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Season Two/Episode Fourteen: Finding Love While Parenting - Dating Guide for Single Parents
17 Plays9 days ago
In this episode, we explore one of the most personal challenges facing single parents - finding love and companionship while raising children and staying true to your values.
Jaydi Samuels Kuba, CEO of LJMatchmaking and author of Your Last First Date, Secrets from a Hollywood Matchmaker, offers practical advice on online dating for busy single parents, setting boundaries that protect both your heart and your children, and finding partners who understand that your dedication to your kids isn't a burden.
Whether you're newly single, divorced, widowed, or have been flying solo for years, this episode offers hope and practical guidance for finding love while raising the next generation.
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Transcript
Introduction to Guardians of Hope Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the guardians of hope podcast, where we bring together parents, nonprofits, legal and medical experts dedicated to positively impacting children's lives. I'm your host, Cynthia Ramsaran. The thoughts and opinions of my guests are not necessarily my own.
00:00:15
Speaker
So thank you all for joining and sharing. Okay. Welcome everyone.
Navigating Dating and Parenting as a Single Parent
00:00:19
Speaker
Today we are addressing one of the most personal challenges that single parents face, finding love and companionship while staying focused on parenting.
00:00:30
Speaker
Joining me is JD Samuels-Kuba, CEO of LJ Matchmaking, who brings both professional expertise and deep understanding to our conversation.
00:00:40
Speaker
She's here to help our community of single parents understand how to approach dating with intention, authenticity, and hope while staying committed to the children in their care.
00:00:52
Speaker
JD, thank you so much for joining me today.
From Television Writing to Matchmaking: JD's Journey
00:00:55
Speaker
of course. Thank you for having me. Thank you. So tell us a bit about your background and experience. Yeah, for sure. So i started as a television writer actually in 2014.
00:01:08
Speaker
And I just noticed how many people had been in my industry prioritizing their careers at the expense of their personal relationships and started my matchmaking side hustle as a result, hoping to try to address that um one person at a time. And I ended up going into into business with a woman named Lauren Rosenberg, who had been noticing a similar um issue that needed a addressing, who worked in the unscripted side of the industry. And so initially we started setting up people who worked in the entertainment industry, and it just started um growing from there.
00:01:45
Speaker
And now it is a full-time job and passion. And I also... um have gotten into the date coaching industry as well, which I'm equally passionate about.
00:01:56
Speaker
Excellent. Well, you're the right person to talk about this. So what makes dating as a single parent fundamentally different and what are some of the biggest challenges you see fate them facing when it comes to trying to balance personal relationships with commitment to parenting, of course?
Challenges Single Parents Face in Dating
00:02:16
Speaker
Yeah, of course. So, i mean, what's different, of course of course, is that your child is your number one priority. It's not specifically dating, but I think the important thing to remember, um same thing that, you know, you've heard all the time about, you've got to put an oxygen mask on yourself before you then try to help a child or somebody else.
00:02:36
Speaker
Yeah. I think to be in the best position to help a child in your care, it's ideal if you are well resourced yourself. And so, um you know, I, I think that that's extremely important to be able to prioritize that. Um, certainly logistics, like, you know, what days do I have my child?
00:02:58
Speaker
Um, you know, or that I don't so that I can go out and date more freely or logistics like hiring a babysitter and things like that might get in the way. um I've also worked with single parents who, um despite their best efforts to blend their family within others, it can be very tricky, especially i if that relationship is maybe perceived to affect that child, um which is always unfortunate. And it can get even harder if maybe you're dealing with a child who has
00:03:29
Speaker
special needs, but it's definitely a balance.
Dating Profiles and Prioritizing Children
00:03:33
Speaker
Yeah, and those are all great points, um Let's talk about online dating, which is prevalent in society today. It's the most accessible option for busy parents.
00:03:45
Speaker
Should single parents mention their children up front in their dating profiles? And also, what mistakes do you see them making on dating apps or dating in general?
00:03:58
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm a big fan of mentioning it up front personally. I think it's different if you're meeting somebody, um maybe at a bar a party, because organically, like there's no deception involved. If you are um like, if I'm meeting someone at a friend's birthday, I'm not going to say like, hey, um I'm JD, I'm five foot two, I'm Jewish, I work in entertainment, I have a three year old.
00:04:21
Speaker
But online dating, it's all about leading with your stats and leading people out that way. And so um I wouldn't want someone to start a potential courtship withholding something that vital.
00:04:32
Speaker
um But that being said, I think it actually really works to your advantage too. I mean, would you want to necessarily take the time to prepare for a date to hire a babysitter get dressed up potentially pay for that date if you're not even sure if that person's open to dating somebody um in that situation your situation so I think it's a weeding out process too and i think a lot of people with online dating they don't it's all about oh my gosh how can I get the most engagements possible with people but it's not about that it's about engaging with
00:05:07
Speaker
the right person. And so I think the right person is going to be somebody who is um at the very least open to your situation. And so recommend leading with it. Yeah, definitely.
When to Introduce Children to a New Partner
00:05:19
Speaker
And with that in mind, when is the right time to introduce someone to the person that you're dating or it's your children to the person that you're dating? And what factors should parents consider before taking that step, especially when, um you know, they want to protect their kids who are vulnerable?
00:05:41
Speaker
i mean, I think it's it's very thoughtful um thing to consider. It's important. Keep in mind, this advice is coming from a matchmaker, not a child and very family therapist. But I would say from the couples that I've set up, tons of um people who are single parents entering into new relationships, I would say there's no right window. Probably, you know, wait until you're at least exclusive with that person. Maybe bring that, um,
00:06:07
Speaker
that partner around is presenting it to your child as a friend. um At the beginning, it also depends on the age of the child and what their emotional needs are. So, um you know, the the advice I get would give is is more nuanced and dependent on a person's specific situation. i I think there are some people that say like, oh, it's like this amount of time and um For me, it's less it's less about that. And it's just more nuanced depending um upon the person's age and and how they are going into that child's life.
00:06:40
Speaker
Right. Like nothing is guaranteed. We know this for sure. When it comes to relationships, any aspect of your life, nothing's guaranteed. I've heard people advise to wait until at least there's a ah deeper level of commitment, like engagement or the intention of marriage. But that's not everyone's goal. Not everyone at this point in their life who are single and may and have children may want to get married again. Right.
00:07:06
Speaker
So you're absolutely right. Right. i well I also think um kind of going off of that, I think that a lot of people may not want to get engaged or don't have that relationship with that child.
00:07:21
Speaker
So I think, um again, even if it's introducing to that that person you're dating to your child as just a friend of yours at the beginning, i establishing some sort of relationship, knowing um what that interaction is going to be like as a relationship deepens.
00:07:39
Speaker
is something that's really important and think helps build toward a future that's shared. Right. Managing the expectations of your partner with the child is absolutely important.
00:07:53
Speaker
Okay.
Self-Care and Stereotypes of Dating as a Single Parent
00:07:54
Speaker
So um leaning into that, many single parents ah struggle with guilt about dating, especially when it feels like they're taking time away from their children, um or maybe they feel like they don't deserve to have love or try again.
00:08:11
Speaker
you mentioned something about putting on your um your mask before you give your child that mask. I feel like this is sort of um in line with that. So how do you address that mindset with your clients? And what about those?
00:08:26
Speaker
So the first question is, how do you address that? And the second one is, what about those who you come across that don't want to date single parents? Sure. i mean, I think you hit the nail on the head in terms of you're in the best position to help your child if you're feeling loved,
00:08:42
Speaker
and resourced and happy yourself. And so the best possible thing you can do for your child is to take care of yourself and to take care of your needs in that way. um For people who don't want to date someone who is a single parent, I would say they are missing out.
00:08:57
Speaker
um You know that person off the bat is probably responsible, dedicated, likely somebody nurturing, selfless, supportive, mature. They come armed with the majority of qualities that you know, a person is usually searching for in a partner. And many of those people um who have kids already are potentially um willing to explore the possibility of having more. So I think if that's maybe a reason you tell yourself for not wanting to explore something with a single parent, that's not necessarily the case. And so
00:09:30
Speaker
I think right off the bat, you're just, you're kind of getting the full package. And I would encourage with all my clients that I work with who are initially on the fence or not open, if I have a match for them, who I think is just amazing for them and they happen to have a child, um the great thing about matchmaking is I can have a conversation with that person and They're not just a statistic on an online dating app. I get to bring them to life for that person and explain why I think they're specifically well suited for them and why it's worth the meat.
Advice for Single Parents: Viewing Your Situation as an Asset
00:10:01
Speaker
Yeah, very important. um JD, I have ah one more question for you. And it's just some advice. So what are your top three pieces of advice for parents who are ready to put themselves out there and start dating, um but still staying true to their values and commitment to parenting?
00:10:23
Speaker
um Let's see, I would say number one, um know that your situation is ultimately more of an asset than a liability because of what you now have to offer as a result of that child being in your care and the qualities that you've probably developed as a result.
00:10:40
Speaker
Two, know you're not alone. As of 2023, I think it is 25% of children are living with a single parent. So, you know, there's so many other people in your situation. um and three, you have a leg up on dating compared to other singles, in my opinion.
00:10:58
Speaker
um i think that you're more inclined probably to look for values that are really, truly important in finding a partner as opposed to maybe some people who lead with more superficial aspects or haven't had enough dating experience because you're actually looking for somebody, not just for yourself, but who's going to be a good role model for the child in your life.
00:11:21
Speaker
You are just, you're dating with intention, you're dating with clarity, and I think you just have an advantage in that sense. So um I think that, yeah, it's great all around.
00:11:33
Speaker
Great.
Resources and Upcoming Book by JD Samuels-Kuba
00:11:34
Speaker
JD, thank you so much. Can you tell everyone where we can learn more about you and your matchmaking services? do you have a website? Mm-hmm.
00:11:44
Speaker
Yeah, sure. So I have a website, which is ljmatchmaking.com. So it's for my business partner, Lauren, myself, JD, ljmatchmaking.com. You could follow me on socials, TikTok and Instagram at matchmadeinhollywood.
00:11:58
Speaker
i also have a Simon & Schuster book through Avid Reader coming out that's now available for pre-order. called Your Last First Date, Secrets ah from a Hollywood Matchmaker.
00:12:09
Speaker
And it's narrative, but by the end, you should feel like we just 10 one-hour coaching sessions together. it's a really fun read. And I talk about my husband, who was a client of mine, I set up five times.
00:12:21
Speaker
o And so just, yeah, should ah bring a lot of hopefully warmth and humor and relatability to your life. Sounds like a fun read indeed. i will be sure to link all of that information below. JD, thank you for your time today and for discussing this topic. You've given me some hope and you've given some other parents, hopefully some hope for some light at the end of the dating tunnel. Thank you so much. I really hope so. That's what I'm here for.
00:12:52
Speaker
Thanks for having