Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Every Story Ever: December 2025
0 Plays2 seconds ago
Merry Ranksmas! We're ranking some holiday-themed stories to close out the year on this ESE special...when we're not talking about Margaritaville.
We make our show on Zencastr, and you can too! Follow this link to sign up now!
Join the WRA Patreon to help us keep doing the show and get rewards!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to War Rocket Ajax and Zencastr
00:00:00
Speaker
This show is recorded using Zencaster. If you are a podcaster or you want to be a podcaster and you want to be able to record remotely, you can do so using Zencaster. They also have hosting options and you can let them know that we sent you. Follow the link in our show notes or in the episode description and sign up for an account on Zencaster now to start recording your own podcast.
00:00:28
Speaker
Glad to start.
00:00:35
Speaker
We have a list on our website, warrockandajax.com, called Every Story Ever. What we're doing is we're taking lists from our listeners of three comic book stories, and then we are placing those stories on the list from best to worst comic book stories of all time.
00:01:01
Speaker
Ho, ho, hello, everybody, and welcome. to the War Rocket Ajax, every story ever special. For December 2025, we're closing out the year, ranking some stories as we do every month here on War Rocket Ajax.
Holiday-Themed Comic Stories and Listener Submissions
00:01:19
Speaker
My name is Matt Wilson. With me as always is Chris Sims. Hello, Matt. Hey, Chris. ah You know what we do on this show. We're We take submissions from you, the listener, of comic book stories, and we rank them on a huge list from best to worst. And because it's December, we are prioritizing what we call every Santa ever lists.
00:01:46
Speaker
These are specifically lists holiday with holiday-themed stories in them. And we will be... discussing some of those later in the show. i Not to give away the game here, but if you want to get your list on the show with some expedience, send in an EverySantaEver just before December. Yeah, you gotta send it in. You can't do it now.
00:02:15
Speaker
Well, you could. i mean, you could, and then we we'd do it next year. But ah we have a we're currently a February 2024. Yeah. a list lists from like february twenty twenty four ah in the in the line stepper backlog from regular submissions.
00:02:32
Speaker
We're doing every Santa ever list from this year, my guy. um So just something to
Year-End Reflections and Critiques
00:02:39
Speaker
be aware of. Chris, before we get started, would you like to let our listeners know the state of the Every Story Ever list?
00:02:44
Speaker
Before I do that, Matt, can I talk kind of talk about something real quick? Yeah, let's hear it. Because this is like we've already done our last like proper show of the year. We did the Christmas special. our Christmas special, and we won't be coming back until ah until after the the first week of the new year, because we that's what we do. Yeah. um I have done this show for 16 years.
00:03:14
Speaker
We have been doing this show for so long, Matt. It's true, yes.
00:03:22
Speaker
I've had people come on this show and tell me to my face that they did not like comics I've written. They did not enjoy my work. That that has happened, yes. i Unfortunate reality that that And you know what? you
Lord of the Rings Critique: Eagles to Mordor
00:03:39
Speaker
know That was fine. Roll with it.
00:03:40
Speaker
Roll with it. but That was fine. I don't know that I've ever been as mad as when Fraction asked why didn't they just give the ring to the Eagles. I just finished watching the trilogy. Like, Enya, if you listen, you can probably hear Enya bumping in the club downstairs <unk> talking about the Horizons.
00:04:04
Speaker
um sorry It's unbelievable that that happened, Matt. Well... you know i I do feel like that is a common reaction to people who specifically watch the movies and not read the books.
00:04:21
Speaker
ah It's just... They see those eagles and they're like, oh, they could just ride the eagles to to to Mordor. But that's not how it works. That's not how it works!
00:04:33
Speaker
That's not how you get to Mordor. I mean, yeah you can get to Mordor that way. But you know what? like the There's a fucking giant tower with a lidless eye ringed in flame that's gonna laser blast you.
00:04:51
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. i Look, and we don't make the rules. We don't make the rules? why did that why can't you send him Because Sauron had been defeated at that point.
00:05:04
Speaker
Matt? um We don't make the rules.
00:05:09
Speaker
it's it's It's just... It's hard, you know? It's hard. That's why I said next year, eight-hour Lord of the Rings commentary.
00:05:24
Speaker
and We should. we should We should. Maybe I could maybe i could provide... like He doesn't even know about Barlam and Butterbur. Or Tom Bombadil.
00:05:35
Speaker
Well, Tom Bombadil didn't make it in the movies, so. That's what I mean. oh ah yeah, we'd we'd we'd have to tell him about Tom Bombadil. I do feel like, like, I feel like why didn't they just give the ring to Tom Bombadil is a better question.
00:05:46
Speaker
And the answer is because he wouldn't have destroyed it, and so we'd just be in the same, you know, we'd just be in the same situation later on. yeah oh What was I doing?
00:05:58
Speaker
Matt, yes you have to do something. What was doing? You were about to give us the state of the Every Story Ever list. Oh god, are we still doing that? Okay. okay but We don't have to. We could just tell people. You could go look at it and start.
00:06:11
Speaker
i was i meant like I thought you were going to say like we could just hang out and talk to each other. you know i That would be fine, except for um people paid us money to read their lists on the show and are really like adam like really want us to do that.
00:06:32
Speaker
Not that much money, though. Enjoy it. its Like, you know, let's let's let's all be let's all be reasonable about it. Not that much money. I mean, it's money. It is money. It's money.
00:06:45
Speaker
Money's tight these days. That's true. That's true. Matt, buddy, here's the list. What if I just read out all 1,600 comics on the list right now? 1,675. 1,675 comics on the list. Spider-Man at the top, Identity Crisis at the bottom.
00:07:06
Speaker
ah That puts us, what, 837 would be the midpoint? Thereabouts. Which I think was the midpoint last time. Adventures of Superman, Only Child by Ron Mars and Doc Shaner.
00:07:19
Speaker
ah that's That's in there. Yeah, ah I guess we added an equal number to the top and the bottom of the list. Yeah, must have.
00:07:30
Speaker
ah Or or the the top half and the bottom half to get to get to that. um On the Google Doc, the Every Story Ever list is currently 40 pages long.
00:07:45
Speaker
that's a That's a long list. We've been at this for a while. We sure have. All right, let's let's take some every spit Santa ever lists, Chris. All right, let's do it. Let's let's let's be of good cheer, Matt. it's it's It's the season of miracles. Let's do it. Yeah, we're we're recording this on the third day of Christmas.
00:08:03
Speaker
That's true. How was your Christmas, Matt? It was nice. It was good. ah Did some family stuff on Eve, and then on the day, um really just kind of relaxed and chilled at home.
00:08:16
Speaker
Watched movies. Actually been good. Well, it was it was all Christmas classics. ah So nothing new, really. um But did watch the season finale of Pluribus, which was great. What an ending. Holy shit.
00:08:35
Speaker
um i did oh that Yesterday, the day after Christmas, we watched one battle after another, which was pretty good. Cool. But yeah, how about you?
Christmas Celebrations and Media
00:08:43
Speaker
How was your Christmas? It was good.
00:08:45
Speaker
Solid. Yeah. got some Got some Legos. got some I got a lot of coffee cups this year. ah You are a man of coffee. I am a man of coffee. And AC found me like some very cool like oh ah vintage oh coffee cups. like I got some of those like Bakelite old McDonald's coffee cups from when they had like actual cups.
00:09:09
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember those. Yeah. ah So, you know, fun stuff. Fun stuff. I watched... Well, I watched the trilogy, obviously. Yeah, just now.
00:09:20
Speaker
And then I watched the ah the first episode of Heated Rivalry. Yes, i i know we know people who are very, very, very, very into that show. Yeah, well, based on the book written by friend of the show, Rachel Reed.
00:09:36
Speaker
That's right, yes. Yeah, our old buddy.
00:09:42
Speaker
That's it. Now I'm just kind of chilling. Now I'm talking to you. kid I don't want to do anything that even like resembles work right now. That is very understandable. better give me a comic to talk about.
00:09:54
Speaker
We're in vacation mode. So let's – all right. I'll present this as if it's like just a nice, fun chat and not work. Okay? So this guy, Sean Bell, um he he emailed me.
00:10:08
Speaker
Yeah. And um he says, ah these are all Christmas-themed stories. ah Thanks for all your hard work, and I hope you have a holiday happy holiday season. Thank you, Sean. Oh, damn.
The Harley and the Ivy Discussion and Ranking
00:10:21
Speaker
That's nice, Sean. Thank you.
00:10:22
Speaker
First on Sean's list is Batman Adventures Holiday Special 1995. The holly and ah Harley and the Ivy, story by Paul Dini and Ronnie Del Carmen. Now...
00:10:35
Speaker
I want to mention something here. Did we not rank this? I don't think we've ranked this. we When we talked to Erica Henderson on the show a while back about her fantastic ah Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy comic, we talked about the episode of Batman the Animated Series that sort of kind of adapts this story. Yeah, this is one of those is one of the stories that is adapted for this one, yeah.
00:11:02
Speaker
Yeah. it's it's ah It was actually, i think, New Batman and Robin Adventures. Yeah. And we were at we were so sure that there was a segment of that episode called The Harley and the Ivy.
00:11:16
Speaker
There isn't. That episode is just called Holiday Nights. They don't do like a title card in that episode? There's no title card for The Harley and the Ivy. And I swore that there was one, too. I i could have...
00:11:30
Speaker
guaranteed that there was one. But I went back and watched it, and it's not there. i I can see it clearly in my mind. Same. it's Same. But it it was not it was just called Holiday Nights.
00:11:45
Speaker
Oh, man. that's That's wild. Yeah. ah Somehow we both conflated this ah and at comics adaptation that has the title...
00:11:59
Speaker
With the episode of the TV show. The the the TV show just puts up like... um It's got dates. I know it's got log lines. yeah It's got dates. um Like leading up to Christmas Day. Or leading up to New Year's Day, actually, is where it ends. yeah um But yeah, wild, isn't it? that ah It was just the title of the comic and not the title of the episode.
00:12:23
Speaker
That's bananas. Yeah. That's bananas, buddy. ah But yeah, like like, the thing is, I i can very easily picture the the title card in my head, and it's not the same as the title in the comic. Because there's a cute little, you know, masthead title for the story in the comic that says the Harley and the Ivy. yeah And it's similar, but the one I have in my head is not that one.
00:12:54
Speaker
ah I wonder if it hasn't been like edited edited in the episode that's on HBO Max or something, because i swear to God there was one in the into in the show. It would i have to be.
00:13:11
Speaker
Yeah. It would have to be, Matt. um Anyway. This is a great story. the story he owns. This story is extremely fun, extremely good. Yeah. like the It's one of the best like Bruce wayne stories ah Because the deal is that Ivy...
00:13:30
Speaker
oh in order, like, Harley's depressed at Christmas, which I think is very funny. This was actually, I believe, the the reveal that Harley was Jewish happened in this comic.
00:13:41
Speaker
I think you're right, yeah. ah It's the the first time it was ever mentioned. um But Harley loves Christmas. And ah so in order to give her a festive holiday, Ivy ah hits Bruce with the ah like the the mind control lipstick.
00:13:58
Speaker
And Then we get Bruce Wayne under the control of two villains who don't know he's Batman and just want him to buy them a bunch of shit. Which is honestly very funny. It's and great.
00:14:16
Speaker
And we get Bruce like scowling the entire time as he tries to ah break free of yeah of the ah of the mind control.
00:14:30
Speaker
It's very fun. and And the art is just like perfect. like yeah it's It's Batman the Animated Series art. It's not new Batman and Robin Adventures art. but Yeah, this was this is prior to that.
00:14:44
Speaker
oh yeah but yeah and It's it's it's it absolutely on model, but it's just a little bit wackier. like It's just a little bit goofier.
00:14:57
Speaker
It's very appropriate for the story. yeah And Also, actually probably exactly as horny as on-model Batman. But it's like, it's maybe a little, like, it might be like 10% extra horny.
00:15:17
Speaker
ah so Which I have to imagine was in Paul Dini's script. you Look, look, I'm not saying this in a bad way. like I'm not saying that... Do not get it twisted.
00:15:30
Speaker
If Paul Dini has done anything untoward, I don't know about it. And i certainly hope that's not the case. But we all know Paul Dini's little bit of a pervert. Yes, yes. like We all know horny.
00:15:47
Speaker
ah So Bruce kind of finally breaks out of it, or seems to. ah or Or Poison Ivy notices that he's fighting it off. Yeah, he's about to break out of it.
00:15:59
Speaker
And so ah Harley puts the lipstick back on and starts to try to kiss him, and then he falls down an elevator shaft. eating um Which gives him the opportunity to show up as Batman.
00:16:11
Speaker
And yeah ah it it all ends with the a Christmas tree falling. like he He uses his ah grappling hook thing and pulls a Christmas tree down on, on Harley and Ivy. And, uh, and it's very good. Yeah.
00:16:30
Speaker
It's, it's, it's as good as a like eight pager holiday story can be like, it, it might be the best fun Christmas story DC comics has ever published in any kind of anthology book.
00:16:49
Speaker
Yeah. ah The pla platonic ideal of a, an eight page Christmas story. And it's, it's, what's really funny is that I think, i don't remember if this is when it's revealed that Harley is Jewish or not, but it is, ah she's the one who really wants a Christmas tree. yeah And that's why she's depressed.
00:17:13
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Ivy wouldn't want tree. Cause you have to feel the tree to make Christmas tree. I mean, you can get it. You can get a fake tree. I mean, That seems like an easy fix. oh but and and and And where does that end up, Matt?
00:17:28
Speaker
Where do those non-mitegradable leaves end up? it's fair Fair point. You poltroon. but and What? Oh, my word. I can't believe we're throwing around words like that here. The the spirit of of poison ivy kind of took took me over for a second. I'm sorry.
00:17:46
Speaker
Yeah, she would call somebody a poltroon for sure. um So, okay, where where do you think we should rank this? like this is This is early enough.
00:17:58
Speaker
like Because this is like 93, I think. 95. This is 95. 95, yeah. It's early enough that I feel like this is... This can't be the start of the Harley and Ivy subtext.
00:18:16
Speaker
It can't.
00:18:19
Speaker
You know, i don't know. i This is the first time I remember seeing it, but that doesn't mean it's the first time it happened. Same. like it's it's It's the first time I remember seeing it.
00:18:32
Speaker
And I would have been 13. yeah eight Christmas 95. So, i'll you know, that was the source of question that I asked Erica.
00:18:43
Speaker
How much of Harley and Ivy... is based on the fact that their names are a pun together. And i I feel like this is where it starts.
00:18:53
Speaker
Well, specifically, it's a Christmas pun, or or a holiday season pun. So it would stand to reason that this is, in fact, where it started. but and There had to have been something connecting them on the show before this.
00:19:07
Speaker
I don't remember. There had to be. But this is definitely like... You look at the first page of this one. They are girlfriends. They live in the same place. They live in the house. They're hanging out in sexy athleisure.
00:19:19
Speaker
ah do ah Harley is asking Ivy for a Christmas tree. Yeah. It's it's all there, yeah. They are absolutely girlfriends. Yeah. ah Alright, let's rank this. i Does this does this hit the top 100, do you think?
00:19:40
Speaker
Uh... yeah I mean, it's really good. I really like this story. like It's funny. it's It's got that weird, casual like mean streak for the villains that a lot of ah Batman the Animated Series and Batman Adventures had, where ah after they think they knocked Bruce Wayne down an elevator shaft, Harley's like, we killed him!
00:20:05
Speaker
And ah there's a pause, and then Ivy goes, oh well, we were going to do it anyway. It's like, yeah, they were going to murder him. yeah They were going to murder Bruce Wayne.
00:20:18
Speaker
I feel like that's that's a Paul Dini strength. In all of Paul Dini's work. like Anytime the story is about kind of like
00:20:29
Speaker
something casual or everyday, those are my favorite Paul Dini stories. Yeah, man. Every time. Joker's Favor almost got him. like Stuff where the ah villains in particular just like hanging out. Mm-hmm.
00:20:50
Speaker
Love it. Every single time. Yeah, i I really think she like there is a a definite gift that Dini has for reminding you that these are people who murder people for a living.
00:21:05
Speaker
Yeah, and but they they don't think of it as a big deal. Yeah, it's just, you know, it's what they do. Yeah. That's their job. That's their job. that to Poison Ivy's job is to murder billionaire industrialists.
00:21:17
Speaker
Okay. Currently at number 100 on the list is Letitia Lerner, Superman's Babysitter. I think this is better than that. I mean, that's a good comic, though. It is a good comic.
00:21:28
Speaker
It is a good comic. do think as good as that comic is, a lot of the affection people have for that comic is because they almost didn't see it. Sure. That comic won an Eisner Award before it was published. Yes.
00:21:39
Speaker
You know, because because it was oh was you know taken taken from us. I would say this story could settle in comfortably right at number 100.
00:21:54
Speaker
What do we have? Let's see. At 99, we've got Pizza is My Business. That's a really good one with a good dog in it. At 101, we have He'll Never Make Me Cry, which is one of my all-time favorite comics. Really good single issue, yeah. Yeah.
00:22:09
Speaker
Is this two spots better than Welcome Back, Frank? i I saw that and wondered the same thing. ah Welcome Back, Frank. Awfully good. Awfully good.
00:22:23
Speaker
It's tough. I think you're right. i think Is this better than Letitia Lerner is a tough question.
00:22:34
Speaker
Letitia Lerner is really funny. It's really funny. Letitia Lerner is not horny.
00:22:42
Speaker
No, it would be wrong for it to be. Letitia Lerner, Superman's Babysitter. That comic? Not horny. Not horny, no. Don't get it twisted even a little bit.
00:22:56
Speaker
i could put this I could put this a little lower if you are so inclined. I mean, no, it's just like, I love this comic. like Legitimately, it's one of... I would probably put it in my... God, I was about to say I would put it in my top ten like Batman stories, but that's a I gotta go through a lot.
00:23:16
Speaker
Yeah, that's that's a loaded that's a loaded ranking. Yeah. we that's so that That would be a weird top ten list, though, because it's like Batman R.I.P. and this.
00:23:27
Speaker
Batman R.I.P. is 109, the way. so
00:23:36
Speaker
I mean, the thing about the list is we've been doing this so long that, like... You know, how substantially better is Batman the Black Mirror than Whiteout?
00:23:47
Speaker
You know? They're pretty good. You're going to have a good-ass time reading both of those. Yeah, I mean, anything in this area of the list, you're going to enjoy. You're going to enjoy a reading. Okay, I'll say this. I don't think this story is as good as Mjolnir's song, the Walt Simonson story that's all splash pages where Thor hits ah the Miggard Serpent so hard that he breaks every bone in his own body.
00:24:09
Speaker
Okay, I think it's... Equally as good, if not a little better than Yes, Virginia, there is a Sandron, which is at 116. Oh, that's a good Christmas. That's maybe the best Christmas comic Marvel's ever published. Agreed.
00:24:21
Speaker
Agreed. But this one does have character like does not introduce any characters that we never see again. So, ah yeah, let's yeah let's put it at let's put it right below Fraction Leaver's Jimmy Olsen 1 through 12, because I think that's also a really good comic.
00:24:39
Speaker
This is the new number 116. New number 116, yeah. The Harley and the Ivy Batman Adventures Holiday Special 1995. Yeah. well and it's If you've never read the story, it's great. And also the animated adaptation of it is also great.
00:24:57
Speaker
Yes. And Ronnie Del Carmen, I want to say, was like... like maybe primarily at the time an Archie artist. I think that's right. I might have that completely wrong, but I feel like that's true.
00:25:10
Speaker
the It's really good in that story, the art. Yeah, fantastic. Also, it's worth noting that it's one of one, two, three, four, five, five stories in that Christmas special, in that holiday special. so and And you know what?
00:25:28
Speaker
All those stories pretty good. Yeah. All of them written by Paul Dini. ah Well worth it. Like, Glenn Murakami draws a Mr. Freeze story in this, which if you don't know why that's a big deal, we don't have time.
00:25:46
Speaker
Can't explain to you why that's a big deal, but it is a big deal. It is certainly a big deal, yes. Yes. ah All right, next on the list from Sean is DCU Holiday Bash 2 from 1998. I left my heart at the Justice Society Canteen, written by Howard Chaykin with pencils by Rick Burchett. That is that's story – That's a Commissioner Gordon story.
00:26:10
Speaker
Yes, he attends a JSA Christmas party for servicemen and foils a pair of Nazi saboteurs with black canary. Boy, the the Howard Chaykin of it is really balanced out by the... The Rick Brachette. the Rick Brachette of it. Yeah. I think.
00:26:24
Speaker
ah I do think this is This is an interesting one, because how fucking old is Commissioner Gordon?
00:26:36
Speaker
That he was, like, a young Navy man... in 1944. And this is not Earth 2. This is in the post-crisis DC universe. So it's it's like, this is the Jim Gordon from Batman Year One.
00:26:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And it's even got the like sort of handwritten looking ah caption boxes to to indicate that.
00:27:11
Speaker
Yeah. Like, it's it's just weird that this is the same guy. ah Like, he's supposed to be... Because Holiday Bash 2 is is it also, like, mid-90s, right? Mid to late 90s, 96? It's 98. It's 98. Yeah. So they're saying Jim Gordon that you would be reading about in in the upcoming No Man's Land crossover.
00:27:36
Speaker
That Jim Gordon... is like 75 years old. Yeah. but In this story where he was probably in so his early 20s, that was 54 years before.
00:27:53
Speaker
So... Yeah. Now that is nitpicking continuity. I just think that's funny. I think this is also a ah very fun... oh Very fun story. It's fun. It's not as good as the other one, i don't think. it's it's It's enjoyable. It's got great Rick Burchett art. And Ma Hunkle appears, so that's very good. Ma Hunkle's in it, yeah. Which is because pretty fun.
00:28:17
Speaker
ah And i like the weird thing is that like
00:28:23
Speaker
if I'm remembering correctly, it's a reveal that this is Jim Gordon. I think that's right. Yeah, he's he's just like a young attendee at the party. Yeah, you think he's just like a regular guy? They keep calling him Ensign.
00:28:38
Speaker
Yeah. Like, they don't refer to him by name. They just keep calling him Ensign. And then he challenges ah Johnny Quick, I think, ah to a knot tying contest.
00:28:50
Speaker
You know, fun stuff. Yeah.
00:28:55
Speaker
ah And then he dances Black Canary. And yeah, I think by the end, it like it doesn't reveal that it's Jim Gordon until the very end. Ensign James Gordon is is what it's revealed to be on the in the last panel.
00:29:06
Speaker
And there's two Navy guys there that turn out to be – oh, no that's that's the Guardian, Matt. That's the original Guardian. Is that the Guardian? Okay. yeah oh who Who's in the knot-tying contest.
00:29:19
Speaker
Yeah. ah But yeah, like the there's two Nazi saboteurs who are in there. i also like that this is both ah Howard Chaikin and post-crisis Jim Gordon.
00:29:34
Speaker
So like we're continuing the story, the the the the sequence of horny ah Christmas comics. Because Jim Gordon's like, Liberty Bell and Phantom Lady and Black Canary are so fucking hot!
00:29:49
Speaker
but while he's While he's dancing with Black Canary. Yeah. yeah ah Which, you know, legit. Legit, dog. oh But yeah, like what ah like it's a it's a weird little story. it is fun. i do like it. It's fun. it's it's It's fun, and... I mean, Johnny Thunder's in it, so it's not that good.
00:30:13
Speaker
Thankfully, thankfully given the Howard Jacob of it all, it's harmless. ah yeah the the it's it's ah you know Jim Gordon takes down a couple of Nazi saboteurs. That's good.
00:30:26
Speaker
I like that. um With Black Canary's help. like they they they They hit him with a ah bundle of dynamite, which um cannot be safe for anybody involved in that.
00:30:44
Speaker
they they They clocked him with it. I do not think you could do that with a bundle of dynamite. And it not actually be in grave danger of exploding. Matt, what experience do you have with bundles of dynamite?
00:30:59
Speaker
Personally, none. yeah like and i think So right now you're you're doing a lot of big talk. Acting like a big man. Thinking you're some kind of know-it-all. Thinking you're some kind of...
00:31:12
Speaker
like Look, we don't know what Howard Chaykin's experience is with the bundles of dynamite. That's true. Look, that's a good point. Or Rick Burchett. Rick Burchett might have... Burchett might... and I've met the man. Wouldn't be surprised.
00:31:28
Speaker
i have ah I have a signed up... A poster up in my office with Rick Burchett's signature on it. What's the poster? it's It's from that webcomic he did with Greg Rucka years ago.
00:31:41
Speaker
The Pirates one. That was a fun one. Somebody got me a a like signed – or maybe I got that signed poster. ah It's got both of their signatures. um But yeah. um i have ah I have a Rupert Chet page.
00:31:56
Speaker
oh but that i bought from him at Heroes Con. I didn't couldn didn't remember if you bought a page from him or not, because he was selling them shockingly cheap. Yeah, that happens. That happens at Heroes Con.
00:32:08
Speaker
i' I have lingering guilt over for how little I bought a Micro Ringo page for years and years ago. yeah And I didn't even keep it. I gave it to a friend. yeah i got ah I got a Ringo page. I think I might have gotten them at the same Heroes Con, but like I have a Rick Perchette page of Batgirl fighting the Joker.
00:32:30
Speaker
It's not like a splash or anything, but it is an action sequence. And it it was like 50 bucks. yeah And that's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. like Yes.
00:32:42
Speaker
ah I did not know what I was getting at the time. And how how much I was wrong to do what I did. Jesus Christ. how How it was morally indefensible, what you were doing.
00:32:56
Speaker
Yes. ah All right. I think this is probably going to go in, like, I don't know, the 700 or 800s, maybe? oh god i think that's the part of the list that's, like, solidly good.
00:33:08
Speaker
It's perfectly enjoyable comics. Yeah. um It's, you know...
00:33:16
Speaker
It's weird, and it doesn't make sense with continuity, but also it's a Christmas story with a young Jim Gordon hanging out with the Justice Society, so that's fun. Yeah, so like at 700 we have Namor fed up with man, which is the...
00:33:31
Speaker
Michael Kupperman, Name More Story. It's not that good. It ain't that good. At $800, we have Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt, the Kieran Gillen 2019 Peter Cannon. It's not that good either. that's That's also very good, yes.
00:33:43
Speaker
At $900, we have Paul Griss, Mudman, which I think is a little more in the in the ballpark. Yeah, somewhere around here, yeah. ah Judge Dredd America is at $899. I think that's probably better. Yeah, it's probably better.
00:33:57
Speaker
At 9.50 we have the Jason Aaron, Steve Dillon Punisher story. Pretty good. That's pretty good also pretty good. ah Is it better than Akewood Morally Challenging Hot Sauce? It's around that good.
00:34:12
Speaker
It's around that good. Okay. All right. It's not as good as Ten Nights at the Beast. That's at 9.71. Ten Nights of the Beast kicks ass. Okay. it's ah Come on. I don't think it's better than either Flex Mentalo or Hector Plasm, which are 976. Well, I don't think it's better than Omega Red.
00:34:30
Speaker
That's at 976. Probably not as good as Death of Superman.
00:34:37
Speaker
Probably not. Probably not as good as those Diamondback backups.
00:34:43
Speaker
Where is that? That's at 990. Okay. I don't think it's as good as Last Stand of the Records, either. That's at 999. I think we're getting into the quads. but Okay.
00:34:54
Speaker
Hard Boiled is a beautifully drawn comic.
00:34:59
Speaker
It's not as good as Music, nor Tower of the Elephant, or the Thomas Smith Tower of the Elephant. Detroit Metal City is at $10.50, and that is a comic that I cannot in good conscience recommend to any human being. But I do enjoy it.
00:35:12
Speaker
This is better than Hot Claws for Hanukkah, which is at $10.49. Remember when Wolverine had Hot Claws? For Hanukkah. Now, I think it's not as good as ah Bob Budiansky, Brett Blevins, and Killian Krantz's Sleepwalker.
00:35:24
Speaker
All right, so this I'm going to say this is the new number 1049, then. What was up with Wolverine's hot claws? And why don't we rank hot claws for Hanukkah even this high?
00:35:34
Speaker
i but It honestly beats me. I'm not even saying it's bad. It's just, just why? And it's a hashtag? like guess Yeah, there's a hashtag in it?
00:35:48
Speaker
ah The fuck we doing, man?
Unique Holiday Comic Stories
00:35:52
Speaker
I left my heart at the Justice Society Canteen. is the It's a long title.
00:36:00
Speaker
do You ain't kidding. I left my heart at the Justice Society Canteen. Howard Chaykin, Rick, Berchette, DCU, Holiday Bash number two. holiday bash number there's a lot It takes a lot to get this information in here, Matt. Yes, it does.
00:36:20
Speaker
Finally on the list from Sean is Adventures of Superman were number 462, Homeless for the Holidays, in which it is revealed that Daily Planet worker Alice, whose savings have been wiped out by her late mother's medical bills, was evicted from her apartment by an unscrupulous landlord,
00:36:38
Speaker
and has been living in the office storeroom for three years. This prompts Perry White not only to take Alice into his home, but write a Christmas editorial calling on the people in Metropolis to do more for the unhoused. This is by Roger Stern and Dan Juergens. What issue is this?
00:36:53
Speaker
Adventures of Superman number It never occurred to me until like very recently that Adventures of Superman...
00:37:09
Speaker
continued the numbering of the original volume of Superman. I was about to sound very mean to you by being like, how did you not know that? and then I remember that you did not work in a comic book store.
00:37:24
Speaker
Yes, yes, I never worked in a comic book store. And I Yeah. um here's Here's the question I have with this.
00:37:33
Speaker
How good are these reporters actually? if If a lady can live in the building for three years... Without them notice. And one of them can see through walls.
00:37:45
Speaker
That's true. But, you know, they don't want to they don't want to get in someone's private business. I mean, yeah, but here's the thing. We know one of those guys is always going to the storage rooms at the Daily Planet building.
00:37:57
Speaker
Okay, ah Clark does – that is how he realizes that Alice is inside, like, living in the storeroom. He he looks with his x-ray vision through the wall. Yeah. I've not actually read this issue.
00:38:11
Speaker
i I feel like I did years ago. i bet, you know, it's i mean Roger Stern, and Dan Juergens, it's probably about as good as ah a comic with a capital M message is going to be. I mean, you know, it's it's always nice to have, ah you know, Superman do that stuff. Also, is Perry White, like, this poor lady...
00:38:37
Speaker
Like, she's she's got a job at the Daily Planet. Yeah. Like... but but she But she's still in debt from medical debt. Like, we all understand that.
00:38:49
Speaker
Oh, man. Like, your if your paycheck is all going to pay off medical bills, you can't pay your rent.
00:39:02
Speaker
I mean, like, that's...
00:39:07
Speaker
This is not like the most egregious example of people in Superman comics having real problems. Yeah. But I do feel like this is one that's like... tell me Perry White doesn't pay people a living wage?
00:39:21
Speaker
And this is when newspapers were still a thing. i'm I'm saying she does make a living wage, but our medical system sucks so bad that you can make a living wage and still ah be ruined by medical debt.
00:39:35
Speaker
I mean, i'm um I'm looking at it right now now. Does she talk about medical debt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. it's It's her mom's medical bills. Okay. Which, okay. Okay.
00:39:47
Speaker
Technically, because her mom has died, and they were her mother mother's medical bills and not her, they should not transfer to her. That debt should not transfer to her. But it wiped out her savings, and then her landlord evicts her.
00:40:01
Speaker
But she's talking about how rent in Metropolis is so high that eat that she can't afford to save up for an apartment. Like, Perry, what the fuck?
00:40:14
Speaker
I mean, he tries to he tries to do a make good... ah on it later. But, uh, yeah. If the landlord hadn't decided to convert the place into condos when I couldn't raise the down payment, he had me evicted. So, okay.
00:40:31
Speaker
so just as she was like wiped out, the landlord's like, these aren't apartments anymore. They're condos and you have to buy it.
00:40:43
Speaker
Yeah. Look, I, look, We're all a lot closer to it than we think. Yeah. Than we would hope. That's true. Living on a wing and a prayer.
00:40:54
Speaker
Yeah.
Superman's Social Issues Story
00:40:55
Speaker
du If you are listening to this show, you're closer to it than you think. Because I don't think we've got, i don't i don't think, God, I hope Elon's not listening.
00:41:06
Speaker
No, we're we're not on that network with the Elon podcast anymore. so Yeah. And and i don't think I don't think Jazzy Jeff Beasy is listening either, because not a sponsor, but could be. like And if you're listening and you're not, what the fuck? Anyway.
00:41:21
Speaker
oh But, like, three years? Three years is long time. First of all, nobody noticed. And second of all, she couldn't save up for an apartment in three years? Like, I'm not trying to blame her, the character. I think this is an important thing.
00:41:36
Speaker
but That seems unlikely. the The detail that makes it really tough is the three years part. Where like yeah she's been living there and nobody noticed for three years. And also she has not made enough money to save up to find a new place to live in that time either. yeah And also she like seems to be like a a very good and beloved employee. Not that that matters.
00:41:59
Speaker
But like you know per Perry is like, oh, you were always here no matter how early I came in. it's like, well damn, Perry! Yeah. Throw a bonus at your girl. Come on, man.
00:42:11
Speaker
I'm going to call this story well-intentioned but flawed. ah Having revisited it. Yeah. Like, very well-intentioned. Like, it's always nice to see the characters we love helping people in need.
00:42:26
Speaker
ah Like, the ones who are not, like, the title characters. People like Perry White. However... ah once you dig into this a little bit, there are some questions that arise. yeah the ah The resolution here is that Perry reasons that since she's been, ah living at the building and she's been, ah there like before Perry white and before anybody, including Superman,
00:42:59
Speaker
ah
00:43:02
Speaker
That she's been putting in probably an extra half shift in overtime for three years. And he's going to get her that back pay for that. Which should be enough for her to find an apartment.
00:43:16
Speaker
like And until then, she can stay with them. Yeah, which is nice. And I know that like there's a lot of... I've watched a lot of Leverage. i've watched a lot of leverage And this is my impression of every good character on leverage who needs the leverage team's help.
00:43:34
Speaker
I'm not looking for a handout, Mr. Ford. I just want em what's fair. So I know that there's a lot of that. But it does seem like a very capitalist reason to give her a lot of money. It's like, well, she has been doing work. She has been laboring. Yeah.
00:43:50
Speaker
Also, like, i look, it it is so telling of what our society, of like, the main thing we have to let people know when we're asking for help is, I i i don't want you to do this because I need something.
00:44:07
Speaker
I don't need a handout, quote-unquote. Okay. Yeah, was this story needs us to know that she she works. Yeah. she's not She's not one of these welfare queens.
00:44:25
Speaker
Housing is a human right. and got three ah We should not have to pay money for it. But, you know, this is from 1990. when like Before human rights were invented.
00:44:37
Speaker
Man, we were at our dirt worst of like, you you don't deserve anything if you don't work. Yeah. ah Like, okay.
00:44:48
Speaker
And yet everyone hates their job. Indeed. i don't know, man. Again, have not read this story talking about it's bumming me out. Okay, I'm going to call, yeah like I said, I'm going to call this good but flawed. And I think that part of the list is maybe around 1450. At 1450, we have Battle Scars. I'm not going to say this is that bad.
00:45:14
Speaker
Battle Scars isn't awful. But it's not It is corporately motivated. It's not good. Yeah. ah So you would say, would you say this is worse than Dawn?
00:45:30
Speaker
Dawn doesn't attempt to solve any of the real issues. Hmm. I think this is better than, shit, is it better than Dawn? I don't know, ma i I shan't rank it.
00:45:46
Speaker
Because I have not read it.
00:45:49
Speaker
I mean, it's got to be better than The Sentry. Right? Well, this injury's not bad. It's got to be better than that JLA issue where Wonder Woman decides not to date Batman.
00:46:01
Speaker
Oh yeah, that's bad.
00:46:04
Speaker
It's got to be better than Batman's Seduction of the Gun. Yeah, probably. It's not better than Venom Lethal Protector. Wow!
00:46:16
Speaker
That's a bold statement from Matt Wilson. Venom Hates number one. ah Oh, okay. Actually, you know what? I take that back. It is exactly as problematic and well-intentioned as Punisher number 62.
00:46:32
Speaker
But I think it's a little better than that. it's a Is it as that problematic? It's probably not that problematic, but it's you know it's in there. That's fair. Let's see.
00:46:45
Speaker
let's see pop If people don't recognize the numbers, that's the one where a Punisher gets his face all fucked up by Jigsaw and then undergoes an experimental medical treatment um that involves increasing the amount of melanin in his skin. And so he's black for three issues. He becomes black, yeah. um Okay, here's what I'm going to say.
00:47:06
Speaker
A story that that Mike Barron literally left a comment on my blog saying I was just following orders.
00:47:17
Speaker
Ugh.
00:47:20
Speaker
Okay. Not as good as NFL Super Pro. Better than Wonder Woman Earth-1. Another problematic but somewhat good comic. Yeah, that's probably that's probably the the problematic but well-intentioned level that we can get to.
00:47:38
Speaker
Alright. This is the new number 1418. New number 1418. Of Superman...
00:47:42
Speaker
ventures fourteen eighteen of superman Number 462. Isn't that right? 462? Yeah, 462. And it's called Home for the Holidays. Hang on, I almost put it at 1419 instead.
00:47:59
Speaker
Yeah, above Wonder Woman Earth 1. Look, and don't want to be clear.
00:48:06
Speaker
Homelessness is bad. Housing insecurity is bad. we We want people who are unhoused to... oh Like, I'm not trying to shade anyone in real life for this fiction. My question is about this fictional character.
00:48:24
Speaker
Yeah, it's an admirable message. but But once you start picking at the story, there's some stuff that's like, now wait a minute.
00:48:34
Speaker
Yeah. How did this situation happen and how was it allowed to happen? Yeah, yeah that that's the thing. is like If we are supposed to believe that that Superman and Lois and Ron Troop are good reporters and observant people, as is Perry White, and also they're all good people, and Perry's a good person, and Jimmy's a good person, and Superman's also there, like that that's that's what I'm asking about.
00:49:03
Speaker
Yeah, great points, all. Alright, thank you, Sean, for that list. Our next list is from David, who has three Carl Barks, Donald Duck Christmas stories for us. Okay.
00:49:14
Speaker
First is Search for the Cuspidoria from Walt Disney's Comics and Stories number 172. Scrooge forces Donald and the boys to celebrate Christmas in a submarine.
00:49:27
Speaker
That sounds pretty good. I don't know if I've read that one. Let's see.
00:49:34
Speaker
it It sounds familiar to me, but I don't know if I can admit immediately... What's the issue number? The issue number is number 172. It's from 1955. I mean, 1955, if I was going to pick any Christmas to spend the sub in a submarine, that would probably be the one.
00:49:56
Speaker
Yeah, it does make sense. It does make sense.
00:50:03
Speaker
And Scrooge keeps trying to tell the kids that Santa Claus will bring them presents when they're not on ah on a submarine anymore. Yeah. Because they're looking for a sunken ship that was full of treasure.
00:50:19
Speaker
Yeah, the steamship Cuspidora. I have not read this story before. It does...
00:50:26
Speaker
this This one's really towing the line of preserving Christmas magic. Because the the nephews find out that ah Donald didn't mail their letter to Santa. And Scrooge is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry. Santa's going to bring you presents. It's not a problem. well Don't worry. let's Let's go through it, because it's not a super long story. like It starts with the nephews looking at toys through like a toy store window.
00:50:52
Speaker
And Donald's like, we don't have time for that. We've got to meet with Uncle Scrooge, because he's got a job for us. Because again, labor is the most important thing. Yes. And Scrooge tells them that they're late.
00:51:05
Speaker
And Scrooge, the the the coloring of Scrooge in this story, like it's all red. His coat is just all red in this one. Yeah.
00:51:17
Speaker
not Not going into much detail with the coloring on Scrooge. mean, his coat's usually red. But it's got like it's usually got like gray highlights, right? Yeah, it's there's gray and solid red here. yeah yeah um Anyway, ah Scrooge tells them that he doesn't like Christmas.
00:51:34
Speaker
And Santa's going to be the one that brings the toys, because he doesn't have time for that. And the boys are like, what was Christmas if we leave on this submarine?
00:51:46
Speaker
And Scrooge's like, it's Christmas in the ocean. That's true.
00:51:51
Speaker
That actually is true. but They do have Christmas in the ocean. ah So Scrooge is very insistent. Donald's like, maybe we don't want to do this. And Scrooge goes, I can't trust another crew. You have to do this.
00:52:07
Speaker
And you don't have time to decide not to do it because we're already at the bottom of the harbor. Mm-hmm.
00:52:17
Speaker
And Scrooge is like, look, Santa's going to leave the presents at your house, and you don't have to worry about it. they'll They'll be there when you get back.
00:52:29
Speaker
ah So they keep sailing around. They keep looking for this ship. Scrooge explains that he's looking for the steamship Cuspidoria that was sunk during the war with A fortune in my money aboard.
00:52:41
Speaker
So heat so this is this is his money. He's not even looking for a treasure like he usually does. He's trying to recover his own investment.
00:52:52
Speaker
Yes, and he says... What think Scrooge was doing with a steamship full of money during the war? Great question. Great question. ah Scrooge says the ghost the Coast Guard has announced her location, so there's a race on to reach her strong rooms.
00:53:08
Speaker
ah Strong rooms. Yeah. But, like, they didn't give the exact location, so they're really, like, looking around to see where this might be. They're crisscrossing in ten-mile sweeps to try to find the exact location.
00:53:24
Speaker
The boys are peeling potatoes, and they see that it's Christmas Eve. And they're talking about whether Santa's gonna come. And also, yeah, ah Donald forgot to mail their letter. It's in his hat.
00:53:38
Speaker
And the boys are very upset. they're Now they're not going to get any presents.
00:53:47
Speaker
Scrooge is like, I work for my presents. I'm going to find that Cuspidoria.
00:53:53
Speaker
ah But the boys bring him like a sandwich and a snack and a card that says Merry Christmas to Uncle Scrooge from Donald and Dewey and Huey and Louie. So that...
00:54:04
Speaker
but the and so that you know breaks or or cracks Scrooge's hardened heart. And he says, so who's going to give them a Christmas?
00:54:17
Speaker
So, basically, like he gets some presents and sets up a tree. and he has them presence He has McDuck Airlines airdrop Christmas presents to them.
00:54:29
Speaker
Yes. Which is pretty... Which is wild. like what There's a tricycle in there and like a full-size Christmas tree on a submarine.
00:54:40
Speaker
Yes. ah So he sets it up and gives them some gifts on Christmas morning. And ah they also find the Cuspidoria.
00:54:52
Speaker
remember that Remember that old saying like you might have heard your your your dad say when he was like, you know you're about as useless as a tricycle on a submarine?
00:55:02
Speaker
Classic. in my Classic. ah
00:55:08
Speaker
Just like a cat in a room full of rocket chairs, a tricycle on a submarine. um this is so This is a nice little story. A nice little Scrooge and Donald and Nephew's story.
00:55:23
Speaker
And it turns out that they that they also... like When surfacing to send ah the message to get Christmas presents airdropped, they also, I guess, coincidentally find the Cuspidora.
00:55:37
Speaker
Yeah, it's so it's I think the light maybe be from others tar Yonderstar lets them see ah where the Cuspidoria is.
00:55:54
Speaker
um It helps. It helps them find it, whatever the case. Yeah, sure. Sure. Santa Claus came through. So yeah, this is a story that's really
00:56:05
Speaker
it's really toeing the line but on on the reality of Santa Claus. Yes. Yes. All right. So this i would i would say this is not as good as Christmas on Bear Mountain, which we have at 504. The first screw story, yes. Not that correct.
00:56:24
Speaker
um Tra-la-la, which is the story where Uncle Scrooge ruins a moneyless culture with bottle caps, is at number 805. I
00:56:35
Speaker
i think that's better. Okay. ah
00:56:42
Speaker
The Magic Hourglass is at number 852. That's a good one.
00:56:51
Speaker
Where? Why is this not... sort my my My search function was not working in my spreadsheet. Okay, yes. ah Magic Hourglass is pretty fun. Magic Hourglass pretty fun.
00:57:03
Speaker
ah The Land Beneath the Ground is at number 865. That inspired Raiders the Lost Ark. It's good. It's pretty good one. ah The Second Richest Duck is at 1136. Oh, that motherfucker Flint Hart, Clown Gold.
00:57:18
Speaker
Yeah, I think that is his first appearance. Yeah. I'd say this is better than that. Okay, okay. ah Is this better than the Meat Tank Heathcliff strip?
00:57:34
Speaker
Do I know that? Is it? I mean, is it not?
00:57:41
Speaker
What number is that at? ah Meat Tank? That's at 1066.
00:57:50
Speaker
Should be higher. I mean, Meat Tank is very memorable. I'll give it that. got the meat tank in it. Okay, i'll put this I can put this below that. Okay, alright. So below that we have Batman vs. Predator. It's probably it't play about as good as Batman vs. Predator.
00:58:06
Speaker
It ain't that good. It ain't as good as Batman vs. Predator? No. I do like it more than the Legion of Substitute Heroes special. Okay, this is the new number 1068 then. Yeah. yeah And that is... Search for the Cuspidora...
00:58:30
Speaker
And I'll say Scrooge Christmas.
00:58:35
Speaker
Walt Disney's Comics and Stories. Number 172. It's lot of
00:58:51
Speaker
a lot of info. lot of if I got look, I got to put in I got to make sure all this stuff gets in the list, you know? Alright, next on the list from David is Toyland from Firestone Giveaway.
00:59:04
Speaker
Donald and Mickey Merry Christmas number 48 from 1948 in which den Donald and the boys visit Santa on the North Pole and try out all the toys he's made.
00:59:17
Speaker
Okay. What number? ah I think it's okay.
00:59:28
Speaker
It's from
00:59:31
Speaker
Firestone giveaway, parentheses, Donald and Mickey Merry Christmas.
00:59:41
Speaker
Okay. I don't believe I've read this one. It might be in the Karl Marx Library collections, but those are currently behind a bed.
00:59:49
Speaker
Yeah, okay.
00:59:54
Speaker
I think we're going to maybe just have to say we don't we don't have this one. We don't know this one. Yeah.
01:00:03
Speaker
But, David, thank you for
01:00:08
Speaker
ah sending that one in. This is David from Norway. Oh, thank you, David, from Norway. um And final one is Letter to Santa from Walt Disney's Christmas Parade No. 1.
01:00:19
Speaker
ah Misunderstandings the boys wish for a toy steam shovel shovel to mean that they want a real giant steam shovel digger. Donald and Screws try to get their one from Christmas, and the two of them get into a fight which cultivates in a rad, destructive steam shovel fight.
01:00:35
Speaker
Alright, now that sounds good. That sounds pretty good. And i I really do like the premise that that they want a toy And Donald and Uncle Scrooge are like, do they fucking steam shovel? Like a piece of construction equipment? Yeah. I mean, i get, like, the rich don't think like we do. They sure don't, yeah. Because what, you know, what's the the difference, percentage-wise, between a toy steam shovel and a real steam shovel is nothing to Scrooge McDoug.
01:01:11
Speaker
Nothing.
01:01:15
Speaker
What a weird premise for a story. Now, this is not this is not the most recent series of Mickey and Donald Christmas Parade, which was from 2015.
01:01:27
Speaker
This is the one from 1949. Okay. ah I do not believe I have this story handy. It sounds great.
01:01:38
Speaker
It's from the Donald Duck Trail of the Unicorn trade paperback. Okay, that's around here somewhere. I think it's also behind a bed. Yeah. That's volume eight.
01:01:51
Speaker
Oh, then I probably don't have that one yet. You know, bet here's the I bet it's good. I bet it's great. but Actually, i I'm going to find it here. I'm going to see if I can find it. Okay. All right.
01:02:05
Speaker
I think I can dig it up here. in Have you ever asked for a Christmas present and gotten something that like, like i like, Is the same thing, but not the right thing?
01:02:19
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. um I don't know how many times I've gotten um like the knockoff version of the thing I wanted.
01:02:32
Speaker
Yeah, but I mean like ah this kind of misunderstanding.
01:02:38
Speaker
Where you got like something like really seriously real instead of... The toy you wanted? i guess, like, would you consider like getting like the knockoff version to be like a similar... I mean, the knockoff version is usually much worse, so yeah this this is ah this is a different kind of situation. I've never gotten something that was much better than the thing I wanted.
01:03:02
Speaker
Which ah we can both agree a steam shovel would be. Oh, then a toy one? Yeah. um Okay, so page one, Christmas Eve and Duckburg.
01:03:15
Speaker
ah The boys are watching a steam shovel like at a construction site, and they're getting really excited. ah like They're excited to see it. And this is on Christmas Eve.
01:03:30
Speaker
And they're saying, like oh, we want a toy steam shovel for Christmas. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, you know, if Santa didn't get our letter, let him know that he wants that we want a steam shovel.
01:03:46
Speaker
Oh, no, actually, they had in their letter that that's what they wanted. A toy steam shovel. okay So, ah donald like Donald reads the letter, and it just says a steam shovel, so he thinks they mean a real one.
01:04:06
Speaker
And he like goes and asks some random guy carrying a bunch of gifts on the street how much a steam shovel costs. And the guy goes, about as much as a wife and six kids. Yeesh.
01:04:19
Speaker
Yeesh. My fine fellow. So Donald goes and finds Uncle Scrooge. And he asks Uncle Scrooge for a steam shovel. And Scrooge is like, I don't have... i mean...
01:04:35
Speaker
He does have the money, but he says, if I could afford a steam shovel, I'd have one in here shoveling this money out of my way.
01:04:44
Speaker
Baller. Absolute baller. ah So Scrooge gives him a wad of money and says, okay, go buy him steam shovel.
01:04:58
Speaker
And...
01:05:03
Speaker
And so Donald's like, oh, good. This way I'll let them know. that they They'll think that Santa bought them a steam shovel. And Scrooge is like, no, no, no. I want the credit.
01:05:14
Speaker
So Donald goes and buys steam shovel. Santa's real in these comics. I yeah want to stress that. He's very real. ah So ah donald Donald goes and buys a steam shovel. And then Scrooge also goes and buys a steam shovel.
01:05:30
Speaker
And Donald is the driving his steam shovel down the street to try to get it home. ah He encounters Scrooge, who also has a steam shovel.
01:05:42
Speaker
And their steam shovels are colored very in very fun, like, toyetic ways. Where Donald's is green and red, and Scrooge's is yellow and blue. Okay.
01:05:57
Speaker
And yeah, then they get into a big steam shovel so fight in the middle of the road, and they destroy each other's steam shovels. They get arrested, they go to court, and Scrooge is like, be careful, bub, I'm Scrooge McDuck, and if I don't like what you say, I'll buy i'll buy this whole city and fire you.
01:06:15
Speaker
Knock, knock. Who's there? Scrooge McDuck. And I'll knock your damn brains out. Yeah. Uh, the judge finds them a million dollars and Scrooge just tosses 2 million, uh, onto the bench and says, here's 2 million. Put the rest in the kitty in case we come back.
01:06:37
Speaker
Uh, balling straight balling. It's too late to buy another steam shovel for the, the boys. had Scrooge is like, I'm going to help you out of this jam. You go rent yourself a Santa Claus costume and meet me here. I'll tell you the rest of the scheme later.
01:06:52
Speaker
So ah they go get the boys. there are like They get a ah like ah a sleigh and a a thing, that like like ah a kind of a goofy-looking reindeer. Okay.
01:07:09
Speaker
And ah the boys hear that outside. The reindeer, I'm guessing, is a reindeer and not a person.
01:07:15
Speaker
It's walking on all fours and does not seem to speak like ah Donald and Scrooge. Right, right, right. It's one of those Disney animals that's an animal and not a guy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
01:07:27
Speaker
Anyway, Donald puts on the Santa costume. The boys come outside. Or he gets and he gets into the chimney and comes down the chimney. And the boys see him. He starts coughing. ah And he says, I came to tell you.
01:07:45
Speaker
ah And they're trying to give him milk and cookies and everything. And finally, he's like, ah
01:07:59
Speaker
Scrooge is trying to come up in the window.
01:08:03
Speaker
ah He's filling his costume with beans to look fatter.
01:08:09
Speaker
They're trying to show him the Christmas tree. this This bit goes on for a while where he's trying to tell them something and the boys keep it interrupting him. ah And he says, about the steam shovel.
01:08:21
Speaker
ah but before he can get that out, the beans are about to explode. So he goes back to the chimney, crawls up. Finally, Scrooge puts on the Santa costume and comes in.
01:08:37
Speaker
And he says, I came to tell you that you're not going to get that steam shovel. You asked the wrong guy. Now, if you did ask your Uncle Scrooge for that shovel, you've gotten some action. Scrooge McDuck is the greatest man in the world. While he could give why he could give steam shovels easier than Santa Claus could give gumdrops.
01:08:54
Speaker
ah Meanwhile, Donald's in the chimney. like Literally, the beans are exploding, and he's making the chimney explode. Oh, the beans. The beans. Gotta watch out for the beans. Now there are two Santa Clauses. He gets out of the chimney. Now there are two Santa Clauses. They get into a fight.
01:09:11
Speaker
And he says, I got your letter. This is Donald. Says, I got your letter. The only reason you kids don't get your steam shovel is that I ran out of steam at the North Pole. But Uncle Scrooge has a lot of steam left.
01:09:21
Speaker
Notice? ah And the boys are like, no Christmas for us this year.
01:09:30
Speaker
And then the real Santa Claus arrives, and ah he says, what was that one present you boys wanted? And they go, a steam shovel.
01:09:42
Speaker
And he goes, well, I got a few extra ones in the sack right here. And he gives them a toy steam shovel. And they go, that's what we wanted. And so Santa leaves, and Donald and Scrooge are confused because they think they wanted a real steam shovel.
01:10:01
Speaker
is That sounds like a complicated story. It's too long. Yeah. like it goes on It goes on for a little too long. It's fun. i mean, the steam shovel fight is very fun.
01:10:15
Speaker
But like the all of the business with like Donald dressed as Santa and Scrooge dressed as Santa um does does go on a bit. Yeah.
01:10:27
Speaker
I think it's more fun and better than the search for the Cuspidora, though. now I mean, this is all you, because you just read it, I did not. um Okay.
01:10:39
Speaker
I am going to say this goes at number
01:10:49
Speaker
one.
01:10:52
Speaker
Let's see. Flowers for Rhinos at 1025. I think it's Actually, let's just put it at the new number 1025. I think it's better than Flowers for Rhino. But not as good as Legends of the Dark Claw. That's correct.
01:11:05
Speaker
So this story is called Letter to Santa.
01:11:15
Speaker
And it is from
01:11:19
Speaker
ah Walt Disney's Christmas Parade number one, 1949. nineteen forty nine
01:11:29
Speaker
Weird assumption that, oh, I want i want a steam shovel. And also weird assumption that like weird that Donald would be like, all right.
01:11:41
Speaker
Like Scrooge, yeah, maybe. Scrooge is like, yeah, give these kids some construction equipment. Teach them a skill.
01:11:48
Speaker
But like Donald, you'd think would be like, well, they're children, Uncle Scrooge. yeah Maybe they don't want a six-ton piece of construction equipment. Actually heavy construction equipment, yeah.
01:11:59
Speaker
But they both don't understand. i mean, you know, it's partially the boys' fault fault for just putting in the letter steam shovel and not... You wouldn't fit, Matt! Okay, no, I'm gonna reject that outright. You should not have to specify toys in your letter to Santa.
01:12:15
Speaker
You should be able to... You should have to specify not toys.
01:12:22
Speaker
Fair. Fair point. Alright, here's our next list. It's from Dan Sylvester. These are some stories leveling lovingly stolen from Paul Kupferberg's list of favorite Christmas comics. Okay.
01:12:33
Speaker
First, Spectacular Spider-Man number 173, Creatures Stirring by Jerry Conway, David Michelinie, and Sal Bassema. That sounds good. Yeah. I don't recall it off the top of my head. I'm going to look and see, because this sounds familiar to me.
01:12:54
Speaker
So we're talking about... well Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man. Number 173. Number 173. Back when he was known as the non-gritty superhero.
01:13:06
Speaker
o Yeah. Okay, so this has got Doc Ock in it. Yep. I love that there's a warning on the cover. The non-gritty superhero, it says. Then also, warning, events in this issue will lead to major developments harmful to Peter Parker's life.
01:13:25
Speaker
Like it's a pack of cigarettes. So I assume, is this is this Mary Jane smoking era? This was 1991, so absolutely yes. Okay, so we got Doc Ock, who immediately murders three dudes.
01:13:41
Speaker
Who are are your standard issue multicultural disposable Marvel gang. Yeah. Holding crowbars. They always have crowbars. yeah Every single time yeah they have crowbars. Love these guys.
01:13:57
Speaker
Doc Ock is sad because he's I don't know if it's right to say he's horny for Aunt May. he he His heart is horny for Aunt May. He's longing for her.
01:14:09
Speaker
Yeah. like He's looking at his photo album that says photos on it. Add a picture of Aunt May. yeah And meanwhile, Aunt May is in her home in Forest Hills, Queens.
01:14:23
Speaker
ah Handing out cookies. I gotta say, i like this I like this billboard with Spider-Man holding a puppy and a kitten. This says, Spider-Man, nature's friend and ours.
01:14:35
Speaker
I like that. I like that too, yeah. I need to go back and figure out if that was a ah plot development. in In the Spider-Man comics of the time. is it Yeah, I think this is back when like Spider-Man was trying to do like some kind of like PR campaign.
01:14:57
Speaker
of some kind. Spider-Man loves kittens and puppies. um But Spider-Man rolls up on some some Marvel thugs. Classic Marvel Comics thugs. Again, three more thugs.
01:15:11
Speaker
Yeah. Hassling a Santa Claus. Hassling a ah Salvation Army Santa. And Spider-Man's like, knock that off. And then they point to the billboard and they're go like, you're going to sick a puppy on us?
01:15:24
Speaker
ah But then you know he he webs them up. And they are they are dealt with. ah But a dude is taking photos of him and says, Spider-Man assaults innocent kids out for holiday fun. Jameson will buy this in a second.
01:15:41
Speaker
So yeah, there's Spider-Man's like got a PR campaign working against this like paparazzi guy who keeps taking photos of him and painting him in a bad light.
01:15:52
Speaker
ah Peter goes to the the Daily Bugle Christmas party. Some guy's hassling him, like talking about how he wants to fuck Mary Jane.
01:16:05
Speaker
And he's nasty, too. He's real nasty. He's real nasty. He's like, bet you got a sweet treat waiting at home, kid. Think I could get a piece of Christmas pie myself? This is this is the photographer that took the photo of him. Yeah. this guy' um This guy's nasty. This guy's real nasty. He's like a real nasty freak.
01:16:23
Speaker
And so, he I mean, this is very Attitude Era pro wrestling, because this guy talks about pie, and then Pete puts him through a table. Yeah, um also, before that happens, ah Jonah and Peter exchange gifts, and they're the same necktie.
01:16:39
Speaker
that's That's fun. Yeah.
01:16:45
Speaker
Yeah, Peter does put him through a table, and like all of the the punch in the punch bowl or eggnog splashes on him. grabs him by the collar and slams his head into the fucking punch bowl. it's I think that's meant to be eggnog based on the coloring, but... yeah Hard to say. And then he says he's going to rip his head off his fucking shoulders.
01:17:07
Speaker
Go off, King! Yeah, the guy threatens to sue him. And Peter's like, sorry, I lost control. I'm going to leave. And then Jonah's like, who's going to clean up this mess?
01:17:19
Speaker
ah So Spider-Man goes home. um just want to point out, Jonah's never had anybody living at the Daily Bugle. And not known about it. That's a good point.
01:17:30
Speaker
So spiderman or but Peter, as Spider-Man, goes home, goes to Aunt May's house, and sees ah Aunt May and Willie Lumpkin inside. Doc Ock is watching Aunt May and Willie Lumpkin toast drinks inside the house, and he's getting jealous and upset.
01:17:48
Speaker
And Doc Ock's about to leave. You'd think a guy with that many arms would just be like, like we could be Polly. He says, ma parker is the only woman who was ever kind to me i hope we could spend this special time together but she already has warmth her family her friends a tableau in which i would only be an embarrassment there's no there's one thing i can give that sweet lady now a peaceful undisturbed christmas eve and he's like all right driver i'm about to leave and that's just when spiderman shows up and he's like oh you motherfucker
01:18:21
Speaker
don't you don't you mess up my aunt's christmas And so he and Doc Ock get into a big fight outside. And Mae comes outside and she's like, oh my, what's going on?
01:18:34
Speaker
And Doc Ock's like, hey, sorry, please continue your party. ah don't Don't mind me. And Doc Ock's like, maybe we can continue this later. And Spider-Man's like, okay.
01:18:47
Speaker
And so Doc Ock sadly leaves him.
01:18:53
Speaker
second So, Spider-Man... Aunt May goes, That was Dr. Octavius, why didn't he come in?
01:19:04
Speaker
The papers say you're a hero, but if you drove poor Otto away... And first of all, first of all, Aunt May, if you're reading the papers, you know Otto Octavius isn't a good guy. Like, that's that's not... Like...
01:19:22
Speaker
he He tried to... he like He's killed people a lot. Yeah. He tried to extort the Fantastic Four when when Sue was pregnant.
01:19:35
Speaker
Man, like, come on. oh Then Spider-Man goes, I'm not sure I am a hero, ma'am. Maybe on Christmas Eve, no one's a hero.
01:19:46
Speaker
Or a villain. Peter, that doesn't make any... That's nothing. ah Jerry, it's Peter, that's nothing. I think... ah You mean David?
01:19:59
Speaker
Oh, did David Michelinie? Oh, ah yeah, I guess he did script for these pages, yeah? Yeah. David, the that's nothing. Yeah. ah But then, after that, the ah the nasty paparazzi is ah is taking a bunch of photos of...
01:20:19
Speaker
Some shadowy figures. I believe one of them is the Rose. And then he says, ah it's going to be a Merry Christmas for me. to freak paparazzi that nobody remembers. i'm ah I'm a nasty guy.
01:20:36
Speaker
nasty, and I like to talk to my coworkers about how I want to fuck their wives. That guy's kind of a villain on Christmas Eve. Yeah, yeah. um The Doc Ock part of this is fine, and kind of, you know, a nice inversion of like, Doc Ock is, like,
01:20:55
Speaker
Not evil, but sad in this story. I gotta say, I do like a story, because this happens a lot. I like a story where Peter's just having a bad day. And he kind of stumbles upon somebody, maybe not being normal, because I don't think Otto's being normal in this. No, he's peering through a window. Yeah. So he's not, you know, again... Not normal, but about as close to normal as he's going to get.
Comic Character Critiques
01:21:26
Speaker
You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So i i I like that kind of story. And Peter being like, like you said, like, oh, you motherfucker. Like, this like fuck you. and go outs Don't mess up my aunt's Christmas.
01:21:40
Speaker
Don't mess up that nice lady Mrs. Parker's Christmas. Yeah. ah So that part of the story is fine. the stuff with like the nasty photographer, i don't care. I'm a nasty guy.
01:21:56
Speaker
That's the voice he has, too. You like you can tell. I'm so nasty. I'm a nasty guy. his name is... ah what's his What's his name? ah
01:22:08
Speaker
Katzenberg? I'm Katzenberg, a nasty guy. yeah that's a that's a little bit... ah oh Oh, the Jewish paparazzi guy on Christmas is causing trouble.
01:22:20
Speaker
All right. Gerald. David. What are we doing here, guys? Yeah. Yeah, this story doesn't... I don't think the story really loses anything if the nasty guy is not in it.
01:22:33
Speaker
His name is Nick Katzenberg, yeah. Yeah? I don't know. I think the story is fine. Yeah, fine. it's it It would be weird to consider this one one of one's favorite Christmas comics. Paul Kepperberg said this was one of his favorites?
01:22:50
Speaker
Apparently. Yeah, that sounds about right. i don't I don't mean anything mean by that. I just mean, you know, book if you've read some Paul Kepperberg comics, yeah, it so sounds right.
01:23:02
Speaker
Spider-Man Fastlane is at number 1150. This ain't that good. This ain't as good as Fastlane. What was Zayn Whelan up to at Christmas? Do you think Zane Whelan became like an anti-weed activist?
01:23:15
Speaker
Maybe he did. maybe but He went all like way far in the other direction? 1200
Comparing and Ranking Various Comics
01:23:21
Speaker
is Batman number 400. I don't think this is that good. 1250 is The Todd Show.
01:23:32
Speaker
There's bits of The Todd Show I like more than this. 1300 Day of the Grizzly.
01:23:39
Speaker
I think that's probably better. That's a Jerry Conway classic where Spider-Man fights the Grizzly. Yeah. 1301 is Spider-Man X-Force Sabotage. Now we're talking. Look, that story is exciting.
01:23:58
Speaker
Let's see. 1350 is the GQ Bin Laden comic by Fraction and Fox.
01:24:10
Speaker
No disrespect, but that's a weird one, and I think I like this comic better. Okay. um Batman meets Professor Hugo Strange, which I believe is the first appearance of Nasty Freak Hugo Strange. Is it 1348? Yeah.
01:24:23
Speaker
yeah ah Here's what's funny. Matt, funny as hell. I'm really funny. Okay, tell me. oh i I'm just going to send you a quick screenshot of this. Okay.
01:24:40
Speaker
Is this like in your notes? on Yeah, this isnt my this is in my notes. i I want you to describe it to the people. okay ah Once I send you a screenshot. Here we go. all right here we go listen in here Let's see it. ah all right bat Batman. Batman meets Professor Hugo Strange by Bill Finger and B-star B-K-star N-E.
01:25:04
Speaker
Bob Kane's name is censored like ah like a cuss. i don't even I don't even like looking at his name. yeah Don't even like look at it his damn name. Thankfully it's not a dash in there um like how God is sometimes spelled with the O as a dash.
01:25:23
Speaker
I don't think that first Hugo Strange story is probably better.
01:25:32
Speaker
Mother
Spider-Man Artwork and Influences
01:25:33
Speaker
Russia, the Punisher story Mother Russia. that That story's fine. I'm going to say okay im want to say this is the new number 1350. fifty Okay.
01:25:43
Speaker
Spectacular Spider-Man.
01:25:49
Speaker
People are going to get mad at me because this is another Salbisema Spider-Man comic that we're ranking kind of low. Oh yeah, it is Salbisema. but There's a lot of whack drawings in it.
01:26:03
Speaker
I'm sorry. Like... He ate my cup of tea. He just he ate the he ate my preferred Spider-Man artist. You can look at these Subby Summit comics and you can see where ah Eric Larson got it.
01:26:18
Speaker
you know Oh yeah.
Emotional Christmas Story Analysis
01:26:19
Speaker
Oh yeah, man like Definitely a lot of ah lot of influence for Eric Larson in these pages.
01:26:29
Speaker
I will say, like, of everything Sal Basima drew and these, he clearly spent the most time on Mary Jane's face. Yeah.
01:26:40
Speaker
Like, hyper-detailed stuff on Mary Jane's face. but like There's also yeah ah a young lady with an eating disorder who's having a hard time at Christmas.
01:26:52
Speaker
Yeah, she's she's in it for, like, one page. Uh.
01:26:58
Speaker
A lot of stuff going on and in Peter Parker's life these days. she She won't eat Aunt May's cookies. Oh, no, she does finally eat one. She does, and everyone's very relieved.
01:27:09
Speaker
Yeah.
Bob Haney's Batman and Humor
01:27:11
Speaker
um Okay. Next on the list from Dan is The Brave and the Bold number 148, The Night the Mob Stole Xmas by Bob Haney, Jim Apero, and Joe Staten.
01:27:22
Speaker
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what about this one. It's good.
01:27:32
Speaker
what's What's the issue number, Matt? 148. 148. I love a Bob Haney, Jim Apero Christmas special. It's a Batman Plastic Man team-up. I had to make sure this was the right one, but this has one of my favorite weird-ass Bob Haney moments, which is when ah the mob has stolen Christmas.
01:27:55
Speaker
And ah Batman says to Plastic Man, I'm going to find it so I get this bonkers dialogue right now. Now remember, this is this is Batman, the Dark Knight, who witnessed his parents' death in an alley and ah swore to make war on all criminals for the rest of his life and become a grim avenger of the night.
01:28:18
Speaker
Plastic Man, you did it again! Let's start highballing ourselves with the Sunshine State!
01:28:31
Speaker
This is also a Batman who drives by a display in a department store window and goes, Ah! The famous Lacey's Department Store Christmas display. What would the holiday be without it? Beautiful!
01:28:44
Speaker
Yeah, i I like Bob Haney's Batman, who just who like is Batman, but he just kind of like hangs out and does stuff, you know? Yeah, he he he actually enjoys himself. Batman digs this day.
01:28:57
Speaker
Yeah. that's That's what Batman's all about. bu Bob Haney Batman has a good time. i mean, he chops some mobsters in the throat.
01:29:10
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. Jim Apparo will... will absolutely drunky Batman chopping a man in the throat. yeah And that that dude, look, Batman doesn't kill people, but that dude's not going to enjoy the rest of his life.
01:29:27
Speaker
Right.
01:29:30
Speaker
but he Boy, he is he is chopping that man into the fucking trachea. Right in the trachea. Damn. Gets him. get him ah Also, like at one point, the bad guys knock Batman into ah like ah like an oil pit because they're in like a garage. Because what it is, is they're bootlegging cigarettes from Callum City to Florida.
01:29:57
Speaker
Well, they're they're bootlegging cigarettes, but also like all kinds of like Christmas stuff. like It's like they're hiding, they've hidden the tobacco in the Christmas stuff.
01:30:10
Speaker
and And now they're bootlegging it down to Florida like it's fucking Smokey and the Bandit. They stole a bunch of Christmas decorations from the like downtown plaza in Gotham City. It's the display that Superman loved so much. They stole everything from that. Batman.
01:30:25
Speaker
I said Superman. I meant Batman. Batman refers to it as buttlegging. Which is, if that's what that was called, that's fucking great.
01:30:37
Speaker
ah But yeah, they take it all to Florida. as like, yeah, a front for like smuggling. And so Batman and Plastic Man have to go to Florida and fight this like mafioso in a wheelchair ah who is, who was faking his disability the whole time.
01:30:58
Speaker
Yeah. ah To, to get it all back. Plastic Man, you've done it again. and Plastic Man, um like buries them much under a bunch of ah fake snow.
01:31:12
Speaker
That's falling from a helicopter. Yeah, he says they're plastic snowflakes, which seems like so much worse than butt-legging.
01:31:24
Speaker
Like dumping a helicopter load of plastic snowflakes on the beach in Florida. That sounds horrible. Yeah, that's that's not healthy.
01:31:36
Speaker
And then they make all the bad guys load all the Christmas decorations back in the truck. Yeah. and Plastic Man's house hustled up you clowns especially you Big Jake you're healthy as a horse and then ah so they get all the all the decorations back and Batman I guess that's is that Gordon or is that somebody else he's talking to oh it's the mayor the mayor goes Batman it's it's a miracle you cracked the buttlegging ring and saved the city's holiday
01:32:06
Speaker
buttlegging is so great buttlegging is really funny
01:32:13
Speaker
Butt-legging. That's the thing, is like, like, Bob Haney's gotta know that's funny. I think he just thought that's what it was. yeah I mean, like, that's that's a perfectly appropriate name for bootlegging cigarettes. Like, that sounds like what it would be called.
01:32:31
Speaker
Oh, yeah because because cigarette butts. Cigarette butts, yeah. yeah, But, like, butt-legging is very funny. Butt-legging is in the Oxford English Dictionary. it is It is a real thing. It's a real word for... That's not the OED for yeah for Bob Haney.
01:32:48
Speaker
ah Boy, Bob Haney and Jim Aparo. so That's magic. That's magic.
01:32:58
Speaker
Batman's saying, let's highball it to the sunshine state. Yeah. that's They don't get better than that, Matt. Alright, let's rank this. Let's rank this story. Better than some of the ones we've been talking about, I feel like. think we need to highball this to the top of the list.
01:33:14
Speaker
Not the very top. ah Not the very top, but I think, you know, let's see, what's it? ah Legion of Three Worlds is a 750. I think it's better than that.
01:33:26
Speaker
Okay. mean, I like Legion of Three Worlds. you know one ah One of the better Geoff Johns works, but it doesn't have Batman saying, let's highball it to Sunshine State.
01:33:39
Speaker
that's fair That's fair. They used to let Batman do that. They used to let him do that, yeah. imagine Imagine Chip or Fraction, anyone trying to get Batman saying, Plastic Man, you've done it again. Let's highball it to the Sunshine State.
01:33:55
Speaker
Imagine any editor, and rightly so,
01:34:02
Speaker
Every editor would be like, no, absolutely not. That is not how Batman talks. But there was a time, Matt, 1978, when he could do it, when Batman could talk like he was in Smokey the Bandit.
01:34:16
Speaker
the The Bronze Age was the only time. oh Bronze Age Batman. he's He's a character. He's a real character. Let's see.
01:34:26
Speaker
Alright, I'm gonna say this this is not better than... Hang on, I have to sneeze. Okay.
01:34:39
Speaker
I muted myself so you didn't have to hear me sneeze. Matt, you've done it again. I've done it again. um I'm going to say this is not better than Wii 3, which is at number 735.
01:34:51
Speaker
Okay,
Batman and Richard Dragon's Adventure
01:34:52
Speaker
that's fair. That's fair. i don't think it's as good as When Pull Strikes Back. I don't think it's as good as The Black Flash. I don't think it's as good as Squadron Supreme Death of a Universe.
01:35:03
Speaker
But I think it's i think it's better than... I think it's better than Batman Black and White Legend. I don't think it's better than the Punisher Acts of Vengeance where Punisher fights a bunch doombots. So this is the new number 749. Yeah.
01:35:17
Speaker
yeah Brave of the Bold. Number 138, I believe. 148. 148. The title of the story is The Night the Mob Stole Xmas.
01:35:35
Speaker
Okay.
01:35:38
Speaker
Hang on second. I've got a lot of information to put into this entry, Matt. Yeah, a lot of information about highballing it to the Sunshine State.
01:35:48
Speaker
Now, I think it is worth noting that Batman is simply repeating what was overheard on the CB, what Plastic Man overheard on the CB. Mm-hmm.
01:36:00
Speaker
which is, Candy Cane to Santa's helpers. Keep highballing along. We got Mucho Miles to cover.
01:36:08
Speaker
I mean, he's not he didn't he didn't repeat that. he but He just repeated the highballing part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think Bob Haney had just seen Smokey and the Bandit when he wrote this?
01:36:22
Speaker
a million percent. Because this is 1978, yes. yeah Keep it highballing along.
01:36:36
Speaker
He probably loved it. He probably loved watching Smokey and the Bandit. i and How could he not? I mean, I love watching Smokey the Bandit, Matt. Yeah. Who doesn't? who Who doesn't? Who amongst us?
Spider-Man and Human Torch Team-Up
01:36:48
Speaker
All right. Are you ready for the next? Hang on. Highballing ourselves to the... It's also Batman calling Florida the sunshine state. Yeah.
01:36:59
Speaker
that's That's very funny. It's just it's just weird even it's weird now to even imagine Batman going to Florida. Yeah. There's another ah oh ah Brave and the Bold story where Batman and Richard Dragon ah like take a commercial flight.
01:37:19
Speaker
And it's they're not even in first class. And Batman's in full costume. This is how he hides his identity. I guess. i'm Me, I'm not Bruce Wayne. I'm not mega billionaire Bruce Wayne. I fly coach.
01:37:37
Speaker
I guess. like How better to hide your identity? but You could have your own jet. He does have his own plane. that he could That he could use to fly Richard Dragon to Florida.
01:37:49
Speaker
But honestly, Batman having his own plane, like there's only very few people who could have that, who could afford that, who could do that. That's true, I guess. That is not hiding your identity well.
01:38:01
Speaker
Flying coach? People would be like, Batman's just a regular guy. Batman took his full-ass utility belt through security. Well, he put it in the bin. He took it off and put it in the bin.
01:38:15
Speaker
You think he checked it? He might have checked it. Because that thing's got smoke bombs and a knife in it. Oh, yeah. But it was... Well, this was pre-9-11. I mean, he but he was... Yeah, I mean, it was the 70s. You could smoke
Is Die Hard a Christmas Movie?
01:38:30
Speaker
on planes. You could fucking cook dinner on an airplane. They didn't check you for anything. Shit was weird.
01:38:38
Speaker
Alright, here's our final ah submission from Dan. Marvel Team-Up No. 1, Have Yourself a Sandman Little Christmas by Roy Thomas and Ross Andrew.
01:38:48
Speaker
Well, you know I've read that. Yeah. You know I've read Marvel Team-Up No. 1, Matt. Of course.
01:39:00
Speaker
By Roy Thomas. Roy Thomas wrote a lot of of Christmas stories in his time.
01:39:15
Speaker
This is not one of the best ones. um think I don't think. don't think this one of the best ah issues of Marvel Team-Up. It's got Sandman in his Jack Kirby costume.
01:39:27
Speaker
Yeah. Which for some reason is weirder than when he's just wearing a shirt from The Gap. When he's just wearing like a so ah stripy sweater, yeah. yeah ah I gotta say, though, Ross Andrew underappreciated great.
01:39:41
Speaker
One of the best. Ross Andrew's good. Ross Andrew's very good. But yeah, it's just it's just like Spider-Man and the Human Torch fighting Sandman on a beach.
01:39:55
Speaker
that's Yeah. but Like... Pretty much it. I mean, it's it's there's some Christmassy stuff later. ah ah i mean, there's there kind of not, though. like It just sort of incidentally happens on Christmas.
01:40:11
Speaker
And then at the end, they're like,
Macaulay Culkin's Die Hard Critique
01:40:12
Speaker
hey, Christmas! the The new argument about Die Hard not being a Christmas movie, by the way, which comes from Macaulay Culkin, is that Die Hard could happen on Memorial Day.
01:40:28
Speaker
But Home Alone could only happen on Christmas. Okay, no, that's dumb. I don't think that's true. The entire reason John McClane goes there is that it's Christmas. The entire reason that Nakatomi Tower is empty except for the people at the Christmas party is that it's Christmas. Right, like, companies don't have parties for Memorial Day. Yeah.
01:40:51
Speaker
Companies only have, like, big company-wide parties for Christmas. Yeah, like... Also, like, fucking Clarence Gillyard says Merry Christmas in that movie.
01:41:04
Speaker
Like, Winter Wonderland is a leitmotif in that movie. Like, what the fuck you talking about, Macaulay Culkin? That's why everybody likes your brother more than you now. I think that's a bad faith argument. Even though he's like a weird piss freak.
01:41:19
Speaker
I guess I should point out, in Home Alone, I don't know if Kieran Culkin... Just his character in Home Alone. If Kieran Culkin in real life is a ah piss freak or not, and and honestly, I think that's value neutral. you know like as As long as everybody's long as everybody' is having fun, it's fine.
01:41:37
Speaker
i you know i take it I take it back. I retract that statement.
01:41:43
Speaker
But everybody does like him more than they like. Than they like
Spider-Man's Christmas Twist
01:41:47
Speaker
Macaulay Culkin now, because of this. Also, so you fucking trying to get try to get Home Alone over?
01:41:54
Speaker
People still watch it. People still watch it, even though it's not a good movie. Are you not getting the royalty checks, dog? Like, I'm sorry, bud. You're not in competition with Die Hard.
01:42:07
Speaker
Like, we can be like, actually, Elf sucks. Like, come on, man. People still watch that shit where you torture those two men to death. Ugh.
01:42:24
Speaker
So the big twist of this is that Sandman, which i will give this I will say this for this issue. Anytime Sandman and the Human Torch appear in their like civilian clothes, it's great.
01:42:40
Speaker
They are wearing absolutely fucking bonkers clothes. Yes. Like... Ross Andrew put just put them in like fucking what Austin Powers wears.
01:42:54
Speaker
Yeah, it's it's you you should owe it to yourself to look at Johnny Storm's outfit in this comic. it's I don't even want to describe it. You should just go look at it. It's weird.
01:43:06
Speaker
But also Sandman. Sandman's just wearing kind of like a loud suit, I guess. yeah so So the Christmas week part of this, I feel like that's the same tie.
01:43:17
Speaker
That Peter got Jonah. It's very similar. Jonah got Peter. It's an orange tie with spirals on it.
01:43:26
Speaker
I do want to
Margaritaville Boys' Trip
01:43:27
Speaker
say, like the Christmassy part is that Sandman is fighting Spider-Man and the Human Torch try and get to his mom because Christmas, and she doesn't know he's a criminal.
01:43:39
Speaker
So, i guess they I guess they never watch the the news either. so Spider-Man is like... ah Here, you can't go in and see your mom without a present.
01:43:52
Speaker
So he gives Sandman a gift to give to his mom. And they watch to make sure that everything goes okay. And Sandman gives a present to his to his mom.
01:44:07
Speaker
And she's like nice and happy that she got a gift from her not-criminal son. And then he escapes through the bathroom sink. and they were like, well, we'll get him next time. And then Sandman Writes peace on earth, goodwill to men, and fire in the sky. Well, Human Torch probably wrote it in fire in the sky.
01:44:29
Speaker
that's what did Did I say Sandman? You said Sandman? God, i I'm in vacation mode too, folks. Sorry. me Me and Matt Wilson, we're on island time, baby. We're on island time, yeah. um Anyway, that's the story. it's This one is also just like fine. Matt, next time next time you come visit, let's go to Margaritaville at the Mall of America.
01:44:51
Speaker
Okay. Island time, baby. Wasted away again in our in Margaritaville.
01:45:00
Speaker
I feel like I've been in other places with Margaritavilles and have never indulged. So yeah. Okay. We'll go. We'll go to Margaritaville. Hell yeah.
01:45:12
Speaker
Hell yeah.
01:45:15
Speaker
Margaritaville Matt Wilson. that's That's what I want. Actually, what I really want to do is a boys trip with you and Benito. Yeah. And AC keeps telling me, like, hey, you gotta do a boys trip. You miss your boys. And you know what? I do miss my boys.
01:45:28
Speaker
And do want to go on a boys trip with my boys.
01:45:32
Speaker
Something to think about for 2026. And we could start it at Margaritaville. That's true. we could We could all meet up at Margaritaville. You two fly up here. We'll go to Margaritaville.
01:45:47
Speaker
Search for that. Lost Shaker Assault. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
01:45:55
Speaker
And then we'll go somewhere else. Are we old enough to get into Jimmy Buffett? Because don't like Jimmy Buffett. No. Like... No. I refuse to get into Jimmy Buffett.
01:46:07
Speaker
Okay. Leave that to Justin McElroy. people The people who like Jimmy Buffett seem happier than me, though. But I think that is a a real chicken and egg situation.
01:46:21
Speaker
it's like when you It's like when you see people and they're like, I just want to live my life as a Christian so that people wonder what makes this guy so happy. And then I can tell them that Jesus. it's like For me, it's like, don't know, people who like birds and Jimmy Buffett seem to not deal with treatment-resistant major depressive disorder.
01:46:43
Speaker
Yeah. Or maybe they do. Maybe they do. I don't know. It's tough, Matt. It's hard out here. I don't think Jimmy Buffett is the thing that's going to...
01:46:57
Speaker
That's it, right? but That's it. Yeah. well Yeah, that's... that's Yes. I will say Cheeseburger in Paradise fucking sucks. That's a shitty song. it's It's bad. I mean, if I go to Margaritaville, that's what I'm going to order.
01:47:11
Speaker
A cheeseburger in paradise. But, you know. um't I also don't drink anymore. So, like, Margaritaville, it like they have a lot of ah offerings that I feel like are thematically appropriate for them that I won't.
01:47:27
Speaker
I'm sure they have mocktails. i Look, all the boomers who are going to Margaritaville who, like, don't drink or can't drink anymore, they're ordering mocktails. I think if you're a boomer going to Margaritaville, you're definitely drinking. i think you Or you're having a Pepsi product. A lot of those people are ordering mocktails, I feel like.
01:47:47
Speaker
Okay. right we'll find out We'll find out when you come up. Let's do episode 800 from Margaritaville. Episode 800... from margaritaville
01:47:59
Speaker
so eight hundred I mean, okay. that's I mean, that's like at the end of the year, next year. Let's do episode 760 from Margaritaville.
01:48:12
Speaker
Okay, that's
Marvel Team-Up #1 and Christmas
01:48:13
Speaker
too soon. gotta meet in the middle. really not yes-ending. eight hundred too far seven sixty too soon but ah youre really not yes ending My desire to hang out with you at Margaritaville's Mall America. I said I would go. i'm just saying. i um Smashed meal combo. Only $16.99 all day every day at Margaritaville.
01:48:44
Speaker
Smashed meal? It's a smash burger. Oh, okay. let' i'm trying to work for their I'm trying to look for their drink menu. Alright, Margaritaville menu.
01:48:55
Speaker
Are you at MargaritavilleMallofAmerica.com? Because that's where I am. Yeah, that's where I am. Alright, did you get margaritas and drinks? Yes. Okay.
01:49:07
Speaker
Five o'clock somewhere. that's ah That's a drink on here. Okay. I was looking to see if there were any mocktails, and who does it actually appear that there are? Oh, nailed it.
01:49:19
Speaker
Crushed that one. I'm sure they have non-alcoholic options. Got it! I'm sure they have non-alcoholic options. Yeah, man if you want to fucking Diet Pepsi.
01:49:32
Speaker
Alright, we gotta rake this Human Torch, this Marvel Team-Up number one. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah, it's perfectly fine. It's fine. It's
Sweet Rain Manga Analysis
01:49:41
Speaker
perfectly fine comic. It's only kinda Christmassy.
01:49:44
Speaker
yeah i mean, I guess it's as Christmassy as anything. i the is does By the end, it's so a little... like it's When it's revealed what Sandman is doing, ah it's a little Christmassy. It's one of those things where like, Sandman could just have said...
01:50:01
Speaker
like
01:50:04
Speaker
Hey, I'm trying to get to my mom. I don't want to hold it against this story, because I know that I'm thinking about stuff that comes later, like like Mark Waid stuff that comes later. But it's like, it seems like there's a lot of stories where Sandman's just trying to go like see a relative of his. That's true, yeah. And somebody's all like pissed off about it all the time.
01:50:24
Speaker
But, you know, it is like... Like, Sandman appears on this beach and is just immediately, like, fighting cops and Spider-Man. Yeah, well, I mean, I was with you until Spider-Man.
01:50:37
Speaker
And it's like, ah well, he doesn't even know it's Christmas Eve until Spider-Man mentions it. Okay, so he doesn't even know it's Christmas Eve, but then he's like, oh shit, I'm late to see my mom.
01:50:48
Speaker
Well, yeah, like, as soon as he says, chris like, Spider-Man says Christmas Eve, he's like, Christmas Eve, I don't have time to mess with you now. I got somewhere else I gotta be. And that's when he runs off to try to go see his mom.
01:51:03
Speaker
Yeah. The story's fine. it's i mean It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. um Is it... Let's see.
01:51:15
Speaker
Is it as good as The Todd Show? Probably not. Probably not. Is it as good as Spider-Man and Batman? Yeah.
01:51:25
Speaker
e Probably not. Probably not. Yeah. Is it as good as Punisher, Volume 7, Numbers 13 through 18, Mother Russia?
01:51:38
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, it's about that good. Yeah. um I mean, I'd say it's equally, like, equal to that Spectacular Spider-Man story we just ranked.
01:51:53
Speaker
that third Which we have at 1351. I
01:51:59
Speaker
i mean, well, do do you like Ross Andrew better than you like Salvi Semimat? I mean, I do, yes. Then let's put this one just above. Okay, so the new number 1351, Marvel Team Up number one. story is called...
01:52:23
Speaker
Have yourself a Sandman Little Christmas, which is... That's... that's Roy, that's nothing. You didn't even try. Okay. that's That's nothing, Roy.
01:52:43
Speaker
So here's the dilemma, Chris. Uh-huh. Well, all right. I'm going to just read out this... list from Chris Connors.
01:52:57
Speaker
And Chris says, Happy Holidays. I'm curious if you read these. I realize this submission might be a bit of an off chance, so I've added some more mainstream backups. Thanks a bunch.
01:53:08
Speaker
okay So all three of these submissions on the main list from Chris are the first three volumes of the manga Sweet Rain.
01:53:20
Speaker
Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Sweet Rain is kind of all one story, and I haven't read the last volume. but Okay.
01:53:31
Speaker
Hell yeah, Sweet Rain. Do you know about Sweet Rain, Matt? I used to write about it on Comics Alliance every year. That's why I never finished it. it is it's about It's like a romance manga where like one of the characters is a reindeer.
01:53:45
Speaker
Yes. Okay, yeah. Correct. You nailed it. Okay. But what you didn't get was that the other character is a Santa. Ah, okay.
01:53:57
Speaker
And it's very, like, you know how there are these fanfiction tropes? um that like I was never i was never like in fanfiction spheres, so when I found out about these, they seemed like fully bonkers to me. But there's like, oh, you know, like, in this universe, the name, the the first thing that your soulmate says to you is tattooed on your arm, and it appears when you turn 16 whatever. You know about this, right?
01:54:31
Speaker
Kinda. Okay. kind of This is one of those, because it's like, in this world, ah Santa is just, like, a person Who is Santa. Like, they do Santa's job.
01:54:49
Speaker
okay And there's also reindeer who are shapeshifters who are usually like a person. ah But sometimes they're also reindeer. But then when a Santa meets their reindeer, a magical rain connects them.
01:55:08
Speaker
ah That's invisible to everyone, but they can see it. So this is your weird BDSM Christmas comic where it's like a like a college girl and or like a high school girl and her reindeer shapeshifter boyfriend who are fated to be together.
01:55:32
Speaker
okay Because she is his Santa and he is her reindeer. It's all right the wildest premise of I think any comic I've ever read.
01:55:46
Speaker
Now, so there are three volumes of this. You've read two? i Yeah, I think I've read the first two volumes. I know I haven't finished it. I thought I had read three out of four, but if there's only three, I've only read two.
01:55:59
Speaker
There's only three. Okay. ah So, okay. and I need to finish it, and like ah we're still in the Christmas season, so I might just have to like get this knocked out before Epiphany.
01:56:13
Speaker
Okay, so we're going to go ahead and say, Chris, we're going to call all of Sweet Rain one story. Yeah, because it's you know like a slow burn romance.
01:56:25
Speaker
And Chris needs to read the last volume so we can rate it. Correct. Okay. um In Chris's backups, one of these we just raked, that's Brave and the Bull number 148, The Night the Mob Stole Xmas.
01:56:42
Speaker
ah Batman Santa Claus Silent Night by Jeff Parker and Michelle Bandini. Do we have that on the list? I don't think so. No, we have Silent Interlude on the list. Okay, but not Silent Night. But not Silent Night.
01:56:58
Speaker
um I don't know if we... but Could we rank that one quickly? No. Okay. I know we both read it.
01:57:10
Speaker
Matt, that's a... that's a comic where Batman teams up with Santa Claus. Of course they can't rank that quickly. Yes. it just scott it's It's the one where Batman's like, oh yeah, I know about Santa Claus. I know him.
01:57:26
Speaker
We hang out. And Damien's like, what the fuck? And Batman's like, yeah, man. Okay, then then I have to say this, because because all of these submissions really jump the line anyway.
01:57:41
Speaker
Between now and next December. Okay. I will read the third volume of Sweet Rain. will We will rank all of Sweet Rain, and then we will not have to rate rank these backups.
01:57:54
Speaker
ah And so, that is what we're going to do between now and then. And with that,
Conclusion and Podcast Updates
01:58:02
Speaker
this episode, this Every Story Ever special, will come to an end.
01:58:08
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, we could probably have time to rank it if if you hadn't spent so long talking about Margaritaville. Yeah, it was all my fault for ah cause you bringing it up and talking about Margaritaville. Because you know people get mad.
01:58:23
Speaker
People get mad when we just kind of like, when ah I say wait when you just kind of like go off on on something weird like that. map Yeah, it's it's all my fault and I can only apologize.
01:58:37
Speaker
And can never really apologize enough. That's true. um We will be back in January with a regular Every Story Ever special. um But before then, we're going to be doing our annual Flash Gordon Memorial Awards, the Gordies. The Gordies!
01:58:55
Speaker
If you have categories to send us, if if you don't know what the Gordies are, they are our annual awards show where you, the listeners, determine the categories and then we pick the winners.
01:59:06
Speaker
So... If you have a category that you would like to send in, now is the time to do that. So email us at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast at gmail.com with your picks for Gordy categories for 2026. And we will...
01:59:24
Speaker
and we will in mid-January.
01:59:29
Speaker
um in midjanuary early to mid-january so um send in those goy categories now is the time to do that um so so please do in the meantime If you want to support these Every Story Ever specials and support us, you can do it by going to patreon.com slash warrocketajax and kicking in as little as a dollar a month to help make these specials possible monthly, as well as our regular War Rocket Ajax show and everything else that we do.
01:59:58
Speaker
Our website is warrocketajax.com. It has every episode of the show that we've ever done, every every story ever, and every episode of the regular show.
02:00:08
Speaker
If you want to get in touch with us in other ways, you can email. I already said the email. um There's our Blue Sky, which is warrocketajax.com. There's Tumblr, which is warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com. And there is our Discord, which you can join. You can ask us for a membership there for or for an invitation to become a member there, and you can join. It is by invitation only, but we...
02:00:32
Speaker
send invitations to just about anybody who asks nicely to join that Discord. So just hit us up on one of the places I just mentioned. Warrocketwiki.com has the Every Story Ever list and all kinds of other information you could want or need about this show, War Rocket Ajax, so go check that out. If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you?
02:00:59
Speaker
Everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com. That is my website.
02:01:07
Speaker
And that's it. That's it. We hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. Whatever it is you celebrate, we hope you had great holidays.
02:01:18
Speaker
And Happy New Year! Happy New Year, everybody. Happy holidays to all. ah We made it through another one. So we'll be back next year. You'll be back next year.
02:01:31
Speaker
And we'll do some Gordian. Bye, everybody. Bye. forever forever forever