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SOLO: Life on Your Terms: Let Go of People Pleasing & Embrace Your Intuition
54 Plays1 year ago
Hello sweet friends! I am bubbling with excitement to share this week's solo episode. As a people pleaser in recovery, I have discovered a few KEY things about that pattern that I am getting into on this recording.
A common factor in not living your life on your terms is because we are caught up in a pattern of people pleasing. People pleasing in action often means we go against our own intuition to make someone else happy or to not be on the receiving end of judgements or disapproval. Not only is this an energy leak causing exhausting & depleting it can become an unconscious way of life.
It's one of those things that as we mature through life we GET to look at and practice another option. For some of us this is harder than others, if you're an empath/HSP/Introvert or combination there of feeling others projections alone can be LITERALLY painful. Like a physical pain.
OOF. I have a few tips/ ideas to share with you if this has come up in your life and I would love to hear your sage words of advice too! It's a tricky one that can have lifelong implications for sure.
DId you know the number #1 regret of dying (from the book by @bronnie.ware) is NOT LIVING LIFE ON YOUR TERMS. No thank you.
In fact, I've been over here behind the scenes creating a whole thing around accessing the potential of your intuition to feel empowered that you are securely in the drivers seat of co-creating with the uni.
Please enjoy this one!
Love!
Renee
@vibewithituition
www.reneenovello.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Connection
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, my sweet friends. I am so excited to be talking with you today. I am Renee Novello and I am the host of a dose of inspiration podcast that you are tuned into as you probably realize.
00:00:17
Speaker
It's been a minute since I've come on and talked one-on-one or what feels like one-on-one, even though I know that this is an interesting transmission in that I am in my home, in my space, and you are going about your life. And here we are connecting in this way. So it's kind of amazing that we can do this and that we can
00:00:42
Speaker
have this medium that brings us together in what feels like real time. So I know we've had many really great guests lately, some heart moving conversations. We have some more coming up soon. We're going to be having a repeat guest, which was a fan favorite, Bo-Ho Beth. We'll be back with her southern wisdom and
00:01:10
Speaker
comedic banter. We have other first time guests that I'm really excited for everyone to get to know. If you have anyone in mind or if you yourself want to have a conversation, feel like there's something that you want to share, please reach out. Let me know.
00:01:30
Speaker
I go off of intuition when it comes to how the guests show up for this podcast. So I would love to connect with you if you are that person or if you know anyone.
Living Life on Your Own Terms
00:01:44
Speaker
For today, I am very excited to get into this topic. It's something I feel very passionate about, and I think I may have some things that could help.
00:01:57
Speaker
I have been exploring on a deeper level than ever before ways to efficiently work with your intuition. If you follow me over on Instagram, which has now a new handle. The new handle is vibe with intuition.
00:02:20
Speaker
I felt like it was time for a change with that. So we have moved more into the topic of intuition and we will be continuing to go into that arena more. Today, the topic that I want to talk about is living life on your terms.
00:02:39
Speaker
And I was listening to something recently that was talking about a book about the top regrets of the dying. And I wasn't sure what I thought the top regret was.
00:02:53
Speaker
But it made so much sense once it was revealed that that top regret is that you did not live your life on your own terms.
People Pleasing vs. Authentic Living
00:03:04
Speaker
And it got me thinking, what does that mean? What does it mean to live your life on your own terms?
00:03:11
Speaker
I am so passionate about helping people to be self-led and to feel their own authenticity when it comes to how they are living everyday life, how they are literally co-creating the feeling of their everyday life.
00:03:37
Speaker
So the living your life on your own terms, for me, I think it is about creating a meaningful life that feels fulfilling and aligned with you and your purpose and that you are feeling authentic in that expression. So why aren't we living our life on our own terms? What is going on with that? Why is that the biggest regret? Well,
00:04:08
Speaker
There are a few layers going on there, of course. And the one thing that I want to break down today that I feel is the biggest barrier to living your life on your own terms, and that has to do with this epidemic of people pleasing.
00:04:27
Speaker
of living your life and making choices through the expectations of others, through an external message or pressure, and living from that place, as you may guess, is not the most authentic signal of who you are.
00:04:51
Speaker
I am a recovering people pleaser. I still have challenges with not wanting to disappoint other people and even have to check in often on how I am potentially going against myself, going against my intuition and doing it because I don't want to disappoint someone else or I don't want someone else to be upset with me or I don't want to be perceived in a certain way.
00:05:23
Speaker
And this is something that so many of us, especially women, deal with. It's time to have a conversation about this whole people-pleasing thing because it's not a vibe. It is not a vibe. It is not helping you. And guess what? It's actually not even helping the other person in any way.
The Power of Authenticity
00:05:50
Speaker
So this people pleasing expectation thing, right? I mean, this starts for some of us very, very early on in life and a lot of our patterns do. And here's the problem. Here's one of the problems with this is that if we are not honoring what we feel in alignment with
00:06:17
Speaker
first and foremost, then we are not living in integrity with our authenticity. And that is creating a very staticky signal out into the universe. If we are acting from a place of appeasing or doing things to make others
00:06:44
Speaker
happy or maybe they have a certain perception of who we are and we are acting and making decisions and taking action from that place. This is not clear and bright signal. This is
00:07:03
Speaker
distortion and what we project out and what we put out into the world is what we are going to get back. So it creates a real cyclical issue that can carry on. And I can see how you can go your entire life living from that place because there is a real fear in that. There's a real fear because
00:07:28
Speaker
The fear of not belonging or not being loved or not being accepted is a very, very real human fear. So then we get caught up in this, okay, well, I know that I'm being guided to go in this direction, but oh, that's gonna ruffle some feathers and there's going to be a consequence of someone else having an emotional reaction to that potentially.
00:07:58
Speaker
Which if you tend to be an empath or more an empath and not or a highly sensitive person, that feeling of feeling someone else's discomfort projected at us is almost unbearable. It's like a physical pain. That's of course something that we want to try to avoid.
00:08:20
Speaker
But if we are sacrificing our own knowing and our own guidance for the sake of someone else, we are not living in an authentic frequency. So I heard something and I wish I could tell you where I heard it, but it was about an experiment that was done that was rating the felt frequency of emotions in a group.
00:08:47
Speaker
And maybe you came across this too and you can tell me where this is sourced from because I can't remember. The premise of the experiment was that there was a crowd, a large group of people that were gathered together and they were all collectively experiencing an emotional state.
00:09:08
Speaker
there were certain prompts or stimulus that was giving them an emotional reaction of wide range. And the highest frequency in that group came from
00:09:26
Speaker
the connection and the feeling of experiencing authenticity in someone else. And I was really surprised at that initially because I thought, oh, love or celebration, which also is very high frequency, high vibe, right? But this was about the feeling of authenticity.
00:09:50
Speaker
And I was just like, that makes so much sense. But wow, wow, because so many are not living true to their authenticity because we get these messages that we're not safe to do that, that our belonging will be at stake. And at some point along the way, we have to decide
00:10:12
Speaker
even in micro moments that we are going to choose our authenticity, even if there is someone else that may not, or some sort of external expectation that may not be met.
Prioritizing Authenticity in Daily Life
00:10:29
Speaker
So here's the thing with that. When we are fully expressing and experiencing our truest self, and we're not hiding out,
00:10:42
Speaker
We're not being, quote unquote, pleasing to someone else or, you know, maybe we're taking a different path than we originally committed to. We have to be able to withstand that sense of being uncomfortable for a little bit. We have to be able to be really anchored in and grounded
00:11:11
Speaker
And we have to be okay with being a little uncomfortable in the process. We have to learn to tolerate that. But the payoff, the payoff is huge. The payoff is life changing according to the book about these regrets of dying, of living a life that is meaningful and living a life that is fulfilled with purpose.
00:11:37
Speaker
So this isn't anything just to pick lightly on one hand, right? This is pretty important. There's two sides of this that I want to talk about and we already did a little bit, but we have to have really clear boundaries with honoring ourself and honoring our knowing.
00:11:58
Speaker
And on the other side of that, we have to know our knowing. Sometimes in talking to people and experiencing intuition for myself, it can be confusing. It is not a black or white thing. It's not an analytical thing. It is a knowing.
00:12:20
Speaker
It comes from our highest self and it is there to help guide us, but we also have the choice if we want to listen to it or not. So it takes some, I think, practice. It takes some settling into trusting that and like a muscle building it. Depending on where you are on the spectrum of being a people pleaser,
00:12:49
Speaker
It could take some time of establishing a new base point of how you are going to act in the world and how you're going to show up and moving from that place of really being confident in your knowing and your path and being able to express that openly without apologizing.
00:13:17
Speaker
So how do we clearly hear the voice of our intuition? How do we clearly know that we are living in alignment with that? And this is something I've been working on lately. I've been exploring and I have had a lot of really interesting breakthroughs with how to approach this because a lot of times what I hear
00:13:47
Speaker
is people feeling stuck and they're stuck in their uncertainty and they're not sure how to move forward and how to break through. And it has to do with how we are first hearing our intuition and then how much action we're willing to take behind that, to back that, to back that knowing.
00:14:18
Speaker
I just want to go back for a second and talk about the creating boundaries around the people pleasing thing. It's been said and you probably heard that you have to teach people how to treat you. And if you are not comfortable with that or finding the words and your voice and how to express
00:14:48
Speaker
what you need is challenging, I get it. I really do, I get it. It can be one of the most difficult things is to clearly communicate what you need and to teach people how to treat you.
00:15:09
Speaker
This is important to do obviously for many reasons because we can't sit around and just passively expect people to know. Can't expect people to read your mind or read your energy or wouldn't it be awesome if everybody just got it? But they don't, they don't get it and they have their own stuff, right? They have their own perceptions and lifelong experiences and all the things influencing them.
00:15:38
Speaker
This can be done in a obviously very loving way, but it's so worth it to be able to clearly communicate what is important for you and to be able to stand behind decisions that you're making based on your own knowing.
00:16:01
Speaker
Let's talk about tolerating the process, some maybe practical ways that you can approach this as you are speaking your truth, you are starting to get indications of places in your life where you can stand up for your intuition, for your knowing and what is right for you in creating a life that is meaningful and fulfilling.
Tools for Authentic Living
00:16:33
Speaker
I think it comes down to awareness and daily checking in so that we are aware of what we are picking up from others that is not ours. Some emotional stickiness, if you will. Maybe you're feeling guilty. That's a big one.
00:16:59
Speaker
maybe you're feeling some sense of uneasiness based on a conversation or something that you are starting to move in the direction of. And I just want to say that
00:17:16
Speaker
It's not always easy and fun and light. Sometimes the varying direction that is most meaningful is not what comes easiest to you. And if it feels uncomfortable, that does not make it bad.
00:17:34
Speaker
I'm speaking more to, on an emotional level, if this is difficult for you in any way, and you have some of that coming up, there's so many things you can do to help that move through your system. But let's talk about what not to do.
00:17:55
Speaker
Or you could do it, but it's not going to be supportive. And that is what most people do, I think, is numbing in some way, shape or form with food or alcohol and, you know, pick your poison when it comes to many, many choices of just numbing out and avoiding.
00:18:17
Speaker
The other thing is instead of numbing, we have the tendency to stay in the problem like over thinking about it, over maybe talking about it over and over again. At some point we have to move through it and to allow it move through our system and there's many ways you can do this.
00:18:45
Speaker
do some sort of physical movement. I think that's important. It helps the body to process the feelings and meditative walking is one of my favorite, you know, just walking with intention slowly.
00:19:02
Speaker
You could do stretching. My favorite thing for emotional stickiness or discomfort is the EFT, emotional freedom technique of tapping. And something I've done a video on in the past, I think it lives on Instagram, but you can of course search it up. There's so many different resources on that nowadays.
00:19:23
Speaker
being outside, feet in the grass, face in the sun, maybe getting a salt bath in, all of that to help dissipate and tolerate the process of feeling a little uncomfortable as you are starting to create more boundaries. And that boundary is going to, it's going to start to feel second nature to do this, but at first, definitely maybe need a little extra support with moving through anything uncomfortable that comes up in the process.
Envisioning an Authentic Future
00:19:54
Speaker
So we're looking at empowering things that you could do there to move through it. Because here's the thing, you can't stay in the energy of disappointment and get what you really want and get that next high level feeling. It doesn't work that way. So you have to move through it with some sort of action.
00:20:17
Speaker
And then the second thing after you have awareness of what's coming up for you is what is the vision that you're calling in? What does it feel like, look like to create your most sparkly existence? When we start to unwind these patterns, it can feel so weird and with a little practice, it really does become second nature.
00:20:42
Speaker
being stuck to other people's expectations, invisible obligations that really starts to become depleting. And that's not good for us. If we're feeling drained,
00:20:58
Speaker
We are in resistance. We are not expansive and creative in calling in what we want with intention. And that's not really what we desire at the end of the day. That's not really what we want.
00:21:14
Speaker
This whole creating life on your own terms and you are in the driver's seat of your life. You are empowered to make decisions that are going to put you on the highest trajectory of your life.
00:21:33
Speaker
We just forget sometimes or we're caught up in our unconscious patterns playing out. And then when we get to a pivotal point like the end of your life to look back and think, oh, wait, I had a whole career that was not my choosing. I didn't pursue this relationship because someone else didn't approve of it. I didn't live in the place I really wanted to live.
00:22:00
Speaker
All of the factors are about creating a life you love. So it's time, it is time to get in touch with what we are intentionally co-creating with the universe, with our intuition in the driver's seat, with our intuition as our guiding navigation system.
00:22:24
Speaker
So the question is, how do we confidently and clearly have a relationship? Because that's what it is with our intuition. Well, I have been over here behind the scenes putting together a unique system.
00:22:45
Speaker
and unique solution to help you to do just that.
Conclusion and Gratitude
00:22:50
Speaker
So I'm not quite positioned to roll it all out to you today. And I did want to keep this message fairly succinct.
00:22:59
Speaker
but just know that I've got you and that I'm going to be rolling out something that will be useful and practical for using your intuition and relying on that relationship in a way that maybe you've never considered before.
00:23:20
Speaker
I'm excited to do that because it gets confusing. I think we are too close to the problem or too close to emotional attachment around an issue. We can't see the trees for the forest or the forest for the trees, however that saying goes. So there's that to look forward to and coming soon.
00:23:43
Speaker
And I am really looking forward to going deeper, but the very first thing is awareness of what is coming up for you, what's in your space, taking time to dump that out on paper, getting it all out of your brain. We think sometimes that if we just think about it or talk about it, that's enough.
00:24:05
Speaker
actually giving your mental body the chance to unload anything that it is factoring in, so maybe logistics,
00:24:18
Speaker
pros and cons, things like that. Have some sort of practice where you are getting it out. You could even do art journaling. So friends, for today, we are going to wrap up, but I can't wait to connect more so that you can be living your life from your most authentic place and living your life on your terms and that you have no regrets. I have to laugh because I don't know if you guys have seen that movie.
00:24:45
Speaker
I think it's Meet the Millers with Jennifer Aniston. And the guy, it's like a goofy teenage character, young adult character, and he has the tattoo on his chest that says, no ragrats. He spelled it wrong. And who is it? Oh, it's, who's the guy that plays Ted Lasso? I can't remember, but you know who I'm talking about. And he's like, no regrets, not even one letter. And he's like, no, not even one letter.
00:25:16
Speaker
We've been saying that around my house. My husband's been saying that, and I don't know why. It's just been sticking lately.
00:25:21
Speaker
So living life on your terms with not even one letter of regret is what I'm talking about. I'm excited that we got to connect today and I am very much looking forward to also having these new guest episodes roll out. We're in a rhythm here like every other week on the podcast coming out. I'm so grateful that you are here. Please let me know any comments, questions or anything at all.
00:25:49
Speaker
I'm sending you so much love and I've got you. I've got your back. You can do this and you are going to create a life that you love on your terms.