Episode 762 - I to X of Swords: Khopesh

Transcript

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Speaker: Right as I'm bored, what plaything can you offer me today?

Speaker: He's got War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body.

Speaker: X-E-E-A-X! Hello everybody and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This... This the internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast, and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims.

Speaker: With me as always, Matt Wilson. Matt, what you got for me? Chris, I have the question for this week, and it involves the HBO Max original series, The Pit.

Speaker: The Pit. We've both been watching The Pit, and I'm still finishing up season one. I've got the first the last few episodes of season one left. But I was surprised on an episode to see the face of someone I have met in person.

Speaker: And that is ah improviser extraordinaire Craig Krakowski, who, if you've seen the show, he's the guy with the dog and the road rash on his leg.

Speaker: And i was interested to note, like, oh, okay, Craig Kikowski's in this, and he's like a guy with a non-life-threatening injury, right? Uh-huh. So my question for you, Chris, is that if you were going to play a patient on the pit, what would your injury and or illness be? Obviously, treatment-resistant depression, no.

Speaker: So you would go you would go to the emergency room for that? Well, Matt, it's a problem, you know? yes Sure, of course, yes. so That was just a little fun joke about a medical condition I do have. ah Mine would be a dog bit my finger off. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. You're absolutely right about that.

Speaker: Would you still have the finger? I mean, i like I think the finger would be in the dog. Yeah, yeah. Because they're not just going to bite it off and then drop it. Yeah, they're not going give it back.

Speaker: Yeah. don't want to brag. I got tasty fingers.

Speaker: Matt, what would you what would yours be? Arcane complicated grilling injury. Mmm. Mmm, that's good. It wouldn't just be like I put in too much lighter fluid and I burned myself.

Speaker: It would be like I fell in the grill somehow.

Speaker: It would be good if, like, just once on the pit, there was a guy who, like, fell into a vat of electrified chemicals. And they're like, he seems fine. And then, like, four episodes later, they're like, yeah, we got another mugger that ah with contusions from being apprehended by Pittsburgh Fist of Justice. Yeah, it's just like, he's laughing a lot.

Speaker: He seems okay. Yeah. I mean, you know, this guy' is this guy's kind half-lizard, but ah let's see what Dr. Mel King's up to. Oh, man. i would I would do anything for Dr. Mel King. ah what what a What a perfect character. The way that Dr. Mel King said having sex is that's if she didn't get an Emmy.

Speaker: For that. i I don't know. at ah i I don't feel worse about it, but it is interesting to know that she's, that that actress is Bryan Cranston's daughter.

Speaker: o Like, now I can't not see it. All the time. Man, there's a lot of daughters on that show. lot of daughters on that show, my man.

Speaker: I mean, I mean... Roughly like 60% of the cast in general, but specifically daughters of famous actors. That's right. We got a great show for everybody this week. It is time to once again rate swords.

Speaker: It's one to ten of swords this episode. So stick around for that when we get to it. But before we get to that, Chris, we do have some business to take care of.

Speaker: First piece of business is thanking our newest supporters over on Patreon. That's right, Matt. No, I did this perfectly last time. Uh-huh. And let's see if I can remember how I did it. Okay.

Speaker: Because I got in, i got all my I got all my shit in, brother. Gotta get your shit in. And I didn't, and it wasn't like nonsense, like it sometimes is. But Matt, that's right. These are the people who want to help out the show. They want to take a trip down to 762 Gimmick Street. They want to listen to the show, support the show, help us do what we do here keep it going with war rocket ajax with comics catch up with every story ever her with all the fun stuff all the bonus content all the extra stuff a bonus content which is soon to include a limited ah podcast series coming up more about that in future weeks also there was some bonus content that went up just before we started recording this

Speaker: of a little bit of our interview with Dan Schottie that I cut out where um Coffee Cup checked in. um Yeah. Coffee Cup's currently working on a ah treat. But Matt, those people that want to help the show out, they don't need they don't need to send self-addressed stamped envelope. They don't need a check or money order. They don't need no kettlebells.

Speaker: All they need to do is go to patreon.com slash warrocketajax to kick in as little ah as a dollar a month to help the show keep going, to help support Rocket Ajax. And most importantly, for me, right now, as I'm closing out my third month of unemployment, help us pay those gimmicks they keep sending in the mail called Bills.

Speaker: That's right. Here are our newest Patreon supporters, Chris. Julia Kartalis. Thank you, Julia. Travis Creed. Thank you, Travis.

Speaker: And Patrick D. Gertner. Thank you, Patrick. If you would like to be like Julia, Travis, and Patrick and help us out here on the show, you can do that by going to patreon.com slash warrocketajax. And as Chris said, kicking in as little as a dollar a month to support this show. At the $15 level, you can join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society, which we are once again out of submissions. Right.

Speaker: for addresses on Gimmick Street. So if you're at the $15 level and you have something that you want to place on Gimmick Street, now is the time to do it. ah Now is the time to send those in. You can send me them to me as a Patreon message, and they will most likely, if you send yours in soon, it will most likely be the next address on Gimmick Street. But, Chris, that means it is up to us to say what is at 762 Gimmick Street.

Speaker: I mean, obviously, I think it is the Gimmick Street Emergency Rumen Trauma Center. eating The GIM. The GIM.

Speaker: With two M's. With two M's, yeah. yeah It's ah but the the the gimick Gimmick Street Trauma Medical Center. The GSTMC. The GIM.

Speaker: ah right Where you can find doctors like... Dr. Mel Queen and Dr. Grimo Wormtongue Jr. And Bobby.

Speaker: Bobby. Bad ideas. Bobby Bad Ideas. You know what? If you told me bobby Bobby Bad Ideas was in charge of the American medical system, I'd believe it, dog. Dr. Bobby Bad Ideas. Dr. Bad Ideas, MD? No, thank you. ah yep so Dr. Mal Practice? Yeah.

Speaker: Boy, or boy. Tell me about it. ah that Yeah, that's what's at 762 Gimmick Street. But if you join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society, you can potentially determine what will be at 763 Gimmick Street or 764 or 765 if you send in ah what you would like to go with those addresses soon.

Speaker: So do that if you're at that level. It's a $15 level. Let me tell you about the other levels on our Patreon. At the $1 level, you get ad-free episodes of all of our shows, this show every week.

Speaker: Every Story Ever, monthly. Comics Catch Up, monthly. Movie Fighters and Snack Situation. I promise we'll figure out what's happening with those shows soon. $5 level bonus content, like that coffee cup outtake that I just mentioned.

Speaker: Outtakes that I cut out of the show and put them on Patreon, exclusively. Stuff that we record, especially, and put on Patreon, like the special Patreon-exclusive series that Chris was talking about just a second ago.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. writing that Chris and I have done. All of those are on Patreon at the $5 level, and as a $5 patron, as soon as you join, you get the whole backlog of bonus content that we've done over the years, which is quite a bit of stuff by this point. So, ah well worth it, I think. At the $10 level, you get line-stepping privileges for our segments, which currently include every story ever in one to 10 of swords.

Speaker: We've already talked about the $15 level and the gimmick street preservation society at the $20 level. You get a t-shirt, uh, and we will make sure that the t-shirt, uh, comes to you when they are printed up, which I believe will probably be sometime in the summer. Uh, so if you want to get that shirt, uh, join at the $20 level now, and you'll be all set to get it when the time for that rolls around in a few months.

Speaker: Seems like you're on a pretty good idea. i would say so. If you're unable to help us monetarily, which we do understand that that might be an issue right now ah for for lots of people. um We know that other people are going through unemployment. We know that gas is expensive. We know there's a lot going on.

Speaker: ah You can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a review on the podcasting app that you use. Five stars, please. Or you can just tell your friends and family about the show, spread the word about the show, give us some word of mouth, and let people know that you are a fan of this podcast, War Rocket Ajax, that they should listen to it, and that they should back our Patreon.

Speaker: Because, you know, maybe maybe they have more money to throw around.

Speaker: With that, Chris, now that we've thanked our Patreon supporters, it's time for some Checks and Wrecks. What do you say? Let's do it.

Speaker: Chris, what would you like to check in with this week? Matt, if the people like hearing Coffee Cup, have I got some great news. but We've decided Coffee Cup needs a friend.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. Coffee Cup, like, look, I'm Coffee Cup's best friend. We're the bedtime boys. We love to be in bed. Coffee Cup's good dog. Coffee Cup needs a friend.

Speaker: You know? Coffee Cup, before we adopted him, ah the Foster family had like 11 animals. Coffee Cup has never been alone. And Coffee Cup being alone has resulted in a not insignificant amount of damage to my home. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And various properties that you own, various items. To my possessions, yes.

Speaker: ah Specifically, my shit, too, by the way. little ingrate. So we think Coffee Cup needs a friend. So ah AC found Truffle.

Speaker: And Truffle is a little 10-week-old pit bull puppy. And she's adorable. And buddy, she's coming com home.

Speaker: She's coming coming to live with your boy. Truffle. The whole bedtime bunch is about to be getting together, which is very exciting. so Now, was Truffle already named Truffle, or is this a decided-upon between you?

Speaker: Truffle you was already named Truffle. That's pretty good. Truffle was going to be Hashbrowns, but... I think Truffle is is good. and i like Truffle seems like a truffle, and so Truffle's just going Truffle Fries.

Speaker: Oh, I like that. I like that. Yeah. So, Cuff Cuff and Truffle Fries. that's going to That's going to be the new gang. So we're very excited. we We met her. She's adorable. She bit me several times.

Speaker: But she is like a full puppy. Yeah. So, we are looking forward to that. um Matt, what have you been up to this week?

Speaker: I'm sick. ah Wait, this is this health situation? Yeah, I don't know if I still have the the Hell Situation theme music, but if I can find it, I'll play it. You have to remix it, because...

Speaker: it although you have to you have to remix it because Do you have a sinus infection? No, I have a cold, so I actually have what you had in the... In the original. role In the original health situation theme. Yeah, and I'm fine.

Speaker: Yeah. it's It's been going around... Well, for certain values, fine. Right, yeah. um Baseline. Baseline. I'm baseline, yeah. Yeah. Good call.

Speaker: okay I... ah like It's that frustrating kind of sick where I'm not quite sick enough to not work. Oh, that's the pits. You know yeah know what I say, Matt?

Speaker: You're sick enough to not work. yeah Probably. But like I'm not quite sick enough to not do the show. like I sound pretty alright, but I've been muting myself throughout the show to sneeze and blow my nose.

Speaker: But like I'm not so sick that I like have to like be in bed. So it's just like, it's that frustrating, like, I'm sick, but I'm not sick enough to, to like, have a day off. Well, Matt, I think you're sick as hell.

Speaker: Yeah, thanks, bud. Thanks, bud. But that's that's what's been going on for me. Also, ah my 2026 of, like, home repair shit continues. I'm going to have to install, like, a... ah a UV light on my heat pump. If anybody knows, if anybody listening to this knows how like a good way to go about doing that, I could use some advice on how to do that properly.

Speaker: cause I don't want to fuck up my heat pump. And also like we have decided, um we had to postpone recording the show two weeks ago because, um our closet shelves just fell off the wall.

Speaker: hmm. And I put them back up um and thought that it was all like good, and then I kind of realized like there were still some problems.

Speaker: So some kind of spring cleaning project coming up is a total redo of our our closet. um so So that's coming up. 2026 has proven to be the year of like home repairs and body repairs.

Speaker: ah of of one specific ankle. Time for some recommendations. what do you have to recommend, Chris? Matt, I actually went and posted about this on Blue Sky a little bit, but I have been spending my bedtimes really trying to stretch out the experience of reading the 40th issue of Robert Newsom's incredible pro wrestling zine, The Atomic Elbow.

Speaker: oh you can find this yourself ah by going to garbage skeleton dot skin, which I think tells you everything you need to know about Robert Newsome. Perfect yeah URL.

Speaker: Yeah, perfect yeah URL. It's also ah his ah Blue Sky handle. ah And it is, it's my, it's my favorite writing about pro wrestling right now, but it's also like the only writing about pro wrestling that I am engaging with at all.

Speaker: ahha And this one in particular is very good. Because it is 42-page review of AWA Super Clash 3.

Speaker: A wrestling show that is generally regarded as being not very good. From 1988. And the premise of the issue... and the premise of the issue is Robert, who who we know. He's ah ah Athens, Georgia's own.

Speaker: ah He's one of the the people who runs the Fluke mini-comics and zines festival, which is always a great time if you're anywhere in the southeast. He's always set up at Heroes Con.

Speaker: oh But the the framing sequence the framing device is He's been depressed, and he's having a lot of trouble finding enjoyment in things that he likes.

Speaker: And the reasons for that are probably the same reasons that you might be ah ah depressed to yourself these days.

Speaker: ah There is ah quite a bit of writing about the horrors. And ah the nature of how difficult it is to even like pro wrestling right now. Sure.

Speaker: And so Robert goes into AWA Super Clash 3 to see if he can find enjoyment in the mundane.

Speaker: ah Because, as he writes, the... you know He's always been able to enjoy the kind of obscure and mundane stuff. you know Even the bad stuff you can find good things in.

Speaker: And the previous 39 issues of The Atomic Elbow, we'll back that up. But it's ah it's a real deep dive with some really interesting digressions. I was reading it, and I feel like the closest thing i can think of in terms of style...

Speaker: is Tim Rogers. Like, if you like the Tim Rogers videos and how they kind of, like, go to different places and relate things to a personal feeling in a way that might might be a little surprising, then you're gonna enjoy this, I think.

Speaker: oh Absolutely go check it out. It's, like, five bucks. ah for some of the best writing that's out there about pro wrestling. I love Robert's writing style. I reread The Atomic Elbow all the time.

Speaker: I contributed to a couple of issues ah years and years ago. But honestly, some of my like Robert Newsome is one of my favorite writers on pop culture in general.

Speaker: Check it out, The Atomic Elbow. It doesn't look like there's actually a link at garbage skeleton.skin. I think that's just a picture of Robert in a skull mask. ah But if you go to theatomicalbow.bigcartel.com,

Speaker: you can pick up the latest issue for ah five American dollars. And you might get a cool sticker like I did.

Speaker: i assume I assume he sends those to everybody, but I don't know. Matt, what do you have to recommend this week? Well, Chris, um this this may be a little self-indulgent, but... On this show?

Speaker: Yeah, well you know, where else could we be self-indulgent but our own show? At Bojangles? At Bojangles?

Speaker: No, it's not Dale Earnhardt Jr. It is, instead... Be recommending my Resident Evil 9, aka Requiem playthrough, on YouTube. Okay, that is a little self-indulgent even for us.

Speaker: Here's why I'm specifying that it's that. Because I can't really recommend Resident Evil Requiem. Really? It started pretty strong.

Speaker: By the end of it, I was kind of disappointed. I do not think it's as good as Resident Evil 7 or 8. I think that the sort of like mix of third person and first person doesn't really work.

Speaker: And I think the character of Grace sort of gets short shrift. like By the end of the game, it's pretty much just all Leon. like There's one short section near the end where he plays Grace, but it really becomes an all Leon Kennedy game by the end. And I wanted to learn more about Grace. I wanted to know more about her as a character. And I wanted to ah get more, like play more as her.

Speaker: And you just don't. And and like, it's a very fan servicey game. It's essentially a direct sequel to Resident Evil 2. And once you reach a certain point in the game, you will absolutely see why I say that.

Speaker: ah But like I don't think any of the connections back to the older games are especially satisfying. I don't think that... like so The story really frustrated me.

Speaker: The best parts of the game are kind of like action sequences and um set pieces. Especially in the Leon parts. um I think some of those are really good. But it it it weirdly felt like Capcom going back to the well after...

Speaker: Resident Evil 7 and 8 both did something different. And i don't know, it kind of disappointed me. But one, I think my playthrough is entertaining. I have funny jokes in it um about how Leon's voice actor sounds like Keanu Reeves.

Speaker: Like he's doing a Keanu Reeves impression, specifically. And um i need these I need these playthroughs to be worth it. I need to know that people are watching these so that I'm not just um streaming for no good reason.

Speaker: um So that is why I'm saying, hey, ah make it worth it to me to have played this game and went to the trouble of streaming it on YouTube and please watch my YouTube playthrough Resident Evil 9.

Speaker: Well, Matt, I know that a lot of people like watching i stuff on YouTube where people play games and they get scared. yeah Will you be getting scared?

Speaker: No, um I've never been scared. um Now, there are times when it sounds like I might be like, I might go like, oh, but um that's just because I'm surprised, not because I'm scared. i I always make sure to note that and say that on the stream.

Speaker: I mean, that is a very different feeling. It's just being a little surprised. I'm surprised, but that does not mean that I'm scared. ah and ah And so it's a different experience. like I'm trying to give the audience something new. you know ah By never being scared.

Speaker: By never being scared, yeah. ah So, unfortunately, I cannot recommend Resident Evil Requiem. ah But I can recommend...

Speaker: ah My playthrough of it. the The bad guys, like, I swear I thought the bad guys were, like, gonna turn out to be somebody from the old from the previous games. They're nobody.

Speaker: Like, what the fuck? Do you think you would be able to recommend it if ah they had that guy go, Resident Evil? It would have helped. I'm kidding.

Speaker: It would have helped. would have helped. Those are our recommendations, which means, Chris, it's time to talk about some of the comics of the week. Let's do it.

Speaker: I'm going to say that the texture's choice for this week is The Flash number 31, which is the first issue in the Ryan North, Gavin Guidry run of The Flash.

Speaker: Those are two guys we know. Mm-hmm. And this is a good comic book. It is a good comic book. Yeah. it's It's difficult for me to get into The Flash, which is weird because The Flash was my favorite DC comic for a very long time.

Speaker: yeah And is, in fact, the comic that kind of got me back into DC Comics when I was a teenager. Now, what is it that makes it hard for you to get into The Flash again?

Speaker: Well, many of them are not about The Flash. They're about Barry Allen. This is about Wally West, though. This is about Wally West. And Wally West got a lot of kids.

Speaker: He sure does, yeah. And i I had kind of forgotten that Wally West had a lot of kids. But he sure does. He sure does, yeah. it's It's interesting reading this.

Speaker: And Getting Wally West. It's interesting getting this book and getting Wally West kind of as I remember him, but specifically getting Wally West, who's like, man, I don't know anything about science.

Speaker: Uh-huh. When Barry Allen's whole deal was that he was a scientist, like, And they thought that wouldn't be boring when they brought him back, and then it it was actually pretty boring.

Speaker: um But also knowing that Ryan North is a science guy.

Speaker: like Right. so so So much of this issue is is Wally being like, I don't care about science. Okay, well, maybe science is good for some things. yeah He's like, look, I like science. I don't understand any other.

Speaker: Yeah. it Which is pretty good. Yeah. There's also, like... Every Ryan North comic is kind of the most Ryan North comic in a particular way. And in this one, it's ah that there's a there's a ah shotgun spray of jokes in the form of classified ads in Central City.

Speaker: They are so funny. They're very good. Every single one of them is great. Yes. ah like If you picked up this issue and you didn't read the...

Speaker: ah the classified ads, like the ones that weren't foregrounded, um go back and read them, because all of the jokes in those classified ads are excellent DC Comics humor.

Speaker: Yeah. And also getting like a really kind of engaging premise right up front was fun. like and it It seems like a very Squirrel Girl plot,

Speaker: Yeah. But it doesn't seem like this is just like a – not in the way that this seems like a recycled script or anything, because this is very much like a Wally West story. And The Flash acts like The Flash.

Speaker: to To lay it out, um people are – being offered like money in a sweepstakes if they can get video of themselves being saved by the Flash. So people are intentionally putting putting themselves in really dangerous situations so the Flash will save them.

Speaker: Yeah, and at one point the Flash goes and tells everybody, like, hey, this stops now. This is over. And they go, oh, are you going to stop giving people money? And he's like, well, no, I'm not actually the one doing that. And they're like,

Speaker: okay, are you going stop saving people? And he's like, no. And they're like, well, it seems like it's not over then.

Speaker: Yeah, it's a real tight spot to be in because like he can't stop saving people, um even if they are the ones putting themselves in really terrible situations. Yeah, it's fun stuff. It's very fun stuff. Unsurprising, given the creators. I really like Gavin Gatry's art in this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's great.

Speaker: And I also like the interaction with Tar Pit, who also shows up in another DC comic. I think he's in Justice League Unlimited this week. oh Acting very different.

Speaker: ah so So it's ah the Kraven syndrome has struck again. this is This is definitely the Kraven version of Tarpet. Yeah. yeah Who's talking about the Coriolis effect?

Speaker: Yeah, I'm talking about the Rogue's Yard Sale. Rogue's Yard Sale is a good idea. Great idea. ah Yeah, i I don't know when Wally became the lead character of the Flash comic again, but I'm glad he is.

Speaker: Me too. Another book we're going to talk about is Absolute Wonder Woman number 18. Yeah, ah I remember seeing Kelly Thompson post on Blue Sky like after Absolute Zatanna showed up a couple issues ago, and then just kind of like pieced out of the book after like four pages.

Speaker: i I guess maybe people, I hope people were just kindly curious. But it kind of felt like people were maybe mad because I i saw Kelly Thompson be like, hey, everybody, she's coming back in like two issues.

Speaker: Yeah. Please calm down. Or maybe it was like, please stay excited. And thank you for all the nice things that you said about this comic. I hope that's what it was. yeah ah But yes, we get ah some more of Zatanna in this issue by Kelly Thompson and Hayden Sherman with Colors by Jodie Blair and Letters by Becca Carey.

Speaker: Kelly Thompson's great. That's not news. You know that. You should know that. Kelly Thompson's phenomenally good at writing comic books. But in this issue,

Speaker: There's something that, like, you see it and you're like, oh, that's never happened before, but should have happened 50 years ago. Which is that Wonder Woman puts Satana in a chokehold so she can't talk, and then she signs a word backwards using ASL to cast a spell.

Speaker: And that's so smart. Yeah. That's a real... that's a real Kind of makes me mad moment. You'd have to think that Zatanna would have a backup plan. Yeah.

Speaker: yeah And that's like, you know, I know that there has been like, there have been stories where it's like, she can still cast spells. It's just like speaking backwards is more of like a focus thing.

Speaker: And this is so much smarter than that. It's so much smarter to work within the limitations and find a way around them. ah But yeah, we get a really, really good Zatanna and Wonder Woman fight where Wonder Woman is just very mad.

Speaker: Which is nice. There's a part where Zatanna tries to kick Wonder Woman in the face and she just throws her into the air. She just throws her.

Speaker: <unk> So it's very fun. It's very fun. This book's good. Yeah, it's it's good shit. Yeah, i I love it when I see something I've never seen before that seems so obvious.

Speaker: Yeah. it Man, it always it must feel amazing to have that moment where you're like, I can't believe nobody's done this before. Yeah.

Speaker: ah Because it's like it's right there. Yeah.

Speaker: ah One last book we're going to talk about is Punisher No. 2. we talked about the first issue of this Punisher series when it started. And this is the Benjamin Percy Punisher series.

Speaker: i We did discover that it is directly following from the Punisher Red Band series that preceded it. ah But Chris, what did you think of Punisher No. 2?

Speaker: I feel like the first two issues cover ground that should have been covered in one issue. But it's not like they aren't... It's not like stuff doesn't happen.

Speaker: you know like there's There's two issues worth of stuff here. So i I don't know what I would have cut out. But I feel like there is explanation here that maybe could have been in that first issue.

Speaker: ah Specifically, Punisher goes and gets an um MRI.

Speaker: or Or maybe as maybe a CT scan. I don't know. I don't know what it is. It's one of those big machines that you go in. I think that's an MRI, yeah. it's ah it's it's It's one of them big ah technology burritos that you push your head into.

Speaker: One of them big tubes, yeah. Yeah. I don't think that's a CT scan. I think that's an MRI. ah Okay, good. So, what we find out is that there's not actually anything physically wrong with the Punisher, apparently.

Speaker: And maybe his whole thing where he keeps um like collapsing whenever he gets excited about being the Punisher is psychosomatic.

Speaker: At least that's what we hear from this doctor, who ah Microchip takes Frank to a doctor who is like addicted to painkillers and has a bunch of like gambling debts and everything.

Speaker: And I'm like, look, I know that you're trying to blackmail somebody, but I don't know if that's who you want operating. If that's who you want with the scalpel going into your head. ah But you know I'm not the Punisher. What do I know?

Speaker: it's ah It's kind of a frustrating comic in a lot of ways. Because the whole thing is like is like maybe you know maybe your brain is trying to get you to stop being the Punisher. And that's why...

Speaker: That's why you're having these, you know, uh, that's what it It's like, maybe this means you can stop, walk away from all of it. Maybe that's what you want. Maybe that's what you're trying to tell yourself, even if you can't say it out loud.

Speaker: And it's like, okay, but no, it's not. Because that is not the premise of the book or the character.

Speaker: And I'm not saying there's not an an interesting story that could happen there. I'm just saying that my initial reaction was like, well, that's not it. Yeah. Yeah, because, I mean, you know, he's been the Punisher in real-world time for

Speaker: going on 50 years. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, I don't know, Matt. like there's There's a lot of, like, okay, what are we doing here?

Speaker: To me. Yeah. And as a reader, I'm finding that a little frustrating. But maybe, you know, maybe I'm being too harsh. I don't know. Maybe it's just, uh, this is not the book for me right now.

Speaker: But... Maybe not. It seems a bit frustrating.

Speaker: Well, Chris, let's work out our frustrations by raiding some swords. The best way to work out one's frustrations. That's right. It's time for one to ten of swords. What do you say?

Speaker: Let's do it. but when the swing myas the ya cho up oh Welcome back to the stage of history.

Speaker: It's time for swords. But the soul still burns. That's right. Haven't gotten that one yet. We haven't gotten that one yet. I don't think we've gotten any swords from Soul Calibur just yet. But I do want to note one thing before we get started, Chris.

Speaker: Remember when we rated John Brown's sword? ah Yes. And gave it a 10 because, of you know, it's that shit rules. According to the notes column in the spreadsheet, hell yeah.

Speaker: Yeah. Apparently, there's more than one sword that is that that could be. Okay. Like, somebody else sent in a different picture that is also, I think, from that same museum that is like labeled as John Brown's sword. So, I just want to make clear that the sword we raided is the sword that John Brown actually carried on the day of the rebellion.

Speaker: ah Here's what I'll say to you, buddy. yeah Any John Brown sword is 10. Yeah. ah I don't know which sword that was pictured that was sent to us is the right one, but that's the one we rated.

Speaker: Yes. Just to be very clear. Honestly, the the pictures in the spreadsheet are are kind of just there as visual aids. That's right. Okay, let's rate our first sword. um I'm reading an entry sent to us by Lou Shoemaker, but we've already rated this. It's Green Destiny, the sword from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's a good one. Oh, you know what? The next one i have is Seven Blasphemous Deaths, which we did not rate, but we were talking about watching Thunderbolt Fantasy. Did you watch any of Thunderbolt Fantasy? I haven't watched it yet.

Speaker: but i But I do intend to, because I have been told by multiple people, no, it rules, actually. The Green Destiny did get an 8, by the way. Yes, yes. Strong showing.

Speaker: Okay, here's our first one to rate. This is from Kevin Maroney. Ah. It is Mournblade, the sword wielded by Elric's cousin slash nemesis, Ikroon.

Speaker: A.K.A. Timu Stormbringer. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. It really is. it is exactly like Stormbringer, except while Stormbringer sucks souls, Mournblade somehow just sucks.

Speaker: Damn. but like Kevin got it on that one. Crushed it, dog. Apparently there's a British heavy metal band called Mournblade.

Speaker: Do you remember? where the yeah i i Look, I'm hesitant to bring up Mark Miller comics.

Speaker: Uh-huh. But do you remember that bit in Ultimate X-Men when Sabretooth showed up and he had four claws? I do remember that.

Speaker: And Wolverine was just like, get the fuck out of here. Wolverine just like, you know, like cut him up. Sabretooth, previous to that, always just had like you know like long fingernails. Yeah.

Speaker: ah But now he yeah then he had four claws in the Ultimate Universe, which is very funny. It's very funny. But, buddy oh buddy, is that what Mornblade what morla is

Speaker: Yeah. The sort of like attempt at one-upping the cool sword. Thus being shitty? Yeah. yeah I will always talk about like one of my favorite pieces of writing. like a A foundational piece of writing for me was this magazine called Flux that was a like pretty bad like like kind of a wizard knockoff.

Speaker: But it was about comic books, video games, and heavy metal. And it lasted like four issues. ah and But i will I have frequently talked about this.

Speaker: There is a a bit in there where they're reviewing a Megadeth album. And the writer is like, you know that commercial for Electric Razors where oh it says it shaves as close as a blade?

Speaker: And like that's a bad slogan because you're admitting... that the standard is set by the thing that you're trying to compete with.

Speaker: Right, yeah. Anyway, in this ah with this album, Megadeth proves they shave as close as a blade. i always thought that was like the sickest burn. like Even at 43 years old, I'm like, hell yeah. Get get the ass.

Speaker: Now, what band do you think... They think is a blade. Metallica. Slayer? Metallica. 100%. 100% Metallica. Okay. Mornblade?

Speaker: Buddy, Mornblade shaves as close a blade. It shaves as close as a Stormbringer, yeah. Yeah. So what does that make it? Like a three? Like a four?

Speaker: Yeah! i like I mean, it looks cool, but like it looks cool because it's Stormbringer. It's a knockoff of Stormbringer. Yeah. ah Well, we made Stormbringer a nine.

Speaker: ah Would we want to make it the inverse of Stormbringer, thus being a two? i was thinking that it might be ah might be fun to make it a six, because that's an upside-down nine.

Speaker: There is something poetic about a six, but I'm wondering if a six is too I think a six is too high. but Well, yeah

Speaker: even a shitty Stormbringer is like Stormbringer. Looks cool. Yeah. it is my first My first instinct was like a three or a four, but if if we want to say six, i'm I can live with that, I suppose. You know more about Mormlane than I do.

Speaker: i I mean, I think a four is... Look, I'd take it. You know? Okay. Yeah. id I'd sure take it.

Speaker: But yeah, I think i think maybe a four is a way to go. All right. Four it is. Four it is for Mournblade. The...

Speaker: As Kevin said, Timu Stormbringer.

Speaker: Accurate. Accurate. yeah

Speaker: Next, we have a submission from Jason Ledoux. who has sent to us the Holy Avenger from Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, hell yeah. ah Jason says, heaven yeah Assume that this is a longsword. Uh-huh.

Speaker: If you care which version, let's go with the most powerful one from first edition.

Speaker: Here is the exact text for the 1E if you go with that version. So I'll read that in a second. The fifth edition version is fine as well, which is sword plus five. Holy Avenger is a holy sword in the hands of any character other than a paladin. It will perform as a plus two sword in the hands of a paladin. However, it creates magic resistance of 50% in a five foot radius dispels magic in a five foot radius at the level of magic use equal to the experience level of the paladin. and inflicts plus 10 points of bonus damage upon chaotic evil opponents.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That is a lot to add for a paladin. ah Yeah, man. it's ah It's a good sword. Oh, okay.

Speaker: ah There are... attached photos. Oh, don't worry. i got I've got the ah official art. though i am going to put in the 5th edition art here. um There's also an attached illustration of the 1st edition artwork, which I will send to you.

Speaker: ah But i don't think i got I don't think I have the 1st edition descriptive text. but Oh, that was the 1st edition descriptive text that you just read. Was it? Okay. yeah So the 5th edition version is maybe a little less powerful.

Speaker: I mean, the 5th edition version is still pretty powerful.

Speaker: ah it is it's It's plus 3, which is as high as weapons go in 5th edition. And when you hit a fiend or undead with it, the creature takes an additional 2d10 radiant damage, so average of 11 points of damage ah extra. ah And it does have a... ah ah It gives creatures friendly to you within 10 feet advantage on saving throws against spells and ah ah other magical effects.

Speaker: But it doesn't dispel magic all around you? It doesn't dispel magic all around you, which does own in 1st edition. yeah You wouldn't want that in 5th edition because you would probably have other magic items of your own.

Speaker: Right, yeah. be yeah, the Holy Avenger is a rad.

Speaker: it's like it's It's also like very iconic as far as D&D swords go. Because it's like one of the ones that's like in all the books, and you can ah like yeah it is there for players to aspire to get.

Speaker: And if you're playing a paladin, like that's the object, right? like That's what you want. You want to get this sword that is for paladins. And I think like all of the designs for it over the years have looked pretty cool. Yeah.

Speaker: yeah um Yeah, I like the Holy Avenger. Okay. i had the i In one of my campaigns, I had a whole plot point about the Holy Avenger.

Speaker: it being... end it being ah a a lost artifact that people had thought was destroyed thousands of years ago.

Speaker: ah But look, you want to hear about my campaign, hit me up. I'll tell you all about it. Alright, give me a number. It's pretty good. I mean, like, it's it's the D&D equivalent of the Master Sword.

Speaker: Yeah. Now, it doesn't shoot laser beams. But only for paladins. Well... The 5th edition one, anyone can use, as long as they're good.

Speaker: But if you are a high-level paladin, then that emanation ah that gives everybody advantage on their saving throws is, ah instead of a 10-foot radius, a 30-foot radius.

Speaker: Okay. It still has some paladin-specific stuff. Alright. I don't know if I'd call it 10.

Speaker: But it it could be a solid 9. I think it's a solid 9. Okay. Okay. ah it is ah It's a sword made to kill the devil, which is pretty good. That's pretty good, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: I'm getting a 9. yeah It looks like an angel's sword. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, it does. Heaven, yeah. Heaven, yeah. Okay. Okay.

Speaker: So it's a nine for Holy Avenger. Nine for the Holy Avenger. Plus, what a cool name. What a cool name, yeah. Our next submission is from Dan Black.

Speaker: And it is The Scarab, which is the sword Apocalypse wields in ten of swords as forged by Iska the Unbeaten in celebration of the birth of the four children of Apocalypse in Genesis.

Speaker: Okay, well, now, Scarab is a Kopesh. Which I have gone on record as saying is a ridiculous design. I do not like the Kopesh.

Speaker: I think it's silly. It does fit Apocalypse pretty well, though, right? yeah, because the Kopesh is an Egyptian sword. It's an it's an Egyptian sword, yeah. So it very much fits the milieu.

Speaker: yeah But aesthetically... I don't like a Kopech. Now, what is it that you don't like about it? Is it that it it has like... That kind of that it kind of looks like a hook?

Speaker: Yeah, I don't like that weird shape. I don't like that weird shape because it's like... like ah i talked about how I don't like the Kopech. And someone on social media i was like, oh, well it's for it's for like pulling shields.

Speaker: And it's like, yeah, but like I still don't like it. like ah It can have a purpose. I like it. And also, if it was that good at pulling shields, then it would have survived as a sword design throw throughout history, and it did not.

Speaker: Do you like it, or do you have a similar problem with a shotel? i I mean, you know, similar. Similar. shotel is kind of more... has a more graceful bend, I suppose.

Speaker: As opposed to sort of the dog leg of the Kopesh. Yeah, I mean, like... I don't mind a curved sword. But i think like I think the Kopesh and the... ah actually might like the Kopesh a little more than I like the Shotel, actually. Because the Shotel has that like extreme curve.

Speaker: Like, really close to the the the hilt. I don't know, man. I don't know.

Speaker: i think I'm kind of a a oh Kopesh hater. I think, like, in the hands of the wrong wielder, a Kopesh can look out a place.

Speaker: But Apocalypse carrying it looks very right. No, Apocalypse, like, it is exactly the sword that Apocalypse should have. Yeah. Yeah. Although, I will say, i will say, it broke.

Speaker: It did break, yes. Which is interesting that it was forged by Iska the Unbeaten and then broke. Yeah. what What does that mean? no but Iska the Unbeaten has never competed in a blacksmithing contest. Clearly not. I think.

Speaker: It does get reforged. of but Well, Matt, how good can a sword that had to be reforged be? Wink.

Speaker: Oh, yes. Okay, the Twilight Sword was what shattered it. Yeah, not which is not the Sword of Twilight. No, different that's a different sword. Yeah.

Speaker: I like Scarab. I think it, again, fits Apocalypse very well. But I don't think it's than 7. It could even 6. I mean, like...

Speaker: um it could even be a six

Speaker: Now I'm feeling bad about being such a hater.

Speaker: I sort of think that like the the um Kopesh design is unique. ah it's It's not an appropriate sword for everybody, but in the hands of Apocalypse, it it looks cool. Yeah, like it's it's exactly the sword that Apocalypse should have.

Speaker: Yeah. It's just that, like... I mean, also, I've written comics with Apocalypse in them. What's that dude's powers?

Speaker: What is that dude's deal? That is a great question, yeah. Like, you know? Like, he had big arms. His action figure had big arms.

Speaker: Apocalypse it just kind of does whatever they need him to do. He's needed to do in a story. Yeah, man. like A lot of times Apocalypse is depicted as just like big guy. Yeah. you know yeah people I've asked this before. I've been like, I don't know what that dude does. And people have been like, oh, he has like absolute control over his molecules. And I'm like, what the fuck does that mean?

Speaker: yeah that doesn't necessarily help all that much with with understanding what his deal is and what he's about.

Speaker: should should i Should I re-evaluate my feelings on the Kopesh? Listener? Oh, apparently it can separate into two swords, at least after it gets reforged. Well, I know that you don't like that.

Speaker: I don't have any problem with that. You hate it when a sword is two swords. But it becomes two distinct swords. It becomes a matched set, ah is what I'm saying. Uh-huh.

Speaker: It's not a sword with two blades. It's... it it It can separate into a match set. Would we rank Chambers as bats? As swords? As swords?

Speaker: No. Well. we didn't rate We didn't rate Kevin Matchstick's bat in mage. Yeah, but I mean, Chambers has two bats.

Speaker: Chambers does have two bats. Google's AI confirms it.

Speaker: Oh, Google's saying I'm talking about chambers is great. i am going to say i'm going to say Scarab is probably a six. Yeah, I think a six is about right.

Speaker: Okay. Because there are cooler swords in Ten of Swords. Yes. Yeah. There's probably like it's probably like nine cooler swords in Ten of Swords.

Speaker: Perhaps, perhaps.

Speaker: Okay. Here's our next submission from John Seiler, who has submitted Stocking Anarchy's Stocking Sword from Penny and Stocking with Garter Belt.

Speaker: Created by her parents, King Lanier and Queen Silk, and the king of and queen of all gods in heaven, when summoned, the garment of this holy, tender-skinned maiden shatters the foulness, impurity, and ill will of evil spirits born drifting between heaven and earth, returning them form to the form they once came and making motherfuckers repent.

Speaker: Boy, if you if you if you thought I was reluctant to watch Kill la Kill...

Speaker: then ah how reluctant do you think I've been to watch Penty and Stocking with Garter Belt? yeah Please be for real. don't know, maybe I should watch it.

Speaker: I know it's a comedy. I know it's a comedy. Yeah, it's ah it's an interesting looking sword. it's say It really looks like two swords? Another match set of swords?

Speaker: Well, ah now... the the The wiki that I found says that there the name of the sword is Stripes. is this a Is there a different sword, or is that what we're talking about here?

Speaker: It's described here in John's email as the stocking sword. Okay. um it um'll i'll I'll forward you this email, because it has some links to some videos.

Speaker: Okay. From the show of the sword in action.

Speaker: um But in the first video, which is described as slaying a thousand demons with one sword swing, um it looks like she has two swords.

Speaker: Stripes and one and two. are the names of Stalking's spiritual katanas. Stalking has the ability to transform her stockings into... Stalking, capital S, has the ability to transform her stockings, lowercase s, into a pair of katanas, which can be used to battle ghosts.

Speaker: She first referred to them by name in the episode High School Neutical.

Speaker: I don't know, guys. all right I don't know, y'all.

Speaker: Y'all, I don't know. Also, these are links to, like, X? The Everything app? The Everything app, yeah. Man, I don't know. i don't know about all this.

Speaker: I'm watching the videos. I cannot determine. In some of them, she has one sword, in some of them, she has two. Well, if they're her stockings, then... oh that's Oh, she's wearing... Yes, okay, I see that now. Like...

Speaker: in In this video that I'm watching right now, it's... ah She cuts a truck in half, which is pretty great. Yeah, no, like, I'm i'm watching the videos. It looks pretty dope. um But yes, in this video particular, she's wearing one of her stockings, and then the other one is... She's not wearing, which I suppose means she's using it as a sword. Uh-huh.

Speaker: It sort of has, like... You watching this that is subtitled in Spanish? No, this is a different one. Okay. It's... the desire the storage struck in half yeah um The design of the sword is interesting.

Speaker: It almost has like a crystalline appearance, but it's also striped like her stocking. I mean, look, this scene where she cuts the truck in half is pretty fucking rad.

Speaker: It's pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good.

Speaker: um i don't know i don't know about all ah't know about all this, though. It looks like the sword can change size dramatically. Yeah. It looks like it's a sword made of pure animanium. It's it's definitely made of animanium, yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, I don't know. Can we rate this, not having watched the show? I feel i mean i feel like we probably have enough information to rate it.

Speaker: Okay. I mean, the sword seems pretty dope. I don't know if I could manage to watch the show. ah But ah the sword does seem pretty dope. Or the two swords. I think we would have to call this a match set of swords. yeah Is this a foot thing?

Speaker: I don't know.

Speaker: i mean, I guess it's a leg thing, technically. I guess they're angels? The swords are angels? No, the panty and stocking are angels.

Speaker: Okay. Oh, because their parents are the king of king and queen of all gods in heaven. and Okay, and Panty has a gun that she turns her her panties into.

Speaker: Ugh. Look, man, i do if you tell... if i John, I know you're just providing probably the language of the show, but when you say tender-skinned maiden, I want to crawl under my chest. that does make me want to ah find the nearest window and jump out. Yeah.

Speaker: Like, we can't be saying shit like that. We can't be saying shit like that. We record this, dog.

Speaker: This is out there now. Can you just bleep out everything we've said?

Speaker: like look i i think John works for a hentai company. so like john John has seen all of this. ah people hang on Hang on now.

Speaker: Hey, John. We're taking sponsorships. We ain't prude. Not if there's cash on the barrel head.

Speaker: it It would be so funny for us to do an ad. for I'll talk about Tenderskins all day long. An ad for Faku.net.

Speaker: That's every guy's dream! Yeah. Anyway, ah what what do you want to give these swords, Chris? The more I read of this wiki page, the less I like it. ha ha!

Speaker: Give me a number.

Speaker: So so we're we're doing this, huh? I mean, you said we have enough information. I mean, I guess we do. don't know, man.

Speaker: don't know.

Speaker: I'll give you a number. 18 and up. 18 and up, yeah. That's the number. that's This one's rated m That's a Roman numeral. can we put that in there?

Speaker: it's That would be 1,000, if you want to give it that. ah i I think they're cool swords in what I've seen of them. ah Thus, I will give them a 7.

Speaker: That's so high. 7 seems reasonable. it cut us It cut a truck in half. It cut a truck in half, and that shit did rule. And it does not have...

Speaker: The stuff that I didn't like to see in the in the gun entry. I didn't even tell you the name of the gun. What's the name the gun? Black lace? It could be worse. It could be worse.

Speaker: It's okay. and ah like Let me be clear about the cutting the truck in half. It was hamburger style, not hot dog style. was hamburger style. That was dope. yeah yeah Panty and stocking.

Speaker: Seven feels high. Okay, then then what do you think? Another six?

Speaker: Ah, let's... Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give it a seven. Listeners, I'm counting on you to two let me know if it needs to not be a seven.

Speaker: I think seven is is fair. And... ah and

Speaker: Because of the phrase tender skin maiden, I can investigate no further. ah But, ah you know, seven seems right. Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah. lot of cool cosplay of this, of this sword. I can imagine. Yeah, I can imagine. ah Our next submission is from Ryan Bielek. and out would it I'll tell a couple of blue girl if you want to give us money.

Speaker: yes I'll tell... What's that? What's that? I'm always getting... I'm always getting like recommended games on Steam that are hentai games.

Speaker: And I don't know why. i mean, I guess it's probably because I got Wedding Witch. Yeah, it's it's got to be one of those situations where if you buy one, you just keep getting recommended, that thing. It's like... one You buy a bookcase on on Wayfair, and then Wayfair's like, don't you want to buy more bookcases?

Speaker: Motherfucker, I bought a bookcase. Yeah, but I mean, you do probably need more bookcases. and so But you also get that shit if you buy like a washing machine, and you don't need two washing machines.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah. But yeah, like i'm always getting ads for hentai games. um Which, you know, just hey, if if you're into hentai games, that's fine. um they've all They've all got, like... Matt, they've got unusual titles. Interesting titles, I might say. Okay.

Speaker: ah But I don't have any handy right now, so I can't follow that up. I just realized I felt like I was setting up a who's on first. Yeah. Anyway, i'll look, I'll talk them up.

Speaker: I did once get recommended Sony's Marvel Spider-Man. Uh-huh. And it was tagged with... It was like, since since you've played games with adult content. And I was like...

Speaker: fuck adult content is in Sony's Marvel Spider-Man? The Bagman costume? Yeah, now I'm going to be wondering what is considered adult content in Sony's Marvel Spider-Man.

Speaker: Peter having trouble paying his rent. Yeah, that is adult content. that is that's That's adult life on the page. and infinite Alright, here's our submission from Ryan Bielek.

Speaker: It's a very humble-looking sword that still manages to kick ass. Samurai Jack's sword from Samurai Jack. Boy, you want to talk about a sword that has cut shit in half. That is a sword that has cut some shit in half.

Speaker: Does it have a name that we know? i don't believe It should. Okay.

Speaker: it's It's just called Jack's Katana. Um... It was originally the Emperor's Katana. Uh-huh. Apparently was forged by Odin, Ra, and Rama. Yeah. That's dope.

Speaker: And its sole purpose is destroying Aku. ah Well, tuten he's having a little trouble with that. he' He's having difficulty getting close enough to Aku to kill ah the the evil demon ah that is the antagonist of the series, Samurai Jack.

Speaker: this and This is going to sound a little unfair, and if it does, then ah apologies. Because I know, like, you know, it's just two different stories about samurai.

Speaker: But it is hard for me to not compare this to, like, Grass Cutter. I mean, it's a... Grass Cutter is a whole different thing. It is a whole different thing. That is true.

Speaker: like It's hard for me to not compare Samurai Jack to Usagi Nojembo generally. Yeah, but i mean like they're they're very different. ah yeah i mean Maybe Space Usagi. Samurai Jack is attempting to kill a demon throughout the the entirety of the show.

Speaker: ah So it is ah it is it is different. er i feel like I feel like in the way that Samurai Jack is like... Samurai Jack's a pastiche.

Speaker: And it is yes specifically a pastiche in that it is like, the plot does not matter. is it It is an excuse for stylistic elements.

Speaker: And so, like if you think about the sword, like it's pretty it's it's pretty standard, right? like It can cut through anything, and in the hands of evil, it can never harm an innocent.

Speaker: So, like, you know, that's pretty normal for swords. um I don't think that's bad.

Speaker: But, you know. ah it's it's It's kind of like Mjolnir, right? Because it's like only certain worthy people can wield it.

Speaker: Mm-hmm. That's actually it the trivia section of the Samurai Jack wiki. Oh, is that right? ah Compares it to Mjolnir Matt, so you're clearly on the right track. Well, I mean, all Odin helped for it. Goddammit, it's a web P. Couldn't get a good, like, I couldn't, I bet it's screenshotting it.

Speaker: If it's on a wiki, it's probably going to be a web P. Why don't you say that? But I got that. One of the Holy Avenger was a PNG. That's all I want.

Speaker: I'm just going to convert this to a PNG real quick. Thank you. Okay. I do like Jack's Katana. I do like it. I like it. Yeah. Like it's, I think it's, it's, it's a standard length of good sword.

Speaker: Yes. But it is good. I think this is like the epitome of a seven. Yeah. This is exactly a seven, which makes me think stripes one and two should be knocked down to a six. Okay. Okay.

Speaker: i'll i'll take did cut that I'm not going to change it. They cut that truck in half. Okay. I'm not going to take away. I'm not going to let my suspicions, my, dare I say, prejudice about Panty and st Stocking take away from from the fact that cutting that fucking truck in half was dope as hell, actually.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Alright, Jack's Katana is a 7. Next is a submission from Magenta Riot, which is ah a fun sword, they say.

Speaker: Thunderflare Dominion, the signature sword of Augusta from Wuthering Waves, which is a video game. Okay.

Speaker: it's a sword made from her main sword combined with the sword of every gladiator she defeated in the arena in over a thousand fights kept together with her magnetic powers and pure willpower It's huge, it glows, and when she swings it around, parts of it come off and fly around in the arc of the sword swing.

Speaker: So it's like her enemies are getting hit by a Doppler sword made of every sword that forged her into the woman she is now. It's so satisfying in play 2, and I'm going to ah forward you the email so you can see it in action. I'm looking at it.

Speaker: I'm looking at it, buddy, and I gotta say, you didn't have me And then you got me? It's basically, this this this may be a little bit reductive, but it is the Iron Throne as a sword.

Speaker: Yeah, but that's dope, though. Yeah, yeah. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing. I'm just saying, like, it it kind of sucks to compare things to Game of Thrones. But that's what it is.

Speaker: ah ah Look, it's a sword that has pieces of the swords of everyone that you have fought with it? That's dope as shit, actually.

Speaker: That's, like, that's cool.

Speaker: Also, like I'm ah looking at pictures, and like it seems like a lot of people have this sword, or I guess like your your player character can get it, maybe? or like Is she not the player character in the game? i have no idea. What is this game? Because it looks like it's got cool swords in it It's a free-to-play gacha game that came out in 2024. Okay.

Speaker: okay So I'm definitely not playing it. No, no absolutely not.

Speaker: Like, ah no matter how cool that sword is, there's no way I'm playing a free-to-play gacha game. Damn, though. I mean, mean, I could. You could.

Speaker: You could.

Speaker: What? Wuthering waves. What? Man, I'm going to ask you a question, and this might I'm a smart guy, Matt. ah Especially where words are concerned.

Speaker: Sure. Is Wuthering real word?

Speaker: I don't know. Okay, so you don't know either. I've never heard it in any context other than in Wuthering Heights.

Speaker: And I think Wuthering Waves probably is just taking... that word from the title of Wuthering Heights. Okay. Okay. Good. Apparently it's a Northern English dialect.

Speaker: Ah, I see. Okay. Stormin'. Could have called that Stormin' Heights. Okay. Yes,

Speaker: it is a word that is used to describe a wind that is blowing fairly strongly or a place where the wind blows strongly. Okay, so the strong wind in northern England is blowing these waves in China?

Speaker: Yeah. Okay. That right that that seems ah this reason as reasonable reasonable as anything. This, uh... ah picture that Magenta Riots in, and ah does have like one of my favorite things, which is when someone blocks something with their with their sword, or or even just like blocks it, and like the ground buckles under their feet, but they don't give any ground. That shit owns... That's always good. That gets me every time.

Speaker: Augusta is a playable character in the game. Okay. I assume Augusta is probably like the... The heavy fighter option of characters you can play as.

Speaker: A sword made of swords is fucking cool, dude. It's cool, yeah. it's I mean, like, we did have that sword that Cloud has that's made up of swords, but that is like, you know, you gotta put it together.

Speaker: And the Kurgan sword, you kinda gotta put it together. But like this one is like... It's not made of other swords, other people's swords. yeah that is That is dope.

Speaker: Yeah. Like, that is with every person you defeat, you take their sword and get stronger. Like, that's dope. Yeah. I don't know, man. i I fuck with it.

Speaker: I sort of wish the design was a little better.

Speaker: Like, I think the design more or less gets across the idea. yeah i mean like I'm getting like different... If you just look up

Speaker: ah the Thunderflare Dominion, like you get different designs, which I guess are maybe the design of the sword that's inside all the swords? Yeah. That's pretty fucking cool, actually.

Speaker: It is cool. it's I i do i i will say I think it is more it is cooler conceptually than it is perhaps...

Speaker: In practice. Okay. Which I think is a perhaps ah ah an issue in all of these kind of free-to-play games.

Speaker: Yeah, probably so. ah Where it's like, it's it's a good idea, but like they don't have the

Speaker: the art budget or or or whatever to to really... realize it perfectly. i mean, it does look pretty cool, but I think it could be cooler.

Speaker: Like, I think it could really pay off on the on the the idea. What do you think of the name Thunderflare Dominion?

Speaker: It's trying a little hard. Really? i think it whips. It's not terrible, but it's trying a little hard. I think it whips, dude.

Speaker: Okay, so it's Wuthering Waves, which means that they're waves where the wind blows really hard. Well, that's that's how you get waves, right? Well, the wind, that's how you get waves. Yeah.

Speaker: I guess the waves are stronger when the wind is... Man, I feel like this sword has revealed that I don't know anything. i don't know how waves work. I don't know Wuthering works. yeah I don't really know how the sword works.

Speaker: I'm looking at other playable characters in this game, and ah none of them seemed to none of the others really seem to have swords. This guy just has like a... This guy's got enough sword for all of them.

Speaker: This guy's got like just a lighter.

Speaker: A lighter? He's got a lighter. He's got like a Zippo. His name's Mortify. Mortify.

Speaker: Man, I really don't know what to think of Wuthering Waves. I'm hearing a lot of different things. There is. There's Mortify. Oh, man. know They wanted him to to fight the Undertaker, if you can believe that.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah. Wow, his name's spelled even dumber than I thought it was. yeah Gian's got like a spectral dragon on it.

Speaker: spectral dragon that's That's way cooler than a lighter, gotta say. Yoo-hoo?

Speaker: I can't even tell what she has. Well, Matt, you didn't you didn't tell me that Mortify's a special dish was smoked pigeon. Does everybody have a special dish? I think everybody's got a special dish.

Speaker: where does Where does it show the special dish? it is On the page you sent me. Yeah, but where on the page? um Like, in the little info box. Oh, I don't see a special dish for Yoohoo.

Speaker: Who's Yoohoo?

Speaker: Yoohoo is a playable Glacio-Button resonator in Wuthering Waves. Oh, okay.

Speaker: Just in case you were curious. I mean, I was. She's got, like, a necklace. That's what Yoohoo's got. Now, how is how's Yoohoo's... Oh, no, there there she is. There's Yoohoo. Okay.

Speaker: Yoohoo looks like she's very young. She does have a special dish, Matt. It's ah it's of a Frostwork cake. I don't see the special dishes. i don't know where you're seeing these.

Speaker: They're right on the page, man. Now, I will say this about Yoohoo. She's a voluble and whimsical antique appraiser. Oh. known for creating limericks on the spot. Is this AI generated? it Could be. Could be.

Speaker: This nine-year-old antique appraiser who likes to make up limericks and eat Frostwork cake.

Speaker: i I really, I'm struggling to understand what this game is. ah i you I guess you do hit someone with a sword at some point. But like, so there's all these different like ah events or chapters of the game. Yeah, because it's yeah like ah like a live thing, right? like Right, yeah. But like, Augusta's only in like one of them.

Speaker: Now, Matt, Chisa's special dish is lemon-scented sukiyaki. Oh, of course, of course, of course. Yeah, obviously. What's Augusta's special dish?

Speaker: I mean, i'm I'm looking it up now. want to see. Augusta's special dish? ah Sweet Leaf Blooming Bread. Sweet Leaf Blooming Bread. I do see that one. yeah I do see that one on the page. Now that does look tasty.

Speaker: Augusta's in two. Augusta is in two event convenes.

Speaker: What are we doing?

Speaker: She's a playable electrocongenital resonator. Yeah.

Speaker: don't know, the sword's pretty cool. I guess it seems cool. She's the fearless E4 of Septimont.

Speaker: With the will of iron. Right, she's the fearless E4 of Septimont. Yeah, she was a childhood gladiator, and that's how she got all the swords.

Speaker: Though a mere mortal, she has mastered the arts of combat strategy in her forte through countless conflicts, reaching heights few others like her have ever attempted to reach.

Speaker: It sounds legit. so Okay, what ah what are we given this sword made of swords? I think it's at least a 7, maybe an 8.

Speaker: Just based on vibes... it it I would give it, I'm i'm cool with eight. yeah I mean, if if we are to take Magenta Riot's word that it is so satisfying to use.

Speaker: yeah And like, parts of it come, like, the thing I like is that when you swing it, parts come off and there's like a trail of swords following the main sword. That's fucking rad.

Speaker: That is very cool. That is very cool. I'm thinking an eight. Okay, let's give it an eight. Let's give it an eight.

Speaker: I would watch it. If there's video of Augusta fucking dudes up with this sword, I will watch it. Alright. Now, Cantarella, who's into homemade panini.

Speaker: Okay. Um... Gotta have a panini press for that. yeah At your house, no less. oh She's a playable Havoc unclear resonator. Of course. of course Well, Matt, you might know her best as the 36th matriarch of the Fasalia family and the former Blessed Maiden of Imperator.

Speaker: I would ask for nothing else. Would you believe that her elegant, composed demeanor and captivating beauty conceal a dark and disturbing past? Wouldn't you know it? It's always the way. Always the way.

Speaker: They always have a dark and disturbing past. Okay. Let's move on to our next submission. It's from the boss dog, Patrick O'Duffy. okay Patrick is submitting one of the primary weapons of Gintaro Kisaragi...

Speaker: the hero of Amanogawa High School, also known as Kamen Rider Forze, Billy the Rod. Despite its name, the rod is indeed a sword. It can manipulate powerful electrical energy using three types of electric attacks, electrified strike attacks, emitting lightning bullets, and firing electromagnetic nets.

Speaker: By equipping an elect switch and assuming his elect states form, Gintaro can use the rod to activate ever more powerful limit breaks. i don't know why I don't know why Patrick felt the need to explain that. I know all about Billy the Rod.

Speaker: I know all about alex dates. Now here's what I will say. Billy the Rod functions as a sword. But I think it's just a rod.

Speaker: It doesn't have an edge.

Speaker: I think it's, I don't think it's a sword. It does function as a sword. It does not seem to have a blade. But I, yeah, I don't think it has, I think you have to have an edge to be a sword.

Speaker: Yeah. It, it looks like a fishing rod.

Speaker: Yeah, I think that maybe that's the inspiration for it. Yeah. Like, I mean, i always thought it was like a, like, Like, kind of a, like, scanner wand?

Speaker: Uh-huh. But, mean, I don't know what it's supposed to be. I mean, here's what it's supposed to be. A toy. It's supposed to be a toy, yeah. Because that's the brilliance of Super Sentai and Kamen Rider, is that if you make the things on the show look like toys, then you can make the toys look exactly like the things on the shows very easily.

Speaker: i think maybe it's supposed to kind of look like a dousing rod. Yeah, maybe. Some kind of rod. Which... you know would make sense given its abilities.

Speaker: I do like that it like the it has a plug, but you can like the plug comes out of the pommel and you can plug it into the the hilt so that there's kind of like a guard that is made of an electrical plug. I think that's cute.

Speaker: I don't think this is a sword, Patrick. Okay.

Speaker: Sorry, Patrick. We're calling it. Despite your argument that this is a sword, we're saying it's not. It is it is definitely forms the it performs the visual and combat function of a sword. In Common Rider, that's basically...

Speaker: in common writer that's like basically Non-distinct from a sword. Yeah. But i mean if if you look at the other Kamen Rider Forze sword that we have on here, that very clearly has a blade and an edge.

Speaker: It has a blade and an edge, yeah. this This is a rod. It's called a rod, and it's a rod. It's Billy the Rod. Yeah. Sorry, Patrick. what's Let's see what the what the wiki says. The elect module Billy the Rod is the rod-shaped main weapon of Kamen Rider Forze elect states.

Speaker: So it's rod-shaped. It's a rod-shaped weapon, which I believe is a rod. Yeah. Or club.

Speaker: Okay. This is going to have to be our last submission of this episode. And it's from Brad Ellison. I just forwarded it to you, Chris. What's what's Brad's special dish?

Speaker: Hey, from now on, if you're going a sword, please send in what is also your special dish. Yes. Send in your special dish. I like that. I like that.

Speaker: Just a little bit about you that we could tell the rest of the listeners, um which is your special dish. If if we get nothing else from Wuthering Waves, we got that.

Speaker: All right. This is from Brad. Boys, I got a treat for you straight from the Bud K knife catalog. The cabartana. Enjoy the attached JPEG files. Oh, is this the K-Bar Katana?

Speaker: Enjoy. ah Yes, this is a beautiful piece of mall ninja shit. It takes all the superficial features of the real Marine Corps fighting knife. It was famously used in World War II specific theater. slightly Slightly tweaked to skirt trademark laws in ways that make it shittier. It combines the knife design with the shit ass basic bro ninja sword design beloved by the man manufacturers of mall ninja gear because you could just stamp a bunch of them out on one big sheet of 440 stainless steel.

Speaker: Everybody who ever buys one should probably be on some kind of watch list, but I kind of want to. Yes! Yes! Same. Same. It's the dumbest thing in the world. I have looked at it and thought, and I could get that.

Speaker: ah Brad has also provided us a poem. There once was a knife good for stabbing, much beloved by guys best known for bragging. But a knife's not enough when you love ninja stuff, or a middle-life crisis are having.

Speaker: Buddy, believe it.

Speaker: Okay. This thing's so fucking dumb. It looks like the Manosphere as a sword. It really does! Because it... Like...

Speaker: like on the On the one hand, like it's the photos where it's like on like a tree stump with some grenades underneath it are yeah so funny.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: um It says US 1942 on the on the hilt or like the lower part of the blade, even though it's definitely not from 1942. Absolutely not. that's That's simply a lie.

Speaker: That's just to try to make it seem like the Marine Corps fighting knife. The best thing I could say about it is like it kind of looks like the sword. like If there was a if there was like a gi i Joe story...

Speaker: Where like Snake Eyes had to train Duke in ninjutsu. ah And like give him a sword. This would be what Duke's sword would look like.

Speaker: I was about to say this is like Nth Man the Ultimate Ninja's sword. But like Larry Hama would never. Larry Hama would never, yeah. ah As a guy who loves both the U.S. Armed Forces and ninjas...

Speaker: ah Larry Hama would never. Here's the thing, Matt. I have a K-Bar. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It was a gift from a friend of the show, Lucas Brown. ah Probably, honestly, probably the best knife I own.

Speaker: mean, they're good knives. They're knives. Still, like, I've had it for a couple of years. It is still sharp enough to literally shave the hair off my arm. Yeah. Like, just put, like, just, that's...

Speaker: Incredible. the shit The shit John Rambo had. Hell yeah. I love a a straight blade fighting knife. This is the dumbest shit in the world.

Speaker: To just make it longer and kind of be a katana. And again, like to avoid trademark, because the K-Bar knife is trademarked. huh make it Also make it shittier.

Speaker: Yeah. it's It's so bad.

Speaker: But I do kind of want it. like it's it's not It's not dumb enough to go past being dumb. Right? Yeah. yeah yeah but i Or is it?

Speaker: Or is it?

Speaker: that's my That's my question. No, i think it's I think we're going to have to classify it as dumb. like i don't think it I don't think we can consider it transcendent in any way.

Speaker: it's It's so... Oh, it's so... like I'm just thinking of the kind of podcaster who would see this and think it was cool, and we cannot be them.

Speaker: I know. But you get it, right? I do get it. i like Look, Matt, like we both grew up a little trashy. Of course we did. Of course we did. And we watched a lot of 80s cartoons and played a lot of eighty s video games where this is the aesthetic.

Speaker: Yes. like If you want to talk about the n NES library, it is military guys and ninjas up and down. And one plumber.

Speaker: And one plumber. this It's like... This would be the sword that would be in like Ikari Warriors. If they had a design of a sword, right? But like... We cannot do it.

Speaker: I will say... Matt, I'll say this. I'll say this right now. How much do you... I'm on Smoky Mountain Knifeworks right now. Yeah.

Speaker: How much do you think this thing costs?

Speaker: They can't be selling it at a premium. Are they selling it at a premium? I am not going to tell you anything. I just wonder how much you think they are charging for this.

Speaker: If it's more than $200, it's too much. Okay. will say this. How much less than $200 would have to how much less than two hundred dollars would it have to be for For us to buy one right now live on the show.

Speaker: i I wouldn't pay more than $50. Matt, it is $29.99. Unbelievable. Are you kidding? So it sucks bad. oh yeah. It sucks bad. It sucks yeah bad. get out the company card, buddy.

Speaker: Because it is $29.99. Oh, man. it So it sucks really bad. oh yeah.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. We gotta get it. This one is different. Is it? This one is different. This is the right edge. Yeah, man.

Speaker: Because they can't call a K-bar. Yeah. But it doesn't say 1945 on it like these like this other one. No, no i guess I guess not. No, I cannot buy this. If I buy this, Marlene will kick me out of the house.

Speaker: Okay, well here's my question, Matt. What if it never arrives at your house?

Speaker: They've got a a surprising array of cheap swords at Smokey Mountain Knifeworks. I would not say that's a surprise at all. Yeah.

Speaker: 34-inch Dragon Head Sword cane with sheath, $17. seventeen dollars

Speaker: Can you afford not to get it? I mean, that's a great question. That's a great question. how would they sell i want If I want Ondaril, it's $500. How are they selling these swords for this cheap?

Speaker: Oh, they're not good. They must be like... Made so poorly. yeah i mean, they are quite literally, like as it says in the email, stamped out of a piece of sheet metal.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go ahead and order one. Okay, I'm not buying one. ah but No, I'll order two.

Speaker: You can buy um Replica Kratos Blades of Chaos for $28. would to do that. i would love to do that actually. You know, I'm at Bud K, ah which is a a similar retailer with actually some pretty good prices on Lord of the Rings and Spired Swords.

Speaker: um And I'm not finding this one, but I am finding similar pieces, and I gotta say, $30 is still... it's it's It's the nice price.

Speaker: It's the nice price, yeah. yeah It's the nice price. $300. ah three

Speaker: A three seems high. Like, what do we have at three? what well else What else do we have at three? You're going to have to tell because I am looking at swords right now.

Speaker: Okay. ah The energy sword from Halo is a three. So this is probably a two. This is actually probably a two. it's probably going to be a two. ah The...

Speaker: What else is a three? Is three what we have least of? Batleth is a three. Okay, this is definitely not as good as either of those. It's a two. It's about like a Batleth, honestly. it's It's worse than a Batleth. It's worse than a Batleth. At least a Batleth is honest about being made up bullshit.

Speaker: Yeah. I will say, Bud K does have an anime surprise bag for $29.99.

Speaker: um The Singing Sword from Who Framed Roger Rabbit is also a three. Okay, so yeah, this is a two, then. This is this is a two. ah This is definitely a two.

Speaker: The K-Bartana. That's a hot two. But again, i do want it. It's so dumb. i will so I do think that the the swords that are pictured in Brad's email are nicer and better looking than the one that is available at Smoky Mountain Knifeworks.

Speaker: Well, look, ah unfortunately... Brad only included the pictures and didn't send a link, my dude. that's That's another thing that I do want to request. If it's a sword I can buy, send a link.

Speaker: I'm not going to. i don't have a job.

Speaker: But it would be nice to know. Okay, I found it. i found it um this is this The one he sent is from Bud K. okay yeah want I'm on Bud K. I'm looking right now.

Speaker: okay And it is $55. Now, see, i'm looked like I put that right up next to the the the one on Spooky Mountain Knifeworks, and they're they're functionally the same object.

Speaker: It's a two. ah thanks I think I'm going to buy it. but Okay, thank you to everybody bar sending come on for sending in those ah those swords. I might make our reading of the reviews of the swords some bonus content. Probably a good idea. Yeah.

Speaker: If you would like to send us a sword or an email about something else, like an Every Story Ever list, or something else that is on your mind, you can do it at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast at gmail.com. You can also get in touch with us on Tumblr, warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com.

Speaker: We're on Blue Sky, warrocketajax.com on Blue Sky. ah You can also message us on our Patreon, if you are a member there, and you can...

Speaker: Get in touch with us by joining our Discord and messaging us there. If you would like to become a member of our Discord, you have to be invited to become a member, but it is easy enough to do it. Just ask us nicely for an invitation, and we will get you one, and you can join over there on the WarRocketAjax Discord.

Speaker: Our website is WarRocketAjax.com. It has every episode of the show that we've ever done. WarRocketWiki.com is the fan-run repository of all the information you could want or need about this show, WarRocket Ajax, so go check that out.

Speaker: If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you? I love swords.

Speaker: Everybody can find me by going to the-isp.com. That is my website. It has links. to things that I've written on the web. And there's stuff there that you can read right from the comfort of that website.

Speaker: ah There's also a link where you can give me $20. And I'll tell you this. If anyone gives me exactly $30, I am buying the sword.

Speaker: A promise. That's a promise. That's a promise.

Speaker: See next week, everybody. See you next week, everybody. Until then, do not forget Black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights. Drag is not a crime. Cops aren't your friends. Fuck ICE.

Speaker: Free Palestine. We love you. love you.