I see benefit greatly when I reach out to my friends or reach out to even our team and I'll say, you know, Hey, this is what's going on.
00:17:47
Speaker
It ah removes you from that room where it is just you, yourself, and I with your own thoughts, your own beliefs, your own, and you now have a synergy. You think about plugging something into the wall.
00:18:00
Speaker
And now you have a light or now you have, you know, a power to whatever. It creates a momentum and a synergy when you invite just one person in. you don't have to share with all eight people. You don't have to share with your whole small group.
00:18:11
Speaker
But just saying to one. And I always, you know, err on the side of like, hey, vulnerability is a gift. don't You don't have to share everything or how deep you're going through things. But even just to say, I'm having a hard time, you know.
00:18:23
Speaker
It's a good time and it's a hard time right now. And, you know, just would love to share that. And so I've seen that show up in ways, like I said, some some synergy for me to go, you know what, actually, someone does actually care.
00:18:34
Speaker
I'll reach out and say, hey, I'm having this hard time. And they'll say, hey, you know what, I would love to talk with you about that. um I've seen connections form from that. So I may share with someone like, hey, in leadership, I'm having a hard time.
00:18:45
Speaker
We're having a lot of challenges on our team as I'm leading this team. And they'll say, oh, I know this person who could maybe talk with you about that. and they And so now I've built another layer of community just from a natural connection. And then the physical aspect of it is, I mean, we just wear stress and tension all over our body. And I know you are way more further further in just our aligned living in our body than I am. yeah I'm still learning from you each day, you know, but I will say that the, ah you know, the stress and the tension, if you just actually sit and you go, hey, I'm gonna actually release this and I'm going to share
00:19:21
Speaker
how I'm doing with someone, I believe your entire body just shifts. And there is like your nervous system gets to really be untapped and you go, oh, okay, I actually was struggling with a headache the past three days and now I'm not. Well, it's not the Tylenol you took, I promise. It's because you brought someone in and physically your body is again, designed to desire belonging and to desire community. And I think you just see that physical change and shift even in your body. Again, just from an openness to say, hey, I'm really needing something.
00:19:54
Speaker
Or even in celebration, it's not always just having a hard time. Something positive may have happened. And to invite someone into that, I just have seen, you know again, on the emotional stance, it's like now a party of two that gets to celebrate this versus, you know hey, this may not, you've heard people say before, this isn't a big deal. I wanted to share this. It's like, heck yeah, that's a big deal. like you know You were able to run a mile today or whatever that may be. And so just again, inviting others on the journey with you,
00:20:18
Speaker
man, we're not made to do this journey ah alone. And I would urge whoever is listening, like, get out there, like find a person to be able to share in that way.
00:20:29
Speaker
So that could be, I'll keep, I'll stop shut after this, but that could be, you know, someone at the grocery store.
Community Involvement and Individual Success
00:20:33
Speaker
I mean, I think it's just, the The simple fact you see a change in when you're working, even in the service industry, you say, hey, good morning, or hey, good afternoon, or I travel a lot, of in the airport, and there's a physical, visceral reaction when you just interact and engage with someone. They're like, oh, wow, ah you know hi, good morning. So I think those are kind of things I would say.
00:20:52
Speaker
Yeah, and sometimes, like that's really good. um and And sometimes I feel like, even what you said about the vulnerability thing, I sometimes feel like,
00:21:03
Speaker
Because, and I live in the DMV, the DC area, right? So individual success is like such a big thing. There's so much pressure around it. So I think a lot of times, right, this community becomes such a low priority because people don't see the connection between the two, you know? So in this world that prioritizes individual success, like,
00:21:25
Speaker
And you did answer this kind of, but I would like to know even more so what you would say, like why it's important to cultivat but cultivate a sense of belonging connection within our communities, specifically considering spaces that are like, well, you know, i don't have time for that because I have these individual like successes that I'm shooting for. But I would argue that our success is is going to be hindered if we don't have community.
00:21:55
Speaker
And so i would just love to maybe you have a short story, an example, personal or people you notice that speak into that a little bit. So, you know, i guess I'm trying to like really convince people, well, this is why this is important. Yeah. If you will. So yeah.
00:22:10
Speaker
Yeah. I want to share, yeah I'll share a story. I do want to share, a study that we did on the epidemic of loneliness, um, a few years back in apartment life. And it actually, i wrote wrote this down. It talks about that, uh, loneliness actually is this, this innate fear to be known because you can't be loved.
00:22:33
Speaker
Um, and, uh, I think if we can admit that and name that, I think then, uh, we are, able to move past the fear of, I can't come to this insurmountable thing of being known or we getting to know someone. So I'll share a story. um This was actually before I took this role. So I've been in apartment life for eight years, like almost eight years, like I said.
00:22:58
Speaker
So a year and a half ago, actually, it was almost two years now, I guess in May, um two years ago, I was going to apply for this role. So I was serving, working in the Texas area and was um looking and deciding to apply for the East coast, um, area and, uh, everything that I just described in that definition of um definition of loneliness, I felt, I was like, this is fearful.
00:23:25
Speaker
I don't want to be known. I don't deserve to be loved. And so why should I have this really great thing? And so I love what you just said about success because, going to tell the story. But if i I could tell the story very quickly and say, man, I was just like, well, I know I can do it. And so I applied and I got the job and now I'm thriving, but I have no one next to me here doing it with me. Right. There's no one to share in this with.
00:23:48
Speaker
um But that's not what I did. I actually went to my group of friends and was like, hey, this is crazy. and don't live on the East Coast. um You know, kind of a trajectory of change in career after almost you know six and a half years is a big change. It's gonna make me uncomfortable. I had to name the things that I was really fearful of um and just really seek guidance and wisdom on like, should I do this? And I remember one of my friends said like, hey, it's really not about like if or if not, you should do this.
00:24:15
Speaker
It's about just knowing like we would support you what at like in whatever you do. like we're We're here and you are not alone. um And I just remember walking through that process.
00:24:26
Speaker
It was a pretty daunting process, ah but just being able to have a sounding board. um If there's any athlete ah sports or athletes fans listening, right you think about like a team.
00:24:37
Speaker
um Could you imagine like them playing? like Right now, March Madness is going on. like There's no people in the stands. Like, could you imagine they're just there, right? And like, we're not watching on TV, people aren't making their brackets. Like there is a direct correlation to just synergy and fan, you know, fans and just the cheerleaders of your life being a part of how well you're doing. Now, one could argue, right, whoever wins March Madness, have the biggest fan base. So that's not a direct correlation. However,
00:25:07
Speaker
I feel like the correlation to having people cheer you on and walk with you in success bears greater fruit of that success being sustainable.
00:25:19
Speaker
Um, cause the minute you're at the top and you have a bad day and it's just you, there's a really dark path that you can go on in loneliness, in lacking vulnerability and just trusting yourself, which i don't know about anybody else, but like, I, I'm a really just bad truster of myself. i'm like, my thoughts are not always the best. My ways are not the, you know, and so to just have me being that compass,
00:25:42
Speaker
um can be just pretty pretty pretty dangerous. And so, yeah, that's kind of what I would say for me is like, you know, the reason and the desire, again, and why we innately need to belong.
00:25:53
Speaker
um And I think, again, doing that without a fan base, doing that without people around you, um yeah, it's going to continue to be pretty lonely. And you may bring in all the money in the world from a success standpoint, but I think it's going to lead you into further pits of physical unhealth, spiritual unhealth and emotional unhealth.
00:26:14
Speaker
Yeah, no, I love that. And actually, that leads me to a completely different question i that I really want to ask you. i was going to lean into this, you know, the the obvious question, you know, about, you know, God calls us. Why is it one of our biggest commandments to to love our neighbor? Right. And, um you know, honestly, i think that there's pockets of this happening,
00:26:35
Speaker
all around the world. We don't see it in the news, but there's all these like really lovely things happening and there's just the significance around loving your neighbor. And, and, you know, and I wanted to ask you why you thought that was such a crucial commandment, you know, and what that means for today's society. but i actually want to go slightly different direction because, you know, along the lines of that, but what you were just saying about how community helps you become a better leader,
00:27:00
Speaker
um So this idea of iron sharpens iron, right? And if you if you're listening, you're not familiar with that. It's like when you have people around you, like it's mutually beneficial where you're like helping each other become better. And so so sometimes with the idea of loving your neighbor, we we look at it as like a one-way thing.
00:27:22
Speaker
So i and loving my neighbor, therefore they're benefiting from me. But actually i like looking at it as more this mutual beneficial thing. And so I'm going to lean into the topic of accountability with you. I want you to speak into why this is so stinking important. And let me give you a story or an example of why I'm a strong believer in accountability. So for me personally, I formed certain habits in my life where I don't need accountability because they're
Accountability, Habits, and Goal Achievement
00:27:50
Speaker
habits.
00:27:50
Speaker
Once things become habits, it's different. Like, drinking water walking praying like all those things have been solidified as habits for me but whenever you're starting something new let's say you want to you're working towards something and it's new i think accountability is one of the best gifts we can be given but people don't like it they're like i feel like you bring up the word accountability and there's kind of like oh yeah whatever i got this but i'm gonna give you an example so i had a small season of my life where i was obsessed with storytelling And um I listened to this book and it was like, everyone should um do this homework for life where basically you take just a quick snippet every day. You write like just two or three sentences about something that happened. It's called homework for life. It's almost like journaling little moments in your life that are happening every day. i'm like, that's so dope.
00:28:38
Speaker
So I'm like, I'm to do this. But I knew I wasn't going to start a new habit without a accountability partner. I reached out to my friend. Her and I were doing it together every day. At the end of the day, we text each other. Did you get your homework for life done? You know, yep got it done, got done.
00:28:50
Speaker
The minute we were like after a few lee weeks, we're like, you think you got this? I'm like, yeah, I think I got this. i don't think we need to check it anymore. I completely stopped doing it. I have not done my homework for life since I stopped having accountability partner.
00:29:04
Speaker
I am not kidding you. And so i think there is something so significant about this concept of iron sharpens iron and accountability. And again, there's the whole vulnerability thing you talked about, you know, the willingness to be like, you know what, like I didn't get to this today, but having someone who's supporting you on that journey, um,
00:29:23
Speaker
Why is accountability so important? Why does it work so well? Why are we so resistant to it? Yeah, I think it's so good. Here's the question I would ask people. So I love that you asked me this because I would say like if I had an adverb to describe or adjective to describe my name, Alexis, it'd be accountability because just crave it.
00:29:40
Speaker
um So here's the thing I always ask people when they're like, oh, don't need accountability. I would say, well, do you, would you say that you're disciplined or we need discipline, right? I ask parents. do you discipline your children? Well, no parent would tell me no.
00:29:51
Speaker
Um, most of them, you know, um when I taught, when I asked, you know, people like, Oh, you know, you don't need accountability. i would say, well, do you need discipline? Right. So accountability break broken down is the word account. So short accounts happen from doing something over and over and over again. Um,
00:30:07
Speaker
And so from a habit perspective to have the accountability, there needs to be an account that you actually did that habit. So you can not just account for yourself to say, Oh yeah, today why did this, right? It's, Hey, when you go to the bank, you put your money in an account, it's there, it's secure, it's safe. Someone is checking and balancing from the bank's perspective, right? You don't just like have your money at home. And you know, again, people can have their own accounts home. Of course, I'm talking to just kind of normal 2025. We all have our money in bank accounts.
00:30:35
Speaker
And so that's, accountability to me is going back to that like mentality of like a dog on a leash. Like there has to be guidance and there has to be a want like linking arms to say, hey, I'm going to commit to this.
00:30:51
Speaker
It doesn't devalue your commitment in any way. And it doesn't devalue as a person to say that you can't do it. But man, the strength in numbers to say, hey, I'm actually going to, we're going do this together. And I'm going check in and you're going to check in.
00:31:03
Speaker
um And I don't know, I just feel like that the the account part, the short accounts and having someone intentionally doing that with you um just brings it brings it a lot further. And and i I would argue that we we have chosen discipline over accountability to say, well, I'm pretty disciplined. I'm going give every day. I'm going to give.
00:31:21
Speaker
in those, right. And those things, but you know, that accountability piece adds that, Hey, I'm going to make sure this actually happens, or I'm going to make sure if it doesn't happen, I've shared this.
00:31:32
Speaker
And so that tomorrow we'll start back over and and kind of course, correct. That discipline just innately tells you, Hey, I'm you know going to do this. I'm going to do this, but desire fuels the discipline.
00:31:43
Speaker
So the minute you're tired, and you've had a crap day, your discipline's going out you know, think about people who have those cheat meals. It's like, hey, you know what? Today was just really tough. Last night I was craving McDonald's. haven't had McDonald's like five years. And I was like, I got to have McDonald's tonight. And I didn't have it. Guess why? I was like, hey, to accountability, I'm really wanting to crave McDonald's. And I'm really just fighting to eat like something green, leafy,
00:32:04
Speaker
some good protein, like I actually needs that more than the desire. So I think, again, it's back to that, the accountability, if your desire fails away, or you're really crazy at work, or from a leadership perspective, you know, then I think that that's kind of where that that accountability comes in. And um You know, as a leader, I'm always desiring accountability from humility.
00:32:27
Speaker
I'm always very humble about, hey, here's the decisions I'm making. Here's what I'm thinking, because I want to bring others in around me for their wisdom, their sound judgment, them to be able to kind of provide some guidance. And again, if it's just a party of one, um you're just kind of running that show yourself.
00:32:44
Speaker
Yeah, that's so good. Yeah, I like thinking about it from that perspective of the desire. If that's fueling like, you know, the the discipline, then that's not going to be very reliable. um So I okay I'm gonna wrap up with, I will give you a chance to tell people where they could find you and whatnot.
00:33:03
Speaker
But before that, we're going to have a little fun. I did not prep you for this, but this is going to be a little fun for my ah for audience. So it is related kind of. But um Alexis and i have lots of soapboxes we could get like super passionate about.
00:33:17
Speaker
But one one of the first times I had met Alexis, I had told her I wanted her to be on my podcast to talk about community. But she made the joke of maybe we should start a dating podcast.
00:33:30
Speaker
OK, and so I would so regret this moment if I didn't if we did not take a moment to talk about our advice in the dating world.
Dating, Community, and Intentional Relationships
00:33:42
Speaker
OK, so I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I know exactly. And it's going to be super relevant. So listeners like stay tapped in because this is going to be so valuable and relevant to community because we're I'm just going to tell you straight up that when I think about some of the things that I've learned in my life and my journey of where I find the the healthiest, most fruitful dating relationships is directly related to where I find the most healthy, fruitful community.
00:34:11
Speaker
Hmm. I'm not kidding. So I have my two answers. I'm to let you go first, though. If you were to share some insight into like, what are the most important things you should look for when you're looking for a date in dating relationships and a partner?
00:34:30
Speaker
Like what what do you think is the the most important, some of the most important things like one or two? And then I'm going share my two. And if you take my two, then I'm not going to share two more. OK, got it. um All right. Number one, I'm so big on this um intentionality.
00:34:46
Speaker
I'm going to kind of going to talk about this for a just a quick second. I'm not talking like, you know, he he or she makes a plan, you know, and the plan feels good and it sounds fun. It sounds romantic. I'm talking like, hey, I know that you had a meeting today. was pretty big.
00:35:04
Speaker
How'd that go? Or like, hey, I know you've been really trying to run a mile. How far did you get today? Or hey, I know you've been trying to go to bed with your phone, you know, not next to you in the other room. Like, how's that been for you? Like, how's that been going? So I'm talking about literally finding craters and spaces in your cracks of who you are and then wanting to enter into those.
00:35:31
Speaker
Okay. I'm not like the what's up text. How's your day? Like I, we got to come with some like real intentional combo. And that again, must come with vulnerability. It's got to come with you being willing to share you being, you know, going out of your way, looking external, not internal to what's going on with the person that you're dating to be able to get outside of your own world and kind of enter in.
00:35:52
Speaker
So that's the first thing. So you're not intentional, go ahead guys or girls, just drop them. Okay. Second thing is You said this, so I'm gonna kinda see how I can say it differently. um Anyone that I have dated or met or even talking to friends dating, if you do not have three or four people at the top of your list that you can name that you have like checked in with, done something with, they know what's going on in your life that week,
00:36:21
Speaker
we have to have a different conversation. Like there should be people, again, there's going to be droves of people, I'll say three, four max, but just that are doing life alongside of this person. And they are, and not just like, yeah, I saw my friend eight months ago. And like, they kind of know when they've been annoyed, when they've hit rock bottom, when they got upset because the driver got over on them. I'm just talking like the daily interaction, the daily accountability, the daily discipline,
00:36:50
Speaker
um from that person's life. And so I would say, you know, in short, that's community, but just having an insulated group that is doing life with them, that they are known, loved and seen by someone other than themselves.
00:37:04
Speaker
um man, it just provides such a fruitful dating experience. um And you get to find the joys of being known, loved on a journey of known, loved and seen by whoever you're dating, you know, and if that's not there, i think you then move towards a lot of absorption from the person you're dating, because now there's chairs around you. Imagine three or four chairs in a circle.
00:37:26
Speaker
That person has to fill each of those chairs. And that is just hard. I'm just not equipped or here to do that. That's so good. and Okay. You did not take mine, but that's so good. Okay. And let me just add to that, that first answer.
00:37:40
Speaker
Like i went through a season where I was like, man, I have so many quote unquote friends. And then someone asked me, well, do you, ah do any of them pour back into you? are you just always in this like giving, giving?
00:37:52
Speaker
And I will say when I started really even, i mean, that's so relevant to dating, but even with friendships, I started saying like, Where like who is like intentional in those ways of like saying like, OK, this is really important to you and checking in on that. And how's that going? And those things that intentionality.
00:38:10
Speaker
And I would add like thoughtfulness almost goes right with that. So that's really good. okay I was expecting you to take one of mine. Okay, so so my two, I love that, Alexis. Okay, the first one that I'm going to say, actually, i think you do amazingly in your organization as a leader, but in dating, one of my my top, top things is there has to be safe spaces.
00:38:32
Speaker
Mm-hmm. That person, your your heart has to be safe. You have to be able to be transparent and vulnerable and your heart be safe. Because for many listeners probably who have, um you know, been hurt because you opened up in an unsafe space, like, you know, that's really, really hard. And so my big thing now is like safe spaces is a safe space.
00:38:57
Speaker
to you know to to speak freely and so on and so forth. um And I would say even too, that's been the most refreshing thing for me and and in the dating world, but also in leaders and organizations. I think you do an amazing job, Alexis, in creating safe spaces for people you work with to fully be themselves. and that's so, so important in a healthy community. And so I would add that as my second point in the dating space, like I watch my parents do this, they authentically are themselves around each other. And if you can't fully be yourself, then that's a non starter. And so
00:39:33
Speaker
the freedom and how refreshing it is to be in a space where you could fully be yourself and it's a safe space and you know who else you could fully be yourself with. And it's always a safe space with Jesus. Okay. No humans are Jesus, right? None of us are perfect, yeah but it's like, like when you, when, when people disappoint you, I know I can, I always have that safe space, but in a dating relationship, you're choosing that.
00:39:57
Speaker
So So but to me, those are non-negotiables right there. Anyways, this is fun. Oh, good. i Well, I'll talk more about the dating world with you any day.
00:40:07
Speaker
can't wait to come back. Yeah. so yeah There's so many people out here navigating. Speaking of loving your neighbors, I get in these types of conversations with people all the time. It's real. It's relevant. Yeah. um But that's some good. Those are four. If anybody walks with any anything anything from this podcast, you take those four things.
00:40:26
Speaker
It doesn't matter if you're dating, if you're married whatever, you need those four things. If you're married and you don't have those four things, work on it. Go find them. Yeah. Work at it. Work at it. just Talk about it. Find some community to help you work at it yeah so no This is good. This is good. um This has been so fun. I um always leave everyone with like Coach Autumn's tip.
00:40:50
Speaker
And my tip's just straight because I'm gonna wrap this up. um I'm going let you close it out, Lexis. But have an accountability partner for one goal in your life. Hmm. Start there. Start simple. Sometimes you need the simplest things. Think of one thing you've been saying. You've been, you know, I'm to do this. I'm going to do this. You haven't done it. You haven't done it.
00:41:08
Speaker
Decide to do it and have a rapid accountability partner in and check in every day at first, because if you don't do that, it's going to be too easy to not do. So. That is my my simple tip for you all.
00:41:20
Speaker
Alexis, tell people where they could find you. Yes. Okay. So you can find me on LinkedIn. So Alexis Browning on LinkedIn, or you can find me on Instagram. So it is a underscore Browning, B-R-O-W-N-I-N-G.
00:41:38
Speaker
90. So on Instagram or on LinkedIn, you can find me. And so thank you so much, Autumn, for having me. This was just a blast. And a yeah, thanks everybody for listening as well. Absolutely. Until next time, stay aligned.
00:41:55
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in to the Aligned Living Podcast. I'm Dr. Autumn, your guide on this journey to shalom or wholeness. Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation?
00:42:10
Speaker
Head over to AutumnSwain.com to learn more and to dive deeper into the world of Aligned Living. Until next time, stay aligned.