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Communicating with Vendors | Episode 11
17 Plays2 months ago
Planning a wedding? There’s one mistake couples make all the time that no one really talks about… ghosting your vendors. In this episode, we break down: What “vendor ghosting” actually is (and why it happens) Why it’s frustrating for vendors (and can hurt your planning process) The “3 vendor rule” that will save you time, stress, and overwhelm How to compare quotes without getting confused or making panic decisions Why booking too slowly can actually cost you your dream vendors Simple ways to communicate respectfully (that take less than 30 seconds) If you’ve ever mass-inquired, felt overwhelmed, or didn’t know how to say “no” to a vendor… you’re not alone. But there’s a better way to plan your wedding that keeps things organized, respectful, and way less stressful. ✨ Key takeaway: Take it slow, be intentional, and always respond—even if it’s just a quick “thank you.” 💡 Whether you're newly engaged or deep in wedding planning, this episode will help you: Avoid common planning mistakes Protect your time (and your vendors’ time) Build a dream team of vendors you actually love 📩 Pro Tip: Vendors get excited about your wedding the moment you inquire—don’t leave them hanging! 🎥 More wedding planning tips coming soon—subscribe so you don’t miss them! #WeddingPlanning #WeddingTips #BrideToBe #WeddingVendors #Engaged #WeddingAdvice #WeddingPlanningTips #VendorEtiquette
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Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Planning a wedding comes with timelines, trends, expectations, and a whole lot that couples never see coming. We're two wedding planners pulling back the curtain on what really happens behind I do. Each week on Behind I Do, we bring you real talk about real weddings, timelines, trends, the wins, and the what-ifs.
00:00:16
Speaker
From the smooth as silk celebrations to the did-that-actually-just-happen moments, we're sharing the stories, lessons, and insider knowledge that help couples plan with confidence and maybe even laugh along the way.
00:00:27
Speaker
Whether you're a bridegroom vendor or wedding lover at heart, this is your backstage pass to the world of weddings. Told candidly, graciously, and with the expertise only seasoned planners can offer. Grab your coffee, your planning binder, and your confetti and join us behind I do.
Understanding Ghosting in the Wedding Industry
00:00:43
Speaker
Episode 11, don't ghost your vendors. The etiquette no one talks about. Vendor ghosting. Here we go Which I did just, and it somehow came up to do a little...
00:00:58
Speaker
tidbit on Instagram about this because we kind of had an issue with an inquiry. But ghosting your vendors is like a huge thing that I think happens in the wedding industry. And it's like, I mean, I think it happens in any industry, probably. I mean, I'm sure. Any service-based industry. I'm sure I've ghosted somebody in something. But this kind of...
00:01:21
Speaker
Piggybacks a little on when we were talking before about only inquiring with like three vendors at a time. um So what is ghosting, I guess? And so it's basically when you inquire with a bunch of vendors, you potentially could get proposals for them or they then like follow up and then you just like never respond is essentially what ghosting is. Ghosting is. Yeah. Yeah.
00:01:46
Speaker
So like we get that a lot. I mean, not a lot, but I would say a couple, you know, every other month or whatever that like inquire with us. I reach out to like schedule a call and then it's just like crickets.
00:01:57
Speaker
They just like never respond. So it's kind of frustrating. It's like, you know, how hard is it to just say.
Vendor Communication Best Practices
00:02:06
Speaker
Thanks, but no thanks. I don't know. Yeah, or found someone. I mean, there's so many things to say that are better than not responding.
00:02:12
Speaker
And I think you kind of get, because I'm more guilty of ghosting than Jaden probably ever has been. And you just get in your own head or you're like, oh, I'll respond to them later. Or you're almost like annoyed sometimes that they're like, keep reaching out.
00:02:27
Speaker
Yeah. But you're the person that reached out in the first place. Right. right It doesn't even make sense. But it's just like an odd dynamic thing. And definitely not. It's just not a fun like part of the service based industry, like we said, but it's just part of the process. and i Well, i think a lot of it, too, is very innocent, like truthfully. yeah I mean, I think if we didn't own our own service based company.
00:02:51
Speaker
Like you said, we've all done it. Like we've I mean, I'm sure everyone in this on the planet has like ghosted somebody and you'd like don't realize it until I think you are in like a position where we own our own business and we get ghosted. And then you're like, oh, well, this is annoying. And it's like I think it's innocent to a certain extent. and it's like.
00:03:09
Speaker
But having people be aware of that, it's like your' you're, i mean, we're spending time in our business trying to respond you and get a hold of you that we could be doing other things with or like actually responding to other inquiries that are genuine. So I think that's just something to try to keep in mind that it's like, I get that it's innocent. We all do it. But just trying to be more self-aware of like, oh, I did put an inquiry out. I should probably respond to them.
Strategic Vendor Booking
00:03:36
Speaker
Yeah, take a few seconds to respond. Yeah.
00:03:40
Speaker
So like we said, the fur like the big thing like we've talked about is like the three vendor rules. So like we really think it's important To a only start with a couple vendors at a time, but like say photography is like really important to you.
00:03:55
Speaker
I would not inquire with more than three photographers. like Inquire with three and then like pause. Allow them to get back to Allow them to send you proposals. Allow like time to schedule meetings with them and just kind of work through that and kind of see who's available, who you like, and if you don't like any of them or the pricing is too high, then move on to like inquiring with more. After you've politely... Yes. Told all three of those vendors. thank you. think what happens is brides or grooms, couples get really excited. They just got engaged and they're like, oh my gosh, we have we have to plan a wedding today. Yeah. So they sit down and it's like a Saturday morning and they're like, let's.
00:04:35
Speaker
Reach out to every vendor that we've ever considered having for our wedding because you're excited and you want to get answers. And this is kind of where we talked about a little bit to like starting with like you have to have a venue to book any other vendor basically. So have a date start with a date of your wedding because you're going to you can't inquire usually for a photographer or for a caterer without having a date. So you want to have like start with those ones that are date specific.
00:05:05
Speaker
And then once you have that information locked down, like. Plan to book maybe a vendor a week or like sometimes we even do two vendors in a month if we're helping plan some. Depending on how far out you are. Yeah. yeah Like create a realistic timeline for you and your planning process that doesn't include booking every. There's probably like easily 10 vendors at every wedding um upwards of 20 if you have like a lot of specialty items.
00:05:33
Speaker
And so plan to spend at least two to three months booking. yeah And like starting with like the like catering, photography, videography, well, obviously planner, like those are like the big ones that like should be booked first and then like moving your way through like obviously then DJ, florist, like all those things, hair and makeup.
00:05:53
Speaker
But yeah, I mean, starting with some of the, especially the bigger ticket items, we've talked about that, especially when you're thinking about your budget, like starting with, like Allie said, like the vendor venue, which is usually the most expensive, catering is usually a big chunk of your, just starting with that. And then you have a better idea or realistic idea of what you have left in your budget. And how to allocate. Yeah. And same with planner. like Save money versus where you guys can splurge.
00:06:17
Speaker
Yeah. So start slow. if we can recommend anything, start slow, start with one to two vendors at a time. One then, cause then you aren't going to get overwhelmed with and start ghosting people. Cause you're like
Evaluating Proposals Wisely
00:06:28
Speaker
slowly taking your time. Like, okay, we're just going to focus on planning and photography this month. And then by the end of April, we're going to have those two booked. And then by you know, once you make a decision, then you can send all six of them emails saying, Yes, I'm booking you or thank you, but we've decided to go a different route. And then the next month you can move on to the next ones.
00:06:46
Speaker
And it helps you too if you're just comparing, say, floral quotes for the week or for the month. it's It's so much easier to be like, this really is a better deal or I'm getting more of what I want with this than when you have like a venue and a florist and a photographer and all these quotes like circulating in your head. hard to process it. had who included a second shooter who didn't like was rehearsal dinner coverage included so you also i think start to get like really self-confused yeah when you're comparing too many people at once so that's another reason to just stick with your three get that person booked yeah move and I mean with that because then it allows you to actually spend real time looking through each of them understanding it and then responding because I think
00:07:32
Speaker
Another thing that people don't think about, it's like, oh, I inquire, like it's, but I'm not really taking a lot of time from them. And it's like, well, if you think about like a florist, for example, when they send you a proposal, it's not just like, it's not everyone is the same. Like they have to spend time creating a mood board, like getting all these things, pricing, like everything.
00:07:50
Speaker
You know, are you having a seating chart? Like all this stuff. So they take a lot of time to like put it together. Hours. Yeah. So it's like really making sure you're being respectful of them, of like really taking the time to just focus on florals that week and like figure out who you really like and which route you want to go.
00:08:07
Speaker
Because when you go, I mean, when you go to all vendors, it's. not good, but florists I know for sure spend probably the most time on custom proposals. So I just think like Ali is saying, if you're just focusing on just florals or florals and a DJ, like it allows you to kind of really give that the, like the time that it deserves to make a decision. Yeah. And have those followup calls and really look at things. I think too, what happens when people are getting stressed about not booking vendors
00:08:37
Speaker
Or they have too many inquiries. They literally look at the dollar sign and they're like, oh, that's the cheapest DJ. And it's like, well, he was the cheapest in his quote, but like he doesn't include a dance floor. a second set up for the ceremony because they're in two different locations. So even though you thought that was the cheapest quote, it actually wasn't because it didn't include what DJ D needed and gave you everything that you wanted, but you didn't have the time to look through it.
Managing Budget and Expectations with Vendors
00:09:06
Speaker
And now you've moved forward with DJA and like, it's not a real quote because now you're adding on all these additional services. So I think that's where couples get caught up. And just the price. And just the price alone and start like making panic yeah decisions based on that. Exactly. And I think florist is a big one too. It's like, you know, i was talking, I had many conversations last week with some of my full plans about floral quotes because I think you have this grandiose idea of like, these are this is what I want my wedding to look like. And you spend send all these inspo pictures to a florist. And so they're going to send back like, okay, well, realistically, if you want all of this, it's going to cost you $10,000. And then couples are like, oh my God, I can't.
00:09:47
Speaker
So then they don't want to book that florist. And so I think that's again where it's like taking the time to look through it. And maybe then like Allie said, have those phone conversations with the florist about, Okay, like I need to trim this down. Like how can we get to like 8,000? Like there are ways to like get it to closer to what you want. Obviously and that goes back to like being realistic with your budget.
00:10:09
Speaker
But I think that's it. Don't just automatically see a price and be like, I can't book them. Yeah, they're too expensive. In that area. Granted. For example, like planning, like ours is pretty like hard and fast. I mean, like we're not getting we're not outsourcing like flowers that differentiate our pricing. So I think just being realistic of florals is the big one that a lot of our couples are like instantly just see a number and are like, no, I can't book them. And it's like, well, let's just like talk through it a little bit. Yeah.
00:10:36
Speaker
And they, like she said, they can offer suggestions of reusing aisle florals as centerpieces or maybe doing a smaller size bud vase instead of the large size. Like there's so many ways in that kind of quote. Food
Emotional Investment of Vendors
00:10:51
Speaker
is another one and bar is another one where you really can...
00:10:54
Speaker
get to a price point that you feel comfortable with because there's some there's such a wide range of um options with that but like photography you're probably not negotiating with your photographer or unless you do less time but again yeah is that worth it then yeah so there's some vendors that you can definitely have those like revisions of a quote and get to a happy medium for both of you exactly Um, and just like we've kind of said to like every inquiry is like important to every vendor, like Allie and I were just talking before started recording. Like every time we get an inquiry, it is like a little bit of like a heart flutter. Like, Oh, we got another inquiry. It's like, it's exciting. We take it seriously and it's like important to us. So, you know, this is what we do for a living and we invest in and every inquiry that we get. Like we already start like thinking like, like Allie was saying, like we get an inquiry for shore lodge and we're like, okay, like
00:11:48
Speaker
thinking through like what it's going to look like. And we love going up to shore lodge and like all these things. So it's, you know, we're getting excited because we feel like if someone's inquired with us, they like genuinely want to move forward. So then when they ghost us, it's like, I mean, it's hard to not take it personal. like ah' so sad. Because in our head, you're already a real person, a real wedding.
00:12:10
Speaker
We see our relationship like we've checked our schedule. We've made sure that we can accommodate your wedding. We may have looked you up on Instagram already. I'm like, oh, my gosh, they're so cute. It's going to be an amazing wedding. So it's so fun. And that is like what makes ghosting so heartbreaking is.
Researching Vendor Pricing
00:12:27
Speaker
We get these little like snippets of information from our like inquiries that are like, this is how many people have. And this is kind of our dream, like what the day looks like. so we already are like envisioning your wedding and then to never hear from you again.
00:12:41
Speaker
It's so sad. It is sad. It's depressing. Yes. And I think with this too, it's not necessarily ghosting, but sometimes it is. Even sometimes we get as far as like they, couples do book an inquiry, but then they like, they're like, well, we can't afford you.
00:12:56
Speaker
and I think that's like a big thing. In my mind, when we get an inquiry, I've, I've assumed that you've already looked at our pricing because to fill out an inquiry form, it's on our website, which so is our pricing. Yeah.
00:13:08
Speaker
And I know not every vendor like has their pricing listed, but we do. And so I think that's like a big thing I wish couples would take. And again, if you're only inquiring with one to two vendor at a time, you have more time to like actually do your research and look into it. But like checking our website, do they have their pricing listed? Like what is included in their packages? Like really kind of doing your research before inquiring, because in a way ghosting is frustrating, but it's also important.
00:13:36
Speaker
As equally frustrating when we book an inquiry call with a couple and they're like, oh, I can't afford you. At the very end, after you've spent like an hour talking and dreaming about this wedding. Yes, sending the contract, doing all the things. Oh, thought you were way cheaper something like that. And you're like...
00:13:53
Speaker
Right. That's such a bummer. And it's like it's just wasteful on both everyone's end for time and getting hopes up and all of that. But it's like totally could have been
Aligning Expectations with Vendors
00:14:02
Speaker
avoided. Yes. And even websites that don't have pricing sometimes will do like a minimum investment as like a lot of photographers call it. Yeah. yeah um So usually you can at least kind of get a feel for it. And I think it's a totally fair question. Like when you do inquire with someone, if they don't have their pricing, i as a bride, would be like, hey, can you send me your pricing before i take up an hour of your time to even talk about this? And I want to make sure you're possibility.
00:14:30
Speaker
Like in our budget. Yeah. I think we believe in pricing transparency like so much because- It's just not in our minds fair to like get to know someone and fall in love with someone's work or personality and then realize that it's like literally not an option. Right. Yeah. um And we totally understand that like there's a lot of budgets out there to work with. So we always want to make sure that it's like super clear. so it's a good first step. Yeah. And I think too, which just might be a little bit of a tangent, but sometimes and as far as ours go,
00:15:03
Speaker
I feel like we will get people that like saw our website, but then they fill out an inquiry, they book a call with us and then they're like, well, do you anything, do you do anything less? And I think we kind of briefly talked about with like photographers and you're like, oh, can you do something cheaper? And it's, I don't know. I just, in a way I'm like, I don't know if it's like disrespectful to ask, but it's just like, if we it could do something cheaper, it would be on our website.
00:15:27
Speaker
yeah Like, and that's just, I think something to like really consider and think about. And like, cause we get a lot, again, not to go down that rabbit hole of like day of coordination. It's like, well, you have wedding management, but do you do anything less? And it's like, as a respectful business, no, like this is the lowest, this is the lowest point that that we have confident offering and like ensuring that you have an amazing wedding. Yeah.
00:15:51
Speaker
And if we wanted to give you a half like done job, we would have that package. So I think just, again, like really doing your research and looking at each vendor and looking at their website and having a better understanding of what they offer, especially in the planning world. Like i literally have, so I mean, we've had, get so many inquiries all the time. Like I just need a day of coordinator. And every time it just like, well, But it's like, again, you don't know what you don't know, but that's where I think it comes back to like picking three coordinators or planners, looking at their web website, like trying to get a better understanding of how they run their business and what they do. And I know it can be confusing, but that's where I also think it's important to like still meet with at least three coordinators and have a kind phone conversation with them and like understanding like what they do, what they provide. Cause again, like our pricing
00:16:40
Speaker
is higher than a lot of other coordinators around here. And so it's like, but what comes with that is a lot more. And so I think that sometimes having that conversation instead of having this sticker shock of, oh, Capital Occasion's base is $3,500, like I can't afford it. And then this girl's only a thousand. And it's like, sure, she is significantly cheaper, but like having a phone conversation with what she includes and a phone conversation of us, of what we include, I mean, you're going to see the value of like...
00:17:10
Speaker
Yeah, why there's a price to offer. Right. So I just think that's important, and then you can decide what's important to you and what you how you want to spend your money. Yeah. So anyway, not to go more down that rabbit hole, but... who So yeah.
Avoiding Mass Inquiries and Building Relationships
00:17:25
Speaker
Another thing, too, that we have seen happen more this year than usual, and um it seems to happen on and off as the wedding kind of seasons ebb and flow with how far in advance you need to book your vendors, but...
00:17:39
Speaker
One of the problems that we see with over inquiring and then ghosting is that vendors get booked really quickly. yeah And there's key dates. This year would be 627 and October 3rd, 945 October third Those dates are gone. And if you even waited...
00:18:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:04
Speaker
and you loved them like they're probably booked yeah and so it's been i think it's been really frustrating for a lot of brides that inquired with a lot of different companies and different types of vendors thinking that they were doing The right thing by like getting their ducks in a row. Yeah. And then realizing now they've lost like all their favorite vendors. Yeah, they haven't responded to anything. Because they didn't anyone and they didn't respond. it's like you, if you like someone and you feel like they're a good fit for your style or personality, they're in your budget.
00:18:38
Speaker
Like what is holding you back from booking? Because you are going to lose them is a reality of like Saturday weddings in seasonal wedding. market like ours Yeah. is that they're going to get booked so all the good vendors are booked the majority of saturdays throughout the year that's or yeah that's just how it goes so once you get an inquiry and you like them book them yeah like yeah don' and that's like i think we talked a little too about What we've seen with a lot of our couples, well, not a lot, but a handful where it's like they mass inquire and then like ah on a Sunday because they had two hours to like get some things done. But then like Monday came and they had a ton of meetings and then like Tuesday, like, you know, someone passed away or Thursday there was like some sort of family drama or whatever it is. And it just like spirals.
00:19:28
Speaker
And so then you're just like overwhelmed with life, which it happens. Like, I mean, just because you're planning a wedding doesn't mean life stops. So it's like, that's the other thing of like, don't mass inquire because you don't know what the week's going to bring.
00:19:40
Speaker
And so it's like, then yeah, you are overwhelmed and you're like, i can't even check my email. Yeah. And you don't have the bandwidth to respond to 12 or 14 people. When, if you would have just stuck with your three and gotten one person booked that week, like regardless of what happened in life, you probably could be more capacity to be one person. Yeah. Yeah.
00:19:57
Speaker
So just, you know, taking it one step at a time or hiring a wedding planner and then they help you book your vendor. Yes. And they like keep you on track and also like encourage you that like this is normal. Like I think a lot of couples think that the planning process should go faster in a way. And it's like, no, no, no. Like that's why you hopefully gave yourself 12 to 18 months to get this done. And we now have six months to work together and book all your vendors. Right.
00:20:26
Speaker
Like it does not need to be a race to the finish line or you want to like take your time and care hand selecting your vendor team because that's what makes or breaks a good wedding. yeah So if you can go slow.
00:20:38
Speaker
And like Allie said too, if you're not going slow and you're ghosting all these good vendors and then they all get booked up, it's like – You know, then it's just in a way it's sad because now you're booking these other vendors that you don't really like as much, but it's because it's all that's available. Yeah, and it's your plan B, and that's just like a bummer tone to set your wedding yeah with. Like, well, I really wanted X, but they were booked, so we had to use Y. It's like, oh, that's or not great. And not to say that vendor's not going to be just as great, but it's not like what you—you're not as excited about it. so Yeah.
00:21:12
Speaker
So yeah, I mean, i don't know, in a nutshell, like we've said, just like, slowly reach out to vendors. Like Ali said, depending on your timeframe and where you're at, maybe it's like trying to book one to two vendors a month or one a week or whatever that is. And slowly just only inquiring with three per area. And at max, I would only reach out to two types of vendors at a time. So if that's again, like catering and a planner, i would reach out to three caterers, three planners, and then leave it at that. And then wait till you get responses. Wait till you have those inquiry calls
00:21:45
Speaker
And then at the end of all that, sending a short, respectful email of like, thank you so much for your time. We've decided to move forward with another vendor. We appreciate, you know, your time or whatever. Or like we talked about, too, or if you still haven't decided, that's also OK. But just like tell them.
00:22:05
Speaker
Be like, I thank you so much for sending that contract over last week. We're still kind of trying to make a decision. We're planning on making a decision by Friday. Yeah. Just like some sort of communication.
00:22:15
Speaker
Like any communication is better than none and it does not take you any time. Like... our favorite line of I'm so busy or I was so busy this week. It's like, we're all busy. But were you scrolling on Instagram for a few hours? Like, did you have literally, you know, the three minutes that it would take to respond to all of those vendors and let them know where you were at in the planning process and just keep them in the loop is so much more respectful and just leads to even say your favorite planner that you wanted to book. Like you've ghosted her now for three weeks and then you come around like on the fourth week and you're like, so excited to book you. It's like,
00:22:50
Speaker
Are you? well and like you then might run into the road down the road of like, then the planners, like, you know, they've decided you're not a good fit for them because you haven't been responsive because I truly believe any good business is going to have some sort of follow-up system. Like we do, like we have, like, you know, once you inquire, like I have a process of how many times I follow up with you to book a meeting. And then once we've booked a meeting and I've sent you a contract, like I have a procedure of like following up with you,
00:23:16
Speaker
So if they've like followed up with you and you haven't like been responding, i mean, they might, you know, like you, they might realize you're not a good fit for us. So like, sorry, break down the respect that you guys have for each other and the excitement on both ends to work together. So I like the trust, because it's just like you, if they weren't responding to you, you would kind of lose trust in them.
00:23:39
Speaker
Just like with us, like if we have a bride who's like not responding to us, like then we're just like, oh gosh, what's the planning going to look like? Like they can't even respond now. I don't know if I want to take this on because it's just going to be stressful. Yeah.
00:23:51
Speaker
We won't be able to yeah make decisions and book people and yeah all of that.
Final Thoughts and Recommendations
00:23:56
Speaker
So don't ghost your vendors. Book a planner. Respond to everyone. Every inquiry, they they are like so excited to hear from you. So make sure you take the time to respond.
00:24:07
Speaker
Exactly. All right. Cheers. Cheers.