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Strategies and Methods to Balance Life
2.4k Plays3 years ago
Uphill Athlete Coaches Carolyn Parker, Maya Seckinger, Nikki LaRochelle, and Karen Bockel take up the question of how to balance being the best at all the different things. Join the community by joining this important conversation.
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Transcript
Introduction by Carolyn Parker and Coaches
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another uphill athlete podcast.
00:00:03
Speaker
My name is Carolyn Parker, and we are joined by uphill athlete coaches, Maya Seckinger, Nikki LaRochelle, and Karen
Balancing Work, Family, and Training for Women
00:00:10
Speaker
Bockle. Today, we're going to be talking about strategies and methods to balance life, to help women working through the do it all syndrome that many of us succumb to, of trying to work, manage, family, train, and ending up overdrawn from the energy bank and under recovered. Thank you so much for joining us
Setting Boundaries and Saying No
00:00:31
Speaker
today.
00:00:31
Speaker
What sort of strategies do we have to help with them setting boundaries saying no being okay with things you know what have you done and what have you experienced because this is a, this is a reality in our culture has been for decades. Here you want to jump in on this one first. Who Carolyn you're touching on the sun is so or something there.
00:00:50
Speaker
I
Challenges Faced by Overachievers
00:00:51
Speaker
don't know about you but I think we're like we're often like such overachievers and we want to do it all because like we set goals for ourselves and and they're not just in one direction because life is big and so we try to be best in all the things at the same time and it's really hard so yeah it's a struggle that's real and one that I myself have trouble to find the balance in from time to time I'll start with that I'll think about the strategies
00:01:18
Speaker
I have so many female athletes. They're trying to be the best mom, the best at their job, trying to do two or three different sports really well. Be good partners to their partners. Like it is in so many different directions. I'm
Prioritizing Health Over Strict Training
00:01:29
Speaker
always like trying to keep track for them. Like, okay, what's going on this week? What big, you know, event does your kid have that you're traveling for in your work event? My best strategy so far is just trying to tell them over and over, if you can't make the training work, if you need that extra hour of sleep.
00:01:44
Speaker
That's okay. Like just being that sounding board and giving them permission to just kind of take a break at times. Cause I just see it over and over. They're trying to do it all. And you know, if you're a mom and you're working a big job and you have a lot of stuff going on the training and you're not trying to be an elite athlete, the training should probably be the first thing that goes. It's probably the thing you should cut out so you can sleep an extra two hours. If you didn't go to bed until 2 AM.
00:02:05
Speaker
So I try to give them that like external voice. Cause I think in our heads, we're like, no, we have to do it. We have to be better. We can't give up. Like we're lazy. I try to be that external voice being like, it's okay. It's okay. If it doesn't work today, don't stress about it. Don't beat yourself up for it. That's going to be worse in the long run. Let's just try again tomorrow. That's my biggest strategy. It's a great one.
00:02:25
Speaker
I do want to recognize, this is a female uphill athlete, but men and women fall prey to this.
Social Media and Unrealistic Expectations
00:02:30
Speaker
We're talking about women in general because they tend to be the caregivers and have that sort of extra drive usually, and end up taking that mom role and working full time and all that. But it's to really give them that perspective and talk with them and say, it truly isn't possible. You may see things, and social media is terrible, it's made this worse, you know, because everyone only posts the positive.
00:02:55
Speaker
They don't, and like, I did this and I did this and I did this. They don't post themselves like curled up in a ball in their bedroom all day on a Sunday weeping because they just imploded. And I mean, that's, that can be a reality. And so, you know, learning to, what can you do? What is a reasonable load? There are only so many hours in the day. We really want to dial everything back first and foremost to health and wellness before we try to do anything that is performance. Again,
00:03:25
Speaker
recreational. And it's like, if you're exhausted, but you need some fresh air, walk instead of
Adapting Training to Life's Challenges
00:03:31
Speaker
run. You know, if you really just feel like you got to sleep, anyone spent cozy time with your family and your kids and feel no pressure.
00:03:37
Speaker
please, if our plan is three weeks of intense training and a week of recovery, we need a recovery week earlier. Let's do it. Just making it really reinforcing how, you know, how dynamic it, it needs to be. Just sometimes I, you know, I share a lot of my own stories. That's another thing I don't want to ever make it about me, but if someone puts you on a pedestal, it looks up to you as a coach, sometimes sharing your own, um, challenges and things over time.
00:04:07
Speaker
can be super beneficial because they're like, Oh, you went through this too. You're not perfect. I'm like, Oh yeah, no. And not even remotely close. That's why I'm so good at coaching you. Cause I screwed up all these
00:04:18
Speaker
Yeah, I think I try to think a lot about what I can do with what I have in that moment or in that day or in that week. There's so much thinking we do and expectation we have that just isn't productive. For example, just for me personally right now, it's like I'm sick. I'm postpartum. Like what can I actually do for training? It's like not a lot.
00:04:38
Speaker
realistically, I shouldn't really be doing a whole lot right now. And I think there's the expectation of wishing I could or thinking I need to be doing that, but I just can't. So it's so easy to just beat our heads against the wall with this expectation stuff. And our egos get so tripped up with this as well. But I try to encourage people to really think about what's the best thing you can do. That's just the motto. What's the best thing I can do for myself?
00:05:03
Speaker
in this moment and a lot of, maybe that could be resting or backing off and playing the long game. And yeah, Maya, like you were saying, there's way more important things in life than sport. It should not be the priority. I think if it is the priority, that's can be really problematic. I think people, health, all that stuff is way more important.
00:05:22
Speaker
Here's a strategy that I've used with some athletes who maybe sometimes have a lot of goals, different goals at the same time. And maybe they're not necessarily a parent or a caregiver, but they're like super active in their work life. And then they have
00:05:39
Speaker
You know, some, some goals that you're training for that are not just one, but, but different ones. And I try to sort of help them structure what they're aiming for over like a period of time by asking them that, well, what's most important for you in this timeframe of one month or two months?
00:05:58
Speaker
And then what might be more important for you, but further down the line and get them to prioritize a little bit.
Incorporating Life Stress into Training Plans
00:06:05
Speaker
And along with that, they're often like quite good at like writing down their training over time and using platform like training peaks and stuff, which tracks fatigue and things, but it doesn't track other added stress at all. Right. There is no training peaks for work.
00:06:20
Speaker
We haven't made it yet, but that has such a huge effect on like our energy level and our recovery. It's often both physical and mental. So I've gotten them to think of it as pluses and minuses. So for a week where they have extra workload or some other sort of
00:06:38
Speaker
factor that place that isn't captured by their training load you know put like a minus you know on on that week so that overall you're going to bump down your intensity or your volume or both and then for those weeks where you have more time and energy because maybe you have less work hours or less other things going on put a plus in there and so you can sort of vary a little bit your overall load according to what your life does
00:07:04
Speaker
I ask my athletes weekly what their next week will look like just for that exact reason Karen to this. Oh, it's going to be a really busy work week. We might need to take two days off because you're going to be working 14 hours or whatever. We're not going to train. So yeah, I think you have to vary the training. It has to be dynamic. We were just talking.
00:07:21
Speaker
I really liked that you brought up that point and that I think rolls into another future question really well. But what I found too, and I would think this would speak to a lot of women, when we set up our coaching for athletes, and I know, you know, people personally do this in their lives. I'm a list maker, to be honest. I like achieving things. I'll have athletes I work with who like, it's like,
00:07:43
Speaker
if the training's in there, it just becomes another thing on the list. And they disconnect from what Karen's talking about of like, what's your life stress? Like, oh, I have to get this done. And I'll be like, no, no, no. Sometimes they tell me they're sorry that they didn't get their training done. I was like, okay.
00:07:59
Speaker
We're gonna talk about the I'm sorry factor at some point. Besides erasing that from your vocabulary, you know, you don't owe me anything. I'm here to support you. But if they tell me things like Maya checks in, you know, Niki chicken, it was a really busy week. Skip that training if you need to, dial it back. We can move it to another day. We can adjust the week, but we have to play with that. I've had a few athletes who it's been
00:08:22
Speaker
a long-term battle. So I will actually add stuff, Karen, that they're treating. They'll be like, well, I worked this, and I did this, and I had to do it. And I'll put in a block. And I'm like, whatever it is, like, barn work, yard work, over. Like, all this physical stuff they did. And I'll give it like a 300 TSS. You know, because they look at their numbers. I'm like, OK, well, now I'm going to put your life stress. And there's a number, and they'll have this massive negative. And they're like, oh.
00:08:53
Speaker
So until I can get them to really start seeing how much that type of fatigue loads their body, I'll manipulate their training beaks and just be like, this is really something you want to look at. Oh, you know, it's another good strategy to help people with?
Delegation to Maintain Balance
00:09:08
Speaker
Delegating.
00:09:10
Speaker
How do you delegate to Brad? Oh, well, yeah, it's a great question. You know, I think Brad and I both trying to be active people. We just really try to maintain a relationship that's
00:09:26
Speaker
symbiotic in nature, like I can notice it's easy to default as a couple into this game of you got out for an hour, I need to get out for an hour. It's more adversarial in nature than symbiotic, so we really work to try to have a partnership to best support one another, but I think
00:09:44
Speaker
I mean, right now I think life feels a bit like a mess and we're just hanging on just with having a new baby and we're both working. And I don't know, it's easy to just be like, we're in total disaster, but we're doing the best we can. And I think from the minute we wake up to the minute we go to bed, we are on doing something that gets exhausting, but we're just doing our best. And I think the focus on the partnership has to be key. So we don't disintegrate into this.
00:10:11
Speaker
angry dynamic with one another. Not to say that doesn't happen. It more happens in the middle of the night with a baby where I'm like, I could murder you, husband. You're not helping me. But then I wake up and I'm like, oh, I like you again. It's sunny outside.
00:10:31
Speaker
But I mean, keeping all the balls in the air, it's so hard. I don't know anyone that thinks they're doing a good job. It's like, I'd be hard to ask any person, it's like, oh, I'm managing everything really well. Like who says that? No one thinks that. If they say it, I'd question their honesty.
00:10:53
Speaker
Really? They might do it just for one day. Like today, I managed everything.
00:11:02
Speaker
That's not bad, right? That's not to say, I mean, having, I mean, having kids is one arena, but I think without kids, people can feel just as busy, just as occupied, just as pulled in so many directions. I mean, so
Unrealistic Athletic Expectations
00:11:17
Speaker
many of us have many irons in the fire. And like you were saying, Karen, you're just, we only have so much capacity, so much bandwidth to do all the things and
00:11:26
Speaker
Inevitably, we feel like we're falling short constantly because we do only have so much capacity. And sometimes it's not even a time constraint, it's the energy constraint that can be hard. And it's good to bring that into focus with athletes, like Karen was saying, with athletes who want to do all the things. I have athletes who want to do all the things and I still am like, yeah, I don't want to burst your bubble, but you can't.
00:11:50
Speaker
Like, we can't train to be the exceptional elite at all this stuff anyway, much less put all the life stuff in that same basket. Just, you know, let go and figuring out how to be happy. Yeah, Maya. I always just tell all of my athletes who are recreational athletes who want to do like a million things. I say, look at the lifestyles of professional athletes. It's rare that they have family.
00:12:18
Speaker
It's rare. They have another job. It's rare that they have a really busy social life and they're traveling. They don't go on vacation. I mean, I've watched a lot of athletes through my years and you know, they're training every day, twice a day. Their job is to recover. Their job is to eat properly. Like that is all there is to their life. And exactly. They don't have all the other life stuff that I mean, the four of us, I think deal with and most of our athletes. So.
00:12:41
Speaker
that's just a good reminder for the do-it-all people that you know being a professional athlete is a full-time job and that's how they get where they get. Maya that leads me to ask the three of you about how often you're butting up against with your athletes people having an expectation to perform like a professional athlete or are you running into athletes
00:13:00
Speaker
looking at the way of professional athletes training and having that expectation for themselves. Do you run into that? I think I run into more of the expectation they're going to perform at that level than that they're going to train like their professional athletes. Occasionally I have some like athletes who are more on that professional track, but they still have a full-time job. And every time we kind of edge to that, like higher training level, they get sick.
00:13:22
Speaker
or they're injured. And so I have to like dial back again. It's just kind of in that initial conversation and following conversations, like I'm going to be realistic with you no matter what. And so if you aren't able to complete this training, you're not going to be able to perform at the level you want. And if life is in the way of that, that's okay. We just have to like set those goals realistically. Yeah. I would say the same thing. One of the things I find
00:13:44
Speaker
Same kind of thing, overreaching and getting sick. My athletes are relatively good most of the time with all that stuff. They do listen and mostly complain. We'll talk about this in a bit, but social media is a big influence on some of my people when they see the smash and grab.
00:14:06
Speaker
and they see various other things that people do and they get inspired by it, like into the mountains and go, oh, could I do that? I want to do that. And they don't really have an understanding of what it takes. Like Maya was saying, it's like they don't understand the volume of training that happens to do that. When you're trying to put that into a life of complexity, like we all have,
00:14:29
Speaker
There's sacrifices on every level on each side of all those things to make that stuff happen. Big ones. Yeah, good point. I think sometimes it's also the cumulative effect of what we, what people see on social media. What I mean by that is like we don't just see the one person who just accomplished something and the three or four months that led up to the end. We see that accomplishment of that one person and then we
00:14:56
Speaker
And the next day see this accomplishment of the next person. And then two days later, we see the third accomplishment of the third person and it all stacks up. And it seems like, well, there are so many accomplishments being done all the time, but we forget that they're all done by different people. That's a good point. We don't have to do them all ourselves at the same time. I don't know if I've connected that even in just my own life. Thanks, Karen. Yeah. Think about that.
00:15:25
Speaker
I wonder too about Strava.
Strava's Impact on Expectations and Mental Health
00:15:27
Speaker
I think about how people are nowadays keeping up with what their friends and acquaintances are doing. And I wonder what that does for people. I mean, I think there's this constant upping, the ante of, I mean, I've noticed myself with ski mountaineering, just the number of vertical feet people are climbing.
00:15:48
Speaker
And I think it inadvertently creates this pressure for people like, oh, they skied 10,000 vertical feet. Like I need to be doing that. If I want to accomplish X goal, I need to be doing this. I'm just curious if you run into with that Strava dynamic as part of the whole social media umbrella is also a part of this.
00:16:09
Speaker
Oh, I think, you know, I think it's huge and I feel very fortunate to have predated all of that and now get to observe it from a different perspective. Yeah. I don't think it's healthy. And I think it's reflected in, you know, the culture of athletics. We see it culturally. I mean, this rise in mental health disorders, I hate to say it, suicide rates.
00:16:31
Speaker
It's especially in young people. I'm not so sure. I think you can use those tools. It's that double-edged sword. I think you can use those tools productively and effectively, but I feel like without the emotional support and the balance to really put it in perspective, which may come from a lifetime versus where you are when you're young, I think it's hard.
00:16:53
Speaker
to not just go do and feel like you have to keep up with. And like Karen said, all the accomplishments and then roll that into everything that's happening in your life, starting a business, having a child, whatever the things may be, buying a house. There isn't a framework of structuring it for reality-based work. You could ask friends of mine when you come visit, because you're all supposed to come visit. I basically live under a rock. So for the most part,
00:17:23
Speaker
I'm not gonna do any of that stuff. That's my mechanism for staying healthy. Just live under a rock. This is not my house. You don't live under a barbell? I thought you lived under a barbell. Right. This is my house. I live in a rock in the back. Go. Sorry. I gotta go. Okay. Sorry.
00:17:46
Speaker
Let's end this question and then we'll say goodbye to Karen. Thanks, Karen, for joining us. Sorry I can't be here any longer. I tried my best. I wish I could talk somewhere with all of you. You all are the best. And I'm so glad we're doing this. And I'm totally on board for more of it. That's all I have. Sorry. I'm like so in French mode right now. It was really hard. I'm totally shell shocked. Good luck with French mode, my dear.
00:18:18
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in to this uphill athlete podcast. For more information about joining our female uphill athlete group kicking off January 4th, 2022, go to www.uplathlete.com and we would love to have you join us.