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Ep. 2: Breathing Room: The Healing Power of Margin
19 Plays7 months ago
In today's episode of the Aligned Living podcast, Coach Autumn shares her strategy for finding space when you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed. She introduces the idea of margin as a key element in living an aligned life, describing it as a sweet spot that allows for reflection, self-care, and inner peace amidst life's hustle and bustle. Armed with Coach Autumn's practical tips, reimagining your approach to busyness just got a whole lot easier.
Intro and Outro Music Credit: Savage by Beat Mekanik, Free Music Archive, License type: CC BY
Please visit: www.autumnswain.com
Contact: [email protected]
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Transcript
Introduction to Dr. Autumn and Aligned Living Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there. I'm Dr. Autumn, leadership consultant, wellness coach, author, and I'm incredibly grateful to be your host of the Align Living podcast. I'm here to equip you with the tools, inspiration, and practical tips necessary to lead a life of wholeness and pursue greater Shalom in your life and that of your families, teams, and communities.
00:00:34
Speaker
My mission is to empower you to lead from a place of holistic wellbeing. It's time to say peace out to the fatigue, fog, and frustration of living in a place that lacks abundant wellbeing. Join me as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of spiritual, physical,
00:00:56
Speaker
mental, emotional, social, and economic well-being all within the comforting embrace of one podcast.
Understanding 'Margin' in Life
00:01:12
Speaker
Hey, good people. Dr. Autumn here. Welcome back to the Aligned Living Podcast. I am so excited to have this opportunity to chat with you today about another foundational intention of preparing to live an aligned life.
00:01:31
Speaker
Personally, I call this the magic word for pursuing wholeness. I would say this intention out of all of them really saved my life during my most stressful and challenging season. I will actually today dive into what that season looked like for me a little bit and the role that margin played in my life. And yes, that's the magic word. That's the intention I'm talking about, margin.
00:02:02
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It doesn't sound exciting at all, but it is. Trust me, margin is like the feeling you get when you pause for a moment and take a deep breath of fresh air and let it out slowly.
00:02:21
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Then you look up into the sky and smile while you thank God for a new day. This is what margin does for the body, mind, and soul. It gives a space to treat ourselves well.
00:02:38
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For example, I hate rushed mornings with my kids. Like, I hate them. That 15 extra minutes of sleep after your alarm goes off is just not worth it when the trade-off is a mad rush and the attitudes that come with it. Hurry and love just do not coexist in the same time space.
00:03:04
Speaker
I am about to send my kids off to school for seven hours. I want this time to be joyful and peaceful. So what can I do about it? Leave margin for the extra. Making healthy lunches for them. Making sure they drink water in the morning before their breakfast smoothies. And have time to take their probiotics and vitamins.
00:03:32
Speaker
We also prefer to get to the bus stop a little early. A mad sprint from our home to the bus is just not our favorite vibe. But I like to say good morning to the neighbor kids and give my kids a big hug and a word of encouragement. I say to them, I love you so much. And remember, be kind to everyone.
00:04:00
Speaker
Now the kids are off to school and as I walk back home with my basketball in hand because, well of course my kids don't go anywhere without a ball, I think how margin is so magical. It gives space for these teaching moments and for laughing moments and there's another big thing margin gives space for. Remember when I told my kids to be kind to everyone?
00:04:28
Speaker
Well, what we forget is that everyone includes you. It includes me. It includes ourselves. Margin gives you space to be kind to yourself. So today that's what we're going to focus on, the value of margin.
Personal Journey and Coping with Stress
00:04:47
Speaker
So I told you, I would tell you a little bit about how margin saved my life. I was married for almost 14 years.
00:04:58
Speaker
And then I wasn't. The wounds are still fresh, so without going into much detail, I woke up one day realizing the kindest thing I could do for myself and for my kids, to be honest, was to remove myself from a situation that emotionally and mentally was hurting me and extremely painful. Physically, my health began to suffer due to stress,
00:05:26
Speaker
I was a health coach, mind you, and I also had a strong faith. I was eating right and exercising, praying and meditating. I thought I was doing the right things. I was doing the right things, but not enough of all the things.
00:05:44
Speaker
My body, what I realized, was in a constant state of fight or flight. And let's just say that my sympathetic nervous system didn't get to take much time off. And my parasympathetic nervous system, that is the system that allows us to find peace and calm down,
00:06:08
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that system was taken a nap okay and i will be the first to say we are not the worst thing we have ever done i believe we can make mistakes and still be a good person so this is not me.
00:06:25
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giving any jabs or saying anything particularly negative about my ex or anyone else. However, after much forgiveness and grace, I knew to be kind to myself, I had to choose differently.
00:06:43
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We can't force change on anyone else. We are not responsible for changing anyone else. We're only responsible for ourselves and being the best that we can be and doing what we could do for ourselves. So by the grace of God, my kids are great and I'm in a good co-parenting situation, but through the thick of it, I was treading water. And what kept me from drowning was my intentional pursuit of wholeness.
00:07:12
Speaker
No matter how chaotic, no matter how stressed or hurting I was, I stayed focused on what I knew to be true, that I needed to make space, that I needed to have margin for the rhythms that would support my shalom.
Rethinking 'Busy' and Creating Margin
00:07:33
Speaker
Your body doesn't just relax or find a state of peace on its own. You have to be intentional about creating this reality.
00:07:44
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So I'm going to actually do an entire series for you guys about my rhythms that supported health and wholeness throughout that time and during this current season for me as well. There were just rhythms that were lifesaving for me and that helped manage stress in a healthy way.
00:08:07
Speaker
and were sustainable during a time of transition and quite honestly, way too much to do. So as I equip you with these strategies on this journey to wholeness, I'll continue to let you in on what I did and still do with that margin I intentionally create that really changed everything for me and brought me so much hope and health during a very, very challenging time in my life.
00:08:36
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But for now, these first few episodes are giving you a foundation to start to build on. Last episode, we talked about honesty. And when I had my aha moment in my relationship, it was a season of intense honesty.
00:08:53
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And that helped me face my reality head on and gave me strength to make the hardest decision I ever had to make. Whatever your honest conversations lead to, the next essential step is to create margin to deal with the results of that honesty.
00:09:15
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But I absolutely hear you. When I've had conversations with people about margin, the first thing they are thinking about is that sounds so great. They love the idea of margin. It sounds even magical.
00:09:29
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But I'm just too busy. I don't have margin, right? That's the initial thought that people have when I start talking about this. But can I be honest with you? I truly don't like that word, busy. We need to take that one out of our vocabulary because it will just mentally help us better prepare to utilize, to find and utilize margin.
00:09:55
Speaker
But the reason I don't like this word busy is because too often we wear it around like this badge of honor and take pride in some ironic way in not having enough time for ourselves, which would include your personal pursuit of Shalom, right? Of wholeness. So being kind to yourself literally gets kicked to the curb in the name of being busy.
00:10:20
Speaker
So if you must name that thing in your life that's so busy, then acknowledge it as fullness. Say, my life is full. And the reason I like this better is because it's a bit more positive because we have space to define what life is full with, right? So this word for me invites in gratitude. So for example, my belly is full.
00:10:50
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because I just ate good food or my house is full because I get to exercise hospitality. Life is full because I have so many things to do, but guess what? Some of those things are good and I choose what I make my life full with. So this point in the episode is where I want to show up as your coach.
00:11:15
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And I want to challenge our mindsets. And remember, I choose to be your coach. Coach Autumn, instead of Dr. Autumn here, because coaches care so much about their players. They care so much about their teams. But in order to see progress forward, truth must be told, right? In love, of course. So.
00:11:37
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Your truth is that you don't have margin, you create margin. You don't have margin, you create margin. Busy too often becomes an excuse.
00:11:53
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Full is not an excuse. Full invites strategy to find margin. So have an honest, there it is again. That's why we started last episode with honesty as a foundation because it comes up time and time again.
00:12:09
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So have this honest conversation with yourself about time management, okay? What does this look like in your life? And this then leads to an honest assessment of your priorities, okay? So placing margin in your life for things that will help you on this journey to wholeness must be a priority. And I hear you saying again, or thinking,
00:12:35
Speaker
But it's all important. How do I prioritize all these things are important? Well, let me tell you this, your capacity for those important things will increase when you have more energy.
00:12:50
Speaker
when you have less brain fog, when you have more health and less frustration. Let me just tell you, that's truth. And the truth is until a person is intentional about creating margin for their wellbeing, it just won't happen. Space doesn't magically free up. We feel our time and our space with our priorities.
00:13:16
Speaker
So when my holistic doctor told me that deep breathing was not optional for me, if I wanted to reverse the damage that had been done by so much stress over the years, I must, not I should, I must find margin to breathe.
00:13:36
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Additionally, I'm talking about the deep breathing kind, the deep belly breaths, right? So in this season of transition, I honestly had way less time and I had more responsibilities and the stress was still there. I just created space to manage it in a healthy way. So stress isn't the issue.
00:13:57
Speaker
We all will be exposed to stress and get this, I love this. The better we handle the stress in our lives, the more our tolerance for it will increase. Like that was a light bulb moment for me. And I liken this to the process of strength training. You will hear me speak analogies over and over again because I love them.
00:14:19
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But we all have muscle fibers, right? And let's say the average person has muscle fibers that function at about 30% of their capacity.
00:14:28
Speaker
However, to get stronger, we don't need to add muscle fibers. We just need to train the ones that are already there to increase in their capacity, which means increasing in their efficiency, the current muscle fibers we already have, right? Stress will be there. So our training is to handle the stress in a healthy way so the result is greater well-being.
00:14:56
Speaker
So basically, in conclusion here, bring this full circle.
Sustainable Rhythms for Well-being
00:15:02
Speaker
This journey to wholeness, I have an assignment for you. As your coach, I want you to make the commitment to create margin in your life. Take the time to process what alignment looks like for you.
00:15:19
Speaker
because everyone can find margin because we all have 24 hours in a day and we all have the ability to prioritize. Everything will never always get done. I'm going to say that again. Everything will never always get done. So prioritize margin to work on this pursuit of alignment, right?
00:15:51
Speaker
So next episode, we'll talk about what to do with the margin, right? I want to introduce you to something I created. It's called intentional sustainable rhythms, intentional sustainable rhythms. And just as much as I don't like the word busy, I don't like the word balance. So I will talk more about why I love the word rhythms and don't like the word balance, okay? Balance, my friends, will just set you up for an inevitable fail.
00:16:20
Speaker
And so we're going to do a deep dive into the gift of rhythms, and I'll talk more about that little cliffhanger right there about balance, right? Because we all talk about finding balance, but why? You shouldn't do that. And why rhythms are such an effective approach to achieving your wellness goals, okay? So here's just a tiny sneak peek into why it's so important and why you created this model of intentional, sustainable rhythms in the first place, okay?
00:16:46
Speaker
So in all my work in leadership development, community development, health coaching, I noticed something. I noticed that the demands, the demands of work and family and community and other obligations,
00:17:02
Speaker
was and is taking its toll on today's leaders, okay? Way too many people are burning out, feeling fatigued, like why has that been normalized that it's okay to function constantly in a state of fatigue?
00:17:17
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Leaders are lacking inspiration and mentality. They're overwhelmed, right? Stuck and tired and often lacking the support, lacking the rhythms and tools to have abundant well-being in their lives, okay? So what I have found working in all kinds
00:17:40
Speaker
of spaces, cross-cultural and cross-sector spaces, people of all ages, is that people want to be well. They do. They really do. But they're lacking a sustainable plan to do so, okay? Right? Most people would agree with me that folks want to feel renewed and energized and inspired and focused and disciplined and they want to flourish and live life on purpose, okay?
00:18:08
Speaker
And the truth is that there is usually this gap between our reality and what we desire for our lives, right? Like how we feel and how we would like to feel.
00:18:23
Speaker
There's this huge question though to be answered is how do you bridge that gap? Okay, that's what a line living is all about. Like, what do we need to bridge that gap? We need to pursue this foundation of alignment. But how do we do that? That's where the intentional sustainable rhythms come in. And so I will do a deep dive into this, right? Because previously we talked about these six areas of wellness are physical, mental, emotional, social, economic,
00:18:52
Speaker
and spiritual well-being. I think I got that right, right? Spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, social, economic, yes, well-being, right? They're intimately interconnected. We can't separate them. All of them impact the other areas, right? And so I will do a deep dive into what this looks like, right? It's the whole concept of a line living. It will take many, many episodes to do that. And you'll pull something valuable away from each and every one.
00:19:18
Speaker
But I want to wrap up with just a little story of my own stress management journey. It's a hidden part of my story, okay?
00:19:30
Speaker
So what people don't realize is that while I was implementing these important habits for my health, right? Doing things, doing the things I needed to do many, many, many of the times I did not feel like doing it, okay? There were times I felt the same after I completed some of these rhythms.
00:19:56
Speaker
My heart was still hurting. My mind was still scrambled at times and I would catch my body still jolting into fight or flight. But through all of this, I still walked and I prayed and I got outside in nature. I connected with good friends. I meditated. I read scriptures and spoke truths over the lies that I was catching.
00:20:21
Speaker
myself, these lies that were just creeping into my thoughts, okay? And I took the time to cook healthy food. I listened to worship music. I danced. I did it even on the days where I thought, is this making any difference at all? Well, it did and it does, but not like a magic pill we take with immediate results.
00:20:47
Speaker
So I want to leave you with this. Think of it like a puzzle. Each piece, each step, each action, each rhythm is contributing to the whole, but it takes patience. It is coming together, even if it looks like a hot mess sometimes. And no matter how difficult things were,
00:21:09
Speaker
I did not choose unhealthy habits to cope, okay? I knew that those choices are like a speeding train. Once it starts, it is hard to stop. So don't start, right? That was my thought process anyways. And so remember, again, coaches love their players. This is a total judgment-free zone. Coaches care.
00:21:39
Speaker
So truth is important in performance. So I just want to tell you that if we want to be well, these are just the important and loving conversations that must be had. Okay.
Breathing Techniques for Stress Management
00:21:54
Speaker
So now for coach autumn's practice of the day, because practice does not make perfect practice makes permanent. So today's tip.
00:22:05
Speaker
You were exploring this journey with me for a reason, right? So whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, which it will happen, take some deep belly breaths. Every time you sit down, sit down to start something new,
00:22:23
Speaker
to eat, to drive, to use the bathroom. Take three deep belly breaths. And I use a 4-4-4-4 count. Breathwork professionals might call this the box breath because you are breathing in for four counts. You are holding at the top for four counts. You are releasing for four counts and holding at the bottom for four counts, okay?
00:22:50
Speaker
This is super energizing and it does so many other wonderful things for us. Deep breathing actually fascinatingly, at least to me, improves your vagal tone. What the heck is vagal tone? We'll talk more about that later. But remember when I said that my body was so used to being in fight or flight?
00:23:09
Speaker
Well, our vagus nerve has this amazing impact on our parasympathetic nervous system. Fighter flights, you're sympathetic. So deep breathing helped counter that for me. For my body to settle into this more peaceful state, improving my vagal tone was necessary. So deep breathing became a rhythm for me. It was a non-negotiable one.
00:23:33
Speaker
And for you, it will settle your body when times are overwhelming or stressful or whatnot, which is important. So buckle up and breathe because this journey is going to be an amazing ride. Thank you for tuning in to the Aligned Living Podcast. I'm Dr. Autumn, your guide on this journey to wholeness or shalom.
00:24:03
Speaker
Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation? Head over to autumnswain.com to learn more and dive deeper into the world of aligned living. Until next time, stay aligned.