Transcript
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Speaker: Slytus, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
Speaker: got War Rocket Ajax to bring back his body. Terminator X-E-O-X-E
Speaker: Hello everybody and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the internet's most explosive comic book and pop culture podcast. We are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me as always is Matt Wilson.
Speaker: Matt, you are a known player of fitness boxing. True. or For the Nintendo Switch and Switch 2. True.
Speaker: So I have ah recently taken back up the fitness boxing train. in an effort to to movement myself out of a little bit of depression. But I'm playing the Fist of the North Star version.
Speaker: As we've talked about a while back here on the show. So my question for you is, what franchise would you like to have a fitness boxing version of?
Speaker: It's such a no-brainer, and I don't know why it doesn't exist. Fucking Punch-Out!! Yeah, I mean, that is that is right there. is I don't know like actually who makes the fitness boxing games.
Speaker: I assume it's not a ah a first party franchise. I mean, they're not on other consoles. It's made by Imagineer. which i Maybe that's like a second party company for Nintendo.
Speaker: But like you would think that they would be able to to put out A Punch-Out version of fitness boxing with all your faves, with all the the classic Punch-Out characters, and they just haven't done it.
Speaker: Do you think the problem is maybe that those characters are a little bit too racist? Well, they put out a Wii Punch-Out a few years ago. Well, it's it's longer than I thought.
Speaker: That last Punch-Out game was probably... ah let me like Let me look. Punch Out We was 2009, so it was a long a long time ago, ah really.
Speaker: But like look, they make a new game. like they They dropped some of the more racist characters from that game. ah a Great Tiger was in it, and Don Flamenco, and so did Popinski.
Speaker: Not to be confused with Vodka Drunkinski. That's right. But i would it didn't have like the worst of the worst. It didn't have King Hippo. yeah yeah Oh, wait, no. It did have King Hippo. Yeah, there he there is um But King Hippo is not from a real place. so you know oh
Speaker: I feel like there's any number of answers. Because as far as I know, the the crossover versions of fitness boxing that we have are Fist of the North Star, very natural.
Speaker: Yeah, makes perfect sense. And Hatsune Miku. Which I don't think got released in the United States. I don't either. But I feel like you could go in so many places with this. Like, obviously, Dragon Ball would be an easy one.
Speaker: Yeah, that'd be great. I think a specific Spider-Man one would be pretty fun. Yeah, yeah. ah Although, canonically, Peter Parker doesn't know how to fight.
Speaker: didn't until very recently. Yeah. There would have to be like some kind of motion you would have to do to shoot webs. Well, the the thing they do in ah the Fist the North Star version is after you finish the daily workout, you ah you use Hokuto Shinken on on ah got like a random post-apocalyptic thug. And they don't show them exploding, but you can you can imagine it.
Speaker: They really should. I mean, if you if you're going to adapt Fist of the North Star, you've got to really do it. It's wild how little violence is in that game. I mean, they wanted it to probably be rated Yeah, no, it's for babies.
Speaker: Yeah. But it's still, like, the funny thing is, there is a guy in the DLC, which I got today, and I did the you-have-to-punch-100-times-in-10-seconds challenge. and its It actually gives you different times and different amounts. Like, I think I had to do, 65 times 6 seconds,
Speaker: And i think 90 in 9 seconds, I think, was one. um And that dude clearly has the animation of getting ready to explode.
Speaker: But then he doesn't.
Speaker: I wonder if there's some like beta version of that game where you see the explosion animation. It's just the bloodiest stuff in the world. Yeah. I actually watched a video just today about...
Speaker: The discovery of like a like prototype NES version of Punch-Out!! that Nintendo made, which is a ah super unique... like like Nintendo almost never made prototypes of its first-party games, by any stretch, on cartridges.
Speaker: But this is like a cartridge of Punch-Out that only has like four of the boxers and no music and like was like a proof of concept for Punch-Out for the n NES. Wild stuff. But ah yeah, man, it really feels like fitness boxing Punch-Out is such a no-brainer. Like, where is it?
Speaker: yeah Seems like it's right there. Yeah. Seems like it's right there. Matt, speaking of things that are right here, you are right here, I'm right here, and we have a great show for the people today. We do um You might be saying, didn't you guys rate swords just like two weeks ago? And yes, we did.
Speaker: We'll rate swords anytime we want to. Yeah, man. You got a problem with that? We're going to do it this week. We're going to take swords you have submitted and rate them on a scale from 1 to 10. It is...
Speaker: One to ten of swords, once again, on this week's show. So stick around for that. That's going to be very fun. Before we get to raiding swords, Chris, we do have some business to take care of, starting with thanking our newest supporters over on Patreon.
Speaker: That's right, Matt. These are the people who want to support the show. They want to help us out. They want to keep War Rocket Ajax going. They want to head down to 764 Gimmick Street along with us.
Speaker: And most importantly, they want to help us keep paying those gimmicks they keep sending in the mail called bills. How do you do that? Well, friends, you don't need no kettlebells. All you need to do is go to patreon.com slash warrocketajax and kick in as little as a dollar a month.
Speaker: That helps us out immeasurably. I mean, it is actually, you can measure it. it's Yes, it's you can definitely measure it, ah but um it does help us out a great deal. Chris, we do have some submissions for locations on Gimmick Street, but last week you said that we needed to reserve 764 Gimmick Street for a specific thing.
Speaker: Yes. So I am leaving that to you right now, and we will get to the other ah the the the members of the Gimmick Street Preservation Society next week. Well, Matt, you can come all the way down to 764 Gimmick Street with me to take a visit to Gonzo Mountain Knifeworks.
Speaker: That's right, Matt. It was Jay Gonzo who bought me the K-Bartana and brought you perilously close to owning one of your own. Wow.
Speaker: Wow. that is That is shocking. Truly shocking. Now, Gonzo was not the person who gave me $60 to buy you two of them.
Speaker: I see. But Gonzo did buy me one, and all he asked was a a spot on Gimmick Street. And since since those are, I would say, of comparable monetary value,
Speaker: Well, not really, but... Well... But... I guess the Kmartana is... Well, if you if you subtract the moral issues with the Kmartana... Gonzo has provided a good amount of free art for us here on the show, so I think he has yes he deserves a location on Gimmick Street. um In fact...
Speaker: Based on a discussion today, Gonzo is is in the middle of designing our 2025 t-shirt, Patreon t-shirt. 2025, oh my god. 2026 Patreon t-shirt.
Speaker: It's been a rough year, folks. It sure has. Our newest Patreon supporter, Chris, is CJ Kroll. Thank you, CJ. If you would like to be like CJ or like any of our other Patreon supporters,
Speaker: You can do it, as Chris said, by going to patreon.com slash warrocketajax and kicking in as little as $1 per month to make sure that we do this show every week that we do.
Speaker: Comics catch up monthly. We have decided on the April Comics catch up, and I think we'll be recording that very soon. Every Story Ever specials monthly, and Movie Fighters and Snag Situation, when we get back to those, we are currently at 432 paid patrons. So if you'd like to make that number go up, we would love that.
Speaker: What do you get as a patron? At any level, you get ad-free episodes of every single show that we do. Even for a dollar a month, you get ad-free episodes of all of our shows on a special feed on Patreon. That is just for you.
Speaker: At the $5 level, you get bonus content. That's bonus audio that Chris and I record, especially for Patreon. That is outtakes that I cut out of the show and put on Patreon. That is writing that Chris and I have done just for Patreon. All of that is available on Patreon, and the entire backlog of all of our bonus content is there as soon as you join at the $5 level. At the $10 level, you get bonus content.
Speaker: Line-stepping privileges for our segments, which currently include 1 to 10 of swords, like this week's episode, and every story ever. At the $15 level, that's when you can join the Gimmick Street Preservation Society. You can then, once you join, you can select what is at a location on Gimmick Street. You can say what you want to put at an address on Gimmick Street, and it is incumbent upon us.
Speaker: to place that location on Gimmick Street. We have gotten our first Gimmick Street Preservation Society member who has submitted their second location.
Speaker: So I think the door is open to that now. if you would If you've already named a location on Gimmick Street, but you have... something else you would like to place on gimmick street as a member of the gimmick street preservation society uh i believe it is time to allow that to happen um even though we do have a couple more to add uh before i'm gonna start putting people's second locations on gimmick street at the 20 level you get a t-shirt just like i mentioned ah Jay Gonzo, I believe, is designing the 2026 War Rocket Ajax t-shirt, which it will be a good one. I can already tell. i already know you're going to like it. So get on that $20 level if you can.
Speaker: If you are unable to help us monetarily, we do understand why that might be. You can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, whatever that is. If you've never left a five-star review for us,
Speaker: on Apple podcasts or Spotify or wherever you get podcasts, please do that. that done The better our rating is on all of those apps, the more people pick up the show, listen to the show. Um, and, and it helps spread the word about the show. You can also just spread the word about the show by talking us up on social media, talking to your friends and family members about listening to the show.
Speaker: Uh, that would help us out too. And, and then maybe, your friends and family will ah support us on Patreon. And and then number goes up. We love it when number goes up. We do love it when number goes up, everybody.
Speaker: Again, I do not have a job right now. This is it. With that, Chris, it's time for some checks and recs. What do you say? Let's do it.
Speaker: Chris, what would you like to check in with this week? Matt, as previously mentioned, I don't have a job, patreon.com slash warrocketajax. So you might be wondering, hey, what's Chris been doing with his time?
Speaker: Well, I'll tell you. i as you may have seen if you follow me on Blue Sky, am the new ah co-writer on David Wynn's Steel Tango.
Speaker: If you haven't seen it, ah david ah David, you likely already know, he he did the Forbidden Shirt for us. He did the Forbidden shirt a few years ago. The double Forbidden shirt.
Speaker: Yes, yes, that's right. It was Forbidden, and then it was Forbidden again. to the point where I can't wear that shirt anymore, unfortunately. Yeah, I know. It's in a drawer. Yeah. But he also ah did the Island Call Christmas t-shirt.
Speaker: Yes. He did the 10th anniversary of the Holiday Heat episode t-shirt. Which I love. ah it's It's got the panties on the Christmas tree.
Speaker: It sure does. um And ah but lots of other incredible, very well done art. I believe David did some of the art for Jay and Miles as well, right? lot of the art, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. He was posting a ah ah a robot, I guess mechs, because there are people inside them. Like, underground criminal underworld mech fights.
Speaker: He did a whole first issue, 20 pages, which is great, and did 13 pages of a second issue. And then i was mentioning...
Speaker: You know, wanting to to do more writing and not currently having a job. And he reached out to me and he said, hey, I've got a bunch i've got the plots for the issues, but ah would you like to write the actual like script for it?
Speaker: As we've talked about before, that is the part of comics writing that I enjoy the most. So I said, yeah, sure. And I knocked out a script for the rest of number two, based on his plot.
Speaker: And I will say, I was initially reluctant because, Matt, you can identify with this, I'm sure. I felt like the John Byrne to his Mike Mignola.
Speaker: ah yeah You're talking about the first volume of Hellboy? First volume of Hellboy. Where like, John Byrne does the script based on Mignola's plot, and you're like, why are you here? Now, you know why he's here. Because you love him so much.
Speaker: You're like, Seed of Destruction would not be the same without my man JB. cheekki i've I won't say anything, just keep going. ah But I was like, yeah, look you you don't need me on this, because if you read that first issue, it's it's good. like David's good.
Speaker: ah But he was like, yeah, I just really want ah you to do what I think of as the hard part. And i was like, great, I think it's the fun part. So we're going to be doing that. I've written this the rest of the second issue, which goes, I think, 24 pages. You can see the first page up now at ah David's Patreon, which is patreon.com slash David Wynn. That's W-Y-N-N-E.
Speaker: David Wynn. You can subscribe to that Patreon for free, and that is how the rest of the pages are going to be coming out. So ah you can, of course, give David money if you would like, ah but If you just want to read the comic for free, that is also an option.
Speaker: ah It's really fun to write. I really like the world that that David has created in these first couple issues. ah The characters are really fun. And I got to to throw in a bunch of really fun stuff. Like, if if you remember me saying, was it last week that I was talking about Devil Dinosaur? Mm-hmm. Or maybe it was on the Every Story Ever special. ah The reason I was looking at Devil Dinosaur was because of Steel Tango.
Speaker: So definitely check it out. And if you haven't read it at all, go check out David's Blue Sky account and give it a read. It's good. And David's got a great style, as you likely already know. But yeah, Steel Tango.
Speaker: it's It's fun to be a ah co-writer on that. Matt, what have you been up to? Well, Chris, um I think this is a good opportunity to talk about ah some scheduling stuff for the next couple of weeks, because the schedule is going to be a little bit different for the next couple of weeks. So I just want to let people know about what is going on next week.
Speaker: Or I guess the week this episode goes up. We usually record on Thursday. we will be recording Thursday. Instead, on Friday, April the 17th, at but around the usual time, probably 8.30 to 9.30 Eastern Time.
Speaker: And that is going to be a listener questions episode. I'm going to let people know already right now that that's going to be a listener questions episode. So if you want to send us listener questions for that, you can do it on BlueSky at WarRocketAjax.com on BlueSky.
Speaker: Or on our Discord, um if you're not a member of the Discord and want to be and want to send us listener questions, ask us for an invitation and we will get you one.
Speaker: The following week, I will be out of town for a wedding. um And I will be out of town like that entire week. It is a wedding ah in which Marlene is going to be a bridesmaid. And Marlene...
Speaker: has been working very hard to be able to actually walk in that wedding, which she will do, ah which is very cool. um Marlene is walking without a boot now, ah doing very well, if anybody was wondering.
Speaker: um Physical therapy has been going great. And so we're out of the woods, at least with like ah the worst of...
Speaker: ah kind of being down with her broken ankle. And so Marlene is going to walk in that wedding. where it's It's in the the Philadelphia area.
Speaker: And so we're going to be up there for pretty much that entire week of April 23rd. So um there will not be an episode, Rocket Ajax episode on April 27th.
Speaker: But then we will be back recording as normal. on April 30th. So we will have a May 4th episode and we will also do um every story ever um by the end of the month. So ah just to let everybody know there won't be an episode on April 27th, but get in your questions for the show we're recording on Friday,
Speaker: April 17th. And that is the schedule. And I just wanted to let everybody know about that and that I will be gone for a week for a wedding, a which should be a nice time.
Speaker: Chris, time for some recommendations. What do you have to recommend? Matt, I would like to recommend a video game that you can play. Now, Matt, you and I are both fans of ah Mark Brown's Game Makers Toolkit. videos We are.
Speaker: we are We are indeed. And a few months ago, I would say, ah Mark Brown, who has been kind of documenting his ah journey.
Speaker: Don't you love it when things are called journeys? Yeah. When someone documents a journey. love I love it when a podcast is called a journey. That's true. i love I love listening to every ad for a podcast that's like, come with us on a journey through some unfiltered conversations.
Speaker: That is every ad for every podcast. Please continue. He was documenting his journey in ah making a a game that was like a magnet-based platformer.
Speaker: yeah ah But then like kind of... at random, seemingly, just fully dropped a... Well, he he he made the he made the Magnet game.
Speaker: He made and released the Magnet game. yeah mind Mind Over Magnet. Yeah. yeah But then he stealth-dropped a second game. He's like, hey, I made another game. yeah And ah it is called Wordplay.
Speaker: In the tradition of so many games that are coming out these days, it's what if Balotro... was a different game. And that game this time is Boggle.
Speaker: Yeah, what what if Balotro, but instead of cards, in this case letters, I guess. Yeah, Scrabble tiles, basically. yeah It's very fun. It's also like very inexpensive. I think it's like five bucks on Steam. ah But it is it's definitely a fun game for those of us who, like me, enjoy putting together letters to make words.
Speaker: Matt, I know you enjoy that. I also would enjoy that, yeah. I do. I did make a post on Blue Sky that said, what idiot called this game Wordplay and not Bogalatro?
Speaker: But then I felt that because I know who decided to call it that. And he's not an idiot. He seems like a very smart young man. But yeah, give Wordplay a shot. it's i mean It's so simple.
Speaker: it's It's very simple. It is hard to... Think of a way to recommend it ah other than just giving you the high concept, because that's exactly what it is.
Speaker: So give it ah give it a spin, if you would like to. Once it's on the Switch, i i'll I'll go right for it. Do you know if he's planning on putting it on Switch?
Speaker: I don't know, but he should. he he definitely should. i mean, I would support that, but yeah. ah It's not on the Switch right now that I can see, but it should be. Matt, what do you have to recommend?
Speaker: I have a film to recommend. You can watch it right now on the website internetflickeringpictures.com.
Speaker: It is the movie 28 Years Later, The Bone Temple. and Okay, now is this the second one? It's the second one.
Speaker: Okay. Okay. Now, I think I've talked about 28 years later on the show before. On our Halloween episode, you talked about it, and I did make you tell me about the ending. Yeah, yeah, okay. So this this one picks up like pretty much right after at at the ending of the first one.
Speaker: But it is a more thoughtful, more kind of contemplative... smarter and better movie than 28 years later. 28 years later, the bone temple, instead of being directed by Danny Boyle, it's directed by Nia DaCosta.
Speaker: And I think she wrote it too. um But it um is, is just like really good. There were several moments where like Marlene and I, in the middle of watching it gasped,
Speaker: at things that happened like really like unexpected character moments happen in that movie. Also, um, the character played by Ralph Fiennes, who is, who is an, an interesting guy who, who is, is this like kind of scary looking guy who always has iodine on his body. So he looks kind of red.
Speaker: um But he is like this like very like humanistic and sensitive doctor whose name is Dr. Ian Kelson. He used to work for the NHS.
Speaker: He has this record collection that he plays sometimes. And um at the start of the movie, it seems like all he has is Duran Duran records.
Speaker: ah Because he's listening to Duran Duran and singing Duran Duran songs all the time. um But then it becomes clear that he has more records that he listens to. And Chris, I'm going to give a minor spoiler for the movie.
Speaker: ah But it is like essentially what the climax of the movie is. So if you're planning to watch 28 years later, The Bone Temple, I would suggest skipping ahead.
Speaker: But I'm going to sell this movie for you. By telling you this thing that you're like, I have to go see this. I have to like go fire up Netflix and watch this.
Speaker: The Jimmies, who I told you about at the end of... Who appear at the end of 28 years later. These like... Teletubbies inspired... Murderers.
Speaker: aha Led by a guy named Jimmy. um They are also devil worshippers. And when they see Dr. Ian Kelson, they think he is the devil, who they keep calling Old Nick through the movie. okay Because he's like red, because he's covered in iodine.
Speaker: So they go to his bone temple, because you know he's got a bone temple. Yeah, it's the title of the Yeah. And they ask him if he's the devil.
Speaker: And at first he says no, but then like it becomes clear that he's got to convince them that he's the devil.
Speaker: So the the climax of the movie is Ralph Fiennes in like black body paint performing up like doing a ah staged performance of of Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden.
Speaker: Okay, that does sound like it rules. It fucking rules so much, dude. so Seems like it.
Speaker: i i was mistaken. Nia DaCosta was not the writer of the movie. It was Alex gard Garland who wrote the last one, too. But but I loved 28 Years Later, The Bone Temple. like I liked 28 Years Later. i loved The Bone Temple.
Speaker: ah So, even if you haven't seen the first movie, I mean... There's some stuff that won't make a lot of sense in Bone Temple if you so if you skip 28 years later. But I think Bone Temple was... it's It's one of my favorite movies I've watched this year.
Speaker: ah So go check it out. On Netflix, 28 years later, The Bone Temple. Matt, should we get a Bone Temple? I don't see how it would hurt to have a Bone Temple.
Speaker: I mean, i don't want i don't want guys showing up to my Bone Temple thinking I'm the devil. That's true. that that That might create problems, but it does look cool. I would like to listen to Duran Duran on a bone temple.
Speaker: Yeah. yeah Much to think about. Much to think about. Chris, those were our checks and recs, which means it's time to talk about some comics. Let's do Let's go.
Speaker: The texture's choice for this week is Fury of Firestorm number one, ah which was surprising to me. you you texted our chat with Benito.
Speaker: Benito. To say, hey, Fury Firestorm number one, pretty good. So i dove in and gave it a try. um This is by Jeff Lemire and Rafael De La Torre, with colors by Marcelo Maiolo and letters by Lucas Gattoni.
Speaker: This is an interesting Firestorm comic, if nothing else. It's a wild one. Yeah. It's kind of wild in exactly the way you would expect a Jeff Lemire Firestorm comic to be wild.
Speaker: It feels exactly like that sentence.
Speaker: You know how the whole, like, Genus-Vell-Captain-Marvel was basically a rip-off Firestorm?
Speaker: Well, I mean, mean, pretty much. it I mean, I wouldn't say that. well was two personalities. um It was two personalities in one. Right. It was Rick Jones and Genus. Yeah. And Genus. Yeah.
Speaker: The reason I make that point is that a big part of that story wound up being that the cosmic awareness drove Genus Vel mad.
Speaker: And Rick Jones was just kind of trapped in there. hmm. That's what's happening with Firestorm in this book. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. I love this like weird opening where Firestorm kills a town.
Speaker: He like turns a town into glass, yeah. Yeah. like I don't feel like that's a spoiler, because it is literally like the first four pages of the comic. Firestorm kills a town. yeah And then the government goes to Firehawk, who, you know, was Firestorm's girlfriend. And it's like, hey man, do you gotta deal with this.
Speaker: And they talk about Firestorm. you know you know they You know they put Pojar in this book. Oh, you know they put Pojar in do You know they put Pojar in this book, Matt. That's Russian Firestorm.
Speaker: Russian Firestorm, man. oh But yeah, ah they talk about how Firestorms have been changed over the years. And then Firehawk's like, yeah, that's not Ronnie Raymond.
Speaker: Yeah. And then we see... We get some clues as to where Ronnie is, and he's he's there, but he ain't there. Yeah, he ain't there. Yeah. And it's really interesting, because I, too, have been trapped in Bronze Age DC Comics before. ah But yeah, really fun stuff.
Speaker: Really, really wild last panel reveal on this one, but highly enjoyable. Yeah. Yeah, you might be you might be thinking, you know well, there's there's another half to Firestorm beyond beyond Ronnie Raymond.
Speaker: Well, we kind of find out where he is, too. ah So, yeah, to an intriguing first issue, for sure.
Speaker: Now on to a book that seems like it may be...
Speaker: I don't want to say wrapping up, but like reaching a climax, so to speak. um Mortal Thor number nine. This is an issue ah by Al Ewing and Pasquale Ferry.
Speaker: This is an issue where Roxxon, the giant petrochemical megacorporation. Led by a Minotaur. Led by Minotaur.
Speaker: sends the nuclear man or a radioactive man. yeah Firestorm's the nuclear man. Firestorm's the nuclear ran if we also forbid with man.
Speaker: We went from a nuclear man to a radioactive man. yes um They send the radioactive man after Sigurd Jarlson. And Sigurd's like, oh, Donald Blake sent you after me.
Speaker: And radioactive man's like, no, no, no. I come from way above his pay grade. And there is nothing you can do to stop me. So I'm giving you 24 hours to leave New York and probably the country.
Speaker: And just like just leave, and I won't kill you. But otherwise, I'll kill you and everyone who is around you.
Speaker: And instead of leaving, of course, Sigurd Jarlson goes and gets a new hammer because Radioactive Man melts his hammer. ah He goes and gets a new hammer and then fights a radioactive man in like a big um abandoned factory that he just drops on him.
Speaker: Setting up a big showdown between Sigurd Jarlson and Roxanne and specifically Dario Agar. My favorite part of this is when Sigurd goes to talk to Jenny at the construction company.
Speaker: Yeah. And she's like, yeah, man, I got I got a I got a lead-lined anti-radiation suit for you. All good. Easy peasy. And he's like, what the fuck? And she's like, yeah, man, ah my ah my Uncle Jerry did his cousin Nick a favor that one time.
Speaker: And I love this because the favor that cousin or that ah Uncle Jerry did for Cousin Nick Fury was getting Sigurd Garlson a job in the Walt Simonson run on Thor.
Speaker: that's a great right That's a great little reference. that's That is great, yes. ah And I love that briefcase, because it's diamond plate. Yeah.
Speaker: And I love that she's like, anytime I want something, I just call a number. Friends and family, I got so much crazy shit at home. Yeah.
Speaker: I love that. I love that ah that we, like, if you'reve you get the friends and family discount at a at the S.H.I.E.L.D., you can just call a number and get some stuff.
Speaker: And his his hazmat suit is, like, vaguely Thor-coded. It's got the circles. It's got the circles on it, yeah. yeah yeah I'll tell you what, though. um Chen Liu, the radioactive man...
Speaker: He likes outfits that breathe. He sure does, yeah. This fucking linen shirt and pants that he's got when he first shows up, that looks so comfy.
Speaker: He's got to go to the big and tall store, man. like ah I got to think that's custom made. Probably, probably. Yeah, I don't i don't think ah Chin Lou, the radioactive man, is shopping off the rack.
Speaker: Probably not. Yeah. ah he's He's got some proportions, that guy. Yeah. he's he's He's thick in some places.
Speaker: And also, he's radioactive. ah Mortal 4, good. i i am excited to see whatever this, like, Rocks on Showdown is going to be. Finally...
Speaker: ah Chris, you wanted to talk about Romeo and Juliet and Godzilla, number one, which I have not had a chance to check out yet. Listen, man. I feel like IDW...
Speaker: don't... I don't read everything IDW puts out. But I do feel like at least somebody over there gets it. Because somebody over there is like, We got the Godzilla license.
Speaker: B. themm we can do anything and that's in the public domain. Which leads to C, we can do anything in the public domain plus Godzilla. And we saw that before with ah Monsterpiece Theater, which was among the finest comics ever printed.
Speaker: incredible And now we're seeing it again in ah Adam Tierney, Sean Peacock, Brian Kulik, and Jake Williams' Romeo and Juliet and Godzilla. And what I love about this...
Speaker: is that it i mean it's very funny. There's a lot of very good gags of people just kind of being stomped on in the middle of scenes. But it's pretty much a so like The joke is that it's played very straight.
Speaker: That it's Romeo and Juliet, but also Godzilla is there. And Mechagodzilla who's made out of wood. ah Yes, a 14th century Mechagodzilla. And also Mothra is there.
Speaker: And so there is a parallel story of Mothra and Godzilla and Romeo and Juliet. oh But pretty much everyone who dies in this, like ah like when when ah Mercutio dies, or or other characters...
Speaker: They're killed by Godzilla. Like, they'll be dueling, but then they'll be killed by Godzilla. Which I think is very funny, and it's a very good gag. That is very funny.
Speaker: I will say, i was initially... I wasn't... I mean, I guess the feeling was disappointment, because I thought this was going to be a Tom Scioli comic, and then I opened it up, and it wasn't.
Speaker: ah But Tom Scioli does do the backup, which is Robin Hood and Godzilla. ah But then very quickly, this book won me over. ah Just by being kind of fun and funny and also like, yeah, man, that's what you do if you got the Godzilla license. Put him in everything.
Speaker: Yeah, man. I look forward to seeing still more public domain ah common characters interacting with Godzilla. Well, the Robin Hood thing is part one, so there's definitely more coming. it it says that ah part two will be in ah Godzilla's monster piece theater presents Godzilla's the Odyssey.
Speaker: Awesome. Awesome. Incredible. We got still kind of in the Odyssey already, but true. Yeah. All right, Chris, with that, it's time once again.
Speaker: To rate swords. Alright Chris. Our first submission. Comes to us. From Atreyu Hibiki. And.
Speaker: I'm not going to say. That we're going to rate every. Like everybody's like. Personal. Headcanon. Made up sword.
Speaker: But we are going to rate this one. We're only reading swords that some people made up. That's right.
Speaker: Atreyu has submitted for us Ice Fang, which is the sword of his wife Erin's Dungeons & Dragons character. all right Carved from the truth of the dragon's silver mist and wielded by the her daughter Rianne.
Speaker: Dragonborn, this white-bladed short sword, glows with blue energy when unsheathes and is cold to the touch. Upon connecting further with her heritage, Rianne discovered Icefang's true power, absorbing magic to unleash her own draconic power and transform herself into a full dragon, albeit briefly, and it expends all of the charged magic.
Speaker: It was instrumental in defeating the Western Witch, the number-controlling evil Count Numeria, ah-ah-ah, and the six guns of Hare Trigger, the Hare Trigger Hare.
Speaker: That's pretty – Count Numeria, ah-ah-ah, that's very good. That's very good, actually. um That's a pretty fucking dope-sounding sword. Yeah, no, a sword that eats magic and turns you into a dragon, that's pretty good.
Speaker: Yeah, we unfortunately we don't have a visual of this sword, because I don't think there is any canonical visual of it. Now, did we get a sword type? is it Is it a long sword? It's a white-bladed short sword.
Speaker: Okay, short sword. Okay. Okay. Alright. And it is carved from the tooth of a dragon. That's dope. That's dope. I do like it when stuff is made from a dragon.
Speaker: And also that dragon is your mom. Yes. ah i I also like have to say, i'm I'm a big fan of when swords aren't traditional sword colors.
Speaker: I've said this before on the show. love a glowing blue sword. Yeah. Well, it's white, but it glows blue with energy. when unsheathed. Kind of like Sting, I guess. Although, Sting only glows when there are orcs around. In the presence of orcs, yeah. Matt, it was a forc in the Second Age. We don't need to talk about that right now. ah But yes. and And what's the name again?
Speaker: Ice Fang? It's called Ice Fang. Yeah. That's good! I like that. I dig it. ah so ah I'll tell you my first blush thought.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, that's that's that's solid. yeah I love the idea of a sword that can like eat magic. Yeah, that's cool. that's That's a really cool way of... like The more I think about it, the more I'm really into the kind of metafiction of What are dragons made of? Well, they're made of magic. So if you want to turn into a dragon, you have to get magic. And how do you get magic? Well, you hit it with a fucking sword because this is d and d So if you hit enough magic with a sword, you can make yourself a dragon. That's fucking dope and I love it.
Speaker: I do like also that that expends all the charged magic in the sword. well So it's, yeah, like it's, it's not something you could just spam.
Speaker: ah You gotta, you gotta get the magic back in it before you can use it again. Yeah. And also let me tell you, let me tell you little something about high level D and D play. oh Anti magic and stun as a dungeon master.
Speaker: Those are your friends. So as a player, those are your friends. if you If you can take away a magical effect, easy peasy. That's huge for high-level D&D. High-level D&D, look, you're fighting wizards.
Speaker: That's all you're doing. You're fighting wizards. Everybody you're fighting is casting spells. They're doing something.
Speaker: Yeah, man, I like a sword that eats magic and turns you into a dragon.
Speaker: And also like that the little story of getting in touch with your with your heritage. With your mom dragon. Yeah. All good stuff. talk stuff Also, i'm I'm almost willing to bump it up to a 9 for Count Numeria.
Speaker: Because that's very good. I think 8 is probably where it sits. ah We gave an 8 to Thunderflare Dominion. We The Green Destiny an 8 to Barrier Breaker, and the Silph Sword. it's It seems of a piece with all of those. Yes, very much so.
Speaker: So, I'm very happy with 8 for that. Thank you, Atreyu, for sending in that sword. Yes, and thank you, Aaron. Thank you, Aaron, for having that sword in your D&D campaign. Also, if if you I did not put a visual aid into the sword sheet, so if you have a visual aid, please send yeah please send it in.
Speaker: Our next sword is from Matthew Bernius. It is the Sun Sword from Thundar the Barbarian. oh so we're talking about a Jack Kirby sword? Uh-huh.
Speaker: Okay. ah this Here's what matthew said Matt says about the Sun Sword. Yes, it's essentially a lightsaber, and it's also a lightsaber created by Jack Kirby, which is in keeping with the show's entire premise. What if you gave Conan the Barbarian a lightsaber and then put him, Chewbacca, by way of Kirby, and Darkseid with the serial number Spiral of in Planet of the Apes?
Speaker: ah Kirby's original concept for the Sun Sword is especially cool. I'm attaching portable network graphics and joint photographic experts group files of the sword from the cartoon, Kirby's concept art of the sword, and off-brand Darkseid, a.k.a. Gemini, to help the conversation. Oh, let me see that let me see that concept art, baby. All right, let me let me forward that to you. Because look, you you you crushed it.
Speaker: You nailed it. It's a lightsaber created by Jack Kirby that Conan has on the Planet of the Apes. I i mean, it's it is a lightsaber, but really it's a lightning sword. Yes.
Speaker: Yeah. um I mean, look, ah George Lucas didn't make up the idea of a sword being made of something that is not metal. Being made of light of some kind. but like This sword is specifically like a sword that is a lightning bolt.
Speaker: I will say this. When you compare the way it looks in the cartoon to how much better it looks in the concept art, it's really sad. Oh, Matt, are you saying that Hanna-Barbera's animation department was maybe not quite as rad as Jack Kirby, the king of comics?
Speaker: ah That is what I'm saying, yes. yeah Yeah, I mean, you would be correct. Listen, listen. I wish Thundart was good. Yeah. yeah Because you want it to be, you know?
Speaker: But I think ah thunder like the concept of Thundar is so good that like you don't need you you legitimately do not need to watch the show.
Speaker: You can just be like, hell yeah, I can imagine that. yeah And it's great. It would almost be better if it only existed as concept art. Well, Matt, as someone who... all who has a full set of those Jack Kirby trading cards that they did with all the stuff that he came up with for like Ruby Spears. And i think everything in the trading card set was for Ruby Spears.
Speaker: Yeah. Thundar was actually a Ruby Spears show, not yeah in a Hanna-Barbera show. Yeah. Yeah. so like a lot of that stuff that didn't get made looks rad.
Speaker: Probably more rad than it would have been. Yeah. But you know what? ah like he this This is the question, see.
Speaker: We know that Thundar is not itself great. I've watched it. It's not as good as I wanted it to be.
Speaker: But, you know, that's that's whatever. Does that affect our rating of the sword? Yeah. Or would you rank the sword on its own separate from its source material?
Speaker: I feel like the sword, as it appears on the cartoon, brings it down a little bit, because that was the sword in practice. I mean, i I guess I'm asking that question, but we do have swords that are on here.
Speaker: i mean, look, there's nothing really special about John Brown's sword. I mean, it does look cool. it's cool sort it's more It's more about what it represents than than the sword itself. It is the context in which that sword exists.
Speaker: Yeah. So we we do have to give weight to the context ah in addition to the sword itself. True.
Speaker: But, I mean, it's a fucking lightsaber, dude. it's it's It's a lightsaber that's not um cylindrical.
Speaker: It's more of a flattened sword blade. And it's more of a lightning bolt. and I'll tell you what i don't like about it.
Speaker: Have you recently looked at the writing staff of Thundar the Barbarian? ah No, I have not. Okay. Jacob Kurtzberg was on the writing staff.
Speaker: A word, yeah. Yeah. As well as Mark Pascoe, or Martin Pascoe. Marty Pascoe, yeah. Pesky Pascoe. Mark Evanier.
Speaker: Of course, yes. yeah I knew that. Steve Gerber, who developed the show. Yeah, man. He was tight with Kirby. And Roy.
Speaker: Again? How? they They had to have had a conversation at some point. They had to have. like I know people have asked Roy about it, and he was like, yeah, it was very hurtful.
Speaker: Like, Roy was on the writing staff. Like, maybe they were in ever maybe they were never in the room together. i don't know. i mean, that would have been, like, what, ten years later? So, like... Yeah.
Speaker: Man.
Speaker: Roy...
Speaker: Can you believe that? Can you believe that he was on that writing staff? I believe it. Listen, man, you're going to turn down Roy? i mean, i think i think Jacob Kurtzberg would. but if you're like If you're like, hey, man, I know a guy.
Speaker: Like, look, if nothing else, you're going to turn down Roy Thomas, the writer of Conan and the Barbarian? That's true. I mean, he so he certainly was that.
Speaker: Yeah, man. then That stuff's good.
Speaker: Man, they had to have a conversation. Oh, shit. There is a Thundar comic book coming out right now written by Jason Aaron. That sounds good. It's it's a dynamite ah it's a dynamite book.
Speaker: we're goingnna have you to We're going to have to get on that. Yeah. That's wild. I'm thinking this is it ah this has got to be a seven. I was going to say six, but if we but if we're going by the if we're going by the concept art... I mean i think we're like i think we're going by... We've got to take everything into account. Now, I will say this. Here's what I don't like about it. It's small. The handle? Too small.
Speaker: yeah Looks uncomfortable. Maybe I would knock it down to a six because of that. Okay. I think it loses something in the transition to the cartoon, for sure.
Speaker: Definitely. definitely
Speaker: So my my thought is six. But if you want to say seven, we can make it seven. i think I think a six. The more I look at that handle, the more frustrated I am. Okay. Then than six it is.
Speaker: but it's got you got It's got to be small enough that you can hold it onto your wrist with a magnet.
Speaker: Right. Yeah. ah Damn, I'm looking at the Thundar comic right now. It's got Rob covers. Hell yeah. It's it's it's something else.
Speaker: We're going to we're goingnna have to get caught up on that, I think. Sounds great.
Speaker: Damn, issue two starts with Thundar in like a gladiatorial arena, cutting and cutting um a dude's head off. With not the lightning sword, with with ah with a regular sword.
Speaker: He probably tried to do it with that lightning sword. like, this handle's too small. Well, the the I think that's a flashback from before he got the lightning sword.
Speaker: um Okay, so Thundar's Sunsword 6. six
Speaker: Very good. Next up is a sword from Patrick O'Duffy.
Speaker: who says, here's a sword I hope you're familiar with. Transistor from the video game Transistor. Transistor is basically a giant circuit board in the shape of a greatsword.
Speaker: It's a melee weapon. It doesn't seem sharp, but a dude definitely gets stabbed right through with it at one point. That's also an AI capable of running dozens of different offensive, defensive functions, and it can talk and stop time.
Speaker: ah Yeah. Have you played Transistor? I have not played the game. I am familiar with it. I've heard about it. I've watched videos about it. Unfortunately, Patrick, i kind of I kind of think this sword is gimmicky.
Speaker: Okay. Okay. Interesting. Let's look say more, Matt. Its design is a little too...
Speaker: like I don't think it's meant to look like to be a toy or to look like a toy, but it looks like a toy. isn't it like the The notion that it's like ah a circuit board or ah a microchip that is also a sword is cool. like like I think that's a cool concept and is reminiscent of like ah the Thundercats sword.
Speaker: Lion-O's sword, ah whatever its actual name is. Sword of Omens, Matt. It's hanging directly to my right. Okay. um it's It's reminiscent of the Sword of Omens with its like that red circle on it and stuff.
Speaker: um But there's something about it that like it looks like a Lego sword to me. Yeah, because it's like... i mean The, like, transistor is, it's Hades negative one.
Speaker: Yeah. Right? Like, you there's a direct line from transistor to Hades. Came out before Hades, right? Yes. And so it's very much like like that, like it's isometric view, ah and it has to be big to be legible at the scale at which you see it, I think.
Speaker: But I think the fact that it's like a big weird ah like circuit board looking thing that you have to drag behind you is like really cool.
Speaker: Because it's like it's a weird techno thing that's not a sword but It's sword-shaped, and we might as well use it as a sword.
Speaker: Because in a problem here. It behaves as a sword. Yes. ah But it is like... It's... don't know, man. It's good.
Speaker: I like it. The fact that the sword also narrates the game? Because the sword's guy. Yeah. The sword's a guy. I knew that. Yeah. yeah You're not a guy.
Speaker: you're You're a gal with the sword. The sword killed a guy, but the guy is also the sword. Because the sword is computers.
Speaker: Computer's the sword. It's a sword that's also computers that's also a guy. Right. Right.
Speaker: That makes perfect sense. Now, so it's... these Is this the same studio that made Hades? Yes. Yes. Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's why I think you can see like a lot of the... like there's There's a little bit of the DNA that runs through it. i think... the weapons in Hades...
Speaker: are better designed than this. i think I think this is a little bit... like i think it looks cool. i don't love that that hilt being a triangle.
Speaker: I like the triangle. Triangle's my favorite part of it, Matt. ah I think it's a little over-designed, if that makes sense. Triangle's strong to shape. I don't even know what you're talking about.
Speaker: I understand like that the whole idea is like ah you're looking down on it from like an isometric perspective, and this is a way to make something that is very recognizable that doesn't have to be big on the screen.
Speaker: um and And I agree that it's cool. I just... i i i
Speaker: There's something about it that I think Supergiant got better at kind of being a little more subtle about making really recognizable um weapons for their games.
Speaker: ah So that's it. that's like i don't dislike it I feel like I'm being like really critical here, but like it's not like... i don't think it's like the tippy-top. I like it, but i have notes, I guess.
Speaker: what what's your What's your heart saying to you right now, Matt?
Speaker: um Well, i would like to I would like to know what your gut number is. And then we can we can maybe find a compromise position. i mean, my my gut says like a 7. I like the transition. I feel like 7 is fine. I feel 7 is fine. Yeah. um I think it's better than the Sunsword and maybe not as good as Ice Fang. 7 seems right on.
Speaker: It's also computers. It's also computers, yeah. um i like Part of it is just like, it ain't sharp. So it's so it's like it's it's a sword in practice, but not a sword, really.
Speaker: You know what I'm saying? I get you, buddy. I get you. It looks cool, though. i I do think it looks cool. I do. I mean, I feel like we had this discussion when we talked about this ah Emily Blunt sword.
Speaker: Yeah. More like Emily Sharp. More like this list. But like, a ho I do like a thing that has been repurposed as a sword. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. That just, you know, happens to be sword shaped and sword sized. And then that gets used as a sword. Yeah, that that is cool. Often.
Speaker: Not always, but often. Okay. Our next submission is from John Seiler. It is from an anime that we can watch and don't have to feel like pervo freaks. Update on that, by the way. I did hear from ah one of our listeners, Bessie Buchanan, professional wrestler.
Speaker: Professional wrestler extraordinaire, yes. ah Who said, Kill la Kill and Penny and st Stocking were both for perverts, but in a feminist way, like Bayonetta.
Speaker: And I get that exactly.
Speaker: Okay. You know me. I am the Bayonetta Laker. Sure. i mean, you know, i'm all i'm over here thinking about, like, what's somebody going to think if, context-free, they walk in a room and see me watching this thing? Who's going to walk in the room, Matt? You're already married?
Speaker: That isn't guaranteed. Look, mar marlene Marlene, I'm sure, has seen you at at worse moments than watching a pervert anime.
Speaker: fit Well, defending. Depending on the pervert anime, that's right. Depending on the pervert anime. i'm sure there's I'm sure there's some that she would walk into the room and then continue walking out the door.
Speaker: Look, if if if I turned to her and I was like, no, no, no, it's feminist. like i don't I don't know if that would fly. ah But, you know. you know
Speaker: Anyway, this next submission is a Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Stardust Crusaders sword.
Speaker: It's Anubis sword.
Speaker: It's a useless stand, or I'm sorry, userless stand, who can possess anyone who wields it and repeatedly tries to kill the Joestar group's members in Egypt.
Speaker: The sword itself is a thin katana with an elaborate jewel-encrusted crossguard complete with scabbard. It's powerful enough to cut through stone and can become intangible, damaging, hiding enemies.
Speaker: Okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing we've got to get into about this. i hope First of all, I like that you accidentally called it a useless stand. That's right. Yeah, that's that's pretty funny. yeah When it comes to JoJo, I feel like we, like, when it comes to raiding things and taking the context into account, this is like nothing in terms of how wild things get JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.
Speaker: Matt, there's a man that can turn you into comics. Right. But like, a lot of those stands aren't also swords. This is this is one of... There is a stand that's a gun.
Speaker: Yeah. But most stands are kind of guys. Most stands are guys. They can be spaceships.
Speaker: Jon has one more sentence of description, or two more sentences of description. Even when broken, the sword can still control its user, and the longer the fight lasts, the more adaptable to the battle Anubis becomes.
Speaker: Can control both humans and animals. Well, now I'm looking at a i'm looking at a YouTube thumbnail that says, Stronger than Dio and Jotaro. Damn.
Speaker: that's just That's strong as hell. Yeah. Damn. That's just one our adventure wild.
Speaker: ah The master of the stand is Shaka. ah So there you go.
Speaker: oh and it I dig it. I like it. I think it's cool. Here's what's weird is it's called Anubis and it is a katana. yeahp It is not a a Kopesh curate or an Egyptian sword.
Speaker: I do not believe in in Egypt, in in the ah the upper kingdom, that they had katanas. But they probably didn't have like dudes named Speedwagon either. So yeah we can we can call that a wash.
Speaker: So, like, okay. So Anubis is a sword hu that possesses anybody that holds it. Yeah. Well, it's a stand, Matt. But yes, it's so it's a stand.
Speaker: It's a stand that's a sword. Yeah. But a lot of stands... You know how that last sword we talked about was a guy and also computers? Right. This is a sword that's a stand that possesses guys and animals. Yes.
Speaker: But like a lot of stands are guys. Well, a lot of stands are guy-shaped. Right. I don't know if I would call any stands guys as much as they're guy-shaped.
Speaker: Like, Star Platinum is guy-shaped.
Speaker: But I don't know if he's a guy. Well, stands emanate from... People, right? like they but Well, yes, Matt, they will always stand behind you, and that's why they'll call it a stand.
Speaker: Right, it it emanates from ah from from from within an individual. ah i should pro I guess I should like read or watch JoJo ah more of it. I've seen like bits and pieces of it, but not... I mean, you should definitely... i i personally think you should start with Stone Ocean.
Speaker: Okay. oh Because it's fucking wild. Okay. I have some understanding of what a stand is. Stone Ocean is the one where um they spend an episode thinking that a guy's stand is like a little spaceship that allows him to shoot a sniper rifle around corners so that he can hit you anywhere. Okay.
Speaker: But then they find out that his stand is actually that he puts you in the dream world. So you're actually asleep trying to deal with this spaceship sniper rifle situation. And he just walks up and kills you.
Speaker: Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, Stone Ocean's great. no But you should definitely watch Stardust Crusaders for sure. Okay. But Stone Ocean is my favorite.
Speaker: What's the one with the guy who can turn into puddles? Oh, the guy who can turn... What? Oh, I think that's... I think that's the one that's in Italy. Okay.
Speaker: Golden Wind. I think that's Golden Wind. That might be Sardis Crusaders. It's been a minute since I've... I mean, look, it's... Here's what I'll say. JoJo's Bar Adventure fucking confusing. Yeah.
Speaker: So like anything I say about it could be wrong, because it's very confusing. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of what has kept me from really getting into it. like There's a lot about it that I think is compelling. Yeah.
Speaker: No, it's it's fully, I've described it as, like, what if a story didn't have to make sense? Right. Because like, just shit happens sometimes, and then would be like, right, that guy's a stand user. That's why he can erase time.
Speaker: you're like, well, what do you mean erase time? And it's like, well, you don't experience a thing, but it still happens. But that time didn't happen. He erased it. I'm learning that Stardust Crusaders has a stand user who is a dog named Iggy.
Speaker: Yes. Who is the antagonist of the first arc. He's a bad guy, which I and which i do not like. Protagonist of the second arc. Yes. That happens a lot with JoJo, is that like people will show up and then they'll be they'll be friends. Yeah.
Speaker: But not Dio. Dio's a fucker. Okay. Okay. and And Iggy's stand is The Fool. Yeah. we We talked about this way back. Like, the Stardust Crusaders, all the stands are named after ah tarot cards. Tarot cards.
Speaker: Yeah. So, like, Star Platinum, for instance. That's JoJo. Except Anubis.
Speaker: But then later, they're just named after songs? Right. Which is is kind of dope.
Speaker: My stand would be named Emotion. I like that. I like that. I mean, mine would be called Equimini, obviously. Yes. yes there I feel like there is an Outkast stand.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Good. mean, it's probably like Stankonia or something, right? but Also, they have had to change a bunch of names of stuff in the in the anime, but not the manga?
Speaker: Because of copyright stuff? I guess, but like it it would be it's weird that they had to do it in one and not the other. Yeah. ah Maybe you can get away with more in print than you can on on TV? i like I don't know. like Jolene Stand is named Stone Free.
Speaker: In the manga. Yeah. It's a Jimi Hendrix song. Right. but the But the name in the anime is Stone Ocean. Maybe i mean maybe it wasn't like a requirement. They just got antsy about using the names of real songs and and changed it.
Speaker: Maybe. I like going onto the JoJo wiki and just reading the captions to images, because this one says, Jolene can unravel into strings. Yep. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah Sure can.
Speaker: That happens sometimes, man. It'd be like that sometimes.
Speaker: Anyway, JoJo's pretty great. Anubis apparently gets left at the bottom of the Nile.
Speaker: That's Anubis' final fate. I mean, and like it looks pretty cool. And i I like its list of powers. And I like that it is a sword. This gets us back. It's a sword that's a guy.
Speaker: sword can be a guy. i would like to read you this paragraph from the JoJo wiki. Jotaro eventually tricks the evil stand into leaving itself open into a beating from Star Platinum, shattering the hilt and releasing Polnareff from Anubis' control.
Speaker: Yeah, you gotta watch out for Polnareff, he's got that hair. However, Anubis survives in the other half of the sword, possessing a child that picks it up from the street. Through its latest host, Anubis attempts to ambush the weakened Jotaro and Paulnareff, but the child ends up throwing the blade past its targets when he trips over Iggy. That's the dog.
Speaker: After accidentally phasing through a wall in panic, aus Anubis lands in a cow that thrashes its way into the Nile River, with its struggles causing the blade to fall from its flank and into the water.
Speaker: Anubis attempts to call out to the nearby fish and crabs to help it up, but nobody takes takes notice of the sword, leaving it to rust at the bottom of the Nile. that's pretty That's pretty good, actually. like How do you deal with a sword that can possess people? Well, put it underwater.
Speaker: Put it in the bottom of the river. Because a fish can't pick up a sword. But now now they do have crocodiles in the Nile, don't they? I don't know.
Speaker: i Maybe. Or maybe they just have crocodiles in Florida. The alligators. That's alligators. Where crocodiles cryless live? Crocodiles are all over the world. Alligators are like only in Florida.
Speaker: Okay, i think I think they have crocodiles in Egypt. In the Nile. That might just be me going off like some shit that I saw on the and NES. In a G.I. Joe game? Yeah, Probably.
Speaker: ah there's There's a crocodile called a Nile crocodile. So, there you go.
Speaker: Anyway, I like the sword. It's pretty cool. I like the way it looks. I like how it does. I like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. I wish those action figures of ah of oh Jotaro were not $100. Yeah.
Speaker: It feels like um Anubis breaks a lot, though. I mean, it's a stand, man. It's a stand, yeah. there is this There is a stand named Notorious B.I.G. I like that.
Speaker: what what What do we got? What's what's the number? Are we taking off points for the fact that it tries to get you to kill the protagonist of the story? I mean, that's it's that's it's I don't think so. i I would take off points for it breaking, not for it having a goal.
Speaker: Okay. But the goal seems was bad. it's a But but it's ah you know we all have goals. We can decide whether they're bad or good. I guess that's true.
Speaker: You know, having them know the same thing.
Speaker: We gave a super-duper cursed sword. ah but Did we give that sword a 10? I mean, we we did give Stormbringer a pretty solid good grade.
Speaker: Yeah. What did we give Stormbringer? Stormbringer got a nine. It's a nine. Okay. Then I think this is at least a seven. Yeah, um i i can I can live with that.
Speaker: Matt, I'd like to read you some names of Stans from ah the Stone Ocean arc. All right. Okay. Stone Free, obviously. That's Julian. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kiss. Like the band?
Speaker: I mean, it's Stan. Or like the Prince song. Well, yeah. is it Is it like the band or the song? Well, it's the it's the stand of Hermes Costello. All right.
Speaker: Named after both. oh Foo Fighters. All right. oh Weather Report. i like that I like Weather Report. I like Weather Report.
Speaker: Diver Down. That's a Van Halen album. Wild. Goo Goo Dolls? of For those that don't know, Weather Report is a Jazz Fusion band.
Speaker: Well, if you like Jazz Fusion, then you might like ah the stand Manhattan Transfer. Oh, okay. Yeah. We got Highway to Hell, Jumpin' Jack Flash, yeah Limp Bizkit, Survivor.
Speaker: So it can be a band, a song, or an album. Matt, there's one of these named Yo-Yo Ma. That's a guy. That's a guy who plays the cello, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, man. There's one that's named Green Green Grass of Home.
Speaker: It's pretty good. I like it. I like it. Stance. They should let me write one chapter of JoJo's where...
Speaker: Every stand is named after a Dolly Parton song, album, or theme park. Well, that's what that's what ah Jolene's named after. That's true.
Speaker: Chris, our next submission comes from Kevin McClain. It is unfortunately a sword we have already rated. It is greenest Green Destiny from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Hell yeah.
Speaker: Solidate. Solidate. Our next submission is from Charles Arthur. Okay, so I've got one of the two at the time of writing, one out of tens on the list.
Speaker: My other bottom chopping submission got a weirdly fitting five out of ten. So now I got a top chop, hopefully rounding out up my submissions with a ten out of ten.
Speaker: I initially wanted to try and game the system, find the perfect sword that it would appeal to you both, but that pursuit felt hollow, and I had to go with my heart. And what does my heart want?
Speaker: It wants the HF Muramasa blade from Metal Gear Rising Revengeance. ancient It's a blood-red katana with a sheath made out of an assault rifle that is the catalyst for some of the most awesome moments in a game crafted entirely out of ridiculous awesome moments. How could I not love it?
Speaker: I hope you have a great day. ah ah yeah, bud. Yeah, man. I've never actually played Metal Gear Rising Revengeance, but I've watched lot of- the only Metal Gear game I've played.
Speaker: I have watched a lot of videos about it.
Speaker: And that sword cuts the shit out of so many things. Fully. Just. Like, part of that game, like part of the mechanics are you can go into like bullet time and then just like move the like move the the stick and he will just cut.
Speaker: He'll just cut. He'll just cut. Buddy, he'll just cut. Dude will cut. He will cut.
Speaker: And he will kill. He will cut and he will kill. yes Yeah, I mean, like, here's here's the thing. Like, it's got, like, I mean, everything that that that Charles said about it.
Speaker: Like, it's
Speaker: like he carries it around in like a like a little briefcase.
Speaker: And... And... Like... I mean, look, you just gotta play Metal Gear Rising Revengeance. First of all, the name of the game is Revengeance.
Speaker: And that's great. i Let me correct myself. I said Muramasa. It's Murasama. Yes. I was getting it confused with the Masamune, obviously. ah But it's Murasama, not Muramasa. So yeah apologies.
Speaker: like it It does shoot out of the... like when When it is drawn... the scabbard explodes and shoots the sword out so that it can be drawn extra fast.
Speaker: Now, i we should note that this is not the sword that you start with at the beginning of the game. Well, because you at the beginning game, a prologue. Right. And you know, I don't like prologues there i because i just focus on the story. I don't read prologues or epilogues. Jesus Christ.
Speaker: That's one of the dumbest things i've ever seen in my life. ah This is a take that is genuinely online. where people are like prologues and epilogues aren't part of the story. God almighty. Okay.
Speaker: So yes, Raiden's original HF blade gets destroyed by ah Senator Stephen Armstrong. Nanomachine Sun. Yeah. ah And so he replaces it with Samuel Rodriguez, AKA Jetstream Sam's signature blade.
Speaker: And that is the H.F. Murasama. I'm just going to read you the history section of the Metal Gear Wiki page of the H.F. Murasama.
Speaker: A samurai sword dating back to the 16th century passed down the Rodriguez family line for generations, which was later upgraded with high-frequency technology on Sam's request.
Speaker: Due to already impressive quality of the original weapon, the Murasama boasts durability and cutting power far beyond that of standard HF blades.
Speaker: Now... I will say, it does not look like a sword that has been passed down through the centuries. i it it It has been upgraded, so maybe that's why the... It's real sword thesis situation here. Yeah, yeah it's definitely, yeah. um So maybe that's why it it the handle looks like that. Yeah.
Speaker: Because it's real computery. It's a handle that looks like a Bluetooth speaker. Yeah. You are absolutely correct. Matt, you nailed it, bud.
Speaker: Yeah. ah I just like that the scabbard has a trigger on it. Because you need to fire it out of the scabbard like a bullet.
Speaker: But your hand is on it so that you can draw it super fast. yeah That's...
Speaker: i and you know the the We've talked before about how so bad it's good. it is an idea that I'm not entirely comfortable with. However, yeah so dumb it's good.
Speaker: ye it can be so dumb that it loops back around. Yes, yes. I'm going to replace ah the image I put in the spreadsheet because I just found the concept art. Okay.
Speaker: It's red. It's red, yeah. it's It's red. And you love it when a sword is red. I love it when a sword is red, yes. Man, this fucking gun grip and trigger on the scabbard is so fucking beautiful.
Speaker: I think we might grant ah Charles's wish here and and give him... he's got a He's got a one on the list. He's got a five on the list. We might give him a ten. i I don't know if it's a ten.
Speaker: i don't i don't quite think it's a ten either. But I think it might be a nine. It might be a nine. ah it It's so ridiculous.
Speaker: um And it's like branded. Uh-huh. Like, the the notion that it's a sword from the 16th century is so funny. That's silly.
Speaker: it That's just silly.
Speaker: Here's what's keeping me from saying this is a 10. I don't want it.
Speaker: okay. This is the difference between you and me. You want the K-Bartana. yeah I want this. Okay, you would want this. If this showed up at your house, you would want it.
Speaker: Yeah. With the with the dumb, gun-looking scabbard and everything. All of it.
Speaker: Yeah, that is the difference between you and me. i but i I could take or leave the scabbard, but the sword itself... You have to have the scabbard, because the scabbard's the part that I would find embarrassing.
Speaker: Yeah, the scabbard is the is the embarrassing part, for sure. yeah Because it looks like a gun, yeah. um But it this' like that's the thing, is it looks like a gun, which is embarrassing, but the fact that you have to shoot the sword out of it, because like that's the only way to draw it fast enough to cut through a fucking mech.
Speaker: Yes, yes. That's good, though.
Speaker: that's the the I don't think Kojima had anything to do with that game, but it's so in the Kojima mindset.
Speaker: Yeah, um ah Revengeance is like a Platinum Studios game, right? like it's ah It's a Bayonetta. I think you're right, yeah. I think you're right. um Yeah, it was made by Platinum Games. Kojima...
Speaker: it's kajima Was that but before or after Kojima left Konami? It was before. It was before. So maybe he had some like input.
Speaker: He was the supervising director, apparently. ah Yeah, I bet he was. Yeah. I bet when he was like, okay, you can do whatever else you want, because that's great.
Speaker: But the sword has to shoot out of out of the scabbard like a gun. Wait, you want the sword to be a gun? No, no, no, no no The scabbard is a gun.
Speaker: The bullet is the sword. yeah Yeah. You don't shoot someone with it. You essentially shoot it into your own hand. Correct.
Speaker: God, beautiful. I think Revengeance is the... last chronological game on the Metal Gear timeline.
Speaker: I mean, how could anything possibly follow it? Yeah. Yeah. Nanomachine Sun. Nanomachine Sun.
Speaker: o I don't know, man. I don't...
Speaker: I like 9. I think 9 is right. I think it's a 9. I think it's a 9. Because I think it is great. I am sorry, Charles. i know you're really shooting for a 10 with this one. It's a little too stupid to be a 10. Really shooting it out of the scabbard like a bullet for a 10. Yeah.
Speaker: I think that's got to be it for this 1 to 10 of swords episode. I like ending on the dumbest one that we talk about. Oh, yeah, but it also got the highest rating of any of them. Yes.
Speaker: That's two sessions in a row where we've ended on the dumbest one. That's true. ah But one got a 2 and one got a 9. Hey, it's a delicate balance when it comes to swords. It really is.
Speaker: It really is. ah Thank you ah for all the submissions, the sword submissions on this episode. If you would like to submit a sword to us, ah you can do it at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast at gmail.com. That email address is also where you can send Every Story Ever lists, or you can send listener questions that way, or you can just drop us a line, let us know what you want us want to tell us, um which may involve sponsoring the show, which we would be a very receptive to.
Speaker: You can also get in touch with us on Tumblr. We're there at warrocketpodcast.tumblr.com. We're on bluesky at warrocketajax.com there.
Speaker: We're on Discord. You have to be be invited to be a member of our Discord, but if you ask us nicely on any of the places I just mentioned or on our Patreon ah for a Discord invitation, we will get you one and you can join over there.
Speaker: I think some people think that they have to be on ah Patreon or a patron to be on the Discord. You don't. um I know some... you know podcasts and YouTube channels and stuff like that, make that a requirement. It is not a requirement for our Discord. You just have to ask us nice. So um ask us nice.
Speaker: Our website is warrocketajax.com. It has every episode of the show that we've ever done. WarRocketWiki.com is the fan-run repository of all the information you could want or need to know about this show, WarRocketAjax.
Speaker: If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social media presences. Chris, where can people find to you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isb.com.
Speaker: That is my website. It has links. Hyperlinks. That's right. You want to get hyper? Hyperlinks. Let's get hyper. You want to get hyper? You want to get extreme?
Speaker: Snap it into a Slim Jim. Different guy. Yeah, different guy. ah Bye, everybody. We'll see you next week. Listen your questions. Until then, folks, do not forget that Black Lives Matter.
Speaker: Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights. Drag is not a crime. Cops aren't your friends. Fuck ice. Free Palestine. We love you. We love you. Yeah!
